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1
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I was thinking about hair...
2
00:00:05,572 --> 00:00:07,403
...and that the weird thing about it...
3
00:00:07,574 --> 00:00:10,304
...is that people will touch
other people's hair.
4
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:13,674
You will actually kiss another
human being right on the head...
5
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,781
...but if one of those hairs...
6
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:21,285
...should somehow be able to get out
of that skull and go off on its own...
7
00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:26,687
...it is now the vilest, most disgusting
thing that you can encounter.
8
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:29,027
The same hair.
9
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:34,064
People freak out,
"There was a hair in the egg salad."
10
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:42,535
Say it's Saturday night in Spain.
They go out dancing.
11
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,700
Think they do the flamenco?
12
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:46,540
I would think.
13
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,408
So you could call a woman
for a date...
14
00:00:48,581 --> 00:00:51,072
...ask her if she's free
for dinner and a flamenco.
15
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:54,652
You don't flamenco on the first date.
16
00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:56,584
I wish the flamenco
was popular here.
17
00:00:56,756 --> 00:01:00,214
- Yeah? Would you do it?
- Yes, I think I would.
18
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,224
Well, I knew you had
an affinity for it...
19
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,955
...because it's the dance
of a very proud people.
20
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:09,060
Hello. Oh, hi, Nana. What?
21
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,760
Oh, all right.
Okay, don't worry about it.
22
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:14,964
Okay, I'll see you later.
All right, bye.
23
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:17,234
- I have to go over my grandmother's.
- What for?
24
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,810
I have to open
a bottle of ketchup for her.
25
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,312
- So, what, no lunch?
- No, we have time.
26
00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:27,412
- How's she doing?
- She's starting to slip a little.
27
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,454
She has trouble distinguishing
between the past and the present.
28
00:01:30,723 --> 00:01:32,782
There's gotta be an easier way
to open ketchup.
29
00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:34,449
They should make it in a tube.
30
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,352
- Like toothpaste?
- Yeah.
31
00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:38,963
- There's a squeeze ketchup.
- I've seen squeeze mustard.
32
00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:42,067
- I've never seen squeeze ketchup.
- Lf they make squeeze mustard...
33
00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:44,396
...doesn't it stand to reason
they make squeeze ketchup?
34
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:47,335
Not necessarily.
Mustard lends itself to the squeeze.
35
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:49,771
- I don't see the difference.
- There's a difference.
36
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,274
- It's subtle.
- It's subtle?
37
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,639
Hey, isn't Elaine
supposed to meet us?
38
00:01:53,813 --> 00:01:55,804
Yeah, there she is.
39
00:01:56,549 --> 00:01:57,777
What?
40
00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,748
She's with her friend Wendy.
41
00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:02,319
Wendy?
Is that the physical therapist?
42
00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:04,787
Yeah. I'm on a kiss-hello
program with her.
43
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,687
- Really?
- Yeah. Every time I see her...
44
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,192
...I gotta kiss hello.
I did it once on her birthday.
45
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:12,957
Somehow it mushroomed.
Now I dread seeing her because of it.
46
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,863
- Hey.
- I'm down to one kiss hello.
47
00:02:16,035 --> 00:02:19,163
- My aunt Celia.
- That's fortunate. I really admire that.
48
00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:22,638
Really? I never heard you say
you admired me for anything.
49
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,573
No, I told you I admire your hearing.
50
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:29,005
Oh, don't slough that off.
You have great hearing.
51
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:31,548
- Hey.
- Hi.
52
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:34,050
- Did you ever meet George?
- Wendy.
53
00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:36,321
- You're a physical therapist, right?
- Yes.
54
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,151
You know,
I got this little swelling right here.
55
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:41,486
It's kind of painful.
What do you make of that?
56
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,822
- George...
- Have you tried heat and ice on it?
57
00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:46,722
Oh, that... That really seems
like a lot of trouble.
58
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,833
You could come by my office later.
I could work on it for you.
59
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,402
Oh, okay.
60
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:52,799
Let me give you my card.
61
00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:55,338
- Oh, thank you.
- Well, I'll see you guys later.
62
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,635
- Nice meeting you. Bye.
- Bye, Wendy. I'm sorry.
63
00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,778
- Bye, Jerry.
- Bye.
64
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,505
- What did you do that for?
- What?
65
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,809
Ask about your arm.
66
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,716
I still don't see why I can't
ask her about my arm.
67
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:10,185
She's a physical therapist.
68
00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:13,018
She doesn't wanna have to deal
with that outside the office.
69
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,629
- Why not?
- Because it is what she does.
70
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:18,991
I love these people.
You can't ask them questions.
71
00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:22,396
They're so mentally gifted that we
mustrt disturb the delicate genius...
72
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,503
...unless it's in the confines
of an office.
73
00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:29,199
When huge sums of money are
involved, the genius can be disturbed.
74
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,741
George, you got a little
something right here.
75
00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:34,903
- People think they're so important.
- I'm going on record right now.
76
00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:38,573
That was my last kiss hello. I am
getting off the kiss program with her.
77
00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:41,117
- Why?
- Well, you know, frankly...
78
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:44,882
...outside of a sexual relationship,
I don't see the point to it.
79
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:48,892
I'm not thrilled with the handshaking
either, but one step at a time.
80
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:52,057
- What are you getting?
- And what's with that hairdo?
81
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:55,463
Oh, yeah. I know.
It's not very flattering.
82
00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:59,071
I mean, she looks like something
out of an old high school yearbook.
83
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,672
You should say something to her.
84
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,035
Oh, I could never say anything
to her about that.
85
00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:06,235
Yeah, Kramer's the only person
who could say something like that.
86
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:09,245
- Yeah.
- Well, just tell Kramer to tell her.
87
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:12,213
No. If you tell him to do it,
he'll never do it.
88
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:15,718
What you have to do is introduce him,
and then he'll just come out with it.
89
00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,913
Yes. Yes, you're right. That's right.
90
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,525
I'll bring her over to meet Kramer.
91
00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:23,491
- Hi.
- Hey. Hello, boys and girls.
92
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:27,190
Yeah. Hey, listen.
I need a picture of you, buddy.
93
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,927
- What for?
- I'm putting everybody's picture up...
94
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,765
...in the lobby of our building.
- Why?
95
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:37,035
Everyone will know everybody's name.
People are gonna be a lot friendlier.
96
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:39,701
I don't want my picture
plastered up in the lobby.
97
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:43,474
Imagine walking by someone on
the floor and you say, "Hey, Carl"...
98
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:48,417
...and he says, "Hey, Jerry." That's
the kind of society I wanna live in.
99
00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:52,220
Kramer, I don't wanna stop and talk
every time I go in the building.
100
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:54,189
I just wanna nod
and be on my way.
101
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,385
You know,
your eyeliner's smudged a little.
102
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,291
Why do you wear
so much eye makeup?
103
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:04,863
Yeah. This is gonna work out
just fine.
104
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,302
Ma, again with the ketchup?
105
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:11,136
Don't they have them in
the plastic squeeze containers?
106
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,215
Jerry. Hello.
107
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:21,148
Hello, Uncle Leo.
108
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:24,017
- What are you doing here?
- Nana called me to open the bottle.
109
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,817
Yeah, me too.
110
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:29,223
- Hello, Jerry.
- Hi, Nana.
111
00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:33,059
- Arert you gonna kiss her hello?
- Yes, yes, of course.
112
00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:34,927
Well, here's the bottle.
113
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:36,329
- I'll do it.
- I got it.
114
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:37,730
- Give it to me.
- Stop it.
115
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:41,032
- Jerry, would you give me the bottle?
- Uncle Leo.
116
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:43,807
All right. Take it.
117
00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:46,069
You should let Buddy open it.
118
00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:50,409
Buddy? He lived next door to us
45 years ago.
119
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:55,748
- Leo, did you give Helen the $50?
- What $50?
120
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:59,449
Your father won $ 1000
at the track last week...
121
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:01,217
...and he gave you 100...
122
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:04,659
...and you were supposed to give
$50 to your sister.
123
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:09,359
Ma, Dad died in 1962.
124
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:13,770
Believe me,
I don't owe your mother $50.
125
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,880
I'm not getting any hot water.
126
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,950
I know there's nothing worse
than when your shower's not working.
127
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,019
- I'm gonna take care of it.
- Thanks, Julio.
128
00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:29,620
All right.
129
00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:37,696
- Oh, hey.
- Hey, hey. Hello.
130
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:42,056
- What's going on here?
- Nothing, nothing.
131
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,261
- Well, then what are you doing?
- I need a pen.
132
00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:48,930
- What for?
- Well, I'm making out my will.
133
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:51,739
Oh, I got a big slice of dough
for you, buddy...
134
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,742
...and you too.
I haven't forgotten you.
135
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,505
You're looking for a picture of me?
136
00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:57,410
You got that straight.
137
00:06:58,050 --> 00:06:59,278
I told you, forget it.
138
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,920
Oh, come on, Jerry.
If everybody knew everybody...
139
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,579
...we wouldn't have the problems
we have in the world.
140
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,918
You don't rob somebody
if you know their name.
141
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,890
You're robbing me.
142
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:14,824
I'm gonna get your picture, and you're
gonna participate in my program.
143
00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:16,931
- Are you going home?
- Yeah.
144
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,266
Can you come back
in about five minutes?
145
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,737
Why?
146
00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:25,571
No reason.
Just wanna see you again.
147
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,886
- You sure Wendy's coming?
- Yeah, she'll be here any second.
148
00:07:40,059 --> 00:07:43,290
This will be an interesting experiment
to see if Kramer says something.
149
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,489
- You wanna go through with this?
- Listen, Jerry, she never dates...
150
00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:49,226
...and I know it's because of her hair.
151
00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:55,573
Hello. Oh, hi, Mom.
152
00:07:55,741 --> 00:07:59,837
Yeah, I was at Nana's yesterday. I
had to help her open a ketchup bottle.
153
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:02,041
Hey, Mom, let me ask you a question.
154
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:04,877
Do you remember
when you were a kid...
155
00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:09,151
...your father winning,
like, $ 1000 at the track?
156
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,821
Really?
157
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,958
Did you know
he gave Uncle Leo $ 100...
158
00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:15,616
...and he was supposed
to give you 50?
159
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:18,831
How do I know? Because Nana
doesn't know what year it is...
160
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:21,330
...and she thinks
this just happened.
161
00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:24,125
Well, I think you should.
162
00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:25,998
Okay. Bye.
163
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:31,032
Do you know what the interest
on that $50 comes to over 53 years?
164
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,541
Oh, Morty, please.
165
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:35,806
$663.45...
166
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,917
...and that's figuring conservatively
at 5 percent interest...
167
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:42,145
...over 53 years
compounded quarterly.
168
00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:46,018
- Or if you put it into a 10-year T-bill...
- Morty, will you stop it?
169
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,717
Well, he's not
getting away with this.
170
00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:54,629
- Yeah?
- It's Wendy.
171
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,392
Come on up.
172
00:08:57,703 --> 00:09:00,536
- This is it. Should I go get Kramer?
- No, no. He'll come in.
173
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,869
This is gonna be my first
opportunity to not kiss her hello.
174
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:07,945
What is the big deal about putting
your lips on somebody's face?
175
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:11,049
It's the obligation. You know,
as soon as this person comes in...
176
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,117
...you know you have to do this.
177
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:17,814
I mean, if you could, say, touch
a breast as part of the kiss hello...
178
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:21,750
...then I think I could see
the value in it a little better.
179
00:09:21,928 --> 00:09:24,590
How about an intercourse hello?
How would that be?
180
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:27,665
Elaine, now you're being ridiculous.
181
00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:31,767
- That's her. That's her.
- Wait, wait.
182
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:34,372
- What?
- Okay, go, go, go.
183
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,804
- Hi, Wendy.
- Hi, Elaine.
184
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,740
- Hi, Wendy.
- Oh, hi, Jerry.
185
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:42,210
- Would you like something to drink?
- Sure.
186
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,511
There you go.
187
00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:52,579
Oh, look at that.
I'm almost out of Klondike bars.
188
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,258
So how's everything going?
189
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,193
Oh, okay. Your friend George
came by the office the other day.
190
00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:01,128
And then yesterday,
he canceled on me.
191
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,666
Yeah, he had to take
his mother to the chiropodist.
192
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,368
Oh, did you hear that?
That must be Kramer.
193
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,474
Hey, Jerry.
194
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:15,805
- Come on. That's not fair.
- I told you I was gonna get it.
195
00:10:15,982 --> 00:10:19,748
- No, come on. Give me the picture.
- No, no, no.
196
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,386
All right, fine. Put my picture up.
What do I care?
197
00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:26,390
Kramer, Kramer, I'd like you
to meet my friend Wendy.
198
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,049
- Oh, hello.
- Hi.
199
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,993
You know, I really like that hairdo.
200
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:42,339
Thank you. I actually was thinking
it might be time for a change.
201
00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:45,944
- Oh, you were?
- No, no. You don't wanna do that.
202
00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:48,279
- Nobody wears it like that.
- No, Kramer...
203
00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:50,312
...if she wants to change her hair...
- No.
204
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,951
You'd be a damn fool to change it.
205
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:55,587
- It's very becoming.
- Oh, well.
206
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:07,730
So who's that friend of yours,
that guy who came in?
207
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:11,563
- Oh, Kramer.
- Yeah. Does he have a girlfriend?
208
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:13,771
You wanna go out with him?
209
00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:15,600
Well, why not?
210
00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:18,341
Well, it's just that...
That l...
211
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,173
What, is there anything
wrong with him?
212
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,643
Elaine?
213
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,886
No, I'm just thinking
about the question.
214
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:37,189
You know, my arm feels a lot better.
That Wendy really knows her stuff.
215
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:39,393
- She is super.
- Yeah.
216
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:40,827
Same time tomorrow?
217
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:44,603
Yeah, same time. There you go.
218
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,936
Oh, you owe 150.
219
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:51,908
- What for?
- Well, you canceled on Tuesday...
220
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,911
...and our policy is 24 hours' notice...
221
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,549
...for all cancellations.
222
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:01,876
Well, I couldn't come. I had to drive
my mother to the chiropodist.
223
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:05,421
- What's the problem?
- I'm being charged for Tuesday.
224
00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:07,491
I had to take my mother
to the chiropodist.
225
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,218
Well, I'm sorry. That's our policy.
226
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:15,625
Oh, you have a policy.
The delicate genius has a policy.
227
00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:19,004
So will you be here tomorrow?
228
00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:23,938
Well, it's less than 24 hours,
so I guess I have to.
229
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:31,348
Hey. So, what do you think?
You like it?
230
00:12:31,517 --> 00:12:35,419
Oh, my God. Look at that picture.
That's terrible.
231
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,078
You can't put that picture up.
232
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,224
Well, it's not a beauty contest.
233
00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:42,189
It's just a way for people
to get to know one another.
234
00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:44,158
- Hi, Cosmo.
- Hey...
235
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:45,922
...Steve.
236
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:48,331
Now, you see?
237
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,425
Hey, Kramer. My friend Wendy
wants to go out with you.
238
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,072
Well, how do you do?
239
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:58,276
Hello, Jerry.
240
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,503
Oh, hello...
241
00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:04,173
...Mary.
242
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:08,343
I've seen you so many times, and
now we can finally talk to each other.
243
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,989
See, what was I telling you?
Isn't this nice?
244
00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:13,785
Jerry, you know, could you
help me with a package?
245
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,792
- Oh, sure. Yeah.
- Thank you.
246
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,823
Oh, no.
247
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:26,731
You see, that's just what I need,
more kissing.
248
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:30,731
What is so funny?
249
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:32,172
Nothing. Nothing.
250
00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:38,179
Hello. Oh, hi, Ma.
251
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,578
What?
252
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:42,118
Oh, Ma, he didn't?
253
00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:44,188
He couldn't.
254
00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:46,017
All right, I will.
255
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:48,023
Okay, bye.
256
00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:50,993
Uncle Leo put Nana in a home.
257
00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:53,863
- Why?
- I don't know.
258
00:13:54,033 --> 00:13:56,433
Maybe to keep her quiet.
259
00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:04,105
Hi, Jerry.
260
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:06,905
- Hi, Joan.
- How you doing?
261
00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:09,274
- Pretty good.
- Just pretty good? Not great?
262
00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:10,847
Okay, great.
263
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:12,847
- Are you happy?
- Oh, I'm delighted.
264
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:15,851
- Okay. Have a nice day.
- You too.
265
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,817
- Hi, Jerry.
- Hi, Louise.
266
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:26,363
Hey.
267
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:28,926
Oh, well, thank you very much.
268
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,465
- For what?
- For putting my picture up on that wall.
269
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:34,401
I'm like Richard Dawson
down there now.
270
00:14:35,407 --> 00:14:39,400
Every person I see engages me in this
long, boring, tedious conversation.
271
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:42,877
- I can't even get out of the building.
- You should be thanking me...
272
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:46,313
...for liberating you from your world
of Ioneliness and isolation.
273
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:49,477
- Now you're part of a family.
- Family?
274
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:51,520
- Yeah.
- You think I want another family?
275
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:54,090
My father's demanding
my uncle pay interest...
276
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:57,320
...on $50 he was supposed
to give my mother in 1941...
277
00:14:57,496 --> 00:15:01,193
...and my uncle put my Nana
in a home to try and shut her up.
278
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:04,097
Another thing, Cosmo, Kramer,
whatever you wanna be called...
279
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,738
...the kissing thing is over.
There's no more kissing...
280
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,170
...and I don't care
what the consequences are.
281
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:36,361
Oh, hi, Mr. Costanza. We were
trying to get in touch with you.
282
00:15:36,535 --> 00:15:39,629
Wendy can't make her appointment.
283
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:44,635
- What do you mean?
- She had some personal affairs...
284
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:46,038
...she had to attend to.
285
00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:48,543
I left a message on your machine.
You didn't get it?
286
00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:51,712
- When did you leave the message?
- A few hours ago.
287
00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:57,378
Oh, I'm sorry. I require 24 hours'
notice for a cancellation.
288
00:15:57,556 --> 00:16:00,787
Now, as I see it,
you owe me $ 75.
289
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:05,124
- Look, Mr. Costanza...
- Will that be cash or check?
290
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,399
I am really glad I took the day off.
291
00:16:10,569 --> 00:16:12,730
Oh, yeah.
There's nothing better than skiing.
292
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:15,965
Yeah. God, I hope my clients
werert too upset.
293
00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:18,372
The hell with them.
294
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,406
What are you stopping here for?
295
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:25,379
I'm dropping you off.
296
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:28,577
- Oh, no. I'm three more blocks.
- Lf I take you right to your door...
297
00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:31,917
...I have to go all the way around
Central Park West, back to Columbus.
298
00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:34,321
You know, it's all one-way.
299
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,154
Yeah, but it's only three blocks.
300
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,956
Right. It's only three blocks.
301
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,460
All right. Well.
302
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,472
I got it.
303
00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:57,973
She'd driven me 120 miles,
then all of a sudden...
304
00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:02,177
...three blocks from my door,
she decides this trip is over.
305
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:04,948
- Isn't that strange?
- Yes, it's very strange, very strange.
306
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:06,853
I've never heard of anything like this.
307
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:10,792
It's as if I was hitchhiking and she
said, "This is as far as I can take you."
308
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:14,592
If you were, you'd never get in a car
with someone with a hairdo like that.
309
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,201
I had to carry my skis
and my boots and my poles.
310
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:20,861
- I pinched a nerve in my shoulder.
- You should have her work on it.
311
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,769
Yeah. All right. I gotta go.
312
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,140
- Hi, Jerry.
- Hi, Mary.
313
00:17:27,312 --> 00:17:30,247
Listen, I've decided
I can't kiss hello anymore.
314
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:34,750
I'm sorry. It's nothing personal. It
makes me uncomfortable. I'm sorry.
315
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:38,086
- Hi, Jerry.
- Hi, Louise. I was just telling Mary...
316
00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:41,090
...how I'm not gonna do the
kiss-hello thing anymore. I'm sorry.
317
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:43,091
I just can't do it.
It's nothing personal.
318
00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:47,926
It's just that I'm not really able to do it.
Thank you for your cooperation.
319
00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:49,695
- Hello.
- Jerry?
320
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:52,462
Hi, Mom. What's happening
with Uncle Leo? Is he paying you?
321
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,970
Well, he said no.
He says we have no proof.
322
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,233
No proof? We'll get him.
323
00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:00,003
He's a crook.
Sooner or later he'll slip up.
324
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:03,512
Anyway, I want you to go
check on Nana at the home.
325
00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:05,274
- Okay, I will.
- Do you realize...
326
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:10,218
...an above average performing
growth mutual fund for 53 years...
327
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:14,714
- What's up?
- I gotta go visit my nana in the home.
328
00:18:19,631 --> 00:18:22,532
Hey, Kramer. Look at this.
Look at my picture.
329
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,027
I've been defaced.
330
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:28,971
Well, don't you worry, buddy.
I made double prints.
331
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,701
- Hey. Hi, Cosmo.
- Oh, hey. Jack. How you doing?
332
00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:33,572
Hi, Jack.
333
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:39,947
I was wondering, could you get
to that shower today, you think?
334
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:43,520
Oh, I see. When you need something
done, then you're friendly to people.
335
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:46,214
- No, no. That's not true.
- Well, I think it is.
336
00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:49,519
It's a big building, Seinfeld.
Maybe I'll get to it someday...
337
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:52,960
...after I take care of the people
that are civil to each other.
338
00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:58,494
Yeah, she's upstairs playing cards.
339
00:18:58,670 --> 00:19:01,332
She really doesn't belong here.
My uncle put her here...
340
00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:04,237
...because he's trying to prove
he doesn't owe my mother $50.
341
00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:07,042
Well, she seems very happy.
342
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:09,703
She met an old friend
who used to live next door to her.
343
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:13,049
- Buddy?
- Yes, that's his name.
344
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:15,118
He's right over there.
345
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:20,588
I'm sorry. I don't owe you anything.
346
00:19:20,759 --> 00:19:22,693
I had some personal business
that day.
347
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:26,258
Oh, I see. So your time is more
valuable than mine. Is that it?
348
00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:28,092
You're a delicate genius.
349
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:29,991
A delicate genius?
350
00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:32,092
- Elaine.
- George.
351
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,703
Good luck.
352
00:19:36,408 --> 00:19:38,467
- What's going on?
- Wendy...
353
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:41,909
...I injured my shoulder Wednesday
when you dropped me off...
354
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:45,948
...and I had to carry my skis and my
boots and my poles all the way home.
355
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,177
I'm having trouble lifting my arm.
356
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:50,253
You think you could
give me some treatment?
357
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:53,949
Oh, sure.
You have insurance, right?
358
00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:57,385
Insurance? You're charging me?
359
00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:59,258
Wednesday?
360
00:19:59,431 --> 00:20:02,400
That's your personal business?
Skiing?
361
00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:05,628
Sure. Let people suffer while
you're shooshing all over a mountain.
362
00:20:05,804 --> 00:20:10,468
- How did you hear that?
- I hear everything.
363
00:20:10,909 --> 00:20:13,844
All right, why don't you two just
take your business elsewhere.
364
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,771
That is a good idea.
365
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,543
- Come on, George.
- Yeah. Let's go.
366
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:26,020
And you know, you might wanna
do something about that hair.
367
00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:28,782
Why? What's wrong with my hair?
368
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:33,364
I think it's a little
old-fashioned, don't you?
369
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:36,501
- Tell her.
- She's right.
370
00:20:37,502 --> 00:20:39,026
So you were with him
at the track?
371
00:20:39,204 --> 00:20:43,664
Oh, yeah. He won $ 1000.
His son was there too.
372
00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:46,538
- Leo?
- Yeah, that's it. Leo.
373
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:49,909
Oh, what an obnoxious little kid.
374
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:53,142
He used to steal my soda bottles
and cash them in for the deposit.
375
00:20:53,852 --> 00:20:55,080
Is that so?
376
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,255
After your grandfather hit
the daily double, he gave him $ 100...
377
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:00,288
...and told him to give $50
to his sister.
378
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:01,858
His sister?
379
00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:04,996
Well, I said he should give it to me
for all the bottles he took.
380
00:21:05,163 --> 00:21:08,030
Well, that's very interesting.
381
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:09,833
Uncle Leo...
382
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:13,438
...I just met an old acquaintance
of yours. You remember Buddy.
383
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:17,939
He just told me quite a story about
you and Grandpa at the track.
384
00:21:18,543 --> 00:21:21,171
- Wait a second.
- You're busted.
385
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:26,248
Hey, Steve. How you doing?
386
00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:29,979
Hey, Jeff. What's happening?
387
00:21:31,490 --> 00:21:33,822
Mary. Oh, Mary.
388
00:21:33,992 --> 00:21:36,552
Give us a kiss. Don't be like that.
I made a mistake.
389
00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:40,061
Look, why don't you do everybody a
favor and just get out of this building.
390
00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:42,666
Nobody wants you here. Nobody!
391
00:21:42,934 --> 00:21:45,368
- Hi, Mary.
- Oh, hi, Jeff. How are you?
392
00:21:45,537 --> 00:21:47,266
Hi, Steve. How are you?
393
00:21:47,439 --> 00:21:49,498
- Hey, let's go get some coffee.
- Great idea.
394
00:21:49,675 --> 00:21:51,973
I gotta go down to the corner, but...
395
00:21:55,914 --> 00:21:57,939
Oh, Paul, could you hold that door?
396
00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:13,421
- Hi.
- Hey, could I use your shower?
397
00:22:13,598 --> 00:22:15,293
What, again?
You took one this morning.
398
00:22:15,467 --> 00:22:16,957
I got a date. Come on. Please.
399
00:22:17,135 --> 00:22:19,330
I know, but, you know,
I got a little problem.
400
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:22,405
- Wendy here?
- No, no. She changed her hairstyle.
401
00:22:22,574 --> 00:22:24,701
It's terrible. No, we're done.
402
00:22:24,876 --> 00:22:26,901
- I'll go get some more beer.
- Oh, yeah. Great.
403
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:29,604
And get some of those
blue corn chips.
404
00:22:29,781 --> 00:22:31,271
- Hey.
- Hi, Cosmo.
405
00:22:31,450 --> 00:22:34,044
Hi. I like that.
406
00:22:34,219 --> 00:22:35,948
- Who was that?
- That was Stephanie, 2G.
407
00:22:36,121 --> 00:22:37,452
Oh, man.
408
00:22:37,622 --> 00:22:40,614
- You got quite a few people in here.
- Well, I'd invite you in...
409
00:22:40,792 --> 00:22:42,623
...but, you know.
410
00:22:42,794 --> 00:22:45,024
Oh, I understand.
411
00:22:46,024 --> 00:22:56,024
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