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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,170
My name is Jamie Kelly.
3
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:22,020
I'm an artist and a writer
4
00:00:22,070 --> 00:00:24,110
and an expert on all things beautiful.
5
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:27,060
Inner beauty, outer beauty-
you name it.
6
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,190
I go to Mackerel Middle School.
7
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,210
Hey, you'd think
they named it after a fish
8
00:00:32,010 --> 00:00:35,190
because so many of the kids
are working below a "C" level.
9
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,020
(Jamie laughing)
10
00:00:38,070 --> 00:00:40,210
Okay, bad joke.
Forget I ever said that.
11
00:00:41,010 --> 00:00:42,110
My best friend is Isabella.
12
00:00:42,170 --> 00:00:45,110
Isabella is probably one
of the nicest people you'll ever meet,
13
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:47,110
even though you can't tell
by looking at her
14
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:50,220
or meeting her
or knowing her your whole life.
15
00:00:51,020 --> 00:00:54,000
Okay, Isabella
is my second-best friend.
16
00:00:54,060 --> 00:00:56,160
My best friend is...
17
00:00:56,210 --> 00:01:00,060
well, my best friend is someone
I can tell anything to,
18
00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:03,120
even the really weird things
that keep happening to me.
19
00:01:03,170 --> 00:01:05,010
Is it just me,
20
00:01:05,060 --> 00:01:09,000
or is it possible that everything
in middle school is a weird thing?
21
00:01:09,050 --> 00:01:11,010
- (fireworks explode)
- To answer that question,
22
00:01:11,060 --> 00:01:15,050
I need to figure out
the meaning of life.
23
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:19,160
But until then,
my best friend is my diary,
24
00:01:19,210 --> 00:01:23,140
my dear dumb diary.
25
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:31,200
(footsteps pounding)
26
00:01:34,030 --> 00:01:37,230
(male voices)
# Yada yah yah yah yah yah yah S
27
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,210
# Yada yah yah yah yah #
28
00:01:41,010 --> 00:01:45,020
Jamie's voice: If I didn't give you
permission to read this diary,
29
00:01:45,070 --> 00:01:47,010
you better stop reading right now.
30
00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:49,100
If you are my parents, then yes,
31
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:53,050
I know I'm not allowed
to call people idiots and tools
32
00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:54,200
and trolls and all that.
33
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,040
But this is a diary.
34
00:01:56,090 --> 00:01:58,070
And I didn't actually
call them anything,
35
00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,170
I wrote it.
36
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:03,050
And if you punish me for it,
then I will know that you read my diary,
37
00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:05,240
which you did not
have permission to do.
38
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,240
Now by the power vested in me,
39
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:12,130
I do promise that everything
in this diary is true.
40
00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:16,110
Or, at least as true
as I think it needs be.
41
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,200
# Are you sure you're supposed to be #
42
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,050
# Reading someone else's diary? S
43
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:26,030
# It might be time to stop and think #
44
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,230
# 'Cause I wrote this down
in poison ink #
45
00:02:30,030 --> 00:02:32,090
Poisoning somehow seems wrong.
46
00:02:32,140 --> 00:02:35,170
# If you read a little secret
about Isabella #
47
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:39,050
# You really shouldn't know it,
so just don't tell her S
48
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:42,160
# Just let your mind flip
into a comfortable numbness #
49
00:02:42,210 --> 00:02:46,130
# But never underestimate
your own dumbness #
50
00:02:46,180 --> 00:02:49,210
# Idiots and fools and goons
and half-wits #
51
00:02:50,010 --> 00:02:52,190
# It's not my fault I know everything #
52
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:56,230
# Information is revealed
on a need-to-know basis #
53
00:02:57,030 --> 00:03:00,020
# It's all in my dear dumb diary #
54
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:06,030
# Read it in my dear dumb diary #
55
00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:16,070
# If this is you, freaky beauty queen #
56
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,210
# Otherwise known as Angeline #
57
00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:23,070
# Don't you dare take another peek #
58
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:27,030
- # 'Cause I won't turn the other... #
- (sighs)
59
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,080
# Idiots and fools and goons
and half-wits #
60
00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:33,130
# It's not my fault I know everything #
61
00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:37,170
# Information is revealed
on a need-to-know basis #
62
00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:40,240
# It's all in my dear dumb diary #
63
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:47,030
# Read it in my dear dumb diary #
64
00:03:53,090 --> 00:03:56,240
(male voices)
# Yada yah yah yah yah yah yah S
65
00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:00,070
# Yada yah yah yah yah #
66
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,240
J' Yada yah yah yah yah yah yah J'
67
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:07,200
# Yada yah yah yah yah. #
68
00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:11,030
(spits)
69
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,200
Jamie:
I know, I pretty much rock.
70
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,120
That's why all the dudes
are crazy about me.
71
00:04:15,170 --> 00:04:18,130
Dudes like Hudson Rivers.
72
00:04:18,180 --> 00:04:19,210
He knows I got it.
73
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,160
Hey, Jamie, check it out.
74
00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:25,220
(gagging)
75
00:04:26,020 --> 00:04:29,240
(pants)
New dance I'm working on.
76
00:04:30,050 --> 00:04:33,000
It's called the Choke.
77
00:04:33,050 --> 00:04:34,210
Did you say something, Hudson?
78
00:04:35,020 --> 00:04:37,220
Yeah, the box you made me
for my birthday, for my arthropods--
79
00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:40,140
I was up all night labeling.
Doesn't it look cool?
80
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,050
(Jamie gasps)
81
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:44,020
I'm sorry.
Here, let me help you with that.
82
00:04:44,070 --> 00:04:47,030
I've dropped things before and I know
how much trouble droppage can be.
83
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,220
Bugs don't bother you?
84
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,110
Each of these beautiful invertebrates
85
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,030
has their own special role
in nature, you know?
86
00:05:01,090 --> 00:05:04,020
Every creature has its place.
87
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,190
And my place-- it's next to you.
88
00:05:07,210 --> 00:05:12,020
We're like two Swallowtail butterflies
meant to flap their wings together,
89
00:05:12,070 --> 00:05:14,050
side by side.
90
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:18,010
Yep, two Swallowtail butterflies
91
00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:20,040
with their pet unicorn
92
00:05:20,090 --> 00:05:23,000
who has his own pet,
which is a koala.
93
00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:25,000
- (record dies down)
- What?
94
00:05:25,050 --> 00:05:27,210
I said I thought I had more beetles.
Did you see any more of them?
95
00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:31,240
No. You know, Hudson,
I've been thinking--
96
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,070
- Hey, Angeline.
- Jamie's voice: See, dumb diary,
97
00:05:34,130 --> 00:05:36,240
there's one small problem.
98
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:41,040
The universe has afflicted me
with a girl of such genetic superiority
99
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:43,190
that my own personal awesomeness,
100
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,210
which by just about any standard
is sufficiently awesome,
101
00:05:47,010 --> 00:05:49,180
is made to look sub-awesome.
102
00:05:49,230 --> 00:05:51,200
Is that your lip gloss I smell?
103
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,150
Watermelon Splash?
It's great.
104
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:58,030
Good news, Hudson-- you could be
a professional smeller if you wanted.
105
00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,240
Yeah, you sure smell a lot.
106
00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:05,200
Jamie's voice: And just like that,
Hudson followed Angeline
107
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,110
like my dog Stinker
following a pork chop.
108
00:06:08,170 --> 00:06:11,080
Watermelon Splash?
109
00:06:11,130 --> 00:06:15,000
Angeline just stole
my signature lip-gloss flavor.
110
00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:18,000
This could get ugly, kids.
111
00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:22,190
Normally I hate seeing
my best friend Isabella angry.
112
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,020
(Isabella screams)
113
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,230
But now she's mad at Angeline,
and I can live with that.
114
00:06:28,030 --> 00:06:32,040
Miss Bruntford
would like to remind students
115
00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:33,240
that Tofu loaf--
116
00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:35,180
But more difficult to live
117
00:06:35,230 --> 00:06:38,070
with was having to sit
through Mr. Vandoy's class.
118
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:41,090
He's famous at Mackerel
for a historical fact of his own.
119
00:06:41,140 --> 00:06:43,180
He was born with no personality.
120
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:47,070
When the doctor spanked him,
he just said...
121
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,010
Mr. Vandoy's voice:
"Really?
122
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:53,130
Is that absolutely necessary?"
123
00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:55,240
- (Jamie sighs)
- In other news,
124
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,040
Mackerel Middle School
is proud to announce
125
00:06:59,090 --> 00:07:03,140
the first district-wide Jump-A-Thon.
126
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:06,110
When you're that pretty,
you can't tell right from wrong.
127
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,210
She's blinded by her own beauty.
128
00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:13,100
That's not fair.
129
00:07:13,150 --> 00:07:16,080
Angeline completely throws off
the attractiveness curve.
130
00:07:16,130 --> 00:07:18,190
I could be gorgeous
and we wouldn't even know it.
131
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,170
- (rock beat playing)
- Jamie's voice: Dear dumb diary,
132
00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:30,210
I'm having a brainstorm
of gigantic proportions.
133
00:07:31,010 --> 00:07:34,050
What if all the average-looking people
in the world banned together?
134
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:38,150
Seriously, isn't it time we took a stand
against the effortlessly beautiful?
135
00:07:39,190 --> 00:07:42,140
# On behalf of the 99% of us #
136
00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:45,210
# We won't bow down
to the 1% of the populace S
137
00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:49,080
# We're not going to drop down
and take it, now are we? #
138
00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:53,020
# Just because they look
like Ken and Barbie #
139
00:07:54,110 --> 00:07:59,120
J' Perfect people of the world,
you've got to go J'
140
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:05,240
J' Perfect people of the world,
you've got to go J'
141
00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,180
J' All the problems of the world
will vanish #
142
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:12,080
# When the freaks of nature
are rounded up #
143
00:08:12,130 --> 00:08:14,030
# And banished #
144
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:18,080
J' Perfect people of the world,
you've got to go J'
145
00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:22,010
# Your sweet-smelling symmetry
is starting to sicken me #
146
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:25,070
# I'm gonna puke my guts
in your perfect hair #
147
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:28,000
# You're so wonderful,
flawless and joyful #
148
00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:30,050
# We're gonna ship you to an island #
149
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:33,070
- # And leave you there... J'
- (models screaming)
150
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:38,180
J' Perfect people of the world,
you've got to go J'
151
00:08:38,230 --> 00:08:40,100
Men:
# Perfect people #
152
00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:44,170
J' Perfect people of the world,
you've got to go J'
153
00:08:44,220 --> 00:08:48,060
J' All the problems of the world
will vanish #
154
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:51,130
# When the freaks of nature
are rounded up #
155
00:08:51,190 --> 00:08:52,190
# And banished #
156
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:57,240
# Perfect people of the world,
you've got to go... #
157
00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,200
(amplified)
I hereby declare the need
158
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,100
for an equal playing field
for all humanity.
159
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:06,020
Here is my proposal- hair tattooed
on the legs of the pretty people,
160
00:09:06,070 --> 00:09:08,210
permanent unibrows
surgically implanted
161
00:09:09,010 --> 00:09:11,100
on the foreheads
of the effortlessly beautiful,
162
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:16,000
super stinky pit stains embedded
in the shirts of the overly confident.
163
00:09:16,060 --> 00:09:19,070
I do solemnly swear
that we will once and for all
164
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:22,080
put an end
to your sickeningly cute injustices,
165
00:09:22,130 --> 00:09:25,140
- now and for all eternity!
- (all cheering)
166
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:30,080
J' Perfect people of the world,
you've got to go J'
167
00:09:30,130 --> 00:09:32,050
Men:
# The perfect people #
168
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,100
J' Perfect people of the world,
you've got to go J'
169
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,050
J' All the problems of the world
will vanish #
170
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:43,080
# When the freaks of nature
are rounded up #
171
00:09:43,140 --> 00:09:45,160
# And banished #
172
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:50,130
# Perfect people of the world,
you've got to go-o-o #
173
00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:52,020
Men:
# Perfect people #
174
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:56,110
J' Perfect people of the world,
you've got to go J'
175
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:59,220
J' All the problems of the world
will vanish #
176
00:10:00,030 --> 00:10:03,090
# When the freaks of nature
are rounded up #
177
00:10:03,140 --> 00:10:04,230
# And banished #
178
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:09,230
# Perfect people of the world,
you've got to go-o-o #
179
00:10:10,030 --> 00:10:11,030
Men:
# Perfect people... #
180
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:14,030
You're beautiful and you smell great
and you're nice to be around.
181
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,100
But I'm sorry, you've gotta go!
182
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,030
Mr. Vandoy:
Jamie
183
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,170
Jamie?
184
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:24,020
Your hands are raised.
185
00:10:24,070 --> 00:10:28,120
Do you want to sign up
for the Jump-A-Thon?
186
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:32,020
Angeline was the first
to sign her name.
187
00:10:32,070 --> 00:10:33,230
Hmm?
188
00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:36,010
Come on, Jamie,
it's for a good cause.
189
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:39,130
- What have you got to lose?
- (grunts)
190
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,080
Hey, I came prepared.
191
00:10:42,130 --> 00:10:44,100
- So did I, Dad.
- (bell dings)
192
00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:45,150
Nice.
193
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,030
Mrs. Kelly: Ta-dah!
194
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,050
Jamie's voice:
Mom is up to her usual hijinx,
195
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:52,010
committing dinner
against the entire family.
196
00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:54,110
-1 heard that, Jamie.
-1 didn't say anything.
197
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,050
You should be grateful.
There are plenty of children...
198
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:59,080
"all over Where-the-Heck-istan..."
199
00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:01,180
...who would love my casserole.
200
00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:05,200
Casserole!
That's what that is.
201
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,160
Mmm, yum.
202
00:11:08,190 --> 00:11:11,220
It seems to me that the kids
in Where-the-Heck-istan
203
00:11:12,020 --> 00:11:15,210
have enough problems without
dumping Mom's casseroles on them too.
204
00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:18,100
- (goats bleating)
- (phone ringing)
205
00:11:18,150 --> 00:11:20,160
- Hello? Carol!
- It's Aunt Carol!
206
00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:22,230
- No, Carol, it's a fine time.
- Let me talk to her!
207
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:25,060
- (both overlapping)
- (door closes)
208
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,170
Hey,
209
00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:33,190
- why the long face, chief?
- Nothing.
210
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,170
- Are you sure?
- Nothing.
211
00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:37,130
- What's wrong? What's wrong?
- Nothing. Nothing.
212
00:11:37,180 --> 00:11:38,190
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
213
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,130
- What's for dessert?
- All right.
214
00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:45,110
All right. I just- I don't like school
very much right now, okay?
215
00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:48,070
That's because school
is supposed to prepare you for real life
216
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,220
- which also really s~
- Honey?
217
00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:52,180
Sweetheart?
218
00:11:55,230 --> 00:11:59,210
I just- I feel kind of invisible
at school sometimes.
219
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,050
Well...
220
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:04,150
I understand, Jamie.
221
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,040
When I was your age,
222
00:12:07,090 --> 00:12:10,200
I had a football coach
who would sit me on the bench.
223
00:12:11,010 --> 00:12:12,020
Jamie's voice:
Dear dumb diary,
224
00:12:12,070 --> 00:12:15,110
doesn't my dad realize my life
has nothing to do with football?
225
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:18,100
Seriously, these guys
do recess for a living.
226
00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:21,070
What I need is a—
227
00:12:22,070 --> 00:12:23,210
Mr. Kelly: After a while, though,
I started making friends...
228
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,010
That's it!
229
00:12:25,060 --> 00:12:27,020
The thing that's gonna
make me sparkle.
230
00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:29,200
Actually sparkles!
231
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:34,090
Yes.
Why didn't I think of it before?
232
00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:36,240
If there's one thing I know,
233
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,230
it's the science of shimmer.
234
00:12:40,030 --> 00:12:42,150
(laughing maniacally)
More blue!
235
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:46,130
Oh, no.
More pink! Yeah!
236
00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:51,170
Oh, this was an excellent year
for hot magenta.
237
00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:53,170
Thank you.
238
00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:57,190
Sequinization!
Rhinestonery!
239
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,180
Emflowerment!
Stickerating!
240
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:06,080
Jamie's voice: I'm even thinking
because of my monumental art project
241
00:13:06,130 --> 00:13:08,240
glitter can become...
242
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,210
a college major.
243
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:16,040
I wouldn't be surprised
if they put it on coins,
244
00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:17,240
or cars...
245
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,160
...or even the Statue of Liberty.
246
00:13:21,210 --> 00:13:25,200
And this year's Pulitzer Prize
for World Peace through Glitter
247
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,180
goes to Jamie Kelly!
248
00:13:28,230 --> 00:13:30,200
(cheering)
249
00:13:33,070 --> 00:13:34,160
(blows)
250
00:13:34,210 --> 00:13:35,220
Jamie's voice:
Ladies and gentlemen,
251
00:13:36,030 --> 00:13:38,240
Mackerel Middle School history
is about to be made.
252
00:13:41,130 --> 00:13:43,230
Jamie, what have you got there?
253
00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:48,100
Jamie's voice:
Isn't she gorgeous?
254
00:13:48,150 --> 00:13:51,050
Meet Miss Anderson, art teacher.
255
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:55,050
She's my BFT, which is like a BFF,
except for teachers.
256
00:13:57,230 --> 00:13:59,020
(bell dings)
257
00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:02,000
I have something to show you.
258
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:05,020
You may want to brace yourself.
259
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,070
(gasps)
260
00:14:10,010 --> 00:14:11,070
What is it?
261
00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,090
Oh, Jamie,
262
00:14:13,140 --> 00:14:15,050
it's magnificent.
263
00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:18,170
I'm afraid I have bad news.
264
00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:21,200
Due to significant budget cuts,
265
00:14:22,010 --> 00:14:27,040
certain extra-curricular activities
are being eliminated this year,
266
00:14:27,090 --> 00:14:28,220
including...
267
00:14:29,020 --> 00:14:31,040
Thespian Society,
268
00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:34,000
Model United Nations,
269
00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:38,200
- the art program...
-(gasps)
270
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,230
- Breathe.
- Can't.
271
00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:45,170
(slowly)
In, out.
272
00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:47,220
(Jamie gasping)
273
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,240
(panting)
274
00:14:50,050 --> 00:14:52,010
No art.
275
00:14:52,070 --> 00:14:54,170
This could be the end of Jamie Kelly.
276
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:57,180
This could be the end of all artists.
277
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,060
(both gasping)
278
00:15:00,110 --> 00:15:01,240
What?!
279
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,120
(panting)
280
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:06,150
- (hair plucks)
- Ow!
281
00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:09,060
Breathing again.
You're welcome.
282
00:15:09,110 --> 00:15:12,140
That's why our school's fundraisers
283
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,200
are more important than ever.
284
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:19,120
So I need to see everyone
at Mackerel Middle
285
00:15:19,170 --> 00:15:24,130
get behind this year's Jump-A-Thon!
286
00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:27,130
- (whistles blowing)
- Ho ho ho!
287
00:15:27,180 --> 00:15:29,170
Did you know every year
288
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:33,010
500 children get injured
in a tragic jump-roping accident?
289
00:15:33,070 --> 00:15:34,240
It's true...
290
00:15:35,050 --> 00:15:36,070
and funny.
291
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,130
That's what I'm talking about.
292
00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:42,230
The event will involve
all five middle schools in the district,
293
00:15:43,030 --> 00:15:46,010
and listen up, friends-
certain local businesses
294
00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:51,040
have chipped in
and awarded $10,000
295
00:15:51,090 --> 00:15:55,200
to the school whose student
wins the Jump-A-Thon!
296
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,000
- Whoo! Whoo hoo!
- (music playing)
297
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,020
Is that really like caramel apple?
298
00:16:02,070 --> 00:16:05,100
There are 350 lip-gloss flavors
in the world.
299
00:16:05,150 --> 00:16:08,060
You'd think with all those choices,
300
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,070
certain people could keep
their well-manicured paws
301
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,130
off other people's
signature flavors.
302
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:18,030
(no sound)
303
00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:23,010
Now what do you say, friends?
Can we band together
304
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:26,060
and raise some money
for Mackerel Middle-
305
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,170
Yeah!
306
00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:30,210
Come on, everybody.
We can do it.
307
00:16:31,010 --> 00:16:32,130
'Cause we're all in this together!
308
00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:36,000
All:
Shut it, Cupcake!
309
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:40,070
Jamie's voice:
This isn't the end of it.
310
00:16:40,130 --> 00:16:44,170
My time to shine isn't going
to be ripped away without a fight.
311
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:48,030
(music playing)
312
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:55,100
(children screaming)
313
00:17:01,210 --> 00:17:05,110
The school office
is a bleak and desolate place
314
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,100
where students with bloody noses
315
00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:11,230
come for the expert healing powers
of the school nurse.
316
00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:17,200
Here all are comforted
317
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,160
by the sweet
and pleasant personalities of...
318
00:17:22,010 --> 00:17:24,050
the office ladies.
319
00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:28,110
Butterscotch!
320
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:32,030
I need to speak
to Assistant Principal Devon.
321
00:17:32,090 --> 00:17:35,030
The culture of our free world
is at stake.
322
00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:40,030
Art! That's the cornerstone
of the whole world, of civilization!
323
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,220
What's the Earth
324
00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:45,220
without art?!
325
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:47,150
It's just "eh."
326
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,010
Eh...
327
00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:51,010
Do you know what you have
without art?
328
00:17:51,060 --> 00:17:54,110
Well, basically, nothing.
329
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:58,090
Architecture- that's art.
Furniture- art!
330
00:17:58,140 --> 00:18:00,200
- Our clothes- art!
- Jamie.
331
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,110
I got it.
332
00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:04,230
I don't want to lose any program.
333
00:18:05,030 --> 00:18:07,090
I want every student
334
00:18:07,150 --> 00:18:10,160
to fly on the limitless wings
of eagles.
335
00:18:13,090 --> 00:18:15,210
My job is to be a problem-solver.
336
00:18:16,010 --> 00:18:18,060
And you can join me
in being a problem-solver too.
337
00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:22,030
That's what I'm trying to do right now,
338
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,230
solve a really big problem.
339
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,210
You could sign up
for the Jump-A-Thon.
340
00:18:27,020 --> 00:18:29,180
That's being part of the solution.
341
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:34,070
"Beeing part..." Bzzz.
342
00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:39,110
Isabella says all fundraising
is a money-hungry scam.
343
00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:40,170
Does she really?
344
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,090
And what does Isabella know
about fundraising?
345
00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:45,040
Isabella knows about everything.
346
00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:47,200
You're a good kid, Jamie.
347
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,240
But your friend Isabella
doesn't have all the answers.
348
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,100
Isabella says the people
who say things about her
349
00:18:53,150 --> 00:18:56,110
- only do so because they're jealous.
- I'm not jealous of Isabella.
350
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,170
Isabella says that denying jealousy
351
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,000
is, like, the surest sign of jealousy.
352
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:07,100
Did you know
that Isabella told Mrs. Frundle
353
00:19:07,150 --> 00:19:10,010
that her dress looked like something
you'd bury a clown in.
354
00:19:10,060 --> 00:19:12,230
Isabella offers free fashion advice.
355
00:19:13,030 --> 00:19:15,000
Her third-grade teacher
said that Isabella is a thief.
356
00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:18,000
Isabella is a modern-day
Robin Hood,
357
00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,140
in much better tights.
358
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,120
Finally, this.
359
00:19:23,180 --> 00:19:26,160
Disruptive, unsanitary,
360
00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:29,130
and frankly, ew.
361
00:19:29,180 --> 00:19:32,220
Isabella is in touch
with her inner dolphin.
362
00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:34,200
(sighs)
363
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:38,000
Bottom line,
364
00:19:38,050 --> 00:19:41,240
Isabella is selfish.
You don't want to end up like that.
365
00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:46,070
Jamie: Wait.
366
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,200
So all of our dirty deeds-
367
00:19:50,010 --> 00:19:54,020
all of our deepest secrets
live in that cabinet?
368
00:19:54,070 --> 00:19:55,180
- Pretty much.
- (closes drawer)
369
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,130
Everyone has a record?
370
00:19:58,180 --> 00:20:01,090
Without it, you don't even exist.
371
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,030
Assistant Principal Devon,
line three.
372
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,200
Whaaaa! Ah!
373
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,070
Oh.
374
00:20:12,130 --> 00:20:15,160
This is tragic or something.
375
00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:17,070
Jamie's voice:
Turns out it was tragic.
376
00:20:17,130 --> 00:20:20,160
She broke her hip.
Hips a big deal to office ladies.
377
00:20:20,210 --> 00:20:23,230
They need them
for sitting around all day.
378
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,140
(Jamie through phone)
And when Assistant Principal Devon
379
00:20:26,190 --> 00:20:30,120
called for help, I was alone
with all the permanent records.
380
00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:32,140
Isabella:
Including Angeline's?
381
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:34,060
It was right there.
382
00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:36,110
You know, it's true what they say—
383
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,240
without a permanent record,
you don't exist.
384
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:45,110
You basically walk the Earth
as a ghost.
385
00:20:45,170 --> 00:20:47,000
Did you see my record?
386
00:20:47,050 --> 00:20:49,050
Yours?
387
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,180
Eh, I may have seen it.
388
00:20:54,230 --> 00:20:57,240
- (doorbell rings)
- Mr. Kelly: Jamie! Guess who it is.
389
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,030
Oh, that's my aunt Carol!
Gotta fly, pumpkin pie.
390
00:21:01,090 --> 00:21:02,200
Catch you later, perspirator.
391
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:07,060
I told you, I switched my spy name
to Princess Unicornia!
392
00:21:07,110 --> 00:21:08,140
(sighs)
393
00:21:08,190 --> 00:21:09,190
Jamie's voice:
Dear dumb diary,
394
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,220
isn't my aunt Carol incredible?
395
00:21:12,030 --> 00:21:15,020
Her wardrobe is like the clothes
my old Barbies used to wear.
396
00:21:15,070 --> 00:21:18,220
Except my aunt doesn't spend
as much time on her tip-toes.
397
00:21:20,090 --> 00:21:22,040
Jamie!
398
00:21:22,090 --> 00:21:25,120
- Jamie!
- (Jamie panting)
399
00:21:25,180 --> 00:21:28,160
- Aunt Carol!
-Oh!
400
00:21:28,210 --> 00:21:30,170
Do you know what all that means?
401
00:21:30,220 --> 00:21:32,040
Pink is the new black?
402
00:21:32,090 --> 00:21:35,160
Well, obviously.
But no.
403
00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:40,160
It means there are lots of clothes
for you to inherit.
404
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,230
Don't you see how cool she is already?
405
00:21:45,030 --> 00:21:49,120
See, most of my conversations
with adult relatives go like this—
406
00:21:49,170 --> 00:21:52,130
- So how's school going?
- Fine.
407
00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:55,050
- And how's soccer going?
- Fine.
408
00:21:56,180 --> 00:21:59,240
See, if I explain
that I've never played soccer,
409
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:03,000
it would just lead
to extra questions.
410
00:22:03,050 --> 00:22:06,090
So what do you think
about all this rain we're having?
411
00:22:06,140 --> 00:22:07,210
Fine.
412
00:22:09,070 --> 00:22:11,040
So how is school going?
413
00:22:11,090 --> 00:22:12,170
Fine.
414
00:22:12,220 --> 00:22:14,080
Are any of the kids,
like, really gross?
415
00:22:14,140 --> 00:22:15,160
Stop it, Carol.
416
00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:17,180
Angeline is gross.
417
00:22:17,230 --> 00:22:19,070
- (laughing)
- Jamie.
418
00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:23,030
Do you know that your mom
once peed her pants at school?
419
00:22:23,090 --> 00:22:25,200
Don't— do not listen to her, Jamie.
420
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,150
Your aunt Carol
has taken her allergy medicine,
421
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,230
and she really has no idea
what she is saying. Stop it.
422
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:32,110
(whispering)
423
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:35,150
Okay, fine.
Fine, I'll drop it.
424
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:39,070
So, Jamie, what do you think
of all this rain we are having?
425
00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:41,170
-1 don't know.
-1 bet your mom hates it.
426
00:22:41,230 --> 00:22:43,080
It could get her pants wet.
427
00:22:43,130 --> 00:22:45,200
Mrs. Kelly:
Hey! Time out for you, Carol.
428
00:22:48,110 --> 00:22:50,050
Jamie:
School is a disaster.
429
00:22:50,100 --> 00:22:53,210
Well, that's because it is supposed
to prepare you for the real world,
430
00:22:54,010 --> 00:22:55,140
- which also kind of~
- Yeah, I've heard.
431
00:22:55,190 --> 00:22:58,160
But how am I supposed
to make it through without going nuts?
432
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:00,120
Play to your strengths.
433
00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:02,060
I've tried that.
434
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:04,190
Well, maybe you have
more than one strength.
435
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,170
It's highly unlikely.
436
00:23:06,220 --> 00:23:09,080
When I was in middle school,
437
00:23:09,130 --> 00:23:12,090
I got teased for having thin lips.
438
00:23:12,140 --> 00:23:14,170
They called me Lizard Lips.
439
00:23:14,220 --> 00:23:17,100
So I would walk around
trying to push my lips out
440
00:23:17,150 --> 00:23:19,030
so they would be more full.
441
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,120
That didn't work.
442
00:23:23,170 --> 00:23:25,220
But later I discovered
I was a really good kisser
443
00:23:26,020 --> 00:23:27,110
no matter what my lips looked like.
444
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:30,060
And trust me,
nobody was complaining.
445
00:23:30,110 --> 00:23:32,010
- Stop.
- (laughing)
446
00:23:32,060 --> 00:23:35,160
You have got to
447
00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:38,010
use what you have got.
448
00:23:38,060 --> 00:23:40,160
Sometimes what you think
might be a problem
449
00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:43,140
could turn out to be
your greatest strength.
450
00:23:46,130 --> 00:23:48,230
See? There.
451
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,010
Photo, photo, photo, photo,
photo, photo.
452
00:23:54,070 --> 00:23:55,070
(laughing)
453
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,130
But what if I don't
have a greatest strength?
454
00:23:57,180 --> 00:24:00,180
Oh, everybody's got a greatest strength.
I've got, like, five.
455
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:03,080
(laughs)
Come on, who doesn't?
456
00:24:03,130 --> 00:24:08,140
Well, well.
If it isn't Jamie.
457
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,110
You still a vegetarian?
458
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,200
Because now we've got Tofu loaf.
459
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,190
This is even worse
than when they tried serving us..
460
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,220
(gulps)
Lollyloafs.
461
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:23,210
I saw a doctor.
462
00:24:24,010 --> 00:24:26,120
I got healed from vegetarianism.
463
00:24:26,170 --> 00:24:28,190
Well, then,
464
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,210
bring up the tray.
Pick it up. Put it up here.
465
00:24:31,010 --> 00:24:32,090
All the way. There you go.
466
00:24:32,140 --> 00:24:36,030
Why do I feel like all the adults
in my life are trying to poison me?
467
00:24:38,030 --> 00:24:41,180
I don't think she's going to look away
until you take a bite.
468
00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:43,090
(grunts)
469
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:54,230
(gagging)
470
00:24:58,030 --> 00:25:02,050
I can't tell the difference
between the meatloaf
471
00:25:02,100 --> 00:25:03,200
and my tongue.
472
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,180
Now down to business.
473
00:25:06,230 --> 00:25:10,000
I've been thinking about Angeline
474
00:25:10,050 --> 00:25:12,190
and the whole permanent-record thing.
475
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,100
The girl has got to be stopped.
476
00:25:15,150 --> 00:25:17,050
- Why do you think that—
- Hudson: Jamie!
477
00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:18,150
Hey, how are you doing?
478
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,210
I didn't see your name
on the Jump-A-Thon list
479
00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:24,160
and I know you'd do a great job.
That's all.
480
00:25:24,210 --> 00:25:29,080
(gagging, hyperventilating)
481
00:25:33,220 --> 00:25:35,240
- Is she okay?
- She's fine.
482
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,200
Might be a small panic attack.
483
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,200
Go ahead. As you were saying?
484
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:42,160
(Jamie gasping)
485
00:25:42,210 --> 00:25:46,070
Well, I remember that
486
00:25:46,130 --> 00:25:48,120
playing double dutch and stuff...
487
00:25:48,170 --> 00:25:50,230
you used to be the best
jump-roper in the whole school.
488
00:25:51,030 --> 00:25:52,200
Does she need to see the nurse?
489
00:25:56,110 --> 00:25:59,080
Dear dumb diary,
490
00:25:59,130 --> 00:26:01,240
only a miracle happened today.
491
00:26:02,050 --> 00:26:05,200
Hudson Rivers basically has declared
his undying love for me,
492
00:26:06,010 --> 00:26:07,240
except he said it another way.
493
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,100
His code,
which I cleverly deciphered,
494
00:26:10,150 --> 00:26:13,220
was saying that he thinks I'd do good
in the Jump-A-Thon.
495
00:26:14,020 --> 00:26:17,180
I cannot- repeat,
cannot let him down.
496
00:26:17,230 --> 00:26:20,210
I think I can uphold our love,
497
00:26:21,010 --> 00:26:24,100
save the art program, and finally—
finally bring justice
498
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,000
to every average-looking person
in the whole world
499
00:26:27,050 --> 00:26:29,190
who's ever been shown up
by a girl like Angeline.
500
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,130
That's right— I have no choice
501
00:26:32,180 --> 00:26:35,000
but show once and for all
the entire world...
502
00:26:35,050 --> 00:26:38,030
(deep male voice)
...my awesomeness!
503
00:26:38,090 --> 00:26:40,130
(rock beat playing)
504
00:26:41,210 --> 00:26:45,050
(cheering)
505
00:26:49,030 --> 00:26:50,240
# My awesomeness is awesome #
506
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,120
# My technique is unique #
507
00:26:52,170 --> 00:26:54,080
# My awesomeness is awesome #
508
00:26:54,130 --> 00:26:56,190
- # Everybody else if freakin' weak... #
- (cheering)
509
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,100
# My footwork is like clockwork #
510
00:26:58,150 --> 00:27:00,150
# My routine is the hottest #
511
00:27:00,210 --> 00:27:03,230
# I'm a voodoo samurai super-ninja
jump-rope goddess #
512
00:27:04,030 --> 00:27:07,030
(singing with others)
# So if you step to me #
513
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,180
# Proceed with caution #
514
00:27:10,230 --> 00:27:13,150
# My awesomeness is awesome #
515
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:17,070
# My awesomeness is awesome... #
516
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:21,130
- (growling)
- Look, ninjas! And they have Hudson!
517
00:27:22,190 --> 00:27:24,210
# There is no competition #
518
00:27:25,020 --> 00:27:26,140
# There will be no contest #
519
00:27:26,190 --> 00:27:28,210
# 'Cause now I'm on a mission S
520
00:27:29,020 --> 00:27:31,040
# To be the very best of the best
of the best #
521
00:27:31,090 --> 00:27:34,070
# And unless you've got three legs
and a built-in trampoline #
522
00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:38,040
# You've got no chance against me,
even you, Angeline #
523
00:27:38,090 --> 00:27:40,220
# So if you step to me #
524
00:27:41,020 --> 00:27:44,200
# Proceed with caution #
525
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,190
# My awesomeness is awesome #
526
00:27:48,190 --> 00:27:51,180
# My awesomeness is awesome... #
527
00:27:51,230 --> 00:27:53,220
(cheering)
528
00:27:54,020 --> 00:27:55,020
You're right, Jamie.
529
00:27:55,070 --> 00:27:57,120
Your awesomeness is awesome.
530
00:27:57,170 --> 00:28:00,180
# They come to worship me #
531
00:28:00,230 --> 00:28:05,080
- # From all around the world #
- Other: # Ooh ooh #
532
00:28:05,130 --> 00:28:08,100
# And no one can believe J'
533
00:28:08,150 --> 00:28:14,030
# I'm just your average girl #
534
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,210
# My concentration is unbreakable #
535
00:28:18,010 --> 00:28:19,160
# My confidence unshakable #
536
00:28:19,220 --> 00:28:21,180
# My moves are so unfake-able #
537
00:28:21,230 --> 00:28:23,110
# My genius unmistakable #
538
00:28:23,170 --> 00:28:25,060
# 'Cause I'm capable of miracles #
539
00:28:25,110 --> 00:28:27,150
# And I'm here to pull
the stops out of y'all #
540
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,090
# So check check check check
checka checka checka me out #
541
00:28:30,150 --> 00:28:33,170
# If you want a piece of me #
542
00:28:33,220 --> 00:28:38,110
# Proceed with caution #
543
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,130
# My awesomeness S
544
00:28:41,180 --> 00:28:47,030
# Is awesome. #
545
00:28:49,100 --> 00:28:51,110
(chattering)
546
00:28:52,130 --> 00:28:53,240
I can't take it anymore.
547
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:56,020
It's too overwhelming.
I'm gonna jump.
548
00:28:56,070 --> 00:28:58,240
Jamie, middle school's not that bad.
549
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:00,140
Please reconsider.
550
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,200
No, the Jump-A-Thon.
I'm doing it.
551
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,120
I'm gonna jump and I'm gonna win.
552
00:29:04,180 --> 00:29:06,030
We're all gonna jump
553
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,080
'cause we're all in this together!
554
00:29:14,070 --> 00:29:16,040
Pretty gutsy, Jamie,
555
00:29:16,100 --> 00:29:19,150
considering all the money
you have to raise.
556
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,040
Money?
557
00:29:21,100 --> 00:29:23,150
I have to raise money?
558
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:25,060
300 bucks?!
559
00:29:25,110 --> 00:29:27,090
Angeline just went around
asking people for money
560
00:29:27,140 --> 00:29:29,140
and they raised
up 300 buck-a-roos?
561
00:29:29,190 --> 00:29:31,240
How famous does Angeline
need to be?
562
00:29:32,050 --> 00:29:35,060
If it was me, I'd be totally satisfied
with being partly famous
563
00:29:35,110 --> 00:29:38,020
and not have to go around
making myself famouser all the time.
564
00:29:38,070 --> 00:29:42,020
She just asked and boom-
565
00:29:42,070 --> 00:29:45,110
- money.
- (bell ringing)
566
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,060
(grunting)
567
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:55,130
(giggling)
568
00:29:55,180 --> 00:29:57,200
(chattering)
569
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:01,030
If I could paint and talk at the-
570
00:30:01,090 --> 00:30:05,000
Jamie! Hi.
I just met your lovely aunt.
571
00:30:05,060 --> 00:30:06,230
I'm glad to hear
you're moving to town.
572
00:30:07,030 --> 00:30:08,180
Please, Assistant Principal DeVonn,
573
00:30:08,230 --> 00:30:10,040
call me Carol.
574
00:30:10,090 --> 00:30:11,230
Carol. And you can call me Dan.
575
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:13,200
Oh, Dan.
576
00:30:14,010 --> 00:30:16,140
And it's "Devon," not DeVonn.
577
00:30:16,190 --> 00:30:18,240
I will talk to you later.
578
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,080
Bye.
579
00:30:22,060 --> 00:30:23,200
- Carol: Oh!
- See you.
580
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,160
Hey, no— not— not here!
581
00:30:27,220 --> 00:30:31,090
Big news. Assistant Principal Devon
just offered me an office job.
582
00:30:31,150 --> 00:30:33,150
It turns out some poor woman
broke her hip.
583
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,230
Oh, yeah, I heard about that.
584
00:30:36,030 --> 00:30:37,200
Jamie,
585
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,240
I am gonna be working
at your school!
586
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:41,040
(laughs)
587
00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:44,150
Of course there was a time
when my aunt Carol understood
588
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:48,180
that a person would rather bathe
in a tub of hot dog slobber
589
00:30:48,230 --> 00:30:51,110
than have a relative
working at their school.
590
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:53,170
Isn't it great?
591
00:30:53,220 --> 00:30:55,240
She's lost touch with reality.
592
00:30:56,050 --> 00:30:59,240
So I had absolutely no choice
except to lie to her.
593
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,050
Yes.
594
00:31:02,100 --> 00:31:04,060
And I'm not lying to you.
595
00:31:09,010 --> 00:31:11,210
(knocking)
596
00:31:14,130 --> 00:31:16,110
- (muttering)
- Hi, Mrs. Clawson.
597
00:31:16,170 --> 00:31:20,070
I'm doing a Jump-A-Thon
to raise money for my school.
598
00:31:20,130 --> 00:31:23,090
Since the state doesn't seem
to value education enough
599
00:31:23,140 --> 00:31:25,210
to meet our needs- (gasps)
600
00:31:27,050 --> 00:31:29,240
What just happened?
601
00:31:30,050 --> 00:31:31,050
I'm not sure.
602
00:31:31,100 --> 00:31:34,060
- Let me turn up my hearing.
- (hearing aid whistling)
603
00:31:34,110 --> 00:31:37,130
I said, I was wondering,
would you give us money?!
604
00:31:37,180 --> 00:31:40,050
Let me see what I've got.
605
00:31:40,100 --> 00:31:42,080
I'd rather be at the dentist.
606
00:31:42,130 --> 00:31:43,170
Yeah.
607
00:31:43,230 --> 00:31:45,120
It's funny how they're always
so surprised
608
00:31:45,170 --> 00:31:47,210
when you bite their fingers.
609
00:31:48,010 --> 00:31:51,060
Ah, here you go, dears.
610
00:31:58,110 --> 00:32:00,080
What is it? Clothes?
611
00:32:00,140 --> 00:32:01,240
Maybe we can resell them.
612
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:03,240
Oh, no.
613
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:05,100
What is it?
614
00:32:05,150 --> 00:32:08,020
(gasps)
615
00:32:11,070 --> 00:32:13,020
Granny panties.
616
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:15,010
They look like
old army-man parachutes
617
00:32:15,070 --> 00:32:16,190
with two big holes
shot through them.
618
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:20,190
She must have thought we were
on some clothing drive or something.
619
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:24,040
Well, if at first you don't succeed,
620
00:32:24,090 --> 00:32:25,200
try try again.
621
00:32:26,010 --> 00:32:27,150
Okay.
622
00:32:27,210 --> 00:32:32,010
But if any old lady
gives me a bag of her giant bras,
623
00:32:32,060 --> 00:32:34,010
I'm out.
624
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,140
You have to give 'em
a taste of the product.
625
00:32:43,190 --> 00:32:45,180
Show 'em what they're investing in.
626
00:32:45,230 --> 00:32:47,160
- (ringing)
- (lady laughing)
627
00:32:47,210 --> 00:32:50,140
Feet like fire, Jamie Kelly!
Feet like fire.
628
00:32:50,190 --> 00:32:53,070
I taught her everything she knows.
629
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,190
Would you like to sponsor me,
Mrs. Cutler?
630
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:58,030
Ah, my pleasure.
631
00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,200
Mmm, well,
632
00:33:00,010 --> 00:33:02,230
best of luck, Jamie.
633
00:33:04,030 --> 00:33:06,020
- Thanks, Mrs. Cutler.
- (Mrs. Cutler laughing)
634
00:33:06,070 --> 00:33:09,100
We're also collecting
for another charity today.
635
00:33:09,150 --> 00:33:10,150
We are?
636
00:33:10,210 --> 00:33:13,160
The Juvenile Optometry Federation.
637
00:33:13,220 --> 00:33:17,060
They supply eyeglasses and such
to underprivileged kids.
638
00:33:17,110 --> 00:33:19,180
Well, aren't you two
the little do-gooders?
639
00:33:19,230 --> 00:33:22,150
I'd be proud to give you...
640
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,030
$5.
641
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:27,200
Jamie's voice:
Look how self-sacrificing Isabella is.
642
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:29,190
She's basically like Gandhi
643
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,200
with a bowl haircut and glasses.
644
00:33:34,020 --> 00:33:37,170
Yeah, I got all the information
about this charity online.
645
00:33:37,220 --> 00:33:40,130
You can help me collect for it
if you want.
646
00:33:44,190 --> 00:33:47,240
Jamie's voice:
And so, DDD, as we went door to door,
647
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,140
not only were people shocked
and amazed by my jump-roping skills...
648
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:54,050
(coins jangling)
649
00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:56,070
...but we also picked up
a few bucks here and there
650
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:58,170
for the Juvenile Optometry Federation.
651
00:33:58,220 --> 00:34:00,230
# If you're with me, with me #
652
00:34:01,030 --> 00:34:03,000
# Let me hear ya #
653
00:34:03,050 --> 00:34:06,000
# Get your hands together
so that we can feel ya #
654
00:34:06,050 --> 00:34:07,180
# It don't matter what they do #
655
00:34:07,230 --> 00:34:09,060
# It don't matter what they say #
656
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,210
# We're rock stars, do it our way,
don't change #
657
00:34:13,010 --> 00:34:14,010
# You're the same girl #
658
00:34:15,010 --> 00:34:16,160
In your face, Angeline.
659
00:34:16,210 --> 00:34:19,000
Now I'm as gentle and sweet as you.
660
00:34:19,060 --> 00:34:21,130
Take that, you toad.
661
00:34:23,030 --> 00:34:26,150
- Is that-
- Granny panties
662
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:29,030
as far as the eye can see.
663
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,140
Stinker! Ugh!
664
00:34:33,180 --> 00:34:37,180
Ugh! Must not touch
granny panties with hands.
665
00:34:37,230 --> 00:34:39,130
Plan B. Get to work.
666
00:34:39,190 --> 00:34:41,070
You too!
667
00:34:48,150 --> 00:34:52,200
- What time is it?
- 4:52. Why?
668
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,030
Hurry. Just hurry!
669
00:35:00,090 --> 00:35:04,020
Jamie's voice: Sometimes things
that seem really gross at first
670
00:35:04,070 --> 00:35:08,080
can seem less gross if you just dig in
and deal with the grossness.
671
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,200
Sometimes if you just pretend
things aren't gross,
672
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,060
the grossness just kind of goes away.
673
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:22,200
But not this time.
674
00:35:24,090 --> 00:35:26,110
Hudson:
Jamie!
675
00:35:26,170 --> 00:35:30,020
(rock music playing)
676
00:35:39,190 --> 00:35:42,080
He rides past on his way from soccer
677
00:35:42,130 --> 00:35:45,020
every day at the same time.
678
00:35:45,070 --> 00:35:46,190
Isabella:
It could be worse.
679
00:35:46,240 --> 00:35:48,230
These old-lady panties
680
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:51,240
could still have old ladies in 'em.
681
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:53,180
(music playing)
682
00:36:07,070 --> 00:36:09,190
(girls laughing)
683
00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:12,150
I've heard from some reliable sources
684
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,170
that Angeline
does the Zone Shampooing.
685
00:36:15,220 --> 00:36:17,060
She shampoos
each zone of her head
686
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:20,190
with its own distinct fragrance
of shampoo.
687
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,150
Whenever she tosses her hair,
688
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:28,080
she shoots a delicious waft of fragrance
right at your unsuspecting nose.
689
00:36:28,130 --> 00:36:31,220
You know, there is one way
to make Angeline disappear.
690
00:36:32,030 --> 00:36:35,000
If that permanent record's gone, poof!
691
00:36:35,050 --> 00:36:36,080
Are you sure about that?
692
00:36:36,130 --> 00:36:38,080
Have I ever been wrong
about anything?
693
00:36:38,130 --> 00:36:40,090
What about that one time
you tried tanning yourself
694
00:36:40,140 --> 00:36:42,070
with flashlights
and a magnifying glass?
695
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,070
Okay, so she won't disappear exactly,
696
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,210
but we might find
some embarrassing info
697
00:36:48,010 --> 00:36:50,010
and tarnish her reputation forever.
698
00:37:05,110 --> 00:37:08,100
Jamie's voice:
Wow. Aunt Carol's influence
699
00:37:08,150 --> 00:37:11,070
has really turned this place around.
700
00:37:16,240 --> 00:37:18,150
Hi, Jamie.
701
00:37:28,240 --> 00:37:31,000
(sighs)
702
00:37:36,070 --> 00:37:39,220
Wait a second, Jamie.
I just have some flowers to replace.
703
00:37:41,100 --> 00:37:43,170
What a wonderful surprise
to have you come visit.
704
00:37:43,220 --> 00:37:45,050
Is it business or pleasure?
705
00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:46,210
Oh! I was wondering,
706
00:37:47,010 --> 00:37:49,140
is Assistant Principal Devon here?
707
00:37:49,190 --> 00:37:51,230
No, he's at lunch.
You want to leave a message for him?
708
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:55,050
No. I was just looking for...
709
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,090
- a paper clip.
-Oh.
710
00:37:59,110 --> 00:38:00,230
Here you go.
711
00:38:01,030 --> 00:38:04,070
No, no. A bigger paper clip.
712
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,180
A big red paper clip.
713
00:38:07,230 --> 00:38:11,220
Do you think Assistant Principal Devon
might have a big red paper clip?
714
00:38:12,020 --> 00:38:15,080
Maybe. He is just nuts
about office supplies.
715
00:38:15,140 --> 00:38:18,160
- Why don't you go and look?
- Just walk right in?
716
00:38:18,210 --> 00:38:20,210
You are my niece. Go ahead.
717
00:38:35,090 --> 00:38:38,040
- Jamie!
- Hey. Back from lunch?
718
00:38:38,090 --> 00:38:41,160
Yes. But I believe you and I
have something bigger to talk about.
719
00:38:41,220 --> 00:38:42,230
We do?
720
00:38:43,030 --> 00:38:44,030
We sure do.
721
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:47,050
Look, I can explain.
722
00:38:47,100 --> 00:38:50,090
You don't have to.
Your posters say everything.
723
00:38:50,140 --> 00:38:51,140
My posters?
724
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:56,040
I've seen your Juvenile Optometry
Federation signs everywhere.
725
00:38:56,090 --> 00:38:59,090
I am so proud of you and Isabella
for taking on this charity.
726
00:38:59,150 --> 00:39:03,130
It even makes me feel bad
for cautioning you against Isabella.
727
00:39:03,180 --> 00:39:05,020
I want to commend the two of you
728
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:08,070
for making this world
a better place to be.
729
00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:11,230
Or should I say...
730
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,130
bee"?!
731
00:39:14,180 --> 00:39:16,050
Buzz, buzz.
732
00:39:17,170 --> 00:39:20,230
Here, I want to contribute.
733
00:39:21,030 --> 00:39:23,030
This is what happens
734
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:26,220
when you put others
before yourself— magic.
735
00:39:27,020 --> 00:39:28,080
Carol: Jamie!
736
00:39:28,130 --> 00:39:30,090
Look what I found.
737
00:39:32,020 --> 00:39:34,030
We've got everything here.
738
00:39:35,210 --> 00:39:37,060
Ah!
739
00:39:39,090 --> 00:39:41,170
- (Mom and Dad inhaling)
- Wow.
740
00:39:41,220 --> 00:39:44,140
- Jamie: Mmm! Yeah.
- Yeah.
741
00:39:44,190 --> 00:39:46,210
- Okay, ready?
- Ready. Go.
742
00:39:49,110 --> 00:39:51,070
- (coughing)
-Ah.
743
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,170
- That was so good.
- So yummy.
744
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:57,180
So how come Aunt Carol
never showed up for dinner?
745
00:39:57,230 --> 00:40:00,190
Oh, no reason.
Plans, work stuff, you know.
746
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,170
Sounds to me like she's got
a big hot date.
747
00:40:03,230 --> 00:40:05,060
(laughs)
No.
748
00:40:05,110 --> 00:40:08,160
Ew! Old people dating.
749
00:40:08,220 --> 00:40:12,210
Seriously, can you imagine
anything as repulsive
750
00:40:13,010 --> 00:40:18,010
as two old people
locked in some withering embrace?
751
00:40:18,060 --> 00:40:21,200
Their dusty decrepit flesh
752
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,210
brushing up against each other?
753
00:40:24,010 --> 00:40:27,190
Their bony fingers clutching—
754
00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:29,240
Jamie. She's 32.
755
00:40:31,020 --> 00:40:32,200
32?!
756
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,090
I didn't realize she was that old.
757
00:40:37,220 --> 00:40:41,030
Jamie's voice: And just when I thought
I couldn't get grossed out anymore,
758
00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,140
Stinker proved me wrong.
759
00:40:43,190 --> 00:40:45,100
(farting)
760
00:40:51,110 --> 00:40:54,180
(farting)
761
00:41:02,170 --> 00:41:04,180
(farting)
762
00:41:16,180 --> 00:41:19,210
(gasping)
Ew ew ew! Clean air!
763
00:41:20,020 --> 00:41:22,050
Ay, help!
764
00:41:22,100 --> 00:41:24,190
I'm not sure
if she's going to make it, nurse.
765
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:28,000
She inhaled a lot
of pure dog stink.
766
00:41:28,050 --> 00:41:30,130
Jamie's voice: So Mom let me
sleep in the living room
767
00:41:30,180 --> 00:41:32,120
in case the beagle fumes
could have had
768
00:41:32,170 --> 00:41:34,130
any permanent effects
on my development.
769
00:41:34,190 --> 00:41:35,190
Mrs. Kelly:
All right, so then what?
770
00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:38,000
When we were eating,
he just grabbed my hand.
771
00:41:38,050 --> 00:41:39,050
- Mmm!
- Yeah.
772
00:41:39,100 --> 00:41:40,110
- And then the other hand.
- Both hands?
773
00:41:40,170 --> 00:41:41,170
- Yeah.
- He did not.
774
00:41:41,220 --> 00:41:43,060
- Yeah, it was very romantic.
- He did not!
775
00:41:43,110 --> 00:41:45,070
- Carol.
- And he asked me out again.
776
00:41:45,130 --> 00:41:46,230
(gasps)
Carol, stop it!
777
00:41:47,030 --> 00:41:49,040
Carol:
Oh, don't be so old-fashioned.
778
00:41:49,100 --> 00:41:52,020
Mrs. Kelly:
I've heard a thing or two...
779
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:53,090
Red alert.
780
00:41:53,140 --> 00:41:55,190
Right now at this very second,
781
00:41:55,240 --> 00:41:58,180
I think my aunt Carol
is telling my mom about—
782
00:41:58,230 --> 00:42:03,120
well, I think it really
is about a big gross date.
783
00:42:03,170 --> 00:42:04,200
Mrs. Kelly:
And?
784
00:42:05,010 --> 00:42:08,120
Oh, he had these strong, warm,
785
00:42:08,170 --> 00:42:10,110
- George Clooney lips.
- Mm-hmm.
786
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:12,240
Which is so gross to listen to.
787
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,010
It's all I can do
to keep eavesdropping.
788
00:42:16,060 --> 00:42:18,140
These powerful,
masculine Ben Affleck hands.
789
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,090
Mrs. Kelly:
Ben Affleck, really?
790
00:42:20,150 --> 00:42:22,180
Is he known for his hands?
791
00:42:22,230 --> 00:42:25,170
Ew. Adult city.
792
00:42:25,220 --> 00:42:27,120
That's it.
793
00:42:27,170 --> 00:42:31,060
But, wait. I'm trying to imagine
the kind of guy
794
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,220
Aunt Carol could possibly date.
795
00:42:34,020 --> 00:42:36,100
He would have to be
someone who is, A:
796
00:42:36,150 --> 00:42:39,040
more attractive than Aunt Carol,
but dumber,
797
00:42:39,090 --> 00:42:41,220
B: less attractive than Aunt Carol,
798
00:42:42,030 --> 00:42:45,060
but funnier,
799
00:42:45,110 --> 00:42:48,070
C: the exact same level
of attractiveness,
800
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:50,030
but shorter,
801
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:53,240
- D: the owner of a really hot car.
- (tires screech)
802
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:55,040
(cash register dings)
803
00:42:55,090 --> 00:42:57,210
(bell rings)
804
00:43:02,110 --> 00:43:06,170
(romantic music playing)
805
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:22,240
- (record dies down)
- Why don't you just take a picture?
806
00:43:23,050 --> 00:43:26,180
So then I can be the weird girl
who takes stalker-like photos
807
00:43:26,230 --> 00:43:29,040
and plays with old ladies'
undergarments?
808
00:43:29,090 --> 00:43:30,200
You don't know what Hudson likes.
809
00:43:31,010 --> 00:43:33,000
Lots of guys
might find that attractive.
810
00:43:33,050 --> 00:43:35,060
- Name one.
- Big Foot.
811
00:43:37,230 --> 00:43:39,200
Frankenstein.
812
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:41,070
Big Foot!
813
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,210
Hey, Jamie, good morning.
814
00:43:44,010 --> 00:43:45,170
It feels like there's
something electric in the air.
815
00:43:45,220 --> 00:43:48,170
Cute jacket, by the way.
816
00:43:49,230 --> 00:43:51,180
Um, what just happened?
817
00:43:51,230 --> 00:43:53,200
You think she senses
I'm her competition
818
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:55,010
for the Jump-A-Thon?
819
00:43:55,060 --> 00:43:56,220
She's trying to get
in your brain, Jamie.
820
00:43:57,020 --> 00:43:58,150
Don't let her in there.
821
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:01,190
Don't let her in!
822
00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:05,070
Class, I thought
we'd spice things up a bit.
823
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:08,030
Today we're making valentines.
824
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:11,170
But it's, like, four months
until Valentine's Day.
825
00:44:11,220 --> 00:44:15,070
Well, this is why you're in school-
to practice stuff.
826
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:18,050
Oh, and don't put your name
on anything.
827
00:44:18,100 --> 00:44:19,130
(blowing)
828
00:44:19,190 --> 00:44:22,010
Isabella, don't you think Hudson
829
00:44:22,060 --> 00:44:24,180
is the cutest boy
in the whole school?
830
00:44:24,230 --> 00:44:27,120
Actually, he's eighth.
831
00:44:27,180 --> 00:44:28,180
What?
832
00:44:28,230 --> 00:44:31,170
I've scientifically ranked
all the guys in our school
833
00:44:31,220 --> 00:44:33,010
based on my cuteness scale.
834
00:44:33,060 --> 00:44:35,210
According the science of Boy-ology,
835
00:44:36,010 --> 00:44:38,150
Hudson is the eighth-cutest guy
in our school.
836
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,200
I've done a very accurate study
837
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:42,190
which accounts for looks, personality,
838
00:44:42,240 --> 00:44:46,130
physicality and fashion sense.
839
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:51,110
Eighth is all right with me.
840
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:54,180
(slow music playing)
841
00:45:00,020 --> 00:45:03,000
# In first place is Andy Clyde S
842
00:45:03,050 --> 00:45:06,180
# He's got a crush
on Claire Vanderhyde #
843
00:45:06,230 --> 00:45:11,000
# His shirt's always untucked
and his shoes are untied #
844
00:45:11,050 --> 00:45:15,210
# And whenever he smiles,
you get all squirmy inside #
845
00:45:18,150 --> 00:45:21,210
# Brian Buxbaum is #2 #
846
00:45:22,010 --> 00:45:24,230
# He moved here last year
from Kalamazoo #
847
00:45:25,030 --> 00:45:28,160
# He used to be in fifth place,
but then he grew J'
848
00:45:28,210 --> 00:45:31,120
# He's just not my type S
849
00:45:31,170 --> 00:45:34,170
# Maybe he's for you #
850
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:42,080
# Hudson Rivers
is the eighth cutest guy in my school #
851
00:45:43,110 --> 00:45:45,210
# He's a lifeguard in training #
852
00:45:46,010 --> 00:45:49,230
# At the cuteness gene pool #
853
00:45:50,030 --> 00:45:52,100
# You might say #
854
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,010
# Go for one, two or three #
855
00:45:54,060 --> 00:45:56,050
# I think eight is my fate #
856
00:45:56,110 --> 00:45:59,210
# 'Cause he's more
than just a number to me #
857
00:46:05,090 --> 00:46:08,220
# The Hoffenberg twins
are three and four #
858
00:46:09,030 --> 00:46:12,110
# Glenn collects ninjas
and Gavin's a bore #
859
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:15,210
J' Calder MacMillan
holds down the fifth place S
860
00:46:16,020 --> 00:46:20,230
# But I think there's
something weird about his face #
861
00:46:22,240 --> 00:46:26,050
# Sixth is Josh Chapman,
he lives on my block #
862
00:46:26,100 --> 00:46:29,200
# Fred Wells is seventh,
he's kind of a jock S
863
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:33,120
# I could go down the list,
say who's in and who's out J'
864
00:46:33,180 --> 00:46:36,080
# But there's only one name #
865
00:46:36,140 --> 00:46:40,000
# That I care about #
866
00:46:40,050 --> 00:46:45,160
# Hudson Rivers
is the eighth cutest guy in my school #
867
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:49,140
# He may not be Einstein #
868
00:46:49,190 --> 00:46:54,030
# But I say he's nobody's fool #
869
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:55,210
# You might say #
870
00:46:56,020 --> 00:46:58,030
# Go for one, two or three #
871
00:46:58,080 --> 00:46:59,190
# I think eight is my fate #
872
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,180
# He's more
than just a number to me #
873
00:47:01,240 --> 00:47:04,070
- Others: # You might say #
- # Just follow your heart #
874
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:06,100
# I know Hudson and me #
875
00:47:06,150 --> 00:47:08,210
- # Are more than the sum of our parts #
- Others: # You might say #
876
00:47:09,010 --> 00:47:11,070
# Go for one, two or three #
877
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:14,010
# I know eight is my fate #
878
00:47:14,060 --> 00:47:18,070
# He's more than a number to me. #
879
00:47:25,110 --> 00:47:27,040
(bell ringing)
880
00:47:29,170 --> 00:47:31,020
(sighs)
881
00:47:33,070 --> 00:47:35,120
(grunts)
882
00:47:35,170 --> 00:47:36,190
Ah!
883
00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:38,220
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
884
00:47:39,030 --> 00:47:41,060
Jamie, could I ask you a question?
885
00:47:41,110 --> 00:47:43,040
("Bridal Chorus" playing)
886
00:47:43,090 --> 00:47:44,090
(record screeches)
887
00:47:44,140 --> 00:47:46,130
Why do I feel
like I've imagined this before?
888
00:47:46,180 --> 00:47:49,070
I was just wondering why you haven't
asked me to sponsor you
889
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:52,190
- for the Jump-A-Thon.
- You want to sponsor me?
890
00:47:54,060 --> 00:47:56,010
Okay.
891
00:47:59,140 --> 00:48:03,000
Jamie, I love your valentine.
It's perfect.
892
00:48:03,050 --> 00:48:05,100
If Michelangelo and da Vinci
had a baby,
893
00:48:05,150 --> 00:48:08,030
and it was a card,
it would look like this.
894
00:48:08,090 --> 00:48:09,240
Mmm!
895
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:12,000
(giggling)
896
00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:15,190
-Thanks.
-Yeah, sure.
897
00:48:20,020 --> 00:48:22,050
(sighing)
898
00:48:22,100 --> 00:48:24,130
(clipboard crashes)
899
00:48:24,180 --> 00:48:26,090
Jamie:
Hudson.
900
00:48:26,140 --> 00:48:28,050
Is that you? Hudson.
901
00:48:30,170 --> 00:48:32,060
Did you hear that?
902
00:48:32,110 --> 00:48:34,210
He doesn't think I'm some creepy
panty-picker-upper.
903
00:48:35,010 --> 00:48:36,120
Or he finds it attractive.
904
00:48:36,180 --> 00:48:39,050
I'm just sayin'!
905
00:48:41,190 --> 00:48:43,110
Devon:
Jamie Kelly.
906
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,040
Just the girl I wanted to see.
907
00:48:45,100 --> 00:48:47,140
I wanted to let you know,
and Isabella,
908
00:48:47,190 --> 00:48:50,240
that because of the success
of the Juvenile Optometry Federation,
909
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:54,050
the town paper wants to come
and interview you both.
910
00:48:54,100 --> 00:48:56,000
. No way!
-Way.
911
00:48:56,060 --> 00:48:58,100
It's about two girls
making a difference,
912
00:48:58,150 --> 00:49:00,180
taking it upon themselves
to think of others.
913
00:49:00,230 --> 00:49:02,080
- We'll be in the paper?
- Yes.
914
00:49:02,130 --> 00:49:03,150
- Will there be a picture?
- Yep.
915
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:05,010
- Will it be in color?
- Think so.
916
00:49:05,060 --> 00:49:08,060
- Will it be bigger than this?
-1 don't know.
917
00:49:08,110 --> 00:49:11,200
- Can I do a snazzy over-the-shoulder?
- (camera flashing)
918
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:13,150
Sure.
919
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:16,000
Yes!
920
00:49:16,050 --> 00:49:17,090
Jamie's voice:
Dear dumb diary,
921
00:49:17,150 --> 00:49:20,010
all this giving to people
is really paying off.
922
00:49:20,060 --> 00:49:23,220
I can even feel myself
getting more beautifuller inside.
923
00:49:24,020 --> 00:49:25,170
(dings)
924
00:49:25,220 --> 00:49:29,140
Soon my inner beauty
will be so enflamed
925
00:49:29,190 --> 00:49:30,240
that it will rupture through my skin
926
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:34,240
and spew bubbling squirts of beauty
all over the floor
927
00:49:35,050 --> 00:49:39,040
that the janitors will have to clean up
with their special throw-up sawdust.
928
00:49:39,090 --> 00:49:42,170
(piano playing)
929
00:49:42,220 --> 00:49:45,010
Isn't it magnificent?
930
00:49:58,230 --> 00:50:01,190
Aunt Carol, isn't this going to be
a musical number?
931
00:50:01,240 --> 00:50:05,080
Sorry. Budget cuts.
932
00:50:05,140 --> 00:50:07,170
- Man: What?
- Man #2:1 thought I had a tap solo.
933
00:50:07,220 --> 00:50:10,200
This is ridiculous.
I'm— I'm gonna call my agent.
934
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:12,090
Don't think you're going
to get away with this.
935
00:50:12,140 --> 00:50:14,010
This is unprofessional!
936
00:50:14,070 --> 00:50:16,100
This is why I don't do film!
937
00:50:19,140 --> 00:50:22,160
Hey, sweet pea,
how was your day?
938
00:50:22,210 --> 00:50:24,080
Fine.
939
00:50:24,130 --> 00:50:26,240
(water bubbling)
940
00:50:28,100 --> 00:50:31,110
Is that one of Stinker's chew toys?
941
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:33,100
A lot of things look like chew toys.
942
00:50:34,190 --> 00:50:37,030
Hey, guys, don't wait up.
Call if I need you. Love you, bye!
943
00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:41,110
Jamie's voice:
And so, dumb diary,
944
00:50:41,170 --> 00:50:43,190
now that I'm beautiful
like Aunt Carol,
945
00:50:43,240 --> 00:50:45,130
I can understand
why men flock to her.
946
00:50:45,180 --> 00:50:49,140
I myself feel like I could stare
at my reflection for hours,
947
00:50:49,190 --> 00:50:51,210
lost in the gaze of my own beauty.
948
00:50:52,010 --> 00:50:54,220
It's not weird to check yourself out.
949
00:50:55,020 --> 00:50:56,160
It's not!
950
00:50:56,210 --> 00:50:58,050
(chattering)
951
00:50:58,100 --> 00:50:59,240
Birthday-cake frosting?!
952
00:51:00,050 --> 00:51:03,040
Is that supposed to make
the meatloaf more appealing?
953
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:08,070
- Oh, no.
- Isabella: What?
954
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:12,070
Angeline- she's been grinning
at me for two weeks.
955
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:13,120
Maybe it's some curse she learned
956
00:51:13,170 --> 00:51:16,000
using the flawless reflection
of her teeth.
957
00:51:16,050 --> 00:51:18,240
Ruthless with her
Jedi mind tricks, she is.
958
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,240
- What was that?
- Adorable hand wave.
959
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:26,110
Oh, that's low. Real low.
960
00:51:26,170 --> 00:51:28,180
I don't think you should
keep coming to this school
961
00:51:28,230 --> 00:51:30,010
if she continues
this kind of behavior.
962
00:51:30,060 --> 00:51:31,190
- (squeals)
- Jamie: Oh, no.
963
00:51:31,240 --> 00:51:35,090
She's coming over here with that big old
gorgeous smile on her face.
964
00:51:35,140 --> 00:51:38,060
- What do we do?
- Be strong, Jamie.
965
00:51:38,110 --> 00:51:42,170
You must resist her evil.
966
00:51:42,220 --> 00:51:45,020
- Jamie!
-Ah!
967
00:51:45,070 --> 00:51:49,040
(squealing)
Oh, my gosh! Amazing!
968
00:51:54,050 --> 00:51:57,190
I feel like I've been playfully mauled
969
00:51:57,240 --> 00:52:00,040
by a really sweet grizzly.
970
00:52:00,090 --> 00:52:02,220
That's a maneuver
that could easily kill a person.
971
00:52:03,020 --> 00:52:06,180
- (Angeline squealing)
- Look! It's spreading.
972
00:52:06,230 --> 00:52:08,180
Aunt Carol, no!
973
00:52:10,050 --> 00:52:11,090
That's the move!
974
00:52:11,150 --> 00:52:14,170
Look, she's attempting
little tiny stampy stamps.
975
00:52:14,220 --> 00:52:16,170
She's flipping her hair
back and forth,
976
00:52:16,220 --> 00:52:18,130
or at least trying.
977
00:52:18,180 --> 00:52:20,010
(both squealing)
978
00:52:20,070 --> 00:52:22,170
And she's even making
that little squealy sound
979
00:52:22,220 --> 00:52:24,010
that makes puppies pee.
980
00:52:24,070 --> 00:52:26,170
Isabella:
Definitely gigglecide!
981
00:52:26,220 --> 00:52:28,240
You know, I think
it really is the meatloaf.
982
00:52:29,050 --> 00:52:32,240
Do you think the meatloaf
is finally making everyone crazy?
983
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:35,190
Jamie's voice:
One can hardly imagine the madness
984
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:39,130
going on inside the mind of Bruntford.
985
00:52:39,190 --> 00:52:44,070
# What is it about school cafeterias #
986
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:47,240
# That makes the meatloaf
so mysterious? #
987
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:51,230
# Gets you hooked
like a book by Dickens #
988
00:52:52,030 --> 00:52:56,160
# Add gray gravy
and the plot just thickens #
989
00:52:56,210 --> 00:53:00,130
- # What magic's in the meat? #
-# Magic #
990
00:53:00,180 --> 00:53:03,110
# What makes it
such a treat to eat? #
991
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:07,030
# Makes you want to move
your feet to the beat #
992
00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:09,040
# And wiggle and giggle #
993
00:53:09,090 --> 00:53:12,100
Women:
# What magic's in the meat? #
994
00:53:12,150 --> 00:53:16,100
- J' What happens in that oven #
- # Magic #
995
00:53:16,150 --> 00:53:21,060
# That turns 'em into
meatloaf-1 ovin' fools like me? #
996
00:53:21,110 --> 00:53:25,200
# It's a meatloaf mystery... #
997
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:27,100
Yum.
998
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:31,210
# Don't you dare question
my strange ingredient #
999
00:53:32,010 --> 00:53:35,240
# My recipe demands obedience #
1000
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:37,210
# You know you're hungry #
1001
00:53:38,010 --> 00:53:39,200
J' Don't try to fight it #
1002
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:43,120
J* You're gonna eat it
and you're gonna like it #
1003
00:53:43,170 --> 00:53:48,030
- # What is that secret flavor #
- # Magic #
1004
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:51,100
# That makes you want
to squeeze your neighbor? #
1005
00:53:51,150 --> 00:53:55,150
# Can't you see
it's a meatloaf mystery? #
1006
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:57,160
# Don't touch that broccoli #
1007
00:53:57,220 --> 00:53:59,160
# Not so hasty #
1008
00:53:59,220 --> 00:54:01,140
# Come try a bite of me #
1009
00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:03,040
# Mmm, you know I'm tasty #
1010
00:54:03,090 --> 00:54:08,000
- # What magic's in the meat? #
-# Magic #
1011
00:54:08,050 --> 00:54:11,000
# What makes it such a treat to eat? #
1012
00:54:11,050 --> 00:54:14,180
# Makes you want to move your feet
to the beat #
1013
00:54:14,230 --> 00:54:16,120
# And wiggle and giggle... #
1014
00:54:16,170 --> 00:54:19,180
- (giggling)
# What magic's in the meat? #
1015
00:54:19,230 --> 00:54:22,200
- # What happens in that oven #
- # Magic #
1016
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:28,110
J' That turns 'em
into meatloaf-lovin' fools #
1017
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:30,130
# Like me? #
1018
00:54:30,180 --> 00:54:37,180
# It's a meatloaf mystery #
1019
00:54:37,240 --> 00:54:42,000
# Magic in the meat #
1020
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,240
Jamie!
Jamie, eat your meatloaf!
1021
00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:49,140
If you're not going to eat it,
then I will.
1022
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:52,240
Hmm!
1023
00:54:54,150 --> 00:54:56,000
(laughs)
1024
00:54:56,050 --> 00:54:58,090
Call 9-1...
1025
00:55:00,020 --> 00:55:01,140
Isabella:
Wait a minute.
1026
00:55:01,190 --> 00:55:05,000
The office ladies are here,
1027
00:55:05,050 --> 00:55:08,180
which means the office is empty.
1028
00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:12,180
If any permanent record
wanted to disappear forever,
1029
00:55:12,230 --> 00:55:15,100
now would sure be a great time.
1030
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:17,240
Oh.
1031
00:55:19,230 --> 00:55:21,190
(makes ticking sound)
1032
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:23,060
Woman: This is ridiculous.
1033
00:55:23,110 --> 00:55:25,180
Devon: Well, Holly,
I have feelings for you.
1034
00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:28,010
They're just the wrong ones,
I guess.
1035
00:55:28,060 --> 00:55:29,230
-1-1-
- Holly: I can't believe this.
1036
00:55:30,030 --> 00:55:32,160
There was a lot of time and effort
that was put into that.
1037
00:55:32,210 --> 00:55:35,090
- Um, what, the valentine?
- Holly: Yes!
1038
00:55:35,150 --> 00:55:38,100
- It's a beautiful valentine.
- Yes, it is. It's got glitter.
1039
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:41,000
Holly, acceptance is seeing
with your heart, not with your eyes.
1040
00:55:41,050 --> 00:55:43,120
Oh! I don't want to talk about it.
1041
00:55:43,170 --> 00:55:45,120
- Holly, don't take it personally.
- Don't!
1042
00:55:45,170 --> 00:55:48,070
Holly, the road to success
is always paved with destruction!
1043
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:50,050
Holly:
Stop it! No!
1044
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:10,110
Jamie's voice:
Wait. That's the valentine I made.
1045
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:13,160
Dan. How about lunch.
Miss Anderson.
1046
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:25,240
Stinker.
1047
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:30,230
They say guilt can make you
do strange things.
1048
00:56:33,020 --> 00:56:36,110
Who knew putting yourself
in a candy coma
1049
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:38,180
would be one of them?
1050
00:56:43,190 --> 00:56:45,220
I can't tell if I feel sick
1051
00:56:46,020 --> 00:56:50,060
because I stole Angeline's record
1052
00:56:50,110 --> 00:56:54,160
or because I just at
10 chocolate bars in a row.
1053
00:56:54,210 --> 00:56:56,050
(Stinker barking)
1054
00:56:56,100 --> 00:56:58,090
Fine, 32.
1055
00:56:58,150 --> 00:57:01,070
Hey, Jamie, I know—
1056
00:57:01,130 --> 00:57:03,010
wow, okay.
1057
00:57:03,060 --> 00:57:04,150
Okay.
1058
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:07,170
I know that you are doing
some serious jump-rope training
1059
00:57:07,220 --> 00:57:11,110
and fundraising, and I get
that it may be stressing you out.
1060
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:14,060
But you really need to clean
your room.
1061
00:57:14,110 --> 00:57:17,240
We are having a little party here
for Aunt Carol on Saturday night
1062
00:57:18,050 --> 00:57:20,070
and we need this to be
the coat room.
1063
00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:22,070
And I am afraid
1064
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:25,040
that there may be things alive
1065
00:57:25,090 --> 00:57:26,170
- under this pile of-
- (rattling)
1066
00:57:26,230 --> 00:57:30,090
What?! Jamie! Whaaa!
1067
00:57:30,140 --> 00:57:32,140
Thanks for the support.
1068
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:33,240
(barking)
1069
00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:35,220
(moans)
1070
00:57:36,020 --> 00:57:38,210
No more chocolate!
1071
00:57:40,170 --> 00:57:42,210
(grunting)
1072
00:57:45,220 --> 00:57:49,060
Stinker, have you seen
my dumb diary anywhere?
1073
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:52,070
I should have excavated
down to it by now.
1074
00:57:55,230 --> 00:57:57,230
Where is it?
1075
00:57:59,090 --> 00:58:01,050
(barking)
1076
00:58:13,220 --> 00:58:15,200
No. No. No.
1077
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:19,210
Ew!
1078
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:28,000
(grunts)
1079
00:58:38,140 --> 00:58:40,120
(grunts)
1080
00:58:40,170 --> 00:58:42,140
I still feel sick.
1081
00:58:42,190 --> 00:58:44,070
Jamie's high voice:
Jamie.
1082
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:45,180
Do you want to feel sick,
1083
00:58:45,230 --> 00:58:48,010
sick of yourself
for the rest of your life?
1084
00:58:48,060 --> 00:58:50,070
Jamie's low voice: Do you ever think
you'll stop feeling sick
1085
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:52,180
until Angeline's gone for good?
1086
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:55,150
There's something wrong
with your little floating doughnut.
1087
00:58:55,210 --> 00:58:57,110
It's a halo, stupid!
1088
00:58:57,160 --> 00:58:59,170
Guys, the record!
1089
00:58:59,220 --> 00:59:03,050
High voice: Don't do it, Jamie.
You don't know the consequences.
1090
00:59:03,100 --> 00:59:06,030
What if you're forced
to wear stripes in prison?
1091
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:07,210
Horizontal stripes!
1092
00:59:08,010 --> 00:59:09,030
So unflattering!
1093
00:59:09,080 --> 00:59:10,160
Go away.
1094
00:59:10,210 --> 00:59:13,030
(grunts)
1095
00:59:23,230 --> 00:59:25,120
Oh! Isabella!
1096
00:59:25,170 --> 00:59:27,000
Isabella.
1097
00:59:27,050 --> 00:59:28,240
I feel like my inner beauty
might be fading.
1098
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:30,120
We need to go around
and raise more money
1099
00:59:30,170 --> 00:59:32,130
for the Juvenile
Optometry Federation.
1100
00:59:32,180 --> 00:59:35,220
Um, well,
we don't have to anymore.
1101
00:59:36,020 --> 00:59:39,240
See, I sent them all the money
and now they have enough.
1102
00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:41,140
What?
1103
00:59:42,140 --> 00:59:45,000
We totally filled up
an entire charity?
1104
00:59:45,050 --> 00:59:48,050
(bell rings)
1105
00:59:48,100 --> 00:59:51,130
Isabella! Isabella!
1106
00:59:52,130 --> 00:59:55,050
What happened to your eyes?
1107
00:59:55,110 --> 00:59:58,130
They're green, like jelly beans.
1108
00:59:58,180 --> 01:00:00,180
I got contacts. Cool, huh?
1109
01:00:00,230 --> 01:00:02,200
Where'd you get the money
for contacts?
1110
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:04,240
The Juvenile Optometry Federation.
1111
01:00:05,050 --> 01:00:06,210
Plus I had a few bucks saved up.
1112
01:00:07,020 --> 01:00:09,080
(laughs maniacally)
1113
01:00:09,130 --> 01:00:11,140
Forget the signature lip-gloss flavor.
1114
01:00:11,190 --> 01:00:14,020
Now it's my eyes
that everyone will notice.
1115
01:00:14,070 --> 01:00:16,140
Isabella, what about
all the inner beauty
1116
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:17,200
we worked so hard for?
1117
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,070
Look, they're in my eyes, right?
1118
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:23,130
And they're beautiful.
Bang- inner beauty.
1119
01:00:23,190 --> 01:00:27,070
They didn't have the tinted ones,
so I colored them in myself.
1120
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:29,200
I may have used a little bit
too much green marker
1121
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:32,120
and I--1 might have wrecked
the left one.
1122
01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:35,240
(squealing)
Mommy.
1123
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:39,080
- You faked a charity!
- And you helped me.
1124
01:00:39,130 --> 01:00:42,060
Right, so if I rat you out,
I'll be in as much trouble as you.
1125
01:00:43,180 --> 01:00:45,080
We faked the principal,
1126
01:00:45,130 --> 01:00:48,100
which is like faking out the president!
1127
01:00:48,150 --> 01:00:50,190
But when you say it like that,
it sounds bad!
1128
01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:52,090
They're supposed
to interview us next week.
1129
01:00:52,140 --> 01:00:54,010
- What are we gonna do?
-1 don't know.
1130
01:00:54,060 --> 01:00:55,220
Lie in print, to the whole city?
1131
01:00:56,020 --> 01:00:57,040
What kind of supportive
friend are you?
1132
01:00:57,090 --> 01:01:01,110
- Me?! You lied, Isabella!
-1 don't need this, Jamie!
1133
01:01:08,110 --> 01:01:10,100
No. No. To the right.
No. Your other right.
1134
01:01:11,230 --> 01:01:14,080
So much for
my over-the-shoulder shot.
1135
01:01:23,030 --> 01:01:26,050
Devon: Bottom line,
Isabella is selfish.
1136
01:01:26,100 --> 01:01:28,120
You don't want
to end up like that.
1137
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:39,040
Hey!
1138
01:01:39,090 --> 01:01:41,160
Did you hear they might stop
serving meatloaf
1139
01:01:41,220 --> 01:01:43,030
since it poisoned Bruntford?
1140
01:01:44,040 --> 01:01:46,120
Looks like now they're serving...
1141
01:01:47,180 --> 01:01:49,110
What do you old people eat, anyway?
1142
01:01:49,170 --> 01:01:53,000
- Uh, beef stew and noodles.
- Bran muffins.
1143
01:01:53,050 --> 01:01:55,190
- Yeah! That's what they have.
-No!
1144
01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:57,000
Jamie's voice:
I've learned
1145
01:01:57,050 --> 01:02:00,140
that it's really not that hard
to fool adults.
1146
01:02:00,190 --> 01:02:04,230
And this is in no way
comforting to us kids.
1147
01:02:12,210 --> 01:02:15,030
(sighs)
1148
01:02:35,100 --> 01:02:37,210
Hey, guys, check this out.
1149
01:02:38,010 --> 01:02:39,130
Why not?
1150
01:02:43,090 --> 01:02:46,140
Boy: "Maybe he is just slightly
too cute for me.
1151
01:02:46,190 --> 01:02:49,100
- I'm right on the edge of adorable."
- (boys laughing)
1152
01:02:49,150 --> 01:02:51,120
Boy:
Oh, my gosh!
1153
01:02:51,170 --> 01:02:54,210
"But if I'm really really lucky
and keep my fingers crossed,
1154
01:02:55,020 --> 01:02:57,020
he could become mildly disfigured."
1155
01:02:57,070 --> 01:02:59,090
(boys laughing)
1156
01:02:59,140 --> 01:03:02,120
"Then Hudson and I
would be on the same level!"
1157
01:03:02,170 --> 01:03:05,230
(all laughing)
1158
01:03:08,010 --> 01:03:09,140
Hey, can I see that?
1159
01:03:09,200 --> 01:03:11,080
(panting)
1160
01:03:15,140 --> 01:03:17,070
It's you!
1161
01:03:17,130 --> 01:03:20,100
You're so upbeat and encouraging.
What is it you always say?
1162
01:03:20,150 --> 01:03:22,030
- "We're all in this to--"
- Sorry.
1163
01:03:22,090 --> 01:03:25,130
You're on your own, "cupcake."
1164
01:03:31,180 --> 01:03:35,010
Hey, honey,
sorry you're not feeling well.
1165
01:03:36,050 --> 01:03:38,180
I can't believe I did the right thing.
1166
01:03:38,240 --> 01:03:41,110
Whatever made me feel
like I should do the right thing?
1167
01:03:41,160 --> 01:03:43,230
What's that?
1168
01:03:44,030 --> 01:03:45,170
Nothing.
1169
01:03:45,230 --> 01:03:48,030
I just need to go home
and lie down.
1170
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:56,210
Dear dumb piece of paper,
1171
01:03:57,010 --> 01:03:59,240
I'm writing to you
instead of my diary
1172
01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:04,060
because my diary has been stolen.
1173
01:04:05,110 --> 01:04:07,120
Of course you understand
1174
01:04:07,170 --> 01:04:11,100
that I am de-stroyed!
1175
01:04:11,150 --> 01:04:13,120
I don't think
1176
01:04:13,170 --> 01:04:17,010
I'll ever be able
to return to school again...
1177
01:04:18,140 --> 01:04:23,100
unless I get extreme plastic surgery
1178
01:04:23,150 --> 01:04:26,020
so no one will recognize me.
1179
01:04:26,070 --> 01:04:28,010
But considering
1180
01:04:28,060 --> 01:04:30,040
my mom won't even
buy me a cell phone,
1181
01:04:30,090 --> 01:04:32,240
I don't know how I'm going to get her
to spring for plastic surgery...
1182
01:04:33,040 --> 01:04:34,040
(all laughing)
1183
01:04:34,090 --> 01:04:38,130
...just because I'm too embarrassed
to be myself at school.
1184
01:04:38,180 --> 01:04:43,140
And in case my children
are reading this years from now,
1185
01:04:43,190 --> 01:04:46,090
this is the exact moment
1186
01:04:46,140 --> 01:04:48,130
that Angeline ruined any chance
1187
01:04:48,180 --> 01:04:51,210
of everlasting love
between your father and me.
1188
01:04:52,010 --> 01:04:55,170
And it's her fault
your last name is "Buttalington"
1189
01:04:55,220 --> 01:04:58,230
or something lame like that.
1190
01:05:01,130 --> 01:05:03,140
The future.
1191
01:05:05,140 --> 01:05:09,000
I wonder if when I'm older,
1192
01:05:09,050 --> 01:05:11,140
any of this will even matter.
1193
01:05:17,030 --> 01:05:20,240
So what if middle-school Jamie
is a total loser?
1194
01:05:21,040 --> 01:05:23,140
It's not gonna be that way
for future Jamie.
1195
01:05:32,200 --> 01:05:34,230
# Dear future Jamie #
1196
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:37,050
# It's me, I mean it's you #
1197
01:05:37,100 --> 01:05:39,020
# Only younger #
1198
01:05:39,070 --> 01:05:43,160
# Do you remember
how complicated life used to be #
1199
01:05:43,210 --> 01:05:46,240
# When everything seemed
so unfair? #
1200
01:05:47,040 --> 01:05:50,140
# But you don't care anymore,
do you? #
1201
01:05:50,200 --> 01:05:52,240
# What with your fabulous career #
1202
01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:55,090
# As United States Ambassador #
1203
01:05:55,140 --> 01:05:58,160
# And your movie-star boyfriend #
1204
01:05:58,210 --> 01:06:02,200
# And I bet you never shed
a single tear for me #
1205
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:05,020
# Jamie of the past #
1206
01:06:05,070 --> 01:06:07,060
# 'Cause you grew up really fast #
1207
01:06:07,120 --> 01:06:09,030
# Like your new scooter #
1208
01:06:09,090 --> 01:06:13,210
# So how's the weather in Bermuda? #
1209
01:06:14,010 --> 01:06:16,050
# Dear future Jamie #
1210
01:06:16,100 --> 01:06:18,060
# Just look at you now #
1211
01:06:18,110 --> 01:06:19,220
# In your big beach house #
1212
01:06:20,030 --> 01:06:21,190
# With your personal staff #
1213
01:06:21,240 --> 01:06:24,190
# And have you ever told them
that old story #
1214
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:27,120
J' 'Bout how they stole your diary
from me J*
1215
01:06:27,170 --> 01:06:30,160
# Oh boy,
I bet that gets a good laugh #
1216
01:06:30,220 --> 01:06:33,120
# But that was long before
you won the Oscar #
1217
01:06:33,170 --> 01:06:35,050
# And the Nobel Prize j'
1218
01:06:35,100 --> 01:06:37,170
# And started
saving Sunday afternoons #
1219
01:06:37,220 --> 01:06:39,180
# For family joyrides #
1220
01:06:39,230 --> 01:06:42,240
# In your environmentally-friendly
convertible car #
1221
01:06:43,040 --> 01:06:46,100
# Just chillin'
with your totally hot husband #
1222
01:06:46,160 --> 01:06:50,000
# And your genius children #
1223
01:06:50,050 --> 01:06:54,130
# Guess by now you've found
the cure for AID# or cancer #
1224
01:06:54,180 --> 01:06:58,210
# Maybe you're a ballet
or a belly dancer #
1225
01:06:59,010 --> 01:07:00,220
# You're probably an astronaut #
1226
01:07:01,030 --> 01:07:03,120
# The first to walk on Mars #
1227
01:07:03,170 --> 01:07:09,010
# Maybe you're in Hollywood
among the movie stars #
1228
01:07:09,060 --> 01:07:11,200
# You are so beautiful #
1229
01:07:12,010 --> 01:07:13,180
# Dear future Jamie #
1230
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:18,000
# You really light up a room
when you walk in #
1231
01:07:18,050 --> 01:07:20,210
# And people like you
and they listen #
1232
01:07:21,010 --> 01:07:23,050
# And they notice
when you're missin' #
1233
01:07:23,100 --> 01:07:28,160
# 'Cause your everybody's
favorite friend #
1234
01:07:31,140 --> 01:07:33,220
Don't you know
you're all of those things already?
1235
01:07:37,040 --> 01:07:40,000
This turned up at school today.
1236
01:07:40,060 --> 01:07:44,040
Don't tell me you know
all about my public humiliation too.
1237
01:07:44,090 --> 01:07:46,050
That bad, huh?
1238
01:07:47,120 --> 01:07:50,060
(groans)
1239
01:07:53,190 --> 01:07:56,140
-1 understand.
- No, you don't.
1240
01:07:56,200 --> 01:07:59,220
- You were basically born cool.
- Oh, really?
1241
01:08:00,020 --> 01:08:02,040
You think I haven't been through
something so mortifying
1242
01:08:02,090 --> 01:08:04,060
that I thought my only option
was to have my parents
1243
01:08:04,110 --> 01:08:06,090
buy me my own private island?
1244
01:08:06,150 --> 01:08:08,210
Seventh grade...
1245
01:08:09,010 --> 01:08:11,150
(sighs)
...and my brief but
1246
01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:14,030
torrid romance with Lex Steel.
1247
01:08:14,090 --> 01:08:17,040
Oh, he was so handsome.
1248
01:08:17,100 --> 01:08:20,210
He and I had been passing notes
for three weeks in English class.
1249
01:08:21,010 --> 01:08:24,120
And the tension between us
had become unbearable.
1250
01:08:28,190 --> 01:08:32,110
Somehow I knew
it was all coming to a head
1251
01:08:32,160 --> 01:08:35,080
at the St. Martha's
Valentine's Day dance.
1252
01:08:35,130 --> 01:08:39,050
Well, I was so nervous,
I couldn't stop eating.
1253
01:08:39,100 --> 01:08:43,020
Basically everything on the snack table
went in my mouth.
1254
01:08:44,070 --> 01:08:46,170
I mean everything.
1255
01:08:48,120 --> 01:08:50,130
I mean, to this day,
1256
01:08:50,180 --> 01:08:54,070
I can feel my heart
beating in my throat
1257
01:08:54,130 --> 01:08:58,110
when I saw him cross the floor
to tell me how he felt about me.
1258
01:08:58,160 --> 01:08:59,160
What'd he say?!
1259
01:08:59,210 --> 01:09:01,030
He said something like...
1260
01:09:01,090 --> 01:09:05,130
Hey, Carol,
I think you're righteous.
1261
01:09:05,180 --> 01:09:08,000
Wanna dance to the next
Bryan Adams song with me?
1262
01:09:08,060 --> 01:09:10,020
I was completely overwhelmed.
1263
01:09:10,070 --> 01:09:13,210
Nothing like this had ever
happened to me before.
1264
01:09:14,020 --> 01:09:18,010
There was just one thing to do.
1265
01:09:18,060 --> 01:09:20,230
I threw up on Lex.
1266
01:09:21,030 --> 01:09:24,050
Ew, no no no! Puke!
My imagination can't handle it.
1267
01:09:24,100 --> 01:09:28,070
Let me think about something else.
Storybooks, glitter...
1268
01:09:28,120 --> 01:09:31,050
Oh, I got it-- gummy bears!
Keep on going.
1269
01:09:35,140 --> 01:09:37,110
Then I threw up in the punch bowl.
1270
01:09:38,200 --> 01:09:42,220
Then I threw up all over
these delicious chocolate muffins.
1271
01:09:43,020 --> 01:09:45,160
- (record screeches)
- That's horrible.
1272
01:09:45,210 --> 01:09:46,240
Horrible.
1273
01:09:47,050 --> 01:09:49,160
Then you guys got together, right?
1274
01:09:49,210 --> 01:09:51,110
No, not really.
1275
01:09:51,160 --> 01:09:53,170
But the next guy was even better?
1276
01:09:53,220 --> 01:09:57,090
No, the next couple after
were pretty much creeps.
1277
01:09:57,140 --> 01:10:00,110
Eventually everybody
finds someone, right?
1278
01:10:00,160 --> 01:10:05,070
No, I have a cousin who's basically
alone and old and crusty.
1279
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:07,010
Lots of cats.
1280
01:10:08,050 --> 01:10:11,030
So basically you're saying
that love is painful and embarrassing.
1281
01:10:11,080 --> 01:10:12,160
Yes.
1282
01:10:12,210 --> 01:10:16,080
And also the best thing
in the world.
1283
01:10:16,140 --> 01:10:18,070
And you're gonna do it anyway,
1284
01:10:18,130 --> 01:10:22,080
so you might as well
stop fighting it and just enjoy it.
1285
01:10:22,130 --> 01:10:23,150
Hmm.
1286
01:10:27,080 --> 01:10:28,160
Jamie's voice:
Dear dumb diary,
1287
01:10:28,210 --> 01:10:31,210
tomorrow, as you know,
is the dumb Jump-A-Thon.
1288
01:10:32,020 --> 01:10:35,180
I really don't know
if I should show my face.
1289
01:10:35,240 --> 01:10:39,000
But what if Aunt Carol is right
1290
01:10:39,050 --> 01:10:42,100
and life is just a series
of embarrassing stories?
1291
01:10:44,010 --> 01:10:45,210
Then I might as well
go for it anyway.
1292
01:10:46,010 --> 01:10:48,080
And who knows
what could happen?
1293
01:11:04,170 --> 01:11:06,070
Hyah!
1294
01:11:08,030 --> 01:11:10,240
Jamie's voice:
Okay, no ninjas.
1295
01:11:11,050 --> 01:11:13,090
Actually, surprisingly normal.
1296
01:11:17,130 --> 01:11:19,200
Ahh!
1297
01:11:20,010 --> 01:11:22,030
Jamie's voice:
Let's check out the competition.
1298
01:11:22,080 --> 01:11:24,170
(beeping)
1299
01:11:34,060 --> 01:11:35,190
Hi, Hudson!
1300
01:12:05,080 --> 01:12:07,240
Are you okay?
1301
01:12:08,040 --> 01:12:10,110
I can't do it.
1302
01:12:11,190 --> 01:12:13,030
What?
1303
01:12:14,160 --> 01:12:16,180
I can't jump a rope by myself.
1304
01:12:16,230 --> 01:12:19,150
And look- my pledge sheets.
1305
01:12:19,200 --> 01:12:22,190
There must be 300 names on here.
1306
01:12:22,240 --> 01:12:24,110
That's just the first page.
1307
01:12:24,160 --> 01:12:27,020
I made a big push
for sponsors this weekend.
1308
01:12:27,080 --> 01:12:29,090
All this money.
1309
01:12:29,140 --> 01:12:33,240
And I'm gonna blow it for the school
'cause I can't jump a stupid rope.
1310
01:12:39,140 --> 01:12:40,200
Wait.
1311
01:12:41,010 --> 01:12:44,120
Did she say "the school"?
1312
01:12:44,170 --> 01:12:47,170
No, no, no, not the school.
1313
01:12:47,230 --> 01:12:50,030
Why'd she have to mention
the school?
1314
01:12:50,080 --> 01:12:54,060
If I let Angeline fail, it would be
a huge loss for this school.
1315
01:12:54,110 --> 01:12:57,030
No one else
had near as many sponsors.
1316
01:12:57,080 --> 01:13:00,210
Without this money,
think of what might happen.
1317
01:13:01,010 --> 01:13:02,160
(kazoo buzzing)
1318
01:13:02,210 --> 01:13:05,050
The marching band
could be cut down to one person
1319
01:13:05,110 --> 01:13:06,110
with a kazoo.
1320
01:13:07,180 --> 01:13:10,220
They might have to stop
giving teachers free coffee.
1321
01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:13,220
But the most devastating thing of all
1322
01:13:14,020 --> 01:13:16,120
was losing the art program.
1323
01:13:16,170 --> 01:13:21,110
Not just for me, but for all the kids
that might not get the chance
1324
01:13:21,160 --> 01:13:23,160
to express
their inner awesomeness.
1325
01:13:23,210 --> 01:13:27,070
I guess I know
I'm just letting everybody down.
1326
01:13:27,120 --> 01:13:28,240
And with that one sentence,
1327
01:13:29,040 --> 01:13:31,100
she made my inner beauty
squirt out of me
1328
01:13:31,150 --> 01:13:36,080
till I was standing in a puddle
of my own loveliness.
1329
01:13:36,130 --> 01:13:37,230
I got it!
1330
01:13:41,020 --> 01:13:44,070
Coach Dover, do jumpers
have to hold the ropes themselves
1331
01:13:44,130 --> 01:13:46,220
- or can they just jump it?
- All right, let's check.
1332
01:13:47,020 --> 01:13:48,030
'Cause if they had to hold it,
1333
01:13:48,090 --> 01:13:50,080
it wouldn't be fair
to people with no hands,
1334
01:13:50,130 --> 01:13:53,030
- like pirates, right?
- Uh, "length of rope...
1335
01:13:53,090 --> 01:13:55,070
natural versus nylon fiber..."
Huh.
1336
01:13:55,120 --> 01:13:57,060
Um, okay, "peg legs..."
Oh, here we go.
1337
01:13:57,110 --> 01:14:00,090
The jumper only has to jump.
Somebody else can twirl the rope.
1338
01:14:00,140 --> 01:14:02,120
Isabella!
1339
01:14:03,240 --> 01:14:07,030
Isabella, I need you to help me
twirl the rope for Angeline.
1340
01:14:07,080 --> 01:14:09,060
She has way more pledges
than I ever had.
1341
01:14:09,110 --> 01:14:10,140
Don't care.
1342
01:14:10,200 --> 01:14:13,120
It's the right thing to do
for the sake of the school.
1343
01:14:13,170 --> 01:14:16,000
Forget it.
1344
01:14:17,100 --> 01:14:20,200
Isabella, either you do this
or I'll tell your parents
1345
01:14:21,000 --> 01:14:22,190
how you got the money
for your contact lenses.
1346
01:14:22,240 --> 01:14:26,130
Then you'll be grounded
until you graduate from college!
1347
01:14:30,090 --> 01:14:32,130
I'm just moved.
1348
01:14:32,180 --> 01:14:35,190
After all these years, you've finally
learned something from me.
1349
01:14:35,240 --> 01:14:37,230
Blackmail?
1350
01:14:38,040 --> 01:14:41,240
Now if I say yes,
will you get your butt off my chest?
1351
01:14:42,050 --> 01:14:43,210
Oh, yeah.
1352
01:14:46,110 --> 01:14:48,050
Jamie's voice:
Angeline jumped fora long time.
1353
01:14:48,100 --> 01:14:51,000
This was probably going to be
her biggest jackpot yet,
1354
01:14:51,050 --> 01:14:54,200
and her beauty and fame
were going to skyrocket.
1355
01:14:55,000 --> 01:14:57,140
I was furious and delighted
at the same time.
1356
01:14:57,200 --> 01:14:59,210
Hey, Angeline, how come
you can only jump this way?
1357
01:15:00,010 --> 01:15:02,020
'Cause I need both hands
to keep the hair out of my eyes.
1358
01:15:02,070 --> 01:15:03,170
You could put it in a ponytail,
you know.
1359
01:15:03,220 --> 01:15:06,150
Oh, yeah, good one.
1360
01:15:06,200 --> 01:15:09,240
And the winner of the first-ever
district Jump-A-Thon
1361
01:15:10,040 --> 01:15:12,210
is Mackerel's very own Angeline!
1362
01:15:13,010 --> 01:15:15,190
(all cheering)
1363
01:15:21,210 --> 01:15:24,100
My arms are killing me.
1364
01:15:24,150 --> 01:15:27,090
I feel like I have a charley horse
on my shoulder.
1365
01:15:27,140 --> 01:15:29,210
I feel like I have
a charley horse on my heart.
1366
01:15:30,020 --> 01:15:31,130
I can't believe I helped Angeline
1367
01:15:31,180 --> 01:15:33,220
after she read my diary
in the cafeteria.
1368
01:15:34,020 --> 01:15:36,210
Cafeteria?
You don't know what happened?
1369
01:15:37,220 --> 01:15:40,220
Isabella: Well, I couldn't see
where I was going
1370
01:15:41,020 --> 01:15:43,230
and I ended up making a circle
1371
01:15:44,030 --> 01:15:47,070
just in time to find myself at the table
behind Angeline and her friends.
1372
01:15:47,130 --> 01:15:50,130
Boy: "Maybe he is
just slightly too cute for me.
1373
01:15:50,180 --> 01:15:54,060
- I'm right on the edge of adorable."
- (all laughing)
1374
01:15:54,120 --> 01:15:57,160
Isabella: I'd heard that phrase before
because you had said it to me.
1375
01:15:57,210 --> 01:15:59,210
So therefore I knew it was your diary.
1376
01:16:00,010 --> 01:16:03,030
Boy: "Then Hudson and I
would be on the same level."
1377
01:16:03,080 --> 01:16:05,090
Boys: Oh!
1378
01:16:05,140 --> 01:16:07,180
Isabella:
Then I heard...
1379
01:16:07,230 --> 01:16:09,100
Hey, can I see that?
1380
01:16:15,220 --> 01:16:19,030
Oh, this is my cousin Jenny's diary.
1381
01:16:19,080 --> 01:16:22,110
Uh, Hudson Johnson.
That's who she's talking about.
1382
01:16:22,170 --> 01:16:24,120
Jenny goes to Weeks Middle School.
1383
01:16:24,180 --> 01:16:27,200
She's gonna be so glad
that I found this.
1384
01:16:28,000 --> 01:16:29,210
(boys chuckling)
1385
01:16:30,010 --> 01:16:31,210
She didn't rat me out.
1386
01:16:32,010 --> 01:16:34,120
Actually, she covered for you.
1387
01:16:34,170 --> 01:16:37,130
But that doesn't make any sense.
1388
01:16:37,180 --> 01:16:39,220
Then why isn't Hudson
talking to me?
1389
01:16:40,220 --> 01:16:42,090
(whispering)
Isabella stepped on my throat
1390
01:16:42,140 --> 01:16:44,030
while I was doing
my warm-up stretches.
1391
01:16:44,080 --> 01:16:47,050
I— I didn't see him lying there.
1392
01:16:52,110 --> 01:16:54,180
It was really cool of you guys
to help out Angeline that way.
1393
01:16:54,240 --> 01:16:56,050
You guys really saved the school.
1394
01:16:56,100 --> 01:16:59,150
Probably. Yeah.
Whole lotta probably.
1395
01:16:59,210 --> 01:17:03,060
A ton! Difficult to measure, really.
Infinitely!
1396
01:17:03,110 --> 01:17:07,140
Jamie, there's something
I feel that I have to say.
1397
01:17:07,190 --> 01:17:10,090
What is it, Hudson?
1398
01:17:10,150 --> 01:17:13,140
1399
01:17:13,190 --> 01:17:15,180
taste a little blood in my mouth.
1400
01:17:15,230 --> 01:17:17,240
Me too, Hudson!
I always have.
1401
01:17:18,040 --> 01:17:19,040
What?
1402
01:17:19,100 --> 01:17:21,110
I think Isabella
really hurt my throat.
1403
01:17:21,160 --> 01:17:23,180
I should go see the nurse.
1404
01:17:23,230 --> 01:17:28,020
Ah! He is so into me!
1405
01:17:29,110 --> 01:17:31,140
Jamie's voice:
Remember that little get-together
1406
01:17:31,190 --> 01:17:34,200
my aunt Carol was having?
Guess what that meant.
1407
01:17:35,010 --> 01:17:38,150
Actual teachers in my actual house.
1408
01:17:40,010 --> 01:17:42,090
Seeing a live teacher
in your own home
1409
01:17:42,140 --> 01:17:45,150
is like seeing a live orangutan
in your own home.
1410
01:17:45,210 --> 01:17:48,010
You just don't know how to react.
1411
01:17:48,060 --> 01:17:51,140
Miss Palmer was wearing a dress.
1412
01:17:51,190 --> 01:17:53,080
It was actually kind of flattering.
1413
01:17:53,140 --> 01:17:57,100
She looked like a nice couch
tipped on its edge.
1414
01:17:57,150 --> 01:18:01,050
And Coach Dover?
Turns out his real name is—
1415
01:18:01,110 --> 01:18:02,140
- Ben.
- That's right.
1416
01:18:02,190 --> 01:18:05,080
Ben Dover!
Can you believe it?
1417
01:18:05,130 --> 01:18:07,130
Aunt Carol, careful!
Watch where you're...
1418
01:18:09,030 --> 01:18:10,030
going.
1419
01:18:10,080 --> 01:18:12,160
Jamie's voice:
I could hardly stand it.
1420
01:18:12,210 --> 01:18:16,110
It was one of those awesomely horrible
types of kisses
1421
01:18:16,160 --> 01:18:19,150
that is super gross
and super excellent at the same time,
1422
01:18:19,210 --> 01:18:23,140
like two people trying
to chew one piece of gum.
1423
01:18:23,200 --> 01:18:25,100
Devon's Aunt Carol's mystery man?
1424
01:18:25,150 --> 01:18:27,210
That explains the big smooch.
1425
01:18:28,010 --> 01:18:32,170
I guess lots of women
are attracted to men with power.
1426
01:18:32,220 --> 01:18:34,190
Voldemort.
1427
01:18:34,240 --> 01:18:37,120
- What was that?
- Nothing.
1428
01:18:37,170 --> 01:18:41,120
So what happened
to your contacts?
1429
01:18:41,170 --> 01:18:44,180
It was so weird.
I couldn't see anything with them on.
1430
01:18:44,230 --> 01:18:48,020
Hey, guys, I'm supposed to tell you
that Mrs. Anderson couldn't join us.
1431
01:18:48,080 --> 01:18:49,120
She isn't feeling well.
1432
01:18:49,170 --> 01:18:51,000
Angeline, what are you doing here?
1433
01:18:51,060 --> 01:18:53,080
I'm so glad you're here, Angeline.
You're just in time.
1434
01:18:54,210 --> 01:18:57,020
I have a little announcement to make.
1435
01:18:57,070 --> 01:18:59,130
I'd like to introduce you
to the future Mrs. Devon.
1436
01:18:59,180 --> 01:19:02,140
Carol and I are engaged!
1437
01:19:02,200 --> 01:19:06,160
- (all cheering)
- Congratulations, Uncle Dan.
1438
01:19:06,220 --> 01:19:09,170
Uncle Dan?! Wait.
1439
01:19:09,220 --> 01:19:14,190
Does this mean Angeline and I
are going to be related?
1440
01:19:14,240 --> 01:19:17,020
I think it makes you
second cousins.
1441
01:19:17,070 --> 01:19:19,020
Or third.
1442
01:19:19,070 --> 01:19:22,100
Ah, I'm really not sure how it works.
1443
01:19:22,150 --> 01:19:24,040
(cheering)
1444
01:19:24,100 --> 01:19:26,100
(Jamie grunting)
1445
01:19:26,150 --> 01:19:29,150
Jamie's voice: Angeline knew
about this the whole time
1446
01:19:29,200 --> 01:19:32,070
and was taking some sick delight in it.
1447
01:19:32,120 --> 01:19:34,170
Maybe Angeline's not all bad.
1448
01:19:34,220 --> 01:19:37,100
But do I still have
to be related to her?!
1449
01:19:37,150 --> 01:19:38,210
(gasping)
1450
01:19:39,020 --> 01:19:40,160
(piano playing)
1451
01:19:46,050 --> 01:19:48,090
Jamie's voice:
It was as though nobody on Earth
1452
01:19:48,140 --> 01:19:53,080
could fully grasp the tragedy
of me being related to Angeline...
1453
01:19:54,080 --> 01:19:57,000
except maybe Stinker.
1454
01:19:58,130 --> 01:20:01,120
(Stinker farts)
1455
01:20:01,170 --> 01:20:03,180
(all groaning, reacting)
1456
01:20:03,230 --> 01:20:05,210
- Oh, that is worse than my meatloaf!
- Jamie: Stinker!
1457
01:20:06,010 --> 01:20:08,200
- That is worse than my meatloaf!
- (all grumbling)
1458
01:20:09,000 --> 01:20:12,100
Ahh! Oh oh oh!
1459
01:20:12,150 --> 01:20:14,030
Are you kidding?!
1460
01:20:14,080 --> 01:20:17,140
Jamie's voice:
He had been saving one massive fart up
1461
01:20:17,190 --> 01:20:19,050
the whole time.
1462
01:20:19,100 --> 01:20:21,100
- (all groaning)
- Devon: I can taste it!
1463
01:20:21,150 --> 01:20:25,120
Vandoy:
What was that?!
1464
01:20:25,170 --> 01:20:29,200
I guess we forgot to ask Stinker
if he wanted guests over.
1465
01:20:32,170 --> 01:20:33,230
That was terrible.
1466
01:20:34,030 --> 01:20:37,050
- (mimicking fart)
- Jamie's voice: Look at these people.
1467
01:20:37,100 --> 01:20:39,060
I guess it's good to know
that when you grow up
1468
01:20:39,120 --> 01:20:41,050
into a mature, polite adult,
1469
01:20:41,110 --> 01:20:43,220
you don't actually
become mature or polite,
1470
01:20:44,020 --> 01:20:45,230
or an adult.
1471
01:20:48,210 --> 01:20:53,020
I wanted to say thanks for covering
for me in the cafeteria.
1472
01:20:53,080 --> 01:20:55,150
I didn't read your diary, you know.
1473
01:20:55,200 --> 01:20:57,140
Oh, I know that.
1474
01:20:57,190 --> 01:20:59,220
I mean, thanks.
1475
01:21:00,030 --> 01:21:01,240
Thank you for helping me
with the Jump-A-Thon.
1476
01:21:02,040 --> 01:21:04,090
I wouldn't have raised
a single dollar without you.
1477
01:21:04,140 --> 01:21:06,170
And because of that,
1478
01:21:06,230 --> 01:21:09,130
it looks like we won't
lose the art program at all.
1479
01:21:09,190 --> 01:21:10,190
Really?!
1480
01:21:10,240 --> 01:21:12,020
I'll have to mention that
to the newspaper
1481
01:21:12,070 --> 01:21:14,050
when they do their article
on you on Monday.
1482
01:21:14,100 --> 01:21:15,220
Oh, yeah.
1483
01:21:16,020 --> 01:21:18,070
The article.
1484
01:21:21,050 --> 01:21:23,240
Isabella:
Assistant Principal Devon,
1485
01:21:24,040 --> 01:21:28,020
meet the recipients
of the Juvenile Optometry Federation.
1486
01:21:28,080 --> 01:21:29,210
Jamie's voice:
I know what you're thinking.
1487
01:21:30,010 --> 01:21:32,020
And no, we didn't hire these kids.
1488
01:21:32,080 --> 01:21:34,020
We found real students
that needed glasses
1489
01:21:34,080 --> 01:21:36,060
by talking to our school counselor.
1490
01:21:36,110 --> 01:21:39,110
We got so good at raising money,
we just raised a little more.
1491
01:21:39,160 --> 01:21:42,120
Isabella's mom even gave us
a big donation
1492
01:21:42,170 --> 01:21:44,200
from Isabella's allowance fund.
1493
01:21:45,010 --> 01:21:48,100
And now Juvenile Optometry
Federation is a real charity.
1494
01:21:48,150 --> 01:21:50,160
- It was my idea.
- Jamie's voice: And it was.
1495
01:21:57,010 --> 01:21:58,020
(squeals)
1496
01:21:58,070 --> 01:22:01,080
Look how charitably foxy we look.
1497
01:22:01,140 --> 01:22:03,060
That's me!
1498
01:22:08,000 --> 01:22:10,110
Maybe we all have inner beauty.
1499
01:22:10,160 --> 01:22:12,150
Is that possible?
1500
01:22:19,010 --> 01:22:21,070
Even the girls who fake charities,
1501
01:22:23,050 --> 01:22:25,220
and the underpants-strewing beagles,
1502
01:22:27,090 --> 01:22:30,070
- and the meatloaf makers...
- (all gasp)
1503
01:22:30,120 --> 01:22:31,240
...even the pencil-eaters,
1504
01:22:32,040 --> 01:22:35,230
and the moms who cook things
that could possibly poison you.
1505
01:22:37,090 --> 01:22:40,230
And even the girls
with tons of outer beauty.
1506
01:22:41,030 --> 01:22:43,140
Maybe they do.
1507
01:22:43,190 --> 01:22:45,220
Maybe we all do.
1508
01:22:47,190 --> 01:22:50,200
And sometimes you think you need
colored contact lenses,
1509
01:22:51,000 --> 01:22:52,220
or tricked-out Jump-A-Thons,
1510
01:22:53,020 --> 01:22:56,110
or some boy's attention
to make you think you shine.
1511
01:22:59,070 --> 01:23:03,180
But like a wretched dog fart
in the middle of an engagement party,
1512
01:23:03,230 --> 01:23:08,180
beauty usually just comes bubbling up
when you least expect it.
1513
01:23:08,240 --> 01:23:11,030
Thanks for listening, dumb diary.
1514
01:23:11,080 --> 01:23:13,080
(phone ringing)
1515
01:23:13,130 --> 01:23:15,100
- (beeps)
- Hello?
1516
01:23:15,150 --> 01:23:18,080
Angeline, I'm so glad you called.
1517
01:23:18,130 --> 01:23:20,040
I have something major to tell you.
1518
01:23:20,090 --> 01:23:23,220
I accidentally stole your school record.
1519
01:23:24,020 --> 01:23:27,060
I returned it, but I swear
I didn't read a single word.
1520
01:23:27,120 --> 01:23:29,180
1521
01:23:29,230 --> 01:23:32,010
That record could destroy me.
1522
01:23:32,060 --> 01:23:34,000
You would not believe what's in there.
1523
01:23:34,050 --> 01:23:36,200
Anyway, I just called to say
1524
01:23:37,000 --> 01:23:39,010
that even though
we're gonna be cousins,
1525
01:23:39,070 --> 01:23:41,150
Hudson is still my date to the wedding.
1526
01:23:41,200 --> 01:23:43,170
Toodles!
1527
01:23:45,130 --> 01:23:47,190
-Uh...
- (beeps)
1528
01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:50,110
(rock music playing)
1529
01:23:56,120 --> 01:23:59,010
This is your life too!
Get up and dance.
1530
01:24:00,120 --> 01:24:02,190
# Hey, everybody,
may the dumb be with you #
1531
01:24:04,100 --> 01:24:07,090
# My your parents be haunted
and the fun continue #
1532
01:24:08,200 --> 01:24:11,030
# Is that your lip gloss that I smell? #
1533
01:24:13,030 --> 01:24:15,080
# May the watermelon flavor
serve you well #
1534
01:24:21,170 --> 01:24:24,130
# And I just want to say #
1535
01:24:24,180 --> 01:24:28,210
# Just want to say thanks
for listening #
1536
01:24:30,020 --> 01:24:33,010
# And I just want to say #
1537
01:24:33,060 --> 01:24:37,140
# Just want to say thanks
for listening #
1538
01:24:37,200 --> 01:24:42,120
# And at the risk of sounding slobbery,
my dumbness is all right with me #
1539
01:24:42,180 --> 01:24:46,020
# And I just want to say
thanks for listening #
1540
01:24:51,130 --> 01:24:53,120
# Hey, everybody,
may the dumb be with you #
1541
01:24:55,060 --> 01:24:57,240
# May you always outlive
the cafeteria menu #
1542
01:24:59,180 --> 01:25:02,000
# I've been told that life ain't fair #
1543
01:25:03,190 --> 01:25:06,090
# But I really really wish
I had perfect hair #
1544
01:25:12,090 --> 01:25:15,100
# And I just want to say #
1545
01:25:15,150 --> 01:25:19,200
# Just want to say
thanks for listening #
1546
01:25:21,030 --> 01:25:24,060
# And I just want to say #
1547
01:25:24,110 --> 01:25:26,210
# Just want to say #
1548
01:25:27,010 --> 01:25:29,060
# Thanks for listening #
1549
01:25:29,110 --> 01:25:33,150
# And at the risk of sounding slobbery,
my dumbness is all right with me #
1550
01:25:33,200 --> 01:25:36,150
# And I just want to say
thanks for listening #
1551
01:25:50,120 --> 01:25:54,200
# It's so completely random,
don't you see? #
1552
01:25:55,010 --> 01:25:59,010
# Now you've seen
the other side of me #
1553
01:25:59,060 --> 01:26:02,020
# Did you teach your dog
to fart your grandma's name? #
1554
01:26:03,030 --> 01:26:07,030
# Don't look at me,
I'm not the one to blame #
1555
01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:14,040
# Hey, everybody,
may the dumb be with you #
1556
01:26:16,060 --> 01:26:19,000
# Emergency exit at the rear
of the venue #
1557
01:26:20,150 --> 01:26:22,120
# Freaky little girl
with the French beret J'
1558
01:26:22,170 --> 01:26:24,150
# Do you know a thing or two
about Bastille Day? #
1559
01:26:24,200 --> 01:26:27,230
# And I just want to say #
1560
01:26:28,040 --> 01:26:31,220
# Just want to say thanks
for listening #
1561
01:26:32,030 --> 01:26:36,030
# And I just want to say #
1562
01:26:36,080 --> 01:26:40,180
# Just want to say thanks
for listening #
1563
01:26:40,240 --> 01:26:46,000
# And at the risk of sounding slobbery,
my dumbness is all right with me #
1564
01:26:46,050 --> 01:26:49,010
# And I just want to say
thanks for listening. #
1565
01:26:53,000 --> 01:26:55,060
(both sigh)
1566
01:27:00,010 --> 01:27:02,110
(music playing)
1567
01:27:02,160 --> 01:27:04,040
# Hey! #
1568
01:27:05,200 --> 01:27:07,050
# Hey! #
1569
01:27:07,100 --> 01:27:10,170
# You didn't know
I was a rock star #
1570
01:27:10,220 --> 01:27:13,130
# Well, here you go,
now you know #
1571
01:27:13,180 --> 01:27:17,090
# So you wanna ride around
in your car #
1572
01:27:17,140 --> 01:27:20,050
# I should've know,
here you go #
1573
01:27:20,100 --> 01:27:22,100
# Falling in love with me #
1574
01:27:22,150 --> 01:27:25,240
# I will never be
what you want me to be #
1575
01:27:26,040 --> 01:27:29,140
# I'm the same girl #
1576
01:27:29,200 --> 01:27:31,200
# Same old me. #
1576
01:27:32,305 --> 01:28:32,687
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