Original subtitles

♪ It's a great feeling ♪

♪ To suddenly find ♪

♪ The clouds are silver-lined ♪

♪ When the sun breaks through ♪

♪ It's a great ♪

♪ Great ♪ ♪ Feeling ♪

♪ To walk down the street ♪

♪ See the folks you meet ♪

♪ Smiling back at you ♪

♪ As long as I've got someone to embrace ♪

♪ As far as I'm concerned ♪

♪ The world is such a lovely place ♪

♪ It's a great ♪

♪ Great ♪ ♪ Feeling ♪

♪ Your credit is nil ♪

♪ You'll never make a mil ♪

♪ Nonetheless I say ♪

♪ If you're in love ♪

♪ You're feeling great ♪

♪ If you're in love ♪

♪ You're feeling great! ♪

Just a few miles from Hollywood is the largest studio in the world:

The home of Warner brothers pictures.

This is the entrance to a world of glamour and enchantment.

Through these portals

pass the most beautiful trucks in the world,

bringing to the studio the many different things

necessary to produce a picture:

Equipment, costumes--

Everything, in fact, from an airplane to a hairpin.

It's just an average day in the studio for most of our people,

but it seems to be a special event for the director.

Mr. Trent's on the phone, Raoul.

Oh, Arthur.

You're my favorite producer,

and I'd do anything in the world for you

except that!

All right. Let's finish this clambake.

Yes. This is King Vidor. Put him on.

Have you made up your mind, king?

I've made up my mind, Arthur. Get yourself another boy.

I'm a director, not a butcher.

-Oh, Mr. Curtiz. -Yes?

Mr. Trent is on the phone again.

Tell him stop calling me.

- My third no is final! - Yes, sir.

Yes, Mr. Trent. I'll take care of it.

And, uh, David Butler is here to see you.

You're in, Mr. Butler.

Thanks, honey.

Come in, David.

I have great news for you.

Arthur.

Dave, I want you to know that Curtiz, Walsh, and Vidor

have been calling me all morning,

fighting to do this new picture I'm producing,

but I'm saving it just for you.

Well, thanks.

You're going to direct mademoiselle Fifi,

starring Dennis Morgan.

Great.

And Jack Carson.

It's been nice knowing you.

Yes, sir?

Have you talked any director into doing the Morgan-Carson picture?

No, sir.

It seems there's only one man in the studio

who'll direct a picture with Jack Carson in it.

We have to start shooting by Friday.

Whoever it is, get him.

But just a minute--

Get him!

Yes, sir.

Warner brothers started talking pictures.

Now it looks like they're gonna finish 'em, too.

I won't let them do it to me.

You know what it'd be like with that guy in charge of a picture?

Yep.

I love Carson. He's a wonderful guy, but he's such a big ham.

With him in front of the camera and behind the camera,

where would I wind up?

Yep.

He'll give himself every love scene with the girl,

every good line, every close-up.

The only thing the audience'll see of me is the back of my head.

Of course, that's better than the front of Carson's,

but at least I'd like my own mother to recognize me.

Yep.

What am I knocking myself out about a picture for anyway?

I always wanted to go to Broadway,

the theater, the thrill of an opening night.

Doesn't it make the blood pound in your veins?

Yep.

Well, thanks, Coop.

You've been a big help.

I have?

Yep.

Say the studio isn't really serious about letting Carson direct a picture.

Serious? They're mad about it.

I can understand that.

Jealous.

Well, well, well. Jack Curtiz in person.

That's the trouble with you actors, Ronnie:

No appreciation for what we directors do

to make you look good.

Oh, Morgan would love to hear you say that.

Don't think it's gonna be an easy job directing Dennis.

I love him. He's a wonderful guy,

but he's such a big ham.

What makes you think you'll have trouble with him?

Oh, you know how Morgan is.

He's always trying to get his face in the camera.

I may have to turn him around a little.

Uh, so you can get your face in the camera.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, now let me get this straight.

- You love Dennis. - That's right.

- He's a wonderful fella. - One of the best.

Uh-huh, but he's such a big ham.

The biggest ham in Hollywood.

- Good luck. - Thanks.

How are you, genius?

Hello.

He--

Oh, hello, Dennis.

I was just saying some nice things about you.

I know. I saw the razor.

Hey, wait a minute. You didn't finish my nails yet.

You got teeth, haven't you?

Hello, Mr. Morgan.

Hello, Agnes.

A New York haircut, nice and short.

Hey. Hey, wait a minute, Dennis, not too short.

Don't forget, we're gonna do mademoiselle Fifi,

about the gay nineties.

You and me, we need some of that fluff around our necks.

-Very short. -Yes, sir.

Dennis, as your director, I insist you look the part

or else we'll get you a wig.

Fine. While you're at it,

get somebody to stand under it, too.

Wait a minute.

Dennis, you can't quit the picture now.

-You can't do this to me. -Why not?

Because if you're not in it, they'll cancel the whole thing.

Don't be silly, Jack.

You're gonna be the director. You're gonna be the star.

You're gonna see the picture. It's a round Robin. You can't miss.

Yeah, but-- just a minute, please, huh?

Yes, sir.

Look, Dennis. I may as well be frank.

I'm broke. I need the money.

I'm building a house. I just bought a car.

I got to make this picture right now.

Money isn't everything.

All money brings you is unhappiness.

Yeah. Well, I got to get a hunk of that misery every week

or else the sheriff will get me.

I'd like to help you, Jack,

but I've got a deal for a New York show.

A producer's in town today from New York.

I'm running through some of the numbers for him.

Great score, too.

Why don't you, uh,

drop over to the recording stage later and eat your heart out?

Pretty soon, that's all I'll have left to eat.

I'm not a bit moved.

Tomorrow I'll be on the train heading east.

Yeah? Well, look for me. I'll be on the track...

Stretched across it.

Naw.

I can't do it. I need the money.

♪ I'm no music critic ♪

♪ Still I know the songs I like ♪

♪ And this bebop has got to stop ♪

♪ It's time to call a strike ♪

You're making a big mistake.

His voice will never get over in New York.

♪ So if there's anything ♪

♪ That you can do ♪

♪ About it ♪

♪ Give me a song with a beautiful melody ♪

He gets so far off-key, he needs a compass to get back.

♪ Play it with strings ♪

♪ Till it sings in my memory ♪

You need a trained voice for your show.

His isn't even housebroken.

♪ If it takes you way back to the past ♪

♪ It's the kind of a song that will last ♪

♪ And if the words to the tune ♪

♪ Seem to say what you're thinking of ♪

♪ Just sing the words to the girl ♪

♪ And she'll fall in love ♪

His really isn't such a bad voice. It's just a little delinquent.

♪ And when you're holding her tight ♪

♪ You'll find I'm as right as can be ♪

♪ She'll be glad that she fell ♪

♪ To a beautiful melody ♪

That's right, you phony tenor, trample it to death.

♪ And when you're holding her tight ♪

♪ You'll find I'm as right ♪

♪ As can be ♪

♪ She'll be glad that she fell ♪

♪ 'Cause she's under the spell ♪

♪ Of a beautiful melody ♪

You can't take him to New York after that, can you?

I should say not.

I didn't think so.

I can't even take my wife to Pasadena.

I'm the janitor.

Congratulations, Mr. Morgan.

You were great, and we'll sign the contract tomorrow.

Thank you very much.

And when you hit New York with that song,

it'll sweep the country.

Well, thank you, sir. Thank you.

Grace.

Here. Take this to Jack Carson's dressing room.

Oh, no. I'm too young to die.

Please, grace. Let me take Mr. Carson's lunch.

Are you serious?

I've been in Hollywood 3 months,

and I haven't had a chance yet to audition for a real director.

I got news for you. You're not getting one now.

Thanks.

If you're not back in half an hour, I'll send out a searching party.

Oops.

What's the rush, young lady?

I'm sorry, Mr. Greenstreet.

I was running to Jack Carson's dressing room.

That's a switch.

They're usually running when they come out.

Who's there?

Lunch.

Come in, lunch.

But you can't stop building now.

There's only one wall in the bathroom.

Look, I'll get the money.

I'll--I'll--

You want to buy half a house, combination sun deck and bathroom?

Look, uh, any time you're ready.

Unless you want me to eat out of your hand.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- This is a delicious lunch. - I wish it wasn't.

I better not get used to eating.

- Pot cheese and Sauerkraut. - Ugh.

- It's good for what ails you. - If it isn't, it'll give it to you.

Hey.

You're new here, aren't you?

Why, I've only been at Warner brothers a little while,

but I've been in Hollywood 3 months, 4 days, and 22 hours.

Native, huh?

It's so different from the little town I come from.

You've probably never even heard of it.

Gerky's corners, Wisconsin.

I never--I never heard--

I come from Milwaukee. That's only 14 miles from there.

Oh.

I'll never forget one Saturday night

in gerky's corners, I had the most wonderful--

What am I doing? I'm supposed to be depressed.

Well, I can't understand why.

You're a director and a famous actor.

Oh, I know if I ever get the chance to sing and act,

I'll be the happiest girl in the whole world.

Nobody's happy in Hollywood.

You get knifed in the back by your best friend.

Well, I know if I ever get the chance to sing and act,

I'll be the happiest girl in the whole world.

Uh-oh. I feel an audition coming on.

Look, bright eyes.

Would you mind leaving?

I'm not in the mood right now.

How long did you say you've been in Hollywood?

3 months.

You must've studied nights.

I've been in every casting office in this town,

and they won't even look at me.

This is the first chance

I've had to be alone with a director and show him what I can do.

And you're gonna listen.

Oh, listen.

"All right, Peter.

"Maybe I am nothing to you,

"a tramp you picked up in Lester square

"to throw away like an old shoe.

"But remember this,

I am a woman!"

Yeah. Well, that--that's great, kid, honest,

but you're barking up the wrong director.

You see, I won't have a job myself unless I figure out

some way to keep Dennis Morgan off that train

and get him to sign for the picture.

No. No. Don't leave us.

- What? - I'm not thinking of myself.

I know I'm dirt under your feet,

but what about the baby? What?

-Your baby. -My baby?

I don't even know her.

Even the lowest creature crawling on this earth

couldn't desert an innocent child.

Hey.

Wait a minute. Come here, kid.

The lowest creature crawling on this earth,

that's him. I mean, that's it.

Hey, you got something. What's your name?

Judy Adams, but if you don't like it, I can change it.

How'd you like to play a little scene for me?

Oh, Mr. Carson. You made me

the happiest girl in the whole world.

Wait a minute.

Get me the wardrobe, quick.

You do me this favor,

I'll give you a part in my new picture.

- Now. - Oh, Mr. Carson!

Ahem.

Yes?

My husband must never know.

Don't worry. I'll be the last one to tell him.

Really. If he knew I came here,

there's no telling what he would do.

Oh. That clears up everything.

- It's been nice seeing you. - But you don't understand.

I am Mrs. Jack Carson.

Mrs. Jack Carson?

Wait over there.

Go ahead. This is very interesting.

Jack and I were childhood sweethearts.

And last year when he came back to Wisconsin,

he swept me off my feet.

We were married in my home town, Gerky's corners.

Jack said we had to keep it a secret.

It would hurt his career.

Yeah, with other girls, the snake.

But we can't keep it a secret any longer.

You see, I'm going to have a...

No.

Yes.

A baby.

He doesn't deserve it.

And you shouldn't be standing.

Sit down and rest.

- Here. Take this. - Thank you.

When I phoned Jack last month

and told him he was going to become a mother--

I mean, a father, his whole attitude changed.

He became tender and kind, considerate.

It's hard to believe he's really human.

And then he sent for me to come to Hollywood,

started building a house with a little pink and blue nursery,

ran himself into debt.

And now the picture's been canceled.

There's nothing left for me to do but go back to gerky's corners.

Oh, you poor kid.

Whoa.

You know, when he told me he needed money and everything,

I thought he was just kidding.

Well, it may be my death warrant, but...

I'll sign the contract for the picture.

It's a good thing it's still here.

I'll see that you get that house and that little pink and blue nursery,

even though Jack will probably grab the room all for himself

and make the kid sleep in the basement.

Here.

Oh, thanks.

Go ahead. Go on. Go on.

This is Dennis.

I have something for the front office.

Will you send a studio messenger over right away?

Sorry I'm late.

Thank you.

It's getting late.

I better get these dishes back to the commissary.

Yes. I guess you'd better.

Hey. Nice going, kid. You were great.

Look, here's 5 bucks.

Load up on pot cheese and Sauerkraut.

You'll have to load up on plasma when I get through with you.

But, Dennis!

Wait a minute. I don't want this.

You promised I’d be in your picture.

Mrs. Jack Carson.

How stupid can a guy get?

- The wife and baby gag. - Yeah, but, Dennis,

you ought to thank her.

She gave you a chance to be directed by Carson.

Direct? You couldn't even teach Lassie how to act like a dog.

Oh, I don't know about that.

Where I come from a promise is a promise, Mr. Carson.

Pink and blue nursery, that's where I ought to be,

with a rattle in each hand.

I was so anxious to be in your picture,

I was even willing to help you double-cross Mr. Morgan.

Yeah. Believe me, Dennis.

I'll see to it that you're as good in this

as Jane Wyman was in Johnny Belinda.

She didn't even talk in that one.

Well, you can't have everything.

Now, you listen to me.

I've worked hard for this chance,

and you think you can brush me off with $5.00.

I'm sorry I fooled you, Mr. Morgan,

but I don't think very much of you

refusing to help your best friend.

I'm taking the next train back to gerky's corners.

What's with her?

What's she so upset about?

What'd you promise her to get her to do this?

You know, a part in the picture, the usual malarkey.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe she believed you?

Oh, how could she?

Everybody knows I'm a liar.

Maybe word hasn't reached gerky's corners yet.

Made me look like a heel, too.

Yeah.

That kid sounded like her heart was broken.

Oh, well. I can't worry about every girl whose heart I break.

I'd be staying up nights.

- Yeah. She'll get over it. - Yeah. Sure.

Hey. Maybe that's her or she.

Not that I care. Ha.

- It can't be her. - She said she was gonna

take the next train back to gerky's corners.

Hello.

Oh. Hello, Arthur.

Hello, Jack. Jane Wyman is here.

I just told her she was going to play the title role in mademoiselle Fifi

and that you were going to direct her personally.

It came as a bit of a surprise to her.

No. No.

That would be impossible.

Here, mommy. Take this.

Oh, thank you, Maureen.

Not without a complete rest.

Uh, suddenly called out of town, huh?

Well, I'll, uh, I'll get another leading lady.

I just talked to the boss.

If you don't get one by Friday, you'll be out of a job.

Uh, OK. By Friday.

Why don't you put on a girdle and play the part yourself?

I'm going up to the front office.

Maybe you can play my part, too.

Look, Dennis.

Dennis, you got to help me find a leading lady.

Look, we're pals, buddies.

When you first came to Hollywood

down on your luck, broke, didn't have what to eat,

who gave you your first square meal?

Salvation army.

- Well, who phoned 'em? - Who gave you the nickel?

It was a slug.

Look, Dennis.

You know Alexis Smith, don't you?

Yeah!

Well, couldn't you just talk to her?

No.

Dennis!

But, Dennis, wait a minute!

What about Eleanor Parker?

Jack, we might as well face it.

You're a wonderful guy, and I love you, but...

You're such a big ham.

Yeah. I know what you're talking about.

No leading lady in Hollywood's gonna trust her career to you.

What?

You're gonna have to find yourself some unknown kid,

somebody who doesn't know any better.

Of course.

Sit down.

Let daddy take over.

What? What are you talking about?

Mrs. Jack Carson.

You mean little miss pot cheese?

Sure. It's the oldest story in the world.

Big star steps out of part, little country girl takes over.

Little country girl becomes big star.

It's the great Hollywood fable.

Hey, Dennis. I think you got something there.

Yeah.

I'll discover her. I'll put her in a picture.

I'll direct her.

And that beautiful little doll will be grateful to me, very grateful.

Oh, no. I'll discover her.

I'll play the love scenes with her.

We'll rehearse at my house at night.

And she'll be very grateful to me.

Wait a minute.

She can't be grateful enough for both of us.

Uh, anyway, it--it won't work.

I mean, uh, those things just--

They just don't happen in real life.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I guess you're right.

I was carried away.

Besides, I think she was playing you for a big sucker.

Uh, yeah. Country girl, huh?

Probably works behind the third bubble

at the downtown burlesque.

Trying to con the two of us into a part in the picture.

A couple of smart guys like us, huh?

Ridiculous, isn't it?

A couple of smart guys like us.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I, uh...

Yeah.

I guess I'll get myself a glass of orange juice.

Yeah. I think I'll go get a glass of milk.

-See you later. -Yeah.

Good-bye. Now.

What time does the train leave for Prairieville?

Train 76 leaves on track 4 at 12:28,

arrives Kansas City at 8:02.

Transfer to Harvey junction, Missouri to C.C.G.& O.

Arrive Prairieville 4:32, Wednesday.

Take Harry's cab to the hotel.

Yes?

What's the fare to Gerky's corners, Wisconsin, please?

Why, the fare is--

Gerky's who?

Gerky's corners.

Miss, I've been on this job since 1932.

And I assure you

there's no such place as gerky's corners.

My mother will be very surprised to hear that.

I was born there.

Oh. Born, hmm?

Ahem. Well, just a moment.

Excuse me.

I haven't had this open in 15 years.

Gerky's corners. Gerky's corners.

"Gerky's corners, Wisconsin."

It's a blow, but you're right.

Well, what's the fare, please?

Fare? Mm-hmm.

"See schedule F."

Ah.

Gerky's corners. Gerky's corners.

Uh, double asterisk.

"See appendix D."

"D," hmm.

Circle, dot, square.

That means it's entered in special schedule listings.

Huh.

Here we are. Ahem.

Schedule...

Here we are.

Got the little rascal now.

The fare is $68.15.

Thank you very much.

I have just enough for my ticket.

Yes?

What time does the next train leave for gerky's corners, Wisconsin?

The fare is $68.15.

I don't want to go there. I just want to know

what time the train leaves.

I don't think this is my day.

Just a minute.

"F." ahem! Yeah.

Little asterisk...

Appendix "D"...

Circle-dot-square...

Hmm. Now...

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Gerky's corners...

It's still here.

Train leaves Los Angeles at 2:32 P.M.

In just 29 minutes.

Thanks.

Bon voyage.

Yes?

I'd like some information about the train for gerky's corners, Wisconsin.

The fare is $68.15. The train leaves at 2:32 P.M.,

and you have exactly 28 1/2 minutes to make it.

What track?

Why don't you go to San Francisco?

I don't want to go anyplace.

I'm just curious about what track it leaves on.

Curiosity killed the cat, you know.

Meow.

What track does it leave on?

Just a minute.

"F."

Ah... double asterisk...

Appendix "D"...

Circle-dot-square.

Why, you must be new around here.

Why?

You have to look everything up.

The train leaves on track 8, and don't you ever speak to me again.

It'll be a pleasure.

Yes?

Could you direct me to the washroom?

Train 67 on track 3...

Please, song for you, señorita?

Only 10 cent. We play beautiful song.

For 15 cents, we go away.

No, thank you.

Good. We are tired of playing anyhow.

The way we play...

Might cheer you up, though. Very funny.

Thanks, boys, but I don't feel like hearing a song now.

Judy.

I've been looking all over for you.

I want to explain about what happened in my dressing room.

You don't have to explain anything.

Wait a minute. Let him explain.

Sounds interesting.

What happened in your dressing room?

Would you gentlemen mind moving on?

Only 10 cents. We play beautiful song.

For a quarter, we go away.

It was 15 cents before.

15 cents, 2 for a quarter.

Here.

We got a good record, lady.

Don't louse it up.

Ha ha ha!

I don't blame you for being angry with me,

but when you hear what I have to say, I'm sure you'll be grateful.

Very grateful.

Chicago, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia.

Train leaving on track...

But why did Mr. Carson make all those promises?

You got to understand Jack.

There's nothing malicious about him.

He's really trying to be warm-hearted, generous, and kind.

You two really stick up for each other, don't you?

You bet we do.

It's not his fault that his personality's just a little...

Obnoxious.

You've really got something, kid.

Believe me, I've seen them come and go.

I'd like to believe you, Mr. Morgan,

but how do I know I'm not being fooled this time, too?

How do I know that you and the producer are like this?

If I'm not telling you the truth,

may I never see the light of day again.

Game called on account of darkness.

Don't believe anything this walking blarney stone is saying to you.

He and the producer aren't like this.

They're not like that, they're not even like that.

Look, Judy, I'm gonna be honest with you.

We can't guarantee that you're gonna be a star,

but we're gonna do everything in our power

to see that you get a break.

But I've been fooling myself.

I can't act.

- That hasn't stopped him. - It hasn't stopped him.

- I said it first. - No.

I'm going home and marry Jeffrey Bushdinkle

if he'll still have me.

But this is your big chance.

We write about this a thousand times.

"Star steps out of picture."

"Little country girl takes her place."

"Little country girl becomes a big star."

I mustn't listen to you. I mustn't believe you.

You've fooled me once before, and I mustn't let it happen again!

But we're on the level, Judy.

How can we prove it to you?

Uh...

Danny!

Danny!

Hmm?

He'll tell you. Can't we make her a star, huh?

- Aren't we always on the level? - Sure. Tell her about us, Danny.

Yeah, you hear that? What did I tell you?

But I'm just a little waitress.

No Hollywood producer even looked at me.

Well, that's because you don't dress the part.

All you need is clothes.

Isn't that right, Danny?

We'll get her an ensemble from top to bottom, from inside out.

Nice dresses.

That oughta do it, hey, Danny boy?

Boy.

Oh, that sounds wonderful.

I'll stay.

Oh, thanks, Danny! You convinced her!

Ohh...

- Did we make you miss your train? - Ha ha! How could you?

I am the train.

Oh, I've seen so many beautiful things, I don't know which to pick.

I'm having the same problem myself.

This dress would look wonderful on you.

We'll take that one. Have the young lady try it on.

Yes, sir. Come with me, dear.

Hey, what's the idea?

I don't like that dress on Judy.

Look, we have an agreement, haven't we?

Today, she's mine.

What I say goes.

Oh, all right, but tomorrow, she's mine,

and off comes that dress.

And I'll put it right back on her again Thursday.

Friday, I'll take it right off again.

Well, really!

You two boys ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Just think of what you're doing to that poor little innocent girl!

Oh, but, Joan, you-- You don't understand.

2 grown men acting like...

Grown men!

Why, Joan,

you don't think Jack and I’d take advantage

of a situation like this.

Are you kidding?

Uh, Joan, I told you. You don't understand.

I've never denied you anything.

Anything money could buy, I've given you.

But that wasn't enough, was it?

All right, things are going to be different now. Get out.

Miss Crawford, they aren't doing anything wrong.

Just a minute. Get out!

Get your things out of here before I throw them into the street

and you with them! Get out before I kill you!

Wh-what's that for?

I do that in all my pictures.

Sweet girl. Yeah.

Oh, I just love miss Crawford on the screen.

Yeah.

You know, I still don't like this dress on Judy.

Well...

You know, maybe we're wrong about the way we're handling her, huh?

What do you mean?

Maybe we shouldn't take her up to Trent's office.

He always likes to discover his own talent.

Running an elevator, behind a soda fountain,

dancing in a chorus.

The old Hollywood fable!

Hey...

I just got an idea!

I knew you'd make it.

I can't understand it.

I can't, either.

But there it is. Every girl I see

looks the same to me.

About 5'4", blonde,

and they all smile at me with that same sickening smile!

I think these lenses will solve your problem.

I certainly hope so, doctor.

I don't need an oculist.

I need an analyst!

Yeah, this ought to do the trick.

What?

Yeah, believe me, if she doesn't get the part,

she can always pick up a few extra dimes.

Oh.

Her name is Mclaglen.

She lives in the apartment below us,

and her boyfriend's a policeman.

Looking for Judy?

Well, I could change my mind.

Oh, don't bother with me. I've already had my career.

Judy's not in.

You got any idea where I could find her?

I'll break it to you gently.

Dennis Morgan, Hollywood bowl, stars shining, full moon.

Tch, tch.

You poor boy.

Wonderful of you to get tickets for the bowl.

This is as good a time as any to tell you, Judy.

I've got another ticket for you.

This is a railroad ticket.

To gerky's corners.

It would never have worked.

It started out as a gag and got away from us.

The 2 big brains, the starmakers.

Believe me, go on back home before you get hurt.

Do you think it would be the first time I ever got hurt?

I know it's gonna be tough, and maybe I'll never succeed,

but I've made up my mind,

and I'm an awfully stubborn person.

There are thousands of girls in Hollywood just as stubborn as you.

I worked in the 5-and-10 for 3 years,

8 1/2 hours a day, just to earn enough money

so I could take dramatic lessons from Mrs. Hoskins.

And I took singing lessons, too.

From... mr. Hoskins?

Go ahead and laugh, but he's pretty good.

I'll bet he could even help you a lot, too.

He probably could, but that's beside the point.

The odds are against you here.

Why don't you go home where they aren't?

Maybe I can't act, and maybe I can't sing,

but I want to find that out for myself, Mr. Dennis Morgan.

And if you don't mind, I'll buy my own ticket to the Hollywood bowl!

You win, kid.

Even if you don't get to be a big star,

Hollywood's gonna know it's been in a fight,

and I'm gonna do my best to see you get a break.

Oh, Mr. Morgan...

You've made me the happiest girl in the whole world!

Anybody around here seen Dennis Morgan?

You feel a draft?

No. Why?

A big wind just blew in.

Oh, Mr. Morgan!

Sticks and stones may break my bones--

Come on. We better hurry.

- Isn't Mr. Carson going with us? - Sorry. Only 2.

Hey!

Hmph! 17th row.

Lucky I got here in time.

Uh, I'm Jack Carson.

-Yes? -I'd like my usual tickets.

17th row! Ha ha!

Anybody want to use the field glasses?

Oh, no.

I'd rather guess at the whole thing.

Well, I'm glad they were sold out.

It's so much more... Beautiful from up here.

Except when the clouds get in your way.

You know, I kinda like this long-hair stuff.

I don't know. When I sit here listening to that Beethoven--

Wagner.

That stuff, I-- It does something to me.

Makes a fella feel like he needs a girl.

Um,

does it make a girl feel like...

She needs a fella?

All I can think of is how cold I am.

Wish there was some way to keep warm.

Yeah. Heh heh!

Maybe you'd like one of us to get your coat from the car.

Oh, that'd be wonderful, Mr. Carson.

Uh, yeah--

Allow me.

Why, Mr. Morgan!

It'll be a pleasure.

Well, as long as you're up, you're...

Closer to the parking lot.

Ha ha ha--oh!

Ha ha!

You're closer now.

All right, I'll get her coat for her...

And she'll be grateful to me,

very grateful,

if I get back soon enough!

Well, Judy...

Alone...

At long last.

Mr. Morgan, you shouldn't hold my hand.

What would Mr. Carson think?

What would Mr. Carson think with?

And besides, Jeffrey wouldn't like it.

Jeffrey?

Jeffrey Bushdinkle, my boyfriend.

Ha! Nobody's named Jeffrey Bushdinkle.

Except Jeffrey Bushdinkle.

You may not believe this, but he's really awfully nice.

If this were gerky's corners,

you know what we'd be doing tonight?

What?

We'd be down at Hansen's drug store

listening to the juke box.

And maybe even to one of your records, too.

That sounds like a song cue if I ever heard one.

♪ If all ♪

♪ My dreams ♪

♪ Are not about you ♪

♪ Blame my absent-minded heart ♪

♪ It's really quite regretful ♪

♪ That my heart is so forgetful ♪

♪ When you're away ♪

♪ It always seems to fall ♪

♪ Apart ♪

♪ If I ♪

♪ Don't show I'm lost ♪

♪ Without you ♪

♪ Blame my absent-minded heart ♪

♪ Did we meet in December? ♪

♪ There's so much it must remember ♪

♪ And if I haven't said I've loved you ♪

♪ From the start ♪

♪ Blame my absent-minded heart ♪

♪ If I ♪

♪ Don't show I'm lost ♪

♪ Without you ♪

♪ Blame my absent-minded heart ♪

♪ Did we meet in December? ♪

♪ There's so much it must remember ♪

♪ And ♪

♪ If I haven't said ♪

♪ I've loved you ♪

♪ From the start ♪

♪ Blame my ♪

♪ Absent-minded heart ♪

Uh, to coin a phrase, I hope I'm not intruding.

Oh, Mr. Carson, thanks for bringing my coat.

Hey, you won't need it now. You're warm enough.

Have you any future plans for the evening,

Mr. Casanova?

Well, we were going to Schwab's for a soda.

Aw, now, isn't that peachy?

I'll be glad to drive you.

-Oh, thanks. -Just a minute.

Heh heh!

What'll it be, folks?

I want a banana split

with chocolate-strawberry-vanilla ice cream,

lots of maraschino cherries,

and don't spare the whipped cream.

What?

- She must be on a diet! - Yeah.

I always had that at Hansen's drug store.

I'll have a pineapple soda myself.

- What about you? - I'm not drinking tonight.

Hey, uh, you think you could spare me for a minute?

I forgot about a phone call I have to make.

Don't be too soon.

I have a hunch he's up to something.

Aren't you?

Believe me, Judy,

all I want to do is arrange a screen test for you.

Really?

Really.

And if Jack had any sense...

Let's see who the brain is calling.

What? Oh, gee, Mr. Trent, you shouldn't talk that way.

I got my mother's picture in my pocket.

Oh, yes!

Yes, Arthur.

Yes. If you insist, we'll test the new girl

in technicolor.

Spare no expense, huh?

Oh, ha ha ha!

We're like that!

What are you trying to do, drive me into an early ulcer?

We're not making tests of unknowns in technicolor,

black and white, or pencil drawings!

Oh, no, no.

3 cameras will be more than plenty.

First thing in the morning, huh?

All right. We'll go right to the recording stage.

Recording stage?!

You won't even get on the lot!

And that's the way it is.

Well, I can't understand why.

Having trouble?

Oh, no, no.

Not at all.

Mr. Trent left word not to let Mr. Carson on the lot.

You and Trent are like this, hey?

This must be you!

Sorry, Mr. Carson. Those are my orders.

Yeah, look, Charlie, you got to help me.

Forget about what Mr. Trent said.

We're trying to give this kid a break in pictures.

We're gonna record her voice for a sound test.

Trent'll thank you for it when he sees it.

I got my orders.

Uh, never mind. I'll take over.

Now, listen, flatfoot, you heard my pal.

He wants to give the kid a break.

- Now, knock off and let him in. - I got my orders.

Come on now. Scram. Out of the way.

Listen, you don't scare me!

Come here, wise guy.

Just a minute.

Now look, Charlie,

I got a reputation for being tough.

Now, you got to do what I say. Otherwise people will start talking.

They'll stop going to see my pictures.

The studio will lose money, they'll close up shop,

shut down, you'll be out of a job.

I never thought of it that way.

Well, think of it that way, will you?

Go ahead. Go on.

Go ahead, get in there!

Now, look here! You're not gonna open

that big, fat trap of yours anymore, are you?

No, Mr. Robinson.

And my friends can go through, can they?

Yes, Mr. Robinson.

And smile!

Thanks, Eddie.

Ain't nothing.

What I won't do to keep my job.

Me, too.

That's fine, boys.

Now, the next number, we use the quartet.

Right over here, boys.

Um, hold it a minute, will you, ray?

Well, what is it now?

Don't get excited already.

Well, what is it?

I've just got some extra work for you to do, that's all.

Sorry, but I'm tied up with the Ernie Felice quartet for a while.

We just want to record a chorus of big, fat lie

with miss Adams for the test.

Sorry, Dennis. I haven't got the time.

Listen, Heindorf,

as the director of mademoiselle Fifi,

I order you to do it!

I won't do it! And if you don't like it,

you can take it up with Raoul!

Pardon me!

Are you the ray Heindorf,

the musical genius of the motion picture industry?

You boys know big, fat lie?

Yeah, we know it, ray.

Put her on the solo Mike.

Right. It's right this way, Judy. Here.

Here's a copy of the music.

A sheer coincidence.

What I'd like to know is this:

How could she possibly sing a song she never even heard before?

Do I ask that about your pictures?

♪ I kinda believed you when you said ♪

♪ Your nights were lonely ♪

♪ Till the day that I came by ♪

♪ But when you whispered that I was ♪

♪ Your one and only ♪

♪ That was a big, fat lie ♪

♪ I should've been wiser than I was ♪

♪ And seen right through you ♪

♪ But the moon got in my eye ♪

♪ That stuff about "I never lived ♪

♪ Until I knew you" ♪

♪ That was a big, fat lie ♪

♪ You must've started to fib ♪

♪ When you were wearing a bib ♪

♪ And such a habit's hard to break ♪

♪ A little lie is ok ♪

♪ But when you lie night and day ♪

♪ That's more than even I can take ♪

♪ You told me we ought to marry ♪

♪ And I let you sway me ♪

♪ Kissed my happy days good-bye ♪

♪ And when you told that man ♪

♪ You'd honor and obey me ♪

♪ That, baby ♪

♪ Was a big, fat lie ♪

You're no George Washington.

♪ An overexaggeration ♪

♪ Of a sober prevarication ♪

♪ Just a big ♪

♪ Fat lie ♪

Great! You were great, kid!

Just a second, actor.

I'm the director in this picture.

Didn't you like it, Mr. Carson?

Well, honey, the pear-shaped tones came out pear-shaped,

but the interpretation was all wrong.

How would you know?

Because she's supposed to be mademoiselle Fifi.

You know, French, Paris, folies bergere, l'amour.

When you sing,

I want to hear those post cards in your voice.

I'll run through it once more, ray.

All right, boys. Let's take it again.

Uh, just a minute. I want the full orchestra.

No offense, fellas. Just that my voice is so rich and full

that I need the full treatment. Ha ha!

Make those violins moan, huh?

Uh, they won't be the only ones.

Hey, sit down, Chuck.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-mmm.

♪ I kinda believed you ♪

♪ When you said your nights were lonely ♪

♪ Till the day that I came by ♪

♪ But when you whispered ♪

♪ That I was your one and only ♪

♪ Ho, ho, cherie ♪

♪ That was a big, fat lie, and you know that! ♪

♪ You must've started to fib ♪

♪ When you were wearing what you call a bib ♪

♪ And such a habit ♪

♪ Ho ho, that's hard to break ♪

♪ A little lie ♪

♪ That's ok ♪

♪ But when you lie night and day ♪

♪ That's more than even I ♪

♪ Me, I can't take that ♪

♪ You told me we ought to marry ♪

♪ And I let you sway me ♪

♪ Kissed my happy days good-bye ♪

♪ And when you told that man ♪

♪ You'd honor and obey me ♪

♪ That, ma petite ♪

♪ Was a big ♪

♪ Fat-- ♪

♪ That, baby ♪

♪ Was a big ♪

♪ Fat lie ♪

All right, Dennis. Now watch him synching.

I'll give you a snap when to start your action.

Let me hear that playback, will you?

Hey, clear the set, everybody. Got a lot of work to do here.

No, no, no. I wanna hear Judy's voice.

And, Judy, now, when you hear that song played back,

I want you to act like you're singing it.

- Ok. - And you, Dennis,

just act, or am I asking the impossible?

Uh, thank you very much.

All right, let's go!

Judy, listen to everything Jack says,

do exactly the opposite.

You'll be a big success.

- Uh, I'll take over. - It's all yours.

Wait, you can't run that camera! Wait for the crew!

We can't. No time to wait.

Press liable to find out about this any minute.

After all, what is this? Just a big brownie.

I haven't been making pictures for 10 years

without learning something.

Listen, you've been living for 30 without much improvement.

Listen, wise guy,

I'll handle my own camera, my own cue lights,

my own playback, my own equipment.

May--may I make my own entrance?

Yeah. If that's possible.

You're too kind.

Ok, boys, I'm rolling!

Speed!

Action!

I'll make this a screen test Hollywood will never forget.

Uh, oh, have you got my pills?

This is the third one today, Mr. Trent.

I'm pushing myself too hard.

3 pictures going at once...

2 more in preparation...

You ought to get away on a vacation

and forget about the studio for a while.

What's the matter?

For just a moment, you looked 5'4", blonde...

And you were wearing that same sickening smile.

Are you sure you feel up to seeing the test this morning?

We'll make a stab at it anyway.

Carson, French accent: ♪ I kinda believed you ♪

♪ When you said your nights were lonely ♪

♪ Till the day that I came by ♪

♪ But when you whispered ♪

♪ That I was your one and only ♪

♪ That was a big, fat lie ♪

♪ I should've been wiser than I was ♪

♪ And seen right through you ♪

♪ But the moon ♪

♪ Got in my eye ♪

♪ That stuff about "I never lived ♪

♪ Until I knew you" ♪

♪ Oh, ho, cherie ♪

♪ That was a big, fat lie, and you know that ♪

Mademoiselle.

Mademoiselle. Mademoiselle Fifi.

♪ You must've started to fib ♪

♪ When you were wearing a bib ♪

♪ And such a habit's hard to break ♪

What happened to his voice?

♪ A little lie is ok ♪

♪ But when you lie night and day ♪

♪ That's more than even I can take ♪

♪ You told me we ought to marry ♪

♪ And I let you sway me ♪

♪ Kissed my happy days good-bye ♪

♪ And when you told that man ♪

♪ You'd honor and obey me ♪

♪ That, baby ♪

♪ Was a big, fat lie ♪

You're no George Washington.

Ehh, what's up, doc?

Yee-hah!

♪ Ahh ♪

I think I can hear him applauding.

Oh, you're in, baby.

You know something?

Maybe I ought to change this contract to 600 a week.

But I'm not worth that much.

Mr. Trent.

Why, Trent'll come out of there raving about you. He--

We'll make it 700 a week.

Pardon me, please.

Well, maybe 600 is enough.

I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry.

- How about 500? - Cute.

You think I can get my job back at the commissary?

Oh!

Swedish maniac throwing the book at him,

and how that French killer can take it!

There he goes!

He's down again!

But not for long! He's right back up again!

What men! How do they stand it?

The crowd is going mad!

They wanted action, and they're sure enough getting it tonight!

Oh. Excuse me.

I--I get excited with these things.

I understand. I'm the same way myself.

Ooh! You can't tell me these matches are not on the level!

The Swede is really suffering!

You know, even though Mr. Trent had a nervous breakdown

and has to go away and the picture is canceled,

and they foreclose on your house...

I want you both to know I'm not discouraged one bit.

He's hitting the Swedish maniac with everything but the referee!

All right, so I'm a liar!

What if you can't be in that Broadway show

because they found somebody else to take your place?

You might've been terrible in it anyway.

I believe in looking at the brighter side of things.

Anything posing there tonight?

Down on the mat again, and they both got a hold.

Now what's gonna happen?

Uh-oh, what a switch.

Mr. Trent hasn't left town yet, you know.

Oh, if I could just get the chance to sing for him

with my own voice...

Oh, Nelly! He's really squeezing and putting it on!

But the referee wants to see what it's all about,

and nobody's gonna stop him.

He's right in there for a close look!

But maybe he looked a little too close!

He's getting squeezed himself!

He can take it, too!

Well, he got himself in that fix,

and it looks like he'll have to get out of it

the same way he got in.

But you can't give up.

You got to be like them,

the Swedish maniac and the French killer,

fighting to the finish for the honor of their countries.

The Swedish maniac and the French killer.

- 2 guys from Milwaukee. - Yeah. Named Sam.

They got to have that foreign buildup to draw in the suckers.

Otherwise, they wouldn't draw flies.

Yeah? Flies, they might.

I don't believe it.

If that was a fake, Hollywood wouldn't fall for it.

The French killer's weakening!

The Swede's got him--there he goes into a flying mare!

Hold everything!

Say something in French.

Uh, mademoiselle from armentieres.

That's great!

What's Arthur Trent looking for?

An established star for mademoiselle Fifi.

Ok, we'll give him one,

direct from Paris.

We'll change the color of her hair.

Her makeup. Her wardrobe.

Punching, biting...

They'll put the picture back on schedule.

I'll get my house back, my new car!

Vive la France! Ha ha!

His arm around the killer...

Here are your train tickets, Mr. Trent.

You have compartment "B," car 16.

You know, this'll be my first vacation in 20 years.

It'll do you good.

Pretty decent of the studio to pay my expenses east,

make my reservations for me,

tell me to stay as long as I like...

Who's trying to get rid of me?

Who wants to put the knife in me?

Why is everybody being so nice?

Mr. Trent, your nerves are getting the best of you.

Yes, I guess you're right.

It was awfully nice of the studio to arrange this trip.

But why so soon?

What are they trying to do to me?

Mr. Trent's office.

It's the Hollywood reporter.

Oh. Probably calling to say good-bye.

Hello.

Hello, Arthur.

Calling about a cable just received from Paris.

"Yvonne amour, star of comedie francaise,

"rumored secretly signed by Warner brothers,

"arrives Pasadena today

for lead in mademoiselle Fifi."

Say, I thought that picture was postponed.

The wolves are moving in.

My chair isn't even cold yet, somebody else is taking over my job

of producing mademoiselle Fifi!

I'll call you right back and give you the whole story...

Soon as I find out myself.

Let me have a half hour.

I promise I'll give you an exclusive.

I'll get the front office.

No. How do I know who's my friend?

How do I know who's my enemy?

Everybody's so sweet to me--

Please, Mr. Trent, better take another one of these.

Sometimes I even wonder about you.

Oh!

Get me publicity.

No, no, no. Publicity!

I don't know the number!

The telephone girls, too.

Yes?

Oh, hello, Arthur.

The stills on who?

Anybody ever hear of a French pastry

named Yvonne amour?

No. I didn't. Never heard of her.

You sure you got the name right, Arthur?

Oh, no, I'm not double-crossing anybody.

You're my favorite producer.

Publicity.

The wire service wants some background on Yvonne amour.

Yvonne amour again?

Just a minute. The papers wanna know

what time her train gets to Pasadena.

It's the New York office.

They never send us any of their releases.

Figure we can read it in the paper.

Arthur, we'll have the pictures over this afternoon.

Now listen, boys.

Send a couple of cameramen over to Pasadena.

We want some cheesecake on Yvonne amour.

You know, "I love America" with her legs crossed.

What'll I tell 'em? They want a biography.

Yvonne amour, born in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower.

- How do you know? - It's a big tower.

Her father, a colonel in the French foreign legion.

Killed 16 years ago in northern Afghanistan.

- Let's see him check that. - Mother?

A Russian ballerina. White Russian, of course.

So beautiful, 18 duels were fought over her.

Living?

Poor kid got caught in the crossfire.

So much for the facts. The rest you can make up.

Skorski's on the line. We throwing a luncheon for Yvonne amour?

What do you mean luncheon? A dinner, a party, the works.

We'll take over a whole soundstage,

hors d'oeuvres, champagne...

Call the French consul. Tell him we're having frog's legs.

She was born in the shadow...

♪ Fiddle Dee Dee, fiddle Dee di ♪

♪ All I can see are rainbows in the sky ♪

♪ Oh, fiddle Dee di ♪

♪ Fiddle Dee Dee, fiddle Dee di ♪

♪ Life is an all the year round Christmas tree ♪

♪ Oh, fiddle Dee Dee ♪

♪ I should worry, I should care ♪

♪ I should envy a millionaire ♪

♪ Chances are that he ♪

♪ Walks around and envies me ♪

♪ Fiddle Dee Dee, fiddle Dee di ♪

♪ Joy is a thing you never qualify ♪

♪ Don't ask yourself why ♪

♪ Be happy ♪

♪ Singing fiddle Dee Dee ♪

♪ Swinging fiddle Dee Dee ♪

♪ Swinging fiddle Dee Dee, fiddle Dee di ♪

Great, here they are now.

This thing's getting away from us.

Those cable crams were just to get an audition with Trent,

not to bring out the foreign legion.

Ooh la la!

How do we get out of here?

It's too late now.

We may all wind up in the Bastille.

I can't keep my eyes open.

My eyelashes are getting so heavy.

Hold your head back.

I do that, my wig starts slipping.

Oh, we're in trouble.

Mademoiselle amour, welcome to Warner brothers.

Oh, I love America.

Hold it, please.

Will you come with me, please?

Get in a little closer, fellas.

Pat, Eleanor,

may I present mademoiselle Yvonne amour.

Eleanor Parker, Patricia Neal.

How do you do?

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

We know you're going to be very happy in America,

working in pictures.

Ah, thank you.

Merci beaucoup.

Get a load of that accent.

We're in trouble.

You said that.

Yeah, but now we're in mucho trouble.

You'll love making pictures, miss amour.

Merci beaucoup.

Of course, you do have to get up a little early.

Around 5:30.

Mm-hmm, on the set by 8:00.

Makeup, wardrobe.

Those lights and those directors--

Oh, work, work, work.

Nothing to eat, you have to diet. Keep those hips down.

Mmm, no fun. Early to bed and early to rise.

Keeps your agents healthy, wealthy, and wise.

Ha ha, you'll love it.

Oh, thank you.

Merci, merci, merci--

Yeah, merci beaucoup.

We'll see you later, kids.

Poor kid.

They'll probably make her a blond.

Pardon me, pardon me, please.

Eh, mademoiselle amour, may I present Mr. Arthur Trent,

one of my favorite producers.

Oh, uh, likewise.

Ooh, likewise.

Eh, shall we all eat before we lose our bon appetit?

Yes, yes, yes.

Uh, mademoiselle amour,

may I present monsieur Andre Burnet

and a delegation of your countrymen.

Parlez-vous francais?

Uh, mademoiselle has a fine sense of humor.

Yes. And, uh,

in fact, she'd like to sing a song for you before we eat, shall we?

Oui! Oui, oui.

Oui, oui.

Ray, may I present Yvonne amour.

- Mr. Heindorf. - How do you do?

Her favorite song is caf rendezvous.

That song hasn't been published yet.

- Does she know it? - I studied-- I know it.

What?

She--she knows it.

Mademoiselle, caf rendezvous, boys.

♪ At the caf rendezvous ♪

♪ I was lonely, so were you ♪

♪ Your eyes, they dance ♪

♪ I wanted to ♪

♪ When we danced, I heard you mispronounce ♪

♪ Je vous adore ♪

♪ And after our first kiss ♪

♪ You mispronounced ♪

♪ Encore ♪

♪ it was morning in Paris ♪

I knew you'd be enthusiastic about her.

♪ To me ♪

♪ I was not sad ♪

♪ Because I knew ♪

♪ We will surely meet again ♪

♪ I know where and when ♪

♪ Tonight, I'll be waiting there for you ♪

♪ At the caf rendezvous ♪

Where did you say this young lady is from?

Paris.

-France? -Yeah.

♪ Oh, mon cheri ♪

♪ Je pense à toi toujours ♪

♪ Toujours l'amour ♪

♪ Ton amour toujours ♪

♪ Toujours l'amour ♪

♪ Toujours, toujours l'amour ♪

Je vous aime beaucoup.

Tu tais avec moi à Paris.

Ooh la l--

Mademoiselle!

I told you they'd make her a blond.

You were right.

Vive la France!

Well, it all happens at once.

The picture's cancelled,

Trent's leaving for New York, everything's finished.

Yeah.

Well, it's up to you to tell Judy the bad news.

Why me?

You got us into this, didn't you?

Hello, Mr. Carson.

Hello.

Who is that?

Her name's Mclachlan. She lives here, too.

Gee, I don't know what to say to Judy.

Hi, Judy.

Well, when do we eat?

We'll have dinner in about 5 minutes.

Come on in!

Yeah. Go ahead, Dennis.

No, no, you go ahead.

Grace is out getting the dessert.

Well, have you talked to the studio?

- Uh-- - Uh, dinner.

That reminds me of a joke.

One cannibal said to the other cannibal,

"what's cooking in the big pot?"

Yeah, and the other cannibal says, "dinner."

So the first cannibal says,

"anybody we know?" Ha ha ha!

So the first cannibal says, "anybody we know?"

Ha! Ha ha ha ha!

But have you talked to the studio?

Oh--oh, yeah, the studio, huh?

They loved you.

What about Mr. Trent?

Uh, oh, you really sent him.

Look, I know I messed it up.

But as long as you have faith in me, I won't stop trying.

I want you both to know I'm not discouraged,

not a bit.

Why didn't you tell her the truth?

She thinks she's still got a chance.

Didn't have the heart.

Why didn't you tell her?

Well, I got a heart, too.

But right now it feels like a lump of pot cheese

and Sauerkraut.

Hmm. Mr. Jeffrey Bushdinkle, gerky's corners, Wisconsin.

Don't read Judy's mail.

Oh, I'm not, but at least I can see where it's going, can't I?

Blow on it, you might steam it open.

Huh?

Oh, hello, Grace.

I--I'm just weighing it

to see if there was enough postage on it.

If you want to know what's inside, it starts off with "dear Jeffrey."

Yeah, we, uh, we figured that out ourselves.

What you didn't figure out is the rest of it.

I don't have to open that letter.

4 score and 7 years ago I wrote the same one.

I could've gone back to my hometown

and married a guy who was crazy about me.

But no--I wrote him and said I chose a career instead.

Hmm, some career.

"Lettuce and tomato on rye, hold the mayonnaise."

Yeah, but this is different. Judy's got talent.

We'll figure out something.

Why don't you two stop giving her that hokey routine?

She likes this Jeffrey Bushdinkle and he likes her.

I like Judy, too.

Oh, I like her very much.

From what I've gathered,

Jeffrey wants to marry her.

Yeah, but we can see that she gets fame and fortune.

You've got to make her go back home.

Oh, we can't do that. I tried that once.

Oh, of course she won't leave

as long as she thinks Hollywood is wonderful

and you two guys are knights in shining armor

doing everything to help her.

If we could make her think we're really a couple of heels.

Oh, now, Dennis.

How could we possibly do that?

Hey, that redhead.

- Who do you mean? - The one that lives downstairs.

You mean Irene Mclachlan?

Yeah. You can help us in this, Grace.

Well, sure, anything you say.

Now, look, here's what we'll do.

Dennis and I will go downstairs.

And when we get down there...

Ah, the caf rendezvous.

Where are Dennis and Jack?

Oh, they just stepped down to the patio for some fresh air.

There's plenty of fresh air in the balcony.

Well, they wanted it perfumed a little.

- What do you mean? - Shh! I hear them now.

We can get you in pictures.

Oh, you can?

Why, sure.

The producer and I are just like that.

Oh, Mr. Carson, it sounds too good to be true.

You've heard the story a thousand times.

Star steps out of picture.

Little country girl takes her place.

Little country girl becomes big star.

Your name in lights.

Houses, cars.

Oh, it sounds wonderful.

But how do I know you're telling me the truth?

The truth...

If we're not,

may we never see the light of day again.

Why, Judy.

I'm sorry,

but I wish it had landed on you.

And I thought you were both so wonderful.

The next man who tells me he can get me into pictures,

I'm gonna slap him right in the face!

I'm taking the next train back to gerky's corners.

Well, how does it feel to be a nice guy?

Awful.

- Oh, uh, Porter... - Yes, sir?

Uh, I'm in room "B."

I'd appreciate it if you'd keep it as quiet as possible.

I'm--I'm a sick man.

Yes, sir. I'll do my best, sir.

- Can I help you, miss? - No, thanks.

- I got enough help in this town. - Just a minute, please.

Thanks.

Good-bye, Hollywood.

You've heard the story a thousand times.

Star steps out of picture.

Little country girl takes her place.

Little country girl becomes a big star.

Your name in lights.

Houses and cars.

Of course it's not going to be easy.

May be a little rough at times.

A little rough at times.

A little rough at times.

A little rough at times.

♪ There's ♪

♪ Nothing rougher than love ♪

♪ Though poets may okay it ♪

♪ There's... Nothing tougher than love ♪

♪ I got a lot of courage to say it ♪

♪ Love at its best ♪

♪ Is strictly a thrill ♪

♪ Manufactured ♪

♪ Don't wait until ♪

♪ Your eyes start to glow ♪

♪ You'll wind up fractured ♪

♪ There's... Nothing rougher than love ♪

♪ No matter how you slice it ♪

♪ There's... Nothing tougher than love ♪

♪ But if you're gonna paradise it ♪

♪ You'll find, like me ♪

♪ It's worth all the tears ♪

♪ The doubts and the fears ♪

♪ The stormy weather ♪

♪ Hearts and flowers ♪

♪ All those torch songs after hours ♪

♪ Love is mighty rough ♪

♪ Once you fall ♪

♪ But there ♪

♪ Is absolutely ♪ ♪ Is absolutely ♪

♪ Nothing like it, but there ♪

♪ Is positively ♪ ♪ Is positively ♪

♪ Nothing like it, but there ♪

♪ Is definitely ♪ ♪ Is definitely ♪

♪ nothing like it at all ♪

♪ Love is mighty rough ♪

♪ Once you fall ♪

♪ But there ♪

♪ Is absolutely ♪ ♪ Is absolutely ♪

♪ Nothing like it, but there ♪

♪ Is positively ♪ ♪ Is positively ♪

♪ Nothing like it, but there ♪

♪ Is definitely ♪ ♪ Is definitely ♪

♪ Nothing rougher than love ♪

Aaaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaah!

What's the matter, lady?

Oh, you scared me awake.

Something wrong, miss?

We must have hit a bump.

I'm sorry.

Porter. Oh, this is terrible.

Porter, can't you do something?

My nerves are at the breaking point.

Mine's broken, but I'll do my best, sir.

♪ La la la Dee ♪

♪ Hmm hmm Dee Dee ♪

♪ If all my dreams are about you ♪

♪ Blame my absent-minded heart ♪

♪ It's really quite regretful ♪

♪ That my heart is so forgetful ♪

♪ When you're away ♪

♪ It always seems too far apart ♪

♪ If I don't show ♪

♪ I'm lost without you ♪

♪ Blame my absent-minded heart ♪

♪ Will we meet in December? ♪

♪ There's so much it must remember ♪

♪ And if I haven't said ♪

♪ I've loved you ♪

♪ From the start ♪

♪ Blame my absent-minded ♪

♪ Heart ♪

It is.

Why didn't Morgan and Carson tell me that face had a voice like that?

Mr. Trent, you'd better not say what I think you're gonna say.

I can get you in pictures.

You said it!

But--wait a minute.

- You don't understand. - Oh, yes, I do!

No, no, no, no, you don't understand.

She doesn't understand.

I'm not the kind of man who chases after girls!

You could have fooled me.

Miss, miss, please, you've got a great future.

You mean "little country girl becomes a big star."

My name in lights. Cars, houses.

- Yes, that's it. - Ooh!

But--but--but wait a minute!

Sir!

Should I tuck you in, sir?

Mind if I join you for lunch?

They won't deliver it to my dressing room anymore.

Hey, what's that you're eating?

Pot cheese and Sauerkraut.

Ah. She got you, huh?

No, no, no.

I just eat it because it's good for what ails you.

Oh. Uh-huh.

- Lots of vitamins in it. - Yeah. Lumps of vitamins.

Oh, let's think.

In a couple of hours she'll be Mrs. Jeffrey Bushdinkle.

A fate worse than death.

We'll never see her again.

Oh, it's only you.

Well, what do you want for 18.50 a week?

Virginia mail?

Everybody's a comedian.

No straight men left.

Except one.

-From Trent. -Hmm?

He heard Judy sing on the train,

and he's changing mademoiselle Fifi to an American girl.

He wants her to do the part!

Then the picture's on again!

I'll get my house. They'll unchain my car.

There's only one catch.

What?

She changed trains and he doesn't know where she lives.

But we know.

Gerky's corners.

-Hey, let's go tell her. -Yeah.

Let's uh, uh...

Let's not, huh?

Wouldn't work anyway.

She'd probably just spit in our eye again.

Ah, what's use of knocking ourselves out for nothing?

Yeah, it's ridiculous.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

A couple of smart guys like us, just silly.

Ha ha ha ha!

Well, I guess I'll go get myself a glass of orange juice.

Think I'll go get myself a glass of milk.

-See you later. -All right.

Sure this is the Adams' house?

Yeah, sure, this is it.

Hurry up. I've got to save a girl

from a fate worse than death.

Hello, stranger.

Let's keep it that way.

My friends, we are here on this occasion

to unite 2 young people in marriage.

Marriage is a foundation of the home

and of the family and of all of civilization.

If any of you can show good reason

why these young people may not lawfully be joined together,

let him now speak or forever hold his peace.

Go ahead, yell.

Tell her she can be a big star.

You tell her. You got here first.

Do you, Jeffrey Bushdinkle,

take this woman for your lawful wedded wife?

I do.

Do you, Judy Adams, take this man for your lawful wedded husband?

I do.

Then by virtue of the power vested in me

by the sovereign state of Wisconsin,

I pronounce you man and wife.

What can she see in that cornball?

Let her lead her dull little life

with her dull little Jeffrey Bushdinkle.

What some girls will go for.

He's got nothing.

Nothing.

♪ It's a great feeling ♪

♪ Your credit is nil, you'll never make a mil ♪

♪ But nonetheless I stay ♪