All language subtitles for Seinfeld.S08E06.The.Fatigues.720p.HULU.WEBRip.AAC2.0.H.264-NTb

[♪]

WOMAN:
Well, I started out
working in mortgage bonds,

but I just found that
so limiting.

My friend Kramer and I
were discussing

the same thing the other day.

He was with Brandt-Leland
for a while.

Wow.

Well, then my mentor suggested
that I move into equities.

It-- Best move I ever made.

Mentor? You mean your boss?

Oh, no, no, no. Cynthia's
just a successful businesswoman

who's taken me under her wing.

Hm.

So Cynthia's your mentor?

And I'm her protégé.

You must have someone
like that.

You must have someone
like that.

You know, who guides you
in your career path.

Well, I like Gabe Kaplan.

[♪]

GEORGE:
I still don't understand this.

Abby has a mentor?

Yes. And the mentor
advises the protégé.

Is there any money involved?

No.

So, what's in it
for the mentor?

Respect, admiration, prestige.

[SCOFFS]

Would the protégé
pick up stuff for the mentor?

I suppose if it was
on the protégé's way

to the mentor,
they might.

Laundry? Dry cleaning?

It's not a valet,
it's a protégé.

It's not a valet,
it's a protégé.

All right.

Listen, I gotta get
some reading done.

You mind if I do this here?

I, uh...can't concentrate
at my apartment.

"Risk management"?

Yeah. Steinbrenner wants
everyone in the front office

to give a lecture in their area
of business expertise.

What makes them think
you're a risk-management expert?

I guess it's on my résumé.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

WOMAN [OVER PHONE]:
Please hold for Elaine Benes.

WOMAN [OVER PHONE]:
Please hold for Elaine Benes.

You know what?
I can't-- I can't do this.

I can't read books anymore.

Books on tape have
ruined me, Jerry.

I need that nice voice.

This book has my voice.
I hate my voice.

So get this book on tape.

You can't.
It's a textbook.

Hey, Jer, are you going
to this Bob Sacamano party?

Am I going?
It was three nights ago.

What? You're kidding.

I just got
this invitation today.

Oh, I was so excited.

It's really
a beautiful invitation.

Oh, it was a lovely affair.

Oh, it was a lovely affair.

Oh, wait a minute.

This postmark
is three weeks old.

Man, this happens all the time.

Janine, who the hell runs
the mailroom?

JANINE:
Eddie Sherman.

All right.
Send him up here.

You gonna do
a little yelling?

I'm gonna do a little firing.

JERRY:
That is so cool.

Can you put me
on the speaker?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Give me a break.

[DIAL TONE]

Hey, Copernicus.

[♪]

Eddie Sherman is here.

Oh, great. Send him in.

You wanted to see me?

Eddie, yes. Um...

I am so sorry, but I'm afraid
we're gonna have to...

...promote you.

[♪]

JERRY:
So, what did you say?

Well, I called him
all the way up to my office,

so I had to tell him
something important.

So I promoted him.

What? What did you--?

Copywriter.

He's writing copy?

Well, it can't be any worse

than the pointless drivel
we normally churn out.

Yowzah, yowzah.

Check it out.

Check it out.

"Jewish singles night"?

I expect you both
to be there.

I'm not Jewish.

Well, neither am I.

Well, why are you going?

I'm not.
I'm running it.

What are you talking about?

Well, Lomez,
he usually runs it,

but he's in the Everglades.

Lomez is Jewish?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Orthodox, Jerry.
Old school.

At the Knights of Columbus?

Yeah. Frank Costanza,

Yeah. Frank Costanza,

he's getting me a room
in his lodge.

So, Jerry, you know, I'm really
counting on you to come to this.

Kramer, you know--

No, Jerry, look.
I'm cooking all the food myself.

"A tempting schmeer
of authentic Jewish delicacies."

Do you like tsimmes?

[♪]

ABBY:
My mentor says the duck
is outstanding here.

I'm not really a duck fan.
The skin seems sort of human.

Oh, look who's here.
Cynthia.

Hello, Abby.
Hello.

Hello, Abby.
Hello.

Jerry, this is
Cynthia Pearlman,

my mentor.
Hello.

Hi, Jerry.
Nice to finally meet you.

Well, come join us.
We can pull up a chair.

Well, great.

My boyfriend's
just parking the car.

Actually, Jerry,
you might know him.

He's a comic too.

No kidding.

Kenny Bania.

Bania?

Hey, Jerry.
How's it going?

You gonna join us for dinner?
The duck here's the best.

The best, Jerry.

[♪]

Excuse me.
I'm sorry to bother you.

I-- I noticed that you have
a textbook on tape.

May I ask where you got that?

Reading for the Blind.
They can get any book on tape.

I-- I tell you, I am hooked
on these, uh, books on tape.

Oh, tell me about it.

These things have
ruined me for Braille.

JERRY:
Reading for the Blind?

I take an eye test,
I flunk it.

The next thing you know,
I am swinging

to the sweet sounds
of risk management.

So I finally met the mentor.

Hey, what's she like?
Impressive?

Oh, yeah.

She's datin' Bania.

Bania?

Yeah. I had to spend two hours

at dinner last night
with that specimen.

What'd you have?

Chicken. How could she
look up to a person

who voluntarily spends time
with Bania?

Marsala?
Piccata.

If anything,
I should be dating a mentor

and Bania should be setting
pins at a bowling alley.

[LAUGHS]

All right.
I got a test to fail.

All right.
I got a test to fail.

Hey, good luck
with that.

Thanks. Dad.

What are you,
in an athletic sweat suit?

What are you doing here?

He came by to pick up his check
for the banquet hall.

You know, I got 183 responses.
Oh, it's gonna be a rager.

Kramer, how are you
gonna cook

Jewish delicacies
for 183 people?

Hey, you're right.
That's a lot of pupiks.

Hey, Frank, you know anybody
who can help me cook?

Cook? No. I don't know
any cooks.

I don't know anything
about cooking!

I don't know anything
about cooking!

What's the matter
with him?

My dad was a cook
during the Korean War.

Something very bad happened.

Ever since, you can't get him
near a kitchen.

Shell-shocked?

Oh, yeah.

But that has nothing
to do with it.

ELAINE:
That's good work, guys.
That ought to do it for today.

Alrighty?
EDDIE:
Wait.

You didn't ask me
about my ideas.

Oh, Eddie.
Well, it's your first day.

Oh, Eddie.
Well, it's your first day.

I'm ready.

Oh. Okay.

"It's a hot night.
The mind races.

"You think about your knife,

"the only friend
who hasn't betrayed you.

"The only friend
who won't be dead by sunup.

"Sleep tight, mates,

in your quilted chambray
nightshirts."

in your quilted chambray
nightshirts."

[♪]

ELAINE:
What am I gonna do?
He is a disaster.

Well, if he's doing that bad,

maybe he's in line
for another promotion.

You know what?
You are exactly right.

That is what I should do.
I should promote him.

I'll give him another office
on another floor,

and he can sit there

with his nice title
and his bayonet,

with his nice title
and his bayonet,

and stop freaking me out.

Nothing at all.

Well, George,
your vision is quite impaired.

If you'll just sign
this insurance form.

Here's a pen.

You're a very handsome man,
by the way.

[♪]

[♪]

What the hell
is going on here?

[KRAMER SCREAMING]

Look out!

What are you doing?

I got three kitchens going.

I got brisket going
at Newman's,

I got kugel working
at Mrs. Zanfino's,

and this is kreplach.

Here, try some of this.

Here, try some of this.

No, I don't want to.

Eat, eat,
you're skin and bones.

Huh?

Oh, this is awful.

Oh, Jerry, it's kreplach.

It's an acquired taste. Yeah.

Mm... Oh, yeah.

[GAGS]

Yuck!

Did you follow the recipe?

The recipe was
for four to six people.

I had to multiply it
for 183 people.

I guess I got confused.

I guess I got confused.

It tastes like dirt.

Well, I also dropped it
on the way over.

Jerry, I'm in trouble.
I got no skills.

I can't peel, I can't chop,
I can't grate, I can't mince.

I got no sense of flavor,
obviously!

You know,
I gotta talk to Frank.

Kramer, you can't--

No, I gotta.
I know that he can help me--

I think there's a dead animal
in the elevator.

My stuffed cabbage.

So great dinner last night.

Yeah, it was all right.

I told Cynthia we'd double
with her and Bania Saturday,

and then catch his act.

No. No.

No way. No Bania.

What?

Have you seen his act?

He's got a 12-minute bit
about Ovaltine.

He's a pug, a patsy, a hack.

Cynthia would not date
a hack.

Would. Does. Is.

[♪]

ELAINE:
Before we get started,

I am happy to tell you
that Eddie Sherman

I am happy to tell you
that Eddie Sherman

is no longer writing
for this catalog.

It's about time.

He's upstairs.

I, uh, made him director
of corporate development.

You promoted him?

Well, no. I would hardly--

I bust my hump every day.

Relax.

As far as I'm concerned,

you and your deranged protégé

can run the catalog
by yourselves.

I quit!

I'm with him.
Me too.

What? Hey.

Hey. Hey!

Hey. Hey!

[♪]

MAN [ON TAPE]:
Chapter one.

In order to manage risk,
we must first understand risk.

How do you spot risk?

How do you avoid risk,
and what makes it so risky?

This guy sounds just like me.

To understand risk,
we must first define risk.

This is horrible.

Risk has existed virtually--

Stop it. Stop it.
Shut up!

Come on, Frank,
I need you.

I mean, the war was
50 years ago.

I mean, the war was
50 years ago.

In my mind,
there's a war still going on.

All right,
what happened, Frank?

What is it
that you can't get over?

[EXHALES]

Inchon, Korea, 1950.

I was the best cook
Uncle Sam ever saw.

I was the best cook
Uncle Sam ever saw.

Slinging hash
for the fighting 103rd.

As we marched north,

our supply lines
were getting thin.

Well, one day,
a couple of GI's found a crate.

Inside was 600 pounds
of prime Texas steer.

At least, it once was prime.

The use date
was three weeks past.

But I was arrogant.
I was brash.

I thought if I used
just the right spices,

cooked it long enough...

cooked it long enough...

KRAMER:
What happened?

I went too far.
I overseasoned it.

[BARBER'S "ADAGIO FOR STRINGS"
PLAYING]

[MEN GROANING]

Men were keeling over
all around me.

I can still hear
the retching and screaming.

[MEN VOMITING]

Frank!

I sent 16 of my own men
to the latrines that night.

I sent 16 of my own men
to the latrines that night.

They were just boys.

Frank, you were a boy too.

And it was war.

That was a crazy time
for everyone.

Tell that to Bobby Colby.

All that kid wanted
to do was go home.

Well, he went home, all right.

With a crater in his colon
the size of a cutlet.

Frank--

They had to sit him on a cork
the 18-hour flight home.

Frank, now listen to me.

Frank, now listen to me.

Two hundred
Jewish singles need you.

This is your chance
to make it all right again.

No. No. I'll never cook again!

Never!
Now get out of my house!

Out. Get out. Go.

[♪]

So you saw Bania's act.

He got two minutes
into that Ovaltine thing

and I just couldn't
take it anymore.

I told you.

It's like gettin' beaten
with a bag of oranges.

Why is he so obsessed
with Ovaltine?

He just thinks that anything
that dissolves in milk is funny.

Anyway, Cynthia and I got into
this big argument afterwards,

and I think it's over.

and I think it's over.

No more mentor?

Looks that way.

Well, at least you and I
are okay again.

Actually, I was
kind of thinking

that maybe we shouldn't
see each other for a while.

Why?

Well, I'm feeling
a little disoriented.

It's just weird for me
not to have an adviser.

I can tell you what to do.

It's more than that.

I can tell you
what to think.

I need someone I can trust.

Oh.

I got a big problem here, Jerry.
The tapes are worthless.

Kind of in the middle
of something here, George.

George.

I gotta run anyway.

I can't believe you feel
you really need a mentor.

I just need someone

who can give me
some kind of direction.

ABBY:
I'll see ya.

Yeah, see ya.

Yeah, see ya.

So, what's your problem?

No problem.

I, uh--

I think
I got something here...

for the, uh,
Bengalese galoshes.

Oh.

"It's tough keeping
your feet dry

when you're kicking
in a skull."

You know, Eddie,
that might be just a tad harsh.

For women's wear.

Well, I'm not married to it.

Oh. Well, um, in that case,

uh, why don't we take
the phrase...

"Kicking in a skull"

and, um, we tweak it.

You know, just a hair,
to something like...what?

Like "strolling through
a dewy meadow."

Dewy meadow.

[♪]

ESTELLE:
Here's your omelet.

It's dry.

That's the way
I always make it.

Well, it sucks.

What did you say?

Your meatloaf is mushy,

your salmon croquettes
are oily,

and your eggplant parmigiana
is a disgrace to this house!

Well, that's too bad,

because I'm the only one
who cooks around here.

Not anymore!
Gimme that spatula!

I'm back, baby!

ABBY:
And you're sure
with your busy schedule,

you'd have time
to take on a protégé?

I'll make time.

'Cause, Abby,
I was once like you.

Wide-eyed, naive.

I didn't know the first thing
about a subject

as fundamental as, uh...
risk management.

I'm not familiar with that.
You'll have to explain it to me.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you read this book,

and let's just see
if you can explain it to me.

and let's just see
if you can explain it to me.

All right.

Okay.

Hey, Jerry.

Oh, hey, Bania.

Did you hear
what happened?

The mentor saw my act.
She dumped me.

Oh, that's a tough one.

Maybe she's right.
Maybe I am a complete hack.

I'm the absolute worst.
The worst, Jerry.

Well, it's just that you got
so many things with the milk.

You got that Bosco bit,

then you got
your Nestlé's Quik bit.

By the time you get
to Ovaltine--

By the time you get
to Ovaltine--

You think you can give me
a hand with my material?

[♪]

Yeah.

You still need a cook?

Oh, yeah.
Come on in, Frank.

You got T-Fal?
No, Calphalon.

No! Follow me.

Oh, yeah.

[GIBBERING]

Try that.

[CLEARS THROAT]

"Why do they call it
Ovaltine?

"The mug is round,
the jar is round.

They should call it
Roundtine."

They should call it
Roundtine."

That's gold, Jerry. Gold!

Let's just replace
"hail of shrapnel"

and "scar tissue"

with "string of pearls"
and "raspberry scones."

[♪]

George Costanza is your mentor?

Yeah. He's great.

I am learning so much.

About what? How to calculate
5 percent of a restaurant check?

About what? How to calculate
5 percent of a restaurant check?

You know what your problem is?

You just have no respect for
the protégé-mentor relationship.

As a matter of fact,

I happen to have
a protégé of my own.

Who?

A Mr. Kenneth Bania.

Bania?

I'm gonna mentor
this kid to the top.

Well, I don't think
I wanna date

a mentor whose protégé
is a hack.

Well, I don't think
I wanna date a protégé

whose mentor is a Costanza.

ELAINE:
I don't know how we did it,

but there's some kind
of chemistry between us.

We turned out
one hell of a catalog.

Cool.

Hey, Ed, let me ask you
something.

What's with the fatigues

and all the psychotic
imagery, huh?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Come on.
Don't be a baby.

I went out on a couple
of dates with this woman.

I thought she really liked me.

I thought she really liked me.

And-- And then things
kind of cooled off.

That's it?

Well, it's tough
meeting somebody you like,

let alone somebody Jewish.

[♪]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Mm, this food is fantastic.

Have you tried
the hamantaschen?

I can't get off the kishkes.

Hey, Jerry.

Bania.

I just stopped by
to thank you.

I just stopped by
to thank you.

That risk-management stuff
you wrote for me is killer.

Risk management?

Oh, it's gold, Jerry. Gold.

I got all these corporate gigs,
and even Cynthia took me back.

So you went from the mailroom

to director of corporate
development in two days?

That's right.

How much
are they paying you?

I'll double it.

These latkes are
going like hotcakes.

Where's the powdered sugar?

Uh, over here.

You know, Frank,
you could take a break.

No breaks. I feel reborn.

No breaks. I feel reborn.

I'm like a phoenix
rising from Arizona.

Quitting?

I, uh-- I can't, uh, churn out
that pointless drivel anymore.

What--? You can't quit.

You're all I've got.

I need you.

[COUGHING]

Oh, gross.

[BARBER'S "ADAGIO FOR STRINGS"
PLAYING]

[COUGHING]

[MEN GAGGING, COUGHING]

[MEN GAGGING, COUGHING]

[SHOUTING]
No!

No! Don't eat it!
It's no good!

No good. No good. No way.

Frank, stop it!

No way!

Stop--

No. No. No.

KRAMER:
Frank!

[CRASHING NOISE]

WILHELM:
Our next speaker
is George Costanza

on the subject
of risk management.

[WHISTLES]

"Ovaltine.

"Have you ever had this stuff?

"Have you ever had this stuff?

"Why do they call it Ovaltine?

"They should call it
Roundtine.

You know what
I'm talking about."

He's my protégé.

[♪]