Original subtitles

(MUSIC BLASTING)

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Do you guys smell that?

What? What's wrong?

Something bad happened.

Oh, God...

Run!

Run!

Rimmer!

(SHOTS BLAST AND RICOCHET)

(RIMMER YELPS, MACHINE BUZZING AND SNAPPING)

Run!

(ESTEVEZ ROARS IN FRUSTRATION)

- Estevez! - Shit!

Farah Black?

You're with them now? Drop your weapon.

They're the ones you want. I am on your side--

There are no sides!

- Drop the gun now! - You are making a mistake--

You're pointing your weapon at a police officer--

- Just listen to what I'm telling you-- - Drop it!

- Five, four, three-- - To what I am--

- Two! - Okay.

Okay.

All right...

(BREATHING SHAKILY) I solved the mystery...

Don't talk.

Put some pressure right...

right here. (GROANS IN PAIN)

Oh, God... Todd?

(WINCES AND GROANS) They're gone now.

We're going to be okay now.

You sure about that?

It's tough to be a princess,

but I like a challenge.

How can you tell what love feels like when everybody loves you?

Sometimes, I feel like I'm walking in someone else's dreams...

Everything is connected...

Hey, Bart, I got clothes.

This was all I could find.

I stole it from downstairs, so...

Aren't we lucky that we live in such a beautiful world?

Bart?

Why are you in such a hurry?

Well, we've... got places to go.

Right?

Everything is connected...

BART: Maybe we could just stay here

and watch the TV.

They got these shows in between shows

that show you things you can buy in a store.

Commercials?

Yeah.

They're terrific.

Okay.

It's like you wake up one morning...

Commercials it is.

...Your parents hate you and your brother's gay.

Everything is connected.

If you can't be a princes...

I never had a surprise before.

I only got two bullets left.

I still hurt all over.

- Maybe-- - Bart.

Two bullets?

Seriously?

That's your excuse?

I saw you kill someone by waving at them.

All that stuff you said to me about life and purpose and stuff?

You think maybe...

surprises are good sometimes?

Like there could be such thing as a surprise that helps you?

Yes.

I do.

Yeah.

What doesn't kill you, you know, usually makes you--

Makes you hurt real bad and makes you cry.

Makes you stronger.

That's....

Yeah.

(CHUCKLES FONDLY)

I think you're right, Ken.

I think I wanna see where those two bullets go.

Okay.

You know, I'll bet

that if you head out that door and start walking,

you'll find out.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHING TOGETHER)

(LAUGHING IN CRAZED ABANDON)

(SCREAMING IN GLEE)

(BOTH SCREAMING HAPPILY)

(BREATHING SHORT AND SHALLOW)

You saved me.

Don't rub it in.

How are we going to get out of this one, right?

Just another crazy...

situation.

Farah...

The night you were kidnapped...

It was me behind the door you were knocking on.

I didn't let you in, and--

I know that. Obviously.

You knew?

It's not like I forgot which door I knocked on, Todd.

It's my fault, I had my weapon drawn.

Well, right, but--

When I met you that first night, you...

you saved my life.

By the time I realized that was your door,

I knew you well enough to understand why that door

did not open that night.

It was my fault. I... (SIGHS HEAVILY)

should never been there in the first place.

Ah. See?

You also knew...

a thing.

I didn't lie to you any more than you lied to Farah.

Yes, you did.

I would describe it as...

"strategic no-truthing."

(DOOR CREAKS OPEN) ESTEVEZ: Go on, go!

(MACHINE SPARKING AND POPPING) Go.

(BARKING)

Go.

(BARKING) Stop. Stop!

All right, calm down, Lydia,

it's gonna be all right, we're gonna figure this out.

It's gonna be all right...

Maybe.

(BARKING)

The corgi knows.

Or rather,

Lydia Spring knows.

I'm sorry, Ms. Spring,

it was destroyed after this nice "real" detective

- shot it a bazillion times. - You shut up!

All right?

I need to focus. I need to...

I've gotta figure this out.

All right? What is this place?

Who are you people?

How the hell did you do this to her?

I want answers.

Talk!

Okay, so,

100 years ago--

All right, I'm gonna need you to shut up with that shit right now--

I thought you said you wanted answers--

I want reality!

I want my reality back,

and I want it back right goddamn now--

I am not the enemy.

I-I just want to know what's going on.

Please, will somebody tell me what's going on?

Huh? Please.

More than a hundred years ago,

a man named Zackariah Webb

built a machine that broke and went to the future,

where these tattooed wackos found it, and used it to swap souls.

They swapped Lydia with a corgi

to use as leverage to stop Patrick Spring,

who was actually also Zackariah Webb,

having jumped through time to get his machine back--

I hate everything about this right now...

TODD: In 2002,

after the Men of the Machine killed his wife,

Patrick Spring, who was a fake identity,

created to be the son of Edgar Spring,

who was actually Zackariah Webb,

jumped forward in time to last week,

destroyed the Men Of the Machine,

and then went to the Perryman Grand to confront his future self,

which led to the young Patrick Spring

accidentally killing old Patrick Spring,

when a kitten went off and set off a shark explosion.

Wait, so, that's what happened?

Fairly straightforward, I think.

Estevez...

there's still a way to save Lydia.

That's right.

You destroyed this machine, and this plug,

but there's another way.

How?

DIRK: That thing.

It's another version of the same machine,

and we know where to plug it in.

(BARKS)

MAN: Sir?

Sir, you can't come in here like that!

Shut up, idiot. I'm talking to the captain.

- Hey! - Boys...

- Get in there. - Stand down.

You can't just come in--

They stole the soul-exchanger.

And you know who has it?

Your man, Estevez.

So...

it's finally over.

You've got no friends left, Rimmer.

I've been making calls

to Brothers in high places all day.

Nobody's picking up.

There's no one left to help you.

Coming here, you've put me in danger.

The Men of the Machine are over, you've destroyed us!

No, no, no...

They're going to try and switch Lydia and Rapunzel back.

We get that machine back,

we get control.

We are gonna go to the only altar that's left.

We're gonna take men, we're gonna take weapons,

and we're gonna go there.

If we quit now, then we lose everything.

But no.

We go there.

(WHINES AND BARKS)

(DIRK BREATHING HARD)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

I got you, I got you.

Thank you. Thank you, I...

I feel less walkie and more fall-y right now.

Don't mention it.

You gonna stay with us?

What, you mean like, with the living people?

Yeah.

Ideally, yes, but you know how things are

when you've got the cereal bowl flower exchange...

Say what?

There's a lot of wording happening

should me no talk good 'cause blood all gone.

Right...

Arrow have.

I see that...

Todd, are you good?

The answer to that question is kind of long.

Let's go.

Come on, I'll put you down. There we go.

There are six entrances to the house.

There's no way we can cover all of them, so if anyone comes in--

Wait...

would they come here?

This... thing, it's like their most sacred...

thing.

They're gonna be mad we took it.

So they know what's under this place.

What is under this place?

A place with the...

(MUMBLING GROGGILY)

stuff.

(YELLS)

Oh, shit.

Ms. Black...

How much of this is legal?

There are a number of loopholes, you know, legally,

regarding what constitutes a militia,

with relevance to state law, and in accordance with---

You know what, never mind.

This is the least illegal shit I've done all day.

If this is a time machine, can I go back?

Go back? Where?

Save my partner.

TODD: Some things can't be changed.

Lydia first.

Whoa!

(BARKING)

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

No. I only saw them do this once.

(BARKING)

We jump them, and they switch places.

Make thing switchy.

(MUMBLING WEAKLY) Sw...switch...

The Men of the Machine had a whole contraption for this.

(CRANK SQUEAKS AND GRINDS)

(ENERGY CRACKLES AND SURGES)

Is it supposed to do that?

I'm not qualified to answer that question.

ESTEVEZ: Why can't I go back?

It's already on. I could go back, I could-I could fix this.

- I could fix everything-- - Bring Lydia here.

Why are we even bothering with this?

I could go back and stop her from ever being kidnapped.

Because it doesn't work that way-- Because it doesn't--

(ELECTRICITY CRACKS, TODD YELPS) Todd!

No, don't worry about me.

We're too close to give up now.

Hold her there.

(WHINING)

Okay, Estevez, push that crank.

(ENGINE RUMBLING)

Yeah!

(ENGINE ROARING)

What the hell is that?

(CRANK SQUEAKS, ENERGY SURGING AND CRACKLING)

Hey!

No, no, trust me, you have to trust me--

- No, you killed her! - Switch them! Switch them now!

I got her, I got her.

She's dead, man.

- It's how you do it. - She's not breathing.

- You frigging killed them. - Is this what should happen?

It's gonna work.

Three...

two...

one.

(ELECTRICITY BURSTS)

Hey, hey, come on, Lydia.

(ROWDY 3 HOWLING AND SHOUTING)

Whoo!

(SCREAMING AND ROARING)

Screw this.

(TODD YELLS) She bit me!

Come on...

Hey...

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

Farah?

Lydia?

Oh, my God!

(GASPING IN RELIEF)

(SOBBING IN JOY) Oh, my God!

It worked.

Holy shit.

I thought we would never get you back.

I'm so stupid.

I should've never gone to that guy's house, but...

I knew you could do it.

The moment I saw you,

I knew everything was going to be all right.

Okay.

Okay...

Thank you so much.

We did the best we could for you, Lydia.

These guys threw me off a bridge.

I'll help you up. Come on.

Look at me?

(SIGHS)

(GUNFIRE UPSTAIRS)

We got company.

Wait, Farah!

Where are you going?

Stay here.

- Farah, wait... - Stay here!

(GUNFIRE) Whoa! Jesus!

(EXCHANGING GUNFIRE)

(GASPING WEAKLY)

TODD: We have to fix the machine.

We have to send it back.

LYDIA: Send it back?

We should destroy this stupid thing!

No.

It won't work.

It needs this.

It needs to go back to where it came from,

to start the loop again.

LYDIA: They put me in a dog.

I watched him feed me dog food.

I have been sleeping on the streets for a week,

I was so hungry, I ate a rat.

If we don't send the Machine back in time...

you won't exist.

TODD: You're the center of the loop.

It all revolves around you.

This has to go back to your dad,

so that he can try and manipulate the future,

and eventually meet your mom, and...

...sex with her, and--

Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd...

Everything's spinning.

Yeah, but still.

You guys are both dying.

TODD: No.

We're not.

We're okay--

Todd...

We have to get out of here.

- Someone has to tell Farah we-- - Lydia...

Your dad did all of this to save you.

He died

to save your life.

Okay.

What do I do?

(GUNFIRE)

Cover me!

Shit.

What do I do now?

How do I, like, turn it on or whatever?

Turn the crank.

Wait.

Wait.

The machine's still broken.

Oh, shit.

You're right.

Okay...

(GROANING IN PAIN)

Okay...

Okay, maybe if I can just...

(SCREAMS)

No! (BOLT WHISTLES)

Really?

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

Stop right now!

I swear to God,

I'll smash this stupid thing into a billion pieces!

(GUNFIRE RATTLING)

Cover!

(GUNFIRE BLASTING)

Cover me!

Move it!

(BULLETS BLAST AND RICOCHET)

(GRENADE EXPLODES)

(COUGHING AND GASPING FOR AIR)

LYDIA: I'll do it.

- I'll-- - You'll smash it?

And then what?

What then, Lydia Spring? What then?

Who's that, Ed?

Yo. (GUNSHOT)

(BOLT WHISTLES)

But-- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Uh...

I'm sorry about earlier.

- I'll do it right this time. - No, no, no, no!

Bart?

This is it.

These bald guys,

these are the guys that hired me,

the day you found me?

And this thing...

This is the thing that they hired me to build.

Can you fix this?

Yes.

It's my destiny.

(HIGH-PITCHED WHINE, GASPING IN EXHAUSTION)

Where is my gun?

Hey, Rapunzel...

Hi. Hi!

(DOG WHINES)

Give me my dog.

(WHIMPERING)

Drop your gun.

I'm going to shoot you in the head.

I am gonna shoot you in the head,

and take my goddamn dog!

One of those things is gonna happen.

(GASPS)

(GUNSHOT)

(BARKS)

(BREATHING HARD)

I think I did it.

I think I finished it.

Bart, this is why you brought me here.

I still got one bullet left.

(CRANK SQUEAKS AND GRINDS)

(FIRES)

Huh.

Weird.

(DIRK WHIMPERS IN FEAR, EMPTY GUN CLICKS)

(EXHALES IN SHOCK)

Okay.

Bye, Dirk.

(GASPS)

Let's get outta here, these people are nutjobs.

Mm-hmm.

(POWER SURGES)

Okay.

On three.

One...

Two...

Three.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Solved it.

(SIGHS IN SATISFACTION)

(SPLUTTERING) Hey, loser.

(BEER CAN CLATTERS)

Amanda?

You came back?

Me and the Rowdy 3 came and saved you.

They say that's the last time, by the way.

- Saved me? - Yeah, duh.

Saved everyone.

There were, like, a hundred dudes out there,

and we beat them up, and then they ran away.

Dude, it was sick.

Where's Dirk?

The cop took him to the hospital.

It was not pretty.

Farah took Lydia... somewhere.

She said to meet her at this address at 6:00.

Dirk says you hate him now?

'Cause he... tricked you or something?

- He ruined my life. - Right.

All right.

Later, Todd.

Wait...

What?

You have another lottery ticket?

What was your plan with that, anyway?

I was gonna try and...

fix things.

Fix everything.

Well, some things you don't fix, Todd.

Sometimes when you fall down,

you fall all the way down.

You blew it.

That's just the way it is.

Here's what I do believe,

I think Dirk Gently came into your life for a reason.

I mean, two weeks ago, you were a 33-year-old hotel bellhop

with no money, and no friends,

who spent all of his time lying to me.

Now look at you.

You're the bad-ass partner

to a psychic detective.

And you're honest.

Think about why Dirk lied to you.

You and Dirk, you saved that girl.

You saved that girl's life.

No matter what he lied about,

isn't that the part that matters?

I'll see you around, Todd.

Amanda...

Are you really gonna... leave with those guys?

I mean, Todd, come on...

they already gave me a jacket.

KEN: You hungry?

BART: What is it?

KEN: Ethiopian.

BART: That's not a word.

Is that a word?

(BARKS)

You did a thing back there.

With the thing?

Yes, I did.

You did, too.

Hey, that guy, um, Dirk Gently...

you weren't supposed to kill him.

You were supposed to protect him.

It's not the first that's happened, is it?

I was supposed to bring you there, too, so...

and you did the thing,

and now that you did it, maybe you're gonna leave, and...

Like...

you did your destiny or whatever,

and now that you did it, maybe you're gonna go...

And it's bad, Ken--

Or you do whatever you want, you know, because I kidnapped you, and...

and it must have been really bad for you.

You know, I didn't think about your feelings and all that, and...

I don't want you to go, I...

I think.

Hey, um...

I'm not going anywhere.

(LAUGHS)

Okay...

(BARKING)

Security will meet you on the ground in Belize.

You cannot call me when you land.

From there, you'll be on your own.

Now, you can access your father's offshore accounts--

I don't understand why I have to leave the country.

It's just for now.

We don't know how many of them are still out there.

They could still be looking for you.

I don't even know who "they" are--

They're a cult formed around the time machine

my father accidentally sent forward from the past

that use a broken aspect of the machine to swap bodies.

The guy who kidnapped me was a rock star,

and he got mad and betrayed them.

Coincidentally, on the same day my father traveled into the future

to get revenge for the murder of my mother.

I am so sorry things ended this way. I...

I let you down, I let your father down--

What are you talking about?

It was a time loop, there was nothing you could do.

This was the best possible ending.

(SCOFFS)

Don't you see that?

Farah, you kicked everyone's ass and saved me.

It was so...

you.

(CHUCKLES)

It was?

Yeah.

Ever since I was little,

you were the most inspiring person ever,

but you always try to hide from what a freak you are.

- Um-- - And then when my dad died,

and I was a dog, and everything was hopeless,

there you are with an army of weirdos, saving the day.

It was perfect.

You are perfect.

(SNIFFLES)

Good luck, Farah.

I love you.

I love you, too.

(TAPPING ON PHONE) I just gave you four million dollars.

How?

My phone. Duh.

Have fun with your new friends. They seem insane.

Okay.

(EXHALES)

RIGGINS: In the beginning, it was just an idea.

I wanted...

(SIGHING)

I wanted so badly to believe that there was something bigger.

A bigger pattern.

A bigger... meaning.

I knew...

when I first met you,

I'd found it.

It was real. It was all real, and you were proof.

You are what you say you are,

and I am so proud of you.

Very long story short,

until yesterday, it hailed as my greatest case,

one of deception, danger, double-crosses,

and an all-round perversion of high emotion,

and, dare I say it, romance.

Puffles the horse had faked, yes, faked, his death by--

I need the chair.

- Sorry? - That you're in?

Oh, yes, quite.

Oh, well.

Here I am again.

Where?

Todd, you're...

...here.

But the case is over.

How's your shoulder?

It's...

terrible, actually.

Look I don't-- I don't understand...

Did you want something from me? Or...

I can't help you,

I-I can't do anything to help your situation, or what I said--

I don't need help.

Here.

I got this from your apartment.

Oh, um...

That's a Mexican Funeral T-shirt.

I don't have many left, so try not to...

get shot in it.

Look, I'm sorry, but I don't understand.

You're...

What do you want? Why are you here?

I'm here because I'm your friend.

Besides,

I don't want to miss out on when the next case starts.

(STAMMERS)

So--

Didn't you say this band hated you?

Yeah, well.

We're late. Farah wants to meet up.

What? Really?

Once Estevez gives us the all-clear,

some people are going to ask us some questions.

Undoubtedly. And how do we answer them?

Well, yeah, we can't tell people about the time machine,

we'll sound insane.

We don't want to sound insane.

- No, we want to sound like sane guys-- - So sane, we're boring.

Yeah, two boring, sane guys having a... normal time.

Let's say, best-case scenario,

we come out of this not arrested, despite all the... deaths.

- Yeah, the-the deaths. - What then?

I'd... like to make an investment

in your detective agency.

- Really? - What?

Uh....

Bu-- Uh-- Bu-- Uh-- Bu-- Uh... But of course!

I accept your proposal as my venture capitalist.

Proof of concept has clearly already been established.

But I remain quite firm on the signage.

A brass plaque.

"Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency"

Name recognition and all that.

I wouldn't want to muddy it with a jumble of "Farahs" and "Todds."

It's cleaner this way.

And... how much can I expect me to say yes to?

If she's your partner, I don't think it's fair to nix her name.

No, I-I'd prefer my name to remain off the...

name.

Ah. So it's settled. And Todd.

I feel like you're no longer an assistant.

I'm promoting you to ward.

Isn't that like a male nanny? Yeah, I'm not...

Okay, Dirk, you're pissing me off again.

Oh, you don't like the title?

(Saint Claude Christine and the Queens PLAYS)

...Comme tu regardes au-dehors

J'emporte un portrait dévoré

Douleur destin bord à bord

Here's my station...

Here's my station

Hoo, hoo, hoo...

But if you say just one word I'll stay with you

Here's my station...

Here's my station...

What the hell?

Trying to cover up your tracks, ass--

--hole?

(GUNSHOT)

Why did you shoot me?

(GASPING IN PAIN AND SHOCK)

Dang it.

For Pete's sakes, now it's...

(GASPING IN PAIN)

No. No, this is...

Oh, man, now it's...

This is perfect.

This is just so me.

I don't know why I shot you. Are you okay?

Duh, no, sorry.

You don't know what's going on?

No, right, I-I know,

about the body-swapping guys and the machine?

We just burned the Spring house down, and cleaned that up,

and then we went and burned their place down, too, at the zoo?

No, I've just been...

burning everything down.

We had a big file on that.

We have files on, like, everything.

I mean, what do they want me to do, read 'em all?

I can't do that. It's... it's boring.

I-I... I just wanted to be in charge,

but what they don't tell you is that once you're in charge,

there's all this other, like...

"Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah top secret..." Blah!

Do you know, they can't arrest me?

Like, we're go gonna kill the rest of those body-swapping guys,

and it's all, like, top secret, so it's off... of books,

and all I had to do was write, like, an email.

And-and then, we're gonna go get the, uh, the psychics, too,

all the ones that we've been tracking, and more.

And they wouldn't let Riggins do it, I guess,

but they like me... more, better,

because they gave me $80 million. (LAUGHS GIDDILY)

We have kill everybody who knows about it.

So...

- I guess I gotta kill you, too-- - No.

No, you don't have to do that.

You don't, um...

(GROANING IN PAIN) I don't know anything.

I don't-I don't even understand any of this.

I'm just trying to be a good cop.

(WINCING)

I'm just trying to be a good cop.

Please, you don't...

You don't have to...

Please, man.

Are you reaching for your gun right now?

(FIRING)

(SIGHS)

(FIRES AGAIN)

(GASPING)

I'm just doing my job.

- So, if we do this-- - We're already doing it.

Well, how do we find a case?

Just let yourself feel it.

- Feel it? - Yes.

Okay, take a moment.

Feel anything?

Okay, close your eyes.

(SIGHS)

Anything at all?

I...

To go to the bathroom.

It's...

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Farah, would you excuse me for a moment?

Just... a moment.

Thanks.

(SNARLS)

Vogle, get her out of here.

- What? - Go on, get!

Run!

(BRAKES SCREECH)

You wanna rush?

Let's rush!

(HOWLING)

(ROARING AND SHOUTING) Let's get 'em, boys!

Not now.

Dirk?

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Amanda?

Todd! Todd! Oh, my God, they're coming!

- It's really bad! - What?

What's happening? Who's coming?

Todd, listen to me, you have to--

Wait, stay where you are.

I'll find you. You're gonna to be fine.

You're gonna be fine-- Ah! (PHONE CLATTERS)

(SIZZLING AND CRACKLING)

(WINCING IN PAIN)

(GASPING IN PAIN)

(SCREAMING IN AGONY)

AMANDA: Todd? Todd! What's happening? Todd!

(SONG PLAYING) You are never gonna get

Everything you want in this world

First things first get what you deserve...

It began when I was 21 years old

And my mom and dad were begging me to go

So I left a note and we went and hit the road

Me and Chris and all the stuff I owned...