All language subtitles for Brody.Stevens.Enjoy.It.S01E04_English

Going over and over
and over and over again.

Hopefully you'll
find the right girl.

You go on a few dates
with her. Boom.

When I'm at the comedy club,
I'm working.

I'm focused on comedy.

And that's probably why
I haven't been dating.

I'm focusing on my career,
but I'm open to chicks, too.

Well, Brody, you'd probably
get more chicks...

if you stop calling them chicks.
I know that.

I'm joking, I'm trying
to appeal to the young crowd.

Ready? One, two and three.

Yes.

Enjoy it!

Be very supportive, he's trying
to make a comeback in comedy.

Or he's trying to get noticed
for the first time in comedy.

What happened with
Chelsea today?

She was great. Joking with me
like the old Chelsea.

In fact, she even said
that I'm so much better now.

She could tell right away.

You know, you learn
from going to a hospital.

You learn from upsetting people.

Of course.

So, I learned my lesson.

You just gotta get over those
things that bother you
about yourself.

Well, that's why I'm
talking to you, Sandy.

You've helped me out.
You've been on the hikes
with me.

You help me
with my self-esteem.

You should have high
self-esteem...

because you are very
talented and very funny.

Are you seeing anybody?

Am I dating anyone?
Am I seeing anybody?

Yeah.
No.

Do you want companionship?

I mean, I wish I could have
more intimacy with girls.

I wish they were coming up to me
and I was fighting them off.

Right.

That's not happening.

I think that you have to accept
your flaws and embrace them...

and almost celebrate them.

Celebrate my flaws.
Celebrate your flaws.

Because if no one else
is going to, unless you do.

Yeah.

I didn't date in high school,
because I didn't have
confidence.

Kids pick on kids.
And they would pick on me.

Oh, you got a big nose.
You run like a goofy [BLEEP].

That didn't help my confidence.

But I never got into why
somebody would make fun
of somebody, how they look.

I didn't pick on people
for how they looked.

But it didn't make me
feel like-- yeah.

I can get chicks. They're
into me. It made me feel
like I was ugly.

Brody was a big guy,
but he did get picked on a lot.

Things don't roll off
his back very well.

A, because there's
a lot of hair on it.

And B, he can't get
it out of his system.

It would be fun
to have a companion.

But that's not in the cards...
at this moment.

He was seeing this one girl
for a number of months...

but then after that fizzled out,
so I really never met
anybody else.

I've never seen Brody
with a girlfriend.

I mean, I've seen Brody
socialize with women...

but I've never seen him
specifically like dating
a woman.

I've never seen him with a girl.

I met a girl once that he was--
we went over to her apartment.

God, this must have been
ten years ago.

I met him in like '03, mm-hm,
I thought he was really funny...

and, um, you know, really
attractive, very flirtatious.

I don't have any delusions
of him like being my boyfriend
or anything.

I gave up on that idea
like pretty fast...

just because he is so
focused on his career.

He was great.

He was as normal as any guy
with like getting chicks...

or being wanted by chicks.

But yeah, for a long time there
hasn't been anything serious.

I'm just gonna have to have
a girl come to me.

Take charge of me, say,
"Brody, I'm attracted to you.

"I don't care how you walk,
I don't care how you run.
I'm turned on by you."

Big nose, goofy, Brody's
not gonna get a girlfriend.

Oh, he drives a Pinto.
Oh, he wears canvas Nikes.

Oh, he's hairy.
Oh, he's not going to prom.

Oh, he's dumb. Oh!

It was before bullying got cool.

I didn't get bullied
on the internet,
I got bullied to my face.

Hello, family.
Steven Brody Stevens here.

Your son is being
bullied at school.

Bullied? How dare they
make fun of your nose.

No, Dad, they make fun
of the way I run.

You, too?

Huh?

I mean, what do they say?

They said I run like a [BLEEP].

Bullies make fun of somebody
because they're afraid...

that somebody is gonna make fun
of them and their noses.

This is about the way he runs,
it's not about his nose, at all.

It's not, okay.

Bullies tease others
because they run like
[BLEEP] on the inside.

You're saying I should pity
them, right, Dad?

Right, right
Hey, honey--

This guy is putting me
on blast on Twitter.

He's saying they're gonna
use my nose as a sundial...

in the next Hangover movie.

You don't push my buttons,
JerkFace62.

Honey, seriously.

Does he know how
many followers I have?

49,421.

That's right, and over
2,000 audience warm-ups.

I created Chelsea,
I created Whitney Cummings.

I know people like
Bradley Cooper.

I hang out with athletes,
I walk on the field--

( KNOCK ON DOOR )

BRODY (O.S.):
I'm here.

Steve, how are you?

I made it.
I made it.

Good, good.

Great to see you.

Daisy, come here.

She never comes to me.
She always comes to you.

Look, she's attached to you.
She loves you.

Well, she just left.

Well, that's the story
of your life, you tell me.

A couple of my friends don't
talk to me anymore.

You'll find new friends.

You think so.
Sure.

Why not?

You think I'll get a girlfriend,
one day?

One day, I hope.

So, gender, I'm a male.

Orientation, straight.

Single, next.

But girls are creeped out
by me sometimes.

Why?

Because I don't smile
that much.

Yeah, you don't smile,
I know that.

Well, that's a fake smile
if I ever saw one.

About how long do you want your
next relationship to last?

I'll say a few months
to a year.

All right.

That's a good start, right?
Mm-hm.

Baby steps.

Answers I'll accept,
a few months to a year.

Maybe one night.

You can answer two.
All right, okay.

I travel a lot, you know?
All right.

With this profile,
what should I put in there?

Well, you have a good
sense of humor.

Good sense of humor.

Uh...

Uh, you're a-- you know, you're
a fun person.

Would you consider sleeping
with someone on the first date?

Well, you answer it.
Quit looking at me.

Steven, finish it up already.

What is the most exciting
thing about getting
to know someone new?

Discovering their body.

Who their famous friends are.

Can you picture me being
affectionate with a woman?

Yeah.

Can you picture me
being romantic?

Yes, I could.
How about sexual?

I don't want to picture that!
Jesus Christ, Steven!

All right, went too far.

Honest to god.

Don't upset Daisy.

She's a rescue dog, we don't
know what she's been through.

Yeah, I don't know
what you've been through.

I play baseball,
and I get lonely.

Sometimes I go down to the
batting cage, just to play
catch.

You guys like me
too much for that joke.

This crowd actually likes me...

and you don't want to hear me
talking about me being sad.

So, tell me-- you mentioned
being bullied as a kid.

I remember growing up here in
the Valley, San Fernando Valley
as a first grader.

The guys making fun of me.

Oh, this guy's gay,
because he's so happy.

It was like, I was a nice kid.

I know, I guess you're
supposed to be mean
and make fun of people.

Kids can be cruel.

Kids are cruel.

So, how is that impacting
you in your adult life?

Certain things happened to me
as a kid, that stuck with me.

Brody, you've got a big nose.

Brody, you got thick,
hairy eyebrows.

Brody, you walk like you're gay,
what's with you?

That stuff is gonna bother you
less the more confident
you are in yourself.

The more self-esteem you have,
the better you feel
about yourself.

You'll know when you're ready
to start dating again.

But, you know, you don't want
to hold yourself back, either.

I put up a profile on OK Cupid.

That's a great way to meet
people, great way to meet
people.

Yeah.

Let me see some hands.
Who wants to date me?

There's a-- is that a--

Oh, it's a guy, great.

Enjoy it! Yes!

ANNOUNCER (V.O.):
* Steven Brody Stevens

* Festival of Friendship

* It's a fun and podcast

BRODY (ON PODCAST):
All right, let's get
this thing going.

Ladies and gentlemen, the very
funny Josh Fadem.

JOSH (ON PODCAST):
Thank you for having me.

BRODY (ON PODCAST)
I'm excited to be here, we have
our first female guest today...

Miss... Nadia... Ginsberg!

Yes!

Yes!

Now I'm gonna be honest
with you right now.

This is a hard one.
This-- this is hard.

Okay.

I'm probably ten percent gay.

I'm not full gay.

I'm not into what you
would consider gay.

I'm not a gay porn actor
and I wouldn't be.

No one said that
you weren't.

There are guys in the gay porn
world that are straight.

How do you know that?

I googled it.

NADIA (ON PODCAST):
How did you find out
you were ten percent gay?

Um, I had some experimentation
opportunities.

I was also clicking on--

What kind of experimentation
opportunities?

Went to Bangkok,
Hangover 2, I was in it.

Me, Zach and Brody,
it was that whole night.

We went out to dinner,
and then they wanted to take
a look at the nightlife.

Yeah, just out of curiosity.

It was their idea to go
to like a lady-boy bar.

BRODY (ON PODCAST):
I did some things that maybe
I shouldn't have done.

And I was able to push it to
the limit, so to speak.

It was fun watching
Brody soak it up. It was--

No.

You know, I had those
opportunities basically
in my face.

NADIA (ON PODCAST)
Your face?

He was just-- he was just
hanging out, that was all.

I mean, nothing lewd,
nothing bad.

BRODY (ON PODCAST):
I went to a certain point,
and that point was 10%.

If you want to jack it up.
If you want to j--

If you want to jack
me off to 12% or 15%.

JOSH (ON PODCAST):
I thought we were
already at 13%.

Um, we can do that, too.

But I know, when I flew back,
I was, you know, a straight
male.

If you're gonna hang out
with Brody, you just have
to enjoy it.

I mean, pardon the pun.

If I watch this thing, I'm
thinking this Brody guy is--

Weird.
Yeah!

I'm gonna walk down the street
and it's gonna be oh, there's
the gay guy...

who went to Bangkok
and pushed it to the limit.

There's nothing wrong
with being gay.

I know, but not when you are--
not when you're not.

Don't you laugh at me.

I pushed it to the limit.
I made mistakes... and choices.

What choices did you make?

To go into that club.

It's just enjoying in life,
like that's their cul--

That's part of the
Bangkok culture.

So I fell for it.

You're a culture nut.
Yeah.

What do you want us
to do about it?

Can I make a statement
to the camera?

Yeah, yeah.

Hi, there,
I'm Steven Brody Stevens...

and I do not approve
of this edit.

Yes! Push! And believe!

Um, here's another girl
from Calabasas.

We're a zero percent match,
but she checked out my site.

She lives in San José,
she's 280 miles away.

It's probably too far.

This girl's cute, Jasmine,
from Hermosa Beach.

Loving life and learning lots,
making people laugh.

Big smile, positive energy.
She loved the movie "Animal--

Did she really say
positive energy?

Says it right here.

She might as well have said
that she used to pitch
at Arizona State.

Let me see.

Nope, don't see that.
Nope.

62% match...

Let's take a look at her.
Check her out, not bad.

What is this, Oklahoma Cupid?

OK Cupid.
Oh.

She's living with no regrets.
She's--

Wait until she goes out
on a date with you.

She's patient, yet optimistic.

Hey there, how ya' doing?

Wow, you're like laid
back, "How ya' doing?"

Can I give you my number?

You're balding.

BRODY (O.S.):
It's sent.

All right, all we gotta do
now is sit back and see
if the girls reply.

BRODY (O.S.):
I'm going on a date next week.

Just to do it,
just to be social.

That's exciting, good for you.
Yeah.

Where are you going?

Uh, coffee house.

So, we'll see what happens.
That's how I go at it.

Right, and that's how
you should approach it...

because you never know what
could come out of it.

She could be, you know,
your true love.

She could be your next BFF.

And you know what?
Friends are not that bad.

Add them to my support team.

I'm taking you out on a date,
because I'm recruiting support
team members.

You think it's romantic,
it's more of an employment.

Okay, so just go and have fun.
No pressure.

I'll see you next week.

Okay. Thank you.

( MUSIC PLAYING )

Hi.

Jasmine?
Yes.

Hi, it's Brody.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.
How are you?

Good.
You're very tall.

Well, I'm up on a stage.
Okay.

Have a seat.

You look nice,
like your picture.

I look like my picture.
Yeah.

As do you.

Mind if I take off my sweater?

Oh, go ahead,
I was gonna recommend it.

Yeah, feel free to take off
your clothes, as well.

Well, I mean, if you
want me to, sure.

Let's get comfortable.

Let's get comfortable.

And let's do a toast.

Oh, great.

To a wonderful afternoon.

Are you gonna look
in my eyes, or?

I'm sorry.
It's okay.

There you go.

BRODY (O.S.):
What other things should
you not do on the date?

Talk about all
the people you know.

Can I let her know
I was in The Hangover?

The number one R-rated
comedy of all time?

No, some people,
it's a turn-off to them.

Hangover 1, Hangover 2.

Due Date.
Both?

A small part.
Okay.

I do speak in it, and
I need a residual check.

I'm gonna call the office and
go, "You don't do that to
Steven Brody Stevens."

That's your real name?
Steven Brody Stevens?

Yeah, I can go into that later,
on our second date.

Okay, all right.

Do I have to be upfront
and say that I spent time
at the UCLA Psych Ward.

No.

They kind of had to like have
me checked into a hospital.

Oh, my.
It was like rehab, it was fun.

Go and have fun, no pressure,
and don't self-sabotage.

I did mention a gun
on Twitter.

It was entertaining,
people liked it.

They were quoting me,
they were getting behind it.

So, in my eyes, I was kind
of onstage a little bit.

It wasn't 100% back off,
I've got a gun.

And you know what?
I made it out.

Wow.

And now I want to be more
communicati-- communi-cave.

Communitative? Communitative?

I want to communicate more.

I'll say that Brody was honest,
and he seemed sincere.

But there was always
that kind of...

I still haven't been arrested.

But I was handcuffed on two
separate occasions.

Oh.

He certainly had nice stories.

I never thought
of hurting myself.

Good.
Or hurting other people.

Excellent.

You know, I wasn't quite sure
if at some times he was
joking or not.

Was I combative? Yes.

Did I front-kick a guy in the
parking lot at The Comedy Store?
Yes.

Are you still with me?
Are you still okay?

Yeah, no, I might be off over
here a little, but I'm still
here with you.

Yeah.
Yeah.

This is good. I'm feeling a
connection here.

That's good.

You know?

I think there's a second
date on the horizon.

Um...

Thank you.

Here.

Why, thank you.
Bye-bye.

I'm gonna hang here.
See you again.

Bye, Jasmine.
Bye-bye.

If I could maybe get a team
of doctors and scientists
and everything...

interview 5,000 women...

I think you
probably may find one.

So I went to Bangkok...

and let's just say I pushed
it to the limit.

You can do whatever you
want in Bangkok.

I was there for Hangover 2.

What does push the limit mean?

I feel like you're trying
to tell me something...

but you're just saying
a weird thing.

There's a party culture there.

So, anyway, I did push
it to the limit.

What does that mean?

I went to Bangkok and
I went to a lady-boy show.

A show?
A show.

They dance, they look good.

Brody.

And I pushed it to the limit.

I know, okay, you're doing this
thing that you do...

where you say the same thing
over and over again.

Because I have OCD.

Okay, I already know
that you went to Bangkok.

And did what?

Pushed the limits.

No, pushed it to the limit.

See, you don't know,
that's why I repeat it.

It's the same thing.

All right, so here's the deal.

I went to Bangkok,
I pushed it to the limit.

Well, just tell me
what you did?

I explored the lady-boy culture.

And it's messed with
my mind a little bit.

And I come back to America
a stronger man...

a clear-minded man,
but yet somewhat foggy.

I know you're special,
but I don't think you're gay.

Esther, I went to Bangkok.

And you know what I did there.

You pushed it to the limit.
I pushed it to the limit.

Or did you feel, "Oh, it's nice
to be touched by someone...

"because I'm in a foreign
country, I'm lonely, I haven't
seen my mom or Daisy...

"in a while, I'm not around my
friends, I'm lonely, I'm just
gonna accept what comes to me."

Exactly.

I wish I was like, you know,
with a girl, with a family...

I know.
with a child, but I'm not.

You will be, I always tell you
this, you're still young
for a man, okay?

My dad had me when he
was 44, you're 42.

Did your father go to Bangkok
and push it to the limit?

I don't think he did.
If he did--

Did he click on things?
I don't want to know.

Have you checked his cookies?

I am not gonna look
at his cookies.

Okay?

You think I'm a late bloomer?
Yes.

You're younger than your
years in many ways.

Can you picture me
being a father one day?

Well, if you hurry up...
you're 40.

Well, someone who would
appreciate him.

He's honest and sincere,
likes animal--

I mean, he's, you know, tender.

He's an interesting,
good-looking guy and he's,
you know, he's funny.

JEFF (O.S.):
He's a gentle love maker.

I have no idea what
he has to offer a mate!

He likes dogs.

But I don't think
he sleeps with them.

Hangover 2, Due Date,
cut out of Funny People?

No?

Yeah, I just haven't found it.
I mean, companionship
would be nice.

There's probably somebody out
there, but they would have to be
just as special as he is.

BRODY (O.S.):
Hopefully that girl
will be out there.

Yes!

and it was horrifying.

She went in at a 90 de--
this way.

And Brody went in
at a 90-degree angle.

It was like two mouths
meeting like that...

and the sound was the worst
thing I've ever seen in my life.