All language subtitles for the.big.bang.theory.s12e02.720p.bluray.x264-demand

Yeah, but I think by the end
of the honeymoon,

we really started to feel
like a married couple.

Yeah, but the good kind, like on TV,
not like my parents.

Yeah.

You're not a real married couple
until you can pee with the door open

and she's okay with it.

I told you I'm not okay with it.

She loves it.

So, we got everybody gifts.

Aww.

Did you forget about us
until you were at the airport?

No, we forgot about you
until we were on the plane.

Luckily there was Wi-Fi,
and I have Amazon Prime.

"I heart New York." Aww, the baby's
gonna love throwing up on this.

Look, it doesn't have to just be
New York, that's the beauty of it.

The initials "N.Y." can stand
for anything you like.

For instance, I understand that there is

an elderly rock and roll musician
named Neil Young, perhaps you heart him.

Or if not him, Egyptian table tennis
silver medalist Noha Yossry, yup.

Or Nana Yamaguchi, the Japanese voice
actress who starred in Sally the Witch.

Did you just google the initials "N.Y."?

I had Wi-Fi and a long plane flight,
draw your own conclusions.

Well, guys, that was very,
very thoughtful of you. I...

Did you get me a double XL?

- I told you.
- You were right, dear.

Our whole universe
was in a hot dense state

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago
expansion started...

Wait!

The earth began to cool

The autotrophs began to drool

Neanderthals developed tools

We built a wall
We built the pyramids

Math, science, history
Unraveling the mystery

It all started with the Big Bang!

Bang!

Sheldon, that's not how
you write a thank you card.

What's wrong with it?

"Dear Aunt Helen, thank you so much
for the lovely place setting.

If my handwriting looks strained,
that is because

this is the 16th thank you card
Amy has forced me to write.

The muscles in my wrist are cramping
as I struggle to finish this sentence.

Ow, ow. Oh, the pain. Love, Sheldon."

Fine.

"And Amy."

Ow.

This one is from Leonard and Penny. Aww.

"The perfect gift
for the perfect couple."

Oh, save that card, we may need
to throw it back in their faces.

I wonder what could it be?

Oh, it could be anything,
a flute, a letter opener.

One of those pens where you
put the bikini back on the naked lady.

Oh.

Isn't this nice.

What is it?

You know, it's, uh, it's one of those...

Nope, doesn't do that.

Oh, maybe it's candy. Lick it.

I don't wanna lick it, you lick it.

What? I'm not going to lick it,
I just brushed my teeth.

Is it from one of
your dumb sci-fi shows?

None of the sci-fi shows
I watch are dumb.

- Sheldon...
- Okay, Westworld.

But this has nothing to do with that
show, other than it's also inexplicable.

Well, Leonard and Penny
are our best friends,

they know us better than anyone.

They said it's the perfect gift.
We must be missing something.

You don't think it's
a marital aid, do you?

What? Don't be silly, Amy.

How is this big glass shaft
going to aid our marriage?

Do you think when
Krypto the Superdog is out flying,

Superman has to fly
after him with a little baggie?

Hmm. I've never really thought
about it before,

but he doesn't need a baggie because

he just blasts the poop
with his heat vision.

- You've thought about it before.
- Oh, I've thought about it a lot.

What is wrong with Stuart's face?

I think he's smiling.

Oh, my God. Are they flirting?

They're way past flirting.

I caught them making out
at Sheldon's wedding.

Are you sure she wasn't trying
to breathe life back into him?

I don't think so.

When I used that much tongue
at CPR training, I had to buy the dummy.

Ooh, I have class, I should go.

Oh, okay. Bye.

See you, guys.

- Bye.
- Bye.

So...

what's her deal? Is she into you
or does she just hate her parents?

I dunno, we kissed a little
at the wedding and it was great.

But we haven't really
talked about it since then,

so I don't know how she feels about me.

Well, she patted you on the head,

so I'm guessing she feels like,
"You're such a good boy."

Seriously, do you think
I should ask her out?

Yeah. Absolutely.
Don't let love get away.

It is the most important
thing in the world.

Without it, life is dark and meaningless

and all you're left with is
the judgmental gaze of your dog

as you finish off
a bag of Doritos on the toilet.

Thanks. You're a real good pal.

And now you're a good boy.

I can't stop thinking about
that present. It's driving me crazy.

Yeah, me, too.

The card said it was the perfect gift,

but it's not a dinosaur fossil
or matching pocket watches,

so I don't see how it can be.

Maybe we're trying too hard.
Maybe it's something simple.

Like Leonard and Penny.
Yes, good.

We just need to think like them.

Okay.

What gift can I get us

to express how grateful we are
to have us in their lives?

Way to make it simple.

You know, I'm just going to ask them.

No, you can't,
it'll hurt their feelings.

I'm okay with that.

And they'll know
you weren't smart enough

to figure it out on your own.

You're right. Oh, this is awful,

and I can't even comfort myself

by stroking the fossilized tibia
of a Pentaceratops.

Let's just go to sleep.

We'll look at it in the morning
with fresh eyes

and maybe it'll come to us.

Fine.

Or we go tear apart that box
and look for a clue.

Staying up past my bedtime
and solving mysteries,

who knew married life
could be this good?

What's wrong with his face?

A lot of people have been asking that.

He's smiling.

Hey, Stuart, you look pretty happy.

Oh, yeah. I asked Denise out on a date,
and she said yes.

Aww, that's great,

but don't smile like that
in front of Halley.

She just started
sleeping through the night.

Sorry. I'm excited. I haven't
been on a date in a long time.

You know, back when I was dating,
I'd always wear

a new pair of underwear. Just in case.

It's also been a long time
since I bought new underwear.

And I probably should because
these are no longer tighty nor whitey.

Okay, I'm out.

You know, if there's a chance
someone's gonna see you naked,

it's also polite to make sure
you're well groomed down there.

I get it, Howard. I've been busy!

- Hello.
- Hey.

I just wanted to pop over
and hand deliver this thank you note,

for your very thoughtful wedding gift.

- Oh.
- Oh, good, you guys liked it?

Yeah, well, we liked it
a lot more than things

that aren't it, I'll tell you that.

Well, you know, that's great
because when we saw it, we thought,

"Amy and Sheldon
just have to have that."

Oh, do tell.

Now, paint a picture for me,
like where you were when you found it

and what you thought
we'd enjoy doing with it.

Do you not know what it is?

Oh, of course he knows what it is.

He's the smartest man in the world.

Well, I don't know about the world.

Now, some of those
Chinese fellas are pretty clever.

Uh, now if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to return home

and use your gift in the manner
which it was intended.

- He's never gonna figure it out.
- I know.

What are you?

- Gosh this makes me happy.
- Yeah.

Howard. Look, I don't
often say this, but good, you're here.

Now, do you know what Leonard
and Penny got us for our wedding gift?

- Well...
- Don't answer.

I don't want to know.
I just want to know if you know.

I do know.

Okay, great. I believe that Amy
and I have figured it out.

Is it a clue to a scavenger hunt
that will lead us to the actual present?

If you're asking if you and Amy
should spend the next couple days

running all over town,
searching for the next clue,

I'm gonna have to say yes.

I knew it! This is so much fun!

Oh, it really is.

Oh, Leonard, thank you again.
We love the gift.

Aww.

Does he know what it is?

No, not even close. He thinks
it's a clue to a scavenger hunt.

So, so happy.

Well, what is it?
What did you give them?

It's just this dumb crystal wand

that Howard and Bernadette
gave us for our wedding.

Penny and I made each other miserable

trying to figure out what it was
and we thought,

"Why not pass that fun
along to Sheldon and Amy?"

Wait a minute. Did you give them
the crystal chakra wand

that I gave you for your wedding?

Yeah, that's exactly what we did.

What the... You said you liked it.

Yeah, that's exactly what I said.

Wow. A scavenger hunt,

that's exciting.

I had a bit of a scavenger hunt
myself last night.

I was trying to find the remote.

I looked under one of the cushions,

wasn't there.

Then I lifted the cushion
a little higher,

bingo.

Riveting. So, do you know what it is?

Of course I know what it is.

It's a silicon dioxide crystal,

otherwise known as quartz.

But are you sure?

Am I sure?

Is basalt a mafic extrusive igneous rock

formed by the rapid cooling
of magnesium and iron-rich lava?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Okay, so it's quartz.

It's got to mean something.
What do we know about quartz?

I'll google it.

Or you can ask me, the geologist
who won the MacArthur Genius Grant.

Got it.

Quartz, from the German "quarz,"

which sounds the same
but is spelled without a "T."

Interesting. No "T." What is not "T"?

Coffee.

The coffee shop where we first met.

All right, let's go.

Sorry, I think I just had an
adrenaline rush from having visitors.

Hey, Raj, will you
smell something for me?

Uh... That depends.
Actually it doesn't depend, just no.

I'm trying out some new colognes
for my date with Denise.

Oh, and you just came over here to
rub it in my face that you have a date?

No, I came over here
because I need advice

and you've gone out with more women
than anybody I know.

Huh. I guess you're right.

Sheldon's the smart one,

Howard's the funny one
and apparently I'm the ladies' man.

Which one's Leonard?

Oh, yeah, right. I guess
Leonard's the forgettable one.

Okay, let's have a whiff.

Hmm.

Smells like Paco Rabanne.

Oh, you're good.
I bought it at a swap meet.

It's actually called
"Smells Like Paco Rabanne."

It's great, she's gonna love it.

I hope so. I really like Denise
and I don't want to screw this up.

Hey, relax.

Trust your instincts. That's what I do.

And that works for you?

Actually,

no.

I've made a mess of my life and I'm...

I'm all alone.

Okay, I think it'd be
best for both of us

if I pretend to get a phone call
and just walk away.

Yeah, that would be best.

Hello, this is Stuart.

Sorry, I got to take this.

Why, yes, I'd love to take a survey.

Okay, this is where we first met.
There's got to be a clue here somewhere.

We sat at that table.

- Excuse me!
- I'm sorry. We're on a scavenger hunt.

Just pretend we're not here.

- Oh, I found something.
- It's gum.

Maybe they left it behind the counter.

I met my wife here
and we sat at this very table.

Now, so, if you play your cards right,

in eight years,
you could marry this woman.

That's my sister.

Well, don't tell people.
That's not okay.

Sheldon, look.

I asked the barista if anyone
left anything for us

and she said to look in
this lost and found box.

But why would it be
in the lost and found box?

Because we were lost
and then we found each other.

It makes perfect sense.

Oh. And look at this.

A locket.

And that stone in front,
I bet it's quartz.

This must be it. This must be the
actual gift. Open it up. What's inside?

Nothing. It's empty.

Of course.

Our life together is just starting

and they want us to fill it
with our memories.

This might be
the best wedding gift ever.

They also left us
a pair of sunglasses

because our future's so bright.

They thought of everything.

Oh, look what Halley drew.

Yeah, she made it at daycare.

It's pretty good, huh?

Is it?

Wow, gentile moms are tough.

Guys,

I need to show you something,

but you have to promise
not to make fun of me.

Of course.

Whoa.

Yeah. I was worried about the date,

so I got my hair colored
to make me feel a little more confident.

But that just made me look paler,
so I got a spray tan.

Have you tried showering?
Seeing if you could scrub it off?

I did.

You're gonna need some new towels

and a bathmat

and toilet seat.

I'm picking her up in an hour.

What am I gonna do?

You mean what are you gonna
"Oompa Loompa doompety do"?

You said you weren't
gonna make any jokes.

I'm sorry, I'll stop.

It's only a spray tan.
It'll fade in a couple days.

Why don't you cancel
the date and reschedule?

But I was really
looking forward to tonight.

You know what, then go.
Tell her what happened.

Maybe she'll be flattered.

And if not, swing
by the chocolate factory

and see if they're hiring.

What? That wasn't a joke,
that was a legitimate suggestion.

Hello.

- Hey, Dad.
- Rajesh!

What a nice surprise,
calling me on my birthday.

Yes. That's why I'm calling.

And what better gift to give you than
the gift of marrying an Indian woman.

Just like you've always wanted.

My goodness, Rajesh,
this is exciting news. Who is she?

You tell me.

What?

I want you to arrange a marriage for me.

I'm just so tired of being single
and I'm finally...

Just I'm ready to settle down.

I can't just call up some girl's dad
and make her marry you.

It's not 2015 anymore.

I know that, but I can't do this
on my own. I need your help.

Well, then I'm going to
need your help, too.

If I'm going to find a woman
to set you up with,

you're going to
need to stop instagramming

pictures of you and your dog
wearing matching sweaters.

Fine, if that's what it takes
to show you that I'm serious.

Quick question,
do you mean just Instagram

- or all my social...
- All of them!

Okay, deal.

All right,

let me ask you a question.

What do you think of this woman?

Oh, my God, she's beautiful.

Is that who you're going to
set me up with?

No! That's who I'm dating.

But maybe she has an older sister.

So, we put a little picture of me

and a little picture of Sheldon in it.

In the locket?

Yes.

That was in a lost and found box?

Exactly.

Where we hid it?

You see, really, you gave us
three amazing gifts.

You gave us the locket, the adventure
and the realization that Amy and I

can do anything
as long as we work together.

- We wrote you a special thank you note.
- Oh.

Are those words?

No.

It's a secret code that
you two get to figure out together.

Hint, it's based on Sanskrit, but not
the Sanskrit you're thinking of.

And best of all, you can't
use the Internet to cheat.

Because we locked you out of your Wi-Fi,

and the answer to this
is your new password.

I'm no longer happy.

Hey, guys.

Great news.

I'm getting married!

- What?
- No.

Well, I haven't met her yet,

but her name is Anu.

My father says she comes
from a good family,

she's in her 30s,
she works in hospitality management.

So, as long as I can get through
six to ten dates

without revealing my true self,

this is happening.

I know just what we're
giving them for a wedding gift.

Oh!

Oh, my God!

Yeah.

I wanted to look my best for our date,

and I made a series of bad decisions.

One of which is hidden by my pants.

Wow.

Do you still wanna go out with me?

Absolutely.

Hey, maybe we can go find Nemo together.

That's a good one.

Mmm. Do your 63 other crayon friends
know you're out?

Are you just gonna
make fun of me all night?

Probably.

Great! So,
what are we thinking, Chinese?

Yeah, I'm in the mood
for orange chicken.