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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,992 --> 00:00:03,749 It seems the way they design the car alarms... 2 00:00:05,258 --> 00:00:09,035 ...is so that the car will behave as if it was a nervous, hysterical person. 3 00:00:09,196 --> 00:00:13,191 Anyone goes near it, anyone disturbs it, it's: 4 00:00:13,358 --> 00:00:16,207 Lights flashing on and off, acting all crazy. 5 00:00:16,367 --> 00:00:18,954 Not everyone wants to draw that much attention to themselves. 6 00:00:19,121 --> 00:00:21,708 Wouldn't it be nice to have a car alarm that was more subtle? 7 00:00:21,874 --> 00:00:24,875 Maybe just, you know, somebody tries to break in, and it goes: 8 00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:31,890 ''Excuse me?'' 9 00:00:32,343 --> 00:00:34,995 I would like a car alarm like that. 10 00:00:40,859 --> 00:00:42,354 Do you believe this? 11 00:00:42,524 --> 00:00:44,085 Car was parked right out front. 12 00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:47,003 -Was the alarm on? -I don't know. I guess it was on. 13 00:00:47,166 --> 00:00:51,161 I don't know my alarm sound. I'm not tuned into it like it's my son. 14 00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:54,335 I don't understand. How do these thieves start the car? 15 00:00:54,498 --> 00:00:57,663 -They cross the wires or something. -Cross the wires? 16 00:00:57,827 --> 00:00:59,967 I can't even make a pot of spaghetti. 17 00:01:00,132 --> 00:01:02,337 -Hey. -They stole my car. 18 00:01:02,501 --> 00:01:04,574 -Who did? -They did. 19 00:01:04,742 --> 00:01:06,565 Was it more than just one? 20 00:01:06,727 --> 00:01:08,190 What should I do? Call the police? 21 00:01:08,744 --> 00:01:10,917 What are they gonna do? 22 00:01:11,497 --> 00:01:15,077 You know, I'd better call the car-phone company, cancel my service. 23 00:01:15,755 --> 00:01:17,764 Maybe you should call your car phone. 24 00:01:17,933 --> 00:01:19,821 Yeah. 25 00:01:19,982 --> 00:01:22,122 He's probably driving it right now. 26 00:01:22,287 --> 00:01:25,158 Wait a minute. Call the car phone. See what happens. 27 00:01:25,328 --> 00:01:27,020 -Are you serious? -Yeah, go ahead. Call. 28 00:01:27,185 --> 00:01:29,968 I don't even know if l remember the number. 29 00:01:30,963 --> 00:01:33,233 What do I say if he picks up? 30 00:01:33,396 --> 00:01:35,153 -Hello. -Hello. 31 00:01:35,317 --> 00:01:40,502 -Is this 555-8383? -I have no idea. 32 00:01:40,663 --> 00:01:42,803 -Can I ask you a question? -Sure. 33 00:01:43,065 --> 00:01:46,165 -Did you steal my car? -Yes, I did. 34 00:01:48,092 --> 00:01:50,035 -You did? -I did. 35 00:01:50,204 --> 00:01:53,883 -But that's my car. -I didn't know it was yours. 36 00:01:54,046 --> 00:01:57,660 -What are you gonna do with it? -I don't know. Drive around. 37 00:01:57,824 --> 00:02:01,208 -Then can I have it back? -No, I'm gonna keep it. 38 00:02:01,378 --> 00:02:04,413 Let me talk to him. Give it, give it, give it. 39 00:02:06,468 --> 00:02:08,356 -Hello. -Yeah, who's this? 40 00:02:08,516 --> 00:02:09,946 -Kramer. -Hello, Kramer. 41 00:02:10,118 --> 00:02:13,829 Listen, there's a pair of gloves in the glove compartment. 42 00:02:13,991 --> 00:02:15,399 Wait, hold it. 43 00:02:17,097 --> 00:02:19,008 -Brown ones? -Yeah. 44 00:02:19,178 --> 00:02:21,863 Could you mail those to me? Or bring them by my building. 45 00:02:22,027 --> 00:02:25,258 -It's 129 West 81 st Street. - 1 29.... Okay. 46 00:02:25,421 --> 00:02:29,067 All right, thanks a lot. Here's Jerry. 47 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,349 Gloves. 48 00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:35,278 -Hello. -Jerry. 49 00:02:36,082 --> 00:02:40,524 Yeah. Let me ask you a question. How do you cross those wires? 50 00:02:40,692 --> 00:02:42,700 I didn't cross any wires. The keys were in it. 51 00:02:42,869 --> 00:02:47,694 Sid left the keys in the car. All right, I gotta go. Drive carefully. 52 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:52,082 Hey, Jerry, when's the last time you had a tune-up? Because I can't find-- 53 00:02:52,249 --> 00:02:55,000 -Sid left the keys in the car. -Who's Sid? 54 00:02:55,163 --> 00:02:57,368 Guy in the neighborhood. He parks cars on the block. 55 00:02:57,532 --> 00:02:59,737 -What do you mean? -He moves them from side to side... 56 00:02:59,901 --> 00:03:02,269 -...so you don't get a ticket. -You pay him for that? 57 00:03:02,527 --> 00:03:05,310 -Yeah. Like 50 bucks a month. -How many people does he do it for? 58 00:03:05,472 --> 00:03:08,922 -The whole block, 40, 50 cars. -He only works three hours a day. 59 00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:13,020 He makes a fortune. He's been doing that for years, right, Jerry? 60 00:03:13,508 --> 00:03:14,753 Could anybody do that? 61 00:03:14,917 --> 00:03:18,082 -Hey, Sid. What happened? -I'm sorry, Jerry. 62 00:03:18,246 --> 00:03:19,840 Maybe I'm too old for this stuff. 63 00:03:20,007 --> 00:03:21,633 You left the keys in the car? 64 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,322 Well, they're making that Woody Allen movie on the block... 65 00:03:24,490 --> 00:03:27,273 ...and all those people and trucks everywhere... 66 00:03:27,434 --> 00:03:29,607 ...and when I saw him, I must've been distracted. 67 00:03:29,772 --> 00:03:31,845 -You know I'm in that movie. -You're what? 68 00:03:32,013 --> 00:03:34,119 -Yeah, I'm an extra. -How'd you get that? 69 00:03:34,286 --> 00:03:37,583 Well, I was just watching them film yesterday, and some guy asked me. 70 00:03:37,743 --> 00:03:41,006 -Right out of the clear blue sky? -Clear blue sky. 71 00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:44,138 -Why didn't they ask me? -I got a quality. 72 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:49,198 -Hey, Jerry, you got insurance, right? -Yeah, but no car. I'll have to rent one. 73 00:03:49,365 --> 00:03:51,854 I'm going to visit my sister in Virginia next Wednesday... 74 00:03:52,022 --> 00:03:53,779 ...for a week, so I can't park it. 75 00:03:53,943 --> 00:03:55,570 -This Wednesday? -No, next Wednesday. 76 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:56,947 Week after this Wednesday. 77 00:03:57,113 --> 00:04:00,343 But the Wednesday two days from now is the next Wednesday. 78 00:04:01,146 --> 00:04:03,668 lf I meant this Wednesday, I would've said this Wednesday. 79 00:04:03,836 --> 00:04:06,520 It's the week after this Wednesday. 80 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,805 Sid, who's gonna move the cars while you're away? 81 00:04:10,975 --> 00:04:13,432 Whoever wants to move them. What do I care who moves them? 82 00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,194 They can move themselves if they want. 83 00:04:15,361 --> 00:04:17,467 Maybe I could move them until you get back. 84 00:04:17,634 --> 00:04:21,313 What's a young man like you want to move cars for? You don't work? 85 00:04:21,476 --> 00:04:23,419 I'm in a transition phase right now. 86 00:04:23,718 --> 00:04:26,469 Well, if you want to move the cars, move the cars. 87 00:04:26,631 --> 00:04:30,145 -Just don't forget to take the keys out. -All right. 88 00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:36,552 Hello. Yeah, the defroster's the one on the bottom. 89 00:04:36,716 --> 00:04:38,986 Just slide it all the way over. 90 00:04:39,854 --> 00:04:41,064 You're welcome. 91 00:04:41,229 --> 00:04:43,914 I'm in awe of his intellect. When he talks, it sounds like... 92 00:04:44,079 --> 00:04:47,693 -...he's reading from one of his novels. -Owen March. I never heard of him. 93 00:04:48,017 --> 00:04:51,335 -Well, he's not a baseball player. -Yeah, that's true. 94 00:04:51,507 --> 00:04:55,371 -It sounds like it's going pretty good. -Yeah. Well, there is one little problem. 95 00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:57,963 -What's that? -He's 66 years old. 96 00:04:58,134 --> 00:05:00,590 Next, please. 97 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,483 Go. Go. She-- 98 00:05:02,648 --> 00:05:04,176 Go. Come on. 99 00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,807 Can I help you? Name, please. 100 00:05:05,978 --> 00:05:11,382 Seinfeld. I made a reservation for a midsize, and she's a small. 101 00:05:12,381 --> 00:05:15,065 -I'm kidding around, of course. -Yes. 102 00:05:15,230 --> 00:05:16,824 Okay, let's see here. 103 00:05:16,991 --> 00:05:21,183 -Sixty-six years old? -Yeah, well, he's in perfect health. 104 00:05:21,345 --> 00:05:24,030 He works out. He's vibrant. You'd really like him. 105 00:05:24,195 --> 00:05:28,125 Why do people always say that? I hate everybody. Why would I like him? 106 00:05:28,292 --> 00:05:30,595 Could you go out with a 66-year-old woman? 107 00:05:30,758 --> 00:05:34,622 Well, I'll tell you, she would have to be really vibrant. 108 00:05:36,232 --> 00:05:38,567 So vibrant she'd be spinning. 109 00:05:40,042 --> 00:05:42,432 I'm sorry. We have no midsize available at the moment. 110 00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,709 I made a reservation. Do you have my reservation? 111 00:05:44,876 --> 00:05:47,627 Yes, we do. Unfortunately, we ran out of cars. 112 00:05:48,109 --> 00:05:50,828 But the reservation keeps the car here. 113 00:05:50,991 --> 00:05:53,131 That's why you have the reservation. 114 00:05:53,297 --> 00:05:57,008 -I know why we have reservations. -I don't think you do. 115 00:06:00,339 --> 00:06:03,024 lf you did, I'd have a car. 116 00:06:03,189 --> 00:06:05,045 See, you know how to take the reservation. 117 00:06:05,206 --> 00:06:08,556 You just don't know how to hold the reservation. 118 00:06:08,728 --> 00:06:13,487 And that's really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. 119 00:06:13,658 --> 00:06:17,173 Anybody can just take them. 120 00:06:17,468 --> 00:06:20,153 Let me speak with my supervisor. 121 00:06:20,317 --> 00:06:22,652 Well, here we go. 122 00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:24,725 The supervisor. 123 00:06:24,896 --> 00:06:26,653 -Know what she's saying over there? -What? 124 00:06:26,817 --> 00:06:29,687 ''Hey, Marge, see those two people? They think I'm talking to you. 125 00:06:29,858 --> 00:06:33,155 So you pretend like you're talking to me. Okay, now you start talking.'' 126 00:06:33,315 --> 00:06:36,612 ''You mean like this? So it looks like I'm saying something, but I'm not.'' 127 00:06:36,773 --> 00:06:38,978 ''Say something else, and they won't yell at me... 128 00:06:39,142 --> 00:06:41,413 ...because they thought I was checking with you.'' 129 00:06:41,576 --> 00:06:43,998 ''Okay, I think that's enough. See you later.'' 130 00:06:44,168 --> 00:06:46,788 I'm sorry. My supervisor says there's nothing we can do. 131 00:06:47,243 --> 00:06:50,091 Yeah, it looked like you were in a real conversation over there. 132 00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:52,683 Well, we do have a compact if you would like that. 133 00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:54,701 -Fine. -All right. 134 00:06:54,862 --> 00:06:58,442 Well, we have a blue Ford Escort for you, Mr. Seinfeld. 135 00:06:58,608 --> 00:07:01,064 -Would you like insurance? -Yeah, give me the insurance... 136 00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:04,234 ...because I am gonna beat the hell out of this thing. 137 00:07:07,892 --> 00:07:10,544 Please fill this out. 138 00:07:11,125 --> 00:07:13,298 Do you think I'm making a big mistake? 139 00:07:13,463 --> 00:07:15,831 lf you enjoy being with him, that's what's important. 140 00:07:15,992 --> 00:07:20,184 I love being with him. I mean, I like being with him. 141 00:07:20,346 --> 00:07:22,966 It's okay being with him. 142 00:07:24,092 --> 00:07:27,192 -I just don't enjoy being with him. -Well, that's what important. 143 00:07:27,357 --> 00:07:29,398 I'm meeting him for lunch at Chadway's. 144 00:07:29,566 --> 00:07:32,884 Do I have to break up face to face, or can I just do it over the phone? 145 00:07:33,056 --> 00:07:35,064 -How many times have you been out? -Seven. 146 00:07:35,425 --> 00:07:37,084 Face to face. 147 00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:39,138 Seven dates is a face-to-face breakup? 148 00:07:39,299 --> 00:07:42,170 lf it was six, I could've let you go. 149 00:07:43,077 --> 00:07:46,275 But seven, I'm afraid, is over the limit. 150 00:07:46,439 --> 00:07:49,408 Unless, of course, there was no sex. 151 00:07:54,218 --> 00:07:56,609 How's the pasta over there? 152 00:07:59,244 --> 00:08:00,871 What is going on out there? 153 00:08:01,038 --> 00:08:03,210 I need a bucket of water. I got a car overheating. 154 00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:04,837 I got an alarm that won't go off. 155 00:08:05,007 --> 00:08:07,147 I'm pressing one. I'm pressing two. Nothing. 156 00:08:07,313 --> 00:08:09,321 What do I do? Help me. Help me. 157 00:08:17,174 --> 00:08:18,898 They were supposed to do my scene today. 158 00:08:19,062 --> 00:08:20,437 -Today? -Yeah. 159 00:08:20,599 --> 00:08:24,146 They said they wanted me to walk down the block carrying this bag of groceries. 160 00:08:24,312 --> 00:08:28,308 So I start to walk, and I trip. And the grocery bag goes flying... 161 00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:31,509 -...and Woody starts laughing. -He was laughing? 162 00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:34,842 Oh, yeah. He was drinking something. It started to come out of his nose. 163 00:08:35,006 --> 00:08:37,495 -So then what? -Well, I got a line in the movie! 164 00:08:37,663 --> 00:08:39,835 -Get out! -That's great. 165 00:08:42,017 --> 00:08:43,741 You got a line in a Woody Allen movie? 166 00:08:44,226 --> 00:08:47,806 -Pretty good, huh? -You're in the movie? 167 00:08:48,484 --> 00:08:51,420 -Is he in the scene? -Yeah, it's me and him. 168 00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:53,446 I might have a new career on my hands, huh? 169 00:08:53,607 --> 00:08:56,608 You mean ''a career.'' 170 00:08:58,665 --> 00:09:01,187 -So was Mia Farrow there? -I didn't see him. 171 00:09:03,724 --> 00:09:06,725 -What's your line? -Well, okay, I'm there with Woody... 172 00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:10,310 ...you know. I'm at this bar, and, you know, it's Woody Allen. 173 00:09:10,479 --> 00:09:12,781 -Did I mention that? -We got it. We got it. 174 00:09:12,944 --> 00:09:15,945 And I'm sitting there with Woody, and I turn to him and I go: 175 00:09:16,114 --> 00:09:19,246 Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty. 176 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:25,131 -Is that how you're gonna say it? -No, no. I'm working on it. 177 00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,157 Do it like this. 178 00:09:27,319 --> 00:09:30,932 -These pretzels are making me thirsty. -No. 179 00:09:31,096 --> 00:09:36,117 -These pretzels are making me thirsty. -No, no. See, that's no good. 180 00:09:36,283 --> 00:09:38,456 You don't know how to act. 181 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,595 These pretzels... 182 00:09:41,501 --> 00:09:43,225 ...are making me thirsty! 183 00:09:46,816 --> 00:09:50,014 -That was no good? -I didn't say anything. 184 00:09:50,178 --> 00:09:52,481 All right, I'm gonna go break up with Owen. 185 00:09:52,643 --> 00:09:56,539 What was wrong with that? I had a different interpretation. 186 00:09:56,709 --> 00:09:58,849 Do you know anything about this pretzel guy? 187 00:09:59,014 --> 00:10:00,837 Maybe he's been in the bar a long time... 188 00:10:00,999 --> 00:10:03,935 ...and he's really depressed because he has no job, and no woman... 189 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,828 ...and he's parking cars for a living! 190 00:10:05,993 --> 00:10:09,311 All right! All right! Shut up! Shut up! 191 00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:14,636 I hear you! I'm coming down! These pretzels are making me thirsty! 192 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:17,642 Yeah! 193 00:10:23,025 --> 00:10:24,368 Oh, my God. 194 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,052 Call an ambulance. 195 00:10:27,219 --> 00:10:29,522 Boy, he took it hard. 196 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,554 We were walking down the block... 197 00:10:33,718 --> 00:10:36,502 ...I was about to break up with him, then he started to twitch. 198 00:10:36,664 --> 00:10:40,081 Yes, I need an ambulance at 1 29 West 81 st Street, Apartment 5A. 199 00:10:40,249 --> 00:10:42,356 -Tell them to hurry. Hurry! -It's an ambulance. 200 00:10:44,668 --> 00:10:47,255 I don't know, but he's unconscious. 201 00:10:47,645 --> 00:10:50,265 These pretzels are making me thirsty. 202 00:10:52,287 --> 00:10:54,143 These pretzels are making me thirsty. 203 00:10:54,304 --> 00:10:56,160 -Kramer. -What happened here? 204 00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:58,777 I don't know. What should we do? We called an ambulance. 205 00:10:58,946 --> 00:11:01,566 -Anyone know first aid? -Do something with the extremities. 206 00:11:01,732 --> 00:11:03,456 -What extremities? -What's an extremity? 207 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,477 You raise the feet, get blood to the head. 208 00:11:05,638 --> 00:11:07,548 You raise the head, get blood to the feet. 209 00:11:07,719 --> 00:11:10,208 Okay, what about a cold compress? They always do that. 210 00:11:10,376 --> 00:11:12,002 -I don't have a washcloth. -Use a paper towel. 211 00:11:12,169 --> 00:11:14,789 -You can't put that on his head. -What about a big sponge? 212 00:11:14,955 --> 00:11:16,865 -How you gonna hold it on there? -Use a belt. 213 00:11:17,036 --> 00:11:20,420 No, no, no. That'll-- It'll drip all over him. 214 00:11:20,589 --> 00:11:22,794 -Should we walk him around? -I've seen them do that. 215 00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:25,380 -That's for a drug overdose. -Maybe that's what he's got. 216 00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:28,073 No, I just had lunch with him. He didn't leave the table. 217 00:11:28,241 --> 00:11:30,959 Well, he could've dropped acid when you weren't looking. 218 00:11:31,987 --> 00:11:33,810 He is not a drug addict. 219 00:11:33,972 --> 00:11:36,723 Maybe he's diabetic. He might just need a cookie or something. 220 00:11:36,885 --> 00:11:39,220 -A cookie! -Can you give him a cookie? 221 00:11:39,381 --> 00:11:42,449 -How's he gonna chew it? -Move his teeth. Worked for my uncle. 222 00:11:42,616 --> 00:11:45,203 The sugar revived him. 223 00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:49,556 Careful, you're getting crumbs all over him. 224 00:11:49,915 --> 00:11:52,600 I've got him chewing, but I don't think he's gonna swallow. 225 00:11:52,765 --> 00:11:55,766 Let's put a few cookies in a blender and he could drink it. 226 00:11:55,934 --> 00:11:58,553 -Cookies don't liquefy. -They do. You can liquefy a cookie. 227 00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:01,109 -I'll get the blender. -I don't have a blender. 228 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,703 -You've got a blender. -I'd know if I had a blender. 229 00:12:03,874 --> 00:12:06,558 Where is the ambulance?! 230 00:12:13,703 --> 00:12:16,606 Hello, yes. I called for an ambulance like 35 minutes ago. 231 00:12:16,776 --> 00:12:18,664 I can't believe what's going on out here. 232 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:21,826 This is an emergency. What's taking so long? 233 00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:23,914 Wait a second. Maybe that's them. 234 00:12:24,075 --> 00:12:25,352 -Hello. -Paramedics. 235 00:12:25,516 --> 00:12:28,136 Come on up. Okay, they're here. 236 00:12:30,510 --> 00:12:32,846 He seems to be breathing. 237 00:12:35,025 --> 00:12:37,896 You know, I've got to tell you, he's a pretty good-looking guy. 238 00:12:38,066 --> 00:12:39,277 I know. 239 00:12:39,442 --> 00:12:42,029 Those eyebrows could use a trimming. You ever mention that? 240 00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,953 Almost. 241 00:12:44,117 --> 00:12:46,573 I mean, because, come on, they're running wild there. 242 00:12:47,159 --> 00:12:49,942 -It's not an easy thing to bring up. -Yeah, that's true. 243 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,243 You should see his bathrobe, man. It's all silk. 244 00:12:52,409 --> 00:12:55,094 Yeah. Does he wear slippers. I bet he wears slippers. 245 00:12:55,258 --> 00:12:58,576 -He does. How'd you know that? -I could tell. 246 00:13:00,316 --> 00:13:02,040 What happened? What took you so long? 247 00:13:02,206 --> 00:13:04,246 We got here 20 minutes ago, but we couldn't move. 248 00:13:04,414 --> 00:13:07,230 The intersection is gridlocked. I've never seen anything like it. 249 00:13:07,392 --> 00:13:10,742 Finally we make the turn, and this guy who was triple-parking cars... 250 00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:14,396 -...slammed into us with a blue Escort. -Blue Escort? 251 00:13:14,564 --> 00:13:16,801 -That's my rent-a-car! -Oh, man. 252 00:13:16,965 --> 00:13:18,110 What happened to the car? 253 00:13:18,277 --> 00:13:21,508 I'm sorry. You don't know what's going on out there! 254 00:13:21,671 --> 00:13:22,653 Who's he? 255 00:13:22,823 --> 00:13:24,384 -This guy I'm seeing. -What happened? 256 00:13:24,552 --> 00:13:28,351 -We don't know. -Who put cookies in his mouth? 257 00:13:28,522 --> 00:13:31,370 -Cookies? -You're not supposed to do that. 258 00:13:31,532 --> 00:13:34,184 -So how'd you hit the car? -I was moving it across the street. 259 00:13:34,349 --> 00:13:37,252 I looked up and I saw Woody Allen. I got all distracted. 260 00:13:37,422 --> 00:13:40,871 -It's not even my car. It's a rental. -What are you doing out there? 261 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,146 You're holding up the production of the movie. 262 00:13:43,313 --> 00:13:45,419 We can't shoot, and Woody, he's really mad at you. 263 00:13:45,586 --> 00:13:47,889 Woody mentioned me? What did he say? 264 00:13:48,051 --> 00:13:51,501 He said, ''Who's the moron who's got the street all screwed up?'' 265 00:13:51,958 --> 00:13:53,584 Should I apologize to Woody? 266 00:13:54,871 --> 00:13:56,278 All right, I'll tell you what. 267 00:13:56,439 --> 00:13:59,605 Next time I talk to him, maybe I'll bring it up. 268 00:14:00,025 --> 00:14:02,033 I'll feel him out. 269 00:14:02,587 --> 00:14:06,298 What do you think first aid was like hundreds of years ago? 270 00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:08,283 I mean, they had no medicine, no drugs... 271 00:14:08,446 --> 00:14:11,993 ...no technology, no equipment. Basically, they were there first. 272 00:14:12,159 --> 00:14:14,975 That was it. That was the whole first aid. They sit with you. 273 00:14:15,136 --> 00:14:17,112 That's all they could do. ''Can you help me?'' 274 00:14:17,282 --> 00:14:20,316 ''No, we can't help you, but we were the first ones here. 275 00:14:20,483 --> 00:14:23,649 Did you see our truck? 'First aid.' That's our motto. 276 00:14:23,813 --> 00:14:25,374 We show up before anybody.'' 277 00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:27,397 You didn't say you didn't know how to drive. 278 00:14:27,559 --> 00:14:30,560 -Should've mentioned that. -Well, I know how to drive. 279 00:14:30,728 --> 00:14:32,551 Then how did all those cars get damaged? 280 00:14:32,713 --> 00:14:35,976 Why are people calling me up, screaming on the phone? 281 00:14:36,139 --> 00:14:38,955 -Most of them canceled out on me. -Can I get anybody anything? 282 00:14:39,116 --> 00:14:40,972 Moving cars from one side to the other... 283 00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:44,200 ...don't take no more sense than putting on a pair of pants. 284 00:14:44,366 --> 00:14:48,329 My question to you is: Who's putting your pants on? 285 00:14:48,592 --> 00:14:51,528 -I put my pants on, Sid. -I don't believe you. 286 00:14:51,698 --> 00:14:53,771 You can put your pants on, you can move cars. 287 00:14:53,939 --> 00:14:56,843 I don't want to get into a big dispute about the pants. 288 00:14:57,013 --> 00:14:59,152 Who's gonna send money to my sister in Virginia? 289 00:14:59,317 --> 00:15:01,107 Her little boy needs surgery on his foot. 290 00:15:01,463 --> 00:15:05,742 He'll be walking around with a limp, because you can't park a few cars. 291 00:15:06,169 --> 00:15:07,664 Maybe I could call my father. 292 00:15:08,730 --> 00:15:12,627 -Hey, you seen the paper yet? -Interestingly enough, no... 293 00:15:12,796 --> 00:15:15,700 ...inasmuch as it is my paper. 294 00:15:15,870 --> 00:15:17,365 There's an article on that writer. 295 00:15:17,534 --> 00:15:20,919 ''Owen March, prominent author and essayist, suffered a stroke yesterday... 296 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,610 ...in the Upper West Side apartment of a friend.'' 297 00:15:23,777 --> 00:15:26,167 That's the guy that was here. You're the friend. 298 00:15:26,499 --> 00:15:30,724 Thanks. ''The extent of the damage would've been far less severe... 299 00:15:30,885 --> 00:15:33,821 ...had paramedics been able to reach him sooner.'' 300 00:15:35,206 --> 00:15:37,761 -Oh, Lord. -''The commotion also delayed... 301 00:15:37,929 --> 00:15:41,061 ...production of a Woody Allen movie that was shooting up the block. 302 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,654 A spokeswoman for the legendary filmmaker... 303 00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,154 ...said that Mr. Allen was extremely agitated... 304 00:15:46,316 --> 00:15:50,792 ...and wondered if his days of shooting movies in New York were over.'' 305 00:15:51,022 --> 00:15:52,332 Five seconds. 306 00:15:52,495 --> 00:15:56,108 Jerry, I was five seconds away from breaking up with him. 307 00:15:56,273 --> 00:16:00,815 Five seconds! The next words out of my mouth were, ''Owen, it's over.'' 308 00:16:00,980 --> 00:16:04,330 -Can he communicate? -Yeah. Well, he nods. 309 00:16:04,501 --> 00:16:06,095 And I think he understands me. 310 00:16:06,262 --> 00:16:08,335 He seems to enjoy it when I read to him. 311 00:16:09,976 --> 00:16:12,082 All right, she's free. 312 00:16:14,393 --> 00:16:16,761 Hi, I called before. My car got smashed. 313 00:16:16,923 --> 00:16:19,575 So listen. What should I do? lf I break up with him now... 314 00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:23,964 ...it'll look like I'm abandoning him. I'll be ostracized from the community. 315 00:16:24,127 --> 00:16:26,200 What community? There's a community? 316 00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:27,677 Of course there's a community. 317 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,459 All these years, I'm living in a community, I had no idea. 318 00:16:30,625 --> 00:16:35,297 Sir, the estimate on the damage to your car is 2866 dollars. 319 00:16:35,459 --> 00:16:38,460 -I got the insurance and everything-- -Yes, now, in your report... 320 00:16:38,629 --> 00:16:41,314 ...you said you weren't the driver at the time of the accident. 321 00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:43,072 Somebody else was driving it. 322 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:47,170 All right, well, sir, you're only covered for when you're driving the car. 323 00:16:47,337 --> 00:16:49,574 What's that? 324 00:16:49,738 --> 00:16:53,089 -You're not covered for other drivers. -Other drivers? 325 00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:56,109 Your whole business is based on other drivers. It's a rented car. 326 00:16:56,270 --> 00:16:58,605 That's who's driving it. Other drivers. 327 00:16:58,766 --> 00:17:00,589 Doesn't my credit card cover me? 328 00:17:00,752 --> 00:17:03,273 -Not that particular one. -I got a hundred cards. 329 00:17:03,441 --> 00:17:06,028 Here, here. Pick a card. Take any card you want. 330 00:17:06,194 --> 00:17:07,788 Go ahead. Whichever one. I don't care. 331 00:17:07,956 --> 00:17:11,918 -lf you had read the rental agreement-- -Did you see the size of that document? 332 00:17:12,085 --> 00:17:14,737 It's like the Declaration of Independence. Who's gonna read that? 333 00:17:14,902 --> 00:17:18,450 Mr. Seinfeld, as it stands right now, you are not covered for that damage... 334 00:17:18,617 --> 00:17:22,929 ...and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about that. 335 00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:26,969 These pretzels are making me thirsty. 336 00:17:34,496 --> 00:17:36,832 It's good, isn't it? 337 00:17:37,378 --> 00:17:39,418 Yankee bean. 338 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,594 Why Yankee bean, huh? 339 00:17:42,756 --> 00:17:45,856 Don't they have beans in the South? 340 00:17:46,022 --> 00:17:49,057 I mean, if you order Yankee bean in the South, are they offended? 341 00:17:52,552 --> 00:17:55,936 Yankee bean. Yankee bean. 342 00:17:56,554 --> 00:18:02,470 I like my Yankee bean. 343 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,651 Owen... 344 00:18:17,749 --> 00:18:20,368 ...I think we have to talk. 345 00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:23,503 I mean, I have to talk. 346 00:18:23,863 --> 00:18:28,983 It would be nice if we could, but, you know, whatever. 347 00:18:31,707 --> 00:18:36,379 Don't get me wrong. I like coming here and feeding you... 348 00:18:36,541 --> 00:18:40,023 ...and cleaning a little, and paying your bills. 349 00:18:40,191 --> 00:18:43,422 I mean, that's good stuff. Good stuff. 350 00:18:45,473 --> 00:18:49,883 I have a wonderful time when I'm with you. Wonderful! 351 00:18:50,884 --> 00:18:54,181 But at this point in my life, I'm not really sure... 352 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:58,851 ...that I'm ready to make a commitment to one person. 353 00:18:59,017 --> 00:19:02,215 I'm just not really sure that we have enough in common. 354 00:19:02,378 --> 00:19:05,030 I mean, for example: 355 00:19:05,195 --> 00:19:08,328 I like running in the park... 356 00:19:08,493 --> 00:19:09,955 ...bicycling... 357 00:19:10,126 --> 00:19:14,667 ...roller-skating, tennis and skiing.... 358 00:19:14,832 --> 00:19:17,135 And, well.... 359 00:19:17,297 --> 00:19:20,365 I'm gonna be brutally honest with you now. 360 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:24,305 It's a bitch to get here. It's two subways. 361 00:19:24,468 --> 00:19:27,536 I have to transfer at 42nd Street to take the double-R. 362 00:19:29,239 --> 00:19:32,885 Anyway, I mean, this doesn't mean we can't be friends. 363 00:19:35,194 --> 00:19:38,097 These pretzels are making me thirsty. 364 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,656 Can you die from an odor? 365 00:19:46,367 --> 00:19:49,368 I mean, if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks... 366 00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:53,662 -...could you die from the odor? -An overdose of odor. Good question. 367 00:19:54,082 --> 00:19:56,287 Do I smell? 368 00:19:57,444 --> 00:20:00,829 No, no, no. I was just down at the 42nd Street subway today. 369 00:20:00,998 --> 00:20:03,366 It is disgusting. 370 00:20:03,527 --> 00:20:06,278 Guess who I bumped into? Owen. 371 00:20:06,441 --> 00:20:09,312 -He's all right? -Yeah, he's almost fully recovered. 372 00:20:09,482 --> 00:20:12,233 Told me he was just using me for sex. 373 00:20:14,477 --> 00:20:15,687 -Let me get that. -I got it. 374 00:20:15,853 --> 00:20:18,124 -Please. -Let me. I smashed your car. 375 00:20:18,286 --> 00:20:19,847 It cost you over 2000 dollars. 376 00:20:20,015 --> 00:20:22,918 Yeah, a cup of coffee should cover it. 377 00:20:24,401 --> 00:20:27,501 -Oh, man. -What are you doing here? 378 00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:28,878 I got fired from the movie. 379 00:20:29,044 --> 00:20:30,605 -Get out of here. What? -What? 380 00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:33,293 Well, you know, they were going to shoot it today. 381 00:20:33,461 --> 00:20:36,779 We rehearsed it twice, and then Woody yells, ''Action.'' 382 00:20:36,951 --> 00:20:38,293 I turn to him and I say: 383 00:20:38,455 --> 00:20:40,366 ''These pretzels are making me thirsty.'' 384 00:20:40,537 --> 00:20:42,839 -Right. -Then I took a swig of beer... 385 00:20:43,002 --> 00:20:46,615 ...and I slammed the glass down on the bar, and it shattered. 386 00:20:48,028 --> 00:20:51,827 Well, one of the pieces must've hit Woody... 387 00:20:52,479 --> 00:20:54,585 ...and he started crying. 388 00:20:54,752 --> 00:20:57,884 And he yells out, ''I'm bleeding,'' and he runs off. 389 00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:02,208 Anyway, this woman, she came up to me, and she says, ''You're fired.'' 390 00:21:02,627 --> 00:21:04,635 Boy, I really nailed that scene. 391 00:21:09,863 --> 00:21:11,358 Oh, wait a-- 392 00:21:12,392 --> 00:21:15,557 Oh, for crying out loud. 393 00:21:24,046 --> 00:21:26,436 The best part of a relationship is when you're sick. 394 00:21:26,767 --> 00:21:29,387 The best part of being sick is when you're in a relationship. 395 00:21:29,553 --> 00:21:31,463 But if I got married, you know those vows... 396 00:21:31,633 --> 00:21:33,870 ...for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse. 397 00:21:34,034 --> 00:21:36,753 All I need is the sickness. That is the most important one. 398 00:21:36,916 --> 00:21:40,879 ''Do you take this man in sickness?'' 399 00:21:41,046 --> 00:21:42,672 That's the time I need somebody there. 400 00:21:42,839 --> 00:21:44,847 The rest of the time, go out, have a ball. 401 00:21:45,016 --> 00:21:47,985 But if I get the sniffles, you better be there. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 34038

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