Original subtitles

Gerry: Here we go. This time for sure. Ready?

[Gerry laughs] Gerry: Oh.

Gerry: Here we go. [Gerry laughs]

Oh! Oh.

Oh! Stop.

Oh!

Bobbi: Hey Mr. Duncan? Gerry: What?

Bobbi: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were teaching.

Gerry: Yeah, I'm in the middle of this. Please. Thank you.

Ah, ah! Now, if I make it to the desk I win a million

dollars. Look! You watching?

When I get to the desk I win a million dollars.

Millionaire! Ohhhh!

We did it kids. Whoo!

We did it!

♪ I'm awesome. No you're not dude. Don't lie.

♪ I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's ride.

♪ I'm awesome. A quarter of my life gone by.

♪ I'm awesome, awesome, awesome.

Gerry: Hey Jeff.Jeff: Gerry.

Robert: Gerry, Jeff.Gerry/Jeff: Robert.

Gerry: How's phys-ed? Jeff: Great. Really good.

Gerry: Yeah? Kids stillthink we're the same?

Jeff: You're still doingthat thing huh?

Gerry: It's not a thing. Do younot see the resemblance?

Robert: Between he and I? Yeah.Gerry: Between?

Robert: We're in a dopplegang.Gerry: What? You're not in a

gang. You don't even fight.Robert: Gerry, Jeff and I will

be covering for you in your lastclass today while you're away on

the field trip. So, I hope thekids have lots of work to do.

Gerry: They have lots of work and make sure they do it because

they have a test coming up.Robert: I will, gives me time to

work on my newsletters.Gerry: Thank you. Yeah. And you

make sure they don't confuse you and I. Tell them I'm away, tell

them your name. Tell them I'm on a field trip.

Jeff: Oh, because we look so much alike.

Lisa: Hey Gerry. You excited for your field trip?

Jeff: I'm Jeff! That's Gerry. Lisa: Jeff!

Gerry: Hello? Lisa. Lisa: Ohhh wow. You guys look so

alike. Wow. Uncanny. Jeff: Uncanny, yeah.

Gerry: Every time. It's like, people are confused.

Do you see what I'm talking about? Told you.

Tried to tell him that, he doesn't see it.

Lisa: Bobbi, are you alright? Bobbi: Yeah, you know what? It's

just a bit of a sore back. You're going to be on the bus

right? In five minutes? Gerry: Yeah, ok. Relax.

Bobbi: Just say it. Gerry: Five minutes, I'm going

to be on the bus. Yeah. Bobbi: Easy. Five minutes.

Gerry: I love field trips. Eight hour spare today.

She's supervising it. I just show up. Ratio,

I'm for the ratio. Jeff: I think actually, there's

a few things you have to do. Lisa: They have to learn stuff.

Gerry: No, they're nothing to learn on a field trip.

It's just a day off. Jeff: Take care of the kids...

Gerry: Tour guides do that. It's a party day.

Robert: Good morning Trudy. These are for you.

Trudy: Good morning to you too. Robert: I have to get to work on

my vice principal's message for the newsletter.

Trudy: How are you ever going to top last year's opus?

Robert: It'll be tough, but that's why I've carved out the

entire day in my schedule. So, please, no interruptions.

Trudy: Fine. Robert: Oh and Trudy, I'm going

to need that paperwork turned around PDQ, so if I could have

it by EOD that would be ok. Trudy: Ok.

Robert: Stay late if you have to.

Trudy: GFY Robert. Robert: Sorry?

Trudy: Have a nice day. Robert: Wouldn't that be HAND?

Trudy: Oh, yeah! HAND. Robert: HAND, handy.

Robert: Have a nice day you. Trudy: AH

Gerry: Let's go, let's go, let's move it. Big trip today guys.

Let's get on the bus. Cassandra: Hey sir.

Gerry: Hey Cassandra. Hey Gupreet.

Gupreet: Hey sir. Gerry: Alright.

Jonah: Potato? Gerry: Who gave ya that Jonah?

Jonah:My father does it with me. Gerry: Tell your dad that Mr. D

invented that. Jonah: No you didn't.

Gerry: Yeah and you're missing the best part

fries, salt and pepper. Alex: Are there

seat belts on the bus? Gerry: Are there seat...?

Are you in grade five? Alex: Yeah.

Gerry: I don't think there's seat belts on the bus.

Alex: That's not very safe sir. I don't want to go.

Can't I just go back to class? Gerry: Why would you want to go

to class? This is the best day ever. It's a field trip,

ya got no school. Alex: Museums are kind of scary.

Gerry: No, museums are not. Old weapons, bones and mummies.

Alex: Oh no. Gerry: No, this one's different.

This one's not like that. Alex: I really don't want to go.

Gerry: Tell you what. If you come, I promise I'll make sure

nothing will happen. Is that a deal?

Alex: Deal. Gerry: Alright. Give me five.

Good guy. Alex: Do you know first aid?

Gerry: Yeah I know first aid!

I know the Heimlich. That's about it.

I'll show you the Heimlich. Bobbi: No, you'll hurt me.

You'll hurt me, my back. Gerry: Check your pulse?

Bobbi: No. Gerry: Very rapid.

You're nervous. Bobbi: You make me nervous.

Trudy: I need you to sign this.

Wow...how can you work with that buzz in here?

Robert: What buzz? Trudy: Listen. Bzzzzz.

Robert: I don't hear anything. Trudy: Really? Listen again.

Robert: I hear, like, a faint buzz, but I don't know why

that would bother anyone. Trudy: Oh, well good.

Good for you. I wouldn't be able to concentrate with that.

Robert: Trudy, get me Mr. Malik.

Gerry: Let's go guys. Come on. Bobbi: Alright guys, let's go.

Gerry: Fun trip. Alright. Bobbi: Ok, that's all the kids

accounted for right? That's 38, that's your only job, you

need to know 38 heads to count. Gerry: My job 38 Curt Schilling,

pitcher in my head, stored. Bobbi: Don't care.

Gerry: Where's Simon by the way? Bobbi: He's meeting us at the

museum. His mom's dropping him off.

Where's your parent volunteer? Gerry: My what?

Bobbi: Come on. Your parent volunteer.

Gerry: Oh, for this? For the day. Picking him up on the way.

Lives out there. So, just easier.

Bobbi: Yeah, that's what you do. Ya pick up your parent

volunteer. Awesome. Gerry: Ok, hurry up. Let's go.

Bobbi: Ahhhh! Gerry. God. Gerry: Some phys-ed teacher you

are. Parent volunteer? Come on Bill, I know you're tired but

please, do me this favour. I'll owe you big time...please.

Pretty please.

Gerry: Oh my gosh.

[Gerry clears his throat]

Mr. Gordan. Hello, Mr. Gordan. Hello.

Bill: Oh, hey buddy. Gerry: Hey Mrs. Gordan.

Gerry: Listen, thanks again for helping us out today Mr. Gordan.

Bobbi: Will you stop it? Bill: No problem.

Bobbi: Stop, who is this? Gerry? Gerry: This is Bill my roommate.

Bill, this is Bobbi. Bill: Hey Bobbi, it's nice

to meet you. Bobbi: Hi.

Gerry: I forgot to get a...parent volun...

Bobbi: Yeah, ya don't say. Bill: And this is...

Lucille: Lucille. Bill: Lucille. See I knew.

Bobbi: That's pretty. Ok. Gerry: Alright.

Bobbi: You're unbelievable. Gerry: Come on, seriously?

You're unbelievable. You could have stopped kissing,

the kids are watching. Bill: Would you?

Gerry: No.

Robert: Well, if I had known it was just a bulb, I could have

done it myself, I just didn't know where the buzz was

coming from. Malik: Perhaps.

Robert: I totally could have changed a bulb myself.

Malik: You find me the people, you make me the one and all I

do is get you all you want.

Robert: Right. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Trudy on intercom: Are you almost done Robert?

It's time for your 10 o'clock meeting.

Robert: I thought I said, no interruptions.

Trudy: Sorry. Completely forgot. Won't happen again.

Robert: Well can you just cancel it?

Trudy: No, not really. Robert: Why? Who's the

meeting with? Trudy: Look up why don't ya?

[Trudy laughs]

Malik: I sit. We talk.

Issues.

Gerry: Oh my, are you kidding me?

Bill: We can drop her off on the way.

Bobbi: Yeah, 'cause that's what you do, you drop off the dates

of our parent volunteers on the way to field trips, right?

Fantastic. Stephan: He's not really a

parent is he? Gerry: Yes he is a parent.

Stephan: Who's his kid? Gerry: His kid's in the school

but he's not on the trip. Stephan: What's his name?

Gerry: Bahram. Stephan: Bahram? Why have I

never heard of him? Gerry: You don't know every

student in the school, sit down. Bobbi: Gerry! Come on.

Gerry: Bill, Bill, Bill! Bill: We're totally done.

Bobbi: Hey, turn around, don't watch that.

Gloria: I'm Gloria, I'm your host for the day. These are your

tour guides. Welcome to the museum. We're all set up, so

follow me to the main entrance. Gerry: She's too young.

Bill: For you. Gerry: No.

Bobbi: Stop it. Ok guys, hustle inside. My back is killing me.

These painkillers are useless. Gerry: How many mg you taking?

Probably 30 mg, you need 60 mg at least. 30 mg won't

do anything, the doctor's won't tell you that.

Bobbi: They make me nauseous. Gerry: Nausea? I got that.

A little thing I like to call dimenhydrinate.

Take two of those, you should feel way better.

Bobbi: How do you know so much about this?

Gerry: I thought about going into pharmaceutical sales but

I went teaching instead. Bobbi: Oh. Chewable?

Gerry: No, no swallow it, I'm used to them. They're addictive

though, be careful. Bobbi: What?

Gerry: Oh, there's Simon. Simon: Thanks for the ride mom.

Gerry: And his mom. Simon: How was the bus

ride loser? Angela: Hi Gerry.

Gerry: Hello Mrs. Hunt. Angela: Have a good day.

Gerry: You too Mrs. Hunt.

Leung: Hello Mr. Cheeley. Trudy said we could come right in.

Robert: Trudy... Trudy mouths: Sorry I forgot.

Robert: What is it Mr. Leung? Leung: This is Mr. Jefferson.

Robert: Yeah, I know who Mr. Jefferson is.

What's the problem? Leung: Go on. Tell him.

Tommy: I drew a penis on Moby Dick.

Leung: And he did not refer to it as a...penis earlier.

Robert: Mr. Jefferson, have a seat please.

Leung: Have a seat Mr. Jefferson.

Robert: Mr. Leung, you can go. Leung: I'm going to stay

for the justice. Make sure he tells you the whole story.

Robert: Oh good there's more. Leung: Should have seen what he

did to Tale of Two...Moses is not holding the Ten Commandments

anymore... He's holding something else.

Gerry: This is great, we don't have to do anything. These tour

guides do the whole thing. I wonder if we could

leave for a bit.

Bobbi: What? Gerry: I didn't say anything.

Bobbi: I'm gonna be back in a thing or I'm just gonna go for a

little jiffy and then you're going to look after the kids for

a jiffy ok? I'm just tired. I need a coffee or something,

or a coffee! A coffee. Yeah. Oops. Hey. [laughs]

Gerry: Not cigarettes, she mixed drugs.

Simon: You gave her drugs? Gerry: I gave her drugs, but

Simon: Bad Gerry. Gerry: No, it...the drugs were

help her Simon. They weren't... Simon: Bad.

Alex: Umm, sir? Gerry: Hey buddy. Isn't this

great? I told ya. Alex: No, can't you take me

back to school? Gerry: But we just got here.

Alex: I've seen enough. It's scary here.

Gerry: What's scary? The tortoise?

You're afraid of the tortoise? Alex: I have a thing with

tortoises. Turtles too. Gerry: What could a tortoise

do to you? Alex: What if it gets out?

Gerry: Gets out? Do you know how slow a...if it gets out, you

walk away. You just walk away. That's how slow they are.

As slow as you want. If you're going to be afraid of an animal

be afraid of something that kills you, like a shark, a tiger

or a moose. Not a tortoise. Alex: A moose? I didn't even

know a moose could kill you. Gerry: If a moose got hold of

you, a moose could rip you apart. It would...you gotta

relax. You can't spend your life being afraid of everything.

Alex: Yeah, I guess. Gerry: Alright? Now go have

some fun. Get outta here tige... get outta here swan. Go swan.

Jeff: Ok, do you guys know if there was any work left for ya?

Jimmy: There was no work left for us Mr. Duncan.

Jeff: That's good. Mr. Lemire. Jimmy: Ah, I'm, Mr. Lemire.

I get confused, you guys look alike.

Jeff: Mr. Duncan and I? Jimmy: It's a little freaky.

Jeff: Jimmy, he's a little bit older than I am.

Maya: Hey, sorry I'm late Mr. Duncan.

Jeff: Mr. Lemire. Maya: Oh. Sorry sir.

Jimmy: You see? You look like Mr. Duncan.

Maya: Except Mr. Duncan's younger.

Jeff: He looks younger? Are you kidding?

Jimmy: And thinner. Jeff: Thinner?

Jimmy: That's how we tell the difference, heavy and old,

Mr. Lemire. Thin and young, Mr. Duncan.

Jeff: Ok, that's about enough of this. Did Mr. Duncan leave you

guys any work? Maya: Oh, he wanted to keep it

simple for you today 'cause you're not an academic teacher,

so we should have a work period. Jeff: He said that?

Jimmy: That's the other way we can tell the difference between

you two he teaches a real subject.

Gerry: See? There's a big skeleton, but it's dead.

It's just a skeleton, bones, nothing to be afraid of.

Alex: So it's even scarier than a moose?

Gerry: Ok, Alex, let's just forget about the moose

pretend we never even talked about it.

Alex: So a moose can't kill you?

Gerry: No, a moose could kill you, if it found you. If it's

hungry it might eat you, it might stomp on you,

I don't know, but there's no moose! It's fish. Okay?

Have fun, go enjoy this place. Hey! Ok, that's probably not

appropriate, not sure your boss would approve of that Gloria.

Gloria: I am the boss. Bill: She's the boss.

Gerry: Ok. Have you guys seen Bobbi?

Gloria: No, she wandered away for a bit, I haven't seen her

in awhile. Bill: I wasn't paying attention.

I was with the boss. Gerry: I gotta find Bobbi.

Gerry: Ahh, Mr. Hunt? Simon: Yeah?

Gerry: Have you seen Ms. Galka. Simon: No, I haven't seen her.

Gerry: Mr. Hunt? I don't know where Ms. Galka is right now.

Simon: I don't know either. Jonah: Have you seen Alex?

Gerry: I just saw Alex. Jonah: Was that before or after

he ran out of here crying? Gerry: He ran outside crying?

Why didn't you tell me? Jonah: I just did.

Gerry: Why did he do that? Jonah: He saw that.

Gerry: Oh my gosh, are you kidding?

Jonah: You told him a moose would eat him, stomp on him or

kill him. Easily. Simon: He said all that to him?

To Alex? Gerry: I said it could kill him.

Simon: Well, more likely now he's going to be killed

by a car or a stranger because he's missing.

Gerry: I wish you were missing. Ok, Simon? Now can you watch the

kids? 'Cause I gotta go find Alex 'cause he's lost right now.

Simon: Got it Pablo Escobar. Gerry: That's funny Simon.

Trudy: Hello Robert. Well, I managed to finish

all my work today. How did your letter turn out?

Robert: You know for a fact I didn't get it done.

And, now I have to cover off the second half of Mr. Duncan's

class. So maybe I'll work on it in there, where it's quiet.

Trudy: Oh, well, it's got to get done, so stay late if

you have to. Know what I'm sayin'?

Gerry: Alex? C'mon Alex.

Are you lost? You're lost. Well there's your mommy.

Go with your mommy. I don't have time.

Mom: Come here hon. Gerry: Might want to hang

on to your kids ma'am. Mom: Yeah, thanks.

Gerry: What kind of parent is that?

Bat Area, Alex! Are you in here?

Stop playin' around. Alex? Alex, is that you?

Come on out, I'll wait right here ok?

Alex: I'm not coming out. Gerry whispers: Oh my gosh.

Ok, alright. I'll come get you. Even though I'm claustrophobic.

I'll come...oh my gosh. I really need you to get on the bus.

I don't like tight spaces. Alex: I can't, I'm scared of

the turtles, the whales and the moose.

Gerry: You're scared of everything but dark tunnels eh?

Alex: No, it's safe here. The museum is scary and you said

nothing bad would happen. Gerry: This is bad for me.

This is...ok...can you meet me halfway?

Alex: I'm not going back out there.

Gerry: These walls, do they feel like they're closing in.

Ok, I'll come getcha. Ok, here we go. Here we go.

Gerry quietly: I see you... I see you. Ok...Ok.

Ok, you're still a little bit out of my reach. Oh gosh.

Ok, oh, don't look back. Listen, you know when horses are in a

burning barn? What they do is they cover their eyes.

They go through the smoke. When we go back, we'll hold hands,

we'll stay really tight, we'll help each other

get through this. Alex: Sir, I'm scared of horses.

Bill: Hey little man, you scared of ice cream?

Alex: No. Bill: Alright, if you come out,

Mr. Duncan's going to buy us all ice cream.

Alex: Ok. Bill: Yeah, good deal, eh buddy?

Gerry: Bill? Now someone come for me.

Bill: Alright! You made it out. Way to go buddy. Good job.

[People clap] Simon: Ah, welcome back.

Gerry: Guys? Ok, go fast. Go...don't think about it.

I don't have any money for ice cream.

Simon: Ok everyone, let's get back on the bus.

Nice job Bill. Let's go. Bill: Thank you.

Lucy: Bill saved Alex sir. Gerry: No Lucy. No, I had him in

there. I had him. Bill: Probably not. Time to get

the bus champ. Gerry: Oh God.

Suffocating in there. I risked my life.

Bill didn't do it. Oh God that was scary.

Robert: Ok, please just continue on with whatever it is you were

doing. I have a lot of work to do. Ms. Garland?

Maya: Mr. Duncan left me instructions on what we

were supposed to do today. Robert: How thoughtful.

Let's hear them. Maya: First we gotta split into

groups of three and discuss the benefits of the NAFTA agreement

for 10 minutes. Robert: Ok, so let's go ahead

and do that. Maya: There's more sir.

Robert: Go on. Maya: He wants you to evaluate

us on how well we work together, how much we accomplished and how

strong our argument is. You will then give us a mark out of ten.

Robert: Fine. Jimmy: And after we're done

that, he asked that you put these notes on the board for

us to copy. Robert: Why wouldn't he just

make photocopies? Jimmy: He said he ran out of

copies this term and you wouldn't give him any extra.

Robert: Ok, so why don't you go ahead and do the first part

quickly while I jot the notes down on the board.

Thank you Jimmy.

Tuck in your shirt.

Gerry: Justine, do me a favour and go count how many people

we have here ok? And let me know what you get.

Bill: I got her number. Gerry: Yeah, your wheeling and

dealing almost cost me my job. Nice.

Bill: Yeah, well me not being here could have cost you your

job, so...It's good thing I saved that kid.

Gerry: You never saved the kid. I saved the kid.

Bill: I saved the kid. I'm a hero.

Jonah: I wish Bill was our teacher.

Gerry: Get on the bus Jonah. Bill: He knows what's up.

Gerry: He doesn't know anything. How many people?

Justine: 38 students, sir. Gerry: 38, Curt Schilling.

Let's go! On the bus. You gave me a real scare.

Alex: Really? Gerry: Yeah, really.

Alex: Is that why you got all sweaty and nervous in the cave?

Geez, sir. You can't spend your life being scared of everything.

Gerry: Are you kidding me? You're scared of a tortoise.

Robert: Mr. Duncan, quite the lesson plan you left yesterday.

Gerry: Yeah, lots going on. Sorry about all that.

Robert: Well, I managed to get most of your notes on the board.

There were a lot and your group evaluations are right there on

your desk. Gerry: But that's not what I'm

doing, "Alexander The Great" with my senior class. That's my

grade nine class. So you wrote the wrong notes. Uh oh.

Robert: So it was a complete waste of time?

Gerry: No, because, actually I have to do that and

now it's done. So thank you. Robert: What about the

group evaluations? Yup. Gerry: That was a waste of time.

Hey! Jeff! Jeff: Hey, hey Gerry.

Gerry: How'd it go? Jeff: Oh, it was great.

Yeah, you were right the kids thought we were

one in the same, so. Gerry: I tried to tell you that

over and over again. Ok? Thank God you wore phys-ed

attire. What if I start teaching phys-ed?

Jeff: That's gonna be confusing for everyone.

Gerry: Yeah, I think so. We'll figure it out. Alright,

thanks for covering it. Jeff: Yeah, see ya Gerry.

Gerry: Oh boy. Hey! Jimmy: Hey sir. I gave the

wrong notes to Mr. Cheeley just like you said.

Gerry: I saw that. What about Mr. Lemire?

Was everybody a little thrown thinking it was me?

Jimmy: Still a few people were confused.

Gerry: Ah, I know - there's gotta be something we can do.

Maya: You know, he even kind of sounds like you.

Gerry: He does sound like me! You know what? He never started

sounding like me until he met me. It's almost like

he's trying to emulate. Sorry about the confusion.

Jimmy: Yeah, it's ok.

Announcement: Attention, the museum is now

closing for the day.