Original subtitles

[Buck] Previously on Farmed and Dangerous.

PetroPellet is a game-changer.

-[explosion] -[Mick] Why are my cows

exploding all over the Internet?

The young man behind the number one viral video.

-This is Chip Randolph. -Thanks for having me.

You're just a farmer.

You take down that video

or we will slaughter you.

Mick, there will never be a Senate hearing.

Any comment on the PetroPellet Senate hearing?

If only we could find some way to get through to him.

Zach is still pissed about the last time we got together.

Zach doesn't have to know.

You have really nice eyes.

Why didn't you come over last night?

I was working late.

[upbeat music]

[clattering in distance]

[skateboard rattling]

[thumps]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music continues]

♪ Every day Gets a little harder ♪

♪ But that's okay

♪ 'Cause I'm getting stronger

♪ You're working overtime

♪ You must be out your mind

♪ You ready? I'm about to shine ♪

♪ Only a matter of time

♪ I always find a way

♪ To come out on top

♪ Even when I'm down

♪ I'm looking up

♪ I'm looking up

♪ I always find a way

♪ Find a way, find a way Find a way ♪

♪ Find a way, find a way

♪ To come out on top

♪ I always find a way Find a way, find a way ♪

Hey, Chip!

Chip!

Whatever.

[upbeat music]

-[Joe] I know you saw me. -Morning, Joe.

Another love letter from Big Ag?

Hey, wait, aren't you gonna say it?

-[Joe] Chip Randolph. -Yes?

-You've been served. -What?

I'm being sued?

See you tomorrow, Joe.

[upbeat music]

-[Chip] Ah. -Sunglasses plus orange juice.

Yup, definitely hungover.

Want some vodka for that?

Will it make the lawsuits go away?

If you drink enough of it.

So, wanna fill us in on your date last night?

When I walked in he was giving her his best moves.

Oh, so we know he went home alone.

It's worse than I thought.

Worse than exploding cows?

Dairy from Animoil's cows

could be on the shelves in weeks.

But the FDA will stop it.

[all laugh]

So, what's your plan?

Make out with Sophia

until she renounces industrial agriculture

thereby saving the world?

That would be my plan.

I invited her to the farm tomorrow.

Oh, great. That really is your plan.

[Chip] No.

My plan is to get their chief scientist,

some guy named Van Riefkind to share his secrets with us.

So, you're gonna make out with him?

We have to prove that PetroPellet is unsafe.

He's gotta do it.

Hello, Doctor Mengele, you don't know me,

but I'm gonna need all the dirt on PetroPellet.

Sophia says,

Animoil treats him worse than their livestock.

So, I just figured, let's--

So, he's just gonna sing us a song?

No, but he might perform

for the American Food Science Award Committee

when they nominate him for their highest honor.

Since when is there an American Food Science Award Committee?

Since now.

And, suddenly, your idea of making out with Sophia

feels like a winner.

[Steve] I agree.

[upbeat music]

[Buck] Okay, good.

Give me a call as soon as you get back.

I'm pulling in now, I gotta go.

[Buck] You shake what your momma gave you, honey.

-Dad. -[Buck] He calls off

his little Occupy Animoil movement,

we call off the lawsuits.

Crystal clear, Dad.

Dad, give you a last-minute pep talk?

I know you think he's the devil, but--

I think your dad watches The Matrix

-and roots for the machines. -Probably.

I'm sorry about the slime. I just delivered a calf.

Gross. To who?

Kidding.

-Leave it here? -[Chip] Yeah.

Save the petroleum for your pellets.

-[Sophia scoffs] -[squelches]

Sorry about that.

It's okay.

I love mud.

Nothing says you're making the world a better place

more than mud.

Ever seen a chicken outside before?

Live it up, bird.

You're gonna end up a nugget just like the rest of them.

[chicken clucks]

[Zach] So, instead of delivering feed crops

to 20 CAFOs spread out over a 100-mile radius,

we deliver PetroPellet to just one facility.

The Megafarm.

It's like the Death Star for cows.

One day we hope to connect this Megafarm

to the Keystone oil pipeline.

Until Matt Damon makes a movie about it.

That guy is evil.

Well, give us a few days and we'll come back with a plan

on how to keep this under wraps.

[Zach] Under wraps?

The ribbon-cutting invitations are already out.

I mean, we're flying DJ Kamikaze from Japan.

-This thing is gonna rock. -[Riefkind speaking German]

We're using miles, Riefkind.

What is the big deal?

You are making a mistake.

I agree with Van Halen.

The protocol should be to bury this thing,

not tie a ribbon around it.

I figured some passed hors d'oeuvres

and top-shelf liquor would sweep away reef and bad press.

Well, you're gonna need some generous gift bags.

Maybe some cash.

Works for the Golden Globes.

All these cows in one place,

it's too early, it's too dangerous.

And then there are the other major side effects

-we have observed that we have-- -Other side effects?

You don't know everything, do you, Herr Marshall?

What's Van German talking about?

We pay you to solve problems, not point them out.

I want to solve problems but you say, "No."

I want to test, you say, "Rush, rush."

You do not want me to solve any problems.

You think all problems are solved by this Buck.

But this man is full of scheisse.

Look, either you get on board, or we cut off your Internet.

And you will never see your family again...

on Skype.

[Mick] Don't insult my friend.

This man does important work for the company.

[light blues music]

Where's Sophia today?

[Sophia] So, this used to be an industrial farm?

[Chip] Yeah, back in the day,

my dad got caught up in the factory-farm movement.

Big CAFO, the whole deal.

But the more I got involved in running the farm

the less I can see the benefits.

[pig squeals]

They hate when I talk about this.

[Chip] It was disgusting.

They were living in their own excrement,

getting sick, biting each other's tails off.

One fall, the ventilation system broke,

and the whole herd suffocated.

We lost every one of them.

[Chip] But for every new problem,

there was always some corporation there,

ready to sell us the solution.

There were days when all my dad did

was give antibiotic injections to pigs.

The protocols were always changing.

One day, they're telling us to cut the tails off pigs,

then beaks off chickens,

and we forgot we were dealing with living things.

And then one day, my dad was gored in the leg

by one of our boars.

It got infected.

And that boar had been on antibiotics its whole life.

Like all the rest of them.

The strain that infected my dad

was resistant to every medication they tried.

There was nothing they could do.

So, that's how this farm became mine.

I'm sorry.

And now, I raise my animals naturally.

[Sophia chuckles]

-Uh-oh. -What?

-[cow moos] -He's a charger.

What?

This is why you need cages!

Don't let him see you're scared.

Too late.

Here's what we're gonna do,

when I say "run", you run.

[Chip] I'm gonna try and slow him down.

Easy...

Yeah.

Wait, Sophia.

I didn't say run, did I, Peaches?

You tell her

that you are not a bull.

Peaches is a cow.

-You scared the crap out of me. -[Chip chuckles]

Sophia, Peaches.

I'm sorry you're Chip's cow.

♪ What is just this Way, way, way about you ♪

Here, try that.

[Chip] Just picked.

-Seriously. -Yes, seriously.

It's a tomato.

-[munches] -[Sophia] Oh, my god.

[both laugh]

What did you put in this?

-Nothing. That's the point. -[Sophia] It's, uh...

That's what local tastes like.

♪ Usually I don't fall this fast And I'll be on my way ♪

♪ But I ain't gon' try And fight this ♪

♪ Ain't gon' fight this

♪ 'Cause baby, I got a little crush ♪

♪ I don't really know What's coming next ♪

♪ Ain't gon' fight this

[camera shutter clicking]

So, what are you gonna report back to the enemy?

♪ I am the one Who runs the party ♪

[Sophia] Nice.

You kept the ringtone.

[Chip] Yeah. It grew on me.

[Sophia] ♪ Yeah, you know, It's all about me ♪

♪ About me, about me

♪ I am the one Who run the party ♪

[light blues music]

[Amanda] Doctor Van Riefkind?

You're Amanda with American Food Science Committee?

Yes, Thank you so much for your time.

I'm a huge admirer.

I'm a huge fan of the American Food Science Awards.

Well, for our inaugural award, the Committee

is going to interview hundreds of candidates.

And in order to narrow the field,

we just need to know some more about your research.

Well...

I want to win,

but it's such an honor to even be nominated.

I learned that from watching the Oscars,

which are much more in the up and up

than the Golden Globes.

Uh, do you mind if I ask you about your current research?

I have a better idea.

Why don't we start with you telling me who you really are?

Uh, I don't, I don't know what you mean.

There's no awards.

You're a reporter looking for the dirt on the PetroPellet.

Okay, look, I'm really, really sorry.

It's okay.

That's why I agreed to meet you.

The Animoil... [sighs]

...they are not testing the PetroPellet,

and I do not want to be responsible

for the things...

[imitates German accent] Vat zings?

[suspenseful music]

Jeez.

-Can I get some privacy? -[Buck] Sure.

Just not in my bathroom.

Hey, how did it go at Chip's petting zoo,

is he coming around?

Well, it's a bit complicated.

I know, honey, seeing baby goats and piglets

pulls at the heartstrings.

But eyes on the prize,

new client pitch meeting in five.

Do you have any hair product?

No.

Why?

Rumor has it, you're one of the best.

Well, don't believe everything you hear.

We are the best.

Are you familiar with pigweed?

[Buck] PW? Sure.

Well, we've got a new herbicide to counter pigweed.

Then you're gonna be a very rich man.

I'm already a very rich man.

But the problem is, there's a new,

herbicide-resistant weed

that's even stronger than pigweed.

We're calling it super pigweed.

-[inhales deeply] -Once we're on board,

we'll be able to help you rebrand that.

The word "super" goes on the product,

not the weed.

Stupid pigweed.

He's not on the branding team.

But, anyway, you were telling me

that you hadn't been able to develop

an herbicide that could counter

natural-born killer, pigweed, yet, right?

[Bob] Actually, we have.

And we've already predicted which strain of weed

will be resistant to that.

That's not the problem.

-You've lost me, Bob. -[Bob] You know how this works.

We produce an herbicide to kill weeds.

Over time, the weeds adapt and become resistant.

So, we create a stronger herbicide

to kill those stronger weeds

and so on, and so on--

And that model put my daughter through college.

For 20 years, we've been predicting

new weeds like clockwork.

But that old bitch, Mother Nature,

changed the game on us.

Today's weeds are adapting faster than we anticipated.

Left unchecked,

this means disaster for you-know-who.

Farmers?

The American people.

Our shareholders.

And so, you're looking for some...

help.

We need a government subsidy.

We don't get one, we'll have to eat into our profits.

Well, that's what we're here for.

What?

Hm?

Have you ever considered ways to stop the vicious cycle?

[sighs]

Is this your way of telling me

that you don't wanna go to law school?

[all laugh]

Bob, we can't push for a subsidy.

[Buck] It's just more big government bureaucracy.

We really need that money.

Oh, we'll get you the money.

But we need to make it a tax break.

And that way, it means less government.

-[Buck] You follow? -Sure.

And you understand, I don't need this money for myself.

I'm just thinking about our employees,

and our shareholders, retired school teachers...

[Buck] Bob, I love where this is going.

But let's save it for the press release.

What is the active ingredient in your herbicide?

Well, it has a sort of dual purpose.

We license it to the military.

Under codename, Agent Banana.

Orange you glad I didn't say, "orange."

[all chuckle]

We will brand your company as the only defense

against the opposing threat to America's food supply.

The government will be forced to support your efforts,

if only to hold the line against children of the pigweed.

[Buck] We'll tap into the State Department.

And oppose sanctions on any other country that might...

[suspenseful music]

-[Chip] How'd it go? -Terrible plan.

-[Chip] Nothing? -I didn't say that.

-Spill. -Tumors.

PetroPellet causes cancer.

[Amanda] It really was the worst plan ever, by the way.

[light music]

[sighs]

[tapping]

Did you know about the tumors?

Oh, come on, Chip. Give it a rest.

-Okay? There's no way-- -[Zach] Hey!

[Sophia] You should leave.

Things are pretty tense around here.

Is that why your hair is all crazy?

Get away from her, farm boy.

You're here for a reason, son?

PetroPellet is giving cows tumors.

[Chip] You can't go to market knowing that.

Oh, thanks for the heads up, WikiLeaks.

[Zach] We'll take it from here. Get him out of here.

If you thought the cow video was a wake-up call,

wait 'til the media gets ahold of this.

[Buck] Tumors?

Is that what Van Diesel was talking about?

Please tell me Chip has some bad information.

[Zach] Oh, come on, Sophia.

Milk from cows with cancer

would never end up on supermarket shelves.

[Buck sighs]

Maybe school lunches.

[light blue music]

Amazing.

[Amanda] What do you guys have?

[Chip] Amazing.

Show me.

[Chip] Boom. It's triple word.

Oh, come on, guys. Some help?

What do you wanna do?

We've got one disgruntled employee,

who won't go on the record.

No documents, no images, no proof.

-Zero. -Double word.

[Amanda] Okay, but, at least we know what we're looking for.

I mean, Van Riefkind won't go on the record, but...

Well, there must be someone who can give us

something concrete.

[tapping on door]

Who could that be?

-[Joe] Chip Randolph. -Huh.

[Joe] You've been served.

Let's try that again.

There must be someone who can give us something concrete.

[Chip] Someone?

[cell phone buzzing]

[Chip] Ooh.

No way.

It's Sophia.

"I wanna help.

Meet me at the Megafarm at nine.

Bring a camera.

Sophia."

-[thumps] -[Chip] Yes!

Wow, dude.

You must be a good kisser.

[Chip] We didn't kiss.

[Steve] My ass. You kissed her.

You're not gonna go, are you?

Yeah, he's gonna go.

Well, be careful.

She's probably jacked up on hormones

like the rest of the cows.

[Steve] It's gonna be exciting.

I think I'll be all right.

Have a good night, guys.

-G'night. -[Steve] Night.

[light music]

[car door clicks]

[foreboding music]

[Sophia] Hi, this is Sophia. Leave a message.

[cell phone beeps]

[Chip] Sophia?

[ominous music]

[cows mooing]

[mooing continues]

[foreboding music]

[door creaking]

[tires screeching]

[siren wails]

Hey, looks like someone broke in here, guys.

On the ground.

-Whoa. -Arms outstretched,

-I'm one of the good guys. -palms facing skyward.

-I wasn't-- -On the ground.

I was invited here.

-On the ground! -Okay, okay.

-Get down. -Okay.

[chuckles] You can't arrest me.

I walked through an open gate.

[officer] You can't have a camera in here.

You're in breach of the Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act.

The what? You just made that up.

No. It's a thing.

Google it.

[Chip] What is F.I.S.T.?

I got a fist for you.

[tires screech]

[foreboding music]

Mm-hm.

-Yeah. -[Sophia] Dad,

have you seen my phone?

All right, perfect.

Talk soon.

Great news.

PetroPellet doesn't cause tumors?

No, we signed the pigweed account.

And maybe if we spray that pigweed herbicide

on the cow tumors, they'd go away.

I love it when everybody wins.

[Sophia sighs]

[slow upbeat music]

[slow upbeat music continues]

♪ I know you want me

♪ To rescue you

♪ I am the one

♪ That needs you

[Buck] On the next episode of Farmed and Dangerous.

Wanna tell me where Chip is?

What was that girl talking about?

FBI says he's behind the explosions.

[explosion]

Chip's in jail.

[chuckling] What's the problem?

She played me.

Did you know about this?

After the fact.

Did they ask you to spin this too?

-Babe, it's time. -For?

[Zach] For us to go to the next level.

-You in? -Finally buying the cow, huh?

PetroPellet goes down,

your fiancé goes down.

[Buck] Your daddy goes down.

Let me rephrase that.

We're all in this together.

♪ 'Cause baby, You're the reason ♪

♪ Really like maybe

♪ That I pray

♪ But nothing will save me

♪ When they throw us In the fire ♪

♪ Would you sit In pouring rain? ♪

♪ 'Cause baby, I'm in heaven

♪ Really want you

♪ Who will love you endlessly?

♪ So when I'm going away

♪ Maybe the truth Has set me free ♪

♪ But I never meant to speak

♪ Where I wanna be

♪ Day one

♪ I was somebody