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1
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www.tvsubtitles.net
2
00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:04,262
You can tell the best year
of your father's life.
3
00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:09,006
Because they freeze that clothing style
and just ride it out to the end.
4
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,166
lt's not like they don't
continue shopping.
5
00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:14,006
lt's just they somehow manage
to find new old clothes.
6
00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:17,043
Every father is like
this fashion time capsule.
7
00:00:17,217 --> 00:00:19,276
lt's like they should be
on a pedestal...
8
00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:22,853
...with someone next to them going,
''This was 1 965.''
9
00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:25,414
To me, the worst thing
is shopping for pants.
10
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,184
l hate undressing
in the little room.
11
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,056
What men need is a place
to shop where you go in...
12
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:33,825
...check your pants at the door
and walk around in your underwear.
13
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,969
That would be best. Then you'd
really have to lie to the salesman.
14
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,503
''Need some help?''
''No, just getting some air.''
15
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:48,212
How would you describe
the smell in this house?
16
00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,612
Dandruff?
17
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:53,984
Yeah, that's part of it. Kasha?
18
00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:58,848
-There's some kasha.
-Yeah. Dandruff, kasha, mothballs...
19
00:00:59,025 --> 00:01:00,959
...cheap carpeting.
lt's potpourri, really.
20
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:04,358
-All right, let's go. Come on.
-You're going?
21
00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:08,058
Yeah. We shouldn't have bowled
that last game. l'm gonna be late.
22
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:09,902
These aren't candies, are they?
23
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:14,097
Did you use those?
These are guest soaps.
24
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,003
Well, l'm a guest.
25
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:18,640
Now my parents are gonna know
l had people over.
26
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,006
You're not allowed?
27
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:23,081
l can't have any parties
while they're out of town.
28
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,046
This is a party?
29
00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:28,676
Not anymore. Come on, get your ball.
We're leaving. Let's go.
30
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:33,223
-Who put this cup on the new table?
-l was having coffee.
31
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:36,089
-l put it on the coffee table.
-But you didn't use a coaster!
32
00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,025
You left a stain!
33
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,563
Whoa, boy, there's always one
at every party, huh?
34
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:43,827
Come on.
35
00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:46,437
-What's the big rush?
-l'm having people over.
36
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,801
-Who?
-The girls, for poker night.
37
00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:51,466
You know, Joanne, Renee, Winona--
38
00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:53,111
Winona's gonna be there?
39
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:55,708
Yeah. And she broke up
with the vitamin guy.
40
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:58,646
-Really?
-l'll put in a good word for you.
41
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:00,877
Thanks. Because
l would really like--
42
00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:04,181
-All right! l'm sorry, l'm sorry.
-This not coming out.
43
00:02:04,357 --> 00:02:07,884
-Just put a coffee-table book over it.
-My parents don't read.
44
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,188
They'll wonder what a book
is doing on the table.
45
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:13,730
Hey. You know what would make
a great coffee-table book?
46
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:16,994
A coffee-table book
about coffee tables.
47
00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:19,270
Get it?
48
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,498
-Got it. Come on, let's go.
-Wait. Not so fast.
49
00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:25,075
Jerry, you gotta take me
to get this thing refinished.
50
00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:27,236
-Now?
-Yes, now. lt'll take a few days...
51
00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:30,075
...and my parents will be back.
l gotta have it before then.
52
00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:32,613
Jerry, you promised
you'd get me home by 7.
53
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:35,219
-We'll take the subway.
-That'll get you home in time.
54
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:37,856
-The subway? From Queens?
-Jerry, l'm gonna get my coat.
55
00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:40,049
l'm sorry, Elaine,
l'll make it up to you.
56
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:42,592
l need something to read
on the subway.
57
00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:45,492
-Here, read this.
-TV Guide?
58
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:52,970
Like a history of coffee tables.
Celebrities and their coffee tables.
59
00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:57,007
lt's a natural. This is a story
that must be told.
60
00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,704
So you're gonna talk to your boss
about it, huh?
61
00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:02,347
-First thing in the morning.
-Yes indeed.
62
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:05,848
-Next stop, Queensborough Plaza.
-Queensborough Plaza.
63
00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:09,483
This stop is famous for its gyros.
You want one?
64
00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:12,518
How will you get something
and get back on the train in time?
65
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:15,058
Well, they got a stand right out
on the platform.
66
00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:17,219
The gyros are cooked, wrapped
and ready to go.
67
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:19,456
Three dollars, no change.
68
00:03:19,632 --> 00:03:21,259
-You want one?
-No, thanks.
69
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:23,664
All right. But no bites.
70
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,939
Highlighter?
71
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:34,204
-Excuse me?
-To highlight the programs...
72
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:36,348
...you plan to watch.
73
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:41,284
-Look, really, l'm just trying to read.
-Fine, okay.
74
00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:44,150
lt's just l've never seen...
75
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:47,384
...a beautiful lady
reading the Guide...
76
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,955
...so far away from a TV.
77
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:54,399
You must really like television.
78
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:57,828
Elaine!
79
00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:06,778
Guess your boyfriend
will have to catch the next train.
80
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:10,777
-He's not my boyfriend.
-He's not?
81
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,417
lnteresting.
82
00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:18,857
Maybe l should get
Elaine something.
83
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:21,026
-Why?
-Well, l didn't drive her home.
84
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,185
Plus, l give her a gift
in front of Winona...
85
00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:25,957
-...how does that hurt me?
-Can't hurt you.
86
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:28,391
What about this thing?
87
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,570
The lndian?
88
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:33,797
Yeah, you know,
kind of a peace offering.
89
00:04:33,973 --> 00:04:35,702
lt's cute.
90
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:39,675
Well, l can have the table ready
for you on Monday.
91
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:42,007
All right, but no later.
My parents are coming back.
92
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,477
They left you home alone, huh?
93
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:54,255
Okay, see,
on this particular Tuesday...
94
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:59,358
...you could have watched
six hours of Lucy.
95
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:03,398
There's I Love Lucy...
96
00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:06,299
... The Lucy Show...
97
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:08,406
...Here's Lucy.
98
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:14,312
lt's my stop.
99
00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:17,679
Bye-bye.
100
00:05:18,551 --> 00:05:20,610
Hey, miss, you forgot this.
101
00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:33,194
They don't make these anymore.
The work is all done by hand.
102
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:35,926
lt takes years and years. Sylvia.
103
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:38,332
For crying out loud,
you're 45 minutes late.
104
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,199
Yeah, yeah.
105
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,671
ls that your car out there?
106
00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:46,301
-No, it's his.
-Oh, nice.
107
00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,674
You guys are obviously
from Manhattan.
108
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,884
Well, he is. l live around the corner.
109
00:05:53,052 --> 00:05:54,417
Really?
110
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:57,748
l didn't think any cool guys
lived in this neighborhood.
111
00:05:59,592 --> 00:06:01,457
Well, they do now.
112
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,422
The neighborhood's changing.
113
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,896
-All right, l'll take it.
-Smart choice.
114
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:11,731
You bought the lndian?
Oh, you guys have great taste.
115
00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:13,872
Well, we're collectors.
116
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,905
We see objects of great beauty...
117
00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:20,740
...and we must have them.
118
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:30,321
Bluffed you out, jack. Pair of deuces.
119
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,894
-Who is it?
-lt's Jerry.
120
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:41,965
-Jerry.
-Surprise!
121
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:44,893
What is this?
122
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:48,302
Well, l felt bad about this afternoon,
so l got you something.
123
00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:51,238
Oh, you did?
Do you guys all know Jerry?
124
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:53,604
-Hi, Jerry.
-Hi. Hi, Winona.
125
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:57,005
Nice to see you again.
126
00:06:57,316 --> 00:06:59,409
-Elaine, is it your birthday?
-No.
127
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:01,519
l don't need a reason to give gifts.
128
00:07:01,687 --> 00:07:04,713
lt's my nature.
l love to make people happy.
129
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:07,325
Oh, that is so sweet.
130
00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:08,960
-Are you ready?
-Yeah.
131
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:15,767
lt's a cigar-store lndian.
132
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:21,133
Read the card.
133
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,438
That's very nice.
Thank you very much.
134
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:30,378
-Read it out loud.
-l don't think so.
135
00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:34,108
We had a little fight this afternoon.
136
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:38,223
''Let's bury the hatchet.
We smokem peace pipe.''
137
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,450
You know, it's late.
l really should go.
138
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:43,254
l don't blame you, Winona. l--
139
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:54,605
Are you out of your mind?
140
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:56,273
lt's kitschy.
141
00:07:56,542 --> 00:08:00,069
Winona is a Native American.
142
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,472
She is?
143
00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:08,085
You've got very unusual taste.
144
00:08:09,755 --> 00:08:11,655
l hope prune juice is all right.
145
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:19,155
-lt's the only thing that was chilled.
-Oh, that's fine.
146
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,495
l'm sorry about that lock
on the liquor cabinet.
147
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:26,160
The combination must have
just flown out of my head.
148
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,000
lt's a mental block.
149
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:31,268
ls this your son
in the bubble bath?
150
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,903
No, that's me.
151
00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:37,449
You don't see too many guys
your age...
152
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:40,552
...who keep baby pictures
of themselves around.
153
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,210
l like it.
154
00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:45,482
lt's consistent with the rest
of the house.
155
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,591
Yes, it is consistent.
156
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:51,160
l've tried to maintain a consistent feel
throughout the house.
157
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:55,130
-What is this we're listening to?
-The Ray Conniff Singers.
158
00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:02,506
What's that smell? Kasha?
159
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,945
lt's a potpourri. May l...?
160
00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:11,041
May l show you
the master bedroom?
161
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:17,048
-Who is it?
-Winona, it's Jerry Seinfeld.
162
00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:19,690
Yeah?
163
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,421
Listen, I really felt badabout what happened.
164
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:24,961
l'd really like to apologize.
Could l come up?
165
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,990
l'll come down.
166
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:32,036
-l came by to get my ball.
-lt's right over there.
167
00:09:32,204 --> 00:09:33,535
Yeah, thanks.
168
00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:35,469
Yeah, it's got the magic grip.
169
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:38,075
How do you think
l bowled that 220 today, huh?
170
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:39,843
Yo.
171
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:43,548
-Where did this come from?
-Do you want it?
172
00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:45,544
-l can have this?
-Yeah.
173
00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:49,484
-You wanna lug it uptown, it's yours.
-Oh, l'll lug.
174
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:53,254
lt's just that it's
a very sensitive issue for me.
175
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:56,623
And well it should be. l think
if you spent any time with me at all...
176
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:59,594
...you'd see l'm very sensitive
to these matters as well.
177
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,926
You wouldn't be hungry
by any chance, would you?
178
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:03,261
l could go for a bite.
179
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,303
Do you like Chinese food?
l went to a Szechwan restaurant...
180
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:09,032
...in this neighborhood.
l don't remember the address.
181
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:11,768
Excuse me, you must know
where the Chinese restaurant is.
182
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,844
Why must l know?
Because l'm Chinese?
183
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:16,607
You think l know where
all the Chinese restaurants are?
184
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,945
Oh, ask honorable Chinaman
for location of restaurant.
185
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:23,213
l thought because you're the mailman
you would know the neighborhood.
186
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:28,452
Oh, hello, American Joe, which way
to hamburgerlhot-dog stand?
187
00:10:29,895 --> 00:10:31,886
-l didn't know--
-You know what, it's late.
188
00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:34,624
-l should probably just go home.
-l had no idea--
189
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,836
Hey, Jerry, look what l got.
190
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:48,906
He--
191
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,818
-Looks pretty good.
-Yeah, did a good job.
192
00:10:56,989 --> 00:11:00,186
-l don't think they'll be able to tell.
-You know, l don't get it.
193
00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:03,920
l'm not allowed to ask a Chinese
person where a Chinese restaurant is?
194
00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:06,690
l mean, aren't we all getting
a little too sensitive?
195
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:10,358
Somebody asks me which way
is lsrael, l don't fly off the handle.
196
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:18,940
-Anyway, what's the status with...?
-Well, she kind of calmed down.
197
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:20,601
l'm gonna see her tonight.
198
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,975
-Oh, great.
-Yeah. But l'm a little uncomfortable.
199
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,174
-l'm afraid to make another mistake.
-Come on.
200
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,613
Hello, hello.
201
00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:30,247
-Hey, you're home.
-Hello, Georgie.
202
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:35,259
-The house looks very nice.
-Yeah, huh?
203
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:36,952
-Where's the mail?
-Hello, Jerry.
204
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:38,892
-Hello.
-So how was the trip?
205
00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:40,532
Oh, your father.
206
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:46,069
ls there anything wrong with
getting a receipt at a tollbooth?
207
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,607
l'm going upstairs.
208
00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:52,902
This stack should be bigger.
Where's the TV Guide?
209
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:57,647
-What TV Guide?
-l'm missing TV Guide.
210
00:11:57,817 --> 00:12:00,479
Volume 41 , number 31 .
211
00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:04,618
Elaine took it to read
on the subway.
212
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:07,020
-Elaine took it?
-l didn't know she took it.
213
00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:08,455
Well, it's two weeks old.
214
00:12:08,627 --> 00:12:10,595
How could you let her take
the TV Guide?!
215
00:12:10,963 --> 00:12:12,828
He collects them.
216
00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:17,261
You collect TV Guide?
217
00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:18,698
The nerve of that woman.
218
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:21,738
Walking into my house,
stealing my collectibles.
219
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,966
Oh, my God!
220
00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:27,577
This was in our bed.
221
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,112
What is this?
222
00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:30,976
A prophylactic rubber?
223
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:40,081
What is this doing on my bed?
224
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,691
l don't know.
225
00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:51,464
l'll see you later.
226
00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:58,441
You were having sex on our bed?
227
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:02,212
Yes.
228
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:06,543
Who told you you could have sex
in our bed?
229
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:10,120
-Well, my bed is too small.
-Your bed is too small?
230
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:13,019
l'm gone two weeks,
and you turn our house...
231
00:13:13,192 --> 00:13:15,319
...into Bourbon Street?
232
00:13:15,661 --> 00:13:17,094
Where am l going to sleep?
233
00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:20,691
-What are you talking about?
-l can't sleep in there.
234
00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:22,959
-Of course you can.
-l can't.
235
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,966
l can't!
236
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:29,406
That's it.
237
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:31,304
You're grounded.
238
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:37,415
You can't ground me.
l'm a grown man.
239
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:40,079
You wanna live here...
240
00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:43,983
...you respect the rules of our house.
You're grounded!
241
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,755
So where are we gonna go eat?
242
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:50,725
l thought we'd eat
at the Gentle Harvest.
243
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:52,955
l love that place,
but it's usually so crowded.
244
00:13:53,132 --> 00:13:55,930
-Can we get a table?
-Oh, don't worry. l made reser--
245
00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,338
-You made what?
-l....
246
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:04,239
l arranged for the appropriate
accommodations.
247
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,477
And then...
248
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:12,207
...Knick tickets. Floor seats.
249
00:14:12,384 --> 00:14:16,047
-How did you get these?
-Got them on the street from a scal--
250
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,756
From who?
251
00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:23,992
One of those guys.
252
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:26,364
-What guys?
-You know, the guys...
253
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:29,126
...that they sell the tickets
to the sold-out events.
254
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:32,327
Wait a second. You've got
the Mark McEwen TV Guide.
255
00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:36,207
-That's Al Roker.
-They're both chubby weathermen.
256
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:39,538
l get Dom DeLuise
and Paul Prudhomme mixed up too.
257
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,441
-Could l have this?
-Sure, take it.
258
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:42,876
Thanks.
259
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:46,779
So Winona had the TV Guide.
Told you l'd make it up to you.
260
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:50,250
-Mr. Costanza was pretty mad, huh?
-Yeah.
261
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:52,913
You almost ruined his life's work.
262
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:57,520
-He collects these?
-Yeah.
263
00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:03,597
All right, well, l will personally
go out to Queens...
264
00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:07,034
...and deliver his Al Roker
TV Guide to him.
265
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:09,071
What did you do
with the one you took?
266
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:10,965
l don't know.
267
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,851
-Oh, hey.
-Hi.
268
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:22,988
Yeah. Elaine, what did--?
What did he say, huh?
269
00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,783
-What did who say?
-Your boss.
270
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:28,586
Didn't you tell him
about the coffee-table book?
271
00:15:31,463 --> 00:15:36,264
-Yeah, you didn't tell him, did you?
-Kramer, it is such a dumb idea.
272
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:38,528
-l'd be totally embarrassed--
-Wait a minute--
273
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:42,140
-l would be embarrassed to bring it up.
-l thought it was a pretty good idea.
274
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,435
lt's about coffee tables,
it's on a coffee table.
275
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:48,706
Yeah, right. And on the cover
is a built-in coaster.
276
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,176
-All right, l'm gonna go.
-Where are you going?
277
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:57,789
l'm gonna go to the cigar stores.
l'm gonna see if l can sell that lndian.
278
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,118
-My lndian?
-l think it's worth something.
279
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,919
lt's kitschy.
280
00:16:07,199 --> 00:16:12,535
How do you just walk into a house
and take a TV Guide?
281
00:16:14,239 --> 00:16:17,208
How does she expect you
to watch TV?
282
00:16:17,409 --> 00:16:19,843
Am l just supposed to turn it on...
283
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:23,571
...and wander aimlessly
around the dial?
284
00:16:25,384 --> 00:16:27,818
Hello. ls Elaine home?
285
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,420
Elaine Benes?
286
00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:31,555
Oh, she's my son's friend.
287
00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:33,987
And she's not welcome
in this house.
288
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:38,787
Because l made her
this very special gift, okay?
289
00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:42,695
lt's a bouquet of paper
from her TV Guide.
290
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:45,894
That's my TV Guide,
ripped to shreds!
291
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:48,266
-She gave that to you?
-Hey...
292
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,671
...is that The Twilight Zone
you're watching?
293
00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:56,280
-Yeah.
-Oh, this is a good one.
294
00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:01,712
Next stop, Queensborough Plaza.
295
00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:03,854
Gyro.
296
00:17:17,169 --> 00:17:19,729
l like your place.
lt's very unassuming.
297
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:22,169
Well, why would l assume?
l never assume.
298
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,332
lt leads to assumptions.
299
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:27,977
Oh, by the way, that TV Guide
l gave you, l need it back.
300
00:17:28,347 --> 00:17:30,042
-Why?
-l'm doing a report...
301
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,514
...on minorities in the media, and l
wanted to use the Al Roker interview.
302
00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:36,711
lt's too late. l gave it to Elaine
to give to George's father.
303
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,881
Jerry, l really need it back.
lt is mine.
304
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:43,859
You can't give something and then
take it back. l mean, what are you, a--?
305
00:17:45,597 --> 00:17:46,894
What?
306
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:51,595
-A person that....
-A person that what?
307
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:54,796
Well, a person that gives something
and then they're dissatisfied...
308
00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:58,067
...and they wish they had never
given it to the person...
309
00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:02,509
-...that they originally gave it to.
-You mean, like an lndian giver?
310
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,080
l'm sorry, l'm not familiar
with that term.
311
00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:25,501
l like the special fall preview issues
the best.
312
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:29,305
Those. l've been saving those
from the beginning.
313
00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:33,873
These are worth, like,
a lot of money.
314
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,441
-Oh, hello, Elaine.
-Hello.
315
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:40,449
Elaine. Hello.
316
00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:44,118
You look scrumptious.
317
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:47,515
Why'd you take my TV Guide?
318
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:51,322
l'm so sorry about that,
Mr. Costanza. But look, look.
319
00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:54,796
-l brought you another one.
-l made this for you.
320
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:57,958
Thank you.
321
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,002
What is this?
You got stains all over it.
322
00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:01,764
What the hell did you do?
323
00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:05,841
-Hey, you can't talk to her like that.
-l'll talk to her any way l want.
324
00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:07,672
Come on, Elaine. Let's go.
325
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:11,240
My coffee table!
326
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,785
l don't understand. How can you have
a cigar store without an lndian?
327
00:19:16,955 --> 00:19:18,547
lt's unseemly.
328
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:21,522
-l'll give you a box of coronas for it.
-Forget it.
329
00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:25,185
Excuse me, are you selling
this lndian?
330
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:28,527
-Oh, yeah. Yeah.
-l'm just redecorating my office...
331
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:31,396
...in a southwestern motif,
and this would be perfect.
332
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:34,539
-Give you $500 for it?
-Giddyup.
333
00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:37,607
Yeah? Could you help me
bring it up to my office?
334
00:19:37,776 --> 00:19:39,903
l'm right next door.
Pendant Publishing.
335
00:19:40,579 --> 00:19:44,379
Pendant Publishing.
Giddyup again.
336
00:19:47,219 --> 00:19:50,382
Mr. Lippman, l'm sorry.
l was in Queens--
337
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:53,556
-Kramer.
-Yeah. Hi, Elaine.
338
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,587
What are you doing
in here with that?
339
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:58,195
Well, it's a business transaction.
340
00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:01,025
Listen, petty cash
just had 1 0s and 20s.
341
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,031
-Go ahead. Count it.
-Yeah.
342
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,193
l'm sure it's all here.
343
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:07,998
l was just admiring
your coffee table out in the hall.
344
00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:09,640
You like that, huh?
345
00:20:09,808 --> 00:20:11,708
l had that custom-made
for me in Santa Fe.
346
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:14,971
-You mind if l use it in my book?
-What book?
347
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:18,207
Well, l'm doing a coffee-table book
on coffee tables.
348
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:21,249
About coffee tables?
349
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:23,320
That's fantastic.
350
00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:26,421
-Who's your publisher?
-l'm still shopping it around.
351
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,419
Yeah? You see?
352
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:32,257
This is the kind of idea
you should be coming in with.
353
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:35,764
What the hell do you do
around here all day anyway?
354
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:41,668
-Well, l read manuscripts--
-The lndian really completes the room.
355
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,569
Don't you think?
356
00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:50,643
l know this coffee table.
lt's George Costanza's.
357
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:52,579
lt's mine. l'm his mother.
358
00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:56,478
Oh, l haven't seen George for a while.
He must be working very hard.
359
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,486
George doesn't work.
360
00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:00,386
He's a bum.
361
00:21:01,059 --> 00:21:03,254
That's why he lives at home with us.
362
00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:05,086
He does?
363
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,867
l don't know why we think of this.
We just could call TV Guide.
364
00:21:10,035 --> 00:21:11,434
l don't know.
365
00:21:11,603 --> 00:21:14,037
Well, it's going to make
Mr. Costanza very happy.
366
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,740
l guess.
367
00:21:15,907 --> 00:21:18,501
-What's the matter?
-What do you think is the matter?
368
00:21:18,677 --> 00:21:22,636
l've been assigned to work
on Kramer's coffee-table book.
369
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:25,112
lt is a good idea, Elaine.
370
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,718
Next stop, Queensborough Plaza.
371
00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:30,150
-Do you want a gyro?
-l don't think so.
372
00:21:35,694 --> 00:21:37,286
Elaine!
373
00:21:39,197 --> 00:21:42,462
Well, l guess your boyfriend's
gonna have to catch the next train.
374
00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:45,895
-He's not my boyfriend.
-He's not?
375
00:21:46,071 --> 00:21:47,595
lnteresting.
376
00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:04,588
l was always excited as a kid when
that new TV Guide would come.
377
00:22:04,756 --> 00:22:06,587
When that front cover
is nice and flat...
378
00:22:06,758 --> 00:22:09,454
...it seems like there's
good, fresh TV shows.
379
00:22:09,628 --> 00:22:12,096
Then as the week goes by,
you start to hate the TV.
380
00:22:12,264 --> 00:22:14,824
All the shows stink.
Everything's getting all crumpled...
381
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,560
...and ripped from being sat on,
thrown across the room.
382
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:20,296
TV Guide's always thrown,
never handed to another person.
383
00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:23,201
lt's the world's most thrown
reading material.
384
00:22:23,375 --> 00:22:26,344
''Where's the TV Guide? ''
''There it is.''
385
00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:29,912
ln the back of the TV Guide,
they have a phone number.
386
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:32,676
Ninety-five cents a minute,
they'll give you the answers...
387
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:35,581
...to the TV Guide
crossword puzzle.
388
00:22:36,421 --> 00:22:39,322
My question is if you can't do
the TV Guide crossword puzzle...
389
00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:42,585
...where are you coming
across 95 cents?
30688
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