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The ages of love

Love is an emotion that stirs everything.

Sometimes it's a traitor, changing our features

and flying away like a boomerang.

Leaving you standing in the wind,

smiling stupidly.

Well...

I am that wind.

That dizziness...

I'm that boomerang that suddenly comes back.

I'm cupid.

The driver of that taxi known as love.

It doesn't matter if it's young,

old, long or short.

What matters is that beating of the heart,

making pulses race and lips quiver.

It happens to me every time I shoot an arrow from this bow.

The first age of love youth

okay...

This corner's reserved for poker and the play station.

All that space?

Honey, I have to fit in a table, a chair,

the console and computer.

Well, if the gaming area's so big,

your mom's cabinet goes.

Are you nuts? You know mom,

she'll spoil the party if that cabinet's not here.

We'll put... the other table here.

Roby, my stomach hurts.

I've had this funny feeling for quite some time.

Are you sure...

Getting married is the right thing?

Honey, we don't have to get married,

only if we really want to.

I'll try to explain how much I want to.

Today, for example...

I left the house

and I saw a girl trying to park in a very small space.

A yapping dog.

A woman in a big skirt who rode her bike

through a red light without even noticing.

I dropped my keys and bent down to pick them up.

It all happened in an instant.

But...

Even in that instant,

I was thinking about you.

You and those dark, deep eyes of yours.

Tell me you just made that up to impress me.

Tell me, you fool!

Hi, Augusto! - Good evening.

Good evening, kids.

I'll miss this moment.

Why?

Only teenagers walk each other home.

And you still are one.

I'm Roberto de tommaso.

I want two things in life:

To become a top lawyer and to marry this woman.

Goodnight.

A tuscan farming couple, very stubborn.

They've been there 50 years.

They say they were born there and they'll die there too.

Your job is to convince them to leave.

- When does the contract expire? - In 3 years.

If they dig their heels in, we'll never get them out.

- What will it be used for? - A golf course clubhouse.

They're the last ones left, right in the middle of the development.

- What about compensation? - 30,000 Euros Max.

Okay.

Tell me when I have to start. For me, you already have!

This is it, my big chance.

I know it'd come. I won't disappoint you.

I have to get results, be ruthless and hard-hitting.

I was taught that results are the only things that count.

I have to be clear-headed ahd focused.

Good morning. Excuse me.

My GPS isn't working, don't know why.

It'll work in the next town, but the satellite skips this one.

Tell me where you're headed, the old-fashioned way.

I'm going to the michelacci farm. Know it?

It's easy: Take the highway for four kilometers.

On the right you'll see a dirt road that goes down and then up.

Then there's a curve by the bridge that claimed many victims.

You'll see all the crosses. The farm's right in front of it.

- Where are you sending him? - He asked for directions.

So give him the right ones.

You can't even joke around here anymore!

You've all become softies!

Can I help you?

- Isn't he a real traffic cop? - Yes, but he's a bit nutty.

I'm looking for the michelacci farm.

Take the dirt road that runs alongside the river

till you see a red house: You can't miss it, it's red.

When you see that, you're practically there.

It's easy. Okay, thanks for the information.

Hope it's right.

We should be attracting tourists here!

You're a public official!

- Have some coffee, attorney. - Thanks ma'am, you shouldn't have.

You see, ettore? It's a complicated situation.

I'm on your side, I know those guys.

They'll get the cops to evict you. What a disgrace!

- Shut up! - Shut up.

We're not moving, I'll die in this house.

I checked, they can't touch us: He's handicapped.

Have a heart, attorney.

It doesn't depend on me.

Dunno who it depends on...

The only thing I can do is try...

To get you... 15,000 Euros compensation.

How much is that in lira? 30 million.

I've sweat blood on this land for 40 years.

I tilled it, weeded it, turned it into a garden.

Luckily, the law of usucapion is in force here.

Yeah, usucapion!

Go tell those assholes.

They're not making holes for their balls here!

I'll tell you what we'll do: I'll go now,

you think it over and I'll come back tomorrow.

Then you can decide.

15,000 Euros is quite a sum.

Think it over.

15,000 is a lot of money, but I've got my dignity.

Go tell those ass-peddlers! Thank you. Goodbye.

Michelacci still wakes up with a hard-on!

Shut up, let me be! Don't be so rude!

Who'll do what's possible? You?

Who'll do what's possible? How should I know!

Very negative...

Negative!

Very negative!

Is it a nice place? What's the hotel like?

I can't figure it out.

The local traffic cop played a prank on me.

I found a ball and bucket in the wardrobe.

The cold and hot water is reversed.

No door on the bathroom, like in jail.

The wall clock isn't working.

Sounds like a fairy tale, but it's just a couple of nights.

Let's hope so, michelacci's tough, he won't give in.

- Have you eaten? - No, better go before they close.

Sure, call me tomorrow.

- Okay. - Bye.

Darling?

You even look hot on the computer. Idiot!

My mom's right

when she says me and my friends are downers.

No, you're just stupid!

My scooter runs out of gas,

I call you to pick me up and you run out of gas too.

It's lucky you're clairvoyant. I am a clairvoyant.

I'd foreseen it.

I like creating absurd situations, I like paradox.

Yeah, paradox my ass!

You don't know shit about paradox!

Micol, if you park there I'll give you a ticket.

But you'll rip it up after a couple of drinks.

So, pravda, you think it's quicker

to run round the town...

Than it is to drive the car round the...

Scenic route.

Listen, a guy who runs 500 meters...

Finishes before a guy who drives 2 km.

Pravda's right, it's quicker to run.

You always say he's right. Let the clairvoyant speak.

Tell us what you think... What can I say?

I'm not getting shit tonight.

There's no signal, reception's really lousy.

I'll bet 20 Euros on the car.

So it's time to place your bets.

Someone has to do the circuit on foot.

I've had a drink, I've eaten and I'm constipated.

I can't run.

- Someone has to run the circuit. - I can't.

- Someone has to go on foot. - He can...

- Don't look at me. - Who'll do it?

Mel

I'll run. Hey, it's the wayfarer!

- But I'll have to change my shoes. - If he runs, I'll drive.

Three, two...

One... go!

What am I doing?

Where am I going?

Why am I running round this town with my trousers rolled up?

I should have been in bed hours ago.

But instead...

I'm running and I don't know if I'm headed somewhere

or escaping from something.

How the fuck did you do it? I nearly got killed.

Got something to say? Spit it out!

And so, after a very long time

and after nearly busting my spleen,

finally,

I felt like a kid again.

My husband won't reason, but we've no choice, right?

I don't think so.

Will you give us the 15,000 right away?

No, I'm just here to negotiate.

Because if he sees it, maybe...

They're plotting together. I don't like it...

Ettore, if you want, I'll leave now and you'll never see me again.

But they'll come here with an eviction order

and you won't see a single euro.

Negative, no Euros, negative.

Listen kid,

I'll tell you how we're going to settle this business.

I don't want your 15,000,

I want double: 30,000.

I can always spot insecure people.

You can tell by the way they move their eyes.

I could beat him down to 20,000 Euros.

30,000 is a hefty sum.

I don't know if...

I'll do my best.

Shut up, don't be a pain in the ass.

- Who is it? - Attorney!

- Come in. - Good morning.

Come with me, it's a matter of public order.

- I can't, I'm leaving. - It's very serious.

You could have a death on your conscience, come on.

- Who died? - No one yet, I hope.

Wait, let me get the keys. Jeez, what a place!

- Gaga, get down! - No!

Come on, move!

That's the guy who made uncle ettore cry.

This isn't democracy, it's anti-Democratic!

We don't care about their golf course, it's negative!

Times are tough, we need a midfielder,

balotelli didn't show up. Giaccherini's in cesena.

We've got problems, a negative phase.

Please, convince him to get down.

Come on, you're a lawyer.

Guys, have you gone nuts? What's his name?

- Gaga. - What?

Gaga, get down.

I'll settle everything, don't worry.

Let me be, it's all ups and downs.

Now it's going down, a negative phase.

Get down and we'll go listen to the nightingale.

The nightingale, yeah.

We'll go.

But I think there's a fullback problem too.

Stankevicius should've come, but he didn't.

There's a problem, [I'll solve it!

It's a negative phase!

Was I good?

Go screw yourselves!

The whole damn town plays shitty pranks!

Attorney, we're pretty good friends now.

We can go hear the nightingale together.

- The nightingale? - Yes.

Yes...

I'd have given you a life like a dream

that you'd never have with her

yes...

I'd have made you see

that evenings

aren't just for going out

yes...

I'd have taught you

to start living

when she just wants to sleep

but now...

She's singing for me,

but unfortunately,

I'm an old faggot from maremma.

You're such a sucker! Fuck off!

Well done!

Don't leave this evening.

I want to take you to a place of mine.

You like to drive in pedestrian zones.

And you like to run.

I like an easy life.

I once made a bet with the guys.

I won 100 Euros.

I pretended to hustle on the wharf.

- To? - To hustle.

I was hooking.

To see if anyone had the guts to drive their car here.

The line stretched all the way to that bridge.

Everyone came, even those who knew me.

Then this gorgeous guy showed up.

He said: "How much?"

"To do what?"

"To make love."

"I make love for free," I replied.

Then I got in his car.

Did you go to bed with him?

You'll never know.

Even if everyone thinks I did.

- You're leaving me here? - I don't like romantic stuff.

You were making sheep's eyes at me, you wanted to kiss me.

What a piece of work!

Well, did it work out with those oldsters?

Oldsters...

They're two tough cookies!

I think I'll be here another day.

At least another day. Definitely.

- What's up? You're odd. - Why?

People are weird here... Dunno...

They're slow, that's it!

They do everything in slow motion.

Maybe I'm slowing down too.

Honey...

Do something for me.

Even if you have to do it in slow motion.

Come home soon.

Okay.

In slow motion.

Well done, you dickhead!

You cheated on her, now what?

God, I feel terrible!

Come on, put on the most Sincere face you can.

A Sincere smile is called for, fake it.

Summon up your most Sincere smile.

Honey...

I called you 4 times last night and you never answered.

I know, but the signal's lousy here.

And I went to a mushroom feast with the oldsters.

They even got me drunk, my head's splitting!

I'm starting to get jealous of them!

Anyway, they're about to give in.

I have to tell you something.

I could have come with you,

but I liked the idea of being alone for a few days.

I went out to dinner with Francesca and Silvia.

Then we went dancing in a club.

I didn't go to work on Tuesday morning.

I went to the beach with my sister and her son.

I felt great.

Then I panicked.

I wondered why I didn't miss you.

Then I realized that I'd done all that stuff in just two days,

and on the third day I was missing you like crazy.

And on the fourth...

On the fourth I was desperate...

And today I can't even breathe.

Yes.

My dear attorney...

Without you I can't even breathe.

I love you!

- S07? - So come out.

I saw you anyway.

She even lives in a castle.

Oh my god...

Isn't it too cold to swim? I'm not cold.

We've never talked, let's be honest about this situation.

Of course we've talked, but not with words.

Will you bring the crocodile?

How can you live... I could be married with kids...

Are you?

Well then? I like you just as you are.

Maybe you have a girlfriend, who doesn't?

But what can I do?

If you want, you can stay here forever.

Be with me, see the beach at night and make crazy love.

Why not?

Why not...

No, it's not possible.

How can you live like this?

It's like you're always on vacation.

Besides, it's important that we get this straight:

I didn't come here to have an affair.

But now it seems that...

I can take an hour to dress because I must shower,

or I can strip naked in an instant.

You decide.

Wait, let's talk.

- Later. - Come on, let's talk.

Let's talk. What the fuck about?

- Are you home? - My husband!

- What? - Hide.

- You should've told me! - Hide!

You should've told me.

Darling!

What a nice surprise! How come you're back?

They cancelled my flight so I just came home.

- What did you bring me? - I searched everywhere.

- It's the one in the photo! - I found it!

It's the one in the photo! Thanks!

- Were you swimming? - I was in the pool.

Gorgeous, simply gorgeous.

Listen...

I have to leave for Brussels tomorrow.

I'm booked at a really luxurious hotel.

I thought about taking you too. To Brussels?

Me and you? I can't.

I can't?

- Is "maman" awake? - Don't know, I haven't see her.

Wrong floor, sorry.

Darling, I'd like to come, but I can't.

How can I? What about "maman"?

She's behaving oddly. What happened?

She drinks.

- Impossible! - No, possible.

- She never drank. - She does now.

Sorry, she drinks like a fish. She never drank.

- She does now. - This elevator...

She gets drunk and goes up and down in it.

Excuse me, let me pass.

Please, don't yell!

Cut it out!

- What's going on? - Nothing, she's drunk.

- She never drinks. - She's always drunk.

What happened?

She fainted! - Take her to er!

Don't move, I'll be back in 5 minutes.

No way!

- What could've happened? - Open it!

Don't worry. Hurry.

- Will you join me? - I'll lock up and join you.

Bye.

I must ask you something.

Did you come here to dump me?

I came to talk.

We've never talked. Who is that guy?

Who?

He's my family.

We've been married 3 years, but I've lived here 10.

He's a good guy, he puts up with me.

I'm a disaster: I'm a liar, I'm unfaithful,

I don't want to have kids.

I blow a fortune on stupid things. The ideal wife, almost.

But he really loves me.

For a moment I thought about taking you away.

I wouldn't have come.

I don't think I'm capable of starting over.

I'll cry in 10 seconds.

Go be a lawyer, go on.

And good luck.

Attorney!

I didn't go to bed with that guy.

But it's our little secret.

Know why life's good here, attorney?

Nobody ever expects you to be better than you are.

Ever.

The clairvoyant is a fucking failure.

He lives off his dad's disability checks.

But no one says it to his face.

That's right, well said. Your mom's a filthy slut,

but no one says it to your face.

Who could take over u.C. Albinolleffe? Toni?

- When it gets dark you have to... - Shut up.

Right, shut up.

Gimme the booze.

We're all different people.

Different ages, different bank accounts,

different pains in our butts...

But we have one thing in common.

We're all in love with micol.

We're all much sadder when she's not here.

Did you drink?

No, I...

Won't join in this conversation.

He's drunk too.

- I'm not in love with micol. - No?

I'm scared.

Scared?

Of what?

Going home.

Everyone has to go home eventually, right?

It's not like you can live your whole life

with a crocodile under your arm.

- He hasn't got a crocodile. - I don't get it.

We've decided that we don't want to lose you.

What can we do?

Usually we bullshit everyone, play pranks.

But you really shafted us, we like you.

Fucking hell, we really like you.

And now?

And now...

If I stay here, I'll lose everything.

If I go home

I'll lose you and the crocodile.

But...

I have to die.

I have to die.

I'm going to die. Bye.

There's a moment in life when everything changes.

No one can pinpoint it exactly.

Youth deserts you and you become adult, mature.

Take me now!

Now, hear me?

This is the right moment, you choose how.

Lightning, drowning, sudden death. You choose!

But take me now!

You won't get another chance like this.

If you don't take me now,

I'll go home tomorrow, marry and have kids.

I'll become the ballsiest lawyer in town.

Then it'll be tough shit.

Take me now!

Take us now!

Take all of us together!

Honey!

The clock over the bed's showing the right time.

Three...

Shit, it's three. Do the oldsters host raves?

They took me somewhere

and made me drink this yucky wine that tasted like vinegar,

straight from the demijohn.

Anyway, I convinced them. When will you be back?

As soon as...

I'm leaving today.

So we'll go back together.

What do you mean?

Shit, you're here!

Honey!

Big surprise... Let me look at you.

You're ready for the junk heap.

I know, I'm really disgusting.

This place is nice.

Well...

But the town's nice.

We could vacation here. - No...

I have to tell you something. Yeah?

I don't want to know.

Unless it's something really wonderful.

Got something wonderful to tell me?

The truth.

The truth?

Go on.

Sara, I...

Go on, honey.

I love you.

- Where are you going? - I'll be right back.

I'm pulling one more stunt.

Hello there.

- Something to drink? - No, thanks.

- To what do we owe this honor? - We're not turning back.

We said 30,000 Euros. - Exactly.

I came to tell you that I talked to my bosses

and they're ready to give you 50,000 Euros.

But I thought...

Contract or no contract, no one can evict you.

So you could even... hold out.

You decide. No less than 50,000 Euros.

Or hold out.

I've told you.

Goodbye, gaga.

Goodbye.

Heavens!

50,000 Euros?

How much is that? 100 million liras.

- 100 million? - Yes.

But I couldn't care less about the money.

The attorney's right, we'll hold out!

Stinking, filthy shithole maremma...

We'll resist, even if they show up with trucks.

To the end! They won't make holes here!

See you soon!

Really, really soon!

Positive!

The second age of love adulthood

there are planets outside the solar system

that rotate in the opposite direction to the sun.

The discovery, announced at a conference in Scotland,

was described as being of epoch-making importance.

Some news just in:

Clashes in Mogadishu, over 200 civilians were hurt

and taken to hospital...

The figures came from a doctor in the Somali capital.

Salmon-colored ties look silly on older men.

They dress him, mom, he didn't choose it.

I know your father. He's not above a bit of peacockery.

Giorgia, I'm pleased you came with me.

It's important. Don't tell mom though!

Because sometimes she makes me anxious.

She loves controversy.

She narcissistically flaunts her leftwing ideas.

Aren't you leftwing?

In 30 years as a professional, no one's ever figured me out.

- Everyone knows you were socialist! - Quiet!

Don't be like your mother. Smile.

Let me enjoy some of your grace and charm.

Marco, what the fuck is it?

What the fuck is it? I'm at a party with dad.

How can we turn back?

I haven't seen you for 2 months. Keep it down.

You can't treat me like a doll.

Fine, we won't see each other anymore.

Anyway, it looks like we've already split up.

What did he want?

You left him? He should simmer down.

Dad, I have to see him.

What's more, I need the car.

- How will I get home? - Hitch a ride with someone.

Or call a taxi.

I'll call a taxi.

This was our quality time.

I never get to spend time with my daughter.

- Renzullo! - President, how are you?

Dear fabio!

Thanks for that underlining the other day.

Terse yet effective.

When one is in agreement, one says things much better.

I'd like to ask you a favor.

A recommendation.

There's a talented young journalist...

Who pushed us? Don't fucking grab onto me!

Sorry, unconditioned reflex.

I'm to blame, my heel broke.

Don't come to a buffet dinner if you can't walk in high-heels!

I'm really sorry.

It wasn't my fault, some idiot pushed me.

My heel got caught in the grate and broke.

You caused chaos, we took the president down with us.

He's on his third bypass.

I'm sorry, I'm mortified.

I didn't even introduce myself. Eliana rame.

- Nice to meet you. - I'm a psychiatrist.

I'm fabio renzullo, maybe you recognize me.

You need no introduction.

You enter people's homes every night with your gaze, your smile.

I even mentioned you in my book.

Really?

Let me read it, I'll tell you what I think.

With pleasure.

- I have to go. - I need 10 minutes to dry my hair.

My wife's really nagging me.

We'll end up fighting. Ten minutes.

Goodnight.

I'll sleep here tonight. I can give you a lift.

- No, thanks. - It's the least I can do.

Let me do something nice for you.

Okay.

You say I'm a reassuring person,

easy to get to know.

This is due to my disciplined life,

my thoroughness.

My style. - You don't say?

Well...

Goodnight.

Give me your phone number.

We could have coffee sometime. Sure! Here you go:

343

6875...

8908.

- I'll call you. - I'm counting on it.

Goodnight.

Here's my number, use it with discretion

coffee tomorrow?

- Hi, fabio. - Hello, how are you?

Sorry, I had a difficult patient today.

Don't worry.

A bipolar, manic depressive nympho. Married too: Disaster!

Okay, let's talk about stuff...

Did you bring the book? I forgot it, sorry!

My husband's away for two weeks and...

So is my wife, what a coincidence.

Imagine if they're having an affair with each other!

For pity's sake!

- How about you? - What?

- What are you like? - What am I like?

Like most men: Unfaithful?

- I never cheated on my wife. - Not even mentally?

Oh dear, thoughts fly around but always on the level of...

We've all had erotic daydreams

at university, when we're young.

The ideal scenario would be to meet someone

who thinks like you. I mean, you make love

just once... crazy love though.

And then vanish. Bye.

Just imaginary though.

- How about some fruit ice cream? - A what?

- Fruit ice cream. - Yes, if you have one too.

I live right there.

Where?

Are you in a prayer group?

I like angels.

They're guardians.

They protect.

What are you doing? The ice cream has stained...

So many artificial colors, ice cream isn't what it...

You're messy like a kid.

Don't muss my hair.

- How long have you worn a toupee? - I don't.

Why bring that up?

I think you'd be better like this.

You scalped me, you idiot!

What have you done, idiot!

It stings...

My scalp's burning. You look better, trust me.

Better? With mercurochrome!

How can I go on TV?

What will I tell them at home?

You'll be more authentic.

You'll finally be yourself.

I flushed, sorry.

We won't cheat in an ordinary way.

You on your wife, me on my husband.

We'll be other people.

- Like who? - Anybody.

- Anybody who? - Animals.

What's got into us? What's happening?

- We're not ourselves. - Who are we?

- Two eagles. - What?

- Two eagles. - You're sexy.

Yes, I'm your eaglet.

You're so sexy!

Jeez! - No, we're two cats.

That's what you are: You're a big cat.

These animals are confusing, let me be myself.

Okay... - Meow and hiss.

Meow and hiss.

Come on, meow and hiss. Let me be myself!

Are you nuts? You'll pull them off! What's got into you?

- Hiss! - Yes.

Good, like that.

Again, louder.

Louder! - Don't touch me there!

Now...

Do a big cat voice.

How does a big cat talk? I don't know.

I'm looking for my din-dins, I can't find it...

I must find it...

Look what I've found! A big mouse...

I'm going to eat her all up, she's so big!

So big! - Yes!

You're so damn hot!

Why?

Just tell me why.

I can't come up with a valid reason.

What got into you?

President, I'm sorry.

I need to be myself.

I need to show my viewers authenticity and truth.

Up until yesterday you had a bush on your head.

Now you look like you've got typhoid.

All right then, fire me!

With this reason: Dismissed for lack of toupee.

My contract's expiring anyway.

Let's see what the public say. I already know what they'll say.

Where are you going?

That's my office. - I'm sorry.

Fabio's changed, he's not the same anymore.

Didn't we agree to stop seeing each other?

It's risky here. Don't you want to do it again?

Yes, but we said we're grown-ups and we'd just do it once.

We were wrong then.

Now we'll do it again

and then goodbye.

You want to do it here?

You're sure? I'm a TV personality.

We're not us.

How come me and you are never us?

I'm 15 and you're 18. You picked me up from school.

Two high school students.

Oh dear...

- And I'm a virgin. - That's going too far!

Let's put newspaper on the windows though.

I'm recognizable.

I have arthrosis of the meniscus.

- Are you turned on? - I'm turned on, honey.

Watch out, that's my belt buckle.

It's my first time, will you show me what to do?

They look like they'll explode!

No panties? - I forgot them.

I'll flunk you for not wearing panties in school.

Don't ruin it! You're a student, not a teacher!

Let's decide if I'm an angel, an eagle, a student...

Let me be myself.

Move my leg.

If you don't unzip me, we'll get nowhere.

I'm caught in the zip!

Stop!

What the fuck are you doing?

Did you crash into us?

Us?

License and ID!

The lady owns the car, I've nothing to do with it.

They want your license and ID.

- Just a second. - She'll get them...

You're right.

- It's within the norm. - I told you we weren't drunk.

Don't raise your voice.

- Mr. renzulla? - Renzullo.

- Sorry. Could you come with me? - Yes.

Do you know who that lady is?

Yes, but I haven't known her long.

Miss gaia arpea

has been reported twice for stalking.

- Her name's not gaia arpea. - What did she say it was?

She's called Eliana...

Eliana rame?

She's a psychiatrist and author.

Not at all! Eliana rame is the name of her psychiatrist!

- What? - It's true.

What's your relationship?

- I don't understand. - Your relationship with her?

It's playful.

Did you bang her?

- I don't understand. - Did you bang her or not?

No one's in earshot.

You're in trouble.

Sever all ties with that woman.

She spells disaster for you and your family.

When you leave, look normal. Can you do that?

Sure.

Say goodbye and nothing else.

Make yourself scarce. Right away!

Can I make a run for it now? Of course not! You must wait.

- I'd better wait. - Wait and then vanish.

Bastards! They ruined everything!

They didn't let us finish! Finish what?

- Let's go to my place. - No!

We crashed into a squad car!

We aren't ourselves!

Stop that bullshit!

I'm me, you can be an angel, eagle, or whatever.

You made me look like an asshole!

We had fun, but goodbye.

Don't come looking for me. It's over!

Damn you!

Will you let me in on the joke?

Do I look that bad? - No.

Well then!

I come back from a convention and suddenly my husband's bald!

Don't you start, they slaughtered me at work.

Give me a break. You're right, sorry.

Honey, we're real bitches.

I like you with hair or without. Bearded or beardless...

You once had a moustache, remember?

That really aged me.

- Can I come too? - Yes, sweetie.

Where are you going, sweetie?

- You really had a moustache? - Yes.

Like a big cat...

What are you doing here?

What do you want?

- We have to talk. - I'm busy, get lost!

Move!

Are those handcuffs? You're cuffed?

You haven't answered my calls for 10 days.

You just want to use me?

Who the hell's using you?

I'll report you tomorrow, okay?

Just give me an hour.

Will you beat it? No!

I'm staying here! Cuffed!

Give me the key!

Where's the key! In my panties.

- I don't understand. - In my panties!

Get it.

In your panties?

Is that a key ring? No, it's a button.

A button?

Left side or right? Where's the key?

In the middle...

Renzullo! Hello!

Mr. gastoni! Ma'am!

Ma'am...

Who sent me this nutcase?

I can understand a momentary infatuation...

These things happen. But it's over now.

I'm tired!

I can't think straight, I can't do my job.

I'm anguished, troubled.

Stop fiddling with that!

I don't deny anything, you can't deny these things.

I even like them.

But it was you who said

we're angels, animals then we must vanish.

That's it! We have to vanish.

What are you doing? Stop it!

Is that me?

- Cute, huh? - You filmed me?

I never get to see you, so I watch you on DVD.

Eject that DVD and smash it.

I made 100 copies.

What do you want from me?

A bit of consideration, some affection!

This is blackmail!

You're blackmailing me.

I'll slam you in jail. I'll slam you on the Internet.

- Where? - On the Internet.

A copy to your wife, one on the Internet, one to your boss.

I'm the real Eliana rame, gaia's psychiatrist.

I've been treating her for 12 years.

12 years!

Gaia suffers from bipolar disorder.

Basically, it's a condition that comes and goes.

Sometimes she's fine and even manages to work.

But it usually ends badly.

Can't you make a list

of all her pathologies and get her locked up?

She needs locking up. - Yes.

Yes, but you'll have to file charges for stalking.

Would you be able to do that?

How many times did you go to bed with her?

How many times?

Two?

And did she film you by any chance?

Unfortunately, yes.

Well then...

- Well what? - You're fucked!

Excuse my frankness, but you can be blackmailed.

- What can I do? - Here's some professional advice.

Don't go against her.

People with gaia's condition, I'm not being alarmist,

but they can sometimes become dangerous.

- How dangerous? - Dangerous.

An audio message sent to al jazeera

features al qaeda chief, Obama bin laden.

- What the fuck did he say? - He's nuts!

It's unbelievable!

- What'll we do? - He's lost it.

Commercial break?

I feel awful.

We could screen that report...

- Screen it! - The one on Chinese pandas?

- What's going on? - I don't feel well.

- Shall we replace you? - Yes.

- Can you stand in for him? - I'll try.

- I don't feel well. - I'll see to him.

The chair.

- We're off, see you at lunch. - Bye, darling.

Get some rest, honey.

Bye dad, I'll be home early. Rest.

Bye, sweetie.

Rest.

Forgotten your keys?

What have you forgotten now?

My wife just left. What if she saw you?

- Let me in. - No, it's my house. Leave!

You don't want anything to do with me, okay.

I understand. How right you are.

- You think I'm crazy? - Totally!

Okay, I'll leave you in peace, I'll vanish.

See how reasonable you can be when you want to?

See how you can think things through?

But at least... get me pregnant.

What?

- I want a child with you. - A child? What?

If you really don't want to do it, at least...

At least give me your seed.

- My what? - Your seed!

My seed?

Slut! Bitch! Fruitcake! Who gives seeds like that?

What the hell? Look me in the eye.

How much do you want to vanish?

Tell me. How much?

Go ahead, name your price.

Then you can buy all the seeds you want.

- How much? - Yes.

I ask you for a child and you say "how much?"

That's assyrian!

- Who cares? - No, that vase is sumerian!

What a disaster! Get out of my life!

Get out! - You get out, lunatic!

That's an heirloom!

No, they're tunisian!

- Don't come looking for me! - Who's looking for you?

Who?

I even go looking for her!

I met the devil in person!

Oh god!

What happened? Is my husband okay?

Don't worry, ma'am. Go up.

Dad? How are you?

- What did they do? - Who was it?

Thieves.

Apparently it was an organized gang.

Like on the floor above last year.

- Didn't you put the alarm on? - No, I wasn't out long.

- You went out in pajamas? - No, I got changed.

I put these back on to be more comfortable.

- Mr. ranzulli? - Renzullo.

- Come with me please. - Of course.

This doesn't seem like a robbery.

It seems like a warning. Warning?

Could be.

Tell me something: That woman?

The one in the car.

Are you kidding? That was days ago.

- You haven't seen her since? - Course not!

- We're talking "persons unknown". - Yes, persons unknown.

But promise me you'll forget that woman.

- Of course. - Vanish!

I don't want to live here anymore.

Who hates us so much, dad? Why?

Sweetie, dad was bullshitting.

It wasn't thieves. - Who was it?

A madwoman who's persecuting me and I don't know what she wants,

what she's after.

It was her.

- Did you go to bed with her? - Come off it!

- Dad! - I can't believe it!

I was an asshole but now I'm asking you

to rally round

the head of the family

and give him loads of strength, help and warmth.

It's the family that makes the difference.

With affection, love, protection.

I know, I screwed up.

But the same thing could happen to you too.

But I'm asking you for three things:

Help,

understanding, forgiveness.

Will you forgive me?

Be reasonable. Bastard, you ruined everything.

- Giorgia, come here. - Cut it out, you're ridiculous.

Sometimes love slaps you in the face: It doesn't matter how often,

it always hurts.

Love doesn't make concessions.

It's a business where experience doesn't count.

A slap at 20 is as bad as one at 60.

That's what lovesickness is: A series of slaps.

We should have suspended you,

but you're close to retirement.

You're getting on.

It didn't seem right to me.

You told me that one of the most sensitive jobs

in our profession

is that of special correspondent.

Where am I going?

Central Africa.

Nairobi. Malaria and cholera are rife there!

I suffer from diverticulitis.

I take a course of flagyl seven times a month.

I'll die there.

Diverticulitis is a terrible thing.

Look, you retire in two years.

- Not again! - It's the truth!

And after all that's happened...

We'll forget about it. But after all that's happened...

This is the only prestigious job I've been able to find for you.

What about a northern European capital?

Stockholm, Helsinki, Oslo...

Why not Oslo? Fuck all happens there.

Tell me when you're ready to leave.

We'll have dinner together and drink

to your success! Cheers!

Here, taxi!

Phone, excuse me. Load these.

Yes? Who is it?

I'm leaving, I can't.

Who gives a damn? I'm flying to Africa in two hours.

Besides, that woman ruined my life, so don't insist.

She was in a sorry state when she came in.

She says she must give you something important,

or she'll refuse all food and treatment.

Just the idea of seeing her terrifies me.

She's sedated, she couldn't even hurt herself.

Wait here. - Yes.

Mr. renzullo's here.

Hi.

I'm pleased you came.

- How are you? - Fine.

This is my second life.

No one beats me at cards in here.

Why did you want to see me?

I wanted to apologize.

This is how I live.

I cause chaos and then apologize.

I have something for you. What?

These are the keys to my place.

Remember the DVD? - Yes.

It's near the TV.

Take it.

I want you to have it.

Okay.

Didn't you make 100 copies? No.

Just one. I thought it was odd...

Okay, thanks.

- Listen, fabio. - Yes?

If you get the urge to see me, don't give in to it.

Hold out. I will. Are you kidding?

Besides, I'm going away.

Really? Where to?

Where? Far away.

Very far away.

I'm special correspondent for northern Europe.

- Well, have a good trip. - Thanks.

- You looked at my cards? - No, I didn't.

Poem for fabio.

Me and you are the sun, the moon,

the moon, the sun, the day, the night, the moon, the sun...

The night, the day, the day, the moon, the sun,

the sun, the dark, the stars, the day, the moon...

Death...

Oh god, I'm sorry!

You open elevators like saloon doors?

If I was a kid, you'd have decapitated me!

I'm really sorry.

The elevator doesn't reach my floor...

I'll get you some ice. I'm fine.

Don't walk backwards, walk forwards.

Wait, is this yours?

Of course, it's mine.

Excuse me.

Good riddance to this building, it's bad luck.

Fly!

Excuse me, that's mine!

It's private, don't touch it. Dirty bugger!

- Don't throw stuff in the river! - Where do you dock?

Son of a bitch!

- Airport? - No, follow that boat!

- What? - Drive alongside the river.

They must dock the damn thing somewhere!

- This is a cab, not a boat! - Quick!

I can't go on living with this nightmare!

Follow it...

Pay no heed to appearances, fabio renzullo isn't washed up.

He just needs some clarity.

Maybe he was too sure of himself.

Or maybe, it's simply

that his arrow is still finding its way.

The third age of love beyond

One thing's certain,

the heart never retires.

This man is proof that ho one can decide

to give up falling in love at any age.

Good morning!

Morning, ma'am. Hi, Sara. Good morning.

- When's the big day? - The wedding's on the 20th.

- Best wishes! To renato too. - Thanks.

He calls him renato, "Roberto" just won't sink in.

Come here, I want to show you something.

Look.

My cousin brought them from talamone.

Take a look. I think they're cutlery.

They're not, ignoramus. They're Roman surgical instruments.

First century a.D. Where did he get them?

Dunno... How much are they worth?

I'm a scholar, a historian.

These can't be sold, it's against the law.

Laws aren't obligatory in Italy.

They're optional, one-offs...

Good morning.

Morning, sisters! Sisters, but not nuns.

See you this evening.

What time? - 8:00?

No, too early. 8:30 at your place.

- Okay. - Thanks.

- Bye. - See you later.

Don't mention sex to the viperetta sisters tonight,

or they'll expect it.

Prof, half a Viagra... You never know!

Did you know that Europe's the world leader in anal sex?

Please!

You're always talking about sex.

One in four does it regularly.

One, two, three, four: Someone here takes it!

Shall we change the subject?

Yes, let's.

Got a title for your book?

- Still thinking... - Bigas and beavers of ancient Rome.

Please!

Please excuse this animal, that's all he thinks about.

If we can't talk about sex, maybe we can do it.

Your phone.

Your phone. - Yes.

My daughter!

Hello?

Yes, it's fine...

I'm with some friends, we're just chatting.

Where are you?

Where?

I wasn't expecting you.

Sure, I'll come pick you up.

I want to! No need for a taxi.

I'll come right away.

My daughter's just in from Paris, I haven't seen her in 2 years.

It's late anyway, bedtime.

I'm sorry, it's a bit late.

Okay, I won't insist.

- The appointment's just postponed. - No dessert?

- Next time. - Okay.

He doesn't like fruit.

Goodnight.

It's always fascinating to talk to you.

Thanks, goodnight.

Bye.

Yes? What about Augusto's statistic?

What statistic?

A little toast?

Thanks for the thought, but I've had enough to drink.

- Egg-nog? Walnut liqueur? - I'm sorry.

- A digestif distilled by monks? - Silvana, come on!

I'm coming. Beat it!

Okay then... goodnight.

Fears are mounting for our colleague fabio renzullo,

who was captured by Somali rebels days ago.

Chilling footage of his ordeal has gone round the world.

I'm fabio renzullo, I've been accused of spying.

But I am not a spy, I was never a spy.

No, I was a spy.

I'm being treated well, with kindness...

With dignity, they treat me with dignity.

The islamic al shababah court demands

the release of 22 guerillas being held in Nairobi.

If their demands are not met, I will be executed.

If you care about me, please agree to their terms.

They're valid. I implore the government...

I implore the government, I implore parliament

to stand by me and to understand their motives.

To understand their motives.

Good morning, I'm a friend of your father's. Adrian.

The American professor? Nice to meet you.

- Welcome back. - Thanks.

Sorry, my hands are a bit sweaty.

It's very hot today. No problem.

Have a nice day. - You too.

Maybe just me and you should go.

Believe me viola, he's a special person.

We have something in common: In '68

he was in the Vietnam war and I protested against it.

He taught at Boston university up until 2 years ago,

then he retired to Rome.

I didn't like him much at first, he seemed snobby.

Every time I asked something, he'd say: "What?"

Then I found out he'd been through a bad patch.

An illness, a transplant...

- A transplant? - A heart transplant.

Seven years ago. 14 hours of surgery. Incredible.

It took them three years to find a new heart.

They opened up his whole breastbone.

His new heart scared him, he couldn't sleep.

He was scared that it'd fail.

It took time to get to know him, he keeps to himself.

Once he said: "I've transformed all my anger into calmness."

Here he is.

Don't tell me I'm late,

everyone knows your watch is 10 minutes fast.

Dear professor... "What? What?"

- Sit up front. - Thanks.

Tell him about Paris. They stopped her on the street...

And hired her at yves St. Laurent. Just luck.

Don't be so modest.

Tell him what you earn in that shop. She bought me a car.

Dad, stop it.

It's an atelier, not a shop. I'm coming for Christmas.

10 years in Paris and she's never invited me.

I understand. You're a bit of an awkward presence.

Sorry, I didn't mean to hit you. I was aiming at her.

Sit down, forget it. Sorry, he's drunk.

Mind your own fucking business!

Well?

What happened? You lost your phone?

You broke all your fingers and couldn't call?

If that's the reason, I'll forgive you. If it isn't...

It means you're a bitch. Go sit down, you're drunk.

Your daughter's too cocky, say something.

I came to see you in Paris last year!

I drove for 17 hours!

I get there and she turns off her phone.

Where the fuck were you?

Gonna tell me? - How dare you?

Can't you see that she doesn't care for your presence?

Beat it! - Forget it.

Who's this dick...

Dad!

Out! Get out of here!

I can't see a thing!

I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry for him. - Sorry my ass!

If I stayed out of it, it means there was a good reason.

- He's an asshole! - He's an ex-boxer!

How could I know? It's not written on his face.

Anyway, it was me who got thumped.

He nearly broke my nose! How's my eye?

Fine.

- What's so funny? - I owe you a punch.

Goodnight.

I appreciated your gesture, and dad told me about your condition.

What condition?

Your heart... the transplant.

Your dad's just envious.

My life's normal, I can do anything with this heart, even boxing.

Thanks.

What are you doing?

Jogging. Hi, viola.

You're going jogging in this heat? Must be 100 degrees!

It's nothing compared to the hell of Vietnam!

See you later, folks.

He's nuts!

Careful in this heat, professor!

Get lost!

- It's no big deal! - Where would I get it?

You're a bastard! I only asked a favor!

Beat it, go on!

You've never been there for me!

Get out of my sight!

My mom was right, you're an asshole!

You're a bitch!

Good morning, ma'am. It's nothing.

Get lost!

Don't ever come back!

Miss, we're here. What should we do?

You spent a fortune, we've driven around for 2 hours.

I think we're here.

- Who is it? - Viola. Can I come up?

Viola, Augusto's daughter.

Can I come up?

Come up.

I've never used this as a bed before.

The guy who sold it to me said it's very comfy.

Thanks.

You're very kind, you don't ask questions.

My dad may be a fun friend,

but he can be unbearable, narrow-minded.

Old-fashioned.

Old-fashioned. But not in a romantic way.

Old and a pain in the neck.

I don't know where to go.

I can't go back to Paris.

I'll explain tomorrow. It's complicated.

There's really no need, I trust you.

Make yourself at home.

Goodnight.

Excuse me!

No problem.

Shit!

- Hide! - Where?

The bedroom.

Are you there?

Come on!

Just a second! I'm coming.

Just a second!

Will you let me in?

Ten years of lies! - What?

Ten years of lies, and like an idiot I never suspected anything!

Always bragging, my daughter works in Paris...

If she'd told me, I'd have found a solution.

But instead she just fucked me over!

I don't get it, what do you mean?

My daughter didn't run an atelier,

she was a stripper, dancing round a pole. What do you call it?

Basically, she was a hooker!

Please, don't say hooker.

Yes, she's a mega-hooker!

I feel lousy, I'm telling you, brother to brother.

She bought me that car, but as a father I keep thinking:

How many peepshows did it cost?

A hooker! - No, not a hooker!

I can't say my own daughter's a hooker?

She's a humongous hooker!

Okay, she's a hooker.

She's in debt to loan sharks.

I don't know what that bitch is doing!

Stop insulting her.

I came to get this off my chest. I'll insult her if I want.

She wanted 30,000 Euros. Where would I get it?

I earn 1,200 a month, plus tips at Christmas.

But even if I had it, I wouldn't fucking give her 30,000 Euros!

30,000 kicks in the ass, more like it!

Look at me. Calm down.

Go back to your place and sit on the couch.

Relax and you'll get over it.

- Get over it? - You'll get over it!

You'll make up with viola. Let me stay here a while.

You'd better go.

It's best to be alone at a time like this.

- See you later? - Sure. Tomorrow.

Can I stay or...

Do you want me to go?

Colors.

You have a nice accent when you talk.

My mom taught me my first words of French.

She was born in Tunis then went back to sicily.

Not sicily itself, a small island nearby.

I went there on vacation when I was a kid.

It's the most beautiful place ever, below a volcano.

How do you say volcano in French?

What's up?

I'm hot, that fan's not enough.

Is that why you're crying?

What a fiasco...

I tried to change my life, but it's not easy.

I borrowed some money

and opened a restaurant.

I couldn't even pay the waiters' salaries after the first month.

What makes a woman my age happy?

Her job? Mine disgusts me.

A child? I don't have one.

A man to love? Yeah, right!

I just turned 40 but I feel 80.

Here.

- Why? - Apples help stop crying.

- Bullshit! - It works in America.

My wife couldn't have kids.

But we loved each other just the same.

But the love ran out when I changed my heart.

It wasn't easy, huh?

Maybe I wouldn't have liked an easy life.

I have to leave, I can't stay here.

Those guys don't kid around, and I can't pay them.

I don't want anything to happen to my dad.

Or you.

Listen...

Tomorrow's the feast of the assumption, a national holiday.

Even enemies take the day off.

And from this terrace you can see the best fireworks in Rome.

Stay.

If someone comes to hurt you, I'll box his ears.

I stopped crying.

Good...

Apples work in Italy too.

Let's drink to Rome! Rome and your book.

Thanks, to my book!

Only a drop, I'm already drunk!

To life!

I want to raise a glass on the terrace wall.

I'll jump!

You're cr az y!

Do it here!

Let me climb up...

Let's drink to this odd but lovely national holiday.

Wait I want to find a rhyme... Here goes!

Professor?

How about raising a glass, like two oldsters?

On this lonely national holiday?

Must be on the crapper.

I didn't see him go out.

Professor! Let's...

My first feast of the assumption without stripping.

Sometimes 20 times a night.

6 or 7 minutes each, not too short or too long.

I never figured out if stripping is technical

or just instinctive.

Okay, I'll teach you.

You'll teach me?

Stripping... isn't learnt...

By watching.

You learn... by doing it.

So tonight you're going to strip for me.

But I'm embarrassed!

Good, you'll be sexier.

Anyway, there's a trick for the embarrassment.

Three, actually.

Darkness,

music, torch.

Can we have those three things?

Ready?

Let me see your profile.

Like this.

Look at me.

Don't smile, set your jaw.

Take off the jacket.

Like this.

Two twirls.

Toss it.

Take off the tie.

Easy, with nonchalance.

Well done!

Well done.

Now kick off your shoes.

Your trousers.

Second button...

Come on, improvise.

Shirt.

All the buttons.

Now... the grand finale.

Everything off, like this...

Turn around.

Move your hands.

I had a boob job.

The door.

We're not home.

His phone's off.

Professor!

What's happened to you, prof?

What's going on?

- He's not answering. - Has something happened?

- Did you call anyone? - On a national holiday?

- The police still work. - Let's go.

- Did you try busting the door in? - Don't be stupid.

Okay, I'm here.

The window's open, I'm going in.

I can see the door, I'll open it.

- Professor? - Jeez, he's been robbed.

And they even ate the cake.

Dad!

Damn you to hell.

I'll kill you!

You came from America to fuck me over!

Oh my god!

What's wrong?

Do something!

We called the ambulance for him, we'll use it for the other.

What the fuck's up with him?

Well?

He's okay, but he won't talk to me. I'm leaving.

What?

I'll come with you. I'm not a woman to follow.

I love you.

- Too many problems. - Listen.

It's not easy for a man of my age to say it.

I never thought I'd say it again. But it's happened.

Listen to me.

Going to Mongolia? I'll come too.

You're going by bike? I'll go by bike too.

My new heart decided to love you, I can't fight it.

So get used to it.

This face will be the first thing you see every morning for a very long time.

Dear Augusto, we think we know how things are, but...

And your life changes again.

Even at our age: It happened to me!

Your daughter's incredible and she's very similar to you.

We didn't leave, we ran away like two kids who eloped.

The check is to pay off viola's debts,

but she must never know anything about it.

Goodbye, my friend. I'm a hew man.

I've only just figured out that life isn't what you're living,

but what you'll live.

Even if you think you've already done it all!

Is it time?

Let's go.

- Who's satriano? - Me.

It's a beautiful boy.

Hold him like this.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

Hi, gorgeous!

Hurry up with a name. It must be registered today.

Bye giovannino. Turn out well.

Giovannino? They haven't chosen his name yet!

It's giovannino, trust me!

The ages of love

Subtitling: Cnst, Montreal