All language subtitles for number 16 give your nose up.24. Girl

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 1 00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:04,232 The whole concept of the wanted poster... 2 00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:08,330 ...has gotta be the most optimistic crime-fighting idea. 3 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:11,534 I mean, so how does it work? Okay. I'm on line at the post office. 4 00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:14,179 I see the guy. I see the list of offenses. 5 00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:16,747 I check the guy standing in line behind me. 6 00:00:16,916 --> 00:00:21,444 If it's not him, that's pretty much all I can do. 7 00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:25,148 Okay? It's not that I don't want to help. 8 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,521 Annoying thing is, why didn't they hold on to this guy... 9 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,458 ...when they're taking his picture? 10 00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:33,997 "No, we don't do it that way. We take their picture and we let them go. 11 00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,465 That's how we get the front and side shot. 12 00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:39,366 The front is his face. The side is him leaving." 13 00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:49,077 Look at you. Why don't you use a fork. You're no good with the sticks. 14 00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:50,477 I know. I need a lesson. 15 00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:54,211 You stink. You know you stink. What is this? 16 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,082 Oh, my ballet tickets. 17 00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:58,554 Oh, your ballet tickets. 18 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,317 Have you ever been to the ballet? 19 00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:02,984 No, but I've seen people on tiptoes. 20 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,563 - You know, I'm going as a beard. - A beard? 21 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,565 Yeah. This friend of a friend knows this banker guy. 22 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,636 He's 30-ish, unbelievably gorgeous. 23 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:14,273 - Of course he's gay. - Yeah. 24 00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:17,433 So anyway, his boss has this box at the Met, and he invited him... 25 00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:21,046 ...to go see Swan Lake with him and his wife. But he's afraid his boss... 26 00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:25,844 ...can't handle his orientation. So I'm going along as his date. 27 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:29,284 - Why are you doing this? - Swan Lake at the Met. 28 00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:34,657 - Yeah? - Get it on with your bad self. 29 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,434 Chinese food. I knew I smelled something. 30 00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:47,004 - Yeah. - Is George still wearing that toupee? 31 00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:49,107 - Yeah. - Doesrt he know how ridiculous... 32 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:52,005 ...he looks in that thing? - I think he looks fantastic. 33 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:54,976 Oh, come on. 34 00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:58,640 I never realized what an attractive man he is. 35 00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:00,952 Oh, he's a real looker, that one. 36 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:09,895 - Hey. - People, people, people. 37 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,122 Not bad, huh? 38 00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:19,697 All right. Excuse me. 39 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:23,400 You look ridiculous in that thing. 40 00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:25,043 Is that so? 41 00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:28,738 Or could it be that you're just a little bit worried... 42 00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:31,406 ...that you may have missed the boat? 43 00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:39,224 Well, I think they might have sutured that thing to your brain. 44 00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:46,322 Oh, all right. Go ahead. Deride. Deride if you must. 45 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:47,830 But let me tell you something. 46 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,936 With my personality and this head of hair, you know what I am now? 47 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,770 I am in the game. 48 00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:56,033 I no longer defer to the coifed. I'm a player. 49 00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:57,699 You know, I thought of something. 50 00:02:57,877 --> 00:03:00,437 I know this gorgeous woman. She called me up this morning. 51 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:03,548 She's moving into the city, and she asked if I knew anyone... 52 00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:06,446 ...she could meet. Now you can go out with her. 53 00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:10,620 - Well, what about me? - No, I think he's got you beat, buddy. 54 00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:14,183 - So she's gorgeous? - Yeah. Last time I saw her she was. 55 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,089 - Five years ago. - You got a picture? 56 00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,524 No, no. 57 00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,392 Well, I have to see her. 58 00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:20,828 Hey. I know what we can do. 59 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,934 I got a friend, works at the police station. 60 00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:25,297 - He's a composite artist. - Really? 61 00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:28,133 - I can get him to draw a picture of her. - I would love that. 62 00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,606 - You think he'd really do it? - I think he will. 63 00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,837 It sounds like an excellent idea. 64 00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:37,315 You done with all this? I'm gonna give it to a homeless person. 65 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,412 Yeah, I'm very excited about this. 66 00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:42,578 I always wanted to see how these sketch artists do it. 67 00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:44,552 Here you go, brother. Some food for you. 68 00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:47,722 Thank you. You're a good man. Bless you. 69 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,055 - You gonna be here in an hour? - Where am I going? 70 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,993 All right. Enjoy. 71 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,325 Wait up! 72 00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:55,759 That's good. 73 00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:57,800 And make the eyes... 74 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,404 - What's that nut? - Almonds? 75 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:00,834 Almonds. Yeah. That's good. 76 00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:02,933 - Can I see...? - No, no. Not yet. 77 00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:06,476 Yeah. And make the lips fuller, poutier. 78 00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,136 Pouty? I like that. 79 00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:11,010 - You can't go wrong with pouty. - I'm excited about the pouty. 80 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:14,984 - All right. I think that about does it. - George, come on. Take a look. 81 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,723 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, my God. You were right. 82 00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,653 She is gorgeous. 83 00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:22,124 Hey, Lou, who's that woman over there? 84 00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:24,627 Her? Oh, that's Sergeant Tierney. 85 00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:26,788 - Nice officer. - You wanna meet her? 86 00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,228 Well, this worked out okay. 87 00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:30,767 You gonna see that policewoman? 88 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,199 Yeah. I think I will. 89 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,806 I like the idea of having the law on my side. 90 00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:37,807 - Hey, man. Did you enjoy the food? - Yes, I did. 91 00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:40,445 Where did the Chinese learn to cook like that? 92 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,843 Listen. I'll take that Tupperware now. 93 00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,347 I don't think so. 94 00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:46,173 That's mine. 95 00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:48,650 - You gave it to me. - I didn't say you could keep it. 96 00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:50,345 See, I don't give away Tupperware. 97 00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:52,855 - You should've said something. - I didn't think I had to. 98 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:56,120 Look, with a piece of Tupperware, you just assume. 99 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,696 Oh, yeah! 100 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:05,532 I've really gotta thank you for this. 101 00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:08,640 The bank I work for is so conservative. 102 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:12,209 Well, by now you'd think people would be a little more open-minded. 103 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,713 Excuse me. I have to run to the bathroom. 104 00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:18,214 - Okay. - Great. 105 00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:20,909 So... 106 00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:24,855 - You and Robert? - Yep. 107 00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:28,059 - Really? - Yes, indeedy. 108 00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:30,061 I'm surprised. 109 00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:32,220 Really? Why? 110 00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,393 No reason. 111 00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:37,495 Well, believe me. This didn't happen overnight. 112 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:41,731 Robert is not exactly a one-woman man, if you know what I mean. 113 00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,773 No, sirree, Bob. 114 00:05:43,943 --> 00:05:47,504 Sure, I mean, in a lot of ways he's a typical guy. He likes his sports. 115 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,116 But he counters that side with the side you see here tonight at the ballet... 116 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,582 ...or the pleasure he gets watching Liza Minnelli... 117 00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,584 ...belt out a few choice numbers. 118 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:59,321 It's those two halves of his personality that just come together... 119 00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:02,052 ...to make him the very special guy that he is. 120 00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,486 Excuse me. Sorry. 121 00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,057 Oh, hi, honey. 122 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,702 It was just such a great night. 123 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,741 And did they suspect anything? 124 00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,406 No, I was a fantastic beard. 125 00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:24,209 I held hands. I called him "honey." 126 00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:30,346 And we discover yet another talent: Posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals. 127 00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:35,083 Oh, it was just such a great night. 128 00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:36,285 You said that already. 129 00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,487 - Oh, I did? - Yeah. 130 00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,798 Oh, no. 131 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,338 Don't tell me... 132 00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:49,638 You like him? 133 00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,004 He's incredible. 134 00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:54,472 Yeah, but... 135 00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:56,740 Yeah. I know. 136 00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:58,611 - So? - What? 137 00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:00,844 Not conversion? 138 00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:03,985 You're thinking conversion? 139 00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:06,918 Well, it did occur to me. 140 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,924 You think you can get him to change teams? 141 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,689 He's not gonna suddenly switch sides. 142 00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:13,092 Forget about it. 143 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,927 Why? Is it irrevocable? 144 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,264 Because when you join that team, it's not a whim. 145 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:22,499 He likes his team. He's set with that team. 146 00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:26,111 - But we've got a good team. - Yeah, we do. 147 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,712 We do have a good team. 148 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,348 Well, why can't he play for us? 149 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:36,252 They're only comfortable with their equipment. 150 00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:42,685 But we just got along so great. 151 00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:46,229 Of course. Everyone gets along great when there's no possibility of sex. 152 00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:49,163 No, no, no. I sensed something. I did sense something. 153 00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:51,701 I perceived a possibility, Jerry. 154 00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:58,810 You realize you're venturing into uncharted waters? 155 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,206 I realize that. 156 00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:03,047 Are you that desperate? 157 00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:06,044 Yes, I am. 158 00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,551 Are you gonna bring your gun? 159 00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:14,059 Yeah, I think you should leave it at home. 160 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:18,391 I don't really know you that well. What if we get into a fight or something? 161 00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:21,897 You know, you lose your temper. Who knows what you're capable of. 162 00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:25,595 All right. Then it's settled. First date, no weapons. 163 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,806 All right. I'll see you then. 164 00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:29,464 Okay, bye. 165 00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:32,906 Yeah, yeah. 166 00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,671 Here we go. 167 00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:37,714 - What are you looking for? - Tupperware. 168 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,076 Sorry. I don't have any Tupperware. 169 00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:41,910 See, I knew this was gonna happen. 170 00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,522 I just made a delicious casserole, but it won't keep... 171 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:46,590 ...because I have no Tupperware. 172 00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:50,053 - What about a plastic bag? - You must be kidding. 173 00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:51,423 What is the difference? 174 00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:55,499 The patented burp, Jerry. It locks in freshness. 175 00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:58,394 - Hey. - Hey. 176 00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:04,742 So I spoke to your little friend Denise last night. 177 00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,071 Oh, yeah. You talked, huh? 178 00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:08,645 Yeah. For two hours. She's nuts about you. 179 00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:10,372 Yeah. We go way back, you know. 180 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,950 Why didn't anything ever happen between you two? 181 00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:15,413 Who's to say it didn't? 182 00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:19,754 So did you describe yourself to her over the phone? 183 00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:21,450 Yes, I did. 184 00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:24,118 - What did you say? - What do you think I said? 185 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,457 I don't know. 186 00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:27,590 I told her the truth. 187 00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,359 As you see it? 188 00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:33,801 Yes, as I see it. 189 00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:37,306 Did you tell her about your little hat there? 190 00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:39,942 What hat? 191 00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:42,644 You know, your little hair hat there. 192 00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:46,378 - No. - Don't you think she could tell? 193 00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:50,682 No, no, no. She can't tell. It's a perfect match. Beautiful job. 194 00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:54,656 Are you kidding? I could spot that bird's nest two blocks away. 195 00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,629 You only think that because you know me. 196 00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:59,287 Noticed people staring at your head? 197 00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,060 I noticed people staring at my head because they like what they see. 198 00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:06,103 You should either take it off or tell her about it. 199 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,672 He's not gonna take it off. If he was gonna go bald... 200 00:10:08,841 --> 00:10:10,502 ...I never would have introduced them. 201 00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:13,509 - I guarantee she won't know. - Yeah. That's it. 202 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,204 I'm gonna go down to the precinct, have lunch with Lou. 203 00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:17,849 Oh, I'll split a cab with you. 204 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,682 Hey, I'm really sorry about the other day, man. Really sorry. 205 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,953 Hey, that's my coffee. 206 00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:30,525 - Hi, sarge. - Hi. 207 00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:35,099 I'm sorry I'm late. Some of our lineup decoys didn't show, so... 208 00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:38,532 Hey, any of you guys want to be in the lineup, make a quick 50 bucks? 209 00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,501 Sure, I will. 210 00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:45,643 Perfect. Okay. Just go right over there with Officer Lampart. 211 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,278 All right. 212 00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,654 All of you, turn to the left. 213 00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:08,858 The left. 214 00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:17,902 Now, turn to the right. 215 00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:30,147 Oh, my God. There she is. That's the face. 216 00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:31,584 Just like the picture. 217 00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,486 - George? - Yeah. Hi. 218 00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:35,718 - It's great to meet you. - Likewise. 219 00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:38,830 - Have you been waiting long or...? - No. I got here two minutes ago. 220 00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:40,761 Good, good. 221 00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:45,164 Well, why don't you take off your hat, stay a while. 222 00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:55,440 - What's that? - A polygraph. 223 00:11:55,614 --> 00:11:57,639 What you civilians call a lie detector test. 224 00:11:57,817 --> 00:12:00,081 Let me ask you. Now, when someone is lying... 225 00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:03,688 ...is it true that their pants are actually on fire? 226 00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:06,988 If I could tell you the famous faces that have been up here... 227 00:12:07,159 --> 00:12:08,148 Get out. 228 00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:10,591 A certain cast member of Melrose Place. 229 00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:11,991 Really? 230 00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:15,793 - Have you ever seen the show? - No. 231 00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:19,327 You can admit it, Jerry. It's okay. 232 00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:22,770 I'd admit it. I don't watch it. 233 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,467 Hey, Lou. Maybe we should put him on the poly. 234 00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:29,478 - The poly? - Yeah. I think you've seen it. 235 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,748 Melrose Place? 236 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,752 Yes, Melrose Place. 237 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:47,956 - I just didn't know you watch that. - Well, I do. 238 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,459 Every time I've mentioned it... 239 00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:54,868 ...you never say anything or join in the conversation. 240 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,271 Well, maybe I was a little embarrassed. 241 00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,571 You mean, this whole time, we could have been... 242 00:13:00,746 --> 00:13:03,374 ...discussing Sydney and Michael and Jane? 243 00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:07,815 And Billy and Jake and Allison. Yes, we could have discussed it. 244 00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:09,983 Why? Why were you so embarrassed? 245 00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:12,021 I'm gonna be taking this lie detector test. 246 00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:14,159 That needle's gonna be going wild. 247 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:18,827 This is so stupid. 248 00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:22,331 - Why don't you just confess? - It's too stupid to confess. 249 00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,298 Look what I'm confessing to. 250 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,131 Well, what are you gonna do? 251 00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:29,468 I don't know. Maybe I could beat the machine. 252 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:33,043 Who do you think you are, Costanza? 253 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:37,749 Hey, you know what? I have access to one of the most deceitful, duplicitous... 254 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:42,980 ...deceptive minds of our time. Who better to advise me? 255 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,020 Oh, God, this is terrible. 256 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,189 - Did you shake it up? - No. 257 00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:49,554 - You gotta shake it up. - No. I'm sick of shaking. 258 00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:50,990 You gotta shake everything. 259 00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:55,265 Yeah, that's a real nuisance. 260 00:13:58,103 --> 00:13:59,365 Oh, this is killing me. 261 00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:03,239 - Yeah. - Yeah. 262 00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:07,936 So I'm going out tonight with Robert... 263 00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:10,411 ...and the boss and his wife. 264 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,107 So tonight you gonna make the move? 265 00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:14,184 Yeah, I think I might. 266 00:14:17,389 --> 00:14:19,152 Hey, there he is. 267 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,386 So, what happened? Could she detect it? 268 00:14:22,561 --> 00:14:24,461 - That's an interesting question. - How so? 269 00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,655 How so? 270 00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:29,630 I'll tell you how so. 271 00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,100 She's bald. 272 00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:33,899 What do you mean, "bald"? 273 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:38,100 What do you think I mean? Bald. Bald. Bald, bald. 274 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:43,307 - She's bald? - She's bald, Jerry. 275 00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:46,076 - Oh, come on. - Oh, come on? 276 00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:50,018 No "come on." She took off her hat, and there she was. 277 00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:52,123 "Hello." 278 00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:55,226 It was like I was looking at myself in the mirror. 279 00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:59,225 Well, maybe she got a haircut or something. 280 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:01,760 You know, let me tell you something. 281 00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:06,701 No one walks into a beauty parlor and says, "Give me the Larry Fine." 282 00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:10,938 Women go bald? 283 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:13,738 Yeah, I've heard of that. I mean, they usually wear a wig. 284 00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:15,574 - Hey, buddy. - Hey. 285 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:16,942 Hey. 286 00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:19,676 You fixed me up with a bald woman. 287 00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:23,483 - Bald? - Yeah, that's right. 288 00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:26,022 Do you see the irony here? 289 00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:31,060 You're rejecting somebody because they're bald. 290 00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:34,125 So? 291 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,095 You're bald! 292 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,467 No, I'm not. 293 00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:42,971 I was bald. 294 00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,139 Elaine. 295 00:15:46,378 --> 00:15:48,437 Hey, hey. Hey, come on. 296 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,641 No, no, no! Elaine! 297 00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:55,252 I don't like this thing! 298 00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,616 And here's what I'm doing with it! 299 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,451 Don't! 300 00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:18,803 - You started that fight with me. - I figured that's what couples do. 301 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,912 You almost convinced me we were a couple. 302 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,412 It was easy. Really. 303 00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:25,573 Well, good night. I'll call you tomorrow. 304 00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:28,219 Oh, wait a second. 305 00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:32,190 Would you like to come upstairs? 306 00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:33,819 Upstairs? 307 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,385 Yeah. 308 00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:38,319 Upstairs? 309 00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:40,864 Elaine... 310 00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:43,263 I was hoping, you know... 311 00:16:43,435 --> 00:16:47,098 ...you might be interested in changing teams. 312 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,038 Changing teams? 313 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,735 Have you ever thought about it? 314 00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:55,870 But I'm a starting shortstop. 315 00:16:56,615 --> 00:17:00,346 Robert, we need a shortstop. 316 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,010 Real bad. 317 00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:06,281 When she threw that toupee out the window... 318 00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:08,653 ...it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 319 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:12,388 I feel like my old self again: Totally inadequate, completely insecure... 320 00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:15,556 ...paranoid, neurotic. It's a pleasure. 321 00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:17,133 It's good to have you back. 322 00:17:17,302 --> 00:17:18,963 You know what else I've decided to do? 323 00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:20,730 I'm gonna keep seeing the bald woman. 324 00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:22,965 She's as good as anybody else. 325 00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:25,110 Scalp was clean. 326 00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:28,079 She had a nice skull. 327 00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:31,276 There just wasrt a lot of hair on it. 328 00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:35,216 You know, you've had, like, a religious awakening. You're like a bald-again. 329 00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:38,351 Gonna need a little more coffee here. 330 00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:41,152 So, George, how do I beat this lie detector? 331 00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:43,794 I'm sorry. Jerry, I can't help you. 332 00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:46,556 You got the gift. You're the only one that could help me. 333 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,199 Jerry, I can't. 334 00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:53,066 It's like saying to Pavarotti, "Teach me to sing like you." 335 00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,564 All right. Well, I gotta go take this test. 336 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,607 I can't believe I'm doing this. 337 00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:02,576 Jerry, just remember: 338 00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:06,508 It's not a lie if you believe it. 339 00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:14,283 - Hey. - Hey. I did it. 340 00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:17,452 - What? - I turned him. He defected. 341 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,321 Get out. How? 342 00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:24,196 - How did you do that? - Because I'm a woman. 343 00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:29,172 Do you know what you've done? 344 00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:32,708 You've given hope to every woman who's ever said, "Too bad he's gay." 345 00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:36,177 Well, it's a lesson for the kids out there. Anything is possible. 346 00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:37,872 Indeed. 347 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:42,487 Jeromy, I have hit the jackpot. The perfect man. 348 00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:44,952 Nothing but sex and shopping. 349 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:15,882 What's your name? 350 00:19:16,054 --> 00:19:17,749 Jerry Seinfeld. 351 00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:19,220 What is your address? 352 00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:21,757 129 West 81 st Street. 353 00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:24,657 Did Kimberly steal Jo's baby? 354 00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,333 I don't know. 355 00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:34,865 Did Billy sleep with Allisors best friend? 356 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,774 I don't know. 357 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:45,907 Did Jane's fiance kidnap Sydney and take her to Las Vegas? 358 00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:47,881 And if so, did she enjoy it? 359 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,590 I don't know. 360 00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:55,693 Did Jane sleep with Michael again? 361 00:19:58,463 --> 00:19:59,452 Yes! 362 00:19:59,631 --> 00:20:01,929 Yes. That stupid idiot. He left her for Kimberly. 363 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:05,297 He slept with her sister, tricked her into giving him half her business. 364 00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:07,370 Then she goes and sleeps with him again? 365 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:10,235 She's crazy. How could she do something like that? That Jane! 366 00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:11,899 Oh, she just makes me so mad! 367 00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:19,950 He went back? 368 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,543 What do you mean, he went back? 369 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:23,813 He went back. 370 00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:27,390 I don't understand. You were having a great time. The sex, the shopping. 371 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,459 Well, here's the thing. 372 00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:33,764 Being a woman... 373 00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:38,426 ...I only really have access to the... 374 00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:40,196 ...equipment... 375 00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:43,569 ...what, 30, 45 minutes a week? 376 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,471 And that's on a good week. 377 00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:48,613 How can I be expected to have the same expertise... 378 00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:52,546 ...as people who own this equipment... 379 00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:58,254 ...and have access to it 24 hours a day, their entire lives? 380 00:20:58,423 --> 00:20:59,412 You can't. 381 00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:02,151 That's why they lose very few players. 382 00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:06,792 Yeah, I guess I never really stood a chance. 383 00:21:06,965 --> 00:21:09,832 Well, there's always a place for you on our team. 384 00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:13,028 Yeah, thanks. 385 00:21:13,905 --> 00:21:15,270 Is Melrose Place on? 386 00:21:15,874 --> 00:21:18,809 - Yeah, coming on in a few minutes. - Okay. 387 00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:23,011 Hey. Don't worry, it hasn't started. 388 00:21:26,585 --> 00:21:29,383 Hey, you know, George, I am really proud of you. 389 00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:32,387 I really do admire what you've done. 390 00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:34,184 Do you? 391 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:36,657 That makes me so happy. 392 00:21:38,563 --> 00:21:40,724 Elaine's proud of me, Jerry. 393 00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:41,991 What is the matter? 394 00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:45,500 I got rejected by a bald woman. 395 00:21:46,171 --> 00:21:49,732 - What? - A bald woman rejected me. 396 00:21:49,908 --> 00:21:50,897 You like that one? 397 00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:56,681 A woman with no prospects and no hair told me that I wasrt her type. 398 00:21:56,848 --> 00:21:59,339 Apparently baldy likes a slimmer guy. 399 00:21:59,518 --> 00:22:01,611 Well, I'll tell you what I think. 400 00:22:01,787 --> 00:22:06,247 I think she saw you with that piece off and was devastated. 401 00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:10,361 You blew it, boy. You really blew it! 402 00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:15,055 And you had to ruin it for him, didn't you? 403 00:22:15,233 --> 00:22:18,498 I didn't ruin anything. He looked like an idiot. 404 00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:20,763 - No. - And it made him act like a jerk. 405 00:22:20,939 --> 00:22:23,999 All right. Shut up. Shut up. Melrose Place is coming on. 406 00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:34,074 Oh, that Michael. I hate him. He's just so smug. 407 00:22:45,564 --> 00:22:48,897 Hey, how you doing, Stu? Eddie, my man, huh? 408 00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:54,168 You again? Boy, you're a slippery one. 409 00:22:54,339 --> 00:22:56,534 You better straighten up and fly right, buddy boy. 410 00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:58,403 - What do you got? - An eyewitness... 411 00:22:58,577 --> 00:23:00,442 ...to that jewelry store break-in. 412 00:23:00,612 --> 00:23:02,204 Come here. 413 00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:05,747 Do you recognize anybody in this lineup? 414 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,255 That's the guy, officer. The guy there in the middle. 415 00:23:11,423 --> 00:23:15,257 The tall guy with the high hair. I'd recognize him anywhere. 416 00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:18,161 Hey, you. You with the high hair. 417 00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:20,195 Step forward. 418 00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:23,062 Me? 419 00:23:24,062 --> 00:23:34,062 Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org 31732

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