Original subtitles

[crickets]

[shouting]

[dramatic music]

Mal! Mal!

What?

I heard something outside.

So?

Sounded like people.

It's probably the kids.

You think the kids are wondering around

the garden at this time of night, you'd be fine with that?

Well, they're very mature, I mean Tina's almost 18.

Mal! Mal!

Jen, it's a new house, it's probably leaves

scratching against the window

or the air con's leaking or something.

[bumping]

[dramatic music]

Go and have a look

Hello? Anyone there?

[loud bang]

[gun click]

Hey!

Stop it right there.

Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

Oh, you're our new neighbor. Connie Roberts.

I'm Mal Pemberton.

Sorry I didn't get a good look at them.

Oh don't worry about them.

I gave them the fear of God.

Look, I'll call the police.

What? And stay up all night giving statements?

I don't think so.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

You mean you wake up in the middle of the night,

you come out and shoot burglars

and then you just go back to bed?

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Mal?

♪ Woah yeah, so long I've waited ♪

♪ Woah yeah, no time to waste ♪

♪ Woah yeah, unneeded reasons ♪

♪ Whoa yeah, to leave this place ♪

[rock music]

♪ Now when I was a young boy ♪

♪ At the age of five ♪

♪ My mother say I gon' be ♪

♪ The greatest man alive ♪

♪ But now I'm a man ♪

I can't believe she pointed a rifle at you,

it's terrifying.

Yeah, but I mean, you know, if that's how things are here,

How what things are here?

How people protect themselves, you know.

Oh no, you buy a gun, and I'm on the first flight home.

Jen, just a little one.

With the kids and whatever money's in the bank.

We'll hide it.

Where? The cutlery draw?

Somewhere out of the way.

And what good is that if there's a burglar

in the bedroom?

No, look I'm sorry, I know you've had a fright,

but there'll be no guns in this house.

The house where our children live.

Mal.

Man, you always go nuts when you don't take your pills.

That's bullsh--

It's all in your head.

All in your damn head.

Oh yeah, I'm just crazy?

You don't miss Troy at all?

You don't want me, you're just counting the minutes

until the next chump takes my place.

Why don't you...

Oh, hey Aiden, beautiful morning.

Hello Dorothy, it surely is.

I know you stopped taking your meds.

I told...

With the opening of the new cafe,

we're hoping to make a splash

on the Kissimmee culinary scene,

so our menu with include American classics

as well as British specialties

such as toad in the...

[knocks]

Excuse me, Tina from the Kissimmee Sentinel,

I don't think that's very professional.

I don't think Tina from the Kissimmee Sentinel

is getting paid for her mother to rehearse some

lame newspaper interview.

Does Tina from the Kissimmee Sentinel

want to eat dinner tonight?

You were saying, Mrs. Pemberton?

Since completely rebuilding the park

after it was struck by a twister

during the recent hurricane season,

we're eager to put a spin

on the RV park,

so we're calling the new cafe...

[Conan] I got muffins for breakfast.

Hi Conan.

He was never this early when he actually went to school.

How did you get in?

Babe, you don't know?

Isn't it great?

Oh yeah, wow, look, mum did you...

I was fed up of finding him scratching at the door.

That's a joke, I don't actually do that.

♪ Find yourself a girl ♪

♪ And settle down ♪

♪ Live a simple life in a quiet town ♪

Yesterday was arm day, so today is leg day at the gym.

I'll work out for a couple hours and make it back for lunch.

Or maybe just for today,

we could skip the gym and romantic lunch combo

and you could visit the career adviser.

Careers can wait.

Nothing beats spending time with your girl, right Fred?

I wouldn't know.

Believe me, Fred, you are gonna

meet that special person someday,

and when you know, you just know.

♪ So steady as she goes, ♪

♪ Here we go again, ♪

♪ You've found yourself a friend that knows you well. ♪

♪ But no matter what you do ♪

♪ You'll always feel as though you tripped and fell. ♪

Miss you already, babe.

♪ Steady as she goes. ♪

♪ Steady as she goes ♪

♪ So steady as she goes ♪

♪ Steady as she goes ♪

♪ Are you steady now? ♪

♪ Steady as she goes ♪

First day?

No, I've been wearing my invisible cloak

for the last six months.

Class, listen up, riddle time.

Where would I be if I saw Tony Soprano

eating a big apple for breakfast at Tiffany's

while dancing to the Beastie Boys?

Nobody?

New York!

Recently home to the newest addition to our class, Madison.

I'm sure you'll all give her a big Kissimmee High welcome.

Freddy, as most recent new student,

why don't you give her a tour of the school?

Mr. Pemberton.

Aiden.

I doubt Pastor Wilson, God bless his heart,

would approve of this new resident.

What, Marvin?

He's just paid six months rent in advance in cash,

so I'm a big fan.

Don't you find it suspicious

that this Marvin stays in his RV all day,

and doesn't mix with his neighbors?

Doesn't that depend on who the neighbors are?

And isn't six months rent a lot of cash

in this day and age?

Well, yes it is, and cash in hand is great.

Crime is rampant.

Violent crime, doubly so.

The tourist dollar, Mr. Pemberton, makes Florida a magnet

for unsavory elements,

and RV parks are the perfect hideout.

What kind of unsavory elements?

Robbers, drug dealers, escaped felons.

This is a sunny place for shady characters, Mr. Pemberton.

If you start smelling crystal meth fumes,

you'll know where to look.

Think you've been watching too many

reruns of Miami Vice, Aiden.

Well, don't worry about me, I can protect myself.

What do you mean?

I have a Smith & Wesson 500 in a cookie jar under my bed.

You got a gun?

Everybody does, Mr. Pemberton,

especially the bad guys.

Fiction here, non-fiction over there, philosophy,

social sciences.

What are you reading?

Me personally?

I'm reading something called The One Dimensional Man,

it's about how Consumerism trains us to act like robots.

In class we're just reading Of Mice And Men.

Put your tongue away.

Shut up.

She's pretty cute though.

Shut up, obviously not, she's weird.

I don't understand half of what she's talking about anyway.

You do know she got expelled from her last school

for sabotaging the outdated and sexist cheerleading team,

set fire to their pompoms.

No way.

Way. Which means she's far too cool for you.

Oh no.

What's up?

Oh, cups, cups, lids, lids, lids for the cups,

I meant to pick some up but this blooming interview,

it's got my head all over the place.

Can we not do without?

And the journalist wants to take a look

around the park with a takeaway coffee,

spills some and scolds herself,

that's a bad review already.

Jen, just calm down, I'm on it.

Oh Mal.

[News Reader] Home invasions are on the rise

in Southern Florida with a

record number of families reporting...

[click]

[2nd News Reader] The perpetrator is still at large,

having evaded local police

by cycling through a neighborhood...

[click]

[Radio Host] And next up the best value

beach resorts in Florida.

But first, the terrifying story of

an innocent family subjected

to a carjacking in Fort Lauderdale...

Jesus! Gimme some tunes!

[click]

[heavy rock music]

♪ Killing in the name of ♪

♪ Killing in the name of ♪

[phone rings]

Hiya.

No journalist. The Sentinel dumped our story.

A manatee at the marine park has had triplets,

the show-off.

[Mal] Ah, sorry love. Well, their loss.

Didn't even get to tell them the name of the cafe.

Are you coming back?

Mal?

Mal?

Yeah, I just got a couple of things to do first.

The Beretta 92FS,

a really accurate, durable, and reliable semi-automatic.

You tried one of these before?

Sure yeah, yeah plenty of times.

[gunshots]

[click]

[gunshots]

How'd she feel?

Feels good, yeah, you know, weight, grip.

Pistol over revolver for me every time, yeah.

You handle the recoil?

The recoil, yeah sure, yeah, I mean bit of a kick,

but nothing I haven't seen before.

'Cause to me it looked like you were struggling.

Well, you know, maybe I'm a little bit rusty,

but can I take it now because I'm in a rush?

I don't think so.

What?

Sir, every time you handle that weapon in the real world,

is a reflection on me and my judgment.

Frankly, that didn't inspire confidence.

I can practice.

Still a no. For your safety as much as anyone else's.

Listen to me, okay, this is America,

you sell guns to everyone, second amendment,

I mean surely that's the whole point.

There's no need to raise your voice.

I'm not raising my voice.

Temper is not ideal in a gun owner.

I need this for protection, for me and my family.

There's a Karate dojo two units over, try them.

[muffled gunshots]

So, this is one of our music rooms.

I'd never have guessed.

Mine got damaged somewhere between here and Manhattan.

What do you play?

A Squier, it's junky but I love it.

[guitar strum]

I've been working on some stuff too.

I'm used to my pedals and things, so...

You're not telling me you're a DJ, are you?

Just kidding.

Go on.

Okay.

[guitar plays]

Okay, check mirrors.

Check mirrors

Turn the wheel anti-clockwise.

Anti-clockwise.

And into reverse.

Into reverse.

[engine revs]

Tina!

I was so much better last week.

Happens to the best of us, babe.

Conan, why don't you go and grab us some sodas?

Good call, refreshments.

Back soon, babe.

I know he means well.

It's okay, I nearly strangled my old boyfriend

when he gave me driving lessons.

What old boyfriend?

Wayne Skinner. We were at sixth form together.

Not heard about Wayne before.

We ended up at different universities,

he went to Newcastle and I went to Birmingham.

And what, you just drifted apart?

Ooh no, we still sneak off for the odd

illicit weekend in Blackpool.

Mum!

Thing is, university finishes most relationships,

you're far away from one another,

you make new friends, it's...

Anyway come on, give it another go, check your mirror.

I've got it this time.

Okay.

[engine roars]

[tires screech]

[crash]

Tina!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

I don't think anyone saw.

What do we do?

Hey! That's my truck.

Oh no.

I'm so sorry, we're insured, we take full responsibility.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry.

It's hardly a scratch, are you okay?

Hey there, hey.

Oh, you're Mal's wife, from next door?

Um, yes.

Oh my God. I'm Connie. I see you've met Spencer.

Spencer, this is our new neighbor.

Oh, hi, I'm Jen. Nice to meet you,

this is my daughter Tina.

Hey, Tina.

Oh, pleasure.

Hey, we need to get you and Mal over for dinner.

Well, that would be great.

You will not regret it.

Tina, did you hit that guy's truck?

What, and you say the 9mm is easy to use?

[Man On Phone] Easy as falling off a log.

[door close]

-[Jen] Hi. -[Tina] Hi Dad.

Okay, nine o'clock, the Odyssey, Corner of West Palmetto.

[Man On Phone] They do great steak.

You're getting no water at all?

Yeah, no, a drop in pressure does sound like a leak.

All right, I'll be down and I'll take a look,

yeah, okay, yeah, bye.

Why don't we just call a plumber?

Because, my darling, you know how much

the residents love the personal touch.

Don't worry, won't be long.

[police siren]

[rock music]

♪ Nobody taught me I was born this way ♪

♪ No silver spoon to feed a 401k ♪

[Man] Mal!

♪ On Bourbon Street, the girls all scream ♪

♪ They calling out my name ♪

♪ I wanna be a white trash millionaire ♪

♪ Ain't got much and I don't care ♪

♪ Count your cash and kiss my ass ♪

♪ This whole damn world gonna know I been here ♪

Bang on time.

Be a darling, bring my good friend the menu.

Can't say you've been through the Odyssey

until you've tackled the 18 ounce tri tip special.

As much as I'd love to, I really can't stay.

Breaking bread is a civilized way of doing business,

or maybe you don't want this

beautiful little thing after all.

This is definitely legal, yeah?

Of course, the State of Florida allows purchase

between permit carrying citizens.

Easy there. This place is relaxed,

but they don't like busters waving pistols around.

Number one house rule, after no touching.

My friend, a gun is like a lover.

Really?

It's only good for one glorious night.

Some last a week or two, maybe even a month,

but this one, this one's a keeper, marriage material.

Right.

Take her home with you, see how it feels.

If you're not happy, I'll have her straight back.

Knew it. You've been eating the ice cream.

Bang to rights.

Thought I was going mad.

That must've been some leak at the park.

Um, no, it was to do with the tricky access, you see,

'cause the pipe ran between two trees.

It's fixed though?

Yeah.

Well I suppose you've earned it then.

Yeah.

Of course, absolutely, yes, yes, that's great.

Okay, see you then. Bye.

The Sentinel are back on.

I'm meeting the journalist in an hour.

That's great news, terrific.

Got to go and get the cafe sorted out,

are you gonna be all right?

Yeah, yeah, I got a few jobs to do round here,

and then I'll be down later.

All right.

Wish me luck.

Need to find a little hiding place for you, buddy boy.

It's cold! It's cold.

[tape ripping]

[gun clanks on the floor]

Brilliant.

[dramatic music]

Come on!

[lighthearted music]

Can't deny, this is a little stalkery.

No, never, I just thought you might want this.

It's a playlist, British music, indie bands.

So I don't need a restraining order?

Not just yet.

Okay, Mr. Underground, see what I think. Later.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

[Jordie] Hi Jen, this is Jordie

from the Kissimmee Sentinal,

We were meant to profile you today,

but there's a new crop of baby turtles

just arrived at the hatchery, so I'm gonna have to cancel.

Oh okay, thanks, bye.

[Jordie] Bye.

Bugger.

Just admit you're not taking your meds anymore,

I can tell.

I ain't gonna admit nothing that's not true.

You're just trying to distract me from--

Just take your damn pills!

Why don't you take them?!

[Dorothy] Because I'm not the crazy one.

I wrote you everyday you were in Iraq,

I told you I loved you three times a week.

I see Sid and Nancy are still going at it then.

Day and night.

Oh well, at least it'll give you something

to watch next time the cable goes down.

Mr. Pemberton, I am submitting a petition

to evict the tenant on Troy's old plot.

Evict Marvin? On what grounds?

Undermining the tone of the park.

What, and like it's sky high right now?

Aiden, no, how's Pastor Wilson signed this?

Because it's what he would have wanted.

Five signatures, it's hardly the will of the people.

Mr. Pemberton, I really wish you'd take this seriously.

He comes and goes at all hours,

and the lady on plot 19,

she swears she saw him on America's most wanted.

Is that before or after her morning daiquiri?

I think he has a gun.

So do you.

He's gonna kill us all.

[lighthearted music]

Wow.

Who knew the library was this big.

You went to this school for eight years.

Coach Anderson didn't like us coming in here.

So I've been checking out your options.

Just because your final grades were low,

doesn't mean you can't go to college.

College?

Mm, the university of American Samoa

has a sport science program.

Isn't that, like, far away?

What's a few thousand miles

when there's FaceTime and Skype?

Before you know it, you're halfway through the semester

and your looking at flights home.

We could find Elvis living on the park

and the stupid Kissimmee Sentinel wouldn't care.

Look, Jen, Jen, can we not linger tonight,

just I really don't know how much small talk I can handle.

So Mal, what is it you do for a living?

Back me up here, Jen,

penetration, it's not the be-all and end-all.

Well, no, I suppose not,

there are lots of other ways to, um, you know, um,

anything you'd like to add, Mal?

Mm.

Oh come on!

I thought Europeans were supposed to be like

more open about sex.

Well the Swedes maybe, but, you know,

the British struggle with talking about

this kind of stuff with people

that they don't know very well.

This isn't stuff, this is who we are as people.

Freud said that sexuality was the key

to unlocking omnipresence,

and that anyone who disdains that key

will never be able to unlock the door.

Mm.

Exactly.

Food smells great.

Oh my God, I almost forgot.

I gotta finish the sauce.

I'll go lend a hand.

It's so nice to get to know you guys.

So, Connie, you gave Mal a real fright

the other night with the uh...

Oh! Yeah, Spencer hates that I have a gun,

but otherwise what, you're just supposed to get robbed?

Not me.

I know what those scumbags were after,

come on, let me show you.

This is my personal spin on the traditional French recipe.

Can't wait to taste it.

First, I got to reduce down this heirloom tomato base,

it shouldn't take more than an hour.

Listen, I'm sorry if we were a little invasive before,

sometimes Connie forgets we're not like other people.

Spencer certainly doesn't look like a typical therapist.

I know, seems like his clients

like the less formal approach.

Is that what I think it is?

Yeah, Cannabis sativa,

Spencer finds it useful for some of his patients.

I smoke it, he bakes it.

Psst, Mal, when's the food gonna be ready?

Dinner's not gonna be ready for another bloody hour.

Oh God.

I know.

If I go to college, why not Miami?

Could be back home Friday night,

we could spend weekends together.

I mean do you really want me

to go to West Anchorage City College?

They have the best graduate employment record in the area.

What if I don't wanna live in Canada?

Anchorage is in Alaska.

Geography was my best subject, Freddy,

Anchorage is in Canada.

Look it up, dude.

What, let you win?

Dutchess was our first baby.

I've got a picture of her.

Ahhh.

Our little baby.

Ahhh look into her eyes.

Look into her eyes, Mal, who do you see?

Look deep into her eyes and who exactly do you see?

It's Tina.

Tina?

Wow, yeah, no, you're right.

And when did Dutchess die, Mal?

Just before Tina was born.

What if Dutchess knew when to go?

And what if she knew, right,

when it was the right time to come back to us.

[laughter]

You think Dutchess is reincarnated in Tina.

[laughter]

Encouraging your patients to reveal

their fantasies is a very liberating stage

in psycho-sexual therapy.

A moonlit glade, naked wood nymphs

peeping through Spanish moss.

Celine Dion's trumpets announce the passion of my arrival,

born by Bananarama,

I unzip the zip of your pencil skirt,

and the rest is a mystery.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Come on, Mal, we dance, come on, let's get the music on,

and go absolutely crazy.

Crazy bave, baby.

[thud]

[laughter]

Get up,

get up.

Shall we take Tina out for a little walk

like we used to take Dutchess out for a little walk?

[laughter]

What the hell is this?

[mumbling]

Are you two stoned?

Was he out here all night?

It's the least he deserves.

Well you thought it was hilarious yesterday.

Well I don't now.

In dad's defense he didn't--

There isn't any.

He's just trying to protect us.

Putting us in mortal danger

by sneaking a deadly weapon into the house.

He needs to be taught a lesson, Tina.

[snoring]

[squirting]

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop it, stop it, get off.

I'd leave you longer but I'm impatient for an explanation

and don't say you did it for us.

What is the point of all these clever fellas

If they're gonna start looking at an atlas?

That gun goes back right now?

Jen, I'm in agony here.

Are you gonna take that gun back?

Not yet.

[squirting]

Ow, stop it! It's already in the car! Stop it! Ah!

You can't be trusted with a real gun,

I just about trust you with a toy one.

[lighthearted music]

[phone rings]

[phone rings]

I'll call you back.

Mr. Pemberton, it's Ryan, Dorothy was right,

he hasn't been taking his medication,

and he's threatened to hurt himself if she leaves him.

[urgent music]

What are they doing now?

They were screaming and shouting and drinking whiskey,

they're breaking things.

Has anybody called the police?

No, and don't, 'cause Ryan says if they show up,

he'll kill himself and Dorothy.

All right, look, Aiden, I'm on my way.

[engine revs]

[police siren]

Oh brilliant.

Oh shit, shit, shit.

Look, I'm really sorry officer,

but I've got a bit of an emergency on at work.

Yeah, see, you hit someone at that speed,

and we got ourselves

an emergency right here, you understand?

Yeah.

License and registration.

You have any weapons in the car, sir?

Sir?

Actually, yeah, I've got a gun in the car.

Hey, keep your hands on the wheel!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Keep them where I can see them.

Mr. Pemberton, I am gonna write you up.

Is that for the speeding or the gun, chief?

How about wasting police time.

This does not qualify as a weapon in the United States.

Goddamn Brits.

What the?

Gimme five minutes!

He's taken her hostage.

He just blew his top.

[gunshots]

[crowd gasps]

The whole park is terrified.

What are we gonna do, Aiden?

Well I think I have just the thing you need.

Ryan!

Ryan!

Shut up!

Hi, it's Mal Pemberton.

Leave me alone, Mal.

I just want to chat, mate.

Dorothy says you haven't been taking your medication.

She wants to get rid of me!

No, she's worried about you, Ryan, I mean...

Why don't you want to take your pills?

Why don't you ask Dor'? Go ahead.

What's he talking about?

Well, um, with the pills, it hasn't been so easy to, um...

To what?

With the pills he, you know, can't be a full man.

[Aiden] You couldn't tie a stick to it.

Oh, oh right, I see, yeah.

That's normal, man, I mean, you know we've all been there,

I know I have.

I can't hear you.

Oh, um, I'm just saying, you know, that I've been there.

[chattering]

You know when you really want to, and you can't,

and you just feel so

[Aiden] Small.

Ashamed.

That's true, Ryan, sometimes I suggest other ways

for Mal to please me, and he even gets that wrong.

But, you have to remember that penetration

isn't the be-all and end-all.

Freud said that neuroses are the key to unlocking sexuality.

That's what I keep saying.

All right, thank you, thank you.

Ryan, we're blokes, and we get frightened and insecure,

and we find it hard to share our emotions,

but trust me, it's okay to get help with this stuff,

we all know that Dorothy still loves you.

Mal's right, baby.

You wanna find out what makes your relationship strong,

and you talk, and you work through it together,

like Jen and I, we talked and we worked through,

and that's how you're gonna get through, Ryan, I promise.

Come on, Ryan.

All right, you win, I give up.

[rock music]

♪ Now when I was a young boy ♪

♪ At the age of five ♪

♪ My mother say I gon' be ♪

♪ The greatest man alive ♪

Marvin, you're a policeman.

Yeah, and it ain't like me to forget my lunch,

must be all those night shifts,

at least I remembered to get dressed.

I said no cops.

Get back inside now. I said now!

Drop the weapon.

Dispatch, we have a hostage situation

in Kissimmee Sunshine RV park.

Suspect is armed and dangerous.

Marvin, it's okay.

Everybody back to their trailers.

It's just a bit of a misunderstanding.

Back inside. Repeat: Kissimmee Sunshine park.

Male holding female hostage,

send immediate backup.

Come out with your hands in the air.

No, please, there's been a mix-up.

Do not go in there! Do not go inside!

Mal!

What are you doing, Mal?

Going above and beyond the role of landlord,

now put that down and take this.

Trust me, Ryan.

[News Anchor] And finally, when role play goes wrong.

We have a hostage situation

at Kissimmee Sunshine RV park.

When I came upon the scene,

there was restricted visibility to the RV in question.

I was in the middle of an armed hostage situation.

Male holding female hostage, send immediate backup.

It's just some playful fun with a water pistol,

I mean look at this thing.

That's it.

Guns are dangerous. Toy guns even doubly so.

Mr. Pepper is so much more than just security,

he is a role model for our entire community.

And the fact that we have a resident policeman,

I would think, makes us probably one of the most secure

holiday destinations in Florida.

After the recent hurricane,

we wanted to put a new spin on the park.

We've opened a new cafe and we've called it

The Tornado Tea Room.

[News Anchor] Up next on Florida 67 News.

[police siren]

[rock music]

We would keep it, but I just bought a gun myself,

much bigger than this, like the one from Dirty Harry.

Smith & Wesson?

That's it. Between you and me,

Mal's not entirely happy, some men are a bit threatened

by a larger weapon, aren't they?

See ya, Jen.

See ya.

Come back soon.

[Jen] Come on, Mal, that's enough.

Now she's a keeper.

Oh yeah, she really is.

Jen, Jen, wait up.

♪ You got me rock and rolling like New Orleans ♪

♪ Cut off booze like damn you know it ♪

♪ Little bit a drink, little wink wink ♪

♪ Tell me what you think ♪

♪ I've been looking for a party like you ♪

♪ You get dancing, hearts get stolen ♪

♪ Love the way the night is going ♪

♪ Little bit a drink, little wink wink ♪

♪ Tell me what you think ♪

♪ I've been looking for a party like you ♪

♪ Yeah party like you ♪