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1
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,100
- I'M GONNA GO SURPRISE BRETT
2
00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:05,430
AT HIS WEEKLY
SHUFFLEBOARD GAME.
3
00:00:05,433 --> 00:00:07,333
- WOW. THAT'S SO
ROM-COM OF YOU.
4
00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:10,003
- MOST OF US DON'T JUST GET TO
FIGURE IT ALL OUT...
5
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,970
GET A COOL JOB,
MEET A GIRL.
6
00:00:11,967 --> 00:00:14,097
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- I SAW JANE
7
00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:16,930
WHO THINKS I'M A PIECE OF CRAP
BECAUSE I'M A PIECE OF CAKE.
8
00:00:18,333 --> 00:00:20,133
- I DON'T KNOW, STACE,
I FEEL LIKE MY LOVE LIFE
9
00:00:20,133 --> 00:00:22,473
IS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE
ONE OF THOSE TIME LAPSE FILMS
10
00:00:22,467 --> 00:00:25,127
OF A ROTTING DEER CARCASS,
YOU KNOW?
11
00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:27,403
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST
LAY OFF GUYS, GIVE THE GIRL
12
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,670
A REST,
LET THE FIELDS LIE FALLOW.
13
00:00:29,667 --> 00:00:31,367
- UH-HUH.
14
00:00:31,367 --> 00:00:32,767
- BUT THEN AT WHAT POINT
DO YOU CROSS THE LINE
15
00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:34,127
BETWEEN SOME HEALTHY TIME OFF
AND BECOMING ONE OF THOSE
16
00:00:34,133 --> 00:00:37,103
CRAZY SINGLE LADIES
WHO WANDERS AROUND WHOLE FOODS
17
00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:39,800
WITH A LONG BRAID
PAST HER BUTT, YOU KNOW?
18
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,130
STACE?
19
00:00:41,133 --> 00:00:43,303
- YEAH, I THINK YOU'D
LOOK GREAT WITH LONG HAIR.
20
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:45,830
YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY
GROW IT OUT.
21
00:00:45,833 --> 00:00:46,903
- WHAT?
22
00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:48,530
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
23
00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:49,903
- OH, SORRY.
24
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:54,530
I'M DISTRACTED,
I'VE GOT A LOT OF, UM,
25
00:00:54,533 --> 00:00:56,033
LAW SCHOOL
STUFF TO DO.
26
00:00:56,033 --> 00:00:57,173
I SHOULD PROBABLY GO.
27
00:00:57,167 --> 00:00:59,167
IS THAT OKAY?
28
00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:01,597
- I THOUGHT WE WERE
HANGING OUT TODAY, BUT SURE.
29
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,970
I GUESS I'LL JUST STAY HERE
AND SWEAT OUT THE TOXINS
30
00:01:03,967 --> 00:01:06,127
WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY TOXIFYING.
31
00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:10,573
- OKAY, UH,
SEE YOU LATER.
32
00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:12,067
- LOOK OUT!
33
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,927
- OH!
- SORRY.
34
00:01:13,933 --> 00:01:16,503
MY FRIEND'S NEW FIANCEE'S
NOT THE BEST ATHLETE.
35
00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:17,830
BUT HE IS A STOCKBROKER,
SO HE'LL BE GREAT
36
00:01:17,833 --> 00:01:20,073
AT BUYING YOU ANOTHER BEER.
37
00:01:20,067 --> 00:01:21,727
- NAH, IT'S ALL RIGHT,
I'M LIKE A GIRL SCOUT.
38
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,133
ALWAYS PREPARED.
HEH.
39
00:01:23,133 --> 00:01:24,903
PLUS I LOOK REALLY CUTE
IN A BERET, SO...
40
00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:27,070
- OH, THIS HEAT
IS INSANE, RIGHT?
41
00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:28,767
- OH, MAN,
IF I SEE ONE MORE FORECAST
42
00:01:28,767 --> 00:01:30,467
OF A SUN WEARING
A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES,
43
00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:31,627
I'M GONNA SHOOT MYSELF.
44
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:32,673
- DO YOU HAVE A GUN?
45
00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:34,067
BECAUSE I WOULD
TOTALLY USE IT RIGHT NOW.
46
00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:37,067
I'M STUCK SOLO
AT THIS AWFUL ENGAGEMENT PARTY.
47
00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:39,197
I SERIOUSLY
FEEL SUPERIOR BEING SINGLE.
48
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,430
- SOMETIMES IT'S MORE ENJOYABLE
TO JUST STAY AT HOME ALONE
49
00:01:41,433 --> 00:01:43,773
AND NETFLIX TOGETHER
A STEVE BUSCEMI MARATHON.
50
00:01:43,767 --> 00:01:45,727
- WHOA, YOU LIKE STEVE BUSCEMI?
51
00:01:45,733 --> 00:01:48,573
OKAY, HE'S MY IRRATIONAL
CELEBRITY CRUSH.
52
00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:49,967
- IRRATIONAL?
53
00:01:49,967 --> 00:01:52,167
OH, IF LOVING HIS SOULFUL,
RED-RIMMED BUG EYES IS WRONG,
54
00:01:52,167 --> 00:01:54,067
I DON'T WANNA BE RIGHT.
55
00:01:54,067 --> 00:01:55,567
I'M TINA.
56
00:01:55,567 --> 00:01:57,497
- VANESSA--WELL,
EVERYONE CALLS ME NESS.
57
00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:59,600
- HEY, IF YOU DON'T WANNA
GO BACK OVER TO YOUR LOVE BOAT,
58
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,330
YOU'RE MORE THAN WELCOME
TO STAY HERE
59
00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:03,373
AND MAKE FUN
OF THE MARRIEDS.
60
00:02:03,367 --> 00:02:04,627
- OKAY.
61
00:02:04,633 --> 00:02:07,273
THANK YOU.
62
00:02:07,267 --> 00:02:10,097
LET THE MOCKING BEGIN.
63
00:02:15,467 --> 00:02:18,267
OH, HELLO, FUTURE HUSBAND.
64
00:02:18,267 --> 00:02:19,527
HE'S LIKE A PIRATE.
65
00:02:19,533 --> 00:02:22,103
BUT WITHOUT ANY OF THE SEXINESS
OF AN ACTUAL PIRATE.
66
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,170
- NEVER DATE A DUDE
WITH A BIRD.
67
00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:24,697
THEY USUALLY
HAVE MOMMY ISSUES.
68
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:27,070
AND EVEN IF THEY DON'T
YOU STILL HAVE TO
69
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:28,497
DEAL WITH THE BIRD.
- [giggles]
70
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,770
- OH, HEY.
- WHO'S THAT?
71
00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:31,697
- HE'S MY FRIEND.
72
00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:33,230
HEY, DUDE.
- HEY!
73
00:02:33,233 --> 00:02:34,603
- WHAT'S UP?
- NOT MUCH.
74
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:35,900
WHAT'S, UH...
- [giggles]
75
00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:37,500
- UH, HI, I'M JASON.
- HI.
76
00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:38,700
- OH, SORRY.
77
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,700
- NESS.
- NICE TO MEET YOU.
78
00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:42,200
SO WHAT ARE
YOU GUYS UP TO?
79
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,800
- OH, YOU KNOW, JUST ENJOYING
80
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:46,500
SOME LOCALLY SOURCED PIZZA
MADE BY ALOOF ART STUDENTS.
81
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,070
- YEAH, TO ME
IT'S NOT REALLY LOCAL
82
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,797
UNLESS THERE'S A COW
BY THE DUMPSTER IN THE BACK
83
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,170
MAKING THE MOZZARELLA,
BUT I AM HARDCORE.
84
00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:53,327
- WE'RE ACTUALLY JUST
KILLING TIME TILL WE GO
85
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:55,603
SEE A MOVIE-SLASH-
ENJOYING FREE AIR-CONDITIONING.
86
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,800
- OH, IS IT COOL
IF I KILL TIME WITH YOU GUYS
87
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,670
BEFORE I GO DO NOTHING?
88
00:03:00,667 --> 00:03:02,567
- YEAH, TOTALLY.
PLEASE, SIT.
89
00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:05,497
- COOL.
90
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:11,500
- $32. AND IF YOU THINK
I DON'T KNOW THAT ALL THE ITEMS
91
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,070
THAT YOU'RE BUYING
THAT ARE NOT PREGNANCY TESTS
92
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:16,127
ARE SIMPLY TO DETRACT ATTENTION
FROM THE PREGNANCY TEST,
93
00:03:16,133 --> 00:03:17,333
THEN YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW MANY CONDOMS I SELL
94
00:03:17,333 --> 00:03:18,773
TO NERVOUS PIMPLY TEENAGERS.
95
00:03:18,767 --> 00:03:21,097
- UH...I'M PROBABLY
NEVER GONNA TAKE THAT.
96
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:23,870
AH, I'M A COUPLE OF DAYS LATE,
BUT IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
97
00:03:23,867 --> 00:03:26,167
I'M SURE MY CYCLE'S JUST OFF
BECAUSE OF STRESS OR--
98
00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:28,827
WOW, I'M DISCUSSING
MY PERIOD WITH YOU.
99
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:30,233
- LET ME FEEL YOU HAIR.
100
00:03:30,233 --> 00:03:32,203
I CAN TELL IF YOU'RE
HAVING A BOY OR A GIRL.
101
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,570
- NO, THANKS.
102
00:03:33,567 --> 00:03:35,897
- YOU CAN ALWAYS
DROP OFF SOME CLIPPINGS.
103
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,900
I'M EXTREMELY ACCURATE!
104
00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:41,900
- YEAH, SO I GUESS THE WEIRDEST
CASTING SESSION
105
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:43,900
I EVER HAD TAPE
WAS FOR THIS CAT LITTER AD
106
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,500
WHERE WE WERE TRYING
TO FIND OLD ASIAN LADIES
107
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:46,670
WHO COULD MEOW.
108
00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:48,697
- NO WAY!
I REMEMBER THAT SPOT.
109
00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:50,130
WHEN THE HUSBAND
RUBS HER TUMMY--
110
00:03:50,133 --> 00:03:51,403
- RIGHT.
- AND THEN SHE SOFTLY PURRS.
111
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,400
IT WAS LIKE WEIRD
NEW JAPANESE PORN.
112
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,130
- YEAH, I MEAN, AS A CULTURE
THEY CONTINUE TO DOMINATE US
113
00:03:56,133 --> 00:03:57,373
IN MATH, SCIENCE,
AND BIZARRE FETISHES.
114
00:03:57,367 --> 00:04:00,127
- OH, NESS,
WE SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING
115
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:02,203
IF WE WANNA SEE OUR MOVIE.
- OH, WOW.
116
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,130
YEAH, IT'S ALMOST TIME.
117
00:04:04,133 --> 00:04:05,803
OH, GUYS,
BEFORE I FORGET.
118
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,970
I'M HAVING A PARTY
AT MY PLACE TOMORROW NIGHT.
119
00:04:07,967 --> 00:04:10,097
IT'S IN BUSHWICK,
IT'S A LITTLE FAR.
120
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:11,900
WE'RE KINDA LIKE
PIONEERS OUT THERE.
121
00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,830
BUT IT'S GONNA
BE REALLY BIG,
122
00:04:13,833 --> 00:04:15,103
AND YOU GUYS GOTTA COME.
123
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:16,370
- YEAH, IT SOUNDS GREAT.
124
00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:18,797
I MEAN I'LL GO
IF YOU'RE GOING, TEEN.
125
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,500
- UH, SURE.
126
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:22,670
SOUNDS AWESOME.
- COOL, GREAT.
127
00:04:22,667 --> 00:04:24,927
SO JASON, I WILL
SEE YOU TOMORROW, I GUESS.
128
00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:25,933
- IT'S GOOD
TO MEET YOU.
129
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,073
- COOL.
- UH...
130
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,097
- ALL RIGHT.
131
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,570
- BYE.
- BYE.
132
00:04:30,567 --> 00:04:33,497
- SEE YA.
- BYE, TINA.
133
00:04:38,133 --> 00:04:39,833
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- NOTHING.
134
00:04:39,833 --> 00:04:41,973
JUST, UM...
135
00:04:41,967 --> 00:04:43,967
AM I GETTING FAT?
136
00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:45,497
- UH, YUP.
137
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,200
I DIDN'T WANNA SAY ANYTHING,
BUT YOU ALMOST WEIGH ENOUGH
138
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,600
TO SIT IN
THE FRONT SEAT NOW.
139
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:50,670
- [laughs]
140
00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:53,427
[door buzzer buzzes]
141
00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:57,900
- COMING DOWN.
- HURRY UP!
142
00:04:57,900 --> 00:04:59,400
TELL STACE
TO STOP LIP GLOSSING!
143
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,600
- PLEASE HURRY!
144
00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:06,227
- FRESHLY CUT CUT-OFFS.
145
00:05:06,233 --> 00:05:07,803
SOMEONE'S ALL FANCIED UP.
146
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,570
- YEAH, I WAS FEELING
A LITTLE CRAFTY.
147
00:05:10,567 --> 00:05:13,897
SO NESS SEEMS COOL.
- YEAH, SHE IS COOL.
148
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,230
I'M REALLY GLAD
I MET HER.
149
00:05:15,233 --> 00:05:16,973
I DON'T REALLY HAVE
THAT MANY GIRLFRIENDS.
150
00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:19,197
YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF HARD
TO MEET NEW ONES AFTER COLLEGE.
151
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,800
IT'S LIKE BOOB SIZE--
ONCE YOU'RE 21,
152
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,670
YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH
LOCKED IN FOR LIFE.
153
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:23,927
- SO, LIKE,
WHAT'S HER DEAL?
154
00:05:23,933 --> 00:05:25,473
- [sighs] WHAT DO YOU MEAN
"WHAT'S HER DEAL"?
155
00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:26,967
WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?
156
00:05:26,967 --> 00:05:28,667
- UM, I JUST THOUGHT
SHE WAS KIND OF CUTE.
157
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:31,427
WHY ARE YOU BEING WEIRD?
158
00:05:31,433 --> 00:05:32,433
[door opens]
159
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,533
- HEY, PLAYAS.
160
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:35,103
EVERYBODY READY FOR
A TWO-HOUR JOURNEY
161
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:38,270
TO THE UNMAPPED CORNERS
OF BROOKLYN?
162
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,167
- LET'S DO THIS.
163
00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:43,397
- LET'S DO IT.
164
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,070
- OKAY.
165
00:05:45,067 --> 00:05:46,627
MY LADY.
166
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,800
- [sighs]
167
00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:00,070
- I THINK WE MAY BE
THE FIRST PEOPLE IN HISTORY
168
00:06:00,067 --> 00:06:03,527
TO BE MAKING THE ELUSIVE
L TO THE Z TRAIN TRANSFER.
169
00:06:03,533 --> 00:06:04,703
- I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT STATION THIS IS.
170
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:07,200
IS THIS STILL AMERICA?
171
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,200
- I KNOW IT'S HOT
AND THIS MIGHT BE A MIRAGE,
172
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,730
BUT I THINK I SEE BOBBY.
- HEY!
173
00:06:11,733 --> 00:06:13,173
HOW ARE YOU?
WELCOME.
174
00:06:13,167 --> 00:06:14,327
YOU MUST BE LOST
175
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:17,303
OR AT LEAST VERY UPSET
ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE.
176
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:18,670
- HEY, BOBBY.
177
00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:20,167
IT'S RARE TO SEE YOU
FROM BEHIND THE COUNTER.
178
00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:21,627
WHOA, YOU HAVE LEGS.
179
00:06:21,633 --> 00:06:24,133
- AND VERY HAIRY FEET.
- THANK YOU.
180
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:26,333
SO YOU ALL GOING OUT
FOR ETHNIC FOOD
181
00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:28,773
TO CELEBRATE STACEY'S
IMPENDING BABY TIMES?
182
00:06:28,767 --> 00:06:30,767
- [uncomfortable laugh]
BOBBY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY.
183
00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:33,797
- DRINK UP BECAUSE,
ACCORDING TO MY SISTER,
184
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,270
THE FIRST ONE REALLY HURTS.
185
00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:36,697
AFTER THAT,
THEY FALL OUT EASILY.
186
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,870
PLOP.
CONGRATULATIONS, BOSS!
187
00:06:38,867 --> 00:06:40,897
YOU'RE SUCH A NERD,
I THOUGHT THE SPERM
188
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,470
WOULD NEED GLASSES
TO FIND THEIR WAY, RIGHT?
189
00:06:43,467 --> 00:06:46,067
- WHAT'S HE...TALKING ABOUT?
- OKAY, I HAVE TO GO.
190
00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:48,827
BUT STACEY, I'M VERY
EXCITED TO SEE YOUR FIGURE
191
00:06:48,833 --> 00:06:52,073
WHEN THE MILK COMES IN
AND YOUR BREASTS SWELL.
192
00:06:52,067 --> 00:06:53,467
GOOD NIGHT.
193
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,400
- GUYS, I'M NOT
PREGNANT, OKAY?
194
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,830
I JUST BOUGHT
A PREGNANCY TEST.
195
00:07:04,833 --> 00:07:05,973
- WHY?
196
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:09,667
- I GUESS BECAUSE,
UM, I MIGHT BE PREGNANT.
197
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,067
- WHOA!
- HEY!
198
00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:12,327
- OH, BLACKOUT!
- WHAT THE HELL?
199
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:13,503
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
200
00:07:17,433 --> 00:07:19,233
- WELL, WE ESCAPED
THE DARKENED SUBWAY STATION
201
00:07:19,233 --> 00:07:20,733
WITHOUT BEING
EATEN BY MOLE PEOPLE.
202
00:07:20,733 --> 00:07:23,073
- NOT WITHOUT
BEING GROPED, THOUGH.
203
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,767
SOMEONE WAS SQUEEZING
MY ASS LIKE THEY WERE
204
00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:26,267
SHOPPING FOR MELONS.
- SO WHAT'S OUR NEXT MOVE?
205
00:07:26,267 --> 00:07:27,727
YOU THINK
THE WHOLE CITY'S OUT?
206
00:07:27,733 --> 00:07:31,273
- [sighs] I MEAN,
IT LOOKS LIKE IT.
207
00:07:31,267 --> 00:07:33,627
- WHAT DID YOU MEAN,
"YOU MIGHT BE PREGNANT"?
208
00:07:33,633 --> 00:07:35,873
- I DIDN'T TAKE
THE TEST YET, OKAY?
209
00:07:35,867 --> 00:07:37,367
IT'S AT HOME.
210
00:07:37,367 --> 00:07:39,067
- I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING,
211
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,767
BUT I CAN'T JUST
GO TO A PARTY AND CASUALLY
212
00:07:40,767 --> 00:07:42,197
DRINK A RED STRIPE
WHILE I'M WONDERING
213
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,570
WHETHER I'M A FATHER.
214
00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:45,397
WE NEED TO GO HOME AND
TAKE THAT PREGNANCY TEST, BABE.
215
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,070
- HOW? THERE'S NO POWER,
NO SUBWAY.
216
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,967
- I'M GONNA FIND A CAB.
217
00:07:53,233 --> 00:07:54,673
- YOU OKAY?
- MM-HM.
218
00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:56,127
- I DON'T KNOW,
NEXT TIME I SEE YOU
219
00:07:56,133 --> 00:07:57,973
I MIGHT BE WEARING
MATERNITY JEANS.
220
00:07:57,967 --> 00:07:59,627
- IT'S GONNA BE OKAY, STACE.
221
00:07:59,633 --> 00:08:01,433
JUST CALL ME
AFTER YOU PEE, OKAY?
222
00:08:01,433 --> 00:08:02,803
- I ALWAYS DO.
223
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:06,470
[ambulance siren]
224
00:08:06,467 --> 00:08:08,667
[glass breaking]
225
00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:10,697
- IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE MAD MAX OUT HERE.
226
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:13,530
MAYBE WE SHOULD
JUST BLOW OFF THE PARTY.
227
00:08:13,533 --> 00:08:14,573
- REALLY?
COME ON!
228
00:08:14,567 --> 00:08:16,227
WHAT ELSE DO
WE HAVE TO DO?
229
00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:17,633
I MEAN, WE COULD LOOT,
230
00:08:17,633 --> 00:08:20,233
BUT ALL THE GOOD STUFF'S
PROBABLY GONE BY NOW.
231
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,803
- ALL RIGHT, FINE.
232
00:08:24,367 --> 00:08:27,067
JUST DON'T HOOK UP
WITH MY FRIEND, OKAY?
233
00:08:27,067 --> 00:08:30,697
- UM, OKAY.
SURE, I WON'T.
234
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:33,530
- OKAY, GREAT.
235
00:08:33,533 --> 00:08:35,673
DUDE, 20 BUCKS
FOR A FLASHLIGHT?
236
00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:37,127
MAN.
- YEAH.
237
00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:39,273
EVERYONE REALLY COMES
TOGETHER DURING A CRISIS.
238
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:46,700
- WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME YOU WERE LATE?
239
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,400
- BECAUSE I KNEW
YOU WOULD FREAK OUT
240
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,530
LIKE YOU'RE
DOING RIGHT NOW.
241
00:08:50,533 --> 00:08:52,533
- HOW LATE ARE YOU?
242
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,373
- LIKE, A DAY.
243
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,397
PLUS SIX DAYS.
244
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,170
- A WEEK?
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
245
00:08:57,167 --> 00:08:58,567
DID YOU MESS UP
ON THE PILL AGAIN?
246
00:08:58,567 --> 00:09:00,697
- NO.
SOMETIMES I FORGET,
247
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,070
BUT I ALWAYS TAKE TWO
THE NEXT DAY.
248
00:09:02,067 --> 00:09:03,427
- WHAT THE HELL, STACE!
249
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:05,303
TAKING THE PILL
IS NOT LIKE EATING ALMONDS.
250
00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:07,100
YOU CAN'T JUST
MUNCH ON A HANDFUL
251
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:08,570
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT.
- HEY.
252
00:09:08,567 --> 00:09:10,067
KEEP TALKING LIKE THAT,
253
00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:11,727
YOU WON'T EVER HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL AGAIN.
254
00:09:11,733 --> 00:09:14,433
[cars honking]
- HANG ON, HANG ON!
255
00:09:14,433 --> 00:09:17,773
COME ON, GO, GO, GO, GO!
YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!
256
00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:18,967
OH!
257
00:09:18,967 --> 00:09:21,267
OH, SORRY, DUDE,
GOT A PREGNANT LADY HERE.
258
00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:24,097
- SHE DOESN'T LOOK PREGNANT.
- SHE MAY BE.
259
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:28,130
- OH, MY GOD.
IT'S SO HOT.
260
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:29,973
WHY DID I WEAR JEANS?
261
00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:32,227
YOU COULD COOK PASTA
IN MY BELLY BUTTON SWEAT.
262
00:09:32,233 --> 00:09:34,903
- YOU JUST HAVE TO
THINK COOL THOUGHTS.
263
00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:36,530
- SPIKE JONZE
EATING SNO-CONES
264
00:09:36,533 --> 00:09:38,273
WITH WES ANDERSON.
265
00:09:38,267 --> 00:09:39,667
NOPE, STILL BROILING.
266
00:09:41,233 --> 00:09:44,303
- OH, FREE BLACKOUT CHICKEN.
COME ON, I'M STARVING.
267
00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:45,970
- YEAH, LET'S GO
STAND NEAR AN OPEN FLAME
268
00:09:45,967 --> 00:09:47,867
ON THE HOTTEST DAY
IN RECORDED HISTORY.
269
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:54,303
- OKAY, SO I DON'T REALLY CARE,
BUT I'M JUST CURIOUS.
270
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:57,430
WHY DON'T YOU WANT ME
TO HOOK UP WITH NESS?
271
00:09:57,433 --> 00:10:00,403
- I THINK NESS AND I
COULD BE REALLY GREAT FRIENDS,
272
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,700
AND I DON'T WANT YOU
TO SCREW THIS ONE UP.
273
00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:05,430
- WAIT, WHOA.
"SCREW THIS ONE UP"?
274
00:10:05,433 --> 00:10:07,003
- VINEGAR TOMATO PASTE...
- COME ON, JAY.
275
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,400
- OR WHOLE GRAIN MUSTARD?
276
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,800
- NO, DON'T
"COME ON, JAY" ME.
277
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,400
UH, THE FANCY KETCHUP--
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
278
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,170
- OKAY, YOU HAVE A HISTORY
OF HOOKING UP WITH GIRLS
279
00:10:13,167 --> 00:10:15,167
FROM MY FRIEND POOL--
UH, MUSTARD.
280
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:17,127
AND AS SOON AS YOU'RE DONE
HOOKING UP WITH THEM, BAM!
281
00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:18,403
THEY'RE NOT
IN THE POOL ANYMORE.
282
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:19,870
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE PEEING
IN MY POOL, JAY,
283
00:10:19,867 --> 00:10:22,367
AND THEY GO SOMEWHERE ELSE
TO SHOWER AND BE MAD AT ME.
284
00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:23,527
- I DON'T KNOW
- WHOLE WHEAT...
285
00:10:23,533 --> 00:10:24,803
- WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,
286
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,030
BUT THAT'S TOTALLY, UH--
THE WHEAT--RIDICULOUS.
287
00:10:26,033 --> 00:10:27,773
- IT'S NOT RIDICULOUS.
WHEAT, PLEASE.
288
00:10:27,767 --> 00:10:29,127
YOU'VE DONE IT
MANY TIMES BEFORE.
289
00:10:29,133 --> 00:10:30,803
- MICRO-GREENS, BABY LETTUCE?
- BABY LETTUCE.
290
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,770
I HAVE DEFINITELY
NEVER DONE THAT.
291
00:10:32,767 --> 00:10:34,027
- GIVE ME WHICHEVER
GREEN IS SMALLER.
292
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:35,373
YOU HAVE.
293
00:10:35,367 --> 00:10:36,627
- [sighs]
294
00:10:36,633 --> 00:10:38,133
- THANKS.
- THANKS.
295
00:10:41,867 --> 00:10:43,397
WHOA! AH-HAGH!
- BLAGH!
296
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,000
- GOD, IT'S SLIMY.
297
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,830
- GOD, IT'S TOTALLY RAW.
I FEEL MOUTH VIOLATED.
298
00:10:46,833 --> 00:10:48,373
- WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO DO, KILL US?
299
00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:49,997
JUST 'CAUSE
WE DON'T HAVE COOL INK?
300
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,030
- OH, GOD, THAT WAS LIKE
BITING INTO A LIVE ANIMAL.
301
00:10:52,033 --> 00:10:53,403
I CAN STILL FEEL
ITS PULSE RIGHT--
302
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:54,770
A BUS.
I NEED AIR-CONDITIONING.
303
00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:56,767
HOPEFULLY THEY'RE GOING
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
304
00:10:56,767 --> 00:10:59,127
- HOPEFULLY IT GOES
PAST A HOSPITAL.
305
00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:03,067
[heavy beat club music]
306
00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:04,497
[kissing]
both: MMM...
307
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:08,070
- WE SHOULD
PROBABLY BUCKLE UP.
308
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,897
- HOW COULD ANYONE BE SO HORNY
AROUND SO MUCH AIR-FRESHENER?
309
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,370
IT'S LIKE DOING IT
IN A BOWL OF POTPOURRI.
310
00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:15,567
- LOOK, BABE, I'M SORRY
I FREAKED OUT BEFORE.
311
00:11:15,567 --> 00:11:17,727
I WAS JUST SURPRISED.
- IT'S OKAY.
312
00:11:17,733 --> 00:11:20,173
THIS IS SCARY.
- I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT.
313
00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:23,397
AND ON THE TEENY-TINY CHANCE
YOU ARE, WE'LL BE FINE.
314
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,470
THINK ABOUT IT.
315
00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:26,067
INTERRACIAL BABY--
GUARANTEED CUTE.
316
00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:27,527
- ERIC, COME ON.
317
00:11:27,533 --> 00:11:29,573
- IF IT'S A GIRL,
IT'LL LOOK LIKE HALLE BERRY
318
00:11:29,567 --> 00:11:30,927
AND IF IT'S A BOY, OBAMA.
319
00:11:30,933 --> 00:11:33,533
NO MATTER WHAT, SWEETIE,
IT'S ALL GONNA BE OKAY.
320
00:11:33,533 --> 00:11:36,173
- UH, I THINK
IT WOULD BE A LOT OF THINGS,
321
00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:38,127
BUT OKAY IS DEFINITELY
NOT ONE OF THEM.
322
00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:40,933
- OH, HO-HO-HO!
- OH, I JUST SAW NIP.
323
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,730
- OH, GOD, DO YOU KNOW
HOW MANY DISEASES YOU CAN GET
324
00:11:45,733 --> 00:11:47,703
FROM EATING RAW CHICKEN?
325
00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:50,100
AT LEAST WE'RE NOT DYING
FROM HEAT EXHAUSTION ANYMORE.
326
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:53,100
- GIVE ME ONE EXAMPLE OF A TIME
I RUINED A FRIENDSHIP FOR YOU.
327
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,630
- END OF FRESHMAN YEAR.
328
00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:56,433
YOU HOOKED UP WITH
MY ROOMMATE SONYA GREEN
329
00:11:56,433 --> 00:11:58,173
AND THEN PRETENDED NOT
TO SEE HER AROUND CAMPUS.
330
00:11:58,167 --> 00:12:00,097
- OKAY, FIRST OFF,
I DIDN'T PRETEND NOT TO SEE HER.
331
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,530
- OKAY, JAY,
YOU ARE REALLY BAD
332
00:12:01,533 --> 00:12:03,903
AT FAKE TALKING
ON THE PHONE TO AVOID SOMEONE.
333
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:06,530
"HEY, UH,
LARRY, IT'S ME.
334
00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:10,833
READY TO GO, UH, ROLLERBLADING
IN THE BIG PARK?"
335
00:12:10,833 --> 00:12:12,403
AND THEN SONYA MOVED OUT,
AND I GOT STUCK
336
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,400
WITH THE IRISH GIRL
WHO WAS ALLERGIC TO THE SUN.
337
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,200
- OKAY, SONYA WAS
A RANDOMLY ASSIGNED ROOMMATE.
338
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:17,470
THAT'S NOT EXACTLY
A CLOSE FRIEND.
339
00:12:17,467 --> 00:12:19,397
- ALL RIGHT,
WHAT ABOUT LILY TANOFF?
340
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,800
- I FOOLED AROUND
WITH HER TWICE,
341
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,500
AND I STOPPED BECAUSE,
TO BE FRANK,
342
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,270
SHE WAS PIERCED DOWN THERE,
AND I COULDN'T GET PAST IT.
343
00:12:25,267 --> 00:12:27,127
LITERALLY, IT WAS
LIKE A HOOK AND CLASP,
344
00:12:27,133 --> 00:12:28,533
AND YOU NEVER LIKED HER.
345
00:12:28,533 --> 00:12:30,103
- I LIKED HER!
SHE WAS REALLY COOL.
346
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:31,830
AND SHE WAS GONNA LET ME
STAY WITH HER IN BERLIN
347
00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:33,173
UNTIL YOU DISSED HER.
348
00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:35,067
- HEY! YOU GOTTA
PAY YOUR FARE.
349
00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:36,727
- NOT DURING
THE BLACKOUT I DON'T.
350
00:12:36,733 --> 00:12:38,233
- THERE'S NO
BLACKOUT EXCEPTIONS.
351
00:12:38,233 --> 00:12:40,073
NOBODY'S MOVING
UNTIL YOU PAY.
352
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:41,927
- KISS MY ASS.
353
00:12:41,933 --> 00:12:43,473
- OH, JESUS.
- I'M NOT KIDDING.
354
00:12:43,467 --> 00:12:44,597
PAY THE DAMN FARE!
355
00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,370
- SHUT THE HELL UP, BITCH.
356
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:48,067
- THIS ISN'T
GONNA END WELL.
357
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,167
- THAT'S IT.
EVERYBODY OFF.
358
00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:50,267
THIS BUS
IS OUT OF SERVICE.
359
00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:51,927
- WHAT?
- OH.
360
00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:53,173
- WHO'S THE BITCH NOW,
BITCH?
361
00:12:53,167 --> 00:12:54,597
- OH.
362
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,930
NICE JOB, DILLWEED.
363
00:12:56,933 --> 00:12:59,473
- THE OTHER GOOD THING
ABOUT MAYBE BEING PREGNANT
364
00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:00,927
IS, YOU KNOW,
GIFT REGISTRY
365
00:13:00,933 --> 00:13:03,203
DOESN'T ALL
HAVE TO BE FOR THE BABY.
366
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,400
YOU WANT A NEW Wii,
YOU ASK FOR A NEW Wii.
367
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,500
- ERIC, STOP
TRYING TO SPIN THIS.
368
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,730
LOOK, I'M A LAW STUDENT,
YOU'RE A MED STUDENT.
369
00:13:09,733 --> 00:13:11,733
IF WE HAD A KID,
WE'D HAVE TO CHANGE
370
00:13:11,733 --> 00:13:13,103
EVERYTHING WE PLANNED.
371
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:16,170
I JUST DON'T WANNA
HAVE A BABY THAT I RESENT.
372
00:13:16,167 --> 00:13:18,327
- STACE,
THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.
373
00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:23,073
- WE'RE HERE.
374
00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:27,397
- HERE.
375
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:28,730
- I CAN'T DO THIS.
376
00:13:28,733 --> 00:13:30,833
I CAN'T TAKE
THE TEST RIGHT NOW.
377
00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:33,303
I JUST DON'T
WANNA KNOW TONIGHT, OKAY?
378
00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:36,370
IF EVERYTHING IS GONNA CHANGE,
I JUST WANT ONE MORE NIGHT
379
00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:39,627
OF HANGING OUT
AND HAVING DUMB CONVERSATIONS
380
00:13:39,633 --> 00:13:42,203
ABOUT BAD NIC CAGE MOVIES.
381
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,870
- I UNDERSTAND.
SO WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?
382
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:47,627
- I WANNA
GO TO THAT PARTY.
383
00:13:47,633 --> 00:13:48,873
[door closes]
384
00:13:48,867 --> 00:13:50,597
- SIR, WE'RE GONNA DO
EVERYTHING WE JUST DID,
385
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:51,800
BUT IN REVERSE.
386
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,330
- I'M SORRY,
I'M NOT BUYING THIS.
387
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,633
THE ONLY REASON GIRLS
STOP HANGING OUT WITH YOU
388
00:13:55,633 --> 00:13:57,073
IS BECAUSE
I SCREW IT UP?
389
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:58,567
I MEAN,
MAYBE IT'S YOU.
390
00:13:58,567 --> 00:14:00,797
I DON'T KNOW,
MAYBE YOU'RE KIND OF SELFISH.
391
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,400
- MAYBE YOU'RE
KIND OF A DOUCHE BAG.
392
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,930
TELL ME HOW I'M SELFISH.
- LET'S JUST FORGET IT.
393
00:14:04,933 --> 00:14:07,733
- GO AHEAD, JAY,
SAY WHAT YOU MEANT.
394
00:14:07,733 --> 00:14:09,403
- OKAY, FINE.
395
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:13,170
YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN HUNG UP
ON JANE FOR, LIKE, A WHILE.
396
00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:14,927
AND NOW THAT
I FINALLY MEET A NORMAL GIRL
397
00:14:14,933 --> 00:14:16,433
WHO I COULD ACTUALLY LIKE,
398
00:14:16,433 --> 00:14:18,503
ALL YOU CAN THINK OF
IS HOW IT AFFECTS YOU.
399
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:20,100
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
400
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:21,470
THE THOUSANDS OF HOURS
401
00:14:21,467 --> 00:14:23,567
I'VE SPENT LISTENING TO YOU
GO ON ABOUT JANE.
402
00:14:23,567 --> 00:14:26,197
"OH, SWEET JANE
AND HER BEAUTIFUL EYES
403
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,770
AND HER GOLDEN VAGINA."
404
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,067
YOU KNOW,
MY ABNORMAL PSYCHE MINOR
405
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:30,427
HAS NEVER
COME IN SO HANDY.
406
00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:31,973
- OH, THAT'S NICE,
THAT'S REALLY NICE.
407
00:14:31,967 --> 00:14:33,767
- YOU WANT ME
TO MAKE IT NICER FOR YOU, JAY?
408
00:14:33,767 --> 00:14:35,427
BECAUSE IT'S NOT JUST GIRLS
I'M FRIENDS WITH.
409
00:14:35,433 --> 00:14:37,233
IT'S PRETTY MUCH
ALL GIRLS.
410
00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:39,373
YOU DITCH ME
AS SOON AS YOU SEE A CUTE ONE.
411
00:14:39,367 --> 00:14:41,567
YOU GET BLINDSIDED BY BOOBS,
AND I GET STUCK IN A CORNER
412
00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:43,397
TALKING TO SOME
GROSS GUY WHO'S, LIKE,
413
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,170
"CHECK OUT
MY THUMB RING."
414
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:46,397
- OKAY, I'M SORRY,
IT'S A LITTLE HARD
415
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,800
TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN THE GROSS GUYS
416
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,970
YOU DON'T LIKE AND THE GROSS
GUYS YOU DO LIKE.
417
00:14:49,967 --> 00:14:53,367
- KISS HER, WUSSIE!
- BLACKOUT NYC, SUCK A NUT!
418
00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:54,867
- I HOPE YOU FALL!
419
00:14:54,867 --> 00:14:56,227
- NICE BIKES,
YOU HIPSTER TOOLS!
420
00:14:56,233 --> 00:14:58,133
YOU KNOW WHAT, JAY?
DON'T TALK TO ME AT THE PARTY.
421
00:14:58,133 --> 00:15:02,403
- OH, YEAH, LIKE I WAS GOING
TO THE PARTY TO TALK TO YOU.
422
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,070
AGH.
423
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,670
- LOOK,
YOU'RE MISSING MY POINT.
424
00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:13,227
THREESOMES ARE
ENVIRONMENTALLY SOUND.
425
00:15:13,233 --> 00:15:16,633
THEY'RE THE SEXUAL
EQUIVALENT OF THE CARPOOL LANE.
426
00:15:16,633 --> 00:15:20,603
SO LADIES, WHO WANTS
TO SAVE THE PLANET?
427
00:15:24,133 --> 00:15:25,773
- OF COURSE.
428
00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:30,227
OBVIOUSLY.
429
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,273
- OKAY, LET'S HAVE FUN.
430
00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:34,297
CAN WE--
CAN WE DANCE?
431
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,830
SO, UH, WHAT
DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
432
00:15:35,833 --> 00:15:37,973
YOU WANT ME TO DO,
LIKE, THE, UH, SASSY SNAKE?
433
00:15:37,967 --> 00:15:39,197
[hisses]
434
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,070
OR MAYBE THE PIGEON
WITH ATTITUDE?
435
00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:42,597
YEAH!
436
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:43,870
PECK-PECK-PECK!
PECK-PECK-PECK!
437
00:15:43,867 --> 00:15:45,627
- I THINK I NEED
TO TAKE A PREGNANCY TEST.
438
00:15:45,633 --> 00:15:48,233
- NOW?
- YEAH, NOW.
439
00:15:48,233 --> 00:15:50,303
I'M SORRY, I KNOW
I'M BEING TOTALLY IRRATIONAL,
440
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:51,570
BUT I THINK WHEN
YOU MAY BE PREGNANT
441
00:15:51,567 --> 00:15:53,197
YOU'RE ALLOWED
TO BE TOTALLY IRRATIONAL.
442
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,630
I WAS WRONG.
443
00:15:54,633 --> 00:15:56,733
I CAN'T HAVE ANY FUN
UNTIL I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
444
00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:59,873
- YOU ARE THE BIGGEST
CUCKOO NUT I HAVE EVER MET.
445
00:15:59,867 --> 00:16:01,527
BUT I LOVE YOU.
ALL RIGHT?
446
00:16:01,533 --> 00:16:02,533
I'M GONNA RUN
TO THE BODEGA ON THE CORNER.
447
00:16:02,533 --> 00:16:04,703
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, ALL RIGHT?
448
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:12,067
- UM, OKAY, SO MOST EMBARRASSING
SONG ON YOUR iPOD.
449
00:16:12,067 --> 00:16:15,297
- OOH, I HAVE SOME
WEIRD AL I'M NOT PROUD OF.
450
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,730
- OOH, WOW.
- HEY, YOUR TURN.
451
00:16:17,733 --> 00:16:21,803
OKAY, MOST OVERLY EMOTIONAL SONG
YOU ONLY PLAY WHEN IT'S RAINING?
452
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,770
- UM, ACTUALLY WHEN
IT'S RAINING AND I'M FEELING LOW
453
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:29,067
I JUST PULL OUT MY ACOUSTIC
AND PLAY SOME ORIGINAL JAMS.
454
00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:31,827
- OH, YOU'RE KIND OF LIKE
A PRETTIER ALANIS MORRISETTE.
455
00:16:36,733 --> 00:16:39,433
- COULD YOU EXCUSE ME
FOR A SECOND?
456
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:45,200
- UH, YEAH, YEAH, HI.
NO, NO, SHE'S RIGHT HERE.
457
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,400
OF COURSE.
458
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,070
HI, LOOK,
I HATE TO BREAK THIS UP
459
00:16:48,067 --> 00:16:51,127
BUT TINA, I'M ON THE PHONE
WITH YOUR HUSBAND, LARRY.
460
00:16:51,133 --> 00:16:54,273
AND HE JUST CALLED TO TELL ME
TO TELL YOU HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
461
00:16:54,267 --> 00:16:57,227
YEAH, IT'S THEIR
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
462
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,533
THAT IS HOW
MARRIED THEY ARE.
463
00:17:02,067 --> 00:17:05,397
- YOU REALLY SUCK
AT THAT.
464
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,830
- I'M SORRY, TINA.
465
00:17:11,967 --> 00:17:14,297
SO, UM, I'M GONNA GO
STEP OUT ON THE BALCONY
466
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:17,100
AND AIR OUT MY ARMPITS.
467
00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:20,800
ORGANIC DEODORANT CANNOT HANDLE
WHAT I AM THROWING AT IT.
468
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,600
- * CHILL B,
BUT [...] THAT [...] *
469
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,630
* THERE'S A [...]
TRYING TO KILL ME *
470
00:17:24,633 --> 00:17:27,273
* I'M POPPIN' IN THE [...]
WHEN THE WIND BLOWS *
471
00:17:27,267 --> 00:17:29,697
* EVERY 20 SECONDS
GOT ME PEEPING OUT MY WINDOW *
472
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:32,070
- HI THERE.
SO SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
473
00:17:32,067 --> 00:17:34,797
- * CHECKIN' MY TELEPHONE
FOR TAPS *
474
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,070
- DO YOU, UH,
CARRY MEDICAL SUPPLIES?
475
00:17:37,067 --> 00:17:40,197
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU
PERHAPS HAD A PREGNANCY TEST
476
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,770
IN STOCK?
477
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:52,770
- 18.
478
00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:54,327
- OKAY.
479
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:56,973
- * I MAKE BIG MONEY,
I DRIVE BIG CARS *
480
00:17:56,967 --> 00:17:58,367
* EVERYBODY KNOW ME
481
00:17:58,367 --> 00:17:59,697
* IT'S LIKE
I'M A MOVIE STAR *
482
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:01,070
* LATE AT NIGHT,
SOMETHING AIN'T RIGHT *
483
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:02,767
- GOOD LUCK, MAN.
484
00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:04,727
- * I FEEL I'M BEING TAILED BY
THE SAME SUCKER'S HEADLIGHTS *
485
00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:06,973
* IS IT THAT FOOL
THAT I RAN OFF THE BLOCK *
486
00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,570
- HEY!
487
00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:14,367
THIS IS GREAT, THE CANDLES
MAKE EVERYTHING LOOK AMAZING.
488
00:18:14,367 --> 00:18:16,567
- THANKS, YEAH, I'M JUST
LUCKY MY NEIGHBORS ARE WICCAN.
489
00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:18,067
THEY LOVE CANDLES.
490
00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:19,397
AND SATAN.
491
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,400
- MM.
492
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,800
- SO HEY,
CAN I ASK YOU
493
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,070
A WEIRD QUESTION?
494
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:26,327
IS EVERYTHING OKAY
WITH JASON?
495
00:18:26,333 --> 00:18:29,273
- UH, YEAH, WHY?
496
00:18:29,267 --> 00:18:31,867
- IT'S JUST--I GUESS
WE WERE KIND OF FLIRTING
497
00:18:31,867 --> 00:18:36,067
AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,
HE WALKED AWAY AND BLEW ME OFF.
498
00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:38,827
- HE DID THAT?
- YEAH.
499
00:18:38,833 --> 00:18:40,333
OKAY, ENOUGH BEING A FREAK.
500
00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:44,303
SOMEBODY NEEDS MORE DRINKS,
AND HER NAME RHYMES WITH ME.
501
00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:52,227
- DUDE, I AM FILLED
TO THE BRIM WITH LIGHT BEER
502
00:18:52,233 --> 00:18:53,733
AND OSTRICH SLIDERS.
503
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,073
HOW MUCH LONGER
IS IT GONNA BE?
504
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,227
- IT'S JUST ANOTHER MINUTE.
STACE?
505
00:18:57,233 --> 00:18:59,073
- I SWEAR TO GOD,
SOMETHING BIBLICAL
506
00:18:59,067 --> 00:19:01,167
IS GOING TO HAPPEN
IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN.
507
00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:02,827
CITIES WILL TURN TO ASH!
508
00:19:02,833 --> 00:19:06,173
- STACE, I AM DYING
OUT HERE, BABE.
509
00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:07,567
- COME IN.
510
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,067
- YOU MIGHT
WANNA BACK UP.
511
00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:19,827
- WHAT DO TWO LINES MEAN?
512
00:19:19,833 --> 00:19:21,603
ARE YOU--WHAT ARE YOU?
513
00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:29,127
- I'M NOT PREGNANT.
514
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,433
- OH, GOOD, RIGHT?
ARE YOU OKAY?
515
00:19:31,433 --> 00:19:35,233
- YEAH, IF BY "OKAY,"
YOU MEAN TOTALLY PSYCHED.
516
00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:37,103
IS THAT WRONG?
517
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:38,500
- NO.
518
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,170
I WAS ABOUT TO START SINGING
WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS.
519
00:19:40,167 --> 00:19:42,267
MUAH!
YES!
520
00:19:42,267 --> 00:19:44,897
- YOU KNOW
I PEED ON THAT RIGHT?
521
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:48,070
- [from outside room]
AAH! HOW IS THIS AROUSING ME?
522
00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:52,827
- IT'S LIKE
A KILN IN THERE.
523
00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:54,073
- TELL ME ABOUT IT.
524
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,597
I FEEL LIKE
I HAVE SOUP IN MY PANTS.
525
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,270
- FROTHY OR CREAMY?
526
00:19:57,267 --> 00:20:00,327
LISTEN, JAY, UH,
I THINK YOU AND NESS
527
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:01,873
COULD BE REALLY
GREAT TOGETHER.
528
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,227
- IT'S OKAY, I DON'T--
- WHAT KIND OF UNSELFISH FRIEND
529
00:20:04,233 --> 00:20:05,773
WOULD I BE IF I DIDN'T
LET YOU TAKE A CHANCE
530
00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:09,867
ON SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T HAVE SEX
WITH IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR?
531
00:20:09,867 --> 00:20:12,497
JUST DON'T SCREW IT UP...
LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.
532
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,170
- THANKS.
533
00:20:14,167 --> 00:20:16,867
I'LL TRY TO SCREW IT UP IN
A NEW AND AMUSING WAY FOR YOU.
534
00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:17,797
- [giggles]
535
00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:23,397
OH, SWEET!
- OH, WOW.
536
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,000
- FINALLY!
- AWESOME.
537
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,570
OH, LET'S GO STAND
DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE AC
538
00:20:27,567 --> 00:20:28,767
BEFORE SOMEBODY ELSE DOES.
539
00:20:28,767 --> 00:20:30,727
- OH, I AM PUTTING MY ASS
RIGHT ON THE VENT.
39675
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