All language subtitles for the.big.bang.theory.s12e12.720p.bluray.x264-demand

Previously on The Big Bang Theory...

So I told my mom
she just needed to back off.

This is our wedding,

and if anyone's gonna design
the floral arrangements,

it's going to be my man.

Thank you.

I mean, I'm not trying
to be a groomzilla,

but this is my special day.

Everything okay?

Yeah, it's just Anu's doorbell camera.

I helped her install it.

You can't look at it. That's spying.

Who the hell is this guy?

Ooh! Let me see.

So you're still talking
to your ex-boyfriend?

Yes, and I'm not gonna
apologize for that.

And you need to delete
that app from your phone.

Because you're hiding something from me?

No, because you should trust me!

How can I trust you?
I barely even know you!

Then what are we doing?

I don't know.

Ah! Sad man!

This is so great.

Why don't we do it more often?

Because you have two kids,

I have Sheldon,

and Penny's apparently
in the gym all the time,

'cause, damn, look at her!

Yeah, so impressive how you manage
to bounce back after having no babies.

Ah! Another reason why
we don't do this more often.

You've come to a giant metal door.

I check the door for traps.

There are no traps.

I use my wizard eye

to see
what's on the other side of the door.

Hey, that's sort of like

how you used a doorbell camera
to spy on your fiancée.

No, it's nothing like that.

Your wizard eye reveals a monster.

- Is it alone and unloved?
- I guess.

I open the door and say, "Hey, Raj."

I have a bottle of champagne for you.

Oh, we didn't order this.

It's from the gentleman
at the end of the bar.

Oh!

If we drink it, does that mean
we're making a promise?

'Cause I am happily married,
although I will watch.

We're not gonna do anything.

Really? So, all that work's for Leonard?

Why don't you just call her?
I'm sure you guys can work this out.

I don't want to talk about it.
Let's just play.

Okay, the cyclops tells you
that the enchantress you seek

is staying
at the Inn of the Dwarven Lords.

Really? An inn?

Anu is a concierge at a hotel.

That's a little insensitive,
don't you think?

I hadn't noticed that
before you mentioned it.

Well, now, that I've mentioned it,
how do you feel?

- Bad.
- Shame on you.

- Hey, ladies.
- Zack!

Hi. You guys know Zack.

- Yeah.
- Of course.

Did you send this over?

I did. I asked for
the most expensive one they have.

They said it was $200,
and I said I want a more expensive one.

And then, they said it was $300.

- But it was the same...
- Don't.

Thank you, but you shouldn't
have spent so much.

Nah. It's cool. I sold my company
for a boatload of money.

And then I bought a boat.

Then I got married. Guess where.

On your boat?

No, but that would've been awesome!

Well, congratulations.

Hey, you and Leonard

should come over
and have dinner with us on our boat.

Yeah, that would be so nice.

Leonard was just saying
how he was hoping to have dinner

with one of your ex-boyfriends
on his expensive boat.

- Well, then this worked out perfect!
- Oh, yeah.

Our whole universe
was in a hot dense state

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago
expansion started...

Wait!

The earth began to cool

The autotrophs began to drool

Neanderthals developed tools

We built a wall
We built the pyramids

Math, science, history
Unraveling the mystery

It all started with the Big Bang!

Bang!

Hey. How was game night?

Oh. Off the charts.

Literally. Sheldon rolled
a number so high,

it wasn't on any of these charts.

That's funny.
Wow, I should not have driven home.

How was ladies' night?

It was fun.
Amy got drunk and kept telling us

that Sheldon's chest is smooth
like a porpoise.

Well, it does squeak when you touch it.

And we ran into Zack.

Oh. Yeah? How's he doing?

- He got married.
- Oh, well, that's nice.

Yeah, and he sold his company
for a fortune and retired.

Huh.

And you ended up with me,
so, everybody wins.

Wait. You're not
jealous of Zack, are you?

What? Oh, absolutely not.

In fact, he should be jealous of me
because I have you.

And a dungeon
with over 30 rooms left unexplored

because no one thought
to search for secret doors

under the wizard's throne.

Oh. You know, I'd like to go exploring.

- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.

Well, I'll get the dice back out.

Go away, Raj!

What are you doing?

I'm winning you back
Love Actually style.

I don't know what that means.

Really? You've never seen Love Actually?

If you want to watch it right now,
I'll just wait.

I have nothing to say to you.

Look, we both made mistakes.

I am so sorry that I spied on you.

I didn't mean to,
but I know it was not okay.

Now, do you want to apologize to me?

You also said you don't trust me
and that you barely know me.

I really thought this would be
more of a back-and-forth thing.

Honestly, Raj,
why do you even want to marry me?

You know,
family and India and stuff.

Here's what I think.

All of your friends are married,
and you don't want to be left behind.

And honestly,
that's not a good enough reason.

Okay, well, how is that different
than what you're doing? Hmm?

Worried that you wasted

so many years
dating the wrong people, and now,

you're just looking for a shortcut.

You're right. It's not different.

Okay, so, we agree.

- Yeah.
- Great.

Wait. What did we just agree on?

That we shouldn't
see each other anymore.

You know what? Why don't you shut
the door, and I'll just do the cards?

Do you remember
Penny's ex-boyfriend Zack?

Leonard, I remember all
of Penny's ex-boyfriends.

If you'd like,
I could list them alphabetically.

No, thank you.

Uh, fun fact. You would think
Zack would be the last one on the list,

but she also dated two Zekes.

Well, apparently, Zack sold his company
for a ton of money and retired.

And that bothers you?

I don't know. I mean...
I guess so. Yeah.

It doesn't seem fair. I work hard.

I'm really smart.

I've made
substantial contributions to my field.

But Zack gets to be rich,
while I'm still working for a paycheck?

A lot of people you don't know are rich.

That doesn't seem to bother you.
Mark Zuckerberg,

- Sultan of Brunei, Gordon Letwin.
- Who's that?

He's one of the first
11 employees of Microsoft.

Yeah, I don't have to
hang out with Gordon Letwin.

Well, that's too bad.

He helped create the HPFS file system.
Oh, the stories he could tell.

Penny told him we'd go have dinner with
him and his wife on their stupid boat.

Hmm, just tell her you don't want to go.

Then she'll think
I'm being jealous and petty.

So, you want to seem
mature and confident.

I make one mistake, and she says
she doesn't want to marry me.

- Like she never screwed up.
- Did she?

She agreed to marry me.

Honestly, I think you dodged a bullet.
I don't think she was right for you.

Howie... Shh.

What?

You can't bad-mouth Anu.

They're gonna get back together,
and you're gonna look like a jerk.

I mean, remember when we broke up,

and Penny said
all those mean things about you?

What did she say?

I don't want to get into it.

Some of it was hurtful,
most of it was true.

So, I'm just supposed
to lie to my friend?

I don't want you to lie to me.

No one's gonna lie to you.

Lie.

She says the only reason
I'm marrying her

is because all my friends are married,
and I don't want to feel left out.

Oh, that's nonsense.

No. She's right.

Now, what do I say?

So, Marissa, how did you guys meet?

Oh, it's a pretty funny story.

We met in a bookstore.

That is funny.

Yeah, I was just there
using the bathroom,

but this one had a stack of books,
like, this tall.

Oh, so, you really like to read?

Oh, no. I work there.

Yeah, she is super smart.

Seriously, you name, like, any book,
she'll tell you if she's heard of it.

Go on, try her.

Oh, uh...

Catcher in the Rye.

Nope.

Look at that, Penny.
I guess we both like nerds.

So, we gonna take this thing out?

Nah. It's a little choppy tonight.

Yeah, that's okay, this is nice,
sitting under the stars.

It's actually kind of peaceful.

Well, it's a beautiful boat.

Thanks, man. We love it.

Although, he's so tall,
he bangs his head

almost every time he goes downstairs.

After the first couple,
you don't even feel it.

Where are our manners?

Zack, let's get our guests
something to drink.

You got it, babe.

I can't believe that guy's rich.

- Ooh! Watch your head.
- That was a close one.

Are you jealous?

I know. I know I shouldn't be.

He's super sweet.
I should be happy for them.

It's driving me crazy, too.

- Really?
- Yes. I was trying to pretend

like it wasn't, so,
you wouldn't think I was petty.

Turns out we're both petty.

- I love you so much.
- Aww.

Cheers, guys.

- Thank you.
- Oh, thanks.

So, listen, I got to be honest.

Uh, we sort of have another reason
for asking you here.

We want to have a baby,
but we can't do it on our own.

It could be because of the game me
and my frat brothers used to play

where we kicked each other
in the balls over and over.

But the doc says there's no telling.

We just don't know.

Huh.

You went to college.

And Zack's always admired you

because you're
the smartest person he knows.

Okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

This has been such a nice evening.

Let's all just stop before
anyone says any more things.

Leonard, would you be
the father of our baby?

Oh, you said a thing.

Wow. This is really flattering.

And also, really weird, right?

Oh, just to be clear,
you don't get to... You know.

No, I...

I got it.

Just because I slept with your wife,
doesn't mean you get to sleep with mine.

We get it,
but thank you for saying it out loud.

You're welcome.

I know it's a big ask,
but it would mean so much to us.

Yeah, and we really don't want
a stranger's, you know...

- I know.
- ...sperm.

And Zack's always talked about
what a great guy Leonard is.

I really don't know
what to say.

Really? You don't know what to say?

I think
we should talk about this.

Oh, yeah. Definitely,
you guys should talk, yeah.

Take your time.

He means privately.

- Right. Sorry.
- Sure. Yep.

- Come on, Zack.
- Okay. Yeah.

You really think
those two should be parents?

There's nothing wrong with them.

Ow!

Hello, Daddy.

Did you install a camera
to spy on your fiancée?

What? No!

That's what her parents told me

when they said they
were calling off the wedding.

But I told them you would never
do such a thing.

Thank you.

I mean, I did install a camera,

and I did spy on her, but
I did not install it to spy on her.

That's not going to be our story.

Our story is that she's a liar.
And, old.

An old, dirty liar.

Oh, no. She's actually great.
I'm the one who screwed up.

Well, don't say that to them.

She's bad. You're good.

They have to pay me back
for my wedding deposits.

This is all my fault.
I should have just trusted her.

So, you're saying
you still want to get married?

Fine. Then I'll call her parents

and we'll straighten
this whole thing out.

I don't think she wants to marry me.

And honestly,
she deserves someone better.

Rajesh, you need to stop
being so hard on yourself.

You're a good man.

Wow.

You've never told me that.

You're also a dope.

That you've said.

But your heart's in the right place,
and you deserve happiness.

So, you just need to figure out
what you want,

and if that means canceling
the wedding, we cancel the wedding.

Thank you.

But figure it out quickly,
or I'll be celebrating

my next birthday
with a lot more elephants

and marigolds than I expected.

And Leonard just stood there
with a big, dumb smile on his face,

like he was watching a puppy
and a monkey make friends.

I can see
how he'd be flattered to be asked.

It's not flattering. It's creepy.

Well, something can be
both flattering and creepy.

Just the other night,
Sheldon said that my feet

looked like Richard Feynman's hands.

Really?

So, you'd be okay if someone wanted
to use Sheldon as their sperm donor?

Oh, absolutely not.
I am the only handmaid in this tale.

So, Leonard's really considering this?

Yes. We got in a huge fight about it.

He said,
well, if I don't want to have his baby,

then why shouldn't
someone else be able to?

Do you believe that?

What?

Well, there is a deep-seated
biological drive to pass on your genes.

It's only natural.

So, you're on his side?

Well, viewing Leonard as a mammal,
it's perfectly understandable.

But viewing him
as your husband, he stinks.

And we hate him.

Really?

Zack wanted you to donate
your genetic material for his baby?

Yeah. So, I'd be helping out a couple
who really want a baby,

and they were gonna pay us,
and Penny freaked out about it.

- That doesn't make any sense.
- I know.

They wanted you?

Yes, Sheldon, they wanted me.

- I'm smart. I'm nice.
- I'm smart. I'm nice.

And I can eat cheese
without clearing out a room.

Are you upset he didn't ask you?

Of course, not.
I just think it's interesting

that of all the people he knows,
he thinks you're the best choice.

Well, he does.

I don't see why
Penny is so against this.

Perhaps, Penny's worried
that you haven't considered

the emotional toll of knowing
there's a child out there

who is biologically yours,
but not actually yours.

Well, that's really insightful.

Yeah, I'm taller than you
and I don't have asthma.

Those people are crazy.

Come on, I know you're there,
and I know you know it's me.

Ugh.

- You're just making this harder.
- Look,

you were right.
I was doing this for the wrong reasons.

You deserve to marry someone
who knows how amazing you are

and who proposes because he doesn't
want to spend a single day without you.

Not because he wants
to catch up to his friends.

Thank you.

And I want you to know,
I think I could be that man.

Raj, I'm not gonna marry you.

- I'm not asking you to.
- Then why are you here?

Because I like you. Okay? I like you.

I like you enough
to start this relationship

at the beginning, not in the middle.

So, will you go out on a date with me?

I don't know.

Okay.

But I warn you,

I just got out of a weird relationship,
and I might complain about my ex a lot.

Maybe he's being weird because

he doesn't know
how to ask for his ring back.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Where you been?
- Just out.

All right, look,
I'm sorry that we fought before.

I know
this is a really unusual situation,

and if you don't want me to do it,
I won't.

- Really?
- Yeah.

We're a team. We're in this together.

I'll be right back.

What is that?

It's a sample cup.

Really? 'Cause it looks like
the top off the NyQuil bottle.

It's the closest thing I could find.

- It's a gesture. Shut up.
- All right, sorry.

So, are you saying
you're okay with this?

I don't know,

but when I told you
I didn't want to have kids,

you didn't have a say in that, so...

Maybe I don't need
to have a say in this.

Thank you.

They couldn't have picked
a better person.

Are you calling Zack?

No, Sheldon. Would you say
that last part one more time?

Come on.