Original subtitles

I'm looking for stuff that means something.

What do you like about that boy?

He understands me.

If you pay attention, you'll discover real life.

There's a revolution going on in you.

- How have you changed as a person

since we first started filming?

- I started off not really knowing who I was,

'cause, I mean, I was a kid.

I was 7, and I'm 12 now.

That was a little bit after the trans--trans--

transformation?

Yeah, that's pretty much what I remember.

Here we go!

- Avery, can we come in?

Can you show-- - No!

Never!

Fine. Maybe one day.

- Just come on in.

Now.

- I used to love "Little Mermaid"

when I was younger.

I think I related to it so much

because she wanted to be something that she couldn't,

so she had to go and get, like, a surgery

to make her have legs,

but, like, obviously for my predicament,

it's something different.

- Well, a few nights ago,

Phoenix said that he's-- she's a girl.

I just like to wear girl things.

- I was meant to be a boy, but I turned out to be a girl.

- Why are we filming with you?

- Because I'm transgender!

Doop!

- I know there's people out there that are like me.

I mean, maybe there might be some people like me

at my school.

They might be hiding it too.

Today's a special day 'cause I'm starting blockers.

They, like, stop female hormone things.

- So how sure are you that you wanna do this?

- Positive.

I'm doing this for myself.

- The syringe itself is ginormous,

and it's a lot bigger than the needle.

- This is--you know? - Yeah.

- This is what's gonna help you, okay?

- Three, two, one.

- Ah. - Breathe, breathe.

- Breathe, breathe, breathe. Worst part's done.

- Shh. - Ah. Done.

All right, don't look at that. - Take a deep breath.

You see, it's done. It's over.

Take a deep breath. - Whoop!

- See? That's all it is.

You think you can handle that? - Yeah.

- It'll get better. - Till you're 16?

Oh, you're happy, aren't you? - Yeah.

- Yeah.

Remember when you used to put ice packs on you?

- Mom.

- Every single night,

I would have to go downstairs

and take ice packs off of his chest,

and I used to tell him,

"The swelling isn't gonna stop."

And duct tape. No more duct tape.

And maybe you won't have to wear binders anymore either.

Does that--how does that make you feel?

- Good. - You're, like, glowing.

I'm not gonna cry.

I know you're waiting, but it's not gonna happen.

- My girlfriend is 13.

Her name is Mildred.

We've been going out for three months.

I don't want Mildred to know I'm trans

because I think that

it would kind of, like, ruin some things.

I wanna tell her first more than anybody else.

But right now, I don't think it's the time.

It's just hard. Like, you're in between.

Like, you wanna tell that person,

but then you don't.

If she really does like me like she says she does,

I don't really think she will take it

over the top, you know?

Oh, am I doing that salsa dance with you guys

in the quinceañera?

- That's an everyone thing.

- Do you have a huge cake?

- See, we don't exactly-- how big the cake's gonna be.

- And I have to--don't I have to dance with you like this?

Like--

'Cause your dress is-- - Probably.

'Cause my dress is gonna be like--

Bigger than that.

- Here, you can swing.

- Thank you.

- Okay, so day one

of my hormone blockers.

Pill number one, ever.

Water.

Kay. Well, here it is.

Tiny. Nothing too big.

Done.

Oh, my God, so many results already!

Ding dong.

- Hello. How you doing?

- Is there anything I can help y'all find?

- Actually, yes.

We're getting ready to go skiing next weekend

and we're hoping--water skiing, so we're hoping to find a--

a little more athletic, maybe--

- Essentially like this.

- Maybe a sports bra type top. - Okay.

- Not, like, a string bikini. - Yeah.

Something a little more substantial.

- Yeah. - Okay.

- I kinda like that print.

- How 'bout these for bottoms? That's plenty of coverage.

- Yeah. I like this fringe one.

- No. We're not getting fringe.

- How 'bout this one? - No.

- Do you have any that have, like,

a little bit of padding to them?

- Well, this one has a little bit more substantial padding.

- Mm-hmm. - But this one...

- I'm 15 years old.

My transition started a long time ago,

when I was 11 years old.

How 'bout we just get something like this?

- That would be perfect.

- That's it. It's good. - Yeah, there you go.

- It's got the-- - That makes dads happy.

- Yeah. - Do you wanna try this one on?

- I don't wanna try it on. You can try it on.

- I'll try this one on. - Okay.

- I like the color.

- That looks good. - I like it.

Since I've gotten older, my body has changed a little.

The actual visual of, like, looking in the mirror

and, like, seeing myself has gotten a little worse.

Some people are all right with just doing hormones

and vocal therapy,

but I do wanna, you know, change my body

for what will make me happier in the future.

Dad, maybe we can try on that Michael Kors one.

- No, we're not trying on Michael.

It has no straps.

If you get that one, then I get to try on some Speedos.

- I don't think that's a good look for anyone.

- Well, it's vital for me to have my parents understand

what I'm trying to get at.

Like, being a teenager is just hard enough on its own.

Going through puberty as someone that you're not

is a little harder.

- I didn't get to do anything when I was 15.

- So how do you think it would've been

if I would've been, like, 15 and, like, transgender

back in that day?

How do you think people would've, like, treated me?

- Oh.

They would not have accepted it.

It would not have been--

I don't know how Grandma Hall would be with it if she knew.

- Well, how do you feel about it, Grandma?

- Oh, I'm fine.

I've taken care of you since you were two months old.

- You're my grandchild,

and whether you're male or female,

you're still my grandchild.

- I like that you don't care about anything

except for if I got, like, tattoos.

You wouldn't like that. - No.

There are some things that I've put my foot down,

whether you're male or female.

- Thank you very much for-- for tuning in with us.

Avery, how early did you know that you were a girl?

- When I was about 4.

- And you're being homeschooled right now.

- Yeah. Because--

- Was there an incident that occurred,

or what happened?

- Yeah, most--like, at school,

I just started dressing like a girl,

and everyone just didn't like it.

They just were really mad for whatever reason.

I don't really know.

- In her pre-K class,

she was starting to assert herself

a little bit more

and started with pink sparkly shoes,

and then it would progress to girl clothing.

The kids started saying, you know, "Come on.

"When are you gonna stop this?

When are you just gonna start acting like a boy again?"

And that's when she told us, "I don't wanna be here anymore.

"I'll give up all my friends.

"I would rather just be able to be a girl

and not have any friends at all."

- Oh, wow.

- So you're going to be able to have

your own children's book.

- I don't get this.

- It's for transgender awareness.

You're gonna be the author,

and you get to look at the pictures

and decide which ones you like best

and we like.

- So basically, they're letting me decide--decide?

- Mm-hmm.

And hopefully next week,

we're gonna get some for you to look at.

- Pretty cool.

- Then they want to maybe have you do a book tour

to promote it.

So you have to practice autographing your name.

- This is not gonna go well. - Or at least smiling.

- Who'd wanna take pictures with me?

- Smile--lots of people would wanna take pictures with you!

- Why? - Because you're awesome.

- I'm not even famous on anything.

I'm gonna go play Xbox.

Gimme that camera.

- "Emily slid into a shiny yellow dress

"while Jacob wiggled into a sparkly pink dress.

"'What are you wearing?' asked Mom.

"'It's like a dress. I made it.'

"Dad frowned.

"'You can't go to school like that.'

"'Put on some shorts and a shirt

"'under that dress thing,' Mom said.

'And hurry. We're late for school.'"

You're never late for school, right?

'Cause you're homeschooled.

"'Let's get the sewing machine,'

"she said finally.

"Jacob felt the air refill his body.

"He grinned. Mom smiled back.

"'There are all sorts of ways to be a boy,' she said.

'Right?'" - Wait, I'm a boy.

- I know. - And also--

- You're a rainbow boy.

- And I'm also wearing girl's-- girl clothes!

- You are wearing-- they are your clothes,

so they are boy clothes.

"Dad looked up from his book." - No, girl clothes.

- Okay, then they're girl clothes.

They can be whatever you wanna be.

- Bleh. - Bleh.

- Bleh.

- I am a girl-boy.

A girl-boy is a boy want to be a girl.

Now for race car.

Actually, I love rainbows.

- Why?

- 'Cause they're so beautiful.

Hey.

- Phoenix, costumes are this way.

- Ooh!

- When he plays pretend, he's always a girl.

He's a queen, he's a princess, he's a mom, he's a sister.

But then, still, he'll correct people.

He says, "I'm a boy."

Ooh.

We say gender expansive, nonbinary,

gender nonconforming, under the trans umbrella,

gender awesome, girl-boy, rainbow boy--

we don't really have a good term.

- We don't use "his" or "her" so much

just because it's kind of up in the air right now.

- We're supporting Phoenix along the way,

whatever it is.

- Oh!

- Oh--

- Are you okay? - You okay?

- Too many feathers.

- I'm headed to the memorial service

for Tamara Dominguez,

and she's a Latina trans woman who was murdered

here in Kansas City a couple of weeks ago.

You know, lately, we've seen the Obama administration

making a lot of progress for trans equality,

but there's been backlash

and violence,

especially against trans women of color,

is one of those things

that reminds us we have a lot of work to do.

- Three people have been killed

in the LGBTQ community in Kansas City

in the past year.

Now others are hoping to replace hate

with understanding.

- You realize that we needed

to bring together our community

and celebrate who she was,

but also realize that this is an epidemic

that's facing our country.

- And an epidemic in Kansas City,

which some have called the epicenter

of transgender violence.

- How are the shots going? - Good.

- Are you getting a monthly or every--

- Every three months. - Three months.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

- Are they working? - Yeah.

- Do they hurt?

- Uh, some--yes. A lot.

- One option is to think about that implant.

- Yeah.

- It's just a little--did we talk about that last time?

- Yeah, I don't-- I don't remember if we had seen

if insurance was gonna cover that, or--

- The generic one that we like to use is $2,500.

It's just a little tube that go--

would go under your arm right here.

It acts just like the shot.

It would take the place of the shots.

- Oh. Okay.

- And then he was curious--

'cause I know last time we were here,

you had talked about a pill that he could take

that has a little bit of testosterone, I think, in it

to help change his voice a little bit

or deepen it.

- Exactly, and that's called oxandrolone.

- Mm-hmm.

He gets made fun of at school for being--

having, like, a very high-pitched voice and--

- We'll just have our nurse call

and see if we can get that prior authorized.

- Yeah, 'cause we did the genetic testing,

and I just had a heart attack when I got the bills.

Like, there's no way I can pay--

I don't even make that in a month.

So--

- Your insurance didn't cover it?

- Um, it was, like, $2,000.

- Maybe it's something...

we can re-discuss with them.

'Kay, I'm just gonna put in some orders here.

Usually, when things are medically necessary,

the insurance will pay.

- Sorry.

These appointments are just really hard.

I'm not scared of anything.

Eggs!

I am a great explorer,

I love animals, bugs, and all sorts of things,

and I just like the outdoors.

Going up.

Going up.

Going up on top.

- Everyone's used to tomboys,

and I just happen to have a tomboy trans girl.

Avery was born in 2007,

and she was assigned male at birth.

We thought we had two boys,

but at the age of 4, she corrected us

and started her social transition that year.

A lot of people out there think

that 4 year olds have sex change operations

or start taking hormones.

It's an incredibly common misperception.

Children before puberty do not have medical interventions.

It is a social transition.

It is clothing, it is pronouns,

and that sort of thing only.

- What is Mario?

I think he's a plumber.

But the main question is what gender is Yoshi?

No one knows the answer to that question,

and no one ever will.

- When we started with Avery and her transition,

we didn't feel like there was anywhere to turn.

We didn't know who to talk to or where to go,

and we felt desperately lost.

- I never thought

that I would be an advocate for the LGBT community.

I was raised as a Southern Baptist,

hardcore conservative,

but we were asked to do one story in the newspaper

where we were completely anonymous

and only used Avery's initials,

and after that, I was asked to give a speech.

We lost most of our friends and some of our family.

We basically went into hiding for about a year

while my daughter grew out her hair

to look like the girl that she is.

Once that went viral, Avery decided

that she could tell her story better than I could

and asked if we could make a video of her

telling her own story.

- Hi, I'm Avery,

and welcome to Avery Chat!

Whoo-hoo!

- From there, a lot of people started writing stories

about her.

She was very proud to be transgender.

She said her job as a trans person

was to help change the world for other kids.

- I'm just a normal girl.

Your average, everyday,

normal transgender girl.

- Are you getting black?

- Yeah, black with white.

- You need red and white.

- Red?

- But black goes with everything, Grandma.

- It's kind of a dull color.

I'm her grandmother,

and I always take her to get her manicures.

She thinks she's older than she is.

- How old is she?

- She's just 15.

- Hmm.

- Modeling, first off.

That's what I wanna do when I'm older,

but if that doesn't work out,

plan B is I wanna go to, like, cosmetology school

and first be a makeup artist and then do, like, nails,

and then I would do, like, hair.

- This one, I dropped a turkey on my toe,

and the nail popped off.

- Oh, nail popped off from the turkey?

- 20 pound turkey. - Oh.

- It was frozen, too.

You look like a cat.

- No.

- Let's see.

Oh, dear gussy.

- Do you like 'em?

- Little wild. - I'll help you with the coat.

- Okay, okay. Thank you.

I hope Brian's gonna like them.

- It's all right if he doesn't.

- Yeah. I think his favorite--

- If he likes you, he'll like that.

- I gotta go and get him some candy today

'cause I had this really cute idea for him.

So you know how we had, like, one month yesterday?

So I got, like, a mason jar, and I decorated it all pretty,

and I put inside of it, like, a red piece of paper,

and I wrote, like, "I love you" on the bottom of it,

and I, like, taped it to the bottom.

- Now, don't put it on too heavy.

- What?

The candy?

- No, all this mushy stuff.

- Remember your age, young lady.

- I'm nervous.

- You're nervous? - Yes.

- Oh, you got this.

- It shows a $60 specialty copay.

Did you wanna take care of that today?

- Yeah, that's fine.

- Thank you. And this is--

- Yeah. Goes by Jay though.

- Jay? - Mm-hmm.

- So what do we got going on here today?

- We are having-- he's getting an implant put in

by Dr. Gatti.

- Okay.

- Some kids are really nervous

It'd be ideal to have this in the office setting

rather than to have Jay go to sleep for it.

In this case, Jay's mom didn't feel

that he would do well in that scenario,

so we can do a brief anesthetic.

- I refer to this as a Band-Aid.

We're putting a Band-Aid on the situation

because I don't wanna play God.

So I figure we're giving him the blockers

to block all the hormones

so that he doesn't spend his entire college fund

on removing the breasts that he never wanted.

But also, that if he does, by miracle,

decide that he wants to be a female,

that he can go through that puberty at 18,

if he wants to, or 16,

and develop just like a normal female would,

except later.

But that is probably not gonna happen.

I mean, he is--he's Jay.

I mean, is nonexistent anymore.

Hold on. I'm sorry.

Sorry.

- It's okay.

- It's just hard seeing your name on that wristband.

- I know.

- Come on, Bryce. Come on, you can do it.

- Push. - Come on, Bryce.

It's right there!

- It's a girl. - It's a girl, Bryce!

- Look at that.

- It looks like you.

Aww.

- Aww, no.

- Love you. Take great care of him.

The therapist that Jay sees always says,

"Well, they're not becoming.

They're always been that person."

But for me, I see that transition.

It started out as, "I wanna be a boy."

And I was like, "Well, you're not."

But now it's, within the last two years,

"I am a boy.

I'm not a girl."

We switched schools in the same city,

and when he went to this new school,

I didn't know for six months

that he was telling everybody he was a boy.

Had no idea.

That's when I knew this is not a joke.

This is not some phase.

This is not something that he's gonna grow out of.

Say, "Hi, Grandma. Hi, Grandpa.

Hi, Mary Jane. Hi, Auntie Mary Jane."

I've lost a lot of people.

My family really doesn't talk to me,

and my mother...

thinks I'm a child abuser.

But, I mean, I know in my heart

that it's the right thing to do,

and I would rather have a healthy son

than a suicidal daughter.

- Jay. Mom's here.

both: Look.

- Hey.

You tired?

Yeah?

It's all done.

But at this point, at school,

Jay's friends do not know that he is trans,

and I know it's a ticking time bomb.

I'm gonna push him to come out

and be who he's supposed to be.

- Good morning. all: Good morning.

- Today, we choose to recognize,

honor, love, and celebrate

anyone here who would claim their identity publicly

as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,

queer or questioning, intersex, pansexual, asexual,

or any category that I've left out.

- This is Phoenix.

Can you tell them?

- Mommy, I'm a little shy.

- You're a little shy?

Do you wanna tell everyone if you're a boy or a girl?

- I just want to tell them that I'm a girl.

- Okay. You can tell them that.

- Say that.

- Mm...

I don't want to do it. - Okay.

- Phoenix would like you to know that she's a girl

and she prefers "she" and "her" pronouns.

'Kay, let's go this way.

all: May you be well, safe, and whole.

We honor you exactly as you are.

- I really don't feel like Phoenix ever really was a boy.

From a very young age, didn't wanna cut her hair,

didn't wanna wear boy clothes.

We didn't really think of anything

until she became, you know, vocal about it

and started saying she wanted to be a girl.

We don't cram this down anyone's throat.

It's what it is, though.

It's who we are. It's who Phoenix is.

- That's cool.

- Hey, Avery.

- Avery. - Hey.

- Love the hair. - Thank you.

- So what's new? Tell me what's new.

- We wanted to come in and double check on puberty

and what signs we're looking for...

- Mm-kay.

- Because we have read all of the sex education books,

and she gets really, really, really upset

looking at the books.

Sweaty panic attacks of "I can't get facial hair"

and "What if my voice gets low and people know?"

So we wanna make sure that she knows

what the signs are.

- So there shouldn't be any signs of puberty

before age nine. - Mm-hmm.

- Otherwise, it would be considered too early, so...

- Too early, right. Precocious puberty.

- Yeah. But then, as soon

as you do start showing signs,

we can start some treatments to block it.

- Why do I have to be--grow up?

I just wanna stay a kid.

- You can't stay a kid forever.

Peter Pan's not real.

- I ain't gonna lie to you, it's a little awkward.

I would've thought for sure

that somebody would've picked Lee up

and took her out to dinner.

Oh, they holding hands too.

Be young and in love again. Is that awesome or what?

I can feel-- I'll be your seeing eye dog.

- How 'bout sports?

Anything else other than wrestling?

Or is that it? - I only wrestle.

- You look like you'd be a basketball player.

- Nice sarcasm. I like that.

- I'm just playing with you.

Sure, she's been on a date,

but this is her first Valentine date

with Brian.

I'd tell him what any father would say.

If you treat her bad, then don't come around,

'cause I'll probably beat you up.

I'll break you in half or something.

But, you know, just what a father would say to him,

you know?

Hey, I'm cool with this,

but just don't-- don't hurt my daughter

and I'll be-- everything'll be okay.

- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

- Hold on. - Sit still, babe.

Sit still.

Like, focus.

- You're so cute. - Like, look.

They look like a galaxy.

- That's what your eyes look like.

- No.

Isn't he nice?

Don't you guys like him?

I like him. I think he's really cute.

It's kinda, like, a weird feeling

'cause in the predicament I'm in,

most of the people, like, judge me

and so I always, like, nitpick myself.

Like, oh, my nails look funny

or is my makeup all the way blended?

And it's kind of strange

knowing that someone's, like, not looking at that

and they're just, like, looking at who you are

and your personality and not, like,

your physical, like, being, and I like that.

Cute.

Wanna walk towards that thing

with, like, the kaleidoscope of colors?

- And take pictures? - And like--yeah.

- All right.

- When it comes down to, like, the bedroom area,

I don't plan on doing something like that

until I'm comfortable.

Right now, I'm just not comfortable

doing something like that.

- No, I haven't ever dated someone

who was transgender before.

It was a first, but, I mean, I don't see it

as, like, any kind of big deal.

She's a normal girl just like anyone else.

- I do have something to ask you, though.

Not literally. - It's not that!

- Then what is it? - It's a bite!

- Why is--why do you have a bite?

- Because I was being annoying, so she bit me playfully.

- You weren't kissing? - No, Mom.

We were playing around.

And all her cousins were there.

- Looks like a hickey.

- It's not and you don't believe me,

and it's really disappointing

'cause I'm trying to tell you the sto--

- I--

- The real truth and you don't believe me.

- If my son comes home with marks on his neck--

- It's not a hickey. - I'm gonna ask you.

- Okay, that's fine, but it's not a hickey.

- But the fact that you're getting so angry and mad

makes me wonder if it really is a hickey.

- But it's not a hickey! - I know.

Well, I better not see another one,

so if she wants to "playfully bite" you...

- I--not unquote, unquote. - Have her bite you on the--

Have her bite you on the arm. - Okay.

- Because that looks bad.

- I know. - That's all I'm saying.

- God, no one ever believes me.

- Did Mildred go at all?

I know that you wanted to invite her, but--

- Yeah, I invited her, but she had modeling.

- She had what? - Modeling.

- Oh, okay.

- I think I told you

I was gonna be in the quinceañera.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

- Well, it's coming up. - Okay.

- And I'm excited, but I can't dance.

I've seen your videos. I think you can dance.

- A little.

- But like, you know, I hang out with her,

like, every day...

- Mm-hmm.

- So I'm gonna have a lot of practice.

- So you guys have been working at it already?

- Yeah.

It's hard.

- I feel, like, more like a boy

when I get my hair cut.

- Even when we thought she was a boy,

we always gave her the option.

She always wanted to grow it out.

- To me, when I think of girly,

I think of just, like, long, flowy hair.

It took my hair, like, three years

to get, like, this long.

- I like being a girl 'cause I get to wear dresses

and get to paint my nails.

- I don't know what I see. I just see me.

all:

- Ooh.

- Wait a minute. Gotta get those.

- Only one.

- All right, let's eat. - All right.

- All right, let's eat.

- 'Cause you'll probably power through

about six or seven of them.

- Yeah, you'll eat at least six of them.

- All right, guys, move over. You guys are sitting too close.

Let me get in there. - Stop.

- Told her to leave room for Jesus.

- Scoot closer.

- ...bathrooms according to their sex at birth.

A similar bill has also been proposed in Missouri.

- Okay.

- The bill would force trans students

in public schools to use bathrooms

according to their sex at birth.

- Yeah, these are people commenting on the situation.

"This is ridiculous.

"Transgender people should be able to use the bathroom

like everyone else."

Preach.

"You're wrong and you know it.

"You were born a man and not a girl.

#WhatHappenedtotheWorld."

What happened to the world is got a better--

it became a better place.

- Yeah.

- The bill proposed

by Republican state representative John Whitmer

would prevent transgender students

from using public school bathrooms and locker rooms

of the gender they associate with.

- If the bill passes,

schools would have to pay $2,500 to students

who encounter a transgender student

in the bathroom.

- This bill has put

a $2,500 bounty

on the head of every transgender child

in the state of Kansas.

Every school kid who's nonconforming

is going to be subject

to the worst kinds of harassment

that could lead to injury or, God forbid, death.

And if this bill passes and if it gets signed

by that man whose office is right behind us,

the blood will be on his hands

and on the hands of every legislator

who votes in favor

of this horrible nightmare of legislation.

- Whoo!

- Hi. - Hi. I'm a reporter.

I wondered if I could ask you a couple of questions.

- Sure. - 'Kay.

Why are you here today?

- 'Cause we have a transgender child,

so this matters to us.

If laws like this are enacted,

suddenly, kids who are seen as complete equals

by their peers

are going to be outcast.

They're gonna be ostracized.

- This bounty on transgender students

is absurd and terrifying.

They want to out and...

just catch our kids in the bathroom

and get paid for it.

- The sin du jour now is this transgender nonsense.

Now we have to worry about what bathrooms we can go into

and about what pronoun we're supposed to use.

Ultimately, if you were born a female,

you're gonna be a female all your days.

- See what I mean?

- Let me see what pictures.

- This is from kindergarten.

- Okay. - This--

- Well, somebody has your-- pictures of your yearbook.

Somebody knows.

- I just checked Snapchat,

and we see all these text messages from Mildred,

like, "What's going on?"

- Will she tell you who gave them to her?

- That's what I'm about to ask her

and see if she'll tell me who did it.

- I know that you're used to hiding everything,

but now it's kinda like--

you're gonna have to be open about everything now.

There's no deception involved. - She can get on the phone.

- Huh? - In a second.

She can get on the phone in a second.

- Okay.

- Hello?

- Hello.

- Hey, do you wanna talk to my mom?

- Sure.

- Hey, honey.

So do you want me to explain it to you, or...

- Yeah.

- Okay, well, Jay's transgender,

which means female to male.

The reason why we haven't really said anything to anybody

is just because, I mean, Jay looks like a boy,

he acts like a boy.

That is who he is. He's Jay.

He's--you know, he's not anymore.

He's never gonna be anymore.

He just--he probably should've told you who he was,

that he's trans, but he is Jay.

He never lied to you about who he was,

if that makes sense.

- Yeah.

- So are you okay?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Okay.

The only thing that I ask you is...

find it in your heart not to kinda make this a joke

at school or--

- Right. - You know.

Because this really does affect his life

and how he feels about himself and who he is,

and the damages of that in general are horrible

outside of what you would see in school.

It's a... - Yeah.

- Difficult situation for anybody to have to endure.

So...

but I'll let you talk to Jay.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Hello?

- Hello.

- Are you there?

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

- I just don't know--

I just didn't know how to tell you

'cause, like, it's really hard and nobody would understand it

and...

it's not easy being trans.

It's really not, and I thought maybe if no one knew my past

and no one knew that, then I could just be Jay

and nobody would have to worry about it or--

or have to think different about me.

Everybody would think I was just a guy

and just go on with it,

but I know that I--

I probably should've told you

because it was probably important to tell you,

and I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier.

- It's okay.

- And I understand if you don't wanna talk to me

or if you don't like me anymore.

I understand.

I'm really sorry.

- Okay.

- All right. Bye.

- Bye.

- I--

- Can barely even see anybody.

- Tensions with Zach's family have definitely increased.

We started calling her "she" and "her,"

and that was just too much for them.

- My dad can't shut up

and keep his beliefs to himself.

Saying, "You're going to Hell."

It's almost like they're trying to push it on Phoenix

to try and change her back into a boy or something.

- All right, you remember-- I asked you girls,

do you want ivory, pink, rosy, or purple,

and you both said...

both: Rosy. - All right.

Close your eyes.

Hold out your hands.

Happy birthday.

- Beautiful. - Flower crowns.

- It's a little strange

that my parents wouldn't wanna be here

when they were invited.

If they don't wanna be here

because of Phoenix being transgender,

I can't make them.

I can't force them.

- Also, we went to the bathroom bill protests,

and I regret it.

It left an impression on Phoenix.

Like, regularly, she's afraid of us dying.

She's afraid of us dying and being left with someone

who'll make her go to the boys' bathroom.

Sometimes I feel like...

I'm not giving Lotus enough attention.

Like she's growing up without me.

I mean, I'm right there, but...

you know, Phoenix definitely takes up a lot of it,

and it's, like, not, like, her fault or anything.

It's just--

I'm just always thinking,

"Am I doing the right thing here?

Is this the right choice?"

- Here, can you touch me?

- But then also,

Zephyr starts, like--

he'll put on Lotus' clothes,

and he'll dance in them.

And I look at him, like,

"Please, not you too.

"Please be a boy.

"Don't be transgender. Don't be gender nonconforming.

Please be a boy."

- Mommy!

- "Can I please not have two?"

- Mommy.

all:

- I take pride in being okay.

And last night, I was not okay.

Today, I'm not okay.

all:

- Confetti!

- Stop. - Nope.

- Stop. Come here.

Avery. - No!

- What are you gonna do when the guy gets here?

- What guy?

- The photographer from "National Geographic."

- You put me in everything!

- Avery, we've-- - And I don't approve of it.

- We've talked about it.

The problem is, you do approve things,

and then you change your mind.

- No!

- I'm going to-- - No, you're not.

- If you don't get up and cooperate,

it's going off.

Avery. - Not right now.

Not if you can't find me!

- Okay.

Makes you wanna just go out

and have a few kids, doesn't it?

Hello, Robin.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too.

- Thanks for having me. - Yeah.

- Hello. - There's Avery.

- Hello. - Don't be rude.

- Nice to meet you.

- Okay, I thought

that you were gonna have a British accent,

but it sounds like you're an Aussie?

Or maybe a Kiwi? - A Kiwi.

- Ah.

- So when I explained to you guys what--

I mean, you kind of know,

but we're doing a whole issue on gender

and "National Geographic,"

and the story I'm doing is about 9-year-olds

around the world.

So it's really important that we work super hard

to get an amazing picture of you.

So that's gonna mean that I'm gonna request

that you're gonna have--

give me some time

and be a little patient with me.

'Cause I'm gonna take a lot of pictures.

I'll coach you through it. Don't worry.

Are you ready? - Yes.

- So just relax your lips. - I'll try.

- Yeah. That's it.

See? You're a natural.

Let me see if this is gonna work.

- Nailed it.

- Good.

That's looking really good.

That's not so great. - That's not so great.

Avery.

- You just be yourself. That's awesome.

Stay there.

Don't move. Do that.

What you're doing.

You did something really cool-- like that.

You went like that. Yeah, that's good for me.

- It feels like I'm meditating now.

- You do look like you're kind of floating.

Good. Awesome.

You're actually very photogenic.

- I thought that was good.

- Cara.

Her hair just flows. - Her hair, I know.

Mm-hmm. - I like that.

What's it look like on?

Oh, God!

- Half the freaking dress is missing.

You pay $4,000 for a piece of clothing

that doesn't even cover both of your boobs.

- Cathy knew me before my transition.

We've been best friends for about four years now.

Super exciting that I can have someone

who's there for me 100% throughout my transition.

I would love to model for them.

- Are you gonna do anything about modeling?

- I've been thinking about it a lot,

and I'm almost 17

and that's a year away from being 18, and...

once you're 18, you really have to start thinking

about your career and where you're going with that,

'cause I don't wanna be, like, 30 years old,

like, "Yes, I'm still gonna make it."

"Just wait."

Hi. - Hi.

I'm Becky. - Nice to meet you.

I'm Leena. - Nice to meet you.

Hi. - Hi, Becky. I'm Cathy.

- Hi. Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- I'm Michael. - Hi.

Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- You guys can have a seat here.

- My goal is to do modeling and fashion

for big name corporations

'cause I wanna model for, like, Dior,

and my biggest top of my list

is I wanna model for Victoria's Secret.

- Okay.

So we do a two-year contract.

It's exclusive here in Kansas City.

We just wanna stick here to start with,

see how you progress,

and then we can kind of, you know, shoot you out there

to some other places.

We do have KC Fashion Week coming up.

They're getting ready to have castings

on the 10th, 13th, and 20th,

so that would be the very first thing

I would try to send you on.

- Yeah.

Where my passion is just the, like, runway aspect of it.

- Yeah, absolutely. - So--

- Okay, let's shoot some headshots.

- It started early.

We were divorced, and there was two separate households,

and 6, 7 years old, and she would tell us,

"I'm a little girl,"

and I'm like, "You have no idea.

You don't."

I don't know how many times she would come back

and tell both of us, "I am, I am, I am."

- I just always knew,

but it was trying to figure out

what the right, like, words were

to use for it.

At first, yeah, I came out to my parents

as, "I'm gay."

- She wrote her dad and I this book,

kinda help us understand what she was feeling inside.

I love every page of it

because it was written from her heart.

- It kinda opened my eyes.

- And then I started researching more and more,

and I was like, "I'm not gay.

"I'm transgender,

and I just didn't know the word for it."

- I mean, it was--it was-- it was difficult.

I ain't gonna lie. It was difficult.

It was much more--

easier transition for my ex-wife

than it was for me.

- She was very adamant about, "Okay, I am a girl,

"and I need you guys to understand

that nothing you say is gonna make a difference."

- At that time, we started letting her grow her hair out,

become a little more effeminate.

And then between the summer of eighth and ninth grade,

that's--we as a family sat down and said,

you know, "If this is who you truly are,

then this is the time to do it."

- I wouldn't tell the people who I was auditioning for

that I was transgender necessarily

just because it's none of their business and--

- Maybe that's what they're looking for.

Maybe they're looking for someone like you.

- Well, I mean, if they're looking for a trans model,

then I'll say I'm a trans model, you know.

- If they ask, you be honest.

You're not ashamed of anything.

But I wouldn't offer any information.

Don't give 'em any more than what they need to know.

- Now it's a different story

if I go in and I'm doing gown auditions

whether than,

"We want you in a bikini," you know,

because I wanna do VS, you know, and I wanna do--

- That's pretty skimpy. - That type of modeling.

- Yeah.

- More along the lines of less--

- Yeah, but say--

- Couture and gowns and all that.

More along the lines of--

- Yeah, but let's say-- - VS, you know.

- Let's say right now, you're just doing

some "mom and pop" type of things, you know.

And then-- - Well, yeah, it's--

- Say in a couple years, well, maybe we'd--

- I don't think I would tell them, no.

- You know, maybe in a couple years,

when you do have the surgery,

then we won't have to worry about your bikini

or anything that--you know?

- Just, I don't want someone to look at me

and question my womanhood,

'cause I don't wanna do that

and I don't wanna go down that road.

- Sure. Absolutely.

- I'm the chef.

Do you--how much do you want?

- So how come you and Mildred can't be friends?

Like, why does she say to you that you can't--

- Because her mom doesn't like that I'm transgender.

- Like, how do you know that? What did Mildred tell you?

I would like to know that.

- Her mom basically said

she doesn't want her talking to me or being near me

because I am the way I am.

- Really? - Yep.

Remember when she pulled up

at the parking lot the other day?

- Yeah, and she circled around

'cause she didn't wanna park by us?

- Yeah.

- Is it all because you're trans?

- Yep.

- Does she even understand what transgender is?

- Probably not.

- That's kinda cool now that--

I mean, 'cause now you're seeing the true light

of, like, how she is and how fast she moves on.

- Okay, this is what I'm talking about.

This is not--why I did not wanna talk about this.

- I'm just saying.

- No, 'cause you get very defensive--

- I'm not defensive. - And you bring up it all up.

- I'm just saying.

Sorry.

Jay.

- I didn't like how you outed me

to her mom.

I don't like how you did that.

But I had no say in it, because you were mad.

- I was wrong for doing that, but at the same time,

I watched this relationship for ten months go down,

and I didn't ever interfere,

but when somebody's mother comes to me

and says I need to love my son more

and support him more because he's highly emotional,

that's when I got angry.

- I understand that.

- Because she was basically patronizing me

and being condescending on the phone.

- Coming out is my decision.

- Mildred's mo--parents should have known

that you were trans from the get-go, I feel.

- And you know we were gonna tell 'em,

but we just didn't know how.

- But it had been ten months, and you hadn't said anything

and now you know why

she didn't wanna ever tell her parents.

Because now she can't even look at us.

She won't even park her car next to us at a soccer--

at the soccer field.

- Okay.

- So she never had planned on telling her parents.

- Okay.

- Oh, my goodness.

- You know, like, sometimes you think

there's not a reason to be here.

That runs through my head a lot.

I just think about all the times

people have not accepted who I am.

Sometimes, I say that I'm going to take my life.

And you're just like, "No, you can't do this,"

and you just, like-- all of a sudden,

it's just, like, come out of that moment,

and you're just like, "Why am I doing this?"

It's just hard.

You don't know what's gonna happen.

People these days-- they could do anything.

- Right now, a terror attack on a gay nightclub.

- My son was in there with his boyfriend

and two other guys.

They heard about 20 shots.

- Get outta here.

- Oh, my God, dude.

- It went bang, bang, bang, bang.

- This weekend, Avery's supposed to be

the grand marshal in one of the local Pride parades,

but we are rethinking that right now

with everything that's happened in Orlando.

- Come on out.

- We have the reality of our family being so visible

that we're easy targets.

So we need to check in with her.

I've been talking to the police,

and I even had a meeting with the FBI today.

They wanna make sure that you are completely safe

if you decide you still want to go to the parade.

If you don't want to do it,

that's okay, and we can talk about that.

So they said they don't want you to feel scared.

- I don't wanna go to the parade.

- You don't? - No, I don't wanna die.

I don't wanna--I don't wanna.

- Okay.

- I don't wanna go to the parade anymore.

- Okay.

You know, this is a lot for anyone to process,

so we don't wanna push her on those decisions

and make her feel like she's forced to do something

she doesn't wanna do.

- You guys wanna make a wish?

So you make a wish, and then you throw it in there.

Or you throw it in there

and make a wish at the same time.

I'm not sure how it works, but--

- Guess what I--

Just, like, dump all the change in there.

- You want one? - Yes.

I wish Phoenix would tell us how she's feeling

instead of acting out.

This has been a stressful year.

- We've cut people like my family

out of my life.

It has just been so much, mentally, to deal with.

- I'm just frazzled every day,

and I apparently don't handle stress well.

- Whoa! - Wee!

- You need to be the homeschooler,

and I need to work full-time.

- You can go do that and I'll stay at home.

- Mm-hmm. We will do that.

I can go away from the kids and hang out with adults.

- I might get a little lonely.

- Yes, the at-home parent gets lonely.

That's what happens.

- We are considering getting divorced or separated.

Our marriage has baggage.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- It's a confusing time.

- I don't really know

if they're getting divorced or not.

I think that our family should stay together

and not get divorced.

But it's so--

but I also think it's okay either way.

- Avery, Anson, come here.

I wanna show you something.

Yeah?

- What do you think of that?

- Amazing. - Oh, my gosh.

Look at you.

- It's amazing. - Look at your face.

That is a fierce kid right there.

Look at the quote that they have for you.

- "The best thing about being a girl

is now I don't have to pretend to be a boy."

Cool. - I'm so proud of you.

- My gar! - Mwah.

- Oh, my goodness.

- We moved in with my parents, just the kids and I,

while Zach was out of town.

Zach and I are divorcing.

When we first got married, I was really young

and trying to find my way,

but right now, I'm ready to move on.

Currently working on...

getting the kids in school

and getting our legal stuff figured out.

Lots of changes for the kids.

And Phoenix is sorta just fine.

She's just like, "Eh.

We live here now. Whatever."

Just--

I don't know.

- Now I'm a junior, so...

oh, my God, I'm a junior.

- This is my freshman.

He won't let me drop him off in front of the school.

I have to drop him off at the corner.

- He won't--

- Let me kiss him either in front of everybody.

I'm getting emotional.

- Stop. - Oh.

You're in high school.

- Oh, my God.

And you have your first pimple.

- Oh, my God.

- I'll probably just go home,

but, like, aren't you going over

to Brian's house later?

- All he wants to do is just cuddle and sleep.

- So I asked him, like, "Why am I, like, an exception,

I guess, to, like, the norm that you would usually date?"

And he's like, "Oh, because I love you for you

and not who you are, like, physically."

He's like, "Yeah, I love your, like, physical,"

but he's like, "But you-- you're just on a--

I guess"--what is that called?

Like, emotional? - Emotional?

- Yeah, I guess. - Yeah.

- Emotional level.

I think that's where he likes me, which is good,

but I don't know, I just was getting in my feelings,

and I was like--

what happens if he goes off and leaves me?

- He's not.

- 'Cause you know that saying where you're--

both: Where you're your own biggest critic?

Yeah. - Yeah.

- But imagine being, like, you

and then looking in the mirror

and seeing, like, a six-foot gorilla

and so you're like, "Oh, God, what is that?"

- Yeah.

- If I could change something,

it'd be, like, the one thing with me being trans,

like, my SRS.

Sexual reassignment surgery. - Mm-hmm.

- But that's it. - Mm-hmm.

- Like, I don't want anything else done.

- Yeah.

- Are these leggings, or are these your pants?

- These are leggings.

- Oh.

- Everything's looking good with your--

- Hormones. - Yeah, your hormones?

Your estrogen, your-- - Go where I wanna go.

I think the thing that we need to look into now most of all

is we need to find a surgeon, first off,

that we wanna go with and see what their things are

on insurance and payment and long-term and all of that,

because I'm not gonna pay $35,000 up front I don't think.

- In another year or two, you know,

even after you graduate, year and a half, two years,

maybe new laws have passed on insurance and--

- I mean, I understand that, but I just--

- I don't know. All sorts of stuff.

- I just can't wait.

- SRS, it's a major-- - Major surgery.

- Yeah, it's a major surgery. Something different.

It's not, you know, something that they do every day.

- It's not getting your appendix taken out.

- Yeah, you know, if something happened,

blood loss, loss to your heart rate or--

you know, whatever the case may be,

and we lost you...

Let's--we really need to think about this.

- But I don't think it's for everyone,

and it doesn't make you any less of a woman

or any more of a woman because you have it,

but for me personally,

I don't feel like I could live, like, in this--

in the body that I have now

for the rest of my life without being upset by it.

- I know.

- Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys,

please welcome to the field

your Kansas City Titans.

- Lanie's out there. You see her?

There she is. - Yeah.

- Where? - She's 21.

Defensive lineman. - Oh!

- My mom met Lanie not even a month ago.

- Right there. She's right there.

- I know.

I met Lanie late one night on Facebook.

Just started out as a friendship,

and then it grew into a crazy love story

like something you would see in a movie.

Never thought it would happen.

I mean, it hit me...

like a storm.

- Go, Lanie!

- 21, Lanie Ford of the Titans says--

- Oh, go! - "You're not getting by me."

- Go, Lanie!

- Jay is very needy with his mom.

I'm very needy with his mom, so...

it's fireworks a lot.

I'm gonna try to bond with him.

He never really wants to hang out with me right now,

but I'm sure that'll change the more I'm here.

You know, "I gotta go to the store.

Do you wanna go with me?"

One-on-one time. I know it's baby steps.

I hated my stepdad for, like, ten years

and then woke up one day and was like, "Oh.

This man's here to help me, and he loves me."

And ever since that happened,

he became one of my best friends.

- Come on. Let's go.

Stretch.

- "National Geographic" put a 9-year-old boy,

emphasis on boy,

who wants people to think he's really a girl

on the January cover of the magazine.

- That's the article,

this wicked, satanic movement that's promoted

and messed around with this poor young man's mind.

- God has made us male and female.

- You know, a person who's turning themselves

into a transgender is some kind of a creature.

- Like this Avery young person.

- Same exact people.

- How does he define himself as a "girl?"

- Right.

- What "National Geographic" has on its cover

is pedophilia.

- "National Geographic" is something

that we're very proud of.

I also think it's something

that has caused a lot of turmoil

in our life for the last month.

- I got a message

from my mom and dad

that they're not happy about seeing you

on "National Geographic" and stuff,

and they think that we have put you out there

trying to get fame and attention,

and they're worried that you will never be able

to come back later now that people have seen you

on such a big stage

and tell us that you're really a boy

and you wanna go back to living like a boy.

'Cause that's what they seem to think.

Do you think you're gonna ever wanna go back

to just living like a boy?

- No. - Why not?

- Because I'm a girl, I guess.

I don't really know how to answer the question.

Good Meat. Good Meat.

Good, good, good, good, good Meat.

Good Meat.

- The inauguration of the 45th U.S. president

now in the books--

- TVs across Kansas City broadcasting the inauguration.

- Now that Trump is our president,

that does worry me

just because of all the transgender inequality stuff.

I am just in fear all the time.

- We're more than a thousand miles

from the heart of it all in Washington, D.C.,

but that did not stop Kansas Citians

from tuning in.

Many people I spoke with off-camera

still not comfortable with President Donald Trump.

- Transgenders here in the metro worry

about what may happen next.

- President Trump announcing

that most transgender troops would no longer be able

to serve in the military.

- I think when you have an administration of people

that are actively vying against you,

yeah, it's very scary, and we're terrified

of what the next four years is gonna bring.

- This is not a pleasant time to be out and visibly trans.

Hi. My name is Phoenix.

I live in kindergarten.

- You live in kindergarten?

No, you live in Lawrence.

- No.

- You--

- I live in country.

Country is United States of America.

- So I've got the kids in public school.

The night before school pictures,

Phoenix decided to go back to living as a boy.

We didn't know what was going on.

It was all very sudden.

- Nuh-uh. Me boy.

- You know, it is okay

for boys to wear girl clothes and--

- Nuh-uh. - Girls to wear boy clothes.

- Not dresses. Or skirt.

- Yeah, boys can wear dresses and skirts.

That's really okay. - Not dress.

- We have several theories about what's going on

with why Phoenix went back to boy.

One is, was Zach encouraging it?

Or now that we live with my dad,

he has a more regular male role model.

- Bang.

- Every time I've asked him what he wants

for his birthday, he'd say, "A gun!"

Remember, you never have this pointed at something

you don't wanna destroy.

I'm curious to see how this pans out.

We don't really know.

What do you think?

- I think he's gonna be gender-fluid.

- You think he's gonna be gender-fluid?

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

We really could just place bets.

No one knows.

- I'm just hoping

that...

Phoenix is fully aware of what's going on

and, you know, doing this

for the right reasons and everything.

Yeah, I think we would both be ecstatic for, you know...

Phoenix to not have to deal with the transgender issues

the rest of Phoenix's life.

The whole thing is kind of a mystery at this point.

I don't know, the peer influence or whatever

maybe had something to do with it.

He got into school and started seeing other boys

wearing boy clothes and things like that.

It's also never been a huge deal to me,

because...

I love Phoenix,

not, like, my son Phoenix or my daughter Phoenix.

It's, I love Phoenix.

- Hey. - You got a car?

- Yes, girl. How do you like it?

- It's nice. When'd you get it?

- Today.

- Now that you have a car, we can go, like, wherever now.

- Downtown, honey.

- Downtown. - Yes.

- Westport.

Vintage shopping.

- Yes. - We don't have to ask.

- I think it'll be cool

'cause then we can go to guys' houses

whenever we want.

There's been some changes.

Me and Brian broke up.

The ending of it-- it kinda hit me as a surprise

for his feelings on it because I thought

that he really, really, truly loved me.

He told me that he was using me as a cover-up

because he wasn't sure of his identity

in the sexual world,

and that was really what crushed me,

'cause I felt used, and I felt betrayed

by someone who told me that they had loved me

and cared about me for who I was,

and to be told that I was just a cover-up

was heart-wrenching.

- Yeah.

- I just kind of told him, you know, stay out of my life.

Stay out of my business.

I just felt betrayed.

- It was all so, like, sudden. - I know.

- Like, it kinda just came out of the blue,

and you told me and I was like, "Oh."

- I mean, there were some, like, signs, I think,

that we both saw

and were just kinda like, mm, mm.

- But--but is it--yeah. - Yeah.

When I started dating Brian,

it felt like an authentication kinda thing.

Like, I'm dating a straight man and he sees me as a woman,

and I was like, that is so exciting,

'cause I was like, that's all I wanted,

and, I mean, when I loved him, I genuinely did,

so that's pretty sad,

but...you move on.

And so instead of dating boys, I buy shoes now.

So--

it brings me just as much joy.

- How's it going? - Good.

It's cold outside. - Yeah.

You wanna take your jacket off real quick?

So Lanie's fully moved in, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

How's it going? - We still butt heads a lot.

- Yeah?

- Oh, I forgot to-- I can self-shot myself.

- Yeah? I saw a video-- - I don't need help.

- But I didn't know if that was just a one-time thing.

- No, I do it every night by myself.

- That's awesome.

I do mine every Saturday, not every day,

but I'll still take, like, a second and breathe

and sometimes I'll even close my eyes when I do it,

but it's just, like, a deep breath and then--

Go.

So-- - Yeah.

- I don't know that it ever actually gets any easier.

- So how's everything with your surgery?

- I've had a complete total hysterectomy,

so my primary hormone is testosterone.

So how about the medicine for your voice and everything?

Is that still going okay?

- Yeah. - Good.

- I just don't feel like there's any change.

- Well, it's one of those things

they said, too, it takes a while to build up, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Looks good.

- Jay, we have some news for you.

- Are you--you wanna tell him?

- Your mom and I...

are pretty sure we're gonna go get married.

- We're getting married 'cause we love each other.

That's a given.

But a lot of the reason is, remember when I told you

that with my insurance at work,

we changed insurance companies this last--last January?

- Mm-hmm.

- Without your human growth hormone medication,

you're never gonna grow taller.

Ever.

My insurance won't cover anything.

But...

Lanie's insurance, we've checked into it,

and her insurance covers everything.

So that's why we're rushing the marriage.

Because you can't legally be on her insurance

if we're not married.

- I love your mom. I'm gonna marry her anyway.

We're just gonna do it now.

- 'Kay.

- Mm-hmm.

- Avery.

You have behaved so well for the last week and a half,

and you're starting to mess it up right now.

- I'm not choosing to be difficult at all.

- What's the conference about?

- It's going to be in Washington, D.C.

- Yeah, we're going to Washington, D.C.

We're gonna-- - Again?

- We're gonna-- - Again.

- And we're gonna be moving to the White House

the central area,

to throw a book at Donald Trump's face.

- I don't think that we wanna say that, no.

This one is Time to THRIVE,

and it's for people who work with LGBTQ youth,

and we actually go and meet with our senators,

some representatives.

After we do that,

we go and sit

and sell some of Avery's books for a little while.

Avery.

Manners.

- I just don't wanna even have a book.

I've done too much in this world.

It's ruined my life enough, and now

everyone in this world is going to know.

If I sell my book, it's gonna get on the news

for, like--along with me

for, like, the 50th time at this point,

and it's just gonna make my life worse.

- A couple years ago, you wanted people to know.

- Yeah, I did. - But now?

- But now--that was really a stupid, silly mistake,

and now I don't.

Yeah. That's something.

- Mm-hmm. - I'll go pack now.

- This is hard

because her future depends on what we do right now.

- Take it. - Stop, Ave.

Here. Put it in here.

Things are going to get worse if more people don't step up

and fight.

But I do struggle

with letting her just enjoy childhood.

Avery.

Oh, my goodness.

- It's ginormous.

- It's so critical right now

that we personalize trans issues

for senators and representatives

and they understand what's at stake.

I don't know if she understands

the gravity of that,

but she is walking these halls,

and that visibility alone matters.

I'm Debi Jackson, and I live in South Kansas City.

It's her story in her own words from after she transitioned,

and, you know, all the other things that she is

besides being transgender.

- Right.

- Can you sign?

Oh, my goodness. With force.

- I am an independent woman.

- I just really need you to not be rude.

Okay?

- Is Avery signing copies?

- She is not at the moment. - All right.

- But maybe after a few bites of cheese.

- We're waiting to meet you. - I'm not--

- Are you kidding? You're pretty famous.

- No, that--I'm not Avery.

I am--Avery's not here.

I'm just filling in.

- Do you mind signing a book for me?

Smiley face or, like, a unicorn or a star?

- We've had a very long day.

- Yeah, I hear ya.

- She doesn't wanna be on display.

It's exhausting

constantly being looked at.

So obviously, she's going to need a break

from all the attention.

- Everybody's hair is down.

If I would've known you could've had

your hair down, I would've had my hair down.

- I am very nervous, and this is a big deal though.

But anyways, yeah, it's Kansas City Fashion Week.

Huge, huge opportunity for her, so, I mean--

but there's gonna be hundreds of girls here.

- Oh, you're so glittery.

- Right over there.

- Okay.

I'm so nervous.

- 478?

Hi. - How are you?

- Good. How are you?

- Pretty good. - Good.

All right. Jenna?

- Leena. - Oh, sorry, Leena.

- You're fine. You're fine.

- Yeah.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- I got a call from, like, a couple of designers,

and I got cast to walk for a swimwear line.

And we had called them and told them, you know,

like, "Just so you know, like, I'm trans.

"Like, everything's fine.

"I can still, like, wear swimwear and all that

"and that's, like, not a problem,

"but we just want you to be aware

"of, you know, everything,

"so you as a designer can have that information or whatever."

And about two days later or so, I got a call back

saying, "We had, you know, had a meeting

"with our creative directors,

and we'll be switching some girls out."

I was the only person on the whole cast

that got cut.

There's a little, you know, bias out there.

You get used to it.

'Cause it is such a-- like, a religious area,

and it's so conservative that it's hard

for other people to have, you know,

any sort of an open mind

for people who aren't like them.

The designer has 900 followers on Instagram,

so pretty irrelevant in my life, so...

- I'm nervous. - I know.

- You're not the one who has to talk

in front of a bunch of people.

- Yes, I do.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm gonna do a speech.

- Speech about what? - None of your business.

- So I had to un-invite my mom to the wedding.

I just couldn't handle the negativity anymore

and the comments that she was saying about Jay.

It's supposed to be a day of celebration for all of us.

I mean, I feel bad,

but I don't need that around me.

And Jay doesn't need that around him either.

- No. Nuh-uh.

Keep your eyes closed. - They're closed.

- Look that way. - They're closed.

- Hey, babe.

- Hey.

- You look beautiful.

- So before we get started,

Jay said he had some words

he'd like to share with everyone.

- Hi, everyone.

So I just wanna say that...

- That I love you guys and that--oh, my God.

That they mean a lot to me

and I'm really happy that Lanie makes my mom happy

and it's really important that my mom's happy

and I'm glad that we can be here tonight

to celebrate their happiness.

I love you guys.

- Oh, Jay. - Oh!

- Hug it out. Hug it out.

- I pronounce you married. You may kiss the bride.

- Yes! - Yeah!

- She only needs, like, two or three pieces of sweet potato

about that big.

Watch your fingers there.

- Okay.

My mom found this really cool nature program

where I get to go take care of animals.

I get to feed them, clean their cages,

and just kinda hang out with them.

Is this a poisonous snake?

- No.

- Do you think

I would let you do a poisonous snake?

- Nope.

- She's one of the best ones.

- It's actually something with responsibilities

that I actually have to do something

and, like, it's just something that's fun

and that makes me excited for when I get to go.

- Anything with a mouth can bite,

so we don't touch the mouth or the head, right?

So we always stay towards the back or the tail.

- I'm very happy my mom found this

'cause now I get to experience the real world

of that place, which is amazing.

- So just, like, the doctor that I've chosen

for a consultation.

- Where? - In San Francisco.

Sexual reassignment surgery.

Or you can call it GRS,

which is just gender reassignment--

- What? Jeer-ess?

- GRS. - Oh.

- What do you mean? - So you can have sex?

- Grandma.

The playpen.

- Well, that's one way to look at it.

- Yeah, that's the-- that's the whole surgery.

Creating a playpen.

- 5'2".

- Yes!

- Oh, my God. - We broke five foot.

- We've had so many changes since the wedding.

We've moved to a new apartment.

- This is our living room.

Then this is my room.

- Jay was able to get his birth certificate changed

to male.

They changed it!

- Okay, stop shaking me.

- And the biggest change of all

is that Jay finally is taking testosterone.

- Your face is way different than it was last year.

- No, go like this.

- Oh, man! You got your peach fuzz.

- He is physically changing so much so fast.

It's crazy.

- Four, five.

Done.

- Oh, you didn't cry.

- Oh, my God. Now it burns.

- Yeah, but you're gonna get used to it,

and it's only every two weeks.

- Gimme five. - Burns so bad.

- I like it.

- Hi, Phoenix.

Every day, first thing I do when I wake up

is go to Facebook Memories

and delete any mention of him being a girl

and change pronouns back to he if it shows up.

There's this whole little precious time

in his childhood

that is, like, a dark secret,

which, in retrospect, I can't believe that happened.

It was a huge mistake.

Children are not transgender.

He's a boy.

He was born a boy. He's always been a boy.

He'll always be a boy.

And maybe there are people who actually are,

and it's probably a mental disorder.

But I don't think it's, like, inherently bad.

Like, ADHD is a mental disorder.

That's--you can live with that.

- You do seem like you've had, like, a 180 change.

- Oh, I know.

No, I've--yeah, no, I'm glad I changed.

I like this a lot more.

I don't know, it was just, like, a whole--

it completely changed my life.

I think a lot of it was just--

I'm being me now without a spouse's influence.

- Phoenix was so young

when these things were happening.

I think there was always

kind of in the back of our mind of,

is this just a kid being a kid

and just wanting to dress up in clothes

and, you know,

being primarily surrounded by Mom

and an older sister at home

and Dad's at work all the time?

- I don't know where it came from.

I do wonder how much Zach had an influence on that.

Like, when Phoenix said he was girl,

I was freaking out,

and he was like, la-dee-da-dee, it's all fine.

- There's a lot to it that I have no idea

if Molly or I made the right decisions,

or, you know, but it doesn't feel wrong

to support my kid, so I don't feel bad about that.

- If Phoenix came to me again and said he thinks he's a girl,

I would...

strongly prevent myself from combusting like a volcano

and get him in therapy and support him

as best as I can under his therapist's guidance.

- I don't feel like I would do anything differently.

You know, you were saying some things like that

to where you wanted to wear dresses

and you used to say

that, like, you identified as, like, girl-boy

and all those types of things, so--

- I'm definitely a boy.

- Yeah. I think so too.

If that changes down the line, we'll--

we'll call you a girl later if you want.

- Mm-mm.

You think you're gonna stay a boy

the whole rest of your life?

Yeah. That's fine too.

Doesn't really matter.

Doesn't matter to me at least.

Some people, it matters, but I don't care.

- Even if someone

starts a transition, and then they desist,

that doesn't mean it's always going to be

100% desistance.

It could be temporary.

They could also get messages from other people around them

that it's really not okay

and we're kind of tired of this

and this isn't natural,

and they can suppress things for a while.

That's why it's important to let your child explore.

If they end up being trans, they're trans.

If they don't, all they got from you

is that you love them enough

to give them a chance to figure it out.

- Alexa, sing me "Happy Birthday."

- Alexa.

What is transgender?

- When a person identifies as transgender,

it means that the gender

with which they personally identify

does not match the sex

to which they were assigned at birth.

- Thank you.

- This is for MCC.

We want that. - This is a private university.

- Yeah, here's all the stuff for it.

Springfield.

Oh, my gosh. You have so much.

Rockhurst.

I think you can do A+ there. - No.

- No?

KU. We're gonna keep that, right?

- Yes.

- Never even heard of this college.

- It's a Christian college.

- Okay, so that's a no.

- Another KU. Man, it's a sign.

Ugh, Mizzou.

Okay, where's that--

the military packet that you got in the mail?

You didn't even open it.

- Yeah, 'cause it's not an option.

- Why is it not an option?

- 'Cause the laws.

- I remember when you wanted to be in the military.

- Yeah.

- So I guess that's a throwaway?

- Yeah. - Sorry.

You know, you once told me that you had wished

you had just have owned your truth, I guess, in a sense

and not made everything so complicated

as far as, like, hiding who you were.

I mean, has that changed now?

Because I always thought that--

well, when we talked about college the other day,

you had said that you would tell your roommates,

like, your dorm--the people that you're dorming with

that you were trans

so that they were comfortable with it,

so that they didn't feel deceived.

Does that make sense? - Yes.

- Do you feel like

you just don't wanna say anything at all

to your dorm buddies?

- Probably not at first, no.

Because on the first day of college,

if I tell them I'm trans, and then--

what, I could get beat up

by a whole bunch of their friends

because I don't know who they are

or who they hang out with?

- You know that Lanie and I, especially me,

are 100% behind whatever decision you--

you know, I'm not gonna force you to do anything.

- I know. Just--I don't know.

I think we should just take it step by step.

I mean, I don't really know.

- Okay.

See you in five days.

- Good luck.

- Right. - Yeah, be careful.

- We'll see you girls. - Bye.

- I'm going to meet

pretty much the most renowned doctor there is

for this procedure.

- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

From the flight deck, I'd like to add a welcome

aboard Alaska Airlines flight 3375,

currently operated by SkyWest Airlines,

with service to San Francisco.

- If I was to go to the doctor,

and I know this sounds, like, dramatic or whatever,

but if they were to tell me it wasn't an option

for some reason,

or that I wasn't a candidate for it,

I don't think I would be able to pick myself up from that.

I don't think I would be able to, like, carry on from that.

- Take a deep breath.

- Hi. Hello.

- How are you? - Hello, hello.

- You must be Leena. - Yeah. Hi.

- Hi. I'm Dr. Bowers. - Nice to meet you.

- Hi. It's a pleasure.

So where are you in the process of transition, then?

- I started transitioning at about, like, 11 years old.

I think as I've just gotten older,

my gender dysphoria's gotten, like, a little worse.

- And so-- - Sure.

- I've noticed just kind of as I've gotten older,

I've gotten more uncomfortable by it.

- Mm-hmm.

This is something most kids, most adults,

have been fighting their entire lives.

You think that if you're born with a penis,

that means, automatically, you're a boy.

I delivered babies for 20 years.

We delivered a surprisingly large number

of kids whose genitals were not necessarily male or female.

So even in nature, God does not get it

exactly divided into two camps.

The thing is, the penis is the same

as the clitoris, really.

Everything a boy has, a girl has,

and everything a girl has, a boy has.

And then I deconstruct genitals when I do my surgical work

and then build them back up.

We're just turning back the clock basically.

I know.

Are you on our list for surgery now?

Do you have a surgery date?

- I don't think we're on the list yet.

- 'Cause that's the biggest holdup.

That's what we should really do

is get you on our list, though, for surgery.

- Thank you very much.

- Absolutely. - We greatly appreciate it.

You don't know how much this means.

- Relief is the single biggest emotion that people feel

when they're done with this surgery.

They just feel like, "Ah, finally.

My body is aligned with my soul."

- I don't know how much talking I'm gonna do, to be honest.

- Hey, let's roll this window up now.

- Mm.

- It's just taken a long time to get here,

and she's very busy,

and just meeting her is just...

It's, like, kinda like--

the only way I could put it into words would be, like,

imagine your heart failing and it getting worse and worse,

like, every day and then someone just being like,

"I have a heart for you."

It's just kind of like, wow.

So it's-- - Yeah.

- It's, like, everything.

- Did I tell you today I love you?

- I love you too.

- Get it to the perfect Pixie temperature.

- I think you like the bath, Pixie.

I didn't think you'd like it very much.

- She's not bothered.

Yeah, she's just, like, chilling.

This is, like, the most enjoyable thing ever.

- Okay.

- Was that fun?

Was it?

Good girl.

- You think someday, you'll wanna go out

and talk to people again?

- Heck no. - No?

- No. - Your time is done?

- Yeah, no.

- I think it's great

that Avery just gets to be a kid.

- I asked her if she would like all of us

to just kinda fade into the background,

and she said no

because it's still important work.

- I think we keep doing what we're doing.

I think, if anything, we have to do more.

- I don't just wanna be known

as someone that's transgender.

Like, that's not how I wanna make people happy.

I just wanna make people happy from being funny, lighthearted,

and not talk about all the serious things going on

'cause I don't want everyone to have to think

about everything that's wrong with the world.

I want them to think about what's good.

- Hello, children.

- Hello. - Hi, Mommy.

- Actually, that was pretty great.

See what happens when you look?

- This is "The Book With No Pictures," okay?

- Okay.

- Okay? - Eh!

- "It might seem no fun

"to have someone read you a book

"with no pictures.

It probably seems boring and serious."

- Wait, wait. - "Except--"

- It's in italics,

so you have to go like, "Boring and serious!"

- Today, I'm going to be asking

a girl to prom and as my girlfriend.

So you see that?

- Want me to help you with the tie?

- No, I can reach it.

- I mean this. - No.

- You look very handsome.

- Why are you laughing?

- I was nervous of making this documentary

'cause it's gonna be, like, out in the public.

I'm scared. I don't--

I'm not sure if I am ready for it to come out.

But I know one thing that is gonna come out of it

is that there's gonna be that one kid

or that one teenager

that's gonna go to their parents

and say, "Hey, look at this,"

and it's gonna help that one person

figure out the rest of their journey.

- What I really hope is that people realize

that we're not, like, some exotic species.

Like, we're a human.

That's what matters.

We do human things.

We have human emotions.

We're human,

just that was born a little bit different.

That's--it's plain and simple.

- Hey. - I'm ready to go.

- Hey. What's up, superstar?

- This is something you've been looking forward to.

- And thankfully, you guys are going with me and--

- I wouldn't have it any other way.

- Define "making out" for me.

- For us, it's three pecks on the lips.

- There's no tongue?

- No! Ew!

- That's so gross!

I don't even know how French people do it!

- People ask you,

how is it living with someone who's transgender?

- Horrible!

Horrible!

- There's your answer.

I just broke the fourth wall.

I have learned a lot.

I've learned to do things to make myself happy.

Don't let people that box you out

make you feel any less.

Hi, I'm a.t. Furuya.

I'm the Youth Programs Senior Manager for GLSEN,

and welcome to today's culture close-up

for the HBO documentary film, Transhood.

We will be joined by two of the film's subjects, Lena and Jay.

How did you feel about the film and the experience

and how it all came together?

I think it's, like, groundbreaking.

I've never seen anything like this.

And especially with all of our varying ages.

I think that that's really interesting

to get a point of view from how early,

as a trans person, you can feel

that authentic self.

The main reason why I did it is because you always have to

look out for others that don't have a voice.

What was put in the documentary

will help people that have no idea what kids go through

in this process. It will help families.

It will be an eye opener.

Lena, if you're comfortable,

in high school how did you navigate

identity harrassment and bullying?

How does it feel looking back at that?

When it comes to school, it was just kind of

an everyday thing. There were always the jokes.

There were always the slurs. There were always things.

I remember I was walking through the hallway

and I heard on the intercom someone call my old name,

my dead name, that had been changed for two years.

I would just sit in my car and have, like, a panic attack

for like hours.

Who's the problem gonna be with today?

Is it gonna be with a teacher? Is it gonna be with a student?

I hope everybody who's watching this, you know,

and their experience has it easier.

I'm so sorry. I don't believe any-- anybody deserves that kind of

harassment and bullying.

Jay, do you mind sharing a little bit about your experience?

Teachers put me in the corner.

They would box my whole desk off from other students.

People saw me being trans as a disease that I was going to

infect the other students.

I had recess inside. I had--

My bathroom breaks weren't with everybody else.

They were separate.

Most of my schooling was alone at a desk bordered off.

You had to just endure so much. Sorry that happened.

I identify as non-binary, more specifically agender.

So I don't identify with gender at all.

I do think that was an interesting piece of the film

that there was not as much of a focus on medical transition.

And just more of a focus on how do we accept people

and their identities.

I think a big movement in the trans community is around

like being enough. Like you are enough.

How you show up.

You're whole in all of your identity.

Whether you've had affirming surgery or not.

I think that's an important piece.

If a parent came up to you and was like,

"I have a trans kid, potentially, what do I do?"

What advice would you give them?

I think understanding that

this is not just a temporary feeling.

That at a very young age a lot of trans people do know

who they are.

Listen to your child.

Listen to what they want.

If they wanna cut their hair...

If they wanna dress like a guy, they wanna dress like a girl,

let them figure out who they wanna be.

There's nothing wrong with allowing your kid

to have that experimental time.

Once you're an adult, the world is a little bit more

cold to you and not so forgiving.

You know, the thing that everybody calls it

is a "phase"... what if it is? You know what I mean?

What if they just wanna try something because they think

that maybe that's gonna make them feel comfortable.

And I'm not saying trans is a phase at all.

But I'm saying that people sometimes like to try things

before they say, "This is me, this is who I am."

And when I did try it, that is who I want to be.

It made me absolutely happy.

It made me comfortable in my skin,

and that's who I was.

Don't be afraid to introduce them to older people

who are trans.

And more than anything just love your child

because unconditional love is irreplaceable.

Not everybody is lucky enough to have it.

Just really love your child and support them

and make them feel wanted and seen.

That unconditional love is a matter of life and death

for a lot of young people.

The most important piece is allowing folks to be

who they are and allowing folks to show up

as their authentic selves.

That's gonna be a major guidance for parents

as they support their kid.

Listen to what they want, listen to what they need

because you could change their whole entire world.

They will forever respect that and they will forever see that

you're their number one supporter by letting them be

who they wanna be.