Original subtitles

Going over and over and over and over again.

Hopefully you'll find the right girl.

You go on a few dates with her. Boom.

When I'm at the comedy club, I'm working.

I'm focused on comedy.

And that's probably why I haven't been dating.

I'm focusing on my career, but I'm open to chicks, too.

Well, Brody, you'd probably get more chicks...

if you stop calling them chicks. I know that.

I'm joking, I'm trying to appeal to the young crowd.

Ready? One, two and three.

Yes.

Enjoy it!

Be very supportive, he's trying to make a comeback in comedy.

Or he's trying to get noticed for the first time in comedy.

What happened with Chelsea today?

She was great. Joking with me like the old Chelsea.

In fact, she even said that I'm so much better now.

She could tell right away.

You know, you learn from going to a hospital.

You learn from upsetting people.

Of course.

So, I learned my lesson.

You just gotta get over those things that bother you about yourself.

Well, that's why I'm talking to you, Sandy.

You've helped me out. You've been on the hikes with me.

You help me with my self-esteem.

You should have high self-esteem...

because you are very talented and very funny.

Are you seeing anybody?

Am I dating anyone? Am I seeing anybody?

Yeah. No.

Do you want companionship?

I mean, I wish I could have more intimacy with girls.

I wish they were coming up to me and I was fighting them off.

Right.

That's not happening.

I think that you have to accept your flaws and embrace them...

and almost celebrate them.

Celebrate my flaws. Celebrate your flaws.

Because if no one else is going to, unless you do.

Yeah.

I didn't date in high school, because I didn't have confidence.

Kids pick on kids. And they would pick on me.

Oh, you got a big nose. You run like a goofy [BLEEP].

That didn't help my confidence.

But I never got into why somebody would make fun of somebody, how they look.

I didn't pick on people for how they looked.

But it didn't make me feel like-- yeah.

I can get chicks. They're into me. It made me feel like I was ugly.

Brody was a big guy, but he did get picked on a lot.

Things don't roll off his back very well.

A, because there's a lot of hair on it.

And B, he can't get it out of his system.

It would be fun to have a companion.

But that's not in the cards... at this moment.

He was seeing this one girl for a number of months...

but then after that fizzled out, so I really never met anybody else.

I've never seen Brody with a girlfriend.

I mean, I've seen Brody socialize with women...

but I've never seen him specifically like dating a woman.

I've never seen him with a girl.

I met a girl once that he was-- we went over to her apartment.

God, this must have been ten years ago.

I met him in like '03, mm-hm, I thought he was really funny...

and, um, you know, really attractive, very flirtatious.

I don't have any delusions of him like being my boyfriend or anything.

I gave up on that idea like pretty fast...

just because he is so focused on his career.

He was great.

He was as normal as any guy with like getting chicks...

or being wanted by chicks.

But yeah, for a long time there hasn't been anything serious.

I'm just gonna have to have a girl come to me.

Take charge of me, say, "Brody, I'm attracted to you.

"I don't care how you walk, I don't care how you run. I'm turned on by you."

Big nose, goofy, Brody's not gonna get a girlfriend.

Oh, he drives a Pinto. Oh, he wears canvas Nikes.

Oh, he's hairy. Oh, he's not going to prom.

Oh, he's dumb. Oh!

It was before bullying got cool.

I didn't get bullied on the internet, I got bullied to my face.

Hello, family. Steven Brody Stevens here.

Your son is being bullied at school.

Bullied? How dare they make fun of your nose.

No, Dad, they make fun of the way I run.

You, too?

Huh?

I mean, what do they say?

They said I run like a [BLEEP].

Bullies make fun of somebody because they're afraid...

that somebody is gonna make fun of them and their noses.

This is about the way he runs, it's not about his nose, at all.

It's not, okay.

Bullies tease others because they run like [BLEEP] on the inside.

You're saying I should pity them, right, Dad?

Right, right Hey, honey--

This guy is putting me on blast on Twitter.

He's saying they're gonna use my nose as a sundial...

in the next Hangover movie.

You don't push my buttons, JerkFace62.

Honey, seriously.

Does he know how many followers I have?

49,421.

That's right, and over 2,000 audience warm-ups.

I created Chelsea, I created Whitney Cummings.

I know people like Bradley Cooper.

I hang out with athletes, I walk on the field--

( KNOCK ON DOOR )

BRODY (O.S.): I'm here.

Steve, how are you?

I made it. I made it.

Good, good.

Great to see you.

Daisy, come here.

She never comes to me. She always comes to you.

Look, she's attached to you. She loves you.

Well, she just left.

Well, that's the story of your life, you tell me.

A couple of my friends don't talk to me anymore.

You'll find new friends.

You think so. Sure.

Why not?

You think I'll get a girlfriend, one day?

One day, I hope.

So, gender, I'm a male.

Orientation, straight.

Single, next.

But girls are creeped out by me sometimes.

Why?

Because I don't smile that much.

Yeah, you don't smile, I know that.

Well, that's a fake smile if I ever saw one.

About how long do you want your next relationship to last?

I'll say a few months to a year.

All right.

That's a good start, right? Mm-hm.

Baby steps.

Answers I'll accept, a few months to a year.

Maybe one night.

You can answer two. All right, okay.

I travel a lot, you know? All right.

With this profile, what should I put in there?

Well, you have a good sense of humor.

Good sense of humor.

Uh...

Uh, you're a-- you know, you're a fun person.

Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?

Well, you answer it. Quit looking at me.

Steven, finish it up already.

What is the most exciting thing about getting to know someone new?

Discovering their body.

Who their famous friends are.

Can you picture me being affectionate with a woman?

Yeah.

Can you picture me being romantic?

Yes, I could. How about sexual?

I don't want to picture that! Jesus Christ, Steven!

All right, went too far.

Honest to god.

Don't upset Daisy.

She's a rescue dog, we don't know what she's been through.

Yeah, I don't know what you've been through.

I play baseball, and I get lonely.

Sometimes I go down to the batting cage, just to play catch.

You guys like me too much for that joke.

This crowd actually likes me...

and you don't want to hear me talking about me being sad.

So, tell me-- you mentioned being bullied as a kid.

I remember growing up here in the Valley, San Fernando Valley as a first grader.

The guys making fun of me.

Oh, this guy's gay, because he's so happy.

It was like, I was a nice kid.

I know, I guess you're supposed to be mean and make fun of people.

Kids can be cruel.

Kids are cruel.

So, how is that impacting you in your adult life?

Certain things happened to me as a kid, that stuck with me.

Brody, you've got a big nose.

Brody, you got thick, hairy eyebrows.

Brody, you walk like you're gay, what's with you?

That stuff is gonna bother you less the more confident you are in yourself.

The more self-esteem you have, the better you feel about yourself.

You'll know when you're ready to start dating again.

But, you know, you don't want to hold yourself back, either.

I put up a profile on OK Cupid.

That's a great way to meet people, great way to meet people.

Yeah.

Let me see some hands. Who wants to date me?

There's a-- is that a--

Oh, it's a guy, great.

Enjoy it! Yes!

ANNOUNCER (V.O.): * Steven Brody Stevens

* Festival of Friendship

* It's a fun and podcast

BRODY (ON PODCAST): All right, let's get this thing going.

Ladies and gentlemen, the very funny Josh Fadem.

JOSH (ON PODCAST): Thank you for having me.

BRODY (ON PODCAST) I'm excited to be here, we have our first female guest today...

Miss... Nadia... Ginsberg!

Yes!

Yes!

Now I'm gonna be honest with you right now.

This is a hard one. This-- this is hard.

Okay.

I'm probably ten percent gay.

I'm not full gay.

I'm not into what you would consider gay.

I'm not a gay porn actor and I wouldn't be.

No one said that you weren't.

There are guys in the gay porn world that are straight.

How do you know that?

I googled it.

NADIA (ON PODCAST): How did you find out you were ten percent gay?

Um, I had some experimentation opportunities.

I was also clicking on--

What kind of experimentation opportunities?

Went to Bangkok, Hangover 2, I was in it.

Me, Zach and Brody, it was that whole night.

We went out to dinner, and then they wanted to take a look at the nightlife.

Yeah, just out of curiosity.

It was their idea to go to like a lady-boy bar.

BRODY (ON PODCAST): I did some things that maybe I shouldn't have done.

And I was able to push it to the limit, so to speak.

It was fun watching Brody soak it up. It was--

No.

You know, I had those opportunities basically in my face.

NADIA (ON PODCAST) Your face?

He was just-- he was just hanging out, that was all.

I mean, nothing lewd, nothing bad.

BRODY (ON PODCAST): I went to a certain point, and that point was 10%.

If you want to jack it up. If you want to j--

If you want to jack me off to 12% or 15%.

JOSH (ON PODCAST): I thought we were already at 13%.

Um, we can do that, too.

But I know, when I flew back, I was, you know, a straight male.

If you're gonna hang out with Brody, you just have to enjoy it.

I mean, pardon the pun.

If I watch this thing, I'm thinking this Brody guy is--

Weird. Yeah!

I'm gonna walk down the street and it's gonna be oh, there's the gay guy...

who went to Bangkok and pushed it to the limit.

There's nothing wrong with being gay.

I know, but not when you are-- not when you're not.

Don't you laugh at me.

I pushed it to the limit. I made mistakes... and choices.

What choices did you make?

To go into that club.

It's just enjoying in life, like that's their cul--

That's part of the Bangkok culture.

So I fell for it.

You're a culture nut. Yeah.

What do you want us to do about it?

Can I make a statement to the camera?

Yeah, yeah.

Hi, there, I'm Steven Brody Stevens...

and I do not approve of this edit.

Yes! Push! And believe!

Um, here's another girl from Calabasas.

We're a zero percent match, but she checked out my site.

She lives in San José, she's 280 miles away.

It's probably too far.

This girl's cute, Jasmine, from Hermosa Beach.

Loving life and learning lots, making people laugh.

Big smile, positive energy. She loved the movie "Animal--

Did she really say positive energy?

Says it right here.

She might as well have said that she used to pitch at Arizona State.

Let me see.

Nope, don't see that. Nope.

62% match...

Let's take a look at her. Check her out, not bad.

What is this, Oklahoma Cupid?

OK Cupid. Oh.

She's living with no regrets. She's--

Wait until she goes out on a date with you.

She's patient, yet optimistic.

Hey there, how ya' doing?

Wow, you're like laid back, "How ya' doing?"

Can I give you my number?

You're balding.

BRODY (O.S.): It's sent.

All right, all we gotta do now is sit back and see if the girls reply.

BRODY (O.S.): I'm going on a date next week.

Just to do it, just to be social.

That's exciting, good for you. Yeah.

Where are you going?

Uh, coffee house.

So, we'll see what happens. That's how I go at it.

Right, and that's how you should approach it...

because you never know what could come out of it.

She could be, you know, your true love.

She could be your next BFF.

And you know what? Friends are not that bad.

Add them to my support team.

I'm taking you out on a date, because I'm recruiting support team members.

You think it's romantic, it's more of an employment.

Okay, so just go and have fun. No pressure.

I'll see you next week.

Okay. Thank you.

( MUSIC PLAYING )

Hi.

Jasmine? Yes.

Hi, it's Brody.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. How are you?

Good. You're very tall.

Well, I'm up on a stage. Okay.

Have a seat.

You look nice, like your picture.

I look like my picture. Yeah.

As do you.

Mind if I take off my sweater?

Oh, go ahead, I was gonna recommend it.

Yeah, feel free to take off your clothes, as well.

Well, I mean, if you want me to, sure.

Let's get comfortable.

Let's get comfortable.

And let's do a toast.

Oh, great.

To a wonderful afternoon.

Are you gonna look in my eyes, or?

I'm sorry. It's okay.

There you go.

BRODY (O.S.): What other things should you not do on the date?

Talk about all the people you know.

Can I let her know I was in The Hangover?

The number one R-rated comedy of all time?

No, some people, it's a turn-off to them.

Hangover 1, Hangover 2.

Due Date. Both?

A small part. Okay.

I do speak in it, and I need a residual check.

I'm gonna call the office and go, "You don't do that to Steven Brody Stevens."

That's your real name? Steven Brody Stevens?

Yeah, I can go into that later, on our second date.

Okay, all right.

Do I have to be upfront and say that I spent time at the UCLA Psych Ward.

No.

They kind of had to like have me checked into a hospital.

Oh, my. It was like rehab, it was fun.

Go and have fun, no pressure, and don't self-sabotage.

I did mention a gun on Twitter.

It was entertaining, people liked it.

They were quoting me, they were getting behind it.

So, in my eyes, I was kind of onstage a little bit.

It wasn't 100% back off, I've got a gun.

And you know what? I made it out.

Wow.

And now I want to be more communicati-- communi-cave.

Communitative? Communitative?

I want to communicate more.

I'll say that Brody was honest, and he seemed sincere.

But there was always that kind of...

I still haven't been arrested.

But I was handcuffed on two separate occasions.

Oh.

He certainly had nice stories.

I never thought of hurting myself.

Good. Or hurting other people.

Excellent.

You know, I wasn't quite sure if at some times he was joking or not.

Was I combative? Yes.

Did I front-kick a guy in the parking lot at The Comedy Store? Yes.

Are you still with me? Are you still okay?

Yeah, no, I might be off over here a little, but I'm still here with you.

Yeah. Yeah.

This is good. I'm feeling a connection here.

That's good.

You know?

I think there's a second date on the horizon.

Um...

Thank you.

Here.

Why, thank you. Bye-bye.

I'm gonna hang here. See you again.

Bye, Jasmine. Bye-bye.

If I could maybe get a team of doctors and scientists and everything...

interview 5,000 women...

I think you probably may find one.

So I went to Bangkok...

and let's just say I pushed it to the limit.

You can do whatever you want in Bangkok.

I was there for Hangover 2.

What does push the limit mean?

I feel like you're trying to tell me something...

but you're just saying a weird thing.

There's a party culture there.

So, anyway, I did push it to the limit.

What does that mean?

I went to Bangkok and I went to a lady-boy show.

A show? A show.

They dance, they look good.

Brody.

And I pushed it to the limit.

I know, okay, you're doing this thing that you do...

where you say the same thing over and over again.

Because I have OCD.

Okay, I already know that you went to Bangkok.

And did what?

Pushed the limits.

No, pushed it to the limit.

See, you don't know, that's why I repeat it.

It's the same thing.

All right, so here's the deal.

I went to Bangkok, I pushed it to the limit.

Well, just tell me what you did?

I explored the lady-boy culture.

And it's messed with my mind a little bit.

And I come back to America a stronger man...

a clear-minded man, but yet somewhat foggy.

I know you're special, but I don't think you're gay.

Esther, I went to Bangkok.

And you know what I did there.

You pushed it to the limit. I pushed it to the limit.

Or did you feel, "Oh, it's nice to be touched by someone...

"because I'm in a foreign country, I'm lonely, I haven't seen my mom or Daisy...

"in a while, I'm not around my friends, I'm lonely, I'm just gonna accept what comes to me."

Exactly.

I wish I was like, you know, with a girl, with a family...

I know. with a child, but I'm not.

You will be, I always tell you this, you're still young for a man, okay?

My dad had me when he was 44, you're 42.

Did your father go to Bangkok and push it to the limit?

I don't think he did. If he did--

Did he click on things? I don't want to know.

Have you checked his cookies?

I am not gonna look at his cookies.

Okay?

You think I'm a late bloomer? Yes.

You're younger than your years in many ways.

Can you picture me being a father one day?

Well, if you hurry up... you're 40.

Well, someone who would appreciate him.

He's honest and sincere, likes animal--

I mean, he's, you know, tender.

He's an interesting, good-looking guy and he's, you know, he's funny.

JEFF (O.S.): He's a gentle love maker.

I have no idea what he has to offer a mate!

He likes dogs.

But I don't think he sleeps with them.

Hangover 2, Due Date, cut out of Funny People?

No?

Yeah, I just haven't found it. I mean, companionship would be nice.

There's probably somebody out there, but they would have to be just as special as he is.

BRODY (O.S.): Hopefully that girl will be out there.

Yes!

and it was horrifying.

She went in at a 90 de-- this way.

And Brody went in at a 90-degree angle.

It was like two mouths meeting like that...

and the sound was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life.