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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,100 - I'M GONNA GO SURPRISE BRETT 2 00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:05,430 AT HIS WEEKLY SHUFFLEBOARD GAME. 3 00:00:05,433 --> 00:00:07,333 - WOW. THAT'S SO ROM-COM OF YOU. 4 00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:10,003 - MOST OF US DON'T JUST GET TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT... 5 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,970 GET A COOL JOB, MEET A GIRL. 6 00:00:11,967 --> 00:00:14,097 - WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? - I SAW JANE 7 00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:16,930 WHO THINKS I'M A PIECE OF CRAP BECAUSE I'M A PIECE OF CAKE. 8 00:00:18,333 --> 00:00:20,133 - I DON'T KNOW, STACE, I FEEL LIKE MY LOVE LIFE 9 00:00:20,133 --> 00:00:22,473 IS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE ONE OF THOSE TIME LAPSE FILMS 10 00:00:22,467 --> 00:00:25,127 OF A ROTTING DEER CARCASS, YOU KNOW? 11 00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:27,403 MAYBE I SHOULD JUST LAY OFF GUYS, GIVE THE GIRL 12 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,670 A REST, LET THE FIELDS LIE FALLOW. 13 00:00:29,667 --> 00:00:31,367 - UH-HUH. 14 00:00:31,367 --> 00:00:32,767 - BUT THEN AT WHAT POINT DO YOU CROSS THE LINE 15 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,127 BETWEEN SOME HEALTHY TIME OFF AND BECOMING ONE OF THOSE 16 00:00:34,133 --> 00:00:37,103 CRAZY SINGLE LADIES WHO WANDERS AROUND WHOLE FOODS 17 00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:39,800 WITH A LONG BRAID PAST HER BUTT, YOU KNOW? 18 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,130 STACE? 19 00:00:41,133 --> 00:00:43,303 - YEAH, I THINK YOU'D LOOK GREAT WITH LONG HAIR. 20 00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:45,830 YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY GROW IT OUT. 21 00:00:45,833 --> 00:00:46,903 - WHAT? 22 00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:48,530 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 23 00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:49,903 - OH, SORRY. 24 00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:54,530 I'M DISTRACTED, I'VE GOT A LOT OF, UM, 25 00:00:54,533 --> 00:00:56,033 LAW SCHOOL STUFF TO DO. 26 00:00:56,033 --> 00:00:57,173 I SHOULD PROBABLY GO. 27 00:00:57,167 --> 00:00:59,167 IS THAT OKAY? 28 00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:01,597 - I THOUGHT WE WERE HANGING OUT TODAY, BUT SURE. 29 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,970 I GUESS I'LL JUST STAY HERE AND SWEAT OUT THE TOXINS 30 00:01:03,967 --> 00:01:06,127 WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY TOXIFYING. 31 00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:10,573 - OKAY, UH, SEE YOU LATER. 32 00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:12,067 - LOOK OUT! 33 00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,927 - OH! - SORRY. 34 00:01:13,933 --> 00:01:16,503 MY FRIEND'S NEW FIANCEE'S NOT THE BEST ATHLETE. 35 00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:17,830 BUT HE IS A STOCKBROKER, SO HE'LL BE GREAT 36 00:01:17,833 --> 00:01:20,073 AT BUYING YOU ANOTHER BEER. 37 00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:21,727 - NAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'M LIKE A GIRL SCOUT. 38 00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,133 ALWAYS PREPARED. HEH. 39 00:01:23,133 --> 00:01:24,903 PLUS I LOOK REALLY CUTE IN A BERET, SO... 40 00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:27,070 - OH, THIS HEAT IS INSANE, RIGHT? 41 00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:28,767 - OH, MAN, IF I SEE ONE MORE FORECAST 42 00:01:28,767 --> 00:01:30,467 OF A SUN WEARING A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES, 43 00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:31,627 I'M GONNA SHOOT MYSELF. 44 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:32,673 - DO YOU HAVE A GUN? 45 00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:34,067 BECAUSE I WOULD TOTALLY USE IT RIGHT NOW. 46 00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:37,067 I'M STUCK SOLO AT THIS AWFUL ENGAGEMENT PARTY. 47 00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:39,197 I SERIOUSLY FEEL SUPERIOR BEING SINGLE. 48 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,430 - SOMETIMES IT'S MORE ENJOYABLE TO JUST STAY AT HOME ALONE 49 00:01:41,433 --> 00:01:43,773 AND NETFLIX TOGETHER A STEVE BUSCEMI MARATHON. 50 00:01:43,767 --> 00:01:45,727 - WHOA, YOU LIKE STEVE BUSCEMI? 51 00:01:45,733 --> 00:01:48,573 OKAY, HE'S MY IRRATIONAL CELEBRITY CRUSH. 52 00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:49,967 - IRRATIONAL? 53 00:01:49,967 --> 00:01:52,167 OH, IF LOVING HIS SOULFUL, RED-RIMMED BUG EYES IS WRONG, 54 00:01:52,167 --> 00:01:54,067 I DON'T WANNA BE RIGHT. 55 00:01:54,067 --> 00:01:55,567 I'M TINA. 56 00:01:55,567 --> 00:01:57,497 - VANESSA--WELL, EVERYONE CALLS ME NESS. 57 00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:59,600 - HEY, IF YOU DON'T WANNA GO BACK OVER TO YOUR LOVE BOAT, 58 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,330 YOU'RE MORE THAN WELCOME TO STAY HERE 59 00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:03,373 AND MAKE FUN OF THE MARRIEDS. 60 00:02:03,367 --> 00:02:04,627 - OKAY. 61 00:02:04,633 --> 00:02:07,273 THANK YOU. 62 00:02:07,267 --> 00:02:10,097 LET THE MOCKING BEGIN. 63 00:02:15,467 --> 00:02:18,267 OH, HELLO, FUTURE HUSBAND. 64 00:02:18,267 --> 00:02:19,527 HE'S LIKE A PIRATE. 65 00:02:19,533 --> 00:02:22,103 BUT WITHOUT ANY OF THE SEXINESS OF AN ACTUAL PIRATE. 66 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,170 - NEVER DATE A DUDE WITH A BIRD. 67 00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:24,697 THEY USUALLY HAVE MOMMY ISSUES. 68 00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:27,070 AND EVEN IF THEY DON'T YOU STILL HAVE TO 69 00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:28,497 DEAL WITH THE BIRD. - [giggles] 70 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,770 - OH, HEY. - WHO'S THAT? 71 00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:31,697 - HE'S MY FRIEND. 72 00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:33,230 HEY, DUDE. - HEY! 73 00:02:33,233 --> 00:02:34,603 - WHAT'S UP? - NOT MUCH. 74 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:35,900 WHAT'S, UH... - [giggles] 75 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:37,500 - UH, HI, I'M JASON. - HI. 76 00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:38,700 - OH, SORRY. 77 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,700 - NESS. - NICE TO MEET YOU. 78 00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:42,200 SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS UP TO? 79 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,800 - OH, YOU KNOW, JUST ENJOYING 80 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,500 SOME LOCALLY SOURCED PIZZA MADE BY ALOOF ART STUDENTS. 81 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,070 - YEAH, TO ME IT'S NOT REALLY LOCAL 82 00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,797 UNLESS THERE'S A COW BY THE DUMPSTER IN THE BACK 83 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,170 MAKING THE MOZZARELLA, BUT I AM HARDCORE. 84 00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:53,327 - WE'RE ACTUALLY JUST KILLING TIME TILL WE GO 85 00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:55,603 SEE A MOVIE-SLASH- ENJOYING FREE AIR-CONDITIONING. 86 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,800 - OH, IS IT COOL IF I KILL TIME WITH YOU GUYS 87 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,670 BEFORE I GO DO NOTHING? 88 00:03:00,667 --> 00:03:02,567 - YEAH, TOTALLY. PLEASE, SIT. 89 00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:05,497 - COOL. 90 00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:11,500 - $32. AND IF YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT ALL THE ITEMS 91 00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,070 THAT YOU'RE BUYING THAT ARE NOT PREGNANCY TESTS 92 00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:16,127 ARE SIMPLY TO DETRACT ATTENTION FROM THE PREGNANCY TEST, 93 00:03:16,133 --> 00:03:17,333 THEN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MANY CONDOMS I SELL 94 00:03:17,333 --> 00:03:18,773 TO NERVOUS PIMPLY TEENAGERS. 95 00:03:18,767 --> 00:03:21,097 - UH...I'M PROBABLY NEVER GONNA TAKE THAT. 96 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:23,870 AH, I'M A COUPLE OF DAYS LATE, BUT IT'S NO BIG DEAL. 97 00:03:23,867 --> 00:03:26,167 I'M SURE MY CYCLE'S JUST OFF BECAUSE OF STRESS OR-- 98 00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:28,827 WOW, I'M DISCUSSING MY PERIOD WITH YOU. 99 00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:30,233 - LET ME FEEL YOU HAIR. 100 00:03:30,233 --> 00:03:32,203 I CAN TELL IF YOU'RE HAVING A BOY OR A GIRL. 101 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,570 - NO, THANKS. 102 00:03:33,567 --> 00:03:35,897 - YOU CAN ALWAYS DROP OFF SOME CLIPPINGS. 103 00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,900 I'M EXTREMELY ACCURATE! 104 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:41,900 - YEAH, SO I GUESS THE WEIRDEST CASTING SESSION 105 00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:43,900 I EVER HAD TAPE WAS FOR THIS CAT LITTER AD 106 00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,500 WHERE WE WERE TRYING TO FIND OLD ASIAN LADIES 107 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,670 WHO COULD MEOW. 108 00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:48,697 - NO WAY! I REMEMBER THAT SPOT. 109 00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:50,130 WHEN THE HUSBAND RUBS HER TUMMY-- 110 00:03:50,133 --> 00:03:51,403 - RIGHT. - AND THEN SHE SOFTLY PURRS. 111 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,400 IT WAS LIKE WEIRD NEW JAPANESE PORN. 112 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,130 - YEAH, I MEAN, AS A CULTURE THEY CONTINUE TO DOMINATE US 113 00:03:56,133 --> 00:03:57,373 IN MATH, SCIENCE, AND BIZARRE FETISHES. 114 00:03:57,367 --> 00:04:00,127 - OH, NESS, WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING 115 00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:02,203 IF WE WANNA SEE OUR MOVIE. - OH, WOW. 116 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,130 YEAH, IT'S ALMOST TIME. 117 00:04:04,133 --> 00:04:05,803 OH, GUYS, BEFORE I FORGET. 118 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,970 I'M HAVING A PARTY AT MY PLACE TOMORROW NIGHT. 119 00:04:07,967 --> 00:04:10,097 IT'S IN BUSHWICK, IT'S A LITTLE FAR. 120 00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:11,900 WE'RE KINDA LIKE PIONEERS OUT THERE. 121 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,830 BUT IT'S GONNA BE REALLY BIG, 122 00:04:13,833 --> 00:04:15,103 AND YOU GUYS GOTTA COME. 123 00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:16,370 - YEAH, IT SOUNDS GREAT. 124 00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:18,797 I MEAN I'LL GO IF YOU'RE GOING, TEEN. 125 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,500 - UH, SURE. 126 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:22,670 SOUNDS AWESOME. - COOL, GREAT. 127 00:04:22,667 --> 00:04:24,927 SO JASON, I WILL SEE YOU TOMORROW, I GUESS. 128 00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:25,933 - IT'S GOOD TO MEET YOU. 129 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,073 - COOL. - UH... 130 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,097 - ALL RIGHT. 131 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,570 - BYE. - BYE. 132 00:04:30,567 --> 00:04:33,497 - SEE YA. - BYE, TINA. 133 00:04:38,133 --> 00:04:39,833 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - NOTHING. 134 00:04:39,833 --> 00:04:41,973 JUST, UM... 135 00:04:41,967 --> 00:04:43,967 AM I GETTING FAT? 136 00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:45,497 - UH, YUP. 137 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,200 I DIDN'T WANNA SAY ANYTHING, BUT YOU ALMOST WEIGH ENOUGH 138 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,600 TO SIT IN THE FRONT SEAT NOW. 139 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:50,670 - [laughs] 140 00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:53,427 [door buzzer buzzes] 141 00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:57,900 - COMING DOWN. - HURRY UP! 142 00:04:57,900 --> 00:04:59,400 TELL STACE TO STOP LIP GLOSSING! 143 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,600 - PLEASE HURRY! 144 00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:06,227 - FRESHLY CUT CUT-OFFS. 145 00:05:06,233 --> 00:05:07,803 SOMEONE'S ALL FANCIED UP. 146 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,570 - YEAH, I WAS FEELING A LITTLE CRAFTY. 147 00:05:10,567 --> 00:05:13,897 SO NESS SEEMS COOL. - YEAH, SHE IS COOL. 148 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,230 I'M REALLY GLAD I MET HER. 149 00:05:15,233 --> 00:05:16,973 I DON'T REALLY HAVE THAT MANY GIRLFRIENDS. 150 00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:19,197 YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF HARD TO MEET NEW ONES AFTER COLLEGE. 151 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,800 IT'S LIKE BOOB SIZE-- ONCE YOU'RE 21, 152 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,670 YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH LOCKED IN FOR LIFE. 153 00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:23,927 - SO, LIKE, WHAT'S HER DEAL? 154 00:05:23,933 --> 00:05:25,473 - [sighs] WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WHAT'S HER DEAL"? 155 00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:26,967 WHAT'S YOUR DEAL? 156 00:05:26,967 --> 00:05:28,667 - UM, I JUST THOUGHT SHE WAS KIND OF CUTE. 157 00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:31,427 WHY ARE YOU BEING WEIRD? 158 00:05:31,433 --> 00:05:32,433 [door opens] 159 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,533 - HEY, PLAYAS. 160 00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:35,103 EVERYBODY READY FOR A TWO-HOUR JOURNEY 161 00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:38,270 TO THE UNMAPPED CORNERS OF BROOKLYN? 162 00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,167 - LET'S DO THIS. 163 00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:43,397 - LET'S DO IT. 164 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,070 - OKAY. 165 00:05:45,067 --> 00:05:46,627 MY LADY. 166 00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,800 - [sighs] 167 00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,070 - I THINK WE MAY BE THE FIRST PEOPLE IN HISTORY 168 00:06:00,067 --> 00:06:03,527 TO BE MAKING THE ELUSIVE L TO THE Z TRAIN TRANSFER. 169 00:06:03,533 --> 00:06:04,703 - I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT STATION THIS IS. 170 00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:07,200 IS THIS STILL AMERICA? 171 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,200 - I KNOW IT'S HOT AND THIS MIGHT BE A MIRAGE, 172 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,730 BUT I THINK I SEE BOBBY. - HEY! 173 00:06:11,733 --> 00:06:13,173 HOW ARE YOU? WELCOME. 174 00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:14,327 YOU MUST BE LOST 175 00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:17,303 OR AT LEAST VERY UPSET ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE. 176 00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,670 - HEY, BOBBY. 177 00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:20,167 IT'S RARE TO SEE YOU FROM BEHIND THE COUNTER. 178 00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:21,627 WHOA, YOU HAVE LEGS. 179 00:06:21,633 --> 00:06:24,133 - AND VERY HAIRY FEET. - THANK YOU. 180 00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:26,333 SO YOU ALL GOING OUT FOR ETHNIC FOOD 181 00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:28,773 TO CELEBRATE STACEY'S IMPENDING BABY TIMES? 182 00:06:28,767 --> 00:06:30,767 - [uncomfortable laugh] BOBBY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY. 183 00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:33,797 - DRINK UP BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO MY SISTER, 184 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,270 THE FIRST ONE REALLY HURTS. 185 00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:36,697 AFTER THAT, THEY FALL OUT EASILY. 186 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,870 PLOP. CONGRATULATIONS, BOSS! 187 00:06:38,867 --> 00:06:40,897 YOU'RE SUCH A NERD, I THOUGHT THE SPERM 188 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,470 WOULD NEED GLASSES TO FIND THEIR WAY, RIGHT? 189 00:06:43,467 --> 00:06:46,067 - WHAT'S HE...TALKING ABOUT? - OKAY, I HAVE TO GO. 190 00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:48,827 BUT STACEY, I'M VERY EXCITED TO SEE YOUR FIGURE 191 00:06:48,833 --> 00:06:52,073 WHEN THE MILK COMES IN AND YOUR BREASTS SWELL. 192 00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:53,467 GOOD NIGHT. 193 00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,400 - GUYS, I'M NOT PREGNANT, OKAY? 194 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,830 I JUST BOUGHT A PREGNANCY TEST. 195 00:07:04,833 --> 00:07:05,973 - WHY? 196 00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:09,667 - I GUESS BECAUSE, UM, I MIGHT BE PREGNANT. 197 00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,067 - WHOA! - HEY! 198 00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:12,327 - OH, BLACKOUT! - WHAT THE HELL? 199 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:13,503 - WHAT'S GOING ON? 200 00:07:17,433 --> 00:07:19,233 - WELL, WE ESCAPED THE DARKENED SUBWAY STATION 201 00:07:19,233 --> 00:07:20,733 WITHOUT BEING EATEN BY MOLE PEOPLE. 202 00:07:20,733 --> 00:07:23,073 - NOT WITHOUT BEING GROPED, THOUGH. 203 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,767 SOMEONE WAS SQUEEZING MY ASS LIKE THEY WERE 204 00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:26,267 SHOPPING FOR MELONS. - SO WHAT'S OUR NEXT MOVE? 205 00:07:26,267 --> 00:07:27,727 YOU THINK THE WHOLE CITY'S OUT? 206 00:07:27,733 --> 00:07:31,273 - [sighs] I MEAN, IT LOOKS LIKE IT. 207 00:07:31,267 --> 00:07:33,627 - WHAT DID YOU MEAN, "YOU MIGHT BE PREGNANT"? 208 00:07:33,633 --> 00:07:35,873 - I DIDN'T TAKE THE TEST YET, OKAY? 209 00:07:35,867 --> 00:07:37,367 IT'S AT HOME. 210 00:07:37,367 --> 00:07:39,067 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING, 211 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,767 BUT I CAN'T JUST GO TO A PARTY AND CASUALLY 212 00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:42,197 DRINK A RED STRIPE WHILE I'M WONDERING 213 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,570 WHETHER I'M A FATHER. 214 00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:45,397 WE NEED TO GO HOME AND TAKE THAT PREGNANCY TEST, BABE. 215 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,070 - HOW? THERE'S NO POWER, NO SUBWAY. 216 00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,967 - I'M GONNA FIND A CAB. 217 00:07:53,233 --> 00:07:54,673 - YOU OKAY? - MM-HM. 218 00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:56,127 - I DON'T KNOW, NEXT TIME I SEE YOU 219 00:07:56,133 --> 00:07:57,973 I MIGHT BE WEARING MATERNITY JEANS. 220 00:07:57,967 --> 00:07:59,627 - IT'S GONNA BE OKAY, STACE. 221 00:07:59,633 --> 00:08:01,433 JUST CALL ME AFTER YOU PEE, OKAY? 222 00:08:01,433 --> 00:08:02,803 - I ALWAYS DO. 223 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:06,470 [ambulance siren] 224 00:08:06,467 --> 00:08:08,667 [glass breaking] 225 00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,697 - IT'S GETTING A LITTLE MAD MAX OUT HERE. 226 00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:13,530 MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST BLOW OFF THE PARTY. 227 00:08:13,533 --> 00:08:14,573 - REALLY? COME ON! 228 00:08:14,567 --> 00:08:16,227 WHAT ELSE DO WE HAVE TO DO? 229 00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:17,633 I MEAN, WE COULD LOOT, 230 00:08:17,633 --> 00:08:20,233 BUT ALL THE GOOD STUFF'S PROBABLY GONE BY NOW. 231 00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,803 - ALL RIGHT, FINE. 232 00:08:24,367 --> 00:08:27,067 JUST DON'T HOOK UP WITH MY FRIEND, OKAY? 233 00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:30,697 - UM, OKAY. SURE, I WON'T. 234 00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:33,530 - OKAY, GREAT. 235 00:08:33,533 --> 00:08:35,673 DUDE, 20 BUCKS FOR A FLASHLIGHT? 236 00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:37,127 MAN. - YEAH. 237 00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:39,273 EVERYONE REALLY COMES TOGETHER DURING A CRISIS. 238 00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:46,700 - WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE LATE? 239 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,400 - BECAUSE I KNEW YOU WOULD FREAK OUT 240 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,530 LIKE YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW. 241 00:08:50,533 --> 00:08:52,533 - HOW LATE ARE YOU? 242 00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,373 - LIKE, A DAY. 243 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,397 PLUS SIX DAYS. 244 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,170 - A WEEK? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? 245 00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:58,567 DID YOU MESS UP ON THE PILL AGAIN? 246 00:08:58,567 --> 00:09:00,697 - NO. SOMETIMES I FORGET, 247 00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,070 BUT I ALWAYS TAKE TWO THE NEXT DAY. 248 00:09:02,067 --> 00:09:03,427 - WHAT THE HELL, STACE! 249 00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:05,303 TAKING THE PILL IS NOT LIKE EATING ALMONDS. 250 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:07,100 YOU CAN'T JUST MUNCH ON A HANDFUL 251 00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,570 WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT. - HEY. 252 00:09:08,567 --> 00:09:10,067 KEEP TALKING LIKE THAT, 253 00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:11,727 YOU WON'T EVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL AGAIN. 254 00:09:11,733 --> 00:09:14,433 [cars honking] - HANG ON, HANG ON! 255 00:09:14,433 --> 00:09:17,773 COME ON, GO, GO, GO, GO! YES, YES, YES, YES, YES! 256 00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:18,967 OH! 257 00:09:18,967 --> 00:09:21,267 OH, SORRY, DUDE, GOT A PREGNANT LADY HERE. 258 00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:24,097 - SHE DOESN'T LOOK PREGNANT. - SHE MAY BE. 259 00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:28,130 - OH, MY GOD. IT'S SO HOT. 260 00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:29,973 WHY DID I WEAR JEANS? 261 00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:32,227 YOU COULD COOK PASTA IN MY BELLY BUTTON SWEAT. 262 00:09:32,233 --> 00:09:34,903 - YOU JUST HAVE TO THINK COOL THOUGHTS. 263 00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:36,530 - SPIKE JONZE EATING SNO-CONES 264 00:09:36,533 --> 00:09:38,273 WITH WES ANDERSON. 265 00:09:38,267 --> 00:09:39,667 NOPE, STILL BROILING. 266 00:09:41,233 --> 00:09:44,303 - OH, FREE BLACKOUT CHICKEN. COME ON, I'M STARVING. 267 00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:45,970 - YEAH, LET'S GO STAND NEAR AN OPEN FLAME 268 00:09:45,967 --> 00:09:47,867 ON THE HOTTEST DAY IN RECORDED HISTORY. 269 00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:54,303 - OKAY, SO I DON'T REALLY CARE, BUT I'M JUST CURIOUS. 270 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:57,430 WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME TO HOOK UP WITH NESS? 271 00:09:57,433 --> 00:10:00,403 - I THINK NESS AND I COULD BE REALLY GREAT FRIENDS, 272 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,700 AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO SCREW THIS ONE UP. 273 00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:05,430 - WAIT, WHOA. "SCREW THIS ONE UP"? 274 00:10:05,433 --> 00:10:07,003 - VINEGAR TOMATO PASTE... - COME ON, JAY. 275 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,400 - OR WHOLE GRAIN MUSTARD? 276 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,800 - NO, DON'T "COME ON, JAY" ME. 277 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,400 UH, THE FANCY KETCHUP-- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 278 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,170 - OKAY, YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOOKING UP WITH GIRLS 279 00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:15,167 FROM MY FRIEND POOL-- UH, MUSTARD. 280 00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:17,127 AND AS SOON AS YOU'RE DONE HOOKING UP WITH THEM, BAM! 281 00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:18,403 THEY'RE NOT IN THE POOL ANYMORE. 282 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:19,870 IT'S LIKE YOU'RE PEEING IN MY POOL, JAY, 283 00:10:19,867 --> 00:10:22,367 AND THEY GO SOMEWHERE ELSE TO SHOWER AND BE MAD AT ME. 284 00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:23,527 - I DON'T KNOW - WHOLE WHEAT... 285 00:10:23,533 --> 00:10:24,803 - WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, 286 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,030 BUT THAT'S TOTALLY, UH-- THE WHEAT--RIDICULOUS. 287 00:10:26,033 --> 00:10:27,773 - IT'S NOT RIDICULOUS. WHEAT, PLEASE. 288 00:10:27,767 --> 00:10:29,127 YOU'VE DONE IT MANY TIMES BEFORE. 289 00:10:29,133 --> 00:10:30,803 - MICRO-GREENS, BABY LETTUCE? - BABY LETTUCE. 290 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,770 I HAVE DEFINITELY NEVER DONE THAT. 291 00:10:32,767 --> 00:10:34,027 - GIVE ME WHICHEVER GREEN IS SMALLER. 292 00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:35,373 YOU HAVE. 293 00:10:35,367 --> 00:10:36,627 - [sighs] 294 00:10:36,633 --> 00:10:38,133 - THANKS. - THANKS. 295 00:10:41,867 --> 00:10:43,397 WHOA! AH-HAGH! - BLAGH! 296 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,000 - GOD, IT'S SLIMY. 297 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,830 - GOD, IT'S TOTALLY RAW. I FEEL MOUTH VIOLATED. 298 00:10:46,833 --> 00:10:48,373 - WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL US? 299 00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:49,997 JUST 'CAUSE WE DON'T HAVE COOL INK? 300 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,030 - OH, GOD, THAT WAS LIKE BITING INTO A LIVE ANIMAL. 301 00:10:52,033 --> 00:10:53,403 I CAN STILL FEEL ITS PULSE RIGHT-- 302 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:54,770 A BUS. I NEED AIR-CONDITIONING. 303 00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:56,767 HOPEFULLY THEY'RE GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. 304 00:10:56,767 --> 00:10:59,127 - HOPEFULLY IT GOES PAST A HOSPITAL. 305 00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:03,067 [heavy beat club music] 306 00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:04,497 [kissing] both: MMM... 307 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:08,070 - WE SHOULD PROBABLY BUCKLE UP. 308 00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,897 - HOW COULD ANYONE BE SO HORNY AROUND SO MUCH AIR-FRESHENER? 309 00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,370 IT'S LIKE DOING IT IN A BOWL OF POTPOURRI. 310 00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:15,567 - LOOK, BABE, I'M SORRY I FREAKED OUT BEFORE. 311 00:11:15,567 --> 00:11:17,727 I WAS JUST SURPRISED. - IT'S OKAY. 312 00:11:17,733 --> 00:11:20,173 THIS IS SCARY. - I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT. 313 00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:23,397 AND ON THE TEENY-TINY CHANCE YOU ARE, WE'LL BE FINE. 314 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,470 THINK ABOUT IT. 315 00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:26,067 INTERRACIAL BABY-- GUARANTEED CUTE. 316 00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:27,527 - ERIC, COME ON. 317 00:11:27,533 --> 00:11:29,573 - IF IT'S A GIRL, IT'LL LOOK LIKE HALLE BERRY 318 00:11:29,567 --> 00:11:30,927 AND IF IT'S A BOY, OBAMA. 319 00:11:30,933 --> 00:11:33,533 NO MATTER WHAT, SWEETIE, IT'S ALL GONNA BE OKAY. 320 00:11:33,533 --> 00:11:36,173 - UH, I THINK IT WOULD BE A LOT OF THINGS, 321 00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:38,127 BUT OKAY IS DEFINITELY NOT ONE OF THEM. 322 00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:40,933 - OH, HO-HO-HO! - OH, I JUST SAW NIP. 323 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,730 - OH, GOD, DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DISEASES YOU CAN GET 324 00:11:45,733 --> 00:11:47,703 FROM EATING RAW CHICKEN? 325 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:50,100 AT LEAST WE'RE NOT DYING FROM HEAT EXHAUSTION ANYMORE. 326 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:53,100 - GIVE ME ONE EXAMPLE OF A TIME I RUINED A FRIENDSHIP FOR YOU. 327 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,630 - END OF FRESHMAN YEAR. 328 00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:56,433 YOU HOOKED UP WITH MY ROOMMATE SONYA GREEN 329 00:11:56,433 --> 00:11:58,173 AND THEN PRETENDED NOT TO SEE HER AROUND CAMPUS. 330 00:11:58,167 --> 00:12:00,097 - OKAY, FIRST OFF, I DIDN'T PRETEND NOT TO SEE HER. 331 00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,530 - OKAY, JAY, YOU ARE REALLY BAD 332 00:12:01,533 --> 00:12:03,903 AT FAKE TALKING ON THE PHONE TO AVOID SOMEONE. 333 00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:06,530 "HEY, UH, LARRY, IT'S ME. 334 00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:10,833 READY TO GO, UH, ROLLERBLADING IN THE BIG PARK?" 335 00:12:10,833 --> 00:12:12,403 AND THEN SONYA MOVED OUT, AND I GOT STUCK 336 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,400 WITH THE IRISH GIRL WHO WAS ALLERGIC TO THE SUN. 337 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,200 - OKAY, SONYA WAS A RANDOMLY ASSIGNED ROOMMATE. 338 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:17,470 THAT'S NOT EXACTLY A CLOSE FRIEND. 339 00:12:17,467 --> 00:12:19,397 - ALL RIGHT, WHAT ABOUT LILY TANOFF? 340 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,800 - I FOOLED AROUND WITH HER TWICE, 341 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,500 AND I STOPPED BECAUSE, TO BE FRANK, 342 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,270 SHE WAS PIERCED DOWN THERE, AND I COULDN'T GET PAST IT. 343 00:12:25,267 --> 00:12:27,127 LITERALLY, IT WAS LIKE A HOOK AND CLASP, 344 00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:28,533 AND YOU NEVER LIKED HER. 345 00:12:28,533 --> 00:12:30,103 - I LIKED HER! SHE WAS REALLY COOL. 346 00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:31,830 AND SHE WAS GONNA LET ME STAY WITH HER IN BERLIN 347 00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:33,173 UNTIL YOU DISSED HER. 348 00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:35,067 - HEY! YOU GOTTA PAY YOUR FARE. 349 00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:36,727 - NOT DURING THE BLACKOUT I DON'T. 350 00:12:36,733 --> 00:12:38,233 - THERE'S NO BLACKOUT EXCEPTIONS. 351 00:12:38,233 --> 00:12:40,073 NOBODY'S MOVING UNTIL YOU PAY. 352 00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:41,927 - KISS MY ASS. 353 00:12:41,933 --> 00:12:43,473 - OH, JESUS. - I'M NOT KIDDING. 354 00:12:43,467 --> 00:12:44,597 PAY THE DAMN FARE! 355 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,370 - SHUT THE HELL UP, BITCH. 356 00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:48,067 - THIS ISN'T GONNA END WELL. 357 00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,167 - THAT'S IT. EVERYBODY OFF. 358 00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:50,267 THIS BUS IS OUT OF SERVICE. 359 00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:51,927 - WHAT? - OH. 360 00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:53,173 - WHO'S THE BITCH NOW, BITCH? 361 00:12:53,167 --> 00:12:54,597 - OH. 362 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,930 NICE JOB, DILLWEED. 363 00:12:56,933 --> 00:12:59,473 - THE OTHER GOOD THING ABOUT MAYBE BEING PREGNANT 364 00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:00,927 IS, YOU KNOW, GIFT REGISTRY 365 00:13:00,933 --> 00:13:03,203 DOESN'T ALL HAVE TO BE FOR THE BABY. 366 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,400 YOU WANT A NEW Wii, YOU ASK FOR A NEW Wii. 367 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,500 - ERIC, STOP TRYING TO SPIN THIS. 368 00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,730 LOOK, I'M A LAW STUDENT, YOU'RE A MED STUDENT. 369 00:13:09,733 --> 00:13:11,733 IF WE HAD A KID, WE'D HAVE TO CHANGE 370 00:13:11,733 --> 00:13:13,103 EVERYTHING WE PLANNED. 371 00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:16,170 I JUST DON'T WANNA HAVE A BABY THAT I RESENT. 372 00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:18,327 - STACE, THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. 373 00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:23,073 - WE'RE HERE. 374 00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:27,397 - HERE. 375 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:28,730 - I CAN'T DO THIS. 376 00:13:28,733 --> 00:13:30,833 I CAN'T TAKE THE TEST RIGHT NOW. 377 00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:33,303 I JUST DON'T WANNA KNOW TONIGHT, OKAY? 378 00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:36,370 IF EVERYTHING IS GONNA CHANGE, I JUST WANT ONE MORE NIGHT 379 00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:39,627 OF HANGING OUT AND HAVING DUMB CONVERSATIONS 380 00:13:39,633 --> 00:13:42,203 ABOUT BAD NIC CAGE MOVIES. 381 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,870 - I UNDERSTAND. SO WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO? 382 00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:47,627 - I WANNA GO TO THAT PARTY. 383 00:13:47,633 --> 00:13:48,873 [door closes] 384 00:13:48,867 --> 00:13:50,597 - SIR, WE'RE GONNA DO EVERYTHING WE JUST DID, 385 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:51,800 BUT IN REVERSE. 386 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,330 - I'M SORRY, I'M NOT BUYING THIS. 387 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,633 THE ONLY REASON GIRLS STOP HANGING OUT WITH YOU 388 00:13:55,633 --> 00:13:57,073 IS BECAUSE I SCREW IT UP? 389 00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:58,567 I MEAN, MAYBE IT'S YOU. 390 00:13:58,567 --> 00:14:00,797 I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE YOU'RE KIND OF SELFISH. 391 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,400 - MAYBE YOU'RE KIND OF A DOUCHE BAG. 392 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,930 TELL ME HOW I'M SELFISH. - LET'S JUST FORGET IT. 393 00:14:04,933 --> 00:14:07,733 - GO AHEAD, JAY, SAY WHAT YOU MEANT. 394 00:14:07,733 --> 00:14:09,403 - OKAY, FINE. 395 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:13,170 YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN HUNG UP ON JANE FOR, LIKE, A WHILE. 396 00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:14,927 AND NOW THAT I FINALLY MEET A NORMAL GIRL 397 00:14:14,933 --> 00:14:16,433 WHO I COULD ACTUALLY LIKE, 398 00:14:16,433 --> 00:14:18,503 ALL YOU CAN THINK OF IS HOW IT AFFECTS YOU. 399 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:20,100 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 400 00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:21,470 THE THOUSANDS OF HOURS 401 00:14:21,467 --> 00:14:23,567 I'VE SPENT LISTENING TO YOU GO ON ABOUT JANE. 402 00:14:23,567 --> 00:14:26,197 "OH, SWEET JANE AND HER BEAUTIFUL EYES 403 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,770 AND HER GOLDEN VAGINA." 404 00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,067 YOU KNOW, MY ABNORMAL PSYCHE MINOR 405 00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:30,427 HAS NEVER COME IN SO HANDY. 406 00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:31,973 - OH, THAT'S NICE, THAT'S REALLY NICE. 407 00:14:31,967 --> 00:14:33,767 - YOU WANT ME TO MAKE IT NICER FOR YOU, JAY? 408 00:14:33,767 --> 00:14:35,427 BECAUSE IT'S NOT JUST GIRLS I'M FRIENDS WITH. 409 00:14:35,433 --> 00:14:37,233 IT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL GIRLS. 410 00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:39,373 YOU DITCH ME AS SOON AS YOU SEE A CUTE ONE. 411 00:14:39,367 --> 00:14:41,567 YOU GET BLINDSIDED BY BOOBS, AND I GET STUCK IN A CORNER 412 00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:43,397 TALKING TO SOME GROSS GUY WHO'S, LIKE, 413 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,170 "CHECK OUT MY THUMB RING." 414 00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:46,397 - OKAY, I'M SORRY, IT'S A LITTLE HARD 415 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,800 TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE GROSS GUYS 416 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,970 YOU DON'T LIKE AND THE GROSS GUYS YOU DO LIKE. 417 00:14:49,967 --> 00:14:53,367 - KISS HER, WUSSIE! - BLACKOUT NYC, SUCK A NUT! 418 00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:54,867 - I HOPE YOU FALL! 419 00:14:54,867 --> 00:14:56,227 - NICE BIKES, YOU HIPSTER TOOLS! 420 00:14:56,233 --> 00:14:58,133 YOU KNOW WHAT, JAY? DON'T TALK TO ME AT THE PARTY. 421 00:14:58,133 --> 00:15:02,403 - OH, YEAH, LIKE I WAS GOING TO THE PARTY TO TALK TO YOU. 422 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,070 AGH. 423 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,670 - LOOK, YOU'RE MISSING MY POINT. 424 00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:13,227 THREESOMES ARE ENVIRONMENTALLY SOUND. 425 00:15:13,233 --> 00:15:16,633 THEY'RE THE SEXUAL EQUIVALENT OF THE CARPOOL LANE. 426 00:15:16,633 --> 00:15:20,603 SO LADIES, WHO WANTS TO SAVE THE PLANET? 427 00:15:24,133 --> 00:15:25,773 - OF COURSE. 428 00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:30,227 OBVIOUSLY. 429 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,273 - OKAY, LET'S HAVE FUN. 430 00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:34,297 CAN WE-- CAN WE DANCE? 431 00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,830 SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? 432 00:15:35,833 --> 00:15:37,973 YOU WANT ME TO DO, LIKE, THE, UH, SASSY SNAKE? 433 00:15:37,967 --> 00:15:39,197 [hisses] 434 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,070 OR MAYBE THE PIGEON WITH ATTITUDE? 435 00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:42,597 YEAH! 436 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:43,870 PECK-PECK-PECK! PECK-PECK-PECK! 437 00:15:43,867 --> 00:15:45,627 - I THINK I NEED TO TAKE A PREGNANCY TEST. 438 00:15:45,633 --> 00:15:48,233 - NOW? - YEAH, NOW. 439 00:15:48,233 --> 00:15:50,303 I'M SORRY, I KNOW I'M BEING TOTALLY IRRATIONAL, 440 00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:51,570 BUT I THINK WHEN YOU MAY BE PREGNANT 441 00:15:51,567 --> 00:15:53,197 YOU'RE ALLOWED TO BE TOTALLY IRRATIONAL. 442 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,630 I WAS WRONG. 443 00:15:54,633 --> 00:15:56,733 I CAN'T HAVE ANY FUN UNTIL I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. 444 00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:59,873 - YOU ARE THE BIGGEST CUCKOO NUT I HAVE EVER MET. 445 00:15:59,867 --> 00:16:01,527 BUT I LOVE YOU. ALL RIGHT? 446 00:16:01,533 --> 00:16:02,533 I'M GONNA RUN TO THE BODEGA ON THE CORNER. 447 00:16:02,533 --> 00:16:04,703 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, ALL RIGHT? 448 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:12,067 - UM, OKAY, SO MOST EMBARRASSING SONG ON YOUR iPOD. 449 00:16:12,067 --> 00:16:15,297 - OOH, I HAVE SOME WEIRD AL I'M NOT PROUD OF. 450 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,730 - OOH, WOW. - HEY, YOUR TURN. 451 00:16:17,733 --> 00:16:21,803 OKAY, MOST OVERLY EMOTIONAL SONG YOU ONLY PLAY WHEN IT'S RAINING? 452 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,770 - UM, ACTUALLY WHEN IT'S RAINING AND I'M FEELING LOW 453 00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:29,067 I JUST PULL OUT MY ACOUSTIC AND PLAY SOME ORIGINAL JAMS. 454 00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:31,827 - OH, YOU'RE KIND OF LIKE A PRETTIER ALANIS MORRISETTE. 455 00:16:36,733 --> 00:16:39,433 - COULD YOU EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND? 456 00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:45,200 - UH, YEAH, YEAH, HI. NO, NO, SHE'S RIGHT HERE. 457 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,400 OF COURSE. 458 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,070 HI, LOOK, I HATE TO BREAK THIS UP 459 00:16:48,067 --> 00:16:51,127 BUT TINA, I'M ON THE PHONE WITH YOUR HUSBAND, LARRY. 460 00:16:51,133 --> 00:16:54,273 AND HE JUST CALLED TO TELL ME TO TELL YOU HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. 461 00:16:54,267 --> 00:16:57,227 YEAH, IT'S THEIR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. 462 00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,533 THAT IS HOW MARRIED THEY ARE. 463 00:17:02,067 --> 00:17:05,397 - YOU REALLY SUCK AT THAT. 464 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,830 - I'M SORRY, TINA. 465 00:17:11,967 --> 00:17:14,297 SO, UM, I'M GONNA GO STEP OUT ON THE BALCONY 466 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:17,100 AND AIR OUT MY ARMPITS. 467 00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:20,800 ORGANIC DEODORANT CANNOT HANDLE WHAT I AM THROWING AT IT. 468 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,600 - * CHILL B, BUT [...] THAT [...] * 469 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,630 * THERE'S A [...] TRYING TO KILL ME * 470 00:17:24,633 --> 00:17:27,273 * I'M POPPIN' IN THE [...] WHEN THE WIND BLOWS * 471 00:17:27,267 --> 00:17:29,697 * EVERY 20 SECONDS GOT ME PEEPING OUT MY WINDOW * 472 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:32,070 - HI THERE. SO SORRY TO INTERRUPT. 473 00:17:32,067 --> 00:17:34,797 - * CHECKIN' MY TELEPHONE FOR TAPS * 474 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,070 - DO YOU, UH, CARRY MEDICAL SUPPLIES? 475 00:17:37,067 --> 00:17:40,197 I WAS WONDERING IF YOU PERHAPS HAD A PREGNANCY TEST 476 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,770 IN STOCK? 477 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:52,770 - 18. 478 00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:54,327 - OKAY. 479 00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:56,973 - * I MAKE BIG MONEY, I DRIVE BIG CARS * 480 00:17:56,967 --> 00:17:58,367 * EVERYBODY KNOW ME 481 00:17:58,367 --> 00:17:59,697 * IT'S LIKE I'M A MOVIE STAR * 482 00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:01,070 * LATE AT NIGHT, SOMETHING AIN'T RIGHT * 483 00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:02,767 - GOOD LUCK, MAN. 484 00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:04,727 - * I FEEL I'M BEING TAILED BY THE SAME SUCKER'S HEADLIGHTS * 485 00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:06,973 * IS IT THAT FOOL THAT I RAN OFF THE BLOCK * 486 00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,570 - HEY! 487 00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:14,367 THIS IS GREAT, THE CANDLES MAKE EVERYTHING LOOK AMAZING. 488 00:18:14,367 --> 00:18:16,567 - THANKS, YEAH, I'M JUST LUCKY MY NEIGHBORS ARE WICCAN. 489 00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:18,067 THEY LOVE CANDLES. 490 00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:19,397 AND SATAN. 491 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,400 - MM. 492 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,800 - SO HEY, CAN I ASK YOU 493 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,070 A WEIRD QUESTION? 494 00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:26,327 IS EVERYTHING OKAY WITH JASON? 495 00:18:26,333 --> 00:18:29,273 - UH, YEAH, WHY? 496 00:18:29,267 --> 00:18:31,867 - IT'S JUST--I GUESS WE WERE KIND OF FLIRTING 497 00:18:31,867 --> 00:18:36,067 AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE WALKED AWAY AND BLEW ME OFF. 498 00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:38,827 - HE DID THAT? - YEAH. 499 00:18:38,833 --> 00:18:40,333 OKAY, ENOUGH BEING A FREAK. 500 00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:44,303 SOMEBODY NEEDS MORE DRINKS, AND HER NAME RHYMES WITH ME. 501 00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:52,227 - DUDE, I AM FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH LIGHT BEER 502 00:18:52,233 --> 00:18:53,733 AND OSTRICH SLIDERS. 503 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,073 HOW MUCH LONGER IS IT GONNA BE? 504 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,227 - IT'S JUST ANOTHER MINUTE. STACE? 505 00:18:57,233 --> 00:18:59,073 - I SWEAR TO GOD, SOMETHING BIBLICAL 506 00:18:59,067 --> 00:19:01,167 IS GOING TO HAPPEN IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN. 507 00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:02,827 CITIES WILL TURN TO ASH! 508 00:19:02,833 --> 00:19:06,173 - STACE, I AM DYING OUT HERE, BABE. 509 00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:07,567 - COME IN. 510 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,067 - YOU MIGHT WANNA BACK UP. 511 00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:19,827 - WHAT DO TWO LINES MEAN? 512 00:19:19,833 --> 00:19:21,603 ARE YOU--WHAT ARE YOU? 513 00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:29,127 - I'M NOT PREGNANT. 514 00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,433 - OH, GOOD, RIGHT? ARE YOU OKAY? 515 00:19:31,433 --> 00:19:35,233 - YEAH, IF BY "OKAY," YOU MEAN TOTALLY PSYCHED. 516 00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:37,103 IS THAT WRONG? 517 00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:38,500 - NO. 518 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,170 I WAS ABOUT TO START SINGING WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS. 519 00:19:40,167 --> 00:19:42,267 MUAH! YES! 520 00:19:42,267 --> 00:19:44,897 - YOU KNOW I PEED ON THAT RIGHT? 521 00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:48,070 - [from outside room] AAH! HOW IS THIS AROUSING ME? 522 00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:52,827 - IT'S LIKE A KILN IN THERE. 523 00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:54,073 - TELL ME ABOUT IT. 524 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,597 I FEEL LIKE I HAVE SOUP IN MY PANTS. 525 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,270 - FROTHY OR CREAMY? 526 00:19:57,267 --> 00:20:00,327 LISTEN, JAY, UH, I THINK YOU AND NESS 527 00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:01,873 COULD BE REALLY GREAT TOGETHER. 528 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,227 - IT'S OKAY, I DON'T-- - WHAT KIND OF UNSELFISH FRIEND 529 00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:05,773 WOULD I BE IF I DIDN'T LET YOU TAKE A CHANCE 530 00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:09,867 ON SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T HAVE SEX WITH IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR? 531 00:20:09,867 --> 00:20:12,497 JUST DON'T SCREW IT UP... LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. 532 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,170 - THANKS. 533 00:20:14,167 --> 00:20:16,867 I'LL TRY TO SCREW IT UP IN A NEW AND AMUSING WAY FOR YOU. 534 00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:17,797 - [giggles] 535 00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:23,397 OH, SWEET! - OH, WOW. 536 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,000 - FINALLY! - AWESOME. 537 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,570 OH, LET'S GO STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE AC 538 00:20:27,567 --> 00:20:28,767 BEFORE SOMEBODY ELSE DOES. 539 00:20:28,767 --> 00:20:30,727 - OH, I AM PUTTING MY ASS RIGHT ON THE VENT. 39675

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