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The thing I admire
about the Chinese...
2
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,739
...is they're hanging in there
with the chopsticks.
3
00:00:08,108 --> 00:00:11,509
Because if you think about it,
they've seen the fork by now.
4
00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:17,209
I'm sure they've seen the spoon.
They're going, "Yeah, they're okay.
5
00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:19,909
We're gonna stay with the sticks."
6
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:22,479
I mean, I don't know how
they missed it.
7
00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:24,987
Thousands of years ago,
Chinese farmer gets up...
8
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,092
...has his breakfast
with the chopsticks...
9
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:31,390
...goes out and works all day
in the field with a shovel.
10
00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:33,054
Hello?
11
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,030
Shovel?
12
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:39,999
Not going out there plowing 40 acres
with a couple of pool cues.
13
00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:47,504
Good shave today.
14
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,375
Don't worry,
I can manage these bags.
15
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:50,914
Really, I'm fine.
16
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:53,143
I'm thinking of letting
my sideburns grow in.
17
00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:54,547
Can we rest here a second?
18
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:57,715
Yeah, I guess.
19
00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:02,150
- So how's Noreen?
- She got a new boyfriend. Paul.
20
00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:04,091
Already? That was fast.
21
00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:05,822
I assume he's not a high-talker.
22
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,490
No, but he has the worst habit.
23
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:11,398
Whenever he answers the phone,
he won't put Noreen right on.
24
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,630
You have to go through 10 minutes
of chit-chat.
25
00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:16,139
- A long-talker.
- Yeah.
26
00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:18,436
He is so boring.
27
00:01:18,611 --> 00:01:20,909
Now whenever he answers the phone,
I just hang up.
28
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,181
All right, let's move it out.
29
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:28,216
Hey, isn't that George's father?
30
00:01:28,388 --> 00:01:30,754
Oh, yeah, it is.
Should we say hello?
31
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:35,088
I've never seen him in Manattan
before. It's weird. It's so out of context.
32
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:37,763
That man he's with...
33
00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:40,792
...is he wearing a cape?
34
00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:43,465
I believe he is wearing a cape.
35
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:48,199
Why is Mr. Costanza
with a man in a cape?
36
00:01:48,374 --> 00:01:51,468
Well, it is good cape weather.
Cool, breezy.
37
00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:54,511
Why a cape? Who wears a cape?
38
00:01:54,681 --> 00:01:56,911
Where do you even get a cape?
39
00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:58,846
You're right, it is strange.
40
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:01,885
In fact, let's cross to the other side
of the street.
41
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:04,619
Cover me.
42
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:14,259
Just plop it on the counter there.
43
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:18,067
Oh, I got a message.
44
00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:23,168
Hey, it's George.
45
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,277
I got nothing to say.
46
00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:28,976
That sounds urgent.
47
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,014
Let me call him back.
48
00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:33,608
Hello?
49
00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:35,185
Who is this?
50
00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:37,050
Donna Chang?
51
00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,657
I'm sorry. I must have dialed
the wrong number.
52
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:40,815
Donna Chang?
53
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,689
Should've talked.
I love Chinese women.
54
00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:44,989
Isn't that a little racist?
55
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:49,363
If I like their race,
how can that be racist?
56
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:53,705
Hello?
57
00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:55,966
Oh, is this Donna Chang again?
58
00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:58,508
Yes, I am calling George.
59
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,670
Oh, the lines are crossed.
You're getting his calls.
60
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,941
Well, what do you know.
61
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:05,879
- Hi.
- So listen...
62
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:08,748
I'm going through this stuff
like water.
63
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:12,391
- Who are you talking to?
- He's on with a Chinese woman.
64
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,618
You know, I dig Asian women.
65
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:20,132
You got a comfort problem there?
66
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:22,596
No, I think these Jockeys shrunk.
67
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,971
- I thought you wore silk underwear.
- No.
68
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:28,630
I wore them for a month,
but I couldn't stick with it.
69
00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:32,039
I need the secure packaging
of Jockeys.
70
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,613
My boys need a house.
71
00:03:40,653 --> 00:03:42,518
That's nice.
72
00:03:43,256 --> 00:03:46,054
Listen, if you ever wanna have kids,
you shouldn't wear briefs.
73
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,194
Boxers are much better
for your sperm count.
74
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,319
Sperm count?
75
00:03:50,496 --> 00:03:52,794
Well, how many sperm
should I have?
76
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,196
A lot.
77
00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:57,233
I got a date.
78
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,394
- With the Chinese woman?
- She knew who I was.
79
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,164
She saw me at a club one time.
80
00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:04,902
My first date ever with the Pacific Rim.
I'm very excited.
81
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:08,007
Jerry, you ever have
your sperm count checked?
82
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,911
No, why should I? I wear boxers.
83
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:13,075
You ever get a woman pregnant?
84
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,279
I'm sorry, Kramer. Those records
are permanently sealed.
85
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:20,119
What would you say if I told you
I never impregnated a woman?
86
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:21,521
Really?
87
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:24,254
You never slipped one past the goalie
in all these years?
88
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:28,526
I'm surprised.
You've slept with a lot of women.
89
00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:30,396
A lot of women!
90
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:33,729
Do you think maybe I'm...
91
00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:35,931
...depleted?
92
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:38,543
Well, I'm sure you're not
totally depleted.
93
00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:41,646
But what if I am?
I'm the last male Kramer.
94
00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:43,509
We're facing extinction.
95
00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:46,049
Go to a fertility clinic,
check your sperm count.
96
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,779
Yeah, but then I'd have to...
Well, you know...
97
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,788
Into a cup in the middle of the day?
98
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,620
What, does that conflict
with your regular schedule?
99
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,199
All right, I'm gonna try
Noreen again.
100
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:05,167
I am very excited about this date.
We're going to Hunan Balcony.
101
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:08,307
She's Chinese,
so you suggest Chinese food?
102
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:11,272
- She suggested it.
- I thought Chinese don't eat Chinese.
103
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:13,969
She's very assimilated.
104
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,012
Hello.
105
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:21,309
- Paul again?
- You can't get one ring past him.
106
00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:25,656
- Hey, hey. You don't call me back?
- I tried.
107
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,759
Your line's crossed
with a Chinese woman.
108
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:33,093
Hey, George, we saw your father
on the street before.
109
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,734
What's he doing in the city today?
110
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,665
You didn't ask him?
111
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:43,441
- You didn't say hello?
- Well, he was with someone...
112
00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:46,908
...a man in a cape.
113
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:49,708
Why was he wearing a cape?
114
00:05:52,418 --> 00:05:55,012
Was my father wearing a cape?
115
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,247
No, jacket and tie. No cape.
116
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,585
A cape.
117
00:06:02,261 --> 00:06:05,719
What was a man with a cape
doing with my father?
118
00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:09,231
What was my father doing
with a man in a cape?
119
00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:13,237
Why a cape?
120
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,411
The results of your sperm test
are in.
121
00:06:23,916 --> 00:06:26,214
Are you planning to start a family?
122
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,987
Yes, I would like to very much.
123
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:32,021
I'm low, aren't I? I can feel it.
124
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:36,823
- Yes, I'm afraid you're a little low.
- Oh, man!
125
00:06:37,296 --> 00:06:39,264
It's over.
The Kramer name is finished.
126
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:42,230
- I'm never gonna procreate, huh?
- That's not necessarily true.
127
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,996
There are measures you can take
to improve your fertility.
128
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:48,436
All right, what? What? You tell me.
I'll do anything. Come on, tell me.
129
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:52,135
First thing,
you should wear boxer shorts.
130
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:55,709
- All the time?
- All the time.
131
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:58,009
You have to get off Jockeys
right away.
132
00:06:58,184 --> 00:07:00,812
But I've always worn Jockeys.
133
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:08,257
Hi, Paul, it's Elaine calling.
134
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,625
Yeah, I'm calling from a car phone,
so I don't really have time to talk.
135
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:14,460
Is Noreen there?
136
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:15,896
Oh, she's not? Okay, great.
137
00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:18,332
Well, you can just tell her
I called then, and...
138
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:24,438
Well, yes, it has been
unseasonably cool lately.
139
00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:31,043
Okay. Well, look, I'm pulling up
to the building now, so I'm gonna...
140
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:34,853
Yeah, I tip 20 percent too.
141
00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:40,718
Lookit, Paul, the car seems to be
running out of gas...
142
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:44,727
...so I'm gonna have
to get off the phone.
143
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:49,032
Please let me know
when your party has arrived.
144
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:51,193
Yes, I will.
145
00:07:52,438 --> 00:07:54,167
- You mind?
- No, go ahead.
146
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:56,900
I secondhand smoke
two packs a day.
147
00:07:58,244 --> 00:07:59,609
Jerry.
148
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:03,544
- Excuse me?
- Hi, sorry I'm late.
149
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:06,480
- Who are you?
- I'm Donna Chang.
150
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,421
What do you mean?
151
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,683
I mean I'm Donna Chang.
152
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:15,058
You're Donna Chang?
153
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,588
Did you think I was Chinese?
154
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:21,098
No. What, you mean
because of the "Chang"?
155
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:23,428
Actually, the family name
wasrt originally Chang.
156
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:25,764
- I didn't think so.
- Used to be "Changstein."
157
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:32,075
- She's not Chinese?
- No, not Chinese.
158
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:34,269
Not even Asian.
159
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:38,306
- So, what is she?
- Well, she's like you.
160
00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:42,617
Oh, how disappointed
you must have been.
161
00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:45,418
Well, it's false advertising, see?
162
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:49,220
And the thing is, I think she likes
people thinking she's Chinese.
163
00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:51,090
She suggests Chinese food...
164
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:53,528
...she always introduces herself
as Donna Chang.
165
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,523
So why are you seeing her again?
166
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,862
Well, she is a woman.
167
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:01,273
Listen, I spoke to Paul and Noreen.
They might be breaking up.
168
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:03,707
- Really?
- Well, maybe.
169
00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:07,912
Hey, wouldn't it be funny
if Paul and Noreen broke up...
170
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,173
...because you kept
hanging up on him?
171
00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:14,744
- What do you mean?
- Lf Paul thought it was some guy...
172
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:18,254
...hanging up because he was
having an affair with Noreen.
173
00:09:21,594 --> 00:09:22,925
Here, take my Jockey shorts.
174
00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:25,396
Hey, what is that?
175
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:28,825
Look, you gotta help me.
I have to get off Jockey shorts.
176
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:31,333
- What, you have low sperm count?
- Very low.
177
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,267
- Come on, take them.
- I don't want them.
178
00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:37,170
Jerry, look, you gotta help. If I have
one pair in my house, I'll wear them.
179
00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:39,607
- I don't want them.
- All it takes is one pair.
180
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:42,339
I'm not gonna be able to sleep
if those are in the house.
181
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,540
Boxers! How do you
wear these things?
182
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:47,242
Look at that. They're bagging up.
They're rising here.
183
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,583
And there's nothing holding me
in place. I'm flipping, I'm flopping.
184
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:54,953
What am I gonna do?
185
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:57,925
Jerry, I'm going crazy
in these things.
186
00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:06,928
Well, I'm gonna have to move now.
187
00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:11,209
You know what I like
about Manattan?
188
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:13,903
There's no mosquitoes.
189
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,445
There's plenty of mosquitoes.
190
00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:18,410
Queens is full of mosquitoes.
191
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:23,044
- So, Dad...
- Gnats, too, if I'm not mistaken.
192
00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:28,456
Heard you were in the city
the other day.
193
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:32,291
Your mother has to tell you
every move I make? I'll kill her.
194
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,966
- Jerry and Elaine saw you.
- They didn't say hello?
195
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:40,128
- They were in a rush.
- They couldn't just say hello?
196
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,297
Ah, the hell with them.
197
00:10:42,875 --> 00:10:47,141
They said you were with some guy
who was wearing a cape.
198
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,577
Elaine, I can see not saying hello.
199
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:53,241
She's very...
What's the word? Supercilious.
200
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:56,980
- So, Dad...
- How could Jerry not say hello?
201
00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:03,857
- Did they uncross the lines yet?
- They can't find the problem.
202
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,395
It's really getting ridicurous.
203
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:29,351
Did you say "ridicurous"?
204
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:31,117
Ridiculous.
205
00:11:33,225 --> 00:11:35,386
I thought you said...
206
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:37,358
...ridicurous.
207
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,264
Hey, what are you doing here?
208
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,926
I wanted to talk to you.
I didn't know you had company.
209
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:46,969
- Oh, no, no.
- Hi, I'm George.
210
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:50,108
- Oh, hi.
- I'm Donna Chang.
211
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:54,813
I just spoke to your mother before.
212
00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:58,745
- You spoke to my mother?
- She was trying to call you, but...
213
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:00,715
The rines are crossed.
214
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,656
Did you say the "rines"
are crossed?
215
00:12:05,691 --> 00:12:07,215
Did I?
216
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:11,259
George, she's so sweet.
We talked for an hour.
217
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:13,227
Anyway, I'm really sorry.
218
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,959
Sorry, why sorry? What do you
have to be sorry about?
219
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:19,502
Well, she told me she and your father
are getting divorced.
220
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:37,516
Boy, divorced. That's really too bad.
221
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,555
Yeah. You know,
it's a shame his parents...
222
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,193
...didn't get divorced 30 years ago.
223
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:45,160
He could've been normal.
224
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,897
Oh, my God!
225
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,396
You know what I just realized?
226
00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:53,265
If they get divorced
and live in two separate places...
227
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,600
...that's twice as many visits.
228
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,140
I never thought of that.
229
00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:59,607
Imagine if I had to see them both
on the same day.
230
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,509
It's like running a double marathon.
231
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:06,816
Hey, Georgie, did you have any idea
that anything was wrong?
232
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:09,978
Have you ever spent any time
with these people?
233
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:14,485
- You know what this has to do with?
- What?
234
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:18,096
The man in the cape. I bet you
he is mixed up in this.
235
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:20,832
I don't trust men in capes.
236
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,797
You can't cast
dispersions on someone...
237
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,027
...just because
they're wearing a cape.
238
00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:27,502
Superman wore a cape.
239
00:13:27,673 --> 00:13:29,971
And I'll be damned
if I'm gonna stand here...
240
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,337
...and let you say
something bad about him.
241
00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:35,103
All right, Supermars the exception.
242
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,720
Hey, Elaine, I just heard that
Noreen and Paul are breaking up.
243
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,684
I want you to put in
a good word for me.
244
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,255
Always had a thing for Noreen.
245
00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:48,222
No, Kramer, you don't understand,
this could be my fault.
246
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:52,330
Well, if she's available, I won't let
her slip through my fingers this time.
247
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:57,429
Well, looks like you've adjusted
to the boxers.
248
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:59,434
Well, I wouldn't go as far as that.
249
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:02,574
- You went back to the Jockeys?
- Wrong again.
250
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,977
Oh, no.
251
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,612
What? What?
252
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:14,849
Don't you see
what's going on here?
253
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:17,448
No boxers, no Jockeys.
254
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:25,253
The only thing between him and us
is a thin layer of gabardine.
255
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,524
- Kramer, say it isn't so.
- Oh, it be so.
256
00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:34,195
I'm out there, Jerry,
and I'm loving every minute of it!
257
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,239
Don't you need a little help?
258
00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:41,709
Surprisingly, no.
259
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,781
I'm free. I'm unfettered.
260
00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:50,047
I feel like a naked, innocent boy
roaming the countryside.
261
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:54,391
So you guys are trying to work it out.
That's great.
262
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,929
Yeah, well, we're trying, but he just
went insane there for a while.
263
00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:00,793
He went insane?
264
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,627
Believe it or not...
265
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:04,860
...Paul was convinced
I was having an affair...
266
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:08,131
...because somebody kept calling and
hanging up whenever he answered.
267
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:13,738
What kind of a sick person calls
and hangs up over and over?
268
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:15,978
Well...
269
00:15:16,148 --> 00:15:17,843
...I don't know about sick.
270
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:21,009
I mean, maybe it was somebody...
271
00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:23,882
...who didn't wanna talk
to whoever was answering...
272
00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:27,753
...because whoever was answering
was always making boring chit-chat...
273
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,191
...and was completely oblivious
to the fact...
274
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:34,856
...that the person who was calling
didn't wanna speak to them.
275
00:15:38,237 --> 00:15:42,139
I can't believe that was you.
276
00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:44,771
I'm really sorry, Noreen.
277
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:47,839
So you thought he was boring?
278
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,483
Hey, Noreen, don't go by me.
279
00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:55,853
What are you doing to this woman?
280
00:15:56,322 --> 00:16:00,315
This is the second relationship
you've ruined for her in a few weeks.
281
00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:02,960
- I know.
- First you ruin her relationship...
282
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:05,926
...with the high-talker.
- Well, I got confused.
283
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:07,690
They sound exactly the same.
284
00:16:07,866 --> 00:16:09,299
So she breaks up with him.
285
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,629
Somehow picks up
the pieces of her life...
286
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,864
...miraculously meets a new guy.
287
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:17,474
You bust that up.
288
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:22,012
And then just as they're reconciling,
you announce to the world...
289
00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:24,809
...he's boring.
290
00:16:25,851 --> 00:16:27,876
I didn't know she'd take it
so seriously.
291
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:30,715
Apparently, you have a tremendous
influence over this woman.
292
00:16:30,889 --> 00:16:32,982
Anything you say, she does.
293
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:36,794
- Yeah?
- It's Donna Chang.
294
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:40,295
- Come on up.
- I guess I just didn't realize it.
295
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:42,900
Well, let's look back at your history
with this woman.
296
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,161
- Okay?
- Okay.
297
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:49,603
First, you encouraged her
to join the army.
298
00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:52,104
She did.
299
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:53,904
She was lost.
300
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:57,207
Then you suggest she goes AWOL.
301
00:16:57,383 --> 00:17:00,045
She did.
302
00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:02,278
Well, she didn't seem
to be having so much fun.
303
00:17:02,454 --> 00:17:05,753
Make sure you never tell this woman
to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.
304
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,916
If I have this much influence,
I'll call her and tell her...
305
00:17:09,094 --> 00:17:10,891
...to get back together with him.
306
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,393
- Hey.
- Oh, Miss Changstein.
307
00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:16,363
- This is Elaine.
- Hi. How are you?
308
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,469
Guess what?
Mrs. Costanza called me.
309
00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:21,231
- They're not getting divorced.
- Why, what happened?
310
00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:23,841
She was trying to call George
last night, she got me...
311
00:17:24,009 --> 00:17:26,273
...we spoke for an hour,
and she changed her mind.
312
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:29,039
- Wow, that's amazing.
- Anyway, she wants to meet me.
313
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,739
She invited me over for dinner.
Said you should come too.
314
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:33,043
- Tonight?
- Yeah.
315
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:37,279
I just remembered. I'm gonna have
to cancel my acupuncture class.
316
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:47,425
All right, let me just say one thing.
317
00:17:47,599 --> 00:17:50,159
There is no way that this
is gonna happen. No way!
318
00:17:50,335 --> 00:17:52,735
Because if you think I'm going
to two Thanksgivings...
319
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,429
...you're out of your mind!
320
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,803
- We're not getting divorced.
- Your mother changed her mind.
321
00:17:57,976 --> 00:18:01,070
You did? That's good.
That's very good.
322
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,737
- I'm very glad to hear that.
- Yeah, we worked it out.
323
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,976
All right, so let me ask you a question.
Who was the man in the cape?
324
00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:10,349
- He was my lawyer.
- Your lawyer wears a cape?
325
00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:12,251
Yeah. So what?
326
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:15,086
- Who wears a cape?
- He's very independent.
327
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,852
He doesn't follow the trends.
328
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:19,861
He looks ridiculous in that thing.
329
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:21,363
You have no eye for fashion!
330
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:24,001
- I have no eye for fashion?
- All right.
331
00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:27,696
Come on. Let's not fight.
332
00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:29,636
- All right, all right.
- All right.
333
00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:31,776
Georgie's right.
334
00:18:32,978 --> 00:18:34,809
So, what made you change
your mind?
335
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:38,211
It was that Chinese woman.
336
00:18:40,252 --> 00:18:42,777
What did you tell Mrs. Costanza
that changed her mind?
337
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,719
Mentioned a few bits of wisdom
from Confucius.
338
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:47,859
- Confucius, huh?
- Yeah.
339
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:51,688
You know, you're not Chinese.
340
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,500
Hey, I heard the good news.
341
00:18:57,669 --> 00:19:01,105
Jerry, how come you didn't
say hello to me the other day?
342
00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:04,572
- Elaine was in a rush.
- I knew it was Elaine.
343
00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:09,378
- You must be Estelle.
- Yes. Who are you?
344
00:19:09,548 --> 00:19:10,708
I'm Donna Chang.
345
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:13,582
You're not Chinese.
346
00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:18,384
Hello?
347
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:20,422
- Paul?
- Elaine.
348
00:19:20,759 --> 00:19:22,522
Kramer?
349
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:24,662
Yeah!
350
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:29,166
- What are you doing there?
- Well, isn't it obvious?
351
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:34,402
- Is Noreen there?
- Yes, she is.
352
00:19:34,573 --> 00:19:37,235
Well, can I talk to her?
353
00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:39,773
What, am I too boring for you?
354
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,210
Would you just put her on?
355
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:45,680
I feel it would be best that you didn't
talk to Noreen for a while.
356
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,785
- You feel?
- That's right.
357
00:19:47,953 --> 00:19:50,114
She and I have had a very long talk.
358
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:53,156
And I was appalled to learn
of the destructive influence...
359
00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:57,421
...you've had over her life
Io these many years.
360
00:19:57,596 --> 00:20:01,532
- What, are you insane?
- From now on, I'll be calling the shots.
361
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,032
And what are you gonna tell her?
362
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,604
Well, I've encouraged her
to go back into the army.
363
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:11,803
There she'll get the structure
and discipline she needs right now.
364
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:16,209
And she'll have qualified officers
telling her what to do.
365
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,816
Kramer, you have got
to let me talk to her.
366
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:21,748
Can't help you, kid.
367
00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:24,814
- You're not Chinese?
- No.
368
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:27,788
- I thought you were Chinese.
- I'm from Long Island.
369
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,621
Long Island?
370
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:32,958
I thought I was getting advice
from a Chinese woman.
371
00:20:33,131 --> 00:20:36,157
- I'm sorry.
- Well, then...
372
00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:39,634
...that changes everything.
- What?
373
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:43,036
She's not Chinese. I was duped!
374
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,839
So what? She still gave you advice.
375
00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:47,478
What's the difference?
376
00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:51,343
I'm not taking advice
from some girl from Long Island.
377
00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:54,652
Now you're getting a divorce
because she's from Long Island?
378
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:57,914
You want a divorce? You got one!
379
00:20:59,491 --> 00:21:02,858
You know, you might wanna think
about changing your name.
380
00:21:03,362 --> 00:21:06,195
Ever since she started dating Kramer,
she won't even talk to me.
381
00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:07,730
Well, Noreen listened to you...
382
00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:10,561
...like George's mother
listened to the Chinese.
383
00:21:10,736 --> 00:21:14,001
Everybody listens to the Chinese.
Look at the fortune cookie.
384
00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:16,538
You couldn't get away with that
at other restaurants.
385
00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:19,506
Yeah, no one's reading any
rolled up messages in a knish.
386
00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:25,173
Well, it had to happen. I knew it.
I predicted it.
387
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,545
Saw both of them today.
What a disaster.
388
00:21:29,421 --> 00:21:31,013
I'm running all over Queens.
389
00:21:31,189 --> 00:21:33,282
First, I saw my mother.
We had lunch together.
390
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:36,450
I never had lunch with my mother
before. It's like a date.
391
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:39,893
Then we drive down to Kew Gardens,
tons of traffic, I see my father.
392
00:21:40,065 --> 00:21:41,760
We played Clue.
393
00:21:41,933 --> 00:21:43,230
All day with this!
394
00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:45,370
Hey, Jerry! Guess what?
395
00:21:45,537 --> 00:21:47,835
The Kramer name might live on!
396
00:21:48,006 --> 00:21:49,439
Noreers late!
397
00:21:49,608 --> 00:21:52,509
She's late!
398
00:22:18,603 --> 00:22:21,538
- Who are you?
- I'm Frank Costanza's lawyer.
399
00:22:22,538 --> 00:22:32,538
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