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1
00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:03,400
[♪]
2
00:00:05,366 --> 00:00:07,366
Boy, I really miss
the Bermuda Triangle.
3
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,800
I guess there's not much action
down there these days.
4
00:00:09,833 --> 00:00:11,300
Oh, there's action.
5
00:00:11,333 --> 00:00:12,666
There's plenty of action.
6
00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:15,466
It's that damn alien autopsy
stealing all the headlines.
7
00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:16,866
Yeah, tell me about it.
8
00:00:16,900 --> 00:00:20,400
See, what they gotta do is lose
a plane or a Greenpeace boat.
9
00:00:20,433 --> 00:00:22,633
See, that would get
the Triangle going again.
10
00:00:22,666 --> 00:00:23,966
What keeps the water
in there?
11
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,700
I mean, why doesn't that
disappear?
12
00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:29,700
Now what would be the point
of taking the water?
13
00:00:29,733 --> 00:00:30,000
It's gorgeous water.
14
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,233
It's gorgeous water.
15
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:34,700
Do we own Bermuda?
16
00:00:34,733 --> 00:00:37,133
No, it belongs
to the British.
17
00:00:37,166 --> 00:00:38,833
Lucky Krauts.
18
00:00:41,033 --> 00:00:42,866
So, what do you think
of that alien autopsy?
19
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:44,566
Oh, that's real.
I think so too.
20
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:46,533
[♪]
21
00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:51,233
[♪]
22
00:00:51,266 --> 00:00:53,033
The doctor will be
with you in a moment.
23
00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:04,633
ELAINE:
"Difficult"?
24
00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:07,833
Elaine, you shouldn't
be reading that.
25
00:01:07,866 --> 00:01:10,966
Now, tell me about this,
uh, rash of yours.
26
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,566
Um, well, it's-- It's...
27
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:18,066
You know, I noticed
that someone wrote in my chart
28
00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:18,131
that I was difficult
in January of '92.
29
00:01:18,131 --> 00:01:21,833
that I was difficult
in January of '92.
30
00:01:21,866 --> 00:01:22,966
And I have to tell you,
31
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,733
I remember
that appointment exactly.
32
00:01:24,766 --> 00:01:28,333
You see, this nurse
had asked me to put a gown on,
33
00:01:28,366 --> 00:01:30,833
but it was a mole
on my shoulder
34
00:01:30,866 --> 00:01:33,500
and actually I had specifically
worn a tank top
35
00:01:33,533 --> 00:01:36,566
so that I wouldn't have
to put a gown on.
36
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,633
You know,
they're made of paper.
37
00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:42,800
Well,
that was a long time ago.
38
00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:45,866
How about if I just, uh,
erase it?
39
00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:47,966
[CHUCKLES]
40
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:48,131
Now, about that rash?
41
00:01:48,131 --> 00:01:50,900
Now, about that rash?
42
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,766
But it was in pen.
43
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:59,166
You fake erased.
44
00:02:00,166 --> 00:02:01,633
All right, Miss Benes.
45
00:02:01,666 --> 00:02:03,033
This doesn't look too serious.
46
00:02:03,066 --> 00:02:04,966
You should be fine.
47
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,666
What are you writing?
48
00:02:07,733 --> 00:02:09,166
Doctor?
49
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,166
[♪]
50
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,466
Here you go.
Thanks.
51
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:16,333
I hope you got that
mustard stain out of your shirt.
52
00:02:18,166 --> 00:02:19,166
Oh.
53
00:02:20,666 --> 00:02:22,400
[CHUCKLES]
Well...
54
00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,733
[♪]
55
00:02:24,766 --> 00:02:26,900
Jerry, what's the matter
with your stereo?
56
00:02:26,933 --> 00:02:29,700
I don't know. What's the matter
with your stereo?
57
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:32,166
I traded it to Lomez
for some steaks.
58
00:02:32,933 --> 00:02:34,300
Hey.
Hey.
59
00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:35,333
Now, see, this is busted.
60
00:02:35,366 --> 00:02:36,500
No, it works.
61
00:02:36,533 --> 00:02:38,500
It's busted.
Watch out. Let me show you.
62
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,000
All you gotta do is--
63
00:02:40,033 --> 00:02:42,066
You gotta jiggle it
with this screwdriver.
64
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:44,566
Smile.
What are you doing?
65
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:45,900
I met this, uh, woman Sheila.
66
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:48,131
She works down
at the one-hour photo place.
67
00:02:48,131 --> 00:02:48,366
She works down
at the one-hour photo place.
68
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,066
She's got
this incredible smile.
69
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,700
It's like she's got
too many teeth.
70
00:02:51,733 --> 00:02:53,300
Oh, extra teeth.
I love that look.
71
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:54,466
And check this out.
72
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,533
I go to pick up my pictures,
and she says,
73
00:02:56,566 --> 00:03:00,066
"I hope you got that mustard
stain out of your shirt."
74
00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:01,466
What mustard stain?
75
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:02,633
Don't you see?
76
00:03:02,666 --> 00:03:05,300
She's looking
at my pictures.
77
00:03:05,333 --> 00:03:07,300
Why'd you take a picture
of a mustard stain?
78
00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:09,133
It's got nothing
to do with this.
79
00:03:09,166 --> 00:03:10,900
I see, she's looking.
80
00:03:10,933 --> 00:03:13,733
Yes.
81
00:03:13,766 --> 00:03:15,300
You gotta get
this thing fixed.
82
00:03:15,333 --> 00:03:17,633
They've tried to fix it.
It keeps coming back the same.
83
00:03:17,666 --> 00:03:18,131
You interested in a refund?
84
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:18,900
You interested in a refund?
85
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,200
Well, I--
I can't get a refund.
86
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:21,800
The warranty
expired two years ago.
87
00:03:21,833 --> 00:03:23,633
Would you be interested?
88
00:03:23,666 --> 00:03:25,300
How you gonna--?
No, no. Would you?
89
00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:26,766
I guess I would.
Yeah, yeah.
90
00:03:28,266 --> 00:03:29,733
You are not gonna believe
91
00:03:29,766 --> 00:03:32,466
what happened to me
at the doctor's office today.
92
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,333
Not the gown again?
93
00:03:34,366 --> 00:03:36,233
No. No.
94
00:03:36,266 --> 00:03:37,633
I was looking at my chart,
95
00:03:37,666 --> 00:03:39,966
and it said
that I was difficult.
96
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,666
Why would they write that?
97
00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:43,133
They've gotten to know you.
98
00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:45,966
And then the doctor writes
more stuff down there,
99
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,131
and he doesn't even look
at my rash.
100
00:03:48,131 --> 00:03:48,233
and he doesn't even look
at my rash.
101
00:03:48,266 --> 00:03:50,400
Find a doctor that doesn't
know you're difficult.
102
00:03:50,433 --> 00:03:53,500
Oh, come on.
I'm not difficult. I'm easy.
103
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:56,233
Why? Because you dress casual
and sleep with a lot of guys?
104
00:03:57,566 --> 00:03:59,133
Listen to me,
you little sh--
Smile.
105
00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:00,433
[♪]
106
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:05,033
MAN:
Elaine, you, uh, really
didn't have to put on the gown.
107
00:04:05,066 --> 00:04:07,066
Oh, it's my pleasure.
I love these.
108
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:08,966
You know, in fact,
I've got one at home.
109
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,566
It's-- It's perfect when you
just wanna throw something on.
110
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,366
Hi.
Thank you.
111
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,700
Alrighty.
112
00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:18,131
Let me just review
your history before we begin.
113
00:04:18,131 --> 00:04:19,200
Let me just review
your history before we begin.
114
00:04:19,233 --> 00:04:22,033
Oh, where did you get
my chart?
115
00:04:22,066 --> 00:04:25,066
From your last doctor.
It's standard procedure.
116
00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:28,233
You know, I can tell you
my whole history. Let's just--
117
00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:32,066
Okay. Let's take a look.
118
00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:35,066
Well, that doesn't look
too serious. You'll be fine.
119
00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:38,200
Please, please. It--
120
00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:40,233
But it's really,
really itchy.
121
00:04:40,266 --> 00:04:41,500
[CLEARS THROAT]
122
00:04:45,566 --> 00:04:46,733
Oh, no.
123
00:04:46,766 --> 00:04:48,131
[♪]
124
00:04:48,131 --> 00:04:48,500
[♪]
125
00:04:48,533 --> 00:04:50,000
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
126
00:04:51,933 --> 00:04:54,233
Seinfeld?
Yeah.
127
00:04:54,266 --> 00:04:56,566
Got a package for you.
Sign here.
128
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:57,800
Oh, who's it from?
129
00:04:57,833 --> 00:04:59,333
No return address.
130
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:00,733
What if I don't want it?
131
00:05:00,766 --> 00:05:02,866
Are you refusing delivery?
132
00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:04,733
Maybe I am.
Why would you do that?
133
00:05:04,766 --> 00:05:06,633
I've never done it before.
Why start now?
134
00:05:06,666 --> 00:05:07,566
Why not?
135
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,566
All right.
136
00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:18,131
Why'd you refuse that?
Everybody loves a package.
137
00:05:18,131 --> 00:05:18,633
Why'd you refuse that?
Everybody loves a package.
138
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:20,033
I don't know.
It was weird.
139
00:05:20,066 --> 00:05:21,966
Crazy printing.
I don't know who it's from.
140
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,800
So, what do you think?
It's a bomb?
141
00:05:23,833 --> 00:05:25,966
It's not totally impossible.
142
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,400
[CHUCKLES]
143
00:05:27,433 --> 00:05:29,400
The ego on you.
144
00:05:29,433 --> 00:05:30,900
Why can't I be bomb-able?
145
00:05:30,933 --> 00:05:32,966
Who's gonna bomb you?
146
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,566
An airline for all the stupid
little peanut jokes?
147
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,466
Oh, I suppose you think
you're bomb-able?
148
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:41,966
Couple people wouldn't mind
having me out of the way.
149
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,300
There's more than a couple.
150
00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:45,800
Check these out.
151
00:05:45,833 --> 00:05:47,300
I just picked them up
from Sheila.
152
00:05:47,333 --> 00:05:48,131
She must have loved these.
153
00:05:48,131 --> 00:05:49,466
She must have loved these.
154
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,800
You don't have a Mercedes.
155
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:52,166
I know. I just sort
of leaned on it
156
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:53,866
so it would look
like it was mine.
157
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:55,633
Driver seems
a little put out.
158
00:05:55,666 --> 00:05:57,200
No, he was fine with it.
159
00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:59,700
Check this out.
160
00:05:59,733 --> 00:06:01,133
Is that Burt Reynolds?
161
00:06:01,166 --> 00:06:02,633
Wax Museum.
162
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,666
Ah.
163
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:05,900
Oh, wha--?
164
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:07,133
What is this?
165
00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,033
That is a lot of skin.
166
00:06:09,066 --> 00:06:12,633
This must be Sheila
from the photo place.
167
00:06:12,666 --> 00:06:14,166
You can barely see her face.
168
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:15,666
She must have slipped it
in here.
169
00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:20,466
Ay-yi-yi.
170
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,133
Photo-store Sheila.
171
00:06:22,166 --> 00:06:24,966
Well, hello,
photo-store Sheila.
172
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:27,733
All right.
I will see you boys later.
173
00:06:27,766 --> 00:06:29,800
Where you going?
To ask her out.
174
00:06:29,833 --> 00:06:31,066
No, no.
175
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,833
You're not playing
the game.
What game?
176
00:06:33,866 --> 00:06:36,166
She goes to these lengths
to entice you
177
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,366
and your only response is,
178
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,133
"Gee, I really like
your picture.
179
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:42,100
Would you like to go out
on a date with me, please?"
180
00:06:43,866 --> 00:06:45,200
No good?
George,
181
00:06:45,233 --> 00:06:47,833
it's the timeless art
of seduction.
182
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:48,131
You gotta join in the dance.
183
00:06:48,131 --> 00:06:49,633
You gotta join in the dance.
184
00:06:49,666 --> 00:06:51,566
She sends you
an enticing photo,
185
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:53,666
you send her one
right back.
186
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:55,000
Oh, I don't know.
187
00:06:55,033 --> 00:06:56,200
Well, as you know,
188
00:06:56,233 --> 00:06:58,666
I've always been something
of a photog.
189
00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:00,833
Oh, yeah, I like this idea.
190
00:07:00,866 --> 00:07:02,400
[♪]
191
00:07:02,433 --> 00:07:04,166
Hey, Danny.
192
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,366
Hello!
193
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,400
How are you?
Hey, Leo.
194
00:07:07,433 --> 00:07:10,366
Hey, what's with your nephew?
He wouldn't accept the package.
195
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,500
Oh, he wants it.
He's just trying to be funny.
196
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:13,666
Yeah, I'll sign for it.
197
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,633
[♪]
198
00:07:16,666 --> 00:07:18,131
ELAINE:
And then he started
writing on my chart.
199
00:07:18,131 --> 00:07:18,966
ELAINE:
And then he started
writing on my chart.
200
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,800
[SCOFFS]
Why don't you
just get ahold of it
201
00:07:20,833 --> 00:07:22,166
and change
what you don't like.
202
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,533
You can't change your chart.
It's your chart.
203
00:07:24,566 --> 00:07:26,733
I'm in my personnel file
at work all the time.
204
00:07:26,766 --> 00:07:27,966
You are?
Hey,
205
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,633
I've kept the same job
for over two years.
206
00:07:30,666 --> 00:07:31,833
It's not luck.
207
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:34,133
Elaine,
have you ever sent a--
208
00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:36,800
A racy photograph
of yourself to anyone?
209
00:07:36,833 --> 00:07:37,966
Yeah.
210
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,633
I sent one to everyone
I know.
211
00:07:40,666 --> 00:07:42,333
You remember my Christmas card?
212
00:07:42,366 --> 00:07:45,533
Oh, right.
213
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,066
The nipple.
214
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:51,500
[CLEARS THROAT]
215
00:07:51,533 --> 00:07:53,300
But, um, aside from that,
216
00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:54,900
how did you feel
about Kramer's work?
217
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:57,066
Actually, I thought
he was very professional.
218
00:07:57,100 --> 00:07:58,900
So it was a good experience?
Oh, yeah.
219
00:07:58,933 --> 00:08:01,466
I liked the picture so much
I cropped out the nipple,
220
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:03,633
and I'm using it
for my health-club ID.
221
00:08:03,666 --> 00:08:04,833
Nice.
222
00:08:04,866 --> 00:08:06,633
Yeah,
it is nice actually.
223
00:08:06,666 --> 00:08:09,633
ELAINE:
Please, I've gotta see
Dr. Berg right away.
224
00:08:09,666 --> 00:08:10,800
This rash is spreading.
225
00:08:10,833 --> 00:08:12,800
He can't see you. He's busy.
226
00:08:12,833 --> 00:08:14,733
Oh, come on.
Have some compassion.
227
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:18,131
Well, I hope
it's contagious then.
228
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,333
Well, I hope
it's contagious then.
229
00:08:37,866 --> 00:08:40,200
Come on. Move.
230
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:46,800
Oh, hi, Dr. Berg.
I--
231
00:08:46,833 --> 00:08:47,966
I didn't know if--
232
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:48,131
The chart, Miss Benes.
233
00:08:48,131 --> 00:08:49,566
The chart, Miss Benes.
234
00:08:50,033 --> 00:08:51,400
Oh.
235
00:08:55,666 --> 00:08:57,966
Oh, please, no more.
236
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,233
[♪]
237
00:09:01,733 --> 00:09:03,200
Hey.
Where's Kramer?
238
00:09:03,233 --> 00:09:05,366
He went to get
some steak sauce. Why?
239
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,466
Personal matter.
240
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,500
[PHONE RINGS]
241
00:09:09,533 --> 00:09:10,500
Hello.
242
00:09:10,533 --> 00:09:12,866
Jerry,
it's your Uncle Leo!
243
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:14,333
Hello!
244
00:09:14,366 --> 00:09:17,233
Hello, Leo.
You don't have to yell.
245
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,131
I got your package.
246
00:09:18,131 --> 00:09:19,233
I got your package.
247
00:09:19,266 --> 00:09:20,800
How did you get
my package?
248
00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:22,133
Leo's got your package?
249
00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:23,366
What should I do with it?
250
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,033
I don't know
what you should do with it.
251
00:09:25,066 --> 00:09:26,733
Tell him to open it.
252
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:30,133
I'm not gonna treat my uncle
like a bomb-defusing robot.
253
00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:32,566
Jerry, your cousin Jeffrey
254
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,800
is in a Parks Department
production of The Mikado.
255
00:09:35,833 --> 00:09:38,133
I want you
to come see it with me.
256
00:09:38,166 --> 00:09:40,733
Open the package, Leo.
257
00:09:40,766 --> 00:09:41,866
Okay.
258
00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:44,500
LEO:
Opening!
259
00:09:44,533 --> 00:09:45,733
[SOFTLY]
He's opening.
260
00:09:45,766 --> 00:09:48,131
[EXPLOSION]
261
00:09:48,131 --> 00:09:48,133
[EXPLOSION]
262
00:09:48,166 --> 00:09:50,100
[♪]
263
00:09:52,608 --> 00:09:54,308
[♪]
264
00:09:54,342 --> 00:09:55,708
ELAINE:
So it wasn't a bomb?
265
00:09:55,742 --> 00:09:59,075
No. No bomb.
266
00:09:59,108 --> 00:10:00,408
Well, then, what?
267
00:10:00,442 --> 00:10:01,742
Oh, stupid Leo.
268
00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:03,475
He was using one
of those oven cleaners.
269
00:10:03,508 --> 00:10:05,008
He left the canister in there.
270
00:10:05,042 --> 00:10:07,642
The pilot light was on.
The whole thing blew up.
271
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:09,742
But he's okay?
Yeah,
272
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,042
but the explosion singed off
273
00:10:11,075 --> 00:10:12,842
his eyebrows, mustache,
everything.
274
00:10:12,875 --> 00:10:15,575
He's all smooth now.
Looks like a seal.
275
00:10:15,608 --> 00:10:16,875
Ew.
276
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,842
Yes. Hi, yeah,
I'm still holding.
277
00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:20,542
Is this my stereo?
278
00:10:20,575 --> 00:10:20,632
Oh, hey, you got it.
279
00:10:20,632 --> 00:10:23,142
Oh, hey, you got it.
280
00:10:23,175 --> 00:10:25,975
Hey, what happened to my stereo?
It's all smashed up.
281
00:10:26,008 --> 00:10:27,208
That's right.
282
00:10:27,242 --> 00:10:29,308
Now it looks like
it was broken during shipping,
283
00:10:29,342 --> 00:10:31,475
and I insured it for $400.
284
00:10:31,508 --> 00:10:33,508
But you were supposed
to get me a refund.
285
00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:35,008
You can't get a refund.
286
00:10:35,042 --> 00:10:36,708
Your warranty expired
two years ago.
287
00:10:38,175 --> 00:10:39,808
So we're gonna make
the post office
288
00:10:39,842 --> 00:10:41,342
pay for my new stereo now?
289
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,008
It's a write-off for them.
290
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,208
How is it a write-off?
291
00:10:44,242 --> 00:10:45,875
They just write it off.
292
00:10:46,575 --> 00:10:47,975
Write it off what?
293
00:10:48,008 --> 00:10:49,675
Jerry,
all these big companies,
294
00:10:49,708 --> 00:10:50,632
they write off everything.
295
00:10:50,632 --> 00:10:51,175
they write off everything.
296
00:10:51,208 --> 00:10:54,408
You don't even know
what a write-off is.
297
00:10:55,908 --> 00:10:56,975
Do you?
298
00:10:57,008 --> 00:10:58,642
No, I don't.
299
00:10:58,675 --> 00:11:00,242
But they do.
300
00:11:00,275 --> 00:11:03,275
And they're the ones
writing it off.
301
00:11:07,242 --> 00:11:09,708
I wish I had the last 20 seconds
of my life back.
302
00:11:09,742 --> 00:11:10,975
ELAINE:
What?
303
00:11:11,008 --> 00:11:13,075
What? He doesn't have
one appointment
304
00:11:13,108 --> 00:11:15,042
this whole month?
305
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:18,708
Oh, come on.
I'm dying here, man.
306
00:11:18,742 --> 00:11:20,632
Hello? Hello?
307
00:11:20,632 --> 00:11:21,742
Hello? Hello?
308
00:11:24,742 --> 00:11:26,208
Still no luck?
309
00:11:26,242 --> 00:11:29,375
Jerry, that was Dr. Zimmerman.
I'm at the end of the alphabet.
310
00:11:29,408 --> 00:11:31,842
There's no, uh, Zorn
or Zutroff?
311
00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:34,375
They're on vacation.
Every doctor in this city
312
00:11:34,408 --> 00:11:35,542
seems to know who I am.
313
00:11:35,575 --> 00:11:37,542
Hey, what about Dr. Resnick?
314
00:11:37,575 --> 00:11:39,542
My Uncle Leo's going
to see him tomorrow.
315
00:11:39,575 --> 00:11:42,375
Dr. Resnick.
He's not listed.
316
00:11:42,408 --> 00:11:44,308
He's not that good.
317
00:11:44,342 --> 00:11:46,842
Elaine said you were pretty good
at this stuff.
318
00:11:46,875 --> 00:11:48,175
Oh, yeah, yeah.
319
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,408
Elaine was a fun project.
I enjoyed working with her.
320
00:11:51,542 --> 00:11:52,875
You don't have
your own camera?
321
00:11:52,908 --> 00:11:55,042
Uh, no.
322
00:11:55,075 --> 00:11:56,808
Oh, boy, look at this.
323
00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:59,175
Yeah. Okay.
324
00:11:59,208 --> 00:12:00,742
This looks good.
325
00:12:00,775 --> 00:12:02,475
Very, very good.
326
00:12:02,508 --> 00:12:04,242
All right. And I like
what you're wearing.
327
00:12:04,275 --> 00:12:05,742
I feel fat.
328
00:12:05,775 --> 00:12:07,175
No, no. You're stout.
329
00:12:07,208 --> 00:12:09,042
The camera loves stoutness.
330
00:12:09,075 --> 00:12:11,208
Look,
we're not gonna do anything
331
00:12:11,242 --> 00:12:12,875
that makes you feel
uncomfortable.
332
00:12:12,908 --> 00:12:15,342
The key word is "tasteful."
333
00:12:15,375 --> 00:12:17,808
Now, I want to you relax
and have fun,
334
00:12:17,842 --> 00:12:19,008
'cause you're a fun guy.
335
00:12:20,508 --> 00:12:20,632
All right. Let's do it, huh?
336
00:12:20,632 --> 00:12:22,408
All right. Let's do it, huh?
337
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:23,675
Yeah. Yeah.
338
00:12:23,708 --> 00:12:26,375
[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKER]
339
00:12:26,408 --> 00:12:29,375
Okay. Come on. Feel the beat!
340
00:12:29,408 --> 00:12:31,208
[CAMERA CLICKING]
Feel the beat.
341
00:12:31,242 --> 00:12:32,908
All right.
342
00:12:32,942 --> 00:12:34,875
Now, you know,
you got some real strong pecs,
343
00:12:34,908 --> 00:12:36,975
but it's hard to tell
under that T-shirt.
344
00:12:37,008 --> 00:12:38,408
You want me to take it off?
345
00:12:38,442 --> 00:12:40,408
Well, I don't know.
It's up to you.
346
00:12:40,442 --> 00:12:41,808
You think it would be better?
347
00:12:41,842 --> 00:12:43,375
It might be.
Whatever you want.
348
00:12:43,408 --> 00:12:44,808
All right! Come on!
349
00:12:44,842 --> 00:12:46,475
Yeah.
Ha, ha!
350
00:12:46,508 --> 00:12:48,242
That's it.
Come on, George.
351
00:12:48,275 --> 00:12:49,675
That's it. Come on.
Give it to me.
352
00:12:49,708 --> 00:12:50,632
Come on. Work it!
Work it! Oh, yeah.
353
00:12:50,632 --> 00:12:52,242
Come on. Work it!
Work it! Oh, yeah.
354
00:12:52,275 --> 00:12:53,808
Hold it! Hold it!
355
00:12:53,842 --> 00:12:55,075
Yeah, be a man.
356
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,208
Be a man!
357
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:59,242
Lover boy!
You are a lover boy.
358
00:12:59,275 --> 00:13:01,975
Oh, yeah.
This can't miss.
359
00:13:02,008 --> 00:13:03,408
[♪]
360
00:13:03,442 --> 00:13:05,075
[PHONE RINGING]
361
00:13:11,608 --> 00:13:13,008
Hello?
362
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,042
MAN:
Is this Elaine Marie Benes?
363
00:13:15,075 --> 00:13:18,375
Uh, yeah. Who's--?
Who's this?
364
00:13:18,408 --> 00:13:20,632
We're with the American Medical
Association, the AMA.
365
00:13:20,632 --> 00:13:22,408
We're with the American Medical
Association, the AMA.
366
00:13:22,442 --> 00:13:25,475
Can you confirm the correctspelling of your last name?
367
00:13:25,508 --> 00:13:28,408
Is it B-E-N-E-S?
368
00:13:28,442 --> 00:13:30,308
Yeah. Uh, wh--?
369
00:13:30,342 --> 00:13:31,842
What is this about?
370
00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:34,242
Goodbye.
371
00:13:34,275 --> 00:13:36,042
Hello?
372
00:13:36,075 --> 00:13:37,908
Hello?
What?
373
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,408
Oh, uh--
374
00:13:39,442 --> 00:13:41,875
Get off the line. We're tryingto make another call.
375
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,508
Oh, sorry.
376
00:13:44,542 --> 00:13:45,575
[♪]
377
00:13:49,408 --> 00:13:50,632
Elaine. Hello.
What are you doing here?
378
00:13:50,632 --> 00:13:52,008
Elaine. Hello.
What are you doing here?
379
00:13:52,042 --> 00:13:53,875
Leo, has the doctor
been in yet?
380
00:13:53,908 --> 00:13:55,575
No, I'm gonna ask him
about my eyebrows.
381
00:13:55,608 --> 00:13:56,808
Okay, listen, Leo.
382
00:13:56,842 --> 00:13:58,875
You're hairless,
you're scared.
383
00:13:58,908 --> 00:14:00,042
When the doctor comes in,
384
00:14:00,075 --> 00:14:02,975
you just let me do
the talking, okay? Okay.
385
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:06,142
Leo. I understand
you had a little mishap.
386
00:14:06,175 --> 00:14:08,142
It was a fireball.
387
00:14:08,175 --> 00:14:10,975
I never should have
left him alone.
388
00:14:11,008 --> 00:14:12,175
And who are you?
389
00:14:12,208 --> 00:14:15,308
I'm his nurse.
390
00:14:15,342 --> 00:14:16,475
Paloma.
391
00:14:16,508 --> 00:14:19,308
You're not my nurse.
392
00:14:19,342 --> 00:14:20,632
He has good days and bad.
393
00:14:20,632 --> 00:14:22,742
He has good days and bad.
394
00:14:22,775 --> 00:14:24,475
Well, what seems
to be the problem?
395
00:14:24,508 --> 00:14:26,475
Are my eyebrows
gonna grow back?
396
00:14:26,508 --> 00:14:28,975
And he seems to have
a bit of a rash.
397
00:14:29,008 --> 00:14:30,908
Really?
Yeah.
398
00:14:30,942 --> 00:14:35,308
Well, there's been a bit
of that going around lately.
399
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,575
Will you excuse me
a minute, Paloma?
400
00:14:37,608 --> 00:14:40,342
I'm just going to, uh,
get some ointment.
401
00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,708
I don't like this.
This is too easy.
402
00:14:45,742 --> 00:14:46,742
Elaine--
403
00:14:46,775 --> 00:14:48,242
Shut up.
I think he's onto us.
404
00:14:49,575 --> 00:14:50,632
Uh-uh.
LEO: Elaine,
405
00:14:50,632 --> 00:14:51,142
Uh-uh.
LEO: Elaine,
406
00:14:51,175 --> 00:14:52,508
what about my eyebrows?
407
00:14:52,542 --> 00:14:54,575
Here. Here. Shhh!
408
00:14:56,675 --> 00:14:58,475
JERRY:
I don't like this, Kramer.
409
00:14:58,508 --> 00:15:01,008
Will it be much longer?
410
00:15:01,042 --> 00:15:03,975
I'm sorry. It looks like
the claim has been red-flagged.
411
00:15:04,008 --> 00:15:05,708
You're under investigation.
412
00:15:05,742 --> 00:15:07,208
Investigation?
413
00:15:07,242 --> 00:15:08,408
Hello, Jerry.
414
00:15:10,275 --> 00:15:12,142
[FLATLY]
Hello, Newman.
415
00:15:12,175 --> 00:15:13,975
Kramer,
416
00:15:14,008 --> 00:15:16,475
you, uh, might as well
run along.
417
00:15:16,508 --> 00:15:18,308
Jerry may be a while.
418
00:15:18,342 --> 00:15:20,632
Suspicion of mail fraud.
419
00:15:20,632 --> 00:15:21,242
Suspicion of mail fraud.
420
00:15:21,275 --> 00:15:22,742
Mail fraud?
421
00:15:22,775 --> 00:15:25,642
You're in a lot of trouble,
buddy.
422
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:28,475
[♪]
423
00:15:28,508 --> 00:15:31,075
Okay, I've got your ointment.
Where's your, uh--?
424
00:15:31,108 --> 00:15:32,308
Where's your nurse?
425
00:15:32,342 --> 00:15:33,875
She left.
426
00:15:33,908 --> 00:15:36,308
Whoa, whoa,
427
00:15:36,342 --> 00:15:37,808
no need to get angry.
428
00:15:37,842 --> 00:15:39,075
Calm down.
429
00:15:39,108 --> 00:15:40,575
I am calm.
430
00:15:40,608 --> 00:15:42,575
Leo, I don't care
for your demeanor.
431
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,308
Demeanor?
432
00:15:44,342 --> 00:15:46,375
Well, now you're just
being difficult.
433
00:15:46,408 --> 00:15:47,508
What are you writing?
434
00:15:47,542 --> 00:15:49,642
[♪]
435
00:15:49,675 --> 00:15:50,632
So I, uh,
436
00:15:50,632 --> 00:15:51,808
So I, uh,
437
00:15:51,842 --> 00:15:55,242
really liked the pictures
I picked up here yesterday.
438
00:15:55,275 --> 00:15:57,008
I'm glad, George.
439
00:15:57,042 --> 00:15:59,542
And, uh,
here's a little roll
440
00:15:59,575 --> 00:16:02,242
that I think you may enjoy.
441
00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:03,708
Great.
442
00:16:03,742 --> 00:16:05,975
Shall we say an hour?
443
00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:07,842
Mm-hm.
[CHUCKLES]
444
00:16:09,075 --> 00:16:10,075
[SNORTS]
445
00:16:11,508 --> 00:16:13,642
Hey, Ron, I gotta go to lunch.
Could you do a roll?
446
00:16:13,675 --> 00:16:15,708
No problem.
447
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:16,875
By the way,
448
00:16:16,908 --> 00:16:18,675
you know that model
who's always in here?
449
00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:20,632
She's missing one
of her lingerie shots.
450
00:16:20,632 --> 00:16:20,642
She's missing one
of her lingerie shots.
451
00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:21,742
Have you seen it?
452
00:16:21,775 --> 00:16:23,642
No.
453
00:16:23,675 --> 00:16:25,375
All right. All right.
454
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,842
Then let me ask you this:
455
00:16:31,175 --> 00:16:32,842
don't you find it interesting
456
00:16:32,875 --> 00:16:34,975
that your friend had
the foresight
457
00:16:35,008 --> 00:16:38,208
to purchase postal insurance
for your stereo? Huh?
458
00:16:38,242 --> 00:16:41,475
I mean, parcels are rarely
damaged during shipping.
459
00:16:41,508 --> 00:16:43,142
Define "rarely."
460
00:16:43,175 --> 00:16:45,042
Frequently.
461
00:16:46,675 --> 00:16:48,808
Are we about
through here, Newman?
462
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,208
[♪]
463
00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:50,632
It's pretty hot under
these lights, huh, Seinfeld?
464
00:16:50,632 --> 00:16:54,142
It's pretty hot under
these lights, huh, Seinfeld?
465
00:16:54,175 --> 00:16:57,342
Pretty hot.
466
00:16:59,875 --> 00:17:01,442
Actually,
I'm quite comfortable.
467
00:17:08,075 --> 00:17:09,475
Can I have a sip?
468
00:17:09,508 --> 00:17:10,442
No.
469
00:17:12,442 --> 00:17:15,142
Not gonna play ball, huh?
470
00:17:15,175 --> 00:17:17,008
All right, admit it!
471
00:17:17,042 --> 00:17:19,342
That-- That stereo
was already busted.
472
00:17:19,375 --> 00:17:20,632
You can't prove anything.
473
00:17:20,632 --> 00:17:21,308
You can't prove anything.
474
00:17:21,342 --> 00:17:24,142
Is this or is this not
your signature?
475
00:17:24,175 --> 00:17:26,508
No, as a matter of fact,
it isn't.
476
00:17:26,542 --> 00:17:27,675
[CHUCKLES]
477
00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:31,208
"Uncle Leo"?
478
00:17:33,275 --> 00:17:35,208
This case is closed
pending further evidence.
479
00:17:41,542 --> 00:17:42,975
Jerry!
480
00:17:43,008 --> 00:17:45,008
[♪]
481
00:17:45,042 --> 00:17:47,008
Okay. Get in there,
get the chart,
482
00:17:47,042 --> 00:17:48,308
and get out. You got it?
483
00:17:48,342 --> 00:17:50,508
Yeah, no problem. Listen,
let me borrow your scarf.
484
00:17:50,542 --> 00:17:50,632
What? This?
Yeah. It's nice. Yeah.
485
00:17:50,632 --> 00:17:52,375
What? This?
Yeah. It's nice. Yeah.
486
00:17:52,408 --> 00:17:54,475
Here.
Yeah. All right.
487
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:56,142
So, uh...
488
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,175
One chart coming up.
Okay.
489
00:17:58,208 --> 00:17:59,842
It's Bennett, right?
490
00:17:59,875 --> 00:18:01,908
It's Benes, you jackass.
491
00:18:01,942 --> 00:18:04,008
My last name is Benes.
492
00:18:05,942 --> 00:18:07,108
Yeah.
493
00:18:09,242 --> 00:18:11,042
Jerry. Jerry.
494
00:18:11,075 --> 00:18:13,875
Jerry. Jerry. Jerry.
495
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:18,042
Jerry. Jerry?
496
00:18:20,508 --> 00:18:20,632
[LAUGHING]
Jerry.
497
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:22,542
[LAUGHING]
Jerry.
498
00:18:23,775 --> 00:18:25,442
So I like
what you've done there.
499
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:29,975
May I help you?
Uh, yes, yes.
500
00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:33,842
I'm, uh, Dr. Van Nostrund
from the clinic.
501
00:18:33,875 --> 00:18:36,042
I'm gonna need
Elaine Benes' chart.
502
00:18:36,075 --> 00:18:39,642
She's a--
A patient of mine and, uh,
503
00:18:39,675 --> 00:18:41,175
I don't think
she's gonna make it.
504
00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:44,908
It's very bad.
Very, um, very messy.
505
00:18:44,942 --> 00:18:47,008
I see. And what clinic
is that again?
506
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,908
That's correct.
507
00:18:50,075 --> 00:18:50,632
Excuse me?
508
00:18:50,632 --> 00:18:51,175
Excuse me?
509
00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:53,375
From the Hoffermandorf
Neo Clinic
510
00:18:53,408 --> 00:18:54,542
in Belgium.
511
00:18:54,575 --> 00:18:55,808
Oh, really?
512
00:18:55,842 --> 00:18:57,508
The Netherlands?
513
00:18:57,542 --> 00:18:59,508
[♪]
514
00:19:01,242 --> 00:19:03,308
Where's my chart?
Did you get it?
No.
515
00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:04,475
What? What happened?
516
00:19:04,508 --> 00:19:06,408
I don't know.
Now they got a chart on me.
517
00:19:06,442 --> 00:19:07,475
[♪]
518
00:19:07,508 --> 00:19:09,575
I don't know
where they could be.
519
00:19:09,608 --> 00:19:10,875
You can't find them.
520
00:19:10,908 --> 00:19:12,642
[CHUCKLES]
That's marvelous.
521
00:19:12,675 --> 00:19:14,975
The dance continues.
522
00:19:15,008 --> 00:19:17,075
Well, if I find them
I'll call you.
523
00:19:17,108 --> 00:19:20,632
Great. And maybe we could
go out and do something.
524
00:19:20,632 --> 00:19:20,808
Great. And maybe we could
go out and do something.
525
00:19:20,842 --> 00:19:21,775
Sure.
526
00:19:25,675 --> 00:19:27,108
Hello.
527
00:19:30,408 --> 00:19:31,608
Hi.
528
00:19:39,342 --> 00:19:41,742
So the little guy
finally asked me out.
529
00:19:41,775 --> 00:19:43,075
Really?
530
00:19:43,108 --> 00:19:45,408
Hey, I can't find
his photos anywhere.
531
00:19:45,442 --> 00:19:46,742
You know what happened?
532
00:19:46,775 --> 00:19:48,742
Some guy from the post office
confiscated 'em.
533
00:19:48,775 --> 00:19:49,708
He left his card.
534
00:19:50,775 --> 00:19:52,142
SHEILA:
"Newman"?
535
00:19:52,175 --> 00:19:53,908
[♪]
536
00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:54,908
GEORGE:
I don't know
537
00:19:54,942 --> 00:19:56,508
what Newman wanted
to see me for.
538
00:19:56,542 --> 00:19:59,475
Gentlemen. Gentlemen.
539
00:19:59,508 --> 00:20:03,308
I'm so happy
to see you both.
540
00:20:03,342 --> 00:20:05,408
There's just some
inconsistencies
541
00:20:05,442 --> 00:20:06,642
I'd like to straighten out.
542
00:20:06,675 --> 00:20:08,342
I'm clean, Newman,
and you know it.
543
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,775
Clean? Hardly.
[CLICKER SNAPS]
544
00:20:13,075 --> 00:20:14,808
This doesn't look
like a man
545
00:20:14,842 --> 00:20:18,642
who's happy with his stereo
performance, now, does it?
546
00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:20,632
Where did you get that?
That's one of mine.
547
00:20:20,632 --> 00:20:20,808
Where did you get that?
That's one of mine.
548
00:20:20,842 --> 00:20:22,875
Looks like you're breaking
into it like an otter
549
00:20:22,908 --> 00:20:24,742
cracks open a clam.
550
00:20:24,775 --> 00:20:27,642
Well, I don't know about that,
but there's an explanation.
551
00:20:27,675 --> 00:20:30,808
Yes.
It's called "mail fraud."
552
00:20:30,842 --> 00:20:34,975
Ooh, how I've longed
for this moment, Seinfeld.
553
00:20:35,008 --> 00:20:37,242
The day when I would have
the proof I needed
554
00:20:37,275 --> 00:20:39,808
to haul you
out of your cushy lair
555
00:20:39,842 --> 00:20:42,508
and expose you
to the light of justice
556
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,208
as the monster that you are.
557
00:20:44,242 --> 00:20:45,642
A monster so vile--
558
00:20:45,675 --> 00:20:47,108
Newman!
[SQUEALS]
559
00:20:49,775 --> 00:20:50,632
There'll, uh...
560
00:20:50,632 --> 00:20:51,542
There'll, uh...
561
00:20:51,575 --> 00:20:53,175
be a small fine.
562
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:54,975
Okay.
563
00:20:55,008 --> 00:20:56,142
Can we go now?
564
00:20:56,175 --> 00:20:59,508
Not so fast, pretty boy.
565
00:21:00,742 --> 00:21:04,508
There's more to
this sordid little affair.
566
00:21:04,542 --> 00:21:05,575
[CLICKER SNAPS]
567
00:21:10,775 --> 00:21:13,008
Oh, my God.
568
00:21:13,042 --> 00:21:15,742
This photo clearly indicates
your involvement
569
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:20,575
in some ill-conceived
mail-order pornography ring.
570
00:21:20,608 --> 00:21:20,632
As does this one,
[CLICKER SNAPS]
571
00:21:20,632 --> 00:21:22,708
As does this one,
[CLICKER SNAPS]
572
00:21:22,742 --> 00:21:24,842
found in the same
disturbing packet.
573
00:21:29,508 --> 00:21:31,742
Oh, my God!
574
00:21:31,775 --> 00:21:34,308
We have a few questions
575
00:21:34,342 --> 00:21:35,908
we'd like you to answer.
576
00:21:35,942 --> 00:21:39,342
I have a few questions
of my own.
577
00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:41,008
Hi. One of your mailmen--
578
00:21:42,442 --> 00:21:44,908
Oh, my God. George.
579
00:21:44,942 --> 00:21:47,508
Well, Sheila, listen,
it's not what you think.
580
00:21:47,542 --> 00:21:49,542
I put my trust
in the wrong person.
581
00:21:49,575 --> 00:21:50,632
GEORGE:
He said the key word
was "tasteful."
582
00:21:50,632 --> 00:21:51,775
GEORGE:
He said the key word
was "tasteful."
583
00:21:53,542 --> 00:21:55,508
The timeless art
of seduction.
584
00:21:56,875 --> 00:21:58,308
[GEORGE SHOUTING]
585
00:21:58,342 --> 00:22:00,275
[♪]
586
00:22:04,437 --> 00:22:06,270
[♪]
587
00:22:10,270 --> 00:22:12,737
KRAMER:
Oh, gee.
588
00:22:12,770 --> 00:22:15,170
That wasn't
such a long drive.
589
00:22:15,204 --> 00:22:17,070
The dirt road
really hurt my back.
590
00:22:17,104 --> 00:22:19,670
Okay, please, everybody
just stop complaining.
591
00:22:19,704 --> 00:22:22,037
Smile.
We're good patients.
592
00:22:22,070 --> 00:22:24,837
Okay, Miss Benes,
you wanna come on back?
593
00:22:24,870 --> 00:22:26,170
Oh, I'd love to.
594
00:22:26,204 --> 00:22:27,537
[PHONE RINGS]
Oh, just a sec.
595
00:22:27,570 --> 00:22:29,237
ELAINE:
Okay.
Hello.
596
00:22:29,270 --> 00:22:31,070
Yes.
597
00:22:31,104 --> 00:22:31,946
Well, as a matter of fact,
they're here right now.
598
00:22:31,946 --> 00:22:33,937
Well, as a matter of fact,
they're here right now.
599
00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:36,870
I understand.
600
00:22:38,604 --> 00:22:41,204
[♪]
601
00:22:41,237 --> 00:22:42,137
[PIG SQUEALS]
40501
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