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1
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I've always wondered why baseball
is so associated with sex.
2
00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:10,509
"He's playing the field. He scored.
He didn't get to first base."
3
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,440
"I struck out." "Why?"
"She wanted a diamond."
4
00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:16,548
It's always baseball,
always baseball.
5
00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:20,345
As far as baseball goes,
I prefer the fat umpires.
6
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:22,579
If you're on the field
and not in the game...
7
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:26,385
...you should be in the worst physical
condition a human could be in.
8
00:00:26,559 --> 00:00:29,960
They should be allowed
to eat during the game.
9
00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:34,091
We're too into sports in this country.
We gotta throttle back.
10
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:35,962
People come home
from these games:
11
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:39,663
"We won, we won!"
No, they won, you watched.
12
00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:49,348
Okay, Danny. Take a swing.
No, no, no.
13
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,814
- You're opening up your shoulder.
- Really?
14
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:56,012
No, not really. I'm just saying this to
you because I like to hear myself talk.
15
00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:57,781
Yes, really.
16
00:00:57,957 --> 00:00:59,618
All right, all right.
17
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,728
- What are you all sweating for?
- It's hot in this uniform.
18
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:06,960
- Hot? What is this?
- What is what?
19
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:09,033
This uniform. What's it made from?
20
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:11,227
- I don't know. Cotton?
- No. No, no.
21
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,099
This is not cotton. Here, let me see.
22
00:01:13,273 --> 00:01:15,298
- What are you doing?
- I wanna see the label.
23
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,500
Will you stop it? Come on.
24
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:22,241
- Oh, of course. Polyester!
- So?
25
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:25,350
- I can't believe you're not in cotton.
- This is what they give us.
26
00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:28,351
You know they used to make
leisure suits out of this fabric?
27
00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:30,921
- You really think cotton is better?
- Of course.
28
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,184
All right, maybe I'll say
something to Buck.
29
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:36,960
- Yeah, good idea. Catch you later.
- Yeah.
30
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,722
Hey, don't embarrass me today.
31
00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:41,332
I got some friends in the stands.
32
00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:49,333
- Hot dogs here. Yankee franks.
- Oh, you want one?
33
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:50,737
- Yeah.
- I'll get it.
34
00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,207
- I got it.
- Jerry.
35
00:01:52,378 --> 00:01:54,744
- Elaine, stop it.
- Just because I'm not working...
36
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:57,781
...doesn't mean I don't have
any money. Yo. Dogs. Two.
37
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,543
All right. I'm sorry.
38
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:02,279
Your attention, please.
The New York Yankees...
39
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:05,754
...would like to welcome
Miss Connecticut...
40
00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:09,691
...Miss Rhode Island
and Miss North Dakota.
41
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:14,061
All of whom will be competing
in the Miss America pageant...
42
00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:18,398
...this weekend in Atlantic City.
43
00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:21,768
Now, there's a career path
you may have overlooked.
44
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:25,035
Oh, I gotta check my machine. I'm
waiting to hear about an interview.
45
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:29,409
Doubleday is looking for somebody
to replace Jackie Onassis.
46
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:31,982
- She worked at Doubleday?
- Yeah, she was an editor.
47
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,915
- Oh, right, just like you.
- Yeah.
48
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,520
- Would you move your feet?
- Yeah.
49
00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:39,124
- Hey, lady!
- Hey, down in front!
50
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:42,056
- Hey!
- Move your feet.
51
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:45,359
- I'm going.
- Come on.
52
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,929
- Hot dog?
- No, thanks.
53
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:53,334
- I'm watching my weight.
- I'm watching my height.
54
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,202
My doctor doesn't want me
to get any taller.
55
00:02:57,677 --> 00:03:00,669
- So you're Miss...?
- Rhode Island.
56
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:04,715
I was almost Mr. Coffee.
They felt I was a little too relaxed.
57
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,348
Miss Rhode Island?
58
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,456
- When are you seeing her?
- Tonight. I have to call her.
59
00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:13,182
She's staying in a hotel.
60
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:15,259
- You're incredible.
- And get this:
61
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:17,362
I'm working Atlantic City
this weekend.
62
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,361
She's gonna be there
for the pageant.
63
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:23,866
What if she becomes Miss America?
You could be dating Miss America.
64
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,562
The only bad thing is we have
to go out with a chaperone.
65
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:28,730
Chaperone? What, are you kidding?
66
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:31,570
- No. It's the contest rules.
- What does the chaperone do?
67
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:34,212
I don't know. She just sits there.
68
00:03:35,515 --> 00:03:39,542
- Can she talk?
- I'm not sure if she's allowed to talk.
69
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:42,348
- Are you calling her?
- Yeah.
70
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,088
Yes. Room 417, please.
Karen Hanson.
71
00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:52,493
Hey, did you know the Yankees
don't wear cotton jerseys?
72
00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:54,257
Of course. They're polyester.
73
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:57,232
Well, what is that? That's a crime.
74
00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:00,395
You know how hot those things get?
They should be wearing cotton.
75
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,905
- Why do they wear polyester?
- I don't know.
76
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,600
That's all gonna change.
77
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:09,109
- You're gonna do something about it?
- Why shouldn't I?
78
00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:12,415
No reason.
79
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:19,481
Of course, Jackie O
was a great lady.
80
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,719
Those are gonna be
some tough shoes to fill.
81
00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:25,193
Everyone loved her.
82
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,060
She had such...
83
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:30,100
...grace.
- Yes!
84
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:35,165
- Grace!
- Not many people have grace.
85
00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:38,636
Well, you know,
grace is a tough one.
86
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:40,904
I like to think I have a little grace.
87
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,311
- Not as much as Jackie O, but...
- You can't have a little grace.
88
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:48,545
You either have grace
or you don't.
89
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:53,623
Okay, fine. I have no grace.
90
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:57,056
And you can't acquire grace.
91
00:04:57,230 --> 00:05:00,688
Well, I have no intention
of getting grace.
92
00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:04,132
Grace isn't something
you can pick up at the market.
93
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:08,331
All right, look. I don't have grace,
I don't want grace...
94
00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:11,068
...I don't even say grace, okay?
95
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:16,677
- Thank you for coming in.
- Yeah, yeah, right.
96
00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:22,681
We'll make our choice in a few days
and we'll let you know.
97
00:05:22,855 --> 00:05:25,722
- I have no chance, do I?
- No.
98
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,621
All right. Thanks.
99
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,625
Justin Pitt to see you.
100
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:32,822
- Justin Pitt?
- He was a very close friend...
101
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,261
...of Mrs. Onassis'.
102
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:37,267
Mrs. Onassis'.
That's hard to pronounce.
103
00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:40,201
- Excuse me?
- Nothing, nothing.
104
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:43,274
Mrs. Landis, there's something
wrong with this copying machine.
105
00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:45,070
It's all coming out slanted.
106
00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:48,907
Now, I don't know if this
is your department or not.
107
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:52,415
Justin Pitt, this is Elaine Benes.
108
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,583
Charmed.
109
00:06:01,260 --> 00:06:06,254
I was a great admirer
of Mrs. Onassis.
110
00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:11,933
Hello, Karen?
Hi, it's Jerry Seinfeld.
111
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,868
Oh, that's very sweet of you.
112
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,565
You better be careful.
You don't wanna get too congenial.
113
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:19,143
They'll slap that
Miss Congeniality on you...
114
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:22,713
...you'll congenial yourself
right out of the contest.
115
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,182
So, what time
you wanna get together later?
116
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:28,986
What?
117
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,089
So what?
We don't need the chaperone.
118
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:32,485
Her chaperone can't make it.
119
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:36,761
Oh, you're not
gonna get disqualified.
120
00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:38,954
So we're not going?
121
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:42,061
Come on.
Hold on one second.
122
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,567
- Hey, what are you doing tonight?
- Nothing.
123
00:06:45,671 --> 00:06:48,299
I'm going out with a Miss America
contestant. You wanna go?
124
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,669
What state?
125
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,442
Rhode Island.
126
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:57,412
They're never in contention.
127
00:06:58,651 --> 00:06:59,982
How do you know?
128
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:03,179
Because I've seen every
Miss America pageant since I was 6.
129
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,415
Do you wanna go or not?
I'll buy you dinner.
130
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:08,253
- Giddyup.
- I think I got someone.
131
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,267
The resemblance is uncanny.
132
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,096
Even the brown eyes.
133
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:25,108
Well, a lot of people
have brown eyes.
134
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:30,079
No, there's something else.
An indefinable quality.
135
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,383
Grace?
136
00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:34,216
Grace, yes.
137
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:37,453
You think I have grace?
138
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,993
- Some grace, yes.
- Just some?
139
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,129
Well, you don't want too much grace,
or you won't be able to stand.
140
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:50,059
Oh, Mr. Pitt.
141
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:55,800
Elaine, I want you to come and work
for me as my personal assistant.
142
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,136
Now, I'll pay you the same
as Pendant...
143
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,246
...but I would need you
to start right away.
144
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:08,009
Hey, Buck.
Talk to you for a second?
145
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:10,212
Sure, George.
146
00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:12,357
How's everything going?
Everything okay?
147
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:15,983
Well, all of a sudden, there's a
problem with Tartabull's swing, but...
148
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,161
Listen, Buck, obviously
I don't need to talk to you...
149
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,826
...about the importance
of player morale.
150
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,938
But I've been talking
to some of the guys...
151
00:08:27,106 --> 00:08:30,837
...I don't wanna mention any names,
but some of them aren't too happy...
152
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,376
...with the polyester uniforms.
153
00:08:33,546 --> 00:08:37,038
- How so?
- They get very hot in the polyester.
154
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:39,548
It's not a natural fiber.
155
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:42,210
I think they would prefer cotton.
156
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:46,089
- Cotton, huh?
- Cotton breathes.
157
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,352
See, it's much softer.
158
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:49,825
Imagine playing games...
159
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:52,521
...and your team is 5 degrees cooler
than the other team.
160
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,563
Don't you think
that would be an advantage?
161
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,567
They're cooler, they're more
comfortable, they're happier...
162
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,068
...they're gonna play better.
163
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:03,038
- You may have something there.
- Oh, I've got something.
164
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:06,134
Cotton uniforms.
165
00:09:07,246 --> 00:09:08,645
Congratulations.
166
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:12,875
Yeah. And the best part is
I still get to look for work in publishing.
167
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:17,148
- Now, what is it that you do, exactly?
- I attend to his personal affairs.
168
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,551
Like what?
169
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:23,419
Well, like tomorrow,
for example, I...
170
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:27,287
- I have to buy him some socks.
- Really?
171
00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:29,457
- Socks.
- Yeah.
172
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,626
White ones.
The ones you wear with sneakers.
173
00:09:31,804 --> 00:09:33,635
Maybe you could pick me up
some underwear.
174
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:39,404
So, what do you think?
Does this work?
175
00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:42,503
Listen, tonight,
after we finish eating...
176
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,809
...you make like you got
something else to do...
177
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:47,418
...and recede into the night,
if you know what I mean.
178
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,578
No way.
179
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:52,550
- What?
- Lf you think I'm gonna step aside...
180
00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:54,989
...while you defile this woman,
you're crazy.
181
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,356
I'm not going to defile her.
182
00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,760
Right, because I'm gonna see
it doesn't happen.
183
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,866
These girls are
Miss America contestants.
184
00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:03,501
It's every little girl's dream.
185
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,534
I'm not gonna let you
trample that dream...
186
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:08,401
...and make a mockery
of everything the pageant stands for.
187
00:10:08,574 --> 00:10:10,633
No buts.
188
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,368
- Those are my rules.
- Wait a minute.
189
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:15,708
If you wanna have some good,
wholesome fun with a nice girl...
190
00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:18,611
...I'll help you out.
If you're looking for something more...
191
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,809
...you got the wrong guy, buddy.
- It's just...
192
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,790
If you were Miss America...
193
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,361
...what would you do to make
the world a better place?
194
00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:34,463
As Miss America...
195
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:38,229
...I would try and bring an end
to world hunger.
196
00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:40,838
If every person sacrificed
one meal a week...
197
00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:43,999
...there would be enough
to feed the whole world.
198
00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:46,144
That's a hell of a plan. Listen...
199
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,337
What advice
would you give young people?
200
00:10:48,514 --> 00:10:49,913
All right, Kramer.
201
00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:53,074
This is important. She's gotta be able
to answer these questions.
202
00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:56,949
She's not gonna have time to think
with millions of people watching her.
203
00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,354
Any hesitation could cost her
the crown. You know, poise counts.
204
00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:03,154
- You really know a lot about this.
- Yeah, like last year...
205
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,956
...Miss Texas
should have won easily.
206
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,429
But she lost points
in the swimsuit competition.
207
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,091
- What could she have done?
- Tape her breasts together.
208
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:17,207
- What else?
- All right, take you for example.
209
00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:19,708
Now, you're very attractive,
but you got a big waist.
210
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:22,871
- Hey, come on!
- No, no, no, it's okay.
211
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:25,040
- Go on.
- Well...
212
00:11:25,217 --> 00:11:27,048
...I'd recommend a waist cincher.
213
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:30,586
- Really?
- Oh, yeah. Just... suck you in.
214
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:33,554
All right. I'll be right back.
215
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:39,061
- So, what's your talent?
- Magic.
216
00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:41,597
I'm thinking of a number
from one to 10.
217
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:43,463
Six.
218
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,194
No, five.
219
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,362
But you were close.
220
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,902
And the Yankees take the field.
221
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:53,307
Is it my imagination or the Yankees
look a little different tonight?
222
00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:56,039
- I can't put my finger on it.
- From what I understand...
223
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:57,842
...they switched to cotton uniforms.
224
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:00,451
Well, they say it's softer.
225
00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:03,315
Well, it is a natural fiber.
226
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:06,953
How's your eveningwear?
227
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,991
- Well, I'm wearing this red...
- Stop right there.
228
00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:11,390
- No good?
- Disaster.
229
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,759
- Why?
- Well, you got brown eyes.
230
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:18,597
- You wanna wear a green dress.
- That makes sense.
231
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:22,270
Well, here we are.
232
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:27,936
Kramer, would you consider being my
personal consultant for the pageant?
233
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:32,477
Okay. But if I'm gonna do this...
234
00:12:32,651 --> 00:12:34,915
...we play by my rules
or we don't play at all.
235
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,078
I am in your hands.
236
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,752
Well...
237
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:43,918
Good night, Jerry.
238
00:12:50,236 --> 00:12:52,602
- Kenneth will take you home.
- Yeah.
239
00:12:58,310 --> 00:13:00,403
Oh, shut the **** up.
240
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:16,990
- Hey.
- Well, if it isn't Mr. Blackwell.
241
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,494
Oh, come on.
242
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:21,155
And that waist cincher,
that was the topper.
243
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:26,066
- Oh, you're pooh-poohing?
- Yes, I pooh-pooh.
244
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:27,830
Well, let me tell you something.
245
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,976
I'm taking this kid to the top.
To the top, Jerry.
246
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:34,078
We're going for the crown,
and you can't stop her.
247
00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:37,215
- I don't wanna stop her.
- You can't stop her, Jerry!
248
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:41,149
Oh, I've seen them come and go,
but this kid has got something.
249
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,582
Yeah, so do you.
250
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,525
- Well, did you see it?
- See what?
251
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:49,092
The uniforms!
Did you see how they played?
252
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:52,856
Listen to these comments.
"Wade Boggs, 'What a fabric.
253
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,296
Finally, we can breathe.'
254
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:58,129
Luis Polonia, 'Cotton is king.'
255
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:02,764
Paul O'Neill, 'I never dreamed
anything could be so soft and fluffy."'
256
00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:07,439
- Boy, they really sound comfortable.
- Hey, where you going?
257
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,308
- I'm working Atlantic City.
- Really?
258
00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:11,779
Hey, you're not working.
Why don't you come down.
259
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:13,816
Atlantic City?
260
00:14:13,986 --> 00:14:15,613
Yes. Yes.
261
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,552
I will go to Atlantic City.
I'm in. I'm down.
262
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:21,115
Maybe Elaine wants to go too.
Let me call her.
263
00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:23,284
She's at Mr. Pitt's.
I think I got the number.
264
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,720
So, what do you think?
265
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,032
- No.
- What...?
266
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,933
- You don't like them?
- No, I don't like them.
267
00:14:35,507 --> 00:14:37,498
- What's wrong?
- They're too tight.
268
00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:39,576
- Too tight?
- There's no elastic.
269
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:42,111
You need to pull too much.
270
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:43,714
I think they look good.
271
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,477
They're cutting off the circulation.
272
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:48,552
All right. I'll take them back.
273
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:56,457
- Hello?
- Hi, Mr. Pitt. Is Elaine there?
274
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,097
It's for you.
275
00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:05,331
Sorry.
276
00:15:05,504 --> 00:15:08,166
- Hello?
- Hey, Elaine, it's me.
277
00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:11,275
- Jerry.
- Yeah. We're going to Atlantic City.
278
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:15,539
- Really? When?
- Today. Right now. You in?
279
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:19,448
One second, one second.
Hang on, hang on.
280
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:25,352
Excuse me, Mr. Pitt. Would it be
all right if I got the socks tomorrow?
281
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:27,858
- Tomorrow?
- Yes.
282
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:31,258
I was hoping
for my new socks today.
283
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:36,732
- Well, it's just one more day.
- I'm sorry. I must have them today.
284
00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:43,375
I can't go.
285
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,969
- Why not?
- Because I have to return the socks...
286
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:51,173
...and get different ones.
- Elaine!
287
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:53,113
I gotta go.
288
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,118
No.
289
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:04,754
All right, watch me.
290
00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:13,368
Turn. Back.
291
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,507
Head up. Shoulders back.
292
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:19,542
- Posture. See? Posture.
- Yes, I see. Okay.
293
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:23,137
All right, let's try
a few more questions. All right?
294
00:16:24,683 --> 00:16:27,652
"If you were Miss America
and the U.S. Was on the brink...
295
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:31,256
...of a nuclear war and the only way
the conflict could be averted...
296
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:34,756
...was if you agreed to sleep
with the enemy's leader...
297
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:36,589
...what would you do?"
298
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:38,957
Kramer, are these questions
really that important?
299
00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,826
Yes, they're important!
300
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,492
If you stumble, if you hesitate,
you can kiss the crown goodbye.
301
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:49,232
Now, if I told you once, I've told you
a thousand times, poise counts!
302
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:51,501
It's just as important
as the others.
303
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:56,478
Swimsuit, eveningwear,
talent, poise!
304
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,851
- Hey. How was the show?
- Good. How was roulette?
305
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:05,752
I won 50 bucks. This is great.
Too bad Elaine's not here.
306
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,950
Yeah. All she had to do
was buy Mr. Pitt a pair of socks.
307
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,357
- It's good, but...
- But what?
308
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:16,365
- Ultimately, I don't think they'll stay up.
- No. No, they'll stay up.
309
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,400
For a while, yes,
but not in the long run.
310
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,663
But that's why I got you
the tighter ones.
311
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:23,433
Forget about those!
312
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,610
- Why do you keep mentioning those?
- What do you want?
313
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:29,145
I want a decent sock
that's comfortable...
314
00:17:29,314 --> 00:17:30,941
...that will stay on my foot!
315
00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:49,424
- What the hell is that?
- I don't know. It sounds like pigeons.
316
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:52,535
- Well, I can't sleep with that noise.
- Me either.
317
00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:55,502
Is there anything you can do
to shut them up?
318
00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:57,665
Wait a second.
319
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:00,771
This will scare them off.
320
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:13,890
- Well, good night, OIlie.
- Good night, Stan.
321
00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:22,733
- What is it?
- My doves. They're dead.
322
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:25,062
I trained those birds for eight years.
323
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:27,262
How am I supposed to do
my magic act now?
324
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,430
- How did this happen?
- They like it outside...
325
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:31,599
...so I kept them in a cage
on the terrace...
326
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,803
...then I found them dead
in a pool of water.
327
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,847
- But how did this happen?
- It must have been an accident.
328
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:44,045
Accident?
329
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,656
This was no accident.
330
00:18:48,393 --> 00:18:50,953
These doves were murdered.
331
00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:59,731
Well, that's it.
She's out of the pageant.
332
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:03,740
- What? Why? What happened?
- Her birds are dead.
333
00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:06,043
- Birds?
- Yeah, birds.
334
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,543
She's got these trained doves.
She does a magic act.
335
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:11,342
That was her talent for the pageant.
336
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:15,214
You know what I think, Jerry? I think
somebody murdered those doves.
337
00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:17,880
Somebody wanted her
out of that contest bad.
338
00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:20,456
Somebody who was
just eaten up with jealousy.
339
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:24,756
Somebody who couldn't stand to have
the spotlight taken off of them.
340
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,494
What are you looking at?
341
00:19:32,204 --> 00:19:33,762
Oh, that. We...
342
00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:36,203
We had to leave that outside
last night...
343
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:39,936
...because the water
was making the room too cold.
344
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:43,276
That's...
345
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,113
- You killed them.
- No. You don't understand.
346
00:19:46,285 --> 00:19:48,219
It's not what you think.
It was an accident.
347
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:51,584
Don't think that you've won, because
you haven't. This kid is a fighter.
348
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:54,988
And if you think I'm gonna let a couple
of dead birds get in our way...
349
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,957
...you're crazy!
- Kramer, you gotta...
350
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,691
What was that all about?
351
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:07,100
Oh, it was just Kramer. Apparently
I killed Miss Rhode Island's doves...
352
00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:09,035
...with the bucket of water
last night.
353
00:20:16,648 --> 00:20:18,912
Ladies and gentlemen,
that was Miss Texas.
354
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:20,942
Wasrt she wonderful?
355
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:24,714
And now, continuing with
the talent portion of the competition...
356
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,051
- Okay, this is it.
- How you feeling?
357
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,059
- I'm a little nervous.
- There's nothing to be nervous about.
358
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,891
But I've never sung
before in my life.
359
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:36,729
And now, let's welcome
Karen Ann Hanson...
360
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,200
...Miss Rhode Island.
361
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:09,931
I heard those doves
were really incredible.
362
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,161
That's a shame.
363
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:20,872
It's like watching
an animal get tortured.
364
00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:26,084
- Hey, hey. Yankee game.
- Oh, great. All right.
365
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:27,809
And the Yankees take the field.
366
00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:31,251
What is with the Yankees? They look
like they're having trouble running.
367
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:34,449
- They can't move.
- It's their uniforms. They're too tight.
368
00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:37,595
They've shrunk. They're running
like penguins. Forget this game.
369
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:41,199
Oh, my God,
Mattingly just split his pants.
370
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,496
That's a shame.
371
00:21:51,510 --> 00:21:53,978
Poise. Poise.
372
00:22:04,856 --> 00:22:08,257
The Miss America pageant
seems like a really tough contest.
373
00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:11,760
You come out there in the
bathing suit and the dress shoes.
374
00:22:11,930 --> 00:22:14,228
They got that
sanitized-for-your-protection...
375
00:22:14,399 --> 00:22:17,368
...toilet-seat thing hanging off them,
you know?
376
00:22:17,536 --> 00:22:20,334
Plus, they gotta wear
all the other outfits. I don't know why.
377
00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:22,939
The bathing suit is the contest.
378
00:22:23,108 --> 00:22:25,042
You win the bathing suit, you win.
379
00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:28,407
Everybody looks good in formalwear.
It's dark, it covers everything.
380
00:22:28,580 --> 00:22:30,571
That's why we have weddings in it.
381
00:22:30,749 --> 00:22:32,649
If we had weddings
in bathing suits...
382
00:22:32,818 --> 00:22:34,786
...a lot of ceremonies
wouldn't get past:
383
00:22:34,953 --> 00:22:36,250
"If anyone sees any reason...
384
00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:39,413
...why these two people
should not be joined together..."
385
00:22:39,591 --> 00:22:42,025
About 80 hands go up.
386
00:22:43,025 --> 00:22:53,025
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