Original subtitles

- Reggie, I have a surprise for you.

A top hat for a top dog.

[crowd clamoring]

Finally, what took you so long?

- I had to get past all of your siblings.

I was kicked and licked.

- Sorry, but this is an emergency photo shoot.

- Aw, a top hat for a top dog.

- Right? He needs it because

Reggie is getting pretend married.

- I didn't even know he was pretend engaged.

- Let me introduce you to his lucky bride.

Her name is Taffeta, and they are going

to live happily ever after

in a castle made from dog biscuits.

I mean, it's not practical,

but they'll make it work.

[crowd clamoring]

- Munchy is here, my children.

- Why are you dressed like that

and referring to us as your children?

- I can explain.

You know my two favorite Internet dogs,

Lulu and Poochie-Boy? - Oh, yeah.

You might have mentioned them one or 2,000 times.

- Well, they're getting married.

- Wow, that is literally your dream come true.

- I also have another dream

which involves you, me, and Munchy.

- Yes, I'm involved.

- We get hired to plan the wedding.

- That combines everything I love--

getting paid and money.

I can finally realize my dream--

building a burrito large enough to sleep in.

- I follow Lulu and Poochie-Boy's owners,

Mark and Christine.

If I tag them in enough pics

of this pretend dog wedding

and talk up our wedding planning skills,

they might hire us.

- Looks like we're taking some photos.

Munchy, get into position.

Reggie and Taffeta, it's showtime.

- Now, act like you just found a bone.

Not you, Munchy. The dogs.

- Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

♪ ♪

- Presley, these photos that you took are amazing.

Now, I have posted and tagged Mark and Christine

in all 82 of 'em.

Hope that's enough.

- Oh, I like this one of Reggie and Taffeta's first kiss.

- Let me see.

[phone chimes] [gasps]

- What? Did Mark and Christine like the photo?

- No, someone named Jamie Lee Curtis did.

- Three names?

Leave some for the rest of us, lady.

[phone chimes] - Wha--look!

Mark and Christine did message you.

[both squeal]

- It's them!

"Please stop tagging us in photos."

- Oh. - Aww.

- "Because we wanna interview you about

planning Lulu and Poochie-Boy's wedding."

- Yes! - We have to convince them

that we are the perfect team for the job.

- We are the perfect team.

And we're gonna charge them so much,

we'll be able to make the boat payment,

plus have enough left over for my sleep-urrito,

the burrito you can sleep in.

♪ ♪

- Okay, we need to look professional

for our interview with Mark and Christine.

And nothing looks more professional

than a three-ring binder.

[click]

Love that sound.

- I had the same thought about looking professional,

and that's why I got these.

- You don't wear glasses.

- I don't, but professional Presley does.

Plus they let me do this--

Hmm, interesting.

- Oh, so professional.

- Munchy, did you ever get your license

to perform the dog wedding?

- I filled out a form online,

they said they'd get back to me soon.

So I'm guessing they'll get back to me soon.

- Daddy!

Can you make me a waffle?

- Morning, Fisher.

- Ahh!

You didn't tell me Lex was here!

- I know.

- Nice jammies.

- [screams]

- Okay. Let's head to the Mooery.

- Who are you?

- I am Bardo.

- What are you doing on my driveway, Bardo?

I'm looking for Munchtopher, son of Tedward.

- [gasps] Is this about my application

to perform dog weddings?

- 'Tis.

I am the Bishop of the Arch-Dogocese.

- So you're here to give me my license?

- No one just gives you a license to marry dogs.

You must earn it.

- How exactly do I do that?

- Your soul will be tested,

your spirit pushed to the limits, your--

- Sounds like you're gonna be here for a while,

so we'll catch up with you later.

- Now, where was I? - My spirit

will be pushed to the limits. - Oh, right.

Your spirit will be pushed to the limits.

Get ready. It's Bardo time.

♪ ♪

- Presley, did you just cut off the legs of my chair

with a hacksaw?

- That's right.

- Follow up question. - Oh, what is it?

- Why'd you do that?

- We have a very important meeting with some clients.

Isn't that right, Reggie?

- See, Spenders, by making their chair shorter,

our potential clients will be looking up at us.

It's the ultimate power move.

If you knew anything about business,

you would have sawed these a long time ago.

- That's not how business works.

- Hmm, interesting. You sure about that?

- I thought I was sure.

But based on those glasses,

you obviously know more about this than me.

- Oh! They're here!

They're here, they're here, they're here!

- Welcome! I'm Presley.

- Hi, and I'm Lex.

And you're Mark and Christine.

And you're Lulu and Poochie-Boy!

[squeals] I love you and your dogs.

- Aw, that's so sweet of you.

- Yeah, we feel like we know you from your

thousands of comments and emojis.

- So how long have you two been a couple?

[both laugh]

What? No, no, no, no.

Our dogs are a couple.

Christine and I are just friends.

- Yeah. Anyway, he's way too handsome for me.

- And she's way too beautiful for me.

- Sorry, I asked.

- Now, let's talk business.

Please join us in our reserved table,

the table reserved for business.

- Have a seat. - Ooh.

After you, Christine. - Aw.

- Oh, you're sitting in those chairs.

- Yes. Aren't you going to sit?

- Of course we are going to sit.

- All the way down here.

Oh. Okay.

[sighs]

Are you guys comfy?

- Yeah, I feel so confident and in charge

in this seat. - Mm-hmm.

- [chuckles] Well, I am so glad.

Lex, why don't you start.

- I think you'll be very impressed

with our presentation.

Now, if you direct your attention to my binder...

[click] both: Ooh!

- You'll see that we propose to have

your event here in the MicroMooery,

we have planned out every micro moment.

- We'll be able to pack this place full of people.

We get paid by the person.

- We were thinking more of having

an intimate ceremony

and live streaming it online for everyone.

- Yeah, we can make that happen.

We'll even set up the livestream for you.

We get paid by the online person.

- Are you feelin' this?

'Cause I'm feelin' this.

- Between the three-ring binder and those glasses,

I'm feeling good. - Me too.

You guys are hired.

- Let's shake on it.

- Uh, we can do this.

Just about to get up. - This is so embarrassing.

- Okay. - [laughs]

[all laughing]

- Great. Now, let's talk about the ceremony.

It's gonna be Lulu's big day,

isn't that right, Lulu?

Oh, you are just so cute. Yes, you are, yes you are.

Yes, you are. - Hey, why don't I

take the dogs out on the patio, and the three of you

can work out the details.

That way, Lex can talk like an adult

and I cannot throw up.

♪ ♪

All right, Lulu and Poochie-Boy,

let's practice the ring ceremony.

Reggie, you just hang out there looking cool.

All right. You'll each get a ring.

Lulu, you'll give your ring to Poochie-Boy.

[growling]

Woah, why are you growling?

Any ideas, Reggie?

[barks]

Okay, let's try this again.

Lulu, give your ring to Poochie-Boy.

[growling]

She's just not getting it, huh, Reggie?

[barks]

Okay, this is getting weird.

Poochie-Boy. [growls]

Reggie. [barks]

Poochie-Boy. [growls]

Every time I say Poochie-Boy... [growls]

you growl, and every time I say Reggie...

[barks]

you get excited.

Please don't tell me you like Lex's dog

more than the dog you're supposed to marry.

[barking]

I said don't tell me. [barking]

- ♪ I got, you got me ♪

♪ We got this ♪

♪ I like the odds when we're side-by-side ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ Oh, we're taking off, gonna do this right ♪

♪ I like the sound of that ♪

♪ And when things go off and friends are on it ♪

♪ 'Cause I got you, got me, we got this ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- You look like a girl who needs some dairy.

What can I get you?

- [sighs] Chocolate milkshake. No.

Double chocolate,

heavy on the whip.

- Oh, that's a serious drink.

Something on your mind?

- Lex and I got hired to throw a celebrity dog wedding,

but I'm pretty sure the dogs getting married aren't in love.

- Huh, that's a new one.

Sounds like you need to call the wedding off.

- I can't.

Throwing this wedding is Lex's dream.

I mean, look.

- So the first tier of the doggie wedding cake

will be vanilla.

The second tier, peanut butter.

And the third tier, bacon.

- Wow, we came to the right teenage dog wedding planners.

- I know Lex, if I tell her

Lulu doesn't love Poochie-Boy,

she'll have to call off the wedding

and that will break her heart.

Plus, we won't get paid, which will break my heart.

What do I do, Spenders?

- Let me put it this way,

if your friend had the greatest milkshake ever

but someone spit in it, would you tell her?

Even if she would have never found out

that she was drinking spit.

- Did you spit in this milkshake?

- You wanna know, don't you?

- I see your point, Spenders.

I'm gonna tell her.

And I'm not gonna drink this.

♪ ♪

- How is getting out of a straitjacket

made of leashes supposed to help me marry dogs?

- If you understood, you'd already be free.

- Hey, Fisher. What's with the Tux?

- Lex has weddings on her mind.

I need her to forget about me and my PJs

and think about me as her future groom.

Oh, hey, Bardo.

- You know Bardo?

- Yeah. He drives my school bus.

- Only on weekdays. - And field trips.

- And field trips.

- We're going to a farm next week.

- All right. He doesn't need to know everything.

- I think I got it.

[grunting]

- Impressive.

- I have an older brother, so it's not the first time

I've been tied up with dog leashes.

♪ ♪

- And then Lulu will throw her tennis ball bouquet

over her shoulder.

Her paws aren't made for throwing,

but love will find a way.

- Lex, can I talk to you?

- Wait, did something happen to the ice sculpture?

- No, but it's important.

- Well, I'm in the middle of planning a magical wedding,

so I'm sure it can wait.

- It's about the ice sculpture. - I knew it.

Please excuse me.

- All right. The ice sculpture's fine.

- What? You know I don't like lying,

especially about frozen decorations.

- Look, I'm gonna tell you this as plainly as possible.

If there was spit in your milkshake,

would you wanna know?

- Why is there spit in my milkshake?

- All right, look,

Lulu doesn't love Poochie-Boy.

Wow.

- I'm sorry. I'm just really stressed right now,

and you said something ridiculous.

- Okay. I know this isn't what you wanna hear,

but it's true.

You know, I should've seen that one coming.

- If what you were saying were true,

I would have to call off this wedding.

- Just gonna grab your slapping hand for a second.

What I'm saying is true,

and we have to call off the wedding.

- Why are you trying to ruin this for me?

I mean, I don't go around ruining your dream

of sleeping in a giant burrito,

which is never going to happen, by the way.

- Believe me, I don't wanna lose this job,

but I saw Lulu choose your dog over Poochie-Boy.

- That's crazy.

- You're so excited to plan this wedding,

you're ignoring what's really important to you--

true dog love.

- Why do you care?

- Because I know you and when you realize that these dogs

really aren't into each other,

you're gonna feel horrible.

- Sorry, Presley, I'm just not buying it.

So if you'll excuse me, I have dog wedding to plan.

- 'Sup?

Nothing?

It took me an hour-and-a-half to tie this.

- Saw the whole thing.

Come on, lemme buy you a drink.

Also, lend me some money so I can buy you a drink.

♪ ♪

- Onto the next challenge.

When marrying dogs, you must be ready

for any situation that may arise.

Here's the scenario.

I'm a groom.

I'm about to say my vows,

and I see a squirrel.

Go. [panting]

[barking]

- Hey, hey, fella, it's your wedding day.

It's something more important than squirrels--

love. - [quizzical bark]

- That's right.

See, love is like having a squirrel to play with,

but for the rest of your life.

And you found your squirrel.

- Munchy, that was magnificent.

- You want me to take you for a walk?

- I'm no longer a dog.

I'm a man.

A man who admires you.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- So, I've tried telling Lex

that Lulu doesn't love Pucci Boy,

and that we should call off the wedding,

but she slapped me numerous times.

- At least she noticed you.

She walked right past me in my tuxedo.

I would've loved a slap.

- I'm sorry, Fish. I think you look great.

- Thanks.

- [sighs] I wish there was something we could do.

- Well, there isn't.

I mean, I could build a machine

that translates dog barks into English,

that way Lex I could hear how they feel

from the dogs themselves.

- W-wait, is that even possible?

- I think so. I've been dabbling

in animal voice recognition.

Pigeons are jerks, by the way.

- I've told you that for years.

- I'd be happy to use my tech to help you.

- You would do that?

Even if it could ruin this dog wedding

and break Lex's heart?

[laughing]

- Presley, how do I explain this?

Imagine someone spits in your milkshake.

Wouldn't you wanna know?

- See, this kid gets it.

- Okay. You're right.

Let's get to work, Fisher.

Oh, and one more thing,

is it possible for you to build

a burrito large enough for me to sleep in?

- No, that's ridiculous.

Now, let's go make a dog translator.

♪ ♪

- For your final test, you must break open the piñata

that is in front of you.

Swing away, Munchy.

Swing away!

- I can't do it.

- What's wrong? - I don't wanna hit that.

It's an adorable dog.

- How do you know?

You're wearing a blindfold.

- I just know.

I've always known.

- Remove your blindfold and look at me

with the eyes of a dog minister.

- Do you mean I passed?

- That's right.

Welcome to the Arch-Dogocese, Munchtopher.

It is done.

- I've never been more proud of anything

I've ever done in my life,

and I once peeled an orange one-handed.

- Now, let's celebrate

by smacking the heck out of this pigeon pinata.

- Yes! Pigeons are such jerks.

Who's stealing my pizza crust now?

♪ ♪

- Ugh, why is this taking so long?

Science is so much faster on TV.

- Hey, this machine was made to interpret whale noises.

I need time to modify it to interpret dog barks.

Now, let's give this thing a try.

- Oh--oh, wait, I'm the test subject?

- See any dogs around?

- Okay. What do I do?

- Just bark into the device.

This machine will translate the barks in English.

- Okay. Woof, woof, woof, arf, arf.

- No, it's only gonna work if you sound like a real dog.

- Okay.

[barking]

- And got it.

- Did you translate what I said?

- Of course not. You're not a dog.

But this video is gonna get a ton of views.

- Fisher!

- Next time, gimme a heads up

when Lex is here and I'm in my jammies.

- Give me--give me!

♪ ♪

- You did a good job, Lex.

This is the nicest, and only dog wedding

I've ever been to.

- Thank you. Okay. Now it's time

for Lulu to walk down the aisle and marry Poochie-Boy.

["Wedding March" playing]

♪ ♪

- The day's finally here. - I know.

We're getting married.

I mean, our dogs are getting married.

- Yeah. [both laugh]

- Please be seated.

Sit. Sit.

Welcome, everyone, to this joyous day,

where we will join Lulu and Poochie-Boy

in holy muttrimony.

Now, bef-- - Stop the dog wedding!

[all gasping]

- What are you doing?

- I can't let this wedding happen, Lex.

Look at this!

I said, look at this!

Fisher, you're making me look like an idiot.

- You could've held the door.

- This machine will translate dog barks into words.

You need to hear how Lulu really feels.

- I am so sorry about this.

- Don't be sorry. - Yeah. We've always wondered

what our dogs have to say.

- Yes, sometimes we do voices

and pretend they're talking to each other.

- [high-pitched] Yes, we do Poochie-Boy.

- [imitating dog] I love you, Lulu.

- All set.

Lulu, do you love Poochie-Boy?

[barks]

- First of all, my name is Marge.

Second, I do love Poochie-Boy.

- Aha!

[barks] - But only as a friend.

I don't want to get married to him.

- What? Really?

- That doesn't make any sense.

I-I've seen the photos of you two

online and you always seem so happy.

[barks] - Social media is a mirage.

The truth is I kinda have a crush on Reggie.

- Reggie, you dog.

- I can't believe this.

- Presley, you were right.

I should have listened to you. I am so sorry.

- It's okay. We'll be even right after this.

- After what?

I deserve that.

Come here, you.

- Sorry, everyone.

Looks like there won't be a wedding today.

- Aww. - Wait.

We still could throw a wedding.

There are two people here who do belong together.

- Yes! Let's do this!

- No!

After spending some time with you guys,

it's obvious that you two are in love.

both: We are?

[barks]

- Of course you are.

You should totally get married.

- I would, but Christine could get any dog owner she wanted.

- Ah, there's only one dog owner I want.

It's you.

[barks] - Kiss her, you fool.

- Should we--yep? - Yep. Let's do it.

- Okay. - Ah.

[cheers and applause]

- Who wants a wedding?

♪ ♪

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