Original subtitles

-[thunder rumbles] -[brakes creak]

[thunder rumbles]

[car door opens]

[upbeat music]

[Buck] You know, it smells like an oil refinery in here.

-[Mick] Buck. -[Buck chuckles]

-[Mick] How's the family? -Don't ask me.

[Mick chuckles]

Sophia spends more time at your place than ours.

When is Zach gonna put that ring on her finger, huh?

When he can afford one without borrowing from me.

Maybe she should pay for it, now that she's working for you.

[chuckles] So, why am I here?

Two reasons.

One, you're on retainer.

Two, this is the biggest improvement in agriculture

since synthetic growth hormones.

What is?

Buck, you know what makes American food production

the well-oiled machine it is today?

-Subsidies. -Oil, that's what.

Animals, they used to be raised out of the pasture.

They just graze all day long, and now we...

we raise them indoors.

[Mick] We bring the food to them.

You know who benefits from that?

-[Buck] You. -Sheikhs.

-Sheikhs? -Oil sheikhs.

Can we skip to the part where I learn

what I'm doing here?

The energy that's required to irrigate, fertilize, harvest,

and transport all these animal feed

comes from oil, tons of it.

You know, and some Middle Eastern sheikh

-just turns off the tap... -[snaps fingers]

-[scoffs] -we're screwed, just like that.

Well, the war's not over yet.

[Mick] Buck, you wanna know why you're here?

-[cow munching] -[Buck] Yeah.

Livestock consume

more than half the crops we grow here in America.

Now, what if I were to tell you that

that animal can survive

without ever eating a plant.

I'd call my stockbroker.

Well, you call him first thing tomorrow morning

because PetroPellet is a game-changer.

PetroPellet?

Now, what are you not telling me?

[German accent] This is petroleum.

Did he say petroleum?

Mm-hm.

-Side effects? -[clicks tongue]

[scientist speaks German]

The lawyer signed off on it. It's all kosher.

PetroPellet is market-ready,

we're just looking for an angle.

An angle? You're talking about feeding cattle petroleum.

[Buck] Nobody wants oil in the food chain.

Oh, sure, they do. There's peanut oil, olive oil.

I had a hard enough time making that GMO-corn-feed-thing fly.

[Mick] Yeah, well, now we don't need any of that stuff.

Okay. [inhales deeply]

Animoil is going to help the environment

by reducing industrial farming's dependency on oil.

Exactly.

[Buck] With oil.

[both laugh]

Organic farmers will fertilize their pants.

-[Mick chuckles] -[sniffs]

Work your magic, Buck.

[cell phone buzzing]

[scientist speaking German]

I have to call you back.

[explosion]

[upbeat music]

Thanks, handsome.

♪ Yo, yo, yo

♪ I, I am the queen Ruler of the world ♪

♪ If you want the best Then holla at your girl ♪

♪ I am The number one contender ♪

♪ Hot as the summer Cold as the winter ♪

♪ How you gonna be mad At a winner, that's me ♪

♪ First place blue ribbon Placed on me ♪

♪ I am the star In the sky you see ♪

♪ Shine bright, so bright What a sight to see ♪

♪ Okay

♪ It's all about me

♪ Me, me, it's all about me

♪ Me, me, it's all about me

♪ I am the one Who runs the party ♪

♪ I am the one Who runs the party ♪

♪ Ain't nobody better than me

♪ Yeah, you know, It's all about me ♪

♪ About me, about me

♪ One for the show I'm the main event ♪

♪ I own the stage And you pay the rent ♪

♪ I play to win Let me say it again ♪

♪ I play to win Go ahead tell your friends ♪

[car door shuts]

The modeling agency is actually 650B.

It's that next building over.

Wait, are you the new girl?

[chuckles]

I thought you were a model. Crazy.

-Crazy? -My ex is a model.

Lingerie, wetsuits, you know.

Tell you what, why don't we grab lunch. Noon?

I'll give you the lay of the land.

Thanks, but I had lunch this morning,

guess you're gonna have to lay it alone.

Eating disorder?

You can talk to me.

Like I said,

I date a lot of models.

[light music]

Buck likes to keep us waiting.

Maybe Charisse is addressing his burns.

Or undressing him.

Is he really giving her the T-bone?

Not right now.

-He means-- -I mean, I get it.

So does Charisse.

Yeah, well if that's true, it's a waste of a hot wife.

Totally.

Even at her age,

I would check Buck's wife for ticks.

[door creaks]

Hey.

There she is.

Have you all met our latest hire?

[Buck] My talented daughter, Sophia.

Are they making you feel welcome?

I'm learning a lot.

Good. [chuckles]

Diane, do they all have copies of the PetroPellet brief?

Yeah. Are, are you okay?

We heard about the explosion.

I'm fine. Let's move on.

-What about the cow? -[inhales deeply]

Who gives a crap about the cow?

It ruined one of my best suits, probably did it on purpose.

Do they know what caused the cow to explode?

If it wasn't jihad,

I would put my money on the petroleum.

[Buck] Let's not overthink it, all right?

They pay us to fix their image,

-not their cattle. -[all chuckle]

-And... -[phone ringing]

[exhales]

Charisse, we're in a meeting.

[Charisse] It's Mitcherson.

It sounds urgent.

Mr. Animoil himself.

[chuckles]

All right, put him on, hun.

-[phone beeps] -[Mick] What the hell

- do I pay you guys for? -[phone clatters]

You're supposed to make sure this thing doesn't get out.

I don't know what got out

but whatever it is, I'm sure--

[Mick] You get that goddamn thing

off the Internet right now...

Uh, Harvey.

Google "Animoil cow explosion video."

[keyboard clicking]

[suspenseful music]

[Mick] PetroPellets...

Why are my cows exploding all over the Internet?

-[cow moos] -[explosion]

[chuckles]

Mitch, we'll get that taken down before anybody really sees it.

[Mitch] You know how much I've put into this project?

And I've got you on retainer!

I got you on retainer for the rest of your life!

[phone clatters]

At least it's only on the Internet.

As opposed to TV?

This from our head of digital.

Eddie, who did you say was promoting that video?

A guy named Chip Randolph.

We'll sue his ass.

How do I know that name?

He's head of the Sustainable Family Farming Association.

Didn't we sue those guys

for, uh, using the word "sustainable"?

-And "farming." -And "family."

We lost. But are they really an "association"?

I think it's time that Chip Randolph and I

had a little heart-to-heart.

Eddie, you think you can get him in here?

[chuckles] He hates us.

We've tried before.

I'll get him in here.

Attagirl. [laughs]

Harvey, get a file on him.

I'm on it.

[Sophia] Can I get a soft copy?

[upbeat music]

♪ Come on

I'm here to see Chip Randolph.

Do you have an appointment?

Do I need one?

Well, if you want him to be here when you arrive,

it's not a bad idea.

So, I take it he's not here.

Okay, I need to find him.

Can I get a cell number or an address?

I'm not allowed to give out that kind of information.

But, if you give me your name

-I will-- -[sobs]

It's really important, okay?

He has my wallet.

How do you know Chip?

We met while protesting and I lost my wallet.

And he called to say that he had found it.

What protest was that?

The one against corporations that make money.

Okay. He's at the Barn and Grill.

You can try him there.

Can I get an address?

Or is that against the rules too?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Somewhere beyond that door.

♪ Left my coat

[door creaks, thuds]

♪ Down to the river

♪ Saddle her bed

♪ I lay it down over my eyes

♪ Pray to the heavens

♪ And to the skies

♪ The heaven, the sky

♪ I'm setting up a raid Above me ♪

♪ Down the barrel of a gun

♪ Praying for the gods To love me ♪

♪ Praying for someone to love

♪ Can I get someone to love

Help you?

I don't suppose a girl can get a mojito in here?

Oh.

A girl can get just about anything she wants in here.

[bartender] One mojito.

Have you seen this guy? I heard he was here.

[thuds]

["Barrel of a Gun" by Bryce Rivers Band playing]

Ooh. Please be into tall guys.

Please be into tall guys.

-Hi. -Hi.

Do you-- Either of you know this guy?

Chip Randolph?

[both laughing]

Doesn't look like your type.

He's not. He's into cows.

What'd this guy, Chip, do?

It's a business thing.

I'm with the Industrial Food Image Bureau.

Is he that guy giving Brussels sprouts a bad name?

So, what do you want with him?

I need him to meet my father, he runs the company.

You're Buck Marshall's daughter?

How do you know my dad?

That's Chip Randolph.

The former child actor?

I outranked him on Google Images,

but then he went and got on Celebrity Rehab.

So, you're Chip Randolph?

The one into cows though, not drugs.

And Googling himself, apparently.

I'm glad you found your wallet.

[Sophia] Oh, I see.

You saw me coming.

Was your plan to come in here like a Bond girl

and seduce me into seeing things your way?

He would have gone for it.

I'm not that easy.

Fine.

Wait, he's not that hard either.

At least stay and finish your swamp juice.

[Chip] Okay, I'll meet him.

On one condition.

What?

That I go out with you?

Uh, okay.

[Chip] Lunch, Sunday?

I have a boyfriend.

Does he know about us?

Our office. Tomorrow, 11 a.m.

Lunch, Sunday noon.

I'm gonna need your number.

[Sophia] You're the Google expert.

[Chip's friend] Really, Chip?

[Chip] Hey, it's one way to know what Animoil's up to.

[upbeat music]

Yeah?

Uh, count to ten and send him in.

[clears throat]

-[inhales deeply] -[door creaks]

-Ah. -[door thuds]

Chip Randolph.

-Buck Marshall. -[Buck chuckles]

-We meet at last. -[chuckles]

-Nice lair. -Sit.

[Buck] You know what I think, Chip?

-Dad... -[Buck] I think you're terrific.

Smart. I've been doing my homework on you,

and I like what I see.

So, I'm gonna chalk it all up

to poor communications on our part.

Chalk what up, Buck?

Chip, there are gonna be over seven billion people

on this planet soon, most of them with mouths.

Feeding them will be one tall order.

But there are haters out there, Chip.

You're not a hater, are you?

-Ah, thank you. -Oh, okay.

I hate those people.

[Buck] Who doesn't?

Better looking than his picture.

-I know. -Shut up.

Well, when people see that video that, uh, you put up,

they're gonna start hating on Animoil.

You know, like, uh,

Animoil is doing some kind of weird science.

Dr. Evil stuff.

Like blowing up cows?

Ah, yeah. Don't remind me.

Or maybe you're testing a weapons-grade version?

That's a good idea.

[Buck] I know the cows need some engineering,

but ultimately, PetroPellet will help the cattle thrive.

Not if they're gonna blow up in the sun,

or anywhere near a cell phone.

Dairy cows don't need sunlight, Chip.

Nor do they need cell phones.

Mine get sunlight, that's how they stay healthy.

[Buck] Chip, tell me something.

If your farming techniques are so sustainable,

how come so many family farms go under every week?

Because industrial farms are subsidized

by the government, thanks to all your hard work.

Well, America looks after its corporations, Chip.

Nothing wrong with that.

Besides, look at the progress we've made.

Oh, right.

You guys have been improving farming

for like, what, 50 years now?

Yet more antibiotics are given to livestock than sick people,

and you still got people dying from eating contaminated meat.

Those people died from eating, not starving.

That's progress.

Livestock can survive,

even thrive, eating pellets made from oil.

No more feed crops.

Think of the cost savings.

I'm still thinking of the petroleum.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with petroleum,

it comes from the Earth.

Really? Is that your spin, Buck?

That PetroPellet is natural because oil is natural?

Solar energy converted into organic matter

millions of years ago?

Ancient sunlight

giving today's cattle natural sustenance.

You sold me.

[both laugh]

[Chip] People aren't idiots.

Feeding genetically modified livestock crude oil,

it's never gonna fly.

Well, not when you say it like that.

[Buck] Jeez.

Chip, we need to know who you've been talking to.

And how you got that video.

And we need you to take it down.

Now, what's it gonna take?

I'm not interested in your money, Buck.

But I am interested in continuing this dialogue.

With Sophia.

-Oh. -Excuse me?

It's a way in.

-[Harvey gasps] -Is that a pun?

[laughs]

Lunch. Noon. Sunday.

[Chip] The Americana.

Thanks, Buck.

[door creaks, closes]

[clears throat]

Hi.

I'm Buck Marshall.

Now, some of you folks out there may have recently seen something

claiming to be on your Internet.

That doesn't even make sense, Harvey.

[Sophia] Dad, forget about the cows.

-What is that? -We have to go on the offensive.

-[Buck sighs] -[Sophia] Here.

-[Buck] That's good. -Good.

-Good. -Okay.

[Buck exhales] All right.

[light music playing]

No show?

It's starting to look that way.

[background chatter]

Hi.

I'm Buck Marshall.

Did you know it takes industrial farms

25 calories of fossil fuel energy

to produce a single calorie of meat?

If only we could use that energy more wisely.

[Buck] Well, thanks to PetroPellet...

-[Chip inhales deeply] - ...we can.

PetroPellet makes modern use of ancient solar energy.

Compressed dinosaurs and plants

converted into organic crude oil providing livestock

with all the legal nutritional requirements

with minor, acceptable side effects.

-Hi, Chip. -[Buck] Animoil the future...

That your handiwork?

I guess you won't be promoting that video.

I would if your dad exploded.

-[cell phone ringing] -[Chip] Oh.

-Sorry. -[Sophia] It's fine.

[Chip] Now, don't be alarmed.

Everything here is organic and free-range,

so you may not find anything you like.

You're pretty pleased with yourself,

'causing problems for my father.

Well, doesn't bad publicity for industrial agriculture

create business for your father?

[Sophia] You're so clueless.

Our business is more than image consulting.

We have stakes in these companies.

[Sophia] Well, there you go.

Already getting information out of me

and I haven't even ordered the veal yet.

Sophia, I don't wanna know more about I.F.I.B.

It's the Industrial Food Image Bureau.

I wanna know more about you.

Yeah, right, okay.

I'm a spoiled Daddy's girl, only child.

Straight-A student, self-centered, ambitious.

I enjoy tennis, skiing,

and poking holes in the ozone layer.

Sounds like you got some issues.

And what would you prescribe, a raw food diet?

Well, that would loosen you up.

Let's just order and get this over with.

And tomorrow you'll take down the video, right?

A deal is a deal.

Lunch is finished.

-Let's go. -What are you doing here?

-I'm fine. -[Zach] So, Chip.

Is this how you get a woman to have lunch with you?

-[Zach] Blackmail? -Chip,

this is my boyfriend, Zach.

Pleasure.

For the record, this is more of a bribe.

[Chip] Blackmail would be if I threatened to expose a secret.

Well, as you can see,

Sophia doesn't keep any secrets from me, so.

Not even the naked sorority hazing?

-What? -Google.

He's joking.

That video is the private property of Animoil.

The public has a right to know how their food is raised.

Uh, no, they don't.

We're a private company.

Well, I found the video on a public website, so...

Uh, yeah. I doubt that.

Anyway, you downloaded it,

and now, you're the one promoting it.

Well, what can I say? I'm a fan.

It would mean a lot to me if you would just take it down.

If you don't,

-we're gonna-- -Fine. I'll do it.

If?

-What? -Knowing you,

a condition is looming.

Is that how I come across?

A desperate blackmailer.

Briber. There's a difference.

Okay.

Name your price.

Well, there's no price. I just want you to leave.

Leave Animoil? [laughs]

[Zach] That's my father's company, okay?

-You're out of your mind if-- -No, no, no.

Leave the restaurant.

The deal was lunch with Sophia, not you.

You call this a restaurant.

That's hilarious.

I'll take down the video if you leave.

What's it gonna be, Zach?

Sophia or your video?

We're going. [snaps fingers]

You take down that video

or we will slaughter you

and your pathetic farmer's association.

And that's not a threat.

It's extortion.

You don't wanna mess with us.

Believe me.

[Chip] Actually, that was a threat.

Extortion is...

Ah, never mind.

Whew.

[phone beeps]

[Elaine] This is a message for Chip Randolph.

It's Elaine Huntsman,

I'm a producer at The Morning Show.

Uh, we're doing our weekly segment on viral videos

and I think you're the guy behind the exploding cow.

[laughs] Anyway,

we'd love to have you on. So, can you call me back?

[upbeat music playing]

♪ I see a storm Heading straight ♪

♪ Straight my way

♪ Grey clouds full of all

♪ All my pain

[Buck] On the next episode of Farmed and Dangerous.

The young man behind the number one viral video,

this is Chip Randolph. Chip, thanks for joining us.

-[coughs] - Thanks for having me.

You know that exploding cow video you liked?

[Harvey] I need you to unlike it, right now.

Are you telling me, this guy's stupid petition

can lead to a Senate hearing?

If only we could find some way to get through to him.

Zach is still pissed about the last time we got together.

Zach doesn't have to know.

Why didn't you come over last night?

[Sophia] I was working late. Sorry.

Your client, Animoil, is dangerous.

What the hell is that?

It's an eight-winged chicken.

I plan on eating for the next six decades

and those products scare the crap out of me,

and I am not the only one.

["All About Me" by Rae playing]

♪ Yo, yo, yo

♪ I, I am the queen Ruler of the world ♪

♪ If you want the best Then holla at your girl ♪

♪ I am The number one contender ♪

♪ Hot as the summer Cold as the winter ♪

♪ How you gonna be mad At a winner, that's me ♪

♪ First place blue ribbon Placed on me ♪

♪ I am the star In the sky you see ♪

♪ Shine bright, so bright What a sight to see ♪

♪ Okay

♪ It's all about me

♪ Me, me, it's all about me

♪ Me, me, it's all about me