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1
00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:59,756
It must bejelly 'causejamdon't shake that way
2
00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:04,827
- It must bejelly...
- Hey, Pop.
3
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,890
Hey, good morning, son. I'll have
your breakfast ready in a jiff.
4
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:10,993
That's even shorter
than a jiffy. Sit down.
5
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,062
Well, look. Never mind.
I already had some breakfast.
6
00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,039
There's something that
I wanna do and I need your help.
7
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:16,769
- What's that?
- You know that old tub...
8
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:20,506
that's been sitting out in the yard
for the last two years taking up space?
9
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:23,743
You mean that tub that Mrs. Bud's dog,
Chi Chi had her puppies in?
10
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:27,651
- That's the one.
- Don't tell me Chi Chi's pregnant.
11
00:01:28,988 --> 00:01:32,151
I don't know. But if she is, she's going
to have to find another spot to deliver.
12
00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:34,557
I want you to come out and help me
load the tub on the truck...
13
00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:36,959
so we can take it down
to the dump and dump it.
14
00:01:38,198 --> 00:01:42,430
You know I can't lift no tub
with my arthritis and bad heart.
15
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:44,561
There's nothing wrong with you.
What are you giving me?
16
00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:47,970
I ain't giving you nothing, but I know
what you're trying to give me. A hernia.
17
00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:53,374
I'll do most of the lifting, okay?
18
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:56,540
Even if you do most of the lifting.
See, that's what happened to a friend.
19
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:59,779
You know Harry Mayfield?
That's what happened to him.
20
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:02,344
He lift something heavy
and it broke down in his back...
21
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:05,084
and now he walks
all bent over like this.
22
00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:07,991
The only people he can look
straight in the eye is midgets.
23
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,163
He's in misery. I'm telling you,
the only good thing about it...
24
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:16,725
is when he walk down the street
like this, he finds a lot of coins.
25
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:21,730
- Are you coming?
- I could go out there and that tub...
26
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,969
could fall on me and crush me to death.
27
00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:27,308
- I said, are you coming?
- The tub could fall on both of us...
28
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:30,315
crush us to death, then there wouldn't
be no more Sanford and Son.
29
00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:32,544
It'd be Nobody and Nobody.
30
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,848
- One, two, three...
- What you counting to?
31
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:39,585
Ten. Four, five, six...
32
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,627
What's gonna happen
when you reach ten?
33
00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:44,561
The television is going
in the pawn shop.
34
00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:47,293
- Seven...
- Okay. All right I'll help you.
35
00:02:49,936 --> 00:02:51,836
Getting rid of this tub
is just the beginning, Pop.
36
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:55,136
We're getting rid of this miscellaneous,
extraneous debris once and for all.
37
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:58,336
How do you expect to attract customers
to a place that looks like this?
38
00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:01,403
Listen, Lamont, we running a junkyard.
It's not a barbecue pit.
39
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:04,746
Ajunkyard is supposed to be junky.
40
00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:06,910
Grab the end of that tub
while I take the tailgate down.
41
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:09,386
Why do I have to get
all this stuff...
42
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:18,126
- Now what?
- There's a body in that tub.
43
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,793
- Hey, you're right.
- Somebody dumped a body in there.
44
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:25,360
- We in trouble. Who is it?
- I don't know. But he's white.
45
00:03:25,438 --> 00:03:29,772
I know we're in trouble.
I know we're in trouble now.
46
00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:33,801
Listen. Wait a minute. Don't panic.
You're not supposed to panic.
47
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:38,544
When I find a dead white man in my yard,
I do what come natural, I panic.
48
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:43,389
I wonder who he is?
49
00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:46,448
If you find out,
write me at my sister's place.
50
00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:49,359
'Cause it's good-bye,
California, hello, St. Louis.
51
00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:55,801
Wait a minute.
That body's not dead, it's breathing.
52
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:59,895
As a matter of fact,
it's snoring. You hear that?
53
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:02,908
Hey you, you better get out of there
if you know what's good for you.
54
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:06,969
Get out of there. Get on out of there
before I give you a wood shampoo.
55
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:15,313
I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to be trespassing.
56
00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:18,084
That's what you're doing is trespassing.
Come on. Let's get out of here.
57
00:04:18,157 --> 00:04:21,149
- Yeah, hit the road, Jack.
- Just a moment, fellows.
58
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:24,629
Now I know you guys are
just trying to do your jobs.
59
00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:28,963
But if I could just talk to the owner
of this property.
60
00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:32,027
I'm the owner of this property,
and we just had our little talk.
61
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,699
Now the next sound you hear will be
the continuous pounding...
62
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:38,574
of this two-by-four off your skull.
63
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:40,977
- Now let's go.
- I'm going.
64
00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:44,380
- I know when I'm not wanted.
- Good.
65
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:50,279
Oh, what kind of a world is it
when a poor, homeless unfortunate...
66
00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:54,850
can't grab 40 winks
in a tub in a junkyard?
67
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:58,761
- It's just not worth living in.
- Try walking while you're talking.
68
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:04,934
This is the last straw!
I've been put out of flop houses...
69
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:08,496
and I've been kicked out of
railroad yards in the dead of winter.
70
00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:12,772
But I have never been
kicked out of a junkyard before.
71
00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:17,111
They're gonna find me in the morning
in the river and they'll be sorry.
72
00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:19,083
Listen, if you want
to commit suicide...
73
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,815
go on down and stand up at 103rd Street
in front of the pool hall.
74
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,192
Just act like you counting
some money...
75
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,251
and they'll have to
bring your hat to the cemetery.
76
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:36,568
That's right, make jokes.
77
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:39,662
But you'll be sorry when
they find my body in the morning.
78
00:05:39,739 --> 00:05:41,730
Not if I don't find it
on my property I won't.
79
00:05:47,947 --> 00:05:51,280
Wait a minute, Pop. You think this dude
is serious about killing himself?
80
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,012
I don't know, Lamont.
It's not my affair.
81
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,020
How would you like to pick up
tomorrow's paper...
82
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:59,149
and read this guy killed himself because
we kicked him out of our junkyard?
83
00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:00,886
Well, I won't read
the paper tomorrow.
84
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:05,791
What's it gonna cost us to
extend ourselves a little, Pop?
85
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,765
Haven't you ever heard
of the Good Samaritan?
86
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,496
You know I don't like
them Japanese movies.
87
00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:16,705
That's Samaritan,
not samurai.
88
00:06:16,776 --> 00:06:20,303
If you don't want him to stay,
we might as well get this tub loaded.
89
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,008
Okay, okay. This time it's okay.
90
00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:27,542
I'll do it this time, just to show you
that I'm a good samurai.
91
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:30,589
- Samaritan.
- Samaritan, samurai.
92
00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:32,453
- What difference does it make?
- Hey, buddy?
93
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:37,224
You called me? The name is Augustus.
But you can call me Gus.
94
00:06:37,296 --> 00:06:39,890
Right. Okay, Gus. Now you can stay
and sleep in the tub...
95
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,298
for a couple more hours, but after that
you gotta get out of here.
96
00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:46,031
- You got that?
- Thank you, young man. God bless you.
97
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:48,096
All right.
98
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,638
Jelly, jelly
99
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:33,185
Must be twins.
100
00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:38,680
- What do you want?
- Excuse me, sir.
101
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:43,252
If you could just spare me a small glass
of water, I would appreciate it.
102
00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:47,493
Okay. Come on in.
Stop right there.
103
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:49,558
Get mud on our rug.
104
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:54,470
You don't mind drinking out
of a mayonnaise jar, do you?
105
00:07:55,908 --> 00:07:59,071
I mean, you shouldn't mind
drinking out of a peanut butter jar.
106
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,136
Thank you very much.
107
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:16,389
- Sure looks good.
- What?
108
00:08:18,264 --> 00:08:20,198
This.
109
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:31,843
Here. You can have it now.
110
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:36,705
Thank you very much, sir.
111
00:08:38,217 --> 00:08:41,277
You act like you ain't never
ate a sweet roll before.
112
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,846
Is that what this is?
A sweet roll?
113
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,485
I don't remember the last time
I ate a sweet roll.
114
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:55,899
I don't mean to look like I'm putting
you out, but you got to go.
115
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:59,131
- Did I do something wrong?
- No. It's just my son...
116
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:01,605
wants you out of here
before he gets home for lunch.
117
00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:04,165
See, he's not as softhearted as I am.
118
00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:12,073
I wonder, what are my chances
of having lunch with you, Mr. Sanford?
119
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:13,812
Slim and none.
120
00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:19,055
You done spent the night here.
You had your continental breakfast.
121
00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:21,559
Now it's check-out time.
122
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:28,590
Thank you very much.
123
00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:58,719
- Hello, son.
- Hey, Pop.
124
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:02,393
- Did you get rid of that hobo?
- Yeah, he's gone bye-bye.
125
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:04,800
Why don't you come in the house,
I'll fix you a nice lunch.
126
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:07,031
Before that, let's get this tub loaded
on the truck, all right?
127
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,267
Come on in the house and get your lunch.
You need the energy.
128
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:13,176
I've got the energy. For the last time,
let's get this tub loaded on the truck.
129
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:15,304
Come on in the house.
130
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:19,374
Come here. I thought you said
you got rid of Gus?
131
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,319
- All right, get outta there!
- Yeah, come on.
132
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:26,188
- Didn't I tell you to get rid of him?
- It was your idea to let him stay.
133
00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:29,955
Only because he gave me that sob story
about how he was going to kill himself.
134
00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:32,623
He's a con artist.
Get out of that tub.
135
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:34,632
Now I'm going in the kitchen
and fixing lunch.
136
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,634
When I come back,
I don't want to see him.
137
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:39,262
He's as good as gone, son.
Come on, you. Let's get on out of here.
138
00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:42,466
Well, I'm going.
But just you remember...
139
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:45,669
I'll never contribute
to the NAACP.
140
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:48,908
Good. And I'll never
contribute to the KKK.
141
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,628
What happened, Pop?
What'd you do to him?
142
00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:07,154
I didn't do nothing. I was helping him
out the tub and he fell down.
143
00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:11,863
No, he shoved me.
He shoved me hard. My back!
144
00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:16,101
- My legs! I can't feel my legs!
- Let's get him in the house.
145
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,542
He crippled me.
You can't get away with this.
146
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:26,575
I have my rights. This is America,
and I'm gonna sue you.
147
00:11:26,652 --> 00:11:28,847
You can't sue me.
I can sue you for trespassing.
148
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:31,583
Trespassing is nothing
compared to crippling.
149
00:11:31,657 --> 00:11:33,591
You don't know
what you're talking about.
150
00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:38,324
There are laws in this country
to protect the common man.
151
00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:40,388
Well, listen, you can
lay there for a little while...
152
00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:43,458
and don't get too comfortable
'cause you gotta go.
153
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:49,139
- Lamont, you don't think...
- We're in a lot of trouble.
154
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:52,769
If somebody gets hurt on your property,
you're responsible and they can sue you.
155
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:56,008
- I didn't do nothing to him.
- I know that, but he claims...
156
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:58,573
Hello? Legal Aid Society?
157
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,484
Say, listen, I wonder if you could
answer a question for me.
158
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,886
Now, if somebody's trespassing
on your property...
159
00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:07,790
and in the process of evicting them
they fall down and injure themselves...
160
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:10,693
is the property owner liable
to the trespasser?
161
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,001
Okay, thank you.
162
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:20,630
It's like I said, Pop,
we're responsible.
163
00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:23,539
Might as well get used to Gus
being around here for a while.
164
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:25,600
What? Are you crazy?
165
00:12:26,645 --> 00:12:29,136
Don't tell me nothing like that.
You mean to tell me that Gus...
166
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:32,673
is gonna live here with us
and sleep on that couch?
167
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,413
Thanks to you.
168
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:49,524
Service! Service!
169
00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:52,866
Another beer, please.
170
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:55,065
Why don't you get up
and go get it yourself?
171
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:57,371
Well, if a certain
vicious, old junk dealer...
172
00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,469
hadn't paralyzed me
from the waist down, I'd be glad to.
173
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:04,880
If a certain funky old hobo
don't watch his mouth...
174
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,282
I know a certain
vicious, old junk dealer...
175
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:09,287
who's going to paralyze him
from his waist up.
176
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:15,958
But if a certain
vicious, old junk dealer...
177
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:18,360
doesn't get me
my cold beer soon...
178
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:22,730
and show me some compassion,
I'm gonna sue him to death.
179
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,362
Do you know what that is?
That's blackmail.
180
00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:28,668
No, it ain't. You know what it is?
It's "whitemail. "
181
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,649
I don't know how you're going to do it,
but I want that freeloader out.
182
00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:43,711
I had an idea how to get rid of him.
I called Bubba's friend, Dr. Caldwell.
183
00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:47,623
- The one who treated me for whiplash?
- What can he tell you?
184
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:50,924
He can tell us if that guy's faking.
That's what he's doing, faking.
185
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,657
All we gotta do is prove it.
186
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:58,503
Sounds like our company's
calling for another beer.
187
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,563
I wish I had somebody to bring me a
nice, cold beer every time I wanted one.
188
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,131
Just get paralyzed
from the waist down.
189
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,701
- I'll see you, son.
- Okay, Pop.
190
00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:16,448
Well, there you are.
The service is pretty bad around here.
191
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:20,014
- Where's my beer, Freddie?
- Listen, don't call me Freddie.
192
00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:22,560
If you don't like the service around
here, you can get up and get out.
193
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:27,292
And another thing, if you want to
commit suicide, it's all right with me.
194
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:31,097
All I ask you is not to
do it on my nice furniture.
195
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:34,499
You know, I've decided
life is worth living.
196
00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:38,566
Nixon said he'd bring us together
and darned if he didn't.
197
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:45,277
I hope that's the delivery
from your liquor store.
198
00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:50,118
Dr. Caldwell.
199
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:54,526
I gotta give it up,
or they gonna kill me.
200
00:14:54,593 --> 00:14:55,890
Them cigarettes will do it.
201
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:58,555
I'm talking about
driving on the freeways.
202
00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:03,495
Well, what's your trouble?
203
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:06,060
Here it is, Doc.
Stretched out over here on my couch.
204
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:09,130
I want you to examine him.
See if he's faking.
205
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:11,369
Wait a minute.
What is this?
206
00:15:11,443 --> 00:15:14,935
This is the doctor that came
to examine you. Now examine him.
207
00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:17,847
- How do I know he's a doctor?
- Well, ask him.
208
00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:22,487
- Are you a doctor?
- What day is this?
209
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:26,248
Friday. What's that
got to do with it?
210
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:29,658
Because on Monday, Wednesday
and Friday, I'm a doctor.
211
00:15:29,728 --> 00:15:32,060
The other days,
I work in the post office.
212
00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:38,066
- Well, examine him, Doc.
- Is there someplace to wash up?
213
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:40,401
Yeah, upstairs.
I'll get you a towel.
214
00:15:40,472 --> 00:15:45,171
Not me. Him.
He's fiIthy.
215
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:48,077
What do you mean?
I can't move.
216
00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:51,116
He pushed me down
and paralyzed my legs.
217
00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:53,174
- Paralyzed, you say?
- Yeah.
218
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:55,743
Well, then. I guess
we better take a look at you.
219
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:02,923
- You feel that?
- No.
220
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:06,795
- Oh, yes.
- What is it, Doc?
221
00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:09,231
I don't know.
222
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:11,235
You don't know?
You just examined him.
223
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:14,636
That is correct.
But I'm not a neurologist.
224
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,698
What you should do
is to take this man...
225
00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:19,744
to see a specialist to determine
the extent of the damages.
226
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,906
- But I can't be moved.
- That's true.
227
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:26,884
Well, isn't it true that an injury
of this type could heal up overnight?
228
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:29,443
- That is true.
- Isn't it also true...
229
00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:32,888
that an injury of this type
can leave a person crippled for life?
230
00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:34,482
And that is true.
231
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:38,724
What are you telling me? Is he gonna be
all right, or is he gonna be crippled?
232
00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:41,129
I don't know.
233
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:45,534
Are you sure this ain't the day you're
supposed to be at the post office?
234
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:51,231
Nevertheless,
that is my suggestion to you.
235
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:55,246
May I add, do you have any idea how many
doctors there are in this country...
236
00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:57,714
honest enough
to say they don't know?
237
00:16:57,783 --> 00:17:00,115
- How many?
- I don't know.
238
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:03,915
That will be $10, please.
239
00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:08,649
This ain't turning out
the way I thought.
240
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:11,560
Good-bye
and thank you very much.
241
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:17,125
And Doctor, cover up
when you cough like that.
242
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:20,865
Put your hand over your mouth
or something. And stay off the freeways.
243
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,804
You mean you drank
that beer I just gave you?
244
00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:32,273
They do go fast, don't they?
245
00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:38,312
Hello. Oh, Lamont.
Yeah. Hold on just a minute.
246
00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:45,489
Yeah, Lamont?
247
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:48,055
Yeah, he's still here.
248
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:50,294
No. The doctor
wasn't no help.
249
00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:53,532
Oh, I'll get rid of him if
I have to burn the house down.
250
00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:55,766
Say, that gives me an idea.
251
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:59,504
I'm not gonna burn the house down.
It just gives me an idea.
252
00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:02,241
I'll see you, here?
Bye.
253
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:20,661
Fire! Fire!
254
00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:24,930
Fire! Help!
Save yourself! Everybody!
255
00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:29,999
Save yourselves! Fire!
256
00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,240
Everybody here! Fire!
257
00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:41,481
Didn't you hear what I said?
258
00:18:42,421 --> 00:18:45,822
I believe it was fire,
fire, or something like that.
259
00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:47,882
You're not just gonna sit there
and burn up, are you?
260
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,757
I guess I've got to, I can't move.
261
00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:55,323
And bring me another beer, please,
Freddie, will you?
262
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:59,397
And make it a cold one this time.
263
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:02,963
You keep drinking beer like you're
doing, something's gonna happen to you.
264
00:19:13,852 --> 00:19:16,343
Some more cold beer
coming up.
265
00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:25,927
Wonder why
I didn't think of that before?
266
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,962
Oh, when the lights are low
267
00:19:32,037 --> 00:19:36,599
And the dwindling shadows
268
00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:40,577
My, but you two
have become mighty chummy.
269
00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:42,637
I should've known better than
to leave the two of you alone together.
270
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:45,046
Why'd you have to start drinking?
What's the matter with you?
271
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:48,280
- Wait a minute, Lamont. Calm down.
- Don't tell me to calm down.
272
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:50,344
You were supposed to get rid of him,
and I come through the door...
273
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:52,982
and find you sitting in here
singing and boozing with him.
274
00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:55,720
Don't fuss in front of company.
Come in the kitchen.
275
00:19:55,794 --> 00:20:00,163
- Since when did he become company?
- Come on in the kitchen.
276
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:03,224
- Shut the door.
- I don't understand...
277
00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:06,567
I'm just buttering him up
because I'm setting the trap.
278
00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:10,972
He done got out of all the other traps.
This one, he's got to slide right into.
279
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,210
- What are you talking about?
- Let nature take its course.
280
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:20,476
He's been drinking beer
all day and didn't get up once.
281
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:24,454
He keeps drinking beer like that, he's
gonna have to get up sooner or later.
282
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:36,561
The simplicity of it. That's perfect.
Why didn't I think of that?
283
00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:39,468
'Cause you ain't
simpleminded like me. Come on.
284
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:45,666
Gus, everything's cleared up.
Just a little misunderstanding.
285
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:49,145
Yeah, I'm sorry I blew off the handle.
It won't happen again.
286
00:20:49,214 --> 00:20:52,308
Yeah. Listen, Gus, we gotta go
down here to the shopping center...
287
00:20:52,384 --> 00:20:55,080
and pick up a few things,
be gone about an hour.
288
00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:57,178
- Oh, great.
- Drink all you want, hear?
289
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,087
- Just take it easy, Gus.
- I'm bringing back plenty of beer.
290
00:20:59,157 --> 00:21:00,988
Keep on drinking.
291
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:07,755
We got him now. I could see it in his
eyes when you offered him that beer.
292
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:11,496
Yeah. Like the French
would say, "Oui, oui, monsieur. "
293
00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:17,969
Listen, I'll tell you what.
294
00:21:18,043 --> 00:21:20,568
You take the truck and drive it up there
and hide it around the corner...
295
00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:22,978
then you come on back here to the house
and I'll meet you in the kitchen.
296
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:24,709
- Roger.
- Roger.
297
00:21:54,379 --> 00:21:57,712
- Did he move?
- He's upstairs in the toilet now.
298
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:02,043
I think we got him this time.
299
00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:12,053
I know we got him this time.
300
00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:14,291
That's what I call
the flush of victory.
301
00:22:16,134 --> 00:22:19,626
You call the police, and I'll go
catch him when he comes down the steps.
302
00:22:19,705 --> 00:22:21,138
Roger.
303
00:22:31,450 --> 00:22:33,611
I caught you, didn't I? You bum you.
304
00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:36,176
You thought you was fooling around
with a couple of chumps, didn't you?
305
00:22:36,254 --> 00:22:38,245
Come on down here.
I'm gonna cave your skull in.
306
00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:40,314
Now get out of my way,
old man. Get out of my way.
307
00:22:40,392 --> 00:22:42,053
Hey, Lamont. You got the police?
308
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:52,693
- Pop, what happened?
- He attacked me, son. He attacked me.
309
00:22:52,771 --> 00:22:54,762
Something snapped in my back.
310
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,503
Oh, my legs.
The feeling's going from my legs.
311
00:22:58,577 --> 00:23:02,343
I can't feel nothing down here.
Lamont, my legs.
312
00:23:02,414 --> 00:23:05,906
Call the doctor, son.
Call Dr. Caldwell.
313
00:23:05,984 --> 00:23:08,748
And, son?
While you're at it...
314
00:23:08,820 --> 00:23:11,220
bring me a nice, cold beer.
315
00:23:17,863 --> 00:23:20,627
The road killed my pappy
316
00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:25,425
- Hey, Pop.
- Morning, son.
317
00:23:25,504 --> 00:23:27,631
I'll have your breakfast
ready in a "mo. "
318
00:23:27,706 --> 00:23:30,436
That's the way used to
say it around St. Louis. "In a mo. "
319
00:23:30,509 --> 00:23:32,739
You know, like M-O
for Missouri?
320
00:23:34,312 --> 00:23:36,303
Before we do anything else
this morning...
321
00:23:36,381 --> 00:23:38,542
let's get that tub
loaded on the truck, okay?
322
00:23:38,617 --> 00:23:41,450
- Are you back on that again?
- Yes, I'm back on that.
323
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,216
Now that freeloader's gone,
and you don't have any more excuses.
324
00:23:44,289 --> 00:23:45,916
- Now let's go.
- I got excuses.
325
00:23:45,991 --> 00:23:47,982
I woke up this morning
and my side was hurting.
326
00:23:48,059 --> 00:23:51,790
Then my ankle "swole" up yesterday.
Then you know my arthritis and my heart.
327
00:23:51,863 --> 00:23:54,923
I coughed all day Wednesday...
328
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,763
One, two...
329
00:23:56,835 --> 00:23:58,894
All right, all right.
330
00:24:00,972 --> 00:24:04,305
You start sliding the tub over,
and I'll make room on the truck.
331
00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:07,709
Gee whiz. Why you keep
putting this stuff all over...
332
00:24:09,448 --> 00:24:12,042
Lamont. Come here.
We can't load the tub.
333
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:15,609
Why? Oh, no.
334
00:24:15,687 --> 00:24:17,848
Chi Chi.
335
00:24:17,923 --> 00:24:21,586
Chi Chi done had her second litter
of puppies this year.
336
00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:24,128
I think somebody
ought to tell her about the pill.
337
00:24:35,874 --> 00:24:39,708
Sanford and Son is recorded on tape
before a live studio audience.
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