All language subtitles for Mr.D.S02E03_English

[Boy]: I tried to reach
for the stars, but now
I'm alone, and lost.

I wish I had never left my
friends at the orphanage.

[Trudy]: Oh, that was very,
very good sweetie.

-I got chills,
I think he's perfect.

-[Gerry]: Are you guys kidding?
Are you kidding?

-Mr. Duncan, we're right in
the middle of auditions.

-We're selling tickets to this,
people are expecting talent.

-[Dwyer]: Mr. Duncan,
it's for the kids.

-[Gerry]: Give me your hand.
-[Dwyer]: We don't got time
for this right now.

-Oh wait, I think I would
like to see this actually.

-[Gerry]: Stand there, watch.
I'll show you how to act.
[Gerry clears his throat]

What? This can't be a circus.
There's nobody here.

I tried to reach for the stars,
but now I'm alone and lost,
like a leaf.

Blowing.

I should have never
left that orphanage.

-[Dwyer laughs]: Thanks for
coming, that was fun.

-That's the commitment you
need to give and you guys
need to watch for.

See the emotion, the passion,
the head down when I did it.
The hands...

The feel of me doing it real.
-We really gotta move
on Mr. Duncan.

-I should be in this play.
I should be in this.

-[Eva]: I think we're
going to go with Ron.

-You're gonna go with Ron?
Ron the wooden...

That? You're gonna go with that?

That's gonna be fun to watch.
I'm a leaf. Like come on.

-Yeah, listen, that leaf isn't
the only thing that blows
by the way Gerry.

-That's not funny Trudy.
We're all just trying to
do our best here.

♪ Music.

♪ I'm awesome.
No you're not dude, don't lie.

♪ I'm awesome. I'm driving
around in my mom's ride.

♪ I'm awesome.
A quarter of my life gone by.

♪ I'm awesome.

-Hey, are you still in world
religions?

I finished that unit weeks ago.

-Teaching's not a race.

-Uh huh, it's a pretty hard
subject to teach. Really tough.

-No it's not, because God
created everything. Simple.

-Callaghan is actually really
strict about not letting

personal beliefs get in the way.

-Well, I never let my own
personal beliefs get in the way

because I am professional.

Which is why I've never said
anything about your...

Nose...and...lips.

-Thanks.

-Big day tomorrow.
Big five-eight. Huh?

-What a coincidence, it's
Callaghan's 58th birthday too.

-Haha, burn.

Good one. Did you get
him a present yet?

-Yup!
-Nothing fancy though right?

-Nope.
-'Cause that's what he said.

Nothing fancy. So, I think for
his birthday, we should just get

what he wants for his birthday.
Which is nothing fancy.

'Cause that's what I got him.
Is that what you got him?

Trudy...Trudy...Trudy!
-Robert, will you relax?

-I am relaxed.

-I kept it small. So you don't
need to be intimidated.

-Good! Nothing fancy.

-Religions of the world.

Christianity, [Catholic],
Muslim and Jew.

Yes, Maya?
-Sir, I'm pretty sure there's
more than three religions.

-Would you like to teach this?
-Will I get paid what
you get paid?

-No, 'cause you can go to
university for seven years
to learn this.

And be trained as a teacher.
Thank you.

Now, if the pope here would
let me finish.

Yes, there are other religions
of the world.

But they are silly, or created
by crazy people.

So we don't talk about them
or believe in them.

Your job this unit is to do
a presentation on a religion.

I am suggesting the first one.

Specifically Catholicism, which
is a branch of Christianity.

Because that's the most popular
and the biggest. How popular?

Jesus was Jewish and even he
was Catholic. Think about that.

-Sir?
-Yes.

-Is it alright if I do my
presentation on Atheism?
-Atheism? No!

That's nothing, are you going
to do a presentation on
nothing Lewis?

-Sir, I'm an Atheist.
It's what I believe.

-Okay, that's what you believe?
Then you do your presentation
on nothing.

Your mark will be nothing. And!
You will go to hell. I promise.

Okay, so let's dig into
the text books, start
looking at the religions.

And pick the one that
you think you want to
present on, let's go.

'Cause I believe in god,
Father Almighty.

Creator of heaven and earth.

I believe in Jesus Christ.
-Sir.

-His only son, our Lord was
born to the virgin Mary.

He suffered under
Pontius Pilate.

Was crucified, died
and was buried.

He ascended to the dead and
on the third day he rose again.

You get more Lewis.
And you get a little extra too.

That's what I'm talking about.
♪ Music

-[Woman]: Um, excuse me.
-Yes?

-Can you tell me where the
main office is?...Office?

-Sure, sorry, ah right
down there to the right.
Are you a sub?

-Yeah, I'm Danni Burlon.
-Hi...Danni.

-[Simon]: Hello.
-Hi.

-I'm Simon. If you need
anything please let me know.

-Thanks Simon.
-I'm Simon.

-Thanks guys.
-[Gerry]: Okay, Danni.

-Cheese and crackers.
I call dibs.

-Dibs? Simon, Danni is a guy
that had a sex change.

Did you not see that?
-[Simon]: What on earth are you
talking about?

Look at that butt! Look at that
hair. She's wearing lipstick,
Gerry!

-Simon, did you see
the turtleneck?
-Turtleneck?

-To cover the Adam's apple.
-What?

-That's what she's doing.
-That's not what turtlenecks
are for.

-Ask her to pull her
turtleneck down.
-I would never do that.

-Pull it down yourself, you'll
see a big lump right there.
-I would never do that.

I don't have an Adam's apple.
-Check it out.

-You're just jealous because
I called dibs first.
-No!

-[Robert]: Dibs on what?
The sub?

I wouldn't mind making a
cold cut combo on that sub.

-Aright, okay...no.
-Gerry, I already called dibs.

-Are you serious?
I didn't hear you.

-You have to respect my dibs.
-Rookie, see you out there.

Simon, meet the pieman.

And you, stay out of this.
Quiet time.

-Do not cut my grass.
Don't cut my grass.

-It's a guy. You guys
are fighting over a man.

That is out of both of
your leagues, by the way.

-Atheism is accepted by
many different forms of
religion. Like Jainism...

-[Gerry]: Hence Lewis' earrings.

-Hinduism and Buddhism...
-Hippy religions.

-And various different types
of Neopaganism like Wicca.

-Okay, you know what? That's
great, that's enough.

This is turning into a gong show
here. You just making stuff up
now?

This is world religions,
not some creative writing
thing you're doing.

-Sir, please, I put a lot
of research into this.

-Well then you should have
studied that God exists.

And that he's all powerful.
Biggest power. Nothing's bigger.

-Okay, supposing God does
exist and that he is, in fact,
all powerful then tell me this:

Can he make a rock so heavy
that he can't pick it up?

-Obviously.
-So he can't pick it up then?

-No, he can pick it up.

-But then he failed in
making a rock so heavy
he can't pick it up.

-What? He can't...

-Get out, get out.
-I didn't say anything.

-It's not a question first of
all, it's some sort of circular
thing you're doing.

-Sir, it's called a paradox.
-It's called a paradox,
thank you.

-Sir, maybe you and Lewis
should have a debate.

-Yeah Maya, 'cause I got nothing
better to do then just debate

Lewis about something
that doesn't even exist.

-Oh, Sir I'm sorry if my
paradox scared you.

-Scared me.

Fine, the debate is on.
How's that for a paradox?

Haha, you can stay.

♪ Music.

Surprise!

-Oh come on guys,
I told you not to go crazy.

-Happy Birthday Sir.
-The big five-eight huh?

-I know you said no presents,
but I couldn't help myself.

You are a source of inspiration
to me every single day in here.

And I hope it's okay,
but I took the liberty of
putting it down on paper.

Just what you mean to me in
this piece of original artwork.

Pecs...just read it.

-Is this a poem Robert?
-Three back to back haikus.

-How very thoughtful.

-Thank you.

-I got you a little
something too, Sir.

-Now, Trudy.

Oh my God. A diving watch.

-Oh, it's just a little
something. So you like it.

-I'm speechless, I mean Trudy,
this is the most thoughtful gift
anyone has ever given me.

-Well, you're worth it Sir.

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

-Happy Birthday.

-Oh, look, I'll read
the poem Robert.

♪ Music

-[Gerry whispers]: Hey Father.
How's it going?

Ah, not sure if you remember me
but I coach at Xavier Academy.

You did a prayer for my girls'
basketball team one day.

-Yes, I remember you.
-Yeah, I was the coach.

Ahhh, nice.
-Wait, is this your parish?

-Ahhh...

-Because I don't recall
seeing you at mass, ev...

[Duck quack noise]
-[Gerry]: That's my phone.
One second.

[More quack noise]
-[Gerry]: I gotta take this
Father, give me one second.

-[Gerry quietly]: Hello.
What's up buddy?
[Laughs]

I know. I know, I heard.
-[Father]: Give me strength.

-That's awesome.
We're gonna get drunk.

What do you mean it's shut down?
We'll go to the other one.

I don't know where it is.

Hold on. Father, do you
know that liquor store...

-Are you here for
confession or not?

-Hold on one sec.
Ah, no, no, no.

First of all, you know who I am
now, so I can't tell ya my sins.

-Why are you here?

-Well, I have a student in my
class, he's atheist and I gotta
prove to him that god exists.

Do you have any pointers
on how do I prove it?

-Well if there were definitive
proof then we wouldn't need
faith.

We would just believe.

-Yeah, okay Father, this kid's
really smart, I can't just give
him some lame stuff like that.

Do you know anything about
a rock? He's always talking
about a rock.

-No, no my son.
-Yeah! He's up on
the my son stuff.

I think that's the language
that's getting priests in
trouble. Call me Gerry.

Tell me about the rock.
Father?

♪ Music.
[Gerry whistles for the priest]

♪ Music.

-Mr. Leung, I need a
book on the life of God.

-Mr. Melvil Dewey will be happy
to help you.

Learn his system, and you'll
find what you need.

-I don't know who that is and
he's not the librarian, you are.

So can you just tell me where
I can find a book about God?

-May I suggest you read the
best selling book of all time?

-Oh, okay, Harry Potter?
That's gonna help.

-[Leung]: The Bible.

-Not the book God wrote.
I want a book about his life.

-I don't know anything
about your God.

-What do you mean about my God?
It's our God.

-I practice Shenism-Taoism.

-Terrorism? Doesn't
surprise me at all.

-I think you need to read.
Period.

-[Robert hisses]
Ooh la la.

Happy Birthday and one day.
[Purrs]

-Oh my God.
-What is that?

-It's chinchilla.
-[Trudy laughs]

-I just thought this says
happy birthday in ways
that my card didn't.

So happy birthday.

-Robert, in what universe,
do you think that I would
wear a full length fur coat?

-It also comes in three quarter.

Nice going Trudy.
-Well, I guess you're gonna
have to take that back.

-I can't Trudy. That's the
thing.

-But good for you. You must be
awfully proud of yourself.

-Why?
-Well, because you were trying
to outdo me and you did.

Yay Trudy.
-I'm not trying to
outdo you Robert.

He lost that watch two
years ago on a diving trip.

He likes my gift because
it was thoughtful.

-Really? Then what was my poem?
-Your poem was...cheap.

But that coat wasn't
cheap was it Robert?

[Robert hisses]
[Trudy laughs]

-Hey Bobbi.
-Mmmhmm.

-See the sub? It's a guy.

-What?
-It's a guy.

-What are you? 12?
-Just take a look. Look!

-Take a look, seriously.
-No, it is very clearly
a woman, Gerry.

-Well, you're not
the best judge.

-What did you say?

-Yeah, thought so.
-[Simon]: Hey Bobbi.

-Hey Simon.

-Oh, like what you see Gerry?

Get a nice eyeful,
'cause that's my girl.

-It's a guy Simon.
-Oh, if it's a guy, then why is
she going on a date with me?

-You gotta be kidding me.
You didn't ask her out.

-Oh, I asked her and she agreed.
Props up top.

-Have you seen 'The Crying
Game'?
-No, good movie?

-Just follow my lead here.
Hey!
-[Danni]: Hey guys.

-Why don't you join us?
-Can't, gotta get
to my next class.

-[Simon and Gerry]: Oh.
-[Gerry]: Is that a drip?

-Where?
-It's right above your head.

-Where? Do you feel a drip?
Where is there a drip?

-There's a drip.
-[Simon]: Where do
you see a drip?

-Look up. Look Up.
-[Simon]: I don't see it.
Guide my eyes.

-I don't see anything.
-[Gerry]: Look, there's a drip.

-Look, I've really got
to get to my next class.
-[Gerry]: Okay.

-[Simon]: Where's the drip?
-[Danni]: But if I see anything,
I'll let someone know.

See you tonight Simon?
-See you tonight.

-There's no drip Simon.
-What?

-Okay, I wanted to see if
she had an Adam's apple.

I was trying to get her
to expose her neck.

But she kept looking up with me,
then looking down with me.

You've really got to see
'The Crying Game' before
you go on this date.

-[Simon]: I'm gonna watch
that movie. Funny?

-Yeah. You'll both enjoy it.
She might be in it.

♪ Music

-I've never seen
you read before.

-I don't know how this is the
best selling book of all time.

-What do you know about
debating? Let alone religion?

-Okay, I know a lot about
religion, because I was
raised very Catholic.

We went to church every Sunday.

So I know all the sayings,
all the responses. For instance:

Lord have mercy, then you say,
Christ have mercy.

Then you gotta come
back to Lord have mercy.

You wouldn't know that.
-I do not know that.

What does it mean?
-I don't know.

-This is going to be a disaster.
-I'm in trouble.

-I think you are in trouble, you
have no chance against this kid.

-I'll call in sick.
-You know what you could do?

Remember your strategy from
teacher's college for
presentations?

All style, no substance.
Yes! You could do that.

You have no substance. You could
just, like, put on a little
smoke and mirrors show.

A little razzle dazzle.
-Big show.

-A little David Blaine, right?
-Yeah...who?
-David Blaine.

-Who's that?
-He's a magician.

-Get him to come in.
-Oh yeah, do your presentation?

-Call him.
-He's famous, he's on TV.

-Well then, why are
you bringing him up?
-To help inspire, for the show.

-Don't tell me you can get
him if you can't get him
Who brings up somebody

and then says I can't get them?
-Are you serious?
♪ Music

-You got me all excited.
You said David Blaine,
like I'll get David Blaine.

♪ Music

[Lewis]: Oh, and um, so...that
is why I don't believe in God.

I don't believe in God.

-Yes! Clap. Thank you my son
for not believing in me.

But how foolish are you?
I am here in front of you.

Do not listen to that man.
Follow me.

Follow me on Twitter as well,
if you like. I'm everywhere.

You cannot deny that Jesus
is standing in front of you.

I am also, God,
the Father of Jesus, and

I am the Holy Spirit as well,
three things into one.

Which is confusing,
I understand.

But I am here for
you my children.

Do not listen to evil,
non-believers follow me.

You must be Jimmy.

'Cause God, slash Jesus, slash
Holy Spirit knows everyone.

You believe in me, my son?
-I will for an A in the class.

-You will never
get an A, my son.

You are stupid.
Get out Jimmy.

Go to the gates of Hell! Die!
-Would Jesus do that?

-Just get out, would you? You're
screwing up the whole story.

I'm doing a presentation.

That was Satan also known as
Jimmy. Satan is an A-hole.

Amen to that. But I am real.
My blood is for you.

I have died for you,
I have come back etc., etc.

You will not betray me,
Jesus Christ, the son
of God, who exists.

[Gerry whispers]: I win.

[Whispers]: It's just ketchup,
don't worry about it.

In the name of me, and me
and me and me, amen.

[Callaghan]: Look, Duncan,
I shouldn't have to tell you,

you don't bring your personal
beliefs into the school.

-They're everyone's beliefs.

-It is Xavier's policy...

Come on, I can't yell at you
when you're dressed like that.

-Is that better?

-You are going to write the
parent of every student in
that class and apologize.

-Why don't I just write one...?

-Xavier accepts every religious
faith, without bias.

-You know the teachings of
my religion are forgiveness.

-Thank you. Go.

-That's a lot of writing Sir,
but Jesus can do it.

-Get out!
-Good luck when you die Sir.

-[Gerry]: Hey Trudy.
-[Trudy]: Hey my Lord.

♪ Music

-[Robert]: Sir, pardon me?

After careful consideration
and a little bit of research,

I think I've found, maybe, the
perfect gift worthy of the day
of your birth.

-Robert, this is completely
unnecessary.

-Please, please just indulge me.
Hear me out.

It's your family tree.
-My God.

This is incredible.
-I mean, it's no diving watch.

It shows who all of your
relatives were, where they
lived, when they died.

-It's very impressive, Robert.

Oopsy, look at that, your great-
grandfather died at 60. Shame.

Oh look, your great-grandmother
too, also died at 60.

In fact, ooh weird, looks
like not too many of your
ancestors made it past 60.

That's funny.
Not funny haha, obviously.

-It was a different time.
That's not what's important.

What's important is, a pretty
special person got you
a birthday gift.

Happy birthday Sir.
-Yeah, happy birthday.

-[Sings]: And many more.

-Well, at least two more,
anyway, Robert.

[Trudy laughs]: Well done.

-Hey! Well?
-Oh, yeah, you were right.

-I knew it.
-Yeah.

-Hey, Wayne, you that Dan...
-I don't care, Gerry.

-How'd you find out?

-Well, she came over to watch a
movie and I got my mom out

of there by telling her some of
the guys were coming over.

-Technically, that's true.

-Anyway, we're watching the
movie and we start to kiss.

And I felt a lump.
-A lump?

-Sure, yeah. Anyway, the movie
ends, we're out on the porch,
I'm kissing her goodnight.

She is beautiful, Gerry.
Strong hands.

French kissing is weird,
it's like little snakes
in your mouth.

Anyway, let me ask you
something, in terms of bases...

Does this count?

-Sure. Yes! First base baby!
You finally got there.

-Second base.
-Second? Okay. Second not third?

-I rounded it too,
looked at third.

-You didn't go near third?
-I had to go back.

-Afternoon ladies.
-I got to second base.

-No, not with Danni?
-Yeah, with Danni.

-Dude! No, I was gonna tap that.
-Yes!

-This coat is amazing.
-I thought we were vibing.

-Well.
-I'm ten times the man you are.
Details, let's go.

-I was right? Remember that.

-[Simon]: We kissed.
-[Robert]: Where?

-[Simon]: Porch.
-[Robert]: You dirty, dirty dog.

-[Simon]: Yeah, I felt
pretty dirty.
-I have transgendar!

♪ Music.
-No one believed me.

♪ Music.

-Thanks for nothing
Father Judas.

I don't know what that stuff
you were saying, but it didn't
help me with the rock story.

So what do you have
to say for yourself?

You're supposed to help us,
when we come here.

Nothing, just as I thought.
Pathetic.

-Forgive me Father,
for I have sinned.

It's been six months since
my last confession.

And these are my sins.

I slept with my deceased
husbands colleague.

-Okay, okay, okay.

Well, that can happen.
One thing leads to another...

So, you have a couple
drinks...and...things...

Get out of hand,
I've been there.

I've been there many times.
So don't worry, he's dead.

So you didn't do anything wrong.

I wouldn't worry too much about
it. So just practice safe sex,

and make sure you check
your blood pressure.

And how about we doooo,
I don't know, why don't we do...

Why don't we do three Hail
Mary's and two Our Father's.

Do three Our Father's and
you're good to go.

-Thank you Father.
-You're welcome.
Nice meeting you, by the way.

Next.

♪ Music