Original subtitles

-Shut up! Oh my god. Oh Bill, Bill Bill, thank you.

Oh, this is early, early, early, but fun.

It's not my birthday Bill. Why are we doing this? Nice.

-Thanks. -Hey.

Oh God, I have to tea... I'm going to be late.

Be late...Don't be late... Teach the youth of tomorrow...

Or be late for school, this is a good reason.

Oh, ooh! Bill! You accidentally put the chain on. Hear that?

That's the chain. Bill?

There's only going to be three of you if I don't come.

Bill, I can't get in.

♪ I'm awesome. No you're not dude don't lie ♪

♪ I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's ride ♪

♪ I'm awesome. A quarter of my life gone by ♪

♪ I'm awesome

♪ Music from car.

-What's that...kids?

You like my new car?

Cannot lean on that. Oh, no.

-Have a good day sweetie. -[Gerry whispers]: Oh boy.

-You too Simon.

-Ah, sweet ride Gerry. Is this your's?

-Yes it is. -Wow, cool blades.

-Blades? -Yeah, windshield wipers.

Backseat cup holders, ah, sports tail, nice touch.

-No, that's an antenna, let's go. Stop touching things.

-A unicorn, how do you afford this thing? Selling Oxy to old people?

-I got a part time job at Barrels.

Do you know I make more money in tips at Barrel's than I do teaching?

-Can you get me a job? -No, I can't get you a job.

I know you think it's cool that I'm a waiter but you can't tell people.

-I think everyone is going to assume you're doing

something illegal though. Hot ride like that.

-They're not gonna assume anything if you stop talking about it.

-Oh, can I take it for a spin? -You don't have a license.

-Oh, yeah. You know what you should get?

Personalized license plate.

-Yeah, that's a good idea. Mr. D.

-Yeah, or Oxy King. -Okay would you drop that?

Now don't tell anyone I'm at Barrels. -Okay.

-Promise me. -I promise.

-[Gerry]: Don't touch it Simon.

[Knock at the door] -Have you seen these numbers?

-I have now.

Oh dear, that's a hefty deficit huh?

-Yeah, it's time to put an end to the gravy train.

-Agreed. -Trim the fat

-Absolutely. Sir, I think there might be room for a bit of

lyposucky in the athletics department.

Why don't I just set up a meeting with Bobbi and...

-Athletics stays as is.

-Tell her that her department's safe, while we look for other trims.

-You know the one place we have not made cuts recently?

-Mmmm, yeah, please don't. -The library.

-You know how Mr. Leung reacts to news like this.

-You get it done Robert. -We could make the cuts in Special Ed...?

They might not even notice.

♪ Music

[Snoring sounds]

[Snoring sounds]

-[Maya clears her throat] -Tracy Chapman!

Ahhh...

Industrial Revolution.

Anybody here see 'Les Miserable'?

-I saw it. -Maya, tell us what 'Les Miserable' was about.

-The French Revolution.

-Yes, thank you.

Which led us into the Industrial Revolution.

-Were you sleeping Sir? -No, I was thinking.

-Then why did you yell out Tracy Chapman with your eyes closed?

-'Cause I got a fast car.

Why are you so nosy Maya?

Look, what I do at night on my own time is not only amazing and awesome for me.

But sometimes I'm up late, so I apologize if I was late a couple times this week.

-You're always late Sir. -It's true Sir.

-Get out Jimmy. Out! Buhbye!

Can we get back to the lesson please?

-[Dwyer]: Trudy, how you doing? -[Trudy]: Morning Paul.

-You smell great. What is that? -That's just my natural bouquet.

-Eau de Trudy? -That's right.

-Ha, you should bottle that. -I should.

-Bobbi, how you doing? -Hey, Paul.

-Did you do something with your hair?

-No, did you? -It looks great.

-Thanks, I might have conditioned it...twice.

I don't know. Mmm, blah. I'm not special? I don't know.

[Giggles uncomfortably] You are, I don't know.

-I'll catch you ladies later. -Not if we catch something first.

[Giggles] Like the net for something, like a fisherman.

Bonk. You a fisherman?

Goofball.

He's nice, huh?

-Yeah, yeah. Listen, was that...flirting?

-Yeah, yeah. You know, because I'm single.

So I'm back on the market. Pow!

-Oh dear, yeah, um, that was horrible.

-Yeah, I might be a little bit off my game.

-No honey, you don't have game.

You're a good player, you're just in the wrong league.

No offense.

-Yeah, a little taken.

I got, you know I got game. This is game.

-Come on! Mr. Malik? -Mmm?

-How come this never works?

I gotta jam my whole face in there to get water every time.

Isn't that your job? You're supposed to...?

Oh, how did you do that?

See, see, see? Nothing.

It's like sucking blood out of it.

Oh. Okay, what are you doing? What's going on here?

-Like Fonzie. Heeeyyyyy.

-What are you talking about? Why is this not? Malik!?

Agh!

-Hey, Gerry? -Hey.

-Hey, Simon tells me you're working part-time at Barrels now.

-Simon told you that? -Yeah.

So I was thinking, I could get some of the staff together and we could come in after work...

-No. -Come on, how much fun would that be?

-That's not fun, okay? That's not fun for me okay? That's fun for you guys. Not for me.

-Can we just drop it? -Really? I'm a great tipper.

-That's what I don't want. I don't want you coming in. I don't want you tipping.

I don't want you to be there. I don't want anyone to know. Can you just respect that? Okay?

-Sorry, yeah, I just thought that...

-Don't think 'cause thinking makes an ass out of... assume...assume you...

-No. -No.

-Mr. Leung. How's Gawee?

I understand he's progressing quite nicely this year, so...

-He's my son, so I'm aware of how he's progressing.

-Right.

Well, Miss Amorati's been raving about the project he did on the effects of salt...on pennies.

So, congrats on that.

Hey, listen. Uhhh, Xavier Academy is facing some slight financial setbacks.

The budget cuts are going to have to come from somewhere... namely here...the library.

-I'm on strike.

-Yeah, that's pretty much right.

♪ Music -Oh, shots! -You got it, shots.

Start early, go late. The return. This is going to be the greatest.

-Shots, shots, shots, girls, girls. Let's go, everybody, everybody. How fun this is.

-Do this! To Gerry's return. -Thank you bud!

-Cheers! -Oh God!

-Yeah! -Beers, beers, two beers.

-This is life, just drinking free every night. -Drinking, drinking, meet girls.

-Oh, did I tell you? They hired the hottest hostess I have ever seen!

-Oh my! -Yeah, outrageous. Not if I get there first.

-No, I will agh. -No, I will probably...

-Ohhh! -She's crazy hot! Yeah, yeah, it just got weird.

-Good luck! Competition! Competition! -She's soo hot!

-Yeah, she's smokin' hot man! Yeah, yeah yeah, it's going to be amazing, outrageous!

-I know! -Oh, there she is.

-No! No! No! No! Noooo! -Yes, yes!

-No! Maya! That's who you're...

Did she see me do that...? -Yeah.

-No!

[Sound of people clapping] [Gerry singing]: It's your birthday all day long.

It's your birthday all day long. It's your birthday all day long.

-[Maya joins in]: Hope you enjoy this birthday song.

-[Maya]: Yay! Happy Birthday Sweetie! Have a good birthday.

-Can I talk to you for a second? Thank you. -Okay

-What's wrong Sir? -Okay, first of all, you call me Gerry here.

-Really? I can call you Gerry? -Just here Maya. And secondly, what are you doing?

Look at this section. No more kids. -Why? They're so cute.

-They're cute, but parents with kids have no money and then I gotta clean it up

and pretend I'm having a great time with the kids all night. For no money.

-Okay. -What's with that table?

-What's wrong with that table? -They're Chinese Maya. Chinese people drink tea all night.

-Tea after tea after tea. Do you know how much work tea is for a waiter?

-I gotta get a spoon, I gotta get milk, maybe they want cream.

-I gotta get a saucer, then I gotta find a teabag, then I gotta get a pot of hot water.

-You know what I make off all that? 30 cents.

And look at this table, oh, that's a beauty.

-Those four nice ladies?

-Yeah, four nice ladies. Those are campers

-That's mean. -Because old people sit in your section all night.

-Look at, they're sharing one piece of pie. You know why they buy one piece?

Because they think they're gonna die soon. -That's awful.

-So they don't want to spend any money but that's the truth, they don't want to spend anything.

-AND! They're drinking tea. So basically I'm in the tea section all night. That's what I want.

-I don't make money, you don't make money. -So then, who do I give you?

-Waiters from other restaurants, people that smoke, people that drink.

-How am I going to know if they smoke and drink?

-Ask'em, say 'Hey, you guys like to drink?' If they're wasted drunk seat them in my section.

-Because they'll spend money and they'll tip me.

And if I make money, you make money. Get it?

-Fine, whatever. -Okay, thank you, Maya.

Yes, yes, they tip, they tip. Yes!

-[Quietly] Gay people are good tippers.

-Hello! Nice shirt, that's nice. -Okay, there you go guys. Have a good night.

-Watch your step, you look amazing. ♪ Music

-[Bobbi]: Hey, Trudy. I lost my key for the equipment room. You don't have an extra set do ya?

-You mean...this key? -Thanks.

-You would be surprised what this key opens Bobbi.

-[Uncomfortable]: Okay... -[Trudy giggles]

-That's uncomfortable.

-You see what I did there? -I know, I still don't know if that opens the equipment room.

-A little eye contact, playful little laugh, and a little touching, you know?

Something appropriate at first, nothing below the equator.

Listen, I'm just trying to give you a few flirting tips here, Bobbi.

-Yeah, I don't need any tips for flirting, thank you very much.

I mean, check this out, I know what I'm doing. Yeah...

[Starts singing circus theme]

-Good lord. -[Singing continues]

-Oh my. No. I don't think that's a song you should be going for.

-Some touching. Hmmm? Is it getting hot in here?

-No! No. -No? Sorry.

Thank you for this.

[Bobbi]: Ohh kay.

-Hmm.

-Don't let that ruin girls for you boys, okay?

-Mr. Andrews, maybe instead of playing mad chickens on your phone...

-No, it's Angry Birds.

-Whatever it is, why not come to the library?

And expand your mind. Read a book.

More head, less fingers. -What does that mean?

-Well.

-Alright, let's take up the homework from last night, please.

-[Maya]: Oh, Gerry? [Class laughs]

Sorry, I mean, Mr. Duncan.

-Yeah, that's funny Maya. I see what you're doing there.

-Can I call you Gerry? -No, Jimmy, you can't.

-Why does Maya get to call you Gerry?

-Ben, she doesn't get to call me Gerry.

-What was that shot you and Bill were drinking last night?

-Okay. -[Class]: Ooooh.

-[Gerry]: Alright, yeah, ooooh, okay. Good.

Alright, write this down.

A little assignment due tomorrow thanks to Maya.

-What? -[Gerry]: Yeah.

A little extra work. A five page essay... -[Class]: Ugh.

-Yeah, comparing and contrasting the American and the French...

And the Industrial...and the Russian Revolutions.

Tell me which one was the best and which was the worst.

Single spaced, both sides. Due tomorrow.

[Whispers]: Would you like me to get your shift covered for you?

♪ Music

[Leung]: Xavier Academy doesn't care if you're stupid.

Take that. Show it to your mother and father.

-What are we doing here?

-Books are food for thought and Robert is starving their minds.

-[Simon]: I see.

-Fuhrer Cheeley doesn't care if you're stupid.

-[Simon]: Right on. -Fuhrer Cheeley wants you to be stupid.

-Hate those Fuhrers!

-What is that? Let me see that. Great. Off you go.

-Mr. Leung, I noticed that you locked the library...with a chain. Very dramatic.

-Oh, it will remain dramatic until you fat cats learn it's not all about the bottom line.

-Hey, I'm prepared to negotiate. How about tomorrow morning? Nine AM?

-Ten. -9:30. -9:45.

-Fine, I'll be in my office. -That is not neutral ground.

-I'll leave the door open. -All the way?

-Half way. -Done.

-Should I be there? -No.

-Fight the power.

-What? What does that mean?

♪ Music -[Gerry]: Maya, give me them, give me them. Give me the girls.

-Seat me them, seat me them, My section. Oh Maya!

Do you know how much homework I gave her? And she still showed up for her shift.

-I know. -Maya! How's that extra homework I gave you?

-Actually Gerry, I'm done.

-Gerry, again with the Gerry. Why would they hire one of my students?

-I can't believe how hot she is. -That's enough. Look at my section. It's empty.

-I haven't gotten one table yet. I'm not going to have any money.

-You gave her some pretty strict limitations.

-She could've given me that table. Look at that, nice, perfect couple.

Suits, drinking. Haha.

-Gerry, I have a lovely couple from South Africa. Can I give you them?

-South African's have servants and I am a server, not a servant.

-They will run me around ragged, I don't want them. No thank you.

-And cover this up. You look...it's open. And you're showing everyone. It's open.

-Whatever Grandpa! And the next tables yours, because we're full.

-Fine. Cover up, you're embarrassing Xavier Academy.

-Man, I can't believe she's still in high school. -Bill!

-[Maya]: Hey, right this way guys. -Hey Sir, bread's free right?

-[Maya]: Come on. -[Gerry]: No, no, no, no, no, no! No! NO! Bill?

Oh!

♪ Music

-Alright, welcome to Barrels. You know who I am.

So don't say my name. Please tell me what we're gonna have.

Alright, let's get this over with please.

This is not what I wanted tonight. Come on.

-Need a pen Sir?

-Thank you Ben. A pen...

A pen would be helpful.

-Sir, can I get some more water? -[Gerry clears his throat]

-Jimmy I just brought you water two seconds ago.

-I finished my water, and I'm a paying customer.

-Yeah, water, you're not paying for water.

Alright, then order some food people. Who's first?

Let's go, let's order. -We ate before we came Sir.

-You ate before you came to a restaurant? -[Lewis]: Can I get a milkshake?

-We don't do milkshakes Lewis. -It says on the menu, milkshake.

-Well, I don't do milkshakes then. Alright?

If you've brought your liquid paper from your school bag,

liquid paper out milkshakes, because we don't do milkshakes.

So, let's order something else. Something other than milkshakes and water. Can we do that?

Don't put your hand up, we're not in class. Just say it here.

-Uh, which revolution...?

-Nope, we're not talking about school. Okay?

We're here to order some food. Alright?

-Can we just do this? Please? Can we just do this quickly?

Because this isn't fun for me. -Can I have another straw?

-No more straws! And don't chew on our straws!

This isn't funny, by the way.

Haha. I'll give you a few more minutes.

No car is worth this.

♪ Music

-Mr. Leung. -Please, Wayne.

-Wayne. -Wayne Leung.

-Wayne Leung.

Here are the very modest proposed cuts.

-This is what we are willing to lose.

-Fair enough. Alright, or...

-Okay? -Or...

-What are you doing? -For this...

-You can't start a new paper.

But you did, okay. Fresh start. Wayne, what are you doing?

-And this...

-What's this one? -That's a decoy for this.

-I don't understand. Okay, this is a picture.

-Mmm. -It's nice.

-Thank you.

Now, we take all three.

-And now we begin.

-Great.

-[Singing]: You and me, a couple of negotiators.

-[Bell sounds]

-[Dwyer]: Know what? I think I'm finally getting through to Steven.

-Oh, that's great Paul. -Grade 10's tough.

-Oh yeah. -He came a long way though, I'm proud of him...

-[Bobbi laughing] -[Dwyer]: Whoa!

-[Bobbi]: Who's a puppet? [Laughing]

Cue ball. I like your pants.

-[Whispers]: Now that's flirting.

So, catch ya later. Whoo.

-Wow, now who wouldn't want to tap that?

-What? -I don't know.

-A little faster if you can, Mr. Malik.

That will save some lease fees, very good.

Off you go then. -Your time will come.

-And to you Mr. Leung, a good compromise is like a good piece of music.

And today I feel we played some pretty sweet progressive jazz.

-Mr. Hunt, don't you have a class to teach?

-Yes, I do.

So, what'd you get in return? -Ahhh, I got this.

-Oh, wind chime. But there's no wind in here.

-I got this as well. [Starts fan]

It soothes me.

-Wow, nicely played. -Ssshhhh!!!

-Alright, thanks for the ride.

You're going to get me after school right?

-Hey, Lisa. You look great! -Oh, thanks Bill.

-You wanna go out sometime? -Never.

-Cool, like maybe a different time? -No.

-You're going to get me after school, right Bill? -[Bill]: Nooo!

-No? -What happened to your car?

-I had a problem okay? So drop it.

-Didn't work out at Barrels huh? -No, it didn't.

-Good, I can start going there again.

-[Gerry sighs heavily] -[Maya]: Hey Gerr!

-Okay, first of all, don't hit me. It's assault of a teacher.

-And secondly, it's back to Mr. D and only Mr. D here.

-Whatever Mr. Duncan. -Okay, whatever.

You're going to fail your next test Maya. I'll tell you that right now,

I don't even care how you do on it, you failed it.

It's already marked in my head. ♪ Music.

♪ Music.

-That was fun, huh Gerry? -Yeah, that was fun.

Fun, fun. Ah, thank you, Mrs. Hunt.

-Ms. And I'm more than happy to give you a ride anytime, Gerry.

-Okay. -Can Gerry come for dinner mom?

-He can come for anything.

-No, Gerry's not coming for anything, Gerry's...

-Can you unlock that? 'Cause I think it's...

-Oh, child locks. My mom controls them on her side.

-I do. -Okay.

-Gerry! You should sleep over tonight and then we could drive you to school in the morning.

-No. Yeah, okay. I'm uncomfortable right now.

-Is it the seat? You need to adjust the seat?

-Not the seat...can you press? There's probably a button there.

-Bill! Bill! BILL!! [Gerry tries to open the car door]