Original subtitles

Jonathan: Sir, did you watch wrestling yesterday?

Gerry: No I did not, Jonathan, because wrestling is not real.

Jonathan: Sir, are you kidding me?

Sheila: Sir, are you going to talk about the homework?

Gerry: Sheila, I'm in the middle of a conversation with Jonathan.

Jonathan: Sir, I promise you it is very real, I do that stuff

all the time with my little brother

Gerry: Ok, come on up here Jonathan. I'm going to let

Jonathan do one of his "wrestling" moves to show

you people that wrestling is fake, and here we go.

Show me what you got... oh there it is....that's...

Student: Oh my god Students gasp

Jonathan: It's alright, don't worry, I only put a

light sleeper on him.

Gerry: What are you doing? Sit. Jonathan: Are you ok Sir?

Gerry: What are you doing? Am I ok? Stop fooling around.

Sit down everybody. Get back to work.

Jonathan: Ah, Sir, did you watch wrestling yesterday?

Gerry: No, I did not Jonathan, because wrestling is not real.

Jonathan: Sir, wrestling is very real. Are you kidding me?

Me and my brother do that kind of stuff all the time.

Gerry: Alright Jonathan, come on up here, I'm going to let

Jonathan do one of his "wrestling" moves on me.

Let's see what you got tough guy.

♪ I'm awesome. No you're not dude don't lie.

♪ I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's ride.

♪ I'm awesome. A quarter of my life gone by.

♪ I'm awesome, awesome, awesome.

Gerry: Come on in girls. No glasses?

Simon: I never wear them to play sports.

Gerry: Simon, you're not playing.

Simon: I was thinking of gettingin there and scrimmaging a bit.

Gerry: No, remember whathappened last time?

Simon: NoGerry: What do you got

goin on with the shirt today?Simon: Gretzky.

Gerry: Gretzky. Alright girls in order to start playing like a

team you need tolook like a team.

Simon: Which is why...Gerry: Simon, Simon, which is

why I make these announcements.Which is why I, by myself, went

out and bought youyour own tracksuits

Girls: Yeah! Yes!Gerry: For everybody.

Gabby: Really? We're all getting one? Even the bad players?

Gerry: Strap, there are no bad players only weaker players,

and yes you are getting one and so is Lucy as well.

You're also going to get matching game shirts

Lucy: Will our names be on the jerseys?

Gerry: Your names will be on the shirts, just like the WNBA

players, except it'll be your, your first name.

Lucy: But Sir, the WNBA players have their last names on them

Gerry: But Lucy DeBenedictis, WNBA players make thousands

a dollars a year so they can afford to have names like

DeBenedictis, which they don't have anyway.

Simon: Quanitra Hollingsworth on Minnesota has

a pretty long name. Gerry: Ok, so there's a good

example, maybe of one. Simon: Courtney Vandersloot

on Chicago's another one. Gerry: Well then perhaps Mr.

Hunt, you would like to pay for the extra letters so they can

have their full names on the jerseys.

Simon: I would not. Gerry: I didn't think so.

Now, here is a sample, this is mine "Coach" to show

you what they will look like. Lucy: It doesn't fit

Gerry: No, it doesn't fit. Ok, well your's will fit

and you will start to look like a real team and hopefully play

like one, alright? So go get warmed up.

Why does it not...? Women's, women's large.

Simon: I wear a women's large, can I have it?

Gerry: Yeah, could you have it? Are you the coach?

Simon: Ahhh, I am not the coach. Gerry: No, no and never will be.

Simon: You know what? Sue Bird would have been a good name for

a jersey. Nice and short. Gerry: freaking me out

with all this knowledge. Simon: Played for

Seattle one of the best ever.

Bobbi: Yeah, reimbursement for what?

Gerry: For the $1500 I spent out of my own pocket for the girls'

tracksuits and I don't want to call myself a hero

but they were pretty excited. Bobbi: Oh, we don't have that

kind of money, and even if we did you have to go through

approval before you can order those kinds of things.

Gerry: Let's pretend I got the approval and send it in to the

person who does the approvals. Bobbi: I do the approvals.

Gerry: Oh, so you gonna approve this?

Bobbi: No, I'm not gonna Gerry: No, you know why? Cause

you're sexist. It's a girls team if it was a boys team you would

Bobbi: Right, yeah, I'm a woman who's sexist Gerry. Now read my

lips we don't have the money ok? Gerry: And that is why women

should not control the money, Bobbi

Bobbi: Ok, that is sexist. Gerry: Yes it is.

Trudy: Knock, knock. Am I interrupting?

Lisa: No, not at all. Trudy: I need you to sign this.

Lisa: Ok, what's wrong? Robert: You don't wanna know.

Lisa: Ok Robert: I had this dream last

night about Trudy. Lisa: Yeah, I don't want to know

Robert: I was lying in this field way out in the country and

and Trudy was lying there too. Lisa: Wow, Robert I really don't

wanna know any of this. Robert: You're right,

it's too much to share. Lisa: Yeah

Robert: Isn't it.

Gerry: I need some better ideas guys, this, this piñata

unless it's full of money not, not gonna do it.

Gabby: Why can't we have a bake sale?

Gerry: We've already gone through this, we can't have a

bake sale, bake sales don't raise a lot of money.

Stephan:How 'bout a cookie sale? Gerry: Stephan, how do you make

cookies? Stephan: I don't know.

Gerry: You bake 'em...same thing. I need a really good idea

Lucy: Oh, at my birthday party, I was given lots of money.

Maybe we could throw a birthday party.

Gerry: Does anyone have a parent that could just donate $1500?

That would be, that would be a good fundraiser.

Lucy: My mom and dad gave me $100 for my birthday party.

Gerry: There we go. Thank you. $1400 now.

Stephan: At my cousin's school, the football team organized a

big dance. They raised a ton of money.

Gerry: There's our idea. We gonna do a dance. Nice work.

Stephan: There were a million people there.

Gerry: No, there were not. We're gonna have a dance kids.

Gabby: Can we make the posters? Gerry: Yes Strap, you can

make the posters. Stephan: How 'bout the tickets?

Gerry: Make the tickets during class time. It will take

Class: Yay! Yeah! Gerry: about three or four days.

Lucy: Can we go? Gerry: No.

Gabby: Why can't we go? Gerry: Because dancing leads

to kissing. Class: Ewwww

Gerry: Yuck. Lucy: My mommy told me that

kissing leads to babies. Gerry: Sometimes...yes Stephan?

Stephan: Sir, I think sex leads to babies.

Gerry: Ok.

Trudy: Robert dreamt we were in a field?

Lisa: Yeah [Trudy laughs]

That's great. Could you imagine having sex

anywhere with Robert? Actually this is the best

news I've had all year. Bobbi: What are you gonna do?

Trudy: I'm gonna play with him a little bit. I'm gonna come

onto him like a teenager at a prom. It's gonna be messy

and quick and I'll probably regret it.

Lisa: I am so gonna get fired for telling you all of this.

Trudy: Oh, Lisa no, no, no, no, no, no, no don't you worry.

It'll be worth it. Attention girls, we have a gig.

I mean these girls, not you.

Gerry: Ticket, tickets? Oh Sam you're not buying a ticket

to the dance? Sam: Uh Sir, I don't think I'm

going to go. Gerry: You're not? Oh you're shy

you don't want to ask...GIRLS! Tina: Yeah, what's up?

Gerry: Which one of you lucky ladies would like

to go to the dance with Sam? It's not funny Tina.

Tina: Well, Sam's gay Sir. See ya Sam.

Gerry: That is not nice Tina. Sam: Sir, it's true.

Gerry: What? Why wouldn't you tell me something like that?

Sam: Sir, you never asked. Gerry: You're supposed to just

tell teachers that stuff. Well, it's, it's ok to be gay.

It's, it's certainly caught on. There's weddings now, there's

parades. In fact, there were no gay people in the world before

1980. Sam: I don't think that's

true Sir. Gerry: Oh, try to think of

somebody, who was gay before 1980? Nobody.

Elton John, maybe, but he didn't even know then. Now there's lots

like you and because you're gay doesn't mean you miss the dance

I'm gonna get you a ticket... SAM!

Bill: Ah man, you shouldn't be back here, you don't even work

here anymore. Gerry: I just don't get why

people aren't goin to this dance. When I was in school

I went to every dance. I never missed a dance, why

won't people buy tickets. Bill: I think it's

cause guys like you really love going to dances.

Gerry: Ah that's funny. Well that's why I know how to dance

cause I went to dances. Bill:What are you saying I can't

Gerry: No Bill: What? I, oh I can dance

does this mean anything to you? Gerry: It's the only

move you have. What happens if the song gets fast?

Bill: I got this Gerry: Yeah, it's the same move

Bill, and when it slows down? Bill: No it's more...

make it sensual...the teeth Gerry: No, it's not...so bad.

Bill: No, no, it's good man. Man you want a good dance all

you need is two things, you need cool kids and

good music, that's it. Gerry: You just gave

me a good idea... Bill: You want me to DJ

Gerry: No, I gotta get the cool kid to come to the dance and

they'll bring everybody else, and I need a DJ

Bill: Right, $100 Gerry: $50

Bill: Deal Gerry: Done. Let's do a shot.

Bill: Let's do a shot! Gerry: Celebrate that I get all

Bill: Now we're talking Gerry: the money back that I

spent on the dance. A toast, ok? Bill: Are you serious?

Gerry: Take that one... ok, you gonna? Ok

Bill: No Gerry: Just...

Gerry: Just do it.

Gerry: Can't breathe, can't breathe, can't breathe.

Sam: Sir, I think I'm going to the dance.

Gerry: Oh, you found someone? Sam: Yeah, but I haven't asked

him yet. Gerry: Ah, you're too shy. What

is he on a scale of one to ten? Sam: He's like a ten.

Gerry: Mmm that's a little outta your league, ok, ah, wow a ten

in the gay. See in the straight world I'm a 7.5 looks, but I'm

a 9.5 personality, so I play my personality more.

What do you think I'd be in the gay community?

Sam: You'd be, like, a four. Gerry: A four?

Sam: Maybe a five, maybe it's because I know you're not gay.

Gerry: Pretend I'm gay, hold on. Sam: Oh sir, now you're a ten!

Gerry: See how that works? See I could be gay if I wanted.

Ok, let me give you some advice, you're a six looks, but you're a

9.5 personality. You need to play the personality more. If

you wanna get a 10 and you're only a six looks you can't let

him see you for awhile. Email him, phone him, text him.

As many things as you can, let him get to know your great

personality. Ok, once he falls in love with you for your

personality the looks part won't matter, and a six/ten

difference won't be as big a deal. Ok? Go Go get 'em.

Sam: Alright, thanks Sir. Gerry: Imagine how many gay men

I could get if I was gay. Something to think

about... No, it's not something to think about...

Trudy: Here are the permission forms for the grade seven field

trip. Hmm, warm in here. Don't you find?

Robert: No. It's a temperature controlled environment.

Trudy: Sometimes it's good to lose control Robert.

Robert: Yeah, well, the school has pretty strict protocol

on that kind of thing. Trudy: Mmmm...protocols...

Robert: Anything else? Trudy: Nope.

Gerry: What's up bijizzles? Noah: Hey Sir

Gerry: What's goin' on Noah? You guys just chill-axing?

How's life at St. Pat's? Sebastian: Good I guess.

Gerry: Good, you guys coming to the dance?

Noah: I didn't think other schools were

allowed to go to our dances. Gerry: Yeah, who told you that?

Noah: I dunno. Gerry: Exactly, how do you think

you're gonna meet girls from other schools? Or maybe

guys, I dunno. Doesn't matter. Sebastian: So we can come?

Gerry: Yeah you can come. It's what we want.

Noah: Are you sure? Because if we get the word out there we can

get lots of other kids to come. Gerry: That's what I want and

the girls at Xavier are way hotter than the girls at St...ok

that...'k that shouldn't come... tell them the girls at our

school are better looking than theirs

Noah: And the, ah, girls at our school are hotter compared to

the girls at your school. Gerry: Ok, well that's, probably

shouldn't say that. See ya at the dance. Pound it out.

Joshua Tree, what's up? Alright, I get it, ok, come here.

It gets better ok? Lot's of hot guys at our school too.

Alright, cool...is that the mascot of St. Pat's?

Leprechaun? Yeah? Lucky Charms,

Keep eating your Lucky Charms. You'll get bigger.

Gerry: Well, how are the sales? Simon: Better, if we're lucky we

might make it. Gerry: Wait til the St. Pat's

kids start showin' up and they tell their friends.

Simon: St. Pat's kids? They're not allowed in.

Gerry: Oh yes they are. Simon: Well, someone should tell

Callaghan that cause I heard it from him.

Gerry: Callaghan said that? Simon: Yeah.

Gerry: Why would he say that? That's how you make a dance. You

have to have kids from other schools. Otherwise the dance

sucks. Simon: We have a bad history

with those kids. Fights, property damage, name calling

lots of name calling. Gerry: They don't show up, we're

not gonna make any money, they're showing up. I'm sorry,

I'll deal with it. Oh, sorry girls, we're sold out. Sorry.

Yeah, come earlier next time. Sorry guys.

Simon: We're not sold out. Why'd you do that?

Gerry: Told the St. Pat's kids we'd have good looking girls at

the dance I can't have the Manson Family freak show showing

Simon: Mmmm up cause they'll cause damage

Gerry: maybe murder.

Simon: St. Pat's huh? Ok

Sebastian: Lewis the loser has arrived.

Lewis: What was that? Gerry: Ok, that's enough.

Simon: Ok guys. Gerry: No problems in there

tonight please, ok? Simon:Be cool please dudes, yup.

Told ya this was risky. That coulda cost us a $1000.

Gerry: Simon, that does not cost a $1000

Simon: Ok. Gerry: and if there's a problem

we'll kick them out. Simon: Gotcha.

Robert: Trudy. Trudy: Hello...

That feels better. Robert: Good.

Appreciate you staying late to get that done.

Trudy: It is my pleasure to stay after hours if you know

what I mean. Robert: Everything alright?

Trudy: Well it's a little warm in here isn't it?

I'd probably feel better if I was lying in a field.

Trudy: In a field...

Trudy: I know you had a sex dream about me Robert.

Robert: What? Trudy: Don't give me that.

Lisa told me about the field me lying

there. Robert: Yeah dead!

Trudy: What? Robert: So many wolves Trudy.

I, I tried to stop them, but I couldn't. They killed you.

And there was a funeral and I sang.

Trudy: So, it wasn't a, uh, sex dream?

Robert: Not totally. Wait, is that what this is about?

Trudy: Nope Robert: Yeah, you thought come

here tonight and have a big bowl of Cheeley O's huh?

Trudy: Stop that. Robert: What? I hurt your

Cheelings? Come on Trudy, I could never be with you after

what those wolves did to you. What a way to go.

Trudy: Don't you have a dance you have to supervise?

Robert: Yeah, but this is way more fun.

Unless of course they're gonna play a little Cheeley Dan.

Gerry: DJ's coming. He'll be here any minute.

Gerry: DJ'll be here soon guys, just hang tight. Grab a drink...

some chips, text your friends, lots of room.

Still selling tickets at the door.

Bill: Hey man. Gerry: 7:00 I said.

Bill: Yeah, oh yeah ya did. Gerry: Well hurry up.

Bill: Alright...and you owe me 50 bucks

Music starts Gerry: That's what I'm paying

for? Bill: Yeah, that's it.

Pretty sweet scam eh? Gerry: It's not a sweet scam

why did I get all this? Bill: I have no idea.

I think this probably goes side to side

Gerry: Oh, man Bill.

Gerry: Sam! Sam: Hey, Mr. D.

Gerry: Who's this? Sam: This is Kyle.

Gerry: Hey Kyle. Kyle: Hey Mr. Duncan.

Gerry: You don't even look gay. So that's..I never would have

thought. Kyle: Than..thanks?

Gerry: Yeah, anyway have fun. Glad you guys made it.

Yeah, hey, quick question. Sam: Yeah?

Gerry: That's a ten? Sam: No, no he's a seven.

the ten said no. Gerry: Cause I would never give

that a ten. Ah don't worry about it, at least you're moving up a

notch. I had a ten say no to me once. I saw her about four years

ago, she's about a four. That's what six kids'll do to ya.

So maybe that ten that said no to you, one day they'll look bad

because they'll have six kid... forget it, have fun ok? Good job

Sam.

[New dance song]

[Music plays]

Gerry: You can't do that. Stop looking like a dork.

Lewis: Noah, what are you doin here with a St. Pat's girl?

Noah: Just back off Lewis! Sebastian: What's wrong with a

St. Pat's girl? St. Pat's student: Yeah, what

are you gonna do about it? Seriously.

Ally: Ignore him guys. Sebastian: Wanna go?

Sebastian: Come on Lewis. Let's do this.

Gerry: Ok, ok...hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey excuse me.

That's enough, Lewis get out of here. Noah go!

Simon: Things are getting ugly. Gerry: Yeah, thanks Simon.

Robert: Mr. Duncan! Why are there students from St. Pat's

at an Xavier dance? Gerry: I didn't know they were

St. Pat's students. Robert: Way to do your job

Gerry: Yeah... Robert: I bet Callaghan's gonna

love to hear this, when I tell him.

Gerry: Well, make sure you also tell him that the vice principal

didn't help at the door, leaving two newer teachers at Xavier

to try and recognize every kid in the city

Robert: Well, guess the spider's laid it's web then huh?

Simon: Spiders don't lay web, they lay eggs. They spin webs.

Gerry: Spiders don't sp... lay eggs they...

Simon: No, spiders do lay eggs, they don't lay web.

Gerry: Spiders don't lay web, they lay eggs. Is that right?

Simon: Yeah, that's right, that's right.

Robert: Gentlemen, I know what spiders do and don't do.

Gerry: Checkmate, you're move.

Simon: If it's checkmate you don't get a move.

Robert: I've played chess before.

Gerry: Bill, I need you to calm the kids down and

play a slow song. Bill: Oh, I don't think I

have a slow song man. Gerry: How do you not

have a slow song? Lisa: Gerry, I barely recognize

any of these kids, do you? Gerry: Not now Lisa

Bill: Oh! This is Lisa? Oh see Gerry: This is...

Bill: he said you were average looking.

Lisa: Oh, really? Average, that's nice.

Gerry: I did that for your sake, trust me.

Find me a slow song Bill. Bill: I'll find a slow song

if Lisa wants to dance with me Lisa: Oh no, that would be

totally inappropriate. Bill: Inappropriate?

Lisa: Yeah, he's told me a lot about you. You're a busy man.

Gerry: Ok, busy guy ok, busy, play a slow song. I need a slow

Bill: I'm looking, I'm looking. Gerry: song Bill, right away

Kids chanting: Fight, fight, Gerry: Oh god,

here we go again. Kill the music Bill...Hey...

hey, break it up, break it up. That's enough.

Simon: Break - it - uuuuuup Gerry: You guys gotta go man

Sebastian: What? Why? Gerry: Cause, it's too many

problems with St. Pat's here. Well there's a good reason right

there. We don't drink at our school.

Sebastian: This dance sucks anyway. Nice one bud

Gerry: Come on you guys. Go relax for a bit. It's supposed

to be a dance people. Simon: It's not a fight,

it's a dance. Gerry: Why is nobody dancing?

Am I the only person that can dance here? Nobody can dance?

Play something Bill.

[Dance music starts]

[Music continues]

[Music continues]

[Music continues]

Gerry: I did that man, I did that move.

Simon singing: Suck it DJ

[Music continues]

Robert: Well, way to diffuse a bomb Mr. Duncan.

Gerry: That's what I do Mr. Cheeley.

Robert: Ya know I've been known on occasion to back

that thing up myself. Just if you ever need a back up dancer.

Gerry: You're a dancer? Robert: To some people, dancing

is a creative outlet, to me it's a lifestyle.

Simon: I think we did ok. Might have even made some extra money.

Gerry: No...Awesome! Sebastian: Xavier sucks!

[Sound of glass shattering]

Gerry: That was a window. Simon: Maybe we broke even.

[More glass shattering] Gerry: That sounded

like a bigger window. Simon: Yeah that was bigger.

Gerry sighs: You're gonna have to give me half the money for

those track suits and stuff Simon: Why?

Gerry: Cause we're co-coaches. Simon: I'm an assistant coach,

you made that very clear. Gerry: Now we're co-coaches ok?

Simon: I don't want the position.

[Music starts]

[Music continues]

[Music continues]