Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,513 --> 00:00:04,069
The thing about birthday parties...
2
00:00:05,647 --> 00:00:08,513
...is that the first and last party
you have are quite similar.
3
00:00:08,682 --> 00:00:10,241
You just kind of sit there.
4
00:00:10,416 --> 00:00:13,316
You're the least excited person
at the party.
5
00:00:13,485 --> 00:00:16,180
You don't even realize
that there is a party.
6
00:00:16,353 --> 00:00:17,912
You don't know what's going on.
7
00:00:18,254 --> 00:00:20,689
Both birthday parties,
people have to help you...
8
00:00:20,856 --> 00:00:23,847
...blow out the candles. You don't
even know why you're doing it.
9
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:26,424
What is this ritual?
What is going on?
10
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:30,428
lt's also the only two birthday parties
where other people have to gather...
11
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,961
...your friends together for you.
12
00:00:33,499 --> 00:00:36,126
Sometimes they're not your friends.
They make the judgment.
13
00:00:36,298 --> 00:00:40,701
They bring them in, and they tell you,
''These are your friends.
14
00:00:41,070 --> 00:00:44,004
Tell them, 'Thank you for coming
to my birthday party.'''
15
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,164
These are great. Just great.
16
00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:54,437
Really great. Really, really great.
Don't you think so, Elaine?
17
00:00:55,445 --> 00:00:57,105
Yeah. Really great.
18
00:00:57,946 --> 00:01:00,379
A coffee table book
about coffee tables.
19
00:01:00,548 --> 00:01:02,811
How did you come up
with this idea?
20
00:01:03,050 --> 00:01:04,608
lt was there.
21
00:01:05,017 --> 00:01:07,644
Look at this one. lt's saying,
''l'm a coffee table.
22
00:01:07,819 --> 00:01:11,255
Put some coffee on me. The hotter
the better. That's what l'm here for.''
23
00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:14,589
You know, actually,
l've got some work l've got to do.
24
00:01:14,857 --> 00:01:17,724
How about if the book came
with these little foldout legs...
25
00:01:17,892 --> 00:01:20,689
...so the book itself
becomes a coffee table?
26
00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:22,522
That is a great idea.
27
00:01:22,697 --> 00:01:24,254
Really, really great.
28
00:01:26,899 --> 00:01:31,128
And that coffee table is saying,
''Put some coffee on me.''
29
00:01:31,535 --> 00:01:34,526
l'd like to put some coffee on her.
Hot, scalding coffee...
30
00:01:34,704 --> 00:01:38,002
...right in her face. l swear, this is
like working with a contestant...
31
00:01:38,173 --> 00:01:40,572
...from The Price Is Right.
32
00:01:43,009 --> 00:01:44,407
Yeah, that's real interesting.
33
00:01:44,576 --> 00:01:47,009
Listen, tell me
if you think this is funny.
34
00:01:47,645 --> 00:01:50,545
''Men definitely hit the remote
more than women.
35
00:01:50,714 --> 00:01:55,706
Men don't care what's on TV.
Men only care what else is on TV.
36
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:58,851
Women wanna see what the show is
before they change the channel...
37
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,713
...because men hunt
and women nest.''
38
00:02:00,886 --> 00:02:02,614
Yeah, it's funny. l don't know.
39
00:02:03,988 --> 00:02:05,955
You don't know?
Come on, that's gold.
40
00:02:06,123 --> 00:02:10,148
-Well, l don't know about gold.
-Oh, that's gold, baby.
41
00:02:17,563 --> 00:02:19,896
...about jokes.
lt puts pressure on me.
42
00:02:20,066 --> 00:02:21,793
Leonard Christian's gonna be there.
43
00:02:21,966 --> 00:02:23,193
Yeah? Who's he?
44
00:02:23,366 --> 00:02:26,823
A writer from Entertainment Weekly.
l would like to have a good show.
45
00:02:27,571 --> 00:02:30,471
-Danke sch�n, my little dumplings.
-Hi.
46
00:02:30,637 --> 00:02:32,902
-Hey, how about that Toby?
-Yeah, how about her?
47
00:02:33,339 --> 00:02:36,433
She's a package full of energy.
48
00:02:36,943 --> 00:02:39,911
-She's a package full of something.
-And that something is life.
49
00:02:40,212 --> 00:02:43,271
You got to meet her.
She's brimming with positivity.
50
00:02:43,447 --> 00:02:46,414
-Oh, please.
-Hey.
51
00:02:46,582 --> 00:02:48,413
-Are you performing tomorrow?
-Yeah.
52
00:02:48,584 --> 00:02:49,914
Great. l'm gonna bring Toby.
53
00:02:50,084 --> 00:02:51,744
You better laugh.
l'm being reviewed.
54
00:02:51,918 --> 00:02:54,579
-Leonard Christian's gonna be there.
-She's a great laugher.
55
00:02:54,754 --> 00:02:57,483
Yeah. She's a great laugher, Jerry.
56
00:02:57,655 --> 00:03:00,452
''Really, really great.''
57
00:03:00,958 --> 00:03:03,187
Want to sit with George?
He's coming with Robin.
58
00:03:03,359 --> 00:03:05,792
-ls that the waitress from the club?
-Yeah.
59
00:03:05,961 --> 00:03:08,929
-ls she bringing her kid too?
-She's got a kid?
60
00:03:09,096 --> 00:03:11,826
You should see George
get along with this kid.
61
00:03:13,398 --> 00:03:15,559
What are you doing under there?
Stop that.
62
00:03:15,734 --> 00:03:17,427
Don't eat that. That's not food.
63
00:03:17,601 --> 00:03:21,366
-He's sucking down Equal packets.
-Do you think 25 kids is too much?
64
00:03:21,537 --> 00:03:24,198
Twenty-five kids
for his birthday party?
65
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:28,431
Don't put your tongue on the floor.
He's putting his tongue on the floor.
66
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:31,543
Here, here.
Have some more sugar packets.
67
00:03:31,743 --> 00:03:33,370
So, what about entertainment?
68
00:03:33,578 --> 00:03:35,943
-Should l get Barney?
-No Barney.
69
00:03:36,514 --> 00:03:38,674
-Maybe a clown.
-How about Bozo?
70
00:03:38,848 --> 00:03:40,645
Who's Bozo?
71
00:03:40,883 --> 00:03:44,215
Who's Bozo? Bozo the Clown.
That's who Bozo is.
72
00:03:44,385 --> 00:03:47,285
When l was a kid, Bozo the Clown
was the clown, bar none.
73
00:03:47,487 --> 00:03:49,283
-George.
-With the orange hair...
74
00:03:49,455 --> 00:03:51,945
-...the big clown shirt with the ruffles.
-George.
75
00:03:52,123 --> 00:03:54,819
-A TV show, he had cartoons.
-George!
76
00:03:54,992 --> 00:03:57,789
Forget Bozo, George.
Bozo's out.
77
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,894
He's finished. lt's over for Bozo.
78
00:04:01,330 --> 00:04:04,091
When l was a kid,
we didn't have these parties...
79
00:04:04,264 --> 00:04:06,529
...with catered food
and entertainment.
80
00:04:06,799 --> 00:04:08,562
l remember
my seventh birthday party.
81
00:04:08,734 --> 00:04:10,667
Blow out the candles!
Blow out the candles!
82
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:12,666
l said blow out the damn candles!
83
00:04:12,837 --> 00:04:16,897
-Stop it, Frank! You're killing him!
-Blow out the candles!
84
00:04:18,439 --> 00:04:21,533
Well, this time,
you can blow out the candles.
85
00:04:21,776 --> 00:04:25,140
No, l have asthma. Ben. Ben!
86
00:04:28,380 --> 00:04:30,039
Hi.
87
00:04:30,481 --> 00:04:32,811
-Hi, Toby.
-How are you doing today?
88
00:04:33,516 --> 00:04:35,379
Fine.
89
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:42,421
-How are you?
-Oh, l'm great. Just great.
90
00:04:42,589 --> 00:04:43,816
Really great.
91
00:04:45,457 --> 00:04:48,583
-Hey, did you hear about Bob Rosen?
-No.
92
00:04:48,759 --> 00:04:51,659
He's going to Knopf.
He's going to be a vice president.
93
00:04:51,828 --> 00:04:53,090
Knopf? Really?
94
00:04:53,595 --> 00:04:56,620
Boy, that means there's
an opening here for...
95
00:04:56,864 --> 00:05:00,196
...senior editor.
Has Lippman hired anyone?
96
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:03,095
No. l hear he wants
to promote someone in-house.
97
00:05:04,068 --> 00:05:06,934
-Really?
-Maybe it'll be you.
98
00:05:08,338 --> 00:05:10,328
-Well--
-You really deserve it.
99
00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:13,207
-Well--
-l mean, you have experience...
100
00:05:13,374 --> 00:05:16,343
...seniority, Lippman really respects
your opinion.
101
00:05:17,444 --> 00:05:18,968
Well....
102
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:23,046
-Hey, it could be you.
-No.
103
00:05:23,581 --> 00:05:26,105
-No, really.
-Really? You think so?
104
00:05:26,483 --> 00:05:29,679
-Sure.
-Boy, wouldn't that be exciting?
105
00:05:30,319 --> 00:05:35,380
-Stranger things have happened.
-Me, a senior editor. l'd like that.
106
00:05:35,589 --> 00:05:37,522
You shouldn't get your hopes up.
107
00:05:38,090 --> 00:05:40,751
Well, it's a possibility.
Like you said...
108
00:05:40,959 --> 00:05:45,190
...stranger things have happened.
Thank you, Elaine. Thank you.
109
00:05:50,865 --> 00:05:52,423
-Hey, Ronnie.
-Hey.
110
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,363
Can l have a club soda?
111
00:05:54,534 --> 00:05:55,761
-Going on tonight?
-Yeah.
112
00:05:55,934 --> 00:05:57,162
-You?
-Yeah.
113
00:05:57,336 --> 00:05:59,395
-You know, Leonard Christian's here.
-l know.
114
00:05:59,571 --> 00:06:03,404
Can l ask you something?
Are my nostrils getting bigger?
115
00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:07,607
-l don't think so.
-Are you sure?
116
00:06:07,775 --> 00:06:09,606
Take a look.
Do they seem a little bigger?
117
00:06:09,777 --> 00:06:11,244
l don't know. l don't know.
118
00:06:11,410 --> 00:06:13,743
ls it possible for nostrils to expand?
119
00:06:13,979 --> 00:06:16,448
-ls this a bit?
-Hey, l don't do bits.
120
00:06:16,614 --> 00:06:18,606
l'm a prop comic.
121
00:06:18,783 --> 00:06:22,444
Damn it. l can't find my water gun.
l can't go on without my water gun.
122
00:06:22,952 --> 00:06:24,383
-Hey, Jerry.
-Hey.
123
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:28,079
-Well, here's Toby. Jerry.
-This is so exciting.
124
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,950
Look. l have goose bumps. Touch.
125
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,556
Touch them.
126
00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:35,988
-Hey.
-l've never been...
127
00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:38,753
-...to a comedy club before.
-Really?
128
00:06:38,929 --> 00:06:41,658
Many restaurants are serving
brewed decaf now too.
129
00:06:43,398 --> 00:06:46,889
-You are so funny.
-You'll have a good time, l swear.
130
00:06:47,469 --> 00:06:51,197
He swears, like he thinks
l don't believe him. l believe you.
131
00:06:51,371 --> 00:06:53,269
-He's so funny.
-What about me?
132
00:06:53,437 --> 00:06:54,961
What about you?
133
00:06:56,039 --> 00:06:58,438
l'm only kidding. You're funny too.
134
00:06:58,607 --> 00:06:59,835
l love to laugh.
135
00:07:00,009 --> 00:07:01,909
-Good.
-So you up next?
136
00:07:02,076 --> 00:07:04,010
Yeah. Why don't you guys
get a good table.
137
00:07:04,178 --> 00:07:06,337
We don't want some jerk
sitting in front of us.
138
00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:08,604
lt'll be like, ''Hey, big-head,
can you move?
139
00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:11,749
l didn't pay a cover charge
to stare at your bald spot.''
140
00:07:13,151 --> 00:07:14,811
-So you have a good show.
-Yeah.
141
00:07:14,984 --> 00:07:18,249
Have a great show. Hey, we'll
make sure it's a great show.
142
00:07:18,421 --> 00:07:20,581
-Okay. Good. l'll see you later.
-Yeah.
143
00:07:21,290 --> 00:07:25,782
He's so great. This is so great.
l'm so excited.
144
00:07:27,259 --> 00:07:29,954
Men definitely hit the remote button
more than women.
145
00:07:30,128 --> 00:07:34,086
-Really, really. That is so true.
-Yes, l-- Yeah.
146
00:07:34,264 --> 00:07:36,595
Men don't care what's on TV.
147
00:07:36,766 --> 00:07:39,097
Men only care what else is on TV.
148
00:07:39,867 --> 00:07:42,357
Yes. Right on, right on.
149
00:07:43,870 --> 00:07:45,097
See, women--
150
00:07:45,270 --> 00:07:48,830
Women wanna see what the show is
before they change the channel.
151
00:07:49,073 --> 00:07:51,973
That is so true. Yes, yes.
152
00:07:52,675 --> 00:07:55,165
That's why men hunt
and women nest.
153
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:03,639
Yeah, anyway-- Yeah, all right.
154
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,841
So anyway....
What was l talking about?
155
00:08:11,454 --> 00:08:13,613
-Hey.
-Hey. What's the deal?
156
00:08:13,789 --> 00:08:16,655
l invite you down here,
l have an important show...
157
00:08:16,824 --> 00:08:19,314
-...and she heckles me?
-She didn't mean anything.
158
00:08:19,526 --> 00:08:23,427
-What's the matter? ls she crazy?
-She's just enthusiastic, that's all.
159
00:08:23,595 --> 00:08:26,390
-Hey, what is wrong with you?
-Me?
160
00:08:26,697 --> 00:08:29,358
-Nothing's wrong with me.
-You boo me?
161
00:08:29,532 --> 00:08:33,058
You hiss? You didn't stop blathering
throughout the whole set.
162
00:08:33,234 --> 00:08:36,361
Come on. l thought you're a pro.
That's part of the show.
163
00:08:36,537 --> 00:08:38,868
No. Not part of the show.
164
00:08:39,038 --> 00:08:41,232
Booing and hissing
are not part of the show.
165
00:08:41,406 --> 00:08:44,862
You boo puppets.
You hiss villains in silent movies.
166
00:08:45,308 --> 00:08:47,241
That's the way l express myself.
167
00:08:47,409 --> 00:08:49,503
How will you make it
if you can't take it?
168
00:08:50,044 --> 00:08:52,705
-l can take it.
-Let's go.
169
00:08:53,247 --> 00:08:55,611
Hey, man, good set.
170
00:09:01,652 --> 00:09:04,553
-Bozo?
-No.
171
00:09:04,822 --> 00:09:07,085
-B-O-Z-O.
-Sorry. l--
172
00:09:08,390 --> 00:09:10,221
You've never heard
of Bozo the Clown?
173
00:09:10,392 --> 00:09:11,756
No.
174
00:09:11,925 --> 00:09:15,361
-How could you not know?
-l don't know. l just don't.
175
00:09:15,662 --> 00:09:19,027
How can you call yourself a clown
and not know who Bozo is?
176
00:09:19,197 --> 00:09:24,030
Hey, what are you hassling me for?
This is just a gig. lt's not my life.
177
00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:26,060
l don't know who Bozo is.
ls he a clown?
178
00:09:26,234 --> 00:09:27,929
What, are you kidding me?
179
00:09:28,103 --> 00:09:30,070
-Well, what is he?
-Yes, he's a clown.
180
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,501
All right. So, what's the big deal?
There's millions of clowns.
181
00:09:34,506 --> 00:09:37,406
-All right, just forget it.
- Forget--? Me? You should forget it.
182
00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:40,805
You're living in the past, man.
You're hung up on some clown...
183
00:09:40,977 --> 00:09:43,604
-...from the '60s, man.
-All right.
184
00:09:43,947 --> 00:09:47,345
Very good, very good. All right,
go fold your balloon animals, Eric.
185
00:09:47,547 --> 00:09:50,879
Eric. What kind of name
is that for a clown, huh?
186
00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:54,643
Excuse me. You must be George.
187
00:09:54,852 --> 00:09:58,344
l'm Robin's mother.
You seem like...
188
00:09:58,521 --> 00:10:03,321
-...such a lovely young man.
-Well, l do what l can.
189
00:10:03,492 --> 00:10:05,082
Hi, Ma. How's everything?
190
00:10:05,258 --> 00:10:09,456
This is just a wonderful party.
191
00:10:09,763 --> 00:10:11,491
The burgers should be ready
in a minute.
192
00:10:11,662 --> 00:10:13,391
Great, great.
193
00:10:15,066 --> 00:10:16,793
What's that smell?
194
00:10:17,434 --> 00:10:19,162
Smoke?
195
00:10:19,502 --> 00:10:20,991
Smoke.
196
00:10:21,169 --> 00:10:24,899
Everybody, l think l smell
some smoke back here.
197
00:10:25,472 --> 00:10:27,598
Fire! Get out of here!
198
00:10:27,774 --> 00:10:29,639
Get out of my way!
199
00:10:33,512 --> 00:10:36,535
-lt was an inferno in there!
-There he is. That's him!
200
00:10:37,146 --> 00:10:41,207
-That's the coward that left us to die.
-Let go.
201
00:10:50,422 --> 00:10:53,480
l was trying to lead the way.
202
00:10:53,656 --> 00:10:57,921
We needed a leader,
someone to lead the way to safety.
203
00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:01,220
But you yelled, ''Get out of my way.''
204
00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:03,527
Because....
205
00:11:03,695 --> 00:11:05,128
Because...
206
00:11:05,397 --> 00:11:08,024
...as the leader, if l die...
207
00:11:08,266 --> 00:11:11,324
...then all hope is lost.
208
00:11:11,568 --> 00:11:14,058
Who would lead? The clown?
209
00:11:15,603 --> 00:11:18,264
lnstead of castigating me,
you should be thanking me.
210
00:11:18,505 --> 00:11:21,803
What kind of topsy-turvy world
do we live in where heroes...
211
00:11:21,974 --> 00:11:25,238
...are cast as villains,
brave men as cowards?
212
00:11:25,411 --> 00:11:27,809
But l saw you push the women
and children...
213
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,036
...out of the way in a mad panic.
214
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,907
l saw you knock them down.
215
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:36,538
And when you ran out,
you left everyone behind.
216
00:11:36,716 --> 00:11:40,378
Seemingly. Seemingly.
To the untrained eye...
217
00:11:40,553 --> 00:11:43,249
...l can fully understand
how you got that impression.
218
00:11:44,456 --> 00:11:48,653
What looked like pushing,
what looked like knocking down...
219
00:11:48,826 --> 00:11:51,621
...was a safety precaution.
ln a fire...
220
00:11:51,792 --> 00:11:55,091
...you stay close to the ground.
Am l right? Well--
221
00:11:55,262 --> 00:12:00,061
And when l ran out that door,
l was not leaving anyone behind.
222
00:12:00,265 --> 00:12:03,927
Quite the contrary.
l risked my life...
223
00:12:04,102 --> 00:12:07,036
...making sure that exit was clear.
224
00:12:08,971 --> 00:12:10,631
Any other questions?
225
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:13,169
How do you live with yourself?
226
00:12:13,507 --> 00:12:14,973
lt's not easy.
227
00:12:18,210 --> 00:12:20,643
So she doesn't want
to see me anymore.
228
00:12:24,013 --> 00:12:27,345
Did you knock her over too
or just the kids?
229
00:12:29,784 --> 00:12:31,649
No, her too.
230
00:12:32,887 --> 00:12:34,546
And her mother.
231
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,881
-Really? Her mother?
-Yeah.
232
00:12:37,622 --> 00:12:40,249
l may have stepped
on her arm too.
233
00:12:41,357 --> 00:12:43,790
You probably couldn't see
because of the smoke.
234
00:12:43,959 --> 00:12:45,187
Yeah.
235
00:12:45,361 --> 00:12:47,294
But it was somebody's arm.
236
00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:51,494
So you feel ''women and children first''
in this day and age...
237
00:12:51,663 --> 00:12:53,823
...is somewhat
of an antiquated notion.
238
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,128
To some degree, yeah.
239
00:12:56,301 --> 00:13:00,827
So basically, it's every man, woman,
child and invalid for themselves.
240
00:13:02,304 --> 00:13:04,293
-ln a manner of speaking.
-Yeah.
241
00:13:04,639 --> 00:13:06,129
-Well, it's honest.
-Yeah.
242
00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:09,968
She should be commending me
for treating everyone like equals.
243
00:13:11,077 --> 00:13:13,601
Perhaps when she's released
from the burn center...
244
00:13:13,778 --> 00:13:15,677
...she'll see things differently.
245
00:13:18,114 --> 00:13:19,842
Perhaps.
246
00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:23,382
So, what was the fire,
just some greasy hamburgers?
247
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:28,179
Yeah. Eric the clown
put it out with his big shoe.
248
00:13:33,223 --> 00:13:36,680
-By the way, did you see this?
-What's that?
249
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:39,727
The Leonard Christian
article about my show.
250
00:13:39,895 --> 00:13:43,830
Plus my gig in Miami got canceled.
l bet you it's because of the article.
251
00:13:44,298 --> 00:13:47,630
He really does a number on you.
''Seinfeld froze like a deer...
252
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,324
...in the headlights in the face
of incessant heckling.''
253
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:54,401
l should've let her have it.
l held back because of Kramer.
254
00:13:54,738 --> 00:13:56,103
Know what you should do?
255
00:13:56,271 --> 00:13:58,932
-Go to her office and heckle her.
-Right.
256
00:13:59,107 --> 00:14:02,837
All the comedians say, ''What if l came
to your work and heckled you?''
257
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:06,206
-Yeah, that'd be something.
-l'm not kidding. You should do it.
258
00:14:07,078 --> 00:14:09,272
Wouldn't that be the ultimate
comedian's revenge?
259
00:14:09,446 --> 00:14:12,937
-l've always had a fantasy about that.
-Well, go ahead. Do it.
260
00:14:13,416 --> 00:14:15,246
-Why can't l?
-No reason.
261
00:14:15,751 --> 00:14:18,514
You know what?
l think l'm gonna do that.
262
00:14:18,686 --> 00:14:21,586
She came down to where l work.
l'll go down to where she works.
263
00:14:22,056 --> 00:14:25,649
-This is unprecedented.
-There's no precedent, baby.
264
00:14:27,858 --> 00:14:30,325
What, you're using
my ''babies'' now?
265
00:14:34,564 --> 00:14:37,691
Hey, nice shoes.
Do you wear sandals to work?
266
00:14:37,864 --> 00:14:40,764
lt's nice to walk into a room
and get the aroma of feet.
267
00:14:40,934 --> 00:14:42,834
Real conducive
to the work atmosphere.
268
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,467
l'm sure your coworkers like it.
269
00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:46,795
''Hey, let's go eat in Toby's office.''
270
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:50,030
''Great idea.
We can check on her bunions.''
271
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:53,398
You know, l have work to do here.
l'm very busy.
272
00:14:53,575 --> 00:14:58,238
ls this disruptive? You find it hard
to work with someone interrupting?
273
00:14:58,510 --> 00:15:01,946
-How'd you like it if l called security?
-Security?
274
00:15:02,113 --> 00:15:05,843
l don't know how you'll make it
in this business if you can't take it.
275
00:15:06,050 --> 00:15:07,380
You got to be tough.
276
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:12,150
You know-- All right. That's it.
277
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,787
-Get out of my way.
-What's going on?
278
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,683
What's happening here? Toby.
279
00:15:16,989 --> 00:15:18,616
Toby!
280
00:15:19,257 --> 00:15:22,316
-My pinkie toe.
-Toby!
281
00:15:26,597 --> 00:15:28,859
What did you go out there
to heckle her for?
282
00:15:29,064 --> 00:15:31,054
Because she came down the club
and heckled me.
283
00:15:31,232 --> 00:15:32,927
l gave her a taste
of her own medicine.
284
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:36,967
Oh, yeah! You gave her a taste
of medicine, all right.
285
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:40,661
-l didn't want her to have an accident.
-What accident?
286
00:15:40,838 --> 00:15:44,033
After he heckled Toby,
she ran out of the building...
287
00:15:44,206 --> 00:15:46,436
...and a street sweeper
ran over her foot...
288
00:15:46,608 --> 00:15:48,508
...and severed her pinkie toe.
289
00:15:49,077 --> 00:15:51,771
-That's unbelievable.
-Yeah. Then after the ambulance left...
290
00:15:51,945 --> 00:15:53,878
...l found the toe.
291
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:58,140
l put it in a Cracker Jack box with ice
and took off for the hospital.
292
00:15:58,315 --> 00:16:00,942
-You ran?
-No. l jumped on the bus.
293
00:16:01,117 --> 00:16:03,641
l told the driver,
''l got a toe here, buddy. Step on it.''
294
00:16:05,053 --> 00:16:06,986
-Holy cow!
-Yeah, yeah.
295
00:16:07,222 --> 00:16:10,917
Then all of a sudden,
this guy pulls out a gun.
296
00:16:11,092 --> 00:16:13,819
Well, l knew any delay's
gonna cost her her pinkie toe...
297
00:16:13,992 --> 00:16:16,983
...so l got up, and l started walking
towards him.
298
00:16:17,294 --> 00:16:19,990
He says, ''Where do you think
you're going, Cracker Jack?''
299
00:16:20,163 --> 00:16:22,925
l says, ''Well, l got a prize
for you, buddy.''
300
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,433
-Knocked him out cold.
-How could you do that?
301
00:16:28,601 --> 00:16:31,661
Then everybody is screaming
because the driver's passed out...
302
00:16:31,838 --> 00:16:35,431
...because of all the commotion.
The bus is out of control.
303
00:16:36,807 --> 00:16:39,400
So l grab him by the collar,
take him out of the seat...
304
00:16:39,576 --> 00:16:42,339
...get behind the wheel.
Now l'm driving the bus.
305
00:16:44,245 --> 00:16:46,804
-You're Batman.
-Yeah. l am Batman.
306
00:16:46,980 --> 00:16:49,971
Then the mugger, he comes to,
and he starts choking me.
307
00:16:50,147 --> 00:16:52,013
So l'm fighting him off
with one hand...
308
00:16:52,183 --> 00:16:54,912
...and l kept driving the bus
with the other, you know?
309
00:16:55,085 --> 00:16:57,917
Then l managed to open the door
and kicked him out the door...
310
00:16:58,086 --> 00:17:00,213
...with my foot, you know,
at the next stop.
311
00:17:00,788 --> 00:17:03,278
You kept making all the stops?
312
00:17:08,493 --> 00:17:10,290
Well, people kept ringing the bell!
313
00:17:14,698 --> 00:17:16,960
Well, what about the toe?
What happened to the toe?
314
00:17:17,133 --> 00:17:18,826
Well, l am happy to say...
315
00:17:18,999 --> 00:17:22,594
...the little guy's back in place
at the end of the line.
316
00:17:24,369 --> 00:17:27,997
You did all this for a pinkie toe?
317
00:17:28,674 --> 00:17:31,005
Well, it's a valuable appendage.
318
00:17:33,843 --> 00:17:38,243
So Kramer found the toe,
and they reattached it.
319
00:17:38,445 --> 00:17:40,912
-Really?
-Yeah. Poor kid.
320
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,048
-What an ordeal.
-And you know...
321
00:17:43,215 --> 00:17:46,650
...how extremely sensitive she is.
She's gonna need our full support.
322
00:17:46,818 --> 00:17:49,115
-Yeah, right.
-Look who's here.
323
00:17:49,353 --> 00:17:51,251
-Toby.
-Hey, it's Toby.
324
00:17:51,421 --> 00:17:54,253
Hi. How are you?
How are you feeling?
325
00:17:54,690 --> 00:17:56,850
-l'll be okay.
-Are you sure?
326
00:17:57,024 --> 00:17:59,457
-l think so.
-Toby, what can l do?
327
00:17:59,626 --> 00:18:02,651
-Can l get you something?
-No, thank you.
328
00:18:02,829 --> 00:18:05,091
Toby, please let us help.
We're family.
329
00:18:05,264 --> 00:18:07,753
Well, l could use a cup of coffee.
330
00:18:08,998 --> 00:18:11,465
-She got the promotion?
-Yep.
331
00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,758
-Why?
-l'll tell you why.
332
00:18:13,934 --> 00:18:16,869
Because of her pinkie toe,
that's why.
333
00:18:17,104 --> 00:18:21,094
Because Lippman felt so sorry for her,
he didn't want to hurt her feelings.
334
00:18:21,272 --> 00:18:24,069
-Too bad.
-Sure, the pinkie toe is cute...
335
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,936
...but l mean, what is it? lt's useless.
336
00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:31,703
lt does nothing. lt's got that little nail
that is just impossible to cut.
337
00:18:31,879 --> 00:18:33,574
-Why do we need it?
-That's the one...
338
00:18:33,748 --> 00:18:35,738
...that goes ''wee, wee, wee''
all the way home.
339
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:39,506
-You just shut the--
-Elaine, did you hear the news?
340
00:18:39,684 --> 00:18:42,277
-Toby got promoted.
-Yes, l heard, Kramer.
341
00:18:42,453 --> 00:18:45,649
-l work there, remember?
-You know what she told me?
342
00:18:45,821 --> 00:18:48,790
Her first order of business
is to put my coffee table book...
343
00:18:48,957 --> 00:18:51,356
...into the bookstores
as soon as possible.
344
00:18:51,525 --> 00:18:54,084
-Oh, wonderful.
-Throughout this whole thing...
345
00:18:54,260 --> 00:18:58,422
-...she always kept smiling.
-Of course. She's deranged.
346
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:04,328
l went down to the magazine,
pleaded with him to see me again.
347
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:07,195
He agreed to come down tonight
and write another article.
348
00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:09,763
l heard you went down
to somebody's office...
349
00:19:09,937 --> 00:19:11,870
-...and heckled them.
-Damn right.
350
00:19:12,038 --> 00:19:14,631
-We've been lap dogs long enough.
-How could you do that?
351
00:19:14,806 --> 00:19:16,398
Everybody's talking about it.
352
00:19:16,575 --> 00:19:19,099
lt's about time one of us
drew a line in the sand.
353
00:19:19,343 --> 00:19:22,743
Jerry, you're like Rosa Parks.
354
00:19:23,811 --> 00:19:25,643
You opened the door for all of us.
355
00:19:25,814 --> 00:19:27,974
l can't wait
until somebody heckles me.
356
00:19:28,149 --> 00:19:30,378
-Well, it won't be long.
-Ladies and gentlemen...
357
00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:33,245
-...please welcome Jerry Seinfeld.
-Got to go.
358
00:19:36,221 --> 00:19:37,709
Robin? Robin.
359
00:19:38,822 --> 00:19:41,517
-George, what is it? l'm working.
-Robin, listen to me.
360
00:19:41,690 --> 00:19:43,783
The most amazing thing
has happened.
361
00:19:43,959 --> 00:19:46,620
Kramer has opened my eyes.
362
00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:48,157
l think l've changed.
363
00:19:49,330 --> 00:19:51,057
-What are you talking about?
-Okay.
364
00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:53,130
l mean, Bozo the Clown.
365
00:19:53,331 --> 00:19:57,062
l mean, does he really need
''the Clown'' in his title?
366
00:19:57,233 --> 00:19:59,326
As clown. Bozo the Clown.
367
00:19:59,768 --> 00:20:02,861
Are we gonna confuse him with Bozo
the district attorney?
368
00:20:03,070 --> 00:20:06,130
Bozo the pope?
There's no other Bozo.
369
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:11,407
You'll see. Things will be different now
if you'll just give me one more chance.
370
00:20:11,709 --> 00:20:14,735
Listen, l got to think about this.
371
00:20:14,912 --> 00:20:19,403
-All right, but l'm serious about this.
-All right. Hand it over, man.
372
00:20:21,249 --> 00:20:23,215
That's why men hunt
and women nest.
373
00:20:23,382 --> 00:20:25,815
He's got a gun! He's got a gun!
374
00:20:25,984 --> 00:20:27,246
Get out of the way!
375
00:20:35,425 --> 00:20:37,221
-George.
-What?
376
00:20:37,592 --> 00:20:41,424
-This is Ronnie Kaye.
-The prop comic?
377
00:20:43,630 --> 00:20:44,926
Hi. l didn't--
378
00:20:45,097 --> 00:20:48,361
l didn't recognize you.
What, did you--? You get a haircut?
379
00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:50,625
Nostrils.
380
00:20:51,468 --> 00:20:53,162
George?
381
00:20:53,602 --> 00:20:55,536
Could l have a word?
382
00:21:04,610 --> 00:21:08,135
l was in a hotel, and the back of a door
in the hotel, they have that fire map.
383
00:21:08,312 --> 00:21:11,075
l'm flattered they think
l'll stand in a burning hotel room...
384
00:21:11,246 --> 00:21:12,735
...memorizing directions.
385
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:16,847
l'll go left by the stair,
right by the candy machine.
386
00:21:17,185 --> 00:21:21,381
l'd probably get lost, have to go back
to the room, check the map again.
387
00:21:22,521 --> 00:21:27,081
They always tell you, whatever you do
in a hotel fire, do not panic.
388
00:21:27,291 --> 00:21:30,282
Hey, l've got four minutes to live.
l've never panicked in my life.
389
00:21:30,460 --> 00:21:32,120
lt's my option.
390
00:21:32,494 --> 00:21:34,984
Even if they find you,
you have a perfect excuse.
391
00:21:35,396 --> 00:21:37,590
They saved you
swinging from the shower curtain...
392
00:21:37,764 --> 00:21:40,664
...naked with the ice bucket
on your head. What happened?
393
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,625
Well, l panicked.
That's understandable.
32014
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
