Original subtitles

Angela: Hi Trudy. Trudy: Hi Angela. Did he forget

his lunch again? Angela: He did. I told him I'd

bring it and to meet me at the office.

Trudy: Why don't you just grab a seat over there.

Angela: Thank you. Trudy: Ok.

Gerry: Here's those forms Trudy.

Wow...

Trudy whispers: Go for it!

Gerry: Hi, have you been looked

after? Angela: Yes, I have, but

thank you. Gerry: You're welcome.

Angela: You're all so friendly here.

Gerry laughs: Oh.

Trudy: I think she likes you. Gerry: Go talk to her?

Trudy: Go for it! Simon: Hey Gerry!

Gerry: Hey Simon Simon: Hey mom.

Angela: Hi sweetie. Here's your lunch.

Simon: Thanks mom, see ya. Bye Gerry.

Gerry: See ya Simon. Angela: Maybe I'll see you again

sometime.

Gerry: Never.

Gerry: I was just thinking stuff about Simon's mom I didn't...

Trudy: Don't. Don't tell me what you were thinking.

Gerry: Wow, that's embarrassing. No, I couldn't.

Forget, I'd be his father.

♪ I'm awesome, no you're not dude, don't lie

♪ I'm awesome, I'm driving around in my mom's ride

♪ I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by

♪ I'm awesome, awesome, awesome.

Gerry: Why would you not... I told you to put Mr. D at the

bottom. Simon: Then people would think I

boxing Mr. Dwyer. Gerry: No, they wouldn't.

Dwyer: Gentlemen! There's a lot of buzz about this charity

boxing match you got goin' on. Gerry: Pretty exciting. How's

your cartoon thingy? Dwyer: Definitely not as

big as this man. Gerry: Well, you're doin

somethin' though, that's great. Simon: You should draw a

caricature of me pulverizing Gerry.

Gerry: Simon. Dwyer: You think so?

Gerry: We've gone through this many times, we are staging this

fight. 'K? It's not real, cause if it's real and I try I'm

gonna hurt you. Simon: I'm not so sure about

that to be honest. Gerry: Have you ever been in a

fight Simon? Simon: No

Gerry: I have. Punched in the face?

Simon: No Gerry: I have. That's why we're

staging it. Dwyer: Look, any help you need

let me know champ, I gotcha.

Gerry: See what he's trying to do there?

Simon: He hurt your shoulder? Gerry: No he didn't hurt anything.

He's trying to get involved in this so that he can

take some credit for the biggest event ever at this school.

I'm not stupid. Simon: Yeah, and we're going to

make way more money than that guy.

Gerry: Not we, me. This is my event. I don't mind you being

part of it but I did it. Simon: Yeah, but without me,

this event doesn't exist. You don't scare me Mr. Duncan, I've

got moves you've never seen. Come at cha from the front

bop around like a kangaroo. Walk away Mr. Duncan, you can't escape your fate.

Robert: Dennis, don't do that with your face...Hey, is

that the new video game "Confiscators"? Don't mind if I

do. Lisa: Hey, Robert.

Robert: Ms. Mason Lisa: Hey, is this your phone?

I found it in the parking lot. Robert: Yes, thank you!

Lisa: No problem. Robert: This has been happening

so much lately. I have to get a new belt clip.

It keeps falling off. Lisa: Yeah, I hate being

without my phone, it's awful. Robert: I don't think you

understand. I haaate not having my phone. It makes me feel like

I have these bumblebees of worry Lisa: Oh, ouch. So, uh when did

you lose it? Robert: Yesterday afternoon.

Lisa: Oh Robert: Zero missed calls,

that's good. Zero text messages and friend requests, nil.

Lisa: Oh, well you didn't miss anything

Robert: Release the bees, stinging you with thanks.

Bzz, bzz, bzz, bzzzz Lisa: Oh, ok...wow.

Robert: How did a mosquito get in there?

[Lisa laughs uncomfortably] Lisa: Yup.

Robert: Which way ya walkin'? Lisa:Um I'm going the other way.

Robert: That's where I'm going. Lisa: Ok, great, let's...

Robert: Bzz. Lisa: Ok

[Knock at the door]

Callaghan: No, no please, have a seat.

No, no, no, no, no, not so fast Mr. Duncan.

You need to be singled out,

for special praise.

In all the years we've been doing this, your boxing event

has raised THE most money for Parkinson's.

As an avid boxing fan myself I tell ya, I am so excited that

Xavier's gonna be hosting it's first charity boxing event.

So proud of you. Gerry: Thank you

Callaghan: Fantastic. Very impressive.

Gerry: Thank you. Callaghan: Oh, listen, could you

and Mr. Hunt drop by the office afterwards? After class?

We'll talk over a few things. Gerry: Yes.

Callaghan: Ok great. Alright, teach hard.

Gerry: Teach hard. Callaghan: Carry on.

Gerry: Did you guys hear all that?

Jimmy: Sir, you got called to the Principal's office.

Gerry: Nope, get out. Jimmy: What?

Gerry: Jimmy, you're not ruining this moment. Buh bye.

Gerry: New rule, you say something stupid, you will leave

class. Benjamin: Where would we go?

Gerry: Don't know, don't care. Benjamin: What if something

happens? You'd be responsible. Gerry: Get out.

Benjamin: Seriously? Gerry: Seriously. Not raining on

my parade right now, nobody is.

How many of you...have had the principal say he's proud of you?

No, ok. Rhetorical. Just give me a minute here to get organized.

Callaghan: Gentlemen, we're getting some local press

interest in this thing. So I thought I'd teach you

a few things to help it make it look a bit

more real, know what I mean? Simon: Can we make

it so that I win? Gerry: No we cannot Simon.

Simon: Why not? Callaghan: I don't think that

would be very believable Simon, you're such a thin little guy.

Gerry: You look sick all the time.

Simon: Ok, yeah I got asthma, allergies. Sure, I

understand. Thank you. Callaghan: Ok, Simon, stand up.

Simon: Do you want Gerry to stand up too?

Callaghan: That's ok, just you and me. Put these on.

Simon: Ok Callaghan: Now just because this

is a charity match doesn't mean we can't put a little pepper in

those punches. Alright? Simon: These things are heavy.

Gerry: Pay attention. Callaghan: Alright, now I'm

gonna throw a punch, you're gonna block it with your hands,

very important your first line of defense, your

hands for your face alright? Simon: Ok

Callaghan: I'm gonna throw a punch, you're gonna block it

with your left hand alright? Simon: Ahhhhh.

Callaghan: Come on you gotta be kidding.

I barely touched the guy. Simon: Gerry, call my mom.

Gerry: Oh boy. Callaghan: Do you know his mom?

Lisa: You don't have to buy me any more apples ok, alright?

Now go. I'm allergic to them. Okay.

Robert: There she is again. Being helpful, as always.

Lisa: That's my job. Robert: I got a hilarious email

forward this morning cats who bowl, I should forward it to ya.

Lisa: Oh no that's... Robert: Got it on my phone

that you found, 'member? Lisa: Yeah, yeah this morning.

Robert: Better yet, why don't I just print off a hard copy and

I'll give it to you at lunch in my office tomorrow.

Lisa: Oh, I've got a tutorial so Robert: 12:05, perfect. I'll

see you then. I might have been the one who lost my phone but

you were the one that answered the call of friendship.

Lisa: Oh, it's...yeah... Robert: Brrring...

Robert: Brrring...hello? Is my friend there?

Yes she is just a minute let me put her on.

Do you have a second? Lisa: Oh, sure. Hello?

Yeah it's Lisa. Robert: No there's no one there.

Lisa: It's just, end call. Robert: You don't have to hang

up, it's not even a real call. Lisa: Ok, see ya tomorrow, ok.

Robert: 12:05. Lisa: Ok, alright.

Callaghan: Ah, there you are. Gerry: Hey, how is he?

Callaghan: It's not good. His jaw.

Gerry: Ok, I'll just punch him right in there.

Callaghan: Well he can't fight. Gerry: Yeah, I won't hit him

in the face sir, I'll just go right, I'll just

hit him everything right... Callaghan: Nooo, you have

to get somebody else. Gerry: Are you serious?

Callaghan: Yeah, he wasn't the fighting type anyway

Gerry: Yeah, that's my point. That's what I liked about it.

Jeff: Gerry! Gerry: Morning Jeff.

Jeff: Hey, ah heard you're looking for an opponent

for the big fight. Gerry: Yeah, Simon got hurt.

Jeff: Yeah, I mean I'd love to help out.

Gerry: Nah, that wouldn't work. Jeff: I think it'd be awesome, I

just want to get in the ring and you know, make some money for

charity. I think it'd be good. Gerry: Ah yeah listen Mr. Lemire

it would be really confusing for everybody cause they already

think we're the same person walking around and if I fought

you in the ring, it's gonna feel like the same person fighting.

They're not gonna know who to cheer it just...

Jeff: Gerry I don't think a lot of people think we look alike.

Gerry: Yeah, really they do, you don't know because you probably

think they're talking about me. But thank you, it's really nice

of ya, ok? Alright? Jeff: Yeah, ok.

Gerry: That shirt's small, a little tight.

Jeff: Athletic fit...I guess. Gerry: Yeah, mine's same build

underneath but a little less revealing.

Jeff: It's too much? Yeah. Gerry: A little bit.

Gerry: What are ya drinking? Jeff: Oh it's wheatgrass.

Gerry: Wheatgrass? Jeff: Yeah give ya a boost.

You should have some. Gerry: Mmm coffee, sugar,

glycolysis you should know that ok? Grass is for cows, alright?

Gotta get a bigger shirt Jeff 'k ? This isn't a fashion show.

[Knock at door]

Robert: Lisa. Lisa: Hi.

Robert:I can call you that here. Lisa: Oh...

Robert: Safe place. Lisa: Thanks.

Who's that? Robert: Oh, that's a substitute teacher,

here to make sure this just stays a professional lunch

between friends. No monkey business.

Lisa: Sorry? Robert: She could act as my

legal witness in a court of law in the event you were to charge

me with any type of harassment. Lisa: Ok, this is a little uh...

Robert: Well no, you can't be too careful now a days. So as

long as you're ok with a "mange a trois" as the French say.

Lisa: Sorry? Robert: I just wanted to take

this opportunity again to thank you for finding my phone.

I'm one of those people who feels you can never say

thanks enough. Lisa: No, no I think you can say

thanks enough. I feel really, really thanked.

Robert: I haven't thanked you in your mouth...with food...

with food. Lisa: Yeah.

Robert: I haven't thanked you there. I think

that's the nicest way you can say thanks to someone.

Lisa: Yay. [Knock at door]

Robert: That's our food. Lisa: Ok

Robert: Garçon Lisa: Thank you.

Lisa: Grilled cheese from the cafeteria, did you want any?

Robert: She's fine.

Gerry: Alan your heart will be fine. I'll do all the work. We

just have to dance around a little, couple shots right here.

Callaghan: Duncan, did you find a new opponent yet?

Gerry: Alan? Alan: No.

Gerry: Thanks that's pathetic. No, sir.

Callaghan: Great news! Paul Dwyer's agreed to fight you, he

used to box when he was a kid so he knows just what he's doing.

Gerry: Ok, we're not really the same weight, so that's gonna...

Dwyer: Gerry, come on man, I'm a buck eighty.

Gerry: One eighty-four, ah too bad.

Dwyer: Look, kids are gonna love it, it's for a charity,

it's gonna be fun. Alright, we talk later.

Callaghan: It's gonna be great! They, they changed the posters

for us and everything, no extra charge. It's gonna be fantastic.

Gerry: It's already...you've already done posters? So it's

already happening? Callaghan: Yeah

Gerry: I'm gung ho. Callaghan: You good?

Gerry: Yeah Callaghan: Alright.

Gerry: Does he know it's staged? Callaghan: Yeah, I think...ok?

Gerry:Yeah, good, thank you sir. Callaghan: Alright, good stuff.

Gerry: Ka'bah Sanctuary at Mecca? Nobody remembers what?

Gerry: Sheila? Sheila: Sir, are you scared to

fight Mr. D? Gerry: First of all, we're not

talking about that, I'm not fighting Mr. Dwyer. I am boxing.

Ok? Big difference. Lori: But are you scared sir?

Gerry: Why would I be scared Lori?

Lori: People are just saying maybe you are scared.

Gerry: Well people are wrong ok? Have you asked Mr. Dwyer if he's

scared? Cause I heard he's a little bit scared right now.

Sheila: I haven't heard that sir, he doesn't seem

worried about you. Gerry: Well, he should. Can we

get back to this please? Sheila? Ka'bah Sanctuary of Mecca

Nobody knows? We've talked about this for two days.

It is a sacred place for Muslims.

Lori: You wrote "scared" on the board sir.

Gerry: So it's a "scary" or "sacred" place.

Ok? Ok Lori? Thank you.

Bobbi: Hey, Gerry, do you wanna ah help out with the

charity day dunk tank? Gerry: Oh, you know I can't

do that cause I'm boxing Dwyer. Bobbi: Oh, you're still

gonna go through with that? Wow. Gerry: Wow? What is wow?

Bobbi: Well, I mean Dwyer's the nicest guy I know, but...

I'd be worried if I were you. It could get ugly in there.

Gerry: What are you talking about gonna get ugly?

He knows it's staged. He knows it's for the kids.

Bobbi: He's been boxing all his life, he's really good.

And, he doesn't like you cause of how you've

treated him this year so. Gerry: What are you talking

about? The way I've treated him? Bobbi: I overheard him saying

that he was going to destroy you Gerry: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Bobbi: It's probably just trash talk.

Gerry: Yes! Yeah, yeah Bobbi: Probably make breaking

your nose look like an accident. Gerry: You're messing with me.

You're messing with me. Bobbi laughing: Yeah...

just messing with ya...

[Gerry and Bobbi laughing]

Gerry: Mmm that's funny. Bobbi: Yeah or am I?

Bobbi: Be careful. Gerry: What? Bobbi?

Lisa: Trudy. I need your help. Trudy: Oh ok dear,

what's going on? Lisa: Robert is driving me nuts.

Trudy: Big surprise there. Shocked.

What's he getting up to? Lisa: Ok, yesterday I found his

phone and now it's like we're best friends or something and

he keeps popping up everywhere, and and he does this thing with

the bees and like...ya know? Trudy: Oh yeah.

Lisa: And he's just being nice and he's trying to make a

friend but he's really kind of freaking me out here. Oh my god.

Trudy: Listen, don't you worry. I'm gonna take care of this ok?

ROBERT!! Lisa: Ok, what are you doing?

Trudy: Quit trying to be friends with Lisa, you're

creeping her out.

Lisa: Trudy! Trudy: Oh, you are very welcome.

Anything else dear? Lisa: No.

Trudy: Ok, you have a one honey.

Gerry: This was a bad idea. Bill: I thought it was like

a fun charity match. Gerry: Yeah, it's supposed to

be but this guy's apparently taking it seriously and he's...

Bill: You gotta watch "Rocky" that's what you gotta do.

Gerry: Oh yeah ok, I'll just go watch "Rocky" a couple times.

Bill: It'll like build up your, you know, your enthusiasm,

like technique and stuff. Gerry: And "Bullwinkle"?

See that too? Bill: Don't even worry man, I've

been in a ton of fights. You gotta come out,

strong offense, best defense. Gerry: You told me you were

in two fights in grade school. Bill: Yeah, I'm 2 and 0.

Perfect...you extrapolate that. Gerry: Yeah ok, I gotta

come out first, fast. Bill: You need to just come out

fast and hard man. Gerry:Throw the first punch.

Bill: Throw the first punch. You want to be the

sucker, not the suckee. Gerry: Be the sucker,

not the suckee. Bill: Just come out, you

you know what I mean? Gerry: Bam, bam, bam, boom.

Bill:Come out with like strength Gerry: Don't even wait don't even for him.

Bill: Yeah you got this. Gerry: You could be my corner man.

Bill: I'll be your corner man. Gerry: Yeah.

Bill: This is gonna be the best. We could get jackets. Right.

Gerry: Now we're talking. Yeah, I think he fought

a lot so...as a kid. Bill:I don't see that going well

Gerry: It'll be fine. Bill: I thought it was two

teachers just messing around like a guy like that, he could

break your jaw without even trying man, that's for real.

Gerry:Ok, just see ya later, go. Bill: I'm just saying,

you could get hurt, you need to know how to protect

your head. I think you should watch "Rocky".

Gerry: See ya, yeah... Bill: Watch all of it. Gerry: Yeah, ok...

[Students cheering]

Lisa: Hi, Robert. Robert: Ms. Mason.

Lisa: Hi, I am so sorry about yesterday.

Robert: Oh, cause you punched me in the feelings? Yeah don't

worry about it. I'm well aware of what my flaws are. I know

what my shortcomings are, I come on a little strong and push

people away. It's not the first emotional rodeo for this cowboy.

Sometimes when you fly close to the friend sun, you're gonna get

burnt huh? That's what happened, no biggie.

Lisa: Oh, but Robert, I do like you.

Robert: It doesn't matter, I like me. I'm friends with me.

Maybe I wish they made bandaids for the inside right now,

but they don't. Lisa: Okay.

Lisa: No.

Callaghan: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls

good afternoon, and welcome to the first ever charity day

boxing match at Xavier Academy. [Crowd cheers]

Bill: Oh hey! This is for real. Nice.

What do you got on your face? Gerry: Vaseline it deflects the

punches. Bill: Right. Nice robe.

Gerry: Hotel, Niagara Falls, remember that?

Bill: Oh right. Where those girls were in the hot tub.

Gerry: Yeah...Ok, easy Bill. There's kids around.

There's the rope, get the rope for me, that's what you do.

Bill: Oh, okay. Gerry: You're supposed to hold

it down like this. Bill: We should have been doing

a training montage. Gerry: This thing's tight on my

face, it's too tight. Take my mouthguard out.

Bill: I'm not going to put my fingers in your mouth.

It's gross. Live with it.

[Music starts] [Crowd goes wild]

Gerry: Oh here I go!

Gerry: Why does he get music and I don't get music?

Gerry: What's he doing? Hey Paul, what're ya doin'?

Gerry: Why y'all serious? Bill: Is he a real boxer?

Gerry: What are you doing Paul? Hey Paul, why ya don't ya relax.

Bill: Just get ready! Gerry: Where's his head gear?

Bill:Ya gotta get pumped up man. Gerry: Stop doin' that. You're

tiring me out, stop that. Dwyer:Gerry did a great job man.

Kids are gonna love this. Jeff: Yeah, he did.

Jeff: Why's he wearing all that protective gear? He knows

this isn't real right? Gerry: It's for charity Paul!

Bill: He's pretty ripped. Gerry: Oh my god.

Dwyer: Staged, all staged. Check out the stare down we

gonna do the kids are gonna love this, look at this.

Callaghan: In the blue corner, Mr. Dwyer!

[Crowd goes wild] Gerry: Relax everybody, relax.

Bill: Everybody just calm down. Gerry: Yeah! Calm down.

Callaghan: And in the red corner, Mr. Duncan!

[Crowd hardly reacts] Gerry: Not Mr. Duncan, Mr. D!

Bill: Put your hands up.

Gerry: Who got the bigger applause?

Bill: I don't think you need to worry about applause right now.

Ya gotta...are you going to take your shirt off too?

Gerry: No. Bill: No, that's a good idea.

Gerry: Okay, don't! Bill: He's doin' that thing

with his pecks. Gerry: Ok, stop. Just shut up.

Callaghan: Alright gentlemen, come to the centre please.

Gerry: Why ya so serious? We're just having fun right?

Relax! Jeff, why ya doin' that? It's just for fun buddy.

Callaghan: Alright gentlemen. Let's keep it clean. Let's try

and make it last at least one round. Give the crowd a show.

Alright? Gerry: Okay, okay.

Callaghan: Protect yourselves at all times. Touch gloves.

Gerry: Okay, let's have fun Paul. He won't even answer me.

What are you texting? That's great Bill. I'm about to fight

Muhammed Ali right now and you're texting somebody?

Put the phone away and stop texting some broad right now!

Bill: I'm super into this. Gerry: Unbelievable!

Bill: There's a bucket for that. Gerry: I can't even spit!

Gerry: Put the phone away!! Bill: I'm almost done.

Gerry: Throw me the towel! That's a red towel! Why would

you bring a red towel. Bill: Ok, I'll throw it to you,

you'll be fine. Gerry: Ok, what do I do?

Bill: No, focus, one shot. Just, you don't have a chance.

He's in way better shape than you. You're gonna die! Get him.

[Starting bell sounds] Bill: Go!

Gerry: Woohoo! Whoo! Bobbi: He's an animal.

Gerry: Count sir. Whoo! Bill: What a shot.

Gerry: Mr. D! Mr. D. Whoo! Callaghan: Call an ambulance.

Gerry: Uh-oh! Hang on. Callaghan: Wake up Paul.

It was supposed to be staged. Gerry: He came at me sir.

Callaghan: Paul, Paul? Are you ok? Paul?

You sucker punched him. Gerry: The bell rang. What was

he lookin' at? Simon: He's dead.

Bobbi: He's not dead. Simon: No, he's dead.

I've seen dead people. Gerry: Paul, stop foolin'

around. It's Mr. D. The new Mr. D.

Don't say anything if I'm Mr. D. If I'm Mr D, don't say anything.

Callaghan: Go to your corner. Gerry: Make sure he knows I'm

Mr. D, 'cause he might not hear me with the mouth guard.

Callaghan: I'll tell him. Bill: You're dropping

spit on his arm. Gerry: I'm Mr. D now kids.

Bill: That was awesome. Gerry: I know, it

was unbelievable. Bill: Oh my god. You're a hero.

Gerry: Yeah! [Siren sounds in background]

Dwyer: Alright I'll be back in school in no time fellas.

Jimmy: See ya Mr. D. Dwyer: Alright.

Jimmy: Wow, ya came to ah finish him off?

Gerry: Look at you man. Dwyer: That's quite a punch

Mr. Duncan. I wasn't expecting all that.

Gerry: I didn't expect the hood and the glasses and robe and the

serious look on your face. Dwyer: It's supposed to be

for the kids, come on man. Gerry: Yeah, freaked me out a

little bit, thought you were mad at me.

Dwyer:Why would I be mad at you? Gerry: I don't know people were

telling me you were mad and you were gonna knock me out and all

this so I, I just came out all intense, you're Mr. D, I'm Mr. D

I was... Dwyer: Let that go man, you

gotta let that go, let it go. Gerry: I know, I know.

Dwyer: Let it go kids are gonna call you what

they gonna call you. Gerry: Two Mr. D's in the

same school, so what? Dwyer: You got it my man.

Gerry: Ok, Mr. D, Mr. D cause you're in here, see

this is how I let it go. Dwyer: This is my card.

Gerry: I know, is it? Or is it for winning? I don't know.

Get some rest. Dwyer: Ok, speaking of rest, I

was wondering if you could you could stay awhile?

Gerry: I got a couple minutes, I got a couple minutes.

Dwyer: I'm not supposed to sleep, it's a precaution, 'cause

of my concussion. It would mean a lot to me.

Gerry: Ok, I can.

Dwyer: Let's go, wake up, wake up

Gerry: When did I fall asleep? Dwyer: As soon as you sat down.

I had to keep myself up, so I wouldn't die!

Gerry: That's a bit dramatic. Dwyer: Yeah, anyway thanks for

staying with me. Gerry: Yeah.

Dwyer: You know we're gonna have to do this again next year. Gerry: Yeah.

Dwyer: Except this time for real.

Gerry: You're messing with me.