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The whole concept of
the wanted poster...
2
00:00:05,805 --> 00:00:08,330
...has gotta be the most
optimistic crime-fighting idea.
3
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:11,534
I mean, so how does it work?
Okay. I'm on line at the post office.
4
00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:14,179
I see the guy.
I see the list of offenses.
5
00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:16,747
I check the guy standing
in line behind me.
6
00:00:16,916 --> 00:00:21,444
If it's not him, that's
pretty much all I can do.
7
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:25,148
Okay? It's not that
I don't want to help.
8
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,521
Annoying thing is, why
didn't they hold on to this guy...
9
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,458
...when they're taking his picture?
10
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:33,997
"No, we don't do it that way. We
take their picture and we let them go.
11
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,465
That's how we get
the front and side shot.
12
00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:39,366
The front is his face.
The side is him leaving."
13
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:49,077
Look at you. Why don't you use a
fork. You're no good with the sticks.
14
00:00:49,249 --> 00:00:50,477
I know. I need a lesson.
15
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:54,211
You stink. You know you stink.
What is this?
16
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,082
Oh, my ballet tickets.
17
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:58,554
Oh, your ballet tickets.
18
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,317
Have you ever been to the ballet?
19
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:02,984
No, but I've seen people on tiptoes.
20
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,563
- You know, I'm going as a beard.
- A beard?
21
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,565
Yeah. This friend of a friend
knows this banker guy.
22
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,636
He's 30-ish, unbelievably gorgeous.
23
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:14,273
- Of course he's gay.
- Yeah.
24
00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:17,433
So anyway, his boss has this box
at the Met, and he invited him...
25
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:21,046
...to go see Swan Lake with him and
his wife. But he's afraid his boss...
26
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:25,844
...can't handle his orientation.
So I'm going along as his date.
27
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:29,284
- Why are you doing this?
- Swan Lake at the Met.
28
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:34,657
- Yeah?
- Get it on with your bad self.
29
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,434
Chinese food.
I knew I smelled something.
30
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:47,004
- Yeah.
- Is George still wearing that toupee?
31
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:49,107
- Yeah.
- Doesrt he know how ridiculous...
32
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:52,005
...he looks in that thing?
- I think he looks fantastic.
33
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:54,976
Oh, come on.
34
00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:58,640
I never realized
what an attractive man he is.
35
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:00,952
Oh, he's a real looker, that one.
36
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:09,895
- Hey.
- People, people, people.
37
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,122
Not bad, huh?
38
00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:19,697
All right. Excuse me.
39
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:23,400
You look ridiculous in that thing.
40
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:25,043
Is that so?
41
00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:28,738
Or could it be that you're
just a little bit worried...
42
00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:31,406
...that you may have
missed the boat?
43
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:39,224
Well, I think they might have
sutured that thing to your brain.
44
00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:46,322
Oh, all right. Go ahead.
Deride. Deride if you must.
45
00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:47,830
But let me tell you something.
46
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,936
With my personality and this head
of hair, you know what I am now?
47
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,770
I am in the game.
48
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:56,033
I no longer defer to the coifed.
I'm a player.
49
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:57,699
You know, I thought of something.
50
00:02:57,877 --> 00:03:00,437
I know this gorgeous woman.
She called me up this morning.
51
00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:03,548
She's moving into the city,
and she asked if I knew anyone...
52
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:06,446
...she could meet.
Now you can go out with her.
53
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:10,620
- Well, what about me?
- No, I think he's got you beat, buddy.
54
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:14,183
- So she's gorgeous?
- Yeah. Last time I saw her she was.
55
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,089
- Five years ago.
- You got a picture?
56
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,524
No, no.
57
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,392
Well, I have to see her.
58
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:20,828
Hey. I know what we can do.
59
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,934
I got a friend, works
at the police station.
60
00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:25,297
- He's a composite artist.
- Really?
61
00:03:25,471 --> 00:03:28,133
- I can get him to draw a picture of her.
- I would love that.
62
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,606
- You think he'd really do it?
- I think he will.
63
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,837
It sounds like an excellent idea.
64
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:37,315
You done with all this? I'm gonna
give it to a homeless person.
65
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,412
Yeah, I'm very excited about this.
66
00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:42,578
I always wanted to see
how these sketch artists do it.
67
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:44,552
Here you go, brother.
Some food for you.
68
00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:47,722
Thank you. You're a good man.
Bless you.
69
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,055
- You gonna be here in an hour?
- Where am I going?
70
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,993
All right. Enjoy.
71
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,325
Wait up!
72
00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:55,759
That's good.
73
00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:57,800
And make the eyes...
74
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,404
- What's that nut?
- Almonds?
75
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:00,834
Almonds. Yeah. That's good.
76
00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:02,933
- Can I see...?
- No, no. Not yet.
77
00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:06,476
Yeah. And make
the lips fuller, poutier.
78
00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,136
Pouty? I like that.
79
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:11,010
- You can't go wrong with pouty.
- I'm excited about the pouty.
80
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:14,984
- All right. I think that about does it.
- George, come on. Take a look.
81
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,723
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, my God. You were right.
82
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,653
She is gorgeous.
83
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:22,124
Hey, Lou, who's that
woman over there?
84
00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:24,627
Her? Oh, that's Sergeant Tierney.
85
00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:26,788
- Nice officer.
- You wanna meet her?
86
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,228
Well, this worked out okay.
87
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:30,767
You gonna see that policewoman?
88
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,199
Yeah. I think I will.
89
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,806
I like the idea of having
the law on my side.
90
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:37,807
- Hey, man. Did you enjoy the food?
- Yes, I did.
91
00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:40,445
Where did the Chinese
learn to cook like that?
92
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,843
Listen. I'll take that Tupperware now.
93
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,347
I don't think so.
94
00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:46,173
That's mine.
95
00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:48,650
- You gave it to me.
- I didn't say you could keep it.
96
00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:50,345
See, I don't give away Tupperware.
97
00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:52,855
- You should've said something.
- I didn't think I had to.
98
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:56,120
Look, with a piece of Tupperware,
you just assume.
99
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,696
Oh, yeah!
100
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:05,532
I've really gotta thank you for this.
101
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:08,640
The bank I work for
is so conservative.
102
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:12,209
Well, by now you'd think people
would be a little more open-minded.
103
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:15,713
Excuse me.
I have to run to the bathroom.
104
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:18,214
- Okay.
- Great.
105
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:20,909
So...
106
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:24,855
- You and Robert?
- Yep.
107
00:05:25,124 --> 00:05:28,059
- Really?
- Yes, indeedy.
108
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:30,061
I'm surprised.
109
00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:32,220
Really? Why?
110
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,393
No reason.
111
00:05:35,368 --> 00:05:37,495
Well, believe me.
This didn't happen overnight.
112
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:41,731
Robert is not exactly a one-woman
man, if you know what I mean.
113
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,773
No, sirree, Bob.
114
00:05:43,943 --> 00:05:47,504
Sure, I mean, in a lot of ways
he's a typical guy. He likes his sports.
115
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:51,116
But he counters that side with the side
you see here tonight at the ballet...
116
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,582
...or the pleasure he gets
watching Liza Minnelli...
117
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,584
...belt out a few choice numbers.
118
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:59,321
It's those two halves of his personality
that just come together...
119
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:02,052
...to make him the
very special guy that he is.
120
00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,486
Excuse me. Sorry.
121
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,057
Oh, hi, honey.
122
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,702
It was just such a great night.
123
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,741
And did they suspect anything?
124
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,406
No, I was a fantastic beard.
125
00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:24,209
I held hands. I called him "honey."
126
00:06:24,851 --> 00:06:30,346
And we discover yet another talent:
Posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals.
127
00:06:32,091 --> 00:06:35,083
Oh, it was just such a great night.
128
00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:36,285
You said that already.
129
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,487
- Oh, I did?
- Yeah.
130
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:44,798
Oh, no.
131
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:47,338
Don't tell me...
132
00:06:48,307 --> 00:06:49,638
You like him?
133
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,004
He's incredible.
134
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:54,472
Yeah, but...
135
00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:56,740
Yeah. I know.
136
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:58,611
- So?
- What?
137
00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:00,844
Not conversion?
138
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:03,985
You're thinking conversion?
139
00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:06,918
Well, it did occur to me.
140
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,924
You think you can get him
to change teams?
141
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,689
He's not gonna suddenly
switch sides.
142
00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:13,092
Forget about it.
143
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,927
Why? Is it irrevocable?
144
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,264
Because when you join that team,
it's not a whim.
145
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:22,499
He likes his team.
He's set with that team.
146
00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:26,111
- But we've got a good team.
- Yeah, we do.
147
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,712
We do have a good team.
148
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,348
Well, why can't he play for us?
149
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:36,252
They're only comfortable
with their equipment.
150
00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:42,685
But we just got along so great.
151
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:46,229
Of course. Everyone gets along great
when there's no possibility of sex.
152
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:49,163
No, no, no. I sensed something.
I did sense something.
153
00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:51,701
I perceived a possibility, Jerry.
154
00:07:55,374 --> 00:07:58,810
You realize you're venturing
into uncharted waters?
155
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,206
I realize that.
156
00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:03,047
Are you that desperate?
157
00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:06,044
Yes, I am.
158
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,551
Are you gonna bring your gun?
159
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:14,059
Yeah, I think you should
leave it at home.
160
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:18,391
I don't really know you that well. What
if we get into a fight or something?
161
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:21,897
You know, you lose your temper.
Who knows what you're capable of.
162
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:25,595
All right. Then it's settled.
First date, no weapons.
163
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,806
All right. I'll see you then.
164
00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:29,464
Okay, bye.
165
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:32,906
Yeah, yeah.
166
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,671
Here we go.
167
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:37,714
- What are you looking for?
- Tupperware.
168
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,076
Sorry. I don't have any Tupperware.
169
00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:41,910
See, I knew this was gonna happen.
170
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,522
I just made a delicious casserole,
but it won't keep...
171
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:46,590
...because I have no Tupperware.
172
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:50,053
- What about a plastic bag?
- You must be kidding.
173
00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:51,423
What is the difference?
174
00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:55,499
The patented burp, Jerry.
It locks in freshness.
175
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:58,394
- Hey.
- Hey.
176
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:04,742
So I spoke to your
little friend Denise last night.
177
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:06,071
Oh, yeah. You talked, huh?
178
00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:08,645
Yeah. For two hours.
She's nuts about you.
179
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:10,372
Yeah. We go way back, you know.
180
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,950
Why didn't anything ever happen
between you two?
181
00:09:13,252 --> 00:09:15,413
Who's to say it didn't?
182
00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:19,754
So did you describe yourself
to her over the phone?
183
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:21,450
Yes, I did.
184
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:24,118
- What did you say?
- What do you think I said?
185
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,457
I don't know.
186
00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:27,590
I told her the truth.
187
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,359
As you see it?
188
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:33,801
Yes, as I see it.
189
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:37,306
Did you tell her about
your little hat there?
190
00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:39,942
What hat?
191
00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:42,644
You know, your little hair hat there.
192
00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:46,378
- No.
- Don't you think she could tell?
193
00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:50,682
No, no, no. She can't tell.
It's a perfect match. Beautiful job.
194
00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:54,656
Are you kidding? I could spot
that bird's nest two blocks away.
195
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,629
You only think that
because you know me.
196
00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:59,287
Noticed people
staring at your head?
197
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,060
I noticed people staring at my head
because they like what they see.
198
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:06,103
You should either take it off
or tell her about it.
199
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,672
He's not gonna take it off.
If he was gonna go bald...
200
00:10:08,841 --> 00:10:10,502
...I never would have
introduced them.
201
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:13,509
- I guarantee she won't know.
- Yeah. That's it.
202
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,204
I'm gonna go down to the precinct,
have lunch with Lou.
203
00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:17,849
Oh, I'll split a cab with you.
204
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,682
Hey, I'm really sorry about the
other day, man. Really sorry.
205
00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,953
Hey, that's my coffee.
206
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:30,525
- Hi, sarge.
- Hi.
207
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:35,099
I'm sorry I'm late. Some of our
lineup decoys didn't show, so...
208
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:38,532
Hey, any of you guys want to be in
the lineup, make a quick 50 bucks?
209
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,501
Sure, I will.
210
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:45,643
Perfect. Okay. Just go right
over there with Officer Lampart.
211
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,278
All right.
212
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,654
All of you, turn to the left.
213
00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:08,858
The left.
214
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:17,902
Now, turn to the right.
215
00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:30,147
Oh, my God. There she is.
That's the face.
216
00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:31,584
Just like the picture.
217
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,486
- George?
- Yeah. Hi.
218
00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:35,718
- It's great to meet you.
- Likewise.
219
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:38,830
- Have you been waiting long or...?
- No. I got here two minutes ago.
220
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:40,761
Good, good.
221
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:45,164
Well, why don't you take off
your hat, stay a while.
222
00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:55,440
- What's that?
- A polygraph.
223
00:11:55,614 --> 00:11:57,639
What you civilians call
a lie detector test.
224
00:11:57,817 --> 00:12:00,081
Let me ask you.
Now, when someone is lying...
225
00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:03,688
...is it true that their pants
are actually on fire?
226
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:06,988
If I could tell you the famous faces
that have been up here...
227
00:12:07,159 --> 00:12:08,148
Get out.
228
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:10,591
A certain cast member
of Melrose Place.
229
00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:11,991
Really?
230
00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:15,793
- Have you ever seen the show?
- No.
231
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:19,327
You can admit it, Jerry. It's okay.
232
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:22,770
I'd admit it. I don't watch it.
233
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,467
Hey, Lou. Maybe we should
put him on the poly.
234
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:29,478
- The poly?
- Yeah. I think you've seen it.
235
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,748
Melrose Place?
236
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,752
Yes, Melrose Place.
237
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:47,956
- I just didn't know you watch that.
- Well, I do.
238
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,459
Every time I've mentioned it...
239
00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:54,868
...you never say anything
or join in the conversation.
240
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,271
Well, maybe I was
a little embarrassed.
241
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,571
You mean, this whole time,
we could have been...
242
00:13:00,746 --> 00:13:03,374
...discussing Sydney
and Michael and Jane?
243
00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:07,815
And Billy and Jake and Allison.
Yes, we could have discussed it.
244
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:09,983
Why? Why were you
so embarrassed?
245
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:12,021
I'm gonna be taking
this lie detector test.
246
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:14,159
That needle's gonna be going wild.
247
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:18,827
This is so stupid.
248
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:22,331
- Why don't you just confess?
- It's too stupid to confess.
249
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,298
Look what I'm confessing to.
250
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,131
Well, what are you gonna do?
251
00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:29,468
I don't know. Maybe I could
beat the machine.
252
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:33,043
Who do you think you are,
Costanza?
253
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:37,749
Hey, you know what? I have access to
one of the most deceitful, duplicitous...
254
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:42,980
...deceptive minds of our time.
Who better to advise me?
255
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:45,020
Oh, God, this is terrible.
256
00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,189
- Did you shake it up?
- No.
257
00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:49,554
- You gotta shake it up.
- No. I'm sick of shaking.
258
00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:50,990
You gotta shake everything.
259
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:55,265
Yeah, that's a real nuisance.
260
00:13:58,103 --> 00:13:59,365
Oh, this is killing me.
261
00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:03,239
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
262
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:07,936
So I'm going out tonight
with Robert...
263
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:10,411
...and the boss and his wife.
264
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,107
So tonight you gonna
make the move?
265
00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:14,184
Yeah, I think I might.
266
00:14:17,389 --> 00:14:19,152
Hey, there he is.
267
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,386
So, what happened?
Could she detect it?
268
00:14:22,561 --> 00:14:24,461
- That's an interesting question.
- How so?
269
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,655
How so?
270
00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:29,630
I'll tell you how so.
271
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,100
She's bald.
272
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:33,899
What do you mean, "bald"?
273
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:38,100
What do you think I mean? Bald.
Bald. Bald, bald.
274
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:43,307
- She's bald?
- She's bald, Jerry.
275
00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:46,076
- Oh, come on.
- Oh, come on?
276
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:50,018
No "come on." She took off
her hat, and there she was.
277
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:52,123
"Hello."
278
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:55,226
It was like I was looking at myself
in the mirror.
279
00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:59,225
Well, maybe she got a haircut
or something.
280
00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:01,760
You know, let me tell you something.
281
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:06,701
No one walks into a beauty parlor
and says, "Give me the Larry Fine."
282
00:15:09,141 --> 00:15:10,938
Women go bald?
283
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:13,738
Yeah, I've heard of that.
I mean, they usually wear a wig.
284
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:15,574
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.
285
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:16,942
Hey.
286
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:19,676
You fixed me up with a bald woman.
287
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:23,483
- Bald?
- Yeah, that's right.
288
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:26,022
Do you see the irony here?
289
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:31,060
You're rejecting somebody
because they're bald.
290
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:34,125
So?
291
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,095
You're bald!
292
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,467
No, I'm not.
293
00:15:39,638 --> 00:15:42,971
I was bald.
294
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,139
Elaine.
295
00:15:46,378 --> 00:15:48,437
Hey, hey. Hey, come on.
296
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,641
No, no, no! Elaine!
297
00:15:52,818 --> 00:15:55,252
I don't like this thing!
298
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,616
And here's what I'm doing with it!
299
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,451
Don't!
300
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:18,803
- You started that fight with me.
- I figured that's what couples do.
301
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,912
You almost convinced me
we were a couple.
302
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,412
It was easy. Really.
303
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:25,573
Well, good night.
I'll call you tomorrow.
304
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:28,219
Oh, wait a second.
305
00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:32,190
Would you like to come upstairs?
306
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:33,819
Upstairs?
307
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,385
Yeah.
308
00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:38,319
Upstairs?
309
00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:40,864
Elaine...
310
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:43,263
I was hoping, you know...
311
00:16:43,435 --> 00:16:47,098
...you might be interested
in changing teams.
312
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,038
Changing teams?
313
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,735
Have you ever thought about it?
314
00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:55,870
But I'm a starting shortstop.
315
00:16:56,615 --> 00:17:00,346
Robert, we need a shortstop.
316
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,010
Real bad.
317
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:06,281
When she threw that toupee
out the window...
318
00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:08,653
...it was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
319
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:12,388
I feel like my old self again: Totally
inadequate, completely insecure...
320
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:15,556
...paranoid, neurotic.
It's a pleasure.
321
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:17,133
It's good to have you back.
322
00:17:17,302 --> 00:17:18,963
You know what else
I've decided to do?
323
00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:20,730
I'm gonna keep seeing
the bald woman.
324
00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:22,965
She's as good as anybody else.
325
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:25,110
Scalp was clean.
326
00:17:26,111 --> 00:17:28,079
She had a nice skull.
327
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:31,276
There just wasrt a lot of hair on it.
328
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:35,216
You know, you've had, like, a religious
awakening. You're like a bald-again.
329
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:38,351
Gonna need
a little more coffee here.
330
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:41,152
So, George, how do I beat
this lie detector?
331
00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:43,794
I'm sorry. Jerry, I can't help you.
332
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:46,556
You got the gift. You're the only one
that could help me.
333
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,199
Jerry, I can't.
334
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:53,066
It's like saying to Pavarotti,
"Teach me to sing like you."
335
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,564
All right. Well, I gotta go
take this test.
336
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,607
I can't believe I'm doing this.
337
00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:02,576
Jerry, just remember:
338
00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:06,508
It's not a lie if you believe it.
339
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:14,283
- Hey.
- Hey. I did it.
340
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:17,452
- What?
- I turned him. He defected.
341
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,321
Get out. How?
342
00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:24,196
- How did you do that?
- Because I'm a woman.
343
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:29,172
Do you know what you've done?
344
00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:32,708
You've given hope to every woman
who's ever said, "Too bad he's gay."
345
00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:36,177
Well, it's a lesson for the kids
out there. Anything is possible.
346
00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:37,872
Indeed.
347
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:42,487
Jeromy, I have hit the jackpot.
The perfect man.
348
00:18:42,654 --> 00:18:44,952
Nothing but sex and shopping.
349
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:15,882
What's your name?
350
00:19:16,054 --> 00:19:17,749
Jerry Seinfeld.
351
00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:19,220
What is your address?
352
00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:21,757
129 West 81 st Street.
353
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:24,657
Did Kimberly steal Jo's baby?
354
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,333
I don't know.
355
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:34,865
Did Billy sleep with
Allisors best friend?
356
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,774
I don't know.
357
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:45,907
Did Jane's fiance kidnap Sydney
and take her to Las Vegas?
358
00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:47,881
And if so, did she enjoy it?
359
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:53,590
I don't know.
360
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:55,693
Did Jane sleep with Michael again?
361
00:19:58,463 --> 00:19:59,452
Yes!
362
00:19:59,631 --> 00:20:01,929
Yes. That stupid idiot.
He left her for Kimberly.
363
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:05,297
He slept with her sister, tricked her
into giving him half her business.
364
00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:07,370
Then she goes and
sleeps with him again?
365
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:10,235
She's crazy. How could she do
something like that? That Jane!
366
00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:11,899
Oh, she just makes me so mad!
367
00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:19,950
He went back?
368
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,543
What do you mean, he went back?
369
00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:23,813
He went back.
370
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:27,390
I don't understand. You were having
a great time. The sex, the shopping.
371
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,459
Well, here's the thing.
372
00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:33,764
Being a woman...
373
00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:38,426
...I only really have access to the...
374
00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:40,196
...equipment...
375
00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:43,569
...what, 30, 45 minutes a week?
376
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,471
And that's on a good week.
377
00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:48,613
How can I be expected
to have the same expertise...
378
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:52,546
...as people who own
this equipment...
379
00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:58,254
...and have access to it
24 hours a day, their entire lives?
380
00:20:58,423 --> 00:20:59,412
You can't.
381
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:02,151
That's why they lose
very few players.
382
00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:06,792
Yeah, I guess I never really
stood a chance.
383
00:21:06,965 --> 00:21:09,832
Well, there's always a place
for you on our team.
384
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:13,028
Yeah, thanks.
385
00:21:13,905 --> 00:21:15,270
Is Melrose Place on?
386
00:21:15,874 --> 00:21:18,809
- Yeah, coming on in a few minutes.
- Okay.
387
00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:23,011
Hey. Don't worry, it hasn't started.
388
00:21:26,585 --> 00:21:29,383
Hey, you know, George,
I am really proud of you.
389
00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:32,387
I really do admire what you've done.
390
00:21:32,557 --> 00:21:34,184
Do you?
391
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:36,657
That makes me so happy.
392
00:21:38,563 --> 00:21:40,724
Elaine's proud of me, Jerry.
393
00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:41,991
What is the matter?
394
00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:45,500
I got rejected by a bald woman.
395
00:21:46,171 --> 00:21:49,732
- What?
- A bald woman rejected me.
396
00:21:49,908 --> 00:21:50,897
You like that one?
397
00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:56,681
A woman with no prospects and
no hair told me that I wasrt her type.
398
00:21:56,848 --> 00:21:59,339
Apparently baldy likes
a slimmer guy.
399
00:21:59,518 --> 00:22:01,611
Well, I'll tell you what I think.
400
00:22:01,787 --> 00:22:06,247
I think she saw you with
that piece off and was devastated.
401
00:22:06,425 --> 00:22:10,361
You blew it, boy. You really blew it!
402
00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:15,055
And you had to ruin it for him,
didn't you?
403
00:22:15,233 --> 00:22:18,498
I didn't ruin anything.
He looked like an idiot.
404
00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:20,763
- No.
- And it made him act like a jerk.
405
00:22:20,939 --> 00:22:23,999
All right. Shut up. Shut up.
Melrose Place is coming on.
406
00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:34,074
Oh, that Michael. I hate him.
He's just so smug.
407
00:22:45,564 --> 00:22:48,897
Hey, how you doing, Stu?
Eddie, my man, huh?
408
00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:54,168
You again?
Boy, you're a slippery one.
409
00:22:54,339 --> 00:22:56,534
You better straighten up
and fly right, buddy boy.
410
00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:58,403
- What do you got?
- An eyewitness...
411
00:22:58,577 --> 00:23:00,442
...to that jewelry store break-in.
412
00:23:00,612 --> 00:23:02,204
Come here.
413
00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:05,747
Do you recognize
anybody in this lineup?
414
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,255
That's the guy, officer.
The guy there in the middle.
415
00:23:11,423 --> 00:23:15,257
The tall guy with the high hair.
I'd recognize him anywhere.
416
00:23:15,727 --> 00:23:18,161
Hey, you. You with the high hair.
417
00:23:18,330 --> 00:23:20,195
Step forward.
418
00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:23,062
Me?
419
00:23:24,062 --> 00:23:34,062
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