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1
00:00:00,707 --> 00:00:04,674
To me, government is basically
parents for adults.
2
00:00:05,968 --> 00:00:06,649
Especially the IRS.
3
00:00:06,682 --> 00:00:08,815
The IRS is like
Ward and June Cleaver,
4
00:00:09,703 --> 00:00:12,669
and we're all
Wally and the Beaver.
5
00:00:12,703 --> 00:00:14,669
And your accountant
is Eddie Haskell
6
00:00:14,703 --> 00:00:16,169
showing you all these
neat tricks
7
00:00:16,203 --> 00:00:17,769
to get away with stuff.
8
00:00:17,803 --> 00:00:19,769
Which is fine
unless you get audited.
9
00:00:19,803 --> 00:00:21,569
Then you don't want
some wise guy in a suit,
10
00:00:21,603 --> 00:00:22,769
just standing there going:
11
00:00:22,803 --> 00:00:26,169
"You have a very lovely office
here, sir."
12
00:00:26,203 --> 00:00:28,169
Because jail
is the government's way
13
00:00:28,203 --> 00:00:29,769
of sending you to your room.
14
00:00:29,803 --> 00:00:30,000
And when you meet Whitey
and Lumpy in the joint,
15
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,669
And when you meet Whitey
and Lumpy in the joint,
16
00:00:33,703 --> 00:00:37,203
there's really going to be
something wrong with the Beaver.
17
00:00:39,703 --> 00:00:41,569
[♪]
18
00:00:42,926 --> 00:00:44,592
So, does he like you?
What do you think?
19
00:00:44,626 --> 00:00:46,292
Do you like him?
Yeah, yeah, I like him.
20
00:00:46,326 --> 00:00:48,392
Definitely like him.
I like him a lot.
21
00:00:48,426 --> 00:00:49,559
So, what's wrong
with him?
22
00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:50,759
Nothing, and I've looked.
23
00:00:50,792 --> 00:00:53,592
Well, I'm sure
you'll find something.
24
00:00:53,626 --> 00:00:55,559
So, how'd you meet him?
In the office.
25
00:00:55,592 --> 00:00:57,559
So, he's a writer?
Yeah.
26
00:00:57,592 --> 00:00:58,792
Yeah, big surprise.
27
00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,626
So, I was sitting
on the reception desk,
28
00:01:00,659 --> 00:01:02,792
I was looking pretty hot,
29
00:01:02,826 --> 00:01:04,626
I was wearing
my sling-back pumps.
30
00:01:04,659 --> 00:01:05,826
What are those?
31
00:01:05,859 --> 00:01:07,059
Ask your mother.
32
00:01:07,092 --> 00:01:08,163
You live with her now,
don't you?
33
00:01:08,163 --> 00:01:08,759
You live with her now,
don't you?
34
00:01:08,792 --> 00:01:12,592
Anyway, so then this guy
comes up to me,
35
00:01:12,626 --> 00:01:14,259
and he starts feeling
my jacket,
36
00:01:14,292 --> 00:01:16,792
between his thumb
and his forefinger, like this.
37
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,126
So what'd you do?
38
00:01:18,159 --> 00:01:19,559
I said,
"so, what do you think?"
39
00:01:19,592 --> 00:01:20,992
and he said, "Gabardine?"
40
00:01:21,026 --> 00:01:24,126
and I said, "yeah."
That was it.
41
00:01:25,092 --> 00:01:27,292
Wow. Just felt
your material?
42
00:01:27,326 --> 00:01:28,792
Yeah. Jake Jarmel.
43
00:01:28,826 --> 00:01:30,759
Wow. Sounds like
a cool guy.
44
00:01:30,792 --> 00:01:31,826
Sounds like a jerk.
45
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,759
"Felt your material,"
come on.
46
00:01:34,792 --> 00:01:36,326
Jerry, where'd you get
that sweater?
47
00:01:36,359 --> 00:01:38,163
Yeah, what do you think? I found
it in the back of my closet.
48
00:01:38,163 --> 00:01:38,792
Yeah, what do you think? I found
it in the back of my closet.
49
00:01:38,826 --> 00:01:41,992
I think that's what
the back of closets are for.
50
00:01:42,026 --> 00:01:43,459
Hey, that's Barry.
51
00:01:43,492 --> 00:01:45,159
Look it. Barry.
52
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:46,559
Hey. Hi.
53
00:01:46,592 --> 00:01:47,826
GEORGE:
Who's that?
54
00:01:47,859 --> 00:01:49,726
That's Barry Prophet.
He's our accountant.
55
00:01:49,759 --> 00:01:52,226
I don't know how you can let
this guy handle all your money.
56
00:01:52,259 --> 00:01:54,626
Oh, he doesn't handle my money,
he handles Jerry's money.
57
00:01:54,659 --> 00:01:55,626
He just does my taxes.
58
00:01:55,659 --> 00:01:57,126
Hey, Barry.
How you doing?
59
00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:58,626
This is my friend George.
60
00:01:58,659 --> 00:02:00,659
Hi, what are you doing
in this neighborhood?
61
00:02:00,692 --> 00:02:01,892
Nothing, really.
62
00:02:01,926 --> 00:02:03,092
[SNIFFING]
63
00:02:03,126 --> 00:02:04,492
You eat here?
64
00:02:04,526 --> 00:02:06,259
Yeah. So, how's my money?
65
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,259
It's still green.
66
00:02:07,292 --> 00:02:08,163
[SNIFFING]
67
00:02:08,163 --> 00:02:08,259
[SNIFFING]
68
00:02:08,292 --> 00:02:09,292
What, you got a cold?
69
00:02:09,326 --> 00:02:10,326
No, no.
70
00:02:10,359 --> 00:02:12,426
Wow. Look at that ring.
71
00:02:12,459 --> 00:02:14,426
Oh, you like that?
72
00:02:15,826 --> 00:02:17,792
Say, uh, where's the bathroom?
73
00:02:17,826 --> 00:02:19,959
Bathroom, uh?
Bathroom's right over there.
74
00:02:19,992 --> 00:02:21,459
Great.
75
00:02:22,826 --> 00:02:24,059
Did you see that?
76
00:02:24,092 --> 00:02:25,326
See what?
77
00:02:25,359 --> 00:02:26,392
Yes, I saw that.
78
00:02:26,426 --> 00:02:27,392
What?
79
00:02:27,426 --> 00:02:29,092
What was all that sniffing?
80
00:02:29,126 --> 00:02:30,259
I don't know.
81
00:02:30,292 --> 00:02:31,326
You don't think--?
82
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:34,092
Oh, no! Come on, Jerry.
83
00:02:34,126 --> 00:02:36,159
He was definitely
sniffing.
84
00:02:36,992 --> 00:02:38,163
I mean, what if--?
85
00:02:38,163 --> 00:02:38,726
I mean, what if--?
86
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,226
This guy's got all my money.
87
00:02:40,259 --> 00:02:42,059
Plus I got some
of Kramer's money with him.
88
00:02:42,092 --> 00:02:43,659
This guy can write checks
to himself,
89
00:02:43,692 --> 00:02:44,659
right out of my account.
90
00:02:44,692 --> 00:02:46,226
I have known this guy
since college,
91
00:02:46,259 --> 00:02:47,226
He doesn't do drugs.
92
00:02:47,259 --> 00:02:48,592
Then what was all that sniffing?
93
00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:50,426
Maybe it's the cold weather.
94
00:02:50,459 --> 00:02:51,426
Today's not cold.
95
00:02:51,459 --> 00:02:52,592
All right.
96
00:02:52,626 --> 00:02:54,792
I gotta get going,
My parents are expecting me.
97
00:02:54,826 --> 00:02:58,692
Don't forget to wash your hands
before supper.
98
00:03:04,192 --> 00:03:05,826
What do you need
all that ketchup for?
99
00:03:07,859 --> 00:03:08,163
This is my ketchup.
100
00:03:08,163 --> 00:03:09,826
This is my ketchup.
101
00:03:09,859 --> 00:03:11,826
I bought this ketchup,
102
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:15,359
just so I could have
as much as I wanted.
103
00:03:17,492 --> 00:03:21,126
So I talked to
Phil Kassikoff today.
104
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,326
Phil Kassikoff?
105
00:03:22,359 --> 00:03:25,126
Yeah. You know,
my friend the bra salesman.
106
00:03:25,159 --> 00:03:27,592
He says they're looking
to maybe put somebody on,
107
00:03:27,626 --> 00:03:30,292
so I got you an interview
next Friday with his boss.
108
00:03:30,326 --> 00:03:31,926
Next Friday? What time?
109
00:03:31,959 --> 00:03:33,126
2:00.
110
00:03:33,159 --> 00:03:34,826
That's my whole afternoon.
111
00:03:34,859 --> 00:03:36,492
I was gonna look for sneakers.
112
00:03:36,526 --> 00:03:38,163
You can look for sneakers
the next day!
113
00:03:38,163 --> 00:03:38,659
You can look for sneakers
the next day!
114
00:03:40,092 --> 00:03:42,859
He doesn't know
anything about bras.
115
00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:46,826
I know a little.
116
00:03:48,592 --> 00:03:50,226
Besides,
what do you have to know?
117
00:03:50,259 --> 00:03:51,659
Well, it wouldn't hurt
to go in
118
00:03:51,692 --> 00:03:53,926
and be able to
discuss it intelligently.
119
00:03:53,959 --> 00:03:56,659
Maybe you should take a look
at a few bras.
120
00:03:56,692 --> 00:03:57,759
Where's your bra?
121
00:03:57,792 --> 00:03:58,926
Give him a bra
to look at.
122
00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:01,292
I'm not giving him a bra,
Why not?
123
00:04:01,326 --> 00:04:04,126
because I don't need him
looking at my bras.
124
00:04:04,159 --> 00:04:05,826
Fine. So he'll go
into the interview--
125
00:04:05,859 --> 00:04:07,659
He wouldn't know
what he's talking about.
126
00:04:07,692 --> 00:04:08,163
Do we have to...?
127
00:04:08,163 --> 00:04:10,059
Do we have to...?
128
00:04:10,092 --> 00:04:12,226
You don't even know
what they're made from.
129
00:04:12,259 --> 00:04:13,892
They're made from Lycra spandex.
130
00:04:13,926 --> 00:04:15,959
Get out of here.
Lycra spandex?
131
00:04:15,992 --> 00:04:17,826
I think they are made
from Lycra spandex.
132
00:04:17,859 --> 00:04:19,559
Do you wanna bet?
How much you wanna bet?
133
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,259
I'm not betting.
Take a look.
134
00:04:21,292 --> 00:04:24,559
All right.
I'll get a bra.
135
00:04:24,592 --> 00:04:26,126
I don't know what
the big problem is,
136
00:04:26,159 --> 00:04:27,492
getting a bra.
137
00:04:27,526 --> 00:04:29,226
She doesn't want to get a bra.
138
00:04:29,259 --> 00:04:31,992
I'm not saying go to the library
and read the whole history,
139
00:04:32,026 --> 00:04:34,259
but it wouldn't kill you
to know a little bit about it.
140
00:04:34,292 --> 00:04:37,026
All right.
It wouldn't kill me.
141
00:04:40,159 --> 00:04:42,759
How long does it take
to find a bra?
142
00:04:42,792 --> 00:04:44,559
What's going on
in there?
143
00:04:44,592 --> 00:04:46,426
You ask me to get
a pair of underwear,
144
00:04:46,459 --> 00:04:48,292
I'm back
in two seconds.
145
00:04:48,326 --> 00:04:52,259
You know about the cup sizes
and all?
146
00:04:54,292 --> 00:04:55,892
They have different cups.
147
00:04:55,926 --> 00:04:58,759
Yeah, I know
about the cups.
148
00:05:01,659 --> 00:05:02,992
You got the "A."
149
00:05:04,259 --> 00:05:05,892
the "B,"
150
00:05:05,926 --> 00:05:07,892
the "C,"
151
00:05:07,926 --> 00:05:08,163
the "D."
152
00:05:08,163 --> 00:05:09,226
the "D."
153
00:05:09,259 --> 00:05:10,459
That's the biggest.
154
00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,659
I know the "D" is the biggest.
155
00:05:13,692 --> 00:05:17,426
I based my whole life on knowing
that the "D" is the biggest.
156
00:05:17,459 --> 00:05:18,992
Here. Here's the bra.
157
00:05:19,026 --> 00:05:19,992
Let me see it.
158
00:05:20,026 --> 00:05:22,759
One hundred percent
Lycra spandex.
159
00:05:22,792 --> 00:05:24,792
Let me see it.
I told you.
160
00:05:24,826 --> 00:05:25,792
Here.
161
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,792
You think you know everything.
162
00:05:28,959 --> 00:05:30,826
Huh. That's surprising.
163
00:05:31,926 --> 00:05:33,659
All right, what else?
164
00:05:33,692 --> 00:05:36,292
You got the cups in the front,
165
00:05:36,326 --> 00:05:37,826
two loops in the back.
166
00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:38,163
All right,
I guess that's about it.
167
00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:40,092
All right,
I guess that's about it.
168
00:05:40,126 --> 00:05:42,792
I got it. Cups in the front,
loops in the back.
169
00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:45,092
You got ketchup on it.
170
00:05:51,526 --> 00:05:53,959
Sniffing?
What do you mean, sniff?
171
00:05:53,992 --> 00:05:55,292
Sniffing
with his nose.
172
00:05:55,326 --> 00:05:57,226
Jerry, he probably had a cold.
173
00:05:57,259 --> 00:05:58,592
No, he didn't.
I asked him.
174
00:05:58,626 --> 00:05:59,626
So what are you saying?
175
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:01,926
I don't know.
You know, what if--?
176
00:06:01,959 --> 00:06:03,459
Drugs?
177
00:06:03,492 --> 00:06:04,726
You think he's on drugs?
178
00:06:04,759 --> 00:06:07,926
I don't know.
All I know is he was sniffing.
179
00:06:07,959 --> 00:06:08,163
Listen, we went in
on a CD together.
180
00:06:08,163 --> 00:06:09,426
Listen, we went in
on a CD together.
181
00:06:09,459 --> 00:06:10,626
I know.
182
00:06:10,659 --> 00:06:11,892
And Newman gave you money too.
183
00:06:11,926 --> 00:06:13,292
See, I didn't even meet
this guy.
184
00:06:13,326 --> 00:06:14,559
You know. We trusted you.
185
00:06:14,592 --> 00:06:16,826
Look, It doesn't necessarily
mean anything yet.
186
00:06:16,859 --> 00:06:18,392
It just means he was sniffing.
187
00:06:18,426 --> 00:06:20,126
Well, what else?
Was he nervous?
188
00:06:20,159 --> 00:06:21,659
Did he use a lot of slang?
189
00:06:21,692 --> 00:06:24,026
Did he use the word "man"?
190
00:06:25,759 --> 00:06:27,459
No, he didn't use "man."
191
00:06:27,492 --> 00:06:31,326
I mean, when he was leaving,
did he say, "I'm splittin'"?
192
00:06:31,359 --> 00:06:33,992
No, but at one point,
he did use the bathroom.
193
00:06:38,026 --> 00:06:38,163
You think that's a bad sign?
194
00:06:38,163 --> 00:06:39,292
You think that's a bad sign?
195
00:06:39,326 --> 00:06:40,659
Yes, yes.
That's what they do.
196
00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,126
They live
in the bathroom.
197
00:06:42,159 --> 00:06:43,492
All right,
what are we gonna do?
198
00:06:43,526 --> 00:06:45,259
We're gonna go get
our money back, right?
199
00:06:45,292 --> 00:06:46,259
I don't know.
200
00:06:46,292 --> 00:06:47,826
This sweater itches me.
You want it?
201
00:06:47,859 --> 00:06:49,192
Yeah.
202
00:06:54,092 --> 00:06:55,192
Hello? Hel--?
203
00:06:57,526 --> 00:06:59,259
Well, you notice anything?
204
00:06:59,292 --> 00:07:02,159
You have cleaned up
the whole apartment
205
00:07:02,192 --> 00:07:03,392
and you're making dinner.
206
00:07:03,426 --> 00:07:05,992
You're perfect!
You're a perfect man!
207
00:07:08,192 --> 00:07:10,192
BOTH:
Ohhhhh.
208
00:07:11,326 --> 00:07:12,426
Did anyone call?
209
00:07:12,459 --> 00:07:14,226
You got a few messages,
I wrote them down.
210
00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:15,392
Where are they?
211
00:07:15,426 --> 00:07:17,426
Let's see. They are--
212
00:07:17,459 --> 00:07:19,092
Here they are.
213
00:07:19,126 --> 00:07:20,759
Thank you.
214
00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:23,292
Oh, yeah. Ha.
I'll call you back.
215
00:07:24,759 --> 00:07:25,726
Forget that.
216
00:07:25,759 --> 00:07:28,292
[GASPS]
Myra had the baby!
217
00:07:28,326 --> 00:07:29,992
Oh, my god!
That's wonderful!
218
00:07:30,026 --> 00:07:31,492
Who called?
She did.
219
00:07:31,526 --> 00:07:34,059
She did?
Oh, that's so great.
220
00:07:34,092 --> 00:07:35,426
Where do you keep the corkscrew?
221
00:07:35,459 --> 00:07:37,092
It's in the drawer,
on the right.
222
00:07:40,092 --> 00:07:41,759
Hmm.
223
00:07:41,792 --> 00:07:43,259
What?
224
00:07:43,292 --> 00:07:44,759
Nah. It's nothing.
225
00:07:44,792 --> 00:07:46,259
No, what is it?
226
00:07:46,292 --> 00:07:47,426
It's nothing.
227
00:07:47,459 --> 00:07:48,492
Tell me.
228
00:07:48,526 --> 00:07:50,759
Well, I was just curious,
229
00:07:50,792 --> 00:07:53,759
why you didn't use
an exclamation point.
230
00:07:56,692 --> 00:07:57,992
What are you talking about?
231
00:07:58,026 --> 00:07:58,992
Well, see right here?
232
00:07:59,026 --> 00:08:00,492
You wrote,
"Myra had the baby,"
233
00:08:00,526 --> 00:08:03,659
but you didn't use
an exclamation point.
234
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,559
So?
235
00:08:05,592 --> 00:08:08,059
It's nothing.
Forget it. Forget it.
236
00:08:08,092 --> 00:08:08,163
I just found it curious.
237
00:08:08,163 --> 00:08:10,559
I just found it curious.
238
00:08:10,592 --> 00:08:12,559
What's so curious
about it?
239
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,326
Well, I mean,
240
00:08:14,359 --> 00:08:17,126
if one of your close friends
had a baby,
241
00:08:17,159 --> 00:08:18,559
and I left you
a message about it,
242
00:08:18,592 --> 00:08:20,459
I would use
an exclamation point.
243
00:08:20,492 --> 00:08:22,592
Well, maybe I don't use
my exclamation points,
244
00:08:22,626 --> 00:08:24,126
as haphazardly as you do.
245
00:08:25,859 --> 00:08:28,659
You don't think that
someone having a baby
246
00:08:28,692 --> 00:08:30,759
warrants an exclamation point?
247
00:08:30,792 --> 00:08:32,659
Hey, look, I just
jotted down the message.
248
00:08:32,692 --> 00:08:34,159
I didn't know
that I was required,
249
00:08:34,192 --> 00:08:36,292
to capture the mood
of each caller.
250
00:08:36,326 --> 00:08:38,163
I just thought that you'd be
a little more excited,
251
00:08:38,163 --> 00:08:38,992
I just thought that you'd be
a little more excited,
252
00:08:39,026 --> 00:08:42,126
about a friend of mine
having a baby.
253
00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:43,459
Okay, I'm excited.
254
00:08:43,492 --> 00:08:45,559
I just don't happen to like
exclamation points.
255
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,626
Well, you know Jake,
you should learn to use 'em.
256
00:08:47,659 --> 00:08:49,126
Like the way I'm talking
right now,
257
00:08:49,159 --> 00:08:50,959
I would put
exclamation points at the ends,
258
00:08:50,992 --> 00:08:52,059
of all these sentences!
259
00:08:52,092 --> 00:08:54,759
On this one!
And on that one!
260
00:08:54,792 --> 00:08:56,959
You can put one
on this one:
261
00:08:56,992 --> 00:08:58,426
I'm leaving!
262
00:09:03,859 --> 00:09:05,792
You're out of your mind,
you know that.
Why?
263
00:09:05,826 --> 00:09:07,592
It's an exclamation point.
264
00:09:07,626 --> 00:09:08,163
It's a line
with a dot under it.
265
00:09:08,163 --> 00:09:09,992
It's a line
with a dot under it.
266
00:09:10,026 --> 00:09:11,726
Well,
I felt it called for one.
267
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:14,326
"Called for one." You know, I
thought I'd heard of everything.
268
00:09:14,359 --> 00:09:16,992
I never heard of a relationship
being affected by punctuation.
269
00:09:17,026 --> 00:09:20,126
I find it very troubling
that he didn't use one.
270
00:09:21,159 --> 00:09:22,126
George is right.
271
00:09:22,159 --> 00:09:23,959
Didn't take you long.
272
00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:29,592
Anything new
with that guy on drugs?
273
00:09:29,626 --> 00:09:31,626
Oh, he's not on drugs.
274
00:09:31,659 --> 00:09:32,759
Then why the sniffing?
275
00:09:32,792 --> 00:09:35,892
Who walks around...sniffing?
276
00:09:35,926 --> 00:09:38,159
All right, here.
You call him right now, okay?
277
00:09:38,192 --> 00:09:39,892
See if he's sniffing
right now.
278
00:09:39,926 --> 00:09:41,526
Good idea.
279
00:09:44,326 --> 00:09:45,626
[RINGING]
280
00:09:45,659 --> 00:09:46,959
Prophet and Goldstein.
281
00:09:46,992 --> 00:09:49,159
Yes, I'd like to speak
with Barry Prophet, please.
282
00:09:49,192 --> 00:09:50,759
I'm sorry,he's out of town this week.
283
00:09:50,792 --> 00:09:51,892
Out of town?
284
00:09:51,926 --> 00:09:53,792
Yes.He went to South America.
285
00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:55,092
South America?
286
00:09:55,126 --> 00:09:56,259
South America?
287
00:09:56,292 --> 00:09:57,892
I'll call back.
Thank you.
288
00:09:57,926 --> 00:09:59,759
He went to South America.
289
00:09:59,792 --> 00:10:01,259
Yeeahh!
290
00:10:02,092 --> 00:10:03,726
So what?
291
00:10:03,759 --> 00:10:06,059
Who goes to South America?
292
00:10:06,092 --> 00:10:07,959
People go to South America.
293
00:10:07,992 --> 00:10:08,163
Yeah, and they come back
with things taped
to their large intestine.
294
00:10:08,163 --> 00:10:11,426
Yeah, and they come back
with things taped
to their large intestine.
295
00:10:11,459 --> 00:10:13,726
So because of a few bad apples,
296
00:10:13,759 --> 00:10:15,992
you're going to impugn
an entire continent?
297
00:10:16,026 --> 00:10:17,892
Yes, I'm impugning
a continent.
298
00:10:17,926 --> 00:10:21,092
Well, I say we go
and get our money right now!
299
00:10:21,126 --> 00:10:22,459
Hey! Hey! Hey!
300
00:10:22,492 --> 00:10:24,326
Hello,
Newman.
301
00:10:24,359 --> 00:10:26,726
Hello, Jerry.
302
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:28,292
So any news?
303
00:10:28,326 --> 00:10:30,626
Yeah, he skipped out
and went to South America.
304
00:10:30,659 --> 00:10:32,059
South America?
305
00:10:32,092 --> 00:10:36,326
What kind of snow-blower
did you get us mixed up with?
306
00:10:36,359 --> 00:10:38,163
Okay gentlemen, the fact remains
you still have no proof.
307
00:10:38,163 --> 00:10:39,626
Okay gentlemen, the fact remains
you still have no proof.
308
00:10:39,659 --> 00:10:42,126
This is all speculation
and hearsay.
309
00:10:42,159 --> 00:10:44,126
Wait, there's one way
to find out.
310
00:10:44,159 --> 00:10:45,559
We set up a sting.
311
00:10:45,592 --> 00:10:47,492
You know, like Abscam.
312
00:10:47,526 --> 00:10:49,326
Like Abscam, Jerry.
313
00:10:49,359 --> 00:10:51,592
Oh, what are you going to do?
314
00:10:51,626 --> 00:10:53,592
You're going to put on
phony beards,
315
00:10:53,626 --> 00:10:55,459
and dress up like Arab sheiks,
316
00:10:55,492 --> 00:10:57,292
and sit around
in some hotel room?
317
00:10:57,326 --> 00:10:58,592
I mean, come on.
318
00:10:58,626 --> 00:10:59,892
Well, wait a second.
319
00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:02,326
Maybe there is a way that
we could tempt him and find out.
320
00:11:02,359 --> 00:11:04,159
I'm sure if we put
our three heads together,
321
00:11:04,192 --> 00:11:07,792
we should come up
with something.
322
00:11:12,192 --> 00:11:14,526
[♪]
323
00:11:16,474 --> 00:11:18,175
What's today?
324
00:11:18,209 --> 00:11:19,176
It's Thursday.
325
00:11:19,209 --> 00:11:20,209
Really?
326
00:11:20,243 --> 00:11:22,409
Feels like Tuesday.
327
00:11:23,543 --> 00:11:25,476
Tuesday has no feeling.
328
00:11:25,509 --> 00:11:27,509
Monday has a feel.
329
00:11:27,543 --> 00:11:29,676
Friday has a feel.
330
00:11:29,709 --> 00:11:31,343
Sunday has a feel.
331
00:11:31,376 --> 00:11:32,676
I feel Tuesday and Wedn--
332
00:11:32,709 --> 00:11:34,376
All right, shut up,
the both of you.
333
00:11:34,409 --> 00:11:36,309
You're making me nervous.
334
00:11:36,343 --> 00:11:39,376
Where is he already?
He should have been
out of work by now.
335
00:11:40,309 --> 00:11:41,087
You know,
this is kinda fun.
336
00:11:41,087 --> 00:11:41,509
You know,
this is kinda fun.
337
00:11:41,543 --> 00:11:44,276
Yeah. Maybe we ought to become
private detectives.
338
00:11:44,309 --> 00:11:45,709
Maybe you should.
339
00:11:45,743 --> 00:11:46,776
Maybe I will.
340
00:11:46,809 --> 00:11:49,176
Yeah, me too.
341
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,176
All right,
what are you gonna say to him?
342
00:11:51,209 --> 00:11:53,843
I'm just gonna find out
if he's interested.
343
00:11:53,876 --> 00:11:55,543
Hey, maybe I should go
in with him.
344
00:11:55,576 --> 00:11:56,843
No, you stay here in the car.
345
00:11:56,876 --> 00:11:57,843
Who made you leader?
346
00:11:57,876 --> 00:11:58,843
All right, Newman.
347
00:11:58,876 --> 00:11:59,843
One more peep out of you,
348
00:11:59,876 --> 00:12:01,643
you're outta
the whole operation.
349
00:12:02,876 --> 00:12:05,709
There he is.
He's going into that bar.
350
00:12:08,176 --> 00:12:10,176
All right,
351
00:12:10,209 --> 00:12:11,087
I'm going in.
352
00:12:11,087 --> 00:12:11,309
I'm going in.
353
00:12:11,343 --> 00:12:12,643
Be careful,
Kramer.
354
00:12:15,843 --> 00:12:17,143
I should have gone
in with him.
355
00:12:17,176 --> 00:12:19,209
No, you stay here, in the car.
I may need you.
356
00:12:19,243 --> 00:12:21,543
What do you need me
in the car for?
357
00:12:21,576 --> 00:12:23,709
I might need you
to get me a soda.
358
00:12:33,476 --> 00:12:35,976
I'll have a brewski,
Charlie.
359
00:12:36,009 --> 00:12:38,009
The name's Mitch.
360
00:12:38,043 --> 00:12:40,876
There's nothing like a cold one
after a long day, huh?
361
00:12:40,909 --> 00:12:41,087
Yeah.
362
00:12:41,087 --> 00:12:42,476
Yeah.
363
00:12:42,509 --> 00:12:45,709
Oh, yeah. I've been known
to drink a beer or two.
364
00:12:45,743 --> 00:12:48,143
But then again, I've been known
to do a lot of things.
365
00:13:01,176 --> 00:13:02,543
Cigarette?
366
00:13:02,576 --> 00:13:03,843
No, no.
I never touch 'em.
367
00:13:03,876 --> 00:13:08,776
Well, I suck 'em down
like Coca-Cola.
368
00:13:08,809 --> 00:13:10,676
[SNIFFING]
369
00:13:10,709 --> 00:13:11,087
Well,
370
00:13:11,087 --> 00:13:11,876
Well,
371
00:13:11,909 --> 00:13:14,843
here's to feeling good
all the time.
372
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:32,443
[SNIFFING]
373
00:13:32,476 --> 00:13:34,509
Looks like you got
yourself a little cold there,
374
00:13:34,543 --> 00:13:35,509
huh, fella?
375
00:13:35,543 --> 00:13:37,176
I don't think so.
376
00:13:37,209 --> 00:13:38,209
Me neither.
377
00:13:46,843 --> 00:13:49,376
You should try this new dental
floss, Glide. It's fantastic.
378
00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:50,376
I use Dentotape.
379
00:13:50,409 --> 00:13:51,509
You should try this.
380
00:13:51,543 --> 00:13:53,376
I don't want to.
381
00:13:53,409 --> 00:13:54,709
Not even once?
382
00:13:54,743 --> 00:13:56,176
No.
383
00:13:56,209 --> 00:13:58,443
You know,
you're an idiot.
384
00:13:58,476 --> 00:14:00,143
Why, 'cause
I use Dentotape?
385
00:14:00,176 --> 00:14:04,043
Right. Anyone who uses
Dentotape is an idiot.
386
00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:05,343
South America?
387
00:14:05,376 --> 00:14:06,376
Yeah, yeah.
388
00:14:06,409 --> 00:14:07,809
That's a burgeoning
continent.
389
00:14:07,843 --> 00:14:10,376
Well, they are expanding
their economic base.
390
00:14:10,409 --> 00:14:11,087
Tell me about it.
391
00:14:11,087 --> 00:14:12,176
Tell me about it.
392
00:14:12,209 --> 00:14:14,509
Excuse me,
I gotta go to the bathroom.
393
00:14:14,543 --> 00:14:15,843
I'm hip.
394
00:14:17,876 --> 00:14:19,343
Hip to what?
395
00:14:19,376 --> 00:14:20,809
To the whole scene.
396
00:14:20,843 --> 00:14:21,976
[SNIFFS]
397
00:14:22,009 --> 00:14:23,643
What scene?
398
00:14:23,676 --> 00:14:25,143
The bathroom scene.
399
00:14:27,009 --> 00:14:28,876
Listen, don't take
this personally,
400
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:31,376
but when I come back,
I'm sitting over there.
401
00:14:31,409 --> 00:14:32,909
Whatever turns you on.
402
00:14:38,076 --> 00:14:40,343
No, no, no.
I don't like it.
403
00:14:40,376 --> 00:14:41,087
What do you mean
you don't like it?
404
00:14:41,087 --> 00:14:41,843
What do you mean
you don't like it?
405
00:14:41,876 --> 00:14:42,943
How could you
not like it?
406
00:14:42,976 --> 00:14:45,043
I like the thick tape.
407
00:15:07,876 --> 00:15:08,943
BARRY:
Hey!
408
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:11,087
What kind of nut
are you?
409
00:15:11,087 --> 00:15:11,209
What kind of nut
are you?
410
00:15:14,243 --> 00:15:17,943
So basically, George,
the job here is quite simple:
411
00:15:17,976 --> 00:15:20,376
selling bras.
412
00:15:20,409 --> 00:15:23,376
Well, that interests me very
much, very much indeed, sir.
413
00:15:23,409 --> 00:15:25,543
Have you ever sold
a woman's line before?
414
00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:27,076
No. But, um...
415
00:15:28,143 --> 00:15:30,376
I have a very good
rapport with women.
416
00:15:30,409 --> 00:15:32,143
Very good. Comfortable.
417
00:15:32,176 --> 00:15:36,143
And from the first time
I laid eyes on a brassiere...
418
00:15:37,009 --> 00:15:38,609
I was enthralled.
419
00:15:38,643 --> 00:15:40,509
Hmm.
420
00:15:40,543 --> 00:15:41,087
Tell me about it.
421
00:15:41,087 --> 00:15:42,509
Tell me about it.
422
00:15:42,543 --> 00:15:44,843
Well, I was 14 years old.
423
00:15:44,876 --> 00:15:47,876
I was in my friend's bathroom.
424
00:15:47,909 --> 00:15:51,343
His mother's brassiere
was hanging over the shower rod.
425
00:15:51,376 --> 00:15:53,343
I picked it up,
426
00:15:53,376 --> 00:15:55,809
I studied it,
427
00:15:55,843 --> 00:15:59,276
I thought, "I like this."
428
00:15:59,309 --> 00:16:01,276
I didn't know in what way
or what level,
429
00:16:01,309 --> 00:16:05,709
but I knew I wanted
to be around brassieres.
430
00:16:05,743 --> 00:16:08,109
That's an incredible story.
431
00:16:08,143 --> 00:16:11,087
You have a remarkable passion
for brassieres.
432
00:16:11,087 --> 00:16:12,976
You have a remarkable passion
for brassieres.
433
00:16:13,009 --> 00:16:15,876
They're more than just underwear
to me, Mr. Farkus.
434
00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:17,876
Two cups in the front,
435
00:16:17,909 --> 00:16:19,876
two loops in the back.
436
00:16:19,909 --> 00:16:22,209
How do they do it?
437
00:16:22,243 --> 00:16:24,676
Well, I think I can say,
438
00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:26,609
barring
some unforeseen incident,
439
00:16:26,643 --> 00:16:28,843
that you will have
a very bright future,
440
00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:30,343
here at E.D. Granmont.
441
00:16:30,376 --> 00:16:33,709
Thank you, Mr. Farkus.
Thank you very much indeed.
442
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,309
See you Monday, 9:00.
443
00:16:35,343 --> 00:16:37,209
If you don't mind, sir,
444
00:16:37,243 --> 00:16:39,509
I'll be here at 8.
445
00:16:39,543 --> 00:16:41,087
Excellent.
446
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:41,376
Excellent.
447
00:16:41,409 --> 00:16:43,243
So long, Mr. Farkus.
448
00:16:54,376 --> 00:16:56,143
What do you think
you're you doing?
449
00:16:56,176 --> 00:16:57,509
Nothing. Why?
450
00:16:57,543 --> 00:16:59,176
Farkus,
get out here.
451
00:16:59,209 --> 00:17:01,643
Uh, yes,
Ms. De Granmont?
452
00:17:01,676 --> 00:17:03,176
Farkus,
453
00:17:03,209 --> 00:17:04,809
who's this perverted
little weasel?
454
00:17:04,843 --> 00:17:08,676
Uh, this is Costanza,
he's our new bra salesman.
455
00:17:08,709 --> 00:17:10,443
He's supposed to start
on Monday.
456
00:17:10,476 --> 00:17:11,087
If he's here on Monday,
you're not.
457
00:17:11,087 --> 00:17:12,843
If he's here on Monday,
you're not.
458
00:17:12,876 --> 00:17:13,909
Take your pick.
459
00:17:15,543 --> 00:17:16,609
Get out!
460
00:17:16,643 --> 00:17:18,576
I'm terrible sorry,
Ms. De Granmont.
461
00:17:20,709 --> 00:17:22,676
ELAINE:
You wanted to see me,
Mr. Lippman?
462
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:27,543
I was just, uh, going over
the Jake Jarmel book.
463
00:17:27,576 --> 00:17:30,343
I understand you worked with him
very closely on this.
464
00:17:30,376 --> 00:17:32,643
Yes, ahem,
yes, I did.
465
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:35,543
Anyway, I was just reading
your final edit,
466
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,276
and, um,
467
00:17:37,309 --> 00:17:41,087
there seems to be an inordinate
number of exclamation points.
468
00:17:41,087 --> 00:17:41,643
there seems to be an inordinate
number of exclamation points.
469
00:17:41,676 --> 00:17:47,309
Well, I felt the writing lacked
a certain emotion and intensity.
470
00:17:47,343 --> 00:17:48,309
Ahh!
471
00:17:48,343 --> 00:17:49,709
Hmm.
472
00:17:49,743 --> 00:17:52,209
"It was a damp
and chilly afternoon,
473
00:17:52,243 --> 00:17:55,309
so I decided to
put on my sweatshirt!"
474
00:17:55,343 --> 00:17:56,843
Right. Well--
475
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:59,009
You put an exclamation
point after "sweatshirt."
476
00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:00,543
That's correct.
477
00:18:00,576 --> 00:18:04,109
I felt that the character
doesn't like to be c-c-chilly.
478
00:18:04,143 --> 00:18:05,476
I see.
479
00:18:05,509 --> 00:18:07,009
"I pulled the lever
on the machine,
480
00:18:07,043 --> 00:18:09,143
"but the Clark bar
didn't come out!"
481
00:18:09,176 --> 00:18:10,776
Again exclamation.
482
00:18:10,809 --> 00:18:11,087
Well, you know
how frustrating that can be
483
00:18:11,087 --> 00:18:13,709
Well, you know
how frustrating that can be
484
00:18:13,743 --> 00:18:16,709
when you keep putting quarters
and quarters into a machine,
485
00:18:16,743 --> 00:18:18,209
and nothing comes out--
486
00:18:18,243 --> 00:18:20,643
Get rid of
the exclamation points.
Okay.
487
00:18:20,676 --> 00:18:22,143
I hate exclamation points.
Okay.
488
00:18:22,176 --> 00:18:23,176
Okay, okay.
489
00:18:25,076 --> 00:18:26,976
I'm just-- I'll--
490
00:18:28,476 --> 00:18:30,009
"Dear Barry,
consider this letter
491
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:32,109
"the official termination
of our relationship
492
00:18:32,143 --> 00:18:33,276
effective immediately."
493
00:18:33,309 --> 00:18:34,309
Exclamation point.
494
00:18:36,543 --> 00:18:38,043
You still have no proof.
495
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,643
Elaine, he was sniffing
like crazy around me.
496
00:18:40,676 --> 00:18:41,087
"I will expect all funds,
497
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:42,109
"I will expect all funds,
498
00:18:42,143 --> 00:18:44,709
in the form of a cashier's
check, no later than the 18th."
499
00:18:44,743 --> 00:18:46,676
Double exclamation point.
500
00:18:48,009 --> 00:18:49,809
Will that take care
of ours too?
501
00:18:49,843 --> 00:18:52,676
Yep. I'll give you yours
as soon as I get my money back.
502
00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:54,643
You want me to mail it?
I'm on my way out anyway.
503
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:55,709
Yeah, thanks.
504
00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:58,109
It'll be
my pleasure.
505
00:18:58,143 --> 00:18:59,376
[GIGGLING]
506
00:19:02,076 --> 00:19:03,476
See you later.
507
00:19:04,409 --> 00:19:05,476
You know--?
508
00:19:05,509 --> 00:19:07,543
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
509
00:19:07,576 --> 00:19:08,643
Hey, Ralph!
510
00:19:08,676 --> 00:19:09,776
What's up, fellas?
511
00:19:09,809 --> 00:19:11,087
That'll be $14.30.
All right.
512
00:19:11,087 --> 00:19:11,609
That'll be $14.30.
All right.
513
00:19:11,643 --> 00:19:13,843
Mushrooms?
You got mushrooms, Jerry?
514
00:19:13,876 --> 00:19:15,043
[SNIFFS]
515
00:19:15,076 --> 00:19:17,443
What's the matter,
you got a cold?
516
00:19:17,476 --> 00:19:20,009
No. Kramer,
what is this?
517
00:19:20,043 --> 00:19:21,376
It's a sweater.
518
00:19:21,409 --> 00:19:22,876
What is it made out of?
519
00:19:22,909 --> 00:19:24,376
I don't know.
Jerry gave it to me.
520
00:19:24,409 --> 00:19:25,609
It's mohair,
I think.
521
00:19:25,643 --> 00:19:29,376
Mohair, it figures.
I'm allergic to mohair.
522
00:19:29,409 --> 00:19:31,043
You mean,
you just started sniffing?
523
00:19:31,076 --> 00:19:32,909
Yeah. Mohair does it
to me every time.
524
00:19:34,976 --> 00:19:36,876
I was wearing that sweater
in the coffee shop,
525
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:37,876
when Barry came in.
526
00:19:37,909 --> 00:19:39,843
Jerry, I was wearing it
in the bar.
527
00:19:39,876 --> 00:19:41,087
The sweater!
The sweater made him sniff!
528
00:19:41,087 --> 00:19:41,809
The sweater!
The sweater made him sniff!
529
00:19:41,843 --> 00:19:44,676
See, I told you he wasn't
a drug addict.
530
00:19:44,709 --> 00:19:46,143
Oh, no, the letter!
531
00:19:46,176 --> 00:19:49,543
Newman, it's got exclamation
points all over it.
532
00:19:49,576 --> 00:19:51,709
Not to mention the picture
of him on the toilet.
533
00:19:56,676 --> 00:19:57,976
The what?
534
00:20:08,243 --> 00:20:09,676
After you.
535
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,009
Thank you.
536
00:20:13,409 --> 00:20:14,943
Get your hands
off of me!
537
00:20:14,976 --> 00:20:17,409
Johnny! Johnny!
538
00:20:23,009 --> 00:20:25,176
What do you mean
you felt her material?
539
00:20:25,209 --> 00:20:26,776
What, with your fingers,
like this?
540
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:29,309
So what?
What's so bad about that?
541
00:20:29,343 --> 00:20:32,043
Who goes around feeling
people's material?
542
00:20:32,076 --> 00:20:35,809
What can be gained by feeling
a person's material?
543
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,276
It's insanity!
544
00:20:37,309 --> 00:20:38,443
Whatever happened to:
545
00:20:38,476 --> 00:20:40,276
"My that's a lovely dress
you have on.
546
00:20:40,309 --> 00:20:41,087
"May I have this dance?"
547
00:20:41,087 --> 00:20:41,709
"May I have this dance?"
548
00:20:47,876 --> 00:20:51,476
You know you are really lucky
Newman never mailed that letter.
549
00:20:51,509 --> 00:20:53,143
Sorry I'm late.
550
00:20:53,176 --> 00:20:55,643
I just came from a meeting
with my lawyer.
551
00:20:55,676 --> 00:20:56,976
What is this?
552
00:20:57,009 --> 00:21:01,509
It's a letter from your friend,
Barry Prophet's lawyer.
553
00:21:01,543 --> 00:21:03,943
He's filing
chapter 11?
554
00:21:03,976 --> 00:21:04,976
What's going on?
555
00:21:05,009 --> 00:21:06,209
Why's he filing
chapter 11?
556
00:21:06,243 --> 00:21:07,543
Bankruptcy.
557
00:21:07,576 --> 00:21:08,776
Bankruptcy, as in
558
00:21:08,809 --> 00:21:10,876
"I've taken your money
and spent it on drugs."
559
00:21:10,909 --> 00:21:11,087
What do you mean?
I thought it was the sweater!
560
00:21:11,087 --> 00:21:13,643
What do you mean?
I thought it was the sweater!
561
00:21:13,676 --> 00:21:15,043
All right,
what about the money?
562
00:21:15,076 --> 00:21:16,376
What about the money?
563
00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:18,776
Apparently, if I'd dissolved
my relationship with him,
564
00:21:18,809 --> 00:21:21,443
prior to his filing chapter 11,
I could have got the money back.
565
00:21:21,476 --> 00:21:22,509
Which I would have done.
566
00:21:22,543 --> 00:21:23,509
If a certain imbecile,
567
00:21:23,543 --> 00:21:25,376
had been able to get
to a mailbox,
568
00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:26,876
and mail a letter.
569
00:21:32,576 --> 00:21:33,876
A pair of bear claws, please.
570
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:41,087
Nice.
571
00:21:41,087 --> 00:21:41,976
Nice.
572
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:43,676
Think so?
573
00:21:43,709 --> 00:21:44,809
Yeah. What is it?
574
00:21:44,843 --> 00:21:47,143
Half silk, half cotton,
half linen.
575
00:21:49,009 --> 00:21:50,943
How can you go wrong?
576
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:53,809
[♪]
577
00:22:00,051 --> 00:22:04,752
My accountant actually did take
a big chunk of money from me,
578
00:22:04,785 --> 00:22:06,285
and use it to buy drugs.
579
00:22:06,319 --> 00:22:09,085
And the thing that was hardest
for me to comprehend about this,
580
00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:14,352
is the life choice
of drug abuse and accounting.
581
00:22:14,385 --> 00:22:15,619
But actually, it makes sense.
582
00:22:15,652 --> 00:22:17,619
Why would and athlete
or musician take drugs?
583
00:22:17,652 --> 00:22:19,119
They have an interesting job.
584
00:22:19,152 --> 00:22:20,419
But an accountant?
585
00:22:20,452 --> 00:22:22,819
If ever a job required
some hallucinogenic support,
586
00:22:22,852 --> 00:22:24,819
this is the job.
587
00:22:24,852 --> 00:22:26,352
That should be
the legal defense.
588
00:22:26,385 --> 00:22:27,752
You're in court:
589
00:22:27,785 --> 00:22:29,318
"You're charged with possession
of illegal narcotics."
590
00:22:29,318 --> 00:22:30,152
"You're charged with possession
of illegal narcotics."
591
00:22:30,185 --> 00:22:33,319
"But your honor,
I'm an accountant."
592
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:34,819
Bang! "Case closed.
593
00:22:34,852 --> 00:22:37,352
"Bailiff, give this man his
peyote buttons and tequila back,
594
00:22:37,385 --> 00:22:38,919
"for the drive home.
595
00:22:38,952 --> 00:22:41,519
Sorry to bother you, sir,
terribly sorry."
41182
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