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1
00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:05,997
lt's hard to justify,
at this point in history...
2
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:08,402
...the existence of men
and their handkerchiefs.
3
00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:11,339
l mean, they open it up,
blow their nose in it...
4
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:14,378
...then put it in their pocket
with their other valuables.
5
00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:17,539
Wallet, keys, mucous.
Yup, got everything.
6
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,513
ls it because men can't give birth...
7
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,281
...are they just proud of anything
that comes out of us?
8
00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:27,624
We'll actually have a monogram
sewn onto it.
9
00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:30,194
What is the source of pride here?
10
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:32,524
lt sticks out of our breast pocket
of our jacket.
11
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,792
l have a snot rag.
12
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:49,715
-To your promotion.
-Oh, thank you.
13
00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:54,146
Thank you, Mr. Lippman.
l can't tell you...
14
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,915
...how much l appreciate this.
l mean, of course, l deserve it.
15
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:01,783
Well, you're really on your way now.
16
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,397
You should do something
about that cold.
17
00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:12,369
-You got a raise?
-l don't fool around, baby.
18
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,737
You said Pendant
was in financial trouble.
19
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,001
But they're being
absorbed by Matsushimi...
20
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:18,735
...that big Japanese conglomerate.
21
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,244
-When did that happen?
-Papers are signed next week.
22
00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,848
Are they publishing
Kramer's coffee table book?
23
00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:25,951
Yeah. They'll definitely do it now.
24
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:28,117
You're on quite a streak.
Job promotion.
25
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:31,257
-Plus you're back with Jake Jarmel.
-Yeah, it's getting serious.
26
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,289
We're talking about
moving in together.
27
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:35,524
You've got it all.
Helen Gurley Brown...
28
00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:37,185
...would be very proud of you.
29
00:01:37,997 --> 00:01:39,931
Speaking of having it all....
30
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,326
Where were you?
31
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:45,437
l went to the beach.
32
00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:47,697
The beach.
33
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:50,666
lt's not working, Jerry.
34
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,938
-lt's just not working.
-What is it that isn't working?
35
00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:56,880
Why did it all turn out
like this for me?
36
00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:59,142
l had so much promise.
37
00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:02,582
l was personable. l was bright.
38
00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:06,120
Maybe not academically speaking,
but....
39
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,457
l was perceptive.
40
00:02:08,661 --> 00:02:12,324
l always know when someone's
uncomfortable at a party.
41
00:02:13,099 --> 00:02:15,226
-Got a napkin?
-lt all became very clear to me...
42
00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:16,925
...sitting out there today that...
43
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:21,904
...every decision l've ever made
in my entire life has been wrong.
44
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:26,176
My life is the complete opposite
of everything l want it to be.
45
00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:29,143
Every instinct l have
in every aspect of life...
46
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:32,045
...be it something to wear,
something to eat...
47
00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:34,482
...it's all been wrong. Every one.
48
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,246
Tuna on toast, coleslaw...
49
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,253
-...cup of coffee.
-Yeah.
50
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:41,587
No, no, wait a minute.
l always have tuna on toast.
51
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:44,787
Nothing's ever worked out for me
with tuna on toast.
52
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,526
l want the complete opposite
of tuna on toast.
53
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,769
Chicken salad on rye...
54
00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:54,839
...untoasted with a side
of potato salad...
55
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:56,702
...and a cup of tea.
56
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:02,771
Well, there's no telling
what can happen from this.
57
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:04,883
Chicken salad
is not the opposite of tuna.
58
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:07,383
Salmon's the opposite of tuna
because salmon swim...
59
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:11,149
...against the current,
and the tuna swim with it.
60
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,360
Good for the tuna.
61
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:19,894
George, you know that woman
just looked at you.
62
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,765
So what?
What am l supposed to do?
63
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,597
Go talk to her.
64
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:28,639
Elaine, bald men with no jobs
and no money...
65
00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:30,935
...who live with their parents...
66
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:33,910
...don't approach strange women.
67
00:03:34,914 --> 00:03:37,314
Try the opposite.
lnstead of tuna salad...
68
00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:39,815
...and being intimidated by women,
chicken salad...
69
00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:43,513
-...and going right up to them.
-Yeah, l should do the opposite.
70
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,658
lf every instinct you have is wrong...
71
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:48,726
...then the opposite
would have to be right.
72
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:52,955
Yes.
73
00:03:53,132 --> 00:03:55,123
l will do the opposite.
74
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:58,498
l used to sit here and do nothing
and regret it for the rest of the day.
75
00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:01,139
So now l will do the opposite,
and l will do something.
76
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,951
Excuse me.
l couldn't help but notice that...
77
00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:15,144
-...you were looking in my direction.
-Oh, yes, l was.
78
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,755
You just ordered
the same exact lunch as me.
79
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:21,120
My name is George.
80
00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:24,491
l'm unemployed,
and l live with my parents.
81
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,935
l'm Victoria. Hi.
82
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:38,737
Are you kidding? They can't cancel
that show on me now.
83
00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:41,573
lt's too late for me to book
anything else for that weekend.
84
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:44,182
All right, all right. Okay, bye.
85
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:47,444
Hey. Buddy, it's all happening.
86
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,451
-What's happening?
-The coffee table book.
87
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,613
lt's a go.
88
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:54,484
-l heard all about it.
-Know what this means?
89
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,891
l'm starting the book tour.
90
00:04:57,063 --> 00:05:00,032
First stop, Regis and Kathie Lee.
91
00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:03,128
You're going
on Regis and Kathie Lee?
92
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,895
Oh, you better believe it.
93
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:08,539
-l'll loan you my puffy shirt.
-No, no. That's not--
94
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,632
What are you gonna talk about?
95
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,471
Coffee tables.
96
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:17,115
Hello.
97
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:19,717
What? Sure. l'll do it.
98
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,945
l just had something canceled
the same weekend.
99
00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:23,850
Okay. Great. Bye.
100
00:05:24,023 --> 00:05:27,823
Life is amazing. l just lost a job,
and five minutes later...
101
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,155
...get another job,
same weekend, same money.
102
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:33,561
You know who you are?
Even Steven.
103
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:37,333
Are you growing a beard?
104
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:41,999
Why shave every day?
Just grows right back.
105
00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:43,772
l guess.
106
00:05:43,943 --> 00:05:47,344
l'm afraid l'm just not interested
in how l present myself.
107
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:50,175
lf those kind of superficialities
are important to you...
108
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,341
...this probably isn't gonna work.
109
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,712
Hey, watch it. They cut you off.
Did you see that?
110
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:58,385
Take it easy.
111
00:05:58,558 --> 00:05:59,855
Take it easy.
112
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,753
lt's not the end of the world.
113
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:06,426
Hey, baby, how about
a little tongue action, huh?
114
00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:08,692
Stick your tongue down his throat.
115
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,532
What are we gonna do?
Should we just move?
116
00:06:14,607 --> 00:06:16,074
That won't be necessary.
117
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:23,241
Shut your traps
and stop kicking the seats!
118
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:25,475
We're trying to watch the movie!
119
00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:28,176
lf l have to tell you again,
l'll show you...
120
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,788
...what it's like.
You understand me?
121
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:33,187
Now shut your mouths,
or l'll shut them for you.
122
00:06:33,359 --> 00:06:35,520
lf you think l'm kidding, just try me.
123
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:36,957
Try me.
124
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,496
Because l would love it!
125
00:06:48,941 --> 00:06:52,809
Are you sure you don't wanna
come up? lt's only 9:30.
126
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:55,737
l don't think we should.
127
00:06:56,182 --> 00:06:58,480
We really don't know
each other very well.
128
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:02,144
Who are you, George Costanza?
129
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,620
l'm the opposite of every guy
you've ever met.
130
00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:10,754
-Excuse me. ls your name Elaine?
-Yes.
131
00:07:11,063 --> 00:07:13,554
Were you supposed
to meet a Jake Jarmel here?
132
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:17,032
-Yeah.
-l'm afraid he's been in an accident.
133
00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:20,434
-An accident? What happened?
-He got sideswiped by a cab...
134
00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:24,667
...but he's all right.
He's in St. Vincent Hospital, room 90 7.
135
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,239
Okay, thank you.
136
00:07:32,652 --> 00:07:34,745
Could l have a box of Jujyfruits?
137
00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:36,382
Here you go.
138
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,316
So, you know,
the light was clearly green.
139
00:07:40,493 --> 00:07:44,486
l started walking, he skidded,
and went right into my hip.
140
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:47,456
That is so terrible.
141
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:51,330
lt's so terrible, Jake.
l mean, how can people be so stupid?
142
00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:53,028
lt's just sickening.
143
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,969
-Want one?
-No, thanks.
144
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,713
So when do you think
you're gonna get out of here?
145
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:05,749
-Where did you get those?
-At the movies.
146
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,182
Didn't you get the message
before you went in?
147
00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:09,719
Yeah.
148
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:14,622
-Then when did you get those?
-Right after that.
149
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:17,560
So you heard that
l was in a car accident...
150
00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:21,325
...and then decided to stop off
for some Jujyfruit?
151
00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:24,201
Well...
152
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:28,335
...the counter was right there and--
153
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:32,274
l'd think, under the circumstances,
you would've run out of the building.
154
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,436
Apparently, it didn't
have any effect on you.
155
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:36,946
-No, no. lt did.
-lf you got into a car accident...
156
00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:40,574
...l can guarantee you
l wouldn't stop for Jujyfruits.
157
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:43,017
-But, Jake--
-l would like to be alone now, please.
158
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,086
-But, Jake, l didn't--
-Good night.
159
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:53,655
-What do you say we call it a night?
-Good idea. l'm kind of tired.
160
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,061
-How'd you do?
-Won 50.
161
00:08:55,234 --> 00:08:56,701
-Lost 72.
-Won 3 7.
162
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:59,702
-Lost 1 5.
-Broke even.
163
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,166
-Can l bring out our next guest now?
-Please.
164
00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:05,742
Young guy, got a new book
coming out, and it's about--
165
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:09,075
And this is the best part.
lt's a coffee table book...
166
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:11,808
-...about coffee tables.
-ls that clever?
167
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,413
l think that is so clever.
168
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:15,952
l think so too.
169
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,714
-Did you meet him backstage?
-l did.
170
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,517
He looks like a fun guy, doesn't he?
171
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:21,592
-l love his hair.
-Oh, l do too.
172
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,558
This guy could be a little bonkos.
173
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:27,256
Anyway, if you will,
would you please welcome Kramer.
174
00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:34,629
-Hey.
-How are you?
175
00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:36,138
Look, Kramer's here.
176
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,277
-Hi.
-Hello.
177
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:47,185
l don't know. lt's the hair
or something. l don't know.
178
00:09:47,887 --> 00:09:50,219
Yes. Kramer.
179
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:52,789
So a coffee table book
about coffee tables.
180
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:55,894
-Where'd you get this idea?
-Well, l'll tell you, Regis.
181
00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,428
Actually, this is a true story.
182
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,294
-l was skiing at the time.
-When l'm skiing, Kramer...
183
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:03,935
...l'm trying not to kill myself.
You're writing books.
184
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:07,306
You kids, don't go out and try that.
185
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,474
You stay in school.
186
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,239
Have you always been interested
in coffee tables?
187
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:15,972
Really, l love coffee tables,
and l thought l was the only one.
188
00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:19,447
See, the beauty of my book is,
if you don't have a coffee table...
189
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,554
...it turns into a coffee table.
190
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:27,926
-ls that fabulous?
-Look at this.
191
00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:31,663
ls that fabulous?
192
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,825
-Fabulous.
-l want one of those.
193
00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:39,403
Did l tell you this guy was bonkos?
194
00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:43,608
This coffee table is full of pictures
of celebrities' coffee tables.
195
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:46,039
-That's right.
-l'm not in there. Where's mine?
196
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,180
lt's on file right here.
197
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,811
l'm telling you, this guy's bonkos.
He really is.
198
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,885
-But he's adorable.
-Yes he is. He's a nice-looking guy.
199
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:00,989
All over my Kathie Lee Casuals.
200
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,390
We'll be right back in a moment.
201
00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:08,862
-So it's over?
-Yeah.
202
00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:13,334
-lt got pretty nasty.
-What did you go back for, Jujyfruit?
203
00:11:13,973 --> 00:11:18,000
lt's not like l went across the street.
l bought them and got in a cab.
204
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:19,804
Why didn't you eat it in the cab?
205
00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:22,743
Because l got popcorn too.
l ate that first.
206
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:26,449
-What is all this?
-l played cards last night.
207
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:29,087
-Yeah? How'd you do?
-Broke even.
208
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:32,850
-You always break even.
-Like yesterday, l lost a job...
209
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,356
...and then l got another one.
210
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,018
Then l missed a TV show,
and later on they reran it.
211
00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,630
Today l missed a train,
went outside and caught a bus.
212
00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,733
lt never fails. l always even out.
213
00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:44,697
-Give me 20 bucks.
-What for?
214
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,497
Just give me 20 bucks.
215
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:01,819
What the hell was that?
216
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,720
Let's see if you get
the 20 bucks back.
217
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,649
You could've thrown a pencil
out the window...
218
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,317
...and seen if that comes back.
219
00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:14,027
Things were going so good for me.
l got the job promotion.
220
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,828
We were talking about
moving in together.
221
00:12:17,002 --> 00:12:19,027
Maybe next time
someone's in a car accident...
222
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,605
...you won't stop off for candy first.
223
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:24,801
Hey, l just found $20.
224
00:12:26,712 --> 00:12:29,943
l tell you this,
something is happening in my life.
225
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:31,811
l did this opposite thing last night.
226
00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:33,952
Up was down, black was white,
good was--
227
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,348
-Bad?
-Day was--
228
00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:36,886
-Night.
-Yes.
229
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,487
-So you did the opposite of everything.
-Yes.
230
00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:44,095
And listen to this.
Her uncle works for the Yankees...
231
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,924
...and is getting me a job interview.
232
00:12:46,198 --> 00:12:49,429
A front office kind of thing.
Assistant to the traveling secretary.
233
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,934
A job with the New York Yankees!
234
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:54,834
This has been the dream of my life
ever since l was a child.
235
00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:57,407
lt's all happening
because l'm completely ignoring...
236
00:12:57,576 --> 00:13:01,637
...every urge towards common sense
and good judgment l've ever had.
237
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:06,011
This is no longer just some
crazy notion. Elaine, Jerry...
238
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:08,579
...this is my religion.
239
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:12,821
Well, l guess your messiah
would be the Antichrist.
240
00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:16,860
That's funny. Come on. Let's go.
241
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,559
Elaine. Look, a 20.
242
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,293
Oh, my God.
243
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:33,640
-Hey, boss.
-Kramer, come in.
244
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,278
How you doing there, big guy?
245
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:41,011
-Hey. Yeah. Have a seat.
-Alrighty.
246
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,015
You got yourself a cold?
247
00:13:46,358 --> 00:13:48,349
Well, that's quite a honk.
248
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,653
-Thank you.
-Get yourself some vitamin C...
249
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,958
...with rose hips and bioflavonoids.
250
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:57,903
The reason l asked you in here
is l caught your appearance...
251
00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:01,870
-...on Regis and Kathie Lee.
-lt was pretty good.
252
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,174
And anyway...
253
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,644
...the thinking here
is that it would be best...
254
00:14:09,815 --> 00:14:13,182
...if you didn't do any more
of these shows.
255
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,843
-Because of the coffee thing?
-Kramer, l'm sorry.
256
00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:18,512
What about Sonya Live?
You're not canceling Sonya Live.
257
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,421
-lt's out--
-She's a doctor. l got a thing for her.
258
00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:31,870
Why don't you tell me about some
of your previous work experience.
259
00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:33,662
Alrighty.
260
00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:36,674
My last job was in publishing.
261
00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:41,142
l got fired for having sex in my office
with the cleaning woman.
262
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:45,643
-Go on.
-All right. Well, before that...
263
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,912
...l was in real estate.
l quit because my boss...
264
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:52,421
...wouldn't let me use
his private bathroom. That was a--
265
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:54,218
Do you talk to everybody like this?
266
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:57,595
-Of course.
-My niece told me you were different.
267
00:14:58,564 --> 00:14:59,792
l am different, yeah.
268
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:02,433
l gotta tell you,
you are the complete opposite...
269
00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:04,398
...of every applicant we've seen.
270
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:07,933
Mr. Steinbrenner, sir.
271
00:15:08,107 --> 00:15:09,938
There's someone
here l'd like you to meet.
272
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,270
This is Mr. Costanza.
He's one of the applicants.
273
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:15,603
Nice to meet you.
274
00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:20,616
Well, l wish l could say the same,
but l must say, with all due respect...
275
00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:24,085
...l find it hard to see the logic
behind some of the moves...
276
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,417
...you have made
with this fine organization.
277
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:30,689
ln the past 20 years, you have caused
myself and the city of New York...
278
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:33,798
...a good deal of distress,
as we have watched you...
279
00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:36,434
...take our beloved Yankees
and reduce them...
280
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,571
...to a laughingstock,
all for the glorification...
281
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:41,706
...of your massive ego.
282
00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:44,305
Hire this man.
283
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,272
-Tina Robbins is here to see you.
-Who's that?
284
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,112
My ex-roommate.
She moved out four years ago.
285
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:56,151
l've been subletting
my apartment from her.
286
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:57,550
-See you.
-Yeah.
287
00:15:57,723 --> 00:16:00,021
-Hey.
-Please.
288
00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:02,917
-Hi, Tina.
-Hi, Elaine.
289
00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:05,290
So l haven't seen you in a while.
290
00:16:05,497 --> 00:16:07,192
Elaine, we have a problem.
291
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:11,301
-Well, what is it?
-You're getting kicked out.
292
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,802
Kicked out? Why?
293
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,067
-There's been a number of complaints.
-Yeah? Like what?
294
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:19,870
Well, like last Thanksgiving
you buzzed up a jewel thief.
295
00:16:21,347 --> 00:16:23,474
l didn't know who he was.
296
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,139
That's why there's a buzzer.
297
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,483
-What else?
-Apparently, the week after that...
298
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,588
...you buzzed up
some Jehovah's Witnesses...
299
00:16:30,756 --> 00:16:32,280
...and they couldn't get them out.
300
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:36,222
-What else you got?
-Well, let's see.
301
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:41,394
l'll tell you what the big advantage
of homosexuality is.
302
00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:44,125
lf you're going out
with someone your size...
303
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:47,067
...right there,
you double your wardrobe.
304
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:50,403
-l suppose.
-Oh, come on.
305
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:53,136
That's a huge feature.
When they approach a new recruit...
306
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:56,145
...l'm sure that's one
of the big selling points.
307
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,348
-Jerry.
-Yes.
308
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:03,615
l've been doing a lot of thinking.
309
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:07,191
l don't think we should
see each other anymore.
310
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:09,218
That's okay.
311
00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:12,956
-What?
-lt's fine. No problem.
312
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:15,464
-l'll meet somebody else.
-You will?
313
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:19,035
Sure. See, things always
even out for me.
314
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:23,808
lt's fine. Anyway, it's been really nice
dating you for a while...
315
00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:28,375
-...and good luck.
-Yeah, you too.
316
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:38,155
-The New York Yankees?
-The New York Yankees.
317
00:17:39,591 --> 00:17:42,924
Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle...
318
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,062
...Costanza?
319
00:17:45,664 --> 00:17:48,189
l'm the assistant
to the traveling secretary.
320
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,858
l'm going on the road trips.
l'll be on the plane.
321
00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:54,005
l'm working in Yankee Stadium.
This is a dream. l'm busting.
322
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:56,664
-Jerry, l'm busting.
-l can't believe it.
323
00:17:56,842 --> 00:17:58,070
Yeah.
324
00:17:58,243 --> 00:17:59,505
-Yeah?
-It's me.
325
00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:01,669
-Come on up.
-l'm out of my parent's house.
326
00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:03,747
l'm taking that apartment
on 86th Street.
327
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:07,010
-That's a great place.
-l'm back in business, baby.
328
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,649
Don't get too excited
about this stuff.
329
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:12,689
You know, things have
a way of evening out.
330
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,450
Hey!
331
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,921
-Hey, Elaine.
-Hi.
332
00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:18,596
How are things going?
333
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,527
You wanna know
how things are going?
334
00:18:20,699 --> 00:18:23,259
l'll tell you how things are going.
l am getting kicked...
335
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:26,302
-...out of my apartment.
-Why are they doing that?
336
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,804
l don't know.
They have a list of grievances.
337
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,632
-The jewel thief?
-Yeah, the jewel thief.
338
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:33,869
-What else?
-l put Canadian quarters...
339
00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:36,070
...in the washing machine.
340
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:39,907
l gotta be out
by the end of the month.
341
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:42,817
Well, you could move in
with my parents.
342
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:51,490
Was that the opposite
of what you were going to say...
343
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:55,360
...or was that just
your natural instinct?
344
00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:57,835
lnstinct.
345
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:02,429
Stick with the opposite.
346
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,003
Elaine, don't get too down.
Everything will even out.
347
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,807
See, l have two friends.
348
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,041
You were up, he was down.
349
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:14,708
Now he's up, you're down.
350
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,878
See how it all evens out for me?
351
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:23,527
Mr. Lippman, the people
from Matsushimi are here.
352
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:26,892
All right. Tell them l'll be right there.
353
00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:28,794
Oh, man.
354
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:30,491
Well, this is it, Elaine.
355
00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:34,603
You know, without this merger,
we'd be out on the street.
356
00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:38,009
Boy, they sure saved us.
357
00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:43,446
Mr. Lippman, you forgot
your handkerchief.
358
00:19:44,216 --> 00:19:45,740
Mr. Lippman.
359
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:49,015
You forgot your handkerchief.
lt's on my desk.
360
00:19:58,063 --> 00:19:59,997
Lippman-san.
361
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,365
Lippman-san.
362
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:11,507
Mr. Lippman, it is with great pride
that we undertake this partnership...
363
00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:13,577
-...with your company.
-l'm sorry.
364
00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:16,942
l can't shake your hand right now.
Germs.
365
00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:21,212
No, l--
366
00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:30,994
-ls that the end of it?
-lt's the last one.
367
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:33,222
l can't believe you're moving out.
368
00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:35,658
Kramer, is this true?
369
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,233
ls it really happening?
370
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:39,302
lt's like a dream.
371
00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:42,998
-Oh, it's true.
-All right, let's go.
372
00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:45,574
Don't get in trouble
with the Yankees.
373
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:47,439
You be nice.
374
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:51,340
l'm not gonna be nice.
That's how l got the job.
375
00:20:51,516 --> 00:20:54,781
-Jerry, did you hear this?
-He knows what he's doing.
376
00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:58,388
l just want the both of you to know...
377
00:20:58,557 --> 00:21:00,525
...how much you mean to me...
378
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:03,923
...and l love you both
very, very much.
379
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,257
Opposite.
380
00:21:09,868 --> 00:21:11,699
l must've had eight in my mouth.
381
00:21:11,870 --> 00:21:13,963
l couldn't talk. l couldn't talk.
382
00:21:14,139 --> 00:21:16,164
Why'd you have to eat so many?
383
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:19,208
Because they're Jujyfruit.
l like them.
384
00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:23,409
l didn't know it would start
a chain reaction...
385
00:21:23,582 --> 00:21:26,676
...that would lead to the end
of Pendant Publishing.
386
00:21:27,219 --> 00:21:29,187
Not to mention the end
of Kramer's book.
387
00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:32,585
You knew he had a cold. How did you
expect him to blow his nose?
388
00:21:33,392 --> 00:21:35,360
Do you know what's going on here?
389
00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:37,961
Can't you see what's happened?
390
00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:40,489
l've become George.
391
00:21:41,533 --> 00:21:43,057
Don't say that.
392
00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:46,499
lt's true. l'm George.
393
00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:48,195
l'm George.
394
00:21:48,707 --> 00:21:50,834
Greetings, people. Greetings.
395
00:21:51,009 --> 00:21:53,136
Greetings and salutations.
396
00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:56,375
What a beautiful day
for a ball game.
397
00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:58,641
Let's play two.
398
00:21:59,351 --> 00:22:01,512
l'll have the chicken salad
on rye, my usual.
399
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,483
You know what l get, darling.
400
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:08,225
So l had a little conversation today
with Mr. Don Mattingly.
401
00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:10,122
He's the first baseman.
402
00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:13,293
We talked about his new batting
stance. l'm not crazy about it.
403
00:22:13,465 --> 00:22:16,730
But l said, ''Donnie, go with it
till it stops working.''
404
00:22:16,902 --> 00:22:18,699
Donnie Baseball.
He's a hell of a guy.
405
00:22:19,838 --> 00:22:22,671
Wait, wait. That's too much.
Mine was more than yours.
406
00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:25,499
Let's call it even.
407
00:22:35,921 --> 00:22:39,516
Coffee is a drink that encourages
a lot of accessories around it.
408
00:22:39,725 --> 00:22:42,751
Coffee cake, coffee table,
coffee table book, klatches of people.
409
00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:47,359
Say what you want about alcohol,
but not only aren't there...
410
00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:50,467
...a lot of optional accessories,
alcohol actually helps you...
411
00:22:50,635 --> 00:22:54,230
...get rid of things.
Family, home, job, driver's license.
412
00:22:54,473 --> 00:22:56,839
The only thing you
have to remember to get...
413
00:22:57,008 --> 00:22:58,566
...is more alcohol.
414
00:22:58,744 --> 00:23:01,212
And maybe a rag
for your squeegee.
415
00:23:02,212 --> 00:23:12,212
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