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The bus is the single
stupidest, fattest...
3
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,266
...slowest, most despised vehicle
on the road, isn't it?
4
00:00:08,441 --> 00:00:10,705
Ever notice when you get behind
a bus, people go:
5
00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:13,277
''What are you doing?
Get away. Come on.''
6
00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:15,937
The back of the bus,
it's like an eclipse, isn't it?
7
00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:18,516
People are just like,
''The sun. Where is the sun?''
8
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,482
lt's like this huge metal ass...
9
00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:24,521
...just taking up the whole
windshield of your car.
10
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:28,889
When it pulls out, it even sounds like
a fat uncle trying to get out of a sofa.
11
00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:38,336
-lt's just not good. lt's not good.
-lt's not good.
12
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:42,032
l'm bored. She's boring, l'm boring.
We're both boring.
13
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,766
We go out to eat,
read newspapers.
14
00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:46,639
-At breakfast, everybody reads.
-No, lunch, we read.
15
00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:48,713
-Dinner, we read.
-You read during lunch?
16
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,645
-Yeah.
-Oh, well.
17
00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,012
-Nothing to talk about.
-What's there to talk about?
18
00:00:53,186 --> 00:00:55,211
At least we're talking about
how there's nothing.
19
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,322
Talk with her about how
there's nothing.
20
00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:58,787
She knows there's nothing.
21
00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:01,222
-At least she'll be talking.
-Oh, shut up.
22
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:02,918
-Hey, look who's here.
-Hey, Al.
23
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:06,429
-Hey, Al. How's it going?
-Deeply in love.
24
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:08,590
We have so many things
to talk about.
25
00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:12,135
Sometimes, we'll talk all night...
26
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:14,296
...till the sun comes up.
27
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:18,444
-So how about you?
-Oh, l'm seeing someone, yes.
28
00:01:18,611 --> 00:01:21,079
-You know her. Daphne Bauer.
-Great girl.
29
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,771
We have no need to speak.
30
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:25,042
We communicate
with deep, soulful looks.
31
00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:27,311
Like Dwight and Mamie Eisenhower.
32
00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:31,153
-Did you hear about Fulton?
-Yeah.
33
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:34,191
Yeah, l went by the hospital
to see him a few days ago.
34
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,021
Think he'd really like you to visit.
35
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,788
-Me?
-Yeah.
36
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,262
-Said he could use a good laugh.
-What about me?
37
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:41,957
He didn't mention you.
38
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,994
This is my stop.
39
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,662
-See you.
-Yeah, see you.
40
00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:50,135
''Deeply in love.''
41
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:52,608
You can't say something bad
about relationships...
42
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,838
...you shouldn't say anything at all.
43
00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:00,818
l didn't know
Fulton was in the hospital.
44
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,352
''Could use a good laugh.''
45
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:04,183
You know what pressure that is?
46
00:02:04,357 --> 00:02:05,619
Come on, come with me.
47
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,453
l'm not good in these situations.
48
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,788
l-- l can't hide my pity.
49
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,022
l-- l make them feel worse.
50
00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:13,995
-Oh, stop it.
-Also, l'm afraid...
51
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:17,830
...that people in that state are finally
gonna tell me what they really think.
52
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:20,131
They got nothing to lose.
What do they care?
53
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:23,275
-So you're not gonna come?
-No, but say hello for me.
54
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,100
-Hey.
-Hey.
55
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:27,143
-Hey, Mick.
-Hey, Jerry.
56
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,144
-What's doing?
-Nothing. You?
57
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,306
Same old, same old.
58
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:32,917
George, this is Mickey.
59
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,816
-Hi. Nice to meet you.
-Pleasure.
60
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,549
-How's work going, you guys?
-Let's not talk about it.
61
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:40,852
-You got a job?
-Yeah. Mickey hooked me up.
62
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:43,552
We're stand-ins for the actors
on All My Children.
63
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:45,823
Mickey's a stand-in
for an 8-year-old kid...
64
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,967
...and l stand in for the kid's father.
65
00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:49,431
But l got a big problem.
66
00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:51,502
The kid l stand in for, he's growing.
67
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,400
He was 4 feet last month.
68
00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:55,302
Now he's like 4'2'' and a half.
69
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:57,409
He shot up 2 and a half inches.
70
00:02:57,577 --> 00:03:01,035
l can do 4'2'', 4'3'' is a stretch.
71
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:03,182
Any higher,
l'm gonna be out on my ass...
72
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:04,748
...doing that paralegal crap.
73
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,380
How do you stop a kid from growing?
74
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,751
l told you, you should offer him
some cigarettes.
75
00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:13,491
l offered him cigarettes...
76
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,220
...but his stupid mother's
always hanging around.
77
00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:17,761
She won't let him have any.
78
00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:19,864
-What about lifts?
-Out of the question.
79
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,524
Can't you just switch
with another midget?
80
00:03:25,071 --> 00:03:26,732
lt's ''little people.''
81
00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:30,103
-You got that?
-Easy, Mickey. Easy.
82
00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:33,075
Yeah.
83
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:36,147
We gotta get back to the show.
What are you guys doing?
84
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:39,547
-Going to the hospital to visit Fulton.
-Well, say hello for me.
85
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:45,086
Now, look. We're gonna stop
at the shoemaker right now.
86
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,226
You gotta get some lifts
for your shoes.
87
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:50,920
Lifts? Kramer, you don't understand.
This kind of thing is just not done.
88
00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:53,065
-You wanna keep your job?
-Yeah, but--
89
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,531
-No buts.
-Kramer--
90
00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:01,572
Hey.
91
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:04,103
Fulton!
92
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:05,642
lt's me.
93
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,609
Hey, Jerry. Good to see you.
94
00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:09,680
-l could use a good laugh.
-Who couldn't?
95
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:13,876
-l haven't cracked a smile in months.
-Oh, don't worry. You'll crack.
96
00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:15,748
Cracking's inevitable.
97
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,913
First you crack, then you chuckle.
98
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,889
That was the Russians' motto
at the Siege of Leningrad:
99
00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:22,789
First you crack, then you chuckle.
100
00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:26,321
You know, because Leningrad...
101
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:29,593
...when the Nazis attacked,
it wasn't a very happy time.
102
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,600
Because of the war.
103
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,103
Famine.
104
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,674
Plus, it was cold. Very cold.
105
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:39,475
They were eating each other.
106
00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:43,115
Maybe this isn't a good time
for a visit.
107
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,773
No, it's a fine time.
108
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:50,487
All right. There's a priest, a minister
and a rabbi, and they're all skydiving.
109
00:04:58,197 --> 00:04:59,789
So how are the eggs?
110
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,729
Eggs are eggs.
111
00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,627
Eggs are eggs.
112
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:07,034
That is very profound.
113
00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:10,505
By the same token,
could you say, ''Fish is fish''?
114
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:12,201
l don't think so.
115
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,470
-Listen, Daphne--
-Daphne.
116
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,138
Daphne.
117
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,985
l have to tell you something.
This is very difficult--
118
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,646
Oh, l forgot to tell you.
119
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,985
Al Nechy called me today.
120
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:30,261
Yeah. l bumped into him on the bus.
What did he have to say?
121
00:05:30,430 --> 00:05:33,228
He told me not to get involved with you.
122
00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,132
-What?
-Yeah.
123
00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:37,701
He said you could never make
a commitment...
124
00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:40,498
...and you'd just wind up hurting me.
125
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,671
He said that?
126
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,810
What a nerve.
127
00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:47,343
How dare he say something like that.
128
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:50,846
-ls it true?
-Of course not.
129
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:56,184
l mean, sure, there may have been
one or two occasions in the past...
130
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:59,348
...when l may have reacted...
131
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,153
...in an impulsive
or somewhat immature manner...
132
00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:05,627
...but those days are well behind me.
133
00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:11,169
How long are you gonna be
away for, Daddy?
134
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,605
l'm not really going away.
135
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:16,799
l told you,
l'll be back every other weekend.
136
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:20,412
Don't go, Daddy. Don't go.
137
00:06:20,913 --> 00:06:23,279
Now, Porter...
138
00:06:24,917 --> 00:06:27,818
...you know your mother and l
love you very much...
139
00:06:27,987 --> 00:06:29,420
...but...
140
00:06:29,589 --> 00:06:32,888
...sometimes people fall out of love.
141
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,157
Now, give me a big hug.
142
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,525
And there's your scene.
143
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,030
-Stand-ins?
-Yo.
144
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:44,431
All right, you guys. Get on their spots.
We gotta fix the lights.
145
00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:48,037
That's good work.
146
00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:53,436
All right. Ready.
147
00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:56,810
How long you gonna be
away for, Daddy?
148
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,720
l'm not really going away.
149
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,291
l told you
l'd be back every other weekend.
150
00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:11,262
Don't go, Daddy. Don't go.
151
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,227
Now, listen, Porter.
152
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,836
You know your mother and l
love you very much...
153
00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:21,599
...but sometimes
people fall out of love.
154
00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,106
Now, give me a big hug.
155
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,170
All right. Kramer.
156
00:07:28,347 --> 00:07:30,178
Kramer.
157
00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:34,479
Okay, that's lunch, everybody.
One hour.
158
00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:41,992
-How do those lifts feel?
-Quiet.
159
00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,123
-Hi, guys.
-Hey, Tammy.
160
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,128
You look different.
161
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,995
-Have you been working out?
-Not that l know of.
162
00:07:49,669 --> 00:07:52,035
Whatever it is, keep doing it.
You look great.
163
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:55,368
-How about lunch?
-Oh, l can't today...
164
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:57,475
...but l see it in our future.
165
00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,308
-See you, Kramer.
-Yeah.
166
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,810
Bye, Mickey.
167
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:03,679
-Oh, she likes you, buddy.
-Yeah.
168
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,477
Yeah.
169
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,881
-All of a sudden.
-What?
170
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,385
Hey, Mick.
171
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:12,552
-How you doing, Johnny?
-What gives? What's going on?
172
00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:14,454
-You going out with Tammy?
-Maybe.
173
00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:16,424
What's it to you?
174
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:18,496
There's something different
about you.
175
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:22,657
-l got my hair cut, that's all.
-No, that's not it. Something else.
176
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,769
Yeah. You look different.
177
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:28,498
You don't. You got the same ugly mug
you had since the day l met you.
178
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,835
l don't know what it is,
but l'll find out.
179
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,035
l'll find out.
180
00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:34,845
Don't believe him.
181
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:40,317
So she's just sitting there,
and then Pachyderm--
182
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:43,250
You remember the 'Derm.
He says, ''l'm gonna go up to her.''
183
00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:47,051
So he picks up
the two pieces of pizza and....
184
00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:48,557
And they're steaming hot.
185
00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,821
They're burning his hands,
so he's juggling.
186
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:52,430
He's throwing them in the air.
187
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:56,034
And just as he gets up to her,
down they go.
188
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:57,768
Well, we all just lost it.
189
00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:01,605
lt was really, really funny.
190
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:06,038
-Hey, Jerry.
-Hey, Phil. How you doing?
191
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,112
-You look terrific.
-l got my health.
192
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:10,476
Well, that's the most important thing.
193
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,675
Hey, how you doing, Fulton?
194
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,082
Octane, butane, night train!
195
00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:20,417
-How's he doing?
-He could use a couple laughs.
196
00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:25,892
You should've told the story
about Pachyderm dropping the pizza.
197
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,396
l told it. Yeah.
198
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,364
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
199
00:09:31,604 --> 00:09:34,300
Hey, you know what?
As l was leaving, l saw Phil Tatola.
200
00:09:34,473 --> 00:09:36,737
He is one of the greatest guys.
201
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:39,434
-Do l know him?
-No. But of all the guys l know...
202
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:42,103
...l could envision you
going out with him.
203
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:45,341
lf you were a woman,
would you go out with him?
204
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:49,010
lf l was a woman, l'd be at the dock
waiting for the fleet to come in.
205
00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:52,046
Yeah, l bet you would.
All right, give him my number.
206
00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:53,623
All right.
207
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:56,421
This, you're not gonna believe.
208
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,622
Al Nechy, that pimple...
209
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,293
...tells Daphne-- Now, get this.
210
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:04,129
--not to get involved with me.
211
00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:06,328
-What?
-Yeah. That's what she told me.
212
00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:10,032
-Why?
-He's afraid that she's gonna get hurt.
213
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:11,870
-ls she?
-Of course.
214
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,538
-So?
-What? He doesn't have to tell her.
215
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,613
-Maybe he likes her.
-Oh, no, no. He's deeply in love.
216
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,153
l was about to break up with her
when she told me.
217
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:27,292
-So, what are you gonna do?
-l can't break up with her now.
218
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,321
-Why?
-Because he said l was going to.
219
00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:34,898
So now you're gonna keep
going out with her for spite?
220
00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:38,730
-Yes. l am.
-Yeah, l could see that.
221
00:10:38,904 --> 00:10:40,929
-l don't see any way around it.
-Me either.
222
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:42,972
-What choice do l have?
-None.
223
00:11:03,929 --> 00:11:05,920
Fulton's wife told me
it's all my fault.
224
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:09,556
She said since my visit,
he's taken a turn for the worse.
225
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:14,739
-Did you tell him the Pachyderm story?
-Yeah, l told him the Pachyderm story.
226
00:11:14,907 --> 00:11:16,340
Maybe l'll go over there.
227
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,478
-Towards what end?
-l'm very good with sick people.
228
00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:21,078
They love me.
229
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:23,215
When my friend
Len Nickidimo had gout...
230
00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:25,543
...l was in his hospital room
for three days.
231
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:28,084
The doctors were amazed
at his recovery.
232
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:34,488
-Hey.
-Hey, Mick.
233
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:37,686
Johnny Viggiano went through
my locker.
234
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:40,698
That little bastard.
235
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,126
He saw the lifts in my shoes.
236
00:11:43,302 --> 00:11:45,862
He knows l'm heightening.
237
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:50,166
This never would've happened
if you didn't push me to get those.
238
00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:52,606
-l told you.
-Nobody put a gun to your head.
239
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:55,110
Yeah. Just keep out
of my business, you big ape.
240
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:57,078
Who you calling ''big ape''?
241
00:11:57,249 --> 00:11:59,547
l'm calling you an ape.
242
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,449
All right, break it up.
Come on, you two.
243
00:12:02,621 --> 00:12:05,112
Just cut it out now.
244
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,521
Yeah.
245
00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:12,921
Behave yourselves.
246
00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:17,263
-l'm sorry, Kramer.
-No, it's all right, it's all right.
247
00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:20,132
You're stressed out.
248
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,740
Why does this Johnny
have it in for you?
249
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,901
He's always been jealous of me.
250
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:29,843
l always got to stand in
for the bigger stars.
251
00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:32,813
The Cosby kids, Ricky Schroder,
Macaulay Culkin.
252
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:35,653
-What's he like?
-He's a good kid.
253
00:12:35,821 --> 00:12:38,289
-Yeah?
-What does he care if you put lifts in?
254
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:39,719
You don't understand.
255
00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:42,087
There's an unwritten code
about this.
256
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:43,990
l could be ostracized.
257
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,930
l remember when l was a kid,
some guy tried to heighten.
258
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:52,434
He lost his job,
lost his friends, everything.
259
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,869
l knew l was crazy to try
this kind of thing...
260
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,668
...but l was so desperate.
261
00:12:58,077 --> 00:12:59,908
What is this kid taking, anyway?
262
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,603
Hormones? Steroids?
263
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,681
Would you tell me?
264
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,111
Well, here we are.
265
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:09,784
George, tomorrow's Sunday.
266
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:13,447
We could sleep late
and get the paper...
267
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:17,426
...and have breakfast
and spend the morning together...
268
00:13:17,596 --> 00:13:21,498
...go for a long walk,
maybe do a little shopping...
269
00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:24,898
-...have lunch--
-You know what? l--
270
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:27,630
l don't think l'm gonna be able
to stay over tonight.
271
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:30,401
-Why not?
-Yeah, l really should go home.
272
00:13:30,576 --> 00:13:33,340
Actually, l'm planning on spending
the day with my father.
273
00:13:33,512 --> 00:13:34,843
We're--
274
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:37,881
We're going to a father-son picnic,
just the two of us.
275
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:40,348
l thought we were gonna spend
the day together.
276
00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:44,319
Well, Dad's been planning this
for such a long time.
277
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,821
He bought a new blanket.
278
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:50,052
And he got that game with the foam
paddles and the Velcro ball.
279
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:53,990
Have you given any more thought
to what we talked about?
280
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,724
You know, moving in?
281
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:59,098
Yes. Oh, yes. Very much.
282
00:13:59,271 --> 00:14:01,205
Maybe you don't wanna move in.
283
00:14:01,373 --> 00:14:03,238
No, no, l do. You know, it's just--
284
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:07,641
Maybe Al Nechy was right. Maybe
l shouldn't have gotten involved.
285
00:14:07,813 --> 00:14:09,212
No, he's not right.
286
00:14:09,381 --> 00:14:11,178
Al Nechy is not right.
287
00:14:12,251 --> 00:14:15,846
All right, l'm canceling
the father-son picnic.
288
00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:19,479
l don't know what he's gonna do
with all that potato salad.
289
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:26,722
So then Pachyderm picks up
the two pieces of pizza.
290
00:14:26,899 --> 00:14:29,834
And mind you, now,
they're burning hot.
291
00:14:30,002 --> 00:14:32,129
He can barely hold them.
292
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:35,068
He's trying to, like, juggle the pizza.
293
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,368
You know. l mean--
294
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:41,502
-And then they go flying--
-l'm gonna pee my pants.
295
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,511
They go flying out of his hands.
296
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:50,087
And one lands on her face,
and the other lands on his face.
297
00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:55,252
l mean, the whole place went crazy.
298
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:58,658
-Oh, what a story.
-Oh, God. l know. l know.
299
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,628
That is one of the funniest stories...
300
00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:03,267
-...l've ever heard.
-l know.
301
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:06,201
Well, this has been
one hell of a night.
302
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:09,170
l'm sorry Jerry didn't
suggest this sooner.
303
00:15:09,608 --> 00:15:11,269
You know...
304
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,909
...you really are beautiful, Elaine.
305
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,675
Well....
306
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:21,015
-Good night.
-Good night?
307
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,216
Well....
308
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:28,892
Come on, Adrian.
Give me another chance.
309
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:30,824
l know l can cheer Fulton up.
310
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:33,123
l'll tell you what. l'll do my act.
311
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:34,891
No, new material.
312
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:37,160
He's never heard it.
313
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:41,295
He'll love it. l just did it
at the Concorde last week. lt killed.
314
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:44,340
Thank you. Thanks--
You will not regret this.
315
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,671
Okay. Bye. Hey.
316
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:48,972
Hello.
317
00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:51,010
So?
318
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:54,677
-What?
-Come on, how was your date?
319
00:15:54,853 --> 00:15:57,253
Oh, the date.
320
00:15:57,423 --> 00:15:59,516
The date.
321
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:02,193
-Yeah. How was it?
-lnteresting.
322
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:05,991
-Really?
-Oh, yeah.
323
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:09,695
-Why? What happened?
-Let's see.
324
00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:12,302
How shall l put this?
325
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,268
Well, just put it.
326
00:16:14,873 --> 00:16:16,363
He took it out.
327
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,245
He what?
328
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:25,744
He took...
329
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:28,281
...it out.
330
00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:32,546
He took what out?
331
00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:35,056
lt.
332
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:37,889
He took it out?
333
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:39,730
Yes, sirree, Bob.
334
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:42,995
-He couldn't.
-He did.
335
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:45,560
You were involved
in some sort of amorous--
336
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,036
No.
337
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,767
-You mean, he just--?
-Yes.
338
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:54,003
-Are you sure?
-Oh, quite.
339
00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:57,477
There was no mistaking it?
340
00:16:57,649 --> 00:16:59,116
Jerry.
341
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:02,616
So you were talking, you're having
a pleasant conversation...
342
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:04,483
-...and then all of a sudden--
-Yeah.
343
00:17:04,656 --> 00:17:05,987
-lt.
-lt.
344
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,716
-Out.
-Out.
345
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,390
Well, l can't believe this. l know Phil.
346
00:17:10,562 --> 00:17:12,723
He's a good friend.
We play softball together.
347
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:15,992
-How could this be?
-Oh, it be.
348
00:17:17,169 --> 00:17:20,798
Have you got any other friends
you wanna set me up with?
349
00:17:22,574 --> 00:17:23,905
Hey.
350
00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:26,203
Hey, how was your date
with Phil Tatola?
351
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,369
He took it out.
352
00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:37,018
Well, maybe it needed some air.
353
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:40,385
You know, sometimes they need air.
They can't breathe in there.
354
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,151
lt's inhuman.
355
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:48,962
So she's just sitting there,
she's having a pleasant conversation...
356
00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:50,795
-...and all of a sudden--
-lt.
357
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:52,436
-lt.
-Out.
358
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:58,737
l spend time trying to get
their clothes off...
359
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,742
...l never thought of taking mine off.
360
00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:05,979
Hey, get out of here.
Daphne's gonna be here.
361
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:07,584
All right, l'm going.
362
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,482
You know what l've come to realize?
363
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:11,020
l'm not just bored.
364
00:18:11,190 --> 00:18:13,750
l genuinely dislike her.
365
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,917
Well, how long are you gonna
keep this up?
366
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,120
Hey, l'll get married if l have to.
367
00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:22,194
Al Nechy will think twice before
he opens his mouth about me again.
368
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:24,301
George, they're doing
wonderful things...
369
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:26,404
...at mental institutions these days.
370
00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:28,767
l'd be happy to set up
a meet-and-greet.
371
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,273
l'm very disappointed
to hear you talk like that.
372
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:34,776
-Still don't know what makes me tick.
-Yes, l do.
373
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,313
-What are you doing?
-l'm going to see Fulton.
374
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:40,475
l'm not even saying hello.
l'm going right into material.
375
00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:49,154
-Hey, Jer.
-Oh, hey, Phil.
376
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:52,793
l'm sorry things
didn't work out with Elaine.
377
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,455
l don't know what l did wrong.
378
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:57,698
Well, you showed her who you are.
379
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,801
Oh, look at this.
380
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,965
What, she's gotta
breast-feed in public?
381
00:19:06,378 --> 00:19:08,846
Yeah, that's the last thing
you wanna see.
382
00:19:09,014 --> 00:19:11,414
Well, next to last.
383
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:14,980
-Look, l'll see you.
-Yeah, take it easy.
384
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:18,184
Dr. Callahan. Dr. Callahan.
385
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:24,186
Hey, how you doing?
Good to be here.
386
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,863
-Rock, paper, scissors. Match.
-Rock, paper, scissors. Match.
387
00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:31,662
All right. Rock beats paper.
388
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,271
l thought paper covered rock.
389
00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:38,500
No. Rock flies right through paper.
390
00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,109
Well, what beats rock?
391
00:19:40,979 --> 00:19:42,844
Nothing beats rock.
392
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,380
All right, come on.
393
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,674
Rock, paper, scissors. Match.
394
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,183
-Rock.
-Rock.
395
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:49,911
Rock, paper, scissors. Match.
396
00:19:50,088 --> 00:19:51,578
-Rock.
-Rock.
397
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:54,055
Hey, Bob. Hey, what's with you?
398
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:55,557
You got a problem?
399
00:19:55,727 --> 00:19:58,890
-You see that look he gave me?
-Come on. Here. Ready?
400
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:01,398
Rock, paper, scissors. Match.
401
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:02,898
-Rock.
-Rock.
402
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:05,093
-Hey, Tammy.
-Hello.
403
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:08,433
So, Tammy, finally,
today's our big lunch.
404
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:10,666
-l don't think so.
-Why not?
405
00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:13,333
-What the hell are you talking about?
-Look, Mickey.
406
00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:15,412
Everybody knows
that you're heightening.
407
00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:17,242
lt's all over the set.
408
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:19,247
-Wait. Wait--
-Don't touch me.
409
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:21,750
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
410
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,047
All the progress we've made
over the years...
411
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,555
...and you blow it
with a stupid stunt like that.
412
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,250
Wait a second. Wait a second.
You got me all wrong.
413
00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:31,419
lt was all because of the kid.
414
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,258
The kid was growing.
415
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:36,731
He shot up 2 and a half inches
in a month.
416
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,401
l would've lost my job.
417
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:42,404
Any one of you would've
done the same.
418
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:44,405
You got no right.
419
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,203
l'm Mickey Abbot.
420
00:20:46,378 --> 00:20:50,405
l stood in for Punky Brewster
when all of you was nothing.
421
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,846
lt's all his fault.
422
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:54,641
lt was his idea.
423
00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:58,650
Come on, Johnny.
Let's go get something to eat.
424
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,795
Mickey.
425
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:16,332
-This guy's belching up vitamins.
-Stop.
426
00:21:16,508 --> 00:21:18,237
And this whole Justice League...
427
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:20,674
...Batman, Green Lantern,
Wonder Woman.
428
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:23,679
You mean to tell me Superman
can't cover everything?
429
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:28,684
-Stop.
-For crying out loud, he's Superman.
430
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:42,629
Fulton?
431
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:45,632
Fulton?
432
00:21:54,212 --> 00:21:58,672
George, first let me just say
that l've never been with a guy...
433
00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:01,045
...who was so committed to commit.
434
00:22:01,219 --> 00:22:03,449
l mean, it's so rare
in men these days...
435
00:22:03,622 --> 00:22:07,023
...and that's what makes this
all the more difficult.
436
00:22:08,593 --> 00:22:10,185
Difficult?
437
00:22:10,362 --> 00:22:13,490
The other day after work,
some girlfriends and l went to a bar...
438
00:22:13,665 --> 00:22:16,463
...for some drinks,
and there was this crazy mishap...
439
00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:20,002
...and l wound up meeting someone
as a result.
440
00:22:20,672 --> 00:22:22,367
George.
441
00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:25,374
Please don't.
442
00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:29,746
Oh, l'm sorry.
443
00:22:29,915 --> 00:22:33,248
l'm afraid the worst of it is
it's someone you know.
444
00:22:33,418 --> 00:22:35,181
Jerry Persach.
445
00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:37,515
Pachyderm?
446
00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:41,359
He was carrying
these two pieces of pizza....
33216
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