All language subtitles for WandaVision.S01E02

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean Download
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,920 WANDA: Previously on WandaVision... 2 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,755 WANDA: We are an unusual couple, ya know? 3 00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:09,343 My wife and her flying saucers. 4 00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:12,054 My husband and his indestructible head. 5 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,890 Hello, dear. I'm Agnes, your neighbor to the right. 6 00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,725 NORM: You're like a walking computer. 7 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,352 What? I most certainly am not. 8 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:21,271 VISION: Dinner with Mr. Hart and his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart. 9 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,356 MRS. HART: What brought you here? 10 00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,733 -How long have you been married? -ARTHUR: Why did you come here? 11 00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,109 Damn it, why? 12 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,737 -MRS. HART: Stop it. Stop it. 13 00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:31,573 Vision, help him. 14 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,826 Dihardsub oleh bukan-layarkaca21.blogspot.com 15 00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,703 -What was that? - 16 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,421 Wanda? 17 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:28,505 Yes, dear? 18 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:31,175 Are you using your powers to turn on the light? 19 00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:32,634 -Yes, dear. 20 00:01:32,718 --> 00:01:34,469 Allow me, sweetheart. 21 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,101 WANDA: What do you see? 22 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,812 Only your lovely rose bushes. 23 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:45,856 That's all? 24 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,233 Are you using your night vision, Vision? 25 00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,485 I assure you, my love, I see nothing amiss. 26 00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,821 You have absolutely no reason to be frightened... 27 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:58,744 You were saying? 28 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,788 Actually, I did overhear a couple of lads at work 29 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:04,958 remarking on a few unsavory characters settling in the neighborhood. 30 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:08,003 Now, who knows what those ne'er-do-wells might be up to? 31 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:10,255 Robbing houses, vandalizing property. 32 00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:13,008 Walking through walls, moving objects without touching them. 33 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:16,637 Wanda, darling, you can't be suggesting my colleagues were referring to us. 34 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,644 One of us should really determine the source of that sound. 35 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:26,480 Yes, one of us should. 36 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:27,648 Dihardsub oleh bukan-layarkaca21.blogspot.com 37 00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,483 Oh, this is getting ridiculous. 38 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,985 I'm going to take a look. 39 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,820 -Oh, God! Darling! - 40 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,203 Well, I think we handled that well. 41 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,413 Yes, I must say I'm rather proud of myself. 42 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:47,543 And look how you seized on the opportunity to redecorate. 43 00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:50,212 -This is better, isn't it? -Mmm. 44 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:54,299 Wanda, darling? 45 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,551 Yes, dear? 46 00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,261 Get the light. 47 00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,072 WandaVision! 48 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,166 WandaVision! 49 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:43,098 WandaVision Wa-WandaVision 50 00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,642 WandaVision Wa-WandaVision 51 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,687 WandaVision Wa-WandaVision 52 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,398 WandaVision! 53 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:57,905 Ladies and gentlemen, for my final trick, 54 00:03:57,988 --> 00:04:02,284 I bring you the Cabinet of Mysteries. 55 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:07,706 -Darling, that's your cue. -WANDA: You said, "Cabinet of Mysteries?" 56 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:11,293 I said, "The Cabinet of Mysteries." 57 00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:14,087 WANDA: Oh, that's my cue. Ooh! 58 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,507 Holy Toledo! 59 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:20,052 Darling, do all the other acts in the talent show 60 00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,346 have such elaborate props? 61 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,556 Are you kidding? 62 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,225 Fred and Linda are building a moat 63 00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:29,144 and a fully-functioning portcullis and no one even knows why. 64 00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:30,312 Let's keep going. 65 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,356 Yes, yes. Where was I? Um... 66 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:36,068 Watch closely as I, Illusion, Master of Enigma, 67 00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:39,780 make my captivating assistant, Glamour, disappear. 68 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,452 You really are very dashing. 69 00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:47,120 Mmm, thank you, darling. 70 00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,206 Fear not, Glamour. 71 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:53,836 For I, Illusion, vow to bring you back exactly as you are. 72 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,589 Abracadabra! 73 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,386 Ta-ta... 74 00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:09,685 Yes, um, Wanda, you're not at all worried 75 00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:13,730 that the audience might just see through this little charade? 76 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,399 Well, that's the whole point. 77 00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,860 In a real magic act, everything is fake. 78 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:23,532 Darling, the talent show fundraiser is the most important event of the season 79 00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:26,410 and it's our neighborly duty to participate. 80 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:29,997 Plus, it's our chance to appear as normal as possible while doing so. 81 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,457 Well, I don't think that should be a problem. 82 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:34,710 This is our home now. 83 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,213 I want us to fit in. 84 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:41,842 Oh, darling, we do. We shall. 85 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:45,179 And we're gonna knock their socks off, 86 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:49,474 especially with you wearing this. 87 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:51,685 Oh, that's actually the rest of your costume. 88 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:52,769 Oh! 89 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,064 Well, I better get going 90 00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:58,275 If I'm gonna make the planning committee meeting. 91 00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,943 That's me off as well, actually. 92 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:01,987 There's a gathering of the neighborhood watch 93 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,655 at the public library. 94 00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:05,949 And after last night's excitement, 95 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:09,369 I want to make sure this town's security is up to snuff. 96 00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:11,079 That's a swell idea. 97 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:15,250 You tell those tree branches who's boss. 98 00:06:16,627 --> 00:06:17,961 Would you look at us? 99 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,923 Wanda and Vision, Westview fitter-inners. 100 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:24,885 I'll see you at curtain call. 101 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:38,834 Look, it's the star o' the show. 102 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,002 Agnes. 103 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,963 I'm sorry. What did you say? 104 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:46,133 Oh, I brought my pet rabbit. For your magic act. 105 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:50,429 Yes, of course! Thank you, Agnes. 106 00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:53,307 We will take good care of him. 107 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:56,059 Señor Scratchy just loves the stage. 108 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:59,396 He played baby Jesus in last year's Christmas pageant. 109 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,106 Oh. 110 00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,110 Oh, morning, Dennis. 111 00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:06,612 Morning, Agnes. 112 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:07,779 Stick 'em up. 113 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,991 Don't shoot. I'm just a messenger. 114 00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:12,743 Pew-pew! 115 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,204 Mmm. 116 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,458 -Shall we? -Oh, we shall. 117 00:08:24,463 --> 00:08:28,467 So, are you ready to meet Queen Cul de Sac and her Merry Homemakers? 118 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,761 Agnes, Dottie can't be as bad as you say. 119 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:34,973 Hmm, well, you'll notice her roses bloom under penalty of death. 120 00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:41,396 Wanda, can I give you a bit of friendly advice? 121 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,190 Is it about the way how I'm dressed? 122 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,234 Yes, but it's too late for that. 123 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,446 Dottie is the key to everything in this town. 124 00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:52,950 Country club memberships, parties, school admissions... 125 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,244 Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. 126 00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:58,914 You get in with Dottie and it'll be smooth sailing from here on out. 127 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:02,584 Just mind your P's and Q's and you're gonna do just fine. 128 00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:05,754 Or maybe I could just be myself? More or less? 129 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,595 Oh, Wanda, that's good. 130 00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,475 Everybody, hurry up please. 131 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:22,271 Hiya, Dottie! Your roses are divine. 132 00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:24,690 Well, thank you. 133 00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:36,660 The Rotary Club is finishing the stage set-up as we speak. 134 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,037 They've given the gazebo a fresh coat of paint 135 00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:42,958 and will be installing the final decorations all through the town square. 136 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,918 And if you recognize the antique footlights, 137 00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:47,129 it's because they're from my store. 138 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,714 And the chairs? 139 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,927 I'm sorry, Dottie. I didn't ask about the chairs. 140 00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:57,973 So you better not ask me if you can chair any committees in the future. 141 00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,478 The devil's in the details, Bev. 142 00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:05,939 That's not the only place he is. 143 00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:08,150 DOTTIE: As you all know, the talent show 144 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:11,069 is the sole fundraiser for Westview Elementary. 145 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,196 This might help. 146 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,907 DOTTIE: In the eight years since I founded our little club, 147 00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:18,243 this event has gotten bigger and better every season. 148 00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:21,121 Say, those pants are peachy keen. 149 00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,748 Do you really think so? 150 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,083 The other ladies are in skirts. I was worried. 151 00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:27,169 We only have a few hours until show time, 152 00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:30,422 so a little less cross chatter and a little more focus. 153 00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,424 Okay. 154 00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:35,469 DOTTIE: Those little boys and girls are counting on us. 155 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:38,347 All of this is for the children. 156 00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:39,765 WOMEN: "For the children." 157 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,392 "For the children." 158 00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:49,816 So, I want you all to give yourselves a big hand... 159 00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:55,447 ...at the appropriate time, of course. 160 00:10:55,531 --> 00:10:58,992 But first let's review event etiquette. 161 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,954 Dress code is upscale garden party... 162 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:05,123 The only reason I didn't clap is because I'm afraid to move. 163 00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,291 Yeah. 164 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,627 I actually don't know what I'm doing here. 165 00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,922 I'm starting to feel that way myself. I'm Wanda. 166 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:16,260 -I'm, uh... Geraldine. -Hi. 167 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,303 And I'm irritated. 168 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:24,101 Tickets for tonight are completely sold out. 169 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,019 Now, you can clap. 170 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,273 And stop. 171 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,360 Really, how is anybody doing this sober? 172 00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:45,247 -Let's say green. -NORM: Yeah. 173 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,082 I mean, the other side could be dirt. 174 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,877 Pardon me. Is this the neighborhood watch meeting? 175 00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:53,422 NORM: Oh, hiya, Vision. 176 00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,549 Didn't expect to see you here. 177 00:11:56,842 --> 00:12:00,762 This is sort of a "members only" type deal. 178 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:03,640 Ah! Certainly. Right. Well... 179 00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,852 I'll just stay here and be as quiet as a church mouse 180 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,062 till you open up the floor for new business. 181 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:12,149 Well, in truth, we were just getting to new business. 182 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:15,194 Oh, splendid! Could you tell me how often you rotate security patrols? 183 00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:17,696 Do you interface directly with local law enforcement? 184 00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,032 What are your protocols for threats such as burglary, 185 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,450 graffiti, and reckless driving? 186 00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:24,536 -No, Vision. -I know these are indeed grave matters. 187 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:27,998 "New business" actually means another round of Danish. 188 00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:31,543 Raspberry or cheese-filled? 189 00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:33,962 Oh, neither for me, thank you. I don't eat food. 190 00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:44,223 What I mean to say is that I don't eat food in between meals but at mealtimes. 191 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:46,892 I'm a regular eating machine. 192 00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:52,314 Hey, fellas. Vision here has got a point. 193 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:56,276 Now, listen up. I got some top secret intelligence for you. 194 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,402 Oh, excellent. 195 00:12:58,153 --> 00:12:59,905 Now, you know how Johnson's been braggin' 196 00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:01,782 about that treehouse he built for his kids? 197 00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:02,991 Yeah. 198 00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,077 It's a prefab job. 199 00:13:06,370 --> 00:13:08,664 That blockhead can't even swing a hammer. 200 00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:10,624 I can do you one better. 201 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,126 You know those bowling trophies Arthur's always polishing? 202 00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:17,339 He bought 'em all at a yard sale in Hackensack. 203 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:20,342 I knew it. I've never once seen him down at the lanes. 204 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,472 I too have some top secret gossip to share. 205 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,102 Norm here's a Communist. 206 00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:42,155 Vision, you're a real cut-up. 207 00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:44,533 You know, I always thought you were kind of a square. 208 00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:48,078 -Me? No, I'm as round as they come. 209 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:51,081 Hey, care for a stick o' Big Red? 210 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,833 Well, hold on there a second. 211 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,210 Didn't you hear the man? He doesn't eat food. 212 00:13:55,294 --> 00:13:56,837 Is gum food? 213 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,548 Well, my understanding is that it's purely for mastication. 214 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:01,967 No, I don't do that. 215 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,888 Well, when in Westview... Cheers. 216 00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:09,308 Who knew you were such a funny guy? 217 00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:13,896 And to think you came here all hot and bothered about protocols and nonsense. 218 00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:15,939 We actually thought you were serious. 219 00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:28,035 He's funny. All right, so, back to this barbeque. 220 00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:38,212 That is why you never do a seating chart on an empty stomach. 221 00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:41,340 Golly, you're a whiz at all this committee stuff, Dottie. 222 00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:45,594 Thank you for choosing me to help you clean up today. I feel so lucky. 223 00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,221 You are. 224 00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:53,769 I can't help but wonder if you and I 225 00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:56,188 haven't gotten off on the wrong foot, Dottie. 226 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:59,691 And I would like to correct that if I can. 227 00:14:59,775 --> 00:15:01,485 And how would you do that? 228 00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,074 I've heard things about you. 229 00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:11,203 You and your husband. 230 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:15,249 Well, I don't know what you've been told, 231 00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:21,672 but I assure you I don't mean anyone any harm. 232 00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:25,259 I don't believe you. 233 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:34,309 Wanda. Wanda, can you read me, over? 234 00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:37,437 -Wanda? -Who is that? 235 00:15:37,521 --> 00:15:38,730 Wanda? 236 00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,611 Who are you? 237 00:15:44,695 --> 00:15:47,155 Wanda? 238 00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:49,199 Wanda. 239 00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:51,869 Who is doing this to you, Wanda? 240 00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:55,539 Wanda? Wanda? Wan... 241 00:15:59,877 --> 00:16:00,961 WANDA: Dottie! 242 00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:07,050 You... Oh! 243 00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:15,225 Pop quiz, Wanda. 244 00:16:16,852 --> 00:16:19,688 How does a housewife get a bloodstain out of white linen? 245 00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:23,525 By doing it herself. 246 00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:37,289 MAN: They say a man is never fully-dressed without two important accessories. 247 00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,041 His special lady... 248 00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,712 and his Strücker. 249 00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:52,763 Strücker. He'll make time for you. 250 00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:12,616 Glad I don't have to follow this guy. 251 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,243 Huh? What? 252 00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:16,370 Oh, but you're gonna be great. 253 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,290 What time is it now? 254 00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:22,584 Mmm, two minutes after the last time you asked. 255 00:17:23,836 --> 00:17:25,462 I don't know where he could be. 256 00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:32,219 -Oh, is that him? 257 00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:35,556 Well, it looks like he's got a little hitch in his giddy-up. 258 00:17:35,639 --> 00:17:36,932 Whoa! 259 00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:44,648 Wanda, my little cabbage, you look smashing! 260 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,149 -Whoa! 261 00:17:49,695 --> 00:17:50,779 -WANDA: Vis. -Hmm. 262 00:17:50,863 --> 00:17:52,197 -Where have you been? -Oh. 263 00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:54,741 Uh, well, me and the boys were playing 264 00:17:54,825 --> 00:17:57,619 a rather thrilling game of horses with shoes. 265 00:17:57,703 --> 00:17:58,871 No, that's not it. 266 00:17:58,954 --> 00:18:00,831 Shoe horses! No. 267 00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:02,791 Ah! Horse's shoes. 268 00:18:02,875 --> 00:18:07,004 Listen, something strange happened with Dottie. 269 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:11,967 Well, something strange happened before that, too. It's hard to explain. 270 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:14,553 I was just playing with his shoes. 271 00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:16,263 What is going on? 272 00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:17,431 You are! 273 00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:18,724 Huh? 274 00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:22,227 I want to thank you all for coming out 275 00:18:22,311 --> 00:18:26,607 to support Westview Elementary, "For the children." 276 00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:28,901 ALL: "For the children." 277 00:18:28,984 --> 00:18:30,194 And for our final act... 278 00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:34,198 I give you, Wanda and Vision. 279 00:18:51,757 --> 00:18:53,300 Hey! Hey! You're up, Cowboy! 280 00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:55,511 What? 281 00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:58,472 Oh! Yeah! I've to go! 282 00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:02,684 Hello, Westview! Good afternoon. 283 00:19:02,768 --> 00:19:04,102 It's so lovely to be... 284 00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,647 I'm so sorry. Excuse me. 285 00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:09,942 I am Glamour and this is my delightful assistant, Illusion. 286 00:19:10,025 --> 00:19:14,321 I am Glamour and he's Illusion. 287 00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:17,407 Yeah, what she said. 288 00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:23,622 Today, we will lie to you and yet you will believe our little deceptions 289 00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:25,541 because human beings are easily fooled 290 00:19:25,624 --> 00:19:29,670 due to their limited understanding of the inner workings of the universe. 291 00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:31,129 Flourish! 292 00:19:31,213 --> 00:19:33,257 You just do it, you don't say it out loud, honey. 293 00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:38,387 And now my wife and I will delight 294 00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:41,098 in your dumbstruck little faces. 295 00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:43,767 Flourish! 296 00:19:58,407 --> 00:20:00,993 Ha! See there? He's using a rope. 297 00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:05,330 Wanda, what's... Oh, no! Oh! No! Wanda, please! 298 00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:08,166 -Darling, let me down! -Oh! 299 00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:12,004 -I'm feeling pukey! 300 00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:13,422 VISION: Ooh! 301 00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,594 Uh, what's next? 302 00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:21,930 Oh! Yeah, this is... This is gonna be great! 303 00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:25,100 A staggering feat of strength. 304 00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:34,067 -Ah? -Illusion... Uh... Uh... 305 00:20:35,194 --> 00:20:39,865 -Illusion, Master of Enigma, allow me. -Yeah? 306 00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:42,284 -What? 307 00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:44,745 -Oh! 308 00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:49,291 Whoops! You weren't supposed to see how we did that trick. 309 00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:53,295 That was my grandmother's piano. 310 00:20:53,921 --> 00:20:58,342 Oh, Sherbert! Yeah, this is my old mate, Sherbert. 311 00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:00,761 Stand up, Sherbert. Say hello to the crowd. 312 00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:02,429 It's Herbert, Herb. 313 00:21:02,513 --> 00:21:06,517 Pipe down, Sherbie, and pick a card. Any card. 314 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,061 Yeah, put it back in the deck. 315 00:21:09,144 --> 00:21:12,231 I'm not looking. All right. Watch this. 316 00:21:14,858 --> 00:21:15,984 Is this your card? 317 00:21:16,777 --> 00:21:18,529 Uh, no. 318 00:21:19,363 --> 00:21:20,739 I beg to differ. 319 00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:21,907 Mmm-mmm. 320 00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:24,660 Really? Is this your card? 321 00:21:24,743 --> 00:21:26,870 -Vision... -Mmm-mmm. 322 00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:31,250 Is this your card? Is this your card? Is this your card? Is this your card? 323 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:34,461 -Is this your card? -Mmm-mmm. 324 00:21:34,545 --> 00:21:36,505 Argh! Is this your card? Is this your card? 325 00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:37,798 -No. No. No. No. -Is this your card? 326 00:21:37,881 --> 00:21:40,926 Is this your card? Is this your card? Is this your card? Is this your card? 327 00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:42,219 Is this your card? 328 00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:43,512 Oh, it is! 329 00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:44,680 It is what? 330 00:21:44,763 --> 00:21:45,931 It's my card. 331 00:21:46,557 --> 00:21:49,351 Well, pardon me, Herb. Have it back. 332 00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:51,937 Oh, no, you did the trick right. 333 00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,565 Well, of course I did the trick right! I'm Illusion! 334 00:21:54,648 --> 00:21:56,567 Flourish! 335 00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:01,905 And now, for my next trick... 336 00:22:01,989 --> 00:22:03,615 Oh, goodness me. 337 00:22:04,408 --> 00:22:05,951 Who stole my hat? 338 00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:07,953 Oh! Oh, stop that rabbit! 339 00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:10,330 I gotta need to pull a hat out of it. 340 00:22:11,623 --> 00:22:14,960 Señor Scratchy's got real star quality, don't you think? 341 00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:18,505 Maybe we leave the poor bunny out this one, shall we? 342 00:22:18,589 --> 00:22:21,300 Well then, I will just have to pull this hat... 343 00:22:22,593 --> 00:22:24,386 ...out of myself. 344 00:22:26,889 --> 00:22:28,015 Vision, no. 345 00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:29,474 I'm doin' it. 346 00:22:31,810 --> 00:22:33,604 Ah-ha! 347 00:22:36,732 --> 00:22:40,360 -If only you all knew our secret. 348 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,864 -Oh! 349 00:22:43,947 --> 00:22:45,824 Is that how mirrors work? 350 00:22:45,908 --> 00:22:47,159 Shut up, Bev. 351 00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:52,706 And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our grand finale. 352 00:22:53,457 --> 00:22:57,836 I bring you, The Magnet of Crysteries! 353 00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,296 The Cabinet of Mysteries! 354 00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:01,715 VISION: Yeah, yeah. What she said. 355 00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:05,427 I will now make my wife... 356 00:23:07,262 --> 00:23:08,472 ...disappear. 357 00:23:10,599 --> 00:23:15,479 Are you sure you don't want an audience volunteer named "My husband Ralph?" 358 00:23:21,026 --> 00:23:22,986 No. Abracadabra! 359 00:23:25,739 --> 00:23:28,325 -Uh, sweetheart? -Yeah? 360 00:23:29,409 --> 00:23:31,161 -Hi. -Oh. 361 00:23:33,705 --> 00:23:35,082 What's in the box? 362 00:23:35,165 --> 00:23:38,752 What's in the box? What's in the box? What's in the box? 363 00:23:38,836 --> 00:23:40,671 Yeah, what's in the box? 364 00:23:40,754 --> 00:23:42,923 What's in the box? What's in the box? 365 00:23:43,006 --> 00:23:46,134 What's in the box? What's in the box? 366 00:23:52,933 --> 00:23:53,976 Oh! 367 00:23:54,977 --> 00:23:56,186 Oh, yes! 368 00:23:56,270 --> 00:23:57,354 Flourish. 369 00:24:04,695 --> 00:24:06,196 Let's get outta here. 370 00:24:07,030 --> 00:24:08,740 Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 371 00:24:08,824 --> 00:24:10,576 -I'm so stupid. -Vis? Vis, it's all right. 372 00:24:10,659 --> 00:24:12,369 It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. 373 00:24:12,452 --> 00:24:13,787 But what is going on with you? 374 00:24:13,871 --> 00:24:17,916 I have no idea. I've been feeling weirdy all day. 375 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,668 Okay. Okay. Okay. 376 00:24:20,419 --> 00:24:22,838 -Oh! 377 00:24:31,972 --> 00:24:34,391 Would you look at that? 378 00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:36,643 That really gummed up my works, didn't it? 379 00:24:36,727 --> 00:24:38,353 -WANDA: Hmm. 380 00:24:40,022 --> 00:24:42,524 I'm not as funny without it, am I? 381 00:24:42,608 --> 00:24:45,277 Well, you're back to yourself and that's all I care about. 382 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:47,404 Now, let's get out of here before Dottie 383 00:24:47,487 --> 00:24:50,949 and the planning committee string us up for ruining the show. 384 00:24:59,291 --> 00:25:01,919 You two, stop right there. 385 00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:09,092 Nothing like what you two just did up here 386 00:25:09,176 --> 00:25:12,888 has ever happened in the history of our talent show. 387 00:25:14,014 --> 00:25:17,476 Dottie, we are so... 388 00:25:17,559 --> 00:25:18,685 Hilarious. 389 00:25:21,688 --> 00:25:25,108 That was the most hilarious act we've ever seen. 390 00:25:25,192 --> 00:25:26,443 Wouldn't you all agree? 391 00:25:27,194 --> 00:25:28,362 Yeah. 392 00:25:30,531 --> 00:25:32,324 Oh, yes. 393 00:25:32,991 --> 00:25:34,785 You two, come on up. Come on. 394 00:25:37,412 --> 00:25:40,165 On behalf of the planning committee, 395 00:25:40,249 --> 00:25:41,458 I would like to award you 396 00:25:41,542 --> 00:25:45,546 with the inaugural Comedy Performance of the Year. 397 00:25:45,629 --> 00:25:47,047 Oh, thank you. 398 00:26:03,063 --> 00:26:04,606 -I have to ask. -VISION: Hmm. 399 00:26:04,690 --> 00:26:09,027 One second, I'm backstage and in the next, I'm in a dark cubby hole. 400 00:26:09,111 --> 00:26:10,404 How'd you do it? 401 00:26:10,487 --> 00:26:12,531 Oh, a magician never reveals his secrets. 402 00:26:12,614 --> 00:26:14,324 He leaves that to his assistant. 403 00:26:14,408 --> 00:26:15,993 And she's not talking. 404 00:26:17,244 --> 00:26:20,163 -I had a feeling you'd say that. 405 00:26:24,168 --> 00:26:25,252 "For the children!" 406 00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:27,546 AUDIENCE: "For the children!" 407 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,929 You were tremendous, Glamour. 408 00:26:36,013 --> 00:26:38,640 As were you, Illusion. 409 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,896 I don't know what I was so worried about. 410 00:26:43,979 --> 00:26:47,399 It wasn't so hard to fit in after all. 411 00:26:47,482 --> 00:26:50,402 And all we had to do was be ourselves. 412 00:26:50,485 --> 00:26:52,863 Well, with a few modifications. 413 00:26:53,488 --> 00:26:56,700 -And it was all for the children. -For the children. 414 00:26:57,534 --> 00:26:59,995 Well, I think the children might need some popcorn. 415 00:27:01,371 --> 00:27:02,456 Wanda. 416 00:27:02,539 --> 00:27:03,707 Hmm, what? 417 00:27:08,420 --> 00:27:11,798 Vision... Is this really happening? 418 00:27:14,927 --> 00:27:16,470 Yes, my love. 419 00:27:16,553 --> 00:27:18,263 It's really happening. 420 00:27:20,599 --> 00:27:25,729 If it's that damn tree again, I am going to rip it out by the roots! 421 00:27:33,070 --> 00:27:34,696 I don't see anything. 422 00:27:46,917 --> 00:27:48,126 What is that? 423 00:27:55,634 --> 00:27:57,219 Wanda. 424 00:28:11,942 --> 00:28:13,193 No. 425 00:28:22,202 --> 00:28:26,707 Vision... Is this really happening? 426 00:28:28,417 --> 00:28:29,877 Yes, my love. 427 00:28:31,378 --> 00:28:33,005 It's really happening. 428 00:28:46,268 --> 00:28:47,269 Vision... 429 00:29:20,677 --> 00:29:23,889 - Wanda? - Who's doing this to you, Wanda? 430 00:29:24,598 --> 00:29:25,641 Wanda? 29555

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.