Original subtitles

Hello, I'm Doctor Sheldon Cooper.

And I'm Doctor Amy Farrah Fowler.

And welcome to the first on-location episode

of Doctor Sheldon Cooper and Doctor Amy Farrah Fowler present...

BOTH: Doctor Sheldon Cooper's Fun with Flags.

Hit it.

(SINGING) For joy and fun there's no better manner

Than to fly a pennant flag or banner

What fills my heart and makes my eyes moist

Sending a flag up a pole on a hoist

Fun with flags Fun with flags

Oh! Say can you see

It's fun with flags

Fun with flags

As you may notice,

just one of the changes around here is our new house band.

(PLAYING)

Who haven't learned their place yet.

We're also coming to you live from a different apartment.

Doctor Fowler and I began an experiment in living together

after her apartment became water damaged.

This is our friend Penny's place.

You may remember her from our episode,

Flags, and the People Who Don't Understand Them.

So, in the spirit of cohabitation,

the theme of today's episode

is flags of two regions coming together as one.

Such as the flag of Saint Kitts and Nevis.

So let's roll up our "sleeves" and get to know "Nevis."

(PLAYS RIMSHOT)

I like that, but next time check with me.

Did you know, that the flag

was designed by a student named Edrice Lewis...

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but can we watch the news or something?

It's cute, they're having fun living together.

Yeah, I wonder what they're gonna do when her apartment's ready.

- Actually, it's been ready for weeks. - What do you mean?

Well, they finished the work early,

but she's been telling Sheldon they're behind schedule.

- So, she's just been lying to him? - Well, you've lied to Sheldon.

Yeah, but to make him leave, not to make him stay.

Buda and Pest united to form Budapest.

And that's why Budapest is the "Buda-best."

- Now. - Sorry!

(PLAYS RIMSHOT)

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Thank you for your services, gentlemen.

I'm hoping to broaden our audience

with your youthful rock 'n' roll music.

Aw, you think you have an audience, that's funny!

We don't get paid? Nothing? Not even a sandwich?

It's almost dinner time, you in the mood for anything?

You know, we could get Thai food near your apartment

and then drop in and check on the progress.

Oh, you don't wanna do that, it's a construction zone.

So?

Well, what about your fear of stray nails and butt cracks?

I am terrified of stepping on a nail and falling into a butt crack.

Anyway, how about dinner?

You know, if you'd like, I could call your landlord and complain.

Thanks, but you don't have to.

Oh, I don't mind, I'm very good at complaining.

Yeah. If it were an Olympic sport,

I'd complain about what a stupid sport it is

and then I'd take home the gold.

Good stuff. So, uh, what about dinner?

Is it me or are you purposely changing the subject?

No.

And on the subject of subjects, is your use of the word "subject"

the same or different as when we speak about the subject of a king?

I have a feeling you're still doing it.

But I find that topic irresistible so,

now in ancient Mesopotamia,

the King referred to the people as his property.

I'm serious, JPL's actually developing a robot arm

that could grab an asteroid before it hits us.

So their plan for saving the Earth from Armageddon

is hoping a bunch of scientists can catch a ball?

If we're all gonna die, why am I eating so much kale?

You're awful quiet, everything okay?

I'm concerned about Amy. She's acting a bit odd, lately.

Just out of curiosity what registers as "odd" to you?

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Her behavior.

Now, I have the feeling that she's hiding something.

I wouldn't worry about it, she's probably distracted by work.

Well, whatever it is, it's troubling me.

I can't eat, I can't sleep,

and don't even ask about the consistency of my bowel movements.

You heard him, guys, don't ask.

Why would she keep something from me?

You know, I shared my body with that woman.

And my Netflix password!

They recommended Stella Got Her Groove Back

because of her.

Buddy, but, listen. Nothing bad is going on, she just...

She just didn't want you to know that the work on her apartment

was finished a couple weeks ago.

I don't understand.

She's enjoying living with you and she didn't want it to end early.

So, she's deceiving me in order to spend more time with me.

- Yes. -(SIGHS)

Well, I feel both flattered and hurt, you know?

Like when people say I look like that skeleton

from Nightmare Before Christmas.

Oh, my God, that's who you look like!

Sheldon, this is not a big deal.

It's a little white lie, everyone does it.

Not me, I'm 100% honest in all of my relationships.

And how single are you right now?

Eating cake on the toilet single.

Well, I won't tolerate deception in my relationship.

Now I have no choice but to confront her.

Don't do that, you've got gold here.

Hang onto it until you're in trouble and then throw it in her face.

Why would you tell him that? That's terrible advice.

So you wouldn't want to have anything on Penny?

Well, of course not.

So, if I actually know something right now, and I do,

you don't want me to tell you?

- Uh... (SCOFFS) No. - I'll take that as a yes.

She's secretly been moving your collectibles into storage

a little at a time and you haven't noticed.

Are you kidding me?

See? I've known that for weeks, but, you know,

I waited till the moment when it would cause him the most pain.

Superman's gone, my Stormtrooper's gone?

Your Klingon word-of-the-day calendar's gone.

(GROANS) I'd say "damn it" in Klingon but that wasn't until next month.

- It's "khoo-vakh. " -"Khoo-vakh. "

She took my Where's Waldo!

- Well, no, no, he's overthere. - Oh, yeah, there he is.

So, what's the deal with your apartment?

Why is it taking so long?

Uh, it was a drywall problem.

Oh, no. What happened?

Well, the drywall got wet and you do not want wet drywall

because when drywall gets wet it's really more...

Wet wall?

- Or damp wall! Just as bad. - Mmm.

So why don't they just get more drywall?

Well, they went to get some

but the woman at the wall store

said it was going on sale and they should wait

-because the savings of the-- - Okay, are you done?

Bernadette told me your apartment's ready.

(SIGHS) I was done at wet wall but you wouldn't let it go.

Is Sheldon really believing all this crap?

(SIGHS) Well, he started to question it, but then I fake sneezed on him

and he ran to take a shower.

Please don't say anything, I feel terrible about this.

- Oh, don't worry, I won't. - Thanks.

- The woman at the wall store? - Let it go!

Are you going to confront Penny?

Eventually, I guess.

Although, I am kind of curious how long she thinks

she can keep hiding my stuff without me knowing.

Mmm.

You know, perhaps instead of confronting them,

we should see how far they're willing to spin their tangled webs.

Like that Spider-Man action figure that used to be on your desk.

Oh, my God. I'm going blind!

- Hi. - Food's here.

Excellent. I'm very hungry.

Speaking of which, what's going on with your apartment?

- Oh. Uh, they're still working on it. - Interesting. Very interesting.

Yeah, we swung by her apartment on the way to the restaurant.

They're gonna be fixing it for a while.

Wait, you saw her apartment?

I did. Still a mess.

- Leonard? - Yeah?

(SPEAKS KLINGON)

Why are you speaking Klingon?

Why are you speaking English?

This is ridiculous.

Penny, do you remember when I taught you Ubbi-dubbi?

(SPEAKS UBBI-DUBBI)

- All right, stop that! - You stop that!

(SPEAKS KLINGON)

Okay. That's enough. You know what?

What is going on?

Fine, I told Sheldon that her apartment's been finished,

and you said it's not so now I'm all confused.

Penny was just covering for me.

My place has been ready for two weeks.

How could you lie to me?

She's enjoyed living with you. It's called being in love.

And what's it called when you secretly

get rid of all your husband's stuff?

That is not true!

Bernadette told Howard, Howard told me.

Plus, I can see all my stuff is gone!

Oh. So you believe your friend

and your friend's wife and your own eyes over me?

Wow.

You really didn't think I'd notice my stuff was missing?

Uh, did you notice your key chain?

Where's Batman?

-(KNOCK ON DOOR) - Hey.

Why did you tell Howard I was hiding Leonard's things?

One sec.

Why did you tell Leonard I told you Penny was hiding his things?

It just came up because we were talking about secrets and, wait--

(SPEAKS KLINGON)

Yeah, would you stop it with that!

I'm not really a part of this, so I'm just gonna dig in.

And I'd like to know why you blabbed about my apartment?

You're up, blabby. (CHUCKLES)

Amy, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything.

I guess it's okay.

I'm sorry that I lied about my apartment.

- It's all right. - And?

And, what? Your wizard robes are next to go.

Now that everything's out on the table,

you think you two will keep living together?

Despite recent events,

I do consider our experiment in cohabitation to have been positive.

Are you saying you'd like to live with me?

I'm open to the possibility.

(SPEAKS UBBI-DUBBI)

(IN ENGLISH) Whatever.

You know, if he moves across the hall for good,

Leonard could keep the stuff you don't like in Sheldon's old room.

- Solves everything. - That's a great idea!

Ooh, maybe, I could turn it into a gaming den.

- That would be amazing. - Well, hold, hold on.

Excuse me, that's my room.

But you won't be living here.

- But that's my room. - But you won't be living here.

- But that's my room. - You guys may want to start eating.

But you won't be living here.

Sweetie, once you stop paying rent, none of this is really yours.

- But that's my room. - ALL: But you won't be living here.

Thank you for understanding.

Hey, I get it.

Everybody wants to spend more time with me.

I'm like a man made of sugar in a world of ants.

- Good night. -'Night.

If we did continue living together, would it be here?

I don't know. It could be.

Of course there's, there's always your apartment.

Sure, sure, we could live in my apartment.

I hate your apartment.

Sorry you brought it up?

Well, I suppose we could find a whole new place.

You know, and technically we don't even have to stay in Pasadena.

You know, we could move to Altadena,

or a place that doesn't even end in "dena."

It's kind of exciting, I mean,

we could do whatever we want.

But what if we move and we don't like it?

What if there's a smoker in the building? Or pets?

Or, there could be mold. There could be traffic noise.

I'm gonna have to learn a whole new bus route.

(SCATTING STAR TREK THEME)

Are you trying to soothe me

by singing the Star Trek theme as a lullaby?

- Yes. -l'm not a child, don't do that.

Sorry.

Do you know 2001: A Space Odyssey?

(SCATTING 2001.' A SPACE ODYSSEY THEME)

All right, now that's soothing.

(CONTINUES SCATTING)

Look, I get it. It's still my room.

- We haven't really made it yours. - Thank you.

Which is why I got you this Pink Power Ranger.

Put it anywhere you like.

Okay, but you may feel some discomfort.

I'm kidding, I want you to feel at home here.

Decorate it any way that makes you happy.

- Do you really mean that? - I really do.

Great. And just so you know, I'm not getting rid of all your stuff.

Yeah? What are you keeping?

That candle and you.

- What about my robot poster? - I can make do with just the candle.

(SHELDON BREATHING HEAVILY)

What's going on?

I'm struggling with the thought of leaving my old bedroom.

(SIGHS) Can it be more of an internal struggle?

I need to see it.

While I'm gone, don't breathe on my pillow.

How about if I just don't breathe at all?

That's my girl.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

What on Earth?

What is going on?

Oh. Hey, Sheldon!

We turned your room into a sex dungeon! Oh!

-(SCREAMS) No! - What is it?

Okay, last question. The chaps he was wearing, assless?

Can we just focus on the decision I'm facing?

We can. But for the record, all chaps are assless.

Gentlemen, please! This is a significant decision.

Now, do Amy and I continue living together

or do I move back in with Leonard?

Over my assless chaps, you will.

This isn't complicated.

- Do you love Amy? - Yes.

- Do you like living with her? - Yes.

Do you know what you need to do now?

Apparently figure this out on my own 'cause you guys are no help at all.

Hi.

Hello.

What are you doing?

I'm just contemplating Buridan's donkey.

I understand. I'll leave you be.

What? You're familiar with the reference?

Of course.

Jean Buridan proposed a philosophical thesis stating

that a hungry donkey placed between two equidistant bales of hay

would be paralyzed by indecision and would starve to death.

Exactly.

I wouldn't want you to starve to death, so,

here's an eggplant.

Thank you.

You know, some people believe that Buridan was plagiarizing Aristotle.

Really?

Although, in Aristotle's example

he proposed an equally hungry and thirsty man

caught between food and drink.

Oh. Yeah, I wonder if that's related to the 12th-century

Persian philosopher, Al-Ghazali

and his story of a man caught between two dates.

Are you suggesting Al-Ghazali was an Aristotelian?

'Cause if anything, he was anti-Aristotelian.

Al-Ghazali was anti-Aristotelian?

Boy! You think you know a guy.

Okay, open your eyes and see your new room.

Wow.

I know I went a little overboard. We can always dial it back.

No, no! No, no, no!

It's important to me that you have the bedroom you want.

- Oh, that means so much. I love you. - I love you, too.

Just hiding some stuff in your closet, don't tell Penny.

English - SDH