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1
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:56,849
Lamont!
2
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:04,929
What do you want?
3
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:07,831
- I want my breakfast!
- I can't hear you.
4
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,564
- I said I want my breakfast!
- Would you wait a minute?
5
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:16,832
Now what is all this
yelling about?
6
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:19,572
I'm yelling about my breakfast.
You can make it supper now.
7
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,449
Would you just take it easy?
I was upstairs making the beds, Pop.
8
00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:28,544
I only got two hands.
I'm doing the best I can.
9
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:31,749
Well, I ain't got but one stomach
and it ain't doing too good.
10
00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,826
Say, wait a minute. Listen.
11
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:36,725
Will you go out and see
if the paper's been delivered?
12
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:38,388
Yeah.
13
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:43,258
Say, wait a minute. What paper?
We don't get no paper.
14
00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:45,531
We cancelled our subscription,
remember?
15
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:48,836
Well, the people next door
get a paper, and I read it first.
16
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:53,807
Listen, I'm not gonna steal
somebody else's newspaper for you.
17
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,747
That's not stealing. I just get it,
read it, fold it back up...
18
00:01:56,816 --> 00:01:59,148
and put it back
in front of the house.
19
00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:03,212
What about that Life magazine I found
here with our neighbor's address on it?
20
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,553
Now that's stealing.
21
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,058
It sure is.
22
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,358
And I'm not going out there and
steal somebody else's paper for you.
23
00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:14,423
That's right. I don't need nothing.
I might as well be dead.
24
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:17,334
Why didn't you leave me there to die
when I fell off that truck?
25
00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:20,395
Cause you wasn't
hurt bad enough to die.
26
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:23,772
All you had was a severe attack
of clumsiness.
27
00:02:23,843 --> 00:02:28,109
Clumsiness? It's that sudden stop
you made trying to duck that cat.
28
00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:33,346
You know I was on the back of that
truck trying to hold onto that junk.
29
00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:37,082
How many times do I have to tell you?
That a cat ran in the street...
30
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,318
and I jammed on the brakes
so I wouldn't hurt him.
31
00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:42,225
Yeah, save a cat
and kill your father.
32
00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:45,920
It was instinct.
What would you have done?
33
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,331
Well, in the first place,
I'd have thought to myself...
34
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:51,063
"It's either the cat
or my father. "
35
00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:54,470
Then I'd ask myself two questions:
"Can the cat cook?
36
00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:02,004
Can the cat do coordinating
in a junkyard?" No.
37
00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:04,242
Okay, cat, you die.
38
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:13,886
Now you love cats, and you know it.
You wouldn't have done that.
39
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,428
Besides, it's better this way.
You're both alive.
40
00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,157
Yeah, I'm all busted up...
41
00:03:18,231 --> 00:03:21,359
and that cat's somewhere
happy in a garbage can.
42
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:24,494
Do you want your breakfast, or
you want to keep talking this nonsense?
43
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:27,062
I want my breakfast, lunch
and dinner.
44
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:30,974
That's the least
you can do for me, cat lover.
45
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,706
That's another thing we got to talk
about. It's not gonna work this way.
46
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:36,442
Me doing all the housework
and taking care of you.
47
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,211
What's gonna happen
to the business?
48
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:42,277
You want me to go back to work, huh?
Me with one leg and one arm.
49
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:44,846
Old Fred,
the crippled coordinator.
50
00:03:44,924 --> 00:03:48,018
I don't want you to go back to work.
But I gotta get back to work.
51
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:50,028
I gotta get
back on that truck.
52
00:03:50,096 --> 00:03:52,257
And leave me here to die,
that what you want?
53
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:55,495
Okay, then prop me up
in front of the TV. That's all you do.
54
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:59,231
That's a good way to go. Sittin' there
watching Days of Our Lives.
55
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:05,542
Would you stop this and listen to me?
I'm not gonna leave you here alone.
56
00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:08,274
I called up Aunt Ethel and asked
if she'd come over and help us out.
57
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:11,408
Ethel? I don't want her around here.
She's a lousy cook.
58
00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:13,076
And her hands are sweaty.
59
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:17,450
Would you let me finish?
Now, Aunt Ethel can't make it.
60
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:21,289
So I called the employment agency and
I asked if they'd send us a housekeeper.
61
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:25,195
- You mean a maid?
- Somebody that does housework.
62
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,995
All the stuff that I've been doing
so I can get back to work.
63
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:30,627
You mean you're gonna leave
me here with a strange woman?
64
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:34,366
- Well, what's wrong with that?
- What if she's a sex maniac?
65
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:38,773
I wouldn't worry about that
if I were you.
66
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,836
Oh, you don't think
it could happen, huh?
67
00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:44,713
Me being chased around
the house by some weirdo.
68
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:47,116
It can happen all right,
but you'd be the one doing the chasing.
69
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:52,518
Well, I don't care. I don't want nobody
around here anyhow. No maids.
70
00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:55,254
- Then I got one other suggestion.
- What?
71
00:04:55,328 --> 00:04:58,991
- You go into a nursing home.
- A nursing home?
72
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:01,158
Well, if you don't want
to have to see my no more...
73
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,065
then send me to a nursing home.
74
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,798
- What are you talking about?
- You don't know about nursing homes?
75
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:08,705
They're mean in nursing homes.
That's right.
76
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,403
Sam Turner's father was in one.
He told me.
77
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,707
- He told you what?
- He told me them nurses are mean.
78
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,509
He asked the nurse
to help him to the bathroom...
79
00:05:15,581 --> 00:05:17,515
and every day she helped him
to the bathroom.
80
00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:20,916
She got mad one night and took
him in the bathroom and beat him up.
81
00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:25,888
- Oh, come on, Pop.
- That's right.
82
00:05:25,958 --> 00:05:29,621
Now, the only time he go to the
bathroom is when his son comes to visit.
83
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:33,892
Once a week.
84
00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:38,968
Sunday,
between 2:00 and 4:00.
85
00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:42,764
- And you believe that?
- Yeah, I believe it.
86
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:46,676
So, if you don't never want to see me
no more, send me to a nursing home...
87
00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:51,843
and sit there and wait for a telegram
to come saying, "Fred is dead. "
88
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:57,412
But we gotta do something. I haven't
been out on that truck in over two days.
89
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,253
Why don't you work nights?
90
00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:02,954
You mean go through the alley of
a white neighborhood at night?
91
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,395
Do you ever want
to see me again?
92
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:09,824
Well, if you hadn't tried to save that
old cat, we wouldn't be in this fix.
93
00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:12,735
Wish I'd of been driving that
truck. It'd been another story.
94
00:06:12,805 --> 00:06:14,830
- Yeah, I know.
- The story would have been...
95
00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:17,068
"Cat Killer Strikes Again. "
96
00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:22,545
I hope that's the woman
from the employment agency.
97
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:25,140
Let her come on in and attack me
while I'm taking a nap.
98
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:30,979
- Aunt Ethel.
- Hello, Lamont.
99
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,548
- I thought you couldn't make it.
- I can't. I just thought...
100
00:06:33,626 --> 00:06:36,288
I'd stop by
and see how you doing.
101
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:41,698
Well, Fred Sanford.
You are a sight. Just look at you.
102
00:06:41,768 --> 00:06:43,599
You look ridiculous.
103
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:50,002
Ethel, I fell off a truck.
What's your excuse?
104
00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:55,504
Excuse me, Aunt Ethel.
105
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:04,148
- Fred, how could you be so clumsy?
- I don't want to talk about it.
106
00:07:04,223 --> 00:07:06,350
Clumsy.
107
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,485
You've always been clumsy.
108
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:13,498
The day you married my sister,
you stumbled on the way to the altar.
109
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:15,898
That wasn't no stumble,
that was a hesitation.
110
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:22,098
I had to hesitate when I took a look at
you and the rest of Elizabeth's family.
111
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,803
Don't you talk about
my family.
112
00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:27,209
I'll talk about your family.
113
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,771
Your family was
the ugliest family in Detroit.
114
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:33,683
Then y'all moved to St. Louis
and took over the championship.
115
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:42,585
Don't you talk about
my family and my dead sister.
116
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:45,324
Your dead sister
is my dead wife.
117
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,889
Now, don't you come here
and try to break up my marriage.
118
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:54,804
I said it for years, "Get him
out of the junk business.
119
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:58,037
Let him get a respectable job.
Like my Alex. "
120
00:07:58,110 --> 00:08:00,772
- Your Alex got a respectable job?
- You know he has.
121
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:04,681
- He works in a bank.
- He mops floors at the bank.
122
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,346
Alex is a floorwalker.
123
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:11,413
That's what I said. If you're going
to mop 'em, you got to walk 'em.
124
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:16,218
Well, just look
who's talking.
125
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,229
You don't want to
better yourself.
126
00:08:18,297 --> 00:08:21,460
You just want to
stay here in this junkyard...
127
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:24,503
and keep that son of yours
tied to your apron strings forever.
128
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,970
You are a selfish man.
129
00:08:27,039 --> 00:08:30,531
Ethel, how'd you like one
across your lip?
130
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:34,171
You know, I got one arm free,
and I'll give you one across your lips.
131
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:37,375
- You better not try.
- If I wasn't crippled, I would.
132
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,975
If you weren't crippled
I'd make you one.
133
00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:45,417
Let me tell you something.
134
00:08:45,491 --> 00:08:47,652
If you ain't out of here by
the time I count to three...
135
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:50,628
I'm gonna take this crutch and wrap it
around your head so many times...
136
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:53,358
you'll think you're wearing
a wooden turban.
137
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:59,432
All I can say is falling off
that truck serves you right.
138
00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:03,305
Now you got a foot out of commission
and a head to match.
139
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,173
I warned you!
140
00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:09,470
What's going on?
Where'd Aunt Ethel go?
141
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:13,383
She had to hurry, son.
She had a crutch following her.
142
00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:16,285
- What?
- Nothing. Sit down.
143
00:09:17,523 --> 00:09:20,356
What? You know I don't
like my eggs sunny-side up.
144
00:09:20,426 --> 00:09:22,917
- Well, how do you want 'em?
- Over.
145
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,599
- What is this?
- What do you mean, what is that?
146
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:39,668
- Those are eggs. Those are your eggs.
- Look like fried calves liver.
147
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,804
All right, so they got
a little overcooked.
148
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:45,544
Overcooked? Son, these eggs
have been cremated.
149
00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:48,451
I mean, black is beautiful,
but not when it come to eggs.
150
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:53,081
Listen, are you going to
start complaining again?
151
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,150
It's enough that I've gotta
do all the stuff around here...
152
00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:57,161
and take care of you without
hearing your complaining.
153
00:09:57,229 --> 00:10:00,323
If you don't like those eggs, you can
limp in the kitchen and fix your own.
154
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:03,232
All right. I'll eat 'em.
But remember that old saying...
155
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:05,634
"You are what you eat. "
156
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:09,971
So, I guess I'll make
an ash outta myself. You get that?
157
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,144
That was good, wasn't it?
158
00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:17,615
See, I make an ash out of myself,
so I put the ash...
159
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:21,084
I know. Drink your coffee.
160
00:10:21,153 --> 00:10:24,247
Listen here. Son, these eggs,
I don't know, but...
161
00:10:26,058 --> 00:10:30,154
Wow. Son, one thing I can say,
you make a great cup of coffee.
162
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:31,719
That's cocoa.
163
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:38,497
I hope that's the woman from the
employment agency. That's gotta be her.
164
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,505
I don't want you
to give her no trouble.
165
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,133
And don't let her
give me no trouble. Let the fiend in.
166
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,978
Hi, I'm from the employment agency.
You called for a housekeeper?
167
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,321
Excuse me for a moment.
168
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,959
- She's white.
- I can see that.
169
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,491
Look at them beady eyes.
A sure sign of a sex maniac.
170
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:25,615
Well, I finished upstairs.
I tell you Mr. Sanford...
171
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,518
you know what I almost said
when I first saw this place?
172
00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:31,750
I almost said,
"What hit it, Hurricane Agnes?"
173
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:38,586
I tell you, that upstairs
was a disaster area.
174
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:42,757
- Mind if I sit down?
- No, sit down.
175
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:52,434
- Mind if I smoke?
- No. Just don't burn us down.
176
00:11:52,511 --> 00:11:53,842
Yeah. Oh, boy.
177
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:56,973
A five-minute rest
will do me a lot of good.
178
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,711
I had to wait 45 minutes
for my bus this morning.
179
00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:02,777
Forty-five minutes. And there's no bench
at the bus stop, you know?
180
00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:04,482
Then an hour's ride here.
181
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,549
I stood up part of the way.
My feet are killing me.
182
00:12:12,264 --> 00:12:16,428
Say, Mary, uh, bet you don't take
too many jobs like this, do ya?
183
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:19,665
I mean, you know,
coming all the way down here...
184
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,833
to work for,
uh, for black people.
185
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:27,572
Money's green. Ajob's a job.
People are people.
186
00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:31,312
Yeah. I'm glad
you feel that way, because...
187
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:33,544
some of my best friends are white.
188
00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:40,858
Yeah, a fellow down
the street named Goldstein.
189
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,918
He's a junk dealer.
He's a friend of mine.
190
00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:46,590
And, uh, funny thing...
191
00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:48,997
Goldstein is not only white,
he's Jewish.
192
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:52,233
- Is that so?
- Yeah.
193
00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:53,965
We ate together once.
194
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:58,333
- I think that's wonderful.
- Yeah.
195
00:12:58,410 --> 00:12:59,900
A-And, something else, Mary.
196
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:02,243
I wouldn't want nobody
to hear me say this...
197
00:13:02,314 --> 00:13:05,806
but, I thinkJack Dempsey
could have beatJoe Louis.
198
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:07,679
Do ya?
199
00:13:07,753 --> 00:13:10,415
Yeah. Now, don't get me wrong.
Joe was good...
200
00:13:10,489 --> 00:13:12,150
butJack was a real slugger.
201
00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:16,217
Real fighter. And outside
the ring, a real gentleman.
202
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:19,787
Yes, sir. Real gentleman.
A credit to his race.
203
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:26,103
That's nice. Well, coffee break's over.
Better get back to work.
204
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,504
- Yeah.
- Say, Mr. Sanford, are you comfortable?
205
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:30,565
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Must get tired sitting there.
206
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,634
- Anything I can do for you?
- Nothing at all.
207
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:34,838
Say, why don't I give you
a nice alcohol rub?
208
00:13:34,914 --> 00:13:36,905
That'd make you feel good.
209
00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:43,010
Mary, would you
get me something cold to drink?
210
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:46,080
Oh, sure. I'd be glad to.
What would you like?
211
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:49,150
Why don't you look in the refrigerator
and see what we got?
212
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:01,470
- You got a Coke and some ice water.
- What?
213
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:05,032
- A Coke and some ice water.
- I'll take the Coke.
214
00:14:07,246 --> 00:14:09,237
I'll take the ice water.
215
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:13,345
- That Coke slipped out of my hands.
- It's all right, Mary.
216
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:16,911
I'm so clumsy. I don't know.
I don't know what I was thinking of.
217
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,980
Doesn't it make you mad when
something like that happens?
218
00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:21,049
- I didn't do it on purpose.
- It's all right.
219
00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:24,061
- If you want me to pay, I'll pay.
- Mary, Mary. It's all right.
220
00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:26,063
- You don't have to pay for nothing.
- Oh, okay.
221
00:14:26,131 --> 00:14:28,895
Why don't you just take a rest?
You know what I mean?
222
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:31,801
No, no, no.
Not over there. Over here.
223
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,272
Yeah. See, you don't have to be
doing something every minute, Mary.
224
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:38,105
- Yeah? Okay.
- Just take a little second rest there.
225
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:40,407
You know what I mean?
I'm not a slave driver.
226
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:43,312
Yeah, well, I didn't
sleep very well last night.
227
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:46,647
You know, this has been kind of
a hard day on me. Yeah, feels good.
228
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:52,055
I know how it is. You have to get up
early in the morning and get dressed.
229
00:14:52,124 --> 00:14:56,060
Have a cup of coffee maybe.
Go down to the bus stop, catch the bus.
230
00:14:56,128 --> 00:15:00,428
It's crowded, you got to push
and shove, have the exact change.
231
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:04,333
By the time you get where
you're going you got to be...
232
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:28,456
- What is it?
- The phone, Mary.
233
00:15:28,527 --> 00:15:32,361
Don't tell me I dropped off.
I am sorry. I'll get it. Don't worry.
234
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:37,267
Hello. Hello.
They hung up.
235
00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:42,835
Well, Mary, from now on, can't you
try to get the phone while it's ringing?
236
00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:46,400
And... You know what I mean?
One other thing, Mary.
237
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:48,105
Uh, see, people calling here...
238
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:50,808
they ain't used to
a woman answering the phone.
239
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:53,750
So, could you say something
different besides just hello?
240
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:57,414
- Like what?
- Well, what do people usually say?
241
00:15:57,489 --> 00:16:00,322
You can say,
"Sanford residence. "
242
00:16:03,228 --> 00:16:05,162
If you say so.
243
00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:07,221
Say, listen, I got to get to work
out there in the kitchen.
244
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,790
I'd like to stay and talk,
but I got a lot of work to do.
245
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:25,943
- Mary!
- What?
246
00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:27,485
Phone, Mary.
247
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:29,851
I was going to get it. I just
couldn't hear with the water running.
248
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:33,653
- Yeah, okay.
- Hel... I mean, Sanford residence.
249
00:16:34,693 --> 00:16:38,129
Who? Man wants to
speak to a Fred.
250
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:40,529
- I'm Fred. Who is it?
- Who is it?
251
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:43,731
Bubba.
What's a Bubba?
252
00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:46,532
Bubba. That's a friend
of mine. I'll get it.
253
00:16:46,605 --> 00:16:49,267
Yeah. He's coming. Just wait a minute,
Bubba. Yeah, hold on.
254
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,332
- Can I help? You want to lean on me?
- All right.
255
00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:54,504
Now, listen, I'll be right out there
in the kitchen if you need me.
256
00:16:55,447 --> 00:16:57,938
Hello. Oh, hi, Bubba.
257
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:01,083
Oh, no. That's the lady
that's working for us.
258
00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:04,712
No, no, no.
Nothing like that, Bubba.
259
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:09,283
If I was well enough to do that,
I'd be well enough to be back at work.
260
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,627
No, Bubba.
Listen, I gotta hang up, Bubba.
261
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:21,233
- Her name is Mary. Mary!
- What?
262
00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:24,139
- No, not you, Mary.
- I thought you wanted me.
263
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:28,202
No, Bubba.
No, she's not a sister.
264
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:32,944
Good-bye, Bubba. That was Bubba.
He thought you were my sister.
265
00:17:35,954 --> 00:17:38,946
- Bubba's not too bright.
- No, he's about my color.
266
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:49,563
Let me put this cushion
under your elbow, it will give your...
267
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:53,196
Oh, wait. Doggone it,
I'm dropping everything. I'm so clumsy.
268
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:56,264
Hi, Pop. Hi, Mary.
How's everything going?
269
00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:04,508
Everything's fine, son.
Everything's fine.
270
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,744
Mary and I were having a little chat,
weren't we, Mary?
271
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:09,982
We've been having the nicest visit.
I better get back out the kitchen.
272
00:18:10,055 --> 00:18:13,218
Yeah, Mary, nice talking to you.
We'll talk again later on.
273
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:15,783
Hear, Mary?
Son, we got to get rid of Mary.
274
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:19,990
- What?
- Yeah, we got to get rid of Mary.
275
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:22,260
- Isn't she doing her work?
- She don't do nothing.
276
00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:26,236
And she's breaking my valuables
and stuff, then she took a nap.
277
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:28,239
- She took a what?
- Took a nap on the couch.
278
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,969
We can't have our neighbors coming here,
thinking a whole bunch of stuff...
279
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,375
when they see that ugly white woman
asleep on our couch.
280
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:38,081
Oh, so that's what it is. You wanna
get rid of her 'cause she's white.
281
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:41,483
I don't care if she's plaid,
I don't want her around here.
282
00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:45,713
- Well, isn't she cooking dinner?
- Do you smell anything?
283
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,226
I'm telling you, son,
let's get rid of her.
284
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,819
Get rid of her? If we get rid of her,
who's going to cook dinner?
285
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:55,560
- You, dummy.
- Mary, can I see you for a minute?
286
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:58,893
What can I do for you?
287
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,701
Mary, what are we
having for dinner?
288
00:19:01,773 --> 00:19:05,106
- Dinner? Was I supposed to cook dinner?
- Yeah, you were supposed to.
289
00:19:05,177 --> 00:19:08,669
Nobody told me that. You see,
I'm not a cook. I'm just a housekeeper.
290
00:19:08,747 --> 00:19:11,238
If you want a cook,
you have to specify "cook. "
291
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,648
But I could do something
for you? What would you like?
292
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:15,914
- What can you cook?
- Well, do you like mutton?
293
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,650
- Do I like what?
- Mutton. Do you like boiled mutton?
294
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,487
Does anybody?
295
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,189
Well, do you like pizza?
296
00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:26,493
- Pizza, hey.
- Hey, can you make pizza?
297
00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:29,557
No, isn't there a place
around here that delivers?
298
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:31,899
And when you order,
make mine without anchovies.
299
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:34,871
I never liked anchovies.
They're just too salty.
300
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:37,738
- Say, Pop? What'll I tell her?
- What?
301
00:19:37,809 --> 00:19:40,801
- Tell her she's fired.
- You can't do it that way. That's mean.
302
00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:42,813
Listen, you gotta
beat around the bush.
303
00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:45,714
You know, talk about the weather.
And then you get into it.
304
00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:50,619
How about, "We sure could use some rain.
You're fired. "
305
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:57,159
You're a big help.
I guess I better go tell her.
306
00:19:57,229 --> 00:19:59,390
Go on and tell her.
307
00:20:00,465 --> 00:20:01,796
Tell her.
308
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:07,528
Say, Pop, let's both tell her.
Mary, can we see you for a minute?
309
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,267
What'd you do that
for, dummy?
310
00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:14,402
- The pizza come yet?
- Not yet. That isn't what we wanted.
311
00:20:19,451 --> 00:20:21,749
We-We sure could use
some rain.
312
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:25,984
Yeah. It's been dry lately.
I bet the farmers wish it would rain.
313
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,548
Yeah. Yeah.
314
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,052
Say, Mary, if it rains tomorrow,
you don't have to come.
315
00:20:31,129 --> 00:20:34,428
You don't have to worry
about that. I've got an umbrella.
316
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,629
Mary, what he's trying to say is...
317
00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:40,263
even if it don't rain,
you don't have to come.
318
00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:45,333
You're trying to tell me
you don't need me anymore.
319
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:47,401
- Yeah. Yeah, that's it.
- Yeah, that's it.
320
00:20:47,479 --> 00:20:50,243
But we want you to know we appreciate
your coming to help us out today.
321
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:54,718
- I'll go now then.
- Didn't I tell you how easy it was?
322
00:20:56,622 --> 00:20:59,284
Hey, listen, did you give her a key
to the house?
323
00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,292
If you did,
you better get the key back...
324
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,851
'cause she might come back here
one night and try to rip us off.
325
00:21:07,799 --> 00:21:11,291
- Well, I'll be going now.
- Here's the money for coming today.
326
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:15,033
- Full salary, just like I said.
- And my bus fare. Don't forget.
327
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,440
- I always get bus fare.
- Say, listen. Why don't you take a cab?
328
00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:22,173
- You don't have to do that.
- Yeah, You don't have to do that.
329
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,273
But you probably live
a long way from here.
330
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:28,877
Well, as a matter of fact,
I do. So I'll take it. Thank you.
331
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:32,788
- Dummy.
- I've been thinking about...
332
00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:36,521
what we were talking about,
and I think you're wrong.
333
00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:39,587
Joe Louis could have beat
the hell out ofJack Dempsey.
334
00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:49,497
Say, what was that
all about?
335
00:21:49,574 --> 00:21:51,735
Don't talk to me.
I don't want to talk about nothing.
336
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:54,142
- Where you going?
- I'm going and see what's missing.
337
00:21:54,212 --> 00:21:56,203
Did you see
that shopping bag?
338
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:01,877
What are you talking about, Pop?
Why would she steal from us?
339
00:22:01,953 --> 00:22:03,784
Habit. Habit.
They can't help themselves.
340
00:22:05,957 --> 00:22:08,619
- Is there anything missing?
- I don't see nothing yet.
341
00:22:08,694 --> 00:22:10,628
But there's something missing.
I'll bet it.
342
00:22:11,763 --> 00:22:14,596
- This is ridiculous. Why would she...
- No, it's not ridiculous.
343
00:22:14,666 --> 00:22:16,657
I bet I'll find out
something's missing.
344
00:22:16,735 --> 00:22:19,397
Sometimes it takes two or three days
to find out. She ain't bonded.
345
00:22:22,641 --> 00:22:25,804
Look at this Scotch. See that mark
I put on there this morning?
346
00:22:25,877 --> 00:22:30,644
And look at how far down it is.
And you know why? Mary the Guzzler.
347
00:22:30,716 --> 00:22:34,709
Look at this. You see that mark there?
I put that there last night.
348
00:22:34,786 --> 00:22:38,119
Now it wasn't Mary the Guzzler,
it was Freddy the Boozer.
349
00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:44,422
I don't know why you're accusing
somebody of stealing.
350
00:22:44,496 --> 00:22:47,829
Hello. Who do
you want to speak to?
351
00:22:47,899 --> 00:22:49,833
Yeah, he's here.
It's for you.
352
00:22:49,901 --> 00:22:51,892
- Who is it?
- I don't know.
353
00:22:51,970 --> 00:22:53,870
Hold it up. You know I'm crippled.
354
00:22:53,939 --> 00:22:57,466
Hello? Oh, she just left.
355
00:22:57,542 --> 00:23:02,036
It's the employment agency
calling about Mary. Hello.
356
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:06,517
Oh, yes.
She's a fine worker. Yeah.
357
00:23:06,585 --> 00:23:11,318
No, we won't be needing her anymore.
Oh, she was. She was very nice.
358
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:15,884
Yes, and honest and clean.
And clean and honest.
359
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:17,451
And honest.
360
00:23:19,197 --> 00:23:21,131
Yeah. Oh, she worked out fine.
361
00:23:21,199 --> 00:23:24,862
Made a nice bed and cooked
a great boiled mutton.
362
00:23:24,936 --> 00:23:27,928
Sure will. Well, thank you
very much. Good-bye.
363
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,501
Good-bye.
Take it down.
364
00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:34,576
Say, Pop, how could you say that
after what just happened?
365
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:37,638
It's easy. Let somebody else find out
how bad she really is.
366
00:23:38,817 --> 00:23:40,182
Where you going?
367
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:42,379
I'm going out here
and see if the truck is missing.
368
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:58,066
- Well, so long, Pop.
- Where you going?
369
00:23:58,136 --> 00:24:00,036
What do you mean, "Where am I going?"
I'm going to work.
370
00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:02,005
- And leave me here alone?
- Listen to me.
371
00:24:02,073 --> 00:24:04,769
Now, I just finished making the beds,
I fixed your breakfast...
372
00:24:04,843 --> 00:24:06,367
your lunch is on a plate
in the refrigerator...
373
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:08,538
and there's nothing
you need me here for.
374
00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:12,105
Well, you can't leave me here
all alone and by myself. I'm helpless.
375
00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:13,674
What if a burglar broke in?
376
00:24:13,752 --> 00:24:16,812
And you know, they never did
catch that Zodiac killer.
377
00:24:17,989 --> 00:24:20,822
Where you going?
Who you calling?
378
00:24:20,892 --> 00:24:24,794
I'm calling the employment agency to see
if Mary's available to come over today.
379
00:24:24,863 --> 00:24:27,696
Mary! Look at here, put that phone down.
Don't call up Mary.
380
00:24:29,267 --> 00:24:31,428
So you're not so helpless
after all.
381
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:46,044
Sanford and Son is recorded on tapebefore a live studio audience.
33648
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