Original subtitles

Hey, did you guys know

this year's the fortieth anniversary of Halloween?

See... Oh, nonsense.

Halloween traditions date back to the Celtic festival of Samhain.

Although, our current Halloween customs

come from the evening before All Hallows Day,

All Hallows Eve, thus Halloween.

I meant the movie Halloween.

Oh.

Well, that's not interesting at all.

Did you know that Michael Myers' mask from the film

was actually a Captain Kirk mask turned inside out?

Okay, now it's interesting!

Are you guys all dressing up for work?

Of course. I mean, how often do you get to wear costumes to work?

Says the man with a giant belt buckle and a dickie.

Hey, this is not a costume. It's a choice, it's a style.

It's a tragedy.

Bernadette, why don't we get to dress up at work?

We used to, but a couple of guys in the infectious disease lab

went as zombies and it triggered a quarantine.

The CDC was so mad.

Hey, if you really wanna dress up, we could throw a party.

Oh, that would be fun.

You know, I used to throw Halloween parties all the time

when I moved into the building.

All the time? I only remember being invited to one.

Please don't make this awkward for me.

Okay, so Friday night, Halloween party here.

- Okay. - Great. Can't wait.

What are you going as?

I don't wanna ruin the surprise. You'll see it at work.

Just a warning, it's pretty scary.

- Oh, is it a bird? - No.

- Is it a dog? - No.

Oh, I think I'll be fine then.

Hello.

Oh, hello.

I see you are dressed as Doc Brown from Back to the Future.

May I assume that Amy is going as his wife,

Clara Clayton from Back to the Future Part Three?

She is.

Hmm.

Did you do something different to your hair?

Yes.

Looking good.

Our whole universe was in a hot dense state

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started...

Wait!

The earth began to cool

The autotrophs began to drool

Neanderthals developed tools

We built a wall We built the pyramids

Math, science, history Unraveling the mystery

It all started with the Big Bang!

Bang!

Oh!

Inspector Gadget! And I wanna say

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

So close. Kooth Bader Ginsburg.

The notorious KBG.

That's very clever.

Sustained.

Are you gonna dress in drag in front of your fiancée?

Yeah, we have no secrets from each other.

Well, except for the fact that I crocheted this myself.

Hey, Sheldon.

- Hello. - Hello.

Oh, my God, you look amazing.

I find you guilty of murder because you are killing it.

Well, technically, the Supreme Court wouldn't determine

a defendant's guilt or innocence in a criminal matter.

They could only reverse or remand a jury's conviction

based on a constitutional or statutory issue.

Why are you laughing?

His statement was factually correct.

You're sitting in my spot.

You don't have a spot.

What is wrong with you today?

Maybe he's cranky because he's off his bathroom schedule.

Oh, I can understand how that would make someone irritable.

Interesting fact, "irritable" comes from the Latin "susceptible to anger."

Just because I used a word doesn't mean I want its etymology.

Interesting fact, "etymology" comes from the Greek word...

You are being so annoying. Stop it!

And why are you two laughing?

Sheldon, he's being you. He's dressed as you for Halloween.

Oh.

Well, so you're not laughing at him,

you're laughing at me.

But we're not laughing at you, we're laughing with you.

But I'm not laughing.

Then the first one.

Ready to go?

Hey, why aren't you in your costume?

I just didn't feel like it.

You get that I'm wearing a corset because of you,

not because I'm tired of breathing?

Amy, do you think I'm always correcting other people?

No, not all the time. I mean, just last week,

Penny ended a sentence with a preposition,

you didn't even mention it.

True.

I just waited until I got home and screamed into a pillow.

Is something bothering you?

Howard dressed up as me and imitated me and everyone laughed.

Oh.

Well, that must've felt terrible.

It did.

I never realized my friends viewed me as an object of ridicule.

Oh, I don't think that's true.

They laughed, Amy, in a derisive way.

Not in the instructive way

I laugh at them when they're being stupid.

Hey. Happy Halloween.

Oh, trick or treat.

No, sorry, you're not wearing a costume.

Yeah, I am. I'm a pharmaceutical sales rep.

I'm gonna need more.

Okay, failed actress who traded constant rejection

for a Christmas bonus and a dental plan.

- Go nuts. - Ah.

I will.

So, what are you wearing to the party?

Sexy cat? Sexy nurse? Sexy zombie?

Why do girls' costumes have to be sexy but guys' costumes don't?

Say that again with this helicopter on my head.

Very cute.

Hey, do you remember what happened

at that first Halloween party that you invited me to?

When I threw up in the pumpkin?

More memorable than that.

Really? That was pretty impressive.

We had our first kiss, on this very couch.

No, no, our first kiss was at your birthday. Remember?

I threw you a party, you didn't make it, and I felt bad for you.

No, no, it was on Halloween and you felt bad for me.

If we're gonna go through every party where I felt bad for you,

we're gonna be here awhile.

- Never mind. - What?

- You're not mad at me, are you? - No, of course not.

No, we just remember different things from that party.

I remember falling in love and you remember vomiting in a pumpkin.

I was, like, four feet away. People cheered!

- Here you go. - Thanks.

So, did you see Howard's costume?

See it? I made it. It was hilarious.

Well, Sheldon didn't think so, and neither did I.

Oh, come on, it was all in good fun.

Well, I'm sure it was, but Sheldon's feelings got hurt.

Maybe Howard could apologize?

You're kidding, right?

Sheldon didn't apologize when he said my baby looked like Winston Churchill.

He loves Churchill.

Your son should take that as a compliment.

He said it about my daughter.

Well, this isn't about Sheldon. This is about Howard.

I think it is about Sheldon.

How many times has he made fun of Howard

for being an engineer, going to MIT, his magic?

Sheldon doesn't make fun of his magic.

Well, he should. It's stupid.

Anyway, the point is Sheldon shouldn't dish it out

if he can't take it.

I think the point is that Howard owes him an apology.

No, I think the point is if Sheldon has a problem with Howard,

Sheldon should take it up with him.

Mama.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

the Prime Minister of England needs her diaper changed.

Hey.

Oh, that's great.

He's a Supreme Court Justice and you're the US Constitution.

Yup, he interprets me.

And guess what's underneath this,

the Bill of Tights.

Smart, funny, gorgeous. Are we a match or what?

Hey, Bert, what are you dressed as?

I'll give you a hint.

My work in seismic refraction measurements and...

Hey, Stuart, what are you dressed as?

I'm a butterfly.

Did you steal those from Halley's "Let's Pretend" box?

I'm gonna put 'em back.

All right, I'll tell you. I'm Maurice "Doc" Ewing,

winner of the 1960 Vetlesen Prize.

Generally regarded as the Nobel Prize of Geology.

Oh, yeah, now I see it.

Ask me how I died.

Spoiler alert, brain hemorrhage.

Well, cor blimey, you look like a thousand tuppence.

Don't he, Mary Poppins?

Are you gonna talk like that all night?

Jiff Willikers, I am.

Isn't he cute? He's gonna get a spoonful of sugar later.

And I'm gonna sweep Ms. Poppins' chimney.

So, here we are. On Halloween.

On this couch. Does it ring any bells?

Really? We're still doing this.

I'm just surprised you don't remember our first kiss.

Fine, it was on Halloween.

Are you agreeing just to shut me up?

You got another way, I'm all ears.

- Really? An arranged marriage? - Yeah, I know how it sounds.

It sounds awesome.

Is that just an Indian thing or can I get a piece of that?

You know the woman has a choice, right?

There's always a catch.

Happy Halloween!

Who wants to see a magic trick?

Oh, that's right, no one.

Ha!

They're you.

What do you think you're doing?

I thought it was clear.

I'm being unnecessarily hurtful but with a sweet voice.

And I don't understand what's going on because I went to MIT.

Okay, guys, I think that's enough.

Hold on. I'm the judge here and I'm going to allow it.

Raj, take a break.

Hey, free speech, right back there somewhere.

You know what, guys?

You got us. Congratulations.

Now, why don't you go back to your apartment

and put on your other costumes?

But it's so far away, and I have such teeny tiny legs.

Really? Our bodies? Is that where we're going, Amy?

What's wrong with my body?

Well, for starters, you have a quarter in your nose.

Not now, Sheldon.

I don't get invited to a lot of parties. Is this a good one?

Oh, yeah.

Did that guacamole taste weird to you?

Tasted weird to me.

Can't believe Amy did that.

Oh, come on, you thought it was funny when I dressed up as Sheldon.

- That was totally different. - How?

That didn't hurt my feelings.

Well, for what it's worth,

I didn't think it was a very good impression of you.

Really? You don't think I have an annoying high-pitched voice?

No, not at all. In fact, I find your voice quite melodious.

Mmm-hmm.

And you don't think I'm unnecessarily hurtful?

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear the question, I just heard the music.

Well, people came, they ate, they vowed to never speak to each other again.

I think it was a successful party.

It was. And I'm sorry about earlier. I know it doesn't matter.

No, it does matter, okay? You were right, it was Halloween.

I was dressed as a cat, you were a hobbit.

It was right there on that couch.

Why didn't you just say that?

Because I always hated that was our first kiss.

I was drunk and I was still with Kurt,

and I was using you to make myself feel better.

I just wanted our first kiss to mean something.

That's why I said it was the one on your birthday.

I like that.

We'll make that our official first kiss.

Thank you. Aww.

That was beautiful.

What are you still doing here?

I was in the bathroom. Guacamole didn't agree with me.

Well, since you're here, you can help us clean up.

- Will you take this out, please? - Sure.

- Thank you. - It's late.

Would you mind if I crashed here tonight?

- You are always welcome here. - Thank you.

Where were we?

I think Howard hurting my feelings

has, in some ways, made me a better person.

Hmm, look at you improving on perfection. How so?

As you were eating that Danish, I wanted to point out

that the Danish isn't Danish at all. It was imported by Austrian bakers

during a labor dispute in the 1800s. But I chose not to

because I didn't wanna be the kind of fellow

who foists unwanted facts

about European pastries on the unwilling.

Huh, that's actually interesting.

Sorry, now you'll never know.

Hey, guys, I need your help.

Bernadette's still pretty upset about your costumes.

She's upset? Those pants I wore to make fun of you were so tight,

I risked a testicular hernia.

Anyway, if you guys could apologize, it'd be a big help.

We'd be happy to apologize to her as soon as she apologizes to me

for not making you apologize to Sheldon.

I didn't follow that, but then, between my wife and that guacamole,

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

Don't you think it's unreasonable

for her to ask us to do something she refused to do?

Yes. So, when can you stop by?

I don't understand. If it's unreasonable,

why should we do it?

Okay, how about this? You know

in Star Wars, when R2 and Chewbacca were playing holochess...

- Really? Star Wars? - Amy, let the man speak.

Chewbacca was losing, and getting angry and...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait,

are you saying we should let the Wookiee win?

Hey... Hey, that's my wife you're talking about.

But, yes, let the Wookiee win.

Hello, Bernadette.

Wait, did you just walk into my house?

- No, Howard let me in. - Where is he?

Oh, he got in his car and drove away.

- Oh, is that watermelon for anybody? - It's for Halley.

Is she gonna eat all of it?

God, no wonder she looks like Churchill.

What do you want, Sheldon?

Howard said your feelings were hurt.

Well, Howard's wrong. I don't care if someone makes fun of me.

All right. Apparently, I came all this way for nothing.

Unless Halley wants to share that watermelon?

You think Amy's the first person

to make fun of me for having a squeaky voice?

Do you?

I feel like my chance at watermelon is dangling by a thread.

'Cause she's not. It's been happening my whole life.

And she called me out for being mean? Well, I've had to be mean.

It's hard to be taken seriously

when you're always the smallest person in the room.

I know that. Well, I was in high school when I was nine years old.

I tried to tell the other kids that although my physical stature was small,

my intellectual stature towered over them.

That only seemed to make things worse.

Well, kids called me Bernadette the Marionette.

Because you're small. That's funny.

No, it's not.

Well, people used to call me Egghead, 'cause there were eggs on my head.

'Cause they threw them at me.

That's terrible.

One time, my brothers made me breathe helium.

I tried to call for help,

but the only one who could hear me was the dog.

That's also terrible.

My goodness, you had to live in a house with a dog.

I guess we both had to put up with a lot of crap from people.

I suppose we have.

Huh.

Maybe you and I are more alike than we thought.

Maybe we are.

Although, I'm exceptionally tall and you're exceptionally...

- Sheldon! - But you didn't let me finish!

Fine. Sorry.

Short.

Sheldon, you sure you're ready for this? This movie's pretty scary.

I... Please, I'm an adult. I think I can handle it.

That's what you said about the butterfly pavilion at the zoo.

That was my fault.

After I pet that goat, I felt like a gladiator.

Okay, lights on or lights off?

Lights off! I'm gonna do this, I'm wanna do it right.

What do you guys think you're doing?

We're showing Sheldon Halloween.

Absolutely not. Sheldon, come home.

You...

But I really wanna watch it.

I know you do, but I am forbidding it.

Oh, man. Sorry, guys.

What took you so long?

I'm sorry. I just got your text!