Original subtitles

Professional tennis. I don't understand all the shushing.

Why're they always shushing? "Shh! Shh!"

Don't the players know that we're there?

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Should we duck down behind the seat

so they don't see us watching them?

To me tennis is basically just Ping-Pong,

and the players are standin' on the table.

That's all it is.

And that goofy scoring.

You win one point, all of a sudden you're up by 15.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Two points, 30-love.

Thirty-love.

Thirty-love.

Sounds like an English call girl.

[ENGLISH ACCENT] "That'll be 30, love.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

"And could you be a little quieter next time, please?

Shh!"

JERRY: Are these seats unbelievable, or what?

GEORGE: Yeah.

Hey, where's the sunblock?

Here.

Twenty-five? You don't have anything higher?

What, are you on Mercury?

I need higher.

This has PABA in it. I need PABA-free.

You got a problem with PABA?

Yes, I have a problem with PABA.

You don't even know what PABA is.

I know enough to stay away from it.

I know enough to stay away from it.

ANNOUNCER: Thirty-love.

Going to Todd's party this weekend?

I'll go if somebody else drives. You?

Gwen really wants to go.

You're bringin' a date to a party?

No good?

A party's a bad date situation.

It doesn't matter who you're with.

You could be with J. Edgar Hoover.

You don't wanna sit with him all night.

You wanna circulate! [SNAPPING]

Ah-ah-oh!

Why'd you pick Hoover?

Was he that interesting to talk to?

Well, I would think,

with the law enforcement and the cross-dressing,

seems like an interesting guy.

seems like an interesting guy.

Yeah, I guess.

What can I do? I gotta take her with me.

Todd introduced us. I'm obligated.

That woman is absolutely stunning.

Who, the Croat?

No, not the Croat. The lineswoman.

That is the most beautiful lineswoman I've ever seen.

Yeah, she's a BL.

BL?

LINESMAN: Out!

Beautiful lineswoman.

All right, listen. I'm gonna go to the concession stand

and get some real sunblock.

You want anything?

Jerry?

Jerry?

Jerry?

You know, I just heard the Lexington line is out.

Oh!

You are kidding me.

How am I supposed to get to this meeting?

Take a car service. We have an account.

No, forget it. I hate those.

Every time I've taken one,

the driver will not stop talking to me.

No matter how disinterested I seem,

he just keeps yakkin' away.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."

Why does everything always have a social component?

You know, see, the stagecoach.

That would've been a good situation for me

'cause I'm in the coach

and the driver's way up there on the stage.

Well, you're not gonna get a cab now.

Four-thirty on a Friday afternoon?

Bring a magazine, keep your head down.

Yeah, I guess that could work.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

[PEOPLE CHATTING]

ANNOUNCER: And that is it. Match to Miss Natalia Baudone.

ANNOUNCER: And that is it. Match to Miss Natalia Baudone.

[EXCITING THEME PLAYING]

ANNOUNCER 2: Coming up next, men's singles.

But for now, let's stop a minute and take a look

at our beautiful tennis-center backdrop.

A beautiful but very hot day Hey!

here in Flushing Meadows. There's George!

Holy cow, it's a scorcher.

Boy, I bet you that guy could cover a lot of court.

Hey, buddy, they got a new invention.

It's called a napkin. [ANNOUNCER 2 LAUGHS]

We'll take a station break and continue with more action.

Hee, hee, hee, hee!

Dag Hammarskjold Plaza, huh?

Dag Hammarskjold Plaza, huh?

Pendant, uh, Publishing.

That's books, right?

Miss?

Pardon me?

Books, that's what you do?

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't read much, myself.

Well, you know, besides the paper.

Yeah, a lot of people read to relax.

Not me.

You know what I do?

You know, I'm-- I'm havin' a lot of trouble, um,

hearing you back here, so...

[LOUDLY] I said, "You know what I do when I wanna relax?"

[LOUDLY] I said, "You know what I do when I wanna relax?"

The jumble.

Hey, do you make a book of jumbles?

I'm gonna have to be honest with you.

I'm going deaf.

Going deaf?

What?

Oh, I... I-I'm sorry.

It can be very frustrating.

Hey, what about a hearing aid?

Am I fearing AIDS?

Oh, yeah, sure! Who isn't?

But, you know, you gotta live your life.

But, you know, you gotta live your life.

Eh, no. No, no, no.

I-- I said that...

Eh, uh...

[LOUDLY] Forget it.

I can't take my eyes off this lineswoman.

The woman is absolutely mesmerizing.

Boy, you are really smitten.

I-- I gotta talk to her.

What do you think?

Cold? How you gonna do that?

You're not one of those guys.

I'm gonna psych myself into it

like those people that just walk across the hot coals.

like those people that just walk across the hot coals.

But they're not mocked and humiliated

when they get to the other side.

I have to, I won't be able to live with myself.

Wait a minute, Jerry. There's a bigger issue here.

If you go through that wall and become one of those guys,

I'll be left here on this side.

Take me with you.

I can't.

What're you gonna say?

I don't know. "Hi"?

[LAUGHING] You think you're going to the other side with "hi"?

[LAUGHS, SNORTS]

You're not gonna make it.

You're not gonna make it.

DISPATCH: Base to 92. Come in.

Yeah, this is 92.

Yeah, after this, go back to the city for a 6:00 pickup.

Rightio.

749 Bleeker. The party's Hanks, Tom Hanks.

Tom Hanks!

After me you're pickin' up Tom Hanks?

I love him!

So I guess your hearing goes in and out, huh?

Yeah, it-- Yes, it d--

Yeah. Yeah, you know what I think?

I think you made that whole thing up.

I think you made that whole thing up.

No, no. No, no, I--

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know your type.

You're too good to make conversation

with someone like me.

Oh, God forbid, you could discuss the jumbles!

But to go so far as to pretend you're almost deaf?

I mean, that is truly disgusting, miss.

And Mr. Tom Hanks...

may I say, he too would be disgusted by your behavior.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Oh, that's nice.

That's right, ignore me.

That's real polite.

Yeah, nobody's even talkin' to you.

Oh, you're a big lineswoman.

Oh, like that's some kind of a cool job.

I know your type. Think you're too good for everyone.

But, you know, it's women like you--

Oh, well!

What, are you deaf?

Bingo!

And you're saying she's deaf?

I'm not sayin' she's deaf. She's deaf.

Can't hear a thing. Can't hear a thing.

Can't hear a thing. Can't hear a thing.

And you're gonna go out with her.

Yeah. Isn't that something?

Hey.

Hey. Hi.

Yeah, you know, I know how to sign. Really?

Yeah, when I was 8,

I had a deaf cousin who lived with us for a year.

'Course, you know, I haven't been able to do it in a while.

What is this about?

I met this deaf lineswoman at the tennis match.

You are kidding.

That is amazing!

I just took a car service from work.

And to get the driver not to talk to me,

I pretended I was goin' deaf.

Wow, good plan.

Ah, it didn't work.

Ah, it didn't work.

He caught me hearing.

Oh.

All right, it's terrible,

but I'm not a terrible person.

No. No. No!

When I shoo squirrels away, I always say, "Get out of here."

I never, ever throw things at 'em,

and try to injure 'em like other people.

That's nice. Yeah!

And when I see freaks in the street,

I never, ever stare at 'em.

And yet I'm careful not to look away.

See? 'Cause I wanna make the freaks feel comfortable.

That's nice for the freaks.

Yeah. And I don't poof up my hair

when I go to the movies so people behind me can see.

when I go to the movies so people behind me can see.

Oh, God, I gotta make it up to this guy.

I'm not gonna be able to live with myself.

What can I do?

Why don't you get him some tickets?

How 'bout your friend that works at that ticket agency.

Yeah, Pete. He can get you great tickets to something.

Really? Like a rock concert.

Whatever you like. Oh, great. Thanks, Kramer.

Yeah. Yeah. You got it.

Hey, Jerry, do me a favor.

The next time you see that lineswoman,

ask her how those ball boys get those jobs.

I would love to be able to do that.

Kramer, I think perhaps you've overlooked

one of the key aspects of this activity.

It's "ball boys,"

It's "ball boys,"

not "ball men."

There are no ball men.

Yeah, I think he's right. I've never seen a ball man.

Well, there ought to be ball men.

All right, I'll talk to her.

You wanna be a ball man?

Go ahead, break the ball barrier.

Yeah. Hey!

Mmm. Hey, you know what?

A friend of mine from work said that she saw George

at the tennis match on TV yesterday.

Yeah! Yeah, me too!

He was at the snack bar eating a hot-fudge sundae.

He had it all over his face!

He's wearin' that chocolate on his face like a beard.

He's wearin' that chocolate on his face like a beard.

And they got in there really nice and tight,

and he's, "Mmm. Mmmm!"

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I'm sorry, George.

But...

I-I don't understand.

Things were going so great.

Wha...?

What happened? Something must've happened.

It's not you. It's me.

You're giving me

the "it's not you, it's me" routine?

I invented "it's not you, it's me."

Nobody tells me it's them, not me.

Nobody tells me it's them, not me.

If it's anybody, it's me.

All right.

George, it's you.

You're damn right it's me!

Look, I was just trying to--

I know what you were trying to do.

Nobody does it better than me.

I'm sure you do it very well.

[CHUCKLES] Yes, well, unfortunately,

you'll never get the chance to find out.

JERRY: But I thought things were going great.

Yeah, so did I.

Did she say why?

No.

She tried to give me

the "it's not you, it's me" routine.

the "it's not you, it's me" routine.

But that's your routine.

Yeah!

Well...apparently word's out.

Hey.

Hey! Georgie. I saw you on TV yesterday.

Really? At the tennis match?

You were at the snack bar, eatin' a hot-fudge sundae.

Ha, ha! Get outta here!

I didn't see any cameras there.

Oh, the camera was, whoom, there.

And the announcers, they made a couple of cracks about ya.

Cracks?

What were they saying?

That you had ice cream all over your face.

They were talking about how funny you looked.

Oh, my God.

Maybe Gwen saw it. Maybe that's what did it.

Well, I tell ya, it wasn't a pretty sight.

She must've seen me eating it on TV!

So she sees you with hot fudge on your face, and she ends it?

Do you really think she's that superficial?

Why not? I would be.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, hi, Dad.

You saw him?

Really? With the ice cream?

All right, I'll talk to you later.

GEORGE: What--? Bye.

What, your parents saw me on TV? Yeah.

This is a nightmare! Kramer, how long was I on?

It felt like... eight seconds.

One 1000, two 1000,

three 1000--

I heard you really inhaled that thing.

Did anyone tape it?

Can we move on?

What?

He thinks Gwen broke up with him

because she saw him eatin' the ice cream on TV.

Ohhh, come on.

If she's that superficial, you don't want her.

If she's that superficial, you don't want her.

Yes, I do.

So I guess you're not going to Todd's party on Friday.

Well, I can't now. Gwen's gonna be there!

Well, she should be the one that shouldn't go.

Well, if a couple breaks up

and they had plans to go to a neutral place,

who withdraws? What's the etiquette?

Excellent question.

I mean, I think she should withdraw.

She's the breaker, he's the breakee.

He needs to get on with his life.

I beg to differ. Really?

He's the loser.

Ahhh.

Ahhh.

She's the victor. Ah-ha.

To the victor belong the spoils. Mmm.

Well, I don't care. I don't wanna go anyway.

I don't wanna fight that traffic on Friday night.

Well, we can take the car service from my office.

Really? Yeah. They don't know.

All right, I'll see ya later. Okay.

Hey, Georgie. Yeah.

[MOCKINGLY] "To the victor go the spoils."

What're you gonna do tonight?

I got a date with Laura the lineswoman.

I got a date with Laura the lineswoman.

Oh.

Why?

[MUMBLES]

What're you doin'?

Oh, I was just gonna wander the streets.

I don't wanna...

tag along with you or anything.

Oh. Um...

You wanted to come with us?

Psh. Jerry, please.

It's very nice, but, uh...

where would we be going?

So I've got ice cream all over my face.

So I've got ice cream all over my face.

There were no napkins there.

Whoever is responsible for stocking that concession stand

cost me a relationship.

They never have napkins there.

Let's get the check.

Is this, uh, considered signing?

Do you do this when you ask for the check? Really?

I know a sign! That's my first sign!

Uh-oh.

That couple is breaking up.

They're breaking up?

How do you know?

She reads lips.

What are they saying now?

"It's not you,

it's me."

Oh, my God.

I-- I just had a great idea.

She could come to the party tomorrow

and read Gwen's lips for me.

What?

We bring her to the party,

and she tells me what Gwen is saying about me.

She's not a novelty act, George,

where you hire her out for weddings and bar mitzvahs.

Look, it's a skill, just like juggling.

She probably enjoys showing it off.

I don't know, George.

I'm not sure about this.

Would you ask her? Just ask her.

Would you ask her? Just ask her.

If she says no, case closed.

All right.

Uh, Laura...

George was wondering--

Sure. I'll do it.

JERRY: So I really had a good time.

Yeah, me too.

So you wanna go to the party on Friday night?

Yeah.

All right. We're taking a car service.

Okay. So we'll swing by and pick you up.

How about 6?

Six is good.

You got a problem with 6?

What? [DOOR SLAMS]

What?!

Okay, listen up, people.

There are plenty of you here,

but we've only got two spots to fill.

So good luck.

Hey, pops...

isn't there a better way to spend your twilight years?

Well, I may be old...

but I'm spry.

[CHUCKLES]

The tryout lasts three and a half to four hours.

Are you up for it?

Oh, I'll be up for it, punk.

Yee-ee!

See, I was sayin' "six,"

but she thought I was sayin' "sex."

We straightened the whole thing out, though.

She confused "six" with "sex"? Yeah.

Well, if she can't tell "six" from "sex,"

how's she gonna lip read from across the room?

Well, "six" and "sex" are close.

It's two completely different sounds.

"Ih" and "eh."

"Ih" and "eh."

Ah.

It seems like a problem.

Well, I'm not dating any other deaf women.

Hey. Hey.

Guess who's gonna be the new ball man for the finals?

You're kidding! Ah! Yeah.

Yeah, they said they never saw

anybody go after balls with such gusto.

Ooh, when is that car service coming?

In five minutes. Gonna pick us up.

Then we pick up Elaine. Laura's gonna meet us there.

If this lip-reading thing works tonight,

do you know how incredible this is gonna be?

It's like having Superman for your friend.

I know. It's like x-ray vision.

If we could just harness this power

If we could just harness this power

and use it for our own personal gain,

there'd be no stopping us.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

I hear you got some lip reader working for you.

Let me use her for one day! Just one day!

Can't do it, Newman! B-but, Jerry, we got--

We got this new supervisor down at the post office.

He's workin' behind this glass.

I know they're talkin' about me.

They're gonna transfer me. I know it!

Two hours. Gimme two hours.

It's not gonna happen!

[HUFFING]

[SNARLS] All right.

All right.

All right, you go ahead!

You go ahead, you keep it secret.

But you remember this:

When you control the mail, you control...

When you control the mail, you control...

information.

Ha!

Uh, just pull over right by that stop sign.

[LOUDLY] Pardon me, sir?

I said, pull over by the stop sign.

Oh, sorry. You'll have to forgive me.

I can't hear a damn thing.

Went to a rock concert last night at the Garden.

My seats were right up against the speaker.

It's a heavy metal group...

Metalli-something.

Ca.

Huh? What?

Ca. Ah.

My ears are still ringin'.

My ears are still ringin'.

Some woman's idea of a joke.

Ha, ha.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey. Hi.

Get out. Get out! GEORGE: We'll never get there.

Go on! KRAMER: Okay.

Hey! Huh?

Shut the door.

Yeah, sure.

[TIRES SCREECH]

You know, the whole idea of the car service

was so I wouldn't have to fight the traffic on Friday night.

I know, I'm late.

But hey, now I know two signs:

"check" and "late."

Hey, this is my friend you helped become the first ball man.

Ah. Congratulations.

Uh, ah. Ah.

Hm?

She doesn't know what she's talking about.

Guys! You made it.

Hey.

Hey, buddy. Hey, Todd.

Sorry to hear about Gwen.

What? Why, did she say something to you

What? Why, did she say something to you

about why she broke up with me?

Oh, uh, no.

Tonight will be the first chance

I've had to talk to her.

Really. Heh.

Look, George...

I'm friends with both of you,

but I can't betray her confidence

by telling you anything.

I wouldn't hear of it, Todd.

It's none of my business.

But you should try and find out everything you possibly can.

In fact, I'll even stay

all the way over on the other side of the room

just so there's no chance of me overhearing anything.

You are so centered.

Hey...

I've grown up.

Oh, my God. There she is. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Go. Heh.

[WHISPERING] Let's go, let's go!

What? Huh? Let's go!

Wh-what're they saying?

"Hi, Gwen." "Hi, Tide." High tide?

"Hi, Todd."

KRAMER: "You got something between your teeth."

Where? No, that's what he said.

"That's interesting.

"That's interesting.

"I love carrots, but I hate carrot soup.

And I hate peas, but I love pea soup."

So do I, huh?

This is so wild.

Can I borrow her for a few hours tomorrow afternoon?

No. If I lend her to you, I have to lend her to everybody.

I don't envy you, Todd.

This place is gonna be a mess.

Well, maybe you can stick around after everybody leaves,

and we can sweep together.

"Why don't you stick around,

and we can sleep together?"

What?!

"You want me to sleep with you?"

I don't wanna sweep alone.

He says, "I don't wanna sleep alone."

And she says...

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

"Love to."

All right, that's it!

So you get rid of me,

and now the two of you are gonna sleep together?!

What? You're crazy!

KRAMER: "What? You're crazy!"

I heard your whole conversation.

How?

"How?"

I can read lips!

You said, "Let's sleep together."

No, I didn't. I said "sweep." Let's sweep together.

GWEN & KRAMER: You know like with a broom. Cleaning up!

Sweep?

GWEN & KRAMER: Yes. Sweep.

Cut it.

George says, "Cut it." Cut it!

KRAMER: George is saying-- Cut it.

KRAMER: George is saying-- Cut it.

Would you stop signing?!

What?!

They said "sweep together," you idiots,

not "sleep together"!

Look, I know how to sign.

Ah! My eye! My eye!

This is really amazing,

getting to see Monica Seles play in the finals.

I know, and in the first tournament of her comeback.

Thus ends the great ball-man experiment.

You with the tennis center?

Yeah.

Hey, how about that ball man injuring Monica Seles?

[CHUCKLES] Wasn't that something?

[CHUCKLES] Wasn't that something?

I'm deaf.

Oh.

I've always been a big fan of the little check move.

You know...

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

[WHISPERING] Can I get the check?

Check.

Unless the waiter's not too sharp,

they gotta total it up.

[MOUTHS] The check, I want the check.

Sometimes they come over,

"Do you want the check?" "No, I wanna be pen pals.

"Can't you see what I'm doing here?

I'm trying to be cool and impress people."

[♪]