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1
00:00:00,781 --> 00:00:03,761
There's no way that
moving in with your parents,
2
00:00:03,794 --> 00:00:07,427
is a sign that your life
is right on track.
3
00:00:07,461 --> 00:00:09,627
There's no way that
you could fake this, even.
4
00:00:09,661 --> 00:00:11,894
"Yeah, things are going great.
I met a terrific girl,
5
00:00:11,927 --> 00:00:13,594
"I got a great job,
making a lot of money,
6
00:00:13,627 --> 00:00:15,461
"and if everything
goes according to plan,
7
00:00:15,494 --> 00:00:20,161
I'm going to be moving back
in with my parents soon."
8
00:00:20,194 --> 00:00:22,427
It's like getting busted
on a parole violation,
9
00:00:22,461 --> 00:00:24,127
and thrown back
into the slammer.
10
00:00:24,161 --> 00:00:25,727
"In the opinion of the board,
11
00:00:25,761 --> 00:00:28,461
you'd need further
rehabilitation, I'm afraid."
12
00:00:28,494 --> 00:00:30,000
And you go back
into that little room of yours,
13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,461
And you go back
into that little room of yours,
14
00:00:31,494 --> 00:00:32,927
you feel so huge,
15
00:00:32,961 --> 00:00:35,894
it's like you can take your bed
and just crush it in your hands.
16
00:00:35,927 --> 00:00:38,394
You can hold your parents
between your fingers going,
17
00:00:38,427 --> 00:00:40,927
"why was I so afraid of you
people when I was growing up?"
18
00:00:43,827 --> 00:00:45,427
[♪]
19
00:00:46,203 --> 00:00:47,669
GEORGE:
I can't believe this.
20
00:00:47,703 --> 00:00:49,069
Oh, it won't be for that long.
21
00:00:49,103 --> 00:00:50,203
How could I do this?
22
00:00:50,236 --> 00:00:51,869
How can I move back in
with those people?
23
00:00:51,903 --> 00:00:53,003
Please, tell me.
24
00:00:53,036 --> 00:00:54,836
They're insane!
You know that.
25
00:00:54,869 --> 00:00:57,169
Hey, my parents are just
as crazy as your parents.
26
00:00:57,203 --> 00:00:59,203
How can you compare your parents
to my parents?
27
00:00:59,236 --> 00:01:03,536
My father has never thrown
anything out, ever.
28
00:01:04,869 --> 00:01:07,969
My father wears his sneakers
in the pool.
29
00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:09,203
Sneakers!
30
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:12,626
My mother has never set foot
in a natural body of water.
31
00:01:12,626 --> 00:01:13,336
My mother has never set foot
in a natural body of water.
32
00:01:15,869 --> 00:01:17,603
Listen carefully.
33
00:01:19,103 --> 00:01:21,669
My mother has
never laughed.
34
00:01:21,703 --> 00:01:22,669
Ever.
35
00:01:22,703 --> 00:01:25,003
Not a giggle,
not a chuckle,
36
00:01:25,036 --> 00:01:27,069
not a tee-hee,
37
00:01:27,103 --> 00:01:29,103
never went "ha!"
38
00:01:29,769 --> 00:01:30,736
A smirk?
39
00:01:30,769 --> 00:01:32,169
Maybe.
40
00:01:32,203 --> 00:01:33,503
And I'm moving back
in there.
41
00:01:33,536 --> 00:01:35,403
I told you I'd lend you
the money for the rent.
42
00:01:35,436 --> 00:01:37,669
No, no, borrowing money
from a friend,
43
00:01:37,703 --> 00:01:38,736
is like having sex.
44
00:01:38,769 --> 00:01:40,903
It just completely changes
the relationship.
45
00:01:45,103 --> 00:01:46,503
All right. I'm ready.
46
00:01:46,536 --> 00:01:48,036
You know,
I still don't understand,
47
00:01:48,069 --> 00:01:50,303
why do you want to move back in
with your parents?
48
00:01:50,336 --> 00:01:51,469
I don't want to.
49
00:01:51,503 --> 00:01:54,636
I'm out of money.
I got $714 in the bank.
50
00:01:54,669 --> 00:01:55,869
Well, move in here.
51
00:01:55,903 --> 00:01:58,336
What's that?
52
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:00,469
Why doesn't he just move
in here?
53
00:02:00,503 --> 00:02:02,203
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna move in with him,
54
00:02:02,236 --> 00:02:04,069
He doesn't even let you
use the toilet.
55
00:02:04,103 --> 00:02:06,203
You can move in with me
if you want.
56
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,536
Thank you.
I, uh--
57
00:02:10,569 --> 00:02:12,626
That might not
work out.
58
00:02:12,626 --> 00:02:13,069
That might not
work out.
59
00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:17,536
Careful! Careful
with the suitcases.
60
00:02:17,569 --> 00:02:19,536
We just painted.
61
00:02:19,569 --> 00:02:21,303
Hello, Mrs. Costanza.
62
00:02:21,336 --> 00:02:22,869
Hello, Kramer.
Close the door.
63
00:02:22,903 --> 00:02:24,303
I gotta bring in
some more stuff.
64
00:02:24,336 --> 00:02:26,469
More stuff?
How much is there?
65
00:02:26,503 --> 00:02:27,603
There's more.
66
00:02:28,603 --> 00:02:30,236
So, how are you, Jerry?
67
00:02:30,269 --> 00:02:31,369
Fine Mrs. Costanza.
68
00:02:31,403 --> 00:02:32,836
Hey, I got a terrific joke
for you.
69
00:02:32,869 --> 00:02:35,003
Nah. Not interested.
70
00:02:36,403 --> 00:02:39,569
No, no. It's really funny.
There's these two guys--
71
00:02:39,603 --> 00:02:41,603
Tell it to the audience.
72
00:02:43,369 --> 00:02:45,503
Here, I made
some bologna sandwiches.
73
00:02:45,536 --> 00:02:47,736
Bologna? Nobody eats
bologna anymore.
74
00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:49,336
What are you
talking about?
75
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:51,003
Have a sandwich.
No, thanks.
76
00:02:51,036 --> 00:02:52,869
Oh, stop it.
77
00:02:52,903 --> 00:02:54,569
You don't want one,
Kramer?
78
00:02:54,603 --> 00:02:55,903
Uh, no, thanks.
79
00:02:55,936 --> 00:02:58,403
I think you're all
a little touched in the head.
80
00:02:58,436 --> 00:03:00,403
You're so worried
about your health?
81
00:03:00,436 --> 00:03:01,469
You're young men.
82
00:03:01,503 --> 00:03:02,803
I really don't eat it.
83
00:03:02,836 --> 00:03:05,203
What am I going to do
with all these sandwiches?
84
00:03:05,236 --> 00:03:06,636
Will you take them home,
85
00:03:06,669 --> 00:03:08,503
give them to someone
in your building?
86
00:03:10,036 --> 00:03:11,503
I don't know
if I feel comfortable,
87
00:03:11,536 --> 00:03:12,626
handing out bologna sandwiches
in the building.
88
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,469
handing out bologna sandwiches
in the building.
89
00:03:14,503 --> 00:03:16,736
All right. That's it.
Anything else?
90
00:03:16,769 --> 00:03:18,069
No. That's it.
91
00:03:18,103 --> 00:03:19,503
[HORN HONKS]
92
00:03:19,536 --> 00:03:21,903
I gotta go move the car.
93
00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:23,169
Well, I guess we'll be going.
94
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,036
What? You going?
95
00:03:25,069 --> 00:03:26,169
Yeah.
96
00:03:28,503 --> 00:03:30,669
Well, what are you doing later?
97
00:03:30,703 --> 00:03:33,303
Elaine and I are going out with
Kramer and his new girlfriend.
98
00:03:33,336 --> 00:03:34,403
Really?
Yeah.
99
00:03:34,436 --> 00:03:35,703
You can't believe this woman.
100
00:03:35,736 --> 00:03:36,803
She's a low-talker,
101
00:03:36,836 --> 00:03:38,236
you can't hear
what she's saying.
102
00:03:38,269 --> 00:03:40,036
You're always going,
"excuse me, what?"
103
00:03:40,069 --> 00:03:42,169
Maybe I'll meet you.
104
00:03:42,203 --> 00:03:42,626
No, George.
We're going out to eat tonight,
105
00:03:42,626 --> 00:03:44,669
No, George.
We're going out to eat tonight,
106
00:03:44,703 --> 00:03:46,669
with your father.
107
00:03:46,703 --> 00:03:48,236
Oh.
108
00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,236
Okay.
109
00:03:50,269 --> 00:03:52,669
I'll talk to you later.
110
00:03:52,703 --> 00:03:54,403
Yeah. Take it easy.
111
00:04:04,936 --> 00:04:06,736
Oh, my God.
112
00:04:11,436 --> 00:04:12,626
Okay, well, I had this idea
for a pizza place,
113
00:04:12,626 --> 00:04:14,703
Okay, well, I had this idea
for a pizza place,
114
00:04:14,736 --> 00:04:16,803
where you make
your own pie.
115
00:04:16,836 --> 00:04:18,536
Right.
You remember that?
116
00:04:18,569 --> 00:04:20,369
Yeah, well,
that was a good one.
117
00:04:20,403 --> 00:04:23,236
[MURMURING]
118
00:04:24,903 --> 00:04:26,336
What's that?
Excuse me?
119
00:04:26,369 --> 00:04:29,603
[MURMURING]
120
00:04:31,736 --> 00:04:34,436
Yeah.
Yeah.
121
00:04:36,169 --> 00:04:39,369
You know that Leslie's
in the clothing business?
122
00:04:39,403 --> 00:04:40,669
She's a designer.
123
00:04:40,703 --> 00:04:42,236
In fact, she's come up
with a new one,
124
00:04:42,269 --> 00:04:42,626
that's gonna be the big
new look in men's fashions.
125
00:04:42,626 --> 00:04:44,869
that's gonna be the big
new look in men's fashions.
126
00:04:44,903 --> 00:04:46,569
It's, uh, like a puffy shirt.
127
00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:48,369
[MURMURING]
128
00:04:48,403 --> 00:04:49,869
Yeah, it's all puffy,
129
00:04:49,903 --> 00:04:51,969
like the pirates used to wear.
130
00:04:52,003 --> 00:04:54,636
Oh, a puffy shirt.
131
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:55,836
Puffy.
132
00:04:55,869 --> 00:04:58,303
See, I think people
wanna look like pirates.
133
00:04:58,336 --> 00:05:00,803
You know,
It's the right time for it,
134
00:05:00,836 --> 00:05:03,869
be all puffy
and devil-may-care.
135
00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:07,069
[MURMURING]
136
00:05:10,903 --> 00:05:11,903
That's true.
137
00:05:15,403 --> 00:05:16,903
I'll be right back.
138
00:05:26,603 --> 00:05:29,203
Jerry's going to be on
the Today Show on Friday.
139
00:05:29,236 --> 00:05:30,536
Yeah, that's right.
140
00:05:30,569 --> 00:05:34,836
He's promoting
a benefit for Goodwill,
141
00:05:34,869 --> 00:05:38,303
you know, they clothe the poor
and the homeless.
142
00:05:38,336 --> 00:05:40,036
And the indigent.
And the indigent.
143
00:05:40,069 --> 00:05:42,036
Yeah. I do volunteer work
for them.
144
00:05:42,069 --> 00:05:42,626
I set the whole thing up,
and I got Jerry to do it.
145
00:05:42,626 --> 00:05:44,869
I set the whole thing up,
and I got Jerry to do it.
146
00:05:44,903 --> 00:05:46,103
[MURMURING]
147
00:05:50,369 --> 00:05:52,336
Sure.
Oh, yeah.
148
00:05:52,369 --> 00:05:54,036
Yeah.
Yup.
149
00:05:54,069 --> 00:05:57,503
[MURMURING]
150
00:05:57,536 --> 00:05:59,669
Uh-huh.
Yup.
151
00:05:59,703 --> 00:06:02,436
Yup.
Mm-hmm.
152
00:06:04,503 --> 00:06:06,803
Maybe you should take
a civil-service test.
153
00:06:06,836 --> 00:06:09,303
I'm not taking
a civil-service test.
154
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,136
Look at this,
George.
155
00:06:11,169 --> 00:06:12,626
You ever seen
a silver dollar?
156
00:06:12,626 --> 00:06:12,869
You ever seen
a silver dollar?
157
00:06:12,903 --> 00:06:15,669
Yes, I've seen
a silver dollar.
158
00:06:15,703 --> 00:06:17,869
Why don't you want to take
a civil-service test?
159
00:06:17,903 --> 00:06:19,869
To do what,
work in the post office?
160
00:06:19,903 --> 00:06:21,036
Is that what you want me to do?
161
00:06:21,069 --> 00:06:22,703
Would you believe,
when I was 18,
162
00:06:22,736 --> 00:06:25,736
I had a silver dollar
collection?
163
00:06:27,736 --> 00:06:30,536
I don't understand.
You get job security,
164
00:06:30,569 --> 00:06:32,869
You get a paycheck
every week.
165
00:06:32,903 --> 00:06:35,536
I'm a college graduate.
You want me to be a mailman?
166
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:38,803
You know, I couldn't bring
myself to spend one of these.
167
00:06:38,836 --> 00:06:41,803
I got some kind of, uhh,
168
00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:42,626
phobia.
169
00:06:42,626 --> 00:06:43,103
phobia.
170
00:06:45,936 --> 00:06:47,369
So, what are you gonna do?
171
00:06:47,403 --> 00:06:48,669
I don't know.
172
00:06:48,703 --> 00:06:50,403
I do know that I have
some kind of a talent,
173
00:06:50,436 --> 00:06:52,236
something to offer.
174
00:06:52,269 --> 00:06:54,003
I just don't know
what it is yet.
175
00:06:54,036 --> 00:06:55,669
I bet that collection
176
00:06:55,703 --> 00:06:59,203
would be worth
a lot of money today.
177
00:07:03,536 --> 00:07:05,203
Oh, my God.
178
00:07:08,269 --> 00:07:09,569
I don't like this waiter.
179
00:07:10,936 --> 00:07:12,503
Look at him.
180
00:07:13,836 --> 00:07:15,803
He sees us.
181
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,903
Doesn't wanna come over.
182
00:07:19,569 --> 00:07:22,236
I need some air.
183
00:07:22,269 --> 00:07:23,703
George,
where you going?
184
00:07:23,736 --> 00:07:26,703
I got a lot
thinking to do.
185
00:07:29,236 --> 00:07:30,303
Oh!
186
00:07:30,336 --> 00:07:32,203
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm terribly sorry.
187
00:07:32,236 --> 00:07:34,203
Look what you've done.
You've spilled my bag.
188
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,703
Here,
let me help you.
189
00:07:35,736 --> 00:07:37,203
No, no. It's all right.
190
00:07:37,236 --> 00:07:39,669
It's just that I'm here
with my parents,
191
00:07:39,703 --> 00:07:42,003
and my mother wants me to take
a civil-service test.
192
00:07:42,036 --> 00:07:42,626
To tell you the truth,
I don't even think I'd pass it.
193
00:07:42,626 --> 00:07:44,736
To tell you the truth,
I don't even think I'd pass it.
194
00:07:44,769 --> 00:07:46,203
Hmm.
195
00:07:46,236 --> 00:07:47,736
What?
196
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:51,903
Your hands.
197
00:07:51,936 --> 00:07:53,669
What about them?
198
00:07:55,669 --> 00:07:57,903
They're quite exquisite.
199
00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,403
They are?
200
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:02,703
Extraordinary.
201
00:08:02,736 --> 00:08:05,303
Have you ever done
any hand modeling?
202
00:08:05,336 --> 00:08:08,003
Hand modeling?
203
00:08:08,036 --> 00:08:10,169
Here's my card.
204
00:08:10,203 --> 00:08:12,626
Why don't you, uh,
give me a call?
205
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:13,703
Why don't you, uh,
give me a call?
206
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:23,936
I don't get it.
207
00:08:25,403 --> 00:08:26,703
Me neither.
208
00:08:26,736 --> 00:08:29,169
What is it?
I don't know.
209
00:08:29,203 --> 00:08:30,236
They're hands.
210
00:08:30,269 --> 00:08:32,069
This woman already signed me
up for a job.
211
00:08:32,103 --> 00:08:33,403
Well, what about my hands?
212
00:08:33,436 --> 00:08:36,169
I don't see how your hands are
any better than my hands.
213
00:08:36,203 --> 00:08:38,169
What, are you kidding?
214
00:08:38,203 --> 00:08:40,069
Knuckles are all
out of proportion,
215
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,669
you got hair over there--
216
00:08:41,703 --> 00:08:42,626
Where do you get off comparing
your hands to my hands?
217
00:08:42,626 --> 00:08:44,236
Where do you get off comparing
your hands to my hands?
218
00:08:44,269 --> 00:08:47,369
This is a one
in a million hand.
219
00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:51,703
That's what comes from avoiding
manual labor your whole life.
220
00:08:54,069 --> 00:08:56,336
This is it.
It's happened to me, Jerry.
221
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,903
I was sitting
in the restaurant,
222
00:08:57,936 --> 00:08:59,403
the two nut-jobs
were talking,
223
00:08:59,436 --> 00:09:01,669
I couldn't
take it anymore.
224
00:09:01,703 --> 00:09:04,703
I get up from the table and
"bop," I bop into this woman.
225
00:09:04,736 --> 00:09:06,569
It's just like in the movies.
226
00:09:07,003 --> 00:09:07,969
Hey.
227
00:09:08,003 --> 00:09:09,636
Hey.
228
00:09:09,669 --> 00:09:11,136
Hey, George.
Hey.
229
00:09:11,169 --> 00:09:12,136
[BUZZING]
Ow!
230
00:09:12,169 --> 00:09:12,626
Aah!
231
00:09:12,626 --> 00:09:13,136
Aah!
232
00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:14,369
Are you crazy?
233
00:09:14,403 --> 00:09:16,069
What?
Are you crazy?
234
00:09:16,103 --> 00:09:18,369
You could've
damaged my hands!
235
00:09:18,403 --> 00:09:20,136
But it's just a toy!
236
00:09:20,169 --> 00:09:22,636
George has become
a hand model.
237
00:09:22,669 --> 00:09:25,136
A hand model?
Yes.
238
00:09:25,169 --> 00:09:27,203
Really? Let me see
your hands.
239
00:09:27,236 --> 00:09:28,503
You can look at them,
240
00:09:28,536 --> 00:09:30,403
but do not touch them.
241
00:09:32,703 --> 00:09:34,369
Let's see.
242
00:09:34,936 --> 00:09:37,236
Oh, those are nice.
243
00:09:37,269 --> 00:09:40,069
You know, I never
noticed this before.
244
00:09:40,103 --> 00:09:41,336
They're smooth,
245
00:09:41,369 --> 00:09:42,626
creamy,
246
00:09:42,626 --> 00:09:43,403
creamy,
247
00:09:43,436 --> 00:09:46,103
delicate, yet masculine.
248
00:09:47,603 --> 00:09:50,203
All right.
I gotta get going.
249
00:09:52,336 --> 00:09:53,569
Oven mitts?
250
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,436
It's all I could find.
251
00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:02,103
Would you mind getting the door?
252
00:10:04,536 --> 00:10:06,603
Thank you very much.
253
00:10:09,536 --> 00:10:11,869
You're not gonna believe
what's happening with Leslie.
254
00:10:11,903 --> 00:10:12,626
You know, since you agreed
to wear the puffy shirt,
255
00:10:12,626 --> 00:10:14,036
You know, since you agreed
to wear the puffy shirt,
256
00:10:14,069 --> 00:10:15,069
on the Today Show,
257
00:10:15,103 --> 00:10:16,469
she's getting
all these orders,
258
00:10:16,503 --> 00:10:18,669
from boutiques
and department stores.
259
00:10:18,703 --> 00:10:20,136
Uh-huh.
260
00:10:20,169 --> 00:10:21,569
Since I what?
261
00:10:22,769 --> 00:10:24,836
Agreed to wear
the puffy shirt.
262
00:10:24,869 --> 00:10:26,169
What are you
talking about?
263
00:10:26,203 --> 00:10:27,869
When you said
that you would agree
264
00:10:27,903 --> 00:10:30,569
to wear the puffy shirt
on the Today Show.
265
00:10:42,203 --> 00:10:42,626
This?
266
00:10:42,626 --> 00:10:43,569
This?
267
00:10:45,069 --> 00:10:46,469
I agreed to wear this?
268
00:10:46,503 --> 00:10:47,669
Yeah, yeah.
269
00:10:49,069 --> 00:10:50,503
When did I do that?
270
00:10:50,536 --> 00:10:52,869
When we went to dinner
the other night.
271
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,969
What, are you crazy?
272
00:10:55,003 --> 00:10:56,503
What were you
talking about,
273
00:10:56,536 --> 00:10:57,969
when I went
to the bathroom?
274
00:10:58,003 --> 00:10:59,069
I don't know.
275
00:10:59,103 --> 00:11:01,069
I couldn't understand
a word she was saying,
276
00:11:01,103 --> 00:11:02,069
I was just nodding.
277
00:11:02,103 --> 00:11:03,403
There you go.
278
00:11:03,436 --> 00:11:04,736
Where I go?
279
00:11:04,769 --> 00:11:07,736
You mean, she was asking me
to wear this ridiculous shirt
280
00:11:07,769 --> 00:11:09,736
on national TV,
and I said yes?
281
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:11,703
Yes, yes,
you said it.
282
00:11:11,736 --> 00:11:12,626
But I didn't know
what she was talking about,
283
00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:13,569
But I didn't know
what she was talking about,
284
00:11:13,603 --> 00:11:15,003
I couldn't hear her.
285
00:11:15,036 --> 00:11:16,503
Well, she asked you.
286
00:11:16,536 --> 00:11:19,503
I can't wear this
puffy shirt on TV.
287
00:11:19,536 --> 00:11:22,003
I mean, look at it.
It looks ridiculous.
288
00:11:22,036 --> 00:11:24,003
Well,
you gotta wear it now.
289
00:11:24,036 --> 00:11:25,703
All those stores
are stocking it,
290
00:11:25,736 --> 00:11:27,869
based on the condition
that you're gonna wear this
291
00:11:27,903 --> 00:11:29,236
on the TV show.
292
00:11:29,269 --> 00:11:31,336
The factory in New Jersey
is already making them.
293
00:11:31,369 --> 00:11:33,503
They're making these?
294
00:11:33,536 --> 00:11:35,503
Yes, yes.
295
00:11:35,536 --> 00:11:37,836
This pirate trend that
she's come up with, Jerry,
296
00:11:37,869 --> 00:11:39,903
this is gonna be the new look
for the 90's.
297
00:11:39,936 --> 00:11:41,703
You're gonna be
the first pirate.
298
00:11:41,736 --> 00:11:42,626
But I don't want
to be a pirate!
299
00:11:42,626 --> 00:11:44,236
But I don't want
to be a pirate!
300
00:11:46,836 --> 00:11:48,969
[♪]
301
00:11:49,003 --> 00:11:50,136
MRS. COSTANZA:
I knew it.
302
00:11:50,169 --> 00:11:51,203
I knew it.
303
00:11:51,236 --> 00:11:53,669
I always knew you had
beautiful hands.
304
00:11:53,703 --> 00:11:55,036
I used to tell people.
305
00:11:55,069 --> 00:11:57,836
Frank, didn't I used to
talk about his hands?
306
00:11:57,869 --> 00:11:59,836
Who the hell did you ever
mention his hands to?
307
00:11:59,869 --> 00:12:02,636
I mentioned his hands
to plenty of people.
308
00:12:02,669 --> 00:12:04,203
You never mentioned
them to me!
309
00:12:05,003 --> 00:12:06,869
Hand me an emery board.
310
00:12:09,269 --> 00:12:11,203
I always talk
about your hands,
311
00:12:11,236 --> 00:12:14,069
how they're so soft
and milky white.
312
00:12:14,103 --> 00:12:15,469
No, you never said
milky white.
313
00:12:15,503 --> 00:12:15,705
I said milky white!
314
00:12:15,705 --> 00:12:17,236
I said milky white!
315
00:12:22,036 --> 00:12:23,436
Scissor.
316
00:12:25,769 --> 00:12:28,169
Don't hand them to me
with the point facing out!
317
00:12:28,203 --> 00:12:29,703
I'm sorry.
318
00:12:29,736 --> 00:12:30,703
You're sorry?
319
00:12:30,736 --> 00:12:32,603
I'll try to be
more careful.
320
00:12:33,869 --> 00:12:35,769
I hope so.
321
00:12:39,869 --> 00:12:42,403
Georgie--
Oh.
322
00:12:44,169 --> 00:12:45,705
Georgie, would you
like some JELL-O?
323
00:12:45,705 --> 00:12:47,069
Georgie, would you
like some JELL-O?
324
00:12:47,103 --> 00:12:48,836
Why did you put
the bananas in there?
325
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,869
George likes
the bananas!
326
00:12:51,903 --> 00:12:53,369
So let him
have bananas on the side!
327
00:12:53,403 --> 00:12:54,536
All right, please!
328
00:12:54,569 --> 00:12:56,903
Please, I cannot have
this constant bickering.
329
00:12:58,703 --> 00:13:01,836
Stress is very damaging
to the epidermis.
330
00:13:03,903 --> 00:13:06,203
Now, I have an important
photo session in the morning.
331
00:13:06,236 --> 00:13:08,669
My hands have got to be
in tip-top shape.
332
00:13:08,703 --> 00:13:10,469
So please,
keep the television down,
333
00:13:10,503 --> 00:13:12,236
and the conversation
to a minimum.
334
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:15,705
But, Georgie,
what about the JELL-O?
335
00:13:15,705 --> 00:13:15,836
But, Georgie,
what about the JELL-O?
336
00:13:17,169 --> 00:13:18,869
I'll take it in my room.
337
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:24,969
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
338
00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:26,703
Yeah, come in.
339
00:13:26,736 --> 00:13:29,069
Just wanted to let you know,
he's got about five minutes.
340
00:13:29,103 --> 00:13:30,336
Yep, yep.
341
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,536
Jerry! Five minutes!
342
00:13:43,436 --> 00:13:45,705
Now that's
a great-looking shirt.
343
00:13:45,705 --> 00:13:46,336
Now that's
a great-looking shirt.
344
00:13:46,369 --> 00:13:47,869
Aye, captain!
345
00:13:47,903 --> 00:13:49,403
Yeah.
346
00:13:49,436 --> 00:13:52,469
I'm glad I ironed it.
It's perfect.
347
00:13:52,503 --> 00:13:55,169
Look at it.
It's fantastic.
348
00:13:55,203 --> 00:13:57,069
Kramer, how am I
gonna wear this?
349
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,303
I can't wear this.
350
00:13:58,336 --> 00:14:01,303
Hey, this looks better
than anything you own.
351
00:14:01,336 --> 00:14:02,803
You know,
in two months time,
352
00:14:02,836 --> 00:14:05,303
everybody's gonna be wearing
the pirate look.
353
00:14:05,336 --> 00:14:07,336
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
354
00:14:09,103 --> 00:14:11,669
Hi Kramer, guess what.
I just saw Bryant Gumbel.
355
00:14:11,703 --> 00:14:13,803
He said he might help out
at the benefit.
356
00:14:13,836 --> 00:14:15,036
Great.
357
00:14:22,269 --> 00:14:23,236
What is that?
358
00:14:23,269 --> 00:14:24,703
It's the puffy shirt.
359
00:14:24,736 --> 00:14:25,903
Look at it.
360
00:14:25,936 --> 00:14:29,203
What do you think?
Is it cool or what?
361
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:30,869
Why are you wearing this now?
362
00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:32,536
Why am I wearing it now?
363
00:14:32,569 --> 00:14:34,536
I'll tell you why
I'm wearing it now.
364
00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:37,536
Because the low-talker asked
me to, that's why.
365
00:14:37,569 --> 00:14:39,203
And I said yes.
366
00:14:39,236 --> 00:14:40,203
Do you know why?
367
00:14:40,236 --> 00:14:42,403
Because I couldn't hear her.
368
00:14:42,436 --> 00:14:45,705
When did she--?
When did she ask you this?
369
00:14:45,705 --> 00:14:46,203
When did she--?
When did she ask you this?
370
00:14:46,236 --> 00:14:47,203
When we were at dinner,
371
00:14:47,236 --> 00:14:48,636
and Kramer went
to the bathroom.
372
00:14:48,669 --> 00:14:49,969
I didn't hear anything--
373
00:14:50,003 --> 00:14:51,203
Of course not.
374
00:14:51,236 --> 00:14:53,703
Nobody hears anything
when this woman speaks!
375
00:14:53,736 --> 00:14:56,369
Well, you can't wear that
on the show.
376
00:14:56,403 --> 00:14:57,536
Elaine, you want to stuff it?
377
00:14:57,569 --> 00:14:59,703
Wha--?
What? No.
378
00:14:59,736 --> 00:15:01,636
Jerry, you are promoting
a benefit,
379
00:15:01,669 --> 00:15:04,736
to clothe homeless-people.
380
00:15:07,436 --> 00:15:10,069
You can't come out
dressed like that.
381
00:15:10,103 --> 00:15:12,803
You're all puffed up.
382
00:15:12,836 --> 00:15:15,669
You look like
the Count of Monte Cristo.
383
00:15:15,703 --> 00:15:15,705
I have to wear it,
384
00:15:15,705 --> 00:15:17,003
I have to wear it,
385
00:15:17,036 --> 00:15:18,569
The woman has orders
for this shirt,
386
00:15:18,603 --> 00:15:20,569
based on me
wearing it on TV!
387
00:15:20,603 --> 00:15:22,669
They're producing them
as we speak.
388
00:15:22,703 --> 00:15:25,736
Yeah, but you're supposed to be
a compassionate person,
389
00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:27,836
that cares
about poor people.
390
00:15:27,869 --> 00:15:31,203
You look like you're gonna
swing in on a chandelier.
391
00:15:32,869 --> 00:15:34,269
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
392
00:15:35,703 --> 00:15:37,169
Okay. Let's go.
393
00:15:38,569 --> 00:15:40,236
Is that what
you're wearing?
394
00:15:42,936 --> 00:15:45,403
I've never seen hands
like these before.
395
00:15:45,436 --> 00:15:45,705
You're so soft
and milky white.
396
00:15:45,705 --> 00:15:48,136
You're so soft
and milky white.
397
00:15:48,169 --> 00:15:50,503
You know whose hands
they remind me of?
398
00:15:50,536 --> 00:15:53,303
Ray McKigney.
399
00:15:53,336 --> 00:15:54,636
Oh! Ray.
400
00:15:54,669 --> 00:15:56,136
He was it.
401
00:15:56,169 --> 00:15:57,969
Who was he?
402
00:15:58,003 --> 00:16:00,369
The most exquisite hands
you've ever seen.
403
00:16:00,403 --> 00:16:01,803
Oh, he had it all.
404
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,903
What happened
to him?
405
00:16:08,069 --> 00:16:11,469
Tragic story,
I'm afraid.
406
00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:14,669
He could've had
any woman in the world,
407
00:16:14,703 --> 00:16:15,705
but none could match
the beauty of his own hand.
408
00:16:15,705 --> 00:16:18,803
but none could match
the beauty of his own hand.
409
00:16:18,836 --> 00:16:21,936
And that became
his one true love.
410
00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:28,569
You mean, uh--?
411
00:16:28,603 --> 00:16:30,169
Yes.
412
00:16:30,203 --> 00:16:33,169
He was not
master of his domain.
413
00:16:38,169 --> 00:16:39,236
But how--?
414
00:16:39,269 --> 00:16:43,003
The muscles became
so strained with overuse,
415
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:45,705
that eventually the hand locked
into a deformed position,
416
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:46,569
that eventually the hand locked
into a deformed position,
417
00:16:46,603 --> 00:16:48,736
and he was left with nothing
but a claw.
418
00:16:49,836 --> 00:16:52,569
He traveled the world
seeking a cure:
419
00:16:52,603 --> 00:16:54,569
acupuncturists,
420
00:16:54,603 --> 00:16:55,736
herbalists,
421
00:16:55,769 --> 00:16:57,336
swamis.
422
00:16:57,369 --> 00:16:58,903
Nothing helped.
423
00:16:58,936 --> 00:17:01,236
Towards the end,
424
00:17:01,269 --> 00:17:03,403
his hands became so frozen,
425
00:17:03,436 --> 00:17:05,536
he was unable
to manipulate utensils,
426
00:17:05,569 --> 00:17:09,903
and was dependent
on cub scouts to feed him.
427
00:17:09,936 --> 00:17:11,503
I hadn't seen
another pair of hands,
428
00:17:11,536 --> 00:17:14,636
like Ray McKigney's,
until today.
429
00:17:14,669 --> 00:17:15,705
You are his successor.
430
00:17:15,705 --> 00:17:16,569
You are his successor.
431
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:21,103
I, uh, only hope you have
a little more self-control.
432
00:17:25,236 --> 00:17:28,169
You don't have to worry
about me.
433
00:17:28,203 --> 00:17:29,903
I won a contest.
434
00:17:36,436 --> 00:17:38,736
Okay,
let's get to work.
435
00:17:43,736 --> 00:17:45,705
On Tuesday the 19th
here in New York,
436
00:17:45,705 --> 00:17:46,236
On Tuesday the 19th
here in New York,
437
00:17:46,269 --> 00:17:48,469
there'll be a benefit
for the Goodwill Industries,
438
00:17:48,503 --> 00:17:49,736
a used clothing organization,
439
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,536
that provides services
to the needy.
440
00:17:51,569 --> 00:17:54,303
One of the performers will be
comedian Jerry Seinfeld.
441
00:17:54,336 --> 00:17:56,036
Jerry, good morning.
Thank you, Brian.
442
00:17:56,069 --> 00:17:57,869
And speaking of clothing,
443
00:17:57,903 --> 00:18:00,836
that is a very, very
unusual shirt you have on.
444
00:18:00,869 --> 00:18:02,503
Uh-huh, yeah.
445
00:18:05,069 --> 00:18:07,369
You're all kind of puffed up.
446
00:18:07,403 --> 00:18:09,403
Yes, it's a puffy shirt.
447
00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:12,169
You look like a pirate.
448
00:18:12,203 --> 00:18:13,503
Like a pirate.
449
00:18:13,536 --> 00:18:15,003
Anyway, uh, you know,
450
00:18:15,036 --> 00:18:15,705
we're hoping to raise
enough money--
451
00:18:15,705 --> 00:18:17,503
we're hoping to raise
enough money--
452
00:18:17,536 --> 00:18:18,703
You know, you know--
453
00:18:18,736 --> 00:18:19,703
Look, I'm sorry,
454
00:18:19,736 --> 00:18:21,669
it is just a very unusual shirt.
455
00:18:21,703 --> 00:18:23,336
It could become
a whole new look for you.
456
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,169
You know, you could put
a patch over an eye,
457
00:18:25,203 --> 00:18:26,903
You could kinda be
the pirate comedian--
458
00:18:26,936 --> 00:18:28,003
Uh-huh, yeah.
459
00:18:29,536 --> 00:18:31,469
You gonna be wearing
the puffy shirt at the--?
460
00:18:31,503 --> 00:18:32,469
Look, it's not my shirt.
461
00:18:32,503 --> 00:18:33,669
Whose shirt is--?
462
00:18:33,703 --> 00:18:34,669
What's the difference?
463
00:18:34,703 --> 00:18:36,469
I agreed to wear it.
464
00:18:36,503 --> 00:18:39,669
It's a puffy shirt,
I feel ridiculous in it.
465
00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:42,069
And I think it's the stupidest
shirt I've ever seen,
466
00:18:42,103 --> 00:18:43,503
to be perfectly honest with you.
467
00:18:43,536 --> 00:18:45,705
LESLIE:
You bastard!
468
00:18:45,705 --> 00:18:46,169
LESLIE:
You bastard!
469
00:18:46,203 --> 00:18:47,536
Did you hear that?
470
00:18:47,569 --> 00:18:49,436
That I heard.
471
00:18:52,869 --> 00:18:54,369
All right.
A little to the left.
472
00:18:54,403 --> 00:18:56,303
Little higher.
Good, Perfect.
473
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:58,569
Like that?
Just like that.
Hold it.
474
00:18:58,603 --> 00:19:01,236
Okay, let me get one more.
475
00:19:01,269 --> 00:19:02,969
Good. That's it.
476
00:19:03,003 --> 00:19:03,969
You're done.
477
00:19:04,003 --> 00:19:05,003
That's it?
478
00:19:05,036 --> 00:19:06,503
That's it.
479
00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:08,503
And here's your check.
480
00:19:08,536 --> 00:19:09,803
Thank you very much.
481
00:19:09,836 --> 00:19:10,836
It was an honor.
482
00:19:10,869 --> 00:19:12,436
Thank you.
483
00:19:17,003 --> 00:19:19,003
It was great
working with you.
484
00:19:19,036 --> 00:19:20,569
Your hands
are beautiful.
485
00:19:20,603 --> 00:19:21,803
Oh.
486
00:19:21,836 --> 00:19:23,936
Thank you very much.
487
00:19:25,103 --> 00:19:26,569
You know, I was wondering,
488
00:19:26,603 --> 00:19:28,403
if you're not doing
anything later,
489
00:19:28,436 --> 00:19:30,503
maybe you'd
like to get together.
490
00:19:37,869 --> 00:19:39,669
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
491
00:19:42,936 --> 00:19:44,736
You ruined me,
you ruined my career!
492
00:19:44,769 --> 00:19:45,705
Just keep your voice down.
Everyone can hear you.
493
00:19:45,705 --> 00:19:47,403
Just keep your voice down.
Everyone can hear you.
494
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,003
I don't give a damn!
495
00:19:49,036 --> 00:19:51,003
You know, if you talked
this loud to begin with,
496
00:19:51,036 --> 00:19:53,069
I wouldn't be in this costume
in the first place.
497
00:19:53,103 --> 00:19:54,536
Hey, hey, you can't
believe this.
498
00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:56,136
Look at this check.
They told me I had
499
00:19:56,169 --> 00:19:58,569
the most beautiful hands
they've ever seen in their life,
500
00:19:58,603 --> 00:19:59,869
except for this McKigney guy.
501
00:19:59,903 --> 00:20:02,036
This great-looking girl
gave me her phone number.
502
00:20:02,069 --> 00:20:04,636
I got it all!
I'm busting, Jerry. I'm busting!
503
00:20:04,669 --> 00:20:06,969
Hey, I've never noticed
your hands before, let me see.
504
00:20:07,003 --> 00:20:08,336
All right.
505
00:20:10,269 --> 00:20:11,369
Yeah. Real nice.
506
00:20:16,269 --> 00:20:17,269
Nice shirt.
507
00:20:19,403 --> 00:20:21,036
Wh-what is this?
508
00:20:21,069 --> 00:20:22,469
Is this what you wore
on the show?
509
00:20:22,503 --> 00:20:23,469
Yeah.
510
00:20:23,503 --> 00:20:25,736
Have you completely
lost your mind?
511
00:20:25,769 --> 00:20:27,536
Who's dressing you?
512
00:20:27,569 --> 00:20:30,036
You look like
a complete idiot.
513
00:20:30,069 --> 00:20:31,603
I wouldn't wipe my--
514
00:20:32,403 --> 00:20:33,669
Aah!
515
00:20:33,703 --> 00:20:37,403
[GEORGE SCREAMING]
516
00:20:39,836 --> 00:20:42,603
You ready?
Yeah.
517
00:20:46,403 --> 00:20:47,336
Hot, hot!
518
00:20:47,369 --> 00:20:48,836
Hot!
519
00:20:48,869 --> 00:20:50,703
ELAINE:
I'm sorry.
520
00:20:50,736 --> 00:20:53,903
This McKigney guy had
a few good years.
521
00:20:53,936 --> 00:20:56,169
How could you forget
to turn off an iron?
522
00:20:56,203 --> 00:20:58,903
I was excited because Jerry
was putting on the puffy shirt.
523
00:20:58,936 --> 00:21:01,669
My whole life is ruined
because of the puffy shirt.
524
00:21:01,703 --> 00:21:03,236
It didn't do
me any good either.
525
00:21:03,269 --> 00:21:05,869
That benefit was the worst show
I ever did.
526
00:21:05,903 --> 00:21:08,369
Some of those heckles
were really uncalled-for.
527
00:21:08,403 --> 00:21:09,836
"Avast ye, matey"?
528
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:11,869
What the hell
does that mean?
529
00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:13,669
"Twenty degrees over
the starboard side,
530
00:21:13,703 --> 00:21:14,869
it's a Spanish galleon."
531
00:21:14,903 --> 00:21:15,705
There's no comeback
for that.
532
00:21:15,705 --> 00:21:17,069
There's no comeback
for that.
533
00:21:17,103 --> 00:21:20,736
Well, it got me fired
from the benefit committee.
534
00:21:20,769 --> 00:21:23,836
You know, all those stores
canceled out on her.
535
00:21:23,869 --> 00:21:25,003
She's finished.
536
00:21:25,036 --> 00:21:26,369
We're finished.
537
00:21:26,403 --> 00:21:28,003
Really?
What happened?
538
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:29,369
I just can't be with someone,
539
00:21:29,403 --> 00:21:32,369
whose life is in
complete disarray.
540
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:35,803
What happened to
all the shirts?
541
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,003
They gave them
to Goodwill.
542
00:21:38,336 --> 00:21:41,836
GEORGE:
Puffy shirt, puffy shirt!
543
00:21:46,336 --> 00:21:50,103
Can you spare a little change,
for an old buccaneer?
544
00:21:52,003 --> 00:21:53,969
You know, it's really not
a bad-looking shirt.
545
00:21:54,003 --> 00:21:56,669
[♪]
546
00:22:04,669 --> 00:22:09,303
Why do we always
have to say "excuse me,"
547
00:22:09,336 --> 00:22:11,669
when we can't hear
what someone is saying?
548
00:22:11,703 --> 00:22:13,636
Why are we so guilty?
549
00:22:13,669 --> 00:22:16,536
"Excuse me. Pardon me.
I'm sorry."
550
00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:18,236
Why can't just once, I go,
551
00:22:18,269 --> 00:22:20,303
"Nope. Not loud enough"?
552
00:22:20,336 --> 00:22:22,003
Why can't I do that?
553
00:22:22,036 --> 00:22:24,336
[♪]
554
00:22:24,369 --> 00:22:27,336
Just once I would like to have
the guts,
555
00:22:27,369 --> 00:22:29,503
you know, to make that judgment.
556
00:22:29,536 --> 00:22:31,169
Someone mumbles something
and you go,
557
00:22:31,203 --> 00:22:32,803
"Your fault."
558
00:22:32,836 --> 00:22:34,448
"I'm not sorry
because it's your fault."
559
00:22:34,448 --> 00:22:36,169
"I'm not sorry
because it's your fault."
38618
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