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1
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:09,517
Hello, my name is Sean Anders.
Screenwriter and director of Sex Drive.
2
00:00:11,686 --> 00:00:14,246
Hi, John. I didn't see you there.
3
00:00:14,322 --> 00:00:19,157
-This is John Morris.
-Screenwriter and producer of Sex Drive.
4
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:22,060
-Welcome to the unrated...
-Uncircumcised...
5
00:00:22,130 --> 00:00:23,427
...edition of...
6
00:00:23,498 --> 00:00:25,398
-... Sex Drive.
-Sex Drive.
7
00:00:25,467 --> 00:00:27,958
How many times has this happened to you?
8
00:00:28,036 --> 00:00:32,370
You purchase an unrated DVD to view
with your friends. Only with your friends...
9
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:36,570
Only to find that you got the same
old movie with a few extra curse words,
10
00:00:36,644 --> 00:00:38,942
and maybe an additional tit or two.
11
00:00:39,014 --> 00:00:41,073
-What a jip.
-And how...
12
00:00:41,149 --> 00:00:42,480
Not this time.
13
00:00:42,550 --> 00:00:46,714
That's right, John.
On this unrated DVD we promise you,
14
00:00:46,788 --> 00:00:48,119
the viewer,
15
00:00:49,190 --> 00:00:53,149
a genuinely wacky, zany
and unrated viewing experience.
16
00:00:53,228 --> 00:00:56,129
-We promise...
-Plus, we promise more tits.
17
00:00:56,197 --> 00:00:58,461
Bare tits like these.
18
00:01:00,201 --> 00:01:02,032
These tits are good.
19
00:01:03,038 --> 00:01:06,007
Plus, more cock, like this.
20
00:01:07,142 --> 00:01:09,042
That's good cock, John.
21
00:01:09,477 --> 00:01:13,777
That's right, John, and that's not all,
we promise lots of additional scenes,
22
00:01:13,848 --> 00:01:18,182
takes and other bullshit
that will make the movie way too long.
23
00:01:18,253 --> 00:01:21,017
And this means a lower standard
of filmmaking for you,
24
00:01:21,089 --> 00:01:22,078
-the viewer.
-The viewer.
25
00:01:22,323 --> 00:01:26,851
So, if you've never seen Sex Drive before,
please, for real,
26
00:01:26,928 --> 00:01:29,396
do not watch this version first.
27
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:33,195
Watch the real theatrical version
and then come back and watch this one.
28
00:01:33,268 --> 00:01:34,360
Why?
29
00:01:34,436 --> 00:01:38,998
Yes, because this version
of the movie is going to suck.
30
00:01:46,114 --> 00:01:50,073
Sorry, but I couldn't help but notice you.
I have this exact same tribal tattoo.
31
00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:52,119
Mine's one my... It's on my back.
32
00:01:52,187 --> 00:01:55,987
But actually I have a town car outside
if you wanna go see...
33
00:01:56,057 --> 00:01:57,649
(ALL LAUGHING)
34
00:02:03,098 --> 00:02:05,293
ANDERS: All right.
Why don't you do one more?
35
00:02:26,054 --> 00:02:29,046
IAN: We open up against Michigan
in two weeks.
36
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,925
Coach's got me hitting the bench
pretty hard.
37
00:02:38,099 --> 00:02:41,227
Shit. How much is a lot?
38
00:02:42,971 --> 00:02:45,064
One... No, two.
39
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:52,911
I'm putting up three hundy.
40
00:03:01,756 --> 00:03:03,849
Well, let's see, Tasty.
41
00:03:07,162 --> 00:03:08,322
(EXHALES)
42
00:03:09,197 --> 00:03:10,289
Wow!
43
00:03:11,799 --> 00:03:12,788
Um...
44
00:03:14,769 --> 00:03:17,738
Wow, you're really pretty. I've never seen...
45
00:03:18,106 --> 00:03:19,300
No, stop it, stop it.
46
00:03:19,374 --> 00:03:23,140
Don't be so fucking desperate.
Come on, be a dick. Be cool.
47
00:03:25,113 --> 00:03:27,843
MAN IMITATING VAN DAMME: Don't be
a pussy. Tell her she's an ugly skank.
48
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,477
Yeah.
49
00:03:32,554 --> 00:03:33,782
Not bad.
50
00:03:35,223 --> 00:03:36,383
I've seen better.
51
00:03:41,796 --> 00:03:43,354
Yeah, whatever.
52
00:03:44,465 --> 00:03:49,027
Coach's got us running two-a-days,
so I gotta bounce.
53
00:04:07,255 --> 00:04:08,779
(BLANKET RUSTLES)
54
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:15,956
Miss Tasty? How did you get here?
55
00:04:17,165 --> 00:04:18,154
Shh!
56
00:04:20,668 --> 00:04:21,965
(GASPING)
57
00:04:50,898 --> 00:04:52,456
(GROANING)
58
00:05:19,093 --> 00:05:20,788
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
59
00:05:20,895 --> 00:05:22,954
(SNORING)
60
00:05:37,912 --> 00:05:40,346
Ian, wake up, faggot. Judge rolls in 20,
61
00:05:40,415 --> 00:05:42,474
so if you want a ride to work
you better get your poop in a group.
62
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,677
-Okay, I'll be right down.
-No. Now, Clay Aiken.
63
00:05:44,752 --> 00:05:46,743
-All right.
-No, now, homo.
64
00:05:46,821 --> 00:05:48,846
-Just give me a minute.
-No, no, no, no. Now, sissy.
65
00:05:48,923 --> 00:05:51,687
-Just...
-No, now, chode-stroker.
66
00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,350
Now, ball bag.
67
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,263
Hey...
68
00:06:02,470 --> 00:06:04,768
-Ow! Cut it out.
-Hurts, doesn't it?
69
00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:06,966
Shut up! I'm trying to sleep.
70
00:06:07,375 --> 00:06:11,209
Hey, Big D, sorry. Go back to sleep.
You're golden.
71
00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:14,009
-You, get your ass up.
-Give me a minute.
72
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:15,772
What're you doing under there, huh?
73
00:06:15,850 --> 00:06:19,286
What're you doing?
You're firing off your skin pistol?
74
00:06:19,687 --> 00:06:21,348
Come on, get up. What are you hiding?
75
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,413
You got a big fattie under there, don't you?
76
00:06:23,491 --> 00:06:27,723
Yeah, you do. You're stroking it, too.
What the F?
77
00:06:28,496 --> 00:06:32,432
Your little brother's sleeping
not ten feet away. Jesus Christ!
78
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,200
Good. My boys are all here.
79
00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:36,236
-Dad, Ian's free...
-Can it, Rex.
80
00:06:36,304 --> 00:06:39,740
Your pop's got a bombshell to drop,
so ears open.
81
00:06:39,807 --> 00:06:42,776
Last night,
your old man popped the question.
82
00:06:42,877 --> 00:06:43,901
(LAUGHS)
83
00:06:43,978 --> 00:06:45,639
Show them, Karen.
84
00:06:45,713 --> 00:06:46,975
(EXCLAIMING)
85
00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:50,010
I'm so happy.
86
00:06:52,387 --> 00:06:54,855
Hey, way to go!
87
00:06:54,922 --> 00:06:58,380
Ian, you wanna get off your duff
and come over here and give Karen a hug?
88
00:06:58,459 --> 00:06:59,448
Um...
89
00:06:59,994 --> 00:07:04,727
-Yeah, Ian, come on. You're being rude.
-Can we do that later?
90
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:08,257
-Damn it, Ian, get up...
-No, no, honey. It's okay.
91
00:07:08,936 --> 00:07:13,236
We have to give him time
to get used to the idea.
92
00:07:15,610 --> 00:07:16,599
IAN'S DAD: Karen?
REX: Are you okay?
93
00:07:16,677 --> 00:07:18,736
IAN'S DAD: Karen? Karen, honey?
REX: You okay?
94
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:19,802
Sweetheart?
95
00:07:20,381 --> 00:07:22,246
What smells like jizz?
96
00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:23,977
(LET'S GET IT UP PLAYING ON CAR RADIO)
97
00:07:25,186 --> 00:07:26,551
(HONKING)
98
00:07:27,555 --> 00:07:30,217
Let's go! Kick it in the ass, dildo!
99
00:07:30,858 --> 00:07:32,587
(ENGINE REVVING)
100
00:07:39,133 --> 00:07:40,157
(LAUGHS)
101
00:07:40,234 --> 00:07:43,533
Come on, get in. Get in!
102
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,166
(GRUNTS)
103
00:07:50,244 --> 00:07:51,233
(REX LAUGHING)
104
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,143
REX: You suck!
105
00:07:55,149 --> 00:07:58,312
Okay, seriously.
Quit being such a fag and get in.
106
00:08:03,324 --> 00:08:05,815
(SINGING) Never go down
So let's get it up
107
00:08:05,893 --> 00:08:07,224
(SINGING ALONG)
108
00:08:08,095 --> 00:08:09,084
(COUGHS)
109
00:08:09,597 --> 00:08:13,556
Ian, I'm gonna ask you a question,
and I want a straight answer.
110
00:08:13,968 --> 00:08:15,833
-You queer?
-What?
111
00:08:15,903 --> 00:08:18,371
-God damn it! I knew it!
-I didn't say anything.
112
00:08:18,439 --> 00:08:20,737
Exactly. If someone asks you
if you're a pole smoker,
113
00:08:20,808 --> 00:08:24,244
you just deny it, straight off.
No pause, no farting around.
114
00:08:24,312 --> 00:08:25,711
Rex, I'm not gay.
115
00:08:25,780 --> 00:08:27,771
-Dad thinks you're gay.
-What?
116
00:08:27,849 --> 00:08:30,977
-You're breaking the old man's heart.
-No, I'm not. I told him I'm not.
117
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:34,180
Ian, you're 18,
and you've never had a girlfriend.
118
00:08:34,255 --> 00:08:36,951
That's how people wind up getting gay,
you know.
119
00:08:37,024 --> 00:08:38,992
I don't think that's really how it happens.
120
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,460
Is that not how it happens?
So tell me how it happens, expert.
121
00:08:41,529 --> 00:08:43,963
Fucking cock expert. Cockspert.
122
00:08:44,031 --> 00:08:46,022
Hey, what do you like better,
the shaft or the balls?
123
00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:49,193
-That's gross.
-You like them both, don't you?
124
00:08:49,370 --> 00:08:53,807
It's like, sometimes like, Tuesdays you want
the big, old fucking shiny-ass cock,
125
00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:57,276
and Wednesdays and Thursdays
you're on to the balls.
126
00:08:57,345 --> 00:08:59,540
-I don't know why you're talking about it.
-You can't choose, can you?
127
00:08:59,614 --> 00:09:02,515
That's a tough one.
You love it and you're obsessed with it.
128
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:05,017
No, you are. You keep talking about it.
129
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,849
Why're you smiling at me? I'm serious.
130
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:09,856
Don't fucking smile at me. You know
I'll knock you out of this goddamn earth.
131
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,789
What does it taste like?
132
00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:14,225
Like, right when you take your mouth off
and it's like kind of
133
00:09:14,295 --> 00:09:17,526
like you can almost see your reflection
in that fucking cock.
134
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,759
Smack you in the face with it a little bit.
135
00:09:19,834 --> 00:09:21,961
-You don't like that?
-I don't eat...
136
00:09:22,036 --> 00:09:28,942
Just cut. Just like, shiny fucking stiff,
hot vascular mushroom head.
137
00:09:29,010 --> 00:09:30,204
Yeah, yeah.
138
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:32,542
Look, every guy's got a fantasy
about another guy,
139
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:36,344
but you got to bury that shit way down.
This is America, God damn it.
140
00:09:36,417 --> 00:09:40,410
There is...
There is a girl that I've been kind of...
141
00:09:40,488 --> 00:09:43,389
All right, I'm listening.
Where'd you meet her?
142
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,015
On the... Online.
143
00:09:45,359 --> 00:09:46,656
(TIRES SQUEALING)
144
00:09:46,727 --> 00:09:50,185
What? For fuck's sake, Ian,
don't you watch Dateline?
145
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:54,667
She's probably a guy. Some fat old dude
who wants to ram you in the tailpipe.
146
00:09:54,735 --> 00:09:58,296
But you'd love that, wouldn't you?
'Cause you're a homo.
147
00:10:12,353 --> 00:10:16,551
Hey, Ian. Try not to come home any gayer
than you are now.
148
00:10:16,624 --> 00:10:17,886
(LAUGHING)
149
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,861
Seriously, though. You're a fag.
150
00:10:21,929 --> 00:10:24,955
Hey, don't look at me like that.
I'll punch you in the goddamn throat.
151
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:30,664
(GO T YOU PLAYING)
152
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:38,104
(SINGING) Hey
153
00:10:38,713 --> 00:10:42,171
What's your favorite song?
154
00:10:42,249 --> 00:10:45,082
Maybe we could hum along
155
00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:52,658
Well, I think you're smart,
you sweet thing
156
00:10:53,794 --> 00:10:58,561
Tell me your name,
I'm dying here
157
00:11:04,171 --> 00:11:07,629
Got you where I want you
158
00:11:08,809 --> 00:11:10,299
Yeah
159
00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:17,511
(SIGHS)
160
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:24,624
-Hey, Becca. How are you?
-I'm good. I'm fine. Whatever.
161
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:28,855
(CHUCKLING) Hey, Becca.
Looks like you had a long, nasty night.
162
00:11:28,929 --> 00:11:32,763
-Ron and Ian want the four-one-uno.
-Whatever. You guys are gross.
163
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:37,395
-I'm not gross. I didn't say anything.
-Okay, who's going on coupon rounds?
164
00:11:39,974 --> 00:11:43,273
-No, Becca, I did it yesterday.
-Please, Ian.
165
00:11:45,546 --> 00:11:47,275
I love you so much.
166
00:11:48,482 --> 00:11:53,044
Hello. This is a coupon for six free...
No? Okay. Sorry. Donuts? No.
167
00:11:54,121 --> 00:11:55,748
-Six free donuts with the Bandito's Dozen.
-Thanks.
168
00:11:55,823 --> 00:11:57,415
You're welcome. Sorry.
169
00:11:58,826 --> 00:12:01,317
Excuse me. Do you know where the Gap is?
170
00:12:01,395 --> 00:12:05,456
-It's just past the movie theater.
-Thanks, man.
171
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,963
(LAUGHING)
172
00:12:09,904 --> 00:12:11,371
Yeah, real funny.
173
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,301
Free donuts, free coupons.
174
00:12:17,545 --> 00:12:19,877
TIFFANY: Felicia. How's it fitting, hon?
175
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:35,417
Well, you look nice.
176
00:12:36,163 --> 00:12:38,324
You know, sweetie,
there's still time to have your boobs done
177
00:12:38,399 --> 00:12:39,559
before my wedding.
178
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:42,101
Darren and I already discussed them,
and he said he'd pay for it.
179
00:12:42,169 --> 00:12:45,332
I mean, he's a dentist,
so it's totally not a big deal.
180
00:12:46,707 --> 00:12:48,800
Excuse me, do you have a pair of scissors?
181
00:12:48,876 --> 00:12:50,935
Oh! Sure, sweetie. Do you have a stringie?
182
00:12:51,011 --> 00:12:54,503
Oh, no. I was just hoping
you could slit my wrists for me quickly.
183
00:12:54,582 --> 00:12:57,380
My husband killed himself last Christmas.
184
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,715
I am so sorry. I was just...
185
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:07,586
Hello. This is a coupon
for six free donuts. Donuts?
186
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:19,238
Oh, my God! You look so hot in that.
187
00:13:19,707 --> 00:13:22,642
Hey, sweetheart, listen.
Please don't take this the wrong way,
188
00:13:22,710 --> 00:13:24,644
but your whole trying too hard thing,
189
00:13:24,712 --> 00:13:27,374
it's just coming across as needy,
you know?
190
00:13:27,448 --> 00:13:29,780
And I think you're better than that,
Kimberly.
191
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:34,753
-But all I was saying was that...
-Shh! Let's see it in a large. Okay?
192
00:13:34,922 --> 00:13:36,913
I mean, Christ,
I'm out buying him clothes right now.
193
00:13:36,991 --> 00:13:40,859
He's 18 years old.
I don't have to do that shit anymore.
194
00:13:40,928 --> 00:13:45,456
Look, Judy, listen, I'm sorry,
I'm losing you. I'm going into a tunnel.
195
00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:50,798
Well, it's official, Lance,
your mom's still bat-shit crazy.
196
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:53,169
What? You're telling me
she doesn't shit-talk me?
197
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,141
No, actually, she doesn't. She doesn't, ever.
198
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:59,043
All right. Let me give you some advice,
Lance, all right?
199
00:13:59,113 --> 00:14:02,105
Don't ever get married.
Just an endless parade of horseshit.
200
00:14:02,183 --> 00:14:05,880
And whatever you do, man,
always wear a rubber. Christ.
201
00:14:05,953 --> 00:14:08,786
Nice. Always classy.
202
00:14:08,856 --> 00:14:12,622
Hey, come on, Lance, I didn't mean it like...
Come on, dawg.
203
00:14:16,297 --> 00:14:20,165
Hey, sir. I've got something yummy
for your little girl.
204
00:14:21,635 --> 00:14:22,659
(SCREAMING)
205
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:26,672
Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry!
206
00:14:29,844 --> 00:14:31,072
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
207
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:36,072
-Ian? Oh, my God, dude, what happened?
-IAN: I don't know.
208
00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:38,550
Is there a cock and balls
on the front of me again?
209
00:14:38,619 --> 00:14:41,110
-Like a little tree trunk.
-IAN: Thank you.
210
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,121
Oh, my God.
211
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:51,053
-Whoa. You look pretty.
-God, shut up, Ian!
212
00:14:51,131 --> 00:14:55,033
What? I'm just saying,
you usually dress so... You look nice.
213
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:57,434
Ian, why do you got to work the mouth
when you talk to us?
214
00:14:57,504 --> 00:15:00,996
-Yeah, Ian.
-Sorry, it's a... It's a habit.
215
00:15:01,075 --> 00:15:04,101
Hey, that girl you work with, Becca,
you gonna bring her to my party tonight?
216
00:15:04,178 --> 00:15:08,877
-Yeah, I asked her. She said no.
-Good. Dude, she's totally wrong for you.
217
00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:11,417
That's what you say about everyone.
218
00:15:11,485 --> 00:15:13,476
She made you wear
the fucking costume again, right?
219
00:15:13,554 --> 00:15:15,988
-You know, I don't mind...
-Dude, if you told her to fuck off,
220
00:15:16,056 --> 00:15:19,389
she'd be two knuckles deep right now
daydreaming about your big black cock.
221
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:20,654
Ian, do not listen to him.
222
00:15:20,728 --> 00:15:23,424
Okay, girls want a nice guy
who's gonna treat them well.
223
00:15:23,497 --> 00:15:25,124
-Really?
-Yes. Really.
224
00:15:25,199 --> 00:15:27,429
Look, all I'm saying is
everybody wants a challenge.
225
00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:29,901
-Everybody wants...
-What they can't get. I know, I got it.
226
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:33,303
Do you get it? 'Cause I mean, it feels like
I'm teaching you to walk sometimes.
227
00:15:33,374 --> 00:15:37,367
-That shit does not work.
-It works on you.
228
00:15:37,444 --> 00:15:39,207
No, it doesn't.
229
00:15:43,817 --> 00:15:45,284
Felicia!
230
00:15:45,552 --> 00:15:49,318
Balls! I got to go.
Evil cousin's spending the weekend.
231
00:15:49,390 --> 00:15:52,257
-Pretty cousin?
-Ian, she's the anti-Christ.
232
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:55,454
-She's still super hot.
-Fuck you, too. See you.
233
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:57,589
So what happened with Becca?
234
00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,257
You been doing like I told you,
being a dick?
235
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:03,793
Yeah, kind of. Being kind of a dick.
I'd say... No, not really.
236
00:16:04,738 --> 00:16:06,706
I mean, you know,
I've sort of been practicing
237
00:16:06,774 --> 00:16:09,971
your whole being-a-dick thing
with this girl I met online.
238
00:16:10,044 --> 00:16:12,012
-And I get it, but I just...
-Thanks.
239
00:16:12,079 --> 00:16:13,910
I don't think I could do that for real.
240
00:16:13,981 --> 00:16:16,074
Dude, sure you can.
I believe in you, you know.
241
00:16:16,150 --> 00:16:19,916
You just got to stop worrying
about being the good guy all the time.
242
00:16:19,987 --> 00:16:22,080
I mean, okay,
look at Andy and Randy over there.
243
00:16:22,156 --> 00:16:24,021
You think they care
what women think about them?
244
00:16:24,124 --> 00:16:26,024
They could give a fuck.
245
00:16:26,627 --> 00:16:29,357
-What's up? What's up?
-What's up, what's up?
246
00:16:29,430 --> 00:16:32,797
Hi. I'm collecting for
the underprivileged children of Ecuador.
247
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:34,265
-Would you like to help?
-Not really.
248
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:36,802
-We don't have any money.
-No jobs.
249
00:16:37,638 --> 00:16:39,105
You wanna party?
250
00:16:39,173 --> 00:16:41,334
Um... I'm kind of working right now.
251
00:16:41,408 --> 00:16:43,740
-When are you done?
-Yeah, what are you doing after?
252
00:16:43,811 --> 00:16:45,369
I have a church thing tonight.
253
00:16:45,446 --> 00:16:47,380
-Kick ass, we'll come.
-Yeah, where is it?
254
00:16:47,448 --> 00:16:49,473
Is there gonna be
more hot snatch like you there?
255
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,542
Those guys are total nards.
They never get anywhere.
256
00:16:52,619 --> 00:16:54,553
That's just 'cause they don't know
how to close.
257
00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:56,248
But they're ability to open
is fucking heroic.
258
00:16:56,590 --> 00:16:59,024
-Do you wear thong underpants?
-Do you want us to take our shirts off?
259
00:16:59,093 --> 00:17:01,425
-What color bra are you wearing?
-Is your mom hot, too?
260
00:17:01,495 --> 00:17:03,087
Are you into me?
261
00:17:03,163 --> 00:17:04,892
-Where do you live?
-What color car do you have?
262
00:17:04,965 --> 00:17:06,626
-Where do you live?
-What's your address?
263
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,395
-Do you want us to come over?
-Do you like pizza?
264
00:17:08,469 --> 00:17:10,369
We've been to a motel.
265
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:18,109
-Fuck off, donut.
-Rex, it's me.
266
00:17:19,346 --> 00:17:21,280
What the fuck is this all about?
267
00:17:21,348 --> 00:17:25,250
I broke the key off of our locker.
I couldn't get my clothes out.
268
00:17:25,319 --> 00:17:29,221
Stow that shit in the trunk.
Christ, you look like a Mexican butt-hole.
269
00:17:33,861 --> 00:17:35,726
REX: (LAUGHING) You suck.
270
00:17:39,299 --> 00:17:41,164
Becca? Hey.
271
00:17:41,635 --> 00:17:44,604
Wow, I didn't know
that you were coming over.
272
00:17:45,472 --> 00:17:50,637
Cool. I didn't even know
that you knew where I lived. I mean...
273
00:17:50,711 --> 00:17:53,373
-Yeah, I do.
-Yeah.
274
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:56,883
-So...
-Oh! It's a funny story. I broke...
275
00:17:56,950 --> 00:18:00,750
I broke my key off
and Ron let me borrow the...
276
00:18:00,821 --> 00:18:04,552
Anyway, so this is great.
You changed your mind.
277
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:05,853
Now, the party, it doesn't start
278
00:18:05,926 --> 00:18:09,760
-for a few hours.
-Actually, I was wondering if Dylan's here.
279
00:18:12,099 --> 00:18:14,567
-Dylan?
-Yeah. Is he here?
280
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:17,035
-My 14-year-old brother Dylan?
-Yeah.
281
00:18:17,104 --> 00:18:22,064
-DYLAN: Nice underpants, Ian.
-Snap! Dang, that was funny.
282
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,133
You know he's 14, right?
283
00:18:26,513 --> 00:18:28,572
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
284
00:18:42,696 --> 00:18:46,291
Laura, Cindy, this shit is totally gratuitous.
I love it.
285
00:18:54,575 --> 00:18:55,564
(COUGHING)
286
00:18:56,743 --> 00:18:59,439
-Hey, congrats. Good to see you.
-Hey.
287
00:19:03,450 --> 00:19:05,213
Is this the plan?
288
00:19:14,661 --> 00:19:18,927
Ian, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks here.
Get off your wallflower ass.
289
00:19:18,999 --> 00:19:21,968
-Are you smoking cigars now?
-Yes.
290
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:25,300
-Hey, Lance. Tight party.
-Okay, rude.
291
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:27,203
You can see
I'm having a conversation here.
292
00:19:27,274 --> 00:19:30,209
Now, I'll be with you
in a few minutes, okay?
293
00:19:30,277 --> 00:19:31,608
-Thank you.
-We're sorry.
294
00:19:31,678 --> 00:19:33,646
-Don't apologize to her.
-I'm sorry.
295
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,409
Don't apologize to me.
296
00:19:35,482 --> 00:19:36,471
(SCOFFS)
297
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,744
Hey, I'm gonna go see
who Felicia's talking to.
298
00:19:41,822 --> 00:19:44,052
No, dude, forget Felicia, okay?
299
00:19:44,124 --> 00:19:46,149
I know you guys are BFF and all that shit,
300
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:48,592
but tonight's about getting that dick
a little daylight.
301
00:19:48,662 --> 00:19:50,687
Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart,
where you going?
302
00:19:50,764 --> 00:19:53,232
Come here, we're not done. Get in here.
303
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:57,134
-You know my boy Ian?
-Yeah. No. I don't know.
304
00:19:57,204 --> 00:20:01,106
-You used to be on my paper route.
-Okay, sure. My mom likes you.
305
00:20:01,175 --> 00:20:07,603
Fucking A your mom likes Ian. Look at him.
He's a big, bright crimson king. Right?
306
00:20:07,681 --> 00:20:09,876
You know what else?
307
00:20:09,950 --> 00:20:12,077
Ian is a bust-ass virgin.
308
00:20:12,286 --> 00:20:13,617
(SPLUTTERS)
309
00:20:14,721 --> 00:20:16,086
I'm so sorry.
310
00:20:16,156 --> 00:20:19,387
Don't let that deter you from fucking him.
311
00:20:23,797 --> 00:20:24,786
(GIGGLING)
312
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:28,329
Yeah. No, I'm pretty stoked.
I got into the University of Wisconsin,
313
00:20:28,402 --> 00:20:30,632
and I'm gonna go for veterinary medicine,
'cause that's where...
314
00:20:30,704 --> 00:20:33,138
-Are you gonna go to college?
-University of Boulder.
315
00:20:33,207 --> 00:20:34,902
It's a great party school.
316
00:20:34,975 --> 00:20:40,345
You know, I read that they have
a really great astronomy program.
317
00:20:40,414 --> 00:20:42,348
I don't know if that's
what you're going there for or...
318
00:20:42,416 --> 00:20:48,082
Because it's really high elevation,
and you can see the stars really well...
319
00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,220
Planets.
320
00:20:52,826 --> 00:20:56,318
Wow! A little tip action there.
That's really suggestive.
321
00:20:56,396 --> 00:20:59,627
I'm not saying that
you're gonna do that on my, well...
322
00:20:59,733 --> 00:21:02,964
You can just stick with my finger
if you want 'cause this feels great, so...
323
00:21:04,338 --> 00:21:09,401
You're really good at that.
That's really wet. Two...
324
00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:10,841
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
325
00:21:11,311 --> 00:21:12,335
(POPPING)
326
00:21:12,412 --> 00:21:14,880
-FELICIA: Ian! Dude!
-I'm... Could you excuse me for a second?
327
00:21:14,948 --> 00:21:16,939
Hello. Hello?
328
00:21:17,017 --> 00:21:20,384
-Hey!
-Hey! What up?
329
00:21:20,454 --> 00:21:24,220
-What are you doing in there, man?
-What're you doing out here, man?
330
00:21:24,291 --> 00:21:27,124
-I asked you first.
-Nothing.
331
00:21:27,194 --> 00:21:30,960
No, I just... I spilled beer on my shirt,
so then I had to...
332
00:21:31,031 --> 00:21:35,968
-I thought you had, like, a girl in there.
-Yeah, right. I wish.
333
00:21:36,036 --> 00:21:39,563
So, okay.
So, are your parents, like, still going
334
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,699
to Dylan's motor-cross thing this weekend?
335
00:21:41,808 --> 00:21:43,435
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They all take off in the morning.
336
00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:44,772
Okay. Awesome.
337
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:49,873
'Cause my evil cousin is driving me nuts,
so, I don't know,
338
00:21:49,950 --> 00:21:53,113
you think, like, maybe I could hang
at your place this weekend?
339
00:21:53,220 --> 00:21:55,882
Yeah. Yeah, like a sleepover or something.
It'll be fun.
340
00:21:55,956 --> 00:22:02,259
Oh, my God! Thank you so much.
Hey, I have a secret.
341
00:22:02,562 --> 00:22:03,586
(LAUGHS)
342
00:22:03,664 --> 00:22:06,531
-Okay.
-But it's like a girl secret, so...
343
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:11,333
-Can you handle it? Are you sure? Okay.
-Yeah.
344
00:22:11,438 --> 00:22:14,202
Hey, Dibits, fuck off.
345
00:22:16,476 --> 00:22:19,877
Okay, so I... Oh my God, this is so lame.
346
00:22:19,946 --> 00:22:24,406
-Look at you acting like such a girl.
-I know, I know. Okay, okay. Here it is.
347
00:22:26,253 --> 00:22:30,690
I have a crush on someone, a boy, a guy.
348
00:22:31,291 --> 00:22:33,885
Yeah? Well, who is it?
349
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,758
Come on, you know me better than anyone.
I bet you know who it is.
350
00:22:36,830 --> 00:22:38,388
Come on, guess.
351
00:22:40,434 --> 00:22:41,423
Um...
352
00:22:42,235 --> 00:22:43,793
I think I know.
353
00:22:50,177 --> 00:22:52,008
(GASPING)
354
00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:57,881
I'm kidding. Oh, God! I got you.
You're so easy. You're so easy!
355
00:23:01,888 --> 00:23:04,982
-You're my best friend.
-I know, and you're my best friend.
356
00:23:05,058 --> 00:23:09,017
That's why it's funny that we would kiss,
because we wouldn't.
357
00:23:11,198 --> 00:23:15,259
So who is it? Who's the lucky caballero?
358
00:23:15,802 --> 00:23:18,032
Um... Nobody.
359
00:23:18,105 --> 00:23:21,939
-Nobody?
-I... I was kidding, too.
360
00:23:22,909 --> 00:23:25,002
-That is funny.
-It's hilarious.
361
00:23:25,078 --> 00:23:27,444
-That is so funny.
-That is so funny.
362
00:23:28,215 --> 00:23:29,978
Oh! I...
363
00:23:30,050 --> 00:23:31,039
-You got...
-Yeah.
364
00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:33,643
-All right. So...
-Hey!
365
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,085
Okay.
366
00:23:40,994 --> 00:23:42,154
Harsh.
367
00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:51,062
(BUZZING)
368
00:23:51,138 --> 00:23:52,537
(LINDSAY MOANING)
369
00:23:53,206 --> 00:23:55,333
LINDSAY: Well, come on, Ian.
370
00:23:55,409 --> 00:23:56,467
(STUTTERING)
371
00:23:56,543 --> 00:23:58,738
You know what? I'm good. I'm just gonna...
372
00:23:58,812 --> 00:24:01,645
Ian, come on, baby. Don't be shy.
373
00:24:01,715 --> 00:24:05,742
No, thanks. It looks like
you got your hands full there, so...
374
00:24:05,819 --> 00:24:08,014
MAN: Sure you don't want to
get in on this, bro?
375
00:24:08,088 --> 00:24:10,147
No, thanks, man.
376
00:24:10,223 --> 00:24:13,624
It looks like you fellows
got it all under control.
377
00:24:13,693 --> 00:24:17,686
So I'm just gonna skedaddle.
You all take care now.
378
00:24:17,764 --> 00:24:19,322
Lindsay, say hi to your mom.
379
00:24:19,399 --> 00:24:20,423
(LINDSAY GASPING)
380
00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:21,990
MAN: All right. See you later, buddy.
381
00:24:29,810 --> 00:24:31,937
Ian. Dude, where you going?
382
00:24:34,181 --> 00:24:35,273
Shit.
383
00:24:40,887 --> 00:24:42,514
(LINDSAY GASPING)
384
00:24:43,690 --> 00:24:45,681
(CHUCKLES) Hey, Goldie, scoot over.
385
00:24:52,432 --> 00:24:55,629
-Hey, babe, you wanna party?
-I'm at a party.
386
00:24:55,702 --> 00:24:57,829
RANDY: You should pee on us.
387
00:24:57,904 --> 00:24:58,962
ANDY: Why don't you take a picture, Ian?
388
00:24:59,039 --> 00:25:01,769
Yeah, and post it on
Totalfuckingawesomeness. com.
389
00:25:01,842 --> 00:25:03,867
Backslash-we-rule!
390
00:25:03,944 --> 00:25:05,104
RANDY: Where'd you come up with that?
391
00:25:05,178 --> 00:25:10,275
-Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
-You just did.
392
00:25:11,117 --> 00:25:13,142
-Can I ask you another question?
-You just did again.
393
00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:15,415
-What's up? What's up?
-What's up, what's up?
394
00:25:15,489 --> 00:25:18,754
Nice hair. It'll look even better in my crotch.
395
00:25:21,895 --> 00:25:24,728
-Dude, where you going?
-Come on.
396
00:25:24,831 --> 00:25:27,800
What's going on?
Something troubling you? Be a buddy.
397
00:25:27,868 --> 00:25:32,965
-I'm... All right, all right.
-You got to get over the monkey.
398
00:25:33,039 --> 00:25:37,203
Where do you guys get the confidence to,
like, hit on every girl you see?
399
00:25:37,277 --> 00:25:41,111
-'Cause we're the shit.
-Yeah, you oughts to know that, bitch.
400
00:25:41,214 --> 00:25:42,613
(SPITTING)
401
00:25:44,184 --> 00:25:47,585
-So where's Felicia?
-Fel-ate-cha. Yeah.
402
00:25:48,555 --> 00:25:51,922
-She's in...
-Fe-lay-cha! You banging her?
403
00:25:52,759 --> 00:25:54,351
We're just friends.
404
00:25:54,427 --> 00:25:56,190
-I'm uncircumcised.
-Yeah.
405
00:25:56,363 --> 00:25:58,558
-I'm into you and I'm hard.
-Yeah.
406
00:25:58,632 --> 00:26:01,032
-Hey, I was born to fertilize.
-Yeah.
407
00:26:01,101 --> 00:26:03,262
-I'm a firefighter.
-GIRL: Fuck off!
408
00:26:03,436 --> 00:26:04,630
(SIGHS)
409
00:26:04,704 --> 00:26:06,501
Wait, I thought you took her to prom.
410
00:26:06,573 --> 00:26:09,542
Yeah,
but it was a just-friends kind of thing.
411
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,041
You should bang her. We would.
412
00:26:16,182 --> 00:26:17,774
ANDY: Dude, we would bang her so hard.
413
00:26:17,951 --> 00:26:20,317
We would take that ass and just...
414
00:26:23,189 --> 00:26:25,350
Yeah, tell her we'll bang her for you
if you're not into it.
415
00:26:25,425 --> 00:26:26,790
Yeah. Hard.
416
00:26:26,860 --> 00:26:29,090
-With our dicks!
-Yeah, our dicks are huge.
417
00:26:29,162 --> 00:26:32,290
You could see them from space!
What's up?
418
00:26:32,365 --> 00:26:35,334
-What's up?
-Hey, do you have a phone number?
419
00:26:36,436 --> 00:26:38,028
You don't. Okay.
420
00:26:44,244 --> 00:26:46,041
I'll call you from nationals.
421
00:26:49,382 --> 00:26:51,907
-BECCA: Say it.
-You're my little donut girl.
422
00:26:56,089 --> 00:26:59,752
-Bye, sexy.
-Yo, Ian.
423
00:27:00,894 --> 00:27:04,728
-You want to smell my finger?
-Yeah, okay.
424
00:27:07,567 --> 00:27:08,556
(SNIFFS)
425
00:27:09,235 --> 00:27:11,726
Are you sure you got the right hole?
426
00:27:11,805 --> 00:27:12,794
(SNIFFS)
427
00:27:19,646 --> 00:27:20,772
Kids.
428
00:27:21,314 --> 00:27:22,906
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
429
00:27:27,821 --> 00:27:29,083
Awesome.
430
00:27:34,828 --> 00:27:37,126
Hmm... '69.
431
00:27:43,169 --> 00:27:44,158
(LAUGHS)
432
00:27:44,604 --> 00:27:45,696
Whoa.
433
00:27:54,481 --> 00:27:56,449
Don't puss out. Be cool.
434
00:27:59,219 --> 00:28:01,653
I don't know.
435
00:28:01,988 --> 00:28:07,893
That is a long drive, my sugar biscuit!
436
00:28:10,096 --> 00:28:13,065
Sugar biscuit? God, I suck at this.
437
00:28:18,405 --> 00:28:19,394
(SLURPING)
438
00:28:24,010 --> 00:28:25,034
(CLANGING)
439
00:28:25,111 --> 00:28:26,578
Holy buckets.
440
00:28:28,782 --> 00:28:31,080
She wants me to give her the D.
441
00:28:31,151 --> 00:28:32,140
(NASTY GIRL PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)
442
00:28:32,218 --> 00:28:33,242
(SINGING) Well, honey
443
00:28:33,319 --> 00:28:34,308
What ya got, Mr. Mans?
444
00:28:34,387 --> 00:28:35,820
I got a lot of money
445
00:28:35,889 --> 00:28:37,823
I don't see no keys in my hands
446
00:28:37,891 --> 00:28:40,758
I just wanna nasty girl
447
00:28:40,827 --> 00:28:42,089
(GRUNTS)
448
00:28:42,162 --> 00:28:44,528
Now tell me, is that nasty girl you?
449
00:28:44,597 --> 00:28:45,791
Do you like what you see?
450
00:28:45,865 --> 00:28:52,429
Could you be my nasty girl
and let me do that dirty dance with you?
451
00:28:52,505 --> 00:28:54,598
I can love you long time
452
00:29:01,715 --> 00:29:03,979
(ALL SHAPES AND SIZES PLAYING)
453
00:29:08,388 --> 00:29:11,687
(SINGING) I like 'em all in shapes and sizes
454
00:29:12,325 --> 00:29:14,953
And it don't make no difference to me
455
00:29:15,862 --> 00:29:20,322
If you're short, tall, big or small
Long if there ain't no big surprises
456
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,630
Chances are you'll suit me to a T
457
00:29:31,377 --> 00:29:32,708
Love beef.
458
00:29:36,549 --> 00:29:38,210
Terry, phone call.
459
00:29:42,222 --> 00:29:45,521
Dude, weren't you in my gym class?
What is it? Egan?
460
00:29:45,592 --> 00:29:47,583
Yeah, yeah. Hey, Jordan.
461
00:29:50,897 --> 00:29:52,296
(SCOFFING)
462
00:29:52,632 --> 00:29:56,728
Right. Whatever, scrotch.
You can't get your fist pregnant.
463
00:29:56,803 --> 00:30:00,466
Russ, man, check it out.
Yo, look who's buying jimmys.
464
00:30:01,407 --> 00:30:03,898
You want these gift-wrapped, Egan?
465
00:30:08,548 --> 00:30:10,140
Just ring it up, man.
466
00:30:10,216 --> 00:30:12,582
Karen, let me have that for you.
467
00:30:13,386 --> 00:30:15,946
Dad, what did you do with my helmet?
468
00:30:35,308 --> 00:30:42,237
Ian, honey,
I made you some tollhouse cookies.
469
00:30:43,116 --> 00:30:45,550
I'll just leave these here for you.
470
00:30:46,786 --> 00:30:48,151
I'll get them later.
471
00:30:48,822 --> 00:30:51,791
There's $40 in the cow for fun money,
472
00:30:52,458 --> 00:30:55,859
so be safe and sorry I didn't knock.
473
00:30:57,330 --> 00:31:01,130
Anytime. It's your home now.
474
00:31:01,201 --> 00:31:02,225
(THUDS)
475
00:31:02,302 --> 00:31:03,826
KAREN: Oh, dear.
476
00:31:07,607 --> 00:31:09,234
-Dude.
-Hey.
477
00:31:09,309 --> 00:31:12,335
What is going on with you?
You bought rubbers?
478
00:31:13,079 --> 00:31:15,547
-How did you know that?
-It's on Russ Miller's blog.
479
00:31:19,652 --> 00:31:21,779
Jesus! That was, like, 11 minutes ago.
480
00:31:21,855 --> 00:31:23,288
What's the deal? Dude.
481
00:31:24,791 --> 00:31:27,760
IAN: She wants me to meet her tonight
at the Big Boy in Knoxville.
482
00:31:27,894 --> 00:31:31,796
This is a fucking written invitation
to your dick from the Internet.
483
00:31:31,865 --> 00:31:33,127
Oh, Jesus.
484
00:31:33,199 --> 00:31:35,497
Seriously, dude, pack your shit.
We're going to Knoxville.
485
00:31:35,568 --> 00:31:37,627
No. Stop it. Put these back.
486
00:31:37,737 --> 00:31:39,500
This is the type of girl who has...
487
00:31:39,572 --> 00:31:42,200
She has it shaved into a landing strip.
488
00:31:42,609 --> 00:31:44,008
I can't deal with a landing strip.
489
00:31:44,077 --> 00:31:46,739
Okay, dude, you don't know that. I mean,
she could have anything under there.
490
00:31:46,813 --> 00:31:51,375
There could be a little Hitler
or just a full, nasty Chewbacca.
491
00:31:51,818 --> 00:31:52,842
(LAUGHS)
492
00:31:52,919 --> 00:31:56,082
But I'm guessing this chick is baby fresh.
493
00:31:56,155 --> 00:32:00,023
You know, she doesn't even want me.
She wants him.
494
00:32:00,093 --> 00:32:01,117
(LANCE LAUGHING)
495
00:32:01,194 --> 00:32:04,960
I'm sorry. This is good. This is fine.
496
00:32:05,031 --> 00:32:07,124
I mean, that looks like you. Like the eyes.
497
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,925
Tasty's probably a guy, anyway.
498
00:32:10,003 --> 00:32:12,699
Maybe. But what if she's not?
499
00:32:13,172 --> 00:32:16,664
You know, I mean, look, you've already
opened, and I could help you close.
500
00:32:17,210 --> 00:32:18,609
We just need one thing.
501
00:32:18,678 --> 00:32:19,736
(ENGINE REVVING)
502
00:32:24,117 --> 00:32:28,747
Ian, just look at this.
I mean, you roll up in a '69 GTO,
503
00:32:28,821 --> 00:32:31,449
she's gonna drop an egg right there
in the Big Boy parking lot.
504
00:32:31,524 --> 00:32:33,492
Hey, Ian, come give me a hand with this.
505
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:37,654
Here. Strap that end down. Tight.
506
00:32:38,264 --> 00:32:41,461
-The cord's too short.
-Put a little sack into it, powder puff.
507
00:32:45,371 --> 00:32:47,771
-All right. Thanks, little brother.
-Yeah.
508
00:32:48,174 --> 00:32:49,835
-Hey, Ian.
-Yeah.
509
00:32:50,276 --> 00:32:52,403
Did I hear something
about you wanting to borrow my car?
510
00:32:52,478 --> 00:32:55,140
No, no, it's fine. Thanks. Thank you.
511
00:32:56,182 --> 00:32:57,444
You sure?
512
00:32:58,818 --> 00:33:02,276
You're my little brother, Ian.
All you gotta do is ask.
513
00:33:04,324 --> 00:33:05,416
Okay.
514
00:33:06,559 --> 00:33:09,050
Could I use The Judge this weekend?
515
00:33:10,430 --> 00:33:11,419
(LAUGHING)
516
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:18,664
Fuck-stick, I wouldn't let you drive
The Judge if it was parked on my shnuts.
517
00:33:22,275 --> 00:33:24,505
-REX: Let's go, Dad.
-What a dick.
518
00:33:24,577 --> 00:33:26,408
You should take his car just on principle.
519
00:33:26,813 --> 00:33:28,747
What do you want me to do, you know?
520
00:33:28,815 --> 00:33:31,375
I mean, I doubt I can hot-wire it,
since I don't even know what that means.
521
00:33:31,451 --> 00:33:32,918
What are you doing?
522
00:33:34,387 --> 00:33:35,376
(LAUGHS)
523
00:33:36,823 --> 00:33:39,849
No. Lance, no! Put it back.
Did you just hear him? Please.
524
00:33:39,926 --> 00:33:42,087
Come here, we're gonna have a talk.
525
00:33:42,428 --> 00:33:44,623
She's only nine short hours away, okay?
526
00:33:44,697 --> 00:33:47,564
We're gonna head down there tonight
and you're gonna put a dent in that shit.
527
00:33:47,633 --> 00:33:50,602
Ian's gonna treat it like it's meat
that needs tenderizing.
528
00:33:50,670 --> 00:33:52,365
With his dick instead of a hammer.
529
00:33:52,438 --> 00:33:54,565
You can pound it till it bleeds.
530
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:58,269
Yeah, it's just a fucking girl's mess,
and then we're gonna be...
531
00:33:58,344 --> 00:33:59,368
(LAUGHING)
532
00:33:59,445 --> 00:34:02,107
-What're you doing?
-MAN: Still rolling.
533
00:34:02,181 --> 00:34:04,945
Who's gonna pound on it? Say it.
Ian's gonna pound on it.
534
00:34:05,018 --> 00:34:07,714
We're back tomorrow
before Rex even knows the car is gone.
535
00:34:07,787 --> 00:34:09,846
Now, listen, these girls at Madison are
gonna be fucking at a college level.
536
00:34:09,922 --> 00:34:10,946
(GARAGE DOOR OPENING)
537
00:34:11,024 --> 00:34:13,049
I need you ready for that.
538
00:34:13,393 --> 00:34:15,384
Wait! Put it... Put it back.
539
00:34:16,162 --> 00:34:17,254
Back here.
540
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:37,407
For God's sake. You two rump rangers
couldn't wait five minutes?
541
00:34:43,623 --> 00:34:44,612
(GRUNTS)
542
00:34:48,428 --> 00:34:49,588
(HONKING)
543
00:34:53,166 --> 00:34:54,292
Shit.
544
00:35:10,850 --> 00:35:12,408
-Shit!
-Fuck!
545
00:35:12,485 --> 00:35:15,010
I told her she could stay here this weekend.
546
00:35:15,521 --> 00:35:19,048
Dude, what the hell?
Why are you driving Rex's car?
547
00:35:19,125 --> 00:35:20,922
I thought me and...
548
00:35:22,662 --> 00:35:25,324
-Are you bitching out on me?
-No.
549
00:35:25,398 --> 00:35:26,592
-No.
-No.
550
00:35:26,666 --> 00:35:29,396
Good. Well, then where are we going?
551
00:35:30,403 --> 00:35:32,963
Um... Knoxville, Tennessee.
552
00:35:34,107 --> 00:35:35,540
Okay. I'm gonna go tell my mom.
553
00:35:35,608 --> 00:35:39,442
Okay. Are you gonna... Awesome.
554
00:35:39,645 --> 00:35:41,135
Dude, what the fuck?
555
00:35:41,214 --> 00:35:43,045
-I don't want her along.
-Really?
556
00:35:43,116 --> 00:35:45,277
You don't want to bring Yoko
on your sex trip?
557
00:35:45,351 --> 00:35:47,683
Yeah, no shit.
She's always cock-blocking you.
558
00:35:47,753 --> 00:35:50,313
No, she isn't. She doesn't even have a...
559
00:35:50,389 --> 00:35:52,584
Okay, twat blocking.
560
00:35:52,658 --> 00:35:53,750
Professor.
561
00:35:53,826 --> 00:35:54,850
FELICIA'S MOM: When will you
be coming back?
562
00:35:54,927 --> 00:35:56,258
No, tomorrow.
563
00:35:56,329 --> 00:35:59,389
-FELICIA'S MOM: When?
-No. Bye! God.
564
00:35:59,465 --> 00:36:01,797
FELICIA'S MOM: You guys
drive safe now. Bye!
565
00:36:02,368 --> 00:36:04,063
So, what's in Tennessee?
566
00:36:04,737 --> 00:36:07,501
My grandma has got some cancer.
567
00:36:08,307 --> 00:36:10,138
-Grammy K?
-IAN: She's fine.
568
00:36:10,443 --> 00:36:13,503
She's gonna live forever. Well, a long time.
569
00:36:14,780 --> 00:36:16,611
It's, you know... I mean, what is it called?
570
00:36:16,682 --> 00:36:18,741
-It's foot cancer.
-She's got a little foot cancer.
571
00:36:18,818 --> 00:36:21,013
She'll be hopping around in no time.
572
00:36:21,854 --> 00:36:24,254
So what's she doing in Tennessee?
573
00:36:24,524 --> 00:36:28,620
Oh! Um... Well, there's this kick-ass
cancer center there.
574
00:36:28,694 --> 00:36:32,494
-Yeah.
-Yeah, it's like... It's famous.
575
00:36:32,732 --> 00:36:35,360
-Yeah.
-So if you ever get any cancer,
576
00:36:35,434 --> 00:36:39,666
you should totally check it out.
577
00:36:39,972 --> 00:36:40,996
(TIME TO PRETEND PLAYING)
578
00:36:41,073 --> 00:36:42,199
I would.
579
00:36:45,211 --> 00:36:49,511
LANCE: So you want I-80 East and then
65 goes all the way through Indiana.
580
00:36:50,583 --> 00:36:52,483
-So how's it feel?
-IAN: What?
581
00:36:53,052 --> 00:36:56,954
I don't know, breaking the rules,
talking some shit, driving The Judge?
582
00:36:58,191 --> 00:36:59,715
It feels pretty good.
583
00:36:59,792 --> 00:37:02,090
(SINGING) I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw
584
00:37:02,161 --> 00:37:04,254
I'm in the prime of my life
585
00:37:08,601 --> 00:37:14,233
Let's make some music, make some money
Find some models for wives
586
00:37:18,077 --> 00:37:22,377
This is our decision
To live fast and die young
587
00:37:22,915 --> 00:37:28,046
We've got the vision
Now let's have some fun
588
00:37:30,356 --> 00:37:32,984
I said, yeah, yeah, yeah
589
00:37:33,426 --> 00:37:35,018
(ENGINE REVVING)
590
00:37:36,896 --> 00:37:38,557
This dude wants to race.
591
00:37:40,266 --> 00:37:41,597
Let's go, ladies.
592
00:37:41,667 --> 00:37:44,363
Lance! Cut it out!
Come on, you don't know who's in there.
593
00:37:44,437 --> 00:37:48,567
Dude, I don't care if fucking Steve
McQueen's zombie corpse is in that car.
594
00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:51,633
I refuse to be embarrassed by a car
that looks like a Trapper Keeper.
595
00:37:51,711 --> 00:37:53,838
I am not racing in my brother's car.
596
00:37:54,847 --> 00:37:56,906
IAN: Holy shit.
597
00:37:57,950 --> 00:37:59,611
What the hell is that?
598
00:38:01,854 --> 00:38:03,913
Looks like a Nachos BellGrande.
599
00:38:03,990 --> 00:38:05,457
And a chalupa!
600
00:38:05,758 --> 00:38:07,123
Medium Coke!
601
00:38:07,193 --> 00:38:08,421
(SCREAMING)
602
00:38:08,494 --> 00:38:09,518
Go right!
603
00:38:09,695 --> 00:38:11,788
FELICIA: Turn the wipers on!
IAN: They are on.
604
00:38:11,998 --> 00:38:13,488
FELICIA: They're not working!
605
00:38:13,699 --> 00:38:16,532
IAN: Please, don't yell at me.
I'm doing the best I can.
606
00:38:17,503 --> 00:38:18,936
-Winnebago!
-IAN: Where?
607
00:38:19,005 --> 00:38:20,836
Winnebago! Winnebago!
608
00:38:20,906 --> 00:38:21,895
(SCREECHING)
609
00:38:23,976 --> 00:38:25,637
(GASPING)
610
00:38:28,381 --> 00:38:30,474
Oh, my God, are you all right?
611
00:38:30,549 --> 00:38:31,880
(LAUGHING)
612
00:38:35,421 --> 00:38:38,822
Yeah, nobody offer to help.
I got this under control.
613
00:38:39,792 --> 00:38:41,054
(SNIFFLES)
614
00:38:46,198 --> 00:38:50,362
-Are you all right?
-Do I look like I'm all right? Fuck!
615
00:38:52,672 --> 00:38:57,541
You know what might make you feel better?
Putting 40 on pump two.
616
00:39:12,758 --> 00:39:16,592
Hey. You okay in there?
617
00:39:17,697 --> 00:39:18,721
(MAN WHOOPING)
618
00:39:18,798 --> 00:39:22,757
God damn! My back teeth are snorkeling.
619
00:39:28,574 --> 00:39:30,064
Sweet relief.
620
00:39:30,309 --> 00:39:31,298
(SNIFFLES)
621
00:39:33,045 --> 00:39:35,104
You got the shy bladder?
622
00:39:36,082 --> 00:39:37,413
-Yeah.
-Damn.
623
00:39:39,885 --> 00:39:43,116
Paruresis. That's what they call it.
624
00:39:43,189 --> 00:39:45,987
Let me tell you something.
I didn't catch your name.
625
00:39:46,058 --> 00:39:47,320
It's Ian.
626
00:39:47,393 --> 00:39:51,887
Let me tell you something, Ian.
I had it something fierce.
627
00:39:55,468 --> 00:39:58,869
You can do it, Ian. You can do it.
628
00:40:05,177 --> 00:40:07,668
Go running down by your sister.
629
00:40:07,747 --> 00:40:10,841
Excuse me, ma'am, that was my pump.
630
00:40:11,250 --> 00:40:14,913
Yeah? You move your meat,
you lose your seat. Hmm.
631
00:40:16,255 --> 00:40:19,713
Logan, do not eat that.
You will fuck up your appetite!
632
00:40:21,093 --> 00:40:22,185
Damn.
633
00:40:23,295 --> 00:40:25,456
Listen, Reba.
634
00:40:25,531 --> 00:40:30,059
If you value the rest of your teeth,
you will shut off that pump.
635
00:40:35,474 --> 00:40:38,875
So I tells my daddy, "You know what?
You're not the boss of me.
636
00:40:38,944 --> 00:40:42,539
"Not you, not Angie,"
that's that girl I was telling you about.
637
00:40:42,615 --> 00:40:44,674
"And sure as hell not this bladder of mine. "
638
00:40:44,750 --> 00:40:46,843
Well, he looked at me,
and you should have...
639
00:40:46,919 --> 00:40:50,685
Ian. Where you going? Don't give up.
640
00:40:53,592 --> 00:40:56,527
Jesus. I've been pissing for an hour.
641
00:41:01,033 --> 00:41:05,026
-Another one for the collection.
-Cool. Thanks.
642
00:41:07,773 --> 00:41:08,865
What?
643
00:41:12,978 --> 00:41:14,309
(SOBBING)
644
00:41:14,380 --> 00:41:17,577
It's okay, Brandy. It's okay, baby, don't cry.
645
00:41:17,650 --> 00:41:19,345
Lance, what are you doing?
646
00:41:19,418 --> 00:41:21,352
Dude, you should be ashamed of yourself,
647
00:41:21,420 --> 00:41:25,356
because I'm just trying to show
another human being a little compassion.
648
00:41:25,958 --> 00:41:27,357
And my dick.
649
00:41:28,761 --> 00:41:29,785
(SHUSHING)
650
00:41:29,862 --> 00:41:32,922
It's okay, baby. Just let those tears fall.
651
00:41:32,998 --> 00:41:35,398
You know why?
'Cause our love will dry them up.
652
00:41:35,468 --> 00:41:39,165
Love will keep us alive. Just like that song.
You know that song?
653
00:41:39,238 --> 00:41:43,368
That's our song now.
That song represents our bond.
654
00:41:45,144 --> 00:41:47,806
Don Henley's words represent our love.
655
00:41:49,782 --> 00:41:51,147
(LANCE LAUGHING)
656
00:41:54,286 --> 00:41:55,810
What have you got?
657
00:41:56,188 --> 00:41:58,622
Hey, kid, where you from?
658
00:42:00,059 --> 00:42:04,826
-I'm from Chicago, I mean, outside Chicago.
-Are you two married. No?
659
00:42:06,265 --> 00:42:12,101
-No, we're just friends. We're amigos.
-You make a good couple.
660
00:42:12,671 --> 00:42:15,367
She's pretty. Marry that girl.
661
00:42:15,474 --> 00:42:19,035
See my lady and I here,
we've been married forever.
662
00:42:19,111 --> 00:42:21,511
And I tell you she was gorgeous.
663
00:42:21,580 --> 00:42:25,016
The first day I saw her,
I said, "This is gonna be my wife. "
664
00:42:25,084 --> 00:42:27,644
And you know what? It happened.
665
00:42:27,720 --> 00:42:31,383
I tell you,
that was a very good year for corn.
666
00:42:31,457 --> 00:42:33,823
Made lots of money.
667
00:42:33,893 --> 00:42:39,661
I fixed my 4X4 and bought my lady
a sexy French lingerie.
668
00:42:39,732 --> 00:42:42,860
Boy, those were the best six bucks
I ever spent.
669
00:42:45,137 --> 00:42:48,334
You kids want to help yourself
to a can of Purple?
670
00:42:48,741 --> 00:42:52,700
-Purple sounds great, Ian. Purple?
-Yeah, I can go...
671
00:42:55,347 --> 00:42:57,508
Say, the boys still hanging?
672
00:42:58,484 --> 00:43:01,976
-You ever had a peppermint fatty?
-No. Let's have that.
673
00:43:02,121 --> 00:43:04,021
See how that shoe fits.
674
00:43:05,591 --> 00:43:07,024
(MOANS)
675
00:43:07,459 --> 00:43:10,189
Oh my God. Do you have a degree in this?
676
00:43:12,498 --> 00:43:15,763
You know that thing,
when runners say they break the wall?
677
00:43:15,834 --> 00:43:18,496
You know, and it's all good after that?
678
00:43:18,938 --> 00:43:20,803
I feel like that
when my dick's in your mouth.
679
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,274
It actually says Purple Soda.
680
00:43:24,343 --> 00:43:26,174
(LANCE EXCLAIMING)
681
00:43:29,114 --> 00:43:31,082
BRANDY: Bad boy.
682
00:43:35,821 --> 00:43:37,846
You like him, don't you?
683
00:43:40,926 --> 00:43:45,295
-What? Who?
-Lance. I mean, he's the crush, right?
684
00:43:45,431 --> 00:43:50,232
Oh, yeah! I like Lance, 'cause he's so hot.
685
00:43:50,302 --> 00:43:54,170
I wanna have his baby, he's... Whatever.
686
00:43:55,441 --> 00:43:56,931
(TIRES SCREECHING)
687
00:43:57,943 --> 00:44:01,003
RICK: Brandy!
FELICIA: Uh-oh!
688
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,106
Brandy! Shit.
689
00:44:06,986 --> 00:44:08,920
-Howdy.
-Howdy.
690
00:44:08,988 --> 00:44:13,857
Mr. McBroom. Ma'am.
Where the fuck's Brandy at?
691
00:44:14,493 --> 00:44:15,960
(BRANDY GIGGLING)
692
00:44:22,935 --> 00:44:28,532
-You ever hear of a rolling brown-out?
-No. Let's try it.
693
00:44:30,175 --> 00:44:31,836
You bleach that.
694
00:44:32,378 --> 00:44:36,576
Wait. No, no, no, no! Nothing brown!
Nothing brown! Nothing brown!
695
00:44:36,649 --> 00:44:39,049
What're you gonna do? Hit a girl?
696
00:44:39,318 --> 00:44:43,482
No, but I'm gonna
pummel his ass real good.
697
00:44:43,555 --> 00:44:45,921
There you go. There you go.
698
00:44:46,992 --> 00:44:47,981
Hey!
699
00:44:48,127 --> 00:44:49,458
I have to go to church.
700
00:44:50,329 --> 00:44:53,264
Come on, baby! Open the goddamn door!
701
00:44:59,171 --> 00:45:03,232
All right, this is not what it looks like.
It was a project for school.
702
00:45:03,308 --> 00:45:04,468
Purple Soda!
703
00:45:04,543 --> 00:45:05,532
(SODA CAN HISSING)
704
00:45:10,816 --> 00:45:11,976
(RICK GRUNTING)
705
00:45:13,686 --> 00:45:14,880
Wiener!
706
00:45:18,824 --> 00:45:19,813
Ow!
707
00:45:42,147 --> 00:45:43,637
There you are.
708
00:45:45,884 --> 00:45:48,819
Come on, come on.
I do not want to die naked.
709
00:45:51,790 --> 00:45:52,984
(LAUGHING)
710
00:45:55,194 --> 00:45:59,460
Fuck you! Motherfucking son of a bitch!
711
00:46:07,406 --> 00:46:11,001
Get on your feet, you motherfucking pussy!
712
00:46:11,210 --> 00:46:15,271
I'm gonna ask you this just one time.
Did she give you the nugget?
713
00:46:15,681 --> 00:46:17,148
Hey, hold on!
714
00:46:18,817 --> 00:46:20,045
Come on, man, she's not worth it.
715
00:46:20,119 --> 00:46:22,815
She's just gonna shit all over you.
Trust me.
716
00:46:23,222 --> 00:46:26,248
-She touch your butthole?
-No, no. Jesus, no!
717
00:46:26,325 --> 00:46:28,953
-Let's see!
-I thought she was a man. I'm gay.
718
00:46:29,027 --> 00:46:30,619
I'm gay as hell.
719
00:46:31,130 --> 00:46:32,654
(LAUGHING)
720
00:46:33,098 --> 00:46:35,566
Eat bat, dickhead!
721
00:46:37,169 --> 00:46:38,602
Holy shit!
722
00:46:39,204 --> 00:46:40,193
(LAUGHS)
723
00:46:40,706 --> 00:46:41,866
Ian just killed that guy.
724
00:46:41,940 --> 00:46:44,067
Sir? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Are you all right?
725
00:46:44,143 --> 00:46:47,476
Look, I have my insurance card.
I'm sorry. We're from out of town.
726
00:46:47,546 --> 00:46:51,038
I couldn't see you through the corn.
I'm sorry.
727
00:46:51,150 --> 00:46:52,640
(LANCE LAUGHING)
728
00:46:54,620 --> 00:46:56,850
IAN: Where the hell's the road?
FELICIA: It feels like left.
729
00:46:56,922 --> 00:46:58,082
IAN: I told you we didn't have time for this,
730
00:46:58,157 --> 00:47:00,421
-but all you care about is your stupid dick.
-Ian.
731
00:47:00,492 --> 00:47:02,153
And you leave us out there
with her mom's weird soda.
732
00:47:02,227 --> 00:47:04,627
-Ian.
-And her dad's balls in plain view...
733
00:47:04,696 --> 00:47:05,822
Ian, Ian, whip a shitty!
734
00:47:05,898 --> 00:47:07,195
RICK: Motherfucker!
735
00:47:11,436 --> 00:47:13,165
(ALL SCREAMING)
736
00:47:16,909 --> 00:47:17,933
(WHOOPING)
737
00:47:18,010 --> 00:47:21,207
Holy fucking shit! That's how you do that!
738
00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:25,180
Oh, my God, Ian, amazing driving.
Lance, you suck!
739
00:47:25,450 --> 00:47:27,748
FELICIA: Where the hell are we?
IAN: Where are the Google maps?
740
00:47:27,820 --> 00:47:30,254
-They're in my pants.
-Which are?
741
00:47:30,956 --> 00:47:32,753
In the trailer.
742
00:47:34,426 --> 00:47:36,587
Mmm-hmm. Great.
743
00:47:37,296 --> 00:47:41,562
Shit. I got gum in my bush.
744
00:47:45,404 --> 00:47:47,770
Hey, pick this guy up. Maybe he can
show us back to the highway.
745
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:51,401
-Ian, do not pick up a hitchhiker.
-Don't worry, I won't.
746
00:47:51,476 --> 00:47:52,909
(ENGINE CHOKING)
747
00:47:53,045 --> 00:47:54,842
No, no, no.
748
00:47:56,114 --> 00:47:58,014
Oh, my God.
749
00:48:00,252 --> 00:48:04,245
Hey! Thanks for the lift, man.
I've been out there for hours.
750
00:48:04,690 --> 00:48:06,385
Not one car. Can you believe it?
751
00:48:06,458 --> 00:48:09,086
-Listen, sir, we didn't...
-You're good people.
752
00:48:09,161 --> 00:48:12,619
-Guy, you're not wearing any pants.
-Yeah, I know.
753
00:48:13,065 --> 00:48:14,089
Right on.
754
00:48:14,166 --> 00:48:16,066
Let's go. We better go.
755
00:48:17,636 --> 00:48:19,501
Hey, you got my stuff.
756
00:48:21,974 --> 00:48:25,876
Hey, real quick, guys,
what's the story of the girl?
757
00:48:25,944 --> 00:48:29,937
-I'm 25 years old.
-I don't know what he's talking about.
758
00:48:39,591 --> 00:48:44,153
I got nothing. There's no bars.
You know, it probably just needs water.
759
00:48:44,463 --> 00:48:45,987
Got any in the trunk?
760
00:48:46,198 --> 00:48:48,792
Hey, sweetheart, men are talking.
We got this one.
761
00:48:48,867 --> 00:48:51,836
Yeah, thanks,
but this happened to my brother's car once
762
00:48:51,904 --> 00:48:54,702
-and you just piss in the radiator.
-Really?
763
00:48:54,940 --> 00:48:56,532
FELICIA: Yeah.
764
00:48:57,676 --> 00:48:59,803
Oh, God! Damn it!
765
00:48:59,878 --> 00:49:01,175
(GROANING)
766
00:49:01,246 --> 00:49:03,214
-Are you okay?
-Fuck. Yeah.
767
00:49:03,282 --> 00:49:04,977
LANCE: That's a lesson learned.
768
00:49:07,619 --> 00:49:09,484
You can watch,
if you're into that kind of thing.
769
00:49:09,554 --> 00:49:12,990
Wow, thanks, but I think we've all seen
your dick enough for one day.
770
00:49:13,058 --> 00:49:17,893
-IAN: Do you hear that? There's a ringing.
-Your loss. It's like razor blades.
771
00:49:17,963 --> 00:49:22,764
IAN: What? There's ants down here. FYl.
772
00:49:22,834 --> 00:49:27,601
All right, you're up. Grip it and rip it.
773
00:49:28,340 --> 00:49:31,605
Okay. Go away.
774
00:49:32,010 --> 00:49:36,140
Dude, seriously? Still?
I thought you got over this shit.
775
00:49:37,683 --> 00:49:39,150
You're a grown man.
776
00:49:46,525 --> 00:49:50,017
(WHISPERING) Flowing river, gentle stream.
Flowing river, gentle stream.
777
00:49:50,095 --> 00:49:54,555
-Yo, stage fright, how're we doing?
-Damn it, Lance, just give me a minute.
778
00:49:54,633 --> 00:49:55,895
(LANCE LAUGHING)
779
00:49:55,968 --> 00:50:00,462
Excuse me.
We kind of need you to pee in the radiator.
780
00:50:01,006 --> 00:50:04,134
-Why?
-We just do.
781
00:50:05,477 --> 00:50:09,004
I'm sorry. I just took a squirt
a couple of minutes ago.
782
00:50:10,082 --> 00:50:12,073
You want me to shit in it?
783
00:50:13,185 --> 00:50:15,517
-We'll get back to you on that one.
-All right.
784
00:50:17,689 --> 00:50:20,283
-I'm telling you, I could shit right now.
-Awesome.
785
00:50:22,227 --> 00:50:25,219
Our new friend's got nothing left
in the tank.
786
00:50:29,768 --> 00:50:30,928
What?
787
00:50:34,539 --> 00:50:39,203
No. Guys, come on.
I don't have the aim that you do.
788
00:50:39,277 --> 00:50:43,008
Every drop helps so much.
789
00:50:44,416 --> 00:50:48,216
Hey, look what I found in my bag.
790
00:50:48,286 --> 00:50:49,617
Thank God.
791
00:50:50,055 --> 00:50:53,320
-No!
-What the fuck are you doing?
792
00:50:57,095 --> 00:51:01,054
You all just wait 20 minutes
and I'll top it off for you.
793
00:51:03,702 --> 00:51:05,260
Could be ten.
794
00:51:05,337 --> 00:51:09,103
Fine, fine. Okay.
But if any of you pervs peek,
795
00:51:09,174 --> 00:51:12,405
I swear to God it will be
your last conscious act.
796
00:51:20,352 --> 00:51:21,478
Shit.
797
00:51:22,020 --> 00:51:23,578
(URINATING)
798
00:51:30,429 --> 00:51:32,795
(CHRISTIAN ROCK PLAYING ON STEREO)
799
00:51:36,134 --> 00:51:38,102
You kids need some help?
800
00:51:44,976 --> 00:51:46,000
Hi.
801
00:51:52,217 --> 00:51:53,411
Are you okay?
802
00:51:53,485 --> 00:51:56,613
Yeah, I'm great.
I just beaved a family of four.
803
00:51:56,688 --> 00:51:57,712
(LANCE LAUGHING)
804
00:51:57,789 --> 00:51:58,983
Try it.
805
00:52:01,426 --> 00:52:02,415
(ENGINE STARTING)
806
00:52:04,463 --> 00:52:05,623
All set?
807
00:52:05,697 --> 00:52:08,530
Look, I'm sorry, sir,
but we can't give you a ride.
808
00:52:10,635 --> 00:52:12,728
I'm gonna say this once.
809
00:52:12,804 --> 00:52:16,797
You unlock this fucking car,
or God is my witness,
810
00:52:17,342 --> 00:52:19,503
I'll stake you all to the ground,
811
00:52:19,578 --> 00:52:22,843
cut you open and let the dogs get at you.
812
00:52:24,349 --> 00:52:25,338
Oh, yeah?
813
00:52:28,153 --> 00:52:30,348
Bye-bye.
814
00:52:32,190 --> 00:52:33,817
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
815
00:52:35,494 --> 00:52:37,792
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
816
00:52:37,863 --> 00:52:39,694
LANCE: What happened?
IAN: It's stuck.
817
00:52:43,435 --> 00:52:44,800
Uh-oh.
818
00:52:44,870 --> 00:52:47,805
That didn't work out like you planned,
did it?
819
00:52:47,873 --> 00:52:52,242
You know what? Mostly I'm disappointed.
It shows zero character.
820
00:52:52,310 --> 00:52:53,868
I know, I'm sorry.
821
00:52:53,945 --> 00:52:55,606
And you're a dick.
822
00:52:56,181 --> 00:53:00,379
You're a dick. You know what, ma'am?
You're a dick, too.
823
00:53:05,123 --> 00:53:07,853
-Here's that pee you ordered.
-Roll them up.
824
00:53:09,794 --> 00:53:13,730
-There you go, Tex.
-FELICIA: You're soaked with pee.
825
00:53:13,798 --> 00:53:15,356
Quick car wash?
826
00:53:15,433 --> 00:53:17,867
-God!
-FELICIA: Gross.
827
00:53:17,936 --> 00:53:21,531
It smells like beef jerky. You know?
828
00:53:22,207 --> 00:53:25,267
It's just got like that sour sweetness.
829
00:53:27,412 --> 00:53:29,972
IAN: How can nobody go down a road
for an hour and a half?
830
00:53:30,048 --> 00:53:31,879
Why did they even make this stupid road?
831
00:53:31,950 --> 00:53:34,282
FELICIA: It's so hot out here.
832
00:53:34,352 --> 00:53:35,341
Ow!
833
00:53:37,689 --> 00:53:38,713
(LAUGHING)
834
00:53:38,790 --> 00:53:43,454
Oh, my God, your head.
Wait... Does it hurt? Let me see.
835
00:53:43,595 --> 00:53:45,654
Yes. It hurts.
836
00:53:47,933 --> 00:53:51,369
-What is that?
-Oh, my God.
837
00:53:54,940 --> 00:53:55,929
IAN: Wow.
838
00:54:08,620 --> 00:54:11,145
That is so beautiful.
839
00:54:20,365 --> 00:54:21,457
Need some help?
840
00:54:21,533 --> 00:54:22,557
(LAUGHS)
841
00:54:22,634 --> 00:54:27,662
-Yeah, but no offense...
-Right, 'cause I'm Amish,
842
00:54:27,739 --> 00:54:30,708
so I wouldn't know anything
about your '69 GTO Judge.
843
00:54:31,009 --> 00:54:34,775
455 Big Block, Ram Air. 4-11 posi,
something like that.
844
00:54:34,846 --> 00:54:37,872
Weird, that thing must have fallen
straight from space.
845
00:54:37,949 --> 00:54:40,645
Well, good luck with the future ride,
spaceman.
846
00:54:43,355 --> 00:54:45,482
Hey, dude, wait up. Hold on.
847
00:54:45,857 --> 00:54:47,017
IAN: Wow!
848
00:54:47,092 --> 00:54:48,116
FELICIA: Okay.
849
00:54:48,193 --> 00:54:52,493
What are you doing? Whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. Leesh, that's a bad idea.
850
00:54:52,664 --> 00:54:53,824
-What?
-Come on.
851
00:54:53,898 --> 00:54:56,423
You don't know how far we have to walk.
Those are your only pair of shoes.
852
00:54:56,501 --> 00:54:59,766
You know what? You're probably right.
God, you're so sensible.
853
00:54:59,938 --> 00:55:02,600
But maybe I should? Or maybe I shouldn't?
854
00:55:02,674 --> 00:55:03,971
I should.
855
00:55:06,478 --> 00:55:08,173
I can't believe you just did that.
856
00:55:08,246 --> 00:55:11,340
So he met this chick on the Internet,
which is sketchy.
857
00:55:11,416 --> 00:55:12,906
The Internet?
858
00:55:13,285 --> 00:55:17,847
Yeah, it's like a series of computers
that are connected through...
859
00:55:17,922 --> 00:55:19,253
Computers?
860
00:55:20,892 --> 00:55:24,487
A computer is like a big calculator,
you know, with the screen.
861
00:55:24,562 --> 00:55:26,894
I'm just busting your balls, man.
I know what the Internet is.
862
00:55:26,998 --> 00:55:28,727
(BOTH LAUGHING)
863
00:55:29,734 --> 00:55:31,793
-Okay.
-You ever heard of Rumspringa?
864
00:55:31,870 --> 00:55:34,304
Yeah, that ska band from Delaware.
865
00:55:34,372 --> 00:55:38,570
No, it means "run wild. " It's an Amish
tradition where when we turn 16,
866
00:55:38,643 --> 00:55:41,203
we can go live like you heathens
for a while.
867
00:55:41,279 --> 00:55:46,512
You go nuts, party for months or years
till your folks start hassling you,
868
00:55:46,584 --> 00:55:48,950
and then it's back to the Stone Age.
869
00:55:49,020 --> 00:55:51,011
But if you're on Rumspringa,
what's with the buggy?
870
00:55:51,089 --> 00:55:54,286
Oh, no. I'm not. Not anymore.
871
00:55:54,359 --> 00:55:56,759
I probably shouldn't even be
talking to you but...
872
00:55:56,828 --> 00:55:59,661
I'm a little bit of an Amish floutlaw.
873
00:55:59,731 --> 00:56:03,189
-Sometimes I just miss the world.
-What do you miss the most?
874
00:56:03,268 --> 00:56:06,465
You know, I miss sarcasm.
It's mostly lost on my people.
875
00:56:06,538 --> 00:56:07,562
Oh.
876
00:56:07,639 --> 00:56:13,339
And gambling. Went to Vegas once.
And buttfucking.
877
00:56:14,979 --> 00:56:17,174
Have a lot of nice memories there.
878
00:56:17,248 --> 00:56:19,079
-LANCE: I hear that.
-Oh, yeah.
879
00:56:19,918 --> 00:56:21,249
Buttfucking.
880
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:24,788
Wait, are we talking about dudes?
881
00:56:25,523 --> 00:56:27,889
-No.
-Okay. Then yeah.
882
00:56:28,927 --> 00:56:32,761
I mean, unless that's what you're into,
and then, whatever.
883
00:56:32,831 --> 00:56:34,560
-It's not.
-No?
884
00:56:34,632 --> 00:56:35,621
No.
885
00:56:36,167 --> 00:56:38,829
-Not into dudes.
-No, no, no, no, no.
886
00:56:39,270 --> 00:56:41,795
-How old are you?
-Old enough.
887
00:56:42,273 --> 00:56:43,331
(LAUGHS)
888
00:56:43,408 --> 00:56:45,035
How old are you?
889
00:56:50,782 --> 00:56:52,613
This is gonna happen.
890
00:56:54,786 --> 00:56:57,118
It's gonna happen
whether you fight it or not.
891
00:56:57,188 --> 00:56:59,622
So I kind of want you to fight it.
892
00:57:01,259 --> 00:57:02,283
MAN: Cut.
893
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:05,420
-All right. Now you.
-No way. Forget it.
894
00:57:05,497 --> 00:57:08,022
Dude, you never do anything crazy. Ever.
895
00:57:08,099 --> 00:57:11,227
Hey! I'm driving halfway across the country
to go to...
896
00:57:11,302 --> 00:57:14,863
To visit your grandma? Whoa!
897
00:57:15,006 --> 00:57:17,804
So anyway, we're there and she's like...
898
00:57:18,143 --> 00:57:19,474
(IMITATING SOBBING)
899
00:57:19,744 --> 00:57:20,733
Oh, yeah.
900
00:57:21,546 --> 00:57:22,740
Like, she won't stop crying.
901
00:57:22,814 --> 00:57:24,304
-That's the funniest thing, too.
-I know.
902
00:57:24,382 --> 00:57:28,216
I know, I was with this stripper in Vegas,
and I was like, "you want this?"
903
00:57:28,286 --> 00:57:31,881
So she's like, "Yeah, I want it, I want it. "
904
00:57:33,124 --> 00:57:35,456
And I was like,
yeah, this gets hotter by the second.
905
00:57:35,527 --> 00:57:39,258
"What're you crying about?" She's like,
"... wanted to be a doctor. "
906
00:57:39,330 --> 00:57:44,267
And I'm like,
"Yeah, you're a fucking Ph. D. of cock. "
907
00:57:44,335 --> 00:57:46,235
-Yeah.
-Yeah, exactly.
908
00:57:46,304 --> 00:57:50,468
And then coercing my load
out on to the crying face.
909
00:57:50,542 --> 00:57:54,342
Vegas in general is just... Good times.
910
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:57,641
You can get a blowjob for $10.
911
00:57:57,749 --> 00:58:01,947
Or for free if you meet the right girl
and tell her "I'm on Rumspringa. "
912
00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:04,818
"What is this blowjob that you speak of?"
913
00:58:05,523 --> 00:58:07,889
"Your techno music beguiles me. "
914
00:58:09,227 --> 00:58:11,286
Let me put it in your butt.
915
00:58:11,362 --> 00:58:13,057
IAN: You know, when you cut your foot on
a piece of glass,
916
00:58:13,131 --> 00:58:15,565
-don't think I'm gonna carry you.
-You know what? I will be fine. Okay?
917
00:58:15,633 --> 00:58:20,536
-I was born barefoot.
-Hey! Wait!
918
00:58:20,605 --> 00:58:23,665
Hey! Stop!
919
00:58:27,378 --> 00:58:29,369
Have a nice walk, shit-birds.
920
00:58:32,650 --> 00:58:33,981
BOTH: Oh!
921
00:58:37,489 --> 00:58:40,117
Hey, Ian, Felicia, this is my boy, Ezekiel.
922
00:58:40,191 --> 00:58:41,886
What up, English?
923
00:58:50,835 --> 00:58:52,666
There's no service out here.
924
00:58:53,004 --> 00:58:56,030
-I can't even tell her I'll be late.
-Good. That's perfect. Keep her waiting.
925
00:58:56,107 --> 00:58:58,268
You don't want to come off as desperate.
926
00:58:58,343 --> 00:59:01,073
I'm driving nine hours.
How am I not coming off desperate?
927
00:59:01,145 --> 00:59:05,172
-We had shit to do.
-Uh-oh! See that creamy stuff?
928
00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:08,848
You blew your head gasket.
That's not good.
929
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:11,445
-Shit.
-Don't cry. We can fix it.
930
00:59:11,523 --> 00:59:13,650
-Really?
-Yeah, really. We're good at it.
931
00:59:13,725 --> 00:59:15,249
-Yeah?
-Yeah. I didn't mean to undersell it,
932
00:59:15,326 --> 00:59:16,452
but it's an impressive thing.
933
00:59:16,528 --> 00:59:18,359
-Yeah. We'll fix it.
-Wow, that'd be cool.
934
00:59:18,429 --> 00:59:22,661
Yeah, would be cool, wouldn't it?
I might be the coolest guy you ever met.
935
00:59:22,734 --> 00:59:23,962
-Wow.
-Wow.
936
00:59:24,969 --> 00:59:26,561
-Thank you.
-Yeah. You're welcome.
937
00:59:26,638 --> 00:59:29,232
That's what you say
when people do nice things for you.
938
00:59:29,307 --> 00:59:31,366
You know, there's a pretty big shindig
shaping up next door
939
00:59:31,442 --> 00:59:34,468
if you guys want to hang there
while we work on it.
940
00:59:34,546 --> 00:59:37,379
Take it easy while we do all this for you.
941
00:59:40,018 --> 00:59:43,510
-Does he have an attitude?
-No, he's fucking with you.
942
00:59:44,389 --> 00:59:45,549
Okay.
943
00:59:46,925 --> 00:59:50,759
Just relax, man.
I got a good feeling about this, you know.
944
00:59:50,828 --> 00:59:52,261
You're gonna party with the Amish.
945
00:59:52,330 --> 00:59:55,390
Yeah, I'm sure it's gonna be
one kick-ass quilting bee.
946
00:59:58,369 --> 00:59:59,859
What's up, man?
947
00:59:59,938 --> 01:00:05,001
-Hey.
-No f-ing way!
948
01:00:05,944 --> 01:00:06,308
(FAME < INFAMY PLAYING)
949
01:00:07,078 --> 01:00:12,015
(SINGING) When I'm home alone
I just can't stop myself
950
01:00:12,684 --> 01:00:15,278
-This is insane!
-I know.
951
01:00:16,220 --> 01:00:17,744
(WHOOPING)
952
01:00:17,822 --> 01:00:24,785
Signing off, "I'm all right in bed,
but I'm better with a pen"
953
01:00:24,862 --> 01:00:29,856
I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen
954
01:00:30,401 --> 01:00:35,464
I'm all right in bed, but I'm better with a pen
955
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:41,535
The kid was all right, but it went to his head
956
01:00:49,253 --> 01:00:54,657
Thank you, guys, very, very, very much.
You guys fucking rule, man.
957
01:00:54,926 --> 01:00:57,087
(GRAND THEFT AUTUMN /
WHERE IS YOUR BO Y PLAYING)
958
01:01:10,475 --> 01:01:14,206
Dude. Don't even bother.
Your game is not gonna work on that girl.
959
01:01:14,512 --> 01:01:18,642
What do you know about girls?
I've never even seen you with a girl.
960
01:01:19,384 --> 01:01:21,614
I'm gonna go check on the car.
961
01:01:27,592 --> 01:01:29,526
Yeah, fuck it. Let's dance.
962
01:01:29,961 --> 01:01:34,398
-Bite me. I'm not your consolation prize.
-Come on. Don't be hating.
963
01:01:36,601 --> 01:01:37,590
(SCOFFS)
964
01:01:39,070 --> 01:01:40,560
Fine.
965
01:01:52,550 --> 01:01:54,074
EZEKIEL: So at this point,
her panties are off,
966
01:01:54,151 --> 01:01:56,415
but I'm still apprehensive
about her husband being there,
967
01:01:56,487 --> 01:01:58,045
'cause he is just staring at me.
968
01:01:58,122 --> 01:02:03,822
Whoa! Hey, what is this?
Why are the seats out?
969
01:02:03,895 --> 01:02:06,227
Ian, do you know anything
about fixing these old Pontiacs?
970
01:02:06,297 --> 01:02:10,393
I don't care, okay?
Ezekiel, take all the pieces and just
971
01:02:10,468 --> 01:02:13,528
-put them back in there. I don't want...
-Ian, you've gotta calm down.
972
01:02:13,604 --> 01:02:14,935
Do you know any breathing exercises?
973
01:02:15,006 --> 01:02:17,167
Because you are right on the verge
of a freak-out.
974
01:02:17,241 --> 01:02:22,042
You don't know my brother, okay? He's
gonna fuck my ass with a roll of quarters.
975
01:02:22,113 --> 01:02:25,742
What? He's gonna what? With what?
976
01:02:25,816 --> 01:02:30,583
Oh, yeah! He's gonna go get off work early,
and he's gonna walk into the bank,
977
01:02:30,655 --> 01:02:32,748
stand in line, change a 10,
978
01:02:32,890 --> 01:02:36,724
find my ass and just fuck it
with a roll of fucking quarters.
979
01:02:38,462 --> 01:02:39,986
(LAUGHING)
980
01:02:48,239 --> 01:02:49,672
(CLANGING)
981
01:02:51,809 --> 01:02:53,606
Yeah, witness sucks!
982
01:02:55,179 --> 01:02:57,841
We've got to get that guy laid tonight.
983
01:02:58,282 --> 01:03:00,409
Is your sister still a slut?
984
01:03:25,676 --> 01:03:30,010
Check it out. It's totally working.
985
01:03:30,081 --> 01:03:32,311
You're the best wing-man ever.
986
01:03:32,383 --> 01:03:34,908
She's in, she's in. Watch this.
987
01:03:45,062 --> 01:03:48,327
GIRL: Rumspringa! Whoo!
988
01:03:50,201 --> 01:03:52,533
-I took a wicked digger.
-Yes, you did.
989
01:03:52,603 --> 01:03:55,094
I think you may have had a little too much
to drink. Maybe you should...
990
01:03:55,172 --> 01:04:00,371
Maybe you should shut your face hole
'cause I've only had one beer ever.
991
01:04:03,948 --> 01:04:06,781
-First day of Rumspringa?
-Rumspringa!
992
01:04:07,351 --> 01:04:08,978
(ALL CHEERING)
993
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:11,512
-Uh-oh!
-Oh!
994
01:04:11,589 --> 01:04:12,578
(RETCHING)
995
01:04:14,091 --> 01:04:15,183
Hey.
996
01:04:17,395 --> 01:04:22,992
-All right. Okay. You good? All right.
-Aw! You guys are so nice.
997
01:04:23,067 --> 01:04:25,058
Don't let her step in it.
998
01:04:25,202 --> 01:04:26,601
(LAUGHS)
999
01:04:26,771 --> 01:04:30,502
I love you guys 'cause you're awesome.
1000
01:04:30,574 --> 01:04:32,405
'Cause you're awesome.
1001
01:04:33,144 --> 01:04:36,170
Let's just find a safe place to sleep it off.
1002
01:04:37,148 --> 01:04:40,242
What? What's wrong with you?
1003
01:04:40,484 --> 01:04:44,250
-Yeah, what's your problem, bitch?
-Nothing. I'm fine.
1004
01:04:44,388 --> 01:04:47,414
Nothing. She's fine. God, lay off.
1005
01:04:47,725 --> 01:04:49,158
-It's Lance, right?
-No.
1006
01:04:49,226 --> 01:04:51,592
I'll bet he's in there with that Amish girl
and you're out here.
1007
01:04:51,662 --> 01:04:52,686
Wrong.
1008
01:04:52,763 --> 01:04:55,630
Come on, Leesh, just drop
the hard-ass thing for two minutes.
1009
01:04:55,699 --> 01:04:59,328
You know. It's okay. You're into Lance.
1010
01:05:00,738 --> 01:05:01,762
(SCOFFS)
1011
01:05:01,839 --> 01:05:05,206
-God, I'm such an idiot.
-Look, there's something about Lance.
1012
01:05:06,343 --> 01:05:10,575
Everybody likes Lance. I like Lance.
1013
01:05:12,083 --> 01:05:15,018
Just promise me
you won't ever be like Lance.
1014
01:05:15,219 --> 01:05:16,447
(SCOFFS)
1015
01:05:16,954 --> 01:05:21,755
What is wrong with us?
Let's go have some fun. Come on.
1016
01:05:22,293 --> 01:05:24,318
-No. No.
-No?
1017
01:05:24,829 --> 01:05:29,766
Come on, we're young, and we're Amish,
and it's Rumspringa.
1018
01:05:29,834 --> 01:05:31,324
DRUNK AMISH GIRL: Rumspringa!
1019
01:05:31,402 --> 01:05:33,199
(ALL CHEERING)
1020
01:05:34,772 --> 01:05:35,761
(GASPING)
1021
01:05:58,629 --> 01:06:01,427
Ian, you little cock-sucker!
1022
01:06:03,100 --> 01:06:04,590
(ROOSTER CROWING)
1023
01:06:35,866 --> 01:06:37,424
(GROANING)
1024
01:06:39,370 --> 01:06:40,394
Ah!
1025
01:06:40,471 --> 01:06:43,133
Leesh, you're so stubborn.
Look at your feet.
1026
01:06:43,207 --> 01:06:45,505
They are fine. All right?
1027
01:06:47,011 --> 01:06:49,275
Hey. What's the plan?
1028
01:06:50,614 --> 01:06:53,515
I might as well find a phone and call Rex
1029
01:06:54,285 --> 01:06:58,312
-so he can get on with killing me.
-What about visiting your grandma?
1030
01:06:58,556 --> 01:07:02,014
Yeah, dude. You been putting off
visiting your grandma for too long.
1031
01:07:02,092 --> 01:07:05,357
-It's about time you visited Grandma.
-Yeah.
1032
01:07:05,429 --> 01:07:10,662
Lance, you know,
I really do want to visit my grandma, but...
1033
01:07:10,734 --> 01:07:15,603
Dude, I really can't stress enough how
much you're gonna enjoy visiting Grandma.
1034
01:07:15,973 --> 01:07:19,534
You know, I visit my grandma sometimes
two or three times a week,
1035
01:07:19,610 --> 01:07:22,807
and it is always a pleasure.
She's just a delight.
1036
01:07:22,947 --> 01:07:23,971
What am I supposed to do?
1037
01:07:24,081 --> 01:07:26,379
Our transportation is all over the floor
of that barn.
1038
01:07:26,450 --> 01:07:27,781
Hey, Mary!
1039
01:07:30,154 --> 01:07:31,143
Hi.
1040
01:07:34,925 --> 01:07:38,224
Wow, you look beautiful.
1041
01:07:38,696 --> 01:07:39,924
Oh, please.
1042
01:07:39,997 --> 01:07:45,230
I mean, seriously, you wearing that,
churning some butter. Sexy.
1043
01:07:45,302 --> 01:07:48,032
So I had the best time with you last night.
1044
01:07:48,105 --> 01:07:49,538
Yeah, me, too.
1045
01:07:49,607 --> 01:07:52,474
So you got my number.
You're gonna call me, right?
1046
01:07:53,644 --> 01:07:54,838
No.
1047
01:07:54,912 --> 01:07:55,936
(LAUGHS)
1048
01:07:56,013 --> 01:07:58,743
"No. " You're funny.
1049
01:07:59,483 --> 01:08:05,183
I mean, Lance, I really like you,
but Rumspringa's over for me.
1050
01:08:06,023 --> 01:08:08,116
-So...
-Rumspringa!
1051
01:08:08,192 --> 01:08:09,216
(WHOOPING)
1052
01:08:11,996 --> 01:08:13,657
(CHICKENS SQUAWKING)
1053
01:08:14,398 --> 01:08:15,763
Sorry.
1054
01:08:29,613 --> 01:08:31,274
(ENGINE STARTING)
1055
01:08:41,692 --> 01:08:42,886
You fixed it?
1056
01:08:42,960 --> 01:08:46,452
Yeah, we hit a few snags,
but she's banging like a champ now.
1057
01:08:46,530 --> 01:08:49,397
Man, I don't even...
I don't even know what to say here.
1058
01:08:49,466 --> 01:08:51,866
You know, I don't really have much...
1059
01:08:51,935 --> 01:08:53,732
Oh, no, we're good. We're good.
1060
01:08:53,804 --> 01:08:57,501
I mean, the opportunity to help a neighbor,
that's a gift.
1061
01:08:57,875 --> 01:09:01,140
Man, you're too... Here, thanks.
Thank you so much.
1062
01:09:01,211 --> 01:09:02,872
-You're welcome.
-Thank you, it's really cool.
1063
01:09:02,946 --> 01:09:04,914
It is. You know, I mean,
1064
01:09:04,982 --> 01:09:08,315
if you felt the need to reciprocate
in some way,
1065
01:09:08,385 --> 01:09:10,785
I mean, there's a lot of chores
that need to be done around here.
1066
01:09:10,854 --> 01:09:14,950
Yeah, no, the only thing about that is
we're kind of behind schedule right now.
1067
01:09:15,025 --> 01:09:17,050
Yeah, but, I mean,
we could totally come back.
1068
01:09:17,127 --> 01:09:19,425
-We could hit you on our way back through.
-Okay.
1069
01:09:19,496 --> 01:09:22,124
Yeah, you should.
You should really get on the road.
1070
01:09:22,199 --> 01:09:27,034
I mean, you got a smooth-running
vehicle now, you know, 'cause we fixed it.
1071
01:09:27,104 --> 01:09:31,939
-Yeah. No, but it's... So we're good?
-We're good. Yeah, technically.
1072
01:09:32,209 --> 01:09:34,404
I mean, we fixed your car for free,
and you're leaving.
1073
01:09:34,478 --> 01:09:37,106
So I'd say that makes us dead square.
1074
01:09:38,515 --> 01:09:39,846
We'll come back. I promise.
1075
01:09:39,917 --> 01:09:43,216
-I'm looking forward to that.
-Hey, no, seriously, we will.
1076
01:09:43,287 --> 01:09:45,721
Okay. We'll all hold our breath
till you get back.
1077
01:09:45,789 --> 01:09:48,883
On three, guys. Three, two...
1078
01:09:58,569 --> 01:10:02,096
My stomach's killing me.
Tell me if you see a rest stop.
1079
01:10:02,973 --> 01:10:04,406
You know, I really feel sorry for Mary
1080
01:10:04,475 --> 01:10:08,343
because her lifestyle is keeping her
from being happy.
1081
01:10:08,412 --> 01:10:10,642
And that's no way to live.
1082
01:10:10,714 --> 01:10:14,514
Lance, don't you know your little theory of
"People want what they can't get. "
1083
01:10:14,585 --> 01:10:17,019
That's all she is. Ian, gas station.
1084
01:10:17,087 --> 01:10:22,024
No. Felicia, this is different okay,
because she changed me.
1085
01:10:22,092 --> 01:10:24,754
You know, I'm a butterfly now
because of her.
1086
01:10:24,828 --> 01:10:29,424
Because when I'm with her,
I was like a spiritually whole human being.
1087
01:10:29,500 --> 01:10:33,630
And if you don't believe that,
you can suck my dick.
1088
01:10:34,138 --> 01:10:36,368
(MESSAGE FROM YUZ PLAYING)
1089
01:10:53,657 --> 01:10:56,649
Fuck. I know you didn't take my car, Ian.
1090
01:10:56,894 --> 01:10:58,691
'Cause you're a big, giant pussy.
That's right.
1091
01:10:58,762 --> 01:11:02,493
I'm gonna lift up this door
and my big fucking glorious bitchy Judge
1092
01:11:02,566 --> 01:11:05,228
is gonna be sitting right there
gleaming at me,
1093
01:11:05,302 --> 01:11:08,362
or I'm gonna have the fucking
neighborhood squirrels eat your asshole.
1094
01:11:22,886 --> 01:11:24,148
(MUTTERING)
1095
01:11:25,956 --> 01:11:27,116
Want some of this?
1096
01:11:32,663 --> 01:11:34,358
He took my fucking baby.
1097
01:11:36,366 --> 01:11:37,697
Cocksucker!
1098
01:11:41,872 --> 01:11:42,930
Shit!
1099
01:11:43,006 --> 01:11:46,669
Hey, Knievel, what say you get
your bike out of the fricking road?
1100
01:11:46,810 --> 01:11:49,301
(SINGING) Hey! Hey!
1101
01:12:08,532 --> 01:12:10,329
All ocupado, sport?
1102
01:12:15,606 --> 01:12:18,404
Sounds like
someone's got one in sideways.
1103
01:12:18,709 --> 01:12:20,301
(CHUCKLING)
1104
01:12:24,281 --> 01:12:25,475
Gents.
1105
01:12:26,083 --> 01:12:30,281
Well, looks like we're up.
Go on, get in there.
1106
01:12:35,993 --> 01:12:37,654
(GASPING)
1107
01:12:37,728 --> 01:12:38,752
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
1108
01:12:38,829 --> 01:12:39,818
Oh!
1109
01:12:40,764 --> 01:12:42,595
Am I getting a signal?
1110
01:12:44,167 --> 01:12:47,398
Tasty, I got sidetracked last night.
1111
01:12:48,472 --> 01:12:51,498
I had to party with some new homies.
1112
01:12:54,244 --> 01:12:58,442
Tonight, 8:00 p. m. at Big Boy.
1113
01:13:00,150 --> 01:13:01,913
I'm worth the wait.
1114
01:13:06,823 --> 01:13:07,812
Yes!
1115
01:13:15,933 --> 01:13:19,960
No! Oh, God! No, thank you! No, thank you!
1116
01:13:23,040 --> 01:13:26,567
Hello? Little buddy? Hello.
1117
01:13:28,378 --> 01:13:30,312
Spooner. Spooner. Spooner.
1118
01:13:32,983 --> 01:13:36,646
-LANCE: Was that you screaming in there?
-I don't want to talk about it. Ever.
1119
01:13:36,720 --> 01:13:39,746
-Where's Felicia?
-She went to get corn dogs.
1120
01:14:04,948 --> 01:14:07,246
Can you believe
the girls around here, man?
1121
01:14:07,317 --> 01:14:11,310
But, man, where am I ever gonna find
another girl as cool as Mary?
1122
01:14:14,524 --> 01:14:15,923
You like it?
1123
01:14:20,697 --> 01:14:23,257
-What about Felicia?
-What about her?
1124
01:14:26,703 --> 01:14:30,434
-She's into you.
-Yeah, no shit. Get in line.
1125
01:14:30,507 --> 01:14:33,237
What is that?
She's not good enough for you?
1126
01:14:33,310 --> 01:14:35,244
Felicia's awesome,
1127
01:14:35,312 --> 01:14:38,440
but the obvious statement to make here
is that you like her.
1128
01:14:39,282 --> 01:14:43,776
-What? No, I...
-You're shocked. You can't believe it.
1129
01:14:43,854 --> 01:14:48,257
-This bombshell. Come on.
-You know, she's not into me anyways.
1130
01:14:48,325 --> 01:14:52,386
Yeah, I know. But it doesn't matter.
I still... I could never do that to you.
1131
01:14:53,764 --> 01:14:57,598
Okay, but you do know
that she's not into you, right?
1132
01:14:57,668 --> 01:15:02,128
-Yeah. Well, maybe you don't know.
-No. No, no, I'm gonna stop you.
1133
01:15:02,205 --> 01:15:06,665
There's no maybe. Okay?
And I'm saying this as your best friend,
1134
01:15:06,743 --> 01:15:12,340
but never. Never fucking ever. You know?
1135
01:15:12,416 --> 01:15:13,678
Because you guys are friends.
1136
01:15:13,750 --> 01:15:17,481
You know what every girl
I've ever banged had in common?
1137
01:15:18,622 --> 01:15:20,852
I wasn't friends with any of them.
1138
01:15:20,924 --> 01:15:24,382
And usually they have awesome tits,
but not always.
1139
01:15:25,228 --> 01:15:28,129
Sometimes you get that bronze medal,
you know?
1140
01:15:28,198 --> 01:15:31,656
Real simple.
Climb the rope, hit the bell, win a prize.
1141
01:15:31,735 --> 01:15:35,262
Hey, there, Bilbo Baggins,
there's no height requirement.
1142
01:15:35,372 --> 01:15:39,103
Why don't you step up
and win your girlfriend a prize?
1143
01:15:39,176 --> 01:15:41,440
We're not... She's not my girlfriend.
1144
01:15:41,511 --> 01:15:44,605
-What about your other girlfriend there?
-Nice.
1145
01:16:02,265 --> 01:16:04,062
All right, come on, Ian. You can do it.
1146
01:16:04,134 --> 01:16:07,297
Come on, you're almost there!
You're almost there! Go, go, go!
1147
01:16:07,504 --> 01:16:09,301
AUTOMATED MALE VOICE:
Winner! Winner! Winner!
1148
01:16:10,674 --> 01:16:13,074
-That was awesome.
-How the hell did you do that?
1149
01:16:13,143 --> 01:16:15,338
We had one of these at Cub Scout camp.
I kind of mastered it.
1150
01:16:15,412 --> 01:16:17,437
Yeah, you think you're hot shit?
1151
01:16:19,483 --> 01:16:22,418
-Lolly?
-Thank you.
1152
01:16:26,156 --> 01:16:27,885
Hey, hey, hey, ass.
1153
01:16:31,428 --> 01:16:33,419
Hey. What's your secret?
1154
01:16:33,497 --> 01:16:36,330
You just...
If you keep your shoulders down...
1155
01:16:36,399 --> 01:16:39,061
-No coaching.
-What?
1156
01:16:39,469 --> 01:16:41,835
No coaching there, Lombardi.
Read the sign.
1157
01:16:43,106 --> 01:16:44,505
No coaching.
1158
01:16:46,843 --> 01:16:48,470
Cheese and rice!
1159
01:16:49,012 --> 01:16:50,001
Oh!
1160
01:16:51,448 --> 01:16:54,815
-Thanks. I'm Sandy.
-I'm Ian.
1161
01:16:55,385 --> 01:16:56,647
-Hi.
-Hey.
1162
01:17:00,624 --> 01:17:04,822
-Consolation prize?
-Wow! Thank you so much.
1163
01:17:04,895 --> 01:17:07,591
You know, my dance team's performing
over at the tent in a couple of minutes.
1164
01:17:07,664 --> 01:17:09,029
You guys should come watch.
1165
01:17:09,099 --> 01:17:11,932
-Actually, we were just about to go.
-That sounds super fun. He'll be there.
1166
01:17:12,002 --> 01:17:13,663
Great. See you.
1167
01:17:14,905 --> 01:17:17,135
Dude, that girl reeks of sex.
1168
01:17:17,974 --> 01:17:19,464
-Really?
-Yeah.
1169
01:17:19,709 --> 01:17:22,872
Hey, Harry Potter,
take you and your girlfriends out of here.
1170
01:17:24,648 --> 01:17:28,379
What are you looking at, Ellen DeGeneres?
I will crush you.
1171
01:17:28,985 --> 01:17:31,579
That's right. I'm not afraid to hit a lady.
1172
01:17:31,988 --> 01:17:33,250
(MY PREROGATIVE PLAYING)
1173
01:17:33,456 --> 01:17:36,550
(SINGING)
Everybody's talking all this stuff about me
1174
01:17:37,093 --> 01:17:40,119
Why don't they just let me live?
1175
01:17:41,431 --> 01:17:42,864
I don't need permission
1176
01:17:42,933 --> 01:17:44,833
-Do we really have time for...
-Hey, hey.
1177
01:17:44,901 --> 01:17:46,562
You have to stop doing that to him.
1178
01:17:46,636 --> 01:17:48,570
-Doing what?
-Twat blocking.
1179
01:17:48,638 --> 01:17:51,801
I'm not twat... Doing that.
1180
01:18:00,684 --> 01:18:04,984
Yeah! Let's give it up for the AX Dancers!
1181
01:18:06,089 --> 01:18:09,422
Come on, girls,
let's help me get some fellas up in here.
1182
01:18:11,294 --> 01:18:12,556
-Ian.
-Oh, no. Please.
1183
01:18:12,629 --> 01:18:14,688
Get up there. Come on.
1184
01:18:14,764 --> 01:18:16,026
SANDY: Come on!
1185
01:18:16,900 --> 01:18:18,629
KAT: In the back! In the back!
1186
01:18:18,935 --> 01:18:21,028
Yeah!
1187
01:18:24,307 --> 01:18:26,298
Come on, two more, two more!
1188
01:18:28,411 --> 01:18:29,400
Yeah!
1189
01:18:31,281 --> 01:18:32,339
(LAUGHING)
1190
01:18:32,415 --> 01:18:33,939
Dude, turn around.
1191
01:18:34,251 --> 01:18:35,616
(KAT WHOOPING)
1192
01:18:39,956 --> 01:18:41,446
(LAUGHING)
1193
01:18:42,292 --> 01:18:47,696
Look at this fine crop
of handsome fellas I got here.
1194
01:18:49,399 --> 01:18:52,095
But before we get down to business,
1195
01:18:52,168 --> 01:18:53,692
there's a young woman here
1196
01:18:53,770 --> 01:18:56,762
who would like to share her story
with these young men.
1197
01:18:56,840 --> 01:19:00,833
-Kristy, you ready, baby?
-Okay.
1198
01:19:03,680 --> 01:19:07,946
So, last year I was at a dance
with my boyfriend.
1199
01:19:08,018 --> 01:19:10,111
He wanted to go to his car.
1200
01:19:10,787 --> 01:19:12,049
So I did.
1201
01:19:12,589 --> 01:19:18,084
So we were both naked in the back seat
and we started having oral...
1202
01:19:20,397 --> 01:19:23,093
(INAUDIBLE)
1203
01:19:42,419 --> 01:19:44,011
MAN IMITATING SOUL SINGER: Yeah!
1204
01:19:57,100 --> 01:19:59,034
Daddy likes that!
1205
01:20:01,471 --> 01:20:02,563
Excuse me!
1206
01:20:02,973 --> 01:20:08,343
Excuse me!
Is this tragic story turning you on?
1207
01:20:09,813 --> 01:20:12,145
(LAUGHING)
1208
01:20:18,288 --> 01:20:23,555
This courageous young lady pours
her heart out and this is getting you hot?
1209
01:20:24,227 --> 01:20:26,593
It's time for you to pledge. Right now!
1210
01:20:27,097 --> 01:20:29,964
Boy, you need this more than anybody.
1211
01:20:31,334 --> 01:20:33,495
Hey, keep a wrinkle in it, captain.
1212
01:20:34,971 --> 01:20:39,431
I can't believe you took
a fucking abstinence pledge with a hard-on.
1213
01:20:39,609 --> 01:20:40,667
It's classic.
1214
01:20:40,744 --> 01:20:43,941
Look, I didn't even know what she was
talking about. That doesn't count! Okay?
1215
01:20:44,014 --> 01:20:45,879
-Ian! Hey!
-It gets better.
1216
01:20:45,949 --> 01:20:47,849
I am so proud of you!
1217
01:20:48,351 --> 01:20:49,943
Get away from me. Is that what you do?
1218
01:20:50,020 --> 01:20:53,353
You go out and you lure little dorks like me
into your little no-having-sex club?
1219
01:20:53,423 --> 01:20:55,414
Ian, it's not like that at all.
1220
01:20:55,492 --> 01:20:58,154
Just go away. Now.
1221
01:21:01,998 --> 01:21:04,933
-I would've eaten your asshole, you know.
-Really?
1222
01:21:05,001 --> 01:21:06,093
-Oh, man.
-Wow.
1223
01:21:06,169 --> 01:21:09,229
You can keep your stupid
flipping lollipop, anyway!
1224
01:21:11,975 --> 01:21:14,239
-You are dead, psycho-virgin!
-No, no!
1225
01:21:14,310 --> 01:21:16,244
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1226
01:21:19,315 --> 01:21:23,752
Hey, are you sure you want to get
dental work done in Floater, Kentucky?
1227
01:21:24,854 --> 01:21:27,220
Dr. Teddescoe will be with you present-like.
1228
01:21:27,290 --> 01:21:28,780
-Thank you.
-Welcome.
1229
01:21:28,858 --> 01:21:30,917
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)
1230
01:21:41,738 --> 01:21:45,037
Fine, okay, you were right.
My feet are killing me,
1231
01:21:45,108 --> 01:21:47,736
and I never should've tossed my shoes.
1232
01:21:48,044 --> 01:21:51,946
No, come on.
I love that your shoes are in that tree.
1233
01:21:54,651 --> 01:21:57,586
I do. That's premium Felicia.
1234
01:21:58,822 --> 01:22:00,312
DOCTOR: Felicia Alpine.
1235
01:22:01,357 --> 01:22:02,346
Oh.
1236
01:22:03,193 --> 01:22:07,391
-So what'd you do to her?
-Hmm?
1237
01:22:07,464 --> 01:22:08,556
Smack her around a little bit?
1238
01:22:08,898 --> 01:22:10,798
She gets out of line, you pop her one?
1239
01:22:10,867 --> 01:22:14,530
-No. No, sir, I...
-I got you. I'm just teasing you, man.
1240
01:22:14,604 --> 01:22:16,196
We have fun.
1241
01:22:17,173 --> 01:22:19,232
-He didn't, though, did he?
-Hmm? Mmm-mmm.
1242
01:22:19,309 --> 01:22:21,800
Blink twice if you feel you're in danger.
1243
01:22:23,146 --> 01:22:25,239
Be back in a couple minutes.
I'm gonna wait for that to numb up.
1244
01:22:25,315 --> 01:22:26,339
Mmm-hmm.
1245
01:22:26,416 --> 01:22:28,441
Hands to yourself, O.J.
1246
01:22:30,453 --> 01:22:34,514
Ian, you know the other night
at Lance's party?
1247
01:22:37,227 --> 01:22:40,253
-Was I there?
-No, come on.
1248
01:22:41,831 --> 01:22:43,696
Here.
1249
01:22:47,270 --> 01:22:53,231
I mean, you know the only reason is
because I don't want to ruin our friendship.
1250
01:22:54,444 --> 01:22:58,676
Totally, I mean friendship is awesome.
Good call.
1251
01:22:59,883 --> 01:23:03,979
I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you.
1252
01:23:11,561 --> 01:23:16,157
-You won't.
-What are you thinking about?
1253
01:23:18,535 --> 01:23:21,595
-What are you thinking about?
-I asked you first.
1254
01:23:26,142 --> 01:23:27,336
You got a little loogie.
1255
01:23:27,410 --> 01:23:28,638
(GRUNTING)
1256
01:23:30,413 --> 01:23:32,438
I'm gonna go see if Lance...
1257
01:23:32,515 --> 01:23:33,539
Mmm-hmm.
1258
01:23:33,616 --> 01:23:35,174
Go. Go.
1259
01:23:47,397 --> 01:23:50,924
Um, I'll take these as well.
1260
01:23:55,138 --> 01:23:59,700
They're not for me. They're not.
1261
01:24:08,384 --> 01:24:11,148
-Heads up.
-What's with you?
1262
01:24:13,022 --> 01:24:15,081
I'm thinking maybe we head back home.
1263
01:24:15,158 --> 01:24:16,921
What? Why?
1264
01:24:17,160 --> 01:24:20,755
Well, Felicia and I were talking in there,
1265
01:24:20,830 --> 01:24:24,561
-and we kind of had a moment.
-Oh! Oh, did you guys have a little moment?
1266
01:24:24,634 --> 01:24:26,226
-Yeah.
-You're a moron.
1267
01:24:26,869 --> 01:24:29,394
Fuck you. We've talked about this.
1268
01:24:29,706 --> 01:24:32,869
Look, we're almost there,
and I'm not letting her do this.
1269
01:24:32,976 --> 01:24:36,002
We're going to Knoxville,
and you're getting your nut.
1270
01:24:36,713 --> 01:24:38,806
No, I'm not. I'm not.
1271
01:24:38,881 --> 01:24:41,679
No, I'm gonna text Tasty,
and I'm gonna tell her I'm not coming.
1272
01:24:41,751 --> 01:24:45,016
-Ian, get in this car.
-I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.
1273
01:24:45,488 --> 01:24:50,016
Shit, where's my phone?
Hey, you got a new smile.
1274
01:24:50,093 --> 01:24:53,392
You have my phone. I didn't know...
This is for you.
1275
01:24:55,031 --> 01:24:56,328
Mmm! A message came in.
1276
01:24:56,532 --> 01:24:59,433
Your grandma says she's really excited
to see you.
1277
01:24:59,502 --> 01:25:01,834
And something about her hot,
shaved pussy.
1278
01:25:01,904 --> 01:25:03,235
Must be the cancer talking.
1279
01:25:03,306 --> 01:25:04,330
(LANCE LAUGHS)
1280
01:25:04,407 --> 01:25:07,376
All right. Good deal.
We're going to Knoxville.
1281
01:25:07,443 --> 01:25:08,876
(GIVE UP? PLAYING)
1282
01:25:11,214 --> 01:25:12,203
(SINGING)
All I've got is frustration, frustration
1283
01:25:15,551 --> 01:25:18,748
I hate this vacation
1284
01:25:19,389 --> 01:25:21,857
So, give up, give up
Give up, give up
1285
01:25:23,059 --> 01:25:26,722
I've got to get away from here
It's killing me just thinking 'bout
1286
01:25:26,796 --> 01:25:31,733
Frustration, frustration
I hate this vacation...
1287
01:25:31,801 --> 01:25:34,269
Ian, you're going the wrong way.
1288
01:25:34,537 --> 01:25:36,505
-We're going home.
-What?
1289
01:25:37,073 --> 01:25:40,065
Please, do not turn around
because of me. Okay.
1290
01:25:40,143 --> 01:25:42,475
-Yeah, no shit.
-I'm dying to see Ms. Tasty.
1291
01:25:42,545 --> 01:25:43,910
This is going to be hilarious.
1292
01:25:43,980 --> 01:25:46,448
A hundred bucks says she has a wiener.
1293
01:25:46,516 --> 01:25:49,417
Look, I said we're going home.
I don't want to talk about it.
1294
01:25:49,485 --> 01:25:51,077
I knew you'd find some way
to fuck this up for him.
1295
01:25:51,154 --> 01:25:54,555
(LISPING) Me? You two are fucking scheming
behind my back.
1296
01:25:54,624 --> 01:25:56,990
-No, we're not.
-Okay. You stole Rex's car.
1297
01:25:57,060 --> 01:25:58,755
You drove halfway across the country.
1298
01:25:58,828 --> 01:26:01,820
This must be what you want to do.
So do it, chicken shit!
1299
01:26:01,898 --> 01:26:04,298
-(LISPING) Fucking A, chicken shit.
-Fine! You know what?
1300
01:26:04,367 --> 01:26:07,359
I'll turn the car around, I'll flip a bitch,
and I'll go pork somebody. Right now.
1301
01:26:07,437 --> 01:26:08,904
I'll be that guy. Is that what you want?
1302
01:26:08,971 --> 01:26:10,768
-Be that guy! That guy rules.
-FELICIA: Sounds awesome.
1303
01:26:10,840 --> 01:26:14,435
-That would make me so happy.
-All right. All right. Fantastic! I'm doing it.
1304
01:26:14,610 --> 01:26:17,545
LANCE: Watch out, Ian! Fuck!
FELICIA: Watch it, Ian!
1305
01:26:19,749 --> 01:26:20,875
Whoo!
1306
01:26:20,950 --> 01:26:21,974
(LAUGHING)
1307
01:26:22,051 --> 01:26:24,576
-IAN: You like that?
-Did your fucking balls just drop?
1308
01:26:24,654 --> 01:26:26,144
Holy shit, Ian.
1309
01:26:27,090 --> 01:26:33,791
-Oh, man, it's this douche again.
-You want it? You got it.
1310
01:26:34,864 --> 01:26:36,832
-Hold on to your pantyhose.
-Okay, we gotta work on your banter,
1311
01:26:36,899 --> 01:26:39,129
but otherwise, this is awesome.
1312
01:26:39,202 --> 01:26:40,863
(DANGER ZONE PLAYING)
1313
01:26:42,071 --> 01:26:44,869
-You're losing him.
-No, I got him. I got him.
1314
01:26:47,276 --> 01:26:51,007
-Jesus, Ian! Not so close.
-God damn it!
1315
01:26:55,585 --> 01:26:57,553
No way, man! You're dead.
1316
01:26:59,555 --> 01:27:01,455
Sorry. He's all right.
1317
01:27:02,058 --> 01:27:04,652
LANCE: This guy's fucking dangerous!
1318
01:27:10,199 --> 01:27:11,894
Where is he? Talk to me, dudes.
1319
01:27:12,001 --> 01:27:14,595
Right up our ass. He's in our ass.
1320
01:27:19,275 --> 01:27:22,472
-LANCE: He's tagging out.
-Ladies!
1321
01:27:22,545 --> 01:27:23,569
Ian, look out!
1322
01:27:23,646 --> 01:27:24,704
(THUDDING)
1323
01:27:29,819 --> 01:27:31,116
Oh! Oh!
1324
01:27:31,187 --> 01:27:32,347
God damn it.
1325
01:27:34,123 --> 01:27:37,854
What were you doing, man? Shit.
1326
01:27:39,395 --> 01:27:41,989
Dude, take it easy. This wasn't your fault.
He jumped right in front of you.
1327
01:27:42,064 --> 01:27:44,999
Just shut up, Lance. Of course it's my fault.
1328
01:27:45,334 --> 01:27:46,801
Now, come on, man,
this possum's not gonna fuck you.
1329
01:27:46,869 --> 01:27:48,427
We gotta go find Ms. Tasty.
1330
01:27:48,504 --> 01:27:52,873
He's suffering, Lance. I'm not gonna
leave him here by himself. Okay?
1331
01:27:54,143 --> 01:27:56,873
Okay. You're right.
1332
01:27:58,815 --> 01:28:02,114
We gotta help him.
We gotta call a vet or something.
1333
01:28:02,652 --> 01:28:07,715
Ian, look at him.
There's not a lot that we can do.
1334
01:28:09,425 --> 01:28:12,121
You may want to cover your eyes,
sweetheart, there could be some splatter.
1335
01:28:12,195 --> 01:28:15,358
-What the fuck are you doing?
-I'm gonna take him out of his misery.
1336
01:28:15,431 --> 01:28:18,958
They don't make little wheelchairs for him.
He's done, man.
1337
01:28:19,035 --> 01:28:22,801
IAN: Fuck you, Lance.
God, you don't even give a shit about him.
1338
01:28:24,073 --> 01:28:25,438
I'll do it.
1339
01:28:34,650 --> 01:28:35,981
I'm sorry.
1340
01:28:37,119 --> 01:28:38,552
(GRUNTS)
1341
01:28:40,223 --> 01:28:42,020
LANCE: All possums go to heaven.
1342
01:28:43,259 --> 01:28:49,061
Uh... Ian. It... I think it's still...
1343
01:28:50,199 --> 01:28:51,598
Shit.
1344
01:28:58,774 --> 01:29:00,708
Oh, no.
1345
01:29:01,444 --> 01:29:04,675
Ian, I'm so sorry, it's...
1346
01:29:04,747 --> 01:29:10,708
Oh, God! Jesus fucking... God damn it!
I'm trying to do the right thing here.
1347
01:29:11,387 --> 01:29:16,086
-He's really hanging in there.
-God! Fuck!
1348
01:29:17,026 --> 01:29:20,985
You know, Jamie Lynn Spears' baby
has got to be about a year old now.
1349
01:29:21,063 --> 01:29:22,621
I can't believe she had a fucking baby.
1350
01:29:22,698 --> 01:29:23,687
(SIREN WAILING)
1351
01:29:27,503 --> 01:29:28,834
(GROANS)
1352
01:29:30,273 --> 01:29:32,298
How was I supposed to know
it was an endangered possum?
1353
01:29:32,375 --> 01:29:35,037
You know, the vet said there's actually
a good chance he might pull through.
1354
01:29:35,111 --> 01:29:37,602
You better hope so, mister. Get in.
1355
01:29:39,715 --> 01:29:41,205
Lock up cell B.
1356
01:29:47,123 --> 01:29:48,647
We are in jail.
1357
01:29:57,967 --> 01:30:00,902
Okay, listen, you have got to be cool,
'cause if they see you shitting yourself
1358
01:30:00,970 --> 01:30:02,028
they're gonna fuck with us.
1359
01:30:02,104 --> 01:30:04,095
Hey! Hey, ladies.
1360
01:30:04,340 --> 01:30:07,901
Hey, how about you sit the fuck back down
before me and you have a problem?
1361
01:30:07,977 --> 01:30:11,708
How about you just chill out, man?
Be cool.
1362
01:30:11,781 --> 01:30:14,306
-All right. We good?
-Yeah, we're good.
1363
01:30:25,928 --> 01:30:30,797
-Excuse me.
-Listen, old man, I'm only gonna tell you...
1364
01:30:32,602 --> 01:30:34,968
You should've seen the look in his eyes.
1365
01:30:35,538 --> 01:30:38,371
His heart was breaking
for this poor little thing.
1366
01:30:38,608 --> 01:30:43,307
Shit, that boy Ian don't seem
like he got no balls at all.
1367
01:30:43,379 --> 01:30:47,179
Why? 'Cause he got to fussing some
over a suffering critter?
1368
01:30:47,650 --> 01:30:49,675
I think that's real sweet.
1369
01:30:49,752 --> 01:30:53,017
Well, I say this Lance,
he sounds like a real hunk of man.
1370
01:30:53,522 --> 01:30:57,117
The only way you can keep his kind around
is to get his babies up in you pronto.
1371
01:30:57,193 --> 01:30:59,627
But he got no respect for bitches.
1372
01:31:00,463 --> 01:31:05,162
Shathayd's right. No respect for bitches.
None whatsoever.
1373
01:31:06,402 --> 01:31:08,836
You love Ian, don't you, baby?
1374
01:31:11,907 --> 01:31:16,469
Well, it's just we've been best friends
since we were really little,
1375
01:31:16,946 --> 01:31:20,438
and I don't know, he's the only person
I can really talk to, you know?
1376
01:31:20,750 --> 01:31:23,310
You give your heart to that boy,
1377
01:31:23,386 --> 01:31:28,756
and you can toss that "friendship" right out
the motherfucking window.
1378
01:31:28,824 --> 01:31:34,421
When I was a girl, my best friend was
a fella named Creighton McDaniel.
1379
01:31:35,398 --> 01:31:40,961
We used to stay up all night just talking
and laughing and carrying on.
1380
01:31:42,171 --> 01:31:46,870
Then one day I got it into my head
that we ought to be more than friends.
1381
01:31:46,942 --> 01:31:49,274
So I tell him I love him.
1382
01:31:49,812 --> 01:31:51,302
What happened?
1383
01:31:54,450 --> 01:31:56,145
We dated for a few weeks.
1384
01:31:56,218 --> 01:31:57,242
(FARTING)
1385
01:31:57,319 --> 01:31:59,719
Then he met a gal over in Wofford.
1386
01:32:01,090 --> 01:32:03,422
We still talk from time to time.
1387
01:32:04,593 --> 01:32:07,118
But it was never the same between us.
1388
01:32:10,966 --> 01:32:12,456
(FARTING)
1389
01:32:14,437 --> 01:32:20,740
Baby. Come here.
Come on, now. Come on, now.
1390
01:32:22,678 --> 01:32:26,045
You know you need a hug.
Come on, honey.
1391
01:32:26,382 --> 01:32:27,406
(CONTINUES FARTING)
1392
01:32:27,483 --> 01:32:29,007
Cuddle up.
1393
01:32:30,086 --> 01:32:31,314
(URINATING)
1394
01:32:33,089 --> 01:32:34,078
LANCE: Dude.
1395
01:32:35,458 --> 01:32:39,087
-What?
-Look, you're pissing in front of everybody.
1396
01:32:41,864 --> 01:32:43,456
Yeah, I am.
1397
01:32:43,532 --> 01:32:46,831
-And that guy's looking right at your dick.
-Atta-boy.
1398
01:32:47,970 --> 01:32:49,028
(FLUSHING)
1399
01:32:49,105 --> 01:32:52,666
-Look at you. You're a new man.
-No, I'm not.
1400
01:32:52,875 --> 01:32:57,539
Dude. You stole a car, ran over a hillbilly,
1401
01:32:57,613 --> 01:33:00,639
you got arrested, you got in a prison fight.
1402
01:33:01,417 --> 01:33:03,317
See Duane, he was there.
1403
01:33:03,385 --> 01:33:06,013
And I mean, you really beat
an endangered species to death today.
1404
01:33:06,088 --> 01:33:07,749
That's got to count for something.
1405
01:33:07,823 --> 01:33:12,055
And now you're in here in jail pissing
like a big dog in front of all the perverts.
1406
01:33:12,128 --> 01:33:13,755
I mean, there's only one thing left.
1407
01:33:13,829 --> 01:33:17,094
Yeah, well, that's out.
I was supposed to meet her two hours ago.
1408
01:33:18,334 --> 01:33:20,199
Dude, when we get out of here,
just tell her you got pinched.
1409
01:33:20,269 --> 01:33:23,568
She'll think that's bad-ass,
because it totally is.
1410
01:33:24,573 --> 01:33:27,599
Lafferty, Nesbitt, your bail has been posted.
1411
01:33:27,810 --> 01:33:28,834
Really?
1412
01:33:29,011 --> 01:33:33,038
-Time to go.
-Shit!
1413
01:33:33,115 --> 01:33:35,549
-What?
-Rex.
1414
01:33:35,851 --> 01:33:36,840
Oh.
1415
01:33:38,988 --> 01:33:41,115
All right, this is it for us, Duane,
1416
01:33:41,190 --> 01:33:43,021
but, you know, back to what we were
talking about earlier,
1417
01:33:43,092 --> 01:33:45,185
I don't give a shit what Denise says,
1418
01:33:45,261 --> 01:33:47,855
I think there's still room for somebody
to write the great American novel.
1419
01:33:47,930 --> 01:33:50,956
So take that for whatever it's worth, buddy.
1420
01:33:59,308 --> 01:34:00,400
Hey.
1421
01:34:02,178 --> 01:34:03,668
Mary!
1422
01:34:04,013 --> 01:34:05,412
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
1423
01:34:08,517 --> 01:34:10,451
Wait. Wait. How did you find me?
1424
01:34:10,519 --> 01:34:13,545
Well, I called your cell phone,
and then someone answered here.
1425
01:34:13,622 --> 01:34:18,992
-That's awesome. Okay.
-Are you okay? Why are you in jail?
1426
01:34:21,363 --> 01:34:22,352
I mean, there's a number of charges,
1427
01:34:22,431 --> 01:34:24,626
but the most prominent ones
were animal cruelty
1428
01:34:24,700 --> 01:34:26,759
and the assaulting the officer.
1429
01:34:26,836 --> 01:34:29,396
But it's not nearly as bad
as it sounds on paper, okay? I promise.
1430
01:34:29,471 --> 01:34:32,531
-Okay.
-Okay. Wait right here. Okay.
1431
01:34:34,376 --> 01:34:35,866
-Teddy.
-Lance, my man.
1432
01:34:35,945 --> 01:34:38,209
-You guys got my stuff?
-It's gonna be a few minutes.
1433
01:34:38,280 --> 01:34:39,338
All right.
1434
01:34:39,415 --> 01:34:41,212
-Your daughter still selling those cookies?
-Yes.
1435
01:34:41,283 --> 01:34:43,911
You find me that wallet, I'll buy one.
1436
01:34:43,986 --> 01:34:46,011
-That'd be nice of you.
-How is she now?
1437
01:34:46,088 --> 01:34:50,115
I'm just fucking with you.
I don't need one more charge brought.
1438
01:35:05,007 --> 01:35:06,975
(FLYING HIGH PLAYING)
1439
01:35:16,819 --> 01:35:20,084
(SINGING) You can't know, oh, no
You can't know
1440
01:35:20,155 --> 01:35:25,787
How much I think about you, no
1441
01:35:26,896 --> 01:35:29,956
It's making my head spin
1442
01:35:33,135 --> 01:35:36,593
Looking at you
And you are looking at me
1443
01:35:36,672 --> 01:35:40,233
And we both know what we want
1444
01:35:43,245 --> 01:35:45,213
So close to giving in
1445
01:35:47,016 --> 01:35:53,922
Ian, don't do this. No,
don't turn into Lance. You're a good guy.
1446
01:35:54,590 --> 01:35:56,854
Yeah, well, that's why I'm still a virgin.
1447
01:35:56,926 --> 01:36:01,727
So what if you're a virgin?
God, Ian, it's just sex. It's not...
1448
01:36:01,797 --> 01:36:06,962
No, Felicia, it's not about the sex.
It's not. I'm weird.
1449
01:36:07,036 --> 01:36:10,733
I'm the only virgin I know.
I need to get this done
1450
01:36:11,440 --> 01:36:14,341
so everyone can just stop
freaking out about it.
1451
01:36:14,743 --> 01:36:17,610
Look, I know you don't approve,
but I'm sorry, I just...
1452
01:36:17,680 --> 01:36:19,272
I'm not going home a virgin.
1453
01:36:19,348 --> 01:36:21,213
Then, sport, fuck me.
1454
01:36:23,619 --> 01:36:24,779
What?
1455
01:36:26,622 --> 01:36:29,284
Sport, fuck me and not some stranger.
1456
01:36:30,459 --> 01:36:33,917
We're friends so you know
you're not gonna get some, like,
1457
01:36:33,996 --> 01:36:38,262
crabs or genital warts
or some pussing thing that's coming...
1458
01:36:38,334 --> 01:36:40,859
Wow, Leesh. That's hot!
1459
01:36:43,238 --> 01:36:44,796
You know what?
1460
01:36:45,808 --> 01:36:49,904
I think I'd rather stay a virgin forever
than lose it on pity-sex.
1461
01:36:50,546 --> 01:36:53,481
-I'm not talking about pity-sex.
-Then what are you talking about?
1462
01:36:53,549 --> 01:36:56,677
I don't know. Sex.
1463
01:36:57,386 --> 01:37:03,382
It doesn't have to mean anything.
It doesn't have to jeopardize our friendship.
1464
01:37:03,792 --> 01:37:04,816
Ah!
1465
01:37:04,893 --> 01:37:07,623
Leesh, you know what?
Fuck the friendship!
1466
01:37:08,464 --> 01:37:10,227
I'm sorry, I just can't do it.
1467
01:37:10,299 --> 01:37:14,429
I can't be the guy that you're gonna talk to
about your boyfriends anymore. I can't...
1468
01:37:14,803 --> 01:37:17,203
I can't be the guy who's gonna pick you up
in the middle of the night,
1469
01:37:17,272 --> 01:37:21,641
and you're gonna cry to because
Derrick Dicottes found some other girl.
1470
01:37:22,845 --> 01:37:26,872
And maybe I'm just being selfish here,
but it is not enough.
1471
01:37:26,949 --> 01:37:30,350
Okay, so I'm gonna go out that door,
and I'm gonna go have meaningless sex
1472
01:37:30,419 --> 01:37:35,516
with some random, hopefully hot, hopefully
female person that I met on the Internet.
1473
01:37:37,593 --> 01:37:40,323
Unless you've got something better
to say to me.
1474
01:37:54,343 --> 01:37:55,571
(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
1475
01:37:57,646 --> 01:37:59,511
That's what I thought.
1476
01:38:28,610 --> 01:38:30,100
Cyclops.
1477
01:38:33,515 --> 01:38:37,349
-How'd you find me?
-You ever heard of LoJack, cheese-dick?
1478
01:38:39,021 --> 01:38:40,318
(SIREN WAILING)
1479
01:38:41,023 --> 01:38:42,684
(DISCO INFERNO PLAYING)
1480
01:38:42,758 --> 01:38:43,850
Come here.
1481
01:38:43,959 --> 01:38:46,792
(SINGING) Burn that mother down, y'all
1482
01:38:47,029 --> 01:38:48,428
Burn, baby, burn
1483
01:38:48,664 --> 01:38:50,495
Disco inferno
1484
01:38:50,599 --> 01:38:52,089
Burn, baby, burn
1485
01:38:52,167 --> 01:38:53,191
Burn that mother down
1486
01:38:53,268 --> 01:38:56,101
Come on, Rex, wait. The girl...
The one I told you about from the Internet.
1487
01:38:56,171 --> 01:38:59,572
She's right across the street, Rex.
She wants to do it with me and everything.
1488
01:38:59,641 --> 01:39:01,370
Like I give a shit!
1489
01:39:08,117 --> 01:39:09,482
(SCREAMING)
1490
01:39:14,223 --> 01:39:16,123
Get your shit, queer-bait!
We're going home.
1491
01:39:16,191 --> 01:39:17,852
Okay. Okay, fine.
1492
01:39:18,127 --> 01:39:20,118
Now!
1493
01:39:20,195 --> 01:39:22,095
It probably wouldn't have changed
1494
01:39:22,164 --> 01:39:25,622
all these feelings
that I've been having lately anyway.
1495
01:39:27,236 --> 01:39:29,727
What are you talking about?
1496
01:39:29,805 --> 01:39:33,673
I don't know, Rex. You know, just feelings,
1497
01:39:35,277 --> 01:39:40,271
curiosity about men.
1498
01:39:42,784 --> 01:39:44,411
Oh, shit, Ian!
1499
01:39:45,787 --> 01:39:50,815
I think you might be right.
I think I might be getting gay.
1500
01:39:51,026 --> 01:39:55,520
God damn it. Fuck!
1501
01:39:56,832 --> 01:40:00,131
But I just haven't had
any luck with girls, Rex.
1502
01:40:00,202 --> 01:40:04,161
No way! No way my little brother's
taking it in the chili ring.
1503
01:40:10,879 --> 01:40:14,076
All right, you take the car,
1504
01:40:14,983 --> 01:40:17,781
and you go bang the female woman
like the good Lord intended.
1505
01:40:17,853 --> 01:40:19,343
You've got one hour!
1506
01:40:20,255 --> 01:40:22,155
-Ian.
-Yeah?
1507
01:40:24,493 --> 01:40:26,358
Fill up the tank, would you, buddy?
1508
01:40:26,428 --> 01:40:28,988
-Tank is at a little low. Yeah, thanks.
-Right.
1509
01:40:51,053 --> 01:40:55,319
Hey, man. You looking for somebody?
1510
01:40:59,261 --> 01:41:00,523
Ms. Tasty.
1511
01:41:01,830 --> 01:41:03,024
MS. TASTY: Ian?
1512
01:41:09,404 --> 01:41:12,635
Oh, my gosh! Hey.
1513
01:41:12,708 --> 01:41:15,040
I was sure you were standing me up.
1514
01:41:16,478 --> 01:41:21,074
-But here you are. Look at you.
-See you.
1515
01:41:21,149 --> 01:41:24,175
You look a little different than your picture.
1516
01:41:24,253 --> 01:41:27,848
Yeah, I know. I lost a lot of weight
'cause I had the runs... The flu.
1517
01:41:29,491 --> 01:41:34,019
Well, you're mighty cute,
and your car is really pretty.
1518
01:41:34,896 --> 01:41:36,761
Why don't you take me for a ride?
1519
01:41:42,537 --> 01:41:46,303
So, Ms. Tasty, what's your real name?
1520
01:41:47,709 --> 01:41:53,841
-How about I tell you after?
-Yeah, sure.
1521
01:41:55,851 --> 01:41:57,478
Works for me.
1522
01:42:03,592 --> 01:42:04,650
(ATLANTIS PLAYING)
1523
01:42:04,726 --> 01:42:11,529
(SINGING)... below the ocean
Where I wanna be
1524
01:42:12,200 --> 01:42:14,225
She may be
1525
01:42:14,303 --> 01:42:17,670
Way down below the ocean...
1526
01:42:17,739 --> 01:42:20,902
-No, Mary, wait.
-What?
1527
01:42:20,976 --> 01:42:24,377
-What's wrong?
-Nothing. I mean...
1528
01:42:24,946 --> 01:42:29,076
Nothing, I just... I really like you,
1529
01:42:31,787 --> 01:42:36,190
and I don't want to ruin this. You know?
1530
01:42:37,059 --> 01:42:42,053
But, hey, maybe you could come
to Chicago and we could hang out
1531
01:42:42,130 --> 01:42:43,961
-and take it a little...
-No.
1532
01:42:44,066 --> 01:42:47,900
Lance, it doesn't work like that.
1533
01:42:51,340 --> 01:42:54,776
And, I mean, if I don't go back,
I'm gonna be shunned.
1534
01:42:56,244 --> 01:42:58,542
I could never see my family again.
1535
01:43:00,115 --> 01:43:04,518
-This Amish thing is a real motherfucker.
-Yeah, tell me about it.
1536
01:43:13,595 --> 01:43:15,324
-Ian.
-Yeah.
1537
01:43:15,397 --> 01:43:17,627
I think we should take our clothes off.
1538
01:43:19,501 --> 01:43:21,298
Wow. Really? Right here?
1539
01:43:21,370 --> 01:43:22,359
Mmm-hmm.
1540
01:43:22,804 --> 01:43:25,967
No one's around for miles. Come on.
1541
01:43:26,875 --> 01:43:28,001
Okay.
1542
01:43:36,418 --> 01:43:39,854
-What do you think?
-Thank you.
1543
01:43:41,556 --> 01:43:47,017
That is one of the better sets
that I've seen today.
1544
01:43:47,462 --> 01:43:49,657
I appreciate your honesty.
1545
01:43:50,665 --> 01:43:51,893
They're nice.
1546
01:43:52,634 --> 01:43:54,261
Really?
1547
01:43:54,336 --> 01:43:56,930
You're fit.
1548
01:43:57,005 --> 01:44:00,964
-You're so sweet.
-Yeah.
1549
01:44:02,811 --> 01:44:06,303
I think we should
take your clothes off now.
1550
01:44:06,381 --> 01:44:09,612
Yeah, maybe we should.
1551
01:44:09,684 --> 01:44:14,747
-I don't play football!
-Okay.
1552
01:44:14,823 --> 01:44:17,087
I... I really don't.
I mean, I don't really even watch football.
1553
01:44:17,159 --> 01:44:19,286
I mean, I got all that stuff
from Friday Night Lights,
1554
01:44:19,361 --> 01:44:22,330
which is a show. It's also a movie
starring Billy Bob Thornton.
1555
01:44:22,397 --> 01:44:24,388
-I don't know if you saw it, but...
-Ian.
1556
01:44:24,466 --> 01:44:30,530
What? You think everything in my profile's
the God's honest truth? No.
1557
01:44:30,605 --> 01:44:33,506
Now, come on, take your clothes off.
1558
01:44:35,911 --> 01:44:40,541
Look, there's this girl...
1559
01:44:41,616 --> 01:44:45,848
Ian, this can be our little secret.
No one has to know.
1560
01:44:47,389 --> 01:44:48,879
Now come here.
1561
01:45:02,337 --> 01:45:07,365
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I can't do this with you.
1562
01:45:07,442 --> 01:45:12,141
I'm kissing you,
and I'm thinking about somebody else.
1563
01:45:13,048 --> 01:45:16,950
No, and I know that's a stupid thing to say.
I mean, she's not even...
1564
01:45:17,686 --> 01:45:18,710
(SNIFFLING)
1565
01:45:18,787 --> 01:45:22,848
Oh, no, no, no.
Ms. Tasty, please don't cry.
1566
01:45:22,924 --> 01:45:26,690
It's not a reflection of...
You're so pretty, like...
1567
01:45:27,395 --> 01:45:29,090
You're laughing.
1568
01:45:29,164 --> 01:45:32,133
Just take your fucking clothes off, asshole!
1569
01:45:33,235 --> 01:45:36,636
Look, I'm sorry, okay.
I don't mean to lead you on here,
1570
01:45:36,705 --> 01:45:41,165
and I'll give you a ride home,
but I don't think that... What the fuck?
1571
01:45:41,243 --> 01:45:43,677
What's up with the bandana, dude? Huh?
1572
01:45:44,045 --> 01:45:45,444
What're you, a Gap model?
1573
01:45:48,083 --> 01:45:51,177
-Do you have any jacks?
-Yup.
1574
01:45:52,587 --> 01:45:56,114
-I win.
-Again.
1575
01:45:56,191 --> 01:45:57,419
Yup.
1576
01:46:01,796 --> 01:46:04,321
-All right, just take your shirt off.
-Okay, good.
1577
01:46:07,402 --> 01:46:11,668
You were right, Ian. '69 Judge.
You were worth the wait.
1578
01:46:14,576 --> 01:46:19,639
-Please, no! Come on, it's not even my car!
-And good luck with the lady friend.
1579
01:46:22,284 --> 01:46:23,581
Fuckface!
1580
01:46:24,686 --> 01:46:26,381
(MS. TASTY WHOOPING)
1581
01:46:26,922 --> 01:46:30,358
Felicia. Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
1582
01:46:30,458 --> 01:46:34,053
Oh, Bobby,
you were so awesome back there.
1583
01:46:34,129 --> 01:46:35,892
-Love you so much.
-Cool.
1584
01:46:37,165 --> 01:46:41,625
Hey, you know, I was thinking, do you
always have to flash them the twins?
1585
01:46:41,703 --> 01:46:43,864
You know, I mean, I do got a gun.
1586
01:46:43,939 --> 01:46:48,899
-Oh, baby, you know they're only for you.
-Okay, cool.
1587
01:46:48,977 --> 01:46:52,003
Now, listen. I got another car coming
any minute now, okay?
1588
01:46:52,080 --> 01:46:53,775
-Got it.
-So take me back to the Big Boy
1589
01:46:53,848 --> 01:46:56,248
-and get this goat over to Luis.
-Right.
1590
01:46:57,619 --> 01:47:03,819
And where is Luis? 5th and Crescent!
1591
01:47:04,392 --> 01:47:06,622
-I fucking told you.
-I know where it is.
1592
01:47:06,695 --> 01:47:07,684
(CLANKING)
1593
01:47:11,266 --> 01:47:16,499
And if you do good,
momma's gonna take real good care of you.
1594
01:47:16,871 --> 01:47:18,099
Really?
1595
01:47:20,508 --> 01:47:23,170
You mean the thing I like well?
1596
01:47:26,381 --> 01:47:28,008
(CHUCKLING DEVIOUSLY)
1597
01:47:28,383 --> 01:47:32,251
Yeah, just want to make sure we're talking
about the same thing here.
1598
01:47:32,320 --> 01:47:34,288
The pepper grinder.
1599
01:47:38,326 --> 01:47:40,419
Pepper grinder!
1600
01:47:41,429 --> 01:47:44,227
Pepper grinder! Yeah.
1601
01:47:52,507 --> 01:47:53,565
Hi.
1602
01:47:59,547 --> 01:48:03,108
-Hey, boys. You finally made it.
-What's up, Ms. Tasty?
1603
01:48:03,184 --> 01:48:05,709
What's up? What's up?
1604
01:48:05,787 --> 01:48:08,415
-Damn, you're hot as fuck.
-Yeah.
1605
01:48:08,490 --> 01:48:11,789
-We brought beers and rubbers.
-And some lotion for your tits.
1606
01:48:13,061 --> 01:48:14,722
-It's not a marathon.
-It's a sprint.
1607
01:48:14,796 --> 01:48:17,230
-Bang. Yeah.
-In chicks.
1608
01:48:31,279 --> 01:48:32,837
You Felicia?
1609
01:48:35,617 --> 01:48:37,016
I'm Bobby Jo.
1610
01:48:38,520 --> 01:48:39,544
Hi.
1611
01:48:39,788 --> 01:48:41,187
(PHONE RINGING)
1612
01:48:41,256 --> 01:48:46,489
(LANCE AND MARY MOANING)
1613
01:48:49,731 --> 01:48:54,361
I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick.
I mean, seriously, what are the odds?
1614
01:48:55,470 --> 01:48:57,734
Oh, yeah! More of that.
1615
01:48:59,774 --> 01:49:04,871
So, wait, you do want to party?
1616
01:49:05,580 --> 01:49:06,706
With us?
1617
01:49:06,781 --> 01:49:10,012
Yeah. I want us all to get naked and party.
1618
01:49:22,497 --> 01:49:25,489
Fuck! I can't fucking believe this.
1619
01:49:29,938 --> 01:49:32,771
Get your ass out of the car, motherfucker!
1620
01:49:34,609 --> 01:49:39,273
-Who the fuck are you?
-Holy fucking fuck-balls!
1621
01:49:39,514 --> 01:49:43,678
Okay, my bad.
1622
01:49:43,752 --> 01:49:45,447
Now, I thought you were someone else,
all right?
1623
01:49:45,520 --> 01:49:50,890
You done fouled up my ride,
so I'm gonna have to take yours.
1624
01:49:51,760 --> 01:49:52,749
Fuck that shit.
1625
01:49:52,827 --> 01:49:53,851
(GUN COCKING)
1626
01:49:53,928 --> 01:49:56,021
Here you go. Pulls to the left.
1627
01:49:57,799 --> 01:49:59,790
What the fuck, dumb-ass?
1628
01:50:03,738 --> 01:50:06,172
Oh, shit!
1629
01:50:06,941 --> 01:50:13,210
Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit!
1630
01:50:13,281 --> 01:50:14,976
Hey, highlights, back it up.
1631
01:50:16,417 --> 01:50:18,282
Bite my dick, asshole!
1632
01:50:23,158 --> 01:50:25,991
Ow! What the fuck you do that for?
1633
01:50:27,128 --> 01:50:31,326
-Lance? What the fuck is going on?
-That's the son of a bitch I was looking for!
1634
01:50:31,399 --> 01:50:34,459
Hey, guy. How'd you...
1635
01:50:34,536 --> 01:50:37,937
-Found your computer maps, douche-bag!
-Okay.
1636
01:50:38,006 --> 01:50:39,166
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1637
01:50:39,240 --> 01:50:42,107
Boat show,
you and your boyfriend bring it in here.
1638
01:50:42,177 --> 01:50:43,439
I don't need no trouble right now.
1639
01:50:43,511 --> 01:50:45,376
Let's go. Bring it in.
1640
01:50:46,815 --> 01:50:50,512
-Bobby Jo, who the fuck is that?
-BOBBY JO: Who?
1641
01:50:50,585 --> 01:50:53,850
-That!
-That's Felicia.
1642
01:50:53,922 --> 01:50:56,152
She was hiding in the back seat,
no biggie.
1643
01:50:56,224 --> 01:50:58,715
Fuck! She heard everything then.
1644
01:50:58,793 --> 01:51:01,421
-Hello!
-Damn, you're right.
1645
01:51:02,630 --> 01:51:03,824
(GROANING)
1646
01:51:03,898 --> 01:51:05,422
Come on, darling.
1647
01:51:05,500 --> 01:51:07,798
-Shut up!
-Now, take it easy on the hair.
1648
01:51:07,869 --> 01:51:10,599
-Get down!
-Hey, hey, come on.
1649
01:51:10,672 --> 01:51:13,539
-All right, all right.
-IAN: Take your hands off her!
1650
01:51:18,446 --> 01:51:20,277
(IAN EXCLAIMING)
1651
01:51:21,282 --> 01:51:23,182
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1652
01:51:25,253 --> 01:51:28,245
ANDY: Stop shooting our car.
RANDY: Inconsiderate.
1653
01:51:33,761 --> 01:51:35,752
IAN: Please! No!
1654
01:51:41,569 --> 01:51:44,629
-All right. Get back, man.
-Ian?
1655
01:51:44,706 --> 01:51:47,402
Everybody just be cool.
1656
01:51:47,475 --> 01:51:50,035
-Felicia, you okay?
-Yeah, I'm fine.
1657
01:51:50,111 --> 01:51:53,171
Ian, give me the goddamn gun
before you shoot your dick off.
1658
01:51:53,248 --> 01:51:54,442
-Rex, I got this.
-Ian!
1659
01:51:54,515 --> 01:51:58,246
God damn it, Rex, I got this!
Do not fuck with me! Not now!
1660
01:51:59,153 --> 01:52:02,281
Ease it back, man.
That donut ain't fucking around.
1661
01:52:04,025 --> 01:52:05,754
Hands where I can see them.
1662
01:52:07,095 --> 01:52:11,225
-Ian, dude, you're working the mouth.
-I don't give a shit!
1663
01:52:11,299 --> 01:52:15,429
Okay. All right, sorry.
You're doing so good. Proud of you.
1664
01:52:15,503 --> 01:52:17,095
I mean that. I don't say it enough.
1665
01:52:17,171 --> 01:52:20,265
-Tasty and you...
-Bobby Jo.
1666
01:52:21,442 --> 01:52:25,105
Ian... Over there. Slowly.
1667
01:52:25,847 --> 01:52:30,045
All right, you, corn-fed, you can
punch my friend Lance, but just once.
1668
01:52:30,151 --> 01:52:33,348
-Dude! What the fuck?
-You nailed his girlfriend.
1669
01:52:33,421 --> 01:52:36,549
-Not exactly. I mean, it was...
-And he came all this way.
1670
01:52:36,624 --> 01:52:40,151
All right. All right, fair enough.
Just not in the nuts.
1671
01:52:42,463 --> 01:52:43,691
(LANCE GRUNTS)
1672
01:52:43,765 --> 01:52:48,998
-Oh, shit!
-Okay. Okay, all right.
1673
01:52:50,672 --> 01:52:55,473
What a punch.
I think my kids are gonna be retarded.
1674
01:52:55,543 --> 01:52:57,511
You got a fucking cannon for an arm, dude.
1675
01:52:57,578 --> 01:53:02,948
-Yeah, you got a little...
-Thanks. My ears are ringing.
1676
01:53:03,551 --> 01:53:05,416
IAN: Stop it! I'm warning you!
1677
01:53:05,486 --> 01:53:08,080
Come on, bro. You ain't gonna kill no one.
1678
01:53:09,023 --> 01:53:10,388
(MS. TASTY EXCLAIMS)
1679
01:53:10,658 --> 01:53:11,750
BOBBY JO: Whoa!
1680
01:53:13,695 --> 01:53:16,823
-Anybody can shoot a gun in the air, dude.
-I'll shoot you in the leg.
1681
01:53:16,898 --> 01:53:18,490
Suck his cock, Ian.
1682
01:53:18,566 --> 01:53:21,364
-You serious?
-Do I look serious?
1683
01:53:23,404 --> 01:53:25,372
I don't think you got the plums, boy.
1684
01:53:25,506 --> 01:53:27,201
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1685
01:53:28,943 --> 01:53:30,672
God!
1686
01:53:32,780 --> 01:53:33,769
(GROANING)
1687
01:53:35,216 --> 01:53:36,376
Oh, fuck.
1688
01:53:37,218 --> 01:53:39,686
Okay. Okay.
1689
01:53:41,422 --> 01:53:44,289
Anybody can shoot someone
in the leg, dude.
1690
01:53:45,493 --> 01:53:48,792
-Give me the gun!
-Jesus, man, what do I got to do?
1691
01:53:51,899 --> 01:53:54,800
Don't move, asshole,
or you're a fucking stain.
1692
01:53:54,869 --> 01:53:55,995
Okay.
1693
01:53:57,271 --> 01:53:59,262
Holy shit, Ian. Right on!
1694
01:54:00,708 --> 01:54:02,972
Where do you think you're going, cunt?
1695
01:54:03,044 --> 01:54:04,443
Cat fight!
1696
01:54:04,512 --> 01:54:05,706
(BOTH SQUEALING)
1697
01:54:05,780 --> 01:54:07,077
(CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING PLAYING)
1698
01:54:07,148 --> 01:54:10,413
(SINGING)
'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
1699
01:54:10,485 --> 01:54:12,043
FELICIA: Damn you, whore!
1700
01:54:12,120 --> 01:54:13,849
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
1701
01:54:13,921 --> 01:54:15,548
Fuck you!
1702
01:54:17,725 --> 01:54:21,786
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
1703
01:54:22,163 --> 01:54:25,655
Come crashing through your door
1704
01:54:26,567 --> 01:54:31,368
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore
1705
01:54:32,440 --> 01:54:34,533
Drop the weapon, donut man!
1706
01:54:35,977 --> 01:54:38,309
Okay, put your hands on your head!
1707
01:54:38,379 --> 01:54:41,940
-Both hands, asshole!
-IAN: I can't move the other arm.
1708
01:54:42,016 --> 01:54:45,713
-Who said that? Who said that?
-I can't move the other arm.
1709
01:54:47,021 --> 01:54:48,045
(TASER ZAPPING)
1710
01:54:48,122 --> 01:54:52,115
Sir, I'm not resisting. It's foam, sir.
1711
01:54:52,193 --> 01:54:53,182
(SCREAMING)
1712
01:54:55,463 --> 01:54:59,263
The big Mexican won't go down!
Take the shot!
1713
01:55:00,034 --> 01:55:01,695
-Holy shit.
-Jesus!
1714
01:55:01,769 --> 01:55:04,602
Hold your fire! Hold your fire, okay?
1715
01:55:04,705 --> 01:55:08,801
He is not the bad guy! She is the car thief.
1716
01:55:09,544 --> 01:55:13,105
Right there. The blond, in a belt for a skirt.
1717
01:55:21,189 --> 01:55:22,679
FEMALE OFFICER: Anything else?
1718
01:55:24,625 --> 01:55:27,560
FELICIA: Oh, yeah,
apparently there's a guy named Luis,
1719
01:55:27,628 --> 01:55:31,394
and he has a chop shop
at 5th and Crescent!
1720
01:55:31,466 --> 01:55:33,957
-Thanks.
-We were just banging that chick in our car.
1721
01:55:34,035 --> 01:55:37,163
-Yeah, you mentioned that.
-Yeah, super hard.
1722
01:55:37,238 --> 01:55:43,268
The boy did have some plums.
He had some plums.
1723
01:55:43,344 --> 01:55:46,507
Hey, this is Rick.
He's played arena football.
1724
01:55:46,581 --> 01:55:48,913
-Hi. I'm Mary.
-Hi. Nice to meet you.
1725
01:55:48,983 --> 01:55:50,644
That's a weird little dude you got there.
1726
01:55:50,718 --> 01:55:53,619
LANCE: Are you guys hungry?
Is this place open 24 hours?
1727
01:55:56,357 --> 01:55:58,917
Thank you for coming for me.
1728
01:56:00,027 --> 01:56:03,019
What were you doing in the back seat?
1729
01:56:03,097 --> 01:56:06,294
Nothing. I was...
1730
01:56:06,367 --> 01:56:10,326
-You were stalking me.
-No, I wasn't. I...
1731
01:56:12,173 --> 01:56:15,609
Okay. Yeah, I was stalking you just a little.
1732
01:56:17,111 --> 01:56:20,638
I just... I knew you were gonna do
something you were gonna regret, and I...
1733
01:56:20,715 --> 01:56:24,879
Felicia. Why can't you just say it?
1734
01:56:29,924 --> 01:56:34,020
-Why can't you?
-Well, I asked you first.
1735
01:56:41,836 --> 01:56:43,531
Fine. I'll say it.
1736
01:56:50,178 --> 01:56:53,807
-You love me.
-Fine.
1737
01:56:55,950 --> 01:56:57,815
You love me, too, then.
1738
01:56:58,686 --> 01:57:02,087
(LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL PLAYING)
1739
01:57:03,090 --> 01:57:08,426
(SINGING) Life is beautiful
1740
01:57:11,465 --> 01:57:15,162
But it's complicated
1741
01:57:15,236 --> 01:57:16,601
Thank God.
1742
01:57:17,338 --> 01:57:20,273
We barely make it
1743
01:57:28,950 --> 01:57:29,939
(MOOING)
1744
01:57:33,788 --> 01:57:35,847
You fucking heifer.
1745
01:57:36,357 --> 01:57:38,120
(ENGINE REVVING)
1746
01:57:49,503 --> 01:57:51,061
-You fixed it!
-Yeah.
1747
01:57:51,138 --> 01:57:52,765
Don't lean on it.
1748
01:57:55,209 --> 01:57:57,507
I guess you get to live.
1749
01:57:57,578 --> 01:58:00,604
-IAN: You guys are amazing.
-Thanks.
1750
01:58:00,681 --> 01:58:02,205
Let's talk seriously for a second.
1751
01:58:02,283 --> 01:58:07,983
I figure with the parts and labor,
you know, out the door... 4,200.
1752
01:58:09,991 --> 01:58:11,015
Oh. Um...
1753
01:58:11,092 --> 01:58:14,755
-It's just a round number.
-Yeah. No, I didn't really...
1754
01:58:18,966 --> 01:58:20,263
I don't know what to...
1755
01:58:20,334 --> 01:58:23,360
(LAUGHING)
I'm fucking with you, Ian. We're good, man.
1756
01:58:23,437 --> 01:58:27,567
-Wait, I mean, you're serious?
-Yeah. I'm serious. We're good. No worries.
1757
01:58:27,642 --> 01:58:28,973
-You sure?
-Yeah, of course.
1758
01:58:29,043 --> 01:58:30,032
-Thank you, man.
-It's what I live for,
1759
01:58:30,111 --> 01:58:32,011
fixing other people's shit for free.
1760
01:58:35,716 --> 01:58:36,808
Yeah.
1761
01:58:42,490 --> 01:58:44,822
-Hey.
-REX: Straight home, pussy!
1762
01:58:44,892 --> 01:58:49,158
-Dude, we got to go.
-REX: Fucking piece of shit!
1763
01:58:49,263 --> 01:58:52,926
You go on ahead.
I think I'm gonna stay here, kick it Amish.
1764
01:58:53,000 --> 01:58:54,865
Dude, what are you talking about?
1765
01:58:54,969 --> 01:58:58,496
I don't know, a little hard work,
fresh air, missionary position.
1766
01:58:59,340 --> 01:59:01,069
It's a man's life.
1767
01:59:01,142 --> 01:59:02,837
-Sounds pretty good, you know.
-Yeah, it sounds...
1768
01:59:02,910 --> 01:59:05,538
Come on, Lance. Get serious.
1769
01:59:09,984 --> 01:59:11,383
Come here.
1770
01:59:12,353 --> 01:59:15,220
I gotta tell you, I'm impressed.
I'm proud of you, you know.
1771
01:59:15,289 --> 01:59:18,383
You held out for a good one,
the one you wanted.
1772
01:59:19,226 --> 01:59:21,751
And you fucking made it happen.
1773
01:59:22,863 --> 01:59:27,664
But, please, I'm begging you,
go take that girl to visit Grandma.
1774
01:59:27,735 --> 01:59:29,999
-All right.
-And when you do, don't...
1775
01:59:30,071 --> 01:59:33,268
-Lance, I got it.
-Yeah?
1776
01:59:34,809 --> 01:59:35,901
Yeah.
1777
01:59:37,912 --> 01:59:40,472
Okay. I think you might.
1778
01:59:40,548 --> 01:59:42,311
-See you.
-Bye.
1779
01:59:44,085 --> 01:59:46,280
(PORCUPINE JACKET PLAYING)
1780
01:59:48,689 --> 01:59:52,216
(SINGING) Well, no, no, me, I never worry
1781
01:59:52,927 --> 01:59:55,794
Because, me, I never try
1782
01:59:56,063 --> 02:00:02,662
And I never care to hold onto
what I just couldn't kiss goodbye
1783
02:00:21,122 --> 02:00:24,990
-Are you sure you're ready?
-Yeah.
1784
02:00:27,128 --> 02:00:29,858
All right, well, come on, take them off.
1785
02:00:42,243 --> 02:00:43,642
Let's do it.
1786
02:00:49,884 --> 02:00:51,476
Yeah!
1787
02:00:51,552 --> 02:00:53,144
Oh, shit!
1788
02:00:54,188 --> 02:00:56,053
What the fuck!
1789
02:00:56,123 --> 02:00:58,387
Give me that fucking shoe...
1790
02:00:58,459 --> 02:01:01,587
You know what? Fuck you!
I want a divorce.
1791
02:01:01,662 --> 02:01:04,688
IAN: A few weeks later,
I was Felicia's date to Tiffany's wedding.
1792
02:01:04,799 --> 02:01:08,235
But this time,
it wasn't a just-friends kind of thing.
1793
02:01:10,504 --> 02:01:13,371
And Rex did make my life hell for a while.
1794
02:01:14,141 --> 02:01:15,802
But that Thanksgiving,
1795
02:01:15,876 --> 02:01:19,243
we finally found out
what's been up his ass all these years.
1796
02:01:19,313 --> 02:01:23,340
I'm gay! And, so, that's it.
1797
02:01:25,586 --> 02:01:28,180
IAN: By Christmas,
my dad got used to the idea.
1798
02:01:28,255 --> 02:01:31,224
And Rex is actually
a pretty great guy these days.
1799
02:01:31,292 --> 02:01:34,056
Yeah, now he only uses the word faggot
during rough sex.
1800
02:01:34,128 --> 02:01:36,688
Karen and I want you to have this,
for Christmas.
1801
02:01:36,764 --> 02:01:38,755
-Merry Christmas.
-Thanks.
1802
02:01:41,202 --> 02:01:42,499
A juicer.
1803
02:01:42,570 --> 02:01:47,974
Oh, my gosh! That's so awesome.
Wow, I gotta get some fruit.
1804
02:01:48,476 --> 02:01:49,534
Wow!
1805
02:01:53,581 --> 02:01:55,048
Thank you, thank you.
1806
02:01:55,683 --> 02:01:58,777
IAN: Dylan knocked up Becca
and had to take my old job.
1807
02:02:00,454 --> 02:02:02,445
Let's see, what else?
1808
02:02:03,090 --> 02:02:05,615
Oh, Andy and Randy finally got a girlfriend.
1809
02:02:08,529 --> 02:02:11,930
And on New Year's Eve,
Felicia and I finally visited Grandma.
1810
02:02:11,999 --> 02:02:13,057
Again?
1811
02:02:14,335 --> 02:02:15,768
Damn, yes.
1812
02:02:18,439 --> 02:02:20,464
-Felicia, you want to do this?
-Yes.
1813
02:02:27,047 --> 02:02:28,446
(LAUGHING)
1814
02:02:29,350 --> 02:02:31,113
Oh, that was awesome!
1815
02:03:11,358 --> 02:03:15,294
-Hey, boys. You get some rest?
-Thanks, man. Thanks for fixing the bus.
1816
02:03:15,362 --> 02:03:17,125
-A pleasure.
-Yeah, thanks for fixing our bus.
1817
02:03:17,197 --> 02:03:19,597
-Appreciate it.
-Thanks for playing that show for us, too.
1818
02:03:19,667 --> 02:03:23,000
-Yeah, no worries.
-It was a nice five-song set.
1819
02:03:23,070 --> 02:03:25,470
Yeah, what do you guys typically...
1820
02:03:25,539 --> 02:03:27,973
I assume you get compensated
very well for that.
1821
02:03:28,042 --> 02:03:30,943
-Must be a good living.
-Yeah, we do. I mean...
1822
02:03:31,011 --> 02:03:33,912
Yeah, you know, I...
Gosh, if I was really to calculate
1823
02:03:33,981 --> 02:03:37,109
what you'd lose if this bus
couldn't have gotten back on the road,
1824
02:03:37,184 --> 02:03:38,378
if you couldn't have gotten to your shows,
1825
02:03:38,452 --> 02:03:43,321
I imagine all those weeping teenage girls
outside, "I need to dance. "
1826
02:03:43,390 --> 02:03:46,359
Could we send you some pictures?
We don't really have cash or anything.
1827
02:03:46,427 --> 02:03:49,396
-Some autographed photos?
-Or we could give you CDs.
1828
02:03:49,463 --> 02:03:51,693
Yeah, we've got a lot of use
for that around here.
1829
02:03:51,765 --> 02:03:53,858
There is a lot of work
that needs to be done around here.
1830
02:03:53,934 --> 02:03:58,200
-You guys are some strapping young lads.
-I don't know if we're really built for that.
1831
02:03:59,640 --> 02:04:02,165
-Yeah.
-I can hear you.
1832
02:04:02,242 --> 02:04:04,642
I'm just saying,
you guys put in a 20-minute show,
1833
02:04:04,712 --> 02:04:06,339
-we spent all night on the bus...
-Yeah.
1834
02:04:06,413 --> 02:04:07,607
I mean, that was a lot of work.
1835
02:04:07,681 --> 02:04:09,876
We could maybe try
to write a check later on,
1836
02:04:09,950 --> 02:04:12,418
or like I said,
we could send you guys some CDs.
1837
02:04:12,486 --> 02:04:14,716
City folk are always trying to solve things
with money.
1838
02:04:14,788 --> 02:04:16,813
It's the spirit of the community
around here.
1839
02:04:16,890 --> 02:04:19,415
Lord, please bless this Fall Out Boy.
1840
02:04:19,493 --> 02:04:22,257
Keep him safe on the road.
1841
02:04:22,329 --> 02:04:25,423
Help him to aspire
to the heights of Jon Bon Jovi.
1842
02:04:25,499 --> 02:04:26,727
-Help him to...
-Thanks.
1843
02:04:26,800 --> 02:04:28,700
-Okay, thanks, man.
-Thanks, man. We gotta roll.
1844
02:04:28,769 --> 02:04:30,703
-Amen.
-We gotta roll, man. Thank you very much.
1845
02:04:30,771 --> 02:04:32,329
All right, boys.
It was a pleasure meeting you.
1846
02:04:32,406 --> 02:04:35,375
I loved your penis on the Internet,
by the way.
1847
02:04:35,442 --> 02:04:37,501
-Fucking asshole!
-You're a dick!
1848
02:04:38,245 --> 02:04:40,145
(I DON'T CARE PLAYING)
1849
02:04:53,927 --> 02:04:57,863
Say my name and his in the same breath
1850
02:04:57,931 --> 02:05:01,389
I dare you to say they taste the same
1851
02:05:01,468 --> 02:05:04,995
Let the leaves fall off in the summer
1852
02:05:05,072 --> 02:05:08,132
And let December glow feel flames
1853
02:05:08,709 --> 02:05:11,803
Brace myself and let go
1854
02:05:11,879 --> 02:05:15,440
Start it over again in Mexico
1855
02:05:15,516 --> 02:05:19,316
These friends, they don't love you
1856
02:05:19,386 --> 02:05:23,049
They just love the hotel suites, now
1857
02:05:23,123 --> 02:05:26,183
I don't care what you think
1858
02:05:26,260 --> 02:05:29,923
As long as it's about me
1859
02:05:30,064 --> 02:05:33,227
The best of us can find happiness
1860
02:05:33,333 --> 02:05:36,496
In misery
1861
02:05:36,870 --> 02:05:40,465
Said, I don't care what you think
1862
02:05:40,541 --> 02:05:44,341
As long as it's about me
1863
02:05:44,411 --> 02:05:47,676
The best of us can find happiness
1864
02:05:47,748 --> 02:05:49,545
In misery
1865
02:05:55,522 --> 02:05:59,117
Oh, take a chance,
let your body get a tolerance
1866
02:05:59,193 --> 02:06:02,094
I'm not a chance,
but a heat wave in your pants
1867
02:06:02,162 --> 02:06:04,722
Pull a breath like another cigarette
1868
02:06:04,798 --> 02:06:07,289
Palms up, I'm trading 'em
1869
02:06:08,102 --> 02:06:09,933
Trading 'em
1870
02:06:10,003 --> 02:06:13,131
I'm the oracle in my chest
1871
02:06:13,507 --> 02:06:16,408
Let the guitar scream like a fascist
1872
02:06:16,477 --> 02:06:18,172
Sweat it out, shut your mouth
1873
02:06:18,245 --> 02:06:20,042
Free love on the streets
1874
02:06:20,114 --> 02:06:24,141
But in the alley and I ain't that cheap, now
1875
02:06:24,218 --> 02:06:27,210
I don't care what you think
1876
02:06:27,287 --> 02:06:31,189
As long as it's about me
1877
02:06:31,258 --> 02:06:34,318
The best of us can find happiness
1878
02:06:34,394 --> 02:06:37,659
In misery
1879
02:06:37,931 --> 02:06:41,594
Said, I don't care what you think
1880
02:06:41,668 --> 02:06:45,434
As long as it's about me
1881
02:06:45,539 --> 02:06:48,633
The best of us can find happiness
1882
02:06:48,709 --> 02:06:50,472
In misery
1883
02:07:03,056 --> 02:07:06,617
Said I don't care just what you think
1884
02:07:06,860 --> 02:07:10,159
As long as it's about me
1885
02:07:10,230 --> 02:07:13,631
Said I don't care just what you think
1886
02:07:13,700 --> 02:07:17,329
As long as it's about me
1887
02:07:17,404 --> 02:07:20,931
Said I don't care, I don't care
1888
02:07:21,041 --> 02:07:24,568
Said I don't care, I don't care
1889
02:07:24,645 --> 02:07:30,777
Said I don't care, I don't care
1890
02:07:31,285 --> 02:07:32,274
No, I don't
1891
02:07:32,352 --> 02:07:35,719
I don't care, I don't care
1892
02:07:35,789 --> 02:07:39,589
I don't care
1893
02:07:39,660 --> 02:07:42,561
I don't care what you think
1894
02:07:42,629 --> 02:07:46,156
As long as it's about me
1895
02:07:46,533 --> 02:07:49,661
The best of us can find happiness
1896
02:07:49,736 --> 02:07:53,137
In misery
1897
02:07:53,207 --> 02:07:56,699
Said I don't care what you think
1898
02:07:56,777 --> 02:08:00,577
As long as it's about me
1899
02:08:00,647 --> 02:08:04,174
The best of us can find happiness
1900
02:08:04,251 --> 02:08:10,349
In misery
1901
02:09:02,843 --> 02:09:06,370
Hi. I'm Amanda Crew, professional actor.
1902
02:09:06,446 --> 02:09:08,778
You know in all the teen unrated DVDs,
1903
02:09:08,849 --> 02:09:12,410
you never really get to see
the star's naughty parts.
1904
02:09:12,886 --> 02:09:16,322
Well, that is gonna change today.
1905
02:09:16,390 --> 02:09:18,290
That's right. Take a seat,
1906
02:09:18,358 --> 02:09:21,191
maybe close the door
so mom doesn't come in.
1907
02:09:21,261 --> 02:09:24,162
Get all ready. Looks good.
1908
02:09:25,565 --> 02:09:26,896
Here we go.
1909
02:09:30,637 --> 02:09:32,127
Suckers!
1910
02:09:33,774 --> 02:09:35,071
This is serious matter.
1911
02:09:36,176 --> 02:09:37,336
Run for your life.
1912
02:09:37,411 --> 02:09:40,005
MAN 1: Oh, shit! You know what?
We see the fake balls on the table there.
1913
02:09:40,080 --> 02:09:41,104
(ALL LAUGHING)
1914
02:09:41,181 --> 02:09:43,911
MAN 2: All right. We'll shoot another. Cut.
MAN 3: Cut.
149755
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