Original subtitles

It's pretty late.

Think I've got time to run some more simulations

on the cooling system?

Sure. I'm still figuring out the thermo-acoustic expander.

Yeah, while you do that

lam going to pump cerebral spinal fluid through my brain cells

to remove the metabolic byproducts of the day's thoughts.

What?

It's called sleep and it's my bedtime, nighty-night, y'all.

Hey, hey, hey, you're not going anywhere.

And we only have two months to deliver this to the Air Force

because of you.

(YAWNING) I know, I was there.

Well, wake up!

We're gonna put in a lot of late nights.

How late?

Well, I don't know, midnight, 1:00.

One o'clock? I'm not a raccoon.

If you're tired, have some coffee.

What? You have some coffee.

I am having coffee!

And look how irritable it's making you!

Guys!

We're not gonna get anything done if we start fighting.

Now, can you please try to soldier through?

(SIGHS) Fine.

(CLOCK TICKING)

I don't think I can go much longer.

It's been three and a half minutes, wake up.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

I had a bad dream that my best friend became a tyrant

and forced me to stay up all night to work.

I had a good dream that when I carried you to bed

I let your head hit the wall and I laughed.

- Good morning. - What is this?

Well, we didn't see you last night, we're not gonna see you today,

so we thought we could have breakfast together.

That is so nice.

Ow! It does hurt!

So, what are you guys gonna do today?

Well, Sheldon was supposed to go to this party with me this afternoon,

but I don't think that's happening.

Oh, that was never happening.

I'll go, I like a party.

Well, I mean, to be honest, it's not like a "party" party,

it's more like a gathering

where scientists of different disciplines get together

to share their work and keep current on what's going on in other fields,

I don't know why I called it a party, sorry.

It's okay, I'll still go.

You don't think you'll be bored?

I'll have some wine

and listen to people go on about crap I don't understand.

I mean, how is it any different than every single day of my life?

I won't be there.

Look at that, it is a party.

PENNY; Yeah.

Sorry I have to work all weekend.

It's okay.

Thanks again for breakfast.

Well, I didn't get to see you last night.

The least I could do.

You shouldn't have made the alarm code his birthday.

So, what should we do today?

I appreciate it, but you don't have to spend your day off with me.

Well, I don't mind.

Oh, you wanna go to the mall and look at baby stuff?

Not really.

Oh, come on, we could share a pretzel

and get sideways glances from racist old ladies.

I get enough of that when I take Howard

to my grandmother's for Christmas.

Oh, I know.

Why don't we get started on clearing out the baby's room?

Isn't it a little early for that?

You have to get to it eventually.

(GROANS) There's so much junk in there, it's embarrassing.

How can you be embarrassed around me?

I'm gonna be in the room with you when you give birth.

I don't think you are.

You didn't think I was gonna be in your kitchen this morning,

yet here I am.

- THE FLASH: Psst! Hey, ma. {GASPS)

What?

You look tired. Why don't you have an energy drink?

Everyone's doing it.

Oh, no, thank you, those have caffeine in them.

Oh, sorry, I thought you were cool.

I am cool.

This is Yoo-hoo,

chocolate milk's delicious, watery cousin.

All right, but if you ever wanna feel like you have superpowers,

try one of these.

Superheroes take performance-enhancing chemicals?

You bet.

You know why Hulk is so strong?

Steroids.

You know why Batman wanders around at night getting into fights?

Scotch.

I am facing a great deal of work.

And I do like things better when famous people also like them.

Here. It's on the house.

The first one's free?

Flash, how do you stay in business?

You wanna know my secret?

I bought stock in Marvel.

Hi, Bert. This is my friend Penny.

- Hi. - Hey. Come on in.

I'm gonna go turn on some rock music.

- That's a geology joke. -(PENNY CHUCKLES)

Bert's a geologist.

And a joker.

How early are we?

Oh, actually, we're an hour late.

I suddenly wish Sheldon was here.

I don't even know where to begin.

Well, in The Sound of Music, Julie Andrews says,

"Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start."

Huh. I was gonna start at the end, thank God you're here.

Well, I think the first thing we should get rid of is that tone.

Sorry.

I should probably keep this in case we have a girl.

Ah, that's a nice one. Was it yours when you were little?

My dad built it for me.

Wow, that's so cute.

This was the husband, this was the wife.

They'd go out on adventures together.

Cruises, skiing, horseback riding.

That was really me just duct taping them to our dog.

- And did they have kids? - They did.

But the mommy and daddy didn't like them

so they shipped them off to an orphanage I made out of a shoebox.

Yeah, that's not worrisome at all.

Not every girl dreams about being a mom.

Sometimes you think you're never gonna have kids

and one day you wake up and you're pregnant.

And it doesn't matter that your career's going great right now

and that you and your husband never even got to go anywhere

taped to a dog!

I skipped spin class for this.

Why is it taking him so long to get a drink out of a vending machine?

Well, it's complicated.

He finds pushing that little door and reaching up into the machine

uncomfortably intimate.

Gentlemen, I am ready to work.

To quote The Martian, "Let's science the feces out of this!"

And that... That's The Martian the book and The Martian the movie,

not Marvin the Martian. Although, to quote Marvin the Martian,

(AS MARVIN THE MARTIAN) "I claim this planet in the name of Mars."

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm fantastic, never been better.

I had my first energy drink and I feel great.

Hey, you guys wanna wrestle?

We can do arm, thumb, mud, sumo.

Nah, we're not fat enough or wearing diapers.

You wanted him awake.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

So should we talk to each other or mingle?

I don't know where everyone is.

Yeah, I mean,

I could see him eating one or two guests but not a whole party.

Well, I guess this is kind of a bust.

You don't have to stay.

I'm gonna start cleaning up.

Okay.

I feel so bad about leaving him here.

Well, that's funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you.

Hey, listen,

could you not say anything about this to the people at the university?

You know, 'cause you're you and I'm me, and it's kind of embarrassing.

Wait, what do you mean she's her?

Well, you know how Amy's the coolest girl on campus, right?

- No! - No.

Oh, yeah, everybody thinks so.

What?

You tell me about your foot fungus but this is a secret?

I'm sure it's just 'cause I'm dating Sheldon.

Actually, I think Sheldon's popular because he's dating you.

Now Sheldon's popular? What is happening?

(HOWARD GROANS)

Maybe we should break for lunch. What time is it?

(MOANING)

According to the world's worst cuckoo clock, it's 2:00.

My head hurts and I'm more tired than ever.

Why don't you just go home?

No, I can do this.

I just... ljust need another energy drink.

Oh, no.

What?

I want another one.

So?

That's a craving.

That's a sign of chemical dependency.

You only had one.

I know, but plenty of things are addictive after a single exposure.

Crack cocaine, nicotine, Pringles.

You know once one pops one just can't stop.

You can't develop a problem that fast.

You wanna bet? Oh, great, now I'm addicted to gambling.

- We can't afford to lose any more time. -(SIGHS)

Well, this probably won't work

but has anyone ever tried to just haul off

and whoop the crazy out of him?

That's not helpful.

It's fun to think about but it's not helpful.

Hey ,

Sheldon, we are on a serious time crunch.

We can't do this without you. Can you please pull it together?

I'm sorry, yes, of course.

Thank you.

Just please bear with me

if I display symptoms of caffeine withdrawal.

No worries.

(INHALES SHARPLY)

You guys stink.

Sorry I flipped out on you. I think it's just hormones.

I think you were mean before you were pregnant, but it's fine.

So, uh, instead of cleaning out the room,

why don't we just decide on a theme for the nursery?

Does it really need one?

Of course it does, didn't your baby room have a theme?

Well, it doubled as my dad's office and he was a cop.

So, I guess the theme was bloody homicide photos.

Oh. Mine was Winnie the Pooh.

But, anyway,

why don't we just take a step back and start with the color?

Right? There's so many amazing ones.

Red, blue, green, purple--

Are you just gonna name all the colors?

Well, not now.

I don't care what color the room is.

Okay, well, I'm just trying to help you.

Well, you're not. So just drop it.

I'm clearly upset, why aren't you following me?

Sorry, sorry!

And when Amy started using a solution of chromic acid and white vinegar

to clean all her lab equipment,

all of a sudden, everybody was doin' it.

You trendsetter!

It was just the right idea at the right time.

Okay, okay, so Amy's cool, Sheldon's cool. Tell me about Leonard.

Who?

Leonard Hofstadter.

Oh, him. I guess he's all right.

Apparently he tricked some hot girl into marrying him.

That's me! I'm her!

And you know, he didn't trick me. He just wore me down.

Makes sense you two are friends.

I mean, hot girls always stick together.

And you thought this wasn't gonna be a great party.

You know, I had no idea, Caltech is exactly like my high school.

Well, it's not exactly like it.

You know, we're all extremely smart.

Wow, you popular girls are mean.

(GROANS) I'm gonna get some coffee. You want some?

Uh, you're really going to have caffeine in front of me

while I'm trying to get my life back on track?

Okay.

Let's pretend you do have a problem.

- I do. - You don't.

- Yeah, but I do. - No, you don't!

But let's say you do and don't say you do because you don't!

Well, wouldn't you think that throwing yourself into your work

would be the best way to deal with it?

- With what? - Your problem.

I thought I didn't have a problem.

That was painful to watch.

- So, where are we going? - I don't know.

Okay.

How Thelma and Louise of us.

Raj, why don't I care about anything?

I'm sorry?

It's my baby, I should care about nurseries and colors and I don't.

What's wrong with me?

Well, crime scene photos near your crib spring to mind.

I keep waiting to feel excited but it's not happening.

(SIGHS) What if it never happens?

Bernadette,

come on, look, you're over-thinking this, okay?

You're gonna be an amazing mom.

Even if you don't believe it, I know you have maternal instincts.

Once I was supposed to babysit my brothers,

our neighbor found them naked in the backyard eating crickets.

Happy and well-fed. You see, that's what I'm taking from that story.

Leonard, can I ask you a question?

Is it about the rotational symmetries you should be figuring out

or your fake caffeine problem?

Howard, can I ask you a question?

No.

All right, I'll just toss this out to the room.

Um, I was thinking that the best way to fight my addiction

is by weaning myself off in steps.

Now, I couldn't find a caffeine patch

but I did find what claims to be a mind-boosting caffeine suppository.

Yeah. You know, there's an interesting fact about the rectum--

Sheldon!

We are dealing with an impossible deadline

from the Air Force because of you.

So, have an energy drink, don't have an energy drink.

Order suppositories and shove them wherever you want, I don't care!

You don't shove them, they come with an easy-glide applicator.

Right.

Listen to me, we can't do anything until you do your part.

So, get up in front of this whiteboard and do it!

- I can't. - Yes, you can.

No...

I can't figure out the math.

I've been racking my brain for days and I've got nothing.

Seriously?

No, I can't do it.

I'm not as smart as I think I am.

I'm so sorry, this is all my fault.

It's okay. We'll figure something out.

But what if we can't?

It'll be fine.

You'll see.

Sheldon?

Buddy?

(SNORING)

When the baby gets here you gotta teach me that.

Thank you so much, Bert, this was great.

My pleasure.

You girls wanna take home a two-gallon tub of potato salad?

- I think we're good. - Mmm.

Okay, well, thanks for coming by.

You're nice people.

Well, so are you.

In fact, you know what? We will never take you for "granite."

Did you get that?

Granite? It's a little geology joke. (CHUCKLES)

You need to leave, I'm in love with both of you now.

- Okay. - Bye.

Uh, pull over.

Why, who are you calling?

You're gonna rat me out to Howard, aren't you?

You're such a snitch. No wonder I don't like you.

Whoa! I'm calling my dad. Okay?

He's got experience dealing with pregnant ladies

because he's an OB-GYN,

and experience with crazy ladies because of my mom.

(LINE RINGING)

Hello, Rajesh.

- Are you calling to ask for money? - No.

Are you calling to ask for things that cost money?

- No. - Great, what's up?

Okay, this is my friend Bernadette.

She's pregnant and she's a bit worried.

So, I thought maybe you could talk to her.

Of course. What seems to be the trouble?

Something's wrong.

I don't care about any of the baby stuff every other mom is so into.

Honestly, I'm not even sure I like babies.

Look, some people are baby people and some people are not baby people.

It doesn't mean you won't love your own baby.

But I thought I'd be more excited.

Being excited isn't a guarantee of anything.

Rajesh's mother was thrilled when she was pregnant with him.

After he was born, she doted on his every move.

And you know what happened?

He broke her heart, moved halfway around the world

and dates only poor white women.

So, you never know.

Thank you, I feel better now.

I don't!

Good. Bernadette, I hope you have a daughter.

Uh, I don't really know how to say this...

Well, you could try starting with "sir."

Right, sorry, sir.

He said start with it, not end with it.

Sir,

we've hit a bit of a snag.

We're already behind schedule.

The computations required to overcome the deployability issues

are more significant than we thought.

I understand that we're under contract

and I don't know what the consequences of violating that are.

But, um, we're not gonna be able to deliver in the time we promised.

(SIGHS)

How long do you need?

(CLEARS THROAT) We're thinking two years.

All right.

That's it? You're okay with that?

(SCOFFS) What, you think you're the first government contractor

who isn't gonna deliver on time?

We're still waiting for a big space laser Reagan ordered

to beat the commies.

Thanks for understanding, sir.

Yes, thank you so much.

We, we really appreciate it.

LEONARD". All right, pressure's off.

HOWARD: (SIGHS) Wanna see a movie? SHELDON: Popcorn's on me.

English - SDH