Original subtitles

Gerry: 'K, let me get this straight, Mr Dwyer takes all the

senior students to New York, but you three don't go. The

greatest city on the planet your senior year. Lewis, why would

you not go to New York City? Lewis: Detention.

Gerry: Detention, nice. Three day trip to the greatest city

in the world and you got a detention. What about you?

Anthony: Failing math. Gerry: Failing math. So because

you're failing math, I gotta come in on my spare and cover

this class for 3 days when I got lots of stuff I could be doing

What's your excuse? Charles: I have to be here for

my dialysis.

Gerry: What did, what did you get a detention for?

Lewis: Uniform infraction Gerry: Don't do that

♪ I'm awesome, no you're not dude, don't lie

♪ I'm awesome, I'm driving around in my mom's ride

♪ I'm awesome, a quarter of my life gone by

♪ I'm awesome, awesome, awesome.

Gerry: Hey, looks like you had a big party at your

house last night.Lisa:No, I was marking all night

Gerry: I know, thatwas a bit of sarcasm

Gerry: See you in a little bit. Stuff to do.

Callaghan: Mr. Duncan!

Gerry: Oh, hey Sir.Callaghan: This is a list of

every teacher in the school whohas yet to submit a guest

speaker for tomorrow's careerday. Look whose name is on it.

Gerry: Just one name though,that's not really a list.

Gerry Duncan. Callaghan: Exactly

Lisa: Wow, I had my guestspeaker submitted weeks ago.

Gerry: Good for youLisa: Yeah

Callaghan: You know we takecareer day pretty seriously

around here. Last year PaulDwyer got us an astronaut.

Gerry: WowCallaghan: This year he's got

someone even more spectacular Ihear. Not that I expect you to

get us an astronaut. Gerry: Ok, well there's not

really a lot of astronauts working right now. So, that

Callaghan: But, get us someone Gerry: Yeah, I'm working on

it, I'm trying and I will. Callaghan: By the end of the day

Gerry: Ok, that's plenty of time.

Callaghan: Tick Tock Gerry: Make it stop.

Gerry: You want me to take a list that has just 1 name on it.

Callaghan: Thank you. Lisa: Wow, you really need a

speaker. Gerry: Yeah, no kidding. Who do

you have? Lisa: I have a great guest

speaker. He works at a homeless shelter

Gerry: Yeah, see? That's not a good guest speaker.

Lisa: It's inspiring. Gerry: Wow, that's depressing.

Bobbi whispers: That's good stuff.

[Gerry hums to himself]

Leung: If you kill it, refill it Gerry: What?

Leung: Coffee, I always have to make the coffee.

Gerry: And that takes you what? 30 seconds out of your busy day?

Leung: I am just as busy as everyone else.

Gerry: You're just as busy as everyone else? You're the

librarian. You sign books out. Leung: You are, you are very

funny Mr. Duncan.

Gerry: See, no one even knows what...?

Trudy: Morning everyone. FYI, there is a bad flu going around

the school. So expect some absences.

Robert: But whatever you do, please don't send your sick

students in my direction. Trudy: Here we go.

Robert: Big weekend planned and I don't want to miss even a

second of it. Frat guys, once a year we all get together and

things get pretty wild. Gerry: You were in a frat?

I'm gonna go, I'm gonna come crash it.

Robert: No, you're not. You weren't in the frat so the fun

would be lost on you. Gerry: Doesn't matter, I know

the frat handshake. Robert: That's impossible, it's

a secret. Gerry: No, secret's out. See ya.

Robert: Trudy, can you please print some permission slips?

Because I for one am giving myself permission to go

CRAZY this weekend. Trudy: Yup, I'll get right on

that. Lisa: I heard Mr. Callaghan is

really excited to see your speaker

Gerry: Who's your speaker? Dwyer: It's a kid I used to

tutor. You know, did pretty well for himself you know might be ok

Gerry: Just ok? Mine's awesome.

[Phone ringing]

Trudy: Xavier Academy. Caller: What's shakin' mama?

Got a Cheeley burger there? Trudy: You must be calling for

Mr Robert Cheeley on a work number that only I answer honey,

let me put you through. Robert: Robert Cheeley

Bear! Where ya been bro? I've been looking for you dude.

Are you in for the weekend or not? I got the meat. Nom, nom,

nom...wa hoo wa ha sis boom ba ha, friendship.

Trudy: How you feel? A little pukey?

Robert [Background] Aw, thank goodness!

Trudy: Well your dad's going to be here in about 15 mins sweetie

so you scoot over there. Robert: All tee'd up bro!

Got a case of sliders chillin' like a villain in the freezer.

Trudy: You get to go home, ya lucky bugger.

Robert: Truders, guess who that was on the phone.

Trudy: Um, the superintendent? Robert: MmMm Bear sandwich

Frat buddy, long story, it's a nickname. Twist ending.

Trudy: Yeah I don't care. Listen could you do me a favour

and in future could you have your dingus friends use your

personal number? 'K? Robert: Can you do me a favour?

Your job, get these sick kids out of here. They're gross.

Oh, can you do me another favour? Turn down the volume on

the passive aggressiveness. Trudy: Ok, uh, listen could you

do me a favour Robert and just scoot on back into your office

right quick? Listen, could Robert: How 'bout you do

yourself a favour Trudy: you do me a favour?

Robert: Do yourself a favour and be nice to people

Trudy: What is wrong with that man?

Ella: One second here... and there you are.

Thank you so much, have a great day.

Gerry: Hey Ella: Hi, what can I do for you?

Gerry: Lost my bank card. Ella: Ok, do you have ID on you?

And let's get you a new one. Gerry: Alright.

Gerry: Used to have the window right here, 'member?

Ella: Ah, no. Gerry: You had to talk through

the hole. There was a...bank card... you'd have to come in

and go... Can I get some money?

It's kind of dangerous actually, someone could just come in

come in, and shoot you right in the face, pow

Ella: Some days I wish somebody would.

Gerry: Ok Ella: Ok, so here's your

new card and your ID. Gerry: Awesome, awesome.

Ella: Don't lose that one, ok? Gerry: Thank you, I will not.

Ella: And you can set your PIN at the ATM's right over there.

Gerry: Perfect, thank you, Ella, thanks.

Ella: Have a great day. Hi, how can I help you?

Gerry: Actually, I'm not done, sorry. Um, Ella, I'm a teacher

Gerry: career day tomorrow. Ella: Hmhm...Ok

Gerry: Would you come in and speak to my class?

Ella: Oh, I don't know Gerry: Kids would love it.

Ella: No, what about Karla though, she's our manager and

she's really great with people. Gerry: Yeah...I don't know if

the kids would really... really like that.

Ella: Ok, yeah, you know what? I would love to. Ok? Yes,

Gerry: YES! Deal. Gerry Ella: I would love to. Ella

Gerry: Ella. Contract Ella: Nice to meet you Gerry.

Ella: Agreed Gerry: Ok, I'll be back later

today and we'll iron it out. Ella: Ok

Gerry: Ok, thanks. Next.

Gerry: Ooohh Callaghan: Duncan!

Gerry: Ok, what's going on here? Callaghan: Know why I do that?

Gerry: Mmm, not sure I want to know why

Callaghan: Same reason I grow my own tomatoes in the summer, same

reason I'm learning to speak Russian. I like to push myself.

Gerry: Mmm, growing tomatoes... that's quite the push Sir.

Callaghan: I like my staff to push themselves as well.

Gerry: Well, here comes your first push. I got a

guest speaker. Callaghan: Terrific, who?

Gerry: She's in the financial services

Callaghan: That's fantastic. I'll drop by tomorrow afternoon,

have a listen. Ah, spahseebuh Gerry: Yeah, you should see her.

Gerry: What? Callaghan: Spahseebuh

Gerry: I don't know what that...So, you can take

Gerry: my name off that list. Callaghan: When I see her.

Gerry: I just told you... Callaghan: When I see her.

Gerry: Do you think I would lie? Callaghan: When...

Gerry: Who's not here today? Student: Uh, Kim

Gerry: Just Kim? Ok Alright, take that down.

Maya: Mr. Duncan? I have a question about

last nights homework. Gerry: Ok, just one sec Maya,

let me get, just two seconds ok?

First of all, who here likes money? Put your hand up if you

like moo-lah. Jackpot, because money makes the world go round.

I think you are all really going to like my guest tomorrow for

career day. Maya: Are they rich?

Gerry: No Maya, she's not rich. Jimmy: Will she give us cash?

Gerry: No Jimmy, she's not going to give us cash.

Why are you all so focused on the money aspect of this?

Ben: Well you just...you just wrote money on the board.

Gerry: Oh Ben, then I will un-write money on the board Mr

"I have to complain and think of every single thing"

What's important is that my guest is in the financial

industry and that is an awesome guest.

Jimmy: I heard Mr. D has a spectacular guest and that

they're so good, we get to go to the auditorium later.

Gerry: Jimmy, get out. Jimmy: Leave?

Gerry: Yeah, go. Jimmy: Right now?

Gerry: Right now, go, get out of the class, wander

the halls. I don't care what you do, just leave.

Jimmy: Why am I leaving? Gerry: Because you are

annoying sometimes. You want the truth? Blame yourself for this.

Bye. This is funny to you? Ben: Yeah, blame yourself.

Gerry: Oh, you go too. Out. Bye. I will tell the jokes.

Gerry: You go ahead Ella: I can help the next person

Gerry: Oh, sorry Sir, Sir, I was next. Nice try. 'Allo Ella.

Ella: Hi Gerry Gerry: English accent. Anyway

so, tomorrow, thank yo... Ella: Oh, I hate to do this to

you Gerry, but it turns out they need me here tomorrow. I'm so

sorry. Gerry: Call in sick call in sick

Ella: No, I have to work Gerry: Do you think it's going

make a difference if one person's away?

Ella: Excuse me? Gerry: There's like 10 tellers

everybody uses the ATM. What's the difference if one teller is

away? Ella: It kind of makes me a

terrible choice for career day then doesn't it?

Gerry: No, that's...ok I'll take Karla then. Karla!

Ella: No. Gerry: I'll ask...

Ella: Goodbye Gerry. I think we're done here Gerry.

Gerry: Oh, Karla! Karla Ella: Gerry, we're done here.

Gerry: Just get Karla, Karla? Ella: No, no, no.

Gerry: You lied to me.

Bill: Matt! Your cousin Matt. You could get him to do it. He's

got nothing going on he'd love to be your guest speaker.

Gerry: He's not busy Bill, cause he's unemployed.

Bill: Yeah, well that could work, like a, like a scared

straight kind of, like don't be like Matt kids, whatever.

Gerry: No, no I gotta find someone good, fast.

Bill: I'll do it. Gerry: No, thanks.

Bill: Why not? Gerry: You're a bartender.

Bill: It's a job. Gerry: Not a real job.

Bill: Just trying to help man.

Gerry: Ah, no, it's not actually an emergency,

but can you, I need a firefighter or a police officer.

Dwyer: Gotcha! No cell phones. Gerry: So who's this great guest

you have Paul? Dwyer: Doesn't matter, all I

know is the kids are gonna love him, he's really gonna motivate

'em and that's all that really matters right?

Gerry: No, that's not all that counts.

Lisa: Who is it? Dwyer: You'll see.

Gerry: Why don't you just tell us? Like, why is it such a big

secret for you that you got some special guest, just

tell us who it is? Lisa: Who's your guest Gerry?

Gerry: You'll see, not a homeless guy.

Lisa: I'm not bringing in a homeless guy, ok?

He's got a home, he works at a homeless shelter.

Gerry: Coming in to talk to the kids about a career.

Lisa: It's a really important job, Gerry.

Dwyer: Lisa I think that's great

Lisa: Huh, thanks. That's what I thought too.

Dwyer: That's inspiring to me. Lisa: Hear that?

[Gerry's phone buzzes] Gerry: Ah, oh, my guest calling.

Gerry: Hello? No, I'm not under duress. No, I'm not being held

against my...who is this?

Announcement: Attention please. Any sick students waiting to be

picked up by parents, please wait in the cafeteria

rather than the front office. Repeat, sick

students wait in the cafeteria.

Gerry: Ok, and I actually upgraded my guest today

It's a little switch just with some scheduling and stuff

will be here shortly, and listen to him carefully because this is

a career that a lot of you might enjoy and don't just pre-judge

it because you think you know what it's all about. This is an

interesting career choice. Maya: So your guest sucks?

Gerry: I never said my guest sucks Maya.

Ben: Is he always late? Gerry: The career he chose

allows him to sleep in. So no... [Door opens]

Bill: Hey man, hey. Gerry: Thanks for being on time.

Bill: Ah, better late than never, eh, buddy.

Gerry: Alright everybody, special guest, hard to get

restaurant entrepreneur, Mr William Cogill. Very successful.

Give him a hand. Come on. Bill: Alright, thanks, thanks.

You can call me Bill. I'm a bartender, work at Barrel's

pretty nice place to work. Ben: A bartender? Is he supposed

to inspire us? Bill: Would this be Ben?

Gerry: Yeah, that's Ben. Bill: Alright, bartender,

what questions do I get asked? First, I don't pay taxes. Cash

business, right? Second, do you drink at work? Yes, of course!

Why would you have this job if you don't? It's, uh, I'm half

drunk most of the time.

Robert: Ladies and germs, your attention please I will be

supervising the cafeteria this afternoon but I do not want to

come into direct contact with any of you. Big weekend planned,

if you're healthy you can ask me about it. So, here's how it's

gonna work. Rule #1, no sharing of food.

You are walking petrie dishes of bacteria and highly contagious.

Rule #2, when you've finished your lunch simply raise your

hand, do not approach me directly, let me dismiss you

from afar and #3, if you're not feeling well, feel free to join

the sick kids at the far table at the back of the room

understood? Thank you. Lisa: Hey, Robert, I wanted to

introduce you to my guest speaker, this is Ken, Ken

works at the Livewell Men's Shelter downtown and then this

is his client Gord. Robert: Gord.

Lisa: Robert, you can't catch homeless. That's really rude.

Robert: No, it's not. Welcome, we love visitors here.

Lisa, why don't you show these gentlemen to the far table at

the back of the room. Ken: Typical.

Robert: Off you go. Gord.

Bill: The mint and you want to bruise it, not pulverize it

right buddy? Then the main ingredient, rum.

Gerry: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Bill: That's what makes it

delicious Gerry: no, no, no, no, no, no.

Ok, that is when you're old enough, you will add the rum.

Maya: He's cute. Bill: That's how you make a

mojito. Ben: What does Mr. Duncan drink?

Bill: Oh...coolers. Ben: That's what my mom drinks.

Gerry: Your mom's a smart lady, cause there's more alcohol in a

cooler and you get drunk faster. Bill: Man, this was a blast!

You guys are great, you're welcome at my job anytime

you want to come. Gerry: When you're old enough.

Bill: Or, obviously they've got fake ID's, this guys got a

mustache. Gerry: If you have, what? If you

have fake ID I want them handed in right now.

Bill: If you do not have a fake ID, come see me after class.

Gerry: No do not go see him ever Bill: Cheers!

Gerry: No cheers. Bill: Who's this guy?

Gerry: Sometimes you have to understand what you don't want

to do with your life so you know what you do want to do with your

life, and I'll be right back. Bill: And that is?

Gerry: Ok, let's go Bill: Me too?

Gerry: Yes, you too.

Callaghan: Booze in the classroom? Fake ID's?

What are you thinking? Gerry: What was I th...?

Oh, he wasn't my first choice didn't even want him.

Bill: I don't...yeah, I wasn't Callaghan: Were you holding out

for strippers? Drug dealer? Gerry: You gonna bring that in

with the booze? A stripper and a drug dealer?

Bill: No, I think he's asking you, cause you're probably more

responsible here of the 2 of us Callaghan: Ya done?

Gerry: Ya done? Bill:Yeah we're good, you can go

now if you had something to say Callaghan: This is serious, this

is a key event for Xavier. How difficult can it be to find an

appropriate guest speaker? Gerry: Well, hard, when you

leave it to the last minute it's Callaghan: Paul Dwyer

Gerry: That's the guy I was Bill: Oh the Mr. D guy?

Gerry: Yeah, the Mr. D Bill: Dwyer, makes sense.

Gerry: The kids love him, I don't know why. Ok

Callaghan: I can hear the whispering. Paul has asked me

to accompany his guest to the auditorium, I suggest you tag

along, you'll learn the calibre of guest we've come to expect.

Gerry: I understand. Bill: Well, I'm gonna take off.

Gerry: Do it, try it again, got it that time. Get out of here,

go, get out of here. I could lose my job 'cause of you.

Bill: You flinched.

Gerry: Who does Dwyer have?

Trudy: Sweet home Alabama Mike Cammalleri:Hi, how are you?

Trudy: Hi there, can I help you? Mike: I'm looking for Mr.

Dwyer please. Trudy: Yes, you want to see him?

Sure, yeah, yeah. What's your name sweetie?

Mike: Mike. Trudy: Mike, Mike, last name?

Mike: Cammalleri. Trudy: Oh god, Mike Cammalleri,

the Calgary Flames Cammalleri?

Mike: This is true. Trudy: Oh Go..., yeah, see

that's why I have this urge to vomit.

Mike: I'm sorry? Trudy: Listen, I don't mean to

insult you buddy, but I hate Calgary Flames, ok?

Cammaloser? Hate! I'm an Oilers fan sweetheart. Gretzky, Messier

Mike: Wow, that's great. Trudy: Yeah, do ya think?

Cammalleri? Do ya skate like a boy? Cause you walk like a girl.

Mike: What? Umm is Mr. Dwyer around at all?

Trudy: He's waitin' back stage for ya, come on I'll show ya.

Mike: Thank you

Ken: ...and the more funding they cut, the more beds we have

to lose. You're going to see a lot more homeless people dying

in the streets, because they had nowhere to go. People are more

concerned with what shampoo to buy or which celebrity is

pregnant than a man in the cold. Friendless, homeless and utterly

alone. Any questions for me or Gord?

Lisa: Yes, Colin. Colin: How much money do you

make begging? Lisa: Colin!

Gord: It's ok, I made eighty bucks once.

Samir: Eighty bucks? Man, I want to be homeless too!

Lisa: So, that's why, um, you have to stay in school.

Gord: Actually, I'm a university graduate. Didn't work out.

[Lisa sighs]

Dwyer background: Trust me the kids are gonna love him.

Trudy: Here's your pal. Dwyer: Hey! How you doin?

Mike: Great to see you Dwyer: Good to see you,

thanks for coming. Look at you! Mike: Ah, thanks for having me

man, anything for Mr. D, you got me through Gr. 12 English

Dwyer: That was tough though right

Mike: It was, it was tough. Enough's enough, you're

coming to a game. Dwyer: You don't gotta do

all that for me man, thank you. Gerry: Go to a game.

Mike: It aint all that, enough you're coming

Dwyer: You know what? Listen, look I don't want

to put you out the way Gerry: Take the tickets.

Dwyer: Gerry if you don't mind this is my good friend

Gerry: Take the tickets. I'll go Dwyer: Listen the family's good?

Mike: Family's great man, thank you so much for asking.

Dwyer: Good. Listen, Mr. Callaghan, Mike Cammalleri

Callaghan: Wow Mr. Cammalleri welcome. Huge fan, huge fan.

Mike: Pleasure. Callaghan: Paul, you've outdone

yourself this time. This is fantastic the kids are gonna be

so stoked. You know I was there the night you scored

the hat trick at the Habs' 100th birthday.

Mike: That was a really fun night

Dwyer: It was hard to keep you a secret.

Callaghan: This is what I'm talking about Duncan, you've

got Mike Cammalleri/Bill, NHL Superstar/Bartender.

Big time talent. Gerry:Ok yup got it when you did

the first stuff that was good Student: We're ready

for you Mr. Callaghan. Callaghan: Oh, hey let's go

see the kids. Mike: Oh yeah, great yeah.

Gerry: So what he scored some goals. I've scored

like 7000 in my life, different league, who cares?

Lisa: Thank you very much for, coming out and talking.

Ken: Hey, at least you care. Means alot and thanks for

letting us see Cammalleri Gord's a big fan.

Lisa: Great. Robert: Gentlemen, Lisa.

Hope your weekend's are as crazy as mine promises to be.

Lisa: Well, good luck with those frat shenanigans.

Robert: Can't promise it's not gonna get a little bit crazy.

You never know what's gonna happen when old Bear Sandwich is

around. Wa hoo, wa ha sis Robert/Gord: boom ba

Gord: friendship. Sigma Theta Sigma. Those were the days

brother.

Robert: You're a Sigma? Lisa:You should do the handshake

Robert/Gord: Wa hoo, wa ha sis boom ba ha [Gord coughs]

Friendship Trudy: Hey Robert, don't cha

have the big Sigma reunion this weekend? He should go.

Lisa: Oh, that's a great idea. Trudy: See ya Monday Robert.

Robert: You should come, but I would hate that.

Mike: Nice to meet you guys. Girl: This is incredible!

Gerry: Well, that was good Mike. The kids, ah, really enjoyed it.

Mike: It was great. Gerry: Oh, Mr D, thank you

very much Mike: Oh yeah, this one's

actually for Mr. Dwyer. But I can sign you one right here.

Gerry: Oh, you know what? Nah, it's for the kids I guess really

I played sports too, a lot of hockey and then I had to decide

professional athlete, professional teacher and made

this decision, so, for the kids probably be sitting there if I

hadn't focused on education. Mike: Yeah, that's great, I mean

teaching's so important, it's great work you guys are doin'.

Gerry: Glad you didn't talk about droppin' out at Michigan.

Mike:Well, I did three years so. Gerry: Three years is not

a degree though. What are you going to do now though when

you're done hockey, right? Mike: You're right, it's a good

message, kids, you know, I actually plan on getting my

degree myself, so. Gerry: Yeah, so not as many kids

as you thought, eh? Mike:Ah no we've had a good flow

Gerry:Good turnout? That's great Mike: Yeah it was great.

Gerry: Well, maybe I will have one Mike, why not? To Gerry

that would be great. Mike: To Gerry, alright To Gerry

Gerry: Ah, G, it's a G actually Mike: Oh, let me just...

Gerry: Maybe, just, alright, you could use a new one. Yeah, you

did a J, it's not... Mike: Oh, alright there, there

we go. Gerry: Ok, can't really--yeah

I can't really say that I met you cause it says to scribble

Mike:But it was great meeting ya Gerry: See how that's?

Mike: Yeah, it well, yeah Gerry: Ok.

Mike: It's a shar...it doesn't erase.

Gerry: No, I know, it's stuck, it's forever.

[Coughing in background]