Original subtitles

[screaming]

Sorry.

[Suzie] Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry...

Oh, God.

Fucking press nights.

Why are you all wearing scarves, you're indoors?

You should love this.

They won't feel the benefit.

It's supposed to be stupidly clever.

-He's really hot right now. -The director?

He shouldn't be making you do a workshop.

It's offensive. It's basically a long audition.

Yeah, but apparently he's a genius.

It's because they think you can't act.

I said, it's a fucking musical.

You just don't want me to do any theatre.

No, that's not true!

I love theatre.

I love people standing up and shouting.

I've been doing shit for ages.

This is what I should be doing.

-Sorry. -That's what Cob says.

No, that's what I think.

So it doesn't pay anything, so what?

You know, I lost two clients this month?

Who?

Guive and Teddy Blair. They left for United.

What the poet?

No, he's not a poet, he's a stand-up,

and actually a really good actor.

Hmm. I think I saw him do a poem.

-Sorry. -[woman] So sorry.

-[Suzie] Sorry. -[Naomi] Sorry.

It's just really fucking full on

because I've been so busy managing your sex scandal.

[Suzie] Oh, don't put it on me!

Just... so co-dependent.

I'm co-dependent?

Oh what, I'm co-dependent?!

You're so co-dependent!

[theatre bell ringing]

Oh, God.

-What, what?! -Don't look.

-Look at me. -Why?

It's not an issue.

[Naomi] Is that his wife?

[Naomi] She stayed with him?

That's just tragic...

Do you wanna leave?

We can leave.

Yeah, let's go.

-Yeah? -Let's go.

[Naomi] Sorry, sorry.

-Sorry, sorry. -[music begins]

-Shit. -So sorry.

Sorry.

[man shouting expletives indistinctly]

My God, did you see them kissing?

-Who? -Carter and his wife!

I mean, who the fuck kisses during a play?

Ugh, I did not see that.

No, but you're right, that director is a genius.

-I, I can't even talk about it. -Oh, my God.

Do you think, do you think everyone knew?

Do you think everyone knew that the penis

was sat in front of me with the penis's wife.

I need to get a margarita.

-Oh! -[man] Oh, Shit!

[Naomi] Oh...

Suzie!

Suzie Pickles!

I haven't seen you in ages!

You were so wonderful

in the rushes of After Death that I've seen.

Carter, look!

Yeah. How are you?

How are you? How are you?

[Charon] Oh my! Gen,

please introduce me right this moment

or I will lose my proverbial shit.

Charon Bander.

From William Morris Agency.

[Charon] So who are you with?

Sorry, she asked with American levels of ambition.

[Naomi] I'm Naomi Jones.

Sorry. No, I meant professionally.

-[Naomi] Also me. -Hello.

They're doing their thing, let's um...

-Yeah, we should-- -Yeah.

So are you coming to the Fundraiser? Oh, you must!

Genevieve, here, is an actual real person in the real world.

Does amazing work in West Africa.

Yes, please do come!

We raise money every year to reunite children

from tourist orphanages with their families.

[Charon] It's a Women of Talent in the Arts event.

I mean you must be a member? Great networking.

Very drunk powerful women all in the same room.

No, you can't come, Carter.

You must come. So, who do I write to?

Yeah, well, send it to me and I'll pass it on if it's worth passing on.

We're late for the um...

The, the club.

Yeah, we're going clubbing.

-[makes techno music sound] -[laughs]

Amazing. Right, bye!

-Bye, bye, bye. -Bye.

-Bye. -Bye.

-[Charon] Cheekies! -[Suzie] Bye.

-Oh, my God. -Was that the most graceful

passive-aggressive "fuck you" ever from his wife?

No, she doesn't know.

That woman has no idea.

So he never told her? About you?

-About the affair... -My God.

-He never fucking... -The photos?

...told her. He said he fucking told her.

What a lying piece of shit.

He lost nothing.

[laughing]

[theme music playing]

[glass shatters]

[Cob] Suzie, what is wrong?

You've been in a really weird mood lately.

Nothing. I'm just... really nervous about today.

Don't be.

It's fucking theatre. They're lucky to have you.

Yeah,

but they'll all be proper actresses, you know.

Listen, it's not exactly Shakespeare, is it?

It's some wanky nonsense about Monica Lewinsky.

OK, so these are pass the parcel,

these are prizes for kids who win games,

and we'll open these together when I get back.

Didn't you label them?

Yeah, I wrapped them in different wrapping paper.

Should've moved it.

Should've moved it.

What, his birthday?

It doesn't have to be on his actual birthday, does it?

And I'm not saying cancel it, I'm just saying

I'm not sure he's particularly bothered

about his birthday party, that's all.

-Well, I asked him... -Yeah, well, obviously...

-...and he said-- -...if you say to someone d'you want

a big party with loads of balloons and presents,

-they're gonna say yes. -They arrive at two.

I'm just saying,

I'm not sure these things are always the kid's idea.

No, they're not the kid's idea, you're right.

They're a tradition of western civilization.

He didn't invent it, he's not Frank Birthday Party,

the inventor of Birthday Parties.

I told him I'd be back to cut the cake.

There's lasagna in the fridge for parents who wanna stay.

-Parents who want to stay?! -Bye.

Hi, it's me...

[Suzie] I'm here now I'm here ... now.

This place is like a maze.

Just checking you didn't want to go to this...

Women in the Arts Charity thing?

Are you fucking joking?

And spend the whole night avoiding Carter's wife!

Why would I wanna do that?

OK, I just...

thought,

Women in the Arts,

there'll be lots of contacts there.

I could go with you.

I could do with replacing some clients.

No, I'm already missing Frank's birthday

and I promised I'd be back to open his presents.

It won't go late.

Yeah, I'd rather chop my tits off.

OK. Point taken.

OK, I've gotta go.

Fuck!

[clears throat]

-[woman] Hello, Women in the Arts event. -Hi, there.

I'm calling on behalf of Suzie Pickles,

I know we said she couldn't attend the event this afternoon,

but it turns out she can.

Oh right, I'll put her name on the list.

OK, great.

-Thanks. -You're welcome.

[exhales]

[Hal] Before we start, I'm just gonna say...

one thing.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

[giggles]

I just wanna make that clear.

I already feel weird and insane that I'm the only man in here,

and so I just wanna say, generally,

I have no idea what I'm doing.

I don't know...

what we are gonna create in here.

I'm not in charge.

We're gonna go from having nothing

but our stories

into a musical called

"The Party of Monica Lewinsky".

[all chuckle]

This is an exploration.

And uh...

just have to have faith in each other.

[Hal] Really get into your walk.

How do you walk?

Take up every bit of the space...

and really feel your own walk.

Feel the space.

Hey, um,

I'm, I'm really happy to feel the space,

but it's just...

it's my son's birthday,

and they said to me that I could be away at five

but it's like much further away than I thought

'cause I-- I live out of town.

So I was just wondering if I could slip away earlier

or if you could do this sort of stuff

that I'm not totally necessary for at the end of the day...

-That would be-- -Warming up?

Yeah.

Like if it's not totally necessary.

It is pretty.

Really?

I feel really warm.

OK.

Take up every bit of space!

Yes, feel the space.

How do you walk!

Really get into your walk.

So do a bad impression of yourself.

Have the courage to be monstrous.

Keep pushing it.

Push it further!

Don't overdo it, Suzie!

[blows whistle]

[Cob] Oh, that was a good effort.

Let's, uh, let's keep passing and... and stuff.

Christ, OK!

[blows whistle]

Oh, hi.

Uh, Hey, Suzie Pickles.

[classical music playing]

Hello, Hampstead...

[Charon] Suzie's friend...

hello!

Welcome to our haven from patriarchy.

Yeah. Great.

Isn't Suzie with Hal today?

-Uh, yeah. -He's one of mine.

[under her breath] Of course he is.

Thank you.

[Hal] I want you to show me why you're here.

Be bold.

Think about how you've been wronged as women.

That's what's bringing these women together,

in this place,

outside of time. Hmm?

Catherine.

♪ I did not fuck that horse!

♪ I did not fuck that horse!

♪ I only sought The best for Russia ♪

♪ And my people--

Antoinette!

♪ I never said it!

♪ I never said it!

♪ They can eat Whatever they like! ♪

Delilah!

♪ What an excuse

♪ How bloody unfair

♪ To pretend that he failed

♪ Because of his hair...

[Hal] Jezebel!

♪ Bitch can wear make up Bitch can wear wigs ♪

♪ Bitch can wear Whatever she please ♪

♪ Looking good

♪ Not a disease

Monica!

♪ I loved him

♪ I loved him

♪ He loved me

♪ He loved me

♪ It wasn't good

♪ It wasn't bad

♪ We loved each other

♪ We loved

Yeah ... don't worry.

-Don't worry. -[Suzie] Sorry.

[hiccups]

Who's your agency then, Naomi?

I do, I do know. I've forgotten.

I have my own set up.

Sensov?

Sensov Agency.

Sense of Agency.

You should come and join a big ship!

Honestly, it gets lonely out there punting, no?

At some point you just wanna fuck off view

and an office with a chaise longue.

[Naomi] Yum.

I mean, you'd have to bring Suzie, of course,

but now is definitely the time to consolidate.

Life stage-wise.

I bet your parents wanted you to be a doctor or something?

Why do you say that?

Because. Don't all our parents?

No. I don't think so.

Oh, come on. I'm not gonna let you

make this into something it isn't.

S-sorry,

but this is just getting silly.

Is it? What's getting silly?

-You see this is why-- -[woman] Charon...

No, no, I won't.

It's a beautiful house.

You're lucky to even be here.

So go and do something with that.

[click tongue]

[♪♪♪]

[Mona] Did you see Hal's show that's on now?

Amazing.

Oh, I couldn't get tickets. How did you get a ticket?

-Friends of friends. -Oh.

Is it just me or does he take a long time to...

[all laugh]

My God, when he looks at you.

-That glare? -Yeah.

It's like, I don't know, you're the genius!

Is he though?

Or, or just...

Don't you do that Nazi Zombie show?

After, After Death. Yeah.

Yeah, not for long though. Spoilers!

I don't watch it.

Oh, uh... Well, I die.

Hm... too late, tweeted it!

[laughing]

Is that still Carter Vaughan?

Yeah.

Hmm, yeah.

What?

I just hope your runners all signed NDAs!

[Jo] What, you mean like shouty or hands?

Oh, hands.

I worked with him on Chorley Bay.

There was quite the turnover of young, stupid women on that show.

We called him the reverse firework.

'Cause he banged them, then he fired them.

[all laugh]

I'm... I'm just gonna make uh--

I'll be right back.

He is such a fucking cunt.

Do you know he's fucked like runners and assistants as well?

How did I not know that?

Carter?

I knew that.

And if you'd told your best friend

who you were considering banging,

I would have thrown myself across his cock

like one of JFK's bodyguards.

Well, like them, you have failed.

Where are you?

[Naomi] Uh, just working.

You know, as I do.

I've got to go, I've got to go back in.

All right, bye.

[sighs]

Oh, my God, you've got one fucking job.

I'm just, I just gonna see if there's somewhere I can put it

so it stays... Hang on a minute,

I'm just gonna put it here so I can use my hands.

Cob?

[Cob] OK, uh...

So what's happening, what's wrong?

Let me go over and talk to him.

He says he won't play unless you're here.

I don't know what to do with all these kids if he won't join in?

Well, he doesn't have to join in.

[phone dies]

[door opens]

Sorry, sorry, sorry!

[Hal] Welcome back.[Suzie] Sorry.

We were just discussing what Monica wants.

-Objectives. -Objectives like?

Like when she walked into that room, what did she want?

Well, there are lots of different Monica's, aren't there?

Did she want sex when she walked in that room with him?

-Did she want power? -Did she want approval?

Oh...

interesting.

What do you think she wants, Suzie?

Probably just to get something signed.

To not lose her job.

No, you can't play a negative.

You can't play not wanting something.

Well, I can!

[all laugh]

People don't walk around wanting things.

That's not how it is...

at least, not for women.

That's being alive!

[chuckles]

I want things. I want money.

I want my kids to be safe.

-I want to be seen. -Hmm.

I wonder if there is something interesting if Monica wants to be seen?

[Delly] Seen by who then, is the question?

Yeah, but that's not what life is.

I mean, look, I can, I can pretend

that Monica goes into the Oval Office

at The White House "wanting to be seen"

it's just...

I don't... It's, it's fine.

Whatever.

[Hal] I think...

-Are, are you gonna--? -I wonder...

Oh, my God, Naomi?

-Hi. -Hi!

Please, can we go and get a drink?

Um, if you want.

-We met the other night. -I remember.

I hope you don't mind, you seem like a real person.

-I mean, barely. -Do you know anyone?

Who do you wanna meet?

Oh, you don't have to do that.

I mean, famous people.

Women who need agents.

Shall we move to red?

[Mona] We tell ourselves these experiences didn't affect us.

It was the things around it that affected us.

But maybe that is the being affected, you know?

[Hal] Hmm.

Suzie, do you have anything

you'd like to share about

feeling like you were shamed as a woman?

Or...

disrespected or...?

Yeah, I mean... obviously,

like that's why you're using me.

Because of the thing with my phone.

Well, I don't like to think of it as using.

OK, but like...

Can I just ask, if we're gonna like share our stories

and experiences,

do we get any credit for that?

Hmm. Credit.

Interesting financial term.

[cell phone vibrates]

OK, well, look, it's actually--

Oh God, it's just gone five?

It's just gone five.

[Hal] Oh, OK. Well,

this was an abrupt way to end.

No, I mean... just, just for me. Not for these guys.

-Do you remember you said I-- -No, it just feels like this

is a democratic process

and not based on schedule.

Some people are being quite vulnerable.

Oh, OK, all right well...

Fuck you, man!

Fuck you.

Do you want me to sing it for you?

Shall I sing it?

♪ Fuuuuuuuuuuck!

♪ Fuuuuck...

♪ Yoouuuu!

[laughing]

[gasps]

[car horns honking; car alarm blaring]

[squish]

Show me.

Can you smell shit?

Uh, yeah.

Sorry.

It's 'cause I've got shit on me.

What?

Look, you, you can't do that in me cab, love.

That's gonna go in-- No... love!

I can't have it. Sorry, no, sorry.

[Suzie retches]

That's gonna cost me 40 quid for a fucking valet...

-You can't do it in here. -OK. All right, fuck it.

What are you doing?

Happy? Shitless.

What, are you having a bad day or what?

I don't wanna talk, all right?

I mean...

No, I can't want a negative.

I want silence.

I want you just to drive the cab.

Sorry about your friend

and that terrible phone thing.

I didn't want to say anything.

Is she OK?

Um, it's a big question.

Who looks at those things? You know?

Knowing that?

You're not in this whole game, are you?

I acted a bit.

I might get back into it now the kids are older.

I've just been doing this orphanage work,

it took over everything.

I know it sounds so worthy.

[both laugh]

Probably comes from a really unhealthy place.

Controlling thing, no doubt.

Weird few years.

I'm sorry,

I did hear that you lost a child.

Yeah.

I mean, shitting fuck. Sorry.

No, don't worry. I prefer that. It feels right.

Not condolences.

-Do you have kids? -No.

Good.

You get to keep your heart.

Oh mate, can we pull over here, please?

I thought you was in a rush to get to the station?

I just, I just...

I just need two minutes.

I can't wait on double yellows.

[Suzie] Fine! I'll just, I'll just get another cab.

OK.

Have you got cash, me machine's not working.

Really? It's not working, is it?

Is it really not working or is this just a bit of tax evasion?

You know, I can, I could literally change the radio station in an Uber?

-No, I didn't know that. -All right, go on, have the cash then.

You're lucky I've got the cash. Right.

-Have you got anything smaller? -No.

Well, while you're here,is there any chance you can sign my book for us?

It's not me, it's for the blokes back at the office.

Just keep it. Just keep the money, all right?

Fucking celebrities!

[horn honks]

Excuse me!

[bell dings]

Excuse me... Hi.

Uh, have you, have you got these in a seven?

I'll just, I'll pay for them now.

Just... I'm in a rush.

I can just see if we've got them.

Yeah, or just something like them in a seven,

just whatever's closest to them on the shelf.

OK. But you want these in a seven?

Or whatever's like them.

Just any color!

[sighs]

Trying to get home.

Hello, mate.

Would these be quicker?

One of these?

Or two of these?

You prefer those?

Just... No, forget it, forget it!

Just, as you were!

Just before!

So, we didn't have them in a seven but we had them in a six.

Yeah, OK, that's fine. Here you go.

-So you are a six? -No, but it's fine.

Because we don't have these in a seven.

Yes, you said! You said.

So you want these?

Yeah.

-That'll be £49.99. -Yeah.

[scanner beeps]

Do you wanna a loyalty card?

No. I don't.

But if you spend over 50 pounds

-you get um-- -I don't want one.

-You're only 1p off. -I don't want one.

You don't want any shoe care?

-No, no. No shoe care. -OK.

Give me the machine!

You can't tap, it's over the £30

-so you're just gonna have to... -OK, alright!

I'll put it in. Thank you.

Come on then, come on then, Mr. Fucking Machine.

Come on.

-There you go. -Thank you.

[machine beeping]

-Want your receipt? -No!

Fuck.

-[phone ringing] -Ugh!

-[Suzie] What is it, Nay? -Why do I have an email saying

that you stormed out of a workshop?

Posh cunts wanking on about

their own pain so they can trap another bunch other posh cunts

in a room to clap at them. You said that.

Do you know how much I begged to get you in there?

What? No, you didn't.

'Cause you wanted it.

That's what I do! It's not just you

when you go in. You are representing me!

Charon Bander's giving me looks.

What the fuck?

You literally went to the fucking Women's thing?!

Are you there now? Are you there?

I had to, Suzie! I have no work

-and my biggest client keeps throwing away jobs! -[horn honks]

What? Just, just go mate, there's no-one behind you.

-I am so-- -[honks horn]

Just go!

Go!

I am missing my son's only eighth birthday party

to make money for you!

Right now. And you're out with Carter's wife!

[horn honks]

All right, all right, all right,

what do you want me to do? What do you want me to do, mate?

You want me to walk out in front of you? Well, I'm here now!

I'm here now! Are you happy?

Jesus!

What the fuck do you fucking want?!

What do you--

Oh, you're going to film me?!

Are you gonna film me now?

OK, are you gonna film me, mate?

Open the door, mate! Open the door!

Ah!

Fuck!

Open the door!

Put it down!

Open the door!

Open the fucking door!

-[honking horn] -Open the fucking door!

[cars honking]

Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck off.

Fuck!

[cell phone rings]

Suzie, it's not a good time. We're about to shoot.

Am, am I mad? Am I mental?

Sorry, or was that your wife I met the other night...

OK, OK, hold on a sec, hold on a sec.

...who had absolutely no fucking idea about you and I

-or the hack-- -So what's the issue?

You came round and announced

that you'd left your wife,

told her it was you with me in those photos!

Well, let's be fair about this.

I was going to tell her.

If you'd said yes, I was prepared to tell her.

You told me you'd told her!

Yeah, I could have told her!

This enormous romantic gesture!

Yeah, and if you'd said yes, I would have told her,

so it was technically a big romantic gesture.

Well, you were loitering in my garden in the middle of the night!

I thought I'd ruined your life!

Yeah, well, then it's lucky I didn't tell her, isn't it?

Because that would be another life that got ruined. Look--

And now I find out you've been fucking everything that moves.

I am still the guy whose heart got broken,

and you're still the girl who broke it.

All right, well, if you're not going to fucking tell her, I will!

Taxi!

Hey!

Mummy's at work.

[♪♪♪]

[woman] Is that Suzie Pickles?

[electronic music playing over speakers]

Excuse me!

-Genevieve! -What are you doing here?

He doesn't get to lose nothing.

I smashed the phone but I can still show her.

She has to see, she deserves to see it.

It's insane, all right?

I'm not, I'm not the only woman he's had an affair with.

OK, I'm probably not the only woman in this room he's had an affair with.

Do you not feel bad about that? At all?

Yes, of course I do! Have you seen my life?!

I mean bad for her, Suze.

-No! She des-- -OK. No!

Deserves to see!

She's a nice person, Suze.

And she does not deserve you doing anything to her.

What have I done to her?!

What have I done? I don't even know her.

I've just fucking met her properly.

Shh! Are you drunk?

Oh God, all right.

Don't fucking--

Don't talk down to me like some proxy kid, all right?

If you, if you wanna do that,

why don't you just have a fucking baby?

Because I am not that selfish.

Oh, God!

Oh, my God, what are you even doing here?

What are you doing here, Naomi?

What are you doing here?

Look, this isn't even your invitation, it's mine.

I'm Suzie Pickles.

I'm Suzie Pickles!

I am here networking because I desperately need new clients.

And I desperately need to feel like I am worth something!

Oh, my God! All right, well,

let's just park that for a moment

so we don't all throw up everywhere.

OK, and I'm sorryif I've got in the way of your gross ambition

and your new friendship with your stupid mate

with the ridiculous face.

[Naomi] Please don't.

Don't tell me what to do, Naomi.

Go home, Suze.

Yeah, all right. You go home.

[Naomi] You're so fucking tragic!

[electronic music continues]

[Suzie] Oh, my God...

What happened?

He stood on it.

On, on him.

What did you do?

What did you do?! Who are you?

What did you do?

-[screaming] -What... did you do?!

What is wrong with you? He didn't-- It was an accident!

Fucking hell! What is wrong with you?

Roger...

I'm sorry.

[♪♪♪]