Original subtitles

-[Gerry]: Eyes on your own papers.

45 minutes left.

[Gerry hums]

Whoo! Hot today, hot, hot, hot.

[Gerry]: Whoo!

Oh! Here we go.

Did not see this little fella.

[Whir of fan]

[Gerry hums]

[Gerry]: Okay, that good?

It's not hitting you, is it?

Better?

♪ Music

♪ I'm awesome, no you're not dude, don't lie ♪

♪ I'm awesome, I'm driving around in my mom's ride ♪

♪ I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by ♪

♪ I'm awesome

-Just a reminder that Culture Day is rapidly approaching.

And I need to know from a few of you as to what:

City or region or country you'll be representing.

-My class chose Finland. Total garbage!

-I don't know Norm, Finland could be interesting.

-Will it?

-I'm going to choose Scotland right now for my class.

-You do realize, Culture Day is for the students?

-You do realize, that staff meetings are for the staff?

-Okay, Gerry. -[Leung]: You do realize...

-Okay, Mr. Leung. -It's okay, I didn't have one anyway.

-Look, Culture Day is one of my favourite days of the year okay?

The kids are really excited. They get to sample foods.

And listen to music from all over the world. It's exciting.

All I'm asking is that you submit your choice on paper, by tomorrow.

Because we want to avoid duplicates.

-Okay, I'm doing mine right now.

Because I want to make sure I get Scotland. So there's my...

-I made a form, it has to be on my form. I made a form.

-Well this form's... -I can't accept that.

-Let's just put it... -It's a special form.

-This is a form. -I made a special form.

[Bell rings] -You're dismissed, you're dismissed.

-What are you doing? Trudy, can you give that to Robert?

I want to get Scotland, that's my background.

-See those mailboxes over there? Everyday I put stuff in there.

You're supposed to go by, take it out and read it.

-Trudy, everyone knows that's junk mail. -Oh, do you think?

-It's a lot of junk, but you keep jamming stuff in, stop jamming stuff in.

-Yeah, well in that junk is a that form you need to fill out.

So you can have your choice of culture.

-My background is Scotland. So that is my form.

And make sure that that goes to Robert before anyone else takes Scotland.

Can you give that to him? -Nope.

Find the form.

-[Jean]: Mr. Duncan.

Hi. -Oh, look who it is.

-Yeah, I just wanted to catch you and say I'm really sorry.

I know you've been trying to get in touch and I've just been a little bit busy.

-Yeah, that's alright. Tried to call, but...

-Why is Mr. D calling? Does this have something to do with the basketball team?

-No, no sweetie. Darling you're doing really good. She's really good. Okay?

-[Kira]: Okay. -[Jean]: Okay.

-She's okay, it's nothing to do with basketball. -[Jean]: Yes.

-It's just something I... -Oh.

-I will call you. -[Jean]: Okay.

Good to see you. You will answer the call. Haha. -[Jean]:I will, I will. Call me.

-[Gerry]: See ya. Bye Kira. -Bye Mr. D.

♪ Music -[Bobbi]: Alright?

-Oh my god, what happened? -It's just a little nose bleed.

Nothing major, right buddy? -We have to do something.

I mean, if Wayne sees this, he's gonna flip out.

-Accidents happen all the time in phys-ed class.

And besides, Wayne is a reasonable guy, it'll be fine.

-Not with me he isn't. [Bobbi indicates that Leung is approaching]

-Hey. -What happened?

-Just a little mishap at the soccer game.

Garry here, decided to stop the soccer ball with his face.

[Bobbi]: So... -Oops.

-You are an angel of mercy and kindness.

-Thank you. -I don't know what my foolish little son would do without you.

-It's really nothing. -Yeah, Bobbi's so great.

-Oh, hey, do you know that every time you talk, I die a little inside?

Did you know that? I die inside!

Come on. You know you're grounded right? Yeah.

-See, the trick is, you've got to treat Garry really well.

-I'm nice to Garry. -No, you've got to be better then nice.

You've got to go above and beyond the call of duty.

-Okay, okay.

-Probably don't talk to him for awhile, hey? Go this way maybe.

-Okay. -Yeah, what's over there?

-Before we get started, we still need to pick a place.

Or a region or a country for Culture Day tomorrow.

So I'm going to suggest, for the sake of convenience and time.

We choose Scotland. Who would like to do Scotland?

The Scottish? [Scottish accent]: Hello there.

Hands up if you like that i... What?

-Sir, isn't it supposed to be a place where a students family is from?

-Scotland, my parents are Scottish. So we have a family connection.

-A student, Sir.

-Okay. We'll start putting other choices on the board.

-I've got one.

-Nissa, why don't you go write a place or country or culture on the board.

Then, we will maybe look at a few other choices.

I'm still going to push for Scotland.

Because I think there's a lot of good things we can do there.

Nissa, Phuk...Foo...F...

That's funny to you? -What do you mean?

-You want me to say that, you guys are hoping I say that.

So you wrote the word in a different way.

[Bleep] it. [Students gasp]

Hahahaha, is that what you want? That was funny, wasn't it?

Grow up!

Go to the office. -But Sir...

-Go to the office, I have no time for this...garbage.

-Sir, it's pronounced Phuket. It's in Thailand.

Where Nissa's family is from.

-Oh yeah?

Phuket. Huh, there is is, wow.

Go get Nissa. Tell her.

We can't do that...place. 'Cause that's confusing.

-My parents grew up in Cameroon. It's a really interesting place.

-What food are we going to bring in? Bugs?

Not sure we can get a whole day of culture out of that.

No, we're going to do Scotland.

[Gerry hums]

Highland dancing. You'll thank me later, you're gonna love it.

Scotland it is!

♪ Music

-Oh, shoot. The cafeteria lady is away today.

I repeat, the cafeteria lady is away today.

-Hello Sandra. My, what a lovely necklace.

-Save it Trudy. Where's Michael?

-I'm sorry, he's not here, he left early.

He...was not...feeling well.

-You said that last week. -Oh, did I?

-Mmm. -Oh you know him, he never learns.

-Oh, I know him alright. That's why I divorced him.

-Right, okay. So do you have a message for him? Or um...?

-Tell him I'll be back.

-Lovely to see you Sandra, as always.

-Right.

-Gone?

-All clear. What do you suppose she wanted this time?

-What she always wants. To make my life hell.

Good work, as always Trudy.

♪ Music

-Okay.

-Hi Wayne. -Yes?

-I just wanted to drop by, and let you know,

How well Garry's been doing in my class this year.

-I'll be the judge of that. -Sometimes I'm the judge.

Because I'm his teacher.

And I do his grades.

Anyway, I just thought you'd like to see some of the excellent work he's been doing.

See how well he delineated the borders of the different countries?

I think somebody's got a very exciting career ahead of him in cartography.

-Please, do not encourage my son to pursue a career in something

he lacks the basic skill set for.

-It's just a map. -It's not just a map.

It's now a stain on the Leung family name.

You are now forbidden to draw maps.

-Okay Dad. -Hang on, that is not fair.

This is the first map he's ever drawn.

-Can you please leave?

-Okay.

-Now, you're going to get some tape.

You're going to tape that back together.

Then we're going to take it outside and light it on fire.

Then we can both forget it ever happened.

♪ Music

-Okay students, Mr. Duncan, it's time once and for all,

What country it is you plan to do for Culture Day.

-I just sent the form down, we're doing Scotland.

-I'm afraid Scotland's been spoken for. -By who?

-Mr. Dwyer has Scotland. -Dwyer?

Why would Dwyer do Scotland? -It doesn't matter. What's your second choice?

-I don't have a second choice. -You don't? -No.

-'Cause the form I designed has a line for second choice, and you didn't fill that out either.

-We don't have that obviously, do we? So we're going to have to think of a second choice.

-What about Cameroon Sir? -[Robert]: Oooh Cameroon, great choice.

-We're not doing Cameroon. It's not a great choice.

-You can serve delicious prawns. -What?

-And rich aromatic coffee from the Boyo region. Nice legs.

Beautiful robust aroma. It's great.

-We're not doing Cameroon. -Cameroon it is.

-[Gerry]: No, I just... -[Robert]: Have fun.

-We're not doing Cam.. -So can we get started on Cameroon Sir?

-I guess, get started on Cameroon.

But don't get too started, 'cause I'm still going to try and switch it with Dwyer.

Dwyer should do Cameroon!

♪ Music -Makes more sense.

♪ Music

-[Gerry]: Okay, look, I think we're getting ahead of ourselves a little bit here.

We can put that up but it may be coming down alright?

Look everybody, I see you're doing some great work here.

We may not be doing Cameroon, I'm trying to give you a heads up on that.

But you keep working and doing more and more.

-My dad said he's happy to come in and talk to the class about growing up in Cameroon.

-Perfect. If we do Cameroon Sheila.

We're just doing this as a back up. Okay?

We're going to switch with Dwyer and probably do Scotland.

-Sir, everyone wants to do Cameroon.

-No Lori, you can't speak for everyone. Okay?

There are still people, that are maybe not saying, that want to do Scotland. Like myself.

Oops.

Flag fell.

♪ Music

-Hey Lisa. -I give up.

-Great, I win. What are we playing?

-I did exactly what you said. I was super nice to Garry.

I showed off his work to Wayne. It completely backfired. -Really?

-He hates me, it doesn't matter what I do.

-Well maybe there's nothing you can do, maybe you have to stay clear of him, you know?

And let it go. -Hey Bobbi. The other one.

-Hi Wayne.

-[Lisa sneezes] -Oh please.

People working. -[Lisa]: That's it, that's it.

Okay, what is it Wayne? Why do you hate me so much? What have I done to you?

-Why do you care? -I don't know why I care, but I just do, I really care.

-Mmm. [Whispers]: Whoa!

-You may need a little work on letting it go.

-Yeah. -[Bobbi]: Mmmhmm.

-Okay, don't we all just think it would make more sense for Paul and I to switch cultures?

-Why? -Yeah Gerry, why?

-Okay, I don't want to say why because I thought it was clearly obvious.

-No, it really isn't. -My background's Scottish.

That's where I come from, my parent's, my brother, my sister born in Scotland.

I was raised that way. That's my culture.

I want to make sure that my culture's represented well. Or, I might be offended.

-Listen, the students are really excited about it. We're gonna do it justice

Plus we did research too on top of that. -[Gerry]: Okay.

-Sounds good Paul. -Tell me something you know, then, about Scottish people.

-You're cheap. Remember this guy?

-Cheap haggis eaters. -Yeah, that's funny.

-I just think you should do Cameroon. Don't you think?

Don't you agree you should do Cameroon and I should do Scotland?

-Why Gerry? I'm Guyanese. -He's Guyanese.

-Let me hear you speak Scottish. Want to see me speak Cameroon?

-[Jamaican accent]: What up man? See what I'm doing here man? This how I talk man?

What's that? -What are you doing?

-That's Cameroon. -He's Guyanese.

-Let's just see if he can represent the way we talk.

-No problem. [Scottish accent]: Whoa there laddy.

-[Robert and Dwyer laugh]: How do you do that? Do it again.

-G'day Mate. [Robert laughs]

-That's Australian. -Let me see your passport.

'Cause I think, are you from Scotland? That is uncanny.

[Scottish accent]: Did you hear what he just did?

-You think that's how Scottish people talk?

-Yes I do!

-I will do Cameroon. You will do Scotland.

And we will see who does a better job representing each other's cultures.

-But Gerry, I'm not from Cameroon.

-Okay, you're kind of from Cameroon.

-You don't know your blackgrounds.

♪ Music

-Can you believe I gotta do Cameroon for Culture Day?

-Well, maybe if you get your choices in on time next year.

-Maybe get them to me sooner next year. What do you think of that?

-Oh crap. The cafeteria lady is away today.

-[Gerry]: No she's not, I was just talking to her. -No you weren't.

-[Gerry]: Yes I was. -[Trudy]: Hi Sandra.

Sorry, Mike's gone already. He left early.

-Really? -Mmmhmm. -Again?

-Yup. -No, no, he's not.

-Yes he is. -No he's not. I just talked to him.

He's in his office. -No he isn't.

-One sec, I'm sure he would love to know there's someone...

[Whispers]: That is hot for him. One sec.

-[Gerry knocks]: Sir, hello? Where is he? He's not...

Sir, are you? Sir.

No, he's here. He would want to see this. Wait there.

-You know what? It's alright Trudy. I'll come back.

♪ Cameroon music plays.

-Pft, they actually wear that?

[Gerry]: Alright. Extinct, very sad.

Can we turn the music down? A little?

It's really...that is not my kind of beats.

This is music people. ♪ Gerry turns up bagpipe music.

Oh. [Music stops]

-Funny, I don't recognize that from my CD of Cameroon's greatest hits.

[♪ Cameroon music starts] -It was just a sample.

-Well done Mr. Duncan, it looks good in here.

-[Gerry]: Yeah. -It's beginning to look a lot like Cameroon.

-Yeah, we should have done Scotland though. Dwyer should have done Cameroon.

It would have been easier for him, he would have just brought all this from his house.

-Wow. -Well...Would you like some Cameroon shortbread?

-Gerry, just enjoy this, okay?

-It's just, it's right from Africa.

-Gerry it looks really good in here, sincerely. Try to enjoy it.

♪ Music

-We can talk here. There's no human ears listening in.

No hidden cameras. -Whoa, what?

-I figured out your puzzle.

-What? -Your obsession with me.

-I don't have an obsession... -Stop it!

Just stop it. The way you follow me around.

The way you want to get to know my son. It's obvious.

You're in love with me. -No.

-It's okay Lisa. -Oh my god.

-No matter how powerful and palpable your sexual lust is for my body

I am married to my work. And my wife.

-You have a wife? -Sshh, maybe.

-Okay. -Listen, this is going to hurt us both inside.

But we have to go back to the way we were. [Door opens]

-Okay.

-I am so sorry for this.

[Mouths]: I'm sorry.

♪ Music

-Mr. Duncan! How are ye?

-Ye is good, we don't say that. -Haha, care for some haggis?

-See Scottish people don't eat that as much as people think.

-Care for a wee jig? [Dwyer laughs]

-That's how we dance, you nailed that one.

-Listen up. This is fun. -See you're kind of missing a few things here.

But what do we expect right? You're...

-Yeah, exactly. But what I do know.

Is one of the mothers of one of my students comes right from Scotland.

And she told me this is exactly how it's done. -[Gerry]: Yeah.

As a matter of fact, there she is right there.

-I know who that mother is.

-Hi Mr. Duncan.

-Ms. McGrory. So, you're helping Mr. Dwyer.

-Yeah, we've had a lot of fun. -Helping out, nice to help out.

Nice when parents help.

-I've actually never seen this side of Mr. Dwyer.

-Ahh, it's nice. -Thank you me lassy.

-You're welcome. -Another saying we use, all the time.

Thank you me lass. Nice. ♪ Music

We don't say lassy all the time. We don't say that, tell him we don't say that.

♪ Bagpipes and clapping

♪ Bagpipes and clapping

♪ Bagpipes and clapping

♪ Bagpipes and clapping

♪ Bagpipes and clapping

♪ Bagpipes and clapping

-[Music stops]

-[Gerry]: ♪ I've never been lucky with girls I confess ♪

-[Gerry]: ♪ Don't know who to blame for my lack of success ♪

♪ 'Cause even with ones up the back of a bus ♪

♪ There was always the risk of a slap in the puss ♪

♪ The first time I met you it did cross my mind ♪

♪ The next time I saw you there wasn't the time ♪

♪ The fourth time I met you I knew that I would ♪

♪ But Jean, oh Jean, you let me get lucky with you ♪

Let me...

-That's so neat! My mom's name is Jean.

-Not about your mom, though, Kira.

Ms. McGrory. Okay, anyway. Tunnock's Teacakes.

That was The Proclaimers by the way.

They also do, ah, 500 Miles. That's a good song.

And Oh Jean.

Alright, I gotta get back to Cameroon.

Haha, back to Africa. Haha. Okay, alright.

-Aw, pajama day is cancelled.

-Oh, that's too bad. I have these great pyjama's with sharks...

-Hi Bobbi. Stop talking Lisa. -Fine.

-I had a dream last night... That she was dead.

-Great. -No, you're right, he hates you.

-Duncan! I need to explain something to you.

-Yeah? -The reason Trudy pretends

that I'm not here when my ex-wife is around, is because

I don't want to see her, speak to her or spend a single minute with her.

-Okay, but she's a good looking lady there. -And crazy.

-Right but you gotta put up with a little insanity when they look like that.

-[Sandra]: Mike!

I have been trying to track you down all week, you twit!

Is that your game? You lie to me when I show up?

-[Gerry whispers]: Did he lie? -I will dismantle you, Mike.

Piece, by piece by tiny little piece.

Now, meet me in your office in five minutes. Bring your wallet.

-What a wack job.

You were married to that for seven years?

Sorry.

-Mais c'était pas avant le let Janvier 1960.

Que l'indépendance de la zone français a été proclamée.

-But it wasn't before January 1st 1960.

That French Cameroon was able to gain independence from France. -[Whispers]: Just finishing.

-[Sheila's Father]: Aujourd'hui, le Cameroon est une république présidentialiste.

-He's speaking French so I don't really get it. -[Jean]: Okay.

-Today, Cameroon is a Republic. Thank you. -[Sheila's Father]: Merci.

[Class claps]

-So, what brings you by?

-I just wanted to thank you for that lovely serenade.

-I know, I wasn't listening to the words. I just know the song.

And I sang it spontaneous, it was inappropriate.

-Really? -I didn't know the words I just.

I know the words but I didn't know what they were going to be so...

Sorry. -You were very sweet.

You're ridiculous, but you're very sweet.

-Very ridiculous. Ridiculous is good. Come on in stay for a bit.

♪ Music

♪ Music

-What are you doing?

-[Gerry to himself]: You're not Scottish.