All language subtitles for Sanford and Son - 02x19 - The Infernal Triangle.DVDRip.Addic7ed.com.srt (English)

Hello, operator?
Listen, let me have the police.

Hello, police? Listen, I was wondering
if you have a report...

of an injured old man
within the last hour or so?

Well, see, the old man happens to be...
Never mind.

Thank you.

Can I believe her

When she tells me so

Is she foolin'
Is itjust a game

You know, that's the way Sonny Til
with the Oriels used to sing that.

Then they'd go,
Am I the fire

Orjust another flame

I'll hit it one more time for you.

Am I the fire

Orjust another flame

Do you have any idea
what time it is?

I didn't know what time it was
until I met you

You're full of songs tonight.
What else are you full of, muscatel?

No. We were drinking
muscatel and Ripple.

In fact,
I call it, "muscatipple. "

And where have you been?

And don't tell me you've been
sitting with no sick friend.

Well, if she was
she's all right now.

- Whew!
- You was out with a woman?

Yes, I was out with a woman.
Who you think...

I'd be out with this time of night,
Fats Domino?

And I just called the police
to find out...

if they had any record
of an injured old man.

All I really had to worry about
was a dirty old man.

Don't say that.
She was a nice lady.

And where'd you meet this "nice lady"?
At a Swedish massage parlor?

Or did you answer
one of them ads in the paper?

"Lonely young woman
wants to meet silly old man?

Object: Rip-off. "

Don't talk like that
about Mrs. Edwards.

She's a nice lady,
and she's got class.

Mrs. Edwards might have class...

what you got to worry about is
whether Mr. Edwards has a gun.

There ain't no Mr. Edwards.
She's divorced.

I don't want to talk about it.
I'm going to bed.

No, you don't.
You ain't going traipsing off to bed...

and have me sit down here
worrying about you half the night.

Now what is this? Is this
something serious, or what?

This is serious. I'm in love with her.
I think this is it.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.

It's not something that just happens
to young people, you know?

Old folks got feelings.
And old folks got plenty of feelings.

Just because a prune is wrinkled
don't mean that it ain't tasty.

Well, who is
this old prune anyway?

- I'm talking about me.
- Yeah, you're an old prune all right.

Well, she likes it. In fact,
she said I was the nicest guy...

she ever met in her whole life.

She must of had a hard life.

I don't want to talk about it
if you're gonna make fun of the woman.

Okay, Pop.
All kidding aside, now.

Now what is this about?
What about Donna?

Aren't you engaged
to the barracuda?

- Yes, I'm engaged to her. So what?
- So what?

You gave her the engagement ring.
What about that?

- I'll ask her to give it back to me.
- What if she doesn't?

Well, then I'll tell her she's got to
keep making the payments herself.

- Shut up.
- I don't understand this.

I don't, I don't. You come in here...
You come in here singing.

I don't understand you.
And I don't understand this whole thing.

You might as well try to understand it.
It happens all the time.

What about when Elizabeth Taylor
left Eddie Fisher...

for Richard Burton?

What about when Ingrid Bergman
left her husband...

for that Italian fellow, Mussolini?

It was Rosselini. And anyway,
those people are in show business.

Well, the junk business is like
show business. If I got some junk...

I gotta show it,
else I'm out the business.

- Then this whole thing is settled, huh?
- Just about. She's coming tomorrow.

She might as well come and see
what her future home looks like.

Remind me
to spray the place real good.

Well, why?
Is she moving in here?

Not she, they.
She has two little children.

Mrs. Edwards is young enough
to have little children?

What's her first name, Lolita?

Well, Jackie
and Onassis did it.

So, just say that we're another
Jackie and Onassis.

Living happily ever after
on some Greek island.

The old prune and his young tomato
living on figs.

Listen, you want to hear
more about her or not?

If you don't,
I can drink my beer upstairs.

Oh, no. I wanna know all
the sordid details.

Now, when did you
meet her anyway?

I met her about a month ago
in Ruby's Bar and Grill.

See, I was sitting at the bar
on one end...

and she was sitting down
at the other end.

And the bartender had just
brought her one of them draft beers?

And she was licking the foam
trying to catch it, you know...

before it got out
on the counter.

And we looked up
at the same time.

And it was as though no one else
was in the whole room.

I can believe that.

She probably cleared the place
lapping up beer on the bar.

Listen, I got acquainted with her...

and we found out
that we were both lonely.

I thought you'd like the idea of me...

having some female companionship
in my waning years.

- What's wrong with that?
- You wanna know what's wrong with it?

The smell of nail polish
and cold cream all over the place.

The wash basin always
full of stockings...

and stretch pants
hanging all over the bathroom.

- You like that?
- I love it.

Yeah. It's better than
the smell of foot powder...

and your sweat socks hanging
over the shower curtain.

And you say she's got little children?
That's worse than having a dog.

You gonna be stepping in peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches all day.

You still don't understand, do you?

I said that
I wouldn't even have told you...

'cause I didn't even know
if she was going to accept me.

- But she did.
- Yeah. She accepted me.

I really thought that you'd like the
idea of me having a female companion.

Because that way you wouldn't
have to worry about me at night...

leaving me here by myself.

Ain't nothing wrong with having
a female companion. They very important.

You important, too, son. But what I mean
is, if you don't want me to...

you know, if you think
it's a bad idea, then I'll give her up.

- What?
- Yeah. I'll give her up.

I mean, you're my only son,
but, I know I owe you something.

And I appreciate
everything you've done.

But, I'll give her up
if you say the word.

I love her, but I'll give her up for you
if you don't want me to have her.

I'll quit her.
'Cause I love you too.

I love her,
but I'll give her up.

I love her.

Look, Pop,
I was only kidding.

If you want to get married to some
young chick, you got my blessing.

- You really mean that?
- Sure.

- She's coming here tomorrow night?
- She's coming to meet you.

And then you know
what I'm gonna do?

I think I'll take her
somewhere nice for dinner.

All right. Listen, don't worry about
a thing. I'm gonna be nice to her.

Now, you better go to bed,
because it's getting late.

Yeah. Okay, son.
And thanks an awful lot, hear?

That's all right. Listen, Pop...

if she's got hairs on her chin,
I'm not kissing her.

Why you always saying
that kind of stuff?

Hello, young lovers

Wherever you are

I hope your troubles are few

- What is that?
- It's a wig. What it look like?

It looks like
a big, black Brillo pad.

What are you wearing that
ridiculous thing for anyway?

Because it covers the gray,
and it makes me look younger.

But what about
the gray on your chin?

You gonna shave that off,
or dip it in Clairol?

If you gonna make a big deal
out of it, I won't wear it.

Good.

What about the rest of me?
How do I look?

You look fine.
Let me straighten your tie.

There's no fiddlin' around here.
How about the house?

- The house look okay?
- The house looks fine. Relax.

- And it smells all right?
- It smells great. You need a drink.

Yeah, a drink.
That's always a good idea.

It's her.
It's Miss Edwards.

Would you relax, Pop? You're gonna be
dead before the honeymoon.

- Now, you be nice to her, son.
- Didn't I tell you I would?

Yeah, and I appreciate
everything you've done for me.

Go let the woman in.
She's getting older by the minute.

And thank you, son.
And pour us some drinks.

Oh, good evening, Fred.

Good evening, uh, Judy,
Miss Edwards. Come in.

Uh, Judy, this is my son, Lamont.

Lamont, this is
Miss Judy Edwards.

- How do you do, Lamont?
- Hi.

Hey, this is a celebration. Pour
the drinks there, son. Let's celebrate.

Drinks? Yeah, drinks.

What's wrong with you?
Where are your manners?

I'm sorry, Pop. Pour the drinks here.

Say, wait a minute.
Wait a minute. That's my drink.

- You already had yours.
- Sorry, Pop. Your drink.

Thank goodness.
What's the matter with you?

Oh, nothing. It's just that, well,
I was expecting somebody a little older.

Well, I told you
she was young.

Oh, I'm not that young.
I'm 36.

Well, sit down, Judy. Thirty-six?
That ain't that big a difference.

I read about
bigger differences than that.

You know that artist,
what his name, "Pistachio"?

Picasso.

Yeah. Yeah, him. I mean,
he married a girl in her 20s...

and he damn near 100.

A hundred years old
and he married a young girl.

I guess that's what surprised you.
Me having a pretty girl likeJudy.

Young thing. You know what I mean?
You look lovely tonight, Judy.

Oh, thank you, Fred.
You look very handsome yourself.

- I do, don't I?
- Yes. Is that a new suit?

Well, sort of.

See, Lamont picked it out for me
after theJanuary white sale.

See, he got this
at the February black sale.

- Guess I'll call on the phone.
- Huh?

I'm gonna make a phone call.
I'm calling a taxi to come.

You're taking a cab?

There are only two reasons
why you take a cab.

That's on your engagement night,
and if somebody's gonna have a baby...

and I ain't havin' no baby.

Listen, Pop, let me call
the cab for you.

Oh, well, thanks, son.
And don't call no white cab company...

because as soon as you give 'em
the address, they hang up in your face.

The phone. It's dead.
There's no sound.

Listen, um,
why don't you go next door...

and-and-and-and call
from our neighbor's house...

and I can stay here
and keepJudy company.

Yeah. I don't know why that phone
is dead. I know I paid the bill.

It happens like that.

You stay here
and get acquainted with Judy.

Introduce yourself
to your future mother.

Yeah, she's pretty, isn't she?
Bye, Judy. I'll be back.

- It's been a long time.
- Ten years.

Oh, Lamont.
What are we gonna do?

I don't know, but we better think
of something fast, Mom.

I knew it was you
the minute I turned around.

You haven't changed.
You look the same.

Well, neither have you,
except for the mustache.

I started growing this right after
we stopped seeing each other.

I had to do something.
It was like therapy.

When you met my father,
didn't you know...

whose house he was coming to?

Well, no. I made no connection
between the two of you.

And besides, you didn't call yourself
Lamont then, remember?

- What?
- No. Your name was Jay Rupereaux.

What a mess. If only I hadn't
taken that dumb trip...

back to St. Louis with my old man.

Lamont, why didn't
you write to me?

I did.
I wrote you every day.

- I didn't get not one letter from you.
- It was your mother.

She stole those letters.
She always hated me.

She didn't hate you.
She didn't think it was a good idea...

me marrying someone
five years younger than me.

She said when I got to be 50,
you'd be 45.

A man in the prime of his life,
married to an old woman.

Yeah, well, I guess it's all right
for you to marry an old man.

- Your father's only 59.
- 59?

That's what he told me.

He's 65, and he's always
complaining about his heart.

Wait till he tries to slip the ring
on your finger with his arthritis.

Judy, why didn't you
wait for me?

When I didn't hear from you,
I thought you had forgotten about me.

- So I started going with Stu Edwards.
- Stu Edwards?

You married him,
"Stu the P-U"?

He was doing well. He was a groom
at Santa Anita racetrack.

I know. That's why
they called him the "P-U."

Did he sleep standing up
like the rest of the horses?

Well, he did love the horses
more than me.

A few years ago,
we were divorced.

What are you gonna do now?
You can't marry my father now, Judy.

- Not now.
- Well, I can't back out now.

Why, I couldn't hurt him.
He's a kind, sweet man.

He's also an old man.

By the time you're ready
for Social Security, he'll be 100.

Did you ever see a 100-year-old man
sitting in a bathtub?

You're gonna have to
hold on to him...

to keep him from
getting sucked down the drain.

- What do you want me to do?
- But you can't love him.

- I don't. But he knows it.
- What you doing it for?

So that when he dies,
you'll inherit his estate?

Take a good look
around you, Judy. This is it.

When he dies,
all of this is yours.

Lamont, it's been very difficult
for me since my husband left.

And I get nothing
from him.

In a few years,
I'll be 40.

And a 40-year-old woman
with children...

just doesn't get
that many opportunities.

- All right, marry me.
- W-What? What?

Well, why not?
I'm closer to your age than he is.

Oh, I couldn't.

But you could marry him
and become my mother?

Listen, the first time you came
upstairs to tuck me in...

he'd know something was wrong.

I had to call three cab companies
before I finally got one.

One guy wanted me
to put a deposit up for his hubcaps.

Say, how'd you two get along?
All right?

- Yeah, just swell, Pop.
- That's great, 'cause, you know...

that was worrying me, is whether
you two would get along all right.

- But you like her, don't you, son?
- Yeah, she's wonderful.

You bet she's wonderful.
She is wonderful. I guess I'm lucky too.

I got a good son, and I'm going
to have me a nice, young wife.

What else do I need?
A dog, maybe. But not really.

Listen, Pop. There's something
I want to say to you, see.

Yeah, there's something
I wanted to do.

I was going to do it in the restaurant,
but everything is going so nice...

I guess I'll do it now.

Here, Judy.

You like it? I hope so. Because, see,
it's something I had in stock.

It's an antique ring.
And listen, Judy...

if your fingers start turning green,
don't let that bother you...

It means you got too much
calcium in your finger.

- You like it?
- It's beautiful. Now, Fred...

You know what would really
make this perfect?

If Lamont
was getting married too.

What about it, son?
What about a double wedding?

We could get our picture
in Gertrude Gibson's column.

Would you listen
to me for a second?

Here's what I'm trying to say.
I know what you're gonna do.

You want to tell us what you're
getting us for a wedding present.

Okay, son. We're ready. Shoot.
What you getting us?

Pop, this is probably the hardest thing
that I've ever had to say to you.

- Pop, Judy and I...
- Lamont. Lamont, not now.

I've got to tell him. He's gotta know.
Pop, Judy and I are lovers.

But...

I wasn't gone
but five minutes.

Not now. This is something
that happened a long time ago.

Just before we took that trip
back to St. Louis.

I fell in love her,
and I wanted to marry her then.

- Are you serious?
- It's true. My mother was against it.

Yeah, she thought I was just
another young punk...

looking for
somebody older to support me.

Well, that part
ain't changed.

Well, listen, Judy, didn't you know
this was my son?

I mean, there ain't
that many Sanfords around.

Yes, but I didn't know him as Sanford,
he had another name then.

Who'd he tell you
he was? Super Fly?

- No. Jay Rupereaux.
- Yeah, he look like one.

Anyway, Pop, we never saw
each other again until tonight.

And I've got to be honest with you,
nothing's changed. I still love her.

And do you still love him?

Well, there it is.

That was a short engagement,
wasn't it?

I'm sorry, Pop.
But, listen, I had to tell you.

I couldn't let you marry her
without knowing.

- That wouldn't have been fair.
- Yeah, sure.

Listen, but we can all
be one big, happy family.

It's just that she'll be married
to me instead of you.

It'll be the same. She'll just be
in a different room, that's all.

No, I'll just move on out. I'll go
to a boarding house, get me a room.

See, I can come back here
and do my coordinating...

and I'll sleep someplace else.

Absolutely not.
Now this is our house.

I belong here. You belong here.
We both belong.

- Excuse me. Fred, Lamont...
- Excuse me, Judy.

- This is family. Don't get in this.
- It's family. Family.

- Just stay out of this.
- Now, Pop.

We both been living
in this house for over 30 years.

If you moved outta here, you wouldn't
know how to live no place else.

And this house wouldn't be
the same without you.

We'll talk about it tomorrow.

Right now, I'm getting me
a hot toddy and going to bed.

- W-Wait just one minute now, Pop.
- Son...

The thing I want to
impress upon you is this...

- Just give it a chance, Pop.
- It wouldn't work out, son.

Me being here in this house alone
with your wife, coordinating.

It's all my fault. I never
should have said nothing.

I should have been
the one to leave.

I should have left and then come back
one day, looked in the window...

and seen how happy the two of y'all was,
like in the movie Stella Dallas.

That wouldn't work either.
'Cause as soon as she called me...

Lamont orJay Rupereaux,
I'd know something was wrong.

- I'll just move out.
- I can't let you do that, Pop.

But we gotta do something. I know.
I'm gonna go out there and tell her...

she's gotta go
through with the original plans.

Wait a minute.
Don't tell her that.

Hey, here's a note
and the ring you gave her.

What's the note say?

Says she doesn't want to see us
split up on account of her.

That she doesn't want
to come between us...

because it won't work out
because we're already married.

- What does she mean by that?
- I don't know.

I better cancel this cab.

- Say, the phone's working again.
- Huh? Oh, good.

It's too late, Pop. Cab's here.

Listen, I got two reservations
for a Chinese restaurant.

- What should we do? Shall we go?
- Why not?

Ain't no reason
to sit around here moping.

Hey, we'll be right out!

Hey, Pop, what do you think
she meant by this...

"because we're already married"?

- It beats me, son.
- Well, you ready to go?

- Yeah, I'm ready.
- Look at your tie.

Stop fooling around,
will you?

- Have you got the keys? Come on.
- I got the keys.

- Wait a minute. Let me get my glasses.
- What do you need glasses for?

We're going to a restaurant
to eat.

We're going to
a Chinese restaurant, ain't we?

I want to be able to see if any of that
Chinese food is moving on the plate.

Why do I always have to wait for you?

Every time we go someplace,
I have to be the one to wait for you.

I'm always waitin' for you.

That was some good dinner,
wasn't it, Pop?

- You betcha.
- That chow mein was terrific.

- Yeah, it was really good.
- Yeah.

I wish them waiters though
wouldn't say, "flied lice. "

Anyway, that dinner helped you
to forget aboutJudy, didn't it?

About who?

See how quick
I forgotJudy?

I bet it would have been different if
you had gone to dinner with her.

Yeah, it would.
I'd of had to leave a tip.

Yeah, and right after dinner...
Right after dinner...

she would have started putting on
her makeup right there at the table.

They always get lipstick on their teeth
and on the glass where they drink on.

You know what else they do? They hold
a napkin up in front of their mouth...

so they don't think people know
what they're doing with that other hand.

And they'll be picking
their teeth like this.

Uh-huh. And you know
what else gets to me?

When they say they gotta go to
the powder room to put on a new face.

And come back 15 minutes later
looking the same way.

Hey, Pop, if women got
all these bad qualities...

how come you chase after them
like you do?

You know what the bible says,
that woman was made from a rib.

I can live without a lot of things,
but I can't live without ribs.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape
before a live studio audience.