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Tennis is the only sport where
the uniform is what you'd wear...
2
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,370
...under your clothes
in any other sport.
3
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,600
You're actually out there
in your underwear.
4
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:13,405
Unless in the old days,
they would wear those long pants...
5
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:16,947
...and the big heavy sweaters. How
long did it take them to get over that?
6
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,415
We're out here in the hot sun,
running after a ball.
7
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:22,077
What exactly are we
all dressed up for?
8
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,390
That's why they started
keeping score like that. Point?
9
00:00:25,558 --> 00:00:29,517
You know what? Make it 15.
I'm dying in this sweater here.
10
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:32,096
Another one got by me?
Take another 10 points.
11
00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:34,096
Let's just get this over with.
12
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:41,636
- Come on, let's go.
- No, wait. I gotta go in here.
13
00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:44,402
- I gotta pick up Mr. Pitt's racket.
- What's it doing here?
14
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:47,273
He wanted to have it re-strung.
I need to pick that up.
15
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:50,507
- Hello.
- Oh, hi.
16
00:00:50,683 --> 00:00:52,776
- Jocelyn Landis from Doubleday.
- Yes.
17
00:00:52,952 --> 00:00:55,819
I interviewed you for a position
a couple of months ago.
18
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:58,321
Yes. The one I didn't get.
19
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,283
I was watching you play.
20
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:01,757
Oh, I'm not very good.
21
00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:05,762
No, you exhibited
a lot of grace out there.
22
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:10,096
- Really? Grace?
- Yes. So have you found anything yet?
23
00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:15,066
- No. Not really.
- You know, you should keep in touch.
24
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,835
Something may be opening up
in a few weeks.
25
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,713
Is that a Bruline?
26
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,576
Oh, Bruline. Newmars got
the same one.
27
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,685
- Newman plays tennis?
- He's fantastic.
28
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:28,912
Would you mind if I tried this out?
29
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,520
No. Take it.
30
00:01:32,692 --> 00:01:34,421
How will you get it back?
31
00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:37,688
Well, I could come by your office
and pick it up tomorrow.
32
00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:40,264
That's so generous of you. Thanks.
33
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,896
- You loaned her Pitt's racket?
- What could I do?
34
00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:47,505
She said there might be something
for me at Doubleday.
35
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:50,939
Wouldrt that be great? I wouldn't
have to work for Mr. Pitt anymore.
36
00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:53,375
- I gotta get going.
- Oh, okay.
37
00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:56,447
Next time let's play Ping-Pong.
It's easier to jump over the net.
38
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,277
Yeah.
39
00:01:58,451 --> 00:01:59,713
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
40
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:04,982
Have you noticed
that she never laughs?
41
00:02:06,025 --> 00:02:09,119
- Really?
- Yeah. Think about it.
42
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:15,495
You're not gonna believe this.
There she is. Check that out.
43
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:20,768
- You're dating this woman?
- That's right.
44
00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:23,841
George, you're becoming
one of the glitterati.
45
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:27,837
- What's that?
- You know, people who glitter.
46
00:02:28,214 --> 00:02:30,307
- She's a slim gal.
- Yeah.
47
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:33,077
And the amazing thing is
she eats like there's no tomorrow.
48
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:35,915
I've never seen an appetite like this.
Desserts, everything.
49
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:39,320
- I don't know how she does it.
- Maybe she's bulimic.
50
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,687
- What?
- Bulimic, you know?
51
00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,322
- Kramer, she's a model.
- Exactly.
52
00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:49,096
Well, I have noticed she does
tend to go to the bathroom...
53
00:02:49,269 --> 00:02:51,169
...right after we finish eating.
- Yeah.
54
00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:54,568
There you go, monkey boy.
Come on.
55
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,105
That's so good.
56
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:05,513
How's that?
57
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,353
Arert you hungry?
58
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:11,482
Just enjoying watching you.
59
00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:18,195
- So did you like the movie?
- Yeah, it was okay.
60
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:21,629
Frankenstein didn't seem quite right
to me. I missed the sport jacket.
61
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:26,569
Not that it was that nice of a jacket.
I mean, it didn't fit him that well.
62
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:29,970
To me there's just something
about a monster in a blazer.
63
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,441
It shows at least
he's making an effort.
64
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,739
That's funny.
65
00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:39,046
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
66
00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:43,984
I'm so full.
67
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:47,126
Yes. Full. Love to be full.
68
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:51,855
Love to just sit back, loosen the old
belt and digest away for hours.
69
00:03:52,031 --> 00:03:53,965
Let those enzymes do their work.
70
00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:56,567
- Will you excuse me?
- Where are you going?
71
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:59,432
- I just need to freshen up.
- You're fresh.
72
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:03,803
You're very fresh.
You seem very fresh to me.
73
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,912
You're very vital.
I couldn't take you any fresher.
74
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,479
George, I need to freshen.
75
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:11,344
George? George? George!
76
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:14,577
It was unbelievable.
You were right.
77
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,450
The jokes kept bouncing off her
like Superman.
78
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,688
- See? What did I tell you?
- Even when she did like something...
79
00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:24,489
...she doesn't laugh.
She says, "That's funny."
80
00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:26,731
"That's funny."
81
00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:28,594
I gotta call that woman
at Doubleday.
82
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,430
See when I can pick up
Mr. Pitt's racket.
83
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,038
How could I be with someone
that doesn't laugh?
84
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:38,041
It's like...
Well, it's like something.
85
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:43,378
Hello. Yeah, hi.
Is Miss Landis there, please?
86
00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:45,517
What?
87
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:50,018
Gosh. Okay. She'll be in later?
88
00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:52,456
Okay. Thank you.
89
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:56,788
This guy said she hurt her arm
playing tennis.
90
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,861
It's pretty bad.
91
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,463
Well, I heard a noise.
92
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:08,674
- What noise?
- You know:
93
00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:13,740
What...?
94
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,272
From the bathroom.
95
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:21,011
- You think she was refunding?
- Every time we go out to eat...
96
00:05:21,187 --> 00:05:23,712
...the minute we're done,
she's running for the bathroom.
97
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:28,327
- So you're concerned?
- Elaine, of course I'm concerned.
98
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,724
I'm paying for those meals.
99
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:34,729
It's like throwing money
down the toilet.
100
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,025
- In a manner of speaking.
- Right.
101
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:41,105
Let me digest it. Let me get my
money's won'th. What would be good...
102
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:44,539
...is if there was someone else
in the bathroom that could tell me.
103
00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:47,939
- Hey, here's your scrubber back, pal.
- Oh, thanks.
104
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,309
Hey, maybe I could bribe
one of those women...
105
00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:52,644
...that hand out the towels
in the powder room.
106
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:55,310
- A matron?
- Yeah.
107
00:05:56,322 --> 00:05:57,949
Well, I can't help you there.
108
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:01,693
- What?
- Nothing.
109
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,158
- You know a matron?
- Me?
110
00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:04,819
- You.
- No.
111
00:06:04,997 --> 00:06:07,022
- Kramer.
- Look. Just leave me alone.
112
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,168
- Well, what is it?
- Don't make me!
113
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:11,269
- What?
- No, I can't, all right? I can't.
114
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:15,134
- Who?
- My mother's a matron!
115
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,906
- Babs?
- Yeah, there. All right? I said it.
116
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,307
You satisfied?
Anything else you wanna know?
117
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,711
Kramer, Kramer, I need to know
if Nina is refunding.
118
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,579
- Look, George, I can't help you.
- Well, why not? Why not?
119
00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:30,052
Let go. Because I haven't talked
to my mother in five years.
120
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:34,023
We just don't see eye to eye. I don't
even wanna get into my childhood.
121
00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:37,924
I'm still carrying a lot of pain.
A lot of pain.
122
00:06:38,097 --> 00:06:40,657
- Come on, you could really help me.
- I can't.
123
00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:42,960
Kramer, you're gonna have to
face her sometime.
124
00:06:47,673 --> 00:06:49,072
Hello?
125
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:55,746
Oh, my goodness.
What happened?
126
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:58,312
I tore my humeral epicondylitis.
127
00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:04,246
The doctor said it may never
fully heal. I may never play again.
128
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,156
- You'll be playing...
- lf I can't play tennis...
129
00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:10,158
...I don't know what I'll do.
130
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:15,795
There are plenty of things you can do.
There's chess...
131
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:19,096
...and mahjong.
132
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,469
You don't know how lucky you are
to be healthy.
133
00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:25,406
- And biking and...
- What am I going to do?
134
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,877
Could I...?
135
00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:37,853
If I can't play tennis,
I have no reason to live.
136
00:07:43,863 --> 00:07:47,799
You know, it's not important.
I'm gonna... Okay.
137
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:52,336
Well, you know, take care
of that condylitis.
138
00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:03,743
Ma?
139
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,512
Cosmo.
140
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:13,224
Cosmo?
141
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:18,194
- Why didn't you just ask her for it?
- I told you, I couldn't.
142
00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:22,357
The woman was crying about how she
might never play tennis again.
143
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:25,869
- Yeah.
- Hidee-ho.
144
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:27,665
Come on up.
145
00:08:27,907 --> 00:08:30,671
Well, when do you have to get
the racket back to Mr. Pitt?
146
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:35,007
He's got a big match tomorrow
with Ethel Kennedy.
147
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:40,950
He needs a $300 Bruline
to beat Ethel Kennedy?
148
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:44,519
He'll only play with his racket.
149
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,386
Why don't you wait till
she's not there on her lunch hour...
150
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,529
...and just take it?
- That's stealing.
151
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:53,096
Stealing? You loaned her
the racket.
152
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:55,257
I know.
153
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:59,395
Hey. So, what happened
with Kramer's mother?
154
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:02,473
It's all worked out. Nina and I
are gonna have dinner Thursday...
155
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:04,872
...at the restaurant
where Babs works.
156
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:08,377
- What's she like?
- Oh, she's a Kramer.
157
00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:13,474
And while I was there,
I happened to pick up...
158
00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:16,986
...another juicy little nugget
about our friend.
159
00:09:17,156 --> 00:09:19,124
- I'm ready. What?
- Come on. What is it?
160
00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:23,384
- I got the first name.
- What?
161
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,259
You found out Kramer's first name?
162
00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:29,265
- That's right. You ready?
- Yes, we're ready.
163
00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:32,302
I've been trying to get it out of him
for 10 years. What is it?
164
00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,665
Cosmo.
165
00:09:38,210 --> 00:09:39,575
- Cosmo?
- Cosmo?
166
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,879
- Cosmo.
- Cosmo?
167
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:51,587
Cosmo!
168
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,197
What's so funny?
169
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,267
What?
170
00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:05,895
Cosmo?
171
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,006
All right, all right. Okay.
172
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:14,112
So you know the name now.
The cat is out of the bag.
173
00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:17,143
I gotta hand it to you.
174
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:20,251
You did a hell of a job
keeping it a secret all these years.
175
00:10:20,419 --> 00:10:21,943
It's not such a bad name.
176
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:24,783
You know, all my life I've been
running away from that name.
177
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,892
That's why I wouldn't tell anybody.
But I been thinking about it.
178
00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:30,995
All this time
I'm trying not to be me.
179
00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:34,860
I'm afraid to face who I was.
But I'm Cosmo, Jerry.
180
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,696
I'm Cosmo Kramer,
and that's who I'm gonna be.
181
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:40,771
From now on, I'm Cosmo.
182
00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:49,378
- Yes?
- Hi, is Sandi here?
183
00:10:49,548 --> 00:10:53,314
Oh, hi. You must be Jerry. Sandi's in
the shower. You wanna come in?
184
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,545
Well, I would except
I forgot to bring a towel.
185
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:10,893
So the roommate laughed
at everything I said.
186
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:14,968
It was a great-sounding laugh too.
Kind of lilting and feminine.
187
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:16,836
None of those big, coarse "ha's."
188
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,670
- You know those?
- Oh, yeah.
189
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,510
Hate the big, coarse "ha."
I hate those.
190
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,808
And the worst part
is that she also possessed...
191
00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:28,420
...many of the other qualities
prized by the superficial man.
192
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:33,551
I see.
193
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:38,062
So as you can see,
I've got a bit of a problem here.
194
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:43,500
Well, if I hear you correctly,
and I think that I do...
195
00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:48,066
...my advice to you
is to finish your meal...
196
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:52,233
...pay your check, leave here and
never mention this to anyone again.
197
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:53,974
Can't be done, huh?
198
00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:57,215
- The switch?
- The switch.
199
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,284
Can't be done.
200
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:02,782
I wonder.
201
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,354
Do you realize in the entire history
of Western civilization...
202
00:12:06,525 --> 00:12:09,289
...no one successfully accomplished
the roommate switch.
203
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:13,626
In the Middle Ages you could get
locked up for even suggesting it.
204
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,095
They didn't have roommates
in the Middle Ages.
205
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:19,928
- How do you know?
- For one thing...
206
00:12:20,106 --> 00:12:21,573
...they didn't have apartments.
207
00:12:22,174 --> 00:12:26,042
I'm sure at some point between
the years 800 and 1200 somewhere...
208
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:28,305
...there were two women
living together.
209
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:30,472
The point is,
I intend to undertake this.
210
00:12:30,649 --> 00:12:33,675
And I'll do it with or without you.
So if you're scared...
211
00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:37,016
...if you haven't got the stomach
for this, let's get it out right now.
212
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:42,491
And I'll go on my own. If not, you can
get onboard, and we can get to work.
213
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:44,561
Now, what's it gonna be?
214
00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:47,322
All right, damn it, I'm in.
215
00:12:49,201 --> 00:12:50,793
I couldn't do it without you.
216
00:12:51,203 --> 00:12:53,831
All right. Let's get to work.
217
00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:21,232
All right.
218
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:23,660
That's enough for today.
219
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,268
You're tired. Get some sleep.
220
00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:31,432
- I'll see you first thing in the morning.
- We can't do it. Who are we kidding?
221
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:34,340
It's impossible. It's true.
You can't do the switch.
222
00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:36,481
Nobody can do the switch.
223
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:40,585
It was a stupid idea to begin with.
Let's face it.
224
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:42,880
I'm stuck with the non-laugher,
and that's that.
225
00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:46,491
- We'll come up with something.
- Yeah. Sure we will.
226
00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:48,993
See you tomorrow.
227
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,506
I got it!
228
00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:11,913
All right. Let's go over it again
one more time.
229
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:18,087
All right. So I tell Sandi
that I wanna have a menage a trois...
230
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:22,125
...with her and her roommate.
- That's right.
231
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:26,890
And you believe this course of action
will have a two-pronged effect.
232
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:32,670
Firstly, the very mention of the idea
will cause Sandi to recoil in disgust.
233
00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:36,535
Whereupon, she will insist that I
remove myself from the premises.
234
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,405
- Keep going.
- At this point, it is inevitable...
235
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:41,409
...that she will seek out
the roommate...
236
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:45,141
...to apprise her
of this abhorrent turn of events.
237
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:48,912
- Continue.
- The roommate will then offer...
238
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:51,249
...her friend
the requisite sympathy...
239
00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:55,553
...even as part of her cannot help
but feel somewhat flattered...
240
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:59,459
...by her inclusion
in the unusual request.
241
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:02,399
A few days go by...
242
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:08,336
...and a call is placed at a time when
Sandi is known to be busy at work.
243
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:13,409
Once the initial awkwardness
is relieved with a little playful humor...
244
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,742
...which she, of course,
cannot resist...
245
00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:21,947
...an invitation to a friendly dinner
is proffered.
246
00:15:23,822 --> 00:15:26,256
Well, it all sounds pretty good.
247
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:29,217
There's only one flaw in it.
248
00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:32,796
They're roommates. She'd have to
go out with me behind Sandi's back.
249
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:35,092
She's not gonna do that.
250
00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:38,702
You disappoint me, my friend.
251
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,233
Sandi wants nothing to do with you.
252
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:47,812
She tells Laura, "If you wanna
waste your time with that pervert...
253
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,274
...that's your problem."
254
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,017
It's the perfect plan.
255
00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:59,218
So inspired, so devious,
yet so simple.
256
00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:01,892
This is what I do.
257
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:17,336
Can I help you?
258
00:16:19,111 --> 00:16:21,136
- No. I'm okay.
- Then what are you doing...
259
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,975
...with that racket?
- It's mine.
260
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,947
- Ms. Landis borrowed it.
- I'm sorry. You can't take that.
261
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:29,212
- No, no, no.
- No, no. I can. I can.
262
00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:32,653
- It's mine. It's my racket.
- Look, I don't know who you are...
263
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,851
...I don't know what you're doing...
- Okay. I'm going. I'm going.
264
00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:38,861
- Not with that racket.
- Give that to me. You give it.
265
00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:40,828
Give it to me.
266
00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:47,972
All right, all right. Forget it. But you
don't have to mention any of this...
267
00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:51,598
...to Miss Landis, do you?
- I don't have to, but I will.
268
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,446
- Hi, Cosmo.
- Hi, Mr. Clotwon'thy.
269
00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,777
- How are you today?
- Couldrt be better.
270
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,180
- Hi, Lorraine.
- Hi, Cosmo.
271
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:02,877
- My mom, Babs.
- Hi, Mrs. Kramer.
272
00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:05,751
- Lorraine.
- Yes, it's a fine day.
273
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:09,087
- What do you say, Cosmo?
- Hey, everything, my man.
274
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:13,928
- What?
- I don't know the exact pronunciation...
275
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:18,934
...but I believe it's "menage a trois."
276
00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:23,200
That is a wild idea.
277
00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:32,406
You know, Ma, I been thinking.
I want you to quit that matron job.
278
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:34,745
Yes, well, isn't that just easy
for you to say.
279
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,683
What the hell do you think
I'm gonna do?
280
00:17:36,855 --> 00:17:39,756
Well, maybe we could go into
business together, if you're clean.
281
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:43,319
I told you I've been clean
for two years.
282
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:47,124
- Anyway, what would we do together.
- I got plenty of ideas.
283
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:49,961
I always believed in you, Cosmo.
You know that.
284
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:54,335
So I want you to call that place today
and tell them that you're through.
285
00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:57,265
- All right, I'll do it.
- Yeah.
286
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,581
- So good.
- So glad.
287
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,642
Excuse me, I've gotta freshen up.
288
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:10,619
And why shouldn't you?
Be fresh. Stay fresh.
289
00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:14,225
I'll be back.
I'm really not feeling very well.
290
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:18,994
- Care to see our dessert menu?
- Yeah. Do you know Babs?
291
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:21,189
Oh, yeah.
I was sorry to hear she left.
292
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:25,401
- Babs left?
- Yeah. She quit today.
293
00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:48,616
What are you
doing in here, George?
294
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:54,293
I was just wondering what it was
you wanted for dessert?
295
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,369
How you feeling?
296
00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:14,908
- Hi, Newman.
- Hi, Babs.
297
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,679
What are you doing?
298
00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:21,325
- Minding my own business.
- You can't get into trouble that way.
299
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:25,393
What makes you think
I'm looking for trouble?
300
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:29,000
From what I hear, you postmen
don't have to look too far.
301
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:36,773
Well, you know, sometimes
it just has a way of finding you.
302
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:39,106
Cigarette?
303
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:41,770
Don't mind if I do.
304
00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:50,354
Kramer. Kramer!
305
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:53,989
- Hey.
- What happened to Babs?
306
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:57,253
She never showed up last night.
The whole thing blew up in my face.
307
00:19:57,429 --> 00:19:58,953
That's a shame.
308
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:05,760
Hey, what happened with Sandi?
I forgot all about it. Did you call her?
309
00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:08,496
Yeah, I did.
In fact, I went over there.
310
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:10,767
So, what happened?
Did she throw you out?
311
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,411
No, actually, she took it pretty well.
312
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:17,811
- So, what happened?
- She's into it.
313
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,788
- Into what?
- The menage.
314
00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:26,891
And not only that,
she just called me.
315
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,890
She told me she spoke
with the roommate...
316
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:32,053
...and the roommate's
into the menage too.
317
00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:34,322
That's unbelievable.
318
00:20:34,499 --> 00:20:36,558
Oh, it's a scene, man.
319
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,297
Do you ever just get down
on your knees and thank God...
320
00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:45,466
...that you know me
and have access to my dementia?
321
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:49,376
What are you talking about?
I'm not gonna do it.
322
00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:51,982
You're not gonna do it?
What do you mean?
323
00:20:52,150 --> 00:20:54,880
I can't. I'm not an orgy guy.
324
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:57,488
Are you crazy?
325
00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:02,383
This is like discovering plutonium
by accident.
326
00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:06,656
Don't you know what it means
to become an orgy guy?
327
00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:09,926
It changes everything.
I'd have to dress and act different.
328
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:13,162
I'd have to grow a mustache
and get all kinds of robes and lotions...
329
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:16,273
...and get a new bedspread,
new curtains.
330
00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:19,604
I'd have to get thick carpeting
and weirdo lighting.
331
00:21:19,911 --> 00:21:23,142
Then I'd have to get new friends.
I'd have to get orgy friends.
332
00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:25,910
No, I'm not ready for it.
333
00:21:30,822 --> 00:21:33,382
If only something like that
could happen to me.
334
00:21:33,925 --> 00:21:35,517
Shut up. You couldn't do it either.
335
00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:38,593
I know.
336
00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:43,892
- Did you get your racket?
- No. I got caught.
337
00:21:44,236 --> 00:21:47,672
- What do you mean, you got caught?
- Her assistant caught me.
338
00:21:47,839 --> 00:21:50,501
I'm probably not gonna get a job.
He's gonna tell Landis...
339
00:21:50,676 --> 00:21:52,667
...that I was sneaking
around her office.
340
00:21:52,844 --> 00:21:55,312
I still don't understand
how you can get in trouble...
341
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,345
...for taking your own racket.
342
00:21:57,649 --> 00:22:03,144
Meanwhile, Mr. Pitt's got this match
with Ethel Kennedy this afternoon.
343
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:04,983
- Hey.
- Hey, Cosmo.
344
00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:06,488
- Hi, Cosmo.
- Thanks, buddy.
345
00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:09,218
Hey, doesn't Newman
have a Bruline racket?
346
00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:12,653
Yeah, yeah. But he's on vacation.
Went to Baltimore.
347
00:22:13,198 --> 00:22:14,927
But you got the key
to his place, right?
348
00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:17,466
- Yeah.
- Elaine needs to borrow his racket.
349
00:22:17,636 --> 00:22:19,228
- Just for today.
- All right. Come on.
350
00:22:19,404 --> 00:22:21,167
I'll take you over to Newmars.
351
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,638
Hey, Cosmo! What happened
to your mother last night?
352
00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:25,834
- She hung me out to dry.
- She quit.
353
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,844
It would have been nice
if somebody told me about it.
354
00:22:29,614 --> 00:22:32,048
I just think she could've said
something, that's all.
355
00:22:32,217 --> 00:22:34,617
- Don't talk to me, George. Talk to her.
- Where is she?
356
00:22:34,786 --> 00:22:36,117
I don't know.
357
00:22:37,155 --> 00:22:38,588
Ma!
358
00:22:39,358 --> 00:22:42,759
- Cosmo.
- I'm sorry. We werert... We didn't...
359
00:22:43,428 --> 00:22:45,419
Cosmo?
360
00:22:46,419 --> 00:22:56,419
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