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www.tvsubtitles.net
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We never should have
landed a man on the moon.
3
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:06,632
lt's a mistake.
4
00:00:06,806 --> 00:00:09,331
Now everything is compared
to that one accomplishment.
5
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,569
Everybody goes, ''l can't believe
they can land a man on the moon...
6
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,680
...and taste my coffee.''
7
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,646
We would've been happier if we
hadn't landed a man on the moon.
8
00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:20,980
We'd go, ''They can't make a
prescription bottle that'll open easily?
9
00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:26,285
l'm not surprised they couldn't land on
the moon. Things make perfect sense.''
10
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,761
Neil Armstrong should've said,
''That's one small step for man...
11
00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:34,161
...one giant leap for every whining,
complaining SOB on the Earth.''
12
00:00:40,473 --> 00:00:43,271
Hey, do you believe l got
''Happy New Year'd'' today?
13
00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:44,807
lt's February.
14
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:47,776
l once got
''Happy New Year'd'' in March.
15
00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:50,575
-lt's disgusting.
-lt's pathetic.
16
00:00:51,684 --> 00:00:53,549
-Hey, is it cold out?
-Really cold.
17
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,156
-Scary cold?
-What's your definition of scary cold?
18
00:00:58,024 --> 00:00:59,252
Hi.
19
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,395
That.
20
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:10,297
What is that?
21
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:12,470
-What?
-When did you get that?
22
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:16,075
This week. My father got
a deal from a friend of his.
23
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,176
lt's Gore-Tex.
24
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:19,969
You know about Gore-Tex?
25
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:22,540
You like saying Gore-Tex,
don't you?
26
00:01:22,715 --> 00:01:26,276
Look at you. You can't even
turn around in that thing.
27
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:27,817
Look at this.
28
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:31,751
Hey, George, can you feel this?
Can you--?
29
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,855
All right, all right! Knock it off.
30
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:37,925
Come on, let's go.
31
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:41,261
We should stop off on the way
and get a bottle of wine or something.
32
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,026
What for?
33
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:46,331
These people invited us for dinner.
We have to bring something.
34
00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:48,196
Why?
35
00:01:48,741 --> 00:01:51,175
Because it's rude otherwise.
36
00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:54,443
You mean just going there
because l'm invited...
37
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:56,206
-...that's rude?
-Yes.
38
00:01:56,382 --> 00:01:59,010
You're telling me, instead of them
being happy to see me...
39
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,779
...they'll be upset because
l didn't bring anything.
40
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,183
You see what l'm saying?
41
00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:05,688
The fabric of society
is very complex, George.
42
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:09,785
l don't even drink wine.
l drink Pepsi.
43
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,124
You can't bring Pepsi.
44
00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:14,194
Why not?
45
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:15,998
Because we're adults.
46
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:19,703
What, you're telling me that wine
is better than Pepsi?
47
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,637
No way wine is better than Pepsi.
48
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,037
George, l don't think
we wanna walk in there...
49
00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:28,647
...and put a big plastic jug of Pepsi
in the middle of the table.
50
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:31,750
l don't like the idea that any time
there's a dinner invitation...
51
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:33,977
...there's this annoying little chore.
52
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,816
You're getting to be
an annoying little chore yourself.
53
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,883
All right, let's go. Who's driving?
54
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:43,927
You are. l can't get that thing
in my car.
55
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:48,923
Where's the heat in this car?
Come on. Warm me up.
56
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:51,696
-lt's cold. Give us a little squeeze.
-Get off of me.
57
00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:55,034
Get off of-- Get off of me.
58
00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:57,806
You're comfortable up there,
bubble boy.
59
00:02:57,977 --> 00:03:01,242
Oh, yeah.
You wish you had this coat.
60
00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:03,780
l was just thinking,
the four of us can't show up...
61
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:06,680
-...with just one bottle of wine.
-Oh, here we go.
62
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,787
-What?
-Why don't we get them a couch.
63
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:11,753
We'll rent a U-Haul.
We'll bring them a nice sectional.
64
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:15,258
We should bring some cake.
Will you stop off at the bakery?
65
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:18,591
Why don't you just get some
Ring Dings from the liquor store.
66
00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,062
Ring Dings?
67
00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,699
Ring Dings are better
than anything at a bakery.
68
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:24,268
l like Ring Dings.
69
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:26,701
George, you can't show up
at someone's house...
70
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,171
...with Ring Dings and Pepsi.
71
00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:32,072
Hey, your lights are on!
72
00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:35,975
lt's a funeral procession.
73
00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:40,244
l got news for you.
l show up with Ring Dings and Pepsi...
74
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:41,819
...l'm the hit of the party.
75
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:44,115
People would be coming up,
''Between you and me...
76
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,986
...l'm really excited about
the Ring Dings and the Pepsi.''
77
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,687
What are we, Europeans, with
the Beaujolais and the chardonnay?
78
00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:53,588
Oh, Kramer, that's the bakery.
Stop here. Stop here.
79
00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:55,233
-All right.
-Okay, let me out.
80
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:57,232
-You, whatever your name is.
-Jerry.
81
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,870
Yeah, Jerry. Come with me.
82
00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:01,438
We'll get the wine,
pick you up here in 1 0 minutes?
83
00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:02,836
-Yeah.
-All right.
84
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:08,674
l love the smell of bakeries.
85
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,009
Look, Elaine,
the black-and-white cookie.
86
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,981
l love the black-and-white.
87
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:17,085
Two races of flavor living
side by side in harmony.
88
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,452
lt's a wonderful thing, isn't it?
89
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,685
You know, l often wonder what you'll
be like when you're senile.
90
00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:27,521
-l'm looking forward to it.
-Yeah. lt'll be a very smooth transition.
91
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:29,031
Thank you.
92
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:30,834
All right.
What are we getting?
93
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:33,362
Chocolate babka.
That's their specialty.
94
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,400
-Love that babka.
-Yeah, yeah.
95
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,874
But listen. Elaine,
when we get up to the door...
96
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,774
...you hold the cake box.
97
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,578
-Why?
-l don't know.
98
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:46,207
Just standing there with a box,
holding it by the little string....
99
00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:50,747
-You think it's effeminate?
-lt's a tad dainty.
100
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,352
Oh, we forgot to pick a number.
101
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,324
See, that's not fair. We were here
ahead of all these people.
102
00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:00,155
You think l should go
and ask her for hers?
103
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,460
-No, forget it.
-No, no, no. lt's not fair.
104
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,832
Just because they have a ticket
doesn't mean they were here first.
105
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:08,269
We were ahead of them
and them and her.
106
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:11,308
Come on, let's just go
ask them. Come on.
107
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:14,072
Excuse me.
108
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,505
Well, l'm not finding a spot here.
109
00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:19,212
What do you wanna do?
110
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:20,613
-Just double-park.
-No.
111
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,652
-Why not?
-l'll get a ticket.
112
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,653
What if somebody wants
to get out of here?
113
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,554
People get spaces this good,
they never give them up.
114
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,957
That's a fallacy.
115
00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:31,460
All right, l tell you what.
116
00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:34,096
Go into the store,
and l'll wait in the car.
117
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,861
Why don't you go into the store,
and l'll wait in the car?
118
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:39,000
Because l've got the coat.
119
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:43,939
-l can sit in the car and not get cold.
-l'll leave the car heater running.
120
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:47,409
-Does the heater work in this car?
-No.
121
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:52,182
There's a spot right in front
of the liquor store. You see? You see?
122
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,623
-But we were here ahead of you.
-How do l know that?
123
00:05:58,791 --> 00:06:00,281
Well, we saw you come in.
124
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:03,293
-Well, that's easy for you to say.
-Oh, yeah, right.
125
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:04,760
That's something l do.
126
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:08,128
l make up stories to get ahead
in lines at bakeries.
127
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,496
Forty-six.
128
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,567
Wait. Wait a second.
129
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,368
Are you Barbara Benedict?
130
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,570
Yes.
131
00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:20,636
Oh, my God.
132
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:22,815
l don't-- l know you.
133
00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:24,779
l'm-- l'm Elaine Benes.
134
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:28,216
Do you remember? We met
at Linda van Grak's baby shower.
135
00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:30,217
l'm on my way over there right now.
136
00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:32,549
Yeah, me too.
137
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:36,456
-You're Jerry, right?
-David.
138
00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:42,064
Well, this is a little awkward, isn't it?
139
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:44,059
Yes, it is.
140
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,136
You know, we were here
ahead of you.
141
00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:52,909
-You're not getting my number.
-So you still don't believe us.
142
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,479
-Forty-seven.
-That's us.
143
00:06:55,648 --> 00:06:58,139
Oh, okay, fine. Fine.
Go ahead. But listen.
144
00:06:58,317 --> 00:07:00,114
As soon as l get there...
145
00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:03,414
...l'm gonna tell everyone
what a jerk you are.
146
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:07,889
l'll be there ahead of you and l'll
be telling them what a jerk you are.
147
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:11,019
l'll have the chocolate babka.
148
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,964
You're lucky, Mrs. Benedict.
lt's our last one.
149
00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:23,135
All right, what are we getting?
lt's hot in here.
150
00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:26,968
What do you say
we get a Mouton Cadet?
151
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:29,171
-What's that?
-lt's a Bordeaux.
152
00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:32,545
Robust, bold, very dry...
153
00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:36,484
...as opposed to a Beaujolais,
which is richer and fruitier.
154
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:42,287
-All right, here's one. Twelve dollars.
-Twelve dollars?
155
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:46,328
We should've gone to the bakery.
They're not getting no 1 2-dollar cake.
156
00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:48,797
l'll pay you back later.
l don't have my wallet.
157
00:07:57,176 --> 00:08:00,111
-Why not?
-l don't like to carry my wallet.
158
00:08:00,279 --> 00:08:03,646
My osteopath says
that it's bad for my spine.
159
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,841
Throws my hips off-kilter.
160
00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:10,481
Throws your hips off-kilter.
161
00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:14,083
-So where's your money?
-l never take it.
162
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:16,922
-So, what do you do?
-Oh, l get by.
163
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:21,094
See you later.
164
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:23,428
-See you later.
-See you later.
165
00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:25,831
That's the last babka.
They got the last babka.
166
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,530
l know. They're going in first
with the last babka.
167
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,538
-That was our babka.
-You can't beat babka.
168
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:32,575
We had that babka.
169
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:34,212
They're gonna be heroes.
170
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:37,577
So, what now? lf we can't get the
babka, the whole thing's useless.
171
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:40,785
-Well, how about a carrot cake?
-Carrot cake?
172
00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:44,912
Why is that a cake? You don't
make carrots into a cake, l'm sorry.
173
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,287
-Black Forest?
-Black Forest? Too scary.
174
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,122
You're in the forest.
175
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:54,429
-Hey, how about a napoleon?
-Napoleon?
176
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,865
Who's he to have a cake?
He was a ruthless warmonger.
177
00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,368
Might as well get a Mengele.
178
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:04,468
That was our babka.
We had that babka.
179
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:07,374
-What's this one?
-That? Cinnamon babka.
180
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:10,942
Another babka?
181
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,947
There's chocolate,
and there's cinnamon.
182
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:16,588
Well, we gotta get the cinnamon.
183
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:20,624
Yeah, but they got the chocolate.
We'll be going in with lesser babka.
184
00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:22,260
l beg your pardon.
185
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:25,420
Cinnamon takes a back seat
to no babka.
186
00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:29,627
People love it. lt should be on tables in
restaurants with salt and pepper.
187
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:32,032
Someone says,
''This is so good. What's in this?''
188
00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:36,368
The answer comes back, ''Cinnamon,
cinnamon,'' again and again.
189
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,875
Lesser babka? l think not.
190
00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:42,847
Forty-nine.
191
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,074
l'll have a cinnamon babka.
192
00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:48,319
And a black-and-white cookie
for me.
193
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:50,212
Peace.
194
00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:54,857
That'll be 1 3.05.
195
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:57,090
All right, here you go.
196
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,925
A hundred. l can't change that.
197
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:04,158
-You can't? All right, let's go.
-Wait a second.
198
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:05,598
l can get change.
199
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:11,900
Hey, anybody got change
for a hundred?
200
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:13,739
Are you crazy? What are you doing?
201
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:15,540
-You're gonna get us killed.
-What?
202
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:18,809
Don't go shouting we got a $ 1 00 bill.
People will be all over us.
203
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:20,976
Let's buy something
and we'll get change.
204
00:10:21,153 --> 00:10:23,553
l am not buying something
just to get change.
205
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:26,886
George, there's a newsstand right
over there. Now, come on.
206
00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:35,727
-What are we doing?
-Just get some gum or something.
207
00:10:38,871 --> 00:10:40,736
Pack of gum. Here you go.
208
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,806
What, it's a hundred?
l can't change a hundred.
209
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:46,872
-Why not?
-You gotta buy more than that.
210
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,442
Here. Get a newspaper.
211
00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:51,583
-Newspaper.
-Not enough.
212
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,982
Clark Bar.
213
00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:00,585
-Clark Bar.
-Keep going.
214
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,794
-l'm up to $2 here.
-Here.
215
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:07,160
-George, get a Penthouse Forum.
-l'm not getting a Penthouse Forum.
216
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,665
No, that'll make great
dinner-party conversation.
217
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,061
We'll read the letters
at the dinner table.
218
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,706
-Oh, that's nice.
-You ever read one of these?
219
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:16,774
lt's not real. They're all made up.
220
00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,671
Oh, it's real.
221
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:22,171
You know, then there's an unusual
number of people having sex...
222
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,680
...with amputees.
223
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:32,853
Penthouse Forum.
224
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:36,017
Newspaper, gum, Clark Bar.
225
00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:41,360
Six seventy-five.
226
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:45,095
Oh, great. All right, with the wine,
l'm in over $20 now.
227
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:50,364
-Big coat. Big coat!
-Yes.
228
00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:53,067
l'm sorry. lt's a new coat.
229
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,307
lt's Gore-Tex.
230
00:11:57,750 --> 00:12:00,378
We better be careful with that thing.
231
00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:02,610
You'll start a war.
232
00:12:04,323 --> 00:12:06,689
See, the key to eating
a black-and-white cookie...
233
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:09,623
...is you wanna get some black
and some white in each bite.
234
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,787
Nothing mixes better
than vanilla and chocolate.
235
00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:16,894
And yet still somehow,
racial harmony eludes us.
236
00:12:17,636 --> 00:12:19,900
lf people would only
look to the cookie...
237
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,733
...all our problems would be solved.
238
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:25,740
Well, your views on race relations
are just fascinating.
239
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:29,369
You really should do
an op-ed piece for The Times.
240
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,516
Look to the cookie, Elaine.
241
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,151
Look to the cookie.
242
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:37,314
What is this?
243
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:38,957
What?
244
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,422
lt's a hair.
245
00:12:42,027 --> 00:12:43,324
Take it back.
Get another one.
246
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,795
-No, we're late. l'll take it off.
-Get another one. lt'll take a second.
247
00:12:46,966 --> 00:12:48,593
All right, all right.
248
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,134
-Excuse me.
-Hey, hey.
249
00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:54,500
-l'm on line here.
-No, no, we just bought this.
250
00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:57,198
You sold us a cake with a hair on it.
251
00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:58,775
You have to take a number.
252
00:12:59,311 --> 00:13:01,973
We waited 1 5 minutes for this.
253
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:05,512
You sell me a cake with
a hair on it...
254
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,777
...and then you want me to wait?
255
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:09,852
What are you doing?
You're gonna wait now?
256
00:13:10,022 --> 00:13:12,115
l'm not gonna eat a cake
with a hair on it.
257
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,918
lt was a little hair. l took it off.
258
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:16,288
A little hair?
Do you think that makes it better?
259
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:19,124
-What if it's your hair?
-What if it's your hair?
260
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:22,859
What is wrong with my hair? Nobody
takes better care of their hair than me.
261
00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:24,900
You can serve dinner on my head.
262
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:28,972
You use that misty herbal rainwater
crap they sell in the health food store.
263
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,939
l use Prell, the hard stuff.
264
00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:34,906
Hundred proof, takes your roots out.
265
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:38,712
Okay, fine. We'll just wait
till she calls the number.
266
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,079
Maybe we should forget
about the cake.
267
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:43,380
No. l'm bringing cake.
268
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:50,458
All right, we got the wine.
Aren't we lucky? We got wine.
269
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:54,624
lmagine if we didn't bring the wine.
We'd be shunned by society.
270
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,928
Outcasts.
''Where's your wine? Get out!''
271
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:02,701
''l know this is gonna sound
like a crazy fantasy...
272
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:06,174
...but every word
of this story is true.
273
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,813
A few weeks ago, my girlfriend
mentioned to me...
274
00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:11,677
...how attractive she thought
our new neighbor, Linda, was.''
275
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,512
Look-- Look at this.
276
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:16,945
Somebody double-parked
and blocked us in.
277
00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:20,083
Does anybody know
whose car that is?
278
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:23,986
Maybe there's a note on it.
Oh, brother.
279
00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:25,755
No. No note.
280
00:14:25,931 --> 00:14:28,491
-Can you believe this?
-''Of course, l noticed her too...
281
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,999
...with those ample breasts
and pouty lips.
282
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:34,195
l don't have to tell you
she was a knockout.''
283
00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:40,309
l really cannot comprehend how stupid
people can be sometimes.
284
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:43,346
-Can you comprehend it?
-No, l can't comprehend it.
285
00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:46,814
We can put a man on the moon,
but we're still basically very stupid.
286
00:14:47,119 --> 00:14:50,111
The guy whose car this is could be
the guy that built the rocket.
287
00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:52,723
-You see what l'm saying?
-He could build the rocket.
288
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,725
He's still stupid for double-parking
and blocking somebody in.
289
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:59,092
So you understand my point about
building rockets and double-parking?
290
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:03,031
On one hand, he's smart with rockets.
On the other, he's dumb with parking.
291
00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:04,726
lt's cold out here, huh?
292
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,839
Maybe it's not stupidity.
Maybe it's just a blatant disregard...
293
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:09,634
...for basic human decency.
294
00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:11,708
This is how dictators start.
295
00:15:11,877 --> 00:15:14,607
Think Mussolini would circle
the block six times for a spot?
296
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,179
How about ldi Amin, huh?
297
00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:19,806
lf l was running for office, l'd ask for
the death penalty for double-parkers.
298
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:22,283
lf this is allowed to go on,
this is not a society.
299
00:15:22,454 --> 00:15:23,853
This is anarchy!
300
00:15:24,023 --> 00:15:26,321
-Are those shoes comfortable?
-No, not really.
301
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:30,087
-They look comfortable.
-That's why l got them, but they're not.
302
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,799
Why couldn't we take
the hair off and go?
303
00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,458
-No. That's out of the question.
-Why?
304
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:41,766
Because l had a bad experience
with a hair when l was younger.
305
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:45,875
-What happened?
-l'd rather not talk about it.
306
00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:49,109
-You can't tell me?
-All right.
307
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:54,648
l once found a hair in my farina,
and l freaked out.
308
00:15:55,387 --> 00:15:58,015
You found a hair in your farina?
309
00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,418
Yeah.
310
00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:00,819
-What happened?
-l screamed:
311
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:03,655
''There's a hair in my farina.
There's a hair in my farina.''
312
00:16:03,829 --> 00:16:06,093
l ran out of the house.
l was running and running.
313
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,130
l was little, but l could run really fast.
314
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,234
And l-- l just kept running and...
315
00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:14,168
...they found me three hours later
collapsed at a construction site.
316
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,176
-Whose hair was it?
-My mother's.
317
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,236
-Fifty-eight.
-That's us.
318
00:16:21,413 --> 00:16:22,641
Oh, good.
319
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:29,480
You sold us a hair
with a cake around it.
320
00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:32,254
We'd like another one.
321
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:38,521
Oh, that's lovely.
That's what you wanna see, yeah.
322
00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:42,624
Yeah, you wanna trade your hair
for some phlegm.
323
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:46,838
You win the pennant with that trade.
Hair for phlegm.
324
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,268
Here you are.
325
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,466
Okay. All right,
we got the cake now.
326
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,702
Where is George and Kramer?
327
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:58,240
Hey, double-parker!
328
00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:00,483
Show yourself!
329
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:03,382
Come on out, l'm freezing.
330
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:05,721
We are really late now.
331
00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:08,359
-We're in big trouble. Big trouble.
-Why?
332
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:10,119
You know, Elaine.
333
00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,263
What about her?
334
00:17:12,931 --> 00:17:14,990
l'm a little scared of her.
335
00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:17,592
-You're scared of Elaine?
-Yes.
336
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:18,998
Why?
337
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:20,900
Did you ever see her
lose her temper?
338
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:23,064
l was once late because
l bought a Panama hat.
339
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:26,439
She pulled it down so hard
my head came right through the top.
340
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:28,842
Let's go inside the liquor store.
l'm freezing.
341
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:33,280
-Why don't you wear a heavier coat?
-l wanted to look good for the party.
342
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:37,551
Hey, hey, hey. That's great.
That's very nice.
343
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,623
We been waiting 20 minutes
for you people.
344
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:44,820
-You think you're Mussolini?
-Back off, puffball, it's not my car!
345
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:49,266
l wasn't talking to you.
346
00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:51,096
l'm going in.
347
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:56,240
Wait till l get my hands
on that George.
348
00:17:56,408 --> 00:18:01,209
l am gonna pull that big hood
over his little head...
349
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,475
...tie the strings...
350
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:05,913
...and suffocate him.
351
00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:09,049
You remember that Panama hat?
352
00:18:09,521 --> 00:18:11,546
That was nothing.
353
00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:13,415
What?
354
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:17,325
-What's the matter with you?
-l don't know. l don't feel so good.
355
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:18,893
What's wrong?
356
00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:20,929
My stomach.
357
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,728
l think it was that cookie.
358
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:26,528
-The black-and-white?
-Yeah.
359
00:18:26,905 --> 00:18:28,770
Not getting along?
360
00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:34,641
l think l got David Duke
and Farrakhan down there.
361
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,844
lf we can't look to the cookie,
where can we look?
362
00:18:38,016 --> 00:18:40,075
My stomach.
l feel like l'm gonna throw up.
363
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:42,847
-Wait. What about your vomit streak?
-l know.
364
00:18:43,021 --> 00:18:46,388
l haven't thrown up
since June 29, 1 980.
365
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:55,328
-Sorry.
-Sorry?
366
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:57,366
You almost took my toe off.
367
00:18:57,536 --> 00:19:00,061
Why don't you watch
what you're doing, you lunatic.
368
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,902
Jerry, l think he broke my toe.
369
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,739
Where--? Where you going?
370
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:11,071
Fourteen years down the drain.
371
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:13,644
You think chickens have
individual personalities?
372
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,252
l don't know.
373
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:17,285
Could you tell five chickens apart...
374
00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:21,051
...just by the way they acted?
Or would they all be walking around:
375
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:25,791
lf they have individual personalities,
l'm not sure we should be eating them.
376
00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:28,499
What's the matter with you?
377
00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:30,928
Can l help you guys with anything?
378
00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,234
No, no. We bought
the wine here before.
379
00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:35,600
We're blocked in by some car
double-parked.
380
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:37,366
Just waiting for the
guy to pull out.
381
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,372
Well, wait outside.
This isn't a hang out.
382
00:19:40,979 --> 00:19:44,210
-But my friend here has hypothermia.
-Hypothermia.
383
00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:45,907
All right, guys.
384
00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:48,018
Take it outside.
385
00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:57,451
You're paying for these.
386
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:07,729
-How was it?
-Good as it gets.
387
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,235
You know, that coat was Gore-Tex.
388
00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:13,139
lt's worth a hell of a lot more
than that cheap chardonnay.
389
00:20:13,312 --> 00:20:16,543
You know l'm freezing?
l'm definitely freezing.
390
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,114
l can't stop shaking.
391
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:20,615
l'm cold too. At least you got a coat.
392
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:22,651
Let's get in the car.
393
00:20:27,593 --> 00:20:30,255
Oh, my God.
That's Saddam Hussein, the dictator.
394
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,590
l told you. l told you.
395
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,332
l wouldn't walk around
without a coat.
396
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,832
You'll catch your death of cold.
So long.
397
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:41,329
Can l get you anything else?
398
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:45,265
-Oh, no, thanks.
-How about a nice box of scram?
399
00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:52,974
Somebody double-parked.
We couldn't help it.
400
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,176
Might've been Saddam Hussein.
We're not sure.
401
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,512
He had a British accent, though.
402
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:00,351
What--? What happened to you?
403
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:04,287
Somebody put a cane on my foot...
404
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,262
...just like the one
l'm gonna put up your--
405
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:09,297
Hey, what happened to your coat?
406
00:21:09,468 --> 00:21:12,437
And what is that smell?
What, are you drunk?
407
00:21:12,704 --> 00:21:15,764
-l had to give it to the liquor store guy.
-What for?
408
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,171
l spilled some chardonnay.
409
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,771
So, what did you get?
410
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:24,011
-Cinnamon babka.
-Cinnamon?
411
00:21:24,182 --> 00:21:26,412
-Why didn't you get chocolate?
-George.
412
00:21:26,585 --> 00:21:28,348
What? What? What?
413
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:40,461
Here. Here's your cake.
414
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:41,894
And your wine.
415
00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:44,160
-See you.
-See you.
416
00:21:55,347 --> 00:21:56,837
l heard a weatherman say...
417
00:21:57,015 --> 00:22:00,041
...that 75 percent of your body heat...
418
00:22:00,218 --> 00:22:02,686
...is actually lost
through the top of the head.
419
00:22:02,854 --> 00:22:06,290
Which sounds like you could go
skiing naked if you got a good hat.
420
00:22:09,027 --> 00:22:12,690
But no hat makes a statement
quite like the hat with the flaps.
421
00:22:12,864 --> 00:22:15,128
The hat with the flaps...
422
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:19,259
...makes a statement
that no other hat makes.
423
00:22:19,438 --> 00:22:21,838
This hat says to the world:
424
00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:24,237
''l would rather have
the heat in my skull...
425
00:22:24,409 --> 00:22:27,708
...than anything society
could possibly offer me.''
426
00:22:28,413 --> 00:22:30,904
ln fact, if you're on trial
for a serious crime...
427
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:33,551
...and your lawyer recommends
the insanity defense...
428
00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:35,880
...this is the hat to wear.
429
00:22:36,054 --> 00:22:38,522
Your lawyer should really insist.
He should just go:
430
00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:42,592
''Your Honor, the defense rests.''
33853
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