All language subtitles for Millions.2004.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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BOY:
The French have said
au revoir to the franc.

The Germans have said
Auf Wiedersehen

to the Deutsche Mark.

And the Portuguese
have said...

whatever to their thing.

Go!

Now it's our turn
to say good-bye to sterling.

This Christmas,
we are going to get the euro.

Good-bye, old pounds.

Everyone says
we're going to miss you.

Faster! Faster! Come on!

Faster! Go!

I can't see you!

Where are you?

I'm over here.

This is the main drag
along here.

That's Portland.

Bisecting that at right angles
is Lundy on that side.

On this side
is Fastnet.

What's yours?

Cromarty.

Cromarty and
German Bight.

Cul de sac,
over there.

( indistinct shouting )

Keep pedaling! Come on!

Beat ya!

( chattering )

Upstairs!

This is my room.

And mine.

Get your own room.

( rapid hammering )

( shouting )

( hammering )

Whoa.

( laughing )

Whoa, look at that.

Whoa.

The patron saint of house
removals is Saint Anne.

Did you know that?

No, I didn't know that, no.

Yeah, she lived

in the desert, obviously,

and when she wanted to
move house, angels came

picked up her house
and took it to Italy.

Handy.

MAN:
What about these two?

She was our Lady's mother.

What you on about,
Damian?

Saint Anne--
I've got her picture.

No, I don't care.
Just get in the car, will you?

We're going. Go on.

Get in the car.

Was she in it at the time?

Who?

Saint Anne, when
the angels did the,

you know, the airlift.

I don't know.

( woman laughing )

( laughing echoing )

WOMAN:
Look at you.

You look like a little angel.

( honking )

DAMIAN:
"Start with the money."

That's what our Anthony says.

That's what people want
to know about.

Like if you're moving house,

you don't say,
"We're moving house

and the new one's
got a green door."

You say how much
you're paying,

how much you got
for the old one.

Mortgage, interest rates,
stamp duty, solicitor's fees,

how much you'll get if
the new one goes up in value.

That's called equity.

Personally,
I think, "So what?"

Money's just a thing,
and things change.

One minute, something's there
and you can cuddle up to it,

the next minute it's gone,
like a malteser.

That goes
in the kitchen.

Is this fantastic or what?

Surprisingly spacious,
with attractive views.

And anyway, in the end,

it turns out it wasn't
about the money after all.

Good lad.

Watch it, lads.
Up to the main bedroom.

Anyone see where
the phone plugs are?

No?

( indistinct conversations )

Right.

This is what we're having
tonight, yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Before countdown,
put the oven on.

After countdown,
get a packet of these,

put 'em in there
with some oven chips, yeah?

It's for Mum.

The time
is on here, yeah?

Okay.
That's how long
they have to stay in.

By the time they're ready,
I'll be back.

She may already
have won £10,000.

He name has been entered
in a draw.

All she has
to do is...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you. Hands.

Other sides.

Let's go.

Come on.

That's you.
Yeah.

That's you.
Get your bags.

Yeah, and your book bag,
Damian.

Keys...

I'm in the
front, Damian.
Why?

Oh, yeah.

ANTHONY:
'Cause I'm the eldest.

Now, remember,

it's no good being clever.

You've got to be
the cleverest, yeah?

All right, see you, Dad.

Good luck, lads.
See you.

Are you nervous?
DAMIAN:
A bit.

So, everybody sitting up
nicely? Excellent.

Now, we're talking today
about people we admire.

Dominic.
Roy Keane, sir.
Manchester United.

Very good. Roy Keane.
What about you, Barry?

Van Nistelrooy, sir.
Van Nistelrooy. Right.

Anyone got any heroes
who don't play for United?

Jack.

Robbie Fowler, sir. City.

( children booing )

All right, that's enough.

Tricia.

I don't know
any footballers, sir.

It doesn't have
to be a footballer.

It could be anyone.

Don't know, sir.

No? Damian.

Saint Roch, sir.

Who's he play for?

No one, sir.
He's a saint.

Oh, well, that's better.
Go on.

He was so worried
that he might say
something bad

that he said nothing at all
for 20 years.

( chuckling ):
We could do with a couple
like him

in this class.

Thank you, Damian.
I like a lot

of virgin martyrs, too,
like Saint Agatha.

She ripped her own eyes out

so she wouldn't have to marry
this man.

CLASS:
Ew...

Or Saint Catherine
of Alexandria.

They tried to kill her

by crushing her to death
on a wheel,

but she made
the wheel explode,

and all the splinters
killed people in the crowd.

CLASS:
Ew...

The patron saint of fireworks.

That's where we get
the Catherine Wheel from.

I-I did say
"Thank you," Damian.

Right. I brought in
this picture.

This is a hero of mine.

Who knows who this is?

BOY:
Nelson Mandela?
Fantastic.

Nelson Mandela.

Now, who knows
what Nelson Mandela did?

( bell rings )

ANTHONY:
You should be careful
what you talk about.

Try talking about
football or something.

Keep off the
weird stuff.

Just don't be
conspicuous,

or you won't fit in.

( children shouting )

( children laughing )

GIRLS ( singing ):
* Double, double, ice, ice,
double, double, cream, cream *

* Double ice, double cream,
double, double, ice cream *

* Double, double, ice, ice...

Look at that.

ANTHONY:
Aero and a
Yorkie, please,

and five juicy lips.

Haven't seen you two
here before.

We just moved here.

Our mum's dead.

Yeah, well, go on.
You're all right.

Thanks.
God bless.
Who's next?

ANTHONY:
Works every time.

Tell 'em your mum's dead,

and they give you stuff
every time.

I'm your
community policeman.

( chuckles )

Obviously, there is
no community here as yet--

not to speak of,
but, uh, you know...

( chuckles )

Anyway, the first thing to say

is these new houses
and Christmas coming up...

statistically,
you're going to get burgled.

Now, not all of you,
but some of you... soon.

Probably this week,

next.

When you are...

call me.

I'll give you
a crime number,

and then... you
can make a claim

on your insurance.

( chuckles )

Building maintenance.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

OFFICER:
Uh, I'm usually right.

It's a-a knack.

Do you mind me asking...
is the kettle actually on?

Um...
Oh, sorry.

Yes.
Isn't
the problem here

that our houses
are built on sand?

Sand? No.

They're not, are they?

If you store up
your treasure on Earth,

it will be stolen...
but if you give it away,

then it can't be stolen.

Mormons.

( laughs ):
Well, Latter Day Saints.

Saints?

I know all about them...
Uh, Damian,

go and give Terry a hand
in the kitchen, will you?

Yeah, you, too, Anthony.
Off you go. Good lads.

Now, some of you

are going to
be burgled.

There are things
I can tell you

that will lower the
odds of it being
you personally.

It's a bit antisocial,
because if it isn't you,

it'll be next door,
but, eh, there you go.

Our mum's dead.

Yeah.

Come on. Help yourself.

Take as many
as you like, son.

( kettle whistling )

Results.

Is it completely honest?

Completely dead,
isn't she?

( knocking )

What?

What do you want?

Can't you see I'm busy?

Just go away.

I don't like
having my own room.

( electronic music playing )

Clare of Assisi,

1194 till 1253.

That's right.

I used to have a hermitage
myself once.

I used to go and hide up there.

If anyone needed me,
I'd send them a vision.

Sort them out.

That's why I'm the patron
saint of television.

I was like human television.

You're the patron saint

of television?
Keeps me busy...

you know.

Are you allowed
to smoke there?

You can do what you like
up there, son.

It's down here
you have to make the effort.

Do you ever come across
a Saint Maureen?

She hasn't
been there long.

Doesn't ring a bell.

Then again...

it is infinite up there...

absolutely,

bloody infinite.

( whispers ):
Listen.

( Damian grunts )

Dad!

ANTHONY:
What is it anyway?

What are you doing
with all these boxes?

What's that?

Wait till you see.

( Anthony gasps )

Where'd you get that?

You can see it,
too, then?

Well, you know...

sometimes you see things,

don't you, and other
people can't see them.

What?
Well, you know,
sometimes,

but this is
real, though.

This is real.

This is real.

DAMIAN:
Can't wait to tell Dad.

ANTHONY:
You can't tell
Dad about this.

You can't tell
anyone about this.

Why not?

Tax.
Huh?

If the government
finds out about this,

they'll take 40% of it away.

40%.

Do you know how much that is?

Nearly all of it.

Should we count it
before we go?

No, we can't.

We're really late.

How much?!

How much?!
There're thousands!

Ten thousand!
Fifty thousand!

Seventy!
Two hundred thousand!

Millions, even.

( both laughing )

( winding )

Cash Jenga.

BOTH:
Oink-oink.

Oink-oink.
Oink-oink-oink.

( both shout )

Promise not to tell anyone.

What is it?

How much is it?
Thousands.

Hundreds.

It's just hundreds.

No one else knows.

So if anyone finds out,

we'll know it's you, okay?

If anyone finds out,

we'll know it's you.

No one else knows.

Just me and you.

Here.

Thanks.

Yeah, just keep it shut.

229,520 pounds,

minus 100 quid each,
spending money

leaves 229,320 quid.

DAMIAN:
And we're gonna give
all that to the poor.

ANTHONY:
Where are you gonna find
poor people?

( descending stairs )
DAMIAN:
There's loads of poor people.

ANTHONY:
Not around here.

The house prices keep them out.

*

Go on. Go! Go!

( chirping )

Go! Go!

Go on. Go! Go!

Go on. Go! Go! Go!

Go on!

Francis of Assisi,

1181 till 1226.

You did this, didn't you?

My first act as a saint.

What was your next one?

Washing a leper.

A leper?

You could just help
the poor, Damian.

GIRL:
Big Issue.
Help the homeless.

Big Issue, anyone?

Hello.

And keep the change.

Well, thanks, mate.

I've had nothing
to eat all day.

Oh, we're going to Pizza Hut.

Want to come?
No!

No, she doesn't.

She just wants
more money.

We haven't got any more.

No, I fancy
pizza, actually.

Can I bring my friend?

Meat feast,
deep and juicy,
stuffed crust.

Two meat, please.
Thin and crispy.

Big New Yorker.

Combo platter.

Do us a farmhouse.

I'll have some
garlic bread, love.

We'll all have garlic bread
while we're waiting.

And Dippin' Chicken.

To share?!

This is great!

Anthony thought there were

no poor people around here

because of the house prices.

We're not from around here.

I come in on the bus.

I come in
on the train.

Can't afford
to live around here.

Who exactly is paying

for all this?
We are.

You must be minted!

Yeah, we are.
No!

No, we're not.

It's birthday money.
His birthday money.

He saved it.

Puddings?

( all clamor )

No!

ANTHONY:
168 quid.

Do you know how many times
you'd have to visit Pizza Hut

to get rid of all the money?

1,303.517 times.

It's just not practical.

We should buy property.

See this house.

We could buy
two like that.

If they knock some off
the asking price.

And if we did buy property,

that will go up in value,
so we'd have even more money.

Damian?

( whistling )

Excuse me.

Are you poor?

Beg your pardon?

Are you poor?

Are you asking for money?

Me? No.

Because we
don't have any.

We live in a community,
you know,

it's very basic.

We don't have a dishwasher,
for instance,

or a microwave.

And there's no cash
kept on the premises.

So you are poor?

In a sense, yes.

Brilliant!

( man speaking Latin )

Saint Nicholas of Myra.

( chuckles )

It won't all fit.

Saint Nicholas,
do you ever

come across
a Saint Maureen?

Saint Maureen--
she's new.

Skin care.

She worked on the makeup
counter at Selfridges.

CHORUS:
* Deck the halls
with boughs of holly *

* Fa-la-la-la...

ANNOUNCER:
It's less than a fortnight
to E-Day.

That's when Britain
completes transition

to the European Monetary Union,
the EIMU.

With 12 days left to E-day...

my true love said to me...

The transitional
exchange rate

is fixed at 67 p.

Oh, well, all I can say

is ding dong.
( laughs )

ANNOUNCER:
After E-day, your old money

will no longer
be legal tender.

It's pounds good-bye...

and euros...

Hello.

* They cried their tears

* They shed their fears

* Up and down the land

* They stole guitars *

* Or used guitars
( whistle blows )

* So the tape
would understand *

* Without even
the slightest hope *

* Of a thousand sales

* Just as if

* As if there was

* A hitsville in UK

ANTHONY:
We don't have to queue up.

* I know the boy

Here we go.
* Was all alone

* Till the hitsville

How much have you actually got?
* Hit UK

Plenty.

* Remember

* They say true talent

* Will always

( horn honking )
* Emerge in time...

Anthony Cunningham.

Where's your dad?
My dad?

Well, he's not coming.
Eh?

Yet, he's not coming yet.

He said to start without him.

Start what without him?

The job is to show him
around the apartment.

How can I do that
if he isn't here?

* ...No expense accounts
He gave me this.

* Or lunch discounts...
Show me around,

and I'll fill him
in afterwards.

* ...Or hyping up the charts
It's what we usually do.

* The band went in...

We're looking at this
for our investment portfolio.

Not as a residence.

Has it kept its value?

It's gone up 20%
in the last two years

because of the schools.

He does send you to school,
doesn't he?

Or do you just
look at photos of them?

* ...Till the hitsville
hit UK... *

Floodlights, scoreboards,
stadium.

It's the dogs bollocks this,
family heirloom.

Fifty quid?

Fifty quid?

I could buy
a proper football team for that.

I could buy Crewe Alexander
for that.

Yeah but...

this has got managers.

Dan Leavy

and Malcolm Allinson.

Never heard of him.

Deal.

( girls screaming and laughing )

GRAHAM:
You said you would

for five quid.
I didn't know

you were going to get
five quid, did I?

Ten quid then?

Look,

I've got a good body.

( giggling )

20 quid, last offer.

* ...I know the boy
was all alone *

* Till the hitsville hit UK.

Martyrs of Uganda, 1881?

That's right.

Oh, sorry about that.

I was beheaded.

See.

Before that,
I was in construction.

I don't know who built this,
but they were a right cowboy.

I built it myself.

Well, we'll see what we can do.

But I can't promise anything.

Why not?

There's plenty of you.

Yes.

Come on, welcome.

Hello.

( men singing
in native language )

What are they singing?

( men continue singing )

They are praying for rain.

Where I come from,

people have to pay

a tenth of their
daily income on water.

It's so expensive

that they can't afford
to wash their hands.

So they get disease.

You don't need fancy hospitals
or medicines

to make life better,
just a well.

And you...

can build a well
for as little as £100.

That's fantastic.

Thanks.

( men continue singing )

I'm sorry.
I don't know who you are.

Mutual that, then.

This yours?

Nice.

Near the railway.

What's in there?

Nothing really.

What's this?

A dress.

It was my mum's.

Ah.

What are you looking for?

Money.

Are you poor?

What?

Damian, come in.

( over walkie-talkie ):
Anthony to Damian.

Damian, where are you?
Who's that?

My brother.
I've got to go.

I'll come back.
I've got loads.

Just wait there.
It's your turn
to set the table.

Loads of what?

You've got five seconds.
Money.

Just wait there.

Five... four...

three... two...

ANTHONY:
Who's that?

A poor person,

and you said
there weren't any.

I know. But who is it?

DAMIAN:
I don't know.

Just someone.

What do you mean "someone"?

Did he do anything to you?

What sort of things?

Never mind.

Look, people are weird.

You've got
to be more careful.

You shouldn't
really talk to them.

Anyway, I've told him now.

Told him what?

That we have tons of money.

He's poor.

What?

Nothing. Nothing.

Leave it to me.

ANTHONY:
Where is he then?

DAMIAN:
I don't know.

He was here a minute ago.

See? Loads of money.

We've been saving
it up for ages.

You can have it,
if you need it.

( quietly ):
Come on, Damian.

You'll have
to change it quickly.

DAMIAN:
Do you think
that was really enough?

ANTHONY:
More than enough.

That's him completely
sorted out.

Right. Have you given
money to anyone else?

Not really.

( knocking on door )

ANTHONY:
What?

It wasn't that much.

Just like a bagful.

What's that?

Scuba Scooter.

It goes at ten mile an hour
for up to five hours.

We could have one of them.

We could have one each.

We could have a whole fleet.

She's nice.

Hm. I've seen better.

Close the door.

( door closes )

Look, you can see it protruding.

What is it?

It's a nipple.

What's it for?

Well, it's for
feeding babies.

Did Mum have one?

Two. They've all got two.

And did she feed
us with them?

Yeah, course she did.
I remember.

You can't remember
when you were a baby.

I don't remember
her doing it to me.

I remember her
doing it to you.

RONNIE:
Anthony?

What?

I thought you'd done
the washing up.

I did it.

What do you call
that glob?

( children screaming )

( horn honks )

Hi. What's your name?

Keegan.

All right, K, what's
happened to your finger?

That's quality.

Pure scary, pure scary.

Hey, give me your money.

Come on!

Empty your pockets!

Hey, you!

Excuse me.
( horn honks )

Excuse me.

Give me all your money.

Come on, every copper.

Who feels sorry
for poor children?

Correct answer.

Everybody sitting up nicely?

Okay, so, as you know,

we're going to have
new money in the new year.

Does anybody know how much
a euro is worth in pounds?

Yes.
67 p.

Spot on.

Here, it's a little
prize for you.

It's your own
euro converter.

Now, who else wants one?

Anybody?

CHILDREN:
Me, me!

Oh, everybody.

Okay, so, who can tell me

how much twopence is worth
in euros?

Hmm...

Well, I'll tell you.

It's worth...

not very much.

Almost nothing.

To you.

But...

if we all put our twopences
together

then we'll have a lot
of twopences, won't we?

CHILDREN:
Yes.

How many people are there here?

One...

ALL:
Two, three, four,

five, six, seven,

eight...

HEADMASTER:
250.

Sorry?

There's 250 in the school.

Oh, clever clogs, Headmaster.

( children laughing )

Okay, 250.

So, if you each gave me

two pence, then I'd have
five pounds.

It's not that much here,
but, in Ethiopia,

five pounds could feed a family
for a week.

And if you all gave me

two twopences,
then we'd have a tenner.

And that's enough
to provide that village

with a source
of clean water forever.

It's no good to you,

so chuck it in the bin.

( horn honks )

Children, give me
all your money.

Come on, every copper!

( horn honks )

Get out of my way!

Hey, you!

Hey, give me your money.

Come on. Empty your pockets!

( horn honks )

Hello.
What's your name?

Damian.

Hi, Damian.
I'm the bin.

Hello, bin.

Damian,

you'll give me some money,
won't you?

Yeah.

( no audio )

( horn honks )

( wheels rattling )

( children screaming )

( horn honks )

( laughter )

ANTHONY:
What did you do?

You did it again, didn't you?

What?

I saw what you did.
How much?

Not much.

She's nice.

I've been thinking.

Why don't we give
the money to her?

So, how did it go?

Well...

ANTHONY:
A thousand?!

What did you bring a
thousand to school for?

Can't you see
that's suspicious?

It's not suspicious.

It's unusual.

How can it be suspicious?

It's our money.

( door opens )

TEACHER:
Right, you lot, outside.

Come on then.

ANTHONY:
Right, that's enough
messing around.

Do you know in Africa, you
can build a well for...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

...as little as
a hundred pounds.

Just listen.

It was the most daring,
most brilliant, cleverest,

and biggest robbery
on record ever.

The train was here.

The train, the one
with the money.

Used notes. Right.

A van comes in
onto the platform here.

It's a railway van,
so no one takes any notice.

Until...

( brakes screeching )

They jump out of this van

and someone got hold
of the driver.

Some of them start
shifting the money.

By this time, Rapid Response
has been mobilized.

( imitates siren )

( siren wailing )

* It's bugging me, grating me

* And twisting me around

* Yeah, I'm endlessly
caving in and turning... *

The van drives off

with a reckless
disregard for life.

Rapid Response goes after it.

There's armed units,
dog handlers, helicopters.

They throw everything after it.

The train stays here.

An ambulance comes.
Takes the driver to hospital.

They get another driver.

CID count the bags.

There's only one missing.

Then Rapid Response
corner the van.

( brakes screeching )

( sirens wailing )

Trapped, the robbers
drop the lot and they leg it.

They've got no chance.

Except...

Newcastle United
versus Arsenal at Highbury.

One all.

Disappointing result
for the Gunners.

Please advise car.
I think we've lost them.

They don't catch the men,
but that's all right.

'Cause when they get
back to the van...

there's the missing bag.

How do you...
How do you know all that?

His uncle works
for the police.

The van is gone,
the train is in the station

and the cops are
in the cop shop making tea.

Where were the robbers?

Where's the last place
you're going to look?

Our house.

Maybe.

So the train moves off with
a new driver and all the money.

On the train.

The money was on the train.

And so was a robber.

NARRATOR:
Lateral thinking.

The money stays on the train

and so does a robber.

* ...And don't

* Fool yourself

* This love's too good
to last... *

He sits tight
and every time the train

comes to a slow bend,
he chucks a sack of money out.

They've got people waiting
all over the country.

It could be Stafford or Crewe.

It could be Preston
or Wigan.

Runcorn, it could be.

Or it could be here.

* ...This life could be
the last *

* And we're too young to see

* Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh

* Ooh.

( music ends )

Damian.

Damian, calm down.

It'll be all right.

No one knows it was us.

I don't care.
Leave me alone.

What'd you have to tell me for?

Because I wanted you
to know the truth.

We have to give it back.

No. No, we
can't do that.

They were going to burn it.

Now, come on, it isn't

the money's fault
it got stolen.

I thought it was from God.

What?
Well, you know,

sometimes you tell people
about Mum

and they give you money
or sweets.

Well, I told God and...

Well, who else would have
that kind of money?

Well, in a funny...

God doesn't rob banks.
All right?

God does not rob banks.

( door slams )

Office.

Now.

Your father's on his way.

( knocks )

HEADMASTER:
Come in.

The Mormons?!

RONNIE:
You stole money from Mormons?

Would you like to tell us
why you did it, Anthony?

Our mum's dead.

( sobbing )

( sniffling loudly )

( sobbing and sniffling )

Hey, hey, hey, Anthony,
come here.

Hol... Anthony,
Damian, come here.

Okay.

Team talk.

Your mother...

She would not
want you

to stand around crying.

Or to steal things.

She wants you
to get on with your lives

and do the best you can.

Make her proud,
son, eh?

And not, you know...

cry.

Okay.

So let's stop crying, eh?

And stealing things,
let's stop that, too.

Get in the car.

Don't ever do that to me again.

Look, I'm really sorry.
It was me.

I didn't mean to cause
any trouble or anything.

No, you did right.

They stole it.

What could you do?

WOMAN:
They did give it
to a good cause.

I wouldn't have done
that at their age.

They must be...

You did a
good job.

Thanks.

Are you from
the social?

No. I was just a visitor.

I go around the schools
collecting for this water thing

and try and tell them
about the changeover.

You know, making sure
that the kids understand it.

Does anyone understand it?

Sometimes they're a bit confused
until I talk to them.

And then...

BOTH:
They're really confused.

( laughs )

RONNIE:
I'm sorry.

They are very sorry.

I've sent them to bed.

I want you to know
that it won't happen again.

MAN:
Do you mind me asking

how you came to have
so much cash in the house?

It was a donation.

It was left here anonymously.

And you weren't suspicious
about that?

No.

We pray a lot,

and we thought it was
the answer to our prayers.

Only it has been mentioned

that you spent close
to £5,000 in Comet

a few days ago.

Digital television.

( bell dings )

Microwave oven.

Dishwasher.

Foot spa.

Did you actually pray
for all of these things?

We were praying

for comfort and, uh,
and encouragement.

I think we felt comforted
and encouraged.

By the foot spa?

And the dishwasher.

Mm-hmm.

Samaritans.

Oxfam.

Christian Aid.

For Christ's sake, don't
tick them little boxes.

The ones about

putting you in touch

with like-minded
organizations.

You'd be besieged,

man, I'm telling you.

Saint Peter, died AD 64.

All right,
don't remind us.

The money-- it is robbed.

I know.

Patron Saint of keys, locks
and general security, man.

Including up there.

I'm on the door.

Is it still all right
if it's robbed?

Can you still do good with it?

Or should you give it back?

I thought it was

a miracle, but it's just robbed.

Damian,

listen.

One day, I was
with you-know-who.

Jesus.

And he went up
into the mountains,

and thousands of
people followed him.

The police said 5,000.

5,000!

Everybody knows this story.

Loaves and fishes.

See, I knew you'd say that.

That's what everybody says.

This yours?

It's the key

to the old house.

Joint pin tumbler.

Engineering
perfection.

Anyway, this kid
comes up to us,

about your size.

His name was...

No, I've forgotten.

I still see him sometimes.

Anyway, he comes up
with these loaves and fishes.

Sardines.

And Jesus blesses them

and passes the
plate 'round.

Now the first person he
passes it to passes it on.

He doesn't
take anything.

He just passes it on.

Do you know why?

'Cause he had
a piece of lamb

hidden in his pocket.

And as he's
passing the fish,

he sneaks a bit
of meat out

and pretends he's
taking it off the plate.

You see what
I'm saying?

And the next
person-- exactly

the same story.

Every single
bastard one

of them has
their own food.

And every one of them's
keeping it quiet.

Looking after number one.

But as that plate went 'round
with the sardines on,

they all got their food out

and started to share.

And that-that plate
went all the way around

and back to Jesus,

and it still got
the fish and the
loaves in it.

And Jesus was a
bit taken aback.

He says...

"What happened?"

And I just said,
"Miracle."

And at first, I
thought I'd fooled him.

But now I see
it was a miracle.

One of his best.

But this little kid
that stood up, and

everybody there
just got bigger.

Do you understand
what I'm talking about?

Not really.

I'm talking about you.

Now I'm really lost.

You're trying too hard.

That kid-- he wasn't planning
on doing a miracle.

He wasn't planning anything,
except lunch.

Something that looks
like a miracle turns out

to be dead simple.

But what am I gonna do
with all this?

I just want to be good.

Look, I can't say too much
about this

because of that whole
free will thing, right?

But...

see this key?

Keep it safe, all right?

And I'll have a word upstairs...

see if can get somebody
on your case more permanent.

* Hark! How the bells,
sweet silver bells... *

With three days left to E-day,
my true love said to me...

Convert your change
or donate to charity.

Mm. Marvelous.

There are just three days
left to E-day.

Remember the money
in your bank account

has already been converted.

The easiest way
to change any cash you have

is to pay it
into your account.

Sterling becomes euros
the moment it's paid in.

And if you don't have
an account,

why not open one today?

WOMAN:
Can I help
you all?

We'd like
to open a bank account.

Is your mum and dad with you?

No.
Well,

I need an adult signature.

I need proof of who you are.

Oh, I've got that.

Leisure pass.

I'm afraid you're
gonna have to ask
your mum to come in.

This isn't enough.

Just ask your
mum to come in.

We can't.

Why not?

Our mum's dead.

There's two free euros in here.

And you can keep the rest
of your money in it.

It's the best
I can do.

( sighs )

I told you we should
have bought a house.

Right. If we can't hide it,
at least we can spend it.

( sirens blaring,
horns honking )

( phone ringing )

DAMIAN:
Hello?

ANTHONY:
Now, that
is quality.

That is amazing.
I can see you.

Can you see me?

Yeah.

Not here, on there.

Not as well.

I can see
you in mine.

This is fantastic.

Anthony,

why don't we give the money
to the lady with the bank?

It's not ours, and we're never
gonna spend it all.

She could do good with it.

We just gave her

a grand and look
at the trouble it caused.

And if we gave her 200,
we'll end up in jail.

We're on our now, Damian.

Don't let me down.

( whirring )

Hello.

The speaker
went on my bin.

Your dad he'd fix
it, so I said I'd

cook for him.

So you get a decent meal
for once.

I'm a fantastic cook.

Aren't I a fantastic
cook, Damian?

Look at the size
of that schoolbag.

You'll give
yourselves

a hernia.
Is that all homework?

No.
Yeah.

And costumes.

For the Nativity play.

I suppose it's homework really.

Oh, I love a Nativity play.

Can I see them?

Yeah.
No.

It's private.

Private property.

Of the school.

It'll spoil the surprise.

Am I gonna go, too?

Are you gonna
get me some tickets?

Well, I suppose so.

Well, I didn't
even know

they were in it.

I got told nothing,
you know, nothing.

( laughs )

Are you gonna come
do some chopping?

RONNIE:
It's lasagna,
your favorite.

( hums )

MALE TV HOST:
Where was the highwayman
Dick Turpin hanged in 1739?

It's worth 250,000 pounds.

York.

How did you know that?

It's York.

Glasgow, Carlisle...

He knows everything,
your dad.

Norwich, York.

Why don't you go on there?
You'd be great.

Wouldn't he be great?

MALE CONTESTANT:
50/50 please...

It's York!

HOST:
Okay, completely take away...

You'd be a lot less frustrated
if you went on yourself.

Damian,
tell him to go on.

You'd like
to have a million pounds,

wouldn't you?

It's not a
million pounds.

It's a million
euros.

That's only
about...

HOST:
Not York?

CONTESTANT:
No...

623,100 pounds
at today's prices.

Well, at least somebody's
been listening.

HOST:
You just lost 93...

Told you it was York.

Jim, I'm so sorry.
The answer is York.

We're supposed to go to bed
when this is finished.

( sighs )

Yeah, right,
go to bed.

But you're supposed
to read us a story.

I'll get off.

I'll see you out.

I'll see you out, too.

I know.

Come again soon.

Sucker for women.

Sucker for men.

WOMAN:
Don't forget:

I want to see
that Nativity play.

Your dad'll forget.

Go get your pajamas on.

They're good lads.

Nice to have someone
to talk to once in
a while, though.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Had a great evening.

I know what's
she after.

We can't
leave it here.

We're gonna have
to keep it with us...

all the time.

Fill your schoolbag.

Don't let it
out your sight.

Guard it with
your life,

whatever
happens, okay?

Okay.

Damian.

( whispering ):
"Have you any room?"

Have you any room?
No, Damian, Damian...

he's tired.

He's walked here all
the way from Nazareth.

He's tired. He's
very, very tired.

Well...

Tired.
The walk from Nazareth--

people did that
all the time.

And he was a carpenter,
so he was very fit.

He wasn't tired.
He was excited.

His wife was going
to have a baby.

They weren't expecting
to go to sleep...
Okay.

You say excited.
I say tired.

Let's try
nervous... okay?

Shall we start again?

Joseph the Worker,
first century, dates uncertain.

I wouldn't have said "nervous."

I would have said "focused."

DAMIAN:
Well, have
you any room?

Hmm.

What did he want
to bring her for?

You invited her.

TEACHER:
Beginners, beginners
positions.

Damian, come on.

( door creaks )

The word went out
from Julius Caesar...

Caesar...

Caesar Augustus that everybody

had to go to their
hometown to be taxed,

so Mary and Joseph set
out for Bethlehem.

( piano playing )

CHILDREN ( singing ):
* Little donkey, little donkey

* On the dusty road...

Do you know how much a
piece of gold that big

would be worth at
today's prices?

A lot. An awful lot.

I wonder what
happened to it,

'cause he was
poor after that.

I wonder what
he spent it on...

Can we please lose
the anachronistic bag?

I don't think we had Adidas

in the first century.

NARRATOR:
Far away to the East,
three wise men saw a star.

Thanks, girls.

ANTHONY:
Look, a star.

BOY:
Let's follow it.

* Come, they told me

* Pa-rum-pa-pa-pum

* A newborn king to see

* Pa-rum-pa-pa-pum...

DAMIAN:
No, Saint Maureen.

I don't think
I've heard of her.

Um, is she a virgin martyr?

DAMIAN:
I don't think so.

( gasps )

MAN: Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk.

Here he is,

and he's always got
those bags with him.

* Pum-pa-pa-pum.

You remember me?

Mm?

I'm the poor man.

( door bangs open )

( kids laughing )

Damian Cunningham,

what are you doing there?

Come on,
where should you be?

Where should you be?
You should be in Bethlehem.

Come on.
Can't believe you got...

No, go back, go back.

As for these...

What have I told
you about these?

I told you before... Shh!

Back up, back
up, back up.

Shh! Back
up, back up.

NARRATOR:
They tried first at one inn.

Do you have any room
at this inn?

No, sorry, we're
fully booked.

Do you have any
room at this inn?

We haven't any room,
but we've got a stable.

( audience chuckles )

NARRATOR:
So he took them to the stable.

Oh, this is nice
and cozy, Joseph.

( slams door )

Nice and cozy, Joseph.

I said,

this is nice
and cozy, Joseph.

( whispering ):
Damian! Damian!

Yes, this is
where our Lord,

baby Jesus,
will be born.

NARRATOR:
And so our savior came,
bringing peace to all the Earth.

* Silent night...

Quick, come on.

( applause )

( keys jingling )

You stay there.

( locks door )

( grunts )

( doorbell buzzing )

( gasps )

Oh, no. The keys.

( panting )

( door closes )

( panting )

( banging )

( phone ringing )

( gasps ):
Oh, no!

( screaming )

Damian?!

What are you doing?
Dad!

Come here.
Oh, God, come here.

Come here.
It's all right.

Let's get you down.
What were you doing?

ANTHONY:
Is he all right, Dad?

There we go.
What's he doing?

Well, he found it.

It just fell out of the sky
right in front of me.

I thought
it was from God.

From God?

It's not really His thing,
is it, handing out cash?

Why would God hand out...?

£229,320.

Blimey.

I was going to give it
to the poor,

but it was really hard.

Why didn't you tell me?

Anthony said not to
because of the tax.

We could keep some
of it, though,

couldn't we,
like a reward?

Get in.

( Anthony groans )

ANTHONY:
So what are we going
to do with it, then?

RONNIE:
We're going to hand
it in... all of it.

I mean, what else can we do?
It's not ours, is it?

Hello?

I called round.
The door was open.

I've called
the police.

I thought you
might've come home.

Everyone gets burgled
at Christmas, Dad.

This will be
your crime number...

so you can get on
to your insurance company.

Of course they can't really
recompense you for this.

I mean, they can't give you
your Christmas back, can they?

( chuckling ):
Probably be next Christmas

by the time
you get anything... back.

I don't suppose
you've got any, um...

serial numbers, security codes,

anything like that?

No?

Well, wouldn't make
any difference.

It's very rare
we get anything back.

Very rare.

OFFICER:
We know the stolen currency
is around here somewhere.

That's what all this is about.

But they can't
do anything about it.

All the banks
have been warned to look out

for anyone making
any large deposits.

And, of course,
it's only one day or two,

before they realize that
the money is, uh, worthless.

( laughs )

( door closes )
DOROTHY:
What's that?

It's nothing. It's nothing.
It's just my stuff.

ANTHONY:
Oh, Dad, don't!

DOROTHY ( gasps ):
My God.

This is what they were after.

That's a lot of money.

Where did it come from?

They took our Christmas.

We'll take their cash.

You can't keep it.

You're going to keep it?

It belongs to the government.

They were going to burn it!

They were going to burn
all this money.

That's a crime, if you ask me.

Definitely.

Well, stealing's wrong!

If you steal something,

you have to steal it
from somebody.

Who would we
be stealing it from?

It's not right!

Damian, my house
has just been ransacked!

I work every second God sends
just to cover the mortgage

to give you a decent home!

And now it's been wrecked.

I am owed this.

But...
Go to bed.

Now.

( sighs )

( wind chime tinkling )

Do you want a story?

It's wrong.

Who says?

God.

Yeah, well...

"Yeah, well," what?

Don't you want
to go to heaven?
Look around you, Damian.

We're on our own.

No one is smiling down
on us, Damian.

No one is looking out for us.

So we're looking out
for ourselves.

But, Mom...
Is dead.

She's dead, Damian.

You'll never
see her again.

And neither will I.

And the money is ours.

We'll take it to town tomorrow
and change it

and spend it--
do you hear me?

All of it.

Because it's ours.

( wind chimes tinkling )

( loud thud )

( louder thud )

( loud thud )

( gasps )

Shh.

I know you've got it.

It's mine.

And you're going to
change it tomorrow.

And that's a good thing.

Okay.

( dialing )

When you come back...

I'm going to call
you on this phone.

Open the front door.

Let me in.

And we'll take the money.

You won't have to
worry about it anymore.

Understand?

( gasps )

( sighs )

You make sure your
phone is switched on.

DOROTHY:
You take one side,
and we'll take the other,

and then swap.

RONNIE:
All right.

Okay, change what you can,

and what you
can't change, spend.

Have a ball!

You do realize

you just kissed
good-bye to the money?

RONNIE:
Come on. Let's
get cracking.

ANTHONY:
She's gonna run off with it.

You must know that.

Come on!
How can she?

She's got Damian.

She'll kidnap him,

hold him for ransom for
the rest of the money.

No, Anthony,
that's what you'd do.

Come on.

Okay, you wait here, all right?

( man whispering ):
It's mine.

RONNIE:
We'll have to change
more than this.

No!
What?

That's the whole point.

Do it in small amounts,

and no one will
be suspicious.

But look at the queue.
Look at the time.

We'll be lucky to get round
three banks at this rate.

You'll be lucky
to stay out of jail.

Go on.
What?

WOMAN:
It's just quite a lot
in the circumstances.

It's 5,000 quid.

It's the front half
of a Ford Fiesta.

Is this a bank
or a sweet shop?

What?
I need to wee.

Tell her that.

Can he use your loo?

I'm not sure.
Well, I'm not

queuing up again.

The poor kid's been
in here half an hour.

You must have a loo.

What do you do
when you need to go?

Okay, just this once.

You'll have to go here.

I don't really need one.

You little belter.

( laughs )

DOROTHY:
I just can't see why
it's so difficult.

I need to wee.

DOROTHY:
It's only the front half

of a Ford Fiesta.

As far as I'm
concerned, that's...

I need to wee!

ANNOUNCER:
Today is the day that Britain
enters the new currency era.

You must spend or bank
any remaining old money today.

It's now or never,

use it or lose it.

At midnight tonight,

it's euros only
for British business.

Well, if you say so,
business... businesses...

Now, what was your name?

ANTHONY ( whispering ):
Dad?

What?
I've got an idea.

What?
Dollars.

ANTHONY:
Change it into dollars now,

and change it
into euros whenever.

Actually, once all
the excitement's over,

the euro will most likely
drop in value,

so we'll probably get a better
exchange rate this way, too.

What?

Where did I get you?

( sighs )

They've got a
bank in there.

It stays open late.

You know everything.
You do, don't you?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

How did you know
about the bank?

Is this where
your mum worked?

In here?

You stay there then.
You'll be all right.

I'll come straight
back for you.

I'll do this one.

Okay?

Don't look.

This is where your mum
used to work.

Nice.

Best get a move on, huh?

Go on.

Damian, what are you doing?

Hey, what's up?

Did you think
I'd run off and left you?

Did you?

Well, I didn't, did I?

No, you didn't.

The bank's upstairs.

It's closed.

And I've had a much better idea.

Come on.

Let's go and stuff our faces.

Whoa!

( all shouting and laughing )

Oh, I could've had
my eye out.

Where are the glasses?

Damian wants to give his
to the poor.

Do you?

Of course,
they won't be poor anymore

once you've given it
to them.

What'll you do then,
take it back?

RONNIE ( chuckling ):
Speaking of which...

Right. Mystery activity.

Champagne.

Follow me.

DOROTHY:
A woman opens the door
in her nightie,

and I thought,
'Funny place to keep a door.'

( Ronnie and Dorothy laughing )

This is your fault-- this.

What is?

You don't even know, do you?

You brought her,

and you don't
even know.

What are you on about?

Can you hear
'em laughing?

Even he's laughing.
Listen.

( Ronnie chuckling )

RONNIE:
Very good.

( chuckling )

Once she's got
what she came for,

she'll piss off again.

Then he won't be laughing,
will he?

It'll all start again,
like when Mum died.

He'll be angry.
Maybe she, you know,
she won't.

She'll stay.

Oh, great. Much better.

Is that what you want?

Her in there with him
instead of Mum?

Why are you angry with me?

Because you
did it--

you and your
weird stuff:

chucking money away,
talking to yourself,

seeing things.

I don't.
I mean, maybe I do, but...

And me sticking
up for you.

For what?

The truth is,
you're a loony.

Don't say that, Anthony.

Please don't say that.

You're just a loony,

and you should be
locked up.

( phone vibrating )

POOR MAN:
Be at the front door
with the money in ten minutes.

( phone beeps )

*

Damian.

We were, uh...

I was just...

( doorbell rings )

Dad, don't answer it.

Dad, don't!

RONNIE:
What is going on?

DAMIAN: Please?
WOMAN:
See these little girls?

My girls.

These are the girls

that Santa
Claus forgot.

You're our last hope.

We haven't even got
our bus fare home,

because there's no point
in going back

if you don't help us.
They'll chuck us out.

Who is it?

MAN:
Excuse me.

Hedgehogs like these
need your help.

50% of families
with a chronically ill child

break up.

You may be asking
yourself,

"Why does Waterloo Station
need friends?"

Well, let me explain.

This is the middle
of the night.

This is a private house.

Who are you?

Will you get
out, please?

Do you mind just leaving?

Will you go? Go on. You
and your Hedgehogs, get out.

MAN:
It's two euros
a month.

I mean, it's-it's
absolutely nothing.

( all talking over each other )

Just shut up, will you?!

Damian?

Damian?!

( panting )

( police sirens blaring )

WOMAN:
This is the same donkey as he
looks after just a few months

in our sanctuary.

I-I think
you'll agree.

All right, love,
put him down. Shall we?

( people speaking indistinctly )

( panting )

OFFICER:
You'd better tell me
how this started.

I have no idea.

Someone must've said
something strange.

Digital?

Yeah, that's
right, yeah.

How do you find it?

I'm yet to
be convinced.

Well, you can come
and have a look

when you get rid
of that lot.

Mm-hmm, one step
at a time, eh?

Any chance of
a bit of toast?

You do that.

I'll have a look around.

Evening, lad.

( grunting )

You.

Where is he?

I don't know.

Huh?! Where is he?!

Upstairs.

( grunting )

( grunts )

Peaceful, isn't it?

Who are you?

Huh?

Who am I?

Who are you?

We're the police.

( wind whistling )

( train whistle blows )

DAMIAN:
Oh.

I know you're
only a dream,

but I don't care.

It's nice to see you

even if you're
just a dream.

The money just makes
everything worse.

I've got something
for you

from Reader's Digest.

Here.

You may have
already won

£10,000.

Please, will
you talk to me?

Five minutes, okay?

Now, don't interrupt.

I'm dead. I know what
I'm talking about, okay?

You need to use conditioner
on your hair.

Your dad won't think
of that,

but it makes
all the difference.

Me.

You are not to worry
about me.

You have been worrying
about me, haven't you?

I'm fine.

Anthony.

He seems to have taken it
better than you,

but he hasn't.

He's got a good heart.
He just...

He doesn't know where it is.

Damian?!

He's going to need you.
Be good to him.

Dad doesn't believe.

MUM:
Doesn't believe what?

Any of it. Anything.

He mustn't do or he wouldn't.

Couldn't you
talk to him?

He can't see me.

Mum, is it
because of the money?

In a way.

The money makes it harder
to see what's what.

( laughs )

You know that already.

Never really win with
those things anyway.

You just end
up with books

about the building of
the American railways.

It's her, isn't it?

Your dad and her.

Damian?

( sighs )

You know how complicated
the money was?

Well, people are even
more complicated.

You need to remember

that there's
nearly always

enough good around
to be going on with.

You've just got to have a bit
of faith, you know.

If you've got faith in people,
that makes them stronger.

And you...

You've got enough
to sort all three of you out.

Hey, that's

why I'm counting on you.

I haven't really been
worried about you.

I've just been
missing you.

That's allowed.

Are you really
a saint?

Well,

the criteria's very strict.

It's not just a case
of doing good and all that.

You do have to do
an actual miracle.

So...

I'm in there.
Of course I am.

What was your miracle?

Don't you know?

It was you.

Hey.

Aren't you gonna say good-bye?

Bye.

Did you see her?

What did she say?

She said to tell you
not to worry.

It's all gonna be all right.

She's looking out for you.

Come on.

( sighs )

DOROTHY:
Well,

it was fun
while it lasted, eh?

Look, there's no easy way
to say this, but, uh,

I put a bit to one side

for me
to spend.

You can have it back.

DAMIAN:
Dorothy, 6,310 euros.

All the best, eh?

RONNIE:
Dollars.

It's just a few grand.

DAMIAN:
Dad.

Ten, really.

DAMIAN:
$11,400.

RONNIE:
I was going
to tell you.

I sort of kept them by mistake.

DAMIAN:
Anthony.

I just enjoyed
having a wedge.

It wasn't really the money.

I just liked having it.

DAMIAN:
4,780 euros.

Dorothy wanted a holiday
of a lifetime.

Dad wanted to pay off
all his credit cards.

Come on, Dad.

DAMIAN:
Anthony wanted one Game Boy
Advanced XP,

one PlayStation 3,
a Shogun new BMX bike,

a Rakia 500 super quad bike,

Nimbus 2000
electromagnetic stair rider,

a tabletop candy floss maker,

an iPod, obviously,
an iBot, obviously.

ANTHONY:
What's going on?

Be patient!

And a stamp on it
hydraulic rocket

capable of attaining altitudes
of over 100 meters.

Three.

Two.

One.

( loud rumbling )

That's how Anthony would want
this diary to end,

with big piles of stuff.

But it's not his story.

It's mine.

( speaking French )

DAMIAN:
This is where I want it to end.

* Children's chorus
singing in French *

( cheering )

( chattering )

* All this for nothing

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Praying and hoping

* Fooling yourself

* You know that you can
give love a reason *

* Give love a chance

* We tumble and fall

* Together we crawl

* Forever we'll be

* Tumble and fall

* Heaven's above us

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Living in solace

* I give you it all

* Just for a day

* Just for a second

* Just for the way

* We tumble and fall

* Together we crawl

* Forever we'll be

* Tumble and fall

* Life's not the same

* Since that day you went away

* I recall

* Like the drops of summer rain
that fell on me *

* Come back to me

* Come back to me

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Yeah, yeah, yeah *

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Yeah, yeah, yeah *

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Yeah, yeah, yeah *

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Yeah, yeah, yeah. *