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2
00:00:08,897 --> 00:00:11,071
..so happy you finally
brought her here to meet me.
3
00:00:11,156 --> 00:00:13,407
- You seem nice.
- The Clantons are in Purgatory.
4
00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:14,578
An eye for an eye.
5
00:00:14,663 --> 00:00:16,046
Doc, I think
they killed Billy.
6
00:00:16,131 --> 00:00:17,515
I've been marked!
7
00:00:17,907 --> 00:00:20,172
- I'm tired of this fight.
- People can change.
8
00:00:20,257 --> 00:00:21,617
Come to Mama.
9
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:23,515
Hey, sexy.
10
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,652
My ancestors will devour her.
11
00:00:25,737 --> 00:00:27,154
(screaming)
12
00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:29,073
(gunshot)
13
00:00:29,641 --> 00:00:31,789
I guess you and that gun
deserve each other.
14
00:00:31,874 --> 00:00:33,882
Nicole Haught,
will you marry me?
15
00:00:34,123 --> 00:00:36,203
Yes, I will marry you.
16
00:00:38,090 --> 00:00:40,592
(light country music)
17
00:00:45,056 --> 00:00:47,058
(train horn blaring)
18
00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:50,867
♪ I'm free as the breeze ♪
19
00:00:51,069 --> 00:00:53,988
♪ And I do as I please ♪
20
00:00:54,073 --> 00:00:58,414
♪ And I do what I want to do ♪
21
00:00:59,451 --> 00:01:01,603
♪ I go where I want ♪
22
00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:02,738
(Demetri): Get a room!
23
00:01:02,823 --> 00:01:04,858
I mean it, like, legit,
they're three feet from you
24
00:01:04,943 --> 00:01:06,718
and cost less than a dental dam.
25
00:01:06,803 --> 00:01:09,755
(Wynonna singing)
26
00:01:10,248 --> 00:01:13,218
(creature gobbling)
27
00:01:14,897 --> 00:01:16,599
Time's up, beast.
28
00:01:18,356 --> 00:01:20,358
(suspenseful music)
29
00:01:22,432 --> 00:01:25,168
(both): Holy shit.
30
00:01:26,664 --> 00:01:29,300
- I see you found your gun.
- And my mojo.
31
00:01:30,535 --> 00:01:33,921
Make your peace, Amon.
32
00:01:34,005 --> 00:01:36,674
Theme music...
33
00:01:38,035 --> 00:01:41,093
♪ 'Cause I gave you
all I got to give ♪
34
00:01:41,178 --> 00:01:43,563
♪ I know that ain't
no way to live ♪
35
00:01:43,648 --> 00:01:48,435
♪ I told that devil
to take you back ♪
36
00:01:48,526 --> 00:01:51,334
♪ I told that devil ♪
*WYNONNA EARP*
37
00:01:51,419 --> 00:01:53,121
♪ To take you back ♪
Season 04 Episode 07
38
00:01:53,205 --> 00:01:54,708
Episode Title: "Love's All Over"
Aired on: March 05, 2021
39
00:01:54,792 --> 00:01:57,020
To the happily engaged couple!
40
00:01:57,105 --> 00:01:58,355
(bottle popping, cheering)
41
00:01:58,440 --> 00:01:59,701
(laughing)
42
00:01:59,785 --> 00:02:00,879
Again!
43
00:02:00,964 --> 00:02:02,918
Hey! It took me weeks
to find that couch.
44
00:02:03,301 --> 00:02:05,059
To Nicole and Waverly.
45
00:02:05,144 --> 00:02:07,580
May you grow old
on one pillow.
46
00:02:08,156 --> 00:02:09,173
Cheers.
47
00:02:09,258 --> 00:02:10,858
Don't squander
the eloquence now.
48
00:02:10,942 --> 00:02:12,973
Real engagement party's
tomorrow.
49
00:02:13,878 --> 00:02:16,098
Alas, I must send my regrets.
50
00:02:16,183 --> 00:02:17,363
- What?
- You're not coming?
51
00:02:17,448 --> 00:02:19,900
But here is another toast.
52
00:02:19,984 --> 00:02:22,369
To all the kisses
we have snatched,
53
00:02:22,453 --> 00:02:24,188
and vice versa.
54
00:02:24,689 --> 00:02:26,013
- Oh, my God.
- (Doc clearing throat)
55
00:02:26,098 --> 00:02:27,549
- Beg pardon.
- Sometimes in a bar,
56
00:02:27,759 --> 00:02:28,942
a gentleman forgets himself.
57
00:02:29,027 --> 00:02:30,844
- I'd like to forget that.
- Hmm.
58
00:02:30,928 --> 00:02:32,746
You know what helps?
Mindless labour.
59
00:02:32,830 --> 00:02:34,399
Why don't we get more ice?
60
00:02:35,733 --> 00:02:39,019
It's been over a month,
you have to come.
61
00:02:39,103 --> 00:02:41,956
This thing with Wynonna,
it's just another blip.
62
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,058
Yeah, well not to me,
it's not.
63
00:02:44,142 --> 00:02:46,560
Really making a go
of this, huh?
64
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,862
Uh, well I don't have
much choice.
65
00:02:48,946 --> 00:02:51,367
Turns out Chrissy invested
my entire pension
66
00:02:51,452 --> 00:02:52,462
into this old gal.
67
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,201
Okay, but you have to get
some real staff
68
00:02:54,285 --> 00:02:56,437
- to help you out, alright?
- Hey, where's Wynonna?
69
00:02:56,521 --> 00:02:57,571
I really need you two
70
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,406
to take care of this
basement business.
71
00:02:59,490 --> 00:03:00,808
Imagine that people found out
72
00:03:00,892 --> 00:03:03,444
I've got a teenage
killer Reaper down there?
73
00:03:03,528 --> 00:03:06,397
They're mad enough I took
potato skins off the menu.
74
00:03:06,898 --> 00:03:08,749
Did you tell that little
glow stick of yours
75
00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:10,902
that you wouldn't have found it
if I hadn't helped?
76
00:03:12,704 --> 00:03:14,421
It says that, uh...
77
00:03:14,505 --> 00:03:17,825
a monster who knows all the goss
is still a monster.
78
00:03:17,909 --> 00:03:19,827
Well, this monster
isn't hurting anyone.
79
00:03:19,911 --> 00:03:21,562
I'll bet you Bambi's
got a different take.
80
00:03:21,646 --> 00:03:23,881
Bambi's food.
81
00:03:25,216 --> 00:03:27,568
And unless you faint
at the sight of sausages
82
00:03:27,652 --> 00:03:30,738
or that jacket of yours is made
of rare zucchini leather,
83
00:03:30,822 --> 00:03:33,073
- you can't judge me.
- Except, I've never donned a...
84
00:03:33,563 --> 00:03:36,666
What is that? A lobster bib
for leather queens?
85
00:03:37,010 --> 00:03:38,728
If I don't wear it,
86
00:03:39,063 --> 00:03:41,733
my dry‐cleaning bills
are a bitch.
87
00:03:43,601 --> 00:03:45,436
(unsettling music)
88
00:03:46,604 --> 00:03:49,456
It's just good to remember...
89
00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:52,110
that I can kill you.
90
00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:55,763
Any time I want.
91
00:03:55,847 --> 00:03:57,631
(Amon chuckles)
92
00:03:57,715 --> 00:03:59,917
Who told you my kink?
93
00:04:01,419 --> 00:04:03,454
(eerie music)
94
00:04:05,556 --> 00:04:07,859
(chuckling)
95
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,028
(birds chirping)
96
00:04:14,599 --> 00:04:16,768
Mmm...
97
00:04:18,770 --> 00:04:21,155
We back, honey.
98
00:04:21,239 --> 00:04:23,424
Back in Valdosta,
my uncle Thomas,
99
00:04:23,508 --> 00:04:25,059
he taught me to woodwork.
100
00:04:25,143 --> 00:04:27,628
Should you wish to be married
beneath an arbour,
101
00:04:27,712 --> 00:04:29,963
it would be my honour
to build you one.
102
00:04:30,047 --> 00:04:31,865
- As a gift.
- Doc!
103
00:04:31,949 --> 00:04:34,335
(door opening)
You're going to make me cry.
104
00:04:34,419 --> 00:04:38,089
Well, slap my ass
and call me the sister‐in‐law!
105
00:04:39,090 --> 00:04:41,241
Except you. You're not allowed
to participate
106
00:04:41,325 --> 00:04:42,593
in the slapping of ass.
107
00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:46,130
Congratulations... again.
108
00:04:52,490 --> 00:04:53,954
You didn't warn me
you were partying
109
00:04:54,038 --> 00:04:55,061
with The Lame Ranger.
110
00:04:55,146 --> 00:04:57,542
- Where have you been?
- We called hours ago.
111
00:04:57,775 --> 00:04:59,259
Been a little busy.
112
00:04:59,343 --> 00:05:02,563
Oh yeah? Too busy to celebrate
your sister's engagement?
113
00:05:02,647 --> 00:05:04,215
No!
114
00:05:04,715 --> 00:05:06,700
I was busy...
115
00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:09,069
making plans to celebrate.
116
00:05:09,153 --> 00:05:12,706
Intricate, planny... plans.
117
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:14,441
- Really?
- Yeah.
118
00:05:14,525 --> 00:05:15,993
Oh yeah? What kind?
119
00:05:18,362 --> 00:05:20,381
The bachelorette.
120
00:05:20,465 --> 00:05:22,200
Girls' night out!
121
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,652
(heavy club music)
122
00:05:25,736 --> 00:05:27,905
(women cheering)
123
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:35,629
This isn't a girls' night out,
124
00:05:35,713 --> 00:05:37,731
this is ladies' night.
125
00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:39,566
I didn't know
it would be male strippers.
126
00:05:39,650 --> 00:05:40,934
Oh yeah? Didn't come up
127
00:05:41,018 --> 00:05:43,187
when you were making
your planny‐plans?
128
00:05:45,356 --> 00:05:47,274
Hey! Giuseppe!
129
00:05:47,358 --> 00:05:49,610
- This bride needs a delivery!
- No. Stop.
130
00:05:49,694 --> 00:05:51,578
- Stop!
- Come bring the soppressata!
131
00:05:51,662 --> 00:05:53,247
(women cheering)
132
00:05:53,331 --> 00:05:54,748
Another bride!
133
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:57,034
Uh, no, I'm not a bride.
134
00:05:57,635 --> 00:05:59,319
But I am her fiancée!
135
00:05:59,403 --> 00:06:00,754
Cute!
136
00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:03,474
Love the lob, girl.
137
00:06:04,008 --> 00:06:05,392
- Shots?
- Oh...
138
00:06:05,476 --> 00:06:08,061
My bridal party bailed
to go to Bible study.
139
00:06:08,145 --> 00:06:10,898
- (chuckling)
- Well, it is noon on a Sunday.
140
00:06:10,982 --> 00:06:13,518
(women cheering)
141
00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:15,553
Okay. Oh!
142
00:06:18,756 --> 00:06:20,240
(Waverly sighs)
143
00:06:20,324 --> 00:06:21,408
Yep!
144
00:06:21,492 --> 00:06:24,729
Definitely time to get
that hot ginger off the market.
145
00:06:25,429 --> 00:06:27,781
As if you have anything
to worry about.
146
00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:29,616
Everybody loves Waverly Earp.
147
00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,435
Nobody's gonna steal
your sunshine.
148
00:06:32,737 --> 00:06:36,056
Yeah, well, Nicole wants
to do it ASAP anyway.
149
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:38,225
Maybe just at City Hall.
150
00:06:38,309 --> 00:06:42,446
But how will the sparrows
weave your gown that quickly?
151
00:06:42,980 --> 00:06:44,498
It's her second.
152
00:06:44,582 --> 00:06:47,585
She wasn't even a fancy
wedding person the first time.
153
00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:51,538
Yeah, but you've had
bridal scrapbooks
154
00:06:51,622 --> 00:06:53,006
since you were ten.
155
00:06:53,090 --> 00:06:55,626
Just tell her
what you want, baby girl.
156
00:06:56,594 --> 00:06:57,945
You deserve it.
157
00:06:58,029 --> 00:07:00,147
(man over speaker): Tie down
those saddlebags,
158
00:07:00,231 --> 00:07:02,749
the West is getting wild!
159
00:07:02,833 --> 00:07:05,719
Welcome... Demetri!
160
00:07:05,803 --> 00:07:07,471
(country music, women cheering)
161
00:07:11,242 --> 00:07:13,994
Oh baby, you should
smile more! You'd be prettier!
162
00:07:14,078 --> 00:07:16,797
Reverse sexism
is still sexism, Wynonna.
163
00:07:16,881 --> 00:07:18,365
Fine.
164
00:07:18,449 --> 00:07:20,267
Show us your big...
165
00:07:20,351 --> 00:07:22,420
personality!
166
00:07:24,589 --> 00:07:26,373
(magical sparkling)
167
00:07:26,457 --> 00:07:28,308
I know him.
168
00:07:28,392 --> 00:07:29,710
(bell dinging)
169
00:07:29,794 --> 00:07:31,462
One bourbon, on the rocks.
170
00:07:33,097 --> 00:07:35,132
You get juice.
171
00:07:37,868 --> 00:07:39,653
Kid your age
should be in school.
172
00:07:39,737 --> 00:07:40,787
- (chuckling)
- Pass.
173
00:07:40,871 --> 00:07:42,356
I have nightmares about school.
174
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,091
I end up naked in front
of an assembly,
175
00:07:44,175 --> 00:07:45,840
forgetting the words
to the national anthem.
176
00:07:45,925 --> 00:07:47,579
Hmm.
177
00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:50,581
There'd be other kids your age
to hang out with.
178
00:07:51,415 --> 00:07:54,735
Yeah, last time I tried that,
didn't turn out so well.
179
00:07:54,819 --> 00:07:56,303
Billy Clanton.
180
00:07:56,387 --> 00:07:58,572
I didn't know
he was a Clanton.
181
00:07:58,656 --> 00:08:01,275
I don't blame people
for doing what they do
182
00:08:01,359 --> 00:08:02,876
when they don't know
what that is.
183
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,611
Like when you were
a barnacle beast
184
00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:06,397
and totally ate Nicole's cat?
185
00:08:07,565 --> 00:08:09,550
Sorry. I... I get weird
186
00:08:09,634 --> 00:08:12,185
when I spend too much time
at the homestead.
187
00:08:12,269 --> 00:08:13,537
Alone.
188
00:08:15,473 --> 00:08:16,890
Well...
189
00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:18,809
I need a bar‐back.
190
00:08:19,543 --> 00:08:21,194
You clean up,
you follow my rules,
191
00:08:21,278 --> 00:08:24,031
you don't drink the booze,
you never go in the basement,
192
00:08:24,115 --> 00:08:25,899
and you never, ever...
193
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,901
mention the cat again.
194
00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:30,287
I swear on the bones
of Calamity Jane.
195
00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:32,356
That was the last time.
196
00:08:33,524 --> 00:08:34,692
Okay.
197
00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:37,461
Well, Rachel...
198
00:08:38,896 --> 00:08:40,614
welcome to Team Shorty's.
199
00:08:40,698 --> 00:08:42,416
- Yay!
- (laughing)
200
00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,484
(club music)
201
00:08:44,568 --> 00:08:46,053
(women cheering)
202
00:08:46,137 --> 00:08:48,088
Butterball, Horn Dog,
203
00:08:48,172 --> 00:08:50,324
- Blowjob!
- Oh!
204
00:08:50,408 --> 00:08:52,326
What is Friday night
at my ex's?
205
00:08:52,410 --> 00:08:54,445
Ding! You win a shot!
206
00:08:54,979 --> 00:08:56,697
- Aye.
- Aye, aye, aye.
207
00:08:56,781 --> 00:08:58,765
(background chatter)
208
00:08:58,849 --> 00:09:01,468
You know, I would take it
over another night with my ex.
209
00:09:01,552 --> 00:09:02,803
Oh, yeah.
210
00:09:02,887 --> 00:09:04,555
Smug moustache...
211
00:09:05,523 --> 00:09:08,141
Lectures on my morality...
(laughing)
212
00:09:08,225 --> 00:09:12,730
Grabbing me like I'm a mustang
he's gonna break.
213
00:09:13,264 --> 00:09:16,249
Only that lightning‐fast
hands down my pants
214
00:09:16,333 --> 00:09:18,385
before I can even wish he...
215
00:09:18,469 --> 00:09:19,519
Ugh!
216
00:09:19,603 --> 00:09:21,221
I'd tell you to move on
to women,
217
00:09:21,305 --> 00:09:22,707
but they're just as bad.
218
00:09:23,274 --> 00:09:25,092
Love is like the Tooth Fairy.
219
00:09:25,176 --> 00:09:26,893
Never pays as well
as you think?
220
00:09:26,977 --> 00:09:28,713
It don't exist!
221
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:32,499
And I know! I've tried it all.
222
00:09:32,583 --> 00:09:33,751
I'm pan.
223
00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:36,587
Pan I buy you another drink?
224
00:09:37,021 --> 00:09:38,689
Uh...
225
00:09:40,524 --> 00:09:43,510
Drinks, pink, purple, blue,
what you got?
226
00:09:43,594 --> 00:09:45,496
No love is real.
227
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:48,248
(Waverly scoffs)
I know that for a fact,
228
00:09:48,332 --> 00:09:51,502
because I am
a love professional.
229
00:09:53,704 --> 00:09:56,957
Love might be the only thing
that's real.
230
00:09:57,041 --> 00:09:58,992
Nicole died for me.
231
00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:01,728
And I would kill for her.
232
00:10:01,812 --> 00:10:04,698
And if you can't feel that much,
233
00:10:04,782 --> 00:10:06,767
then I'm sorry for you.
234
00:10:06,851 --> 00:10:08,686
Truly.
235
00:10:12,223 --> 00:10:13,807
You wanna bet on it?
236
00:10:13,891 --> 00:10:15,308
What, that love is real?
237
00:10:15,392 --> 00:10:19,546
I don't know how we could
prove who won, but...
238
00:10:19,630 --> 00:10:20,881
sure.
239
00:10:20,965 --> 00:10:22,533
(chuckling)
240
00:10:23,134 --> 00:10:26,504
Tell your sister
she is a delightful lunatic.
241
00:10:27,772 --> 00:10:31,591
And godspeed spreading
all that totally real love
242
00:10:31,675 --> 00:10:33,677
through the world.
(magical sparkling)
243
00:10:34,011 --> 00:10:35,846
And good luck
with your strippering.
244
00:10:36,981 --> 00:10:39,216
(curious music)
245
00:10:40,050 --> 00:10:42,253
(magical sparkling)
246
00:10:50,094 --> 00:10:53,246
Well, with Sheriff Holt
and his sister gone,
247
00:10:53,330 --> 00:10:55,032
there's no one here
to man the store.
248
00:10:55,699 --> 00:10:58,085
Will there even be marriage
license applications?
249
00:10:58,169 --> 00:11:00,738
Usually, they're here.
250
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:04,257
Mmm, baby.
251
00:11:04,341 --> 00:11:06,177
- Hi.
- (giggling)
252
00:11:06,877 --> 00:11:09,930
Hey, have you thought maybe...
253
00:11:10,014 --> 00:11:11,298
a suit?
254
00:11:11,382 --> 00:11:13,017
For the wedding?
255
00:11:14,385 --> 00:11:16,603
- What did I do?
- No, no, nothing.
256
00:11:16,687 --> 00:11:18,872
You did nothing. It's just...
257
00:11:18,956 --> 00:11:20,540
the public stuff.
258
00:11:20,624 --> 00:11:22,809
I just feel like
what we have is...
259
00:11:22,893 --> 00:11:25,312
between us, you know, babe?
It's ours.
260
00:11:25,396 --> 00:11:27,998
Nicole, there's nobody here.
261
00:11:28,966 --> 00:11:30,951
Yeah, no.
262
00:11:31,035 --> 00:11:33,086
Just me and the Lord.
263
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:34,921
And that curling trophy.
264
00:11:35,005 --> 00:11:36,456
Bunny Loblaw?
265
00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:38,158
Ms. Haught.
266
00:11:38,242 --> 00:11:41,094
Good to see you still know
where the police station is.
267
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,863
Well, I'm not your sheriff
anymore, Bunny.
268
00:11:42,947 --> 00:11:44,331
And we're here
on personal business.
269
00:11:44,415 --> 00:11:45,832
Oh, let me guess.
270
00:11:45,916 --> 00:11:48,301
You want to institute
Flannel Fridays,
271
00:11:48,385 --> 00:11:50,270
and oh, maybe a few more
272
00:11:50,354 --> 00:11:52,172
off‐leash dog parks?
273
00:11:52,256 --> 00:11:54,207
Well, I'm a cat person.
274
00:11:54,291 --> 00:11:57,261
Oh, I remember
that homicidal puss.
275
00:11:57,828 --> 00:12:00,347
Uh, is there someone else
we should be bothering
276
00:12:00,431 --> 00:12:03,167
- with this request?
- Hmm... Uh‐uh!
277
00:12:03,801 --> 00:12:06,153
I am a one‐woman
volunteer city hall
278
00:12:06,237 --> 00:12:08,622
in a town of scofflaws.
(magical sparkling)
279
00:12:08,706 --> 00:12:12,025
(Waverly): Scofflaws?
(Bunny): Scofflaws! Layabouts!
280
00:12:12,109 --> 00:12:14,078
(whispering): Lesbians.
281
00:12:15,446 --> 00:12:17,781
(ethereal music)
282
00:12:27,191 --> 00:12:31,678
My God, Waverly,
you are so beautiful.
283
00:12:31,762 --> 00:12:34,214
Have you always
been this beautiful before?
284
00:12:34,298 --> 00:12:37,317
Uh... How long will it take
to get a license?
285
00:12:37,401 --> 00:12:39,286
God, like, you're hot!
286
00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:43,323
You are like the wildest
combination of sweet and hot.
287
00:12:43,407 --> 00:12:44,624
The Clayborns‐‐
288
00:12:44,708 --> 00:12:46,326
Clantons.
289
00:12:46,410 --> 00:12:47,794
Well, they've disappeared.
290
00:12:47,878 --> 00:12:48,962
And without a magistrate,
291
00:12:49,046 --> 00:12:50,831
I cannot guarantee
a quick turnaround.
292
00:12:50,915 --> 00:12:53,400
- Oh, you're like honey mustard.
- I wanna spread you
293
00:12:53,484 --> 00:12:54,534
- all over a pretzel.
- Sorry.
294
00:12:54,618 --> 00:12:56,403
No, no, no!
295
00:12:56,487 --> 00:12:58,405
You do not do that in here!
296
00:12:58,489 --> 00:13:00,907
This is not
a soccer locker room!
297
00:13:00,991 --> 00:13:03,076
Listen, you have to afford us
the same rights
298
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,412
as any other couple.
Look, I do not want to fight,
299
00:13:05,496 --> 00:13:07,180
but I will if I have to.
300
00:13:07,264 --> 00:13:08,933
(quietly): Stop.
301
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:12,770
Fine. Oh, please.
302
00:13:15,439 --> 00:13:17,274
Thank you, Ms. Loblaw.
303
00:13:22,713 --> 00:13:25,065
You have got to go home.
I don't know what that was,
304
00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:26,933
but I do not need it
on my next errand!
305
00:13:27,017 --> 00:13:29,035
What do you mean,
I can't come with you?!
306
00:13:29,119 --> 00:13:31,137
Take seven cold showers
and only think about
307
00:13:31,221 --> 00:13:33,090
- Band of Brothers.
- Ugh!
308
00:13:33,691 --> 00:13:34,741
Can I shut this for you?
309
00:13:34,825 --> 00:13:37,143
(magical sparkling)
310
00:13:37,227 --> 00:13:39,730
(ethereal music)
311
00:13:44,568 --> 00:13:46,737
Anything you want.
312
00:13:47,905 --> 00:13:49,006
Oh...
313
00:13:51,675 --> 00:13:52,959
It's apple.
314
00:13:53,043 --> 00:13:55,179
Okay?
315
00:13:55,546 --> 00:13:59,466
In China, the word
for apple is "ping",
316
00:13:59,550 --> 00:14:03,069
which is also
a homonym for peace.
317
00:14:03,153 --> 00:14:04,404
Peace?
318
00:14:04,488 --> 00:14:06,640
Your sister
is killing my business
319
00:14:06,724 --> 00:14:08,775
by killing my customers.
320
00:14:08,859 --> 00:14:11,795
And I will
mention that to her.
321
00:14:12,563 --> 00:14:14,214
Anyway...
322
00:14:14,298 --> 00:14:17,735
I went to pick up a marriage
application today.
323
00:14:20,137 --> 00:14:23,474
Was little Cleo Clanton
in the office?
324
00:14:24,008 --> 00:14:25,625
- The magistrate?
- Mm‐hmm.
325
00:14:25,709 --> 00:14:26,760
Nope.
326
00:14:26,844 --> 00:14:30,030
Something big happened
over on their ranch awhile back.
327
00:14:30,114 --> 00:14:32,699
Margo Clanton is one bitch
of a witch.
328
00:14:32,783 --> 00:14:36,887
Only something spectacular
could've taken her out.
329
00:14:39,590 --> 00:14:41,325
Why don't you cut to the chase?
330
00:14:42,593 --> 00:14:44,844
I want to choose a date,
331
00:14:44,928 --> 00:14:48,181
but my fiancée is nervous
because of...
332
00:14:48,265 --> 00:14:50,383
well, all the...
333
00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:52,569
yous... around.
334
00:14:53,303 --> 00:14:56,489
If I could tell her
there was a day
335
00:14:56,573 --> 00:14:59,659
that we'd been promised a truce,
336
00:14:59,743 --> 00:15:01,628
that would help a ton.
337
00:15:01,712 --> 00:15:04,782
Just one day of...
338
00:15:05,215 --> 00:15:06,884
ping!
339
00:15:08,118 --> 00:15:10,136
That was weird.
340
00:15:10,220 --> 00:15:11,504
(sighing)
341
00:15:11,588 --> 00:15:13,157
(magical sparkling)
342
00:15:14,591 --> 00:15:17,694
(ethereal music)
343
00:15:24,334 --> 00:15:25,352
Waverly Earp...
344
00:15:25,436 --> 00:15:30,074
I will fight for you
to have peace for all your days.
345
00:15:30,641 --> 00:15:33,393
Just the one
will be peachy.
346
00:15:33,477 --> 00:15:35,161
Thanks.
347
00:15:35,245 --> 00:15:36,413
Ah...
348
00:15:37,915 --> 00:15:40,818
What did happen
with you and Mam Clanton?
349
00:15:41,919 --> 00:15:44,154
(soft eerie music)
350
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:46,957
I don't remember.
351
00:15:48,392 --> 00:15:50,394
I only touched her.
352
00:15:50,861 --> 00:15:52,396
Could that have killed her?
353
00:15:53,864 --> 00:15:55,732
You are powerful.
354
00:15:56,567 --> 00:15:59,403
But all I want is to be happy.
355
00:16:00,270 --> 00:16:02,355
I'm engaged.
356
00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,524
I'm in love.
357
00:16:04,608 --> 00:16:07,111
I want that for everyone.
358
00:16:07,455 --> 00:16:09,657
Including you.
359
00:16:11,648 --> 00:16:13,784
I know, little lamb.
360
00:16:16,186 --> 00:16:18,605
But we need to know
what happened to Holt's sister.
361
00:16:18,689 --> 00:16:20,507
Maybe Cleo's happy too.
362
00:16:20,591 --> 00:16:21,908
(sinister music)
363
00:16:21,992 --> 00:16:24,261
Maybe somebody
should find out.
364
00:16:25,395 --> 00:16:26,279
(gasping)
365
00:16:26,363 --> 00:16:29,049
- Oh, I missed you!
- What took you so long?
366
00:16:29,133 --> 00:16:32,218
What was that,
at the police station?
367
00:16:32,302 --> 00:16:34,888
I... love you...
368
00:16:34,972 --> 00:16:37,757
so much. It's like I'm full
of love lava,
369
00:16:37,841 --> 00:16:40,593
and it wants to burst
out of my skin.
370
00:16:40,677 --> 00:16:42,362
I'm Mount Haught.
371
00:16:42,446 --> 00:16:43,930
(birds chirping)
372
00:16:44,014 --> 00:16:46,633
Okay, you were
extra standoffish
373
00:16:46,717 --> 00:16:47,967
until Bunny appeared.
374
00:16:48,051 --> 00:16:50,637
And then, you turned into
a horny octopus!
375
00:16:50,721 --> 00:16:52,138
Baby, I'm gonna die
if you're angry.
376
00:16:52,222 --> 00:16:53,973
Hey!
377
00:16:54,057 --> 00:16:55,292
Look!
378
00:16:55,726 --> 00:16:57,294
Hey!
(chuckling)
379
00:16:57,961 --> 00:16:59,479
Are you possessed again?
380
00:16:59,563 --> 00:17:00,964
What?
381
00:17:02,266 --> 00:17:04,851
Ow! No!
382
00:17:04,935 --> 00:17:07,520
Baby, it's just that...
383
00:17:07,604 --> 00:17:08,855
It's your wedding.
384
00:17:08,939 --> 00:17:12,292
It should have everything
that you want.
385
00:17:12,376 --> 00:17:13,893
You want costume changes!
386
00:17:13,977 --> 00:17:16,362
Or, oh! Sky writing!
387
00:17:16,446 --> 00:17:18,081
Are you making fun of me?
388
00:17:18,949 --> 00:17:20,867
- We should release doves.
- (car honking)
389
00:17:20,951 --> 00:17:22,602
Or butterflies.
390
00:17:22,686 --> 00:17:25,672
And we need to nail down
a wedding hashtag, like, stat!
391
00:17:25,756 --> 00:17:27,841
Someone's here. I should...
392
00:17:27,925 --> 00:17:31,177
- No, but... Hey, hey!
- What about WaveNic?
393
00:17:31,261 --> 00:17:32,479
Or Heatwave?
394
00:17:32,563 --> 00:17:34,831
(gasping)
Wayhaught!
395
00:17:35,632 --> 00:17:37,283
No, that's ridiculous.
396
00:17:37,367 --> 00:17:40,453
You cannot marry
Nicole Haught!
397
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:41,888
Okay, that's enough.
398
00:17:41,972 --> 00:17:43,690
Get your homophobia
off my homestead.
399
00:17:43,774 --> 00:17:47,260
I know I am
an inexperienced gay.
400
00:17:47,344 --> 00:17:49,980
In fact, I haven't really
gayed at all...
401
00:17:51,315 --> 00:17:55,468
But I raided every single
craft store,
402
00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:58,538
and I got you these...
403
00:17:58,622 --> 00:17:59,706
faux‐ses.
404
00:17:59,790 --> 00:18:02,842
Because, Waverly Earp,
405
00:18:02,926 --> 00:18:05,028
I love you.
406
00:18:05,696 --> 00:18:07,447
(stammering)
Nope!
407
00:18:07,531 --> 00:18:09,649
Nope. A whole bunch of nopes.
408
00:18:09,733 --> 00:18:11,417
- Oh, oh, oh!
- Okay? I'll call you.
409
00:18:11,501 --> 00:18:13,253
But you don't even
have my number.
410
00:18:13,337 --> 00:18:15,455
- I definitely do.
- No, no, no, you don't!
411
00:18:15,539 --> 00:18:17,991
- Yeah, thanks for coming by!
- You look so pretty.
412
00:18:18,075 --> 00:18:20,660
You know, I have an old
copy of Bend It Like Beckham.
413
00:18:20,744 --> 00:18:21,861
We can watch it together!
414
00:18:21,945 --> 00:18:24,248
(light music)
415
00:18:30,254 --> 00:18:32,122
I want you to have these.
416
00:18:39,563 --> 00:18:41,147
Bunny Loblaw's hot for you?
417
00:18:41,231 --> 00:18:44,501
It's gotta be a... prank?
418
00:18:45,869 --> 00:18:48,955
Girl. You can get it.
419
00:18:49,039 --> 00:18:51,891
Nobody wants that it,
but you can get it.
420
00:18:51,975 --> 00:18:55,612
How, why am I suddenly
everybody's thing?
421
00:18:56,747 --> 00:18:59,182
Because it's a day
that ends in Y?
422
00:19:00,484 --> 00:19:03,687
Or I made one
hell of a bad bet.
423
00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:19,836
(sniffing, groaning)
424
00:19:20,771 --> 00:19:24,057
Loblaw's into
your flaming ladybug.
425
00:19:24,141 --> 00:19:26,777
- Stop.
- (Wynonna giggling)
426
00:19:27,611 --> 00:19:30,863
Ooh! That stone‐cold
battle‐axe
427
00:19:30,947 --> 00:19:33,066
wants you to pat the Bunny!
428
00:19:33,150 --> 00:19:34,534
It's not funny.
429
00:19:34,618 --> 00:19:37,270
What if there's something
seriously wrong with her?
430
00:19:37,354 --> 00:19:39,772
Baby girl,
what's wrong with Bunbun...
431
00:19:39,856 --> 00:19:42,642
is she's a homophobic hoe,
and you fixed it
432
00:19:42,726 --> 00:19:45,629
- with your magical coochie!
- Stop!
433
00:19:48,131 --> 00:19:50,683
Honestly, I am in awe!
434
00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:53,219
Maybe it's that thing
where somebody gets taken
435
00:19:53,303 --> 00:19:55,722
off the market,
and is suddenly more appealing.
436
00:19:55,806 --> 00:19:58,091
Still doesn't explain
how Bunny's suddenly moved
437
00:19:58,175 --> 00:19:59,492
to Sapphic City.
438
00:19:59,576 --> 00:20:03,062
And today has had
an extra serving of whackadoo.
439
00:20:03,146 --> 00:20:04,397
No, first...
440
00:20:04,481 --> 00:20:07,567
Nicole was all over me
with triple X PDA.
441
00:20:07,651 --> 00:20:10,270
And then, I went
to talk to that Amon?
442
00:20:10,354 --> 00:20:12,071
He acted like
we were on a fantasy
443
00:20:12,155 --> 00:20:14,024
overnight episode
of The Bachelorette.
444
00:20:14,991 --> 00:20:16,909
- (groaning)
- There it is!
445
00:20:16,993 --> 00:20:18,077
- (sighing)
- What?
446
00:20:18,161 --> 00:20:19,412
It's always a demon.
447
00:20:19,496 --> 00:20:21,698
Oh, no, no, it can't be.
448
00:20:22,065 --> 00:20:23,967
I saw Bunny first.
449
00:20:25,902 --> 00:20:28,888
- I'll take care of him.
- You stay here.
450
00:20:28,972 --> 00:20:30,440
No, I'm coming.
451
00:20:31,007 --> 00:20:32,425
I have another theory.
452
00:20:32,509 --> 00:20:35,011
(insects chirping)
453
00:20:36,346 --> 00:20:38,931
(soft eerie music)
454
00:20:39,015 --> 00:20:41,401
(flies buzzing)
455
00:20:41,485 --> 00:20:44,054
(suspenseful music)
456
00:20:45,856 --> 00:20:47,758
Lord Almighty.
457
00:20:49,393 --> 00:20:51,944
(distant scuffling)
458
00:20:52,028 --> 00:20:53,764
Who is here?
459
00:20:54,431 --> 00:20:57,501
I will give you until
the count of five.
460
00:20:58,101 --> 00:20:59,419
One...
461
00:20:59,503 --> 00:21:01,554
(fly buzzing continues)
462
00:21:01,638 --> 00:21:02,955
Two...
463
00:21:03,039 --> 00:21:05,058
(gun clicking)
464
00:21:05,142 --> 00:21:06,910
(suspenseful music)
465
00:21:10,113 --> 00:21:11,882
Five.
466
00:21:13,016 --> 00:21:14,667
You here to kill me?
467
00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:16,586
(soft music)
468
00:21:17,254 --> 00:21:19,790
I promised your brother
I would not.
469
00:21:21,458 --> 00:21:23,710
But I want you to.
470
00:21:23,794 --> 00:21:25,178
Please.
471
00:21:25,262 --> 00:21:28,181
Just make the whole thing end.
472
00:21:28,265 --> 00:21:30,083
(crying)
473
00:21:30,167 --> 00:21:32,385
We must tend to whatever's
left of your mother.
474
00:21:32,469 --> 00:21:34,571
I can't!
475
00:21:35,305 --> 00:21:37,574
I need her to tell me
what to do next!
476
00:21:38,074 --> 00:21:40,426
You need to snap out
of whatever this is.
477
00:21:40,510 --> 00:21:41,912
(magical sparkling)
478
00:21:51,221 --> 00:21:53,590
(ethereal music)
479
00:21:58,862 --> 00:22:01,214
Are you fixing to flood
the whole damn county
480
00:22:01,298 --> 00:22:02,181
with them tears, love?
481
00:22:02,265 --> 00:22:05,518
Seeing a girl cry will break
any man's heart.
482
00:22:05,602 --> 00:22:08,521
But when that girl is brave,
483
00:22:08,605 --> 00:22:11,023
tenacious, and fierce?
484
00:22:11,107 --> 00:22:13,025
Well...
485
00:22:13,109 --> 00:22:15,946
You're nearly tearing
this outlaw's heart in two.
486
00:22:16,913 --> 00:22:18,949
(chuckling)
487
00:22:19,583 --> 00:22:21,651
Well, fuck me, that was hot.
488
00:22:22,319 --> 00:22:23,870
Hey elk dicker!
489
00:22:23,954 --> 00:22:26,122
Get your animal eating
ass out here.
490
00:22:27,290 --> 00:22:30,060
In future, you could
start with hello.
491
00:22:30,460 --> 00:22:32,078
Hello.
492
00:22:32,162 --> 00:22:33,479
Fawn Fucker.
493
00:22:33,563 --> 00:22:34,981
I'm not a zoophile.
494
00:22:35,065 --> 00:22:37,884
Beware koalas,
I hear they all have chlamydia.
495
00:22:37,968 --> 00:22:40,136
(magical sparkling)
496
00:22:43,473 --> 00:22:46,576
(ethereal music)
497
00:22:51,147 --> 00:22:53,232
(music droning out)
498
00:22:53,316 --> 00:22:55,535
That word too big for you?
499
00:22:55,619 --> 00:22:57,036
I don't sleep with animals.
500
00:22:57,120 --> 00:23:02,259
Would you consider a slightly
oversexed gunslinger?
501
00:23:02,859 --> 00:23:06,112
I give great...
(inhaling)
502
00:23:06,196 --> 00:23:08,080
...everything.
503
00:23:08,164 --> 00:23:09,866
(knocking)
504
00:23:10,834 --> 00:23:12,852
- Don't look!
- You'll fall for me!
505
00:23:12,936 --> 00:23:16,006
Someone's been reading
her daily affirmation cards.
506
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,275
It's for your own protection.
507
00:23:19,342 --> 00:23:20,927
I can't fall in love.
508
00:23:21,011 --> 00:23:23,113
Because you don't
believe in it?
509
00:23:25,515 --> 00:23:28,818
Because I am
immune to the spell.
510
00:23:29,386 --> 00:23:31,270
- (gasping)
- I knew you did it!
511
00:23:31,354 --> 00:23:32,271
Mmm, ooh!
512
00:23:32,355 --> 00:23:35,308
Demetri, I never actually
bet you anything.
513
00:23:35,392 --> 00:23:37,510
Stop making everyone
gaga over me!
514
00:23:37,594 --> 00:23:40,279
Well, they shouldn't
be falling for you.
515
00:23:40,363 --> 00:23:41,932
Not if you're doing it right.
516
00:23:42,399 --> 00:23:44,217
Wait...
517
00:23:44,301 --> 00:23:45,451
I'm doing it?
518
00:23:45,535 --> 00:23:49,121
You said you were
a love professional.
519
00:23:49,205 --> 00:23:51,891
At first I thought that was
some new woke term
520
00:23:51,975 --> 00:23:55,211
for strippers,
but then, I realized.
521
00:23:55,845 --> 00:23:57,296
How did you do this to me?
522
00:23:57,380 --> 00:23:59,298
Ugh, honestly, girl,
523
00:23:59,382 --> 00:24:02,886
don't you ever do your laundry?
Check your pockets.
524
00:24:05,422 --> 00:24:08,341
As far as spells go,
it's stupid easy.
525
00:24:08,425 --> 00:24:10,676
Decide who you think
should fall in love,
526
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,146
and then, flick a little
of your secret sauce on 'em.
527
00:24:14,230 --> 00:24:16,382
Ew. Don't say secret sauce.
528
00:24:16,466 --> 00:24:18,618
Only tricky part is...
529
00:24:18,702 --> 00:24:20,653
make sure the flickee
sees the target
530
00:24:20,737 --> 00:24:23,940
you want them
to fall for immediately.
531
00:24:24,741 --> 00:24:28,078
Because they're all in
on the first person they see.
532
00:24:29,446 --> 00:24:31,247
All in?
533
00:24:32,082 --> 00:24:33,199
(door closing)
534
00:24:33,283 --> 00:24:36,052
I will not sleep with you.
535
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:40,090
- Why?!
- Because I'm the Earp heir?
536
00:24:41,124 --> 00:24:42,626
Come here!
537
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:45,211
Because I love Waverly!
538
00:24:45,295 --> 00:24:46,546
(techno music playing)
539
00:24:46,630 --> 00:24:48,347
(stammering): What?
540
00:24:48,431 --> 00:24:50,349
She's just, she's so pure,
541
00:24:50,433 --> 00:24:51,918
and she's so genuine.
542
00:24:52,002 --> 00:24:54,420
She's so much cuter
than the cutest of buttons.
543
00:24:54,504 --> 00:24:55,688
Since when is that your thing?
544
00:24:55,772 --> 00:24:58,858
Right? I mean, Doc is usually
at the top of my lust chart.
545
00:24:58,942 --> 00:25:01,561
I mean, the man is a universal
arousal architect.
546
00:25:01,645 --> 00:25:02,962
No, I am! I am!
547
00:25:03,046 --> 00:25:06,332
But the heart
is a demanding master.
548
00:25:06,416 --> 00:25:09,035
And mine only wants your sister.
549
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:10,870
My engagement party
is tonight.
550
00:25:10,954 --> 00:25:13,940
I can't do this job.
I don't want to.
551
00:25:14,024 --> 00:25:15,741
That's why I moved
into delivery.
552
00:25:15,825 --> 00:25:17,410
Better tips, better hours,
553
00:25:17,494 --> 00:25:19,145
and you're allowed
to eat the fries
554
00:25:19,229 --> 00:25:20,730
that fall out of the bag.
555
00:25:22,532 --> 00:25:25,301
Also, this spell
ignores consent!
556
00:25:26,636 --> 00:25:28,371
You know...
557
00:25:28,972 --> 00:25:31,691
You moderns
are so single‐minded.
558
00:25:31,775 --> 00:25:34,260
There's all kinds of love!
559
00:25:34,344 --> 00:25:35,561
Sex doesn't enter the equation
560
00:25:35,645 --> 00:25:37,647
unless that's what
the client really wants.
561
00:25:39,015 --> 00:25:40,299
Mm‐mm.
562
00:25:40,383 --> 00:25:41,985
(birds chirping)
563
00:25:43,219 --> 00:25:45,989
What if I bury
the glitter and just go?
564
00:25:46,389 --> 00:25:47,907
Cupids...
565
00:25:47,991 --> 00:25:50,860
can only quit if they
pass it on by choice.
566
00:25:51,661 --> 00:25:53,763
A Cupid?
567
00:25:54,264 --> 00:25:56,082
Those were wing scars.
568
00:25:56,166 --> 00:25:58,417
- I had them removed.
- So over the top.
569
00:25:58,501 --> 00:26:01,754
You were a Cupid and you
stopped believing in love?
570
00:26:01,838 --> 00:26:03,889
Oh, also...
571
00:26:03,973 --> 00:26:07,259
Be prepared to keep explaining
why you're not a fat baby.
572
00:26:07,343 --> 00:26:10,146
You know, stereotypes!
573
00:26:11,448 --> 00:26:12,982
Ta‐ta!
574
00:26:17,353 --> 00:26:18,604
So you're saying...
575
00:26:18,688 --> 00:26:19,905
That's how you spread the love,
576
00:26:19,989 --> 00:26:21,691
with that little
jar of sparkles?
577
00:26:22,125 --> 00:26:23,676
Yeah, I have to figure out
a way
578
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,062
to responsibly pass it on.
579
00:26:26,796 --> 00:26:29,615
I... I can't skip my own party!
580
00:26:29,699 --> 00:26:32,018
Nicole has a surprise for me.
581
00:26:32,102 --> 00:26:33,953
I'm scared.
(snickering)
582
00:26:34,037 --> 00:26:35,688
Fifty bucks says she got
your name tattooed
583
00:26:35,772 --> 00:26:37,140
across her boobs.
584
00:26:37,807 --> 00:26:41,727
Which are so great, right?
585
00:26:41,811 --> 00:26:43,863
What did you call her boobs?
586
00:26:43,947 --> 00:26:45,498
I'm not in love with her,
don't freak.
587
00:26:45,582 --> 00:26:48,852
I'm just... making sure
that you are...
588
00:26:49,385 --> 00:26:50,836
still...
589
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,089
into boobs, generally.
590
00:26:55,825 --> 00:26:57,710
- Wynonna?
- Yes?
591
00:26:57,794 --> 00:27:00,312
You sure you haven't had
any love zombie symptoms?
592
00:27:00,396 --> 00:27:02,281
Nope. Nothin' but net.
593
00:27:02,365 --> 00:27:04,200
Hmm.
594
00:27:04,567 --> 00:27:07,370
Maybe you're resistant
to the spell.
595
00:27:08,071 --> 00:27:09,989
More like looked in the mirror
596
00:27:10,073 --> 00:27:13,459
and fell for the actual
hottest woman around.
597
00:27:13,543 --> 00:27:15,528
Good Golden Globes!
598
00:27:15,612 --> 00:27:17,530
You know Doc's not coming,
right?
599
00:27:17,614 --> 00:27:19,315
- (scoffing)
- Who?
600
00:27:19,883 --> 00:27:24,837
Listen, the only problem
you really have is...
601
00:27:24,921 --> 00:27:26,338
people adore you,
602
00:27:26,422 --> 00:27:28,358
which must be so hard.
603
00:27:29,025 --> 00:27:30,927
Can I borrow some mascara?
604
00:27:31,261 --> 00:27:32,678
Yeah, sure.
605
00:27:32,762 --> 00:27:35,214
Listen, just leave
that glitter shit here.
606
00:27:35,298 --> 00:27:36,182
It'll be safe,
607
00:27:36,266 --> 00:27:38,350
and we'll find a fat baby
to curse tomorrow.
608
00:27:38,434 --> 00:27:40,170
Oops!
609
00:27:43,773 --> 00:27:45,875
- (Waverly sighs)
- Okay.
610
00:27:49,312 --> 00:27:50,696
- Hey.
- Hey!
611
00:27:50,780 --> 00:27:52,765
- Shall we go celebrate?
- (gasping)
612
00:27:52,849 --> 00:27:54,517
I am so ready.
613
00:27:55,118 --> 00:27:58,121
The big guns
are locked and loaded.
614
00:28:06,863 --> 00:28:08,481
Hi everyo‐ahh!
615
00:28:08,565 --> 00:28:10,950
Hello, fiancée,
who is marrying me.
616
00:28:11,034 --> 00:28:14,204
Welcome to our engagement party.
617
00:28:15,205 --> 00:28:17,156
Bunny! I wasn't expecting you.
618
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:18,708
Yeah, nice blazer.
619
00:28:19,309 --> 00:28:20,659
You didn't call.
620
00:28:20,743 --> 00:28:22,862
I got two phones
with the exact same number
621
00:28:22,946 --> 00:28:23,946
so I didn't miss you.
622
00:28:25,281 --> 00:28:26,866
And Amon too!
623
00:28:26,950 --> 00:28:28,467
Well, your sister mentioned
624
00:28:28,551 --> 00:28:29,935
- Ow!
- ...the party, and I thought...
625
00:28:30,019 --> 00:28:32,438
maybe I might be of service.
626
00:28:32,522 --> 00:28:34,473
Raise your hand
if you need servicing.
627
00:28:34,557 --> 00:28:36,726
- I'd like to hit that.
- Uh...
628
00:28:39,863 --> 00:28:41,364
Bunny? Come with me.
629
00:28:42,165 --> 00:28:45,384
This is your sister's
engagement party.
630
00:28:45,468 --> 00:28:46,886
Did you have to go
full on whore?
631
00:28:46,970 --> 00:28:48,988
I do look great. Nedley?
632
00:28:49,072 --> 00:28:51,407
Get Bunny a nice
glass of water, okay?
633
00:28:51,841 --> 00:28:53,592
(whispering): Give her
all the boozes, alright?
634
00:28:53,676 --> 00:28:55,778
Get her so sloshed
she thinks she's Jann Arden.
635
00:28:56,212 --> 00:28:58,297
(upbeat music playing)
636
00:28:58,381 --> 00:29:00,717
(magical sparkling)
637
00:29:04,387 --> 00:29:07,223
(ethereal music)
638
00:29:10,193 --> 00:29:12,478
(music droning out)
639
00:29:12,562 --> 00:29:15,481
Cheese and crackers, Bonita.
640
00:29:15,565 --> 00:29:18,017
You know, you haven't looked
this great since church camp.
641
00:29:18,101 --> 00:29:19,502
You get your hair done?
642
00:29:24,941 --> 00:29:26,458
And that's when I knew...
643
00:29:26,542 --> 00:29:29,562
not only was I going to win
the bullfight,
644
00:29:29,646 --> 00:29:32,998
but I was gonna become
Spain's champion matador.
645
00:29:33,082 --> 00:29:34,834
She's a vegan.
646
00:29:34,918 --> 00:29:36,335
- (gasping)
- Amon?
647
00:29:36,419 --> 00:29:39,772
I am extremely interested
in bull riding.
648
00:29:39,856 --> 00:29:42,208
Or being ridden like one.
649
00:29:42,292 --> 00:29:43,242
Okay!
650
00:29:43,326 --> 00:29:45,328
Why are you doing this?
651
00:29:46,095 --> 00:29:48,013
Because Waverly's never
inviting you
652
00:29:48,097 --> 00:29:50,382
to motorboat in her marina!
653
00:29:50,466 --> 00:29:52,484
- Wynonna!
- Everybody loves Waverly!
654
00:29:52,568 --> 00:29:55,154
It's always Waverly,
Waverly, Waverly!
655
00:29:55,238 --> 00:29:56,589
(Bunny over speakers):
Excuse me?
656
00:29:56,673 --> 00:29:59,191
This is a love song,
and I am sending it out
657
00:29:59,275 --> 00:30:02,761
to... the most beautiful
woman in the world.
658
00:30:02,845 --> 00:30:03,996
Zoë Kravitz?
659
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:05,431
Waverly Earp.
660
00:30:05,515 --> 00:30:07,800
- Oh, God.
- (Wynonna whines)
661
00:30:07,884 --> 00:30:08,534
(guitar melody)
662
00:30:08,618 --> 00:30:11,036
♪ How do you cool your lips ♪
663
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,038
- (Amon grumbling)
- Hey, hey!
664
00:30:13,122 --> 00:30:17,026
♪ After a summer's kiss ♪
665
00:30:18,594 --> 00:30:21,046
♪ How do you... ♪
(whispering): Stop it!
666
00:30:21,130 --> 00:30:22,248
Wait!
667
00:30:22,332 --> 00:30:24,416
- I don't know.
- Oh, my God.
668
00:30:24,500 --> 00:30:28,020
♪ After the body bliss ♪
669
00:30:28,104 --> 00:30:29,288
(insects chirping)
670
00:30:29,372 --> 00:30:32,658
Mam said everyone associated
with the Earps were all evil,
671
00:30:32,742 --> 00:30:35,478
and that all you wanted
was for us to die.
672
00:30:36,479 --> 00:30:39,899
My mama, Alice, taught me
if a worthy person needs help,
673
00:30:39,983 --> 00:30:41,700
you help.
674
00:30:41,784 --> 00:30:43,786
(Cleo chuckles)
675
00:30:44,821 --> 00:30:46,272
Worthy?
676
00:30:46,356 --> 00:30:49,826
She had big plans.
A legacy to fulfill.
677
00:30:50,526 --> 00:30:53,646
And now I'm too stupid
and too alone to fulfill them.
678
00:30:53,730 --> 00:30:55,465
(soft music)
679
00:30:56,866 --> 00:30:58,768
(birds chirping)
680
00:31:01,137 --> 00:31:03,106
You look at yourself.
681
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:06,009
I hate my stupid face.
682
00:31:07,176 --> 00:31:08,928
Your eyes are sharp.
683
00:31:09,012 --> 00:31:11,614
That is where the beauty is.
684
00:31:12,415 --> 00:31:13,916
You survived.
685
00:31:14,817 --> 00:31:16,936
And no vindictive
old woman's words
686
00:31:17,020 --> 00:31:18,570
can take that away from you.
687
00:31:18,654 --> 00:31:21,073
It's your turn to do
whatever you want,
688
00:31:21,157 --> 00:31:23,026
on your terms.
689
00:31:24,327 --> 00:31:26,529
Be your own legacy, Cleo.
690
00:31:34,170 --> 00:31:35,905
Why are you helping me?
691
00:31:37,573 --> 00:31:39,709
It's what I do.
692
00:31:41,978 --> 00:31:44,113
I'm a damn good sidekick.
693
00:31:45,548 --> 00:31:47,884
(birds chirping)
694
00:31:48,551 --> 00:31:50,302
(Bunny singing)
695
00:31:50,386 --> 00:31:52,889
(Bunny and Nedley singing):
Insensitive!
696
00:31:53,856 --> 00:31:55,975
- Hey, hey, hey!
- I, too, have a song.
697
00:31:56,059 --> 00:31:57,943
You don't come in
on Bunny's territory!
698
00:31:58,027 --> 00:32:01,046
(Nicole singing): Oh I love you,
love you, love you...
699
00:32:01,130 --> 00:32:02,514
(overlapping arguing)
700
00:32:02,598 --> 00:32:05,401
(Wynonna singing): Ride my bull!
701
00:32:05,935 --> 00:32:08,921
(Bunny): Guys, you're ruining
everything!
702
00:32:09,005 --> 00:32:10,522
(clattering)
703
00:32:10,606 --> 00:32:12,642
(suspenseful music)
704
00:32:13,910 --> 00:32:15,461
Nedley.
705
00:32:15,545 --> 00:32:16,962
(singing, shouting)
706
00:32:17,046 --> 00:32:20,165
(arguing continues)
707
00:32:20,249 --> 00:32:21,918
(Bunny): You're ruining
everything!
708
00:32:24,087 --> 00:32:25,504
(clattering)
709
00:32:25,588 --> 00:32:26,939
(whispering): I need your help.
710
00:32:27,023 --> 00:32:28,607
- (Nicole): Waverly?
- Turns out I've been passing on
711
00:32:28,691 --> 00:32:30,476
a love disease!
(overlapping background chatter)
712
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:32,544
No! Not that kind
of love disease!
713
00:32:32,628 --> 00:32:34,013
Baby, do you need help?
714
00:32:34,097 --> 00:32:36,382
This one gives people
insane feelings of adoration
715
00:32:36,466 --> 00:32:38,917
- for the next person they see.
- Waverly, I know you want it.
716
00:32:39,001 --> 00:32:41,620
I need you to come down to
Shorty's. Please!
717
00:32:41,704 --> 00:32:44,140
You're the only one unaffected!
718
00:32:45,041 --> 00:32:46,876
(excited squealing)
719
00:32:47,410 --> 00:32:50,546
Nobody has ever
talked to me like that.
720
00:32:51,247 --> 00:32:52,765
I should be on my way.
721
00:32:52,849 --> 00:32:54,566
It makes me happy
that Mam and Nicole's
722
00:32:54,650 --> 00:32:57,036
- covenant for you went bust.
- Nicole?
723
00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:58,203
(suspenseful music)
724
00:32:58,287 --> 00:32:59,789
Yeah.
725
00:33:00,556 --> 00:33:02,908
Mam helped her get Waverly
726
00:33:02,992 --> 00:33:04,543
out of the garden,
727
00:33:04,627 --> 00:33:06,712
in exchange for...
728
00:33:06,796 --> 00:33:08,865
well, you.
729
00:33:09,999 --> 00:33:11,234
(Doc exhales)
730
00:33:12,268 --> 00:33:14,153
I understand.
731
00:33:14,237 --> 00:33:16,506
Unfortunately.
732
00:33:18,274 --> 00:33:20,476
(birds chirping)
733
00:33:21,744 --> 00:33:25,648
(car door opens and closes)
734
00:33:29,986 --> 00:33:32,037
(car starts)
735
00:33:32,121 --> 00:33:34,190
(suspenseful music)
736
00:33:37,493 --> 00:33:39,996
(soft eerie music)
737
00:33:48,704 --> 00:33:50,606
(chain clanking)
738
00:33:51,207 --> 00:33:53,109
(low growling)
739
00:34:00,149 --> 00:34:01,567
(screaming)
740
00:34:01,651 --> 00:34:03,702
- The hummus!
- I hand squished it myself!
741
00:34:03,786 --> 00:34:05,604
Get your bean hands
off of my guitar!
742
00:34:05,688 --> 00:34:07,873
A lady should not
have to ask twice.
743
00:34:07,957 --> 00:34:09,775
(Bunny): Randy,
you're not helping!
744
00:34:09,859 --> 00:34:12,277
(Nicole): Stay out of this!
(overlapping chatter)
745
00:34:12,361 --> 00:34:14,113
Doc! Thank Eros.
746
00:34:14,197 --> 00:34:17,049
- That is so hot!
- Can't we just be friends?
747
00:34:17,133 --> 00:34:19,852
Well, don't just stand there,
distract Wynonna!
748
00:34:19,936 --> 00:34:22,087
- I'd rather not.
- (balloons popping)
749
00:34:22,171 --> 00:34:23,555
Damn it, Doc!
750
00:34:23,639 --> 00:34:26,024
Alright, by grabs.
751
00:34:26,108 --> 00:34:27,793
(overlapping arguing)
752
00:34:27,877 --> 00:34:32,097
Excuse me, I've got an online
order here for a Waverly Earp?
753
00:34:32,181 --> 00:34:33,632
Demetri! Hi!
754
00:34:33,716 --> 00:34:35,300
- ...karaokier!
- Guys!
755
00:34:35,384 --> 00:34:38,003
- Look what we've done!
- Where's the sparkle jar?
756
00:34:38,087 --> 00:34:39,171
I left it at home.
757
00:34:39,255 --> 00:34:41,940
Ow! Stop it!
758
00:34:42,024 --> 00:34:43,142
You may have...
759
00:34:43,226 --> 00:34:44,443
I'm giving you a golden shower
760
00:34:44,527 --> 00:34:45,310
whether you like it or not!
761
00:34:45,394 --> 00:34:47,946
Wyno... No!
762
00:34:48,030 --> 00:34:49,899
- Ah!
- Whoa!
763
00:34:50,766 --> 00:34:52,918
(magical sparkling)
764
00:34:53,002 --> 00:34:55,972
(bright music)
765
00:35:12,688 --> 00:35:15,440
With the greatest gunslinger
that ever lived.
766
00:35:15,524 --> 00:35:16,942
Doc mother‐kissing Holliday.
767
00:35:17,026 --> 00:35:19,845
- Are you kidding?
- I cannot believe I am amigos
768
00:35:19,929 --> 00:35:23,515
with four‐time curling champion
Randy Nedley.
769
00:35:23,599 --> 00:35:24,716
I love you.
770
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:28,587
You hiding a fluffy little
bunny tail in those slacks?
771
00:35:28,671 --> 00:35:30,222
You wanna check?
772
00:35:30,306 --> 00:35:31,557
You know, I suddenly wonder,
773
00:35:31,641 --> 00:35:32,724
if you weren't gonna be
my sister‐in‐law,
774
00:35:32,808 --> 00:35:35,327
- could we do things?
- Mmm, Nicole.
775
00:35:35,411 --> 00:35:37,963
I love you more than whisky.
776
00:35:38,047 --> 00:35:40,232
But I think you're driving
this bus somewhere
777
00:35:40,316 --> 00:35:41,333
we don't want it to go.
778
00:35:41,417 --> 00:35:43,535
Your spit destroys love?
779
00:35:43,619 --> 00:35:46,004
The universe craves balance.
780
00:35:46,088 --> 00:35:47,973
You could've just
told me that!
781
00:35:48,057 --> 00:35:49,942
Should we get naked anyway?
782
00:35:50,026 --> 00:35:54,096
- Just for... science.
- Okie dokie...
783
00:35:54,730 --> 00:35:57,900
Can I cut in? Hmm...
784
00:36:02,204 --> 00:36:03,739
I cannot.
785
00:36:04,740 --> 00:36:06,892
Sorry brother, may I?
786
00:36:06,976 --> 00:36:08,527
(sighing)
787
00:36:08,611 --> 00:36:10,346
(chuckling)
788
00:36:14,050 --> 00:36:16,752
(soft music)
789
00:36:20,756 --> 00:36:23,675
I can almost see
the love vibrating off them.
790
00:36:23,759 --> 00:36:25,377
(Demetri): It's fake, pumpkin.
791
00:36:25,461 --> 00:36:28,197
Your insane sister caused it
with a glitter bomb.
792
00:36:28,764 --> 00:36:30,866
You're always so...
793
00:36:32,501 --> 00:36:33,836
...sad.
794
00:36:34,670 --> 00:36:36,021
Wait.
795
00:36:36,105 --> 00:36:39,008
Not just sad.
796
00:36:41,243 --> 00:36:43,312
What was their name?
797
00:36:47,316 --> 00:36:48,900
Amon.
798
00:36:48,984 --> 00:36:50,102
What?
799
00:36:50,186 --> 00:36:51,603
Yeah.
800
00:36:51,687 --> 00:36:54,990
After two years,
he changed the locks.
801
00:36:55,858 --> 00:36:58,327
He said I bored him.
802
00:37:00,029 --> 00:37:03,165
Your heartbreak proved
that love...
803
00:37:04,233 --> 00:37:06,102
does exist.
804
00:37:06,869 --> 00:37:10,455
And their love for one another,
it's not fake.
805
00:37:10,539 --> 00:37:14,276
It just gets buried day‐to‐day
806
00:37:15,111 --> 00:37:16,812
under hurt...
807
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:19,398
and pride.
808
00:37:19,482 --> 00:37:22,334
It doesn't always last forever,
809
00:37:22,418 --> 00:37:24,403
but it's real.
810
00:37:24,487 --> 00:37:25,788
(scoffing)
811
00:37:28,524 --> 00:37:29,875
Fine.
812
00:37:29,959 --> 00:37:31,576
I'll take the Cupid power back.
813
00:37:31,660 --> 00:37:34,446
But you have to help me
unmess your mess.
814
00:37:34,530 --> 00:37:36,148
Fine.
815
00:37:36,232 --> 00:37:37,833
Aim for the butts.
816
00:37:38,401 --> 00:37:39,851
Love lives in the butt.
817
00:37:39,935 --> 00:37:41,720
- (sinister music)
- Who's there?
818
00:37:41,804 --> 00:37:43,755
- (deep voice): Rachel?
- Billy?
819
00:37:43,839 --> 00:37:45,941
I want to go home.
820
00:37:46,575 --> 00:37:47,626
(spitting)
821
00:37:47,710 --> 00:37:50,246
(soft music playing)
822
00:37:54,283 --> 00:37:56,085
(spitting)
823
00:37:58,554 --> 00:38:00,423
I don't want to let go.
824
00:38:11,167 --> 00:38:12,268
(spitting)
825
00:38:12,768 --> 00:38:14,537
- Ah.
- (spitting)
826
00:38:15,604 --> 00:38:17,456
Well, this is weird.
827
00:38:17,540 --> 00:38:18,523
Understatement.
828
00:38:18,607 --> 00:38:20,692
- (spitting)
- Ow! Randy!
829
00:38:20,776 --> 00:38:21,927
(Demetri): Oh, nailed it!
830
00:38:22,011 --> 00:38:25,181
Oh, we can never
speak of this again.
831
00:38:27,583 --> 00:38:29,634
(snorting)
832
00:38:29,718 --> 00:38:30,836
(laughing)
833
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:31,837
(door closes)
834
00:38:31,921 --> 00:38:33,289
- Yes!
- We did it!
835
00:38:34,890 --> 00:38:36,508
(laughing)
836
00:38:36,592 --> 00:38:39,962
So, I don't exactly understand
what happened, but...
837
00:38:40,763 --> 00:38:43,098
You still seem
to love me, so...
838
00:38:43,866 --> 00:38:46,151
- I do.
- (door closes)
839
00:38:46,235 --> 00:38:49,254
And I think we settled
on a medium fussy wedding.
840
00:38:49,338 --> 00:38:50,722
Perfect.
841
00:38:50,806 --> 00:38:52,875
(giggling)
842
00:38:54,410 --> 00:38:55,761
Well...
843
00:38:55,845 --> 00:38:58,263
I chose you, Waverly Earp,
844
00:38:58,347 --> 00:39:01,199
because I hadn't seen anyone
this in love.
845
00:39:01,283 --> 00:39:05,537
Not since... forever.
(cell phone ringing)
846
00:39:05,621 --> 00:39:08,473
Yeah? Get off my ass, Marty.
847
00:39:08,557 --> 00:39:11,543
Alright? Yeah, their burgers
are coming in a sec.
848
00:39:11,627 --> 00:39:12,828
Yeah, they're still warm!
849
00:39:13,929 --> 00:39:16,415
Whichever one of us kids
became Clanton heir...
850
00:39:16,499 --> 00:39:20,585
you planned for us to turn you
into a Reaper, right?
851
00:39:20,669 --> 00:39:22,587
To join those we'd lost.
852
00:39:22,671 --> 00:39:25,374
And together, we'd avenge
our name.
853
00:39:27,443 --> 00:39:29,561
And I will do that, Mam.
854
00:39:29,645 --> 00:39:31,196
(flies buzzing)
855
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:32,864
I'll destroy them.
856
00:39:32,948 --> 00:39:35,618
All of them,
just like you wanted.
857
00:39:38,521 --> 00:39:41,072
But you're never gonna see it.
858
00:39:41,156 --> 00:39:43,275
Did you really think
I'd forgive you
859
00:39:43,359 --> 00:39:44,810
for killing Billy?
860
00:39:44,894 --> 00:39:47,579
(intense music)
861
00:39:47,663 --> 00:39:49,281
Dinner, everybody!
(growling)
862
00:39:49,365 --> 00:39:51,950
Who's ready for some
rotten old bitch?
863
00:39:52,034 --> 00:39:54,937
(creatures screeching)
864
00:40:02,845 --> 00:40:03,929
Okay. Hey, Bunny!
865
00:40:04,013 --> 00:40:06,064
Do you need us to give you
a ride home?
866
00:40:06,148 --> 00:40:08,366
- What, do you think I'm drunk?
- I am drunk.
867
00:40:08,450 --> 00:40:10,635
I'm as drunk as a bum
the day the cheques come out!
868
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:12,003
Oh, boy.
869
00:40:12,087 --> 00:40:13,405
You guys are really,
really special.
870
00:40:13,489 --> 00:40:15,640
And the love you have
for each other is...
871
00:40:15,724 --> 00:40:16,708
nothing short of inspiring.
872
00:40:16,792 --> 00:40:19,978
Oh. That actually means
a lot that you said that.
873
00:40:20,062 --> 00:40:21,880
Yeah, it'd mean a lot more
if she meant it.
874
00:40:21,964 --> 00:40:23,181
No, no, no. I mean it.
875
00:40:23,265 --> 00:40:25,517
Anyone that doesn't think so...
876
00:40:25,601 --> 00:40:29,038
Just because you share
four breasts...
877
00:40:30,005 --> 00:40:32,290
they're a bunch of dumdums.
878
00:40:32,374 --> 00:40:33,592
(chuckling)
879
00:40:33,676 --> 00:40:35,594
You sure we can't
give you a ride home?
880
00:40:35,678 --> 00:40:38,047
Randy Nedley is going
to give me a ride home.
881
00:40:38,547 --> 00:40:40,149
Oh!
882
00:40:40,749 --> 00:40:42,968
Well, have a nice evening,
lesbians.
883
00:40:43,052 --> 00:40:44,803
Uh, Waverly's bisexual.
884
00:40:44,887 --> 00:40:47,523
Yeah, well, just say horny.
885
00:40:50,025 --> 00:40:52,177
And she's back.
886
00:40:52,261 --> 00:40:53,429
(door opens and closes)
887
00:40:54,563 --> 00:40:56,765
Surely there are other bars
for you to drink in.
888
00:40:57,967 --> 00:40:59,284
(weapon powering up)
889
00:40:59,368 --> 00:41:01,620
I came for the entertainment.
890
00:41:01,704 --> 00:41:03,706
(upbeat music playing)
891
00:41:05,140 --> 00:41:07,292
Now there's the Earp sister
I like.
892
00:41:07,376 --> 00:41:10,613
Hazardous, hot, half‐in‐the‐bag.
893
00:41:13,916 --> 00:41:15,967
I wasn't sure
if you'd be alone.
894
00:41:16,051 --> 00:41:17,786
Demetri?
895
00:41:18,387 --> 00:41:21,540
He left after I let him
yell some nonsense
896
00:41:21,624 --> 00:41:24,560
about how I have no soul.
897
00:41:25,661 --> 00:41:27,529
- Hmm.
- (Wynonna chuckles)
898
00:41:28,931 --> 00:41:30,532
Been there.
899
00:41:32,401 --> 00:41:34,069
Hated it.
900
00:41:35,571 --> 00:41:39,375
- I was mostly bored.
- I guess I am a monster.
901
00:41:41,844 --> 00:41:43,712
Who gives a fuck?
902
00:41:46,048 --> 00:41:47,699
I thought you wanted
to kill me.
903
00:41:47,783 --> 00:41:50,135
All I want is...
904
00:41:50,219 --> 00:41:54,089
to stop feeling guilty
for what I am.
905
00:41:55,824 --> 00:41:57,943
When what I am...
906
00:41:58,027 --> 00:42:00,229
is necessary.
907
00:42:01,030 --> 00:42:03,615
You're a...
908
00:42:03,699 --> 00:42:05,768
You're a confusing woman.
909
00:42:08,737 --> 00:42:10,539
Flexible, too.
910
00:42:16,812 --> 00:42:18,063
Are you gonna tell me
911
00:42:18,147 --> 00:42:20,649
you're in love
with my sister now?
912
00:42:23,285 --> 00:42:25,320
- No, ma'am.
- Good.
913
00:42:27,222 --> 00:42:29,574
Now show me how you
ride that bull.
914
00:42:29,658 --> 00:42:31,193
(Amon gasps)
915
00:42:44,090 --> 00:42:45,758
Billy?
916
00:42:48,077 --> 00:42:51,280
Welcome home, little brother.
917
00:42:53,449 --> 00:42:56,019
It's time we took back
what's ours.
62124
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