All language subtitles for the.big.bang.theory.s12e15.720p.bluray.x264-demand

Previously on The Big Bang Theory...

Uh, we sort of have another reason
for asking you here.

We want to have a baby,
but we can't do it on our own.

Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

This has been such a nice evening.

Let's all just stop before
anyone says any more things.

Leonard, would you be
the father of our baby?

Oh, you said a thing.

Thank you guys again
for agreeing to do this.

Yeah, it means so much to us.

Oh, we're happy we can help.

Yeah, and we don't find it weird at all.

It's a little weird for us, too.

I mean, instead of our baby
looking like Zack,

it's gonna look like Leonard.

Or Penny, if it's a girl.

You know, it's not gonna look...

Sure.

But I promise,
we're gonna be really good parents.

Oh, we know you will.

- So what is the next step?
- Yeah.

Well, Leonard,

- we're hoping you'd go in on Monday.
- Okay.

And they say for the best results,
between now and then,

you shouldn't have sex.

Sorry, bro, I know it seems impossible
to go for five days without,

but I believe in you.

Five days? My record is 24 years.

- I think that also means no flying solo.
- Oh.

Then my record is 14 years.

And, well, we're really hoping
for a son,

so just like keep that in mind
when you're in there.

Yeah just think,
"Little boys, little boys."

Still, just totally not weird.

Hello.

Hey, Sheldon. We're kind of
in the middle of something here.

Oh, I won't be a moment. I just need
to grab a book off a high shelf,

which I can do
because I am both tall and smart.

Sheldon, come home,
they don't wanna have your baby.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, dear, I think I got something
in my eye, my piercing blue eye.

- Sheldon!
- Fine.

I've also never had a cavity
and I don't have asthma.

Our whole universe
was in a hot dense state

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago
expansion started...

Wait!

The earth began to cool

The autotrophs began to drool

Neanderthals developed tools

We built a wall
We built the pyramids

Math, science, history
Unraveling the mystery

It all started with the Big Bang!

Bang!

So, this week
would've been my wedding

if Anu and I hadn't decided
to slow things down.

Oh. Yeah, I would've forgotten,

except for those nonrefundable
airline tickets to India I bought.

- Sorry.
- No, no, what's $3,000 between friends?

Yeah, I probably would've just thrown it
away on healthcare for my children.

If you still wanna go,

you can go to India and help my dad
eat all the nonrefundable sushi.

Indian sushi? I need a change
of underwear just thinking about that.

I really think
we made the right decision.

Agreed. Although, I did have
a pretty awesome bachelor party

planned for this weekend.

Really? What was it?

Well, I used my NASA connections to

get us four seats on that plane
that lets you experience weightlessness.

The Vomit Comet. That is so cool.

Like, I've always wanted
to experience weightlessness.

The closest I ever came was that time

I accidentally set my scale
to kilograms.

I know, it would've been fun,

but, hey, the next time you decide
to marry a woman you barely know.

We could still go, you know,
make it a guys' weekend.

Yeah. All right. Let's do it.

Great. It'll be like the good old days.

You mean, when we were all sad,
desperate and horribly alone?

I remember it more fondly.

Leonard, if you had food on your face,
would you want me to tell you?

Where? Did I get it?

Oh, no, not now, it was last week.

Look, I didn't know whether or not
to tell you, but everyone was staring.

For the record, it was right there.

And it was Nutella.

Thanks.

You looked like a hazelnut Hitler.

Hey, who wants to hear
some exciting news?

Oh, what's up?

This weekend, I got us four seats
on the Vomit Comet.

Oh! You lost me at "vomit,"
you lost me again at "comet."

And to be honest,
I was on fence at "us."

Yeah, I can't go either.

Penny's dad is visiting from Nebraska,
and I haven't seen him for a while.

Oh! That's nice you guys get along.

I forget, Howard,
does your father-in-law still hate you?

He doesn't hate me.

He's just disappointed that I'm not
any other man on the planet.

That's how I feel about
Ben Affleck as Batman.

Well, these two are out.
There goes our guys' weekend.

Okay, so let's make it
a couples' weekend.

I'll bring Anu. You bring Bernadette.

I'm not sure Bernie would like it.
Maybe I'll invite Stuart or Bert.

Oh! Go with Bert. He's huge.
It'd be fun to watch him float around.

Like that time the Underdog balloon
got away at the Macy's parade.

Hey, what are those?

Oh, vitamins. Zack wants me
to take them to increase my virility.

Zack used the word "virility"?

He may have said "wiener power."

Okay. Well, that's my dad.

Now, remember,
do not bring up any baby stuff, right?

Not me not wanting one,
not you having one with Zack.

- Got it.
- And if he brings it up,

change the subject
to literally anything else.

- I got it.
- But not the Cornhuskers.

Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.

Is that a sports team?

Never mind, you're good.

- Hey, slugger.
- Daddy. Hi.

Aw.

Hey, Wyatt.

Leonard.
Hey, that's a hell of a handshake.

Oh, well, you know,
I have been taking vitamins.

Dad, come on in, sit down.

Can I get you something to drink?
Maybe a beer?

- Sure, if you're having one.
- All right.

And why wouldn't you?
Since you're not pregnant.

Um...

Leonard wants to have a baby
with my ex-boyfriend, Zack.

How about those Cornhuskers?

Hey, would you mind if Raj and I
went away this weekend?

Well, it is important for you two
to keep the spark alive.

No, it's just
the bachelor party I had planned.

I thought we'd do it anyway.

Oh, so a guys' weekend?

Kind of. I mean, Sheldon and Leonard
couldn't make it,

so Raj invited Anu and I asked Stuart.

Wait, you invited Stuart before me?

Well, actually I invited Bert
before Stuart,

but I don't know
why I just told you that.

Why didn't you invite me?

Because...

I know you. You don't wanna
float weightless in an airplane.

What are you talking about?
I love doing crazy stuff like that.

Bernie, you got sick
from the teacup ride at Disneyland.

Lots of people do.

We were still in line.

So, you don't want me to go?

No, I want you to go,
if you're gonna have fun.

I don't want you to go if you're gonna

be miserable
and ruin it for everyone.

Which is a long way of saying
I want you to go.

- I think this is going pretty good, huh?
- What?

Maybe for you.
You threw me under the bus.

Oh, I'm sorry. I panicked.
He was judging me.

What? Now he's judging me.

I know, it worked.

You two might wanna talk louder
or quieter.

In high school, he could hear me
open a can of beer in my closet

under a blanket.

So, let me get this straight, Leonard.

She doesn't wanna have your baby,
but her dumbbell ex-boyfriend does.

Well, no, I wouldn't say it like that.

Now, how would you say it?

Uh, same words, just less angry.

Well, I don't know about Los Angeles,
but in Nebraska, that's kind of strange.

It's strange here, too.
And we have a bakery for dogs.

- And you're okay with this?
- I support my husband.

Thank you.

But, you know, if you think differently,
you should feel free to say so,

you know, just like...
Make a scene.

Okay. Look, they can't have
kids of their own,

and they like that I'm smart
and they want that for their child.

- No, I get it.
- You do?

Sure. Back on the farm,
we had a prize stallion,

we didn't let that just go to waste,
we put him out to stud.

No, no, this is...

- This is a little different than that...
- No, no. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Uh, you were comparing me
to a prize stud, go on.

You have fun with your new best buddy?

Hey, it's your fault your dad likes me.
You dated idiots your whole life.

Well, he was right about one thing,
I am married to a stud.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I felt so bad about selling you out.

I thought I would
maybe make it up to you.

No, no, no. Wait. Wait, I can't.

I mean, I want to, but I'm not
supposed to for the next three days.

Oh.

- That's right, I forgot.
- All right.

Well, I guess I'll just read a little
and then, I don't know, go to sleep.

Really? That's what you're sleeping in?

- Oh. You want me to take it off?
- No.

All right. Well, then pipe down
and let me read my comic book.

Penny, I know what you're doing.
Just, please stop.

Ooh! Listen to this.

"Bam. Pow. Take that, Batman."

Thanks again for doing this, guys.

- Of course.
- I'm so excited.

I'm glad you came.

Howard made it sound
like this wasn't your kind of thing.

He did say that, but here I am,
so what does he know.

I'm sorry. I just

didn't think you'd enjoy plummeting
to the Earth at 400 miles an hour.

I love going fast.

Unlike Grammy here, poking along
at 70 miles an hour, am I right?

I've always wanted to do this.
I'm an adrenaline junkie.

Roller coasters, snowboarding,
dating men who bathe with their dogs.

It was during a drought.

I'm a thrill seeker, too.

I've had to pull back
since I became a mom,

but I'll still jump
on the back of a grocery cart

and just roll through the meat section.

And I'm married to her,
which is quite the ride.

Amy?

Yeah?

There's something out here.

Just trap it under a cup
and I'll be there in a minute.

I'll try, but it's Leonard.

What?

Well, what is he doing here?

I told you if we left pizza
on the counter, we'd attract something.

Oh. Hey, guys. Sorry, I used my key.
I just needed a place to crash.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, I had to get out of the apartment,
my wife kept trying to have sex with me.

Been there.

- Why are you trying to avoid having sex?
- Well, we just did it three weeks ago...

I was talking to Leonard!

Well, I have to go to the clinic
for Zack and Marissa on Monday,

and I'm supposed to
save myself until then.

Sounds like maybe Penny
is not totally on board with that plan.

She said she was,
but she also said I looked dope.

Honestly, I don't even think
I looked fly.

So, you're willing
to go through with this,

even though she clearly
has reservations?

If she has a problem,
she should say something.

She tried to seduce you.

If that's not a cry for help,
I don't know what is.

Penny doesn't wanna have kids,
I respect that,

but this is my chance
to leave a part of me behind.

Okay. But this isn't gonna
make you a dad.

It's gonna be their baby, not yours.

Although, someday,
if that kid wants to know

why he's short, near-sighted
and asthmatic,

he may hunt you down.

Are you guys ready for the most
intense experience of your life?

- Yes.
- Definitely.

Not to brag, but I'm an astronaut,
so I've been weightless before.

Can be pretty scary.

Please, I'm like 90 pounds.

I'm weightless every time
I hold more than three balloons.

Okay. I just need you guys
to sign these waivers,

and then you can go get changed.

There are a lot of pages here.

Is this a waiver or a screenplay
you've been working on?

I'm sure it's just boilerplate.

Absolutely. It's to protect us
in case of injury.

It says "or death."

Which is awesome.

- Done.
- Where are the changing rooms?

Dressing rooms are in the back.

No peeking.

Here you go. Okay.
Should we go get changed?

Yeah. Hang on a second.

What?

I have two babies at home.
What am I doing?

If you don't wanna do this,
then why'd you come?

To prove to Howard that he doesn't
know me as well as he thinks he does.

Looks like he does.

Unless I do it and then he doesn't.

Why not just be honest?

You're right, I should be honest.

You owe me $3,000
for those plane tickets to India!

Hey.

Had a long run.

Yeah. Well, I was in the zone,
you know, and then in a diner,

and then in a massage chair at the mall
where I fell asleep.

Are you avoiding me?

Well, I took a nap next to
Hot Dog on a Stick. What do you think?

I think you're mad at me and Leonard,

but maybe you're really mad at yourself.

Why would I be mad at myself?

Because you regret
this "no baby" plan of yours.

You know, it's pretty crappy of you
to make me feel bad about this.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad.

But do you?

Yes. I feel like
I'm letting everybody down.

I hate disappointing Leonard,
but I really hate disappointing you.

Aw, Slugger,
you could never disappoint me.

Okay, your high school years
were a little rough.

Yeah. Sorry about that.

There was you sneaking out at night,

and your boyfriend
sneaking out in the morning.

I said sorry.

That time you got drunk
and stole a horse.

Yeah. I was there. I remember.

Parts of it.

But besides all that,

being your dad is the best thing
ever happened to me.

What about Randall and Lisa?

They're okay.

I just don't want you to miss out.

I know.

But if this is really what you want,
or don't want,

I'm on your side.

Thanks.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Uh, Wyatt, we need to talk.

Sure. What's up?

I want you to back off.

You know, if Penny and I
don't have kids, that's between us.

So you need to stay out of it...

Leonard, it's okay.
We talked. We're good.

Oh.

Okay. You could've stopped me sooner.

- Could've let you go longer.
- Uh-huh.

- You did great, Leonard. Very forceful.
- Yeah?

I felt like my voice
was a little shaky there.

Uh...

Hey, I decided to not go through
with this Zack and Marissa thing.

Really? You were so excited about it.

I know,

but, um, I think
I was just fooling myself.

I would be heartbroken if I had
a kid out there and I wasn't his dad.

I know you would.

Yeah.

So, that thing you wanted
to do last night, I'm available.

I got real good hearing there, stud.

All right, everyone's suited up.
Let's head out to the tarmac.

Actually, one second.

Howie, I don't think I should do this.

Really? Well, I did not see that coming.

It's just, we have kids,

and it's not smart
to put us both in danger.

That's a good point.

When I was little,
my parents never flew together.

We thought it was because they loved us,
but it turns out they hated each other.

See, I just think I shouldn't go.

Actually, this is much safer
than driving a car.

Stay out of it, flyboy.

You're right.
But I've done this before,

and since you really, really wanna go,
I'll stay here.

Oh. Great.

Unless you don't want to
because I was right and I do know you.

Well, if you really know me,

then you know how far I'll go
to prove a point.

Apparently 34,000 feet that way,
then straight back down.

Up and down, over and over again

until you throw up food
you didn't even eat.

They are definitely
your weirdest friends.

If only that were true.

I hate this so much!

Why am I doing this?

To prove a stupid point to your husband.

Oh, right! Worth it.

Hey, Zack. Um...

Look, I know
this is gonna be disappointing,

but, um, I can't do this.

No, no. I know how, I just can't.

But, hey, look, if you like,
I know someone who might be interested.

No! Absolutely not!

I'm sorry. My wife says I'm not allowed.