Original subtitles

I can't believe the Yankees really fired me.

Ah, you had a good run.

Took them to the World Series.

I gotta give the players most of the credit for that.

Don't sell yourself short.

You made all those flight arrangements, hotels, buses.

No, I don't know who was doin' that.

So when you actually did work, what is it that you did?

I'll tell you, they had a pastry cart

you wouldn't believe.

Here we go.

Your latte.

Your cappuccino.

Your cappuccino.

Maybe I should ask her out.

She is a good waitress.

It's true.

Maybe I'll take her to the Tonys.

You're goin' to the Tonys?

Yeah, I wrote some jokes for the show,

and they gave me two tickets.

Well, why didn't you ask me? I know a million theater jokes.

Uh, what's the deal with those guys down in the pit?

[SNORTS]

They're musicians.

That's not a joke.

It's a funny observation.

It's a funny observation.

Hm. Severance package?

The Yankees are giving me three months' full pay for doin' nothin'.

Well, they did it for three years. What's another few months?

I'm gonna do somethin' with these three months.

Like what? I'm gonna read a book,

from beginning to end,

in that order.

I've always wanted to do that.

I'm can learn to play Frolf. You mean golf?

Frolf. Frisbee golf, Jerry. Golf with a Frisbee.

This is gonna be my time.

Time to taste the fruits

and let the juices drip down my chin.

and let the juices drip down my chin.

I proclaim this "The Summer of George."

[INSECT BUZZING] [GRUNTS]

Whoa.

Jeez!

Hey, Jerry!

[GRUNTS, SHRIEKS]

[♪]

And then Peterman ate it.

[CHUCKLING] [CHUCKLING]

I never told him.

[ALL CHUCKLING]

Who is that? That's Sam,

the new girl in Accounting.

What's with her arms?

They just hang like salamis.

She walks like an orangutan.

Better call the zoo.

[CATERWAULS]

What?

[HISSES]

Catty.

Catty.

[♪]

ELAINE: It's like she's carrying invisible suitcases.

Like this? Yes, exactly.

That is so strange. Right.

So why am I the one who gets:

[CATERWAULS]

You know? I mean, they were being just as catty as I was.

It's a double standard.

Oh, and what about ladies' night?

Women admitted free before 10?

That is so stupid.

[CATERWAULS] [SIGHS]

Hey, The White Shadow is on.

Hey, The White Shadow is on.

Boy, you're really packin' it all in.

Hey, Jerry, my vacation has just started.

I need a day or two to decompress.

Besides, I did plenty today. Like what?

I bought a new recliner with a fridge

built right into it.

Hey, Jerry, you got any TUMS?

Stomachache? Ah, I drank too much water

in the shower. Ah, top of the fridge.

Hey.

Hey, George, I'm taking that waitress to the Tonys.

Shadow.

Oh, the Tonys?

I'll see you there, buddy.

You're going to the Tonys too? Yeah, roger that.

You're going to the Tonys too? Yeah, roger that.

Where are you sitting? Uh, well, all over the place.

Yeah, I'm a seat-filler.

They don't like to see empty seats on TV.

Somebody gets up, I park my caboose in their spot

till they get back.

How did you get that job? Yeah, Mickey, he hooked me up.

He's a member of the academy. What academy?

Well, he didn't say.

[♪]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hi. Hi.

Nice tuxedo. Thanks.

It's a breakaway.

Should we go? Absolutely.

Lyle, we're going.

Lyle, we're going.

All right.

Jerry, this is Lyle.

Hey, how you doin'?

Okay.

Bye.

Mm.

Have a good time.

Thanks...

Lyle.

[♪]

Are you leaving? 'Cause I got you covered.

I-- I'll just go ahead and get in there.

Just-- Just a min-- What are you doing?

Just-- Just a min-- What are you doing?

My job. What are you doing?

You know, they-- They catch the two of us on TV,

you might have a little explaining to do.

So you and Lyle are roommates?

No.

Gay? What?

Is he gay?

No.

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

I think I would know. [ANNOUNCER SPEAKER INDISTINCTLY]

This is a new one.

Turkey jerky? Go ahead, take a pull.

More for me. ANNOUNCER: Scarsdale Surprise...

[GASPS]

ANNOUNCER: And the Tony for best musical

is awarded to... Scarsdale Surprise.

Lewis Lexton Graham, Douglas Ewing,

Benjamin London, Polly Kennedy, producers.

Benjamin London, Polly Kennedy, producers.

[FANFARE PLAYING]

Whoa-ho-ho!

[FANFARE PLAYING OVER TV]

[SIGHS]

[APPLAUSE]

Kramer?

Thank you and bless you all.

This truly has been a Scarsdale Surprise.

[LAUGHS]

[BAND PLAYING JAZZ TUNE]

[♪]

SAM: Elaine, am I crazy?

I just get the feeling that...

Dugan and the others

are making fun of me all the time all the time.

Well, you might wanna think

about, uh, maybe, um... moving your arms a little

when you walk.

My arms?

You know, sort of swing 'em,

so you're not lurchin' around, you know,

[CHUCKLING] like a caveman.

I'm a caveman?

No, no, no, no, no, it's-- It's just that--

[TEARFULLY] Everyone told me what a catty shrew you were.

You're horrible.

[♪]

GEORGE: She had a dude?

Yeah, when I went to pick her up, there was this dude.

How do you know it was her dude?

Think it could've been just some dude?

Sure, dudes in this town are a dime a dozen.

I reckon.

Or maybe

she just wanted to go to the Tonys.

I tell you what. You ask her out again.

No Tony, just Jerry.

No Tony, just Jerry.

That way you know if the dude

is her dude or just some dude.

Dude. Yeah.

[SIGHING] All right, that's enough. I gotta go home and take a nap.

It's 10:30 in the morning.

What can I tell ya, I'm wiped.

So has the Summer of George begun,

or are you still, uh, decomposing?

Decompressing.

Ooh, well, good morning, gentlemen,

and Tony says hello to you. [LAUGHS]

You didn't give that thing back?

Jerry, it was a whirlwind.

They whisk us backstage. The media is swarming.

They whisk us backstage. The media is swarming.

Champagne is flowing.

Woo!

I can't describe how great it is to win.

That's because you didn't win.

Scarsdale Surprise.

That-- That's the musical

about the Scarsdale diet doctor murder.

Featuring the mind-blowing performance

of Miss Raquel Welch.

You haven't even seen it.

Ah, Jerry, I'm not gonna let you bring me down off this high.

Ah, I've been partyin' all night.

I saw the sun rise at Liza's.

Wha--? Minnelli's? No.

Wha--? Minnelli's? No.

[♪]

ELAINE: Sam, listen.

I am so sorry about the other day.

No, don't apologize, Elaine.

I was thinking that maybe, um, I should swing my arms

a little bit more.

See, yeah, I mean,

that's all I was saying.

How's this?

Or this?

Or this? Or this?

Well you, uh-- Or this? Or this?

--seem to be gettin' the hang of it.

--seem to be gettin' the hang of it.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hi. Sorry, I'm running late.

I just lost track of time. No rush.

[LAUGHING] Hey, Jerr, what's up?

I have absolutely no idea.

[♪]

JERRY: Can you believe she expected me

to squire her around town

while the dude sits at home in swaddling clothes?

Do they make swaddling clothes for adults?

It's like she split the role of boyfriend into two jobs.

Except the dude's playing the showroom,

and I'm stuck doin' food and beverage.

Hey, buddy.

Who's that? It's Kramer.

Hey, Kramer.

George says hi.

Hi, George!

How's that Tony?

Why don't you just come over here?

Why can't I do this on the phone?

Why can't I do this on the phone?

What's Kramer doin' now?

He's lookin' in the refrigerator.

[CHUCKLING] Kramer.

Anything good in there? Any Popsicles?

I cannot do this.

So, what's George doing?

He's not doin' anything.

Goodbye.

I'm gonna grab a bite to eat at Sardi's.

You wanna go?

Are you takin' the Tony to Sardi's?

The Tony is taking me

to Sardi's. [KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[FLATLY] Oh, hello.

Well, I'm going.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Well, thank you. Yes, thank you so much.

I have so many people I wanna thank.

I don't wanna forget anyone.

All right. All right.

[PHONE RINGING]

I said no.

Jerry, I just wanna let you know,

Lyle and I are completely over.

I'd rather be with you.

Just me? No... dudes or fellers?

What do you think?

I can start right away.

[PHONE RINGING]

[PHONE RINGING]

But not here.

JERRY [OVER SPEAKER]: Leave a message.

GEORGE: Jerry, what's happenin'?

Jerry, come on, pick up the phone.

[♪]

So, I said to him, "Arthur, Artie, bubele,

"why does the salesman have to die?

"Change the title.

"The Life of a Salesman.

That's what people want to see."

Excuse me, Mr. Kramer.

My name is Lewis Lexton Graham.

I'm one of the producers of Scarsdale Surprise.

Oh, hey. Yeah. Yeah-- Lew!

Oh, hey. Yeah. Yeah-- Lew!

We need to talk.

[♪]

PETERMAN: Elaine,

what did you wanna talk to me about?

This. My office.

Sam trashed my office.

Well, I see what's going on here.

I am smack-dab in the middle

of a good old-fashioned catfight.

Mr. Peterman,

this is not a catfight.

This is violent, psychotic behavior,

This is violent, psychotic behavior,

directed at me all because I told her to swing her arms.

Woof. [CHUCKLES]

Do you mean:

[CATERWAULS]

Yes, that's the one.

Good day, Elaine.

Oh, no, please, Mr. Peterman.

She's crazy.

♪ Crazy for feelin' ♪

♪ So lonely ♪

[♪]

JERRY: I can't believe

how much we did this afternoon.

how much we did this afternoon.

I have a friend, today would be his whole life.

Now, what time are you

picking me up tonight? Huh?

You got reservations at Sfuzzi, didn't you?

Oh, yeah, Sfuzzi. I-- I gotta do that.

Should I wear the outfit I bought?

Sure. Which one?

The one with the, uh...

With the... [MURMURS INDISTINCTLY]

If I'm gonna get my hair cut, I better go now.

Call me when you get home.

I won't be there, but leave a message so I know you called.

Okay. Okay.

Do you mind? No,

I'll grab 'em, yeah.

Hey. I've done that today.

[SIGHS]

What, you lose your remote? Nah, cable's out.

What's with you? You look, uh, dead.

It's Lanette.

I need, like, an assistant or an intern or somethin'.

[SNORTS] Relationship intern, huh?

Hey, what if the two of us teamed up?

Not...? No, no.

No, because that's-- No.

Listen, we're always sittin' here.

I'm always helpin' you with your girl problems.

I'm always helpin' you with your girl problems.

You help with my girl problems. Where do we end up?

Here. Exactly,

because neither one of us

can handle a woman all by ourselves.

I'm tryin'. I've tried.

We don't have it.

But maybe the two of us,

working together at full capacity,

could do the job of one normal man.

And each of us would only have to be, like, a half-man.

That sounds about right.

[♪]

We understand how excited you are

to have this very, very prestigious award.

to have this very, very prestigious award.

But you didn't have anything to do

with the actual production.

[LAUGHING] No.

I'm afraid there is no way we can allow you

to keep this Tony.

What?

Unless--

Anything. Are you familiar with our star,

Raquel Welch? Oh, she's fantastic.

She's a train wreck.

There's a big tap-dance number

before Jean Harris leaves the Madeira School

to confront Dr. Tarnower.

It is a gut-wrenching scene. Yes.

But Raquel Welch doesn't move her arms when she tap dances.

But Raquel Welch doesn't move her arms when she tap dances.

It's very distracting.

There is a lot of this... in tap dancing.

So you'd, uh, like me to teach her how to dance?

No, we want you to fire her.

[♪]

JERRY: Why do they want you

to fire Raquel Welch?

Because they're terrified of her.

I heard from someone they cut one of her lines.

She climbed up a rope on the side of the stage

She climbed up a rope on the side of the stage

and started droppin' lights on people's heads.

A story like that's gotta be true.

She seems very nice.

Jerry, you're not in show business.

You don't know what these people are like.

I'm in show business. Oh, come on.

What am I gonna do? She's gonna eat me alive.

Well, I got a tape of Fantastic Voyage,

if you think that'll help.

[BLURTS] I'll take it.

Jerry, that crazy straight-arm woman

down at Peterman's trashed my office.

And then listen to this.

And then listen to this.

This is the message she left me.

SAM: Elaine, I am going to find you.

If not in your office, then in the Xerox room,

or the small conference room next to the kitchen,

[YELLING] or the kitchen--

I mean, she must have a blueprint

of the building or something.

Did you tell Peterman about this?

Well, I tried.

But he thought

it was some sort of a catfight.

Catfight?

Okay. Why?

Why do guys do this?

What is so appealing to men about a catfight?

What is so appealing to men about a catfight?

[GIDDILY] Catfight.

Because men think if women are grabbin'

and clawin' at each other,

there's a chance they might somehow kiss.

[BABBLING EXCITEDLY]

[♪]

You got the tickets? Yeah.

Two for the 7:15 of Lenore's Promise.

What, are you wearing a green sweater?

I like it. Lanette doesn't.

Here's your blue one. It's her favorite.

What? Just put it on!

Oh. All right.

Now, remember she got her nails done today,

Now, remember she got her nails done today,

so remark on how you like the color.

And if you need me, you beep me.

All right? Okay.

Here, here. There you go. There you go.

All right. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Ah, go get 'em. You're a tiger!

Hey, George, one second.

Uh, she's having a party Friday.

She wants me to take care of the invitations.

A little notice would have helped.

How many people?

Thirty-five.

And, George, on the invitations--

Yeah, I know. I know. Don't skimp. Go, go.

Right on time. I like that.

I like your nails. That is a great color.

Love the sweater. This old thing?

Love the sweater. This old thing?

[♪]

GEORGE: Hi, I, uh, need some party invitations.

Okay. Have you been in here before?

About a year ago.

Wedding invitations.

Right. How'd that all work out?

No complaints.

Well, they're arranged according to price, and as I recall...

Actually...

I'll take these nice glossy ones.

[♪]

[♪]

WOMAN: You are a fraud, Dr. Tarnower.

You haven't even been to Scarsdale.

[KNOCKING]

Miss Welch. Hi. Who are you?

Uh, well, I'm, uh-- I-- I'm Cosmo Kramer.

I'm, uh, one of the producers.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello. Sidney.

No. No, I told you I don't wanna do that.

If you bring it up again,

I'll feed your genitals to a wolf.

Kids.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

You're still here? Well, uh...

Uh, Miss Welch I-- I do need to talk to you

about a-- A little problem regarding your, uh...

Your performance.

What kind of problem?

Uh, well, it seems that, uh,

due to the, uh...

The v-vagaries of the, uh, production parameters,

uh, vis-à-vis the, uh, fragmenting of the, uh...

The audience due to cable television,

uh, carnivals, uh, water parks--

Out with it.

Well, you're fired.

You don't use your arms when you tap dance.

You're like a gorilla. Gotta go.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[♪]

MAN: A little help?

Hey, Frolf? Yeah.

You know, we need a fourth for the back nine. You want in?

JERRY: What's the deal with airplane peanuts?

[POP]

Yeah, sure.

Come on.

[♪]

JERRY: Well, I'm ready.

Let's towel it up.

Jerry, where are those invitations

you were supposed to get?

If they don't go out today,

If they don't go out today,

they're useless.

But we're in towels.

Jerry. All right,

one second.

He Frolfs.

Pshh! He scores!

[PHONE RINGING]

GEORGE: Hello. Where are those invitations?

You were supposed to leave them with her doorman.

Did you shave your chest hair?

[HIGH VOICE] No.

[NORMAL VOICE] Did you at least pick them up?

[NORMAL VOICE] Did you at least pick them up?

Yeah, yeah, super glossy, the best they had.

All right, well, get 'em over here pronto.

We're at towels here, George.

All right. All right. Keep your towel on.

What?

It's a joke.

All right. That's not bad.

Now, get over here.

[♪]

♪ Bum-ba Ba-da-bum-ba-- ♪

[GRUNTS]

Ow.

SAM: --if not in your apartment,

then in the laundry room,

or the ATM in the building across the street,

or the watch shop!

Can't you do anything about this?

I mean, this woman is a psycho.

[CATERWAULS]

[SIGHS] Look, just because I'm a woman

doesn't mean-- [CATERWAULS]

[MEOWS]

I don't move my arms when I dance?

That's my signature.

Would you just keep an eye out for this woman?

She's about, I don't know, yay high,

and, uh, heh, she doesn't swing her arms when she walks.

What do you mean? Like this.

What do you mean? Like this.

[LAUGHING]

What the hell is that?

Are you making fun of my dancing?

[GASPS] Aren't you Raquel Welch?

You know who I am.

Now, what are ya doin'?

Uh, n-nothing.

I just wasn't moving my arms. Mm-hm.

That's it. You're goin' down. [ELAINE SHRIEKING]

Ooh, catfight. [ELAINE AND RAQUEL SCREAMING]

[♪]

KRAMER: So how's George?

I don't know. They won't tell me anything.

Oh, jeez. What's that?

Oh, jeez. What's that?

[TEARFULLY] Tony.

What happened to you?

Yeah, Raquel Welch.

Yikes. [BABBLES]

[SIGHS]

What happened to you? Raquel Welch.

The woman is a menace.

Yeah.

I bumped into her on the street.

It got pretty ugly.

Hm.

A catfight with Raquel Welch.

[BABBLES EXCITEDLY] Catfight.

My God, George.

I slipped on the invitations.

How's the towels?

They're back on the rack.

Even with the two of us?

I think we're still a man short.

Mr. Costanza...

Your legs have sustained extensive trauma.

Apparently, your body was in a state of advanced atrophy

due to a period of extreme inactivity.

due to a period of extreme inactivity.

But with a lot of hard work

and a little bit of luck,

I think there's a good chance you may, one day, walk again.

Well, that's good news.

ELAINE: Wow,

invitations again.

[SCOFFS]

Oh, yeah, that's weird.

All right. Well... Well.

All right. Well... Well.

[SIGHS]

You wanna grab some coffee? Yeah, coffee.

I-- I'd like to get some coffee. Okay.

JERRY: Mm-mm-mm.

This was supposed to be the Summer of George!

[WEAKLY] The Summer of George.

[♪]

[♪]

[EXHALES SHARPLY] [WOMEN CHATTERING]

Summer of George.

Swing them. Swing them.

Right? Okay?

Sort of swing them.

[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]

Swing them.

[SIGHS]

Just swing them.

I can't do it.

Okay? It's hard.

Come on. Okay? Here we go.

Come on. Okay? Here we go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-- Yes.

[GASPS]

There's still a little summer left.

[GEORGE GRUNTING]