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1
00:00:01,992 --> 00:00:03,749
It seems the way they
design the car alarms...
2
00:00:05,258 --> 00:00:09,035
...is so that the car will behave as if it
was a nervous, hysterical person.
3
00:00:09,196 --> 00:00:13,191
Anyone goes near it,
anyone disturbs it, it's:
4
00:00:13,358 --> 00:00:16,207
Lights flashing on and off,
acting all crazy.
5
00:00:16,367 --> 00:00:18,954
Not everyone wants to draw
that much attention to themselves.
6
00:00:19,121 --> 00:00:21,708
Wouldn't it be nice to have
a car alarm that was more subtle?
7
00:00:21,874 --> 00:00:24,875
Maybe just, you know, somebody
tries to break in, and it goes:
8
00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:31,890
''Excuse me?''
9
00:00:32,343 --> 00:00:34,995
I would like a car alarm like that.
10
00:00:40,859 --> 00:00:42,354
Do you believe this?
11
00:00:42,524 --> 00:00:44,085
Car was parked right out front.
12
00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:47,003
-Was the alarm on?
-I don't know. I guess it was on.
13
00:00:47,166 --> 00:00:51,161
I don't know my alarm sound.
I'm not tuned into it like it's my son.
14
00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:54,335
I don't understand. How do
these thieves start the car?
15
00:00:54,498 --> 00:00:57,663
-They cross the wires or something.
-Cross the wires?
16
00:00:57,827 --> 00:00:59,967
I can't even make a pot of spaghetti.
17
00:01:00,132 --> 00:01:02,337
-Hey.
-They stole my car.
18
00:01:02,501 --> 00:01:04,574
-Who did?
-They did.
19
00:01:04,742 --> 00:01:06,565
Was it more than just one?
20
00:01:06,727 --> 00:01:08,190
What should I do?
Call the police?
21
00:01:08,744 --> 00:01:10,917
What are they gonna do?
22
00:01:11,497 --> 00:01:15,077
You know, I'd better call the car-phone
company, cancel my service.
23
00:01:15,755 --> 00:01:17,764
Maybe you should
call your car phone.
24
00:01:17,933 --> 00:01:19,821
Yeah.
25
00:01:19,982 --> 00:01:22,122
He's probably driving it right now.
26
00:01:22,287 --> 00:01:25,158
Wait a minute. Call the car phone.
See what happens.
27
00:01:25,328 --> 00:01:27,020
-Are you serious?
-Yeah, go ahead. Call.
28
00:01:27,185 --> 00:01:29,968
I don't even know if l
remember the number.
29
00:01:30,963 --> 00:01:33,233
What do I say if he picks up?
30
00:01:33,396 --> 00:01:35,153
-Hello.
-Hello.
31
00:01:35,317 --> 00:01:40,502
-Is this 555-8383?
-I have no idea.
32
00:01:40,663 --> 00:01:42,803
-Can I ask you a question?
-Sure.
33
00:01:43,065 --> 00:01:46,165
-Did you steal my car?
-Yes, I did.
34
00:01:48,092 --> 00:01:50,035
-You did?
-I did.
35
00:01:50,204 --> 00:01:53,883
-But that's my car.
-I didn't know it was yours.
36
00:01:54,046 --> 00:01:57,660
-What are you gonna do with it?
-I don't know. Drive around.
37
00:01:57,824 --> 00:02:01,208
-Then can I have it back?
-No, I'm gonna keep it.
38
00:02:01,378 --> 00:02:04,413
Let me talk to him.
Give it, give it, give it.
39
00:02:06,468 --> 00:02:08,356
-Hello.
-Yeah, who's this?
40
00:02:08,516 --> 00:02:09,946
-Kramer.
-Hello, Kramer.
41
00:02:10,118 --> 00:02:13,829
Listen, there's a pair of gloves
in the glove compartment.
42
00:02:13,991 --> 00:02:15,399
Wait, hold it.
43
00:02:17,097 --> 00:02:19,008
-Brown ones?
-Yeah.
44
00:02:19,178 --> 00:02:21,863
Could you mail those to me?
Or bring them by my building.
45
00:02:22,027 --> 00:02:25,258
-It's 129 West 81 st Street.
- 1 29.... Okay.
46
00:02:25,421 --> 00:02:29,067
All right, thanks a lot.
Here's Jerry.
47
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,349
Gloves.
48
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:35,278
-Hello.
-Jerry.
49
00:02:36,082 --> 00:02:40,524
Yeah. Let me ask you a question.
How do you cross those wires?
50
00:02:40,692 --> 00:02:42,700
I didn't cross any wires.The keys were in it.
51
00:02:42,869 --> 00:02:47,694
Sid left the keys in the car.
All right, I gotta go. Drive carefully.
52
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:52,082
Hey, Jerry, when's the last time youhad a tune-up? Because I can't find--
53
00:02:52,249 --> 00:02:55,000
-Sid left the keys in the car.
-Who's Sid?
54
00:02:55,163 --> 00:02:57,368
Guy in the neighborhood.
He parks cars on the block.
55
00:02:57,532 --> 00:02:59,737
-What do you mean?
-He moves them from side to side...
56
00:02:59,901 --> 00:03:02,269
-...so you don't get a ticket.
-You pay him for that?
57
00:03:02,527 --> 00:03:05,310
-Yeah. Like 50 bucks a month.
-How many people does he do it for?
58
00:03:05,472 --> 00:03:08,922
-The whole block, 40, 50 cars.
-He only works three hours a day.
59
00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:13,020
He makes a fortune. He's been
doing that for years, right, Jerry?
60
00:03:13,508 --> 00:03:14,753
Could anybody do that?
61
00:03:14,917 --> 00:03:18,082
-Hey, Sid. What happened?
-I'm sorry, Jerry.
62
00:03:18,246 --> 00:03:19,840
Maybe I'm too old for this stuff.
63
00:03:20,007 --> 00:03:21,633
You left the keys in the car?
64
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,322
Well, they're making that
Woody Allen movie on the block...
65
00:03:24,490 --> 00:03:27,273
...and all those people
and trucks everywhere...
66
00:03:27,434 --> 00:03:29,607
...and when I saw him,
I must've been distracted.
67
00:03:29,772 --> 00:03:31,845
-You know I'm in that movie.
-You're what?
68
00:03:32,013 --> 00:03:34,119
-Yeah, I'm an extra.
-How'd you get that?
69
00:03:34,286 --> 00:03:37,583
Well, I was just watching them film
yesterday, and some guy asked me.
70
00:03:37,743 --> 00:03:41,006
-Right out of the clear blue sky?
-Clear blue sky.
71
00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:44,138
-Why didn't they ask me?
-I got a quality.
72
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:49,198
-Hey, Jerry, you got insurance, right?
-Yeah, but no car. I'll have to rent one.
73
00:03:49,365 --> 00:03:51,854
I'm going to visit my sister
in Virginia next Wednesday...
74
00:03:52,022 --> 00:03:53,779
...for a week, so I can't park it.
75
00:03:53,943 --> 00:03:55,570
-This Wednesday?
-No, next Wednesday.
76
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:56,947
Week after this Wednesday.
77
00:03:57,113 --> 00:04:00,343
But the Wednesday two days
from now is the next Wednesday.
78
00:04:01,146 --> 00:04:03,668
lf I meant this Wednesday,
I would've said this Wednesday.
79
00:04:03,836 --> 00:04:06,520
It's the week after this Wednesday.
80
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,805
Sid, who's gonna move the cars
while you're away?
81
00:04:10,975 --> 00:04:13,432
Whoever wants to move them.
What do I care who moves them?
82
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,194
They can move themselves
if they want.
83
00:04:15,361 --> 00:04:17,467
Maybe I could move them
until you get back.
84
00:04:17,634 --> 00:04:21,313
What's a young man like you want
to move cars for? You don't work?
85
00:04:21,476 --> 00:04:23,419
I'm in a transition phase right now.
86
00:04:23,718 --> 00:04:26,469
Well, if you want to move the cars,
move the cars.
87
00:04:26,631 --> 00:04:30,145
-Just don't forget to take the keys out.
-All right.
88
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:36,552
Hello. Yeah, the defroster's
the one on the bottom.
89
00:04:36,716 --> 00:04:38,986
Just slide it all the way over.
90
00:04:39,854 --> 00:04:41,064
You're welcome.
91
00:04:41,229 --> 00:04:43,914
I'm in awe of his intellect.
When he talks, it sounds like...
92
00:04:44,079 --> 00:04:47,693
-...he's reading from one of his novels.
-Owen March. I never heard of him.
93
00:04:48,017 --> 00:04:51,335
-Well, he's not a baseball player.
-Yeah, that's true.
94
00:04:51,507 --> 00:04:55,371
-It sounds like it's going pretty good.
-Yeah. Well, there is one little problem.
95
00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:57,963
-What's that?
-He's 66 years old.
96
00:04:58,134 --> 00:05:00,590
Next, please.
97
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,483
Go. Go. She--
98
00:05:02,648 --> 00:05:04,176
Go. Come on.
99
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:05,807
Can I help you? Name, please.
100
00:05:05,978 --> 00:05:11,382
Seinfeld. I made a reservation
for a midsize, and she's a small.
101
00:05:12,381 --> 00:05:15,065
-I'm kidding around, of course.
-Yes.
102
00:05:15,230 --> 00:05:16,824
Okay, let's see here.
103
00:05:16,991 --> 00:05:21,183
-Sixty-six years old?
-Yeah, well, he's in perfect health.
104
00:05:21,345 --> 00:05:24,030
He works out. He's vibrant.
You'd really like him.
105
00:05:24,195 --> 00:05:28,125
Why do people always say that? I hate
everybody. Why would I like him?
106
00:05:28,292 --> 00:05:30,595
Could you go out
with a 66-year-old woman?
107
00:05:30,758 --> 00:05:34,622
Well, I'll tell you, she would
have to be really vibrant.
108
00:05:36,232 --> 00:05:38,567
So vibrant she'd be spinning.
109
00:05:40,042 --> 00:05:42,432
I'm sorry. We have no midsize
available at the moment.
110
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,709
I made a reservation.
Do you have my reservation?
111
00:05:44,876 --> 00:05:47,627
Yes, we do.
Unfortunately, we ran out of cars.
112
00:05:48,109 --> 00:05:50,828
But the reservation
keeps the car here.
113
00:05:50,991 --> 00:05:53,131
That's why you have
the reservation.
114
00:05:53,297 --> 00:05:57,008
-I know why we have reservations.
-I don't think you do.
115
00:06:00,339 --> 00:06:03,024
lf you did, I'd have a car.
116
00:06:03,189 --> 00:06:05,045
See, you know how to take
the reservation.
117
00:06:05,206 --> 00:06:08,556
You just don't know how to hold
the reservation.
118
00:06:08,728 --> 00:06:13,487
And that's really the most important
part of the reservation, the holding.
119
00:06:13,658 --> 00:06:17,173
Anybody can just take them.
120
00:06:17,468 --> 00:06:20,153
Let me speak with my supervisor.
121
00:06:20,317 --> 00:06:22,652
Well, here we go.
122
00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:24,725
The supervisor.
123
00:06:24,896 --> 00:06:26,653
-Know what she's saying over there?
-What?
124
00:06:26,817 --> 00:06:29,687
''Hey, Marge, see those two people?
They think I'm talking to you.
125
00:06:29,858 --> 00:06:33,155
So you pretend like you're talking
to me. Okay, now you start talking.''
126
00:06:33,315 --> 00:06:36,612
''You mean like this? So it looks like I'm
saying something, but I'm not.''
127
00:06:36,773 --> 00:06:38,978
''Say something else,
and they won't yell at me...
128
00:06:39,142 --> 00:06:41,413
...because they thought
I was checking with you.''
129
00:06:41,576 --> 00:06:43,998
''Okay, I think that's enough.
See you later.''
130
00:06:44,168 --> 00:06:46,788
I'm sorry. My supervisor says
there's nothing we can do.
131
00:06:47,243 --> 00:06:50,091
Yeah, it looked like you were in
a real conversation over there.
132
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:52,683
Well, we do have a compact
if you would like that.
133
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:54,701
-Fine.
-All right.
134
00:06:54,862 --> 00:06:58,442
Well, we have a blue Ford Escort
for you, Mr. Seinfeld.
135
00:06:58,608 --> 00:07:01,064
-Would you like insurance?
-Yeah, give me the insurance...
136
00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:04,234
...because I am gonna beat
the hell out of this thing.
137
00:07:07,892 --> 00:07:10,544
Please fill this out.
138
00:07:11,125 --> 00:07:13,298
Do you think
I'm making a big mistake?
139
00:07:13,463 --> 00:07:15,831
lf you enjoy being with him,
that's what's important.
140
00:07:15,992 --> 00:07:20,184
I love being with him.
I mean, I like being with him.
141
00:07:20,346 --> 00:07:22,966
It's okay being with him.
142
00:07:24,092 --> 00:07:27,192
-I just don't enjoy being with him.
-Well, that's what important.
143
00:07:27,357 --> 00:07:29,398
I'm meeting him for lunch
at Chadway's.
144
00:07:29,566 --> 00:07:32,884
Do I have to break up face to face,
or can I just do it over the phone?
145
00:07:33,056 --> 00:07:35,064
-How many times have you been out?
-Seven.
146
00:07:35,425 --> 00:07:37,084
Face to face.
147
00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:39,138
Seven dates is
a face-to-face breakup?
148
00:07:39,299 --> 00:07:42,170
lf it was six, I could've let you go.
149
00:07:43,077 --> 00:07:46,275
But seven, I'm afraid,
is over the limit.
150
00:07:46,439 --> 00:07:49,408
Unless, of course, there was no sex.
151
00:07:54,218 --> 00:07:56,609
How's the pasta over there?
152
00:07:59,244 --> 00:08:00,871
What is going on out there?
153
00:08:01,038 --> 00:08:03,210
I need a bucket of water.
I got a car overheating.
154
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:04,837
I got an alarm that won't go off.
155
00:08:05,007 --> 00:08:07,147
I'm pressing one.
I'm pressing two. Nothing.
156
00:08:07,313 --> 00:08:09,321
What do I do? Help me. Help me.
157
00:08:17,174 --> 00:08:18,898
They were supposed to do
my scene today.
158
00:08:19,062 --> 00:08:20,437
-Today?
-Yeah.
159
00:08:20,599 --> 00:08:24,146
They said they wanted me to walk down
the block carrying this bag of groceries.
160
00:08:24,312 --> 00:08:28,308
So I start to walk, and I trip.
And the grocery bag goes flying...
161
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:31,509
-...and Woody starts laughing.
-He was laughing?
162
00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:34,842
Oh, yeah. He was drinking something.
It started to come out of his nose.
163
00:08:35,006 --> 00:08:37,495
-So then what?
-Well, I got a line in the movie!
164
00:08:37,663 --> 00:08:39,835
-Get out!
-That's great.
165
00:08:42,017 --> 00:08:43,741
You got a line
in a Woody Allen movie?
166
00:08:44,226 --> 00:08:47,806
-Pretty good, huh?
-You're in the movie?
167
00:08:48,484 --> 00:08:51,420
-Is he in the scene?
-Yeah, it's me and him.
168
00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:53,446
I might have a new career
on my hands, huh?
169
00:08:53,607 --> 00:08:56,608
You mean ''a career.''
170
00:08:58,665 --> 00:09:01,187
-So was Mia Farrow there?
-I didn't see him.
171
00:09:03,724 --> 00:09:06,725
-What's your line?
-Well, okay, I'm there with Woody...
172
00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:10,310
...you know. I'm at this bar,
and, you know, it's Woody Allen.
173
00:09:10,479 --> 00:09:12,781
-Did I mention that?
-We got it. We got it.
174
00:09:12,944 --> 00:09:15,945
And I'm sitting there with Woody,
and I turn to him and I go:
175
00:09:16,114 --> 00:09:19,246
Boy, these pretzels
are making me thirsty.
176
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:25,131
-Is that how you're gonna say it?
-No, no. I'm working on it.
177
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,157
Do it like this.
178
00:09:27,319 --> 00:09:30,932
-These pretzels are making me thirsty.
-No.
179
00:09:31,096 --> 00:09:36,117
-These pretzels are making me thirsty.
-No, no. See, that's no good.
180
00:09:36,283 --> 00:09:38,456
You don't know how to act.
181
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,595
These pretzels...
182
00:09:41,501 --> 00:09:43,225
...are making me thirsty!
183
00:09:46,816 --> 00:09:50,014
-That was no good?
-I didn't say anything.
184
00:09:50,178 --> 00:09:52,481
All right, I'm gonna go
break up with Owen.
185
00:09:52,643 --> 00:09:56,539
What was wrong with that?
I had a different interpretation.
186
00:09:56,709 --> 00:09:58,849
Do you know anything
about this pretzel guy?
187
00:09:59,014 --> 00:10:00,837
Maybe he's been in the bar
a long time...
188
00:10:00,999 --> 00:10:03,935
...and he's really depressed because
he has no job, and no woman...
189
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,828
...and he's parking cars for a living!
190
00:10:05,993 --> 00:10:09,311
All right! All right!
Shut up! Shut up!
191
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:14,636
I hear you! I'm coming down!
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
192
00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:17,642
Yeah!
193
00:10:23,025 --> 00:10:24,368
Oh, my God.
194
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,052
Call an ambulance.
195
00:10:27,219 --> 00:10:29,522
Boy, he took it hard.
196
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,554
We were walking down the block...
197
00:10:33,718 --> 00:10:36,502
...I was about to break up with him,
then he started to twitch.
198
00:10:36,664 --> 00:10:40,081
Yes, I need an ambulance at 1 29
West 81 st Street, Apartment 5A.
199
00:10:40,249 --> 00:10:42,356
-Tell them to hurry. Hurry!
-It's an ambulance.
200
00:10:44,668 --> 00:10:47,255
I don't know, but he's unconscious.
201
00:10:47,645 --> 00:10:50,265
These pretzels
are making me thirsty.
202
00:10:52,287 --> 00:10:54,143
These pretzels
are making me thirsty.
203
00:10:54,304 --> 00:10:56,160
-Kramer.
-What happened here?
204
00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:58,777
I don't know. What should we do?
We called an ambulance.
205
00:10:58,946 --> 00:11:01,566
-Anyone know first aid?
-Do something with the extremities.
206
00:11:01,732 --> 00:11:03,456
-What extremities?
-What's an extremity?
207
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,477
You raise the feet,
get blood to the head.
208
00:11:05,638 --> 00:11:07,548
You raise the head,
get blood to the feet.
209
00:11:07,719 --> 00:11:10,208
Okay, what about a cold compress?
They always do that.
210
00:11:10,376 --> 00:11:12,002
-I don't have a washcloth.
-Use a paper towel.
211
00:11:12,169 --> 00:11:14,789
-You can't put that on his head.
-What about a big sponge?
212
00:11:14,955 --> 00:11:16,865
-How you gonna hold it on there?
-Use a belt.
213
00:11:17,036 --> 00:11:20,420
No, no, no. That'll--
It'll drip all over him.
214
00:11:20,589 --> 00:11:22,794
-Should we walk him around?
-I've seen them do that.
215
00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:25,380
-That's for a drug overdose.
-Maybe that's what he's got.
216
00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:28,073
No, I just had lunch with him.
He didn't leave the table.
217
00:11:28,241 --> 00:11:30,959
Well, he could've dropped acid
when you weren't looking.
218
00:11:31,987 --> 00:11:33,810
He is not a drug addict.
219
00:11:33,972 --> 00:11:36,723
Maybe he's diabetic. He might
just need a cookie or something.
220
00:11:36,885 --> 00:11:39,220
-A cookie!
-Can you give him a cookie?
221
00:11:39,381 --> 00:11:42,449
-How's he gonna chew it?
-Move his teeth. Worked for my uncle.
222
00:11:42,616 --> 00:11:45,203
The sugar revived him.
223
00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:49,556
Careful, you're getting crumbs
all over him.
224
00:11:49,915 --> 00:11:52,600
I've got him chewing, but I don't
think he's gonna swallow.
225
00:11:52,765 --> 00:11:55,766
Let's put a few cookies in a
blender and he could drink it.
226
00:11:55,934 --> 00:11:58,553
-Cookies don't liquefy.
-They do. You can liquefy a cookie.
227
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:01,109
-I'll get the blender.
-I don't have a blender.
228
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,703
-You've got a blender.
-I'd know if I had a blender.
229
00:12:03,874 --> 00:12:06,558
Where is the ambulance?!
230
00:12:13,703 --> 00:12:16,606
Hello, yes. I called for an ambulance
like 35 minutes ago.
231
00:12:16,776 --> 00:12:18,664
I can't believe
what's going on out here.
232
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:21,826
This is an emergency.
What's taking so long?
233
00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:23,914
Wait a second.
Maybe that's them.
234
00:12:24,075 --> 00:12:25,352
-Hello.
-Paramedics.
235
00:12:25,516 --> 00:12:28,136
Come on up. Okay, they're here.
236
00:12:30,510 --> 00:12:32,846
He seems to be breathing.
237
00:12:35,025 --> 00:12:37,896
You know, I've got to tell you,
he's a pretty good-looking guy.
238
00:12:38,066 --> 00:12:39,277
I know.
239
00:12:39,442 --> 00:12:42,029
Those eyebrows could use a trimming.
You ever mention that?
240
00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,953
Almost.
241
00:12:44,117 --> 00:12:46,573
I mean, because, come on,
they're running wild there.
242
00:12:47,159 --> 00:12:49,942
-It's not an easy thing to bring up.
-Yeah, that's true.
243
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,243
You should see his bathrobe, man.
It's all silk.
244
00:12:52,409 --> 00:12:55,094
Yeah. Does he wear slippers.
I bet he wears slippers.
245
00:12:55,258 --> 00:12:58,576
-He does. How'd you know that?
-I could tell.
246
00:13:00,316 --> 00:13:02,040
What happened?
What took you so long?
247
00:13:02,206 --> 00:13:04,246
We got here 20 minutes ago,
but we couldn't move.
248
00:13:04,414 --> 00:13:07,230
The intersection is gridlocked.
I've never seen anything like it.
249
00:13:07,392 --> 00:13:10,742
Finally we make the turn, and this guy
who was triple-parking cars...
250
00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:14,396
-...slammed into us with a blue Escort.
-Blue Escort?
251
00:13:14,564 --> 00:13:16,801
-That's my rent-a-car!
-Oh, man.
252
00:13:16,965 --> 00:13:18,110
What happened to the car?
253
00:13:18,277 --> 00:13:21,508
I'm sorry. You don't know
what's going on out there!
254
00:13:21,671 --> 00:13:22,653
Who's he?
255
00:13:22,823 --> 00:13:24,384
-This guy I'm seeing.
-What happened?
256
00:13:24,552 --> 00:13:28,351
-We don't know.
-Who put cookies in his mouth?
257
00:13:28,522 --> 00:13:31,370
-Cookies?
-You're not supposed to do that.
258
00:13:31,532 --> 00:13:34,184
-So how'd you hit the car?
-I was moving it across the street.
259
00:13:34,349 --> 00:13:37,252
I looked up and I saw Woody Allen.
I got all distracted.
260
00:13:37,422 --> 00:13:40,871
-It's not even my car. It's a rental.
-What are you doing out there?
261
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,146
You're holding up the production
of the movie.
262
00:13:43,313 --> 00:13:45,419
We can't shoot, and Woody,
he's really mad at you.
263
00:13:45,586 --> 00:13:47,889
Woody mentioned me?
What did he say?
264
00:13:48,051 --> 00:13:51,501
He said, ''Who's the moron who's got
the street all screwed up?''
265
00:13:51,958 --> 00:13:53,584
Should I apologize to Woody?
266
00:13:54,871 --> 00:13:56,278
All right, I'll tell you what.
267
00:13:56,439 --> 00:13:59,605
Next time I talk to him,
maybe I'll bring it up.
268
00:14:00,025 --> 00:14:02,033
I'll feel him out.
269
00:14:02,587 --> 00:14:06,298
What do you think first aid was like
hundreds of years ago?
270
00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:08,283
I mean, they had no medicine,
no drugs...
271
00:14:08,446 --> 00:14:11,993
...no technology, no equipment.
Basically, they were there first.
272
00:14:12,159 --> 00:14:14,975
That was it. That was the whole
first aid. They sit with you.
273
00:14:15,136 --> 00:14:17,112
That's all they could do.
''Can you help me?''
274
00:14:17,282 --> 00:14:20,316
''No, we can't help you,
but we were the first ones here.
275
00:14:20,483 --> 00:14:23,649
Did you see our truck?
'First aid.' That's our motto.
276
00:14:23,813 --> 00:14:25,374
We show up before anybody.''
277
00:14:25,541 --> 00:14:27,397
You didn't say you didn't
know how to drive.
278
00:14:27,559 --> 00:14:30,560
-Should've mentioned that.
-Well, I know how to drive.
279
00:14:30,728 --> 00:14:32,551
Then how did all those cars
get damaged?
280
00:14:32,713 --> 00:14:35,976
Why are people calling me up,
screaming on the phone?
281
00:14:36,139 --> 00:14:38,955
-Most of them canceled out on me.
-Can I get anybody anything?
282
00:14:39,116 --> 00:14:40,972
Moving cars from one side
to the other...
283
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:44,200
...don't take no more sense
than putting on a pair of pants.
284
00:14:44,366 --> 00:14:48,329
My question to you is:
Who's putting your pants on?
285
00:14:48,592 --> 00:14:51,528
-I put my pants on, Sid.
-I don't believe you.
286
00:14:51,698 --> 00:14:53,771
You can put your pants on,
you can move cars.
287
00:14:53,939 --> 00:14:56,843
I don't want to get into a big
dispute about the pants.
288
00:14:57,013 --> 00:14:59,152
Who's gonna send money to my
sister in Virginia?
289
00:14:59,317 --> 00:15:01,107
Her little boy
needs surgery on his foot.
290
00:15:01,463 --> 00:15:05,742
He'll be walking around with a limp,
because you can't park a few cars.
291
00:15:06,169 --> 00:15:07,664
Maybe I could call my father.
292
00:15:08,730 --> 00:15:12,627
-Hey, you seen the paper yet?
-Interestingly enough, no...
293
00:15:12,796 --> 00:15:15,700
...inasmuch as it is my paper.
294
00:15:15,870 --> 00:15:17,365
There's an article on that writer.
295
00:15:17,534 --> 00:15:20,919
''Owen March, prominent author and
essayist, suffered a stroke yesterday...
296
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,610
...in the Upper West Side
apartment of a friend.''
297
00:15:23,777 --> 00:15:26,167
That's the guy that was here.
You're the friend.
298
00:15:26,499 --> 00:15:30,724
Thanks. ''The extent of the damage
would've been far less severe...
299
00:15:30,885 --> 00:15:33,821
...had paramedics been able
to reach him sooner.''
300
00:15:35,206 --> 00:15:37,761
-Oh, Lord.
-''The commotion also delayed...
301
00:15:37,929 --> 00:15:41,061
...production of a Woody Allen movie
that was shooting up the block.
302
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,654
A spokeswoman
for the legendary filmmaker...
303
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,154
...said that Mr. Allen
was extremely agitated...
304
00:15:46,316 --> 00:15:50,792
...and wondered if his days of shooting
movies in New York were over.''
305
00:15:51,022 --> 00:15:52,332
Five seconds.
306
00:15:52,495 --> 00:15:56,108
Jerry, I was five seconds away
from breaking up with him.
307
00:15:56,273 --> 00:16:00,815
Five seconds! The next words out
of my mouth were, ''Owen, it's over.''
308
00:16:00,980 --> 00:16:04,330
-Can he communicate?
-Yeah. Well, he nods.
309
00:16:04,501 --> 00:16:06,095
And I think he understands me.
310
00:16:06,262 --> 00:16:08,335
He seems to enjoy it
when I read to him.
311
00:16:09,976 --> 00:16:12,082
All right, she's free.
312
00:16:14,393 --> 00:16:16,761
Hi, I called before.
My car got smashed.
313
00:16:16,923 --> 00:16:19,575
So listen. What should I do?
lf I break up with him now...
314
00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:23,964
...it'll look like I'm abandoning him.
I'll be ostracized from the community.
315
00:16:24,127 --> 00:16:26,200
What community?
There's a community?
316
00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:27,677
Of course there's a community.
317
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,459
All these years, I'm living in
a community, I had no idea.
318
00:16:30,625 --> 00:16:35,297
Sir, the estimate on the damage
to your car is 2866 dollars.
319
00:16:35,459 --> 00:16:38,460
-I got the insurance and everything--
-Yes, now, in your report...
320
00:16:38,629 --> 00:16:41,314
...you said you weren't the driver
at the time of the accident.
321
00:16:41,478 --> 00:16:43,072
Somebody else was driving it.
322
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:47,170
All right, well, sir, you're only covered
for when you're driving the car.
323
00:16:47,337 --> 00:16:49,574
What's that?
324
00:16:49,738 --> 00:16:53,089
-You're not covered for other drivers.
-Other drivers?
325
00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:56,109
Your whole business is based
on other drivers. It's a rented car.
326
00:16:56,270 --> 00:16:58,605
That's who's driving it.
Other drivers.
327
00:16:58,766 --> 00:17:00,589
Doesn't my credit card cover me?
328
00:17:00,752 --> 00:17:03,273
-Not that particular one.
-I got a hundred cards.
329
00:17:03,441 --> 00:17:06,028
Here, here. Pick a card.
Take any card you want.
330
00:17:06,194 --> 00:17:07,788
Go ahead. Whichever one.
I don't care.
331
00:17:07,956 --> 00:17:11,918
-lf you had read the rental agreement--
-Did you see the size of that document?
332
00:17:12,085 --> 00:17:14,737
It's like the Declaration of
Independence. Who's gonna read that?
333
00:17:14,902 --> 00:17:18,450
Mr. Seinfeld, as it stands right now,
you are not covered for that damage...
334
00:17:18,617 --> 00:17:22,929
...and there is absolutely nothing
that can be done about that.
335
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:26,969
These pretzels
are making me thirsty.
336
00:17:34,496 --> 00:17:36,832
It's good, isn't it?
337
00:17:37,378 --> 00:17:39,418
Yankee bean.
338
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,594
Why Yankee bean, huh?
339
00:17:42,756 --> 00:17:45,856
Don't they have beans
in the South?
340
00:17:46,022 --> 00:17:49,057
I mean, if you order Yankee bean
in the South, are they offended?
341
00:17:52,552 --> 00:17:55,936
Yankee bean. Yankee bean.
342
00:17:56,554 --> 00:18:02,470
I like my Yankee bean.
343
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,651
Owen...
344
00:18:17,749 --> 00:18:20,368
...I think we have to talk.
345
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:23,503
I mean, I have to talk.
346
00:18:23,863 --> 00:18:28,983
It would be nice if we could,
but, you know, whatever.
347
00:18:31,707 --> 00:18:36,379
Don't get me wrong.
I like coming here and feeding you...
348
00:18:36,541 --> 00:18:40,023
...and cleaning a little,
and paying your bills.
349
00:18:40,191 --> 00:18:43,422
I mean, that's good stuff.
Good stuff.
350
00:18:45,473 --> 00:18:49,883
I have a wonderful time when
I'm with you. Wonderful!
351
00:18:50,884 --> 00:18:54,181
But at this point in my life,
I'm not really sure...
352
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:58,851
...that I'm ready to make
a commitment to one person.
353
00:18:59,017 --> 00:19:02,215
I'm just not really sure that we
have enough in common.
354
00:19:02,378 --> 00:19:05,030
I mean, for example:
355
00:19:05,195 --> 00:19:08,328
I like running in the park...
356
00:19:08,493 --> 00:19:09,955
...bicycling...
357
00:19:10,126 --> 00:19:14,667
...roller-skating,
tennis and skiing....
358
00:19:14,832 --> 00:19:17,135
And, well....
359
00:19:17,297 --> 00:19:20,365
I'm gonna be brutally honest
with you now.
360
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:24,305
It's a bitch to get here.
It's two subways.
361
00:19:24,468 --> 00:19:27,536
I have to transfer at 42nd Street
to take the double-R.
362
00:19:29,239 --> 00:19:32,885
Anyway, I mean, this doesn't
mean we can't be friends.
363
00:19:35,194 --> 00:19:38,097
These pretzels
are making me thirsty.
364
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,656
Can you die from an odor?
365
00:19:46,367 --> 00:19:49,368
I mean, if you were locked in
a vomitorium for two weeks...
366
00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:53,662
-...could you die from the odor?
-An overdose of odor. Good question.
367
00:19:54,082 --> 00:19:56,287
Do I smell?
368
00:19:57,444 --> 00:20:00,829
No, no, no. I was just down
at the 42nd Street subway today.
369
00:20:00,998 --> 00:20:03,366
It is disgusting.
370
00:20:03,527 --> 00:20:06,278
Guess who I bumped into? Owen.
371
00:20:06,441 --> 00:20:09,312
-He's all right?
-Yeah, he's almost fully recovered.
372
00:20:09,482 --> 00:20:12,233
Told me he
was just using me for sex.
373
00:20:14,477 --> 00:20:15,687
-Let me get that.
-I got it.
374
00:20:15,853 --> 00:20:18,124
-Please.
-Let me. I smashed your car.
375
00:20:18,286 --> 00:20:19,847
It cost you over 2000 dollars.
376
00:20:20,015 --> 00:20:22,918
Yeah, a cup of coffee
should cover it.
377
00:20:24,401 --> 00:20:27,501
-Oh, man.
-What are you doing here?
378
00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:28,878
I got fired from the movie.
379
00:20:29,044 --> 00:20:30,605
-Get out of here. What?
-What?
380
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:33,293
Well, you know, they were
going to shoot it today.
381
00:20:33,461 --> 00:20:36,779
We rehearsed it twice,
and then Woody yells, ''Action.''
382
00:20:36,951 --> 00:20:38,293
I turn to him and I say:
383
00:20:38,455 --> 00:20:40,366
''These pretzels are making
me thirsty.''
384
00:20:40,537 --> 00:20:42,839
-Right.
-Then I took a swig of beer...
385
00:20:43,002 --> 00:20:46,615
...and I slammed the glass down
on the bar, and it shattered.
386
00:20:48,028 --> 00:20:51,827
Well, one of the pieces
must've hit Woody...
387
00:20:52,479 --> 00:20:54,585
...and he started crying.
388
00:20:54,752 --> 00:20:57,884
And he yells out, ''I'm bleeding,''
and he runs off.
389
00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:02,208
Anyway, this woman, she came up
to me, and she says, ''You're fired.''
390
00:21:02,627 --> 00:21:04,635
Boy, I really nailed that scene.
391
00:21:09,863 --> 00:21:11,358
Oh, wait a--
392
00:21:12,392 --> 00:21:15,557
Oh, for crying out loud.
393
00:21:24,046 --> 00:21:26,436
The best part of a relationship
is when you're sick.
394
00:21:26,767 --> 00:21:29,387
The best part of being sick
is when you're in a relationship.
395
00:21:29,553 --> 00:21:31,463
But if I got married,
you know those vows...
396
00:21:31,633 --> 00:21:33,870
...for richer or for poorer,
for better or for worse.
397
00:21:34,034 --> 00:21:36,753
All I need is the sickness.
That is the most important one.
398
00:21:36,916 --> 00:21:40,879
''Do you take this man in sickness?''
399
00:21:41,046 --> 00:21:42,672
That's the time
I need somebody there.
400
00:21:42,839 --> 00:21:44,847
The rest of the time,
go out, have a ball.
401
00:21:45,016 --> 00:21:47,985
But if I get the sniffles,
you better be there.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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