Original subtitles

♪♪

Whoa!

Gweeseek!

Gweeseek, get over -- Come on.

Whoa! [ Grunts ]

Huh?

♪♪

[ Typewriter keys clacking ]

♪♪

And, jump!

And, jump!

And, jump!

And, juuuuuuump!

Okay, that was close, but not really.

Um, here, watch me.

This Guy: Ha. What is that?

Hee-ha-ha-ha.

This Guy laughing?

But This Guy can't laugh.

Or, at least, that's what I assumed

'cause he never laughs at any of my jokes.

[ Laughs ] Oh my goodness.

Somebody's got a case of the chuckles.

Let's strike while the iron's hot.

Preposterous.

Hey, This Guy, I got one for you.

Okay.

Uh, how many cats -- [Laughs]

Okay, okay, hold on.

Um, how many cats does it take...

[ Laughs ]

How many cats does it take to catch a mouse?

How many? Three!

[ Laughing ]

Why three?

Uh -- Uh, well, uh,

one of the cats has to catch the mouse.

Uh, the other two are also there.

Um, yeah. [ Laughs awkwardly ]

Get it? Huh? Get it?

Noooow, what do we got heeee--

That is private property.

Come on, I wanna see what's so funny.

No. Just a little peep.

A little peeky peep.

A little peek a peck of pecky peeps?

This notebook is off-limits.

Whoa, okay. Hear you loud and clear.

We won't go anywhere near that notebook.

[ Normal voice ] Okay, here's the plan --

as soon as he leaves his desk,

we'll sneak over and grab the notebook.

I can hear you.

He says he can hear us, but if we talk...

[Falsetto whisper ] ...even quieter --

That is it, I am locking my desk drawer.

[ Lock clicks ] Dang it, Gweeseek, ya loudmouth.

[ Kettle whistling ]

Oh, my rooibos tea is ready.

[ Whistling stops ]

[ Humming ] ♪ Steeping the tea ♪

Oh, no.

There's gotta be a majillion possible combinations.

We'll have to try every number in existence.

Could take years.

[ Joints crackle ]

Okay, from the top.

♪♪

[ Whispering ] He's steeping!

Run!

♪♪

Okay, Gweeseek, now let's see what's so stinkin' funny.

"In a big building on the small side of town

lived an ordinary-sized guy"...

This Guy: "Named This Guy."

[ Humming ]

Move it, you big lug!

"Big lug"?

Do you mean that?

No, I project my insecurities onto others

to hide my own shortcomings.

And now that I look at you again,

I realize you are, in reality, not big, but normal-sized.

If anything, you're on the small side.

That's why I hired you.

Thank you.

Scooby boop, scooby boop.

Everyone look at me because I crave attention!

Tiggy, did you find the lost alarm clock?

Here you go, ya big lug!

Just kidding. You're actually normal-sized.

Small, even!

This isn't an alarm clock. It's a time bomb!

[ Gasp ] [ Gasp ] [ Gasp ]

[ Objects crash ] Stay calm, everyone.

I, the humble file clerk,

will raise to this occasion and become...

a hero.

Gweeseek, build me a screwdriver.

♪♪

"As time slipped through his fingers like grains of sand

on the beach of life, he feared he was in too deep.

This was no day at the beach."

[ Clock ticking ]

[ Ticking stops ] And not a second too soon.

[ Laughing obnoxiously ]

That's far better than any joke I've ever told!

I'm sorry I'm a general nuisance.

You truly have risen to this occasion

and become a hero.

A regular-sized hero!

Tiggy: What?!

He made me look like a dork!

[ Mews ]

Pfft, easy for you to say.

You come off great with all that screwdriver action,

but me, I almost blew us to smither-beans.

What's this?

"Submit your story to the Wee-Gee City Gazette "?

He's gonna put this in the newspaper

for everyone to read and laugh at and think I'm a dork?!

Ohhhgg!

Hmmm.

Not if old Tiggly-Wiggly has anything to say about it.

Isn't that right, my little Gweezly-Weezly?

[ Laughs evilly ]

♪♪

Now we'll just put it back.

No one will ever know that it was gone.

What was gone? What's that?

What's in your hand?

Nothing. [ Laughs nervously ]

I mean, it's definitely not a story that This Guy wrote

that he's gonna send to the newspaper.

"Moose paper"? Gimme that!

[ Grunting ] What?!

My name's all over this thing!

The moose paper?

What are you doing?

Oh no! It's This Guy!

Hide!

[ Panting ]

If you need us, we'll be hiding in my office.

He made me look like a jabroni!

He made me seem nice!

How about I go project my insecurities

onto his face with my knuckles?!

Now, let's not be hasty.

After all, zee pen is mightier than zee sword.

Tiggy's right!

Stick him with the pen!

No, Boss, we can change the story

to make ourselves look better.

Yeah, and then we'll send it to the papers,

and everyone will see who the real heroes are!

Okay, let's see here.

Make us look good!

Better! Better!

I'm trying!

Think of the moose paper!

There -- I'd say we kept the revisions pretty minimal.

Hmm, it's missing something.

I know just the thing!

Hmm.

Hmm.

Sure, why not?

This Guy, l-look at me.

Look at me. Over here. Yes?

I got a real brain twister for you.

How many, uh, days are in a weekend?

Two.

What about Sunday? I counted Sunday.

Nuritza: Fascinating!

Tell us more!

Okay.

At the turn of the 20th century,

the creation of the assembly line

caused an increase in worker efficiency,

leaving time to be set aside for leisure activities.

But when -- Okay, gotta go!

Tiggy.

A word. This Guy.

Uh, wha-what would you possibly want to talk to me about?

I need to apologize for being curt with you earlier.

The truth is, I've been writing stories,

and they're deeply personal.

Oh, I never would have guessed.

It's true.

Compared to you and Gweeseek,

my role in the department isn't very exciting.

But in my stories, I can have my own adventures.

I know it sounds silly.

No, no, no, no, that --

that doesn't sound silly at all.

Truthfully, if anyone read my stories,

I would be utterly humiliated.

Humiliated?

Utterly.

So, if someone were to,

I don't know... [ Inhales deeply ]

...open your desk using the code "000"

and take out your notebook

and show it to everyone and rewrite your story

and send it to the newspaper,

that would be bad?

[ Laughs ]

Tiggy, now that's a good joke.

Gyuuhhh...

Huh?!

Wait, no! Stop! Stop!

Desist!

Do not deliver that postage!

Halt!

There's been a horrible mistake.

Huh? Did you deliver my mail yet?

No, it's been 90 seconds --

and there's no stamp.

And it's addressed to the...

"Moose paper"?

Oh, thank the --

Oh, phew!

Now, before you read it,

I want you to know that I'm really sorry we--

Some things are better left unread.

Ya know, if you ever want anyone to bounce ideas around with

for your next story, I'm full of a bunch--

What's this?

A sealed envelope?

Maybe I should take a gander at this.

"In a big building

on the small side of town

is an ordinary-sized guy named This Guy"...

Rrgh!

[ Roars ]

Outta the way, lughead!

Hi-yah! Ungh!

Rrrah!

♪♪

Whee!

Hey, This Guy,

how many cats does it take to catch a mouse?

How many? Three!

[ Laughs ]

Hilari--

Ahh, I understand your joke completely,

and I love your jet pack.

Hey, I want a jet pack!

And I have one!

Ooough!

[ Frantic meowing ] Rrgh!

You're right, Gweeseek -- that is a bomb,

and I can understand what you're saying, just like always.

Everyone stand back!

I know what to do.

I also, as well, know what to do.

And I know what to do the most!

♪♪

Everyone, follow me!

[ Crash ]

Weee! Weee!

This Guy: As they zoomed towards the sun

like grains of sand on the beach of life,

Nuritza, and Boss, and Tiggy,

and especially Gweeseek,

knew that they were truly the heroes of the story...

♪♪

...not me.

♪♪

[ Gasps ] Wow...

a masterpiece.

♪♪

Heh-heh-heh...

[ Laughs evilly ]

Oh, Mrs. Mailman!

"'Oh, Mrs. Mail-maaaan!'

Prangle bellowed loudly,

thrusting the letter toward the heavens,

knowing his life would never be the same.

The end."

You've done it again, old sport.

Your best story yet.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Meows ]